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www.spotify.com/podcasters to get

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started. Hey

1:42

there folks and welcome back to What

1:44

If World. The show where your questions

1:47

and ideas inspire off-the-cuff stories. I'm Mr.

1:49

Eric, your host, and today I've tuned

1:51

up our holiday special from 2019. The

1:55

audio should have better balance for you, so

1:57

I hope you enjoy it and we'll be

1:59

back next week. week with this year's holiday

2:01

special. Now let's get started

2:04

with our first question from a

2:06

listener named Ramona. Hi,

2:09

I'm Ramona and

2:11

I'm six years old and

2:13

I have a great question

2:15

because it's getting close

2:18

to Christmas. What if

2:20

Santa got sick and

2:23

Santa Claus had

2:25

to deliver Christmas?

2:28

I'm done. Thank you. Whoa,

2:31

I guess it's about time for a

2:33

holiday story and maybe we'll learn a

2:35

bit more about how What If World

2:38

celebrates Isthmus. Finally, we've got

2:40

a write in question from a

2:42

patron named Harrison. He asks, what

2:44

if J.F. Cat and Fred the

2:46

dog rode a flying megalodon over

2:49

New What City? Well, let's

2:51

find out by getting straight to the story. Twas

2:58

the night before Isthmus and Santa

3:00

Fand had very nearly finished delivering

3:02

gifts to everyone who celebrated the

3:05

holiday throughout What If World. But

3:07

as the giant snowy white wooly

3:10

mammoth reached the very last city,

3:12

he started feeling a really

3:15

serious tummy ache. Trumpeted

3:22

Santa Fand. What is it,

3:24

Papa? Your trumpeting does not

3:26

sound as joyous as it

3:28

usually does when we reach New

3:30

What City, the very last

3:32

stop on Isthmus. Kid O'Claws

3:34

was worried about her father, but it was

3:37

hard for her to see how he was. Oh,

3:39

you might have forgotten that Kid O'Claws

3:42

is actually a giant flying megalodon. Yes,

3:44

she's hundreds of millions of years old,

3:46

but Santa Fanta is timeless so she

3:48

can still be his daughter. It's not

3:50

a big thing. Oh,

3:52

Kid O'Claws, the Isthmus

3:54

children left out too

3:56

many peanuts and

3:59

peanut butter cookies. To be

4:01

fair, you didn't have to eat them all.

4:04

You try taking a bite out of

4:06

a hundred million cookies and

4:08

see how you feel. Why

4:12

couldn't somebody just leave out a

4:14

head of romaine lettuce? Okay

4:16

I understand that you are feeling

4:18

rather crumb crumb in the tum tum but

4:21

we've got to finish out New World City.

4:23

Okay. No,

4:28

no, I'm tapping out. You've got

4:30

to finish delivering the ifmas gifts.

4:33

Papa, I'm kiddo claws. The

4:35

giant claws at the end of

4:37

my megalodon fins are only good

4:40

for ripping up roofs so that

4:42

you can drop off presents. I

4:45

don't know, just leave the presents

4:47

in the town square and people will

4:50

sort it out. No

4:52

we have to follow the list. Only

4:55

certain people get ifmas gifts,

4:57

otherwise it would be chaos.

4:59

And Santa-fant folded himself up

5:02

under a big flap of

5:04

the megalodon's leathery hide. Oh

5:07

just rest here and you can pop

5:09

the presents out of my trunk yourself.

5:12

But the first present she tried

5:14

to pop out of his long

5:16

leathery woolly mammoth trunk? Oh

5:20

that did not go according to plan. Just

5:23

then she heard a distant voice. Hey

5:26

you kiddo claws what you doing

5:28

up there? You should be giving me

5:30

my presents. Oh Fred, it's

5:33

you. You must have

5:35

known that I was in need and

5:37

come as president of what ifworld to

5:39

save ifmas. No, you're

5:41

late with my presents. Where's

5:43

that flying megalodon? I'm gonna give her

5:45

a piece of my mind. And

5:48

JFK bounded through the snow to stand by

5:50

Fred the dog. She's right up there, you

5:52

can't see her. She's like bigger than half

5:54

of these buildings. Where? She's

5:57

hovering right above us, blocking out

5:59

the sea. stars and all the lights

6:01

of the city. Oh,

6:03

oh there, there, yes I

6:06

see her. Kiddle Claws, where's

6:08

my if-miss gift? And Kiddle

6:10

Claws held down a big

6:12

clawed fin so that Fred the

6:15

dog and JFK could climb up

6:17

it and see where Santa Fent

6:20

was shivering and only half awake.

6:22

If me and the fur force

6:25

don't get our presents, we're going

6:27

on strike. I'm sorry, but

6:29

I cannot deliver the gifts with

6:31

my giant megalodon clawed fins. I

6:33

thought megalodon fins weren't claws. I'm

6:36

Kiddle Claws, please don't poke holes

6:38

in my existence. Okay, yes,

6:40

you're fine. So,

6:42

present? Don't you see Fred

6:44

the dog? It's up to us.

6:47

Oh, thank you so much. To reach

6:49

into Santa Fent's trunk and get our

6:51

own presents. Oh, that's a good

6:53

idea. Yeah. Oh,

6:55

this is weird. Oh,

6:58

I don't like it. Oh, I got the

7:00

stick for you for me. Oh, what did

7:02

I get? I don't know, go get your

7:04

own present. And JFK reached in with his

7:06

little soft paws. Oh, this

7:09

is weird, but much more

7:11

pleasant. Oh, I got a mug

7:13

that says number one former

7:15

president. Great. Well,

7:17

that's not the whole present. Oh,

7:20

I do really feel like knocking

7:22

this off of this megalodon's back.

7:24

And JFK used his little kittypaw

7:27

to gently push the mug off the side of

7:29

the megalodon and do, do, do, do,

7:31

do. All

7:34

that was so satisfying. Merry

7:37

if, miss. Oh,

7:39

no, you see Aunt Jeffy

7:41

Aunt. Oh, we're in real trouble now.

7:44

Oh, you are maybe. We

7:46

already got our presents. Merry if,

7:48

miss, smell you later. But as

7:51

the dog and cat went to climb off her fin.

7:54

Oh, where you going? Yeah, you didn't

7:56

let us down first. Oh,

7:58

I thought you two here. would

8:01

like to help me save if the-

8:03

Shanghai'd into heroism. Story

8:05

of my life. Oh,

8:08

you need help dropping off the gift.

8:10

That's okay, I'll just put my tongue

8:12

back up Santa Fe and Twunk and

8:15

get the odd present. Please,

8:17

not him. Have the kitty do

8:20

it. Okay,

8:22

I'll use my little cute fluffy

8:24

paws to get the presents out gently.

8:26

And then Fred can stretch out his

8:29

tongue and drop them off in each

8:31

apartment. Well, not each

8:33

apartment. Only the people who

8:35

celebrate IF-mas and who

8:37

have used the spirit of IF

8:39

to understand their fellow people. And,

8:42

um, how many people have done

8:44

that in Noa City? Oh,

8:46

like 15? That

8:49

doesn't sound like many. Is that why

8:51

we're flying over all these buildings without

8:53

dropping off a single gift? Yes.

8:57

Why don't think that's fair? If

8:59

IF-mas is about understanding, then shouldn't

9:01

we try to understand all these

9:03

people and give them all gifts?

9:05

Listen, I'm just trying to get

9:08

through the holidays, okay? Oh, let's

9:10

just find a gift for this one

9:12

house. Wait, wait, wait, all I know

9:14

these people, that's Benji's house. They

9:16

celebrate Saint Pancutas Day. You'll mean

9:19

the day where pancakes turn into

9:21

computers? And they peek through the

9:23

window of Benji's apartment to

9:25

see little Benji flipping one pancake

9:27

after another. It would turn into

9:30

a computer in mid-air. And

9:32

then the rest of his family would pluck

9:34

it out of the sky and

9:36

wrap it up. Or then they

9:39

give the pancake computers away? Yes,

9:41

but they don't celebrate IF-mas, so

9:43

can we move on? Oh, and

9:45

right next door, that's Denira's house.

9:47

She celebrates Spark-wan, the day where

9:50

all her fairy people give thanks

9:52

to the sparkly butterflies that are

9:54

real and have magic powers and

9:56

give the fairies their magic powers.

9:58

Surely such gratitude... They do that,

10:01

then if miscast, they thought

10:03

celebrating our holiday so they

10:05

don't get our guests, are

10:07

you to cooking to help

10:09

or? They flew over a skate

10:11

park where all. Of family was celebrating

10:14

power core cat of. The

10:16

day where kiddies taught their park

10:18

where moon anyone who wish to

10:20

learn those tt. The cheating or the

10:22

people that school is. It isn't about

10:24

fifty to holiday. Is good. That

10:28

he is is Miss Oh in

10:31

that family of Lee's that Meghan

10:33

families celebrating National Natural Bay and

10:35

Megan and her family of leave

10:38

with. Surround the streets of New

10:40

What city. Picking up all the

10:42

tracks and litter along the way

10:44

ends Michigan and trash bins that

10:46

then grew when became trees. With.

10:49

Little fresh been hanging off the

10:51

limbs. Scuse me I'm sorry. Make

10:53

a you flew me. Into. A

10:55

Trash bin. A because I accidently. Drop

10:57

that rapper but I know what actually be

10:59

a tree? Know that Alabaster Zero

11:01

weekend. Give him and his miss

11:04

just because he was trying to

11:06

be understanding of those who celebrate

11:08

National Natural Death and Gf cast.

11:10

All the little active several said

11:13

defense trunk more wow and Fred

11:15

stretched out his tongue to alabaster.

11:18

Who is still stuck in a trash

11:20

can hanging from a tree about twenty

11:22

feet in the air though? Gabby Delusion

11:24

is just gonna love this. But I

11:26

did. You l B get out of the at

11:29

you know? I never bought out there Gab. I

11:31

sort of feel like we could have at least god

11:33

amount of the tree. No no no

11:35

no we're just giving presents. You've

11:37

got to stay on said you

11:39

will. They flew by Man's family

11:42

who celebrated know kiss Smith's were

11:44

kids. Become poisonous and venomous so

11:46

they can go a whole day

11:48

without getting their cheeks pinched. And

11:51

they flew by a swarm. Of Witches

11:53

and Dragons celebrating gonna goals I

11:55

in the Sky The Dragons and

11:58

Charlie's family gave their goals. The

12:00

which is who in turn turn the dragons

12:02

and the gum because i guess says. Something.

12:05

Dragon like I really don't get

12:07

that holiday. Maybe you should learn

12:09

to appreciate it. In the spirit

12:12

of islamist flawed, we keep fly

12:14

and buy all these people celebrating

12:16

interesting holidays rather than actually getting

12:19

to know them. Yeah, that's doesn't

12:21

seem very ethnicity or mean they

12:24

dropped off a pair of extra

12:26

large glittery wings to see the

12:28

sleazy was fast asleep and then

12:31

they flew over Sloan's family celebrating

12:33

you and Time zone. While

12:35

look at that. although zeal that heading

12:37

into electric cars and giving people free

12:39

rides while getting to know them? Oh

12:41

yes sir. Holiday is very much like

12:43

a small, but it's nothing to say

12:45

by the he I'd. Exactly a

12:47

myth. While forget dead, I'm

12:49

Guy. Did their me

12:51

down but with only a few gifts

12:54

left to deliver? Yeah, I think I'm

12:56

all set. Saori get a clause sore

12:58

he said if he had and the

13:00

make a lid on slowed her flying

13:02

down and came back to the ground.

13:04

It's not very good. To

13:06

refuse hope to me? Yeah, but

13:09

do not helping all these other

13:11

people. Add seems like most people

13:13

in the world don't even celebrate. If

13:15

Miss Our Arms is gonna go overseas

13:17

unicorns and find out. About their holiday.

13:20

Yeah, I'm gonna try to find some

13:22

people who need. Something Not does

13:24

the people who celebrate the same

13:26

day as me and Fred. And

13:28

Gf cat climbed down from her friend.

13:31

Hi Unicorn! You and your family

13:33

seem to be celebrating something out

13:35

here. read: when Throwback oh yes

13:37

said I'd as a unicorn. Were

13:40

celebrating about a lock. Up

13:42

on Iraq that sounds lovely. May

13:44

I join? You are at least

13:46

observes. Oh. All are welcome to

13:49

celebrate up on Iraq. One need

13:51

only find a rock. Oh okay,

13:53

yes. And go to the bathroom there

13:55

instead of in the toilet. At

13:58

the excuse me. It's

14:00

an ancient unicorn tradition," said

14:03

Ida. Well, this holiday

14:05

is particularly strange, but I- And

14:07

where we go on the rocks,

14:09

it turns into healthy candy that

14:11

anyone can enjoy. And do

14:13

the people know that- what that- If they

14:16

celebrate Paponerok, they do! Hey, JF Cat,

14:18

I found some great candy in the

14:20

forest. Ah ah ah, I was thinking

14:22

I could give it away to people

14:24

to spread joy and love and- Oh,

14:28

that's really good stuff. Oh

14:30

boy. Are you sure you don't want

14:32

to celebrate with us? asked Ida,

14:34

the unicorn. Yeah, at this point,

14:37

I'm starting to miss St. Pamputas

14:39

Day. And Kid-O-Claws

14:41

hovered above Fred and JF Cat

14:43

and all the people of New-Watt

14:45

City, celebrating all their different days.

14:48

Santa Fants? Oh, yeah. Are

14:52

there enough gifts left in your

14:54

trunk for everyone in New-Watt City?

14:58

My trunk always has

15:00

enough gifts. And

15:02

Kid-O-Claws flew back down to Fred

15:04

and JF Cat. Do you

15:06

think you could help me one more time?

15:08

I think we missed a few homes along

15:10

the way. You mean it? Hang

15:12

on, hang on, hang on. Oh, thank goodness.

15:15

And Fred and JoJo and Kid-O-Claws

15:17

flew around the rest of New-Watt

15:19

City, giving presents to all the

15:21

kids and the grownups, to those

15:23

who'd made great choices, and even

15:25

those who had made big mistakes. Hey,

15:28

why are you giving me another gift after

15:30

you talked about mistakes? I littered on accident.

15:33

The rapper just blew away from me. Yeah,

15:35

you go, I love bastard. I know

15:37

I don't care. Could you have

15:39

gotten me like a ladder or some

15:41

food? I've been stuck in this tree for

15:44

hours. Oh, I'm sorry, we're really behind

15:46

schedule. Oh, you can have one

15:48

of these beautiful rocks I found in

15:50

the forest. It's candy. Oh, thanks

15:52

Fred. Oh, oh, oh, yum, yum, yum. Oh,

15:54

oh, oh, hey. How

16:00

Friend Joe Joe, Ceci cast and

16:02

I seized his miss. Boy

16:05

giving unicorn flop. To. A detective

16:07

Lol yeah but also died. As stuff

16:09

learn starting to feel better, You

16:11

have any more of that unity?

16:14

Nom nom. You know who else?

16:16

Oh heck I'll try them to

16:18

now. The end. Not bad. Or

16:24

Ramona. And Harrison and Sloan and

16:26

Olives and Megan in The Mad and

16:28

I'd End in Iraq and Charlie and

16:31

Benji. I hope you all enjoyed your story.

16:33

Books at Home. This show exists. Because of

16:35

our loyal Petri On supporters please check

16:37

us out at P Three on.com/what If

16:40

World and if you can't become a

16:42

patron this season I understand you can

16:44

also help by leaving a rating and

16:47

review and subscribing lab of I Guess

16:49

or wherever you listen. I'd

16:51

like to thank Karen O'keeffe Miko creator

16:53

Craig Martin's and for our theme song

16:55

and all you kids at home who

16:57

know there's no end of ways to

16:59

celebrate this a wonderful life that we

17:01

live in all the people in it

17:03

until we meet again.