0:00

Can I ask you a question? Yes, out of the

0:02

contestants, who were

0:04

you the biggest fan of before hosting.

0:06

This Tasha and

0:09

now after Tashash

0:18

show?

0:23

What what what what? I'm

0:25

what the culture is feeling? Woo

0:31

Kendrick coming with that smoke. Huhuh

0:34

so good to show team

0:37

Kendrick. I'm

0:39

what the culture is feeling. I

0:41

just like him. He says that, you

0:43

know, we all are descendants from a single tribe

0:46

in Africa, so don't

0:48

even say that I'm not black enough,

0:51

you know. And then Kendrick, He's accusing

0:54

Drake of pedophilia.

0:57

I mean, I don't know what's going on every

1:00

but he is being accused of being a pedophile lately.

1:02

Jimmy Kimmel got it all

1:05

Democrats. It's

1:07

one of those things where it's like, is this

1:09

always been the way it has been? But

1:12

like now I have children, so I'm just

1:14

hyper aware that there's just pedophiles

1:16

everywhere. Or is it like when

1:19

you break up with a girl and you think every song

1:21

is is just you

1:23

know, it's just cutting a little different. I

1:26

don't know, but apparently I'm

1:28

just surrounded by

1:30

pedophiles. Here's the thing people

1:34

always say, you know, like, oh, you

1:36

should be a part of the roast. When they do

1:38

roasts, I'd much rather watch a

1:40

rat battle because rat battles there's consequences,

1:44

you know. It's it's like, oh, yeah, we're I'm gonna take

1:46

a shot. Literally.

1:50

Did you watch the roast, Eddie?

1:52

I did.

1:52

I watched it the whole thing, watched.

1:55

I think I might have missed the very beginning.

1:57

Haven't gone back to check it out. It's

1:59

long, it is long. Did they

2:01

do any jokes about Kevin Hart's

2:03

height? Yes, that's the

2:05

problem with the roast. They're just mean. People's

2:08

feelings get hurt. If I was off there, I

2:11

would try as hard as I could to cry,

2:15

just see if maybe they'd stop. The people have always

2:17

asked if I will be on the roast, and I've

2:20

to be honest. I saw Jeff

2:23

Ross the week

2:25

before the roast, and he encouraged

2:28

me. He said I should do one. He

2:30

looks like he was in that

2:32

Dune sequel. He

2:34

does you know what I'm talking about? Maybe

2:37

I'll hold out. You know who

2:39

I want to roast? Seinfeld

2:42

Man? Oh Man. Wouldn't that be a fun roast?

2:45

Seinfeld And here's how

2:47

I would want this to go. I would want to be the host

2:49

of this. I would want to be the host of

2:52

the Jerry Seinfeld Roast, And then

2:54

I'd want no comics

2:56

to show up, and I'd want no audience

2:58

to show up. And it's just two

3:00

hours of me looking at Jerry gone, Eh,

3:03

this speaks volumes, doesn't It

3:05

turns out you're you're not as loved by your

3:08

peers as you once thought. Just so

3:10

much lately with him

3:12

just being up in arms about everything. You

3:15

can't do this anymore. What are you talking?

3:17

It's like me complaining.

3:21

Oh yeah, the kids today?

3:24

Then they're viral videos. They're just not as good

3:26

as when I used to make

3:29

jokes about viral videos in

3:31

my heyday. A viral video, you know,

3:33

you to have somebody, a disabled person fall

3:35

down a flight of stairs and we just have a good laugh.

3:38

You see how dumb that sounds. For

3:40

God, it's made is living into observations.

3:43

Fuck yeah,

3:45

just look in the mirror for a second. Oh

3:48

I don't want to I don't want to become this person. He's

3:51

been going after everyone. He's been going after comedians

3:53

with podcasts. You're not that interesting,

3:57

I get. I couldn't agree with you more,

3:59

Grandpa,

4:03

I don't think I'm interesting. This isn't what I

4:05

wanted to do with my life. What I

4:07

wanted to do was get on a reality

4:09

show. That was my goal. That's

4:11

why I got into show business to

4:14

someday get on a reality show. And last

4:16

year, when Amazon came calling

4:18

and offered me a chance

4:21

to live out my dream, I jumped

4:23

at it. Then I found out that they

4:25

didn't want me on the show. They wanted me to host

4:27

it. I was a little let down, but at

4:30

least I was given an opportunity

4:33

to meet my TV idols.

4:35

Enjoy. Pasha,

4:42

my guest today, has appeared very

4:44

briefly on The Bachelor,

4:47

Dancing with the Stars, and Love

4:49

on the Spectrum. You

4:51

can see him now on The Goat on

4:53

Prime, hosted by Little

4:55

Old Me. Please Welcome Grocery

4:58

Store Joe Spectrum. It's

5:00

a great show. I just started watching it. Okay,

5:02

so you weren't on that show. No, gar research

5:05

is garbage. Yeah, that's my fault, all right. Do

5:07

you believe in ghosts?

5:09

Uh?

5:09

No?

5:09

Okay, No ever thought about

5:12

changing your name to instacart Joe.

5:14

I honestly think I would have got more Instagram

5:16

followers if I if my name would have been

5:18

grocery store Joe. But my last name's

5:20

hardest spell and pronounce. You

5:23

probably can't even do it.

5:25

Huh huh. But did

5:28

you think I always said Instagram versus

5:30

Instacart.

5:31

Uh, that's where my mind went.

5:34

Yeah, that is where

5:36

my mind went.

5:36

I was just like, because instacrt is just a little more

5:38

updated.

5:39

Is instacart still around?

5:41

Yeah? Okay, you go to the grocery store.

5:43

Serena orders off of Amazon. Right, so

5:45

I'm plugging. I just plugged the.

5:47

Show Team Team Prime. Where'd you

5:49

grow up?

5:49

I grew up in a town called Melos Park in Chicago.

5:52

You like Chicago?

5:53

Uh?

5:53

Yeah?

5:53

I like it where dummies put pickles

5:55

on hot dogs and call asagnya pizza.

6:00

I don't like deep dish pizza.

6:02

No one does.

6:02

And I take the pickle off my hot dog.

6:05

What do you do with the pickle? I

6:07

take a bite of it. Did

6:10

you major in groceries at

6:12

college?

6:13

I actually didn't go to college.

6:14

You didn't go to college? Not a day.

6:16

No, I barely graduated high school. I got to

6:18

school.

6:19

Yeah, I got through it. I got through it. You found high

6:21

school tricky.

6:22

I had the option not to go to college after

6:24

we all.

6:24

Have the option, and

6:28

I took that option.

6:29

I loved it.

6:31

We're in trouble of the country. In your opinion,

6:34

what is the best grocery store? And don't just

6:36

say Whole Foods because Amazon owns

6:38

them and they're the ones that made the goat

6:40

available on Prime. I shop at

6:42

Whole Foods, so yea, yeah,

6:45

Whole food is not my favorite. Air One.

6:47

I bought a thirty dollars bottle of water there because I

6:49

couldn't believe it was thirty dollars.

6:50

Good for you.

6:51

It tasted the same, but it was out of a wall Inake, Washington.

6:54

I respect. I respect that you saw that it was thirty

6:56

dollars, said I have to own this water.

6:57

Air One's great, it's expensive.

6:59

But it's just the girls that are in that store.

7:01

It's just ridiculous. Every time

7:03

I walk in there, I'm like, oh, holy cow, arawon

7:06

is it's And then I like then I like look down,

7:09

I'm like, oh, there's my little wife. Come on, honey,

7:11

how small is your wife? She's tiny?

7:13

Really?

7:16

When did you start selling Marinara sauce.

7:18

Two thy and twenty because it was during.

7:20

COVID what's it called. What's it called Sundays

7:24

with Joe? All right, pop quiz, hot shot? How

7:26

much sodium is in one serving

7:28

of your sweet Marinara sauce?

7:31

What is it measured in?

7:35

All right, let's just go percentage of

7:37

daily nutritional value? Thirty

7:41

twenty seven percent? Okay, all right, yeah, all

7:43

right. People may not know your

7:45

story. You were on the Bachelor, you

7:47

were you were a night one loser.

7:50

Were you upset with yourself? You're like, oh fuck, I

7:52

made myself look stupid? Or no, well, is the Bachelorette

7:55

whatever? Okay, you're on the Bachelorette.

7:57

You're on there night one and she kicks you out?

7:59

Who was a girl? Back of? It was upsetting. It

8:02

was upsetting.

8:02

I felt embarrassed to go on in the first

8:04

place, just because I thought I was like too

8:06

cool, huh, And then to be one of the

8:09

guys that didn't receive a rows felt pretty pathetic.

8:11

Did you talk to her that night? Yeah?

8:13

But I couldn't really form a sentence because I was really nervous.

8:15

Like you see, you've seen me really great

8:17

on camera, like I'm funny and I'm charismatic, but

8:20

that didn't really come across that

8:23

didn't come across Night one.

8:25

People always but I didn't get any time. Why

8:27

wouldn't you just force yourself. You're on this

8:29

show, like I'm going to go right now and

8:32

talk to this person. How do they keep some

8:34

people from actually talking to them?

8:36

They just say it's not your turn, and

8:38

then most people listen. But I I

8:40

had the first conversation kiss no.

8:43

And then how long from when

8:45

that night happened to when the episode aired?

8:47

How long of a gap is that?

8:49

That was like a I want to say, two

8:51

months. And then the show aired and I thought I was gonna

8:53

look terrible, and I looked incredible,

8:56

and then I trended on Twitter. It was it was

8:58

it was basically national news.

9:02

See now, I have a rule that I don't have celebrities

9:05

on my show.

9:06

That's why I'm shocked them here.

9:07

I don't consider you a celebrity. You get

9:09

famous for two minutes of airtime

9:12

and you have this normal life, but now

9:14

you don't have the finances

9:17

to like shelter yourself

9:19

from all the nonsense it's about to come

9:21

your way? How is that?

9:23

That's why I went on the Goat, and that's why

9:25

I own bitcoin.

9:27

True.

9:29

Well, let's talk about though, it isn't it weird to

9:31

I mean, because it's weird to be like, all of a sudden, now you're

9:33

famous. But it's like if I'm

9:35

famous, I get to go to my house in

9:37

a neighborhood that nobody lives in. I close

9:40

the wall to the gate.

9:41

Well, something that I learned is attention

9:43

is better than money.

9:44

Oh it's the opposite.

9:47

Yeah, but money is great. You don't want any attention.

9:50

Yeah, and then you know you don't make any money, and then

9:52

you then they ask you to do other reality shows.

9:54

How much money did you make on

9:57

your actual appearance of the

9:59

batchelor Arette that one single

10:01

episode?

10:02

Nothing? You don't get paid, Yeah, you don't.

10:04

There's unions. You have to get some money.

10:05

You don't get paid. Bullshit, I'm not lying.

10:08

You got zero dollars zero.

10:10

I thought you get you get paid to do Bachelor

10:12

in Paradise, which was another shot.

10:14

But you get paid to be the bachelorette of the Bachelor.

10:17

They get paid, but you don't get paid to be a Contestants

10:19

don't get paid for being on a show.

10:21

And I'm such a fucking idiot. I

10:23

went to tom I went to Gucci and bought a suit,

10:26

okay, and then the suit, the suit

10:28

didn't fit me right, and I freaked

10:30

out the day before. So then I went to tom Ford

10:33

and bought a suit and I basically spent like

10:35

nine thousand dollars in suits

10:38

so much.

10:38

Okay, So he did that. Then a year later,

10:40

you did The Bachelor in Paradise.

10:43

Oh, then you were into that that what's her name? And

10:45

that didn't work out with you, but you dated her

10:47

forbid? Or do you guys get engaged?

10:49

Who are we the first person one

10:51

I've been on plenty of seasons?

10:53

Did you get engaged?

10:53

No? We just we dated.

10:55

But she was a twin and she was into

10:57

fucking dead animals.

10:58

Yeah, Taxi Durmy.

10:59

That's there's a few red flags. That's all

11:01

I'm saying. When you watch those shows,

11:03

because your body is not great, what do you mean,

11:07

like you're like a normal dude. But those all

11:09

those guys, are you intimidated? They're all so

11:12

jacked.

11:13

I feel like I feel like I actually have a

11:16

nice body.

11:16

Your body's gotten better.

11:18

You don't think that doesn't look good on on the

11:20

on the goat?

11:21

No, no, no, no, no, Now, that's what I'm saying. I'm

11:23

saying probably from from from the first time you're

11:25

on reality television until now your body's

11:27

probably I like to I.

11:29

Enjoy food, so I don't like I'll eat

11:31

I like to eat a cheeseburger and I like pizza.

11:34

Sure, yeah, I'm just don't. I'm not.

11:36

You don't be self conscious like you're talking to somebody

11:38

that's got an awful body. But those guys are all

11:40

so jacked. Yeah they care, Yeah, they

11:42

really care.

11:43

Like when we're when you're in Paradise, a lot of guys

11:46

don't even drink beer because

11:48

it's got carbs. Not me though, really,

11:50

Yeah, what a waste of a trip.

11:52

Yeah, why does everybody uh clamor

11:55

for a date card? I

11:58

would just be like, if I'm interested in a

11:59

girl that's there, I just fuck want

12:01

to hang out on the beach all day and try to make out. That's

12:04

what I did, right. Why do people care so much

12:06

about it going on the fucking date because they want

12:08

your time? Right, That's all it is. Yeah, I

12:10

get it. And people are always like, oh, how

12:13

I've made this joke before where people

12:15

get like, how could you actually find somebody

12:17

that you really love? And that to me is absurd

12:20

because put me in any room you

12:22

can find eventually, I'm gonna fall in love with somebody

12:24

in that room. I agree, that's just how it

12:26

just how it works. So then you do the show

12:29

again and you fall in love a second

12:31

time with the girl, and now you're

12:33

happily married. Yes, end and

12:36

she and she's what is twenty

12:38

two years younger than you? She is?

12:41

It's a it's a ten to eleven year difference.

12:44

My wife's younger than in that gap at

12:46

times.

12:46

At times it's ten years and at other times

12:49

it's eleven year different.

12:50

Mine's twelve and someone's thirteen. I think our

12:52

gap, let me tell you this always bothers

12:54

me. Do people give you any grief

12:56

for marrying somebody so young? Yeah?

12:58

Sometimes, And I agree with that. I

13:00

think we're I think we're emotionally

13:03

and you know, we're on the same level.

13:05

Why always think it's funy when people stay like like if

13:07

a guy it's usually a guy

13:09

dating a younger girl, and they're like, oh

13:11

my, what do you have in common? What

13:13

can you talk to a twenty two year old about? I'm

13:15

like, what kind of conversations are you having?

13:18

Because I can fucking have the same

13:20

conversation with a twenty two

13:22

year old that I can my.

13:24

Father like, I agree one

13:26

hundred percent.

13:27

Then you did Dance with the Stars too, Oh.

13:29

Yeah, that was in between.

13:30

Did you like that? Did you get paid a lot for that?

13:33

You got paid for that? Yeah, that was a nice paid

13:35

six.

13:35

Figures, yeah, mid six

13:37

figures. That's

13:41

five hundred down.

13:42

Then no,

13:47

no.

13:47

It doesn't matter how long you stay on for those

13:50

shows, you get paid more.

13:51

Yes, so you get an upfront and

13:54

then weekly. The longer you

13:56

stay, the more you make. And I admit it. To the semifinals.

13:58

What place did you get all? Fourth or fifth?

14:01

Do you enjoy dancing? I hated it

14:04

because I know, like everything

14:07

that I know about you and watching

14:10

you do physical things is it's just it's

14:13

bad.

14:13

No, it's not.

14:15

Your balance is poor.

14:17

My balance wasn't poor that day. It was my shoes.

14:19

I didn't have shoes fucking

14:21

everything. He said, Like, it's not true, your

14:24

shoes aren't. Some people have good

14:26

balance and some people don't.

14:28

I have average balance.

14:29

No, you don't bad balance.

14:31

Would you ever do dancing with the stars, I've done it.

14:34

No, you have well at home. I

14:36

just you just dance every night. You dance

14:38

with my wife. I'm like, enjoy this,

14:41

You're dancing with the stars. I like that. No,

14:44

I would never do that show. I

14:46

would never do that show. Ever, there's

14:49

a lot of shows that I wouldn't do. Would you do?

14:51

Uh? What shows wouldn't you do?

14:53

Probably Survivor. I don't think I would

14:56

do Survive, even though I say I would.

14:58

I don't like the idea of not being able to rush your

15:00

teeth in the morning.

15:01

That's your deal breaker. Yeah,

15:03

that's a big deal break. I think you're allowed to bring

15:05

one item. You're a fellow degenerate.

15:07

Would you consider yourself a degenerator?

15:09

Now depends on how you defined degenerate.

15:12

Do you love Do you love the gamble?

15:13

I enjoy gambling.

15:14

Do you love it so much? Does it make you so

15:16

happy when you sit down?

15:18

I enjoy the first day, Like the first day

15:20

in Vegas is usually my favorite. But I

15:22

don't gamble outside of Vegas. I'm

15:24

I'm controlled.

15:25

That's kind of how I am about gambling.

15:27

I like that you can't

15:30

do it everywhere. And I'm glad that California

15:32

killed sports betting because I was like, Oh,

15:34

if that happens, I'm gonna be a

15:36

mess.

15:37

I have on my phone. It's out there, but

15:39

I have a in notes I put don't don't

15:41

sports gamble.

15:44

So what's the most you've ever left Vegas? Up?

15:47

Forty five?

15:48

Oh it's a good. Oh, it's a good trip.

15:50

And that was my bachelor party because I hit I

15:52

hit a slot machine.

15:54

Oh, such a dumb way

15:56

to win money. It's like, it's

15:58

not excited, it's all.

16:00

So it's my favorite way because you don't even have

16:02

to think.

16:02

Because so we met on The Goat, which

16:05

is a reality show that's out

16:07

now on Prime. A month

16:09

before the show began taping,

16:12

I get an offer to host this

16:14

show. I don't get offers a lot because I say

16:16

no to everything. And I'm reading this and

16:19

I had just had a baby, and I tell

16:21

my wife, I go, what do you think of

16:23

this offer to go to Atlanta?

16:25

And she's like, we just have a baby. You

16:28

promised me that you'd like stay here,

16:31

not do anything for this one because

16:33

the last time in my first child, like

16:36

I was filming the day of on

16:40

Tosh Pointo. So anyway, I said, but listen, this

16:42

could be one of these shows that

16:45

works. Like it's silly, I

16:47

understand it on paper and if

16:49

it is good, I'm going to be mad watching

16:52

this ten years from now, saying

16:54

I could have had that gig. It's only three weeks

16:57

of work a year. She's like, we're

16:59

not doing I go okay, I go, well, what if? What

17:01

if they give us a huge mansion

17:04

and a private jet to get there? I

17:06

just started listing anything I could think

17:09

of that would make her say, all

17:11

right, let's take or at the time

17:13

four week old new born baby

17:16

across the country to do this. So

17:18

then we came up with this ridiculous list and

17:20

they kept asking me to do it, and I was like, all right,

17:22

well, will you do all these things? And

17:24

then they started saying yes, And I was like, oh fuck,

17:27

Carly, we're gonna have to go to Atlanta.

17:30

What did you make real money? Can?

17:32

I guess yeah?

17:34

But more so

17:37

I was like, should we do this? And then I kept

17:39

saying she was like fine, so we uh

17:42

we go, and everybody stayed with me. I

17:44

brought I like, I added to my contract. I want

17:46

my own my own writers, I want my own

17:48

producer, I want my own whatever.

17:51

Sounds like a dream dream Well, and

17:54

again they were to posses. I don't know

17:56

what they were gonna do if I didn't do this. I

17:58

was not. First, let's be clear, they

18:00

had gone through people that had gone

18:03

away, and they were in a situation we're

18:06

interesting, and then they're like, hey, we got him

18:08

on the hook. He might actually agree to

18:10

do this, and then they had gone too

18:12

far down the road. I rented a

18:14

mansion, the most obnoxious thing

18:16

I could find. But I rented this mansion mainly

18:18

because it had a crazy driveway and

18:21

uh and the pool had

18:23

a big, huge slide. I'm like, oh, my son's

18:25

going to love this slide. Meanwhile, it's one

18:27

of those slides before h insurance

18:30

companies got a hold of people and like, you can't

18:32

have a slide like this because everyone

18:34

got hurt that went down it. Yeah,

18:37

my cousin by marriage, she

18:39

broke her thumb on the slide. It was

18:41

bad. The pool. The guy when we rent

18:43

this place, he goes people usually just rent this place for like

18:45

a wedding, not to actually stay

18:47

in the house. When we're standing here for a month,

18:50

he's like, well, the pool. It's either the pool or the

18:52

hot tub. We can only heat one temperature.

18:55

And I'm like, well, we want one hundred degrees

18:57

for the hot tub. He goes, okay, well that means everything's

18:59

going to be a hundred degrees. So

19:02

this massive lagoon style

19:04

pool with huge waterfalls, we

19:06

had one hundred degrees.

19:09

It's like a hot spring.

19:10

It was, but like like algae

19:12

was growing in it because it's not

19:14

a good temperature to keep. This is

19:17

just our house. This is the nonsense that's going mean.

19:19

I've got a baby. So every

19:21

night, you know, we're shooting. They

19:23

make you shoot these stupid shows in the middle

19:26

of the night. I was there, I know, right,

19:28

but I'm having to go back to

19:30

this other mansion thirty minutes away.

19:32

God for bed right.

19:35

To stay up with a four week old. Yeah.

19:38

Like it was just it was just a nuts and they were

19:40

everyone was going crazy. Here's how they sold

19:42

me in the show. We're not making fun of

19:44

people that are doing the show. And

19:47

I was like, good, I don't want to do that show.

19:49

I want to have fun. I want it to be lighthearted.

19:51

I want to be silly, but we're mocking

19:54

the whole genre of living

19:57

together in competitions And I was like,

19:59

okay, that's what they sold me on.

20:01

Yeah, and then the show starts coming

20:03

out, I'm like, guys, you're taking this too seriously,

20:06

not you the producers. And then like one time

20:08

in the first event, you're like, hey, guys, can

20:10

we all fucking calm down? This is

20:12

this is just a silly, silly game.

20:15

Yeah, right, So then I was like, Okay, Joe's

20:18

one person that I got it. I understood,

20:21

right, Yeah, it wasn't meant to be. That's why when

20:23

everybody's getting upset with people, like, guys, you're

20:25

looking like idiots, just

20:27

fucking calmed down.

20:29

Do you remember how much they were screaming that first episode?

20:31

It was insane?

20:32

Can I ask you a question? Yes, out of.

20:34

The contestants, who were

20:36

you the biggest fan of before hosting.

20:39

This Taysha and

20:41

now after Tasha?

20:45

Honestly though for.

20:46

Real, no, no, I was. Let's

20:48

being honest, although you weren't. It wasn't

20:50

supposed to be you. I thought I thought I was supposed

20:52

to be when I had seen the first list. You

20:54

were supposed to be what's his name? Who

20:57

is the guy that married uh, the

21:00

the Canadian teacher Nick

21:02

Vile. Yeah, I think you were

21:04

supposed to be Nick Vile.

21:05

So me and you were replacements.

21:07

And then or you were supposed to be snooky.

21:10

Uh, I don't

21:12

know for sure. How much did

21:14

they tell you about the goat

21:16

before you agreed to do the show.

21:19

They don't tell you much. They tell you how much

21:21

money they Yeah, they tell you how much money.

21:24

And I didn't know I was going on the show, probably

21:26

because it was potentially nick un till

21:29

I want to say, ten days prior.

21:32

And then they just really staid pack colorful

21:34

clothing.

21:36

I made fun of your clothes a lot, I know,

21:39

but I there was just one shirt that just

21:41

to me, it just looked like, look, you just looked

21:43

so wholesome, as brown as

21:45

some stripes across the trailer.

21:48

Yeah, it does you

21:50

you did nall it on the head. It looks like a third

21:52

grade.

21:54

There's all right. So you didn't

21:56

know much about it. You knew how much you were getting paid. Now,

21:58

do you get Is that the same as like Dancing

22:00

with Stars where you get a lump sum plus every

22:02

episode that you stay in. Yes, yeah,

22:06

so that's what that's what brings the competitive nature

22:08

out.

22:09

And you know, it's like it's like playing a board game.

22:11

You know, once you're in it, you're in it, and then you're you're you're

22:14

there to compete, but.

22:14

You're you're competing against some people, like

22:16

like real housewives that certainly

22:19

didn't need the money. So that's that's a silly

22:21

thing.

22:21

Yeah, that was a problem. It

22:26

was because then you know, like some

22:29

could say, no, one, we

22:31

can't talk about that. You

22:33

know, it's very hard to.

22:34

Talk about a show that you can't talk about. Yeah, we

22:37

filmed the show in Atlanta. The

22:39

producers they're coming to me and they're like, hey,

22:42

you know, we don't ever want you to mention where we are.

22:44

Then the very first cut I see, the first

22:47

credit that appears, is a

22:49

big fucking logo of a peach

22:52

with Georgia written above it. Oh

22:55

I'm not allowed to mention where we are? Why?

22:58

Why what it was? Why can't you mentioned it?

23:00

Because you want you want to make it like, oh,

23:02

who knows where it is? It could be anywhere, they

23:05

could be anywhere. I don't understand Atlanta at

23:07

all. It was the fucking grossest

23:09

neighborhood. And then there was

23:11

just this random dirt

23:14

road that went way back and

23:16

this huge mansion that was

23:18

built by a former Indianapolis

23:21

Colts player. It had sit vacant

23:23

and so we rented to shoot this show,

23:26

and it's meant to be a house. It's not meant

23:28

to film a show with hundreds

23:30

of employees just shitting.

23:33

So the plumbing goes out. The

23:36

plumbing went out constantly. I don't know if you noticed

23:38

that.

23:38

No, I didn't.

23:39

Your plumbing will work.

23:40

Oh we were fine. Yeah.

23:41

Did you ever go into the garage.

23:42

They wouldn't let me in there. I tried to walk in there.

23:44

So the garage and it's it was like a

23:46

ten car garage is just filled

23:49

with just screens

23:51

of every hidden camera in the house and

23:54

all the people watching you. So I

23:56

found that interesting to watch how

23:58

the sausage was made. The thing is, I would

24:00

be sitting downstairs when I would come to

24:03

work. I would sit in the basement and I would

24:05

have a TV of all the cameras, and then

24:07

I would have some people tell me what I missed,

24:09

Who said what, and blah blah blah. So I could

24:11

see everybody's little plans

24:14

live Like you, you always pretended

24:16

to be like, oh, I'm just playing the

24:19

dumb guy. But I

24:21

saw you do a lot of dumb shit that

24:24

was not planned.

24:26

So but I was good at making

24:28

it seem like a lot of them.

24:29

Okay, okay. So then we get cuts of the show

24:32

and you and I had had some banda.

24:34

I was teasing you constantly. We had a lot of fun,

24:36

right, They didn't put a lot of that stuff in there. How

24:38

about well, I can't even probably can't even say it. Say

24:41

it when I shot the firework backwards?

24:43

Is that in there?

24:44

I don't think. So that was funny. I asked

24:46

you if I was allowed to

24:49

call you. I said, I know this

24:51

is a racial epithet goomba.

24:54

I said, could you explain to me what it is? And

24:56

you explained it to me, and then I said, I am I allowed to

24:58

call you that if is like it? And

25:00

you said yes or something. But

25:03

it was so there was some back and forth about it, and

25:05

that never saw the light of day. Wow, what

25:08

is what does gumba mean?

25:09

I think it's a slang for like an Italian, but

25:11

it means like yo, oh.

25:12

Hey I'm a Talian. Well it's not in the

25:14

show. Some of the stuff I fought

25:16

for. But like, here's the thing. We shot

25:19

this a year ago. I know one

25:21

year ago you looked the same though,

25:24

Thanksome, But they're

25:27

like asking me to give notes on

25:29

these episodes? Dom you. When I give notes for a show,

25:32

I give them one time and then

25:34

I want you to take my notes. I

25:37

know what's funny, what's not funny? Yeah, that's

25:39

it. But these these are twenty

25:41

back and forth over a year. You

25:44

think, I remember what funny

25:46

thing I said when you shot fireworks

25:48

into your face? I can't remember every line?

25:50

Now?

25:51

Am I saying that this show would be a million times

25:53

better if they did everything that I said?

25:55

Yes? But they you know,

25:57

other people have jobs, I guess, and there's

26:00

just it was just weird?

26:02

Am I funny?

26:02

Yeah? You're funny?

26:03

Am I the funniest?

26:05

I mean it depends.

26:06

I'm taking you out of the equation.

26:07

No, no, no, I wasn't gonna put you in my

26:09

category. You're the

26:11

funniest if if if probably

26:14

intentionally, and then other people,

26:17

you know, they cut them to be funny.

26:19

So that so then I'm I'm probably

26:21

the most talented when it comes to being

26:23

funny.

26:25

Did you win the goat? Did

26:27

I win? Yeah?

26:29

I can't disclose.

26:30

You're so properly pr trained. What

26:32

did the cast really think of me?

26:35

I think I think they all liked you. I would

26:37

say I liked you the most.

26:40

That's why you're here.

26:42

I enjoyed your presence when you were there.

26:45

It made me feel somewhat

26:47

better about myself.

26:49

That's nice. It's actually really

26:51

nice. Nice to say. Reality hosts

26:53

are usually pretty dry. Did

26:55

you find me funny? Yah? I just said, yeah,

26:57

funny? How funny? Like a clown? You

27:00

know that you use? We're doing a

27:02

bit there?

27:03

Yeah, I get it. There in New York, they

27:05

there's like a real estate company that

27:08

does that bit around a poker table

27:10

and they have like a twelve year old girl do it with like

27:13

a family, and it plays in the

27:15

cabs in New York. It's so bad.

27:17

It's incredibly bad. I watch it. I cannot

27:20

believe somebody paid to

27:22

make that.

27:23

But you like it?

27:24

No, I actually hate it. I hate

27:26

it, and I really want you to say it's still worst.

27:28

Okay, I'll find it. I'll watch. I

27:31

got a gift for you, Oh really? Yeah?

27:33

I love that. I always give people something that comes

27:35

on my show to have something from my house that I don't

27:37

want anymore. Now, this this is

27:39

this is you get. This is a two part of

27:41

This is your wedding gift. Okay, this

27:44

is a knife sharpener. Come

27:46

on, man, is he here, Eddie? Yeah, Eddie's

27:49

trying to Eddie bought me this. Eddie

27:52

bought me this for Christmas a couple

27:54

of years ago. I've never once

27:56

used it, still perfectly the cord. You can tell.

27:59

Never used it, Eddie, What did you pay for this?

28:01

This is a couple of hundred is a couple of hundred dollars.

28:03

Never once took used it, never even

28:06

thought of using it. And it's a knife

28:08

sharpener, and I thought it'd be funny to bring it here for

28:10

Eddie's reaction.

28:12

So this is this mine? Now, Yeah, thank

28:14

you. I don't know if you can fly

28:16

with a knife.

28:17

Sharp you can fly with a knife sharpener.

28:19

Take it off your hands, Okay, So that's it's a Model fifteen

28:21

x V.

28:22

That's a good one. That's not the only gift. That's not the

28:24

only gift. I got it then because

28:26

I was teasing you about your

28:29

wardrobe, and I know you like

28:31

to gamble. I'm giving you this

28:35

is one of my

28:38

show jackets when

28:40

I'm in Vegas.

28:41

Zippers up there. It's from oh, from Zach Sacks.

28:43

No, it's not from sex. That's just an old bag. This

28:45

is nice. You like this. Oh, look

28:47

at that for when you're in Vegas. You're gonna love it.

28:50

Go ahead for me, Yeah,

28:52

put it on, see if it fits. All

28:54

right, this is great.

28:55

I wasn't expecting a jacket.

28:59

Well it might not work with that jacket on it. You might

29:01

be broader than I thought.

29:02

Yeah, I told you my body's not bad.

29:06

I think if you hadn't, if you didn't have the jacket or anything,

29:09

it could be good. How's a look? Well it looks good

29:11

now, but it looks weird

29:13

with Yeah, what size are you?

29:15

I'm a forty usual?

29:17

I eate forty two. I don't know. I usually get a tailored

29:19

You're you're not forty two. Well, that jacket

29:21

doesn't fix anything. This is a thirty.

29:23

This is the thirty eight.

29:24

No, listen, Joe,

29:27

what would your first illusion be? Yes,

29:32

all right, take take that off. Okay,

29:35

they're gonna love it. What

29:38

have you been up to since the goat concluded?

29:40

Well?

29:41

I got married.

29:42

We had our wedding, but.

29:43

You're already married, right, and you just did like a

29:46

formal one.

29:47

A formal wedding in Charleston. I have a

29:49

podcast.

29:49

What's the name of your podcast?

29:51

A happy Hour it's like a Bachelor podcast, but

29:53

you.

29:53

Don't own it. No, they just put somebody

29:55

on it. Yeah, but are you making some decent scratch

29:57

with it?

29:58

I might get paid for it.

29:59

That's another thing I don't know about these, uh Bachelor.

30:02

I always told my wife if she died, I

30:04

would go on the Bachelor. I would want

30:06

to be the Bachelor. Yeah, but like, I don't think they would

30:08

allow what I want to do.

30:10

Yeah, well I don't think you could. Come on, Let's rearrange

30:12

the way the show works.

30:13

Let's get everybody has to be naked. There's

30:17

no world where I'm going to marry somebody that I haven't

30:19

seen naked in the daylight.

30:21

Well, eventually you will before you marry

30:23

her.

30:24

Your wife, that's who

30:26

you want. You want somebody that

30:28

fucking walked off the show right

30:31

before, like the very end.

30:33

Yeah, she didn't want to get engaged when when

30:35

I asked.

30:35

Her her season? What was the guy's name?

30:38

Bet James? I watched that. Are

30:40

you friends with him? Hold on? Are

30:43

you friends with him? Yeah? No, I do.

30:45

I do like him.

30:45

Here's what I liked about Matt James.

30:48

I remember the very first episode he

30:50

started by asking everybody to pray,

30:52

and I was like, oh shit, oh

30:55

shit, this is awful. We're

30:58

all gonna pray, all twenty

31:01

five of you women that I hopefully

31:03

get to have sex with. I'm

31:06

let's first have a nice and then the girls are like, oh,

31:08

this is this is so meaningful, this

31:10

is what I wanted. It just the

31:12

most insane way to start a

31:15

show that is basically built around

31:17

debauchery. We're gonna have this nice

31:19

prayer to start it off. All right, how's marriage

31:21

been married?

31:22

Life is wonderful, it's great.

31:24

How long you been married? Now? Two years?

31:26

She's Canadian?

31:27

She's from Toronto.

31:28

She Canadian? Yeah, oh I'm

31:30

making sure. Yeah, some people live in Toronto. But

31:33

all right, so she's Canadian. I always say,

31:35

don't marry somebody from a different country, but

31:37

I don't consider Canada a different country.

31:39

Yeah, but there's a lot more to it than

31:41

we initially thought. Oh yeah, like it

31:43

is another country. Oh

31:47

so like all like you have to you know, there's like immigration.

31:50

And she can become a citizens citizen

31:53

potentially, potentially, are you going to move to

31:55

Canada right

31:57

now?

31:57

We're trying to stay in the States, so we'll see what happens.

32:00

But I do I enjoyed Toronto.

32:02

Toronto sucks.

32:03

You don't like Toronto? No? Oh, you really

32:05

don't like huhuh okay, yeah, that's fair.

32:09

Give me Nova Scotia, give me Montreal,

32:11

give me Vancouver, sure, but

32:14

Toronto hard pass Nova Scotia.

32:16

Sure.

32:17

I've never been there.

32:19

Nicest people on the planet interesting, and that what they're

32:21

known for. I think that. I think it's they're considered

32:24

the nicest people on the planet. Whatever. One time

32:26

I did a show that they protested it. Wow,

32:31

that's true. You can't spell for shit?

32:33

Neither can I thought, I could

32:36

you give

32:38

you a word? Yeah, all right, let's see, let's see how

32:40

you do. I'll just let me just pick a random

32:42

word and let's just see how you do on a

32:45

single word. Bachelorette.

32:50

That is the war word that I

32:53

screw that word up every time I

32:56

could spell the Bachelor. Spell bachelorette

32:59

b A C H

33:02

E, L O

33:06

R E T

33:08

T E.

33:09

That's all right, that's pretty good.

33:11

Thank you? Were you scared?

33:13

I was nervous.

33:15

Why are you still not on cameo? I

33:18

feel like you're leaving a lot of money on the table.

33:20

I know I never wanted to do cameo.

33:22

You don't want to say happy birthday to people?

33:25

I just I don't want to charge people for

33:28

me to say happy birthday to down fair enough?

33:30

Fair enough? Can we give out your number and let

33:33

people just text you for free?

33:35

Car accidentally? Did do that?

33:37

You gave out your number? One? Yeah?

33:38

And I and I gave out my Starbucks gift card

33:40

once because I was trying to be nice for

33:44

Christmas, like pay it forward kind of thing,

33:46

and I put it on my Instagram and I

33:49

filled it with a couple hundred bucks for people to

33:51

to get their coffees. And then every time I put

33:53

more money in it, it would get it would get whacked

33:56

because people still had my number.

33:58

Oh man, you

34:00

gotta did you change it?

34:01

I just don't use it anymore.

34:03

No, you get you get harassed,

34:06

recognized, any of that stuff.

34:08

I don't get harassed, but I still do get

34:10

recognized.

34:10

And are you nice to people?

34:12

I'm very nice.

34:13

I think it's fun to not be nice all

34:15

the time. But I have a different reputation.

34:18

Yeah.

34:19

Like if somebody comes up to me and says, hey, I'm

34:21

a fan, can I take a photo? I'm like no, and

34:23

they just walk away.

34:25

Really that's how you do.

34:26

I'll do that sometimes because that makes him laugh, like

34:28

he just scream. But you go back

34:30

now. I don't go back back then.

34:32

I'm gonna try it.

34:34

You and your wife both do the podcast?

34:35

We do it together?

34:36

Are you guys both like lifers?

34:39

Are you gonna just keep doing different

34:41

reality projects if they come along?

34:42

I mean, if I get asked to do another reality show,

34:44

I would entertain it.

34:46

But we'll see.

34:46

I mean, if it fits the schedule.

34:47

Sure, what's your schedule?

34:51

It's pretty open.

34:53

Right, You're you're smart enough to realize, oh this is

34:55

this is interesting and I'll take this as

34:57

long as I can.

34:58

Yeah, I'm writing this wave you do.

35:01

I mean, listen, if any anyone has taken

35:03

a small little pop and fame

35:06

and turn it into a career,

35:08

it's you.

35:09

Well, who else from the show? Have you have? You?

35:11

Are you anna ask on your on your show? You're

35:13

the last one, the end, the only one? Right,

35:16

No, I've we've we've done them all.

35:17

Oh

35:21

no, yeah, see, I mean there's I mean, think about

35:24

it.

35:24

I'm gonna think about it. Think

35:26

about what what do you want me to think about?

35:28

Why did you only ask me? I don't

35:30

know because you see raw talent.

35:34

Because you're silly.

35:37

I'm a silly guys, You're.

35:38

Silly, funny Joe, thank you

35:40

for being on the show, and congratulations

35:43

on all your success. Look forward to

35:45

watching you this season on The Goat.

35:46

Thank you very much.

35:49

Look at that handshake so strong,

35:54

Pasha, I

35:57

want to thank grocery store Joe

36:00

for being on the podcast. You

36:02

find Joe interesting? Huh,

36:05

Carl, do you find Joe interesting? He

36:08

really tickles me. The first

36:10

three episodes of The Goat are now available

36:13

on set Carl Prime

36:16

Video. They're available the

36:18

first three, then every Thursday,

36:21

a new one's gonna drop. By

36:24

the way, this is two days after

36:27

Mother's Day, but technically

36:30

I'm recording this before Mother's

36:32

Day. So let's

36:35

just get this out of the way. That way,

36:38

I won't have to do it on

36:41

Mother's Day. Hey,

36:46

happy Mother's Day.

36:49

But do you do it kind of be the first of

36:52

the first? Well this this

36:55

is gonna air after Mother's Day, so

36:57

I'm doing it on the air an official Mother's

36:59

Day, most meaningful. Well, you're

37:01

first, but it doesn't count because it's not

37:04

Sunday. How are you feeling

37:06

physically? I'm fine?

37:08

Thank you, except that.

37:09

I was very concerned because your sister

37:12

and your niece and their family,

37:15

they were under tornado all.

37:17

Night last night.

37:17

So I was upmost of the night texting

37:20

with them and there.

37:21

But they're all fine, So that's good.

37:23

Oh that's good. Is that it?

37:26

That's it, that's it.

37:27

Happy Mother's Day. Thank

37:29

you, love you, love you. By Hey,

37:32

I want to thank everyone that came out to the

37:34

Dolby. That was

37:36

a pretty neat experience.

37:39

My poor son. I was going to exploit

37:41

him. I was like, Hey, do you want to do the intro for

37:44

me at the Dolby where they, you

37:46

know, do the oscars And he said yes. He

37:48

was very excited. He had a joke planned and

37:50

everything. He was going to walk out there, and the

37:53

day of he was like, I

37:55

don't know. He's like he just kept saying, I don't

37:58

I don't know if I feel like doing it. And

38:00

then he started complaining about being sick. And

38:02

I'm like, oh no, I'm like, did

38:04

I do you have like butterflies? Are you nervous?

38:07

And I put this on you about doing

38:09

this intro and I

38:11

so I felt horrible. I was like,

38:13

this is this is awful. I'm a stage parent.

38:15

Like forcing my kid to

38:18

do something that he doesn't want to do, and

38:20

he's then he then there'd be like waves

38:22

where he's like, no, no, I really want to do it. I

38:24

was like, okay, we'll just do it backstage,

38:26

and I hand you a mic and you can do it,

38:28

and you walk out and just take a little bow with me, and

38:31

and and he was and he did it, and it was funny.

38:50

He passed out immediately

38:52

after in the green room and we drive we're

38:54

driving home and he just

38:56

starts vomiting, just

38:59

all over himself, just

39:01

all over us, and I'm trying to clean

39:04

it up, like We're like five minutes from home, and

39:06

it's just covered in vomit, and

39:08

I'm like, what have I done? I'm

39:10

just sopping everything up. So

39:13

that was, you know, the big

39:15

night in Hollywood. I'm had a

39:17

prestigious theater, I do a show, and

39:19

I'm just covered in my son's

39:22

puke. Then the

39:24

next day I didn't feel so bad

39:27

because like nine of his classmates

39:30

had this bug and all of them

39:32

had vomited. So I was like, oh, it's

39:34

awesome, it's not my

39:37

fault you. But he

39:39

recovered and I'm glad he did it. Because

39:41

it's a neat little memory. He did great.

39:44

Speaking of shows, May

39:46

eighteenth, I'm back in Vegas at

39:48

the Cosmopolitan. That is going to be exciting,

39:51

my first time performing there. Get

39:54

tickets. I also have other dates

39:57

coming up Louisville, Kentucky.

40:00

Uh so, I don't know where

40:02

else Detroit outside of

40:04

Detroit, Columbus, Indianapolis.

40:08

Come on, Indianapolis. What's

40:10

going on? Boyswarpink dot com.

40:13

I guess now it's time for one of my son's bedtime

40:15

stories. Have fun with this nonsense.

40:18

He was off the rails and I don't

40:20

edit these, but you'll you'll notice my tone

40:22

at the end of it is like, Hey,

40:25

time for bed kid, see

40:27

you next week.

40:28

Okay, what upon

40:31

the time a killa datto

40:34

or flying in the Wayne

40:38

heat, he'd fly to keep

40:41

with the either, So we're

40:44

tear of gattos. But

40:46

he tried it for they too.

40:47

Way.

40:48

He stout down the.

40:50

Truth, and then one

40:54

outside those into

40:57

and then the foot

41:01

that killed, trying the

41:04

adapt that finding

41:06

away, and then

41:10

said we don't want to stay on, and

41:12

then blot out

41:15

of window into

41:18

the sign and they saw down

41:20

their dad, and then and

41:22

then and

41:26

then the two and then

41:28

the other two got to bloat, and then the

41:30

occupus it all your

41:32

jackals, and then and

41:35

then they just rounded to a side.

41:37

But and then and then.

41:40

The sand and they bloted

41:42

and a bit hold

41:45

on ate.

41:47

The fan, and then they

41:49

were in a secal and

41:51

and they turn in a seclcause

41:54

they were.

41:55

Two bre in a sea.

42:01

Wrap this story up right now, and

42:03

they're the light.

42:04

And then it finds so white,

42:06

and they brewed away and

42:09

then they just the golfing

42:12

helps you go. And then

42:15

they're a tupid author all

42:18

the ta down and then your

42:21

mommy and Janny and the day eight

42:23

ah the t Baco and swind

42:26

up a mountain and the foot

42:28

downs on the mountain and then cowered

42:31

and then

42:32

They cool get in bed

42:34

Dan Dan