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is part two guys of

1:01

the Profound Conversation with my

1:03

girl, Sarah Jakes Roberts. And

1:05

oh my god, Mahoney, she was

1:08

just getting started in part one

1:10

of this episode. In part two,

1:12

we dive into deep topics around

1:14

the idea of gaining your power

1:16

and how you right now can

1:18

use your power to help you

1:20

become a better, more authentic version

1:22

of yourself. So we need to

1:24

flip the idea of what we

1:26

think power means. And finally, as

1:28

freaking women, we just need to own

1:31

the beauty that can come with power.

1:33

We dive into the importance of having

1:35

core values to keep you aligned and

1:38

accountable, how to overcome

1:40

competition so it doesn't strip you

1:42

of your power. Because we

1:44

all know sometimes that can. And

1:47

let me just tell you, there's so much

1:49

more to this episode. So let's just get

1:51

right back into it, guys. I'm your host,

1:53

Lisa Billie. This is Women of Impact with

1:55

my girl, Sarah Jakes Roberts. The

2:00

family oh my gosh, our so powerful

2:02

you're a power As it was, it

2:04

was freaking me out became his like.

2:07

Ours is ours is at their share.

2:09

With that gave me ours is telling

2:11

my story. I was is trying to

2:13

reach people who may need to hear

2:15

things communicated and the way that I

2:18

need to hear them communicate and I

2:20

didn't go out seeking to be powerful

2:22

as the are really satellite praying like

2:24

what is it that they're saying that

2:26

doesn't resonate with who I think that

2:28

I am and what I learned is

2:30

that they were experiencing the overflow of

2:32

who I was when no one was

2:34

looking and so I had to be

2:36

careful when I started getting. That validation

2:38

because I'm a teen mom and because

2:40

I space a lot of rejection and

2:42

a lot of abandonment issues There was

2:44

a pardon me that with i almost

2:46

as if finally feels good to be

2:48

accepted and received and loved and adored

2:50

but it also didn't so safe because

2:52

I know what it's like they had

2:54

like a blanket rip off against it.

2:56

Would you don't deserve it anymore? So. I

2:59

found myself and this balancing act said

3:01

i wanna believe that our one it

3:03

enjoy it but I also don't wanna

3:05

lose. It's a kind of set it

3:07

off altogether and I started seeking. A

3:10

power that was not contingent

3:12

on performance. A power that

3:14

only relied on me be authentic to

3:16

who I am, taking care of the

3:19

things that I value and allowing that

3:21

to display the moment. Last step into

3:23

another form of authenticity and sell and

3:26

you know I am blown away by

3:28

who have been able to be and

3:30

serving other people's lives. But.

3:33

I don't, so I'm defined by it. And

3:35

I also feel like who they get

3:37

whenever I'm speaking in sharing is the

3:40

same person that my children and my

3:42

family experience. so there is no separation

3:44

so it doesn't taken by surprise. Who.

3:46

I am in those moments anymore because I

3:49

see it as the full expression of who

3:51

I am, whether someone's looking or not. The

3:53

oval slow thing is so true and I

3:55

think more more women need to really do

3:57

that and he that because they need. The

4:00

pulled it off the you're serving other people

4:02

and so thinking through the idea that you'll

4:05

earn you really fueling you have your own

4:07

soul size before you can really help others

4:09

is so powerful. And and then the overflow

4:11

thing because I think the i'm thinking about

4:13

guilt right? One thing about especially mother's worth

4:16

a will have to show up for my

4:18

kids and a half the shop for my

4:20

kid and what you end up doing it's

4:22

you to please cell yeah and so then

4:25

what? As you deplete yourself you do so

4:27

powerless, you don't have any feeling control and

4:29

so. Is. That what you doing with your kids

4:31

and is making sure that you kept shooting

4:34

itself so that your kids would end up

4:36

feeling the beauty of you doing that self

4:38

catwalk. yeah you know. I also didn't want

4:40

to perform for them and so if I

4:42

came home from work and our super tired

4:44

and they were trying to get my attention

4:46

and I needed to close one thing out

4:49

one and two things with app and out

4:51

by close my laptop, pretend I didn't have

4:53

to work, try and show up for them

4:55

but be tired. Be distracted, Be

4:57

reserved. For because I knew I had some

4:59

things to do or I would say you

5:01

know and Mommy's ten minutes to finish what

5:03

I'm doing here so that I can give

5:05

you my undivided attention. I stop treating my

5:07

life like I didn't have any options like

5:09

they. Were incapable of understanding as I

5:12

as and for supports. There were some

5:14

I think just rolls that I thought were

5:16

exclusively a part of my role as a

5:18

mother and Sir Alan as my has been

5:20

to do anything to help me in certain

5:23

areas. Because I fell, I see your the

5:25

mom. This is what you're supposed to do

5:27

but I'm a person. I am a mother

5:29

but I'm a person And so I started

5:32

say hey Jaime can you distract the girls

5:34

were fifteen minutes of that I can sit

5:36

in the car into ten minutes and breathing

5:38

exercises and five minutes a tick tock stroll

5:40

of he has girl lays out into the

5:43

house. and the more that i did that

5:45

the more that a created space for them to

5:47

see me as a person not just their genie

5:49

who knows how to make their favorite sandwich or

5:52

doing whatever they need it's and now since as

5:54

it was so funny i lost my keys the

5:56

other day our startling it'll appear if it hasn't

5:58

really am at out as a mom way Take

6:01

a minute, calm down. She's eight. She's four. She's

6:04

like, calm down. But she doesn't see me as

6:06

this. I mean, I think she sees me a

6:08

little bit as a superhero, but she sees me

6:10

as her mom and a woman who sometimes gets

6:12

frustrated, who gets tired, who gets stressed. And so

6:14

I don't feel like I'm disappointing her by being

6:16

human. And I help her to see, like, you

6:19

know how you were tired after you did soccer

6:21

and after you went to school? Now mommy's tired

6:23

because I had a big day of meeting. We're

6:25

gonna have a low-key dinner, and then we're just

6:27

gonna sit back on the couch and chill.

6:29

I introduce the fullness of who I am

6:31

and everything that I do so that there

6:33

is space for two people to be in

6:36

this relationship, not just the child, but the

6:38

child and the mother, not just my husband,

6:40

but me and my husband, not just the

6:42

business owner, but me and my team. And

6:44

so the more that I can bring all

6:46

of myself, the full expression, not just the

6:49

highlights, but more I have found that

6:51

it's easier to not be so easily

6:53

depleted or taken advantage of. Wow, that's

6:55

amazing. And I mean, you're doing multiple things

6:57

there. First of all, you're reaffirming

7:00

to yourself that you're worth it. You're

7:02

worth the time and energy that it

7:04

takes to really go inside yourself and

7:06

do the self-care. Number two, you're really

7:08

talking to your daughter, and you're showing

7:10

her all the power moves that we

7:12

will never talk about. Oh my goodness.

7:14

I want her to be able to

7:16

say that when she's a woman, and

7:19

she's having a breakdown, or she's nervous

7:21

about something, that there's nothing wrong with

7:23

her. Because mommy used to get nervous too. Sometimes

7:26

I would be about to speak, and I'm

7:28

like, I need you guys to say a prayer

7:30

for mommy. Mommy's nervous. I hope my notes make

7:32

sense. I studied a lot. Like they see me

7:34

studying. They see me nervous, and they see me

7:37

moving in power too. I want them to have

7:39

the full picture so that when life is helping

7:41

them figure out what their storyline is going to

7:43

be, that they're not taken by surprise when their

7:46

humanity shows up. I don't want to be their

7:49

figure of perfection. I want

7:51

to be someone that is relatable to them,

7:53

because I know they're going to draw from

7:55

what has been modeled in front of them

7:57

when it's time for them to step in.

8:00

into whatever life has for them. And

8:02

being that model, I think is so powerful. I

8:04

mean, there's one video actually that you released on

8:06

your Instagram and it stuck with me to this

8:08

day, girl. It's when you're on stage and you're

8:11

preaching and you're just in the zone, like you

8:13

are channeling and you just rip off your wig

8:15

because it's getting in your way. When

8:17

I say I watch that video over and over and over,

8:19

I was like, oh my God, this is so good, this

8:22

is so good. Because it just

8:24

showed me that all the things that we

8:26

think, you said this earlier, that make us

8:28

powerful, how do we look? How do we

8:31

sound? Do we seem authoritative? All these things

8:33

that we perceive to be, actually

8:36

the power is in not caring about

8:38

any of that and really just being

8:40

yourself. And that video where you rip

8:42

off your wig and you're like, I don't think

8:44

it's gonna be my way. It was, again,

8:46

a beautiful example for anybody watching

8:48

to be like, now what? Do

8:51

you perceive this as powerful? And the answer

8:53

guaranteed is gonna be yes, but yet we don't

8:56

do it in ourselves. So what other things

8:58

do you feel very important right now to

9:00

be able to show your daughter so

9:02

that she can gain the power young, so

9:04

that she doesn't have to feel powerless as

9:06

an adult? And body image, I'm

9:10

trying to teach her about embracing her

9:12

body, what true confidence is.

9:14

I'm trying to teach her about her

9:17

bodily autonomy as well. One

9:20

of my daughters, she's 14 years old

9:22

and she's beginning to see like how

9:24

she shows up in the world and

9:27

the effect that it can have on

9:29

other people, teenage boys in particular. And

9:31

I'm teaching her to protect that, to

9:33

not be moved by it, to not

9:35

allow that to be the thing that

9:37

makes her feel confident. Because

9:39

it's so easy to do that, especially

9:42

when everything in music and culture is

9:44

celebrating the admiration of your body, but

9:46

you are so beautiful on the inside.

9:48

You have so much intellect and intelligence.

9:50

And if you don't value that and

9:52

you put yourself on discount to instead

9:56

of value what they value and you then they're gonna miss out on the best

9:58

parts of you. And so we're talking. about body

10:00

image, we're talking about spirituality. I'm trying

10:02

to be very careful about making

10:05

sure that though they have baby dolls and they

10:07

have a house that they're also thinking about like,

10:09

but what else may you want to offer

10:11

into the world? Because who knows with the way

10:13

that so many women have been reduced to thinking,

10:16

if I can have children, if I don't get

10:18

married, then I have no value at all. I

10:20

don't know what the future holds for them. And

10:22

so I want them to know that they have

10:25

a broad opportunity to add value to

10:27

the world outside of bearing children and

10:29

being married. You have an incredible mind.

10:31

How do you want to use it?

10:33

Let's write stories. Let's do fashion design.

10:35

Let's go get fabric. Let's cook sometimes.

10:37

Let's try different dishes. Like I want

10:39

to make sure that they have a

10:41

full tour of

10:43

what it means to be a woman in all

10:46

of her expressions. And so we're reading a lot

10:48

of books and

10:51

I'm also making sure that they have a lot of

10:53

great conversations with their father because I don't want the

10:55

first time for them to hear from

10:58

a man's perspective, it being

11:00

a man that they're trying to pursue romantic

11:02

relationships with. And so making

11:04

sure that they leverage that access to what's

11:06

available in their world and fully use it

11:09

before we put them out into the world

11:11

without us has been my prayer, my prayer

11:13

and my desire for them. Well,

11:18

and how much of that have, I

11:20

assume a lot, but you've had to do

11:22

the work yourself because you can't teach if

11:24

you're not there yourself. Oh goodness. I'm still

11:26

doing the work. I'm correcting their lesson plans

11:28

as I learn new things. You know, like,

11:30

you know how mommy said this last week?

11:32

Well, one of the things that I learned

11:34

this week and what do you think about

11:36

that? I'm creating a space where I'm hearing

11:38

their thoughts as well. And so

11:40

I'm hoping that when they grow older

11:42

and they reflect on their childhood that

11:44

they don't just hear my voice in

11:46

the conversation but they hear a

11:48

conversation that was taking place that I took

11:51

the time to understand where they were coming from.

11:53

I think that's really important too, especially as parents,

11:55

we can get so caught up making sure that

11:57

we just deposit the lessons that we don't take

11:59

the time. They make sure that they're hearing

12:01

get properly or to understand where they are

12:03

to make sure that we didn't. Skip

12:05

a few less adolescent. Ever it will. You

12:08

probably remember skipping a few. Days, a class and

12:10

in the class in there talking about nothing as

12:12

you miss the less than force and sometimes were

12:14

teaching them last and but we haven't done the

12:16

work to see. Wait, where are you now so

12:18

that I can make sure that this lesson is

12:21

actually. Appropriate for where you are. Maybe

12:23

I'm talking about half an inch and what

12:25

we really need to talk about is a

12:27

your anxiety. Maybe we really need. To talk

12:29

about you feeling like you need to be perfect and

12:31

so making sure. That I have an

12:33

appropriate less them for their developmental stage,

12:36

emotionally and mentally and spiritually is really

12:38

important to me too. So. Creating their

12:40

space. Asking those questions. As a

12:42

part of what I'm doing laps I

12:44

mean as adults we need to do

12:47

that like well all you now yeah

12:49

I was raised light that you know

12:51

dance at my parents' very much so

12:53

did a phenomenal job of creating a

12:56

space where without loved and cared for

12:58

by in i think the way the

13:00

gentle pair and seeing and listening and

13:02

asking questions is relatively new but it

13:04

is then very helpful for me and

13:07

advocating for my boys my needs a

13:09

my watch and it's hard. It's so

13:11

hard to advocate. For what she was

13:13

the forget advocating It's difficult to identify

13:15

it with his part of the reason

13:17

why in the book I wanna be

13:19

able to help people identify what she

13:21

was. You know it's you don't What

13:23

they can you tell me what you

13:25

do, What? What do you wanna feel

13:28

with the one Do: Who do you

13:30

wanna Because as we can identify what

13:32

she was then we can begin to

13:34

advocate for a that and so giving

13:36

people the language in this space to

13:38

identify advocate and then begins. You ask

13:40

for that and the spaces that matter.

13:42

The most. It does require work but it's some of

13:44

the work that I really believe has changed my life

13:46

while and I love the he said how do you

13:48

want to steal cars So many of us what we

13:50

say what a we want It's usually like the with

13:52

the my way huh? Well when a beach this and

13:54

I wanted a bit be married and I want this

13:56

title and I want his career and I want to

13:58

get the picture. You know the. Picket fence

14:00

with assuming of Noom is that

14:02

it brings you internally that what

14:04

that does for sure it better

14:06

than I think. It helps you

14:08

to determine whether or not what

14:10

you want an once you and

14:13

what you want to feel actually

14:15

alive so like I want it.

14:17

To have a small waistline. I

14:21

was. You feel happy when I

14:23

eat. Salad. Does

14:25

not make me want to study so I

14:28

you me to out of see the I'm

14:30

is the at the lettuce doesn't do it

14:32

and so that is why what I what

14:34

is at a real because what I want

14:36

to seal is more important to me and

14:38

so we have to ask ourselves what is

14:41

most important what's you wine or what she

14:43

wants to see an end to the islands

14:45

on Sundays The answers or difference. What I

14:47

want to feel is more important than as

14:49

waistlines and a but long term to be

14:51

a what is say okay but what I

14:54

want may require that I. Give up on

14:56

what I want to feel because they may

14:58

not always the lives were being able to.

15:00

Had knowledge of both both of those things.

15:02

That's how we live in our truth. It

15:05

doesn't mean that our troops defines our paths,

15:07

but allowing us to live in our true

15:09

then helps us to make the type of

15:11

choices. Based south as long term where we

15:13

went ahead died and is so good? So

15:16

how to make sure that that you don't.

15:18

Like. Nudge. Too much in

15:20

the other way because let's say you want

15:23

a you know a small waistline screenplay switching

15:25

good at that So in that moment will

15:27

se hormones or waxing op you're tired you

15:29

that he had been this A the kids

15:31

you been as a husband and you what

15:33

you want African ice cream and but now

15:36

it's like every day how do you and

15:38

make sure that you decide the thing that

15:40

she ends up setting you long time and

15:42

know the moment the actually white Now having

15:44

the ice cream will save you long time

15:46

because then you won't have the cravings that

15:49

then needs. you to been doing okay well

15:51

then let's go there is a what i

15:53

want it i feel there is what i

15:55

want to feel right now on and there's

15:57

what i want to feel loved her and

15:59

and center and now what I want to

16:01

feel right now is important. Okay, life has

16:03

been stressful, the day has been dang, and

16:05

I need a little bit of a reprieve.

16:07

But then you have to ask yourself is,

16:09

how am I going to feel later? And

16:11

am I okay with that? What

16:13

am I going to have to do to make up for this?

16:16

And am I okay with that? Because

16:18

I will say that what I want

16:20

more than anything is as my body

16:22

ages and as my children grow older,

16:24

I want to feel strong, I want

16:26

to feel healthy, I want to feel

16:28

limber. And so that is my overarching

16:30

desire. And so sometimes I work out when

16:32

I'm tired, sometimes I do eat the salad,

16:34

even though it's not bringing me joy. But

16:36

in those moments where I'm like, you know

16:38

what? The French fries are all that matters,

16:41

I give myself a little bit of space

16:43

there. I just, when they start mattering every

16:45

single day, I'm like, okay, now, wait a

16:47

minute. What's happening inside of

16:49

you? What's happening in your world where

16:51

you need this escape every single day?

16:54

Are you stressed? Are you tired? Have you

16:56

signed up for too many things? And

16:58

what do you need to eliminate so

17:01

that you're not constantly putting yourself at

17:03

jeopardy? And we're talking about food, right?

17:05

But this happens in that relationship. This

17:07

happens in us overworking ourselves. This happens

17:09

in us serving everyone else and not

17:12

serving ourselves because we want to feel

17:14

desired. We want to feel wanted. We

17:16

want to feel helpful, but we're also

17:18

breaking ourselves down, trying to do all

17:20

of those things. And so being able to say, what

17:22

do I want to feel long-term? I want to feel

17:24

in control of my life. I want to feel like

17:26

I can say no without losing out on opportunities. And

17:29

then we get to that stage, what type

17:31

of decisions are connected to me getting that

17:33

long-term goal? Well, I love the

17:35

stepping stones of really acknowledging those three

17:38

and then also asking yourself that question

17:40

because we can make so many excuses.

17:42

We can give ourselves all the reasons

17:45

why, then I just need the French

17:47

fries. But he loves me.

17:49

So even though he is verbally abusive, he tells

17:51

me he loves me. So let me just make

17:53

the piece right now for

17:57

then that future of the possibility.

18:00

of we're going to be happy. But doing

18:02

the three steps, I think really does

18:04

take the blinders off, all

18:06

those things that we may give ourselves the

18:08

excuse, whether it's the now or the future.

18:12

So how do you let's actually talk about

18:14

them relationships in this way? Because

18:16

the love part, the heart is like

18:18

the thing that can really lead us

18:20

astray sometimes, if we're not necessarily listening

18:23

to it or treating it with respect.

18:25

It really feels like you've kind

18:27

of got, okay, these are all the things

18:29

that I care about. And then these are

18:31

the things almost in order of priority. Because

18:33

knowing what your core values are, then allow

18:36

you to have beautiful relationships. But if you

18:38

don't put it in that order, then if

18:40

you're just going from having a great relationship

18:42

or looking to have a great relationship, then

18:44

you're like, what does that mean? Okay, no

18:46

fighting. Okay, I'll make myself small. You can

18:49

kind of see how people if you don't

18:51

do almost the values first, it doesn't allow

18:53

you to be authentic, then to step in

18:55

your own, then to command respect,

18:57

then to set boundaries. That

18:59

was the hardest part of writing a book because I

19:02

knew I wanted to talk about core values. But I

19:04

also wanted to talk about systems. And I'm like, do

19:06

I do the systems first or the core values first?

19:08

Because we do have these systems like our friendships, our

19:10

relationships, the way we show up in the world, it's

19:12

the it's the byproduct of a system, right? And so

19:15

I always show up this way. When I show up

19:17

this way, this is what happens. We get together, we

19:19

talk about our other friend, we have a good laugh,

19:21

then we invite the other friend out to dinner. She

19:23

has no idea we're talking about her, we leave, you

19:25

know what I mean? Like that is a

19:28

system. But does that system align

19:30

with the type of values that you want

19:32

to possess? If you have a different value,

19:34

you need a new system. And so I

19:36

wanted to walk people through the reality that

19:38

you may have a value that is not

19:40

showing up in your system. And so if

19:42

you want your value to show up in

19:44

your system, you have to be willing to

19:46

let go of these systems

19:48

and replace them with a different

19:50

type of system. And so those

19:52

values are very important for setting

19:54

the foundation of how we engage

19:56

with others, how we engage in our faith,

19:58

how we engage with others. With ourselves and

20:00

being able to hold those values true to

20:03

our decision making. and it doesn't mean that

20:05

we live up to at all of the

20:07

time, right? Like I'm not gonna guess anybody

20:09

at You're Gonna Fail right? But. You

20:11

want to know it's a failure New, you

20:13

wanna know as a failure and you're not

20:15

going to give yourself a pass in. I

20:17

just wanna say okay, this is I am

20:20

you gonna sell can they did for not

20:22

living up to the values of who you

20:24

wanna be and that level of conviction him

20:26

remorse allows you to show up differently next

20:28

time. I love the and that's the saying.

20:30

The key is that it becomes like a

20:32

cheat sheet here so that in the moments

20:34

where you may feel emotional or someone's twittering

20:37

you are you're in a heated the bay

20:39

and you're just like maybe. I just agree.

20:41

With them just in that span of

20:43

unless the the blow this argument it

20:45

allows you to not. Be steered

20:47

by those things like you know I don't

20:50

want to be staged by emotions when they

20:52

don't serve the hi I'm version of myself

20:54

yeah as I can like I can very

20:56

much allow my motions to take me and

20:58

set aside and you need me somewhere astray

21:00

I should say and so I because I'm

21:02

aware of that I need all of my

21:04

since seats to be able to go back

21:06

to so having of value system the you

21:09

can keep going back to allows you subset

21:11

of takes I one of people please right

21:13

now because I know it's can make them

21:15

feel better. Some nice to say about a.

21:17

Dozen stay true to my value system.

21:19

Yeah I'd this happened to me the

21:21

other day. some my son is twenty

21:23

one years old we use was gone

21:25

and apartments worried moving added the place

21:27

a he's living in now and my

21:29

head was hurting and he'd waited almost

21:31

a week for me to do this

21:33

and. I didn't want to tell

21:36

him no but my head was hurting and I was

21:38

I as it is. Truck through A and I could go

21:40

up there. And as he get it over. With but

21:42

my head was hurting and as excellent I

21:44

baby on so sorry can we see if

21:46

they can do tomorrow Sent my head hurt

21:49

either almost asthma and of course absolutely the

21:51

need anything and I was thinking that if

21:53

I would have just shown up anyway with

21:55

my head hurney I would have probably been

21:57

cranky. not the best person for the job

22:00

and then ultimately our to robbed him from

22:02

seeing like hey mom doesn't always have all

22:04

of the strength in the world as he

22:06

doesn't always. You know his show up in

22:09

the way that I needed a job because

22:11

she's dealing with her own thing and when

22:13

she's dealing with her own thing is my

22:15

opportunity to serve her as well and a

22:18

lot of handle. I know one helps me

22:20

on this strong frame. Nobody does anything for

22:22

me. How often are you asking someone to

22:24

do something for you? How often are you

22:26

showing that from a space of you are

22:29

in need as opposed. To the person who

22:31

is the filling the need, you have to

22:33

be willing to create a version of yourself

22:35

that is seen as someone who was matches

22:37

here to serve and do things for added

22:40

people but someone who was here to say

22:42

you know what I have need to an

22:44

people who have the ability to fill that

22:46

need are often very willing to do it

22:48

if you just tell them that it exists

22:51

and if you've done all of that lock

22:53

I bet you any money you would have

22:55

been a black Hong Kong to them. A

22:57

bad mother found a within for sure. Stories

22:59

How yourself. And then like his ashes I'm

23:01

a bad mother front I want I already

23:04

had. I'm a fourteen years old now I

23:06

can show a hobby know our main source

23:08

to do is has spiraled into like all

23:10

of these way that I've already failed and

23:12

I don't want to fail a gamble once

23:14

again as as fear driven decision. Here's a

23:16

reality. He doesn't move for like three months,

23:18

he's super pro active like is Lisa than

23:20

that for three months so like I'm not.

23:23

Killing. Him by saying can we wait

23:25

a week you know and he was so

23:27

gracious yes I do. You only can take

23:29

care of use and I would have missed

23:32

out on saying that like I do have

23:34

the support of I would have just continued

23:36

to show up in in been strong and

23:38

allows the other people around you to show

23:41

up for us. you're always showing up for

23:43

dance people One so useful if union business

23:45

when an employee leaves or company with on

23:47

good terms of bats eat conceal safely etched

23:49

into personally like you and you alone are

23:52

the one to blame. And actually

23:54

my even tricky to Mcdaniel business not

23:56

open yourself up a new. Be.

23:58

Risks trying anyway. Now lets

24:00

you actually watch your heart of the a

24:02

bad place and avoid looking set new partner

24:05

altogether. Well let's face it sometimes you can

24:07

do that with Hides, his loss and just

24:09

me cause I've been Ness I get

24:11

the to of bringing new change into business

24:14

as she sues your heart with more

24:16

anxiety. Senate does love and toy but when

24:18

you post jobs are linked and you

24:20

can actually through the coincidence that you'll find

24:22

a white person said the patch up

24:24

costs but it linked in isn't actually just

24:26

another job board linked in has avast

24:28

not worth more than. As be an

24:31

idiot with a beat professionals which

24:33

makes it the best place to

24:35

hire because guys, it gives you

24:37

access to possessions the actually can't

24:40

find anywhere else and so links

24:42

and does. All that will make

24:44

in the place is easy and

24:46

intuitive which then make hiring with

24:48

confidence easy when you have that

24:51

many quality candidates. and it's so

24:53

easy in fact that eighty six

24:55

percent of small businesses skip qualified

24:57

candidates within twenty four hours. Zip.

25:00

Pressure drops of we

25:02

are linked in.com/lisa as

25:04

linked in.com/least. Six to push

25:07

jobs are truly free. And course

25:09

terms and conditions always apply. they do,

25:11

you know? So I wanted to make

25:13

sure the I did that in the

25:15

book without talking about the reality that

25:17

we are of force amongst other for

25:19

names and sometimes us forces are hard

25:21

and negative. we have to figure out

25:24

how to navigate those. but sometimes those

25:26

horses are forces in the making that

25:28

we don't get to experience because we're

25:30

always showing up in our strength and

25:32

set of falling back so that we

25:34

can experience their strengths. And that is

25:36

part of what I have learned in.

25:38

my friendships and my marriage and

25:40

my organization that i have often

25:43

robbed people of showing up in

25:45

power because i thought that my

25:47

power was more adequate or sufficient

25:49

for the task at hand and

25:51

i have burnt myself out tries

25:54

to show up in power twenty

25:56

four seven instead of choosing to

25:58

power down so so someone else could

26:00

power up. And what I learned

26:02

is when they power up that things still

26:04

get done. Maybe it's not done in the

26:06

same way that I got it done. Like

26:09

my husband, he takes the kids to school.

26:11

He orders them an amazing breakfast. I make

26:13

them breakfast. Their stomachs are full and they

26:15

are at school before the bell rings. I

26:17

cannot be married to this idea. It needs

26:19

to be home cooked. It needs

26:21

to be made from scratch. Do you

26:23

know they need to have these clothes

26:26

on? Like I cannot hold him hostage

26:28

to my version of what it looks

26:30

like to show up in his space. And I

26:32

miss out on the opportunity of seeing his expression

26:34

and they give him much less of a hard

26:36

time than they give me. And so it also

26:39

helped me to see like they can do things

26:41

quickly. They just choose not to. And so there

26:43

is something very incredible about powering

26:45

down so other people can power

26:47

up. I love that. And going back to

26:50

something you were saying earlier, it's like the expectation

26:52

now, it's just like your husband can do his

26:54

thing. You know that the kids are just gonna

26:56

be taken care of but you're not actually making

26:58

him feel like you're saying about how we can

27:01

be toxic back. And so let's

27:03

face it, that would have been somewhat

27:05

of a toxic behavior because we're sitting

27:07

here saying, you know, don't hold to

27:09

other people's expectations. Do you, what is

27:11

your authenticity? And now actually you're putting

27:13

your own expectations on your husband and

27:16

expecting him to do it when we

27:18

don't wanna do other people's face of

27:20

us. For sure. One of

27:22

the chapters I am most proud of is

27:24

know your harm. And it all centers around

27:27

knowing the ways that you are harmful. Because

27:30

I know that we live in a generation

27:32

where we have haters and everyone else is

27:34

the bad guy and we're always the victim

27:36

and we have to overcome what people have

27:38

done to us. But here's the reality is

27:40

that we have all been the villain in

27:42

someone's story. And if you don't know the

27:44

way that you can be harmful, that you

27:46

get tired and you get mean, That

27:48

you get stressed and you start getting lazy.

27:50

Like If you don't take into account the

27:52

ways that you lack empathy, the ways that

27:54

you think everyone else should just have to

27:56

survive because you had to survive and no

27:58

one gave you a... The hand that if

28:01

you don't realize the way the to show

28:03

up in a harmful wage than you do

28:05

not. Know. How your

28:07

ability to engage with other people can be

28:09

harmful or help for you that I know

28:12

that you're gonna do some things that are

28:14

harmful and when you can own that's without

28:16

making you feel like a bad person or

28:18

that you're just so negative I had to

28:21

be by myself Then then you get to

28:23

show people that like hey I'm not going

28:25

to do everything perfectly but when I see

28:27

that had then harmful you can also expect

28:30

that I will change in our make every

28:32

effort to do things differently in the future.

28:34

So powers not about perfection, it's about for

28:36

ownership. Of your good and your bags

28:38

at the a beautiful n your complicated

28:40

and that full ownership is what makes

28:42

you a force euro for swinging the

28:44

i can sale and get back up

28:46

again because failure doesn't define me asking

28:48

away and without winning making me arrogant

28:50

because our regular that I only one

28:52

by the grace of god like I

28:55

can move and power speak as I

28:57

recognized the full expression of who I

28:59

am. yeah god is so power and

29:01

when I first met use you know

29:03

few years ago now I had the

29:05

outside at idea of who. U S

29:07

and then I meet you and you're sitting

29:09

there telling me about your stories about you

29:11

know your exit huge was offering a scream

29:13

and yell at once in of Wonder Woman

29:16

over yeah with even even you with signet

29:18

the stories as A and you just yeah

29:20

I was angry I was mad I was

29:23

petty I wanted to do with it and

29:25

that authenticity in owning how toxic you were

29:27

a lot of course is this and. The

29:30

catalyst which is his amazon and

29:32

and own mine is funny. You

29:34

own death am I think become

29:36

so powerful because now people on

29:39

feeding themselves up and living in

29:41

the shame of the fact that

29:43

they have done that in the

29:45

past and I think the second

29:47

you potentially live in shame hold

29:49

something bad you think it means

29:51

something about use you can't then

29:53

be authentic array right right? No

29:55

you can't as because you can't

29:58

see yourself without the lens. The

30:00

ways that you have shown up in

30:02

the past and as a mean that's

30:04

why so much of this is an

30:07

inside job is because Alive Hundred is

30:09

holding ourselves hostage. Were saying to i

30:11

can't do this because it is and

30:13

it's really about liberation and when you

30:16

are liberated you have no choice but

30:18

to be a force in that area.

30:20

And I will say that for lot

30:23

of people the idea being a for

30:25

stills intimidating or sound intimidated by there's

30:27

more responsibility, more stress. It requires more

30:29

stress. And more responsibility to pretend to be

30:32

someone then it there is connected to eat

30:34

as being who you are. It doesn't mean

30:36

that I don't always have you know date

30:38

my bad days or my days when I'm

30:40

stressed. but I'm not living with this constant

30:43

pressure to perform guy so that one guy

30:45

shows up for me, I show up when

30:47

I show up we'll see what happens when

30:49

I get there. I don't know where the

30:51

conversations gonna go am a stumble over my

30:54

words, am a short circuit and say something

30:56

I don't mean I'm apt apologize for that

30:58

like I'm not living with this. Pressure to

31:00

perform and be perceived as give them

31:02

a spate myself space to be human,

31:05

to be compassionate with myself and some

31:07

make a better choice next time and

31:09

that. Is as much power as I

31:11

think any of us up on? yeah I

31:13

completely agree and can you doing taking me

31:15

back to that moment you said the story

31:17

before but I would love see to share

31:20

against the got a follow up questions and

31:22

this is when use your exes with oh

31:24

you're dating him for her and as a

31:26

woman over okay we were actually married. And.

31:29

That there was, I was. you know, cooking.

31:31

Do try to perform again like I'm cooking

31:33

dinner. The marriage was a good A. We'd

31:35

never really had a really solid space that

31:38

I'm like I will pretend my way through

31:40

this, block my eyes out and just keep

31:42

it dry for hims. I'm trying to create

31:44

this white picket fence dinner of the moment

31:46

and I think he was sitting down with

31:49

the kids and I lived in. I realized

31:51

his car was an outside where it was

31:53

usually part I can. I peeked out the

31:55

window discreetly and I saw the car was

31:57

running as the. About a block down the

32:00

road the and for ally creeped outside while

32:02

they were eating I walk into the car

32:04

there's a woman the current like what are

32:06

you doing to that were taking your as

32:08

a what he does with my head macys

32:10

that we're kicking it an alibi cheating you

32:12

excuse me and so I'd go back to

32:14

my house and I happened to my car

32:16

and as you start ram in the car

32:19

over and over again by then my a

32:21

said that a time he goes outside our

32:23

i die she hops in the car he

32:25

charlotte drop off adblock the car They thought

32:27

of the least for me. The officer comes

32:29

up to. Me, that was a city the problem

32:31

here ma'am I'm like well my husband bought his girlfriend

32:33

to the house had a problem with that he that

32:36

I see how that could be an issue. Among

32:38

the the damn an i'll go talk. To.

32:40

Them and I'm he's I love when arrest

32:42

you and when a right to. It's a

32:44

good though and you add to the Ccps

32:46

because I need to make sure that the

32:48

children are in a safe environment and I'm

32:50

gonna let this go. It'll be on them

32:52

whether or not they press charges. Okay

32:56

yes thank you for sharing that others

32:58

follow up question of here. If.

33:00

You could go back. Since. You

33:02

sitting here in your power haven't done all

33:04

the palaces you could go back to that

33:07

Sarah who's so powerless. How

33:09

with what advice would you give her and what

33:11

would you do differently? I what

33:13

is still around the corner. There

33:21

were you I will read. Oh now. At.

33:24

Least let me know me

33:26

tell you why league has

33:28

and. I

33:31

mean, and I sure you know I

33:33

love that I'm a Christian all of

33:36

these days, but I think it's hot

33:38

Me: That I could really lose

33:40

it in a way that would make

33:42

you lose my children in in up

33:44

in prison like I did not know

33:46

how quick it he is. For. You

33:48

to lose yourself. I.

33:50

Just I wouldn't change anything about that

33:52

moment. Like at one of the things

33:55

that our teams at One Evolve, We're

33:57

constantly working on ways that we can

33:59

serve women who. The are experiencing

34:01

incarceration. Because I really feel like

34:03

I was one. literally one more

34:05

situation from being and probing. Cause.

34:08

I was like there was nothing easy

34:10

to to sat me and it is

34:13

literally by the grace of God and

34:15

nobody in it injured or hurt because

34:17

at that moment it was anything could

34:19

happen And so it's taught me what

34:22

was then mean, how toxic it was,

34:24

how bad it was, how black it

34:26

was undecided me and. I

34:29

don't know that I would change that.

34:31

Okay so let's assume sudden lesson or

34:33

there was so powerful that you wouldn't

34:35

change. Yes, let's say you learn the

34:37

lesson. Going. Back to that moment.

34:40

What would you told yourself? Assuming the you

34:42

learned a lesson and way take us through

34:44

them, building that power in that moment where

34:46

we can really lose Asha and be completely

34:48

powerless. I. Would say

34:50

that it is okay. For

34:54

this to sail. I

34:56

was so afraid of experiencing another

34:58

failure and their their mark on

35:01

my reputation that I felt like

35:03

I have to buy it for

35:05

this. I guess life or death.

35:08

And. As thing that I would

35:10

say to myself in that moment.

35:13

That. Your her pride. Is

35:16

keeping you. From truly

35:18

saying. That. This is

35:21

Never going to work. That

35:24

it's like literally never going to work.

35:27

And. Until you accept that this

35:29

is never going to work, then you're

35:31

never going to meet the version of

35:34

you that does work like this. Divinely.

35:37

A mess I There are some things.

35:40

That are just divinely a mess by.

35:42

This is not meant to work

35:44

and so it is always going to

35:46

fall apart. Like is not just the

35:49

cheating, it's not just that you're away

35:51

from home like this is not meant

35:53

to work and if you can he

35:56

said said this is not meant to

35:58

work, you can then. The Us:

36:00

How Do I make myself work

36:03

outside of this relationship? Outside of

36:05

this job. Outside of this experience,

36:07

How do I focus on making

36:10

myself like. Having

36:13

I needed something to. Distract. Me: From

36:16

what was it working inside and me

36:18

when I that pride in their at

36:20

thirteen as is still broken for ever.

36:22

Lie. I grew up in purity.

36:24

Culturally, there were so many different

36:26

layers to what it meant to be

36:29

pregnant as a teenager, as a pastor's

36:31

daughter, as the of as soon as

36:34

I'm going to release. there were so

36:36

many layers to like why this

36:38

is damaged me forever And what

36:40

I know now is like restoration is

36:42

real and restoration is not always.

36:45

That. My life goes back to

36:47

looking like what it was

36:49

before this happen restoration. As

36:51

one my spirit returns to

36:53

what it was before this

36:55

happen. Sometimes.

36:58

We sell people my serration and are like I'm

37:00

never going to get the time back. I'm never

37:02

gonna get the kid back. Like. There's

37:04

no way this can be restored.

37:07

Restoration isn't about getting the things

37:09

are the people back or the

37:11

life fact that she wants hair.

37:13

Restoration is about getting your soul

37:15

back to replace the hope of

37:18

joy of love of kindness. And

37:20

I needed restoration that had nothing

37:22

to do with pretending I didn't

37:24

have a child or china pretend

37:26

that I had this perfect picture.

37:29

Little lies and they did. The

37:31

kind of restoration as is this.

37:34

Thirteen. You grow that pregnant. Who

37:36

drive at a college and waitress at

37:39

the strip club? Found. Zola

37:41

a. C. Sound p

37:43

She found confident she found

37:45

power. Her soul.

37:47

Has been restored and what

37:49

I believe women need more

37:52

than anything is not necessarily

37:54

them to have this multimillion

37:56

billion dollar business is not

37:58

the had this perfect. Tara

38:00

me or the right friends or to

38:02

travel the world because you didn't have

38:05

all of those things and still have

38:07

a broken soul. What we need more

38:09

than anything is to get to a

38:11

place where our soul has been restored

38:14

and from that place as. Beer.

38:16

It Restoration. Everything

38:18

else flows. We. Find peace

38:20

in what we do have. We still

38:23

can imagine what things could be like

38:25

and then sometimes take the steps to

38:27

actually walk into that. But it doesn't

38:29

happen with pressure Because our spirit we

38:31

have a spirit for what is around

38:34

as an for what is behind us

38:36

and for what is possible for us

38:38

as well. Wow I love the idea

38:40

of the restoration that so beautiful. How

38:43

do you make sure that you could?

38:45

You even said what's behind asked? how

38:47

do we make sure that sometimes we

38:49

don't. Hurry all the things that are

38:51

behind us into our future when they

38:53

don't serve us. I.

38:57

Love that he said when they

39:00

don't service because I very much

39:02

so carry. All. of who I

39:04

am. In. To where I

39:06

am Lie Had I not random caught

39:08

Lima has been my amazing has then

39:11

he like knows I'm crazy here by

39:13

home for survey survey carried some they're

39:15

crazy wave me that I'm and when

39:18

you say crazy me like a twig

39:20

the that's right you're answering your yes

39:22

But how do we get to a

39:24

space where were able to kick to

39:27

let go of what no longer started

39:29

said. It comes as a compassion. I.

39:32

Had to find a way to the

39:34

compassion not anger for who I once

39:36

was so used to be when I

39:39

thought about getting pregnant at thirteen years

39:41

old that our that you're a nasty

39:43

your dirty like you're such a bad

39:45

girl know as everyone a once you

39:47

like how could she be so dumb

39:49

like huge is it is the all

39:52

of these negative thoughts. Know.

39:54

when i started to look at that

39:56

grow through a lens of compassion i

39:58

recognize that hours lonely I was afraid,

40:01

I was isolated. And some moments I

40:03

was really angry at how quickly my

40:05

parents' ministry had grown and how I

40:07

felt lost in the midst of it.

40:09

I didn't have a relationship with God,

40:12

so I didn't feel like I was

40:14

one of the girls who got it.

40:16

And so there was a lot of

40:18

desire, a

40:20

lot of anger built up in my body at 13

40:22

years old. And

40:25

so I could choose to carry

40:27

the shame of that moment, the

40:29

embarrassment of that moment, or

40:31

the reality that when I feel

40:33

isolated, when I feel rejected, when

40:36

I feel alone, that I am

40:38

willing to do anything to satisfy

40:40

the pain that is within me.

40:42

And because I carry that lesson

40:44

that I learned through compassion with

40:46

me, it helps me to be

40:48

compassionate with myself when I'm beginning

40:50

to feel isolated, rejected, abandoned alone

40:52

as a 35-year-old woman. And

40:56

so I believe it really comes down

40:58

to understanding the most

41:00

powerful narrative, not the most

41:02

destructive one. So when you

41:04

look back on your life and you see

41:07

what you've gone through, if there

41:09

are only two buckets for your narrative

41:11

and one gives you power and one

41:13

further destroys you, you have to choose

41:16

what bucket you're going to see your

41:18

story through. And it is

41:20

most powerful when we choose to see

41:22

it through the bucket that requires compassion,

41:25

empathy, forgiveness, as opposed to the one that

41:27

requires us to constantly destroy that version of

41:29

who we are so that we feel good

41:31

about where we are now. One of the

41:33

things I wrote in the book, people always

41:35

say, the only person I'm better than is

41:37

the person I was yesterday. Sometimes that's

41:40

true, sometimes it's not. Sometimes I was

41:42

better yesterday. You

41:44

know, like that was a better version of

41:47

who I am, because today I'm struggling and

41:49

I'm okay with that, because I recognize that

41:51

life is a journey. I don't want to

41:53

have to destroy who I was yesterday to

41:55

build who I am today. I want to

41:57

believe that I can embrace all of who

41:59

I am. I am because I need

42:01

all of who I am to really

42:03

affect what is in front of

42:05

me today. And I'm here to cause and affect

42:08

something in the earth. That

42:10

was so short. When I read that in your book, I was

42:12

like, oh my, because I love those shift

42:14

moments. Those moments where I think one

42:16

way and then something shifts inside me

42:18

and like doors open, you know, like

42:20

the angels start singing. And

42:22

when I read that, I actually found that super powerful because

42:24

I was the person that was always like, well, as long

42:27

as I'm better today and not realizing

42:29

cause language matters. The words you use,

42:31

the phrases you're saying to yourself matter.

42:33

It absolutely impacts how you show up

42:36

the next day. I think of it

42:38

as like water dripping on the stone.

42:40

It eventually starts to take its shape.

42:43

And so if the word is a

42:45

toxic word or if your idea of who

42:47

you used to be becomes toxic, that dripping

42:49

on you over time, the shape of your

42:51

belief of who you are starts to change.

42:53

So that idea of hang on a minute,

42:55

but today you may be tired and now

42:57

you're going to beat yourself up emotionally, judge

42:59

yourself for it. Instead of saying, no, it's

43:01

actually okay. Yesterday I was better. Dude, it

43:03

fricking hit me for six when you said

43:05

that. I really love that

43:07

idea because I look at

43:09

the moments of that are holding us back. And

43:12

I think that it can be powerful in

43:14

a way cause I used to use it as

43:16

a way to not compare myself to other people.

43:18

So that was why I started to use it.

43:20

Cause I'm like, instead of comparing yourself to that

43:22

person who's got 10 years ahead of you, you

43:24

know, they've already been doing it for so many

43:26

years. Why would you think you would be as

43:28

good as them if you haven't practiced as much

43:30

as them? So I would then shift my mind

43:32

that don't say, okay, how did you show up?

43:34

So it was empowering to go from that negative

43:36

to the positive. But now there's this new evolution

43:38

to this idea, which is stop

43:40

even judging the self, this

43:43

version of you yesterday, because maybe you are

43:45

struggling with something today. You did it. And

43:47

if I can figure out why can't I

43:50

show up the way that I was yesterday

43:52

and my most powerful form, what happened along

43:54

the way? Maybe I'm carrying it. Maybe it

43:56

was negative. Maybe I haven't processed it. Maybe

43:59

me. Going up the day is rest made

44:02

any to change my definition of power for

44:04

today Yesterday power was me bad thing and

44:06

work in out and taken eighteen business meetings

44:08

to days power is in me resting and

44:10

if I'm constantly comparing who I was yesterday

44:13

to who I am today than at only

44:15

to as less of but what do you

44:17

need today Because what you need today and

44:19

what you can do today is how we

44:22

will define power for today and then well

44:24

as the next question for tomorrow. But I

44:26

don't want to be, I don't want to

44:28

be held hostage to whoever. People think I

44:30

need to be or who I was yesterday,

44:33

I wanna live, prize in in this moments

44:35

and to be at one with them myself

44:37

in a way that allows me to bring

44:39

all at their which I'm our power to

44:41

bring all of that power into what is

44:43

in front of me. As an entrepreneur one

44:45

of the biggest challenges you face is a

44:47

negative voice in your head. You know whom

44:49

to my that maybe not to smoke gets

44:52

loud, lead helps your abilities to actually pull

44:54

things off and make a living some your

44:56

passion projects but you're gonna overcome a negative

44:58

voicing. Your hit me because I'm. Telling you

45:00

you can do it. Especially

45:02

if you should define and she

45:05

is an. Old. One Global Commerce

45:07

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45:24

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45:26

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45:29

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45:33

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45:42

He's going sign up for just

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what stage it since that Shopify

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dot com/Lisa. Ohio,

46:02

ready for some quick mental health facts? Let's go.

46:05

Nearly 2 million Ohioans live with a mental

46:07

health condition. more than 50% In the U.S., more than

46:10

50% of people will be diagnosed

46:12

with a mental illness in their lifetime. Depression

46:15

is a leading cause of

46:17

disability worldwide. So why are

46:19

some of us still stigmatizing people living with a

46:21

mental health condition when we know all

46:23

of this? Let's listen to the

46:25

facts and beat the stigma. Ohio, challenge

46:27

what you know about mental health at

46:30

beatthestigma.org. as I was thinking before we started rolling,

46:32

we were talking about our age and I was telling

46:34

you about my hormones and things like that. And now

46:36

I think about even that. It's like in your 40s

46:38

and 50s, you're not going to be the same as

46:40

you were in your 20s. So if you're comparing your

46:43

earlier self to now, well, maybe you are struggling more.

46:45

Maybe your hormones are all out of whack. Absolutely.

46:48

There are any number of things that keep

46:50

us from being able to be who we

46:52

were yesterday. And the only reason why I

46:54

wanted to poke holes in that is because

46:56

when you think about it too much in

46:58

that way, you begin to feel

47:01

discouraged because at a certain point

47:03

yesterday was last year. That

47:05

was six years ago. And then you start

47:07

to grieve this idea that maybe my better

47:09

days are behind me. Maybe I'll never be

47:11

able to access that version of who I

47:13

am, not allowing that version of who you

47:15

were to just be released so that you

47:17

can figure out what's possible for today. And

47:19

then when you see what's possible for today,

47:22

you're like, hey, there are all of these

47:24

different variables that I didn't have then. And

47:26

now that I have them, I have to define what

47:28

the success looks like now because it may not

47:30

be able to be what it was then. Yeah,

47:33

God, that's so powerful. OK, so talking about poking

47:35

holes, you also talk about power leaks. So

47:37

if you don't mind, what are the power

47:39

leaks that we can start to watch out

47:41

for? Because as you're starting to build your

47:44

power, your confidence, your self worth, we've

47:46

got to make sure that we're not then leaking

47:48

in places that we may not even realize. There

47:51

are paper cuts, right? There's a saying

47:54

death by a thousand paper cuts. And

47:57

so most of us think about the moments

47:59

when we've lost power. like maybe there was

48:01

a big breakup, there was a loss,

48:03

a transition, and we're like, these are

48:05

those big power loss moments. But the

48:07

reality is that there are small ways

48:09

that we give our

48:11

power away without even realizing it. That

48:13

may be spending too much time on

48:15

social media. It could be little small

48:18

things that we allow to pass in

48:20

our relationships that ultimately become big things.

48:22

Like anyone who's been in a relationship

48:24

knows that there's this moment where like

48:27

now we're having a blowup, not just

48:29

because you left the dishes out, but because

48:31

X, Y, and Z happened

48:33

along the way that I never said anything

48:35

about. Not realizing that had I said something

48:37

in the beginning, that there could have been

48:39

a course correction that wouldn't have allowed things

48:42

to blow up into something so big. And

48:44

so the more that we can patch those

48:46

small holes along the way, the less likely

48:48

we are to experience power leaks. And so

48:50

I like people

48:52

to in the book, there's a

48:54

practice where we're like, let's go throughout the day

48:57

and think about those moments where a little bit

48:59

of power leaked, where you felt yourself not

49:01

able to be fully authentic or giving someone

49:03

a pass when you really didn't want to. And

49:05

listen, I'm not the person that's like, now

49:07

we got to call out everybody who does

49:10

anything to us. But we

49:12

do have to be willing to reconcile at the

49:15

end of the day. OK,

49:17

that drained me a little bit more than

49:19

I anticipated. Like, who that that cost a

49:21

little bit much. Why do I need to

49:23

reconcile that? Because I need to be able

49:25

to ask myself, how do I restore what

49:27

has been leaked away? Maybe I need to go to bed

49:29

a little bit earlier. Maybe I need to modify

49:31

my day. But if we just allow these small

49:33

power leaks to become a part of our day

49:36

to day, sometimes we end up depleted and we

49:38

don't even know why. I don't know what's wrong

49:40

with me. I don't know why I feel the

49:42

way that I feel. Nothing big has really happened.

49:44

No, because lots of small things have become big

49:46

things that have now made you feel so

49:48

small in a world where you were

49:51

once OK taking up space. So things

49:53

like you say yes when you really

49:55

meant no. For sure. And

49:57

it seems like it's small, but

49:59

you say yes anyway. you do

50:01

something that doesn't you

50:03

agree to something that doesn't necessarily align

50:06

with your true beliefs you

50:09

allow people to push you in

50:12

a direction that is not necessarily

50:14

congruent with what you believe you

50:16

see something on social media that

50:18

you internalize as something that is

50:20

targeted towards you or something that

50:22

makes you question your ability

50:25

to show up in this space that you're in

50:28

there are any number of things right

50:30

that can play a role and that you

50:32

saw someone working out at the gym and

50:34

they were doing such a better job than

50:36

you and you've spent the day thinking that

50:38

I should just fall off the train all

50:40

together like these are small power leaks and

50:42

we catch them not necessarily by telling that

50:44

person okay well I'm gonna come to the

50:46

gym at a different time I'm going to

50:48

make sure that I stopped the comparison that

50:50

made me believe that I needed to look

50:52

the way that they look like we got

50:54

to be way be willing to engage with

50:56

ourselves in those moments where power is leaking

50:58

from us and when applicable being willing

51:00

to have tough conversations with people so that

51:03

they can also stop poking those holes as

51:05

well I start thinking about

51:07

you know like the the last straw that broke

51:09

the camel's back with so many of us women

51:11

would just take more on more on more on

51:14

the weight on like more on our shoulders and

51:16

eventually it's like yes the pressure and the

51:19

weight on your shoulders will break you so

51:21

I'm always thinking how do I make sure I don't get to

51:23

that stage how do I spot it when the third straw has

51:26

been put on right and so thinking

51:28

through okay maybe doing an assessment of my

51:30

day where were those moments of power least that

51:32

I can then start to block them I think

51:34

is such a beautiful way to then not have

51:37

to do ten years of work yeah because that

51:39

can be overwhelming right when you've got ten years

51:41

of all these things that you've you know stacked

51:43

up just doing it day

51:45

by day and blocking those leaks I

51:47

absolutely love talk to

51:49

me about the dark side to power I

51:52

actually have a quote of yours you said

51:54

power without accountability and will always turn to

51:56

abuse part of the reason why I

51:58

believe women have been so kind of to

52:00

wanting to be powerful or wanting to

52:03

even be in positions of power is

52:05

because we've seen so many moments where

52:07

people had power and they had arrogance

52:09

and they had no accountability and as

52:11

a result that we don't want to

52:14

become that so we avoid power all

52:16

together. The dark side of power

52:18

is when we are setting our

52:20

own rules, setting our own standards

52:22

without having any type of accountability.

52:24

For me of course I have

52:26

accountability in my relationships and my

52:28

friendships whether it's with my husband

52:31

or with my parents or siblings

52:33

there's a level of accountability there

52:35

and I exercise that accountability by

52:37

asking the types of questions that

52:39

give them permission to be honest

52:41

with me about the way that

52:43

I'm showing up. Can you give

52:45

me an example? Sure

52:49

so I may ask my husband when I

52:51

said that did it feel dishonoring like when

52:54

I said that did I have an attitude

52:56

or I'm sorry I've been really stressed today

52:58

so if I said something that made you

53:01

feel like I wasn't being present I wasn't

53:03

paying attention when you were talking you know

53:05

that's because XYZ is happening and then he

53:07

may tell me my husband I will tell

53:10

you he doesn't need a lot of permission

53:12

to tell me. He's pretty vocal about the

53:14

areas where it's like hey are you here

53:17

are you listening but there's something

53:19

interesting when you ask your children

53:21

that because power my

53:23

husband and I are they are equal

53:25

within our power dynamic but

53:28

with my children where there is an offset

53:30

with the power dynamic or with my team

53:32

where there is a power dynamic to be

53:34

able to ask like hey are you

53:36

comfortable do you need anything is there

53:38

something that I can do better allows

53:40

for them to tell me that there

53:42

is an opportunity for me to grow

53:44

but you never discover that if you

53:46

aren't asking those types of questions what

53:48

do I miss do you think this

53:50

is the best idea do you like

53:52

the run-of-show that we put together asking

53:54

those questions instead of just being a

53:56

tyrant with your power is how we

53:58

have accountability and melody while also

54:00

maintaining the power that's been given to us.

54:02

I'm obviously a woman of faith and so

54:04

prayer is really important to me, being able

54:06

to center myself and not just go to

54:08

God with my list of things that I

54:10

need him to do, but

54:12

to experience God's presence

54:15

and my life through his presence. So

54:18

was I an

54:20

image of God, a reflection of God in all that

54:22

I did today? If

54:25

God was standing in the room as I believe

54:27

that he was, that sometimes I act like he's

54:29

not, would

54:31

I be able to get into heaven? Like, is my ticket

54:33

going to scan? If

54:36

he scanned my ticket right now, is your

54:38

girl getting behind those gates? And sometimes the

54:40

answers are very strong. No, you

54:42

know? And so then I know in

54:45

those moments that like, I exercise the

54:47

power that doesn't align with God's power

54:49

in my life. And I hold myself

54:51

accountable to recognizing that my power is

54:53

on loan. There's nothing that God has

54:55

given me in my life that has

54:58

not come by God's power. And so

55:00

if I mishandle God's power, I don't

55:02

ask God for more of it. I

55:05

shouldn't expect to receive more of it because

55:08

I have mishandled and misused the power and

55:10

influence God has given me. And so my

55:12

goal is to get to a place where

55:14

when my time on earth is done, where

55:16

God's able to say to me, well done,

55:19

my good and faithful servant, you are good

55:21

and faithful as it related to being a

55:23

vessel of my power. Not just when people

55:25

were looking, not just when cameras were on,

55:27

but when you were working with people behind

55:29

the scenes, when you were raising these children,

55:31

when you were loving the people who I

55:33

put in your circle of influence. And so we

55:36

have to surrender and make ourselves

55:38

open to that level of accountability.

55:40

But that's how we can trust

55:42

that power is ours to serve

55:44

and not to control. Oh my

55:46

God. It's, it's so powerful

55:48

in thinking like that. Because you're

55:51

always looking for that improvement, that moment of like, how

55:53

do I get better instead of like, was I perfect?

55:55

Was I, you know, and I think

55:57

that that's a beautiful way to think because you're.

56:00

always thinking forward, how do I grow and how

56:02

do I change? For me, it almost like feels

56:04

like a big North Star for you. It's like,

56:06

okay, anytime that I'm feeling lost, anytime something happening,

56:08

let me go here and ask God. And then

56:10

if that's a good reflection, then I'll get the

56:13

keys into the gates as you will. For

56:15

me, it's how do I feel about myself at

56:18

night when I'm by myself? Can

56:20

I actually say, I'm proud of you today, Lisa? And

56:22

if I can't say I'm proud of

56:24

you today, Lisa, then I have to assess why.

56:26

And then I have to assess those moments of

56:28

why, is it an old belief or is it

56:30

actually a current thing that I do need to change?

56:33

Because the old belief may be, well, you said no

56:35

to this person and they were disappointed. And it's like,

56:37

yeah, but I had to say no for my own

56:39

self-care. And then I can go, okay, that was an

56:41

old belief, so I'm actually

56:44

proud of myself. Versus, you know what, you're

56:46

a little dismissive of that person today and

56:48

that's why I don't feel like I can

56:50

completely be proud of myself right now.

56:52

It's like, okay, well, you can just do better tomorrow.

56:54

What will you do differently tomorrow? And I used to

56:56

spiral that voice in my head of like, oh my

56:59

God, here you are again. I can't believe that you're

57:01

no good. I told you you shouldn't have done that,

57:03

blah, blah, blah. And so now the idea

57:06

is actually breaking me down instead of allowing

57:08

me to build. And I think you say

57:10

in your books, for every breakthrough you need

57:13

the breakdown. Yeah, for sure. You know what

57:15

I love about what you said about even

57:17

if you were dismissive to someone, like

57:19

to me, true power is then being able

57:22

to go to that person yesterday. They're like, you

57:24

know what, I think I may have been dismissive.

57:26

I was in the middle of doing X, Y,

57:28

and Z because it's one thing to hold yourself

57:30

accountable and be like, okay, I won't do that

57:32

again, but there's something else to be able to

57:34

fix what you did yesterday. And

57:36

to me that is powerful because it

57:38

teaches people that you can trust me

57:40

with you, right? So

57:43

in a marriage, oh my gosh, we can

57:45

sometimes get so caught up in our rhythm

57:47

that we're talking to one another. Like I

57:49

may talk to him like he's one of

57:51

my team members or one of the children

57:53

and he may do the same, but it's

57:55

not necessarily that that won't happen again. But

57:57

what I can trust is that when it

57:59

does happen, that you will

58:01

recognize it, apologize for it, and become

58:03

more sensitive to it when there's a

58:05

possibility of it happening again. I will

58:07

say that I really believe my husband

58:10

is like the master of that. Because

58:12

if something happens and I'm like, ooh,

58:14

that was a little spicy. And we're

58:16

like in the neighborhood of Spicy Inn

58:18

and be like, was that a little

58:20

spicy? I was like, no, it wasn't

58:22

spicy. But thank you for asking because

58:24

now you're sensitive to something that I

58:27

vocalized affected me in the past. And

58:29

it's also putting in a position like,

58:31

you're not perfect. For sure, yeah, absolutely.

58:33

And when you can accept that you're

58:35

not perfect, you're more willing to forgive

58:37

and apologize and mess up. And this

58:40

is not about getting a license to

58:42

do whatever because we're out constantly, like

58:44

I said, stretching for more. But when

58:46

we have a breakdown in the stretch,

58:48

we're able to own that and then

58:51

try again. And that's important to the

58:53

human experience. Why do

58:55

you think women perceive power as a

58:57

whole, just

58:59

potentially like bad,

59:02

if you will? Because I love

59:04

that you called your book Power Moves. I love

59:06

that this entire interview is about how women gain

59:08

their power. But there's

59:10

a lot of women that perceive the word

59:13

power as being negative. Well, I

59:15

believe that's got a lot to do

59:17

with the systems of patriarchy that have

59:19

made us believe that we will not

59:22

handle power properly or that we are

59:24

not deserving of power. We're too emotional.

59:26

And so we have a negative connotation

59:28

about how we handle power. The problem

59:31

with that even biblically, right? And I

59:33

know not everyone's a believer is that

59:35

when God created creation and he

59:38

made man and woman, he gave

59:40

them power. He gave them dominion

59:42

and authority. It was never supposed

59:44

to be this hierarchy. Sin entered

59:46

the world and now there's this hierarchy and

59:49

patriarchy, but God's original intention was

59:51

for man and woman to both

59:53

walk in power, to release that

59:55

power, to be fruitful and multiply,

59:57

to be co-laborers. And so we

59:59

were... supposed to hold power. Now

1:00:01

Eve in the garden, she did

1:00:03

some things. And now there are

1:00:05

mindsets that make us believe that

1:00:07

we are better left seen and

1:00:10

not heard. I am on

1:00:12

a mission to help women understand that your

1:00:14

power doesn't have to look like the power

1:00:16

that has been celebrated in cultures and industries

1:00:19

in order for it to be as

1:00:21

potent and effective in introducing

1:00:24

change in the world. And so I

1:00:26

believe that my own life is such

1:00:28

a testament of that, especially I will

1:00:30

say as a woman of faith, religion

1:00:32

can be very male dominated when we

1:00:34

talk about, you know, patriarchy and religion

1:00:36

and to see a woman who is

1:00:39

stepping into a role of leadership and

1:00:41

authority and a space of faith. I

1:00:43

think it gives women permission to not

1:00:45

just be women of faith who have

1:00:47

to sit in the background who aren't

1:00:50

allowed to have certain speeches and aren't allowed to do

1:00:52

certain things and say, you know what, I am

1:00:54

absolutely a woman. I mean, in every sense

1:00:56

of the word, I'm not pretending to be

1:00:58

a man. I'm not trying to be someone

1:01:00

I'm not. I am a full blown woman

1:01:02

up here with a wig falling off. Okay. This

1:01:06

is a woman up here, but I

1:01:08

am also bringing a power that is

1:01:10

completely different than what you may have

1:01:13

seen from other men speakers. Not

1:01:16

about comparison. It's about duality.

1:01:18

And the beauty of duality is when

1:01:21

we don't just experience one expression of

1:01:23

power, but many expressions of specifically God's

1:01:25

power showing up in the context of

1:01:27

faith. But when we talk about corporate

1:01:29

spaces and industry, there are just some

1:01:32

perspectives that men in a boardroom alone

1:01:34

cannot bring to the table. We need

1:01:36

women. We need women of color because

1:01:38

they have a different type of power and

1:01:41

we cannot change industries or

1:01:43

meet consumers and our people

1:01:45

who are connected to the work that we do

1:01:47

where they are with just one view of

1:01:50

what it means to have power. And so

1:01:52

I am hoping that my conversation is not

1:01:54

the only conversation about women and

1:01:57

power, but that other women with their

1:01:59

own unique power. are able

1:02:01

to combine with men and women alike

1:02:03

to have a more broad version of

1:02:05

what it means for us to be

1:02:07

powerful. Hell yeah, and look, you're leading

1:02:10

by example, girl, seriously, like being the

1:02:12

woman on stage, when

1:02:14

you're on stage, it's like you're just on

1:02:16

fire, like I feel your power coming through

1:02:18

my laptop when I'm watching you. And so

1:02:21

being a woman of example, leaning

1:02:24

into it and by saying this isn't something

1:02:26

you should shy away from, writing a book

1:02:28

about power moves and how to actually lean

1:02:30

into your power and gain your power when

1:02:32

you feel powerless, is I

1:02:34

think a massive first step in us

1:02:36

women actually starting to own it. And

1:02:38

then hopefully there can be that echo

1:02:40

effect, but you are freaking leading by

1:02:42

example, being here today, sharing your wisdom

1:02:44

and your book is incredible. For anyone listening

1:02:46

right now, where can they go and

1:02:48

find more of you and buy your

1:02:50

book? Oh goodness, well, they can buy

1:02:52

power moves, ignite your confidence and become

1:02:54

a force wherever books are sold. And

1:02:57

they can find me on all

1:02:59

the socials, I'm on Instagram, I'm

1:03:01

on TikTok, I'm on Facebook, we're

1:03:03

doing all, it's got a YouTube

1:03:05

channel, I've got a podcast and

1:03:07

you know, Women Evolve, that's my

1:03:09

baby and we're having an annual

1:03:12

event. We did 40,000 Women

1:03:14

at Globe Life Field last year

1:03:16

and so I'm excited about what

1:03:18

happens when women come together and

1:03:20

unite all of our power with

1:03:22

the intent of really changing the world in

1:03:25

our lives for the better. Thank you.