0:00

Hey everybody, welcome to Your Move.

0:02

I'm Andy Stanley. Have you ever

0:04

met anyone you wish you'd never met? Of course

0:06

you have. Isn't it interesting that the

0:08

folks we met are often associated with our

0:10

greatest regret? And that's what we're talking about

0:12

today right here on Your Move. Have

0:15

you ever met someone that later you wish

0:17

you'd never met? Have

0:19

you ever met someone that later you wish

0:21

you'd never met? Nervous

0:24

laughter. Yes, and no elbows and

0:26

don't lean over and look, okay? Have you ever met someone that you

0:30

wish you'd never met? Or maybe that's too personal. How

0:32

about this? Has your wife or your husband ever met

0:34

someone you wish they had never met? That maybe they

0:36

wish they'd never met or maybe they're a little bit

0:39

too happy that they met? I mean, you know what

0:41

I'm talking about? I'm talking about the fact that you're

0:43

not a woman. You're a woman. You're a woman. You're

0:46

a woman. You know

0:48

what I'm talking about? Or maybe have your kids ever

0:50

met people that you wish they

0:52

had never met? And all of us have a story and

0:54

the answer is yes. And this is such a strange dynamic,

0:56

but we're going to talk about it for a

0:59

few minutes. It's folks we've met, isn't this true?

1:01

It's folks we've met that are connected to our

1:03

greatest regret. I don't know what

1:05

your greatest regret is, but I bet you

1:07

weren't alone, right? I don't know what your

1:09

greatest regrets are, but chances are you weren't

1:11

alone. Or if you were alone, it was

1:13

still connected to a relationship. And this is

1:15

such a strange thing because our greatest regrets

1:17

involve people oftentimes and the people

1:19

they involve, they're not our enemies. They're

1:22

not people that we're hostile with. I mean, we're on

1:24

our guard around people that have

1:26

hostility toward us, but they're usually

1:28

with our friends. Our greatest regrets

1:30

are usually connected with people we've

1:32

met and we considered those people

1:35

friends. That's something

1:37

to think about. Now everybody knows what a

1:40

guardrail is on the highway, but a quick review. A

1:42

guardrail is a system. It's a system, a

1:44

system. A system designed to keep vehicles from

1:47

straying into dangerous or off-limit areas. And we

1:49

said last week, the guardrails do at least

1:51

two things. They direct us and they protect

1:53

us. They direct and they protect. And the

1:55

other thing about a guardrail, and this becomes

1:58

important as we talk about how this. and

2:00

how this applies to our lives, is

2:02

that guardrails are never placed in the

2:04

danger zone. Guardrails are never placed

2:06

in the danger zone. Guardrails are actually placed

2:08

in the safety zone. And no

2:11

one argues with this. No one argues that,

2:13

no, they need to give us those extra

2:15

three feet to drive in. Nobody argues with

2:17

this idea. Nobody would argue that we need

2:19

to put the guardrail in the danger zone

2:21

or even on the line. When it comes

2:23

to driving, we understand the idea of a

2:25

margin for error. The other thing

2:27

about guardrail is that they are designed to

2:29

minimize damage to your vehicle. If you hit

2:31

a guardrail, you will have to go to

2:33

a repair shop, but you may not have

2:35

to go to the hospital. The damage done

2:38

by hitting a guardrail is much less than

2:40

the damage done to you and your vehicle

2:42

if there was no guardrail. But

2:44

the reason that we named this entire

2:46

series guardrails is because the highway is

2:48

not the only place we need guardrails.

2:51

We need some financial guardrails. We need

2:53

some relational guardrails. You may need some

2:55

professional guardrails. The truth is, your

2:58

greatest regret, your greatest regret, your greatest

3:00

regret may have been avoided if you

3:02

had had some financial guardrails, some moral

3:04

guardrails, some relational guardrails, and again, maybe

3:07

even some professional guardrails. Now the pushback

3:09

on all of this throughout our series

3:11

together is that we live in a

3:14

world that doesn't value this idea. We

3:16

live in a world that

3:19

essentially resists guardrails, that culture

3:21

doesn't encourage guardrails. In

3:23

fact, as we've discovered and as you

3:25

will discover, oftentimes people in our culture

3:27

are critical of us when we establish

3:29

guardrails because personal guardrails are like personal

3:32

rules. And number one, I

3:34

don't like rules and you don't like

3:36

rules, so we don't like establishing rules

3:38

for ourselves. But oftentimes when we establish

3:40

rules for ourselves, it's a little bit

3:42

threatening to the people around us. Culture

3:44

doesn't like guardrails. Culture is content with

3:46

painted lines, just lines on the side

3:48

of the road. But the interesting thing

3:50

is this, and we've all experienced this

3:52

or we've all maybe participated in this,

3:55

that even though Culture doesn't celebrate

3:57

guardrails, at the same time, The

4:00

whole terrible shame us and blame us and

4:02

mock when we end up in a ditch

4:04

financially, or we end up in a ditch

4:06

in our marriage, or we end up in

4:08

a ditch with one of our kids are

4:10

an important relationship with professionally so this is

4:12

an incredibly important topics. It's a little. Bit

4:14

complex on it. doesn't fall so much

4:16

in the in the it doesn't fall

4:18

somewhere in the category. Of right or wrong

4:21

as we're going to, Discovery really falls more and

4:23

the category of wisdom. And that makes it

4:25

a little tricky. and that makes it a little

4:27

intangible. It makes it a little soft, and perhaps

4:29

even a little. Machine. But it's extraordinarily extraordinarily

4:31

important. Today Specifically, I want to talk about

4:33

your friends and your associates and what it

4:35

means to establish guard Rails and the realms

4:38

of our friends and our associates. This of

4:40

these are the people that you run with.

4:42

These are the people that he play with.

4:44

These are the people that you work with

4:46

his. These is the folks that are a

4:49

part of your life on an ongoing basis

4:51

and the reason we need guard Rails Relation

4:53

Li And the reason we need guard Rails

4:55

even with the people that we consider our

4:57

friends, is what we've already said. It's

5:00

the folks we've met that generally are

5:02

part of our greatest. Regret.

5:05

Now the push back today a little. Bit just to kind

5:07

of jump ahead. Is. That as I'm talking, you

5:09

may be tempted to think, gosh, You're

5:12

you're being so judgmental. Buses were talking about your

5:14

friends. These are my friends is the people I

5:16

work with a bit of life a long time

5:18

and sounds like you're asking me to be judgmental.

5:20

So I want to talk about that right up

5:22

front because this is a big big deal. This.

5:25

Is Not about. Being judgmental. This

5:27

talk today is about exercising good

5:29

judgment and there's a big difference

5:31

and I want explain the difference

5:33

real quick and then will jump

5:35

into this content. Being judgmental is

5:38

may have forming an opinion about

5:40

you. So if I'm judgmental I've

5:42

set myself up as a judge

5:44

and I'm judging your behavior. I

5:46

judgmental is when I draw like

5:48

a critical or maybe a horse

5:50

conclusion about you expecting you to

5:52

after be different. But good judgment

5:55

as difference. Good judgment. is about

5:57

me good judgment is about drawing conclusions about

5:59

my life, good judgment is in light of

6:01

my past experience, the things that are most

6:03

tempting to me, where I've been in the

6:06

past, what happened in that last relationship, that

6:08

last marriage, the way I grew up in

6:10

light of my past experience, in light of

6:12

my current circumstances, I'm really mad, current

6:15

circumstances just broke up, current circumstances

6:17

just started this new job, in

6:19

light of my current circumstances, in light

6:21

of my future hopes and dreams,

6:23

what is the best thing or what

6:25

is the wisest thing, not for everybody else

6:27

to do? What you

6:30

do is none of my business. What is the

6:32

wisest thing for me to do? Judgmental

6:35

assumes something about the other person. This

6:37

is all about you. This

6:40

is how you should respond in light of

6:42

your future hopes and dreams. When

6:45

you were a child, when you were growing

6:47

up, when you were in middle school or

6:49

high school, your mom or dad or your

6:52

mom and dad or your uncle or your

6:54

grandparents or whoever had responsibility for you, they

6:56

were, if they were good grandparents, aunts, uncles,

6:58

parents, they were paranoid regarding your friends. They

7:01

were. They paid such good attention

7:03

to your friends. In fact, there were times when

7:05

they said, you can't go over there, she can't

7:07

come over here, you can't date her. They

7:11

would forbid you. Some of

7:13

your moms read your journals. Girls, ladies, if you

7:15

had journals, they would sneak in there, read your

7:17

journal, you'd find out you'd be so angry and

7:19

you'd put tape on the bottom of your door

7:21

to see if anybody came in your room. Then

7:24

your mom took the door off. I know that's kind of a thing,

7:27

take the door off. We never did that. That's kind of odd, but

7:29

hey, sometimes you got to do what you got to do. Some

7:31

of you, they were so extreme and the situation was so

7:34

extreme. Maybe they pulled you out of that school and put

7:36

you in a different school. Maybe they just

7:38

packed up and moved, just left the community, left

7:40

the state. We're going to London. We got to

7:42

get you out of this environment. When

7:46

you were on the receiving end of that, your

7:48

response was like, most kids are just like, you're

7:50

being so judgmental, you used to be so judgmental,

7:52

you're judging my friends. Now

7:54

many of you are parents and

7:57

you are paranoid. Okay.

8:01

And the reason you're paranoid? Or is

8:03

because you remember who you remember, you

8:05

write, you remember your friends and euro.

8:08

Look back is that when I asked

8:10

a question of be remiss. Somebody we

8:12

should never met. Some of you went as far back

8:14

as college, Some of you went as far back as

8:16

high school. So what? Your mom a

8:18

new and what? You know is that is

8:20

that that. This is a saying that

8:22

our friends determine. The directions and quality.

8:25

Realize I'm say this with that's. The

8:27

thing that makes friendship marvelous

8:29

is also the things that

8:31

makes and so hazardous and

8:33

so dangerous. Now if your experience

8:36

doesn't. Prove this to your

8:38

that's not enough evidence are my

8:40

assistance at me and article last

8:42

week she knew I was talking

8:44

about this and as an article

8:46

written by a Neurosciences more and

8:48

serve who who's a professor at

8:50

Northwestern University and for years for

8:53

over ten years he has didn't

8:55

study in relationships and decision making

8:57

and a relationship A decision making

8:59

on relationships. And here's what he

9:01

has discovered that what we have

9:03

observed about people influencing other people

9:05

isn't just behavioral, it's actually neurological.

9:07

that something. Happens in your

9:09

brain and fact in the

9:12

study he determined are here

9:14

they've discovered. That our brain waves.

9:16

That the brain waves of people when

9:18

they spend time together actually. Begin to

9:20

look identical. That the brain

9:22

ways before the behavior before the

9:24

attitude change. There is something. That

9:27

happens on the inside in our. Brains.

9:29

When we spend time with other

9:31

people's brains, ways began to line

9:33

up. Mouse. Best

9:35

kind of scares.that can encourage you or

9:37

discourage you. Here's here's what he says:

9:40

a couple statements from the article. Says

9:43

the more we study engagement we see time

9:45

and time again. That just being next

9:47

to certain people actually a lines

9:49

your brain with them. So.

9:51

Look to your last look through your

9:54

eyes. Okay, so while we sit here

9:56

together, your brain waves are being aligned

9:58

with him. In fact, It just happened.

10:00

It did. Let me tell you

10:02

how it just happened. Words came out of my mouth. I

10:04

vibrated the air in the room and then you laughed with

10:07

people you've never met with before. It just

10:09

happened. Your brain wave. You, just

10:11

me making you laugh together kind of lines

10:13

you up. That's kind of scary.

10:15

He says, this isn't just behavioral.

10:17

This is neurological. He goes on and

10:20

he says this, and this is

10:22

pretty powerful. If people want to maximize

10:24

happiness, that's me, and minimize stress,

10:26

that's you, then we all want to maximize

10:28

happiness and minimize stress. Look at this conclusion he draws.

10:31

They should build a life that requires fewer

10:33

decisions. How by surrounding themselves

10:36

with people who embody the traits

10:38

they prefer. That

10:40

if you surround yourself with people who

10:42

embody, that is live out the traits

10:44

you prefer. He says, without any

10:47

effort, without any decision on your part,

10:49

your brain will begin to line up

10:51

with the people who are becoming the

10:53

kind of person that you ultimately want

10:55

to be. Think about that. Last

10:57

statement. He says this. He

10:59

says, over time, they'll naturally pick

11:01

up on those desirable attitudes and

11:03

behaviors. But the slip side is

11:05

true as well. Over time, you

11:07

can pick up on undesirable attitudes

11:09

and behaviors. With no effort, just

11:12

being in proximity, simply doing

11:14

life with, being with people

11:17

who are moving in a particular direction, something

11:19

happens in your brain and in my brain.

11:22

Now, is that judgmental? No, that's

11:24

just true. This isn't

11:26

about judgmental. This is about exercising

11:28

good judgment. If this happens automatically,

11:31

what should you do? If

11:33

this happens automatically, how do I

11:36

harness that? How should I respond?

11:38

This isn't about being judgmental. Come on, look

11:40

over here. This is about your future. Your

11:43

future will be impacted by the people

11:45

that you do life with. Now,

11:48

interestingly enough, 3,000 years

11:50

ago, before we were able to look at the

11:52

brain, King Solomon, Israel's third king, you

11:55

know, there was Saul and David, and then his son

11:57

Solomon became king, considered one of the wisest men in

11:59

the world. who've ever lived, some people say the wisest

12:01

man who will ever live. Three thousand

12:03

years ago, he makes a statement

12:05

that punctuates what we have finally discovered.

12:08

Three thousand years ago, here's what Solomon

12:10

wrote. He said, walk with the

12:12

wise and you automatically

12:14

with no effort, no intentionality,

12:16

you don't have to write anything down,

12:18

you don't have to remember anything, you don't have to

12:21

study for a test. Walk

12:23

with the wise and you will,

12:25

over time, become wise. It's

12:27

just going to happen automatically. Now

12:29

what is wisdom? We talked about this. Wisdom

12:31

is somebody who understands that life is connected, that the

12:34

dots connect, that my past connects to my present, which

12:36

is going to be some sort of predictor of my

12:38

future. That's what wisdom is. And

12:40

he says, if you spend time

12:42

with wise people, over time you

12:44

will become wise, that wisdom is

12:46

contagious. Imagine that. It just rubs

12:49

off, do life with the wise and

12:51

you will be wise. And then there's a second part

12:53

of this, for, or the

12:55

way I memorized this a long, long time

12:57

ago, the word was but, because it's a

13:00

contrast. He says but or for, a companion

13:02

of fools, ultimately

13:04

suffers harm. Now,

13:06

we don't use the word fool because you don't

13:08

want to call someone a fool, but in the

13:10

Jewish Bible and the Jewish scriptures, a

13:13

fool was a person who did not live carefully.

13:15

A fool was somebody who did not understand about

13:17

how the past connects to the present that's a

13:19

predictor of the future. A fool is somebody

13:22

that just lives for the day. But

13:24

the interesting thing about what Solomon said is what

13:26

he doesn't say. Let me read it to you

13:28

again. Walk with the wise and

13:30

you become wise. Okay, if I hang out with wise people, I

13:32

become wise. You would expect him to say, hang out

13:34

with fools and you'll become a fool, but he

13:37

doesn't say that. What Solomon

13:39

says is that it's worse than that because

13:42

if you spend time with, surround yourself

13:44

with, do life with fools, over time

13:46

you're not simply going to become a

13:48

fool, you're going to suffer harm. That

13:51

is when their life goes bad, it's

13:54

a proximity thing. The closer you are

13:56

to them, the greater the odds

13:58

that something bad happens to you. As

14:00

they go, you go. To

14:03

which we say, yeah, but I don't do what they

14:05

do. To which more in

14:07

surf, the neuroscientists would say, yeah, but

14:10

stick around them long enough and you

14:12

probably will because your brainwaves are gonna

14:14

line up. So Solomon says it's worse

14:17

than becoming a fool. You're actually gonna

14:19

catch the shrapnel from their bad decisions.

14:21

In other words, friends, this is what

14:23

Solomon's saying, friends who aren't careful with their lives

14:26

won't be careful with your

14:28

life, right? Friends

14:30

who aren't careful with their health, they're

14:32

not gonna be concerned about your health. Friends

14:35

who aren't careful with their marriages,

14:38

they're not going to be careful and try to guard your marriage.

14:41

Friends who aren't careful with their finances,

14:44

they're not going to try to guard and be careful

14:46

with your finances. Friends who aren't

14:48

all that concerned about their reputation, they're

14:51

not gonna be all that concerned about your

14:53

reputation. Friends who don't have any

14:56

kind of faith or don't have any concerns

14:58

about faith aren't gonna be very concerned about

15:01

your faith. And friends who

15:03

don't seem to care about the future, the

15:05

last thing they're gonna worry about is

15:08

your future. This

15:11

is good judgment. This is

15:13

a big deal. And this isn't about middle

15:15

school and high school. This is about

15:18

all of us. Friends who

15:20

don't take care of themselves

15:22

won't take care of yourself.

15:26

Friends who lie and cheat, you know this? Friends

15:29

who lie and cheat, they feel better when you what?

15:32

Lie and cheat. So

15:34

again, friendship can be awesome, but

15:36

friendship can be treacherous. Friendship

15:39

requires some guardrails.

15:43

Now, just a reminder, the point

15:45

of a guardrail isn't to keep you from

15:47

just doing bad things. The point of a

15:50

guardrail is to light up your conscience so

15:52

that you know you're getting close to doing

15:54

bad things. So the way I said it

15:56

here, the point of a guardrail is to

15:58

light up your conscience before we veer. into the

16:00

danger zone. Remember, a guardrail isn't in

16:02

the danger zone, and a guardrail isn't

16:05

right on the line. The guardrail is

16:07

inside the safety zone. And again, this

16:09

is why we resist. But for the

16:11

next few minutes, as we close out

16:13

this episode of this series, I

16:15

wanna make five suggestions as it relates

16:18

to guardrails, as it relates to your friendships and

16:20

your associates. Now I know this, in some cases,

16:22

you don't have total control over who you spend

16:24

a lot of time with. I get that, we're

16:26

gonna talk about that in just a minute. But

16:28

I want to encourage you, if I could get

16:30

on my knees and plead with you, and I

16:32

thought it would do good, I wanna encourage you

16:34

to consider these. And again, I don't want you

16:36

to listen to what I'm about to say through

16:38

the filter of your kids or your grandkids. Yeah,

16:40

I mean, it's gonna be hard not to do

16:42

that. Or some friends that you have that you

16:44

wish were here, or you wish were watching. I

16:47

just want this to settle in over

16:49

us as we consider our future, because

16:52

your friends and your associates impact

16:54

the direction of your life.

16:56

So here's five suggestions. Again, these aren't rules. You

16:59

don't need to write these down. You may wanna

17:01

go back and listen to this or look at

17:03

these later. But five suggestions just to get

17:05

you thinking about guardrails as it

17:07

relates to folks you've met so that

17:09

they won't become the next regret. Here's

17:12

the first one. When it dawns

17:14

on you that your core group isn't moving in

17:16

the direction you want your life to be moving.

17:18

That should light up your conscience. When it dawns

17:20

on you, you know what, we love the same music,

17:22

we love the same food, we love the same artists,

17:24

you know, we have so much in

17:26

common. But when I look at the direction this

17:28

group is moving in, it's not really the direction

17:31

I want my life to move in. That's

17:33

a warning. That's a guardrail.

17:35

That's not a good or a bad thing. That's

17:37

a wisdom thing. And you gotta pay attention to

17:39

that because relationships are not

17:41

static. Relationships are either growing or decaying.

17:43

They're getting better or they're getting worse.

17:46

Where people are heading is a good

17:48

indicator of where they're leading. And none

17:50

of us think about our group of

17:52

friends as leading us anywhere. But here's

17:55

what you know in hindsight. Your

17:58

Friends ultimately lead you. Just

18:00

like you are ultimately leading other people through a

18:02

group of friends, this is just the nature of

18:04

relationship. So when it dawns on your your core

18:06

group isn't moving in the direction you want your

18:08

life to be moving best is light up your

18:10

conscience. Here's a second one. When you

18:12

catch yourself when you catch yourself pretending

18:14

to be someone other than his, you

18:17

really are. That. She light

18:19

up your conscience when you catch another, was

18:21

when you catch yourself nodding. And

18:23

your sake and I don't believe this will

18:25

my head zoo and as what's going on

18:27

when you feel the pressure to pretend to

18:30

be somebody other. Than true to you truly are.

18:32

That's a that's a red flag. That should

18:34

light up your conscience. That should make

18:36

you rethink or reconsider the nature of

18:38

this relationship because as you know your

18:40

views, values hopefully are being shaped around

18:42

things that are going to serve you

18:45

well in the future. But when you

18:47

find yourself agreeing on the outside with

18:49

things you disagree. On. The inside. Pained

18:51

that's a red flag. best to do again.

18:54

that should light up. Your. Conscience:

18:56

Don't don't settle for friends who force

18:58

you to pretend to be somebody you're

19:00

not. because here's why: Because you are

19:03

lying to them. Which means you're not

19:05

a good friend. And if

19:07

you lie to yourself long enough,

19:09

you will become someone. Other than

19:12

yourself, this happens all

19:14

the time and pretending

19:16

is lying. And pretending

19:18

is never healthy. Third,

19:20

Was this. When you

19:22

feel pressure. To. Compromise. Not once

19:25

you've compromised. that's you know we've gone

19:27

past the guard rail into the ditch

19:29

right now. When you know, eventually, compromise.

19:31

With put it, this was when. Something

19:34

that before wasn't. A

19:36

real temptation, but suddenly it's become

19:38

alive. Option. Thus, In light of

19:40

your conscience What? When something that's never been a

19:42

real temptation before becomes alive? Options you've always is

19:45

that no thank you know I'm gonna go. I'll

19:47

go on home Now You guys Go! You ladies

19:49

use obvious and you find yourself drive him home.

19:51

Think I think I'll go. Are

19:53

known I said what's wind. What has never

19:56

been a temptation, never been in his, never been

19:58

a problem. The force. With it becomes. on

20:00

the inside when it becomes right here, a live

20:03

option, a real consideration. Maybe I should, maybe

20:05

I should rethink that. There's probably nothing wrong

20:07

with that. You know, they're always inviting me.

20:10

That should just light up your conscience. Now what should you do with

20:12

it? I don't know. That's up to

20:14

you, but it should bother you. It should bother

20:16

you. It should

20:18

bother you. Again, not when you've crossed that

20:20

line when suddenly you find yourself

20:22

imagining what it would be like if

20:25

you had. The next one, number four is

20:27

this. When you catch yourself thinking I'll go, but I

20:29

won't participate. Now let me, yeah,

20:32

you laugh. I'll just go, but I won't participate.

20:34

Let me just ask you a question because it'll

20:36

bring instant clarity to this. Would

20:39

you buy this from your 14 year old daughter? No,

20:43

it's 12 guys, but me and my girlfriend are

20:45

going to go and, but dad, dad, they're going

20:47

to be doing bad things, but I'm not going

20:49

to participate. Well, honey, you just go right ahead.

20:51

That'll be fine. No,

20:53

you give your daughter two options. Either you stay home

20:55

or I go with you. You choose. Okay.

20:58

You have two options. I'm not saying no. You're

21:02

looking at the third one, right? So we

21:04

wouldn't buy this from our kids or our

21:06

younger brother or sister or nieces at our

21:08

nephews or our granddaughters or grandsons. Why would

21:10

we buy it from ourselves? When

21:13

you start that conversation, I'm not saying

21:15

you shouldn't go. I'm just saying when

21:17

this conversation starts in my head or

21:19

your head, it should bother us. It

21:21

should ding our conscience. We just bumped

21:23

up against a guardrail. Very

21:26

little damage done, but

21:28

pay attention to the conversation you're having

21:30

in your heart when you catch yourself

21:32

thinking, I'll go, but I

21:34

won't participate. The last one is this, is

21:37

when you hope, when you

21:39

hope the people you care about don't know your

21:42

whereabouts, when

21:45

you hope the people you care about don't

21:48

know your whereabouts. And

21:51

even once you get to where about you're going,

21:54

even if you do nothing wrong, even

21:56

if you don't break any laws, even

21:58

if you're not in any way.

22:00

Unfaithful or do anything to embarrass yourself or

22:03

your family the fact that in

22:05

your heart and in your mind you

22:07

have begun Don't miss this you have

22:09

begun. This is the nucleus of a lie

22:14

You haven't lied yet But

22:16

if you think you would be tempted to lie

22:18

so they don't know where you are

22:20

or who you are with that should

22:23

bother bother bother bother bother you not

22:25

because you've done anything wrong, but Because

22:28

you have established a

22:30

guardrail If you wouldn't

22:32

want to have to tell them if you

22:35

hope they never find out that

22:37

should bother you Come on. Come over

22:39

adults. That should be enough

22:41

that should tip you off Okay,

22:44

if I don't want the people that I care about to know

22:46

where I am to know my whereabouts Then

22:49

I have no business going now I get

22:52

this if this sounds kind of over the top

22:54

and narrow and so judgmental or maybe oh this

22:56

is good for kids But not for me. I

22:58

get that But here's why I'm

23:00

adamant. Here's why I'm sure here's why again If

23:02

I could get on my knees and beg you

23:04

to do this and you do it Here's

23:06

why I feel so strong about this Partly

23:09

because of what I do in the stories I hear partly

23:12

because of the world we live in partly because I know

23:14

myself And partly

23:16

because tomorrow morning hundreds

23:19

of people in this community thousands

23:21

of people in our city Maybe tens of thousand

23:23

people in our state and hundreds of thousands of

23:25

people all over our country Are

23:27

gonna wake up tomorrow morning stumble in

23:29

the bathroom look in the mirror and

23:31

wonder They're gonna wake

23:34

up and look at who they woke up with

23:36

and they wonder They're gonna

23:38

they're gonna see in the mirror a person that they

23:40

didn't think they would ever see in the mirror And

23:42

they're gonna wonder and they're gonna wonder

23:45

How did this happen? How

23:47

did this happen? How did this happen to me? How

23:51

did I get here? Whose

23:53

life is this? And

23:56

the answer to all of their questions is the

23:58

same answer Friends

24:00

to determine the direction

24:03

and the quality. Of

24:05

our lives is why you need

24:07

guardrails. It's why I need guardrails.

24:10

It's. Why We need some internal.

24:12

Rules that light up our conscience.

24:14

Not when we get into the

24:16

danger zone, but long before. We.

24:19

Get there. Now

24:21

jesus. Said. Something so

24:23

significant that we missed as as the weather's

24:25

all subtle jesus things as not a popular

24:27

one lot of famous one but it should

24:29

be. Here's his response to the people that

24:31

just we're not going to let him win

24:34

the argument about or what he says they

24:36

were not going to let him with to

24:38

finally one day he says his wisdom. A.

24:40

Love! This wisdom has proved right.

24:43

By. All her children. And

24:45

other words: crime will

24:48

paul. Wisdom always

24:50

has the last. At that, Wisdom always

24:52

has the last words. But because wisdom

24:54

is not an absolute, there is always

24:56

a counter. Arguments be mates and other

24:58

words. These five suggestions I've given you

25:00

I guarantee you you are smart enough

25:02

to go home or get in the

25:04

car, your friends are your family, or

25:06

disavow with me and give me a

25:08

counterpoint for all of those things. Why?

25:10

That's the most ridiculous thing in the

25:12

world Was that silly eighty shouldn't tell

25:15

people like that. You shouldn't plant those

25:17

kinds of seats your so judgmental you're

25:19

making everybody. Be afraid some is and you

25:21

could win the argument. Because.

25:23

Wisdom is not an absolute.

25:26

Wisdom plays in the gray

25:28

space. Wisdom plays just inside

25:30

the borderline, often times from

25:32

relational financial impersonal. Disaster.

25:36

For this way, wisdom will allow

25:38

you to win the argument. But

25:42

ultimately you'll lose in life. That

25:44

was he says point. That. Wisdom is

25:46

prove right, not in the courtroom, Not

25:49

into debate. Wisdom is

25:51

prove right. By. The

25:54

Elk. And establishing personal

25:56

guard rails is a release of friends

25:59

and associates. Mr. The zebra guardrail is

26:01

not a lack of concern for other

26:03

people is not a lack of love

26:05

for other people. This isn't even about

26:08

other people, it's about your future hopes

26:10

and dreams. your future marriage, your future

26:12

relationship with your kids, your future finances

26:15

is about being in a position to

26:17

help those friends that you may have

26:19

had to distance yourself from once they

26:22

begin to reap what they have sown.

26:25

Is not a lack of love and fat.

26:27

It's an expression of love. Because

26:29

by remaining in the safe zone you

26:31

are better position to help other people

26:33

other health some of those very same

26:35

friends once they cross those lines and

26:38

life comes back. And. Begins to haunt

26:40

him. When. The results of their decisions

26:42

become did begin to come back. And.

26:44

Show themselves and their lives. The relationships

26:47

are finances. And. Their families

26:49

wisdom. Jesus was right. Wisdom disprove

26:51

right by all her children. Walk

26:53

with the wise and become wise

26:55

is Paul says be careful how

26:58

you live Not as on wise

27:00

but as wise. Making the most

27:02

of the day for the days

27:04

are. Evil self.

27:06

I know I want to encourage. Think. About what

27:09

we talked about to establish some personal

27:11

guard rails as it relates to friends.

27:13

And. Family members. So. Here's the bottom

27:15

line today. Establish. Some.

27:18

Guardrails. You'll be glad you

27:20

did. Or you wish

27:22

you had. And. Unfortunately,

27:24

I know. Some. Of the

27:27

already wish. You. Had. To.

27:29

Will pick the discussion up right there. Are

27:36

listening but before you go a

27:38

wanted to take a minute to

27:40

thank everyone who supports your mood

27:42

financially to the generosity of our

27:44

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would like to invite you to

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make a tax deductible donations to

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your movie Just visit your mood.i

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s forward/years as your move.i s

27:56

slashed just things were considering and

27:58

mixture your joints. Sweet will you?