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Podcast. Hey

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everybody, welcome back to the Usainote Podcast,

1:09

episode 113. Round

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yup, yup, yup, yup. Hey everybody, welcome back

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to the Usainote Podcast, episode 113. We

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3:49

Wish. I'd oh is.

3:52

Back in his studio

3:54

move. Oh it's a

3:56

peaceful answered society. Oh.

4:00

The com as a oh Miles Isis

4:02

or good as kid never felt a

4:04

they. Meditates. Never felt

4:06

that adult. And use. It's

4:08

like it's like. Audience. Isn't great is

4:10

says x of mine but oh so

4:13

good. I like a certain offset the

4:15

spicy to sit there just and really

4:17

think religious kenneth. Oh,

4:20

I agree, I can't can

4:22

meditate. So about me, I've

4:24

tried to anxiety. Attack.

4:28

Meditate the anxiety. the brain is like a

4:31

pinball machine of of negativity Unlike right now

4:33

there's a scorpion going up mattel and right

4:35

now and it's going to pokemon is going

4:37

to go in there. Any going to how

4:40

it can feel my lower intensive play with

4:42

my lower lumbar. good morning to yeah what

4:44

a scorpion was inside of you playing piano

4:47

on your l for here you might as

4:49

well die with that was the worst Both

4:51

to have good giddens and getting crawling you

4:53

are warranted that are that old ancient egyptian

4:56

schiro bubbly with call the summer death from

4:58

them from the mummy films. You

5:01

are fun at parties. You're the guy that brings

5:03

a guitar to the party. Had two cameras I

5:06

bribery. Gorgeous area. You bring guitarist the parties and

5:08

you're trying to your time to serenade people. But

5:10

if I get this freak out if I bring

5:12

it's hard to part of them. Sit Omega Smirnoff

5:14

Ice surface. Didn't did don't

5:17

do a red apple ale elm. Grove.

5:19

they're all right all along. Reds is

5:22

like one of the one of the

5:24

wine coolers one a little little sippy

5:26

joins a never had her for some.

5:28

I did have a Jos. literally adult

5:30

average yeah upon Punjab Oil, I was

5:32

absolutely adorable. A Red devil? You know,

5:34

I wrote a thing about goats. whenever.

5:37

Us coming to the studio today. I've been on

5:39

an animal takes off a lot of the things

5:41

I bring up our animals I've been I've been.

5:43

I've been watson Animal Planet like I'm a starter

5:45

zoo and could you not a man I learned

5:47

in our home know creeps that are listening or

5:49

watching to this? Take this a go home Within

5:51

tried to do their own research is he belongs

5:53

under the presumably do have a scare me know

5:55

goats. To. You know they have those

5:58

durable to get the same muffins as you. Why

6:09

did you to say saw no go to

6:11

get the same get the same bison digital

6:13

same chicken meat as ago the same platypus

6:15

here to the as they had us a

6:17

goat as a publicist says here where you

6:20

find in these were define online you can

6:22

find anything the now infamous hits a those

6:24

your mind you can find some different to

6:26

heal your day to sue excuse me while

6:29

as an excuse me urge is why is

6:31

T Sam. Who

6:35

is has to be as it

6:38

has to be asked. Who the

6:40

hell Figured that a who is

6:42

looking at a going says it

6:44

has been a long day in

6:46

Milton Someone says oh sees As

6:48

noted above submission was that had

6:51

been what is. Goats have

6:53

the same muffins go to the same who

6:55

as as as as a theme who says

6:57

a human being who saw go military. Coup

7:01

so don't party for. For

7:05

ne doit the live start

7:07

of know oh oh oh

7:09

my yes ah what the

7:11

hell hasn't thought. Us answer that

7:13

information. There's a lot of things on

7:15

learn things keep inside internalized up this

7:17

at about one next on. I'm

7:20

the guy This report it is your

7:22

thing as it is escorted by the

7:24

rest of the guys. Out still has

7:26

he he's gotta go under six. Wire

7:28

goes Got the same bosses female man.

7:32

I wonder why didn't I say are there had to

7:34

be a couple Goes repeated his party's. Have.

7:42

Admitted that. Are

7:45

I speaking on goats? Are to.

7:47

Have. A Would you rather free? Oh God

7:49

Town. With. no not

7:52

not of if i decide to

7:54

have to say no and ahmed

7:56

words of ruby rose or as

7:58

much as it of We're

8:00

going off the road. We're gonna get a call from the

8:02

sponsor here. We go here. We go good morning Would

8:05

you rather be able to control all four

8:07

elements earth wind fire?

8:10

So I'm ang water your hang your aim with

8:12

hair and not a cool forehead arrow

8:14

tattoo thought about it anyway would you rather be able

8:16

to If I

8:18

ever forehead arrow tattoo if I ever had a

8:20

due date You'd

8:24

go bald and get a love of

8:26

size 130 font arrow right there. I

8:28

don't think you understand it What

8:30

are you saying? What are you saying if

8:32

I can go in what are you saying to me? What

8:35

am I not give I had a due date I? Get

8:38

it the hair to be gone. I would get one

8:40

you'd get the yeah, cuz why not Thank

8:43

God restaurant Okay, would

8:45

you rather be able to control all four elements

8:48

earth fire wind water this or? control

8:51

all animals oh Oh,

8:55

no, I would definitely control animals Be

8:58

because I'm not responsible you are not

9:00

Steve Irwin. What are you going? He

9:03

was a father figure to us all

9:05

I don't give a debt There's no way you're picking

9:07

animals over the elements of the earth because that's too

9:09

much Responsibility, and

9:12

I am bad with the responsibility saying you gotta

9:14

throw a rain cloud over st. Louis I'm saying

9:16

you can control it whenever you want to know

9:18

saying Big tsunami

9:20

over there in Japan. That's where they have those right

9:22

is that racist I

9:28

just remember the last night. I heard about was over there Okay,

9:30

if there's a big tsunami in Japan they call paying

9:32

hard, and they're like hey I need you to slow

9:34

that down I'm like I gotta get on a flight

9:37

you're not you you're not a vigilant You don't become

9:39

a superhero with you're with your tower and your globe

9:41

light with great responsibility comes great power All

9:44

right, Uncle Ben Uncle big got murked he

9:46

did I'm saying you have the power within

9:48

your no one else knows Okay, you

9:50

can control all elements or all

9:53

animals like do you think you'd be able to

9:55

beat me in a battle? If you could control

9:57

all animals, and I can control the elements of

9:59

the world I'm gonna call my hippo posse

10:01

and I'll be like we got a problem down

10:03

here in Dallas. Okay. What do you think

10:05

would happen? They'd get you. Sinkhole, they're

10:07

gone forever. They're burning in magma. Cam,

10:12

are snakes animals? Yeah. Okay.

10:15

That's a bad question. Horrible question. Okay,

10:17

but you would be so messed up. Falcons,

10:21

Hawks, Snakes, Scorpion, Hippos,

10:23

Tornado, Tornado, or Quickslood. How

10:26

much? Tornado, earthquake, flood. Okay, but you

10:28

can't do that here. They were right here.

10:31

I can control it. But they were right here. I can

10:33

control the earthquake and I can control the tornado. You

10:35

can't control... No, but you... Oh, so your birds

10:37

are gonna go, let's go get that... They

10:40

just get sucked up. They're gone. Your

10:43

hippos, oh, go get them. Okay, okay, that's fine. That's

10:45

fine. They fall down the earth. You call a tsunami

10:47

over? I have shark friends finding Nemo and they're coming

10:49

to get you. They're like, oh, we're accelerating the tree,

10:51

aren't they? Oh, they are accelerating the wrong way because

10:53

now I flip the tsunami back to the water, dumbass.

10:55

You had so much responsibility at one point. So

10:58

much responsibility. But if we had to battle

11:00

to the death and we're just in the streets of Dallas, you can

11:02

control all that? What are you gonna call

11:05

a city bird? Hey, go peck the shit out of that guy.

11:07

City birds are the most vicious birds. And I go like this.

11:10

We're in the gong. He's gonna go, okay,

11:12

right into a building. That's fine.

11:14

Snap. That's fine. You

11:17

have a dog, right? All right, Theodore Roosevelt. You

11:20

have a dog, right? Yeah. All

11:22

right, so you win that battle, as soon as you go home, you want to

11:24

snuggle Ruby. She takes your goddamn tongue

11:26

out of your mouth. If Ruby could even get

11:28

close enough to my mouth without me being able to

11:30

just go, oh, oh,

11:34

I would never, I love my dog.

11:36

I really, I really engulfed into this

11:38

scenario people. I'm sorry. I would never,

11:40

but if Ruby, but you

11:42

wouldn't know, you wouldn't know. She comes, you know

11:44

how you like to do that weird thing where you, you mouth

11:46

it. Oh, now he mouthed. You mouth. I

11:48

did that one time as a joke for you.

11:51

You mouth her snout. You're looking too much. How

11:53

do you like that? That's

11:56

discord, discord, baby.

11:59

Okay. I'm saying you go to mouth there's now she's

12:01

taking your tongue in your molars Okay,

12:05

she's gonna act like the dentist from last

12:07

episode you can control the animal you don't

12:09

you don't have this super serum inside of

12:11

her She's still a nine pound crooked chubby

12:13

adorable choweenie. She can just become a saber-toothed

12:15

tiger. You're like she takes your molars You

12:21

could be like attack your father with all your might

12:23

she be like Okay,

12:34

that's a good would you and you're gonna sit in your

12:36

house, and I'm gonna go let's see

12:38

Let's start a fire on the first

12:40

floor. Let's go tornado. I don't think

12:42

that's how it works You can

12:44

control elements that are already existing did

12:46

I say that or did you add

12:48

your own loophole? I'm just I control

12:50

fire water earth wind earth fire water

12:52

way So that means I could just

12:54

have a giraffe coming through right now.

12:57

Yes, that's my that's that's

12:59

not good You should be what's around you?

13:03

Okay, so you can do an earthquake so I can

13:05

do an earthquake and tornado Yes, you can get pit

13:07

bulls to chase me good luck good luck. Oh Gone

13:11

forever. I'm not gonna. I might

13:13

have lost that one. Yeah, I'm gonna would you rather be

13:15

you set me up for failure You set yourself up you

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to the rest of the episode. You

14:36

should know podcast. If

14:40

you can control like the elements and like water in

14:42

the ocean, does that mean you can control the internet?

14:45

That's not an element of the earth. That's not where the force

14:47

is. No, because the wifi is in the water. That's what I

14:49

always heard. What are you saying right now? That's what I was

14:51

told once a time ago. Once

14:54

a time ago, that's what you heard? Deadass. That's

14:56

what I was reading comments when everybody was making fun of me

14:58

and they said that there's wires under the

15:00

ocean where the internet's at BP oil spill. Obama's

15:05

that happened under him. Yes. And it

15:07

messed up the wifi a little bit. Our internet

15:10

is underwater. I'm actually pretty confident in saying

15:13

that, that I've heard that there's wires. So

15:16

you're pretty good at anything that you

15:18

heard that that's fine. No one gets

15:20

demerits for hearing something. The validity is

15:22

where you're going to get struck. No,

15:25

I'm saying, well, I can't. I can't really rebuttal

15:27

on that, but I was told, can you look

15:29

that up? CJ? Do you believe

15:31

that? The data? Can you look that up? I do

15:33

believe it because where else would the internet go? Above

15:36

water. Actually anywhere else above

15:38

water. Hey, go home, throw water on your

15:40

PC. Is it going to work? That's

15:43

not how that's what I mean. It's not the actual key.

15:45

Can't you can't Google Chrome under the ocean, but I'm saying

15:47

the power of the internet is under the ocean is what

15:50

I've heard. The internet is in

15:52

the ocean made of over 420,000 water canes. That's

15:56

the most countries around the world. Thank

15:58

you. I told you. Since

16:00

when do we have water Wi-Fi? When do we have-

16:03

when can we open up QuickBooks and get our accounting

16:05

right in the middle of the sea? So when

16:08

the hell did that become a thing? I'm telling

16:10

you, I know some shit. I thought every country

16:12

just had their own shit. Like Russia

16:14

had Russian Wi-Fi and internet and electricity.

16:16

So why isn't all the wars about

16:19

water? It seems like the water is pretty powerful.

16:21

Land is where you make money. Water

16:23

is where the Wi-Fi is. The world's controlled

16:25

by Wi-Fi. But we still have our own power

16:27

grids and stuff. You can

16:29

control the Wi-Fi. What if we cut off power? I

16:31

genuinely don't understand that much. War frightens me, honestly. Could

16:34

you imagine, like, if we were teenagers in

16:37

the other countries when we

16:39

invaded? Like World War II? That's

16:42

terrifying. I don't know what that was about.

16:45

I'm not sure. I'm not sure about the

16:47

World Wars. It's always confused me. The assassination

16:49

of French Arcadu, or whatever his name was.

16:51

Whatever the hell. I said

16:53

this, I think, on Patreon, but Abraham Lincoln would have been fired

16:55

in, like, the 2000s. You know what I mean? Abraham

16:58

Lincoln would have been in a G-Unit music. Yeah,

17:01

Abraham Lincoln would have made it, like, he would have

17:03

been on some Comedy Central Rose battles. He

17:06

definitely would have, like, a nice hat,

17:08

jackass. And he's, like,

17:10

four schools ago. Your mother was slurping.

17:15

I'm saying, like, in the comedy Rose. Oh. I

17:18

thought you just meant... No,

17:20

but he's gonna be roasting the... if someone made fun of his

17:22

hat. Abraham Lincoln would have

17:24

been... He

17:27

would have been appreciated by the culture. He would have

17:29

been on some T-shirts. He

17:32

would have had a great after party. Oh

17:34

my God. It would have

17:36

been like, try the moonshine, Charles. He

17:38

would have been in a nice suit. And

17:41

he's, like, on this patio, and he's like, beautiful today.

17:45

That's how... Abraham could be this shit. You know when someone was about

17:47

12 years old, I thought Martin Luther King was the president. That's

17:54

a genuine fact. You wanna

17:56

know what to say? But I think so many people thought that. I

17:59

think... so... Was it a little girl?

18:01

Be like it's Martin Luther King Day.

18:03

Would he do the other? Save the

18:05

some. I. Was

18:09

in a sin. Bro

18:11

Martin of I think a lot of people thought.

18:13

Okay, Jr was the the congress

18:15

and respect here. Now he'll leave.

18:17

The reason you're had very melted.

18:22

Added wouldn't. Wanna

18:24

say no? But Martin was. It's a

18:26

definite goes out of my Mount Rushmore

18:29

of yeah for me marketing the brawn

18:31

Aber you to happen? Couple. Of

18:33

I'm I'm not a backpack your sorrows

18:35

and through incidence A isn't I have

18:37

a beautiful wife I think the him

18:39

I saw this on twitter but Mount

18:41

Rushmore is like the biggest writing of

18:43

all time. Would it be in place?

18:45

And so they literally a man with

18:47

a focus and carpet or. Think

18:51

that's crazy. that's the biggest deal is it

18:53

is as as versus in the world oh

18:55

my god like you have I am I

18:58

never thought of that you got every this

19:00

health.and said. Some. Of. Britain's

19:03

not was more made. His

19:05

i'm like as is that a pyramid things

19:07

will add aliens and says isn't are dispersed

19:10

throughout much of my rushmore mean I don't

19:12

think it and will say some type of.

19:14

they have ladders and little hooks telling a

19:16

wall to wall art in Dallas with as

19:19

I said ninety foot little not sexism and

19:21

stared at us for four months till I

19:23

die for the twitter that a set of

19:25

the screen printed some moves like to talk

19:28

about still though of avast about the slot

19:30

machines or man that was men when was

19:32

the make this. How. Many employees

19:34

of. Oh. We're free. there's some since.

19:38

I. Was confused about there's. Some.

19:41

Enough for a minute not grow agree, sit

19:43

or this here we had to for water

19:45

fountains. mount

19:48

rushmore is the biggest leaving the being of

19:50

those of all time we see that stuff

19:52

like a magic mike was a hundred those

19:54

government sanctioned or that has like a big

19:56

fan but what are we weren't we is

19:58

he was as a solo Guy that owned

20:00

the mountain he's like he's like I love these

20:02

four Bro

20:08

Okay, did you think sorry can I say

20:10

this one thing? Harnesses are

20:12

like one of my greatest guilty pleasures Because

20:15

it hurts, but it's also a little fun It

20:18

jiggles it around but keeps it a little you know

20:20

what I mean. That's all I have to say So

20:22

you love a good gravity rope at main event I'm

20:26

like anybody else want a rock climb. It's like you seven days

20:28

in a row like no you're saying all right That

20:32

was my favorite toy as a kid whenever I was learning on

20:34

a wall No, you know those little bouncy things they put you

20:36

in you've been strange. That's

20:38

why I jump Yeah, that's why all my underwear

20:41

so tight there am I right up I don't

20:43

have the same underwear something not the same pair,

20:45

but like same brand yeah, mine

20:47

are fine. Yeah yours always end up Real

20:50

close to home. Yeah, it turns into a thong You're

20:53

like hold on I'm a peel You're

20:56

like What would you do if

20:58

I if I was like fixing something in the studio? I

21:00

bit over had a thong on honestly would you do? If

21:05

you bit over and you had an actual song

21:07

yeah like a little like a little stringy John

21:09

yeah That'd

21:12

be tough. I'd have to document. I try to document without

21:15

you knowing and then I'd probably just Absolutely

21:17

fire your ass up, so you I

21:19

think concern would set in before anything

21:21

yes That's no doubt,

21:23

but it's sad that I wouldn't be

21:25

too surprised I wouldn't be too caught

21:28

off guard if you just had a beautiful red pair of panties

21:30

on okay, but what if it was during a live show Now

21:33

we're now we're on stage and that's what

21:35

you notice with grease I

21:37

am it's gonna be a six-minute monologue of

21:39

me and you just No

21:42

not you just me in the crowd flaming you so you

21:44

wouldn't I would demand you to pull your pants down and

21:46

take your Shirt off you wouldn't talk to me during intermission

21:48

and be like hey, bro. I saw that I'm gonna talk about

21:50

it You just straight up talk. What if it's a person wouldn't

21:52

look at you in intermission? I don't avoid you. I say I

21:55

hope he remembers this shit. I can't talk I go right back

21:57

out So be like red pen it'd be like a rose session

21:59

at that point That's fair. Is there a red thong? Yeah.

22:01

Sorry, go ahead, what were you saying? I mean,

22:03

no! I don't even know anymore! Uh... Oh,

22:06

do you think they've ever changed Mount Rushmore? No. Like,

22:08

that's stuck. Like, solidified,

22:11

never can... Holy shit! What? Is Mount

22:13

Rushmore actually real? Name three people you

22:15

know that have seen it, in person.

22:17

No one. Erosion is a

22:19

thing. Erosion is a thing. They probably do

22:22

some things to... Oh, they probably manufacture it.

22:24

They probably embalm it a little bit, put,

22:26

like, Fockelford on it. Mmm. Like, Vaseline. A

22:28

little bit of cocoa butter. Yeah. They're like...

22:31

They're like, Abe's looking a little ashy today. Let me put this... Is

22:35

he on it? I believe so. It's him and three whites.

22:37

Oh, Abraham, we're getting into one. They're all white, yeah. Hey,

22:39

you love Abe. Abe's... I'm telling you.

22:41

I'm telling you. ...Unk Abe. Yeah. What's the four

22:43

on it? It

22:46

is George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Peter O'Hare,

22:48

and Abraham Haines. Hey,

22:51

look at the four bad... I don't know much

22:53

about either of them. I think I don't... I couldn't tell you much

22:55

either. George had the... I couldn't tell you. George had the crazy grill.

22:57

Oh, yeah, he had like a... Wood. He

22:59

had like slave teeth in his mouth. Wood, yeah. Yeah,

23:01

and... Yeah, and actually... Yeah, it's a

23:04

sick... Nasty man. Yeah. Nasty

23:06

man. I don't even want to touch on that. I

23:08

don't... I don't... I don't even

23:10

want to go on that. I have a question for you. I have an

23:12

answer for you, baby daddy. I like that. You broke

23:14

it. I have a little too much. James, are you...

23:17

Why are you looking at it? I just saw what you were

23:19

looking at. James lifted a little bit. Don't look at my camel.

23:21

They became high waters out of... Don't look at my camel. You

23:23

jeans are perfect. Okay,

23:26

hello. What's an appropriate... like when can you

23:28

fart in a relationship? What's

23:30

an appropriate timetable on that? Okay,

23:33

ideally I can get it

23:35

out fourth day and be confident. Fourth?

23:38

What? What are you... what

23:41

are you butting? Why are you

23:43

butting? Fourth is already

23:45

insane. There was a time. No,

23:48

you... I

23:50

met a girl. First day... No,

23:52

you didn't. First date. And

23:55

I never go for front and hugs first date because I don't

23:57

want crotch to leg and I don't want titty to chest. It's

24:00

too intimate and it makes me uncomfortable. But

24:03

she was shorter than me, and I

24:05

guess she had like an iron bra on her something.

24:08

And it's that to me. And

24:11

I get nervous guts anyway, you know what I mean?

24:14

No, you know, you know. And it was one of those

24:16

ones where you might stick two fingers and check on yourself,

24:18

you know what I mean? And you gotta

24:20

go wash your hands after that one. You

24:23

sit down, it's a little muddy. No, no, no, no,

24:25

no. And the way that one... No,

24:28

no! This

24:31

was your first time hugging her ever. In the restaurant,

24:33

like I was waiting for her at the table, so

24:36

we were around where we were gonna dine for the

24:38

evening. I stood up and I said, oh my God.

24:42

You're thinking, no, this cannot be. She

24:44

put her Teflar bra in

24:47

my stomach and it

24:50

released a bow. Silence. 20

24:52

seconds. You know how long 20 seconds

24:54

of silence is when you first meet somebody? You front

24:56

hugged a young woman. Same age, we were

24:58

like 21. As she's connecting with you,

25:00

all she can hear on the back end... No,

25:03

it was one of those ones where if you

25:05

were to get a whoopee cushion and fill it

25:08

with water and stop on it... No,

25:12

you did not. Oh my God, how did

25:14

the date go? There's no

25:17

way she appreciated your company after

25:19

that. There's no... Did she say?

25:22

Oh yeah, she said. She drove 45 minutes. Oh

25:25

my God, she drove 45 minutes and she shit on

25:27

her right when you meet her. No,

25:30

no. She

25:32

did not deserve that. Oh no,

25:34

but neither did I. Now she's eating Caesar salad side

25:36

of pink eye. I didn't tell

25:38

her to penetrate my sternum. Okay,

25:41

what kind of bra is she wearing? I

25:43

don't know, but she could have been a Viking in 1812 and survived.

25:46

Vikings were way before that. Way

25:48

before that. Way before that. She could have been the

25:50

main character of Troy with that bra on. Okay.

25:55

Oh no, no, no. She would have won a mean joust

25:57

with that one. What

25:59

is she... You worked at medieval times

26:01

in uniform? You're acting like

26:03

a shat full blown pet, like a chain link armor

26:05

on it. It felt like it. Or she had some

26:07

sharp nipples. Alright, I'm so sorry. I have two questions.

26:11

Did you actually go to the bathroom afterwards? Oh,

26:14

yes, but I waited for the

26:16

water to come in about three to four

26:19

minutes of conversation because at some point I

26:21

was nervous about the escrowmen in

26:24

my draw. No

26:26

shit as you should. Because I have sweaty

26:28

ass syndrome. I get ass sweats

26:30

when I'm nervous. She

26:32

wants me, she'll have me. You know what I mean? I

26:35

get ass sweats. You share a bed with me, you're going

26:37

to wake up with maybe a fungus. Hello, good morning to

26:39

you. So

26:42

now that you told me that. What

26:45

the hell? What

26:47

was the ice breaker into the conversation? You stand

26:49

up, you go, hey how's it going? You

26:52

go, oh, you want to wait for the water? How

26:55

do you transition back to talking? There's not much you can say

26:57

to save yourself at that point. You get stiff as a board.

26:59

As soon as that happened to me. Dead ass, it was like

27:01

this. It's one of those,

27:03

it's like, you know, what

27:06

can you say? You

27:17

know what I mean? What can you do about that

27:19

one? Oh

27:21

my god. I can only imagine just

27:23

like rolls reversed. You

27:26

hug a girl and a girl's just like, I'd be like, what the f***? Like

27:29

get out of here. You can buy your own chili.

27:31

And she wasn't one of the cool girls that's like

27:33

laugh. And you know the

27:35

messed up part about me is if she would have

27:37

like tried to make me feel better and shit herself,

27:39

I'm like you messed. Oh

27:52

my god, you just tore your a** out. Oh my

27:54

god. oh

28:05

okay but

28:09

I have a question to piggyback it off of that you've

28:13

never really experienced

28:15

this bro but

28:17

you got you

28:19

got committed to a relationship you

28:21

know your first one which is great

28:24

you've got my first one first

28:29

time you got feelings not

28:31

first one first good girlfriend long

28:33

tenored one yes I was

28:35

like damn there's no basketball

28:37

team around this episode of

28:45

the you should all podcast is

28:47

brought to you by Kleenex ultra

28:49

soft tissues your ally to help

28:51

you tackle your allergy symptoms this

28:53

season yeah good boys oh I'm

28:57

not sure if you've noticed P but it's definitely

28:59

allergy season I usually love spring but

29:01

struggle with the allergies that come with

29:03

it luckily with Kleenex ultra soft tissues

29:06

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attack watery eyes and battle runny

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noses without worrying about irritating your beautiful skin I'm

29:19

obsessed with Kleenex I've gotten yelled at from everybody

29:22

that's working in the studio hey Peyton stop taking

29:24

all the Kleenex you can't just rub them on

29:26

your hands we actually want to use them for

29:28

our noses and I'm like I get it but

29:31

they're ultra soft what am I supposed to do

29:33

I love Kleenex and I've been dealing with some

29:35

allergy symptoms you know that I'm a sniffly guy

29:37

and and it helps a lot thank you to

29:39

Kleenex for sending Kleenex ultra soft tissues and I

29:42

love the fact that they're hypoallergenic it's like a

29:44

little it's like a little beautiful little blanket for

29:46

your nose for this allergy season grab Kleenex and

29:48

face allergies head on now on to the rest

29:51

of the episode you should

29:53

know podcast you

29:55

never experiences but I know a lot of guys and a lot of

29:58

girls go through this when they take their first vacation

30:00

right I experience that or

30:03

you know actually not because you had time with

30:07

your girl before you know there's friends not

30:09

first vacation but the first time you

30:12

stay at your significant other's

30:14

house okay what

30:16

what's the poop situation how do you go

30:18

about that because I have almost had to

30:20

go to the hospital after staring at

30:23

a girl's house or her staying in mine you

30:25

so you you clogged your intestines for the sake

30:27

of this meetup hey cam ooh

30:31

when I poop you

30:33

this no

30:42

you're you're shits are absolutely

30:45

they are they are energy sucking like

30:47

they take they literally bring your mood

30:49

to notches now yeah so if you're

30:51

rocking at nine feelings vibe if I

30:53

smell your poop I'm immediately at a

30:55

seven yes lightly above mediocre like I'm

30:57

barely making it through I damn near

30:59

want to leave at this point oh

31:01

but you know me I'm almost so

31:04

blunt when it comes up like that it's

31:06

almost like I'm ignorant it's like I it's

31:08

like I'm like a serial killer almost I

31:10

will literally poop I will tell

31:12

you I'm going to poop after I shake your hand

31:14

I'll be like hey that's what's up man I gotta

31:17

go poop I'll be right back though I'll make sure

31:19

to wash and I'll go and do I don't have

31:21

because okay but when you poop you sometimes have okay

31:23

poops to where it's not you know you can you

31:25

can you can hide yeah I don't have to turn

31:27

on a mixtape you're

31:30

sitting there no one can

31:32

hear you my coat my code name in the bathroom is

31:34

Oppenheimer like I make bombs so I've

31:36

had girls over and

31:39

they're like I'm gonna stay

31:45

for four days and I'm like oh I love to

31:48

four days I'd really like this girl on

31:50

that fifth day you're gonna just come back there's

31:53

been so I've literally curled up like on day four

31:55

and I'm like I need you to leave I haven't

31:57

said that but in my head I'm like

31:59

hey I got a meeting or so. Oh my

32:01

god, you're like forcing her out with like

32:03

anger. Yeah. She's like, this has been so funny, like

32:06

get this out, get out, get out! I can

32:08

name at least. As long as she leaves, you're

32:10

like. Oh,

32:12

that's a good one. Whenever you're kneading your stomach, you've

32:17

had to pizza dough your own stomach. You don't pizza dough

32:19

your stomach? You've never had one of those where it's hard

32:21

to get out? Poopdog, we're back. Where

32:23

you're like, right here, that's my move. Oh,

32:25

it feels good now. I could get one

32:27

out now. I could light this whole room

32:29

up. You use your elbows to

32:32

aid your poop. Well, my stomach

32:34

is lined with McRibs. So you know

32:36

what I mean? The digestive tract is

32:38

begging for help. I have honest to God,

32:40

I have never even thought of that. Let

32:42

alone, I haven't even, that's never even been

32:45

an imagination, a comprehension. I can't even see

32:47

that. So you've never, you never spotted yourself?

32:49

You go like this. Yeah.

32:52

You're cooking the loose. No, it's down, it's down.

32:54

You're rubbing it down. You've never spotted yourself on

32:56

the toilet? The most I do is get on

32:58

my tippy toes and blow really hard out. I

33:01

literally go, it

33:03

just kind of falls out of me. No, I've, you

33:06

got it. You've spotted yourself. You've bald

33:08

eagle. You've bald eagle. Oh yeah, you're

33:10

just like one of those right there.

33:14

What? A whole Thanksgiving turkey could go up

33:16

that, how open I am. I'm

33:20

so sorry, dude. Your, your

33:23

insides are probably screaming.

33:25

Oh my God. Oh

33:28

my God. I think the funniest movie that

33:30

could ever possibly be made, the

33:32

movie Inside Out, but it's your brand. Oh

33:35

my God. What would it be? Oh my

33:37

God. There'd be so many things wrong with

33:39

this. You're

33:42

right there. You're right there. You're gonna be

33:44

a great honey, like this.

33:46

No. I

33:50

never thought of that. Oh

33:54

my God. Your alter ego, the little that finds all

33:56

these weird thoughts to be running around. Hey, this isn't

33:58

real life. Y'all were in the. Oh I

34:13

don't know the names maybe like it's like sorrow

34:15

and then like Creativity would be

34:17

a little weird shit with the clipboard running around It's

34:22

like logic logic would be a good one for

34:24

you, but it's like always getting picked on It's

34:27

like always getting hit from the creativity and hit from

34:29

the lomids It's like he's really like he's on the

34:31

command ship. He's trying to work Bullied

34:34

and shit your anger is like

34:36

your anger is like a passiving. It's like

34:38

it's like a little guy But when you finally

34:40

get angry gross like eight feet, he's like

34:44

Everybody oh my god

34:46

pain inside that would be a fantastic

34:48

film. Oh my god, but oh they

34:50

got on that elevator And if they went

34:52

down Yeah, I'm in the

34:54

stomach logic creativity knowledge. You're all working

34:57

anger. They're all going down, right? Go

35:24

immediately like They

35:27

start traversing through this disgusting

35:29

place, right? But

35:34

then out of one of the walls out of one of

35:36

the walls They're

35:53

walking like what the hell is this place? He's like, You

35:56

don't want to know. Graham

36:01

that might have visitors. Silva's

36:04

there. so bad there's is the

36:06

boys and. Oh

36:08

harry. Potter

36:15

as it's supporters of directed. At

36:21

the little guys are it is a

36:23

corner they're they're all measures like hospital

36:25

still time for they'll have names as

36:27

it's like b twelve five min for

36:29

him or on top. Of.

36:40

His former Jersey unusual Hire an animal.

36:42

Noises. Oh my God. Of by those

36:44

who would resist a formal, you know

36:46

it's what it is. Over roasting me.

36:49

Oh. My wife move said.

36:53

Was. Move face the middle Care brief

36:55

noble them sources of for the

36:57

brazil will be sued him for

36:59

his wrists with. For

37:02

behind. The Thrive On.

37:05

The bridge street that the people that have for.

37:15

Up by the Base Love I

37:17

am absolutely well as would have

37:20

you ever walked by the mirror

37:22

and turn yourself on specific Adam

37:24

Voters decisions. Give pleasure yourself. Know

37:27

what other interests of us? yeah like

37:29

you are biased but ne did. Are

37:31

you close? oh you're but mean it

37:33

was of a seal. He misses him

37:35

and your life to the only things

37:37

I was like it's somebody else. Like

37:40

that's just. Turning.

37:43

Your cellphone never was a beard Related posts

37:46

is how pass on to like damn look

37:48

good and I want right out innings your

37:50

head gets a little I feel like you're

37:52

having a whole com persisted snow you. You

37:54

will look at yourself, you like. Through

37:58

through your nipples. Matt

38:02

I'm not trying to complete a mission. Here's. Hoping

38:06

the her. Know

38:08

this is what you want as yourself.

38:10

You're You're hanging a little lower than

38:12

usual. You for a summit opens. The

38:16

books is gone. the treated with them bigger. And

38:21

oh my God that is a time. Have

38:23

another shower and I love myself wet and

38:25

I'm very down sitting in my bathroom and

38:27

so I was. It was like. We.

38:30

Could have filmed some in there. You know

38:32

him in Egypt was struck already ordered. You.

38:34

Gotta listen. Not

38:37

so you. Go.

38:42

To like size up your like. For.

38:47

His own auto a good open to the

38:49

pits are like drapes oh my Amazon or

38:51

with like in your head visible light when

38:53

you look at it. Was.

38:55

Is Adam was leaving it's skull.

38:59

Travelled south. Spindle.

39:02

Clip: it's Indo. Drop us. Who

39:05

got oh that was swear this last

39:07

one. But when you see that. Little

39:10

Creepy doesn't have that. Position

39:13

is essential. Says they've been selfish

39:15

because of his. Like is my

39:18

third. It's not as good. As

39:21

gold that right between as soon

39:23

as oh oh. That

39:25

is his username so far has

39:27

been has a twitter users dry

39:29

streak but. Anything could have done

39:31

it. You know to me. Anything

39:34

anything like that Dope talks from soon

39:37

as a this A Sega most animals

39:39

were told you a lot of things

39:41

that have you been watching too much

39:44

and will spill some other beverages upon.

39:47

Go work for swimming! Oh.

39:50

Oh. It was.

39:52

I guess it was like a lack of most.

40:01

He never said vagabond with the Ac

40:03

they sell. While most. I

40:06

can assume for a Lunar surface

40:08

sons on the map. Okay, Oh

40:11

of the earth. ah a lot of

40:13

the those green about it's. Reddit.

40:19

Is a lot of as

40:21

route route that was you?

40:23

oh okay anything. since. I'm

40:30

in heaven. Sword Tongue Resume Elmo. Distance from.

40:39

The process. Of

40:41

the sexes are tons or habit

40:43

heavens a thing or slips. Or

40:47

one. Would resume on

40:50

Marvel's Sword Totally. Oh

40:53

my Goodness. Of.

40:58

Don't. Have some of this the first. Full

41:04

Must put up business. What's

41:07

that There was like whatever goes

41:09

there was like a ruler of

41:12

smith. Is that one twelve inch

41:14

like six? Or did they get

41:16

pleaded with think agreements? On

41:19

that are never to do Learn and roads with.

41:22

Never learn a book with a who's. Stuff

41:27

is gross. Me out of this study want

41:29

to play to it says it's a home

41:31

or got a morbid deborah and wiper. I

41:33

snot rocket when I need religion or two

41:36

episodes go. Far.

41:40

as what is what i let me see

41:42

blow your nose to possess i feel i

41:44

don't believe it as he pleases or

41:46

even hosts as he said the parade decided

41:48

to do that all it's a lot of

41:51

mouth when i do in a speech should

41:53

be none weeds all that noise only we'll

41:55

blow your nose or nose holy see ya

41:58

ago trump is an amazing Oh,

42:02

oh, oh no,

42:04

oh no, your shorts are

42:06

so crooked. They're so crooked.

42:11

They were so crooked. Your

42:15

back pocket was like in the middle of

42:17

your ass. I'm

42:22

talking about my underwear, it's your whole setup.

42:25

I can do everything right now. What does that

42:27

mean? Oh,

42:32

we got to do it all. We got

42:34

to bring it back. You are crazy.

42:37

We got to bring it back. We got

42:39

to bring it back. You are scaring me.

42:42

I can do it all. Who are

42:44

you? Are you Thanos? Oh,

42:50

oh, I honestly, honestly, I'm just

42:54

so wet. You're

42:58

so wet. Shut up. Alright, go. Yeah.

43:10

I need a hug. You

43:18

were like a sick cat. Your

43:22

spine. I'm

43:26

going to drop my drink. Oh

43:28

my God, I thought that was snot.

43:30

I thought that was

43:32

snot. Oh, are

43:35

you shitting? Bro,

43:42

can I blow my nose now? Don't look

43:44

at me. Alright, we'll try to blow my nose. Here we go. What's

43:51

the last thing? Who

43:54

went in my mouth? You just don't... I

43:59

can't. on the bridge of

44:01

your nose go like this there's literally tears all

44:03

over the top I

44:06

can't do it I can't do it okay oh my

44:08

god okay keep going

44:10

we gotta go so good oh

44:15

we gotta keep going all right oh my god

44:17

okay okay so what I was saying by animals

44:19

right yeah

44:21

right I

44:24

think I think

44:26

cows are the guardian angel of the world you

44:31

know what I mean like I can't I

44:33

can't think of any there I can't think

44:35

of another living species that gives us so

44:37

much other than a cow think

44:40

about it like think about

44:42

it beef steak

44:46

wagyu milk cheese

44:49

ice cream all that's from the

44:51

nipple and the body of

44:53

a cow you know what

44:55

I mean and okay now if

44:57

you think about it right I

44:59

bring this up a lot how I think

45:01

that everything we eat is not real there

45:04

might be some real chickens there might be some real things

45:06

like we eat right there's not enough you like I

45:08

said there's not enough chicken to make all these chicken wings

45:10

yeah there's and

45:12

tenders and exactly there's Jeff definitely not

45:14

enough cows to make all the steak

45:17

and cheese and yogurt and ice cream

45:19

that we have I don't

45:21

know okay so like but a chicken has

45:23

to like cows can make multiple things of

45:26

milk which can make ice cream and yogurt

45:28

and cheese and stuff like that I

45:30

can go walk the beef is like yeah

45:33

kill it to get the beef exactly the

45:35

cheese and milk and stuff that could be a

45:37

multiple-time thing are they just cheese cows or they're

45:39

just yogurt cows or they're just ice cream now

45:41

I don't know there's cheddar cattle out there like

45:44

just specific matter of fact

45:46

how to make the difference like is there

45:48

Colby Jack house there's a little mix cows

45:50

running out and just pop it up spicy

45:52

shit no milk that's

45:54

post-op there go that's

45:57

post-op okay you bring this up a line you're

45:59

the first person ever bring this up to me but the first

46:02

weirdo put your finger to ever go

46:04

through a cow and stroke them yeah

46:07

I find glory bro there we

46:10

said bro sorry you're going what I'll

46:12

say is it just women cows you can do that too or

46:14

men cows got them titties too I think

46:16

men have nipples too utters they

46:19

don't don't think about how long a cow's nipple

46:21

is I haven't ever touched like a bullet like

46:23

a 50 cow bullet I flick a cow net

46:27

oh no no no I flick a

46:29

cow net if you gave me opportunity

46:31

are they hairy no that throws

46:33

me off like a little leather like a

46:35

little leather pin like a like a bullet

46:38

but made of leather yeah I'd say something

46:40

straight really good guy canceled all

46:42

right I don't think we talk about this enough like

46:44

I get

46:46

your I'm sorry for sure

46:48

right now are just ninja

46:54

boot on your like a

46:58

about to go do crime at night

47:01

all right careful stop I get

47:03

like saying that yeah how's

47:06

the Guardian Angel of all

47:08

animals okay bless the cow

47:11

blessed be thy cow but

47:14

all right what like how do

47:16

people make milk who was the

47:18

first guy to make milk you got to be a little

47:20

psycho and they started putting mason

47:22

jars in the heat Ellen and then he was like

47:24

if we if I drink this I'll have strong bones

47:27

and teeth and they said go tell Randall to go

47:29

get his wheat but he grinded

47:31

down and make cheer it's a legendary

47:34

little psycho a little creepy invention and I

47:36

but I think that's most people that made

47:38

all like like what's the best what's the

47:40

best invention you can possibly think of like

47:43

I'm saying air conditioning

47:46

touchscreen on a phone like think of

47:48

think about that I'm different than a

47:50

lot of people you you went to

47:52

like technology right clearly like touchscreen cool

47:54

full self-drive cool how about the that

47:56

made a doorknob you know what I

47:58

mean like Person we

48:00

need to celebrate and have a Macy's

48:03

Day parade for you know what I

48:05

mean? Door

48:08

knob like that guy sat down. It was like

48:10

he said I'm tired of moving the whole door

48:12

he said Got

48:14

him. You know what I mean? Oh my god. I

48:16

like to make like carpet. You know what I mean

48:18

like Like what were they

48:20

walking in on before gravel and

48:23

wood Everybody's walking around blisters

48:25

that would suck and this guy

48:27

was like let's make some fur

48:29

and put it on the floor

48:32

Yo, that's the people we need

48:34

to celebrate you are you're

48:37

terrifying your thought process is insanity

48:41

Okay, what's another like like uh

48:43

like the person like oh? I

48:46

don't I gotta think of like the person to make a seat

48:49

the first person make a chair dog like everybody's

48:51

legs are tired And he was like don't worry

48:58

He's like yeah, my name is chair. This

49:01

is what I do now, bro. Oh

49:03

my god like what like uh okay? I'm

49:06

kind of thinking something funny like uh like

49:08

a tie who's the first guy that's

49:11

Took extra shit like it's

49:13

like now. I'm better than you like now. I can do a

49:15

job and go do taxes What

49:18

is it like who thought like who was like I

49:20

got it's probably somebody that had extra fabric And they

49:22

make clothes, and they're just like just like a

49:24

fashionista, but way back when they said And

49:28

just made that it's like the person Like

49:31

light bulb that's cool. We get it. That's

49:34

very cool to make a balloon Like

49:36

somebody was really the life of the party you

49:38

know what I mean They

49:41

were so just cracked out when

49:43

they're like No, we'll be

49:45

nice floating balls

49:49

Little floating balls that can make

49:51

feel good you can pop them

49:53

like what a creep like that

49:55

that's impressive Technology right there. That's

49:57

impressive inventions Okay, and now it's hot with

49:59

the hot. But I'm here for her to.

50:01

Small inventions deserve their credit. Honestly, probably more

50:04

the big of yeah. But to think about

50:06

the people that made the plane like the

50:08

Wright Brothers and nearby kiss their. Asses,

50:13

Utilities or The Wright Brothers Black of

50:15

course you don't see so much say

50:18

relatives actually met for. Adults

50:21

saved at threat of the yeah, Didn't think

50:23

they're what are the black? I'm pretty sure.

50:26

A bruiser community to been to. The

50:28

way we're why does help with who may? Who

50:31

was the to black brother that made something. That's

50:39

the so the like pilots know a

50:41

bruiser blood not made those comments as

50:43

them that vase as if a movie's

50:45

yeah yeah yeah we did was know

50:47

the one were no that's the pilot

50:49

raiders of the of what we did

50:52

so got drunk on the plane. And

50:55

killed what's people. Hardly ever see my

50:57

movies Nord Pas good movie visiting. Great

50:59

debaters. Journey. Smaller believe her

51:01

name is Justice Mullet the wanna go be

51:03

with the Subway sandwich. Idol

51:06

as it was a woman who was a

51:08

woman. Your screen of a man or woman.

51:11

Think that's in regards. Think as in Amelia

51:13

Earhart. I

51:15

say it. I don't notice a. Bottle.

51:19

Produces that if you're questioning that

51:21

much the city this video.what is

51:24

the is say at this point.

51:27

Fit. What's. What's.

51:30

The deal like Y C

51:32

and text books specifically plug

51:35

the whole ocean. Oh,

51:37

I see just how long to

51:39

talk about it. Is

51:41

like oh no that's offensive is is because I'm

51:43

a dumb ass in our ignorance and I think

51:46

think she crossed like the one of the bodies

51:48

of water and women should be celebrated more because

51:50

they had more backs against or was made to

51:52

go through more. Who hurt out of i'm. scared

51:57

to go through her hoof and hurt

51:59

others They did they did women have to go

52:01

through more hoops and hurdles so their accomplishments should be celebrated

52:03

because they had to go Through a lot more than men

52:05

did right I? Didn't

52:08

know she did some other than get lost. That's

52:10

why I was confused what body did she fly

52:12

We made a triangle right she got lost in

52:14

that little wizard. No The

52:17

Atlantic wait. She wasn't the beauty triangle girl

52:21

Her second person first woman so Amelia

52:23

Earhart I'm not trying to

52:25

don't clip that you mother don't you goddamn do it

52:28

her Helen Keller And Frank all of

52:30

them it was hard for

52:32

me girl. No, I was like which one did

52:34

what it's like the twisty candy They all just

52:37

keep twist and that's and that's the school system

52:39

swap because they didn't appreciate women enough in the

52:41

school system Spit your spit your bag peace and

52:43

so what were you talking about with the black

52:45

pilots? I was saying you know who else went

52:47

through hoops and stuff like that like Do

52:50

you know who else? Wait,

52:52

what do we what do you say? You know who else

52:54

went through hoops and trials and tribulations who the

52:56

Tuskegee Airmen? I'm just kidding. I wanted to

52:58

say okay. Yeah, but you're the right dimension

53:00

of the plane in the plane Think about

53:02

the psych like like bro. I'm

53:05

starting to really get there at your

53:07

theory Yeah, they had to be under

53:09

an influence heroin. No, right. No sober

53:11

person is gonna go I just

53:14

want to be up there like just like how

53:16

can I stay? Exactly

53:18

wood in like hell no, and

53:20

they were like where'd they

53:23

where'd they get the gas from?

53:25

How do you have the access to that much gas?

53:28

How did you even start how'd you pump

53:30

those air tires up? Who's the first who was

53:32

the first person to even find out oil was

53:34

like this source? Well that I flammable

53:36

and then use it for everything like all the

53:38

way back to like torches stuff I feel they

53:40

know to start dipping in oil I feel like

53:42

a lot of that was by mistake somebody got

53:44

somebody got somebody caught on fire And they're like

53:46

every invention either caused by an accident or an

53:48

accident Makes you realize there's a

53:51

problem and you can salute like yeah problem a lot

53:53

of inventions are problem solving Yeah, and that's fantastic But

53:56

like the day once and that's why the

53:58

big images aren't like a broke computer

54:00

a Computer is literally

54:02

a tool that is made

54:04

from less than tools all the

54:06

way back to the rock Well, that's

54:08

why entrepreneurs should they say don't reinvent the

54:10

wheel make the wheel better You

54:14

know have to make something new you just have to make

54:16

it better and that is

54:19

science so back to goat Yeah,

54:27

how do we lose our hearing when we stretch good You

54:30

get a good stretch am I the only one

54:32

talking to call a local doctor you do it,

54:35

too Oh, I've never stretched

54:37

in lost Hearing can never

54:39

hit one of the ones returning to the dog

54:41

for like four seconds your legs my eyes rolling

54:44

Yeah, but I'll literally you could be having

54:47

a conversation with me like hey cam It's

54:51

gone no I can hear the doorbell ring

54:53

hell no my shit Like

54:56

I haven't ever That's a

54:58

real thing you go through I think

55:00

you're gonna be surprised in the comments I'm happy

55:02

stretch, so I think it's something like you're putting

55:05

You're almost stretching everything you can and subconsciously

55:07

you're like your ear ducts like they're

55:10

like clothes My movie, but I'll

55:12

have like ear ringing about 30 to

55:14

45 seconds after my yawn or a

55:16

big stretch my ears will ring Yeah,

55:18

I think that's more concerning It's

55:21

like I stretched and I lost for a second you

55:23

stretched a little too hard now, so oh Okay,

55:35

you ever went to the pool last week yes, I

55:38

I My

55:40

shit is like a snow globe in my skull

55:42

right now. What does that I'm going like this

55:44

I can hear water and now like my ear

55:46

lobes are a little sore From

55:48

that like I I'm genuinely concerned. I go

55:50

to bed dizzy I Wake

55:53

up wet you drama mean what's

55:55

that like motion thickness? I

55:57

think I just need to get some out some ear drops you

55:59

might have I mean there's that's called swimmers here No,

56:04

but I'm saying you went underwater It's

56:06

like a drowner you can like it gets like caught

56:08

back there some you need to get roughed up a

56:10

little bit Not like a not like a fight. I've

56:13

been in more fights in Europe I said not like

56:15

a fight I'm saying like someone needs like I

56:18

think the overall a way to overcome that

56:20

water fear Mm-hmm only in a pool.

56:22

I would never suggest I'm not suggesting this I'm saying say we

56:24

went back to the same pool to out four feet deep. Someone

56:27

needs just Just knock in that's

56:29

why what do you gain? You

56:32

think I can help my fear me or make

56:34

me not want to go in the pool with

56:36

you radical You never want to come back now

56:38

I say that and it's not it's not a

56:40

fear of the water anymore really I mean the

56:42

ocean yes Yeah, I have a fear that because

56:44

what what is that what's going on in here?

56:46

I cannot see this is not my home. I

56:48

don't like it. I was not made with flippers

56:51

So it's more of like I don't get a pool.

56:53

I don't understand it. It's not fun to me. Did

56:55

it feel good? No, that shit

56:58

was an ice bath cam when I told you It was

57:00

an ice bath cause we were in the hot tub first

57:02

you jack-wagon It made me just have a wet cashew at

57:04

that point Like

57:06

if somebody were to examine me yeah, that little sun-dried

57:08

tomato You'd have to cut me open to tell me

57:10

what I am you know what I mean? There's

57:13

no way you could tell I like I like I What?

57:17

But then you get back in the hot tub that's a

57:19

cashew is growing to a little bamboo tree Can

57:22

I make an announcement about that hot tub let's

57:24

hear it Did you shit your

57:26

pants while we were in the hot

57:28

tub you sick vile

57:32

Insidious person because it was we went to the hot tub

57:34

first right and I was at a different part of the

57:36

hot tub And it was just regular hot tub, but then

57:38

we went to the pool came back into the hot tub

57:40

that second time in the hot tub I was in a

57:42

different position. I was about six o'clock on

57:44

that hot tub And I

57:46

didn't know there was a jet right there So

57:48

my ass was getting blasted in that hot tub and

57:50

it opened me up it made me loose Oh wait no

57:56

Your ass verbatim my

57:58

ass was getting Blast is so it

58:00

opened me up and made me lose is what came out

58:02

of your mouth on the internet forever Oh my

58:05

talking about I thought about a hot

58:07

tub. That's fine. That's oh, they know how to clip Start

58:10

at one spot stop it another you ever did that

58:12

as a kid Now I'm

58:15

saying it We're the

58:17

past blast brothers. Oh my god blast

58:21

brother You can have

58:23

a cartoon with the ass blast

58:25

brothers you ever did that you put you

58:27

you face forward during at a jet on

58:29

a jet stop We're

58:34

all curious at one point all this we all try to

58:36

figure out we're like put those to

58:39

hell Just

58:44

keep it just muted Okay,

59:04

we're

59:06

back I said something that we can't say okay, I Thought

59:10

of this damn this thing that is episode

59:12

to animals for whatever reason Yeah, I

59:15

think you would have the strangest mating

59:17

ritual if you were an animal like

59:19

above all animals Your shit like if

59:22

I if I got transferred into a

59:24

bird or something I would do I'd

59:26

be very industry average. I do the

59:30

You bare minimum of whatever's supposed to happen

59:34

Whatever gets her right whatever gets her

59:36

in the mood out I would

59:38

give it to her right, but you you as a bird

59:40

He'd like you'd be pecking shit.

59:43

You'd have one leg up. He's like You'd

59:46

be like a creep. I'd be too self-conscious a

59:48

bit to mate as a bird Oh my god,

59:50

say say you put ever you're supposed to put

59:53

your wings up right yeah Show her good and

59:55

you're doing this you're showing your colors. I'd be

59:57

like I'll

1:00:00

just I'd be too self-conscious. I like have looking and

1:00:02

be like You're

1:00:08

sitting there you can crush is on the same branches you're

1:00:10

just poking the tree She's

1:00:16

like Start

1:00:20

going faster What if you

1:00:22

were like a lemur what I did not mean I

1:00:24

did not mean that are lemurs a part of the

1:00:26

monkey kingdom. I didn't mean

1:00:28

are they lemurs like little desert rats I

1:00:30

don't lemurs are way closer to monkeys.

1:00:33

I think a lemurs a monkey so you just made me Anything

1:00:36

elephants mate So

1:00:39

with that it probably windmill that whoever

1:00:41

has the longest helicopter Okay,

1:00:45

what if you were a Like

1:00:47

a lizard how do lizards me? I'm

1:00:49

not sure but let's see your interpretation if you were

1:00:51

a lizard Everything you know about

1:00:54

lizards not much See how

1:00:56

much how how much slime

1:00:58

I could trail across this slime no

1:01:00

so you're essentially ultra our way I

1:01:02

can get No

1:01:07

leaving it on the ground for her to see Whoa

1:01:10

freak no Part

1:01:13

of my goo like just my body goo.

1:01:15

So now we know in your mind every

1:01:17

lizard is just slimy That's

1:01:19

not lizards were slimy echoes dry Oh dragons dry.

1:01:22

Oh, you know what I would Who

1:01:25

are the ones that hide the camouflage? What

1:01:28

alien okay? I would be the best Chameleon cuz

1:01:31

my society I'd be like If

1:01:45

you were mating as a chameleon you would wait till

1:01:47

she goes back to her house She

1:01:50

gets in her little chameleon bed and then her lamp all

1:01:52

of a sudden goes couldn't

1:02:00

do it around the others. She

1:02:06

walks into her chameleon house, she steps on her rug

1:02:08

like, OW! She

1:02:11

goes, what the f- Hey! I

1:02:13

wanted to ask you out. Like, sorry I

1:02:15

couldn't talk to you. Oh my god. Holy

1:02:17

shit. Chameleon was perfect. Holy shit, I'd be

1:02:19

a great chameleon. Oh, chameleon was perfect. Oh

1:02:21

my god bro, my balls are wet. Oh,

1:02:24

my back is dripping. Oh my god. So

1:02:26

you've never turned yourself on? No.

1:02:29

In the- No, not like that. I've

1:02:32

never got out of the shower- First off, I

1:02:34

often leave the shower disappointed. Like, I don't- No

1:02:36

matter how hot I turn the water, I don't

1:02:38

know what it is, man. I just- I know

1:02:40

what I'm there for. Again, I'm very- I'm very

1:02:42

just to the point I'm here to get clean.

1:02:45

I'm not here to play around. I'm

1:02:47

not here for field day. I'm here to get

1:02:49

clean and get out. How long do you shower? My

1:02:51

showers are- My showers are very efficient. How long are

1:02:53

they? I'd say

1:02:55

no longer than like 5

1:02:57

to 6 minutes. No- No way you're clean.

1:03:00

I swear to god I am. What do

1:03:02

you wash? Everything. In 5 minutes? Bro,

1:03:04

people, if you like to enjoy the hot

1:03:06

water, that's fine. I'm never gonna- There's sometimes

1:03:08

I take 20 minute showers. If

1:03:10

I got the whole music going- Put on average. And I'm really just chilling.

1:03:13

If my objective is I left the gym, I

1:03:15

have an hour so I gotta be to- Don't give me

1:03:17

a scenario. I'm saying

1:03:19

on average. On average. Regular

1:03:21

day. Regular day. If I'm just trying to get

1:03:24

clean. That's what I'm saying. I have like a-

1:03:26

I'm either taking an enjoyment shower, or

1:03:28

I'm gonna do everything. Shampoo, condition, beard wash, maybe

1:03:30

shave a little bit, sit in the hot water,

1:03:32

feels fantastic. A regular shower. I'm in

1:03:34

there for 6 minutes max. See, I have DNA

1:03:37

issues. You have nasty issues. I'm

1:03:39

just automatically nasty. I spend

1:03:41

at least 35 to 40 minutes

1:03:43

every shower because- I'd love to see your water

1:03:45

bills. You absolutely- Oh, oh. You don't

1:03:47

care about the ecosystem. Oh, is that an ecosystem thing?

1:03:50

Bro, what are you doing-

1:03:52

I can tell you- Again, if you

1:03:54

tell me it's relaxation, it's excused, that's

1:03:56

fine. First I poop. There's no

1:03:58

way- So you poop in the shower. right by the

1:04:00

shower. We're looking for water on. Yes, I turn on

1:04:02

the water, I get it hot, and I close all

1:04:05

the doors and I don't have the vent going because

1:04:07

I want to be in a sauna. Yeah, that's fun.

1:04:09

Like a steam room. That's fun. Right? I'm

1:04:13

on TikTok, right? I'm reading comments. I'm looking

1:04:15

at port tickets available right now. There you

1:04:18

go. I'm looking. 10 minutes. Yeah,

1:04:21

10 minutes. And then I go into my, I'm butt naked, right? And then I

1:04:23

go to my sink and

1:04:26

I go over my sink like that. I'm bent over mirrors in front

1:04:28

of me and I have the phone like this and I'm connecting

1:04:30

it to my home pod that you bought me. And

1:04:32

I'm putting a podcast on. I'm putting a podcast

1:04:35

on. So I got to get to the podcast.

1:04:37

How long does that take? I'm not done.

1:04:39

And so I'm still going. And then I go to

1:04:41

my Instagram, I go to my Twitter, I

1:04:43

go to Snapchat, I go to my text.

1:04:46

That time, shower is scorching, right? I can

1:04:48

get a tan in there. And

1:04:50

I get in that shower. Then I spend

1:04:52

about five minutes rotating around, getting all

1:04:54

of me wet, getting real loud, and

1:04:56

nasty. And

1:05:00

then that's when I get, and then I get my

1:05:02

first like fingertip or like dripping wet

1:05:04

and I'm getting a little pruney. That's

1:05:07

when I start painting. I make art on

1:05:09

the way. You think I'm, I swear to God, this is

1:05:11

what I do. Every shower I'm painting. I don't have my

1:05:13

hair wet yet because that makes my eyes hurt. So I

1:05:15

make, I'm painting. I'm

1:05:17

making sculptures. I'm doing things. I'm drawing

1:05:20

you. Stop that. Stop that.

1:05:22

And then that's whenever I'm like, okay, now it's time

1:05:24

to get the soap. So I'll get the soap on

1:05:26

my hand, of course. I'm

1:05:28

getting my webbing. I'm getting everything, getting my

1:05:30

crack thin. I

1:05:32

take all the soap off and then it's

1:05:35

another five to 10 minutes. I'm getting sexy. Get

1:05:37

back to that camera. I'm getting nasty. I finished

1:05:39

my art from earlier. Getting nasty to the podcast.

1:05:41

Dude, this is a weird thing. I'm getting too

1:05:43

nasty on the podcast. No, I said you're getting

1:05:46

nasty to a podcast. Oh yeah. They're

1:05:48

not even sex music in the back. Shout out to Rory and

1:05:50

Mal. Yeah, here's just a, you ever seen a... You're

1:05:54

over here. And this is the thing

1:05:56

I do in the shower. Do you have a thing you always do when you

1:05:58

walk in the shower? The first thing I

1:06:00

do. I. Let the water hit much

1:06:02

as I open my mouth and I spit on

1:06:05

my door as I can see my such a

1:06:07

mere that a lot yeah Zola suck Now I

1:06:09

know I walk straight in and let it immediately

1:06:11

said my chest and then I walked straight to

1:06:13

my face and in here and know what I'm

1:06:15

doing. Music like I've music playing in the shower.

1:06:17

I'll have a like a good song going to

1:06:19

say the mirrors this terrorists and I spit right

1:06:21

there's a good seats are you see myself? I

1:06:23

wear my here so it's nice and dangly. I

1:06:26

the hearings are are glistening in the lima beards.

1:06:28

Worth how hit one of these and I'll have

1:06:30

you revoke their rap like that. It's like

1:06:32

a light. Yeah, yeah, little light. had

1:06:34

to lie issues, but beyond that and

1:06:36

that's when I get turned on. The

1:06:41

Good Doctor feed her no longer. No

1:06:43

oh no, we're bred his the Ogre.

1:06:45

So not only is your forty minutes

1:06:48

our ten minutes of art isn't twelve

1:06:50

minutes of shit and four minutes apart

1:06:52

test. So we're simply take out the

1:06:54

little ten times depicts out as as

1:06:57

individuals as your Nelson that about fourteen

1:06:59

minutes South Korea which is reasonable. Why?

1:07:02

Do you have the what you understand what?

1:07:04

you're hot about thirty seconds? Yeah we're it's

1:07:07

you have better water system. Will.

1:07:09

Put new but you sound pretty full

1:07:11

of his buddies torture and to. One

1:07:15

of the water. Why? You'd want on to

1:07:17

them on I said if it's a moot anything with

1:07:20

my brain have to set the mood for to eat

1:07:22

it's allies it's sees I know very little me idea

1:07:24

we went to be done of I didn't eat of

1:07:26

her an hour to the mood was a right not

1:07:28

was always below and sisters we are it's some of

1:07:31

the mood in detail food clean your damn but I

1:07:33

didn't I mean is just soaking wet that takes and

1:07:35

thirty seconds. I. Said the conditional put

1:07:37

it might bomb. To. Missile hit

1:07:39

Linda Silk. Face. Loss. Like.

1:07:42

that soaked them i did the body on

1:07:45

my scrubs i had bare hands nine year

1:07:47

old can actually lead a lather my whole

1:07:49

body by that some three the have been

1:07:51

since i started wasserman it's not a fair

1:07:54

comparison because your mind is so visit this

1:07:56

is my my is what did you have

1:07:58

to go do so You know I got

1:08:00

you bit your lip after spitting at

1:08:03

yourself making Picasso Bob Ross art

1:08:05

of me Make it

1:08:07

in the shower wrapping to drape Yeah,

1:08:11

it's the thing I do it's my pleasure time and

1:08:14

CJ knows about my my My

1:08:16

I have to set the mood like sometimes I can go

1:08:18

eat next to CJ sitting on the on the couch like

1:08:20

watching something And sometimes I have to go to my room

1:08:22

because that's what the mood is I have to

1:08:24

go to my room and sit on my bed It's just a mood thing and

1:08:26

I can't control it Power to you,

1:08:28

but speaking of moods. It's uh let's hope some some

1:08:30

some relationships What

1:08:45

do we got secretary camp all right don't the be we've

1:08:47

got one, okay? Are you ready?

1:08:49

Yes, okay, dear dr. Pete hello.

1:08:51

I went to the Austin live show. Thank you so much

1:08:54

for coming. Hey Buy

1:08:56

your tickets still get involved for the rest of tour with my

1:08:58

ex oh And

1:09:00

we had a very good time if you know what I mean oh Y'all

1:09:05

got nasty in the show laughing my ass

1:09:07

off now. I'm pregnant nope

1:09:10

no no no no We

1:09:14

got her pregnant oh We

1:09:17

didn't well we set the mood that's the

1:09:19

it's all about the mood wait So he was getting a little

1:09:21

blood flow during the show. Yeah, it was Yeah

1:09:30

So one shout out ysk, but that's

1:09:32

it just proof that you're the best

1:09:34

love doctor in the world Oh my

1:09:36

god, so it's not really a cry

1:09:38

for help here actually there might be Break

1:09:41

it down. Maybe maybe we're not seeing what you're

1:09:43

seeing really well. We don't have the vision run applause for

1:09:46

the first live show baby For

1:09:48

I think I think I think by

1:09:50

legality that young if

1:09:52

it's a man his that young man that

1:09:54

young baby If it becomes a boy middle

1:09:56

name has to be Cameron Peyton Michael or

1:09:59

Steven yeah of the four has to

1:10:01

be Cameron's not really a male man Michael

1:10:03

and Steven are Peyton and I came

1:10:07

yeah where you seein what do you see you got I have

1:10:09

a problem in Lord this

1:10:12

might have to get cut speak it and this

1:10:14

is not Peyton talking this is dr. P the

1:10:16

best love doctor in the country the best

1:10:18

doctor speaking

1:10:22

what is what was she what you

1:10:26

about okay now

1:10:28

you know where I'm going what are you saying I

1:10:32

just need to know where her hmm

1:10:36

what was she thinking about

1:10:38

turn this during that time

1:10:41

she just came off the show hopefully

1:10:45

if so that

1:10:48

baby's mine yeah

1:10:50

I'm joking dr. P the comedy podcast what

1:10:53

may I speak yes sir thank you hopefully

1:10:57

hopefully it was the liquor little

1:11:00

Jack Daniels whatever little angels

1:11:02

envy hopefully

1:11:07

it was a fun adult alcoholic beverage

1:11:09

night and led to love making him

1:11:13

a child reproducing oh and happy Mother's

1:11:15

Day they need

1:11:17

to fill out a

1:11:23

question they need we might have

1:11:25

to talk to Gabe about we

1:11:27

might have to talk to the

1:11:29

legal department about I'm completely 100%

1:11:31

y'all's congratulations that

1:11:35

is a that is

1:11:37

a that that's our first baby oh

1:11:40

dad alrighty that

1:11:42

was Doctor

1:12:01

P. Doctor

1:12:03

P. Doctor P.

1:12:07

Doctor P. Don't

1:12:09

ever do a beat over my whisper.

1:12:11

I'm sorry. I didn't mean

1:12:13

it. Alright guys, another great episode. See you in

1:12:15

11 days. Cam? Thank

1:12:18

you so, so much for coming back. Episode 1. 1.

1:12:20

3. 1. 13. Another wild ass episode. We

1:12:27

are 11 days away from

1:12:29

our Coloradians, our Coloda-Rodians,

1:12:31

whatever you are in Colorado. 11

1:12:34

days away. Go grab your tickets. There's

1:12:36

a few left for the Colorado show.

1:12:39

God bless you. Something

1:12:41

got my throat. There's a few left in the... Stop

1:12:44

it. There's a few left for the Colorado show

1:12:46

and to the remaining of the

1:12:48

city. But, Colorado is the first stop.

1:12:51

Boulder, Colorado, May 31st. We're going to see you in

1:12:53

11 days. We absolutely cannot wait to be there. We

1:12:55

love you so much. Tickets, first

1:12:57

link in the description right there below. Go

1:13:00

ahead and click that. Grab your ticket. We

1:13:02

are not touring again until 2025. It is

1:13:04

going to be a minute, so we want

1:13:06

to see you this summer. Anyway,

1:13:09

confuse the casuals. Get your good karma

1:13:11

with this week's secret code. And that

1:13:13

is IOP. IOP.

1:13:21

My oh my. Oh, what is it? Inside out,

1:13:23

Peyton. Inside out, Peyton.

1:13:26

If someone can make an anime out of

1:13:29

that, please, God, please. Please make a little

1:13:31

animated thing of that. Like a little skit.

1:13:33

And we'll repost it on everything if it's

1:13:35

good. IOP. Leave it in

1:13:37

the TikTok comments, Instagram, on the YouTube,

1:13:40

everywhere. Everything else is in the description

1:13:42

below. Twitch, Discord, Patreon, Facebook. Get

1:13:45

us on everything. See you on everything. We

1:13:47

absolutely love y'all. And remember, see you on

1:13:49

tour in a couple days. Remember, when I

1:13:51

take all of our stuff, we get home to Christmas and we will

1:13:53

see you next time. Two weeks in a row. Hello?

1:13:57

Goodbye.