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www.spotify.com/podcasters to get

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started. What

1:10

if kittens beat the clock HP?

1:13

And what if unicorns were

1:15

real? What

1:18

if you could fly or travel

1:20

back in time? Welcome

1:24

you to What If World.

1:29

What if world? This

1:35

is What If World. Hey

1:42

there folks and welcome back to What If

1:44

World. The show where your questions and ideas

1:46

inspire off the cuff stories. I'm

1:49

Mr. Eric, your host. And today

1:51

we're starting off with a question from

1:53

a listener named Malcolm. Hi, my name

1:55

is Malcolm. I really

1:57

like video games. And

2:00

my question is, what if all of What

2:02

If World had a pool party? Bye, all of

2:04

your show. Malcolm, I am so

2:07

grateful for this question. One

2:09

of the great joys and privileges

2:11

of my youth was getting to

2:13

swim in my grandmother's pool each

2:16

summer. So maybe I'll join those

2:18

What If characters for their pool.

2:21

POOL BUDDY! Oh, hi

2:23

Fred. Last one in has to float on

2:25

the inflatable lion. And watch out!

2:27

They bite! Wendy and a Joan,

2:29

Abacus, you're here too. Everybody's

2:32

here, Mr. Eric. That's what Marshall's

2:34

question said. Right, of course. Thanks,

2:36

Jeffcat. Even I'm here, as

2:38

many listeners have requested more pixie

2:41

caddo. Well, thank goodness you could

2:43

make it. Um, where's the pool? You

2:45

mean you cannot see it yet? Then

2:47

you said the story already. I'm sure

2:50

you'll see it once you're in What

2:52

If World. Oh, great. Could I

2:54

just call, uh, not laying

2:56

on the inflatable lion? You

2:58

got a problem with inflatable

3:00

pool lions? No, just a

3:02

problem with being bitten and...

3:04

Oh, I'm pretty sure that

3:07

wasn't in Malcolm's question. So

3:09

you should be totally safe!

3:11

Okay then. Let's find

3:13

out what if all of What If

3:16

World had a pool party. Life's

3:20

had gotten busy for you, as life

3:22

often does. But if you don't spend

3:24

at least a little time looking back,

3:27

and a little time right where you

3:29

are, then it can get hard to

3:31

keep moving forward. Uh, Wendy and a...

3:33

I'm sorry, what's happening here? Shh!

3:35

She's narrating, Mr. Eric! Just go with

3:37

it. Could you all start sending me

3:39

a memo or something? So

3:42

I know when there's gonna be another

3:44

narrator... So today you're here to relax

3:46

and dip your toes into the What

3:49

If World pool of thought. Did

3:51

you say pool of thought? Thought it

3:53

was just gonna be like a regular

3:55

swimming pool. And there you see it

3:57

spreading out before you. The day gets...

4:00

warm as you approach and your

4:02

bare feet step over soft squishy

4:04

grass. Okay, who took my shoes?

4:07

I didn't go with you abacus. You

4:10

stand at the edge of the

4:13

pool of thought. The water collects

4:15

here at the base of a

4:17

hill before spreading out in curious

4:19

little giggling streams that connect this

4:21

pool to the next one and

4:23

the one after that. But let's be clear,

4:25

nothing bad's gonna happen if I

4:27

dip my toes in the

4:30

water. Dragon boss. Says

4:33

Drac-O-Max. He'd taken off

4:35

his papery prosthetic wings and replaced

4:37

him with rubbery ones so he

4:39

could enjoy a swim in the

4:41

pool. Come in, Mr. Eric.

4:44

The water is fine. Yeah, I

4:46

know that it's dripping all

4:48

over me. Nice cannonball. You know

4:50

you want to do one. Now

4:53

maybe you dove in the pool

4:55

right away, but Mr. Eric still

4:57

needs a minute. Hey, can

4:59

you read my thoughts? I'm just

5:01

noticing how Mr. Eric hesitates, but

5:04

he's still soaked in pool water

5:06

and so are you. And

5:08

as that water drips past your

5:10

ears, you hear a question from

5:13

a listener named Cece. Hi,

5:16

my name is Cece. I

5:18

live in Missouri. I'm nine years old

5:20

and my favorite What If characters are

5:22

ZZ and Fred the Dog. My

5:25

What If question is, what

5:27

if grownups thought candy was

5:30

healthy for you and kids

5:32

thought vegetables were tasted

5:35

like candy. Bye, I love your

5:37

show. You know,

5:39

Wendy and I once answered a very similar

5:41

question in episode 40. You

5:44

were there. If you're going into

5:46

an old story with candy, could you

5:48

bring back some snacks? What do you

5:50

mean going into an old story? And

5:52

there you go. Back to

5:54

a time when there was more than one

5:56

Wendy Anna Joan. There was me in the

5:58

past. Cool teacher,

6:00

pot inventor, and me in

6:02

the future, who hardly ever

6:04

stops inventing. Just

6:07

dump all your candy in this

6:09

box and it'll come out healthy.

6:12

Well, but healthy stuff tastes gross, and that

6:14

class man is not always the case. Yeah,

6:16

I miss when this steams are mean, broccoli.

6:19

Thank you, Hess. Thank you, but I'd

6:21

like to try that healthy candy all the

6:23

same. It's all right. Very

6:27

well, Dr. Joan, you've already disrupted my

6:29

class enough. And all the

6:31

kids tossed their little hard butterscotch candies

6:33

in that box and... After

6:38

one bright flash, the learningator dumped all

6:40

the candy back out. Mmm,

6:43

just as good. We can eat

6:45

all the candy we want. Just

6:49

remember, y'all, that

6:51

every healthy habit is

6:54

about moderation, eh? But

6:57

the class wasn't listening. They were already

6:59

pulling out every little hidden piece of

7:02

candy from the classroom. They had bits

7:04

in their pockets and their backpacks and

7:06

stuffed inside their desks. Huh.

7:10

It's been a long time since I've heard

7:12

that story, Wendy-Ena. You realize

7:14

that you are listening to a

7:16

clip episode. Oh,

7:18

that makes sense. And you can take

7:20

new lessons from these old stories

7:22

and talk about how they were

7:24

far from perfect. And

7:27

that's okay. I've learned now that I

7:29

can feed my hunger and my bonger,

7:31

nourish my body and my soul

7:33

without having to eat an unlimited amount

7:35

of healthy candy. You ponder this

7:38

lesson and realize everyone's glaring at

7:40

you because you forgot to bring

7:43

back candy. Wait, okay, so now

7:45

Fred's narrating? Fred the dog

7:47

floats by on an inflatable

7:49

flamingo, chewing on his

7:51

magic dental stick. That

7:53

makes his teeth stronger and come

7:56

back so he can get chewing,

7:58

chewing, chewing all day long. I

8:00

don't know Fred. Remember when you became

8:02

president and you chewed the entire What

8:04

House? And then you thought you could

8:06

rebuild it in the internet and somehow

8:08

bring it back to What If World?

8:10

Ramble on Mr. Eric, forgetting to play

8:12

the What If question from Eddie. Oh,

8:15

sorry Eddie. Hello, my name

8:17

is Eddie. I

8:19

like dinos and

8:22

elephants. I actually

8:25

know how to feed. I do

8:28

the rosary. My

8:31

favorite character is Fred the

8:33

dog. One of my

8:35

questions is what if somebody got

8:37

sent me to the internet? Thank you.

8:40

Love your show. Bye. You

8:43

realize that these questions are

8:45

new but they relate to stories

8:48

that have already been told. Like

8:51

that time I was chewing

8:53

on Pypio's pipe after already

8:55

eating the whole What House. Oh,

9:00

this pipe has some dirt on it

9:03

and the smell really bad. It's almost

9:05

as good as a stick. Fred

9:09

from Yow and Out Loud. A

9:14

voice echoed from inside the

9:16

pipe. Fred leapt back in

9:18

alarm. Hey, what are you doing in

9:20

the What House? Hey, what are you

9:22

doing? That's you and my pipe. Said

9:25

Pypio and the little sewer wizard suddenly

9:27

stretched out of the pipe, plopping down

9:29

in his purple overalls and wielding

9:31

his wand wrench wearily. Step away

9:33

from a magic pipe. Oh,

9:35

wait, you're a wizard. You can

9:38

rebuild this house for us. I

9:40

don't know. I kind of like the open

9:43

air concept. And

9:48

just like that, it started to rain.

9:50

Oh, I love the wind. I love

9:52

the smell of it. And the way

9:54

it makes me wet so I can

9:56

roll in mud. And the way

9:58

it makes everybody smell. Just a

10:00

little damper and a little

10:02

stinky. Well your administration can't work

10:05

in the rain boy. That's a good

10:07

point Okay, we build a

10:09

house and then I go out to play

10:11

in the rain later I'm sorry Fred, but

10:13

I don't have those kind of powers outside

10:16

of the inter what Fred the inter

10:18

what's not gonna help you We've got

10:20

to rebuild this house right here and

10:22

now what in the into what you

10:24

can be at the thousand houses They

10:27

look like a day. Oh, that sounds a lot

10:29

easier. Yeah, Oh it's Fred Oh, I thought you

10:32

were supposed to be a smarter president than

10:34

me yet. I very smart That's why

10:36

I go to the inter what and

10:38

I come back with the better Wow

10:40

has been ever the rainwater had

10:42

filled up one of the sewer poles Right

10:45

to brimming and as the rain

10:47

died down and the drizzle dried

10:50

up Pipio wielded his bond and

10:52

a perfect bright colored rainbow Right

10:55

out of the pipe. Oh and I

10:58

get to write a pretty rainbow. That's

11:00

not a real rainbow It's just an

11:02

inter way bow Yeah But the cutters are

11:04

so much brighter than a normal way and

11:06

both read you got a ride of

11:08

the rainbow now Before it disappeared. Oh,

11:10

yeah, the rainbow seems to be getting sucked

11:13

inside the pipe So Fred lashed out with

11:15

his tongue at the last second grabbing the

11:17

edge of that colorful bow in and let

11:19

go Oh He

11:22

and pipio sped down the pipe

11:25

leaving JFK alone in the damp

11:27

field Well,

11:31

my foe is so smooth and

11:33

picks awaited Yeah, you like a

11:36

digital dog now Fred and pipio

11:38

were in a wide open space

11:41

There was no floor or ceiling. There

11:44

were no walls or air. There was

11:46

no up or down. Oh, this

11:48

is weird I You

11:54

find yourself in the water now the

11:57

pool of thoughts swirls around you

11:59

and you hear this story anew. You

12:01

know that a quick fix isn't really

12:03

a fix at all. You know that

12:05

there's no replacement for a roof over

12:07

your head. And then you hear the

12:10

next question from Zion. Hi,

12:12

my name is Zion and

12:14

my favorite thing is

12:17

a lion. And my question is,

12:20

what if a hollow turned

12:23

into a spaceship? Thank you,

12:25

bye. Oh, now the inflatable

12:27

lion makes sense. Why are you floating

12:29

on me? I think I was narrated

12:32

here along with a listener. I'm just

12:34

trying to relax so there's no reason

12:36

for anyone to bite anyone else. Whoa,

12:38

were you gonna bite me? No,

12:41

of course not. And you're not gonna

12:43

bite me, right? That you

12:45

even have to ask is a little offensive.

12:47

You're right, I'm so embarrassed, I'm just gonna

12:49

jump in the water and splash around. The

12:52

water is cool when you imagine it

12:54

to be and warm when you get

12:56

too cold. Across this hill,

12:59

every character you have ever imagined is

13:01

swimming in this pool or that there

13:03

is enough for all of us. Yeah,

13:06

but sometimes what if we're all just feels so

13:08

crowded, like in Episode 35, where Peter

13:11

the realtor goes to help Zach and

13:13

ZZ only to find out he's not

13:15

very good at city planning.

13:21

And Peter the realtor called every

13:23

client he knew everyone that was

13:25

still looking for a house and

13:27

got them to move to Howville.

13:29

Brains, brains, brains. Said

13:32

ZZ the zombie unpacking his station

13:34

wagon. I know said ZZ. I'm

13:36

so glad we get to be

13:38

neighbors. And my house

13:40

says SPF 1000 windows. No

13:45

more sunburns for cackula.

13:51

But as everybody got into their

13:53

houses, they realized Peter the realtor

13:56

had been right. They were packed

13:58

really close together. There

14:00

was no park for any of them to enjoy.

14:02

It was easy. I wish we

14:04

hadn't picked the middle house and the

14:07

spiral. I know, Zach. It takes me

14:09

10 minutes to ride my bike out of

14:11

here. I get really dizzy in the process.

14:13

They were both riding their bikes

14:16

along the winding street, around and

14:18

around and around as

14:20

the spiral got bigger. It's just going

14:22

to take so much longer to get to

14:24

school now, said Zach. And then they

14:27

heard a... Turn the bells. They

14:31

looked up and saw Howie

14:33

the house floating above them.

14:36

Whoa, Howie. I

14:38

heard you didn't want to be late

14:40

for school, said the flying house. So

14:44

did you like remember how to be

14:46

a spaceship or something? Huh? What

14:49

do you mean? Oh, it's just

14:51

that houses in 1F World usually

14:53

aren't rocket powered. That's easy. Dear,

14:55

Peter's never going to be able

14:57

to sell all of us now.

14:59

And at that very moment, Peter

15:02

flew by in his very own

15:04

self built pirate ship space house.

15:06

This is the greatest day

15:09

of my life. I

15:12

think he'll be okay, Howie. You

15:17

are swimming below the surface of

15:19

the water now, surrounded by a

15:21

pocket of air that can

15:24

take you high or low or even

15:26

float you above the pool altogether. But

15:29

this is not merely magic. It

15:31

takes work. You see

15:33

Abacus P. Grumbler swimming above

15:35

you. Magic Wand

15:37

held aloft. Guess before.

15:40

I say Freddy,

15:43

you should probably leave that magic wand

15:45

alone. As have you not

15:47

learned anything? Unfortunately, Wendiana has

15:49

built a backup submersible in

15:51

case Abacus's magic fails, as it

15:53

often does. Well maybe

15:56

my magic wouldn't fail so often

15:58

if someone didn't chew my I

16:00

want a dad reminds me

16:02

of a question from Sam Hi,

16:05

my name is Sam. I

16:08

live in Ann Arbor, Michigan I

16:10

like Legos and like video

16:12

games. I like reading like all stuff

16:15

But my not what if questions is

16:18

what if a bit just

16:20

be grumbler turned into an

16:22

actual abacus? Thanks. I love

16:24

you show. Oh Yeah,

16:26

mr. Eric answered that question in

16:28

episode 230 And

16:31

isn't it amazing how so many

16:33

listeners have had similar questions over

16:35

so many years How are

16:37

our pools of thought can all

16:40

be connected as long as we

16:42

keep them? giggling curious little streams

16:44

flowing from one to the next

16:46

and as long as we remember Did

16:49

you our food before swallowing? Fred

16:52

that's not at all what we were talking about the

16:57

Advocacy grumbler had just put on

16:59

his least singed and patched up

17:01

robe Because today was

17:03

an important day. I

17:05

get to teach my first math

17:07

class. I Like

17:10

saying it with the extra s it

17:12

makes me feel fancy. Oh, you're

17:14

talking to abacus I

17:17

was just talking aloud to myself. Don't

17:19

you ever narrate your life? I know

17:21

when I'm doing I'm a scared Wait

17:25

a second Fred

17:27

the dog Why am I hearing

17:29

your voice on the other side of

17:31

the door into my office? And

17:34

why does it sound like you're chewing on

17:36

a wand nothing? Nothing indeed

17:38

abacus first into his classroom

17:40

and there was Fred the

17:42

dog Chewing on the

17:45

Wizards very last wand Fred

17:47

you get that out of your mouth.

17:49

Oh, I know what to me. I

17:51

promise I'm a young man. You're still

17:53

chewing on it. Give me no I'm

17:55

not you're not chewing on it because

17:57

you're missing teeth doesn't mean you can't

18:00

And two! The wand

18:03

went out of existence! And

18:05

as for Abacus... Fred,

18:11

did you just get bigger or did

18:13

I just get smaller? I don't

18:15

know, but I feel a lot

18:17

bigger now that you're just a

18:19

little abacus. Oh, did I

18:21

turn into a child? No,

18:24

you turned into a little abacus. So

18:27

I'm just miniaturized. Why can I not

18:29

look at myself? Because you don't have

18:31

eyes because you're a little abacus. I

18:33

had eyes when I was little. You're

18:35

really confusing me. I don't know how

18:37

else I can explain this to you.

18:40

It really doesn't help when you just

18:42

use the same words again. Oh, okay,

18:44

okay. So you know how before you

18:46

were a big abacus? Yes. Well,

18:49

now you're little. And an abacus.

18:53

Well, little abacus are big. I

18:55

just need my wand. And I

18:57

can set this all straight. I

18:59

don't know where the wand went. Someone

19:01

must have ran off with it other

19:04

than me because I did not do

19:06

any of this. Then I'm going to

19:08

need to pair with another magical being

19:10

in order to channel any of my

19:12

spells. Oh, dear. I know.

19:14

We're just going to see fair Elise. Wow,

19:19

Fred. In a hundred episodes, you've

19:21

gone from chewing people's entire houses

19:23

to chewing just a few sticks.

19:26

Do you mean my prized

19:28

wand collection? A practice makes

19:31

progress, abacus. Just like I'm

19:33

practicing, not breaking all your

19:35

glassware. Uh, thanks, JFK.

19:37

You did have a problem breaking my crystal

19:40

balls for a while and a few potions,

19:42

I think. Now instead, I'm just

19:44

knocking the potions into this pool

19:46

where they don't break. Oh,

19:49

dear. Ah, JFK, exactly how

19:51

many potions did you knock into the pool? All

19:54

of them, why? Oh,

19:56

dear. Well, I didn't break any. I

19:58

noticed that none of these, uh, The bottles were

20:00

corked. JFK, is there a reason for

20:03

that? Oh yes, I am practicing only

20:05

chewing on cork. Fred, I can't believe

20:07

how much we've both grown. Yeah, and

20:09

also this pool is growing. Mr. Eric,

20:12

you should probably get out

20:14

of your submersible and out of the pool

20:16

altogether. And you should get out of the

20:18

pool too, if you haven't already. Yeah,

20:21

everybody stay calm. We know that this

20:23

can't not be another time, Vortex.

20:26

Because Mr. Eric did that last year.

20:29

So it's probably some other totally

20:31

original, horrible thing that's about to

20:33

happen to everybody. But let's approach

20:36

it like a scientist with glee

20:38

and curiosity. And just a little

20:40

bit of fear. Well yeah, that's

20:42

always healthy too. Glee

20:44

and... Malcolm,

20:47

Cece, Zion, Eddie, thank you

20:49

all for your ideas. Please

20:51

keep sharing them and telling

20:53

your own stories. Is there

20:55

a popular fairy tale or story

20:57

that you'd like to see us

20:59

adapt? Maybe put it in

21:01

the form of a what if question

21:03

and email us at whatifworldpodcast.com or

21:07

if you're in the US, call 205-605-WATT. That's

21:11

9428. And no matter what,

21:13

please get your grownups permission and help if

21:15

you need it. I'd like to thank

21:17

Karen O'Keefe, my co-creator, my producer,

21:20

Ms. Lynn, Craig Martinson for our theme

21:22

song, and all you kids at home

21:24

who can enjoy an old story from

21:26

a new perspective. And

21:28

until we meet again, keep wondering. ["The

21:33

Star-Spangled Banner"]