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With Helix, better sleep starts

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up? Well, that's good fam. I hope everybody

1:40

is having a great Wednesday and a great

1:43

week. And if you're not per usual, it's

1:45

about to get so much better. Y'all, I

1:47

am so excited to introduce you to this

1:49

guest that you probably already

1:51

know because she's written an incredible book, has

1:54

an incredible podcast, an amazing YouTube, an

1:56

awesome social media presence. We have Janine

1:59

Emepella Ward and... So excited with

2:01

the book The Coming Happy and Healthy

2:03

The need teachers how to look. I'm

2:05

happy and healthy! Welcome to the by

2:07

guess. Say. To say

2:09

the for having me man decide to

2:11

me of over here I appreciate it.

2:13

the arts is easier and I am

2:15

stoked to be chatting with your listeners

2:17

and girl becoming happy healthy is a

2:19

journey and so I thought by that

2:21

and about it is not as and

2:24

is line so there is days where

2:26

I am not happy healthy and that's

2:28

of get paid as real that it's

2:30

so hard like Zelig when you write

2:32

a butcher so challenge with the the

2:34

best accountability ever buy your own message

2:36

it's like okay I set it up

2:38

put. It out there Now I gotta live

2:40

it. But there's so much grace in that suit

2:42

and know that hey I'm saying as an as

2:44

not because I'm perfect. It is. It is that

2:47

I'm trying to become that this is who I

2:49

am in crisis is who I am, their friends,

2:51

their god given me the streets to be but

2:53

and who I even one of the that maybe

2:56

not where I'm at every day. So grace for

2:58

that journey. Absolutely always

3:00

like the whole goal of the book

3:02

when says letting people know we're not

3:04

perfect, we all struggle but here have

3:07

the tools to help you overcome. And

3:09

fight the good fi and here's impractical biblical

3:11

things you can apply to day the as

3:13

a hobby because trust me I know this

3:16

life is not easy. We all know by

3:18

now and so if I could help in

3:20

any shape or form that was really my

3:22

goals. Gray at what you did a great

3:24

job fantastic job on writing of a huge

3:27

congratulations see and and to say it's so

3:29

fun whenever I know the guess around the

3:31

Pie Castillo that more like and realize and

3:33

we don't know to their super well but

3:35

one thing I know about you is that

3:38

you can break. It down on the dance

3:40

floor. Of

3:43

ah ah. Ah

3:45

ah, the real. As big as

3:47

you're at her Ls answer and acid

3:49

or treats and we're like this and

3:51

forty and evidence like he and you

3:53

know they were like girls. There was

3:55

a standalone bar then and then in

3:57

mean gets in the middle. I see

3:59

that was me. yeah, alias So at

4:01

this. I'm like so embarrassed.

4:04

but also honor that you brought that up

4:06

because I remember being there and be like

4:08

oh my gosh I don't things as to

4:10

do this a guy think I stand out

4:12

like a fish out owner I should not

4:14

be doing as in that he was like

4:16

j who yourself sound like you're literally at

4:18

a camp for treats. I had to like

4:21

bring it back down but that is hilarious.

4:23

I love to dance so I think we've

4:25

learned a new fun fact about me sooner.

4:27

It was absolutely ebay and new we're supposed

4:29

to be doing that. The only reason other

4:31

people weren't doing it is because. They can't

4:33

do that. They were you his life and

4:35

I remember the last. Let the world's adding

4:38

that he was like yeah she was a

4:40

cheerleader and Matty was lights and and calm

4:42

down there there's no calmly doubt it was

4:44

awesome says ah anyway as I wish one

4:46

day everyone listening can be in a dancer

4:49

go ads in A and on Which by

4:51

the way because he just got married not

4:53

to lie ago a how is the dance

4:55

party at your wedding. Oh. My gosh,

4:57

I. Was like one of those moments I wish

5:00

I could relive over and over and over. On

5:02

the first felt that way about your wedding. But

5:04

he was size the insider night here.

5:06

I mean people literally were coming up

5:08

with after a wedding and they're like

5:10

we'd never experience at the and for

5:12

like that before and I'm like. Release.

5:15

Like even my mom, she got a

5:17

Sage. She was dancing like a go

5:19

go dancer on the stage either driver,

5:21

office A to the mom. Calm

5:23

down low, I think that's probably where I

5:25

got it from a lot. So agile as

5:27

is is so funny and we were the

5:29

same way our wedding and it says i

5:31

am biggest prison I were actually does on

5:34

a date the other night and now we

5:36

the mail with Siberia Too good but still

5:38

in the car on a date night as

5:40

song came on that we both remember dancing

5:42

to add their as as and and were

5:44

like oh like it. Very easy ride back

5:46

as if is so special so I love

5:48

that again. Before we get too carried away

5:50

with talking about Dnc I have to ask

5:52

you the question. I. ask everyone who comes on

5:54

the would as the of high gas i hope

5:56

your prep for it spreads any what is the

5:58

best season as i see that been given. Oh

6:02

Sadie okay so I watched the podcast and

6:04

I was like I knew this question was

6:07

coming I've tried to prepare myself it

6:09

took me a couple of hours to really

6:11

really sit and think and the one memory

6:14

that was unlocked was honestly with my dad

6:16

and so my dad is probably one of

6:18

the hardest working men that I know he

6:21

still works for this day it's almost 75

6:23

and I remember just watching

6:27

him do that growing up and I'd always wonder

6:29

like how does my dad do what he does

6:32

and the one piece of advice he

6:34

always told us growing up was whatever

6:36

you do work really hard for the

6:38

Lord and do it with full integrity

6:40

and my six older

6:43

siblings and I we carried that through

6:45

all of life anything we did we're

6:47

gonna do with full integrity you were

6:49

gonna be honest about how many hours

6:52

you worked you weren't gonna steal you

6:54

weren't gonna show up late you weren't

6:56

gonna make excuses so I really carried

6:58

that in my business even today of

7:01

if something feels morally wrong if something

7:03

feels just wrong in my spirit or if

7:05

God is asking me don't do that that's

7:07

gonna get you in trouble it's truly protected

7:09

me from so many mistakes and so I'm

7:12

really thankful that my dad gave me that

7:14

message because it has really protected my business

7:16

my life and so many other aspects of

7:18

my life and so I really encourage everyone

7:20

to take that to heart I love that

7:22

I love that so much and I thank

7:25

you for actually thinking about the question and

7:27

it's so funny you can tell the people

7:29

who were prepared and those who weren't like

7:31

I've had people in the fight castor I say the

7:33

question they go oh my gosh

7:35

certainly how am I gonna think of this real

7:38

fast so I love that you thought about it

7:40

and it's such a good piece of advice and

7:42

honestly I love it you said that about like

7:44

if it feels morally wrong don't do it and

7:47

it's so crazy because you would think that that

7:49

would be almost common sense for

7:51

people you would think you know but that

7:53

it's so not I think so often in

7:55

industries and in business things and

7:57

even ministry sadly There can.

8:00

The sometimes a way that everyone does things

8:02

and then people get so used to the

8:04

fact that that's just the way everyone does

8:06

things and it's okay because everyone does it

8:08

but as I see no okay you know

8:10

and as I think one thing that's really

8:13

helped me a lot to is Canada same

8:15

advice at your parents use similar by set

8:17

my parents gave me and I think even

8:19

just living where I live we live in

8:21

such a like removed place from an industrial

8:24

here for a remove blaze through the way

8:26

that everyone does it and as the like

8:28

had just been able to go about. It

8:30

and obscure way that sells authentic and I

8:32

think that there is this lie that you

8:35

have to overcome that the enemy says oh

8:37

boy if you do it that way than

8:39

it's not gonna be a successful or it's

8:41

not gonna be as big or it's not

8:44

gonna have it's whatever. But man is the

8:46

total opposite. You know if you do it

8:48

with integrity and pure heart like truth stance

8:50

truth last when you do things and an

8:53

honorable way the longevity of something is is

8:55

just so much more beautiful and my it

8:57

might take all that more time to grow.

9:00

But now when it does girl, you have something

9:02

solid that you bill and so I love that

9:04

you shared by and you know. I

9:06

mentioned as I we try to prepare very

9:08

well for any only how the pie. guess

9:10

I know that more about your story the

9:13

maybe I said because you have a shared

9:15

it with the last. I do know that

9:17

both your parents were from different countries so

9:19

speaker whatever about just your upbringing and how

9:21

you feel like maybe your parents background brought

9:24

your dad to even give you that It

9:26

was. Yeah. Oh my

9:28

gosh such a great question. So he

9:30

I'm actually one of seven kids I'm

9:32

first sin American and so my dad

9:35

is born and raised Germany my mom

9:37

is from Guatemala the and they have

9:39

i like one of the cause stories

9:41

and I hope to shirt one day

9:44

as they're just like the coolest flash

9:46

weird of people as her of them

9:48

but they're so not american that it's

9:51

hilarious. But they

9:53

they mess and got married after six

9:55

months of meeting. Which are you. know

9:57

usually don't recommend by has So,

10:00

um, worked in their relationship. It's

10:02

really true why their relationship has

10:04

worked and lasted. They've almost been

10:07

married for 45 years. Wow. Um,

10:09

and so they raised this in

10:11

Dallas. So I'm from Dallas now

10:13

and I was homeschooled. So I

10:15

grew up extremely, extremely sheltered and

10:17

I would say with a very

10:19

strong lack of identity. And it's

10:22

not just like the classic like, Oh,

10:24

who am I? It was truly wondering

10:26

even which culture do

10:28

I belong in? Like am I

10:30

American? Am I Guatemalan? Am I German?

10:33

I didn't really know which bucket

10:35

I fit in. And I think that

10:37

even caused more confusion all

10:39

growing up because I didn't really feel

10:41

like I fit anywhere. I wasn't

10:43

American enough to hang out with my American

10:46

friends and then I wasn't German enough to

10:48

be, I didn't look German and I didn't

10:50

speak German and then I didn't also speak

10:52

fully fluent Spanish, but I looked Spanish. And

10:54

so it was just a ton of kind

10:57

of confusion around that and

10:59

you know, certain racial slurs that were

11:01

said to me growing up. And so

11:04

it honestly caused me to get

11:06

this massive disdain for

11:08

myself where I was like,

11:10

God, why did you make me like this? Like

11:12

people don't accept me. I'm always the outcast. I'm

11:14

the girl that's left out. I don't

11:17

look like my peers in my neighborhood and my

11:19

church and my school. And

11:21

so it really made me change myself

11:23

to do whatever I needed

11:25

to do to fit in. And so

11:28

that looks like dye my hair differently

11:30

wearing color contacts, disliking

11:32

my tan, beautiful skin that God

11:34

gave me. I mean, really changing

11:36

almost every facet of myself. I didn't

11:38

even like, you know, having an

11:40

accent because I had like a minor one growing

11:43

up. We would say certain words differently. And I

11:45

remember my friends being like, why are you talking

11:47

like that? Or they'd be like, that's not how

11:49

you pronounce that word. And I'd be like, yes,

11:51

it is. And so I

11:53

was like, oh my gosh, I need to adapt

11:55

as quickly as possible to fit in with my

11:57

peers. So

12:02

pretty much all of y'all know that we have

12:04

two kids in the house, we have a dog

12:06

in the house, and having little ones and a

12:08

dog means you pretty much gotta accept that germs

12:10

and bacteria are inevitable. But one place I do

12:13

not want them is in my bed. So I'm

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thankful for Miracle Made sheets, which are made with

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12:22

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12:27

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12:29

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12:36

it's not just that Miracle Made sheets are

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12:45

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12:47

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12:51

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12:53

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that one pair, so we'd switch out the sheets

13:11

and then we're like, no, we can't even do

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yourself today. The

14:02

older that I got, the more I realized that

14:04

God never called me to fit in. He called

14:06

me to be set apart. But

14:08

I just wanted to do everything to fit

14:11

in. And so that truly carried

14:13

me throughout most of my life. I got

14:15

into high school, that just

14:17

bred in security all there. And

14:19

then into college, I would say

14:21

is when it absolutely

14:23

spiraled in probably to one of the

14:25

worst seasons of my life. I

14:28

ended up transferring to University of Texas.

14:30

And while I am a diehard Longhorn,

14:32

hook'em horns, I love it so much.

14:36

You know, you add in money and sororities

14:39

and degrees and all these labels that people

14:41

place on you of, oh, what degree are

14:43

you in? OK, if you're a comm major,

14:45

they look down upon you. If you're a

14:47

business major, they see you in a certain

14:50

way. If you have certain Greek letters on

14:52

your shirt, they immediately label you as something.

14:54

And I wasn't the girl that was in

14:56

a sorority. I wasn't in a certain financial

14:59

status. Like I went on on loans

15:02

like I couldn't even afford college. And so I

15:04

just remember being like looking in

15:06

the mirror one day and saying, God, why

15:09

did you make me like this? Like, why

15:11

am I the way that I am? Just

15:13

so angry at God. And it made

15:16

me run away from the Lord. It made

15:18

me run away from everything about him. Even

15:20

my own siblings, my two sisters went to

15:22

UT with me. And it

15:24

just caused me to be like, I'm going to do whatever it

15:26

takes to fit in. And so that

15:28

looked like trying to join a sorority and

15:31

still not fitting in, joining the cheer team

15:33

and forming to whatever they told me to

15:35

do that was going out every single weekend.

15:37

And that was drinking and that was boys

15:39

and just trying to find identity and worth

15:42

in all of that. And then

15:44

to be the cherry on top of that, I was

15:46

doing social media at the time. And so I Was

15:49

doing YouTube at this moment. And So

15:51

then my channel began to take off

15:53

my junior and senior year of college.

15:55

So Now you're adding in followers, you're

15:57

adding in fame, you're adding opportunities and

15:59

finances. And it was pretty

16:01

much a recipe for does admirer of

16:04

you could say the ass. On and

16:06

then my senior year of college when

16:08

I think I was at my utmost

16:10

rock bottom of low self esteem, low

16:13

self worth and been extremely isolated, I

16:15

made very poor decisions with an ex

16:17

relationships that lead to one of the

16:20

worst heartbreaks of my life and a

16:22

very toxic relationship that my fam ended

16:24

up having to basically rescue me from

16:26

being like this is not guys best

16:29

for you. So and miss

16:31

all of that, I ended up

16:33

finally been like. I need

16:35

to hide like I need something

16:37

because clearly what I'm doing it

16:40

is it's not working. And.

16:42

You to change something about this. And

16:44

so when I moved to California that

16:46

was my attempt to escape. Basically I

16:48

thought if I states as ugly as

16:50

I just got a book a plane

16:52

ticket move away that a solve my

16:54

problem is if I'm up at the

16:56

beach and unfortunately here to tell you

16:59

that your problems will follow you because

17:01

they're still you know, a part of

17:03

your past and something of a shield

17:05

from. And so they did carry me

17:07

there and was until I hit that

17:09

rock bottom of finally reaching out to

17:11

a mentor. At my church and

17:13

we can get into the Slater.

17:16

but see she finally just called

17:18

me out. you like you are

17:20

a hypocrite Wow in a was

17:22

like it and tell me about

17:25

it. It was. A bold

17:27

same his as it hurts. I've never

17:29

been much okay like you to the

17:31

audacity to say that like you don't

17:33

know me and I mean it's just

17:35

such a core because it was true

17:38

and she spoke the truth in love

17:40

and it was exactly what I needed

17:42

to hear that day. And that phrase

17:44

that God gave her was the start

17:46

of a fresh new beginning with the

17:49

lord and myself In it was a

17:51

moment I will never forget upon some

17:53

there and lead to you know say

17:55

whatever eyes again. Years Suri already is

17:57

As as so many things I wanna say.

18:00

And I already love where this conversation is

18:02

going so much in Just thank you for

18:04

be so honest about different parts of your

18:07

story from the get go. Ours is so

18:09

enter same be guys. whenever.

18:11

I had changed my life.

18:14

I love Say! Started.

18:16

To change my life and no

18:18

one said that to me. but

18:20

that's what I knew was true.

18:23

Like I remember feeling like I

18:25

am a hypocrite and I hated

18:27

that about myself. You know Al

18:29

is like A and actually someone

18:31

so inclined to said it's someone

18:33

lovingly texted me actually and she

18:35

was like hey I don't think

18:37

the way represent yourself on social

18:39

media is probably the way that

18:42

you want to be portrayed as

18:44

a just gonna hit me like

18:46

you're. Right? I actually like what I'm saying

18:48

a while and when I'm sharing and where

18:50

and what I'm presenting that are why is

18:52

not the same thing and it's not actually

18:55

going to get me to what at once

18:57

And so I think like when she said

18:59

that it was almost like oh someone else

19:01

sees it to like someone else sees his

19:03

internal wrestle am having that. I feel like

19:05

I'm a hypocrite and I'm actually actually am

19:08

like I'm posting things that does not really

19:10

represent what I've said that I I care

19:12

about and desire and value and so is

19:14

So interesting Man, the truth. It. Hurts

19:16

the it's the best saying that you can do

19:19

for so it's the greatest gifts he can give

19:21

some. one person has a similar moment in history

19:23

where. It is like know and

19:25

like preach Sam and that's what made his

19:27

life changed So and caught a mouse, saw

19:29

an ad hoc ml on the fact that

19:31

he said that he was gonna be a

19:33

dry planes and he was little literally like

19:36

shotgun in beers on a balcony and so

19:38

am I Bought a little was left or

19:40

that you didn't read and wasn't even trying

19:42

to be like preachy about it, wasn't even

19:44

trying to like. I don't even know if

19:46

he really meant to calm and the whether

19:48

he did they christened my realize that moment

19:50

I'm being hypocrites and those someone like it

19:52

the power of calling someone our. power of

19:55

like being able to receive it when they

19:57

do as such a licensing moment as let

19:59

started person's life That's what started my life

20:01

changing to start at yours. And so friend,

20:03

if today you need to look yourself in

20:05

the mirror and come to terms with the

20:07

honest grittiness of your life, um, now's the

20:09

best time to do that. Don't wait for

20:11

someone to say it to you. If you

20:13

let this be your confirmation to what maybe

20:15

you're feeling, but, um, I love that you've

20:17

already went there. What I, what I thought

20:19

was so fascinating in your story is that

20:21

when you started to say that your social

20:23

media is taking off, you are having all

20:25

these followers, a hint of fame and all

20:27

of this different stuff. You said it's a

20:30

recipe for disaster. Now this is so

20:32

interesting because you're in college, you're partying

20:34

it up. You're having to get a

20:36

good quote unquote time drinking, baking friends,

20:38

joining sorority, hitting fame, your YouTube's all

20:41

of a sudden becoming successful and yet

20:43

it's a recipe for disaster where a

20:45

lot of people would say, that's not

20:47

a disaster. That's what I, that's what

20:49

I'm hoping for. You know, that's what

20:52

I, that's what I'm going for. Speak

20:55

into that a little bit. Um, were you,

20:57

and you can be completely honest, if you

20:59

were, were you ever happy

21:01

in that setting or did you

21:03

always like deep down know this

21:05

isn't really it? I

21:09

would definitely say there were moments of

21:11

happiness because it was, you know,

21:13

me chasing my dreams, accomplishing things I'd always

21:15

dreamt of as a kid, but

21:18

it's just like everything else it ran out. Yeah.

21:20

And so I get the next, you know, a

21:22

thousand or 500,000 views, right? I

21:24

get the next brand deal, the next opportunity,

21:26

the next magazine, whatever commercial,

21:28

and I'd be like, this is so exciting.

21:31

And then the high dies down and then

21:33

you're right back where you started. And

21:35

then you're like, well now what? And

21:38

so just like everything else, it doesn't

21:40

fully satisfy. You're always looking

21:42

for more. You're always looking for the next

21:44

thing, the next high, the next new thing

21:47

to try to fulfill. And

21:49

that's exactly what I found. I mean, throughout

21:51

this whole career, I'm very thankful for all

21:53

the opportunities I've gotten. I really, really am.

21:56

But if I look back And I'm

21:58

like, what, what was it all? For is

22:00

all along on the outside looking in

22:02

everyone's like wow she is a living

22:05

her best slice and then the whole

22:07

time I was actually creating a life

22:09

of regret. Yeah tires online I was

22:11

portraying and I'm traveling. I'm having so

22:14

much fine but behind the scenes and

22:16

when the cameras were off I was

22:18

making bad choices. I was making poor

22:20

decisions that I would wake up the

22:23

next day and be like why were

22:25

you thinking why of what got into

22:27

you and all along the lord so

22:29

graciously. Was just that gentle time. You know the

22:32

one who does. he can get rid of his

22:34

that gentle little nudge where he's like hey, come

22:36

back to need come back to me to back

22:38

to me out by Sadly no I'm not really.

22:40

I'm not ready. I'm not ready yet and I

22:42

think that is my it. One. Of

22:44

my regrets in line for something

22:46

that I'd actually just recommend to

22:48

people listening is a don't wait

22:50

for tomorrow to start over Don't

22:52

wait So you're ready to start

22:54

Now is there's no better time

22:56

than see. Get right with God

22:58

Now don't waste the waiting. Don't

23:00

waste the time because each day

23:02

to be that one new step

23:04

further of gaining that intimacy. Knowing

23:06

Jesus more building your confidence in

23:08

him. I waited until I saw

23:10

ready and they're barely was an

23:12

ever the right time. To be Ready

23:15

And so I think God is new He's

23:17

like she'd never going to choose their So

23:19

I made a habit of matter across the

23:21

face with somebody to tell the honest truth.

23:23

But I do think at that point I

23:25

had gotten so in that rock bottom where

23:28

I was like i'm I'm ready like the

23:30

soils ready for her to speak the truth

23:32

or love and for me to actually receive

23:34

it a didn't actually implemented. As you know

23:36

there's a difference between hearing something and just

23:38

going in. One year at the Utters had

23:41

other for you're not ready to hear he

23:43

hadn't actually implement its. I was actually

23:45

ready to implement it. There are sick

23:47

of him, ready to make a change.

23:49

I'm ready to quit his double life

23:51

because. Living. a double life

23:53

is quite exhausting you never fully get the

23:55

benefits of either one is you're doing city

23:57

present here city present they're like, you might

23:59

as well go all in with one. And

24:02

I hope it's Jesus because that's truly the

24:04

only thing that's gonna fully satisfy at the

24:06

end of the day. And

24:08

so that's, yeah, what I would probably say. That's so

24:10

good. My mom actually says that to us all the

24:12

time. She said that to us, especially when we were

24:15

young, whenever our family was starting to rise a little

24:17

bit to fame with our TV show. And she would

24:19

say, hey, pick away and go 100%, either

24:21

100% in with Jesus or 100% in with the world if

24:25

that's the direction you're gonna go. Because to

24:27

try to play the middle ground, especially

24:30

with fame, because when you have a large

24:33

following, I think so many people, especially on

24:35

social media these days, it's like, oh, well,

24:37

I don't wanna be too Christian because then

24:39

I'll lose the followers who don't like that.

24:41

And then I don't wanna be too worldly

24:44

because then I'll lose the Christian eyes. And

24:46

you wanna play this middle man. And my

24:48

mom was like, you're never gonna make everyone

24:50

happy. You're not doing it for

24:52

man. If you're living for God, live for God. And

24:55

don't be ashamed of that. And

24:57

I think that's helped me so much

24:59

be as bold as I am because

25:01

I'm 100% in. And

25:04

my platform isn't to gain more of

25:07

a following through

25:10

people liking necessarily what I'm saying or my

25:12

stance. It's not even about that. It's just,

25:15

I love God and I love people. And

25:17

so while I love people, it's gonna be

25:19

from my love from God. And so that's

25:21

just gonna come as an overflow moment. And

25:23

so it's so cool to see you being

25:26

so bold, but I know you

25:28

can't muster up boldness. It comes

25:30

from a true relationship that you have.

25:32

And I think it's really cool. I

25:34

think it's super honorable what you've done with your life. And

25:37

I know people have mixed feelings about

25:39

the Enneagram, but one thing I feel

25:41

is very cool about the Enneagram is

25:43

that it shows you that in these

25:45

numbers, whatever you feel

25:48

you identify as this number, you

25:50

can have a healthy version of that number

25:52

or you could have a very unhealthy version

25:54

of that number. So you can be a

25:56

six and you can be a very healthy

25:58

six different than an

26:01

unhealthy six and it looks completely different in

26:03

your own life whatever side you swing and

26:05

I think it's a good representation of

26:07

most everything in life that there is

26:10

a way to do things healthy and

26:12

there is a way to do things

26:14

unhealthy and I think that

26:16

fame is a good example of fame

26:19

is not bad fame is fame is not bad

26:21

I love mr. Rogers says it fame is a

26:23

four-letter word like tape or zoom or face or

26:26

pain it ultimately matters what you do with it

26:28

I love that you can do it well

26:30

you can do it beautifully you can

26:32

steward it well it can be a

26:34

huge asset and a huge blessing but

26:36

you can also use it to destroy

26:39

you and others you can also do it

26:41

so toxically and so I what

26:44

I love is that you're still

26:46

doing YouTube you're still doing the

26:48

the fame thing but in a

26:51

completely different way and so in

26:54

like you know continuing to do YouTube did

26:56

you ever take a break in that shift

26:58

or did you just kind of roll into

27:00

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28:50

my gosh. Yeah, I was just about to

28:52

talk about this because it was exactly what you were

28:54

saying, the whole fame aspect of like, God

28:58

blessing your platform or God using

29:00

you. And I remember

29:02

during the pandemic is

29:04

when I hit such a low

29:07

because I remember chasing followers so

29:09

badly. I remember losing thousands

29:11

of followers. And I was like, what's wrong with

29:14

me? No one likes me. They're

29:16

canceling me. I'm not likable anymore. And

29:19

it took such a toll

29:21

on my identity. And

29:23

I think also I was

29:25

putting so much emphasis on that.

29:28

And I was chasing the wrong thing.

29:30

I was trying to find fulfillment in

29:32

that. And I was also doing

29:34

it for the wrong motive. I think anytime you

29:36

do anything for the wrong motive,

29:38

God exposes it and you're also going

29:41

to not be fully satisfied. It

29:43

was until I finally took a step back

29:46

and I was like, I've got to focus

29:48

on me. I have got

29:50

to know God for myself. I remember

29:52

taking several breaks of social media during

29:55

that time. I lived alone. I would

29:57

spend hours just soaking up God's word.

30:00

first time that I had fully

30:02

read the Bible. And so out of

30:04

that love and knowledge of God, that's

30:06

where I began to share on my

30:08

platform again, you know, I began to share scripture

30:11

and teach it, but I had to first get

30:13

right with God. I didn't want to share it

30:15

out of a means to be like, I'm

30:18

going to use this to get followers and

30:20

fame. Right. I shared it out of an

30:22

abundance of I need everybody to know how

30:24

good this is. You are missing out. And

30:27

so I think when you say that God

30:29

can bless you and bless your platform or

30:31

bless whatever, but I think

30:33

it has to come from a pure

30:36

place first. And for me, it wasn't

30:38

originally and it is now. And I

30:40

think having those moments offline, the secret

30:43

place, the quiet time with God in

30:46

this public platform, or honestly, any job that you're

30:48

doing, it's not just about social media or

30:50

fame or whatever is so

30:52

crucial. And I talk about this in

30:54

chapter three of my book, because that

30:56

quiet place, that God solitude with the

30:59

Lord is what prepared me

31:01

for those public moments, prepared me

31:03

for platforms for stages, because let

31:06

me tell you, and I'm sure you know, the

31:08

Sadie, you get up there and there's all these

31:10

alluring things and people telling you do this, act

31:12

this way. Do you want this opportunity? And it

31:14

is so easy to compromise or to say, you

31:16

know, maybe I should do it. But those

31:19

private moments with the Lord, when I got

31:21

offline, I said, God, who am I? My

31:23

identity is not my social media. It's not

31:25

my followers. It's not my likes. It's not

31:28

numbers. It is simply I am a child

31:30

of God. I'm a daughter of the King. That

31:32

first and foremost is important. And

31:34

then everything flows from there. And

31:37

so Godly solitude versus like

31:40

worldly isolation, huge, huge difference.

31:42

And one draws you closer to God and

31:44

one pulls you away. Preach. That's so good.

31:46

That's so good. I had a very similar

31:48

experience when it was actually three months before

31:50

I preached my very first sermon and I

31:52

could not have known what God was going

31:54

to do around the corner. But

31:57

I Got asked to seek and at

31:59

this. The region like see Louis degree

32:01

of first Sam I really taught to Louis

32:03

and he saw me at a winner jammed

32:05

They have a zoo and a ten minute

32:08

said like encourage that during winter jail other

32:10

move in the sage behind me This is

32:12

a four hour everly spoken to church and

32:14

is an easy can speak at passing college

32:16

night we have these like weekly college nice

32:18

and easy com and I'll his leg of

32:20

i've never priests who for i big I

32:23

don't know you understand why I don't even

32:25

know how to do that is a know

32:27

you see com like you have voice said

32:29

Gingers nice. To hear be really powerful and

32:31

I'm like okay okay yes because I can't

32:34

say know that, what in the world So

32:36

from the time he asked me that was

32:38

around like March and I had until the

32:40

end of May. And I

32:42

knew I needed to do like a lot

32:45

of work in my heart before I can

32:47

prepare for something like that. So I took

32:49

a couple months. our social media at believes

32:51

there's a media as it is. actually it

32:53

may be Cedric his armor having a few

32:56

more months and just sat and I'd take

32:58

all the time social media and I read

33:00

the book Anonymous which is an incredible bug

33:02

as highly recommend to anyone who hasn't read

33:05

that book. And anyways in the book it

33:07

was talking about that solitude and is being

33:09

with God and before you do anything for

33:11

him being. With us and we saw

33:14

he about when Jesus was baptized

33:16

and you know Jesus and God

33:18

speaks you know that descends and

33:20

words beside this is my son

33:22

whom I love and who will

33:24

please and I just love that

33:26

says he said that over him

33:28

that he loves them, they sleep

33:30

or him before Jesus went and

33:32

did anything and ministry publicly and

33:34

it was really emphasizing like you

33:36

have to know that you love

33:38

God and God loves you privately

33:40

before you go do things. publicly

33:43

tell him but a little god and then

33:45

how jesus repeat that same thing with peter

33:47

and john twenty one after you know jesus

33:49

comes back and they're having breakfast and seizes

33:52

as peter de la me he says yes

33:54

these has see my seat do love me

33:56

yes lord female as and visa three and

33:58

deal on the computer frustrated, you know I

34:00

love you." And then he says, okay, well, because you're

34:03

about to go do all these things for me, but

34:05

before we do any of that, and of course I'm

34:07

paraphrasing, we're establishing that we're in

34:09

relationship that you love me. And

34:12

I just remember reading that at such a crucial time

34:14

in my life and reading stories

34:16

like that and being like, okay,

34:18

before I go into like ministry

34:20

and whatever ministry looks like, like

34:23

the first and foremost fundamental thing is

34:25

that do I love God and do

34:27

I know that God loves me? And

34:30

then knowing more the love of God, that's

34:32

when it becomes that pure place and you're

34:34

right, you're not doing it to gain, you're

34:36

doing it from overflow. And then if you

34:38

lose followers, you lose followers. It's not the

34:40

goal. That's not the job. The job is

34:43

to love people and love them well. And

34:45

so it's so cool. My story is really

34:47

similar and I've found so much freedom in

34:49

that. I want to talk a

34:51

little bit more about some things in your book

34:53

that are really specific and I think really powerful,

34:55

especially to our listeners who definitely are in that

34:58

stage where I think 20s, I mean, we have

35:00

listeners of all ages, so I just want to

35:02

shout out every one of all ages, but I

35:04

want to speak specifically a little bit to the

35:07

20s right now, because I think the 20s are

35:09

such an interesting time where you can be 25

35:11

and your life looks absolutely completely different to the

35:13

other 25 year old, you know, you

35:16

can be 21 and the same thing is true. In

35:18

their 20s, some people are in college, some people are

35:20

moving for the first time, finding their first

35:22

job, some people are married, some people have

35:24

kids, all the things. And you talk about

35:26

in your book, like, how to, I guess,

35:29

stay in a place of contentment when your

35:31

friends are maybe a little bit further along

35:33

than you are that you wish you were

35:35

at. Can you speak a little bit to

35:37

that struggle? Yeah, oh

35:39

my gosh, it's such a real struggle.

35:41

I think that is one of

35:44

the worst or maybe not the worst, but

35:46

the biggest struggle that most young adults have

35:48

is comparison of wondering why do I not

35:50

have what she has or why am I

35:52

not where she is or why did she

35:55

get married before me or why doesn't

35:57

my body look like that or I thought I would

35:59

be successful. or have more followers at

36:01

this point in my life. And this was

36:03

such a struggle for me. I remember being

36:05

28 and a half, and

36:08

I had just gone through a year long

36:10

relationship that had ended. Meanwhile, my

36:12

best friend, her boyfriend at the time,

36:14

this was Grant, actually Grant comes to

36:16

me, and he's like, hey Jay,

36:18

I just wanna let you know I'm not to propose

36:20

to Maddie. And I'm like, oh, and I

36:23

just got dumped. And

36:25

it was the hardest time of my life. And

36:27

I had to really dig deep

36:29

into my heart and my soul and say, are

36:31

you gonna be the friend that you're looking for?

36:34

Are you gonna be a good friend that's gonna

36:36

champion Maddie? And also I had two other friends

36:38

getting married within six months of that same day

36:40

after her. So I was like, three of my

36:42

best friends are getting married within six months of

36:44

each other. I want to

36:46

be the friend that champions and celebrates

36:48

my girls, just as they would for

36:50

me. And I think the problem

36:53

here is that a lot of us are

36:55

looking outwards. And normally I'm telling people look

36:57

outwards. You don't wanna be someone super

36:59

self-seeking and selfish and only thinking about

37:01

yourself. But I think when it comes

37:04

to timelines in comparison, you've

37:06

gotta look inward and you've gotta

37:08

look upward because it's truly about

37:10

just you and God. Your timeline

37:13

is between you and God and no one

37:15

else. Because when you

37:17

compare your timeline, your story to

37:19

someone else, you'll either feel greater

37:21

than or less than them, which

37:23

could lead to feeling more superior

37:26

or inferior to them, which neither

37:28

are God glorifying. God does

37:30

not want us being both full or

37:32

also feeling insecure. He wants us just

37:34

to run alongside people regardless

37:36

of where we're at and champion them and

37:38

celebrate them. And so you just have to

37:41

know and trust that God works in the

37:43

waiting. He doesn't waste the waiting. Everyone's

37:45

timelines are different and it's also kind

37:47

of exciting. Because I feel like if

37:50

we all had the same timeline, life would be pretty boring. It's like,

37:52

okay, we all got married at the same time. We all had babies

37:54

at the same time. We all got, I

37:56

think it's kind of exciting knowing, oh, your

37:59

timeline's Different than mine. Hi my like we

38:01

don't have the same see a coffee

38:03

and pay lifeguard row you a unique

38:05

different story and I think that's so

38:07

cool because side is in the business

38:09

of always using your story for his

38:12

glory. So three while me be your

38:14

best friend or your friend in your

38:16

circle can't necessarily relate to you and

38:18

your season. Someone else can like thought

38:20

is using that season. For. Someone

38:22

else for someone else to be blessed

38:24

by the three. Maybe five years later

38:27

down the road when you've already accomplished

38:29

sitter overcome it. Yes. And so it

38:31

was a tough reminder of looking inward

38:33

and looking up to God and be

38:35

like this. Seems like it's okay to

38:37

men and be like this is not

38:39

where I thought I would be. This

38:41

is not what I thought my story

38:43

would be. A greeting that but also

38:45

waiting expectantly and hopefully with your head

38:47

open and sing got all surrender it.

38:49

But I trust you with a story.

38:51

Yeah know. The timing way way way

38:53

better than I will ever comprehend or

38:55

a mansion and that gave me freedom

38:57

and then the lord when I surrendered

38:59

and really gave him my timeline my

39:02

heart as one. I met my husband

39:04

shortly after that which was very crazy

39:06

and I'm very thankful for that So

39:08

and may know what's happened like that

39:10

you may be got has you wait

39:12

longer but I promise you is in

39:14

the waiting his the always working, he

39:16

knows the future better than you do

39:18

and praise God that he does. You.

39:23

Know to be honest have always been

39:25

someone who leaned in the hard conversations

39:27

even other hard have always found that you

39:30

come out so much better on the

39:32

other sites. Dressy Sam I know it

39:34

can be difficult to have on as and

39:36

necessary conversations and these days we all

39:38

need to take an honest look at

39:40

our digital habits and this is where

39:42

Covenant Eyes comes. And Seven Eyes isn't just

39:44

another software as seriously serious protection for

39:46

anyone looking to safeguard their faith and

39:48

family and the online world. Covenant Eyes filters

39:51

and blogs harmful content on all your

39:53

devices and helps. promote healthy digital habits

39:55

it also encourages accountability by sitting

39:57

regular reports see of your and

40:00

to a trusted friend or family member, creating

40:03

a space for honesty and support from someone

40:05

who loves you. Now, Christian is someone who

40:07

talks about this often. If you ever

40:09

listened to his 4-H-Man podcast, he talks about

40:11

his struggles in the past with porn and different

40:14

things on his phone. And I'm so proud of

40:16

him for not only overcoming that, but I know

40:18

he needed accountability to overcome that. And I'm proud

40:20

of him for also opening up that conversation for

40:23

many others to get help. And Christian also promotes

40:25

covenant eyes as well. So whether you're a student,

40:27

a spouse, or a pastor, covenant eyes empowers you

40:29

to make wise choices online and stay true

40:31

to your values. So if you're ready to

40:34

take control of your online experience and protect

40:36

what matters most, then I highly encourage you

40:38

to check out covenant eyes. Visit covenanteyes.com/Sadie, and

40:40

you can try it for free for 30

40:42

days. Again, that's covenanteyes.com/Sadie

40:44

to try it for free for 30

40:47

days. It's

40:51

so true. It really is. And Lainey

40:53

and I, my bestie, we had a

40:55

very similar situation where we were always

40:57

talking and praying that we would meet

40:59

our husbands at the same time. And

41:02

I had just kind of

41:04

had a relationship and I was like, I am

41:06

done dating. Put me on camera saying it. Hold

41:09

me accountable to it. Well, then of course, right

41:11

after I said that, the next day I've met

41:13

Christian on the beach and I was like, forget

41:15

what I said. Holy moly, he's so cute. I

41:18

just knew. It was like, I don't

41:21

know if I want to be cheesy enough

41:23

to say hello at first sight, but literally

41:25

when I first saw him, I was like,

41:27

forget that I said I wasn't dating anyone

41:29

because if he is an option, then I'm

41:31

taking it. But you're like, delete the video.

41:33

I never said it. But thankfully

41:35

we didn't delete it and I still have it. And it's

41:37

so cute because it's like dated the day before we met.

41:40

But anyways, I meet Christian

41:42

and of course, you know, we start dating and we

41:44

try, I actually try not to, I tried to like

41:46

actually honor what I said. And so for a couple

41:48

of months, we just talked on the phone every day

41:51

until finally he came and took me on a date

41:53

and stuff. But Lainey was mad. Like she was so

41:55

frustrated with me because she was just like, You

41:57

said you weren't going to date anyone. But I Think like.

42:00

Under lie underneath says holding them accountable

42:02

was definitely a little bit of her

42:04

own. like ah one and be dating

42:06

someone always so crazy is on our

42:08

first date like you would like a

42:10

weekend thing is he came to Nashville

42:13

and all of our friends let's see

42:15

the loot brain cancer and lady came

42:17

with as and she was like america

42:19

scale out my options who's like the

42:21

and funny at first guy she sees

42:23

no jokes is I keep you on

42:25

that is now her husband and her

42:27

see their as and on our furry.

42:30

Way but it was. It's crazy how it

42:32

all worked out, but I remember like even

42:34

after finding Clayton and South for Laney like

42:36

she so they're held on to that a

42:38

little bit of an hour energy. Some very

42:41

unsure about being Christian and and and as

42:43

Sega live it was her own sauce. Well

42:45

I don't think I know because. Couple.

42:47

Months later, there has been so much

42:49

tension between her and I and. My

42:52

best friends of my goods going on and

42:54

so anyways one day and like cleaning out

42:57

the closet and season they're on a bed

42:59

and a just like all comes our is

43:01

like we did is like sherry these are

43:03

hard sub does everything that was it has

43:06

this been going on between as and she

43:08

just sure that she was afraid you know

43:10

deep down there is fear that maybe in

43:13

a relationship me and her were maybe not

43:15

going to be as close as we were

43:17

it was she get a Faizullah in all

43:19

diseases like the most honest moment and then.

43:22

It was really funny because we were

43:24

Sears and Christian and our other friends

43:26

rod downstairs plans and discard game and

43:28

a lady was like i think I

43:31

owe him an apology exhaust pretty rude

43:33

to him for a while as i

43:35

yeah you were a so he literally

43:37

go down together and see the hague

43:39

So I finally admitted that I've not

43:41

been very nice as I don't have

43:44

you know anymore and it was just

43:46

like such a powerful as the one

43:48

in our friends at that made us

43:50

so much closer to and and their

43:52

relationship. you know and and even dislike the

43:54

future like now you know is is amazing

43:57

because we did those get engaged two weeks

43:59

apart we married two weeks apart, we had our

44:01

first baby four months apart. We both have two girls now.

44:04

Our life has tracked in the sweetest way

44:06

and I'm so, so grateful for that. But

44:08

I don't know that we would still be

44:10

as close as we are now had

44:12

we not had those just honest,

44:14

gritty conversations. I

44:17

love that when Grant said that to you, you're just honest

44:19

enough to say, that was hard.

44:21

You're excited for your friend, but it's hard.

44:23

And so I love that you were so

44:26

open and honest with that in the

44:28

book. And just for the girls listening again,

44:30

her book, I'm telling you, it is

44:32

so cool because it is the most like

44:34

practical, godly advice. Just how you talk. You're

44:37

so, you overflow so much wisdom, so much

44:39

truth. And that is what her book is

44:41

from start to finish. It's what her podcast

44:43

is where I'm, I'm wrapping the shirt

44:45

right now. There's so much great advice

44:48

from a sister and a friend. That's what we're all about

44:50

here. So I love that you share that. Now I

44:52

got to ask you about high school because I

44:55

loved hearing in your testimony video,

44:57

just how you kind of started a

45:00

very authentic relationship with the Lord. Can

45:02

you talk a little bit about the

45:04

camp experience? Absolutely. Oh

45:06

my gosh. So yeah, I

45:09

think in high school is when God

45:11

really truly helped me encounter him. That

45:14

was the moment when I remember being

45:16

like, I can't deny this because

45:18

I think at some point in all of our lives, you

45:21

have to come to the conclusion of yourself is,

45:23

is God real and is God the Lord of

45:25

my life? And growing up Christian,

45:27

my parents always instilled the value in me. So

45:29

I'm super thankful. I've always had that as a

45:31

foundation in my life, but it

45:33

took me getting absolutely smack in

45:35

the face again. God's in the business.

45:37

I can be willing to say specifically

45:39

me smack me in the face with

45:41

conviction and also me confessing. And I'm

45:43

not sure how transparent I can be

45:46

here on the podcast, but transparent as

45:48

you want. And you know what, this

45:50

is why I want to talk about

45:52

this. When I heard your testimony video,

45:54

I was so grateful that you shared

45:56

this part of your story. And

45:58

I asked you before podcast if I was allowed

46:01

to ask you about your story. And you said, yes,

46:03

you said I'll be as open as a book as

46:05

you want me to be. And I

46:07

said, I really appreciate that. And I was

46:09

really hoping we'd get to this part because

46:11

this is something that so many people shy

46:14

away from, because it's awkward, or it's hard

46:16

to talk about. But the truth is, there

46:18

are so many people who are listening to

46:20

this podcast right now who need to hear

46:22

someone like you say this was the struggle

46:25

of yours and that you overcame it. So

46:27

100% be honest. Okay,

46:30

let's let's go there. Because truly, I

46:32

do believe that our stories have so

46:35

much power to bring someone else freedom.

46:37

And I truly want nothing to have

46:39

power over me to have a hold over me,

46:41

I want to be able to speak everything freely.

46:44

And it just fall away word and it has

46:46

no root, no hold, no power over my life.

46:48

And so in high school,

46:50

I was actually exposed to pornography at

46:52

a very young age, it was not

46:54

something I sought out. I was at

46:56

a hotel with my childhood best friend

46:59

and my two sisters and we're just

47:01

casually flipping through the channels and full

47:03

on pornography was on the TV. And

47:05

I remember just like, Oh my

47:07

gosh, like I didn't even know what to do. I was like, do I

47:09

look do I not and it was like, the

47:12

scariest moment in my life because my

47:14

parents actually never fully gave me the

47:16

birds and the bees conversation. So I

47:18

didn't know what was going on. And

47:20

the Lord, I'm sorry, the devil actually

47:22

God did not do this. The devil

47:24

took this one literally like

47:26

a five second moment and use this

47:28

as a seed in my life of

47:31

lust and opening doors to this. And

47:33

so I began to be

47:35

addicted to pornography. And I also struggled

47:37

with masturbation. And so these were two

47:39

things that I kept in

47:42

the darkness for so many years.

47:44

And I remember feeling just like

47:46

a weight, like it was literally

47:48

these chains just dragging behind me

47:50

everywhere I went. It prevented

47:52

me from looking people fully in the eyes because

47:54

you know, when you carry sin and

47:56

shame, it causes you to hide and to

47:58

feel to feel ashamed. Adam and Eve. And

48:00

so I didn't even want to look people in the eyes. I

48:03

was like, they know, they for sure know, they know what I'm

48:05

doing. And of course they didn't.

48:07

But I felt like it was just like

48:09

a written on my forehead, like I'm addicted

48:11

to pornography and masturbation. And so

48:13

I go to this youth for this

48:15

camp called Youth for the Nations, that Christ for

48:18

the Nations, an amazing spiritual church. And

48:20

I didn't even want to go to be quite frank. My

48:23

brother started going to this church and he's

48:25

like, Hey, the young adults pastor wants me

48:27

to bring you and our sisters to this

48:29

camp. And I was like, you cannot pay me

48:31

to go. I was like, I'm not going. And

48:34

I was like, I don't have money. I made up

48:36

every excuse in the book. I was like, I have

48:38

plans. I want to hang out with my friends. I

48:40

can't afford it. And the pastor

48:42

was like, well, what if I paid for you to

48:44

go? And then I was like, well, she'd, I really

48:46

have no excuse then. Okay. And

48:49

so I was like, let's go. And I remember Jesus

48:52

culture is there. It's Kim Walker singing

48:54

on stage. Amazing singer. It was so

48:57

powerful. She's singing that song. Oh, how

48:59

Jesus loves us. And

49:01

I mean, I am encountering the Holy Spirit

49:03

for the first time in my life. I

49:05

mean, my heart is racing. I'm sweating, snot

49:08

bubbles. You name

49:10

it. I was experiencing it and I just, my

49:12

hands are lifted. And so at

49:14

one point in the service, someone comes up on stage and

49:17

they say, Hey, I just feel really compelled to do this.

49:19

I feel compelled to do an altar

49:21

call. And he said, I feel like there's

49:23

people in here that have been

49:25

carrying a secret for far too long. And it's

49:27

something that you need to release. And you're going

49:29

to break free of that tonight. He's like, if

49:32

that's you, I want you to

49:34

come forward and no longer, like no longer hide,

49:36

bring it, bring it into the light. And

49:39

some moment when your heart starts

49:41

pounding and you're sweaty and

49:43

it's like, Oh shoot, I, I know

49:46

I'm supposed to go. And I'm looking

49:49

around and I'm like, is anyone going to go? Is anyone

49:51

going to go? And I, all of a sudden people just

49:53

start going. And I was like, I'm just going to do

49:55

it. So I just break through, break free out of the

49:57

chairs. I like start pushing past all these people. I run

49:59

down. of the front. It is not a

50:01

short hallway, let me tell you. And

50:04

I get down to the front and

50:06

I just like fall. I'm just like,

50:08

I have to confess this. And

50:10

there's people up there. I tell her, and I

50:12

think it's like the scariest thing I've ever done.

50:15

She doesn't even blink. She doesn't even react. She

50:17

doesn't even, she's not even like, how dare you?

50:19

Like you think that they're going to

50:21

say, she's like, amazing. Thank

50:23

you for telling me, you know what? God's going to

50:25

set you free tonight. And she

50:28

begins to pray this powerful prayer over me.

50:30

I confessed it and I literally said, pornography

50:32

and masturbation, you have no hold over me.

50:34

And I said it over and over and

50:36

over. And I kid you

50:38

not from that day, the desire left.

50:40

I mean, by the grace of God,

50:42

it left me and it

50:44

never came back. And specifically pornography, I would

50:46

say. And so I've never went

50:49

back and I just praise God

50:51

for that moment of giving

50:53

the media ability to confess that sin.

50:56

And something I am so bold and

50:58

powerful in my book to say is

51:00

that in confession, you find

51:02

freedom when you are vulnerable, you are

51:05

honest, you have accountability, consistency,

51:07

confession, those are five ways

51:10

you will stay free. And

51:12

so that moment marked

51:14

my life forever. It's a moment where

51:16

I'm like, I could never deny God

51:18

because I know he's so real from

51:20

that moment. Spring

51:26

is a great time to start something new,

51:28

right? So whether it's cleaning or a new

51:30

hobby or a new audio book, a good

51:33

story is always a great way to start

51:35

a new journey. And Audible has all that

51:37

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51:39

great storytellers. So I know Audible is the

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51:44

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52:43

So I know some of you are

52:45

into, you know, thrillers, crime, mystery, and

52:47

I gotta be honest, that's not really

52:49

been my thing. So I told Bella,

52:51

okay, Bella, tell me what I could

52:53

like. Listen to that. It wouldn't

52:55

scare me, but I would like be into it. And she told

52:57

me about this title called The Last Thing He Told Me by

52:59

Laura Dave. And so I started it and John Luke

53:02

loved it too. And so I'm just not on the

53:04

cusp of it. And y'all, let me tell you, it

53:06

is very entertaining. You do want to listen to see

53:08

what happened next. So if y'all are into that, Audible

53:10

is a great place to find those too. New members

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53:31

Josh, that's so great.

53:34

And I just, I love that

53:37

the person who you confess

53:39

it to was just like you said, didn't

53:41

even bat an eye. It was just so

53:43

important. Like I loved that passion a few

53:45

years ago when Jenny Allen was leading and

53:48

she, you Jenny

53:50

does in typical Jenny fashion gets everyone

53:52

to confess their deepest darkest thing, which

53:54

is so powerful to the person beside

53:56

them. But then the most important thing

53:58

I think was that. she said, and

54:01

whoever you are, no matter

54:03

what they say, you respond to

54:05

them with, there's therefore no condemnation

54:07

for those who are found in

54:09

Christ Jesus. And see,

54:12

that is so important because I think

54:15

so many times the fear of confession

54:17

is that you're going to be met

54:19

with a lack of empathy, with judgment,

54:21

with more shame than you already feel.

54:24

And that is a really scary thing. It's a

54:26

very vulnerable thing because if you do confess and

54:28

you aren't met with that love

54:31

and the no condemnation, then it can cause

54:33

a deeper hole. And so I love that you

54:35

share that. And why I wanted you to

54:37

share that too is because I've never actually

54:39

shared this part of my story in this detail.

54:42

But when I heard your story, I thought, that

54:44

is so relatable to me because you were

54:46

in high school and you're like, I didn't

54:48

even know like what this was. I didn't even

54:50

mean to see it. I wasn't seeking this

54:52

out. And the same thing actually happened to

54:54

me. I was on Twitter one

54:56

day, which just is so interesting

54:59

because I heard you talk about this and how like

55:01

the songs you were listening to in high

55:03

school were like toxic. And you didn't really

55:05

realize how over time listening to

55:07

such sexual things led to sexual thoughts

55:09

led to sexual desire. And so you're

55:11

already like not even meaning to like

55:13

awoken that with songs you listen to.

55:15

And when I think back, I think

55:17

about Snapchat and back in the

55:20

day, I don't know how Snapchat is anymore because

55:22

I have not had it in years. But back

55:24

in the day, I remember that it was

55:26

like all these articles that were very

55:29

sexualized and it would be like 10

55:32

sex positions and this and that and like

55:34

cosmopolitan and like you would just have to

55:36

see that when you click on the app,

55:38

whether you were looking for it or not.

55:40

And I remember being like intrigued by these

55:42

things because it would be like super, you

55:44

know, intriguing magazine covers or words

55:46

that I would be like interested in because I

55:48

didn't know those things. Like I no one talked

55:50

to me about those things, tell me those things.

55:52

So every now and then I just kind of

55:54

see it. I try not to look and it

55:56

was probably not something I should be looking at,

55:58

but I would sometimes. look at them. Well

56:01

then one thing leads to another and

56:03

I'm on Twitter one day not seeking

56:06

this out at all, didn't type in

56:08

anything. It was straight up a porn

56:10

ad and it

56:12

was extremely graphic

56:15

and intense and instead of

56:17

continuing to scroll I clicked

56:19

on it and it

56:21

was kind of a

56:23

toxic cycle in just a day and what's

56:25

crazy is like I didn't even

56:28

know what the word like masturbation meant. Literally

56:30

I remember being at a camp in middle

56:32

school that was like middle school and high

56:34

school and I remember hearing that and people

56:36

like coming and getting forgiveness of that and

56:38

I didn't even know what that was. So

56:41

here I am in high school like accidentally

56:43

stumbling upon something and doing

56:45

something I don't even really know what it

56:47

is and then just feeling like an incredible

56:49

wave of shame from that

56:51

moment on and knowing like I cannot tell anybody

56:53

about this kind of thing and

56:56

thankfully like I was able to stop

56:58

that I did not become addicted to

57:00

it but even not becoming addicted I

57:02

lived with like so much shame from

57:04

even just that experience and hid it

57:06

for so long and I remember like

57:09

telling Christian about that at one

57:12

point whenever we were married and

57:14

just feeling like so much freedom because he

57:16

was so honest with his story always and

57:18

like he helped so many people through that

57:21

and finally when I shared and I continued to do

57:23

these things like if I shared to Christian it's so

57:25

crazy because like I was so scared what his reaction

57:28

was going to be and he was like man I

57:30

feel like I can relate to you so much more

57:32

now to know that like you're human too you

57:34

know like not that he didn't

57:36

know that before obviously because I mess up a

57:38

million other ways but just in a

57:40

way that we could actually relate and that was

57:43

a part of our past sin but something that

57:45

like we've been free of from the blood of

57:47

Jesus but I just remember that being like such

57:49

a secret of fame because I thought if anyone

57:51

knows that then they'll think like I'm gross or

57:53

that that's so bad and that like girls don't

57:55

do this or whatever and I've just found out

57:58

now because that was such a you

58:00

thought because like actually a ton of

58:02

girls struggle with this and a ton

58:04

of girls have accidentally um maybe accidentally

58:06

just like we do it or maybe

58:09

intentionally that's okay too like again there's

58:11

no condemnation not saying that to like

58:13

shame you if you search that and

58:15

that's how you got addicted what I'm

58:17

saying is like hey there's freedom there's

58:19

freedom for you from for you and

58:21

there's freedom from that on the other

58:23

side of confession and accountability and having

58:26

people and things help you come out

58:28

of that and you do not have

58:30

to stay in that forever friend don't stay in

58:32

that forever it's not a way to live a

58:34

happy and healthy life it's not a way to

58:37

live a full life it's not a way to

58:39

live a life of freedom and so today I

58:41

just I have all these lights around here you

58:43

know lighting up the podcast and I just want

58:45

to shine like a massive light on

58:48

just that being in hiding over your

58:50

life and I pray that there are

58:52

two people sharing their story that

58:54

you will feel the freedom to share your

58:57

story with someone and get the help that

58:59

you need and so Jenine thank you for

59:01

sharing your story you encourage me to share

59:03

in a way that I

59:05

never have either and I have to

59:08

say what I found so powerful because

59:10

this book Becoming Happy and Healthy is

59:12

amazing you're an incredible writer you're an

59:14

incredible speaker but I think sometimes like

59:17

I even knew you and I'm like

59:20

you're so beautiful you're so like you

59:23

know enthusiastic you're easy to talk to you're so

59:25

friendly you got it all going on it's easy

59:27

to look at someone like you and be like

59:29

well yeah she's happy and healthy like she's got

59:31

it all going on but what I

59:33

love about you is you're so honest about the

59:36

things in life that you haven't had it all

59:38

going on and the things in life that you

59:40

struggled through and the things in life that you

59:42

continue to and so thank you for your vulnerability

59:44

and I love you know as we read this

59:47

book and we take the advice

59:49

we know that it's coming from someone

59:51

who really gets it and really understands

59:53

the struggle and so I just want

59:55

to honor you for living a life

59:57

as vulnerable as you live because it's

1:00:00

people, including myself. Thank

1:00:02

you Sadie, I really appreciate that. I think

1:00:05

that is always my goal is

1:00:07

that people never think like, oh she has a

1:00:09

platform so she must think she's on a pedestal

1:00:11

or better than us and I'm like I'm here

1:00:13

to tell you I

1:00:15

am only you know the way I am

1:00:17

by the grace of God this is nothing

1:00:19

that I did. You'll read the

1:00:21

book as you're saying and you'll be like oh

1:00:24

this girl was sloppy. Like she had some

1:00:26

things she had to work and work through

1:00:29

and still to this day but truly my

1:00:31

goal was to help people not go

1:00:33

back to that to not be you know

1:00:36

lukewarm and lackluster in their faith to help

1:00:38

you overcome these challenges because I get it.

1:00:40

And so I still face so many things

1:00:42

today. I always try to share because I

1:00:44

never want someone to think oh just because

1:00:47

I am this happy and healthy message that

1:00:49

I am forever happy and healthy. I have

1:00:52

so many hard days. I have struggles. I

1:00:54

feel insecure. I want all these different things

1:00:56

but truly the difference with how I was

1:00:58

then versus how I am now is

1:01:01

I back then went to the world

1:01:03

and went to myself and now I go

1:01:05

to God and so those things back then

1:01:07

they would just oh my gosh they would

1:01:09

linger they would bring me down and

1:01:12

I would just feel like the worst human being and nowadays

1:01:14

I'm like no God I know who you say I am

1:01:16

this does not matter that much I'm not gonna give this

1:01:18

more weight and so that's truly the

1:01:20

goal of the book and my platform and just

1:01:22

helping people know like there's no

1:01:24

perfect people out there just safe people

1:01:27

people transformed by the grace of God

1:01:29

and people that you know God has

1:01:31

chosen and so thank you God for

1:01:33

choosing us because oh man

1:01:36

I could not do this life without him

1:01:38

there's just no way. So good. Well I

1:01:40

love it. Janine thank you so much for

1:01:42

being on the Well That's Good podcast. You

1:01:44

have a million Well That's Good moments as

1:01:46

you continue to share just so much good

1:01:48

advice and so looking forward to

1:01:51

the more things that you put out and looking

1:01:53

forward to hearing more podcasts from you hopefully more

1:01:55

books in the future and all the things that

1:01:57

you and your husband continue to do together so

1:01:59

thanks again. again for taking the time to be on. Thank

1:02:02

you, Sadie, for having me. This was such a

1:02:04

blessing, and you're an incredible podcast. So I love

1:02:07

championing you, and thank you for what you're doing

1:02:09

for this generation as well. Thank you.