The more we care about each other, the more vulnerable we are to shame. Intentionally or unintentionally, we poke each other in the tender spots. Couples can shame each other multiple times a day, often without realizing what is happening. This can become a highly reactive cycle, preventing both people from getting their basic safety and attachment needs met. And shame can distort how we hear each other; the received message may have little to do with the message the partner is attempting to send. In this segment we will explore the blame or shame game couples can fall into and how to help them stop shaming each other and work together to create a secure base and heal the wounds of the past.