www.homoliciousliving.comIn this episode, we will discuss how to understand and respect your partner.  We will use the guides of the “Five Love Languages,” & the “Four Tendencies” to help better understand your partner.Delicious Dish:How to stay on your diet during the holidays:Don’t go to parties hungryBring a dish you can eatDrink lots of water ~makes you feel full, one glass of water for every drinkMake a plan before you go to the party ~how much will you drink, will you have dessert?Pass on the snacks before your mealStay on your exercise planAlways exercise on heavy eating daysDrink or Dessert pick oneFollow the “Rule of Thirds”~ always eat ⅓ less then you would normally eatEat slowly, fill up on veggies, soup, and waterThe “Five Love Languages” by Gary ChapmanThis system outlines 5 ways to express and experience love that Chapman calls our “love languages.”  He explained that people need to emotionally receive love in a certain way, and should know how their partner likes to receive love.  Each person has a primary language for how we want our partner to talk to us and a secondary language for how our partner wants us to talk to them.  We can discover our love languages by observing how we express love to others, analyze, look at what you complain about most often, and what you request of your partner.  People tend to naturally give love in the way they prefer to receive love. Words of AffirmationPeople with this love language greatly appreciate hearing compliments and encouraging words.You need to hear praise to know you are loved and to feel goodYou may also prefer to express your affection verballyNegative comments and criticisms are very hurtful and will push them awayYou want to hear that you’re loved, how much and whyYou tell those you love that you love themActs of ServicePeople with this love language prefer their loved ones perform meaningful and thoughtful acts.For these people, actions speak louder than wordsYou prefer to show your love through favors, chores or doing things for others.You feel unappreciated when your efforts are taken for granted or when your partner just watches and doesn’t offer any help.You feel special, significant and useful when you help others.You don’t usually ask for help, but when someone does something for you, it makes you feel cherished.Receiving GiftsFor some people, what makes them feel most loved is to receive a gift, a physical token of affection and the thoughts behind them.The fact that someone is thinking about you enough to get you a giftThe objects are a secondary importance, it’s the sentiment that is appreciated.You can feel quite depressed when you don’t get a gift, especially when you expect one.You would rather get a reward than extravagant applause; especially if it’s spontaneous.You are greatly offended when a special occasions are forgotten or a thoughtless gift is given.Quality TimeThis language is all about giving the other person your undivided attention and spending plenty of time with their loved oneThis can be expressed by intimate conversations or doing things togetherYou feel complete when you spend time with those you love.You show people you care about how you feel by spending time with them and you expect others to do this with you.Absence certainly doesn’t make the heart grow fonderPhysical TouchTo this person, nothing speaks more deeply than appropriate touch; holding hands, hugs or a touch on the arm.It’s not just about sex, it’s about knowing that you’re there and that you love them.You give and expect hugs, pats, kisses and other physical signs of affection.You feel especially warm and appreciated when someone touches you in a meaningful wayIf there is an absence of physical touch, it can be significantly damaging to the relationship.I like to show my feelings physically.Learning to Appreciate Each Other’s Love LanguageIdentify your own love languages. Identify the way that you prefer to be loved and to extend love. Keep in mind that most people tend to speak more than one love language. Identify your love languages. Which are most important to you?Ask your partner to identify his or her love languages. Don’t presume that you know what your partner’s love languages are. Ask him or her to talk about how he or she wants to be loved and how he or she expresses love.Learn to identify and appreciate acts of love expressed in your partner’s love language.       This is often a difficult skill to develop. If you learn to speak a few words of your partner’s language, you will come to appreciate the ways in which you are already being loved.Learn to love your partner by expressing love in his or her preferred language, and ask your partner to learn to express love in your preferred love language.       We all want to be loved in the ways that we recognize most clearly as loving acts. As a result, try to move out of your comfort zone. In baby steps, try to express your love to your partner using the languages that he or she prefers.The “Four Tendencies” by Gretchen RubinShe created these tendencies after several months of research, while working on her book ‘Better Than Before.”  She created a framework that is balanced, consistent, encompassing and predictive.  They are categories to help you understand how you react to expectations.Upholders respond readily to outer expectation (like a deadline or a “request” from a sweetheart) and inner expectations (write a novel in your spare time, keep a New Year’s resolution)Main Desire or Motivation – When they wake up they think, “What’s on the schedule and the to-do-list for today?”       They are motivated by getting things accomplished. They really don’t like making mistakes, getting blamed, or failing to follow through, including doing so to themselves.Strengths: they like to know the expectations and will meet them. They like rules and will always follow them, and they become an easy habitWeaknesses: they are too driven by the “gold star” and they are boxed in by the rulesQuestioners question all expectations; they’ll meet an expectation if they think it makes sense–essentially, they make all expectations into inner expectationsMain Desire or Motivation – They wake up and think, “What needs to get done today?” They’re motivated by seeing good reasons for a particular course of action. They really don’t like anything arbitrary, or spending time and effort on activities they don’t agree with.Strengths: Once convinced, they will meet the expectations. They are intellectually engaged, love to research and gather information.Weaknesses: they can get overwhelmed or paralyzed by their desire to get their questions answered, or they can overwhelm or annoy others with their questions.Obligers meet outer expectations, but struggle to meet expectations they impose on themselvesMain Drive or Motivation – they wake up and think, “What do I have to do today?” They’re motivated by external accountability. They really don’t like being reprimanded or letting others down, but they find it hard to meet their expectations for themselves.Strengths: they are “the rock” and they will come through when you need them to be.       They are the “people pleasers”Weaknesses: they have a very hard time holding themselves accountable, so they must set up outside accountability, like taking a class with a friend.Rebels resist all expectations, outer and inner alikeMain Desire or Motivation – they wake up and think, “What do I want to do today?” They’re motivated by a sense of freedom of self-determination.       They really don’t like being told what to do.Strengths: they can think outside the box and are very authenticWeaknesses: They have trouble imposing any expectations, they want to do what they want to do. They have a spirit of resistance.Interesting Note:  While Rebels want choice and freedom, some rebels are drawn to areas of high regulation, such as the military, the police, and the clergy.Try this at home for the 4 tendenciesUpholder - Try This at Home: Take the Four Tendencies quiz here.       You know you want to and you’re going to do it.Questioner -Think about a few people in your life, identify their Tendencies, and try to put that knowledge to use. Understanding a Tendency can make it easier to manage conflict, come to agreement, and convince others of your point of view.Obliger - Try This at Home: If you’re an Obliger, or you’re around an Obliger (which you surely are), help the Obliger to figure out a system of outer accountability so the Obliger can meet an inner expectation.Rebels - Try This at Home: Try to come up with a motto for your Tendency. Fun!Our Quiz Results:  Cortney is an Upholder and Cathy is a QuestionerThings that make you go Hmmm? Or Mmmm:Hmmm?    People that are nosy or don’t understand personal space example Starbucks, movie theatre.Mmmm     Being surprised at what our families tendencies are.Thank you:“The 5 Love Languages” by Gary Chapman, to find your primary and secondary love languages take the quiz!“The Four Tendencies” by Gretchen Rubin, to find your tendency take the quiz!WebMdNaturally Intense Personal TrainingArticle by Suzanne ProvencherQuote of the week:“The world’s happiest couple never has the same character.  They just have the best understanding of their differences.”  Author unknownWe would love to hear from you, so check us out on Facebook or at www.homoliciousliving.com. Subscribe, rate and review us, and share your topic ideas.Have a HOMOlicious day!