0:01

Hello, and welcome back to Widowed

0:03

AF. You're here with Rosie and

0:05

John. Ah, there we go. Seamless.

0:08

We are just gonna record

0:10

a fairly brief Famous

0:12

Last Words. It will be, because we're restricted

0:15

by the school run today. So, we talked

0:17

in our previous, uh, chatty episode

0:19

about The importance of this

0:21

not becoming a, um, a demand,

0:24

and something that puts extra pressure

0:26

on, because life

0:28

can feel quite pressured anyway, and I want this to still

0:31

be something that I enjoy doing.

0:33

So we might not be as regular as clockwork

0:35

as we have been, um, but I don't think that

0:37

really matters. I don't think any of you are going to

0:40

Take us to task for not putting out two

0:42

episodes a week, on time, every week. So,

0:45

I mean

0:46

I

0:46

mean, if you want to.

0:48

You're welcome to have a go at doing it and see how, uh,

0:50

see how you fare. Um, but,

0:52

so welcome back everybody. And we've

0:54

got a few things to talk about. I've even printed out a

0:57

list. Um,

0:59

but primarily, uh,

1:03

We're going to talk about, I think passage of time

1:05

is quite a big one for today, don't you? Yeah, I think

1:07

so. Yeah. I think so. So for

1:09

anybody that doesn't know, it was my birthday on

1:11

Saturday, and I

1:14

don't know about the rest of you, but birthdays can be quite,

1:16

um, and forgive me for using this word, but quite

1:18

triggering. I think

1:20

it marks the passage of time,

1:23

um, my birthday is March, Ben

1:25

died in March. And

1:27

for me personally, I'm now a year,

1:29

I'm now 43, um, I

1:32

know, shocker right? But Ben

1:34

was 42 when he died. So. Yeah,

1:39

a few feelings have been stirred up, I guess.

1:41

And I don't want to sit here and pontificate

1:44

and say, I'm going to enjoy every

1:46

moment that he didn't get to have, I'm going

1:48

to, you know, live in the moment and squeeze

1:51

joy out of every second, because that is just

1:53

completely unobtainable and would be setting

1:55

myself up to fail. But it did make me

1:57

re evaluate a bit and think, actually,

2:00

I am still here, and

2:04

He's not. And that's really shit.

2:06

Um, it is really shit. But

2:10

as, as we talk about all the time, you, you, you,

2:12

you kind of have those two choices, don't you?

2:14

And I rather hope I might get another 43,

2:17

all being well. I mean, depends how

2:19

much my past catches up with me

2:21

as we get old age, but

2:23

We can but try though, we can but try.

2:24

Yeah, exactly, exactly. And,

2:26

um I did manage to have a party

2:29

on Saturday which, uh, it was quite

2:31

a small affair and it was in our house,

2:33

which for those of you who know me personally,

2:36

will know that since Party Rose

2:38

died a death two

2:40

years ago, two years tomorrow by

2:42

the way, I have been off the booze, hosting

2:46

a party, I can

2:48

do it in the garden, or at a venue, But

2:50

somehow there's something about it being in my house, and I guess

2:53

that's because that's when I would have got absolutely smashed.

2:55

Because drinking at home, like there's no other

2:57

drinking like it, right? Um,

3:00

but actually it was really nice, and um, there

3:02

was a hard finish of 9 o'clock,

3:04

9pm. There was, and people obeyed it as well. They did, I

3:06

think the final stragglers left at 9. 20,

3:08

which I'll take that. And we

3:10

had a really, really nice time. It

3:12

was really chilled, the kids

3:15

were all there. Um, I got somebody

3:17

to do a graze table, which repeatedly people ask

3:19

if I'd done. I feel like people don't know me at

3:21

all. Um, I

3:23

refer you to the cake I, in

3:25

inverted commas, made for Hector's birthday last

3:28

year.

3:29

But,

3:30

I think sometimes these things do come at cost.

3:32

And I had Let's

3:35

call it a meltdown, in the morning, and

3:37

I took myself off, I decided I'm

3:40

gonna go and spend some money on myself, I'm gonna go for a

3:42

little treat, so for some reason, unknown

3:44

to anybody, including myself, I went to Maidstone.

3:46

And for those of you who are not local,

3:49

unless vape, some

3:52

fast food, or something from the pound shop,

3:54

it's quite tricky to spend money in Maidstone. Yeah, there's

3:56

not much else down there.

3:57

Um, but I then felt very

3:59

ashamed of it, because I felt that I'd Behaved

4:02

in, quite, behaved in, oh Jesus wept.

4:04

Behaved in quite a

4:06

toddler esque fashion. Um,

4:09

and I guess I did, but

4:11

I'm also realizing that there is a little

4:14

toddler brain in all of us, or a lizard brain,

4:17

and sometimes it doesn't, we

4:19

don't act our best selves and we might behave

4:21

in a way that we're not entirely proud of. But

4:25

I said, sorry. I had sat in the car park and

4:27

I had a big, big cry and

4:29

actually.

4:30

Um,

4:31

with the love of my, my family and my friends,

4:33

I had a really, really nice day, but

4:36

I guess we don't talk

4:39

about it because as I talked to a few people and said,

4:41

I'd had this, you know, I would call a mum meltdown

4:44

almost universally people are, Oh God, yeah,

4:47

I've done that, you know, or one year mother's day they did

4:49

nothing and I had a meltdown and I suppose

4:51

it's that taking away that kind of veneer

4:54

of perfection, isn't it? And saying, actually,

4:56

you know, I did behave like a bit of a brat or.

5:00

But it's all about what you do after.

5:02

I wouldn't say Brad. He,

5:04

um, it triggered you, your anger, and you,

5:06

you took yourself off. Mm.

5:08

Um, but then, you know, when you came back,

5:11

you then still had to process some

5:13

stuff through. Mm. Um, which,

5:15

like, you're allowed to do. Yeah.

5:18

You know, the minute you stop acknowledging these feelings

5:20

that come through, I mean, I get rage and anxiety, which turns

5:22

into paranoia, which is a fucking pain in the

5:24

ass. Um. And,

5:28

don't beat yourself up.

5:29

Well, it, and I think it is so easy to

5:31

beat yourself up and actually taking yourself out

5:33

of the situation sometimes, if you can, because

5:35

not everybody can. If you can,

5:37

just take yourself out of the situation. Actually that could even

5:39

be just to a different room in the house. If you, if you

5:42

can go and My mum used to lock herself in

5:44

the loo, I can remember this. I

5:46

mean,

5:47

I don't blame her. Um, but this

5:50

This kind of feeling of, um, needing

5:52

to escape is, is quite common, um.

5:55

Regular listeners will know that I'm also neurodivergent,

5:58

so things tend to build up in

6:00

me to I'm trying to find a way of

6:02

describing Considering I'm a podcast host, this is

6:04

not terribly articulate, but it's sort of, it's

6:06

like that pot boiling over. So, it'll

6:09

simmer, simmer, simmer, and then it'll just kind of explode.

6:12

And I wish that I was

6:14

better at, um, letting

6:16

out incremental bits of this emotion. And

6:19

it is something, like we say, we're a work in progress,

6:21

and I am trying, and I am working on it. But,

6:24

um, yesterday morning, I,

6:26

um, I, I, I just

6:28

decided that I was going to take myself to a hotel

6:31

for the night. Even as I say that, I can feel the

6:33

breath catch in my throat because of,

6:35

um, how people might hear

6:37

that and perceive that. And I

6:39

actually went to counselling this morning and I talked about it

6:42

and she's sort of saying to me, Why, what do you think

6:44

people will think? So I'll

6:46

tell you what I think people will think and I think that they will think

6:48

that I am selfish, that I am spoiled, Um,

6:51

that I am, uh, affluent enough

6:53

to be able to go and book a hotel room for

6:55

the night, um, because You

6:57

know, not everybody can do that. That

7:00

I have the luxury of you being here to look after

7:02

the children so I can check out for 24 hours.

7:05

But actually what, the difference between this

7:07

and other times when I might have, um, or

7:09

anybody might sort of storm out the house in a mood was I

7:11

didn't leave in a mood. I packed and

7:14

I said to you, this is not about you, this

7:16

is not about our relationship, it's not about how

7:18

I feel about you or the kids. I

7:20

just need to not be mum for a bit. Yep. So

7:23

I went and, um, went to a hotel and

7:25

I, I immediately went to sleep. Then

7:28

I woke up and, you know, I was in contact

7:31

the whole day. This, this was not a, um,

7:33

I've left you situation, I promise. Nobody

7:35

needed to worry out there. But it, giving

7:39

myself permission to do it was quite difficult.

7:42

But actually it was really valuable and I

7:44

slept. I ordered way too much room service.

7:46

I'm surprised I could fit through the door on the way out. And

7:49

I booked a massage. And I came, I was up this

7:51

morning at half past six and I was home before the kids were

7:53

up to get them, you know, So

7:57

in the grand scheme of things, it was a tiny little

7:59

break. And how many parents

8:01

will go away for work anyway? So it

8:03

doesn't actually impact on the family

8:05

unit. The only person that is feeling bad

8:07

about it or concerned about it is me.

8:11

But actually, it was a really

8:13

healthy way, outlet for all

8:15

those, and I'm going to use the term I use with the kids, all

8:17

those big feelings.

8:18

Yeah. And, and, and to counter,

8:21

uh, counter your feelings, had you stayed

8:24

home, and stayed in the house, it

8:26

would have probably become a boiling pot again. Mm

8:28

hmm. Um, which would have probably made you feel

8:30

even worse than, you

8:32

know, going and taking the break. Mm hmm. Um, and it, you

8:34

know, you, you went in a hotel, never,

8:37

never, it, We have

8:39

the means to do it, we shouldn't be ashamed of doing that.

8:41

I know it's not a, uh, popular

8:43

opinion in this country at the minute to, um, have,

8:46

uh, have, like,

8:49

I

8:49

don't know what, I can't figure my words out. I'm still

8:51

covered with coughs, I'm still struggling with my words. Yeah, John's

8:53

got the plague, which

8:54

he's shared with me, which is nice.

8:56

But, um, you know,

8:58

everyone needs to find That

9:01

thing that char that can recharge

9:03

them. Um, and if ev you know, once

9:05

every quarter, once every six months or

9:07

once every year, I got, hang on a minute, you don't

9:09

know how often you're gonna need to do it

9:11

because you don't know the pressure at home. You need to go,

9:14

uh, and spend the night in a hotel. Um,

9:16

and that gives you the re reset for you to

9:20

come back and be who you want to be.

9:22

Yeah. How can you feel selfish for

9:24

doing that? That's, that is the

9:27

absolute definition of what our counsellors tell us to

9:29

do, which is the, um,

9:31

Oxygen mask. Yeah. Yeah.

9:33

Looking after yourself first.

9:34

Yeah, and

9:34

it,

9:36

you know, I didn't check into the Ritz, it was a Marriott,

9:38

but, and it was just the kind of, um,

9:41

a non anonymity of it, just closing

9:43

the door, and just,

9:47

you know, I just watched crap on the telly,

9:49

and, um, I'm

9:51

a bit of a Kind of

9:54

the only neurodivergent superpower I seem to get

9:56

was the speed reading, so I took

9:58

three books with me. I

10:01

only read one. But

10:04

just nobody wanting you for anything, no requirements,

10:06

not being mum, not being you

10:08

know, not just To remove

10:10

yourself from the occasion and as I'm saying

10:12

this I'm thinking about when, um,

10:15

Lulu and I were first friends I had Scarlet and I booked

10:17

her into a hotel, um, actually just

10:19

up the road from this one Because she

10:22

didn't get much time to herself and

10:24

I'm thinking now as I say this that If

10:26

you've got kids, which I guess is the primary

10:30

restriction to being able to just bugger off into into

10:32

the sunset Is

10:34

to ask, because if you don't ask,

10:36

you don't get. Um, because

10:39

people won't necessarily think to say, Oh,

10:41

I could have your kids and you could go away and just sit in

10:43

a hotel room on your own. Because people might

10:45

not realise how restorative that can

10:48

be. Yeah, that's an option. So, I

10:50

think, if you're not

10:52

doing, if you, sort of, You've

10:54

kind of got nothing to lose. I suppose a lot, there

10:56

is an element of not wanting people to say no

10:59

because that can feel like a rejection, especially when

11:01

you're very sensitive around your children when you're widowed, perhaps.

11:04

But I, I think if you can, um,

11:06

and I guess it doesn't have to be a night away, but there's

11:09

something about just being, I have my phone on do

11:11

not disturb, you guys can get through the, yeah,

11:13

you guys. You can't, you lot. John

11:15

can get through, the child in the house

11:17

with the phone can reach me, and my,

11:20

my parents can reach me in the school, you know, so I'm

11:22

not completely, But

11:24

it was just really nice in a way to just

11:26

kind of remove myself from society for 24

11:29

hours. And I would wholeheartedly

11:31

recommend it if you can.

11:34

And that may be going to a football match.

11:36

Or it may be playing

11:38

an instrument. Yeah.

11:41

Yeah.

11:42

But you know, basically just make the time for yourself.

11:44

Um, and. Figure

11:47

out what it is that brings you back to where

11:49

you need to be. And then just go and do that when

11:51

you feel the need to do it.

11:52

Yeah, because I guess for not for everybody would be that need

11:54

for silence. But I think when you, um, have

11:57

a busy household, which we do. And I've,

12:00

I guess I'm neurodivergent. So the noise, the

12:02

sensory overload. The

12:04

kind of, um, I don't want to use the word

12:06

pressure about my birthday. Because that sounds like I'm

12:08

saying it's a bad thing. But you are

12:10

under the spotlight. And it, you know, I

12:13

had more people in the house than usual. And.

12:17

I think just to respect what

12:19

makes things difficult for you and try,

12:21

if you possibly can, to find a way

12:23

of just loosening that pressure valve a

12:25

little bit. Anyway,

12:28

that was a long, we spent longer on

12:30

that than I anticipated, actually.

12:32

But I think it's very valuable for people to hear.

12:35

You know, people might be sitting there going like, I need a break, but

12:37

I don't know how to do it. I shouldn't do it because

12:39

I'm the only one here, but you should

12:41

fucking do it.

12:43

Yeah.

12:43

You should do it, because if you're there looking after

12:45

other people, then you need to be as good as you

12:47

can, yeah. You need to be in a fit state to do

12:50

it, right?

12:50

You need to be in a fit state to do it. And I,

12:52

traditionally, my release would be to

12:54

get hammered, to get absolutely trashed.

12:57

And I'm even thinking back to,

12:59

you know, the early days of our relationship, when, um,

13:02

we employed some very complicated arrangements

13:04

to have a night away together, because we didn't live together. And

13:09

We would come back with just

13:11

hideous hangovers and then have to roll

13:13

into parenting again. And

13:15

I suppose that finding a different

13:17

way to get that same Release,

13:21

for want of a That's Jesus Christ,

13:23

use that in the same sentence as weekends away,

13:26

eh? Um, I've lowered the tone, I do apologise.

13:29

Um, but

13:30

It's about remembering you're a human being first. Yeah,

13:33

exactly, yeah, remembering that you're a human being. I think

13:35

you're right, and it is something that I do quite regularly say

13:37

to the kids, is I'm a human being too!

13:40

And actually sometimes I take to, uh,

13:42

I'd say one of them will complain about Oh,

13:46

my window won't close properly. And I'll

13:48

be like, well, you need to refer that to maintenance team in the morning.

13:50

Or, um, I don't know, I'm hungry.

13:53

Well, I'm afraid that the restaurant is closed for this evening.

13:55

It's self service only. My

13:56

classic one is on the school room. What am I having for dinner tonight?

13:58

And I'm like, I'm taxi, not chef today. Yeah. Um.

14:01

Yeah, it's, it's, um. And

14:03

sometimes even saying that back to them.

14:05

And, I mean, Hector will be quite literal.

14:07

And he'll be like, you're not a, you're not a chef. I'm like, no,

14:10

but the way you're talking to me makes me feel like

14:12

one. Now I promised you all that

14:14

I would update you on EMDR

14:17

therapy which for those

14:19

of you who are not familiar it's eye movement

14:21

desensitization, I

14:23

don't know

14:24

what the R

14:25

stands for. I don't know. Sorry,

14:27

that's not terribly well researched but,

14:29

um, I did start the process,

14:32

I went and met with a therapist and

14:35

The initial meeting was okay. I had

14:37

some reservations about it, but I,

14:39

I, as a general, I got on quite well with her

14:41

and I sort of thought, okay, I've got through the door now.

14:45

Um, and then it was, it was meant

14:47

to start properly

14:49

in inverted commas last week. No,

14:52

I got, I got outside, you, you

14:54

took me over, so John drove me

14:56

there. And in the car I just had this

14:58

massive, massive outpouring of

15:00

grief, and I just sobbed,

15:02

and I just, you know those

15:04

real body shaking toddler

15:06

cries? And John was sort

15:09

of comforting me and saying, you don't have to

15:11

do this if you don't want to. But,

15:13

and I did, I got into the door, and

15:15

I got into the room, and I don't

15:17

know, I don't know. The only thing I can tell you

15:20

is that my gut told me to get out of that room. And

15:22

I, it didn't feel right. Now,

15:26

EMDR is very, very intense

15:28

and it can set, well, the whole point of

15:30

it is to go back in, find

15:33

the really kind of painful moments in your history and

15:36

desensitize you to them. Well,

15:38

within, I don't know, like three minutes

15:40

of being in the room, she was saying to

15:42

me, go back to, um, when the police knocked at the door.

15:46

At which point I sort of said, are you not going to buy me dinner

15:48

first? You know, I felt a bit, like, Warm

15:51

me up a bit kind of thing, and

15:53

I said, I'm really sorry. I can't do this.

15:56

And I left, which then led

15:58

to a shame spiral, but

16:03

I'm actually really proud of myself because I

16:05

didn't push myself to do it when I, my body

16:07

was telling me it was wrong.

16:08

Mm-Hmm,

16:09

But you also. push

16:12

yourself just to go through the door. Because sometimes,

16:16

just getting through the door the first time is,

16:19

is what you need to do. So, get through, what,

16:21

what do we say? Um, go through the door

16:23

but look for the exit. Yeah. Um, and as

16:25

long as you can do that, then the next

16:27

phase is not, generally not as scary.

16:29

Yeah, and it's, uh, I, I, I do still want

16:31

to do it, and I'm not sort of saying,

16:34

oh that's it now for me and EMDR, I'm not, I'm not going

16:36

to go back into it. I, I probably

16:38

won't go back to the same practitioner because I think.

16:41

I think in order to do this, you have to feel

16:44

entirely safe, entirely comfortable. And

16:47

I'm not saying that she was not a good therapist. I, my

16:49

gut feeling is that my case

16:51

might be a little too complex. So,

16:54

um, there is actually a new counseling,

16:57

um, what was it, like a center?

17:01

Opening up in, in the village that we live in. And I

17:03

did ask them yesterday, actually, if they're going

17:05

to be offering EMDR. And from April, they are. So

17:08

I am going to give it another go. I thought it's probably

17:11

not a bad idea to get March over

17:13

and done with anyway. It's

17:15

the anniversary of Ben's death this month, it's

17:17

your wedding anniversary this month, it's like

17:20

we got Mother's Day, we're just getting smacked from

17:22

every single angle this month. But

17:24

to, um, to brighten the

17:26

month of March, we are I mean,

17:28

look at me. Oh, I had a night in a hotel. I'm just about to tell

17:30

you I'm going away for two nights at the weekend. Look

17:33

at me, I never get a minute to myself. What a

17:35

load of bullshit. Excuse

17:40

me, John's just going to, uh, cough up

17:42

a lung. Oh no, he actually might be coughing up

17:44

a lung. Are you

17:44

alright?

17:46

Should I help? Or just watch

17:48

him? No, uh, okay. It just, um, randomly

17:51

attacks me.

17:51

Hundred Day Cough. Anybody else got this horrible,

17:53

persistent cough? It's absolutely brutal.

17:56

Um, so yes, John has, uh,

17:58

it's sort of a semi surprise

18:01

because I know that we're going to London,

18:04

I know where we're staying, Um,

18:06

oh, and we're going to Country to Country on Friday

18:08

night. So I will be

18:10

dusting off the, one of the many

18:12

pairs of cowboy boots and, um,

18:15

mingling with my own kind. So

18:18

we are going to have a couple of days away, which I do

18:20

think is, if, if you are in a relationship,

18:22

and particularly if you're in a relationship and you've got children,

18:25

it is, it's something Ben and I always try

18:27

to do. And you and I do try and get

18:29

away when we can, but it's, it is tricky.

18:31

It is tricky because grandparents,

18:35

It's a lot to take on four kids for

18:37

two days, um, so childcare

18:40

is expensive, um, so

18:43

I mean Aunty Lulu is coming

18:45

to the rescue. I totally pitched Mrs Doubtfire

18:47

then, help, it's on the way here! So

18:50

they've got Aunty Lulu looking after them

18:52

for the weekend, which will no doubt

18:54

involve them being spoilt rotten and

18:56

probably more craft than I would normally get involved

18:59

with. Thank you, Lulu. And

19:01

actually having a friend that I can, I can ask

19:04

to help with the kids is, is so valuable and

19:06

they just adore her and she adores them. It

19:09

is hard. We don't have family locally, we don't have

19:12

that sort of grandparents on the doorstep or

19:14

brothers or sisters locally that we can just say, Oh, would

19:16

you mind having the kids for the weekend?

19:18

And quite often what we do is we divide and conquer. So,

19:21

you know, Holly might go to Hermitown, Lance, one

19:23

of mine might go to the Grandparents.

19:26

So we, we sort of figure it out and I, I kind

19:28

of feel that if you want to do it badly enough, you'll

19:31

find a way. Uh, so I don't

19:33

actually know what's happening the rest of the weekend, which

19:35

is really, really goes against the grain

19:37

for me because I'm a slight control freak. Don't

19:41

snigger. Are you

19:43

sniggering at the word slight?

19:45

No.

19:46

So I will let you know, um, what,

19:48

what, what surprises you. No pressure.

19:51

No pressure, John.

19:52

No pressure.

19:53

And another bit of good news for you is that

19:55

we have tickets for Widstock. They have

19:57

been printed. They're in my sticky,

19:59

not literally in my hand right now, but they are in my

20:01

sticky little hands. I've got flyers. I've

20:04

just had a meeting with the business manager

20:06

from the venue, which sounds very much cool. It's,

20:08

it's my daughter's school, but it's a really

20:10

nice venue. And, uh, it,

20:13

we've got such plans to transform this, this

20:15

field into a kind of magical

20:17

wonderland. And, um, I

20:19

can feel the excitement building around it in the village,

20:21

which is lovely. So, the

20:24

first people

20:26

who are going to buy tickets are people who

20:28

subscribe to the newsletter. So next

20:30

week you will get an email from me, um,

20:34

and within that email there'll be a link to buy tickets,

20:36

and after that, they'll

20:39

go on general release. So just

20:41

to let you know, due to restrictions

20:43

from the council, we can only have 500 guests.

20:46

We'll go bigger next year if it sells out. And

20:49

that has to include people who are going to be working there. So we don't, we

20:51

have, I'm going to say 450 tickets to

20:53

err on the side of caution. So if you do want to come,

20:55

I would urge that you

20:57

get your tickets. Um,

21:00

I, I don't know, I don't know whether we'll sell 10

21:02

or, or 450. We shall see. Yeah.

21:04

We shall see. We are, neither of us has ever

21:07

hosted, has ever organised or hosted anything

21:09

of this scale before. So it, we

21:11

really are kind of, Pissing

21:14

in the wind.

21:16

But I've got It's not that random. We do

21:19

know what we're doing.

21:20

Yeah, we do. And we've got really great,

21:22

um, Some really great suppliers.

21:24

We've got some great bands. We've got a couple of WAF

21:27

previous guests who are going to DJ. And,

21:30

you know, bouncy castles, glitter, um,

21:34

I can't, I'm running a sensory tent.

21:36

If you maybe, yourself, or maybe you have a child

21:38

that would not enjoy that sort of, the

21:40

noise and the sensory aspect of it, there

21:43

will be somewhere that they can go and chill out. We're

21:45

gonna have to make sure that there's Wi Fi, I

21:47

think. And

21:50

the idea is, it's not just for widows, it's, it's

21:52

not, it's for anybody. Anybody that wants

21:54

to come and just be part of something. Quite

21:57

magical and there'll be,

21:59

there'll be people dotted around to give you a hand with the kids if

22:02

you're on your own. So you, you don't feel like you've, you've

22:04

got to have, you know, full

22:06

attention for the whole time. Although please, you know, you

22:08

are responsible for your own children, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Um,

22:11

and there'll be a bar, even though we're dry,

22:13

we, we, we don't mind you guys having a drink.

22:15

So, I mean, I'll tell you, there'll

22:18

be more information on it coming out, but

22:20

it's, I'm, I am quite excited about it.

22:22

It feels I suppose it feels a little

22:24

bit like WAF did when we first launched it, it's like

22:26

you're sort of putting out your creation

22:28

into the world and you don't know how it will be received but

22:30

I'm, I hope that you will

22:33

get tickets and actually the first 20 tickets

22:35

sold you'll get a free WAF enamel

22:37

pin, so bear that in mind.

22:41

Um,

22:42

I don't think,

22:43

I don't, I think that's probably it

22:45

for now isn't it?

22:46

Yeah, yeah, and the reason we're delaying,

22:48

um, well not delaying, but the reason it's,

22:51

we're waiting for the tickets to come to you

22:53

like in the next couple of weeks is because I

22:55

have to do the legal and

22:57

incorporate inside of it and make a proper company

23:00

and insurances and the rest

23:02

of it. Yeah,

23:02

I just, I just run around like a

23:04

sort of drunk leprechaun shouting ideas

23:07

out that I want to. And

23:10

then John takes this, you know, the

23:12

ramblings of a scattered mind and

23:14

formulates them into concrete plans.

23:16

So, the dynamic duo,

23:19

I mean, you know, that's, maybe

23:21

we can stick with that.

23:23

Maybe.

23:23

The dynamic duo. Oh, Jesus Christ.

23:26

What is it, Batman and Robin? Batman and Robin. Who's who?

23:28

I'm not Robin. You're Robin. I'm

23:30

Batman. Um,

23:34

and just for, you know, some, uh,

23:37

Lolz came home from,

23:39

um, doing the school run the other

23:42

day and went into the front room and

23:44

Tabby has his art, she's six.

23:47

I'd bought some little tea light holders and some

23:49

of those flameless candles for

23:51

the party on Saturday and she's

23:54

put a circle of them and

23:56

she's got, I think, a carrot and a

23:58

comb in the middle. What

24:00

on earth are you doing? Oh, I'm making offerings

24:02

for ghosts.

24:04

And we live in a 300 year old house.

24:05

Yeah. Yeah. No, there's nothing, it's slightly

24:08

creepy that. Even more creepy when she says,

24:10

I'm going, uh, unfortunately my daughter started calling

24:12

her dad, her biological dad, Ben, but

24:14

they do what they do, right? And she's like, I'm, I'm

24:16

going to see if I can summon Ben, and

24:19

I'm just thinking, oh

24:19

bloody

24:20

So on that note, um, anything your kids

24:22

have done that's been particularly creepy this week, feel

24:24

free to share it with us. And um.

24:27

Until I speak to you next, you guys take care.

24:30

Bye

24:30

bye. Bye everyone.