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Product availability varies by location. You

1:01

can't be serious, man. You cannot

1:03

be serious! Now,

1:19

sort of television and

1:22

showbiz royalty in,

1:25

you cannot be serious, we're

1:28

about to speak to, so

1:30

this man is a

1:34

screenwriter, has

1:36

been a screenwriter, a playwright, newspaper

1:40

and magazine journalist,

1:43

a composer, a lyricist, producer,

1:50

a TV personality,

1:52

a talkback radio star,

1:55

an actor, a

1:57

raft of people. a

2:00

raft of great talent, this man

2:03

and he is the famous, infamous

2:05

John Michael Housen. Hello Sam.

2:08

It's fantastic to see you. Well it's

2:10

lovely being alive. It

2:13

is. I've known of you for

2:15

many years, all my career and I've

2:17

met you probably once or twice but

2:19

I... Oh we've met more than once

2:21

or twice. Well, I don't think we've

2:23

ever worked together. We're the Melbourne people.

2:25

We are. We're circulating in

2:27

the wide rings

2:29

of people, you know, in the theatre

2:32

lobbies, in receptions and wherever.

2:34

You are the epitome of a

2:36

Melbourne person, an Australian person in fact

2:39

you are an OAM. I

2:41

am. Yes, I'm very proud of that.

2:43

For your services, absolutely. I'm

2:45

very, very proud. When you're rewarded by your

2:47

country, it's a very special thing. It

2:50

is indeed. In

2:52

2009 you were made an OAM and

2:55

I also just tried to read a

2:57

little about you. You are a dual

2:59

American and Australian citizen. Yes. Why

3:02

is that? Well, I really let

3:04

the Americans think slight but when

3:06

I was in America I went

3:08

for various jobs and

3:11

it was necessary to

3:13

have American citizenship so

3:15

I got it and now I don't care

3:18

about it. So

3:20

you still have it? Yes, I'm

3:22

an Australian citizen. I'm very proud

3:24

of being an Australian and my

3:26

ancestors, once I was a family,

3:28

came here in the

3:31

1820s which makes me

3:33

a really old, old, old

3:35

Australian. Well, I'm

3:37

a bit the same as me

3:40

but you're a far more famous...

3:42

country, you know, Australia. When

3:44

we came back from America in the

3:46

early 20s until... 24,

3:51

24, I thought I'd landed in paradise and

3:54

I said, you know, we are so lucky,

3:56

we are so free of the stresses of

3:58

many countries. we had at

4:01

that time the Prime Minister was John

4:03

Howard who I was in a

4:05

North Melbourne breakfast and he came up and

4:07

talked to me and to my friend Alfie

4:09

Duran and Alfie who just recently

4:11

arrived in Australia couldn't believe that within

4:14

a couple weeks of arriving here the

4:16

Prime Minister was talking to him so

4:18

I just was absolutely mad about the

4:20

country I saw it through new eyes

4:22

you know and said this is

4:24

a wonderful place to leave isn't it a

4:26

great country and I've seen it go

4:28

downhill haven't it? I was just going to say

4:30

it's a it was I shouldn't have said it

4:33

I've brought a curse on it because ever

4:35

since then we've gone down the googler

4:37

well it's just activists have

4:39

got hold of it and it's changing

4:42

by the minute John Michael by the

4:44

minute that's uh that's uh and not

4:46

for the better well as so someone

4:49

someone say it is but people

4:51

who've been here if you live in

4:54

uh in what I

4:56

call Little Leningrad which is

4:58

uh you know the trendy some of the

5:00

the academics and the social

5:02

elites and the arts crowd then you're

5:04

going to think you're in paradise but

5:06

for the rest of us who live

5:09

in the real world we think it's

5:11

turned into hell and a hand basket

5:13

now look I read about all those

5:15

things that you've uh you've done and

5:17

you you came from Mildura and went

5:19

to Melbourne then you went over to

5:21

London to write sketches and uh comedic

5:24

um that was the sideline Sam actually I went over

5:27

there to get a job and I got

5:29

a job at a fashion magazine and the

5:31

reason I got the job at the fashion

5:33

magazine was because the editor said to me

5:35

you know why you got the job I

5:37

said why did you look like a million

5:40

dollars he said all the other applicants looked

5:42

like they'd go you know got a great

5:44

bank of clothes he said you came in

5:46

looking stylish and enthusiastic and you wrote you

5:48

you wrote for a fashion magazine about just

5:52

about well like not gq

5:54

quarterly or any things you know I

5:56

used to go to the fashion fairs

5:58

in the land and and

6:00

in Holland and what have you

6:02

know, it's quite marvellous

6:05

to get into the rag trade behind the scene.

6:08

And I met a lot of the top designers

6:10

of the time because a lot of the women's

6:12

fashion designers were realising they couldn't

6:15

live on Eau Coteau anymore, they

6:17

had to expand, so they went

6:19

into ready to wear for women

6:21

and to menswear. So you start

6:23

getting Pierre Cardin and Hardy Amies

6:25

and people like that going into

6:27

menswear. And that's what I used to

6:29

cover. Well, that's extraordinary you say that

6:31

because I saw this on Netflix, a

6:33

film called Mrs Harris Goes to Paris.

6:35

Exactly, one of my favourite films. I

6:38

had no idea what it was, I

6:40

thought I'll have a look at this

6:42

and I thought that's exactly what

6:44

you said about, I don't know what... It

6:47

was a deal and they said

6:49

you better diversify and the bloke...

6:51

No we're sticking to making... They

6:54

all had to because the Haute

6:56

Coteau was something like a 30,000

6:58

dot and dress. Well,

7:03

it was the diminishing market at that time and

7:06

they said we've got to go into ready to

7:08

wear and we have to go into menswear. And

7:11

the menswear stuff was interesting but what it

7:13

afforded me was a champagne life on a

7:15

beer income. Because I was

7:17

being flown around Europe to all these

7:20

various fashion shows, staying in top hotels,

7:23

meeting the top designers, it was wonderful

7:25

life. And then you got on

7:27

to flying around the world for a

7:29

different reason, you became John Michael Hollywood House. We'll get

7:31

on to that, we'll just get on to that in

7:34

a minute. So you started

7:36

writing Did You Not? That

7:41

was the week that was in

7:43

1964, I remember

7:46

that show, you'd have to be around for as

7:48

long as us. David Frost.

7:50

I used to, what I did, I

7:52

moonlighted writing sketches for comedians and they'd

7:55

pay you £5 or

7:57

a pound if you were lucky. Where

8:00

did you get your comedic bent from? Did

8:02

you just come off the top of your

8:05

head? There were a lot of little review

8:07

theaters in Melbourne. All forgotten

8:09

now, like the Arts Theatre and

8:11

the Arlen Theatre. And they

8:13

were around Richmond, South Yarra, St

8:17

Kilda. And they used to do monthly

8:20

turnaround review. You

8:22

had people like Mary Hardy in

8:25

them. And all

8:28

the people who got to

8:31

quite big careers. We

8:34

did weekly sketches. And a

8:36

writer at the time, Freddie Parsons, wrote

8:39

for Graham, said to me, if you

8:41

can't get two funny sketches out of

8:43

a newspaper every day, you'll never be

8:46

a comedy writer. So I

8:48

still look at the newspapers and say,

8:50

that'll make a funny sketch. So I'd

8:52

be glad to have a very good

8:54

eye for being resourceful and doing that,

8:56

because people just, that's not as easy

8:58

as people think. No, comedy is difficult.

9:01

You have to, the funny part about it, you

9:04

finish up laughing at your own jokes and

9:06

get the timing right. That's so

9:09

very important. And I was, when

9:12

I went to England, I thought, well, I've got to

9:15

earn a good wage to live. But

9:17

I'll do sideline sketch writing. And I

9:20

used to go up to comics, I'd see in

9:22

pubs and things, and give them a line. Did

9:24

you? They'd be a quid or ten bulb or

9:26

something, which was great. And then

9:28

I wrote some stuff for David Frost. So did

9:30

you have anything to do with Frost personally? Yes,

9:32

I did. And you know the

9:34

wonderful thing about David, or

9:37

Sir David is his name. He

9:39

never forgot a face. And years and years

9:41

later, he would come up to me and say,

9:44

hello, John Marko, how are you? Yeah, good

9:46

enough. I mean, I think that's class. I

9:49

really think that's class. He never forgot.

9:52

And I was so thrilled. I felt very honored

9:54

that he remembered me. But he

9:57

was a very smart man. Not

9:59

beloved. in the entertainment business because

10:01

he was super successful and wanted to

10:03

do and did everything

10:07

terrifically. Yeah, a bit super

10:09

silliest, a bit superior was he or not?

10:12

I think people that were a

10:14

bit envious of him thought that,

10:17

you know, they thought

10:19

that he was... I hope

10:21

you can hear that thumping going through the

10:23

microphone. So just some people upstairs, we'll just

10:25

go and see what that is. That's

10:28

alright. It gives me

10:30

rhythm. So

10:36

no words to turn that down. Interrupting

10:39

my train of thought, it's like G.

10:41

Barker who shouted at

10:43

someone who had a baby while he was doing

10:46

a review in the comedy theatre the other day.

10:48

I don't blame him. No, we said exactly the

10:50

same thing. I don't blame him. See, people don't

10:52

understand it. Up there on that stage, it's a

10:54

lonely world. And you have to

10:57

put all your resources into your timing

10:59

and your delivery. You can't be distracted

11:01

by a squealing kid. I

11:03

mean, I'm glad the lady has a baby.

11:05

I hope she's very happy in life. But

11:08

you don't take a child to a comedy

11:10

show in the middle of the night. We

11:12

said exactly the same in the previous segment

11:14

we did. Now, John Michael, you

11:17

were there at the beginning of ATV Channel

11:19

O. That's right.

11:22

Now, Channel 10, of course, out in Ngunnawading.

11:24

Ngunnawading. Ngunnawading. And

11:27

you wrote for another legend of

11:30

the screen, Ray Taylor. Oh, you remember

11:32

Ray Taylor. I remember them all, mate.

11:34

Ray Taylor was one of the most brilliant

11:36

men I've ever met in my life. And

11:39

he went on, how it all

11:41

happened is I went

11:43

to Channel 10. They were all Channel

11:45

O. They were just opening. Yeah, they

11:48

were. And I went up and said,

11:50

having my experience in England, but also

11:52

before that in Australia, I

11:54

said, do you need anybody to write comedy

11:56

stuff? And I don't think

11:58

they knew from my experience. with them.

12:00

They didn't know what side of

12:02

the road they were walking on and when somebody

12:04

came in with a bit of bravado and said

12:06

give me a job they gave me the job

12:09

and was to do this late

12:11

night talk. Phil Gibbs there was he there

12:13

then? Philip Gibbs? No

12:15

he did sport. No that's right yep.

12:17

And anyway I said no there was

12:19

a lovely man that ran the place,

12:21

Len Major, but his underlings

12:23

were less than spectacular. Anyway

12:26

I got the job writing

12:28

for Ray because I wanted to do this late

12:31

night talk on Saturday night.

12:33

The problem was, only

12:35

about three people could get it.

12:37

That's right. It was right out

12:40

in the wilderness. Anyway the show

12:42

was interesting but what we did

12:44

and it was never heard of

12:46

in Australia at the

12:49

time we actually sent up politicians

12:51

and we sent up people of

12:54

the clock. Bit of satire. Well

12:56

of course people were outraged how

12:58

you can't say that about Mr.

13:01

Bolty, you can't say that about

13:04

Bob Hawke or whatever, whoever we were sending

13:06

up. It was all in good humour but

13:08

they never struck that sort of situation. Bit

13:10

of satire and parody. I was good at

13:13

that because I've lived in England where it

13:16

was satire. So John Michael

13:18

you can't do that now because people

13:20

put on the woke brigade. You're shaming

13:22

someone for their size, their looks, their

13:24

race, their whatever. If I could write

13:26

today on comedy shows I would have

13:33

Chris Bowen. I would have

13:36

every week a Chris Bowen thing because

13:38

a man is ludicrous. I think he's

13:40

got a lot of problems because he

13:42

comes up with all his

13:45

stuff which is laughable, absolutely laughable.

13:47

So you must look back, you

13:49

must be bemused at the fact

13:52

that you were a fiefey bear

13:55

in the Magic Circle Club. When

13:57

Rode Tyler ended How

14:00

long did Ray go? One

14:05

week I think we lasted. Did you? Yes.

14:09

Ratings, they must have been good or did they go

14:11

on ratings then or did Ray have enough of it?

14:14

Was he a good man Ray? I enjoyed

14:16

his company tremendously because he

14:18

was a walking satire. He just

14:21

saw everything in a funny

14:24

light. He was

14:26

a great conversationalist and fun

14:28

to be with. Always looked

14:31

like he was weary. Yeah,

14:33

I know. Anyway, he

14:35

went on to the ABC and did breakfast

14:37

I think. But when the show ended, I

14:40

was literally walking out the door with my

14:42

little box of tricks and God

14:45

be Phillip who was the director of the year

14:47

came up to me and said, Have you ever

14:49

thought about writing children's shows? I said,

14:51

what? He said, well, we're going

14:54

to do a new children's show and

14:56

I think you've got what your stuff is

14:58

sort of element of fantasy in it. And

15:01

I needed the job. So I said, well, I think I

15:03

could do that. I didn't. I

15:06

was absolutely terrified. I didn't know what I was going to do. But

15:09

I needed the money. And so you

15:11

put a bear suit on. So I

15:13

started Magic Circle Club and literally sat

15:16

down at a table with Godfrey. It

15:19

was a huge success, wasn't it? Massive.

15:21

I never saw it. But

15:23

I changed children's television in

15:25

Australia. And then after about

15:27

three years, Channel 10 had

15:29

yet another management because they used

15:32

to change the management every week. And

15:34

they said, you've got to go. So

15:37

we were doing our final public

15:39

appearance thing up in Brisbane and on

15:42

the way back on

15:44

a conveyor. Remember the. Yeah, I

15:46

do. I was sitting

15:48

next to Liz Harris, Liz

15:50

Teal. Yeah. Yep. Yep.

15:54

Yep. And she was in Magic Circle from time to

15:56

time. And I said, Liz, I've

15:58

got an idea for a show. And on

16:01

the way back between Brisbane and Sydney I came

16:03

up with Adventure Island. And

16:05

got it and took it to the ABC

16:07

and the ABC loved it and

16:09

it ran for five years until they had

16:11

a re-management of

16:14

the children's department at the

16:16

ABC and they said,

16:18

no, you're finished. Although we

16:20

were top rating and usually

16:22

successful and we discovered of

16:24

course that the people running the children's

16:27

department were terribly jealous that a non,

16:29

because we were a private company, contracted

16:31

the ABC. They were

16:34

terribly jealous of people who were not

16:36

in the ABC, were having a successful

16:38

show. Probably still out of this day.

16:41

Probably. The ABC is a world unto

16:43

itself. But the wonderful thing

16:45

about that, we got politicians wives of

16:48

both sides of the aisle,

16:51

were writing the ABC for famous

16:53

people. Everybody wrote, you can't stop

16:55

this show. But of

16:57

course the ABC doesn't listen to their audience. They

16:59

don't have to. So

17:01

they just can't. And it's not based on ratings

17:03

or anything. They're based on us paying for it.

17:06

That's right. So John Michael, you must

17:08

have a, you've got to have a

17:10

very furtive mind to just write the

17:12

Adventure Island to the Magic Circle Club. To

17:15

do all that stuff with Ray Taylor. And

17:18

then you went on to even

17:21

more controversial show, which

17:23

was, led

17:25

the field for controversy in its day,

17:28

the Mavis Brampton show. I

17:32

remember all these shows. They're just, what did

17:34

you do for that? It was a funny

17:37

story about that. When I was, came to

17:39

Melbourne and I'd been

17:41

working in Mildura, believe it or

17:43

not. I'd finished school,

17:45

boarding school in Western Australia where

17:48

my stepfather had pubs.

17:50

Came over to Mildura because that

17:52

was a family base. My

17:54

mother grew up in Mildura. My grandfather

17:57

was, had been the editor of the local

17:59

paper. He was retired and I came

18:01

over to Mildura for a holiday before

18:04

coming to Melbourne. And

18:07

Grandpa said to me, Why do you here? Would

18:09

you like to work at the paper? So

18:11

I got a job at the Sunrise of your daily

18:13

paper and I stayed there for three years. Did

18:16

my cadetship. Then came

18:18

to Melbourne and got a job at the

18:20

ABC Newsroom, which was hell on earth. And

18:23

sitting next to me was a chap

18:25

laughing and writing and then I thought,

18:27

He must be mad being happy in

18:30

this place. And his name was David

18:32

Sale. And David Sale, I

18:34

said, What are you doing David? He said,

18:37

I'm writing a show. Well,

18:39

I'd never heard anybody say I'm writing a show.

18:42

Was that on the ABC Mavis Bramston?

18:44

No, no. No, sorry. So

18:46

David said to me, he was

18:49

doing a show for the St Martin's Theatre, he

18:51

was out here, a review show.

18:53

And he asked me to write sketches, right?

18:56

Would I like to? And I did and

18:59

the sketches turned out to be very, that

19:01

was my baptism into the theatre. I see.

19:03

And then David went on to become the

19:05

producer of the Mavis Bramson

19:08

show. I see. And chief editor or

19:10

whatever. So he asked me, he said, You write

19:12

all of them, why don't you write for the

19:14

Mavis Bramson show? I said, Oh,

19:16

it's so big time. Yeah, it was

19:18

big time. Huge. So I wrote sketches

19:21

for them. And one of the sketches

19:24

was the flower arrangement. I was just going to

19:26

ask you about that. Just

19:29

looking at that and it says

19:31

the infamous flower arrangement, which was

19:33

an adaption of Gordon Chater or

19:35

him adapting. You

19:38

tell us what it was. I was going to ask you what it

19:40

was. You've got

19:42

to have a fertile margarine writing sketch. And

19:45

there was at the time when they

19:47

were banning everything. Remember, Miss Arthur Raller

19:50

banned books and what have you. He's

19:53

a band. This was bad. That was bad.

19:56

And I thought, you know, these people see built

19:59

in every. So

20:02

I got a flower arrangement

20:04

from Constance Spry, who was

20:06

19th century cook

20:09

and flower arranger, whatever she was,

20:12

and I took the flower arrangement and

20:17

Gordon played a police

20:19

censor and he comes home

20:21

and his wife is reading the Woman's

20:24

Weekly. He said, how could you read

20:26

that film? He said, it's a Woman's

20:28

Weekly. He said, no, it's a filth,

20:30

filth, filth, filth everywhere. So he

20:32

reads, he reads, he looked at this

20:35

and he reads the flower

20:37

arrangement, which was exactly as

20:39

it is. It was a real flower arrangement,

20:41

but he said, look at this, take

20:43

the stem and plant, you know, I

20:46

mean, I can enjoy it. I can

20:48

clearly hear. Anyway, he said, see, it's

20:50

all filth. Well, we just did it

20:53

like that. And people,

20:55

they missed the point that it

20:57

was a genuine flower arrangement. But

20:59

we had people call you on the

21:02

all sorts of politicians, God knows what

21:04

saying that was absolute filth.

21:07

It wasn't. It was a flower. It

21:09

was a day story. As we say, it was

21:12

a mistake. They saw it as filth. Not that

21:14

it was filth. In fact, it

21:16

proved my point. Well, I got condemned from

21:18

the pulpit. I was on the front page.

21:20

You know, filthy show and

21:22

whatever. Well, we just laughed.

21:25

We laughed ourselves sick at the fact

21:27

that people had fallen to the end.

21:29

But it made my name because I was in front

21:32

page of papers and whatever. Now, the

21:34

funny part about that was my aunt,

21:37

my godmother, I said many, many years before,

21:40

said, John, Michael, if you don't think you'll

21:42

be a good boy, you'll finish up on

21:44

the pages of truth. So I was so

21:46

happy to call Robinson Arnie Margaret. I'm

21:48

on the front page of truth. Well, I

21:50

hope your aunt fastened a seat belt for

21:53

letter in your letter stages of your career

21:55

because that became a little more controversial. They

21:57

said that that was a lascivi, a lascivi.

22:00

a serious adaption by

22:02

Gordon Cader of the

22:04

flower arrangement. I

22:06

call Gordon Charlie Chuckles. He always made

22:08

me laugh. And I adored him. Because

22:12

he was truly an urbane man. He

22:15

was a wonderful actor. He was a

22:17

marvellous comedian and just

22:19

a marvellous person to talk to. But

22:24

he retired. He retired up to

22:26

Labrador, which is an odd name on

22:29

the old coast, Labrador. And

22:31

I called him up one day and said, how are

22:33

you Charlie? He said, I'm so happy. I don't have

22:35

to wear shoes and socks. Well

22:38

you're up until, and we haven't mentioned

22:41

a lot of them yet,

22:43

but Gordon Cader,

22:45

Mavis Bramston Show, Ray

22:47

Taylor, David Frost. But

22:50

we get to probably the main

22:52

person in all those, the

22:55

great Graham Kennedy. You did plenty

22:57

of... You wrote for him. Wrote for

22:59

him in IMT in Melbourne tonight.

23:01

That's right. And the Graham Kennedy

23:03

Show was more sketch oriented. It

23:05

was mostly stuff for what

23:08

followed IMT, they call it Graham

23:10

Kennedy Show. That IMT was first.

23:12

And the wonderful Mike McColl Jones.

23:14

Yes, the late Graham's writer. He

23:16

passed just recently. Mike taught me

23:18

a lot. Yes. And

23:21

did you have much to do with

23:23

Graham? The funny

23:25

part about Graham, he was very nice

23:27

to you. No one could crack the

23:29

surface. He was very shy,

23:31

introverted. He was very introverted,

23:34

very private, and kept

23:36

himself to himself. You

23:38

know, I don't think, and Bert said

23:40

that. I said to Bert about, oh,

23:43

you know what I mean. You know, I can honestly

23:45

say I didn't really know him. No.

23:47

Nobody did. It was just

23:50

this private, the cameras, the lights would

23:52

go out, the cameras reached out and

23:55

a wall would come down. Were

23:57

you intrigued by why he was

23:59

so... successful because he was successful.

24:01

You know what he did? Well

24:04

we can say it now, he was a

24:06

gay boy and he was doing all things

24:08

that gay boys do at parties. He was

24:10

doing it like no one had ever seen

24:12

that before. You know all the stuff was

24:14

so, when you look at back now it's

24:16

so campy really and he broke down that

24:18

wall between, they didn't know they were looking

24:20

at a gay guy coming around

24:23

the stove. He just sort of was

24:25

lovely Graham. But Graham's family

24:27

life was strange. He was brought up

24:29

by his grandma and didn't have much

24:31

to do with his mum and dad

24:33

or whatever. It was very, and

24:35

I think that just, he didn't want to

24:38

be hurt by anybody. He didn't want to

24:40

be having emotional life. So he

24:42

was always closer to his dogs than to

24:44

anybody else. So I just can't, I should

24:46

know, I know him really well but he's

24:48

passed on too. But he was great

24:51

confidant of Graham's in that

24:53

true sense of the word.

24:56

The sports journalist

24:58

from, just

25:00

a sports journalist, the boy from... I

25:03

think it'll be this. Oh

25:05

gee, let it go. He used

25:07

to break all

25:09

the stories and, I'll

25:12

think of his name. How can't he

25:15

tell me all about, he used to go to all those,

25:17

I was friends of this person.

25:22

I've got the name on the tip of my

25:24

tongue. Rob Asprey. Well thanks for

25:27

that fancy me. So I knew

25:32

Rob very well, just very well as

25:34

a friend. And he told

25:36

me some extraordinary things about the parties you

25:38

went to with Graham and all that. So

25:40

I know what you mean about, he probably

25:43

kept that pretty well. Well he was just

25:46

a private person. I mean I like Graham

25:48

very much and I used to enjoy talking

25:50

to him when we did talk. And

25:53

we had a sort

25:56

of new people from some killed where I

25:58

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vino now at Target. I've

27:16

worked with him for years, like Joy Westmore is

27:19

gone now, and Sue

27:21

McIntosh and

27:25

who else? All

27:27

the people that work with him, Rosie

27:29

Sturgis. Rosie never knew him. I don't

27:32

know Graham. I've worked with him. Joffe

27:38

Allen? I don't know about Joffe.

27:41

I know, but I didn't talk

27:43

to him about Graham. But others I have,

27:45

they said we didn't know him. Now Rosie

27:48

and I were hysterical together.

27:50

I had dinner one night with Rosie

27:52

and I was talking about the man.

27:54

She said, I don't really know him.

27:56

I come in and said, hello Graham.

27:58

Hello Rosie. Then we

28:01

do it on the camera and good night

28:03

Graham, good night Rosen, that's it. No,

28:06

it's good. So we

28:08

just keep mentioning the names then. Good

28:12

morning Australia, Bert Newton. Now he's a

28:14

good friend of yours. Bert, of all

28:16

the people that I've

28:19

worked with or seen on

28:21

Australian television that could have

28:24

been big in the United States,

28:26

it's Bert's the only one. I

28:28

think if Bert had gone to America,

28:30

he would have had an incredible career

28:33

because he was so quick off the

28:35

mark with his comedy and

28:37

good looking, charming. I

28:40

think he would have been a great- Articulate. Articulate,

28:43

yeah, and informed and I think he would

28:46

have been a great American

28:49

late night host. So

28:54

then you did Ray Martin and

28:56

then you became John

28:59

Michael Hollywood Halzen. You

29:03

did Showbiz Gossip, would you

29:05

say Gossip or just Showbiz

29:07

News and they sent you, had you

29:12

gave us Ray, was Ray an engaging man

29:14

or did you just take

29:16

the money and run? I didn't really know Ray, but

29:19

you see how this happened in

29:22

between gigs. Mike Walsh signed

29:24

to do it tonight- Oh Mike Walsh, yep,

29:26

sorry I missed him. ... to a night

29:28

show in Channel 7, Melbourne and

29:30

Gordon French, who was the

29:33

program manager there, had seen,

29:35

who was

29:38

it, Dick Cavett's late night host. Yeah, I know

29:40

the one. He said, I want to do something

29:42

like that and I said, you know, I don't

29:44

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30:15

Right, and he said, no,

30:18

we'll give it a go. So all right. They

30:21

did, and it didn't work. It was a good

30:23

show that was just not to

30:26

the Australian style, but it

30:28

was a good show and Mike asked

30:30

if I, we knew each other

30:32

vaguely. So you were John Michael Hollywoodhausen

30:35

for Mike Walsh. Yeah. Not

30:37

for Ray Martin. No. No, no, Ray came after

30:39

Mike. Yes, that's right. That's right. What happened was

30:42

he asked me if I'd write the show, work

30:46

out the questions of the celebrities that

30:48

were going to be on, and it was

30:50

a marvelous list of celebrities. And it was

30:53

a great show that nobody looked at. Anyway,

30:55

I did this show for Mike

30:58

and then

31:01

he, this was a channel seven, then that folded.

31:04

He went off to England and

31:06

I don't know what I did at the time, it

31:08

was stuff. And then he came back

31:10

from England, signed by channel 10 to do a

31:13

midday show. And the first person he

31:15

called was me, will you come on my show with me? Because

31:18

he knew I could fill up, I know, a

31:20

chat, and if there was nothing was happening. How

31:22

long did you do Mike Walsh at midday for?

31:24

Well, a whole year, because it went on to

31:26

nine and I followed him to nine. And we

31:28

had lots of fun and lots

31:30

and lots. And I discovered Jeannie Little because

31:32

I was sitting in one day for Mike. He was

31:34

having to take a day off. And the crew,

31:38

the producers had said, Mike, we've got this

31:40

funny lady from Paddington, you've got to have

31:42

on the show. And he said, oh, I

31:44

don't know. So they thought they'd sneak her

31:46

in when he was away. And she came

31:49

on and she was pregnant. I

31:51

think about 22 months. We spoke to

31:53

her daughter who she must have been pregnant

31:55

with. She came on, you cannot be serious

31:58

last year. So

32:00

she came on and she thought I was

32:02

Mike Walsh. That's correct. And I thought she

32:04

was a man in drag. That

32:07

is absolutely correct. Her daughter told us

32:09

that. That is correct. Isn't that extraordinary?

32:11

It was so funny. Anyway

32:13

we became firm, firm

32:16

friends. And I

32:18

adored Jeannie who was a very

32:20

smart lady. People always thought

32:22

that they'd be like, no, no, no. That's

32:25

Jeannie. Underneath all of that, Jeannie

32:27

was a very smart lady. I

32:30

loved her to death. She was just wonderful. And

32:33

so I was on Mike's show

32:35

and then they, what happened, it

32:37

was an accident. They were making a Bond

32:40

movie somewhere or other and United

32:42

Artists that did the Bond movies

32:45

called me up and said, would you like to go

32:47

on the set of a Bond movie? And I thought,

32:50

I've got it in Sydney. I said, they're making one

32:52

in Sydney. I said, no, this is in wherever it

32:54

was. Yeah, in the Bahamas or somewhere. Egypt.

32:57

Egypt, yeah. Egypt. So

32:59

the next thing I'm flowing over to do

33:02

the thing and I met Roger Moore who

33:04

I knew for years.

33:06

What a lovely man. What did

33:08

you do in the Bond movie? What

33:10

was it called? Oh, Swahilub. Yeah. Yeah.

33:14

Well, what were you on the Bond

33:16

movie? I was doing the

33:18

interviews with everybody. Were you? I did. I

33:21

asked me to cover the, so I did Roger and Barbara

33:23

Bach who's now 80 star,

33:25

like Ringo's star. Ringo,

33:28

that's years too. Whoever else was

33:30

in the, oh, and I also met a lovely lady

33:32

who had a big

33:34

part in it. Now, what was

33:36

it? The first name was Cassie. I can't remember

33:38

the second. And she said, you know, one day

33:40

my husband will

33:43

be James Bond. He'd make a fabulous

33:45

James Bond and whatever. She was from

33:47

Australia, from Adelaide. And

33:49

I said, oh, really? What's your husband's name?

33:51

She said, well, no one's heard of him.

33:53

He's an Irish actor. His name is Piers

33:56

Brosnan. Good story, mate. Yeah. He said that,

33:58

you know, Taulp is later. And

34:00

he teared up. Did he? Yeah,

34:03

he teared up. But I said, Cassie always said you'd

34:05

make a wonderful James Bond. And of course he did.

34:08

So that was a little bit of film

34:10

history. So I did

34:12

that so well that every

34:14

James Bond film from then on, they asked

34:16

me to cover and they'd fly me to

34:18

wherever in the world, to

34:21

Brazil, to France,

34:23

to Mexico,

34:26

to wherever, wherever.

34:28

And I would do the

34:30

interviews with them. And who was good and

34:32

who wasn't? To Italy, for Cortina. You

34:35

know, always the Bond girl. Yeah, were they

34:37

all good or some of them dickwits? Well,

34:39

a lot of them couldn't actually wear out

34:41

of a paper bag. But they were beautiful,

34:44

you see. And also

34:46

another job was that they had

34:48

Bond girl contests in Melbourne, at

34:51

Sydney, one of the

34:53

Sydney papers and the winner would go over

34:55

and have a walk on in

34:57

the Bond movie. So they

34:59

said, well, you've escort these young lady

35:01

to the Bond movie. So

35:04

I finished up taking these James, the

35:06

lovely girl, and just won this contest.

35:08

Of course, what plummeted

35:10

is this absolute whirlpool

35:13

of publicity and media and everything

35:15

and was stars for like five

35:18

and a half minutes and then

35:20

came back to Australia. But it

35:22

was wonderful being with them. So

35:25

John Michael, John Michael

35:27

Housen, Bert Newton,

35:29

Mike Walsh, Ray Martin, Graham

35:32

Kennedy, Mavis Bramson

35:34

show, Ray Taylor, David Frost.

35:39

The list goes on as the hits go on.

35:44

Amongst your

35:46

many credits

35:48

are Alvin Rides Again,

35:51

Power Without Glory, Frank

35:54

Hardy. Frank

36:00

Hardy was Mary Hardy's brother and lived above a fish shop in

36:02

Manly. He

36:12

never had any money. Alan

36:14

Hardy's son who became a writer

36:17

and producer and Mariska

36:19

Hardy is Alan's daughter. I don't

36:21

know how he feels about that.

36:24

Shirley Hardy was a Frankster.

36:27

I love Shirley. Frank

36:33

was a communist, but he only knew

36:35

rich people. He could afford to be

36:37

a communist because he was always rich

36:39

people. One day I was in

36:41

St Paul de Vence in France, which

36:46

is the South of France, the most wonderful place.

36:52

I'm walking past a restaurant and I

36:55

just looked glanced in. There was Frank

36:57

sitting with Simons Signorae and

36:59

Yves Montin. He

37:02

saw me, much to

37:04

his credit. He got up and dragged me

37:06

into the restaurant and introduced me to Simons

37:08

Signorae and Yves Montin. Anyway,

37:11

later on, this

37:13

was one of the Cannes Film Festivals

37:15

that I went to, umpteen. I

37:17

went to 23 Oscars and

37:19

umpteen Cannes festivals. Anyway, later

37:22

on at some event I said, Frank, are

37:24

you still a communist? Or he

37:26

said, yes, I'm still below the...

37:28

I said, well, isn't it funny, the

37:31

only people I see with a wealthy

37:33

people, stars, fabulous yachts, marvellous restaurants, well,

37:35

then you could afford to be a

37:38

communist. One of the famous,

37:40

for one of his great lines, which

37:42

I think I still remember, was

37:44

um, I'm not sure if it was

37:46

Power of the Outflow, but he said, he cocked

37:50

his head to one side in

37:52

a ridiculous endeavor to lend intelligence

37:54

to a face that bore distinct

37:56

signs of imbecility. Don't know why

37:58

I ever remembered that. I

38:00

want a wonderful quote. The

38:08

reason I'm

38:11

mentioning this, because

38:14

I'm going to mention another big name, but

38:16

Norman, is

38:20

that you? Yes, I adapted

38:23

it from an American play. He

38:26

had moderate success in America and

38:29

Malcolm Cook, Ken

38:31

Brodsiak. Yeah, I know

38:33

all those names. And

38:36

Malcolm said to me, can you adapt

38:38

it to Australia? What was that about

38:40

Norman? Norman is about, well it's a

38:43

very funny play actually. It's

38:46

about a gay boy

38:48

living in Sydney with his drag

38:51

queen boyfriend. His

38:54

mother leaves his father, who has a

38:56

dry cleaning shop in Wagga.

38:59

She nicks off in his FJ

39:02

Holden with a bloke, the local

39:04

butcher, to Sydney to

39:06

see Norman. The husband's

39:09

furious, not that she's left him,

39:11

but he's taken his FJ Holden.

39:13

So he follows in hot pursuit and

39:15

they all land up in an

39:18

apartment at King's Cross, where

39:20

Norman, his boyfriend, the mother,

39:24

not the mother's love, you don't see him,

39:26

and the father, and

39:28

a prostitute. It's

39:31

a very complicated play, but

39:34

very, very, very funny.

39:36

So John Michael, the reason I mention

39:38

that is because it says,

39:40

I think, did you

39:42

adapt or did you

39:45

write a song for Bobby Lim to

39:47

sing a song? I did, yes.

39:49

I'd say you did. So

39:52

long ago, 50 years. So Bobby

39:55

Lim and Dawn Lake. We

39:57

became friends when we toured the show. I

40:00

was doing something, a daytime show for

40:03

Malcolm on the same

40:05

circuit as Bobby and Dawn. So

40:07

we got together quite a lot. It's

40:11

an extraordinary list. I mean I know

40:13

all these people I grew up with

40:15

watching all those people. And I'm an

40:18

allessia. Well they were

40:20

all lovely. You know Sam in all

40:22

my career, which has been pretty

40:24

long. I had it when I was not

40:26

getting paid but just writing for shows and

40:29

things. I've used the late 50s

40:31

until now. I've only

40:33

met about three people I wasn't mad about.

40:38

I've been lovely. Everybody's been nice.

40:40

Lovely people. Who haven't you been

40:42

mad about John Michael? Well

40:45

it's only one or two

40:48

in Australia. But a couple in Hollywood

40:50

I wasn't mad about. Now so

40:53

then you seem to be

40:55

comparing myself to you but

40:58

you got a bit cantankerous.

41:02

And then you couldn't put up with

41:04

fools easily and then you got under

41:07

it. Did Ernie Siggly, did he sack

41:09

you? I got sacked

41:11

three times by Ernie Siggly. I

41:13

tell you Paul's early. Ernie sacked me three

41:16

times. When we were on Ernie sacked you

41:18

three times. He sacked me twice. I was

41:20

on his show on 3AW twice with him

41:22

and he sacked me twice and he sacked

41:25

me on his show on Channel

41:27

9. Well you see Ernie

41:30

and I could be magic on radio

41:32

together. But Ernie worked under

41:34

the theory that everybody was trying to get

41:36

his job. And I

41:38

said to him Ernie I don't want your

41:40

job. Stop

41:43

manipulating things that somehow I

41:45

don't want it. Now

41:48

is that clear about it? He wasn't

41:50

confident with, even though he was a

41:53

star, he wasn't confident with who he

41:55

was. Well you see he relied so

41:57

much on his producers to feed

41:59

him quickly. He did. He did

42:01

that at AW. It sounded

42:04

as though he knew everything about everything. I have to

42:06

say, this is not being cruel, but he

42:08

was of minimal talent. But

42:12

you see, he would collect it. What was

42:14

great, that thing, the boy from Footscray and

42:17

the little Aussie batman. That's right. The little

42:19

Aussie batman millionaire I used to call him.

42:22

Anyway, because how much money did he

42:24

have? A fortune. Anyway, I liked

42:28

him when we were working

42:30

together and it was working, it was fun.

42:33

But then he would do turn

42:35

on you. He was

42:37

just a very difficult, contentious man.

42:39

He was. I used to do

42:41

the sport on 3AW with him

42:43

and he said one day that

42:46

so and so earned $80 million

42:49

playing sport. I

42:52

said to him he didn't earn

42:54

$80 million playing sport. He earned

42:56

$4 million playing sport. The

42:58

rest was sponsorships

43:01

and he got really annoyed at

43:03

that. He

43:06

sacked me. He said, as Steve Price said

43:08

to me, do you like doing

43:10

an early show? I said, what are

43:13

you saying to me? He said, do you want to keep coming

43:15

in? I said, mate, if you want me to keep coming in.

43:17

He said, why don't you give it a rest? I said, he

43:19

doesn't want me to come in. He said, well, you chipped him

43:21

about. I

43:23

said, I didn't chip him. I told him

43:26

he was wrong, which he was. And

43:28

then I came back with him and he chucked

43:30

me again. He chucked me off him

43:34

and Ding Dong on Channel 9. The show on

43:36

there, I was doing the AFL, it was then

43:38

the sport. And

43:41

I said something about one of

43:43

the players. I said, no, he

43:45

didn't do that at all. And that was the

43:47

end of that there. I don't

43:49

think he ever read a newspaper. I don't think

43:51

he knew what was going

43:54

on. It

44:00

was funny but I

44:02

liked him but I didn't like

44:04

him. You know that strange thing?

44:07

So you had an illustrious departure

44:09

if you like from 3AW which

44:11

you came on to do what

44:14

you meant to be a little controversial, a

44:16

little edgy and said

44:18

that's what they asked you to do, that's why

44:21

they pay the big bucks and then I

44:23

think you and Nick McKellan, I'm not

44:26

sure what it was over but you

44:28

would have no regrets. I'll tell you, I

44:31

loved working with Nick, we didn't

44:33

agree on anything but I

44:35

liked work because he's a very nice man and

44:38

our politics are miles apart

44:40

and except currently

44:44

he's pro-nuclear and so am I

44:46

so we would agree on that

44:48

but he was to the left

44:50

of centre and I'm to the

44:52

right of centre but

44:54

that made good debate on radio. Now

44:57

when they hired me, I went in one day by

44:59

accident, they asked me to come in and do

45:02

something and it worked and then

45:04

they needed a replacement, I don't know

45:06

who was leaving somebody and

45:09

Darren James went to the

45:11

manager and said why don't you get John Markle in. He

45:13

said look he'll do it, he'll be able to

45:15

do it. So they invited

45:18

me in to do the show with Nick

45:20

McKellan on Sunday mornings. I did it

45:22

for about 13 or 14 years or

45:24

something and it rated its stocks off, it

45:26

was so successful. Now

45:28

they'd hired me to be controversial and

45:30

every time there was some controversy, the

45:33

management always said you're great today, that

45:35

was good today, you know, oh terrific.

45:38

They loved it because people were

45:40

listening. You see people, if they're going

45:42

to complain it's because they're listening. If

45:45

nobody complains, nobody's listening. Anyway

45:48

it was very successful. So

45:51

one day I went on air and

45:53

I said there was a demonstration

45:55

of the day somewhere or other, as

45:57

there is in Melbourne, I said aren't

45:59

you... sick of people restraining. I

46:01

always said just jump in the lake,

46:04

jump in the lake. I didn't say drown. I

46:06

said jump in the lake. And

46:09

the next thing I'm told that

46:11

I was advocating suicide. And I

46:13

said what? They said oh you

46:15

know we've had a lot of

46:18

complaints. I said that's

46:20

good if people complain. That's what

46:22

they're listening. Oh no no.

46:24

It went on. I said you know what

46:26

I've stayed too long. And

46:29

I never went back. No that's it

46:31

and you've got no regrets. When you

46:33

get to that stage, when you don't have

46:37

sympathetic management, if

46:40

the management zerda really hates you

46:42

or criticise you, you don't belong

46:44

there. Just be better to go.

46:47

Look Sam I'm a recluse

46:49

now almost because I had a

46:51

stroke and it's hard for me to get around

46:53

but I haven't lost my marbles. You have not.

46:55

Which is a blessing. But I'm

46:58

happy in my own company and

47:00

happy with my opinions. If nobody

47:02

else likes that, tough. We

47:05

love it. Now so I'm

47:07

a heterosexual and you're not. Well

47:09

no I'm post gay. I'm only

47:12

just saying this because

47:14

this is well documented. So did you

47:16

find that hard to. Never

47:18

in my life. Never found it hard to say

47:21

that you. Never in my life. What have you.

47:24

You call yourself gay. What do you

47:26

call yourself. I am now what we

47:28

call post gay. Post gay. Because the

47:30

gay world as it exists today I

47:32

don't understand it. I don't know what

47:34

they're talking about. What do they

47:36

call it. Trans and

47:38

bisexuals. Well I think all

47:41

that. Gender neutral and stuff.

47:45

And what do they say. Sis. Are you

47:48

cis or binary. I don't

47:50

know what they're talking about. Non

47:53

binary. That's right. A friend of

47:55

mine was at a cafeteria

47:58

was about to. Bill

48:01

and the person behind the counter said,

48:04

hey you're Barnery or you're... Yeah

48:06

that's it. What? You're Barnery. I'm

48:09

just an old queen trying to pay you

48:11

there. Ha ha.

48:14

Beautiful. So

48:17

I'm post-gay. I'm

48:21

not interested in what the guy... I'm not interested

48:23

in gay pride.

48:26

I battle my own battles when I

48:28

had my battles to win. Now

48:31

when I was 17, I was

48:33

reading a book by Gore Vidal, all

48:36

the sea and the pillar. And

48:38

there was gay characters in it. It was

48:40

outrageous at the time. Oh my

48:42

god, a book where gay people... And

48:45

I was reading it when I was 17 and I

48:47

was fairly articulate and fairly bright at

48:49

school and I thought, one

48:51

of the characters, I thought, I think I'm

48:53

like him. And

48:56

that was... I never felt

48:58

guilt. I never felt shame. I

49:01

never wanted to punish myself. And

49:03

I just lived my life, which

49:05

was not an outrageous life. I

49:08

mean I wasn't getting into drag. I

49:10

wasn't cavorting around. I was

49:13

a very quiet, hard-working young

49:15

man. And gay on

49:17

the side. So it wasn't that important.

49:19

That was from an early age. You

49:21

never went out with women of any

49:23

sort. I've fell in love several times.

49:25

Did you? But you see, I

49:27

think that's the problem. Now of

49:30

course people do everything they want to do. But

49:33

it would have been very offensive to

49:35

a woman to marry her knowing you

49:37

had a secret life. Yeah, well

49:40

done. People do it

49:42

now where they have artificial... What do they call

49:44

them? Surrogates and god knows what. Yeah, no,

49:46

good on you. So you have a partner and

49:48

you cohabit with... I

49:51

have a carer,

49:54

minder, friend, dear friend.

49:57

Yeah, and that's how it should be. Yeah, I... And

50:01

who I love very much. But

50:03

the thing about it is that I'm

50:06

an 88, at least as I think I'm

50:08

interested in now a 6. Yeah,

50:11

I know how you feel,

50:13

John Michael. Yeah, I don't

50:16

care. But I

50:18

think, look, I went for an interesting period. See, one of

50:21

the things that gets me, now I know things

50:23

were tough in Sydney back

50:26

in the 50s or 60s, whatever. I

50:28

mean, it was a different world. With

50:31

Melbourne, the cops didn't care about gay

50:33

people. As long as

50:35

they weren't soliciting in certain areas,

50:38

they really left gay people alone.

50:41

And you could see that by the number of

50:43

pubs in downtown Melbourne that used to be packed

50:45

with gays. You know, like the

50:47

Straight Upstairs Bar of the Australian, and

50:50

Bears Hotel in Collins Street, and the

50:52

Chevron Hotel in Sir Kilda

50:55

Road. All gay venues,

50:57

and every year they had two very

50:59

big gay balls at the Palais de

51:01

Dan's. The advertising arts ball

51:04

and the theatre arts ball.

51:06

Everybody, 90% of them were in

51:08

drag and whatever. They were fun. Nobody

51:11

was, Her Majesty's Theres, her in

51:14

South Yarra, which they had

51:16

midnight screenings of God-dows-what movies.

51:18

There weren't that many gay movies around.

51:20

But they put on a Judy Garland

51:22

movie or something. They turned

51:24

up in their thousands. But it was,

51:27

I never felt persecuted or that

51:29

I had to live in the shadows. I

51:32

was never guilt ridden. And

51:35

I think the funny part about all this,

51:38

while I was going through this, I still had

51:40

an abiding faith. And

51:42

I think, and I still do. And I

51:44

have no worries

51:47

about having a private

51:50

faith. All you've got to do

51:52

is satisfy yourself with your own

51:54

God. And I think that

51:56

it's strength. It's

52:01

knowing that you're cared for by

52:04

heavenly creatures, shall we say.

52:06

This is completely out of

52:08

left field. So

52:11

a man got three weeks in the AFL

52:13

for calling another man on the

52:16

football field. He called him a faggot.

52:20

What do you think? Well,

52:23

I don't think it's a nice word for anyone to

52:25

use. But at the same time,

52:27

I would have said the

52:29

man who was directed, I would have

52:31

said, stick some stones, break

52:33

your bones, those will never hurt you. My

52:36

mother said that to me many,

52:39

many years ago. It

52:41

doesn't matter what they call you, love. You're going

52:43

to have to stick some stones or break your

52:45

bones, those will. But now, of course, people are

52:47

in the offence industry.

52:50

Everybody wants to be offended. They're

52:52

offended. You

52:54

wouldn't give people the time of day because you might offend

52:56

them. I've said this

52:58

before, they're going to have an Olympic

53:01

gold medal given to those who can

53:03

be the most offended and the most

53:05

outraged. I've never said horrible things to

53:07

me over the years. Not many, but

53:10

I've had a few things directed at me who couldn't

53:12

kill us. It hasn't changed my life.

53:15

I'm not going to go home and cry

53:17

to them. I'll tell you what, you wouldn't.

53:19

I don't use those terrible racist terms against

53:21

anybody. I never have and

53:23

I never would. I don't care what colour

53:26

you are, I don't care what gender you

53:28

are, what sex you are, whatever you are,

53:30

what religion, it doesn't worry me. That

53:33

is your person.

53:37

I think it's horrible. People make racist comments.

53:39

It's horrible people. But it's not

53:41

going to change you. You're not going to

53:43

turn white because somebody called you the N-word.

53:45

I mean, so live with it. So

53:48

John Michaelhausen, OAM,

53:51

you are a genuine legend

53:53

of Australian ... From your

53:55

lips to God's ears. No,

53:57

you are. You are a

53:59

genuine legend. of the

54:01

media and celebrity status and

54:04

it's so good of you to come in and have a

54:07

chat to us. Well I

54:09

know, I've heard of every single person

54:11

you've mentioned on this, the producers, the

54:13

people behind the scenes, the stars. And

54:15

so it's great for me for you

54:17

to actually have known them and worked

54:20

with them and I really

54:22

appreciate you coming in. Well that's

54:24

nice of you Sam. I've had

54:26

a wonderful life, I'd regret few

54:29

little regrets but not many and

54:31

I was so privileged to live the life

54:33

of my... I mean I was a

54:35

movie fan when I was a kid

54:37

and suddenly being Holly with Mixie with

54:39

stars that I thought were legends, which

54:42

was more than I could have dreamed of. Good on you,

54:45

John Michael Howson. Thank you. Music

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