0:00

Grown. Ups. I'm here today with Fred

0:02

the dog to talk to you about. Spotify

0:04

for podcast is why they make up. I

0:06

guess that may be I target longer than

0:09

your mouth and you make recording. A lot

0:11

of work or spot if I get a platform

0:13

that makes it all super easy. You'll gain

0:15

record and add it ride from your

0:17

phone or computer. Then distribute your

0:19

podcast to spotify and everywhere else

0:22

podcast or heard. You can even

0:24

do video by guests. Like give

0:26

you have a really cute talking dog

0:28

maybe. And I love using Spawn Advise

0:31

Q and A to talk directly with

0:33

my listeners the eyes. With spite of

0:35

I've replied yes there is. You can

0:37

earn money and lots of ways. It's

0:40

editing humans need Yes. And you can

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include ads and podcast subscriptions all totally

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free. Mr. Eric would have a hard

0:46

time doing the show without me and

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without Spotify for by Guess they're all

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right. Yeah, Download The Spot five hour podcast

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there's app or go to. Www.spotify.com/pod

0:56

Casters to get

0:58

started. Word.

1:04

If kids to catch

1:06

me. If

1:09

you know because. I

1:14

travel back in time.

1:18

To. Act.

1:26

says. Hey

1:32

there folks. In welcome back to what If

1:35

world the show where you were questions and.

1:37

Ideas inspire off the cuff stories.

1:39

I mr. Eric your host. And

1:41

today I have tweaked and remastered

1:43

a very special April Fools episode

1:46

one of our a wackiest from

1:48

back before my kids were. Even

1:50

born or anyway this a

1:52

phenomenally strangest story. Get started

1:55

with a question from our

1:57

yeah, I'm a bird. My

2:00

the I am a melee

2:02

courses and my sisters as

2:05

well as monsters were made

2:07

our part. They eat stephanie

2:09

just as early as is

2:11

t for stay here ah.

2:14

Well, how are ya? I love

2:17

that question. I actually really like

2:19

that it's quite unusual. April

2:21

fools are know we're here. To

2:23

have fun and we're gonna up the ante

2:26

a little. Bit with one right

2:28

in question from a pizza

2:30

and named many many things.

2:32

We have the coolest theme

2:34

song thank you I happen

2:37

to agree and he asks

2:39

what if chickens didn't lay

2:41

eggs. Now

2:44

let's find out what if monsters were made

2:46

of carpet in each step you took. It

2:49

hurt it because the teeth were sticking up.

2:51

And what if chickens didn't

2:53

lay eggs? Outside

2:58

as the. Observatory him way down

3:00

at the bottom mood Squid

3:02

Lake. A young boy named

3:04

Scully. Was. Spending time with

3:06

his uncle cause uncle is

3:08

is time my bush for

3:10

you to start your first.

3:14

Job right that we were

3:16

good. An avid from week

3:18

together been on spring break.

3:21

Of fun week of you

3:24

work so that I didn't

3:26

study my evil texts and

3:28

the massive squid monster. Picked

3:30

up a small stone tablet.

3:33

And started scrolling through glyphs

3:35

by swiping. Attempt to go across

3:37

it. Oh, you're more interested in your

3:40

in a Kindle car then your nephew?

3:42

Do not speak his of

3:44

the nick into gone by

3:46

both. it is the most

3:48

evil digital he ain't greed

3:50

or on some markets and

3:52

an artifact of absolute evil

3:54

magic I know and or

3:56

award given to me at

3:58

my very first. Jaw oh

4:00

for being evil and know he

4:03

of the aeon. A Eleven

4:05

aeons in a row road. Congratulations!

4:07

So hop on your horsey and

4:10

we were right to your very

4:12

first job. And so Scully and

4:14

Death Uncle hopped on their

4:16

horses at that. why would they

4:19

have horses their their underwater aria

4:21

like sources and detailed question? yeah

4:24

I know but I was

4:26

gonna introduce horses later like when

4:28

it may be made. Sense for

4:30

it if they were sea horses.

4:33

Oh yeah, of perfect does Uncle

4:35

and scully? Hopped on their sea horse

4:37

or your to didn't see see your says.

4:40

Okay, But it's Scully anchors uncle somehow.

4:42

Road. Water breathing horses from the

4:45

bottom of squid like all the way

4:47

to the chicken farm. Sick and farm.

4:49

For oh that sounds like another

4:51

April Fools slip. Missouri Yeah, it's

4:54

a it's a chicken farm. That's

4:56

where you're working. Polarizing. Pure luck

4:58

with your bar said. Guess I'm

5:00

go around a mouthful of horse.

5:03

Capital and spit out those horses.

5:05

Oh we. Can't have you eating horses

5:07

in in the first act. of the

5:09

story that it move

5:11

fly back. In

5:15

the horses flew off and outer

5:17

space bird bird with their rocket

5:20

ship hoods or k. Cut.

5:22

Uncle and Scully walked in to

5:24

the giant barn with. Thousands of

5:27

chickens sat side by side

5:29

and long coops lined with.

5:31

Hey Ghana looks like

5:33

a football stadium is.

5:35

instead of seats his

5:37

head chicken coops here

5:39

and in the middle

5:41

of this strange indoor

5:43

stadium on what would

5:46

have been the football

5:48

field, there stood. instead

5:50

of chord of monsters

5:52

bearing their fangs, lurching

5:54

menacingly. Ah, and growl

5:56

laying there. Scary growl.

5:58

or. Are now

6:00

I'm sounds like a pirate yeah

6:03

it's a it's a pirate monster

6:05

Scully we gotta keep moving can

6:08

you new when it kim to

6:10

face says had scares stadium. It

6:13

was Squid or our schelling step

6:15

mom. She slithered sly moink

6:17

away from the horde of

6:19

monsters. Holding a clipboard and looking

6:22

Scully up and down. This

6:24

is your new boss. Scully

6:27

looked around love for every time

6:29

a monster was particularly scary. Oh,

6:32

the nearby chickens would squat and

6:34

Bob Marley. And lay

6:36

out a whole slew of eggs that

6:38

would travel down as soon as out

6:40

to. An adjoining buildings into a

6:42

really have says stared seconds for

6:45

a living from well like could

6:47

make you an egg to collect

6:49

her done since his uncle was

6:51

even employee of the yard and

6:53

never see the only on it's

6:56

a narrow we know so makes

6:58

you proud Good broncos us is

7:00

is seen as you do but

7:02

of uncle was already staring at

7:04

as they can look on as

7:06

he squeezes giant squid monster self

7:09

out of the buzzard. Scully.

7:12

Pushed himself in, To the

7:14

field of monsters and tried to

7:16

put on his scariest grimace. Her.

7:21

Mark. Mono or I

7:23

said er er maar. I'm

7:25

sorry, before I scare the

7:27

eggs out of you, should

7:29

probably introduce myself. Mark, a

7:32

nearby werewolf gave Scalia side

7:34

long look. Hoods

7:36

who do times delhi this

7:39

grade it and you are

7:41

mar the I'm sorry I

7:43

don't speak to didn't armor

7:46

the chicken knows did speak.

7:48

Down and Assign. Oh

7:51

Barbara Ciders, you babysat.

7:53

My friends. Easy raw of that.

7:55

You're right. You're right. You're right.

7:57

Or to get to work? Okay,

7:59

so. Work years you. By

8:01

this point all the scary

8:03

creatures. Had stop scaring and were just

8:06

staring at scaly. Squid or Ella

8:08

pushed her way through them.

8:10

Why is everyone stopped? We've

8:12

got lots of staring to

8:14

do. I just don't think

8:16

it's fair to get these.

8:18

Didn't cooped up just the

8:20

weekend. Scary. The I did

8:23

that of them are my

8:25

were sketches. These chickens come

8:27

and go as they please.

8:29

They were clear, just like

8:31

yeah said the werewolf. Sometimes

8:33

they just need help scaring

8:35

those eggs out. So. Scully

8:37

went back to work, doing his

8:39

best to scare. Barbara said

8:41

or any of the chickens but

8:44

he didn't manage one single spook

8:46

and cause uncle came to pick

8:49

him up at the end of

8:51

the day. Oh Scottish I prepared

8:53

a feast for you back at

8:56

the gas to celebrate your first

8:58

step down the path to Drew

9:00

this farms. Sorry for some cool,

9:03

I don't think I was very

9:05

evil today it all. Would you

9:08

feel better if you ate? Oh

9:10

said. Guess uncle summoning a few

9:12

horses out of. Then. A Kindle kind of

9:14

a little. More. Just

9:17

don't think being evil is the

9:19

best way to motivate our coworkers.

9:21

My boy, it's just a way

9:24

it's done. You'll do better after

9:26

a whole see dinner and no

9:28

good night's sleep and suddenly the

9:31

horse turned to Stone and Garfunkel.

9:33

practice. Be done it without Mr.

9:35

Eric April for his as opposed

9:38

tricks on you know, dog me.

9:40

Maybe I'm finally getting the hang

9:43

of it said Mr. Eric as

9:45

his hands turned. Into stone?

9:47

Have this? No, that's.

9:50

Okay, I'm going to keep moving on with the

9:52

story before any other parts of me and. Turn

9:55

into a horse. Oh

9:57

the next day already and

9:59

I'm back. Good the burn again.

10:01

And although you swiped cause uncles

10:03

and a kindle cause there are

10:05

no remembered during, well you did

10:07

it. So maybe you could use

10:09

scary magic or something. that's a

10:11

good idea. It was just before

10:14

the crack of dawn Scalia gotten himself

10:16

to work early before any of the.

10:18

Other monsters got their most of.

10:20

The chickens were still clucking their

10:22

way into the big barn and

10:25

Scully confronted them at the entrance.

10:27

Murray think deep down

10:29

you didn't don't like

10:31

being scared Montfort. Murmurs

10:33

you are wanna be brave from

10:35

this. Job free from

10:38

fear though Rises

10:40

forces doesn't. See Skelly

10:42

some and thousands of get

10:45

away horses. My.

10:50

Mom my mom misses her

10:52

surfers man in the mirror

10:55

murmured Mr. Eric are you

10:57

going to translate this conversation

10:59

at all? But Buck Buck

11:02

ne ne English know you're

11:04

speaking horse and chicken Buck

11:06

May ninevah a buck years

11:08

you still doing it block

11:11

bottle rebel out to go

11:13

over it looks like or

11:15

the getaway horses are getting

11:18

away. Arises

11:21

from other regions are

11:23

staying. Behind my my man,

11:26

the chickens just kept piling

11:28

into the big box stadium.

11:30

Barn Barn Stadium. And. A

11:32

monsters were named that wet. Nudging.

11:35

Their way in as well so

11:37

game is a sitter. If you

11:39

won't user get away horse than

11:41

I do. view than a Kindle

11:43

car and know you have unlimited

11:45

powers. New never have to feel

11:47

afraid again. Math or science and

11:49

Mrs. Ciders started hacking. then a

11:52

Kindle con at random that would

11:54

probably be careful with that apple

11:56

you either win or l I

11:58

came in to see. Mrs.

12:00

Sitter. Hacking at that

12:02

magical artifact. Said everybody take

12:05

server squid or Ls shouted

12:07

scooping. Up every monster insight and

12:10

pulling them in tight to protect

12:12

someone or with one final pack

12:14

from her. Be. All

12:17

the Monsters. Suddenly turned in the

12:19

car best. Mark my good

12:21

for you and Mrs. Sitter

12:23

said Scully from his Squid

12:25

Be which was sticking straight

12:27

up out of his carpet.

12:29

Body Scrub: Is this your

12:31

doing? My momma. Said

12:35

Mrs. Sidor trying to step around

12:37

the wide stretch of monster car

12:39

bit. but aren't. That

12:43

wear badges of mustard seeds

12:45

sticking up in every direction

12:47

or. Hurts is still

12:50

try to go to her

12:52

group of course he is

12:54

her job as lame as

12:56

she gets paid to help

12:58

food all other throw year

13:00

but i sit on thing

13:02

scary new or or gully.

13:04

saw that Mrs sitter was

13:06

trying to lay an egg

13:08

but see Clinton's. Oh.

13:12

And all the other chicken started. Filing. And

13:14

toward their to painfully stepping

13:17

over carpet monsters with their

13:19

talent. Seat. Oh. Minute.

13:23

It. Build two nights for the

13:25

chickens either Murder the chickens.

13:27

Tried laying eggs all day

13:29

long but they just put

13:31

in. this is really

13:34

bad news murder worried squid or

13:36

our one's good logo comes to

13:38

pick of that i'm but of

13:40

the gop a concert as well

13:42

as though all sorts of to

13:44

seek reaches ended up here i

13:46

was just trying to earn a

13:48

living said pleo cat drift from

13:50

one stretch of carpet is is

13:52

by far the most comfortable place

13:54

i have ever been stuck added

13:56

draco max just as a sick

13:59

and walked over his face. Ah,

14:01

ah, oh. Oh, what are

14:03

we gonna do? There

14:05

was a knock at the door. They all

14:07

tried to turn toward the knock, even though

14:09

they could barely move. It

14:13

was Alabamis P. Grazero. Oh

14:16

no, I definitely can't be both

14:18

people at the same time. No,

14:21

it was Alabaster, okay? Definitely

14:23

Alabaster Zero. That's good, cause the

14:25

story needed another deep voice. You can

14:28

say that again. I don't think he

14:30

should say that again. Yeah, I'm gonna

14:32

get a sore throat here. Alright, oh

14:34

you chickens. Why'd you stop

14:37

laying eggs? You ruined

14:39

Omelette Night in New What City.

14:41

Brrrr. Brrrr.

14:43

Brrrr. Explained, Mrs. Sitter.

14:45

Why didn't you say so? I'll

14:47

just walk over to the Nikindel

14:49

Con and undo the magic spell.

14:51

Oh, ah, ah, come on. Would

14:54

you monsters just move your carpet teeth

14:56

for one minute? We're sorry. We can't.

14:59

But you all are chewing right through my boot.

15:02

How am I gonna cast a spell

15:04

if my feet go out? What's my

15:06

surprise? I don't care if your tummy's

15:09

hurt cause they're full of eggs. Yeah,

15:11

our faces hurt from all of you

15:13

stepping on us. Maybe if

15:15

I just throw my boot at the Nikindel

15:18

Con, then I'll just hop on one boot

15:20

until the magic is fixed. Well, I don't

15:22

know about that. Brrrr. Brrrr.

15:25

Brrrr. Brrrr. I'm

15:27

not evil artifact. But Alabaster

15:29

was already throwing his shoe. Phew.

15:33

Fortunately, it just seemed to land on

15:36

the Nikindel Con safely. Uh,

15:38

no, it's being sucked up by that little

15:41

stone tablet somehow. That's weird.

15:43

I wonder where it's going. Ow! I

15:46

just got hit in the back of the head with

15:48

a boot. Serves you right for

15:50

getting us into this kerfuffle. Squitterala,

15:53

don't blame me for your kerfuffles.

15:55

Oh, you all know there's kerfuffles

15:57

on me. Yes, I agree. Now

16:00

we are we being the

16:02

rye. Me indeed we be.

16:04

I also feel kind of

16:07

music t a hairline crack

16:09

was spreading through than a

16:11

kindle Con and magic started.

16:13

To seep out of it. brushing.

16:15

Over. All of the

16:18

carpet monster swirling. Around

16:20

the timid chickens and

16:22

even dusting over. Detective

16:24

Zero. Mark. I'll

16:27

easy. Mark. Tommy I

16:30

we must. Not a

16:32

good lay back, damned

16:34

if you're free. Turned

16:36

his back. Here.

16:38

About the daughter yeah man this

16:41

is a see a lackey I'm

16:43

is hostile meeting us to. Like.

16:46

Apple may have been. Burned.

16:48

And a very good and dead

16:51

they're opposed to it down he

16:53

held my breath for for a

16:55

ride out of putting a back

16:58

when my in their my parents

17:00

don't like when I haven't as.

17:03

Their anger and live

17:05

say well as mayor

17:08

away our day and.

17:16

Ah he I.

17:19

Moved. That

17:22

now I. A

17:24

Get. Bastards. And and

17:26

at as it does. It as a

17:28

little or no wonder who did

17:30

a little and were added up

17:33

about pressure expose. Words

17:35

are stubborn. I see what I did. That.

17:37

Was rude. As the music

17:39

ended, the chickens realize that they've

17:41

been singing and dancing all over

17:43

the come despite their tummy tucks.

17:45

But then they looked down to

17:47

see that tab below of. Monsters

17:49

all must indo one to

17:51

see carpet L a bastard

17:53

trying not to step on

17:55

them and sailing. Marine le

17:58

and then chickens. old. Flew

18:00

down beside their coworkers. Now

18:03

the hands aren't very good at

18:05

being scary, so. Mrs. Sitter just did

18:07

what she was good at. Or

18:09

power puff girls year he

18:11

regretted feeding her or me

18:14

pockmarked and she. Started gently

18:16

brushing scully squids forehead with

18:18

her wings and squawking soothing

18:20

the things in what made

18:22

of benazir her for and

18:24

all the other chickens followed

18:26

her lead. Swooping down

18:29

the comfort. They're uncomfortable

18:31

friends? Okay. Springer

18:35

Zone or yeah, I agree

18:37

that of fact. Pepper, A

18:39

few younger hens came over to

18:41

comfort. Him as well though did you

18:43

do young and try to comfort me?

18:45

He the know your own guns troops.

18:48

And Alabaster started giving the to

18:50

little hands a pet on their

18:52

head despite him being. Uncomfortable.

18:55

And. Before he knew it, those

18:57

two hens started laying eggs

19:00

and all the relaxed hens

19:02

curled. Up in their little bits

19:04

of carpet, comforting the carpet monsters

19:06

around them will. They started laying

19:08

eggs to. Said making people

19:11

happy for just as well

19:13

as making them skyn it

19:15

impossible is will never be

19:17

okay of scope of the

19:19

of get it's path. It

19:22

will never. Stop.

19:24

Leg eggs all over my face. Like

19:26

your leg more eggs them before. And

19:30

a few of those eggs rolled over

19:32

to than a Kindle kind. and. Somehow

19:35

started to reverse that attacked hoped

19:38

I'd watch. Why did the eggs

19:40

have to fly through a portal?

19:42

It here be in the bag

19:45

of ahead while where Mr. Eric

19:47

was getting pelted with aids or

19:49

I turn back to normal Me

19:51

too. I did is worse than

19:54

me and I've been a brand

19:56

new pair of boots a mile

19:58

where my boots, my. New

20:00

boots? Are you mean my neighbors?

20:02

Are they nice? Did you take

20:04

flight suits as the end? I. Did

20:07

not say the end of girl. Oh.

20:12

Alright, Maddie and Aria. I hope

20:14

you enjoyed. Your story. Soaked. You

20:17

may have heard that we are losing our

20:19

biggest sponsor the to get to make it

20:21

hard for us to. Keep Doing This

20:23

show. But I know I can keep going.

20:25

With your support to please

20:27

check us out at patriotic.com/what

20:30

if world. The Get Ad

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free episodes monthly, bonus content,

20:34

a shout out on the

20:36

shelf and so much more.

20:38

That's patriotic.com/ What if world? I'd

20:40

like to thank Care and O'keeffe Michael creator.

20:43

My producer Miss Lane. Craig Martin's

20:45

and for our theme song. My Aunt

20:47

Janine for always encouraging me to be

20:49

silly and. All your kids at home

20:51

who know that kindness. And cooperation can

20:54

be a lot more effective than

20:56

yelling and pushing us. Until

20:58

we meet again. Key. Point.