www.homoliciousliving.com Hello Pod listeners!  Welcome to Episode #18.  In this episode we will talk about the fine art of being a great person, friend and lover.  All of the information in this episode can be found in our show notes at homoliciousliving.com/podcast.Delicious Dish:Today's Delicious Dish is about the top tips for heating up your sex life in a long term relationship.1.  Love your bodyYou can’t take pleasure in your partner’s body if you don’t first take pleasure in your own. Yes, we all have body issues — things we wish we could change. But those things should not affect our sexuality, which has nothing to do with the way we look.Just as eating a healthy food makes us feel stronger and more energetic, feeding our minds with positive thoughts about our bodies makes us feel stronger and more confident. Don’t lose your sense of self in physical insecurities. Instead, make it your goal to cultivate a harmonious, mutually beneficial relationship between your physical health and wellness and your sexual health and wellness.2.  Facilitate emotional intimacy out of the bedroomThere’s a reason they call it “make-up” sex. Resolving conflict with compassion and empathy creates an environment for sparks to fly. There is nothing sexier than someone who really pays attention. So, make it a priority to enhance your emotional and physical intimacy outside the bedroom by listening to your partner.Respond to conflict; don’t react to it or feed it. By listening with an open mind and offering solutions instead of opposition you show your partner you care enough to put your ego aside. In so doing, you deepen trust and leave the door open for greater intimacy.3.  Let compliments fly!We can become complacent with those we love, taking all their lovable features for granted. Instead, celebrate their achievements, their strengths, and their unique qualities — even their cute butt. Remind them (and yourself) why you’re together in the first place.4.  Make good sex a priorityBedroom boredom is natural, but it doesn’t have to be permanent. Stop reflecting on your lack of libido. Shift your focus and energy into creating an environment, or state of mind, that will allow you and your partner(s) to have fun with sex and sexual intimacy again. Fantasize about what that could mean and think of a playful way to get your partner on board with those new ideas.5.  Touch, Touch, TouchRemember how it felt the first time your partner touched the small of your back? Or reached for your hand in a darkened movie theater?There is nothing more powerfully stimulating than touch, especially after an affection drought. Reignite that flame by giving your partner a sensual massage every week — no orgasms allowed.Instead of going into full sexual contact, spend time exploring each other’s bodies and taking it slowly, without the pressure of climaxing. The point is to allow the tension to build between the erotic massage until the time of your next intimate encounter.6.  Do KegelsKegel exercises aren’t just for women. Studies suggest that both men and women enjoy benefits to sexual health when they strengthen their pelvic floors. There’s some evidence to suggest that they can actually help in the treatment of several different types of sexual dysfunction.  We recommend "The intensity" by Pourmoi 7.  Share fantasies and details on what actually does it for youReflect on your sexual response cycle and fantasies. Plan a monthly romantic date outside the bedroom to explore your wants and needs, in a safe and open way, through intimate communication.8.  Get Loud!People who make the most noise during sex tend to be the most satisfied. Why? Moaning and groaning helps your partner understand what you like, and it also signals appreciation for your partner’s efforts, which increases their enjoyment.9.  Go heavy on foreplayKissing, petting, nibbling, squeezing, stroking, caressing, compassion, generosity, and kindness — it’s all good. Foreplay keeps the wheels greased, so to speak, and prevents rust in a sexual relationship.Keep your partner well-oiled by maintaining consistent and desire-heavy affection, emotional intimacy, and physical contact. Ask them what they like best and give them what they want. Remember, if you want things to get hotter in bed, the first step is turning up the heat outside the bedroom first.To be in relationships with other is a large part of being human, and we are happier when our lives have fulfilling relationships with friends, family and romantic love.  People either can’t find the ideal relationship, or they can, but they can’t hold on to them, so let’s learn the fine art of how to be better at all of those relationships. What we do wrongWe forget the Golden Rule – treat others the way you would like to be treatedWe are rude to each otherWe don’t say please and thank youWe interrupt each other and make the other person feel like their voice and opinion isn’t importantWe forget that if you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at allWe talk on our cell phones in places that aren’t appropriate, like at a restaurant or movie theaterWe speak without thinking.  These days, we have access to each other so easily through social media, and people feel entitled to say whatever they want, without considering other people’s feelings and reactionsWe throw temper tantrums and behave badly, and don’t take responsibility for our actionsWe don’t give each other our full attention.  We get distracted with our cell phones, our computers, things we see around us, instead of focusing on the person that is trying to communicate with us.We avoid making eye contact, which most people interpret as you not caring about them or acknowledging themWe don’t RSVP to invitations in a timely manner.  People forget that being invited to an event should be considered and honor and privilege, and by not letting you know if they’re coming or not.  This not only makes us feel like they don’t care about the invitation, but that they don’t care about us.We don’t let people know if we are running late, or we cancel last minute.  That makes people feel like you’re an afterthought and spending time with you isn’t a priority for them.We dump our negativity on people and complain or gossip constantly…about EVERYTHING.  Then we wonder why no one wants to spend any time with us.Allowing your children to misbehave or scream and yell, without disciplining them and correcting their behaviorWe lie about big and small stuff, which tells people that we aren’t important enough for them to be honest and that they don’t trust us with information.Be a great personSay please and thank you, sincerely and mean it every timeSmile at a stranger, give them a compliment, or start a conversationPerform one senseless act of kindness per day (open a door for a stranger, pick up a piece of trash)Learn social etiquette and how to interact with others…for goodness sake, stop texting or emailing and have real conversations with other humansTake time to learn about yourself, your values and morals and lay out a plan to improve yourself   Get involved in a cause or charity, so that you give of yourself to othersBe positive, no one likes a negative NellyBe compassionate and patient with yourself and others and learn that forgive is about you letting go of negativity with someone elseGet out into nature as much as you canPractice gratitude and be appreciate for what you have, not focused on the things you don’t have.  A grateful journal is a must have.Be open to other people’s point of view, you just might learn something and be willing to change.Focus on positive experiences, not material things.  Studies have shown that materialistic people are less happy than their peers, and they experience more fear and sadness.Stop making excuses when you’ve done something wrong, take responsibility for yourself and your actions.Explore your passion so that you have a sense of purpose, which will make you a happier humanBe a role model and behave in a way that people in your life will be proud of.Be a great friendLearn to be vulnerable and express your true selfBe compassionate and patient with problems and issues your friends bring upDon’t be judgmental, and be empathetic that we may not know everything that is going on in someone’s life.Share your positive experiences with friends, you never know how that might inspire them to go out and create their own positive experiencesBe honest and open to honesty and criticism from friends, as long as the intention is good and from the heartDon’t be so sensitive, it means that your only thing of yourself and how you feel about everything.  Be aware of others too, because no one wants to be around a self-centered personBe available and make the time to spend with your friends to cultivate and deepen your relationshipPay attention to how your friends respond to you and determine what qualities you have that are helpfulBe yourself so that they may get to know the real you, and allow them the space to do the sameBe quiet, but supportive.  Let your friends vent, and only offer advice if they ask, or if you ask them first…you don’t want to cause issues if you say something bad about their relationship, or family.Don’t get in the middle if your friend talks about issues with their other friends or romantic relationships.  We all go through ups and downs and if you get in the middle of it, they may turn on you.Don’t gossip, remember that if you talk of others, the people you talk to probably assume you talk about them behind their back as well.Be understanding when your friend’s schedule changes, if they get into a new relationship, a new school or job, or start a family, be flexible with their new demandsHave more than just one friend.  No single person can meet all of your friendship needs, a variety of friends can offer a variety of experiences and lessons.Don’t make assumptions because they lead to misunderstandings.  If you don’t hear from someone, don’t assume they don’t like you anymore or are mad at you.  In the opposite manner, if you contact a friend to talk, don’t assume they have 2 hours to do so, ask them if this is a good time and tell them if it’s a lengthy conversation.Be a great loverNever take someone’s love for granted is the primary reason relationships end.Love isn’t all about receiving, true authentic love is about giving.Don’t view love as getting our needs fulfilled by receiving gifts and other relationship perks, remember that this is a partner you will share life experiences with, not a bank account you just make withdrawals from.Always do your part to keep things exciting and new, because problems begin when one person stops doing “their share” or someone gets bored with the pattern of the relationship.Stop getting into co-dependent and unrealistic relationship patterns, like Esther Perel says, “we ask one person to give us what an entire village used to provide – best friend, trusted confidant, support.”  She explains that we want security, which is love, belonging and closeness, but then also want freedom, which is erotic desire, adventure and distance.Remember that squeezing happiness out of someone isn’t love, we have to discover that the infinite potential of love is within us, and doesn’t come from someone else.To find authentic love, you must give it.  Be open to it and it will find youDon’t rely on other people to give you happinessDon’t assume, ask questions if you’re unclear of your partner’s viewpoint or behaviorYou can help others heal themselves by being a love-filled humanEach day, think of the positive things you want in your love, and develop ways to get themControl your anger and jealousy, it will help to avoid unnecessary arguments and hurtIf you’ve done something wrong or behaved badly, admit it right away and apologize sincerely for it.Forgive, let go and commit to moving forwardSurprise your partner, it will let them know how special they are to you by putting in the time and effortLaws of Karma that can help us in every relationship.1.  The Great Law also known as the Law of Cause and Effect: “As you sow, so shall you reap.”  Our thoughts and actions have consequences – good or bad. If we desire peace, love, harmony, prosperity, etc. we must be willing to act accordingly.2.  The Law of Creation: “What we desire comes through participation.”  The life we see around us was created by our intentions, so it’s our responsibility to ensure these surroundings are what we want.3.  The Law of Humility: “Refusal to accept what is will still be what is.”  We must first accept the present circumstances in order to change them.  Don’t focus on the negative, instead make changes and move forward.4.  The Law of Growth: “Our own growth is above any circumstance.”  The only thing we have control over is ourselves.  Our actions or inactions will yield either positive or negative results, so we need to make the commitment to change what is in our heart.5.  The Law of Responsibility: “Our lives are of our own doing, nothing else.”  To change our life, we must change our frame of mind and surroundings.6.  The Law of Connection: “Everything in the Universe is connected, both large and small.”  Our past, present and future are all connected, so we must put in the work to change these connections if we want something different. 7.  The Law of Focus: “One cannot direct attention beyond a single task.”  Relating to our spiritual growth, we cannot have negative thoughts or actions and expect to grow spiritually.  We must direct full attention to achieve any desired task.8.  The Law of Hospitality and Giving: “Demonstrating our selflessness shows true intentions.”  Selflessness is a virtue only if we’re accommodating something other than ourselves, this is how we grow spiritually.9.  The Law of Change: “History repeats itself unless changed.”  Conscious commitment to change is the only method of influencing the past. History will continue along an unconstructive path until positive energies direct it elsewhere.10.  The Law of Here and Now: “The Present is all we have.”  Looking back regretfully and forward pointlessly robs us of a present opportunity.  Remember that yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift, that’s why we call it the “present.”11.  The Law of Patience and Reward: “Nothing of value is created without a patient mindset.”  Our rewards are claimed only through patience and persistence, nothing else, wishful thinking doesn’t get you anywhere. 12.  The Law of Significance and Inspiration: “The best reward is one that contributes to the whole.”  The end result is of little value if it leaves little or nothing behind.Things that make you go Hmmm? Or Mmmm:This week’s Hmmm?  3 ways social media is ruining your real-life relationships1.  You've lost the momentWhat are you doing on social media? Sharing moments. Moments of joy, of friendship, humor, and beauty. Ironically, by engaging with social media, you lose the moment. In your quest to connect virtually, you disconnect from your reality and the people in it.You lose the experience of happiness in the process of trying to refine your smile for public consumption. Your attachment to positive reinforcement through likes and comments will keep you detached.2.  It's addictive and self-absorbingInstead of deriving pleasure from your experience and the people around you, you seek it (along with validation) from your phone. Ironically, a tool to connect you with others makes you feel you isolated and obsessed over the appearance you're making, the responses you’re getting, the impressions you are giving (Was what I wrote OK? How come there aren’t more likes?). Authentically connecting with others has numerous benefits. Instead of deriving pleasure from your vacation, your device becomes your main source of pleasure. Unwittingly, however, it makes you less connected and more narcissistic. With that comes a roller coaster of emotional highs and lows caused by obsessive attention-seeking.3.  It's actually harmful to relationshipsOne study showed that the mere presence of a cellphone when two people are talking interferes with feelings of closeness, connection, and communication. We are profoundly social creatures wired to connect with others. We are exquisitely fine-tuned to understand people by internalizing the minutest changes in their body language and faces.We automatically mirror and mimic these movements, creating a sense of understanding toward the feelings of others. This is why you cringe when you see someone fall on the street or why you feel sad when you see someone’s eyes filling with tears.If devices constantly interfere with your conversations, you undermine your ability to connect with others. You miss the flicker of emotion in your child’s eye, the look of exasperation in your partner, or the attempt of a friend to share something meaningful with you. In theory, social media is meant to connect us, but in reality, it acts as a barrier.It’s fairly simple: Our impulse to broadcast our lives makes us miss out on them. So for your next vacation, leave your selfie stick at home, take your social media apps off your smartphone, and lose yourself in the travel experience. You might actually do something worth writing home about.Well that’s it for today's show and we hope you join us next week.Thank you:We would like to give a shout out!  A huge thank you to: Bad Habits that can Cost you your Job, a Forbes article25 Ways to be a Better Person Today, a Wisbread article by Nora DunnHow to be a Better Person, a WikiHow article8 Ways to be a Better Friend, a Lifescript article by Elizabeth Harrell12 Laws of Karma that will Change Your Live, a Power of Positivity articleA Spiritual Adviser on Why Most Relationships End, a Mind Body Green article by Chandresh Bhardwaj11 Steps to Sacred Sex, a Mind Body Green article by Julie PiattA Sexologist Spills her Secrets to Heating up Your Long-Term Relationship, a Mind Body Green article by Kelly McDonnell-Arnold3 Ways Social Media is Ruining your Real-Life Relationships, a Mind Body Green article by Dr. Emma SeppalaQuote of the week:“Karma is the law of cause and effect, an unbreakable law of the cosmos.  You created your happiness and your misery.  Life gives you chances.  This is one of them.”  - The Tree of AwakeningWe would love to hear from you, so check us out on Facebook or at www.homoliciousliving.com. Subscribe, rate and review us, and share your topic ideas.Have a HOMOlicious day!