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dig into the group archives and find

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one of the past Tuesday questions that

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that question and we talk about some

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2:15

Today's question is, have

2:17

you ever been involved with foster

2:19

care and what was that experience

2:21

like? I've never been involved

2:24

with foster care. I've had lots of

2:26

friends who've adopted through foster care and

2:29

for the most part it's been

2:31

a fantastic experience both in Nebraska

2:33

and here in Florida, but I

2:35

don't have any personal experience. I

2:38

am gonna have to agree with you on that in

2:40

my case as well. I have

2:42

no real involvement, but my

2:45

in-laws, my wife's

2:47

parents had a, isn't it

2:50

great I explained that in-laws are my

2:52

wife's parents? Probably nobody knew that. Yeah,

2:54

yeah, otherwise that's super confusing and I

2:56

know, vague. Right, right. Well,

2:59

you know maybe multiple wives, we don't know. Wow,

3:03

that's, yeah, there are possibilities there. That's

3:06

not the case though, but they had

3:09

a foster child and

3:11

they had actually six children of their

3:13

own and so most of

3:16

their kids, including my wife, was out of

3:18

the house and off to college or wherever

3:20

by the time this foster child came into

3:22

their house. So the youngest one,

3:25

my wife's youngest brother, is the only

3:27

one that really knew this kid

3:30

that came in and I think he was maybe

3:33

eight or 10, something like

3:35

that. And now

3:37

nobody knows where he is or

3:39

what became of him or anything because he was only there

3:41

for a little bit. But this

3:43

happened in Maine and I was

3:45

asking my brother-in-law about this and

3:48

I didn't realize this, but

3:50

Maine has a serious problem. If

3:52

you take the national average for

3:55

child maltreatment, look

3:58

at Maine and Maine is double. that

4:00

average. Now I don't

4:02

know what all that involves, but there are

4:04

some leaders, some of the government officials and

4:07

people in Maine are working to fix that,

4:09

and there's a thing called Walk

4:11

a Mile in Their Shoes, and

4:14

there's a website

4:16

walkamilemain.org, and they

4:18

have a rally, which by

4:20

the time this airs it'll already be passed,

4:22

it was April 30th, but I'm

4:25

glad they're trying to do something about it, because

4:28

the foster system, I mean, every

4:30

time you hear something about the foster

4:32

system, it's usually bad, right? Because they

4:34

failed their children again, you

4:36

know? I mean, to just

4:39

give a balancing statement, they failed our

4:42

children, but the parents failed the kids first.

4:45

Yes, in most cases, I

4:48

mean, what if both their parents were killed or something,

4:50

and they don't have other family, you know?

4:52

I mean, I know that's

4:54

gonna be a minority, but in

4:56

most cases, yeah, you're right, it's

4:58

because the home was dysfunctional, and

5:01

in a lot of cases, they really

5:03

shouldn't have been parents to start with.

5:05

Yeah, that's true. Is that too harsh to

5:07

say? No, no, not at

5:09

all, not at all. I've learned

5:11

that it takes a lot for child protective

5:14

services to remove a child from a home.

5:16

I thought it was, you know, any sort

5:18

of rumor of mistreatment meant

5:20

that CPS would come busting

5:22

through the door, but I used

5:24

to drive homeless kids to school,

5:26

which is really random, I realize,

5:28

but there's the McKinney-Binto

5:32

Act is something

5:34

that was passed in the 70s that

5:36

allows children experiencing homelessness to

5:39

continue to attend the school

5:41

that they were at before

5:44

becoming homeless, and

5:46

it allows special transportation arrangements to

5:48

be made through the school district. The

5:51

Federal Department of Education hires independent

5:54

contractors to fulfill those

5:56

transportation needs, and so I

5:58

was one Of those. People that drove

6:01

the kids from a to be

6:03

and on one of these days

6:05

I picked up the kids in

6:07

a neighborhood. it was a house.

6:09

the mom came out she was

6:11

super sweet, she works overnight and

6:13

couldn't take your kids to school

6:15

and I don't think the bus

6:17

came in that area so we

6:19

took think I would take the

6:21

two brothers to school and they

6:23

were funny. You know they would

6:25

act of in and out cut

6:27

up in the back seats but

6:29

they always. Smelled really bad.

6:32

Kind of like a kitty litter

6:34

box and I would ask them

6:36

after a few days of this.

6:38

So of the cast you guys

6:40

have and they said we would

6:42

have any cats what are you

6:44

talking about and i just fine

6:46

when they must be lying his

6:48

is a very distinct his cat

6:50

smell like ammonia year and it

6:53

was so bad I had to

6:55

roll the windows down and to

6:57

crack the windows are driving them

6:59

to school and then one day

7:01

went with only one. Brother. The other

7:03

brother didn't get out of bed or something

7:05

and he was younger brother. Further talking to

7:07

hand I decide to ask him again he

7:09

how many cats the have? Why do you

7:12

keep asking me that we don't have any?

7:14

Cassie don't have any pets at all. I'm

7:16

thinking whoa, No pets at all. Any smell like.

7:19

Cat urine. That's weird. And then I start

7:22

asking him about who else lives in the

7:24

house for disliking conversations. I wasn't trying to

7:26

be an investigative reporter, but that's time. the

7:28

direction it went because he said, well, I

7:30

have this many brothers that now I only

7:32

have this many because the one died the

7:35

one time how did he die. I

7:38

don't really know. I'm not supposed to

7:40

talk about it. I was like lights

7:42

Point God so. And you're on him off

7:45

a drive home and I'm certain a think about.

7:47

All the things, the pieces of the

7:49

puzzle and I picked him up one

7:52

more time and it is just stronger

7:54

and stronger. So then. As

7:56

I'm driving home that last day, I.

7:59

remember that at one time

8:01

I learned that meth smells

8:03

like ammonia. Oh, I didn't

8:05

know that. Yeah, I didn't know it

8:07

either. And so I call my aunt

8:09

Stacy because she's the executive director of

8:12

a nonprofit here in Pensacola that

8:14

helps deal with cases like this

8:17

in child abuse. She's

8:19

like, yeah, that is what meth smells

8:21

like. She said, well, I'd recommend

8:23

you call Child Protective Services. So

8:26

I call them and they

8:29

do nothing. I explain the whole story

8:32

about the suspicious death, the

8:34

smell that's incredibly strong. They have

8:36

no pets. I mean, all of it. And

8:39

I said, don't you just wanna check on them?

8:41

What if there's like, there's older brothers there? What

8:44

if they're cooking meth in the house? Isn't that

8:46

a concern? Oh, there's nothing we

8:48

can do. That's not enough evidence. So

8:50

I call Stacy back and she says, we'll

8:53

call the cops and do a wellness check. So

8:56

the cops do apparently, I don't know,

8:58

they didn't follow up with me. And

9:00

so I removed myself off the route because I

9:02

wasn't gonna drive up to their house the

9:05

next school day and have them figure out,

9:07

oh, this was the lady that called the

9:09

cops on my house. But

9:13

that was just more evidence that it

9:15

takes a lot for a child to

9:17

be removed from the home. So when we

9:19

read these stories, it's probably

9:21

worse than we are reading, which is

9:23

sad. Yeah, man. And really it

9:25

should take a lot to remove a child from the

9:28

home. But on the other hand, it's

9:30

just such a conflict

9:32

between two extremes. It

9:35

is, you're right. It is two extremes.

9:37

It's crazy. All right, let's see what

9:39

some of the listeners said. All right, this

9:41

first one, she says, at 55, I

9:44

became a foster parent when my newborn grandchild

9:46

went into foster care. In my state, I

9:49

had to be certified and approved the same

9:51

as all other foster families. 11

9:54

months later, along comes his baby brother.

9:56

Number three is Now nine months old.

10:00

A job at the first few this past May

10:02

and the youngest will soon follow. I wouldn't change

10:04

a thing, but oh my gosh, Has

10:06

this than hard. I'm a single parent

10:09

not my second born son lives with

10:11

me and helps out. He's made it

10:13

possible for me to get everyone to

10:15

appointments, outings, etc. And thank goodness for

10:18

grocery delivery services. I would

10:20

have to say that although all the

10:22

social workers we've had these past three

10:25

years have been great, it's still a

10:27

challenging way to live in a bubble.

10:29

They come by to check on the

10:31

kids totally understandable and we have plenty.

10:34

Of requirements to follow. Still, my

10:36

little guys have been able to stay. Together

10:38

and with me. While.

10:40

Honestly, goods amazing would assume we. Wouldn't?

10:44

Amazing woman. There's a lot of

10:46

dynamics there, you know? Rudy? She.

10:48

Should be enjoying who Leader years and

10:50

Moon ignored me her age so and

10:52

who really knew you know holds his

10:55

book? Pushy sense. it defies. Oh okay,

10:57

yeah, I guess I should read the

10:59

answers to this little little sushi sousaphone.

11:01

So let's not even leader years and

11:03

she's like middle aged so but. When

11:06

I think about it, she probably is enjoying

11:08

these years and enjoying having the kids they're

11:10

even though it's all you know, it's a

11:13

lot of work and show not to her

11:15

son to. Oh, sat on her

11:17

sign for sir I. Think there's a

11:19

lot on said in Sci Fi Worse

11:21

you imagine what this woman is like

11:24

in real life. I that she is

11:26

a master at finding the silver lining

11:28

stickers. Can you imagine all the things?

11:30

He's not same here. You. Know

11:32

ages. It's her child that's

11:34

not. Caring for her grandchildren in

11:36

our So yeah very very positive

11:38

strong woman. You can just feel

11:40

that through the were absolutely sure

11:42

tune. She's the kind that with

11:45

no matter what happens it's like

11:47

okay won't We'll figure it out

11:49

with Will See and Zeus. Yes,

11:52

absolutely or oh the second one

11:54

is this is also woman and

11:56

she says scott you actually met

11:58

our foster son last time we got

12:00

together, which was about six or seven years ago,

12:03

you were so thoughtful and brought toys

12:05

to our get-together. We had him and

12:07

his sister for five months. I'm happy

12:09

to say that they were adopted by

12:11

a wonderful couple and are now

12:13

living there happily ever after. And I do

12:16

remember that. This is a woman

12:18

who was in college with my wife

12:20

and I many

12:23

years ago. And so we've kind

12:25

of stayed in touch with them and we got together with

12:27

them for dinner one night and

12:30

they had these two kids. And this

12:32

was during the fad of fidget spinners.

12:36

Remember those? I do remember

12:38

those. It was like a few

12:41

years ago it was like the big thing. Everybody had

12:43

to have a fidget spinner. And so

12:45

I had a couple of these and I just stuck them

12:47

in my pocket before we left. And because I didn't know

12:49

how old these kids are or anything, but

12:51

man I gave them those fidget spinners and

12:53

they just loved them. Uncle Scott! Yeah, right.

12:55

I'm so glad to hear that they, you

12:57

know, everything turned out well for them. That's

12:59

great. That is good. You always like to

13:01

hear those stories. Mm-hmm. Yeah. All

13:04

right. Number three. Number three

13:06

is also a woman, which as

13:08

a sidebar, shout out to the women.

13:10

You know, we're taking care of business cleaning

13:13

up messes. Although the messes

13:16

were probably also made by other women,

13:18

so maybe it evens out in the

13:20

end. All right. So number three says,

13:23

I was in the system

13:25

as a kid and just last night started

13:27

classes to become a foster parent with my

13:29

husband. I've been asking for a sign that

13:31

I'm on the right path and I just

13:33

wanted to thank you for this post. I'm

13:35

taking it as my sign. I

13:38

loved that. They gave me goosebumps and

13:41

it reaffirmed that some of our listeners

13:43

are woo-woo Scott. They do look for

13:45

signs and wonders. They do.

13:48

They do. Yeah. Um,

13:51

and you know, we talk about the

13:53

system being broken, but here's a good

13:55

example of it actually working. Um, and

13:58

I don't know the Tuesday question post being your

14:00

sign, I don't know, but I

14:02

would love to hear how it turns out,

14:05

you know, as you go down this road of being

14:07

foster parents, we'd like to hear the end of that

14:09

story. Yes, definitely. And

14:12

I'm not against synchronicities, you

14:14

know. Sometimes it's

14:16

not necessarily a spiritual thing. Sometimes

14:19

it's just a confirmation thing. The

14:21

human mind is meant to see

14:23

patterns, and sometimes you

14:25

need a nudge to make a big

14:27

change. And being a foster parent is

14:29

a really big change, but

14:31

who better to be a foster parent

14:34

than someone that was a

14:36

foster kid? Yeah, absolutely. All

14:39

right, the last one says, I took

14:41

in my niece, who was three at

14:43

the time. She was severely neglected and

14:45

had only been given her food from

14:47

the floor. She had

14:50

just started walking at three. Her

14:52

head was completely flat from being laid down

14:54

in a crib for the first two years

14:56

of her life. She would

14:58

throw huge fits and bang her head on

15:00

the walls and scream for hours. She

15:03

didn't want to be touched or hugged. It

15:05

was heart-wrenching. She had zero words.

15:09

We had three kids at the time and had

15:11

a small house. We were not

15:13

prepared at all to adopt her, but her

15:15

parents had no interest in getting her

15:17

back. We loved on

15:19

her for nine months, got her

15:22

into speech therapy, physical therapy, and

15:24

occupational therapy. I got

15:26

her diagnosed with autism level three.

15:29

The state was no help. They

15:31

just wanted her to be adopted, so they didn't have

15:33

to pay to support us anymore. We

15:35

ended up not being able to be her

15:37

forever home, and she went to go live

15:39

with her two brothers and my mom. She's

15:43

adopted by her now. By the

15:45

time she left, she was singing songs, hugging,

15:48

smiling, and attaching

15:50

herself to us. I

15:52

had her in a great daycare and amazing

15:54

services. I wish so badly I

15:57

Could have kept her, but my husband was not

15:59

on board. The rest of our lives. I.

16:01

Still think we made the right decision for

16:04

our family. Wow. That's.

16:06

So narrowly though she was

16:08

a speaking said zero words

16:10

around age three and was

16:12

just laying on her back.

16:14

That's all fall and so

16:16

to set this person says

16:18

I took in my niece

16:20

so this is their siblings

16:23

kid again I just applause

16:25

to these people. Because. It

16:27

would be so hard if I

16:29

were in their shoes and it

16:31

was invited to share my experience

16:33

to not just trash them in.

16:36

My response on. On

16:38

this Facebook posts instead. It's all

16:40

about the kids lifting them up

16:42

and getting them to the next

16:45

best placed and that's really awesome.

16:47

They are better people than. Me:

16:50

And this could have ended so

16:52

badly. But my pushes, how does

16:55

the school on for two or

16:57

three years? Pf Man is such

16:59

a long time I haven't pursued.

17:02

The involved child abuse episode Eighty

17:04

Two it's called Michael was abused

17:06

with a sewing machine and that

17:08

was not a foster home. They

17:11

were all actual siblings and they

17:13

were. They were home under the

17:15

guise of being home schooled because

17:17

without the you know new school

17:20

ever saw them or could report

17:22

injury or anything like that. So.

17:25

I know how something like this would even

17:27

be detected. That that is an early i'm.

17:29

I have a friend who lives in.

17:32

The northern part of Germany. She

17:34

had the baby in Germany and.

17:37

They has and in and after

17:39

care program so they give birth

17:41

and a hospital but then. And.

17:44

nurse which is paid for by

17:46

taxes comes to the home on

17:48

a regular basis and checks on

17:50

the mom and the baby because

17:52

not not everyone is i'm emotionally

17:55

equipped to be a mom discuss

17:57

your mom doesn't mean it comes

17:59

naturally to They might not have

18:01

the family and community

18:03

resources to support them. So

18:06

I wonder if a

18:08

lot of what we're talking about today

18:10

could be prevented if there was a

18:13

caring postpartum nurse

18:15

that would visit the

18:17

mom regularly up to like a

18:20

certain number of weeks or something. Yeah, that would be

18:22

a great thing. The only

18:24

problem is getting that funding approved, right?

18:27

I'm sure we could take funding from

18:29

something else. It's not

18:31

like the US government has a tight

18:34

budget. They're like, we need more money.

18:36

Let's print more. That's

18:38

a lot of money though. Yeah,

18:41

it is. But the

18:43

US is what? The number one

18:45

developed country in people dying when

18:47

they give birth. Yeah, that makes

18:49

no sense at all. It makes zero

18:52

sense. Zero sense. I'm

18:54

sure there is some sort of other

18:57

program that we could close

19:00

the chapter on and help

19:02

out families a little bit more.

19:04

I'm sure there is. Mm-hmm. I

19:07

agree. But in the meantime, shout out

19:09

to these fantastic for people

19:11

who are just doing the

19:13

work themselves. I think that's awesome. Yeah,

19:16

good for them. And anyone that wants to see

19:18

links to anything we talked about here today, the

19:21

episode notes are at

19:23

whatwasthatlike.com/TQ11. And

19:26

that's a wrap. See you next time. If

19:29

you want to check out the

19:31

current Tuesday question that everyone's discussing,

19:33

head over to whatwasthatlike.com/Facebook and join

19:35

them in the conversation. Big

19:38

thanks as always to my co-host and

19:40

producer, Meredith, for putting this episode together.

19:43

You know she has her own podcast, right? It's

19:46

called Meredith for Real, the Curious Introvert.

19:48

And I can tell you she's definitely

19:50

curious because a lot of times she

19:52

and her guests have conversations about things

19:55

you don't normally hear talked about. Her

19:58

website is meredithforreal.com. And

20:00

if you like hearing firsthand stories of

20:03

people who've gone through something really unusual,

20:05

that's exactly what we do right here

20:07

on What Was That Like every other

20:09

Friday. Just hit the subscribe

20:11

or follow button right there on your podcast

20:13

app and you'll never miss an episode. I'm

20:17

Scott Johnson. Stay safe and we'll

20:19

see you next time. Some

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20:53

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