0:00

You're listening to an Airwave Media

0:03

Podcast.

0:30

Plus there's video podcasts,

0:32

and even Q&A and polls so you

0:35

can talk to your listeners. Not

0:37

to mention a variety of ways to earn money,

0:39

like including ads or adding

0:41

podcast subscriptions. I discovered

0:43

Spotify for Podcasters one dark and

0:45

stormy night, and now I've got a podcast

0:48

where I solve imaginary crimes. No you

0:50

don't. Well it's an imaginary

0:52

podcast. Fair enough. Download

0:54

the Spotify for Podcasters app, or go

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to www.spotify.com

1:00

slash podcasters to get

1:02

started.

1:24

Welcome to What If World. What

1:29

If World. This

1:32

is What If World.

1:39

Greetings listeners, and

1:41

welcome back to What Is World?

1:44

The show where whatever I says

1:47

goes, as I reshape

1:49

your reality with my incredibly

1:52

creative ideas.

1:54

Like, taxis are

1:56

orange rather than yellow now.

2:01

Okay, admittedly, I'm feeling

2:03

a little lonely, as everyone seems

2:05

to have left my universe and

2:08

not invited me to wherever they

2:10

ended up. Perhaps if you all heard

2:12

the last episode, you'll know

2:14

what's became of them. All I can tell

2:17

you is that I smell

2:21

a breach in all of space-time. Sugary!

2:24

Oh, too nutty breach. Yes,

2:27

they must be in some sort of adjoining

2:30

pastry universe. Oh,

2:32

yes, here's a note.

2:35

What if question from a Sean Hill.

2:39

Highly unorthodox in what is world,

2:41

but I suppose I can read it. It

2:43

says, what if there was a donut dimension?

2:47

And Miss Lynn was the queen, and

2:49

Mr. Eric was the king. How

2:52

dare they leave my dimension

2:55

to rule another. I shall track

2:57

them down. I swear it and find

2:59

out what is the deal.

3:03

So join me, Cuthunkle, as

3:06

I peek into this adjoining

3:08

universe to find out what

3:11

if there was a donut dimension. And

3:13

Miss Lynn was the queen and Mr. Eric was

3:16

the king. Today

3:19

we're sponsored by the new podcast for

3:21

kids, Sound Detectives. And

3:24

thanks to the host of Sound Detectives,

3:26

LaVar Burton,

3:27

for being one of my biggest storytelling

3:30

influences. Breaking

3:32

news. Across the globe, sounds

3:34

are mysteriously going missing.

3:37

Waves are no longer crashing. Crickets

3:40

are no longer chirping. And the familiar

3:42

jingle of the ice cream truck is now a

3:44

distant memory. We need to get to

3:46

the bottom of this. So let's follow

3:49

Detective Hunch and

3:50

his new sidekick, Audie the Ear,

3:53

as they solve

3:54

these sonic mysteries and track

3:56

down the nefarious Sound Swindler.

3:59

a little help from the one and only

4:02

LeVar Burton. Join the team on

4:04

this audio adventure and help return

4:07

the missing sounds before the world

4:09

falls silent. Tune into

4:11

Sound Detectives, presented by LeVar

4:14

Burton, wherever you listen to podcasts.

4:16

And don't forget to follow the

4:17

show so you never miss an episode.

4:26

A big shout out

4:28

to Crunch Labs today for sponsoring

4:30

this portion of the podcast. Crunch

4:33

Labs is a STEM monthly subscription

4:36

build box for kids. Crunch Labs

4:38

box is different from the rest because

4:40

each build comes with a guided video from everyone's

4:43

favorite YouTuber and NASA engineer,

4:45

Mark Ruber. We got the Air

4:47

Ball Build Kit and Mark's instructional

4:49

video showed us how it works and

4:51

how to build it. The kit was

4:53

Mr. Eric proof, so kids 8 and

4:55

up may be able to do it by themselves. It

4:57

turned into this awesome floating air ball

5:00

device with a built in game. The kit

5:02

was color coded and

5:03

easy to assemble. It was about 30 minutes

5:06

of work to build with my 4 year old and they

5:08

were a really big help because most of

5:10

it could be screwed in by hand. They make

5:12

great gifts for your own kids, their

5:14

friends, nieces and nephews, you name it. And

5:17

did you know that 80% of kids

5:19

who tried the build box said they gained

5:21

a new passion around STEM and engineering

5:24

and kids rated an 8.5 out of 10 on the fun scale. That's

5:28

really high. One last big thing for me is

5:30

sustainability

5:30

and all their boxes

5:32

are built with sustainability in mind, even

5:35

the bags inside the box are compostable.

5:37

Learn to play like an engineer. Go

5:40

to crunchlabs.com

5:40

slash

5:42

what if world and get your kids Crunch Labs

5:45

today. That's crunchlabs.com

5:47

slash what if world. Now

5:50

back to the show.

5:59

to my voice! Oh! No,

6:03

my name is Mr. Er...

6:05

no, no, no, no, no, no, my name is King...

6:08

King Krala, right? Your name

6:11

is King Krala, of course!

6:13

No, and you're Miss... no, no, you're not

6:15

Missy. No! You are... you are

6:18

Queen Benye! Queen

6:20

Benye, and we are the monarchs

6:23

in charge of the Donut

6:25

Dimension, of course!

6:28

Oh, now I remember, and we are celebrating

6:31

our 300th anniversary

6:34

of ruling over everyone. All

6:37

of our Donut subjects with absolute

6:40

power and very little kindness.

6:43

Yes, we've managed to ferret

6:45

out all the kindness over the

6:47

past 300 years. Yes,

6:51

the only thing sweet about this universe

6:54

is the taste of our subjects.

6:59

But we don't eat them, though, that would be weird.

7:02

Sure, that would be

7:04

weird. We simply entertain

7:06

ourselves by tossing

7:09

them on rings. Ha ha

7:11

ha ha ha ha ha. That's right,

7:13

so now on with the 300th anniversary

7:17

celebration, bring on

7:19

the ring toss! Where is

7:22

Glockenspiel, the Donut

7:24

Corn? Yes, clip-clop,

7:26

clip-clop! It's nice to do

7:29

our own narration, isn't it, Queen

7:31

Benye? Well, isn't it appropriate?

7:34

We are in charge of everything

7:37

within the Donut Dimension, so it

7:39

only makes sense that we should

7:41

narrate what our subjects are

7:44

doing. Yes, yes, so Fred

7:46

the Fronut in... Abacus P.

7:48

Cronut! Mm-hmm, yes,

7:50

oh, everyone, everyone line up and

7:53

get ready to toss yourselves on

7:55

the ring. And the best part is, is

7:58

that if you miss, then, Queen Benye. Benye

8:00

or Aiken Krella get to toss

8:02

you again! And we

8:05

haven't had much practice!

8:07

No, they've only had a little

8:09

bit of practice and it was all with me.

8:12

And I'm a very crumbly Fred the

8:14

Fro-nut now. I don't like it. Get

8:17

it together Fred the Fro-nut.

8:19

It's your turn! It

8:20

is your turn. Just throw

8:23

yourself on to Glockenspiel

8:25

the Donacorn. Oh fine.

8:28

You're all all all all all

8:31

I said and broke.

8:33

Does anyone have any twist picks?

8:35

Those fix donut people right? Okay,

8:39

the Queen's eyes have glazed

8:41

over. If you know what I mean. So

8:43

let's just get through our donut

8:45

toss and on to the next event.

8:48

Well Sal, it looks like it's our turn to

8:50

be tossed around the unicorn horn.

8:53

Allow me to cast a levitation spell. Donutus

8:56

Levitationus! Oh

9:00

my, there we are. Would you like me to cast the spell

9:02

on you, Sal? Ah, no need.

9:04

I'll just wish myself over there. And

9:06

poof! That salmon

9:09

donut smells like success.

9:12

Okay, I think it's

9:13

my turn. I wonder

9:16

if an achubu will help me

9:18

get a ringer. Ready? A-A-Achubu!

9:21

A-A-

9:24

Oh well done.

9:26

I think I'm stuck up here. It's

9:30

my turn. Here I go.

9:31

Oh Kesla. Whee! Of

9:34

all our donut subjects, I

9:36

dislike you the least. Oof. And

9:39

now you, Squiddy

9:41

Donut. The least appetizing

9:43

of us all. Filling yourself

9:46

on to the Donacorn horn. So

9:48

I no longer have to look at you. Hey,

9:51

hey, whoa, hey everybody. Um,

9:53

I think there's been some kind of problem

9:56

here, right? The only problem

9:59

I'm aware of.

9:59

is that you are

10:02

out of line. Something's gone

10:04

wrong with this dimension. I'm

10:07

part interdimensional because of my,

10:11

I can't remember my, my, my, my

10:13

kathong, her.

10:15

What

10:18

is happening?

10:18

I didn't want to narrate

10:21

something like this happening today. Whatever

10:24

you are, opening up our

10:26

dimension like a box, I

10:28

demand you stop. And

10:31

quit sticking your not sugared

10:33

tentacles into our dimension.

10:36

What even is that? Get

10:38

some sort of, oh, squid. It

10:41

looks slimy. That

10:43

is not donorific at all.

10:47

Indeed, I am not donorific

10:48

because

10:51

I am kathunkle.

10:55

And I am crashing your party, invitation

10:59

or no. Well, you would need to

11:01

not be invited in order

11:03

to crash the party. That's how that

11:05

works. Yes, semantics.

11:09

I have brought a paradox

11:11

proof parallel pastry planet

11:13

packing paper parcel, also called

11:15

a bag.

11:17

So everyone get in here and

11:20

it will fix you right away.

11:23

Fix? What requires

11:25

fixing? Everything is

11:27

perfect in our donor dimension. Yes,

11:30

it's for the two of us, everything is

11:32

exactly as we want

11:34

it to be all the time. And

11:37

I never have to think about any grudge

11:39

that I have against a present

11:41

from another. Oh, Paul, don't

11:44

think Troller, calm down.

11:46

OK, OK, I'm just going to stuff you all in

11:48

the paper bag. Oh. OK,

11:51

very gentle. Oh,

11:53

this is tiny. And I

11:55

think I like it. Yes, yes, yes. Now I'm

11:57

starting to remember something about the dementia.

11:59

And then I simply turn the paper bag

12:02

inside out and

12:05

voila.

12:08

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

12:11

Miss Lynn! Oh,

12:13

Mr. Eric, what? What

12:15

just

12:15

happened? I don't know. All I remember

12:18

is you had an

12:19

awesome, like, wealthy doward

12:22

your voice. It's happening

12:24

for some reason.

12:25

Oh, I feel like I'm full of custard.

12:28

We must have just eaten too many donuts.

12:31

300th episode or no, sometimes

12:33

you just have to practice a little moderation.

12:36

I agree. It wasn't that. I

12:38

literally saved your universe.

12:41

It's like the second time this year.

12:43

Cust, Uncle.

12:45

Cust, Uncle, what are you doing here? I

12:48

specifically wrote on the party

12:50

invitation that you were not

12:52

invited. You know why.

12:55

I don't know why.

12:58

Could you just please tell me?

13:00

I've been trying so hard. Just help

13:03

me along the way. Well, you've

13:05

eaten me, like, at least a dozen times.

13:08

Probably more. Miss Lynn,

13:10

how many times has he brought you to What If World when

13:12

you were just hanging around the house? It hasn't

13:14

been that many times, but it was without

13:17

my consent. Plus, Cust, Uncle,

13:19

you never made that tuna-flavored

13:22

cathoffee I was petitioning you about. Okay,

13:25

well, I mean, that was a business call.

13:28

I mean, that actually sounds terrible.

13:30

Wait, wait, wait, everybody. Cust,

13:32

Uncle has made a lot of mistakes,

13:34

and you don't have to forgive him if

13:37

you're not ready. Maybe you never

13:39

will be, but holding

13:41

these grudges

13:43

has made for a lot of mistakes

13:46

and a lot of negativity on a day

13:48

that was supposed to be a celebration.

13:51

Oh,

13:52

yeah. I mean, I guess that's

13:55

true, Scully.

13:57

He did refurbish the clown museum, and it was a great

13:59

idea. his belly and sometimes

14:02

I actually am

14:03

looking forward to getting eaten because

14:05

there are some really cool exhibits. Yes, I

14:08

added a wing for when your mother

14:11

worked as a clown. I know, that was really thoughtful.

14:13

Oh man, what? No, I

14:16

kind of want to see that. Mm-hmm. And

14:18

Miss Lynn, I know that I bring people

14:20

to What If World all the time, but the

14:23

children ask me to. I

14:25

think it's funny and I take very

14:27

great care to make sure that no one

14:30

truly gets hurt. It's quite important

14:32

to me now. I'm trying to be better. You

14:35

know, actually your Monster

14:37

Chino is my favorite

14:39

non-tuna flavored drink. I

14:42

mean, I do feel a little bit bad now

14:44

that I just have been holding

14:46

this grudge without coming and telling you.

14:49

I could have said that there were some people here

14:52

who have been eaten by you in the past and

14:54

that's why we weren't inviting you. Part

14:56

of me has been just feeling bad because

14:58

I haven't talked to you about all this.

15:01

Blessin' all of you, if you have grievances

15:04

with me that you are ready to resolve,

15:06

then simply line yourselves

15:09

up and tell me what you dislike

15:11

about me. Oh, that's a, okay, that's a really

15:14

big line. Wow, it's, oh no, they're

15:16

lining up all the way out of the observatorium.

15:18

Yeah,

15:18

I got the bone to bake with

15:21

you and it's not a good chewing

15:23

kind. It's the kind that your daddy

15:25

takes away and you're mad at him.

15:29

I'm not sure what

15:31

that means, Fred. Everybody,

15:33

everybody, you know, maybe we parcel this out

15:35

a little bit. Right, how about everybody,

15:37

instead of making a big giant

15:39

line, why don't you come and get some

15:41

donuts? We must have over 300

15:43

donuts here. Ooh,

15:46

this donut looks very

15:48

spicy. Do you think I should eat it?

15:51

Please, please eat it, guess uncle.

15:53

Yeah, that donut is technically

15:56

for you. Yes, let me stand

15:58

back

15:58

a little bit. Oh,

16:03

oh, Miss Lynn! Miss Lynn, do the voice

16:05

again! You look half-queen! Whaaaat?

16:09

I don't know what you're always referring to,

16:12

Mr. Eric. Okay, now,

16:14

now, Tovey say something. Whaaaat?

16:17

Do you still not hear it? You two? I

16:20

don't know what he's going on about. Miss

16:22

Eric, you just have to let this Tovey Miss Lynn

16:25

grudge go. It's not a grudge, it's

16:27

a vocal symbol, let's forget

16:29

it! The end!

16:32

I'm not going to come to any more parties

16:35

if Mr. Eric is going to make

16:37

such a fuss about how I sound

16:39

like Miss Lynn!

16:44

Well, there you have it, folks! Our 300th

16:48

episode! Can you believe it, Miss Lynn? Oh my

16:50

goodness, 300 episodes! I can't believe

16:52

we did it! Miss Lynn,

16:54

I really do want to thank you. This

16:57

show would not still be happening

17:00

without your help. You make this show better

17:02

and you are just

17:04

a wonderful, wonderful producer. Oh,

17:06

thank you so much, Mr. Eric. I love

17:08

making What If World with you. It is

17:10

the best job I have ever had,

17:13

and I have had more jobs than Petey the Pirate.

17:17

Me too! I've had a lot of jobs too,

17:19

and

17:20

I love this one.

17:22

We have a quick couple of questions that

17:24

we want to read to you. Now, we're

17:27

all a part of making this 300th

17:29

story, and really, all of your questions

17:31

are part of keeping this show going, even

17:34

though there's no possible way we could ever

17:37

answer all the amazing questions we get.

17:39

Miss Lynn, can you read Ramona's question? Ramona

17:42

asked,

17:43

what if Fred was a donut? Perfect!

17:46

And Ariana asked, what

17:48

if a donut talked to a unicorn?

17:51

Yes! And then finally,

17:53

Lucas V, our patron who submitted

17:56

a bunch of questions, asked, what

17:58

if Cuthunkle covered the world? in a paper

18:00

bag. And that's how we saved the day.

18:03

Thanks, Lucas.

18:04

We couldn't have done it without any of

18:06

you. So thanks so much for sending

18:08

in your ideas. Like Mr. Eric said,

18:10

what if world wouldn't exist without you? I

18:13

want to give a big

18:13

thank you to the voice actor

18:16

Kessler Talbot, McSullivan

18:18

of the podcast, The Past and the Curious,

18:21

Meg Lewis of the podcast, Story

18:23

Pillar, Jonathan Cormor of

18:25

the Dork Tales Storytime podcast,

18:28

and last,

18:28

but most certainly not least, my

18:31

friend, Melly Victor of the podcast,

18:33

Stoop Kid Stories. I'll link

18:36

all their shows in the show notes and Kessler's

18:38

IMDB page, and I hope you check

18:40

them all out. Scully the Squid

18:43

here to shout out Will, who

18:46

is 10 years old and has a

18:48

guilds and goblins character named

18:50

Spark. Spark is an alchemaur,

18:53

a race Will came up with, which

18:56

is a fox that has elk horns. I

18:58

am JFKat, and I approve

19:00

of this forest creature. Will lives

19:03

in Nova Scotia, an Atlantic

19:05

Canada. Will plays soccer

19:08

and tabletop role-playing games.

19:10

Will's pets names are Barrel,

19:13

Bully Boy, Baby, Uno,

19:16

Misty, Calico, plus

19:18

Two Kittens, who we don't know the names of,

19:21

and dogs Jojo and

19:23

Smitty. Will also has

19:25

a sister named Una.

19:28

Folks at home, if you

19:28

want to support What If World,

19:30

please go to patreon.com

19:32

slash whatifworld. We're getting

19:34

ready for our bi-annual

19:37

mailing, and you also get all 301

19:40

original stories ad-free plus

19:43

monthly bonus content. That's

19:45

patreon.com slash whatifworld.

19:48

I'd like to thank Karen O'Keefe, my co-creator,

19:51

my producer Miss Lynn, Craig Martinson

19:53

for our theme song, Jason O'Keefe for

19:55

our artwork, and everyone who has

19:57

ever listened to this show. You are...

19:59

the reason we keep going.

20:02

And until we meet again, keep wondering.