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Stay focused. Hi

2:30

everyone, welcome back.

2:33

This is part two

2:35

of a

2:37

two-part recap.

2:40

If you're wondering

2:49

where part one was, we'll go check in the

2:51

feed and be sure to subscribe. Let's get right

2:53

back into the episode. Okay,

2:56

so that's not good enough for

3:00

you. It's like Bueller's craving his

3:02

dad. Now I'm thinking about dead

3:04

dogs and having them tattooed on

3:06

you. I've really brought myself out

3:08

here with this one. So

3:10

he's like, yeah, I've converted all of my

3:13

lips into tattoos. Katie, healthy pea, cordo,

3:16

butters. I

3:19

think I'm becoming a tattoo guy. At

3:22

that point, Rusty's like, alright, I give up. I'm

3:24

gonna become a banker. Let's jump the shark. So

3:26

this involves

3:29

like, dude, it's gonna be like really interesting

3:31

up in San Francisco. Like me and Ariana

3:33

are like sitting together like right next to

3:36

each other. It's gonna be like really nice.

3:38

You're joking. So Sandoval

3:40

says, Kyle Chan

3:42

invited us all up to San Francisco

3:45

because he's like releasing a whiskey up

3:47

there. And he said, this will surely

3:49

get me on the show if I really buy

3:51

not just you, but production a trip up to

3:54

San Francisco, right? So we're gonna do it. Oh,

3:56

thirsty Kyle Chan. Of course you're having

3:59

a trip to free. your fucking release

4:01

party with the cast of an- Oh

4:03

god. Listen, he's

4:05

using what the good lord gave

4:07

him, so you gotta hand him that, but my

4:09

god. So

4:12

Sandoval's like, wow, it's gonna be amazing! It's

4:14

like in this private island, there's gonna be

4:16

statues, like you have to take a boat

4:18

there. It's like, nah, it's

4:21

like, seriously nuts, bro! So

4:23

now they're talking Alcatraz. I know, right?

4:25

It's like Epstein's Island. It's like, you

4:27

know, it's a private island, and they

4:29

have like this huge mansion on it,

4:32

and it's like awesome, and they've got like the

4:34

best lighting scheme. It's gonna be like the best

4:37

ever, man. They got

4:39

like a big dome, and then like this

4:41

thing that looks like the pyramids of Egypt.

4:43

Like, you're being taken to Epstein's Island and

4:45

sold into human trafficking. It's like

4:47

middle-aged human trafficking, you know? They're like

4:50

the last stop on the human

4:52

trafficking train, Sandoval. So

4:55

they start talking about the house, cuz it's

4:57

getting dark. Talking about dead dogs, human trafficking.

4:59

What else can we do? So

5:01

we can talk about Britney some more. Yeah,

5:04

you're right. Okay, so

5:06

we've already got the three most depressing dreams. I'm

5:08

happy! I'm happy!

5:11

I'm laughing, not crying! Okay,

5:14

so they start talking about the

5:16

house, and I'm sure it's a

5:18

little bit of a joke, and

5:24

it's like, well, I can't afford that dude, the bar almost

5:26

ruined me! I need to make

5:28

more sound decisions, cuz the last high-stakes adventure I

5:30

took with Tom, it's still kind of hurting me

5:33

to this day. And we

5:35

see the neon sign

5:37

of Schwartz and Sandys, and just hear a oooooooh!

5:41

That horror squeak. Yeah,

5:44

and it sort of like, it like flashes up

5:47

on screen and then goes away in that new

5:49

transitional style that they have. Also, I love the

5:51

idea of Schwartz talking about how he needs to

5:53

make more sound decisions as he actively is getting

5:55

Gordo and Butters tattooed onto his back. He gets

5:57

Gordo and Butters glamour shots tattooed onto his back.

6:02

So, um, Sandoval's like, oh dude, like

6:04

you should move in, it's like a

6:07

nice respectable house. Like, I've got a

6:09

soda gun and beer taps and everything,

6:11

man. He said, I have a soda

6:13

tap, oh, alright, I'm

6:15

in. Fanta,

6:20

right? Promise me there's Fanta, I'm

6:22

in. He's like, well

6:24

if I can live with my axe, I can live

6:26

with the wall. And he falls over on his stool.

6:29

He just falls over. Which was great.

6:31

I liked that. It was very much

6:33

like that scene in Big Business where

6:35

the gay falls over. So

6:38

then, um, he's like, that was karma, dude.

6:40

Ariana got you with that one. He's like,

6:42

dude, I'm getting a lot of karma these

6:44

days. And then the song comes on, it's

6:46

like karma, it's karma, karma. Okay, really? Are

6:48

we just gonna literally take the last words

6:50

that they say? It

6:53

was a great transition, how dare you. A-P-P-L-E-S,

6:55

hey, you like that? A-P-P-L-E-S. A-P-L-E-S.

7:01

H-U-M-A-N-T-R-A-F-F-I-K-I-N-T.

7:08

Can you please do that lyric again? Okay,

7:16

so then, um, James

7:19

and Ale are walking to a face

7:21

gym. Which is hilarious.

7:24

I like, I was like, I was laughing

7:26

at how ridiculous these places in L.A. are.

7:29

And then I was like, I kind of want to go, because

7:32

I'm so fascinated by this ridiculous concept of a face gym.

7:34

Where it probably costs like $150 or $300 to get your

7:36

quote unquote face workout. To

7:41

do cardio on your face. Well, I think

7:43

I actually have one of these machines. I

7:45

should look at that right now. I

7:48

have this machine, I got it for Christmas because I saw it

7:50

on Facebook. Let me see, it's

7:52

called New Face. Microcurrent facial toning devices. I

7:54

think this is what it is, sculpt on

7:56

the go. My cousin's like, it's

7:58

like getting a facelift. Look, I

8:00

have a picture where it looks like half of my

8:02

face is face-lifted and it did like half of her

8:04

face was like this And then the

8:06

other half was like this. Well, why don't you

8:09

do both sides? And she's like because I wanted

8:11

a picture like but you still your face is

8:13

still like that and she's like, yeah

8:15

I got tired like this. So

8:17

anyway, I got one and I haven't used it yet Cuz

8:20

I'm terrified of it cuz I turned it on and it

8:22

sent a current into my face or something and I was

8:24

like, oh But now

8:26

that I saw them use it on the show,

8:28

I'm like, oh my god, I want to work

8:30

my face out I didn't know that's even what

8:32

it was. I'm doing it microcurrent skin care routine

8:34

five minutes a day Yeah,

8:37

it's basically a basic lymphatic drainage

8:40

system. Yeah, sounds hot. I'm a

8:42

miniature sculpt. Yeah, sign me up

8:45

Join these lamps beyond So

8:50

James like, you know what? I'm not about the

8:52

plastic surgery is all natural. Okay,

8:54

you know what and the lady's like Yeah,

8:56

this is like sit-ups for the face. I

8:59

was like you need to stop you

9:01

need to stop that That's taking it a

9:03

little far. Yes. I Need

9:06

a more of a bend like bring your face

9:08

up more bring your face up more So

9:11

yeah sit us for your face and James is like

9:13

this is all natural. I just work out my face

9:16

So we see them getting their faces tapped

9:18

and then these devices on their face which

9:20

I think is these new face things and

9:23

So then they start talking about how

9:26

The dog basically because she's like, yeah, you

9:29

know what like by the way They do

9:31

text summer about the dog and it's like

9:33

listen, I want to go to that wedding

9:35

But I'm not sure about having leaving hippie

9:38

with anyone. She's like, yeah But

9:41

we should bring him to someone's house to

9:43

let him be taken care of It's like

9:45

no, I can't do it to hippie Yeah,

9:48

he is really he does not want to

9:50

leave hippie alone for like a weekend He's

9:53

like hippies are begun to so much, you

9:55

know, Ali now we're planning and going out

9:57

on for her best friends when but hippies

9:59

just come back into my life and he's

10:01

been through so much trauma it's not the

10:03

time to find a stranger to watch him."

10:05

I was like, okay sir you

10:08

need to okay I get

10:10

it we're very happy that hippie you and hippie

10:12

are reunited hippie has gone through a whole thing

10:15

we love this for hippie we love hippie's journey but

10:18

let's let's we

10:20

have to let's this is ridiculous you have to

10:22

go to that wedding I'm sorry what

10:26

do you want now what are they doing do

10:29

you hear that it sounds like they're

10:31

grinding through rocks what's

10:33

going on down there maybe

10:35

they're chopping up the trucking leaf blower god

10:37

damn it I hate that thing fucking hateful

10:40

jack in the direction anyway sorry guys so

10:42

yeah so he's traumatized look here's the thing

10:44

I think he hates this friend with the

10:46

wedding I think he does not want to

10:49

go to this wedding he hates this group

10:51

of girls and he doesn't want to go

10:53

because I think that

10:56

this when I get trauma whatever but I don't think

10:58

it's trauma I think he hates this girl that's my

11:00

guess because most people are like okay

11:02

I love you you're my Bueller's my favorite he's the

11:04

best thing that ever happened to me and I'm like

11:06

bye I just drop a mic and leave when I

11:08

don't see him I assume everything's fine you know I'll

11:11

just leave him all time to a post I don't

11:13

care if I don't see it it's like Schrodinger's cat

11:15

like we were saying the other day Bueller's

11:18

dog I just figure he's Rondell's dog

11:20

he's fine if I can't see him

11:22

he's fed him fine okay bye the

11:25

hippie will be fine there are so many

11:27

dog people on this show no one is

11:30

going to traumatize hippie for the weekend out

11:32

of all these people and you're telling me

11:34

that this entire cast where everyone has a

11:36

dog there's not a single person who can

11:39

take care of hippie it's it's literally

11:41

fine I cannot stand when people pull

11:43

this shit if I were Ali I'd

11:46

be like fuck you I'm

11:48

gone I'm out of this relationship I

11:50

see where I stand I am below

11:52

the dog and goodbye yeah I mean

11:54

look dogs get traumatized by the mailman

11:56

coming you know what I mean and

11:58

then they get over it because guess

12:00

what I have I don't have the power

12:02

of conversation or the power of therapy or

12:05

anything like that I have the power of

12:07

treats okay here's a treat and then

12:09

they're like oh my god I forgot everything everything's great

12:11

again I could leave that dog for a month and

12:13

in a gutter and come back and he'll be like

12:15

riddled and fleas and matted down and I'll be like

12:17

I love you though here's the treat nobody like I

12:20

love you again everything's fine I'm

12:23

kidding guys don't traumatize your dog I can't

12:25

find your emails now like you don't understand

12:27

what dogs have to go through people no

12:29

I'm kidding I love my baby I would

12:31

never put him in a dangerous way I

12:33

love him I do get the idea for

12:35

babies and all and being afraid to leave

12:38

your dog I do actually get that but

12:40

he's not the newest dog owner in the world

12:43

and he's left the dog before like I think

12:45

he hates these girls that's my guess yeah

12:48

so Ali is just like yeah

12:51

well like it's just gonna be like

12:53

five days like whatever like you've already

12:55

gotten comfortable with not sleeping with the

12:57

cats and like that's not

12:59

good for the relationship because I start sleeping

13:01

in the guest room and then it's like

13:03

five days so apparently it

13:05

sounds like there are certain nights where Ali sleeps in the guest

13:07

rooms that way she can come with the cats at night probably

13:10

get away from hippie because you know that hippie is probably

13:12

like a terror in that bed yeah they

13:14

can't have them in the same room to sleep so

13:16

she's sleeping in a separate room to sleep with her

13:19

pets and he's sleeping well first of all he's the

13:21

one who brought the dog into the house so he

13:23

should sleep in the guest room why does he get

13:25

the main room and she's like relegated to mr. Banks

13:27

and the Fed in the other room I

13:30

know there's something definitely fucked up going on he's

13:32

like but there's nothing older to be able to

13:34

call and she's like yeah but

13:36

you have to make compromises somewhere I don't

13:39

know something is not right and I don't I

13:42

think the balance is often this relationship which we

13:44

could have told you about you know a year

13:46

ago by the way yeah there's something fishy going

13:48

on here I don't believe I don't know that

13:50

I really believe this relationship because you remember when

13:52

this relationship started it was right after the Raquel

13:55

stuff and then he was putting

13:57

stories on Instagram immediately gold

14:00

Look at me, it's me and Ali Bali. The

14:02

most gorgeous woman I've ever met. I've never been

14:04

so in love. I love you, I love you.

14:06

I love you sweetheart. I love you, you love

14:09

me. Look, it's Ali Bali. It's Ali Bali. I

14:11

love her, I love Ali Bali. Like they were

14:13

so manic and fucking insane and then Ali's just

14:15

in a pool like, hi, oh

14:18

my God, I've never been so in love. He's

14:21

just been acting so manic and crazy ever

14:23

since it started. And now he's doing this

14:25

whole thing where he's sobbing and breaking down

14:27

every single week. It's just, something's

14:29

wrong over there, okay? We've never had a

14:31

season of James just being normal.

14:33

And I know everybody's buying into this shit. I

14:35

do not buy into it and I wanna know

14:38

what's happening over there, okay? You're fooling

14:40

me a little bit, but I need to know

14:42

what's happening. What secret shit is he doing over

14:44

there? Yeah, so

14:46

now we're gonna see some stuff around town. We

14:49

see Schwartz. Now this is where Schwartz gives his

14:52

sweet potato chews wrapped in chicken treats to the

14:54

dogs. And then we'll see. Oh, thought I

14:56

missed it. And

14:58

then Lala and Sheena, Lala's got gray hair,

15:01

skks, and then Tom

15:03

and Ariana's. Ariana's on the treadmill again.

15:06

And she's talking to Dan and

15:08

Ariana's like, yeah, so you're coming to

15:10

San Francisco with me. He's like, well,

15:13

that's what you want, I'll come. I

15:15

mean, you don't have to hang out with everyone, but I want you

15:17

to be there, you know, for bedtime. We can cuddle. He's like, yeah,

15:19

I'm just gonna come for the cuddles. So

15:22

then the assistant Craig comes in and he's like, hey,

15:24

I just need to grab some things. Hey,

15:26

by the way, you know how long you're gonna be in here? Cause Tom

15:28

wants you to work at it. How about

15:30

Tom can go fucking himself, Craig, and watch your

15:32

tone and get the fuck out of here, not

15:34

Ann. Get out of here with your slimy greasy

15:36

mustache. Go do some cleaning like Ann did, okay?

15:39

This house has gone to shit since you started

15:41

here, Craig, you useless piece of crap. Get out

15:43

of here, I'll be gone when I'm gone. How

15:45

about that? I'll be gone when you look over

15:47

and the door's open and I'm gone and there's

15:49

a machine with my sweat all over it that

15:51

you are able to wipe down.

15:53

You're welcome, go, go mustache. Walk.

15:58

So now we have a clip. of,

16:00

yeah, because I guess

16:03

Tom wants to have a realtor meeting

16:05

downstairs. So we see that he's like on

16:07

FaceTime with some realtors talking about properties. And

16:10

then not the whole group goes

16:14

off to, I

16:16

think they actually go to Sir for the Jacks

16:19

Brunch, right? So Tom is

16:21

like, I don't know, it's

16:24

all the same. It's a spectrum. So

16:26

I mean, maybe they did go to Tom, Tom, I'm

16:29

not used to Sir daytime and there was such a

16:31

big patio. I mean, I guess Sir

16:33

does have that back area that I don't know. I don't

16:35

know what it was. I think they were at Sir this

16:37

time. It goes because it was the brunch. So

16:40

Tom, Tom brunch, remember, when they were like,

16:43

Oh, we're doing brunch at Tom Tom. So

16:46

I thought they were going to make a year.

16:48

This year, this is a Guillermo. This is a

16:50

Guillermo. Right. This is a Guillermo. This is a

16:52

Guillermo joint. So they

16:54

go to the brunch and everything. And Katie is like,

16:57

Schwartz, how many terra cloth shirts you own now?

16:59

He's like, two. Just getting one.

17:02

Just kidding. I

17:04

don't own any shirts. I stole this from

17:06

someone. Katie's

17:09

wearing a shirt that says boys lie.

17:14

So Schwartz is so then she was like, I

17:16

want to see my dish. I want your tattoo.

17:19

I heard it's like a portrait this time. And

17:21

he shows it. Oh my God. People

17:24

yelling at me like I'm sorry. Did

17:26

you get that tattooed also? It's a

17:29

good idea. Then we see Vanderpump talking

17:31

to Guillermo. Why are we hosting an

17:33

event with Jack Taylor? He's like, um,

17:35

I think we're over capacity. So that's

17:37

good. You know, like there's more people

17:39

than usual. So pretty good, right? But

17:44

he's been so disrespectful to

17:46

me publicly. And we see

17:48

a clip of Jack's on the morning toast and

17:50

or the toast, whatever. And he's like,

17:52

he's like, what's even the point of Lisa

17:54

Vanderpump being there? She's just like a prop.

17:56

Yeah. So then she's like, just

18:00

slip through Guillermo!" He's like, Ah, I

18:02

have no idea. And then James comes

18:04

over, it's like, Hi Lisa, thanks Guillermo

18:06

for, for inviting Jax personally to come

18:08

to this day at Suresh. She's like,

18:10

You little rascal Guillermo! Ugh. Heh. Heh.

18:13

Heh. So then Jax, uh, we

18:15

see clips of Jax being a bad little

18:17

boy, being like, Ah, I've been in jail

18:19

since Saturday, and I've literally been in jail

18:21

since Saturday. Heh. Oh, and by the

18:23

way, she shut the fuck up, or I'm gonna drop my

18:25

fist in your fucking face! Heh. What am I supposed to

18:28

just sit here and be quiet, Lisa Vanderpump? Hm.

18:31

I mean, if you, if you're not going to negate

18:33

me publicly, then why are you going

18:36

to come and have an event at

18:38

my restaurant? So, in

18:41

walks Jax in slow-mo, and

18:43

he's like, Hi, Hi everyone, Hi, Hey! And then

18:45

he's like, trying to be all charming to Lisa,

18:48

and he's like, Hey, should I sit down? Should

18:50

I sit down? Well, only if you have to.

18:52

Okay, well I'm gonna sit down. Only if you

18:54

have to! Ahh. He's like, Will you,

18:57

Will you want me to stand up? She's like, No, I don't

18:59

really want you to be here at all, Jax Taylor! He's

19:03

like, Why? The way you came

19:05

here, expecting things to be cool and

19:07

cozy when you're on a podcasting, Lisa's

19:09

a prop. She's not needed. Superf Lewis.

19:11

That's what you said. You said Superf

19:13

Lewis. And they're all like, What?

19:16

What was that word? He's like, I don't know

19:19

what that word means. I wouldn't use that word.

19:21

Which is two Vanderpump shows in a row that

19:23

we've heard that, because on Vanderpump Villa, that girl's

19:25

like, I don't even know

19:27

what 2CamSam is. And now Jax,

19:29

I don't even know what Superf Lewis, What? What is that?

19:31

And she's like, I don't know. I've never heard of it.

19:33

Is she making it up? Oh, I'm going to look it

19:35

up on my phone. It means,

19:37

Aunt Nett, Set, Su, Mm,

19:40

It, Especially, B,

19:42

A, Wait, is it Supervolous?

19:45

Like a pervert? Mm, Mm,

19:48

Oh God, I'm sorry. I'm going to stick

19:50

to single syllables for the rest of this

19:52

conversation. Can we just get back on point?

19:54

I've got 5 minutes of caring left in

19:56

me. Oh, come

19:59

on. Just, yes. So she's like

20:01

well here the point is I

20:03

could have sat back in the press and I could have

20:05

said the only person that Wasn't needed on the show. Oh

20:08

was you but I didn't say

20:10

that But now

20:12

we've said it. Come on Camille. Where are you ready for

20:14

your line? And

20:19

he's like oh guys so here we go All right,

20:21

then fine last three years you could have checked on

20:23

me and my wife But you didn't you just wrote

20:25

me off secure stuff up fucking give the quit jocks

20:28

He's like you wrote me off after 10 years. I mean,

20:30

okay, so if I said something sorry in the heat of

20:32

the moment Oh, okay. My bad.

20:34

Okay, so you could have said something

20:37

right and been like, sorry you fucking

20:39

lead. Yeah, you loser leech Jack's

20:43

I wasn't gonna say anything all the

20:45

shit you talk about me when you

20:47

put my name on a fly-up of

20:49

my business I would be remiss not

20:51

to say something. All right

20:53

move along. I did some perfunctory

20:56

on-camera Scolding of you

20:58

which should therefore make people not

21:00

angry at me that I brought you back So

21:06

They he gives her a hug and she stays

21:08

seated but she still hugs him back which is

21:10

big for her because we know that she hates

21:12

hugs and so he

21:15

goes away and Pretends to

21:17

DJ or something. So then he goes to

21:19

the girls table and Katie's

21:21

like, oh, wow. What a blast

21:23

from my presence Yeah

21:27

Welcome some and Katie's just like I'm

21:30

not a fan of Jack's Taylor Whatever

21:33

someone has to talk about how much

21:35

they've changed or tries to sell themselves

21:37

on something the less of that they

21:39

are He's

21:42

like so so are you honest so so, you

21:44

know, I'm not much of a gossip and they

21:46

all start cracking up And he's like but you

21:48

know, you're aware that a Schwartz might be moving

21:50

into your house, right? Yeah so

21:55

Then we see a clip of Schwartz telling

21:57

Jack's of five minutes earlier. He's like, oh

22:00

So Santa fall offered me a very

22:02

indecent proposal. Oh, here we go. You're

22:04

not you're gonna move in aren't you?

22:06

How did you know? I mean just

22:09

make sense You know, we have we

22:11

have we have like bars together and

22:13

we have we have like a life

22:15

together And we share a subscription to

22:17

Philips use lights. So make sense Ariana

22:20

would the minute you every but every guy that

22:22

walks in Ariana's holding her napkin kind of up

22:24

over herself Like she's hiding behind her napkin. It's

22:27

the weirdest thing. I get that. She's at a

22:29

restaurant eating brunch And so she's using a napkin,

22:31

but the fact that she's not like tucking it

22:33

in She's just holding it up like kind of

22:35

a weapon, you know every time the guys come

22:37

near she's like It's giving like

22:40

shower towel energy like I'm covering

22:42

myself up lest you see me

22:44

indecently. Yeah so she

22:46

does that again and She's

22:48

like so where's my money and Lala's

22:51

like oh I've got

22:53

a great invitation of Tom's his she

22:56

goes hey now

22:58

I got Actually

23:02

like kind of decent and Ariana's

23:05

like yeah Well when I get what I

23:07

want and what I deserve it can be

23:09

the dojo mojo Casa for all I care.

23:11

I don't care Yeah,

23:15

so then Then I was

23:17

his face James is like everyone I'm having

23:19

people I'm having people over for a poo

23:21

pie later today It's really fun.

23:23

We'll go swimming. We'll dodge the ice that

23:25

falls out the plains overhead. It'll be great

23:28

time Jack's you invited to you old

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done right. Get started at

24:42

angie.com. That's A-N-G-I, or

24:44

download the app today. Every

24:47

day our world gets a

24:50

little more connected but

24:52

a little further apart. But

24:54

then there are moments that remind

24:57

us to be more human. Thank

25:00

you for calling Amica and Sharon. Hey uh

25:02

I was just in an accident. Don't

25:05

worry we'll get you taken care of.

25:07

At Amica we understand that looking out

25:09

for each other isn't new or groundbreaking.

25:12

It's human. Amica. Empathy

25:14

is our best policy. So

25:17

then Lala's like um yeah I guess I need

25:19

to call my husband to make sure it's okay

25:21

if I can't. So Lala

25:23

has spent and Brock goes oh Lala you're

25:25

calling me. And then it cuts to Sheena's

25:27

face being like oh. Intrusive

25:30

thoughts. So um. Intrusive thoughts. Man

25:36

I'm still waiting for my intrusive omelet. It's

25:40

time for Sheena to come out with a power

25:42

ballad called intrusive thoughts. Ah

25:45

till now I always

25:48

got by without intrusive thoughts.

25:51

I never even tried to think

25:53

too hard. Oh

25:57

gosh. James

26:00

are at the bar. Santa, James goes in,

26:02

they do the scene again. This cracks me

26:04

up. They just keep pretending they're okay. It

26:06

seems like, alright, what's up? What's going on?

26:09

You know, want to come out? Sorry that thing happened the other

26:11

day. Want to come to my house after. We're going to have one

26:13

last pool shindig. Now look, I don't

26:15

feel angry with you, alright? As men, we

26:17

shouldn't let it go to that. Alright, we

26:20

are men, not women. Do you understand? Look

26:22

at this face. This is all natural. I've

26:24

just done some facial sit-ups, so get

26:27

through this is men, shall we? Yeah,

26:29

I think it's good that you recognize that. I

26:31

was like, big man. He's like, yeah, you need

26:33

to recognize how you sound, bro. And I hope

26:35

it's not in like six months when you look

26:37

back and you say, bro, I sound like a

26:39

two, you know, I'm saying. So

26:42

they all go over to James' house

26:44

after this brunch. And

26:46

it's the afternoon pool party and stuff. And

26:49

James is like, but now that Jack's Taylor is in

26:51

the living room, now we have to all go to

26:53

the back. And

26:56

so, Jack's is just like excited because they

26:58

have a babysitter, so he just wants a

27:00

party tonight. So

27:02

Ally comes over and she's like,

27:05

oh hey, Spudy Spice. And I

27:07

guess Lala comes. Anyway, sorry. So

27:10

she's like, oh my god, hey Spudy Spice. And

27:12

she's like, I thought I was scary spice. No,

27:15

because like, I'm more platforms and you're

27:17

more sneakers. Then I'm definitely posh spice.

27:19

And Katie goes, um, no, I'm posh

27:21

spice. But man, Lala could just never

27:24

win. No matter how hard she tries

27:26

every season, she can't even be in

27:28

their fake spice girls. You

27:30

know? I know. Ally's

27:33

like, I'm in the moon is

27:35

in the seventh house of the sun spice.

27:39

So now everyone is,

27:41

they're partying and the pool party and stuff

27:43

like that. And Katie's like, so

27:46

earlier this week, Ally and I had dinner and

27:48

she told me like, whatever, like

27:50

how it's going with hippie and the cats

27:52

and how she's making sacrifices. And we see

27:54

a clip of Ally saying, we're supposed to

27:56

go to Ohio for a wedding, but now.

28:00

Harry, his brother is out of town,

28:02

so he's like, I can't go to

28:04

Ohio, and I'm like, what? Yeah,

28:07

so like basically, she's the

28:09

one having to make all

28:11

the sacrifices in this relationship.

28:14

She's basically like sacrifice. And,

28:19

okay, he's like, he only wants Harry

28:21

to watch the dogs, but Harry's busy

28:23

at that time. So James

28:25

walks up and he's like, hello, what's up,

28:27

surely you're not talking about me. Actually,

28:30

we were just all talking about you. So

28:32

you're like, Aldi was talking about this wedding.

28:34

This wedding's like really important. It's like, right,

28:36

right, right. But my brother, he's out

28:39

of town the same weekend, so it

28:41

looks like, can't leave hippie alone.

28:43

Know what I'm saying? Well,

28:45

maybe you could open it up to someone

28:48

else, because like this is like the top

28:50

rated show on Bravo, and

28:52

we've moved on to doggy

28:55

day care storyline. So

28:58

let's really make this one pop, shall we? And

29:00

he's like, I know, I guess it, I guess

29:02

it, all right. I guess it, I can't do

29:04

that. He knows the song, I can't do that

29:06

to hippie. I can't do it to him. It

29:11

makes the most sense. I was staring at him like,

29:13

what? And he's like, tell me you understand, but it's

29:15

like being the father to a far baby and having

29:17

to leave your child with somebody. You're

29:19

talking to people with actual babies. Lala's

29:21

like, oh yeah, it's like I don't

29:23

fucking understand. You're

29:26

talking about this as someone who has

29:28

this actual identical problem, but with a

29:30

human child and not with a dog.

29:33

I don't think you're gonna get any

29:35

sympathy from the group. They're all like,

29:37

we all have pets. We all understand,

29:39

we understand animals. He's the best, he's

29:41

the best pet and the best baby.

29:43

So you don't understand at all. Yeah,

29:46

and James was like, yeah, I just, I just

29:48

called him back and I'm not gonna let anyone

29:50

tell us about again. Raaaaa!

29:54

No one understands how deep it goes with me

29:56

and Hippie. And So we see

29:58

pictures of them and like a picture at each. There were

30:00

hippies were in rabbit ears of shoes. Are

30:04

made us it's It's sweet that he loves

30:06

this dog so much, but on I get

30:08

a good idea. I just don't get to

30:11

grips God I'm I don't buy it. I'm

30:13

not buying of us. A.

30:15

Kid is I were to suddenly four days

30:17

it turned out authorities and I said to

30:19

me at Citibank i saw lousy oh I

30:22

don't understand striping of my babies with some

30:24

random woman's you don't get understands cook. Guess

30:26

what's wanting you may not realize is that

30:28

I had a husband's and then he cheated

30:30

on me and he left and it's actually

30:33

a whole thing and be one Actually Finally

30:35

get my story line started. Seven weeding of

30:37

fuckin season for this. So let me have

30:39

my seems right now some case. Had.

30:41

To drop my baby sop with

30:44

a badly have had a teenager

30:46

and my old Range Rover sow

30:48

so lecture me about this process.

30:51

So she got outside all mad

30:53

and she says please don't ever

30:55

compare me to fucking child care

30:57

to finding childcare You. Have

31:00

been. Just. As

31:03

a mrs right and says like

31:05

it's very close to me. That.

31:07

Like in the relationship that gyms comes

31:10

first and alleys com seconds and like

31:12

you could never allowed the man's come

31:14

first. No

31:17

pun intended. But. Obviously says if

31:19

if if if if I'm assuming that

31:21

was meant as upon but I don't

31:23

really know anymore. So Jackson Brock are

31:26

outside and sacrifices I got baby sitter

31:28

because I'm a-is no object in a

31:30

day that permission from the old barn

31:33

same com a dab is is great

31:35

I'm a dad. I.

31:38

Wish they got footage of him getting wasted

31:40

just because last weekend the ballet he was

31:42

like yeah, have like a drink but I

31:45

don't get too wild of please, please get

31:47

wasted right now. Who

31:49

can tell with this guy? He seems like he's always fucked

31:51

up to me. And then Brock

31:53

said Weidman, your father every time

31:56

to access is a father. During.

31:58

turpentine oh my god i'm so Sorry, that

32:00

was an intrusive thought. Sorry. Ariana's

32:04

like, we're gonna get fucked up. So

32:06

then the plane goes by again, like so many

32:09

planes this episode and Jackson's like, this is like

32:11

a real flight pattern. And I

32:13

think somewhere in here, Ali has something like,

32:16

Yeah, I grew up next to an airport. So

32:18

I'm used to it. That's like really hard for

32:20

James, which I thought was like such a funny

32:23

wrinkle in her story. Yeah, I grew up with

32:25

planes in my hand. Yeah, so

32:27

pictures basically out of the question,

32:29

but I do know basic chords.

32:35

So James talking to

32:37

Tom and Katie and James is like, did you

32:39

talk to Jack about that shit? Because Jack came

32:41

up to my house the other day, and he

32:44

was like talking shit about Katie. Did you hear

32:46

and she was like, Oh,

32:48

yeah, I mean, he's he's not happy with

32:50

you, Katie. Oh my god, I'm sorry. I

32:52

didn't mean to say it. Oh,

32:56

because you found a picture already, Katie. Well,

32:59

there are rumors about Jack's cheating on Brittany

33:01

online, like thousands of people saw it. Now,

33:03

Jackson's blaming me for rumors being out there

33:05

in the world. I mean, the man does

33:07

not know how the internet was. And

33:11

I think this was the one where

33:13

the picture of him and his publicist

33:15

all snuggly and close on Instagram. And

33:17

Brittany released a statement being like, yo,

33:20

this is Lori. She's just a publicist.

33:22

She's just nice. She's just Jackson's friend.

33:25

Sometimes, you know, when you go to the bathroom

33:27

and someone holds your purse or sometimes Jack has

33:29

to do something and she just holds his penis for

33:32

me. She's pretty. If you don't want to know what

33:34

someone said about her. So

33:40

Schwartz called Jack's over and Katie's like, what

33:42

are you on about? Which is very British.

33:44

And he's like, what are you on about?

33:46

Because I took a picture of someone. It's

33:48

like, well, the internet talks about you. It's

33:50

like, yeah, the internet talks about you too.

33:52

I'm glad. I'm glad to. Awesome. Why

33:58

are you so angry about Matt Jack? Why are you

34:00

angry Jack? He's like, I'm not. But you do

34:03

it to my family. I mean, you're doing this

34:05

to an innocent family. Why wouldn't you talk to

34:07

Britney? She's like, um, cause I don't like you

34:09

Jack. Yeah, but I don't like you either. Yeah,

34:11

but I don't like you. Yeah, but I don't

34:13

like you. But I don't like you. You smell,

34:16

you smell. They keep doing that. And she's like,

34:18

why would I call Britney? Jack sucks. Like this

34:20

is why I don't call Britney. Her

34:22

husband sucks. Like, what

34:24

do you want? Exactly. Um,

34:27

and then, um, we also get like

34:29

a clip of Jack's. She's like, I've

34:32

always hated Jack's. We see a clip of Jack saying

34:35

like, Oh, I would love nothing more than for shorts

34:37

to get to rail a girl right in front of

34:39

Katie. So this is why I hate him. So

34:42

she's like, I don't fuck with him.

34:44

So Ariana's like, you know, Britney would

34:46

never be like, Oh, I love that

34:48

my husband just yelled at Katie. And

34:50

Lala's like, no, she would have intervened

34:52

since stop. Yeah, she would have. She

34:54

would have been right in the middle of them going,

34:56

yo, he didn't mean it. He didn't mean it. It

34:58

was like a word hug. He just gets like, when

35:03

he gets high, he just gets a little cranky and like,

35:05

it could have been you could have been anyone, but he

35:07

might yell at them by he just wants the best for

35:09

you. He just loves you so much. So

35:12

later, Schwartz pulls Ariana aside and he's like,

35:14

I just wanted to address something because we're

35:16

fine. I love that for us. But like

35:19

Tom was speaking to me and hypothetical, just

35:21

hypothetical, hypothetical, like already know

35:23

that you're moving into my house. Okay,

35:25

Jack's told me. Okay.

35:29

Oh man, he promised you wouldn't

35:31

say anything. So yeah, yeah,

35:33

he did. So it would just be like you living in

35:35

my house. Well, no, no, no, I'm not gonna do it.

35:37

I'm not gonna do it. I mean, I told Tom I'd

35:39

do it, but I'm not gonna do it. I can't afford

35:41

it. So I'm not gonna do it. I mean, maybe I'll

35:43

do it. I'll probably do it. I'm not gonna do it.

35:45

I won't do it. I'm doing it. I'm packed, packed

35:47

right now. Oh my God. Hold this. Hold this

35:49

while I sit down on it. Oh my God.

35:51

This is the theoretical suitcase. It's coming

35:54

down. Oh, I was trying to zip it up. Thank

35:56

you so much. I'm moving into your house. Yay. And

35:59

he says. after Tom refinance is it's

36:01

a huge loan though you know because it's like

36:03

10% right now she goes yeah

36:05

that's like a $20,000 house payment he goes

36:07

22 you fucking

36:12

moron really that's not 22

36:15

per month is that

36:17

what they're saying they're saying is $22,000 a month with refinancing

36:21

the house on what it already is

36:23

plus the interest rate being 10% which

36:26

it was I guess around that time they're

36:29

gonna be paying $22,000 a month to

36:32

keep that fucking basic ass farmhouse

36:34

in the valley come on wild

36:37

that means that

36:39

each of them is gonna be paying $11,000 a month that is that is

36:46

what that's crazy they

36:48

cannot that's no no so

36:50

he's like would you hate me

36:53

if I moved in there she

36:55

says no and he goes well

36:57

that's the complete opposite reaction I

36:59

thought you I thought you struck

37:01

me down with a great fantastic

37:04

and she's like yeah well once I'm out someone's

37:06

gonna have to pay that mortgage so have

37:08

fun with that I love that she

37:11

thinks I love that

37:13

he thinks she's being so kind to him once

37:15

he's like have fun wasting the

37:17

last of your money that you're

37:19

not gonna be really making for that much

37:21

longer let's be honest on

37:23

Tom's dream farmhouse loser

37:26

exactly so Sandoval

37:28

and Kyle Chan show up and say I'm

37:30

like oh man like great party like hey

37:32

it be what's going on oh my god

37:34

hey if you uh if I ever talked

37:36

to your mom again I'll tell her you

37:38

say hi huh Raquel did

37:41

you see that you see that

37:43

Raquel somewhere I'm

37:46

releasing a very special podcast

37:48

about the latest episode of

37:50

Fender Pump Rules where Tom

37:52

Sandoval said if I ever

37:54

see your mom again I'll

37:57

say hi to her for you

38:00

The reason that that affected me

38:02

so deeply is because I'm just

38:04

a girl, a girl

38:06

who needed mental health help and was

38:09

manipulated in her leaving her dog. You

38:11

gotta cry at this part, Raquel. And

38:13

then I did, but I didn't know

38:15

what I was doing because manipulation and...

38:18

Someone's been battling on our cheeks and just put them

38:20

with some water. Come on, we need to make it

38:22

more sympathetic. lawsuit, lawsuit. A

38:26

very special episode of this one comment on

38:28

the show. So Sheena's like, our

38:30

baby has a bedtime and I want to put her

38:32

down, Brock. And Brock's like, oh, we can just start

38:34

and have some fun, Sheena. And

38:39

he's like, yeah. And she's like, well, but like, no, I

38:41

want to go and we

38:43

had fun and like I said, I would like

38:45

to. And like, would you like some pizza? And

38:47

he's like, no. And Laura's like,

38:49

what's wrong, Sheesh? She's like, it's bedtime. It's like,

38:51

my kids got like a bedtime and everything. And

38:54

it's like, that's not my problem. My problem is

38:56

that you will let the nanny put the kid

38:58

down. No, it's not that I won't let

39:00

it, it's like I want to. I want

39:02

to read her books about Halloween. I want to

39:04

read Halloween books. I want to read

39:06

Halloween books. And if I don't have the memories, I

39:08

want to have Brock. I'm

39:10

gonna be there and that's my kid, la, la.

39:13

So she starts crying. So

39:15

Ariana's like, I'm going to go talk to Sheena

39:17

because she's crying. And then Sandoval just pops up.

39:19

He's like, you guys come here often. She's like,

39:21

nevermind. So

39:23

now Sheena and Kyle are talking to Sandoval

39:25

and Sheena's like, I'm gonna wait for San

39:28

Francisco. I'm doing two songs, right Kyle? I'm

39:30

gonna like do them both, right? So I'm

39:32

gonna like come tomorrow, put the bond, put

39:34

the bond in my bond. And

39:38

Kyle's like, yeah, we can go

39:40

over everything cause it's gonna be

39:42

bros before hoes. Am I right?

39:45

Up high fellow. Up high

39:47

friends. Dog. Dog?

39:49

Who let the dogs out?

39:52

Woof, woof, woof. Have

39:55

you heard my song, Sandoval? And

39:57

he's like, yeah, I heard it. You know, look, it's been

39:59

a long time. lot Shina from you specifically it's

40:01

been a lot just um okay well I understand

40:03

but like I was coming at that from like

40:05

what you what you two did to Ariana like

40:08

it fucked me up in more ways than one

40:10

okay like the front-shaft the restraining order and yeah

40:12

did I want you to cook like what

40:15

did what do you want to call it like capitalize

40:17

on it then sure yeah I'm gonna capitalize on it

40:19

I'm gonna capitalize on it yeah

40:22

you were like a hundred times more reactive

40:24

than Ariana was yeah well you know why

40:26

cuz all you had to do at the

40:29

reunion was keep your mouth shut and like

40:31

yeah no well all and all you had

40:33

to do was like not do that yeah

40:36

cuz she's like she's like I love when she

40:38

gets like the mob all you had to do

40:40

is keep your goddamn mouth shut about me hitting

40:42

that coil and you didn't do it so now

40:44

you're gonna pay you're gonna pay with bad music

40:47

that I put out with my sound factories at

40:49

27th we're gonna be writing songs about you for

40:51

years I hope you would quit that decision you

40:53

made buddy yeah and

40:56

then we see a clip of Tom at the

40:58

region bearing oh she just goes like I

41:00

just punch that bitch in the face they're

41:02

not going to the street man a female

41:04

literally going keep your fucking mouth shut Bob

41:08

so Santa balls like I need you

41:11

to understand something you were not involved

41:13

in this you didn't get cheated on

41:15

she didn't fuck Brock you know what

41:17

I mean and she's like yeah but

41:20

she filed a fucking restraining order against

41:22

me yeah and the

41:24

girls are talking about it's like so

41:26

many mouth voices being raised tonight yeah

41:29

a lot of Santa mails are healing all

41:32

right I was like yeah it's like really making

41:34

me uncomfortable and Santa balls like it's like dude

41:37

why are you acting like the biggest victim in

41:39

the whole scenario I love that Santa ball who's

41:41

been acting like the biggest victim is now accusing

41:43

someone else of being the biggest victim this

41:47

is my storyline I'm the one who

41:49

gets to cry what's going on over

41:51

here well I'm trying to say Tashina

41:53

like what you've done is like it's

41:55

like if I stepped on Kyle's shoe

41:57

and then he burned my house down

42:00

And I was like, oh my god, thank you so much

42:02

for making me part of this argument in a theoretical sense.

42:04

I was like, oh, I'm a

42:06

toy man on this. You wrote a song

42:09

about Shorts's mom in fucking Raquel in the

42:11

song. And Sam was like, that's ridiculous. It's

42:13

like not even remotely closed. You guys are

42:15

acting entitled to talk about events in my

42:17

life. And he's like, we

42:19

don't care about that because you inserted yourself into

42:21

this situation. No, you literally inserted

42:23

yourself and created this situation. You created

42:25

this situation. And that affected the entire

42:27

group. And then you're acting like no

42:29

one else is allowed to have any sort of emotional

42:32

response. Yeah, I've seen that fucking

42:34

before. It's called friendship. Oh yeah. Do

42:36

you know now? I have fucked up thoughts that Brock's

42:38

going to fuck Lala because I'm like, oh my god.

42:41

If Tom can do that, then maybe Brock can

42:43

do that too. And James is like, oh my

42:46

god, I think that way too is why I

42:48

can't leave Hippie to go to Ohio. Don't

42:51

make me do it. Why

42:53

if Hippie meets the new owner? I like that

42:55

one more than me. I can't do it. Make

42:57

some thoughts, A, P, P, L, E, S. How do

42:59

you like them now? So you

43:01

look like you did that. Now

43:04

I would like to go home and put my kid

43:06

down. And then Fandivall, who just can't quit while he's

43:08

just a little bit behind ever, is like, Dools,

43:11

you've been the other woman

43:13

in a relationship. Fuck you,

43:15

Tom. And Lala's like, oh, hell, sksk,

43:17

snows, sksk. And she was

43:19

like, when I was 20 years old in

43:22

2006, are you fucking kidding me? And then

43:25

Brock, I have to say,

43:28

I love how Brock then just steps in. And

43:30

Brock puts his hand on

43:33

Sandoval's shoulder neck area. It's not like an attack,

43:35

but it's kind of like a, I am

43:37

stronger than you, and

43:43

my hand is close to your neck. And

43:45

you just fucking insulted my wife. And you

43:48

better change your attitude real quick. I thought

43:50

it was like that video where the lady

43:52

is trying to take a family picture of

43:54

all of her pets, and

43:56

the cat won't do it, and so

43:58

the dog goes over and grabs it. the cat by

44:00

the back of the neck and drags it over and

44:02

sets it down and makes it take the picture. I

44:04

haven't seen that but that was funny. Or

44:07

the one where the cat's really drunk and trying to

44:09

start a fight with another cat and the golden retriever

44:11

comes and grabs the cat and drags it back. Have

44:13

you seen that one? I love the golden retriever is

44:15

always stepping in to help the cat. I

44:18

think the cat video I saw recently was one cat

44:20

was like trying to start up. I had the paw

44:22

and started doing the puh puh puh puh puh puh

44:24

and the other cat like give it

44:26

one solid pop and then started licking the other cat's

44:29

forehead and then the other cat settled down and they

44:31

were cute together. Where

44:33

was Brock in the situation, Ben? This

44:35

is a Brock the golden retriever segment. This is

44:38

not a Brock. It was just a funny back.

44:40

I need a visual of Brock in a budgie

44:42

smuggler as a golden retriever. Come

44:45

on, Ben. Well

44:47

Brock either way, he basically intervenes

44:50

in a non-violent way but still asserted his

44:52

strength and is like she was in a

44:54

20s bro. You're fucking 40. Yeah,

44:59

because of course, that's exactly the

45:01

same thing, right? Well,

45:04

a lot of things. Yeah,

45:08

so she just storms out. She's like, you

45:10

know, she's crying. Ariana's hugging her and James

45:12

is like, you can get the bullshit passed

45:14

again, Tom. He's like, yeah, well they'll bring

45:16

out the past like bring up a woman

45:19

that from six months ago isn't that the

45:21

past? Aren't we trying to move on from

45:23

that man? What

45:25

a piece of shit. Oh my

45:27

god, it's like five minutes

45:30

ago. That's the past. He

45:32

it's just amazing how he

45:34

just like he just it's

45:36

like he's stepping on rake after rake after rake and they're

45:38

just like swapping him right in the head. So he just

45:40

doesn't even realize like just get off that lawn. They're

45:43

all like that though. Jax is the same way.

45:45

I mean, like we see where he is like

45:47

he was born from Jax and now those two

45:49

are still all over the place hanging out together

45:51

like they're the conceives again, you

45:53

know, they're all like that like Jax comes

45:56

back on like Lisa. Jesus, though your fault.

45:58

You totally ignored us for three. years

46:01

okay it's all her fault all that shit happened

46:03

with you Jax okay fine if I

46:05

said something wrong I'm sorry but I'm

46:07

the real victim here the guys that's how

46:09

they're tell their bread on this show how

46:12

you spanking up anyone gardening I'm a

46:14

winner all right everybody thanks so much

46:16

for being here for Vanderpumpage rules we

46:19

sure love you up come back tomorrow

46:21

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We love him madly, it's

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incredible, edible Matthew Sisters. Give him

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hell, Miss Noelle. She's the queen

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out of a cannon, Anthony. Let's

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Don't count yourself out. But,

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my favorite part about these views

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is how they're ignited by the tiniest things.

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Jada, I love ya. G.I.J. too. Can't wait

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laminated my brows too much. It

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starts small and then it gets so big.

49:11

To be honest Naomi, I'm fearful of

49:14

you to this day. I don't know her. We

49:17

all just have to admit, we're addicted. Everybody

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has opinions, everyone picks eyes.

49:23

Leave Britney Spears alone right now. From

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Wondery, I'm Sydney Battle. And I'm Matt

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Tell. Where

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we unpack why we get so invested in

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