0:00

Hey, guys, I'm Kaylee Shore, and this is too much

0:02

to say.

0:05

It's all good having questions,

0:08

yes, so I'm soon.

0:11

Said now tear it out

0:14

you.

0:18

So before I say anything, I want to thank you guys so

0:20

much for your reaction and support to the

0:24

last episode I did. I came out

0:26

as queer. I'm very very excited

0:28

about it. I really just

0:30

felt so much love and support, and also a

0:32

lot of people were like I.

0:34

Thought, everyone news.

0:37

So a little Yeah,

0:39

it was really amazing, and I'm just very thankful to

0:41

have h you know, supporters

0:44

who are so kind and

0:46

open minded. And also a lot of

0:48

y'all are gay too, so it's

0:51

it feels so good to have that off my chest. I can't

0:53

even explain it. I didn't know how

0:56

good it would feel. I thought

0:58

I was just gonna be like nice to just have it out of the way,

1:00

but it really made me super emotional

1:03

and felt so.

1:04

Big, and it

1:06

just felt good.

1:09

So in this week's episode, we're going to talk about something

1:11

that's been on my mind a lot, and it is

1:13

anxiety and intuition, and

1:15

what is the difference between the two. How do

1:17

you know if that feeling you

1:19

have is your anxiety making

1:22

you stressed out for no reason, or if it's your

1:24

intuition telling you to run. And

1:26

I have had to work so hard on

1:28

distinguishing these things. I feel like I

1:31

used to always be really good at it, and

1:33

I'm a very decisive person. But

1:36

as I went through some stuff with

1:39

people, like this friend group

1:41

breakup I had two years ago, I really

1:43

really started to question myself. And I

1:46

went in to see my new therapist a

1:48

couple months ago. I started with her in January, and

1:50

I sat down and I was like, I

1:53

have no grasp on reality whatsoever. I

1:55

don't know what is true. I don't think I feel anything

1:57

valid and I'm confused. And she was like okay,

2:00

and then like two sessions later, she's like, I don't know

2:02

why you say that, because you seem so grounded. I'm

2:04

like, that's what I think, But then I like second

2:06

guess myself and I don't know and

2:09

like so over

2:11

the past four months, we've been working on me

2:14

distinguishing those two feelings, and it turns

2:16

out that more often

2:18

than not, it's my intuition. And I

2:21

don't really like to create nightmare scenarios

2:23

where they don't already exist, and anxiety

2:26

is like definitely out of your control, and I

2:28

deal with a lot of it as well, But figuring

2:31

this out has totally changed the game

2:33

for me. I feel so much more confident and

2:36

so much more well equipped to make decisions about

2:38

my career and with who

2:40

I led in my life, and also like knowing

2:42

when someone's lying, So we're gonna talk

2:44

a lot about that in this episode.

2:47

So for starters, the

2:49

definition of intuition is

2:52

the ability to understand instinctively without

2:54

the need for conscious reasoning, and

2:56

then the definition of anxiety is feeling

2:59

of manic worry, nervousness,

3:02

unease.

3:03

And dread. So those

3:05

definitely aren't the same thing at all.

3:07

I think that you know, people

3:09

use like nervous with anxiety a lot too, and it's

3:12

anxiety is deeper than that. Anxiety

3:14

is kind of all consuming, feels like you're being

3:17

eaten alive, and that

3:20

is a hard feeling to ignore. I

3:23

think it's easier to push

3:25

down your intuition than

3:28

it is to push down your anxiety, at least

3:30

at first. Your intuition is always

3:32

going to be like trying to push

3:35

through, and anxiety tends to be louder.

3:37

But you can like stifle.

3:39

That anxiety and be like, Okay, I'm gonna just go

3:41

calm down. But intuition, even if you're

3:43

not feeling like shit, it's still just gonna

3:45

pop up. Like in

3:48

my last relationship, I had this feeling. My

3:50

last relationship had this feeling that

3:53

like it was wrong, and

3:55

I ignored it and thankfully

3:58

everything turned out okay, but it definitely went on a long

4:01

longer than it should have. I

4:03

think if you're familiar with the concept

4:05

of intuition and less familiar with the

4:07

concept of anxiety, then that's

4:09

where it can get really difficult. And remembering

4:12

that not every feeling means something.

4:15

You can have feelings that are

4:17

real that are there that

4:19

you need to acknowledge, but they

4:22

don't carry weight, they don't

4:24

mean some secret thing to the universe,

4:26

and it's not like

4:28

a premonition. They feel

4:30

different. And if you pay attention and you write

4:33

in a journal and kind of keep track

4:35

of when you have one of those feelings,

4:38

keep track of them, and once

4:41

you find out how they turn out, keep

4:43

track of that too, and then

4:45

you'll be able to look back and see which situations

4:48

were anxiety and which ones were intuition. I

4:51

feel like I discovered something last

4:54

week. I've had some really big therapy breakthroughs

4:57

and it's just been amazing. I'm doing EMDR, which

4:59

I'll we do another full episode on, but a lot of really

5:01

cool healing

5:04

techniques that I hadn't tried before. But I

5:06

had this breakthrough and I realized that anxiety

5:12

for me, And this is different.

5:14

For everybody, but I feel like this is relatable for a lot

5:16

of people.

5:16

But anxiety is when you're trying to talk yourself

5:19

into something bad, and

5:22

intuition is when you're trying.

5:24

To talk yourself out of it.

5:25

So it's like you have this feeling and

5:27

anxiety you're like ramping up. You're like, you

5:30

know, have this manic voice in your head

5:32

that won't shut up, and it's just like going

5:34

on. It's like this is doomed, everything's going wrong,

5:36

everybody hates me, blah blah blah blah blah.

5:39

And then intuition, you have this kind

5:41

of deep sense.

5:42

Of knowing where you're like, Okay, these

5:44

aren't my real friends, and this feels

5:46

like it's going to end badly. But then

5:49

that little like surface voice

5:52

comes in and talks over intuition and it's like no,

5:54

no, No, everybody's fine, Like, don't think the worst of people,

5:57

Like it's gonna be okay, Like don't

5:59

don't worry about that, that's not real,

6:02

Like they would never do that to you. That

6:04

can also work switched as well, Like

6:06

I know that that doesn't apply to every situation, but

6:08

I feel like it makes sense for me because

6:12

like, when I think somebody's lying to me, that's

6:15

where this really really comes into play,

6:17

and like figuring out the difference between

6:19

the two.

6:20

It's a really good way to tell if someone's

6:22

lying. We'll be right back, and

6:35

we are back, Okay.

6:36

So I want to talk about anxiety and intuition and

6:38

how it relates to detecting lies and

6:41

protecting yourself from liars and narcissistic

6:44

energy and all that stuff. Unfortunately,

6:48

no matter how much you don't want to believe it,

6:50

there are shitty people on the planet who are gonna lie

6:52

and steal from you and cheat, and

6:55

there's things you can equip yourself with to

6:58

be ahead of that. And it doesn't mean

7:00

like assuming everyone's going to do

7:02

that. It's just like this quote that

7:05

I think about a lot, and it's when

7:08

someone shows you who they are,

7:10

believe them and just if

7:12

you pay attention and you observe, and you meditate

7:15

on your feelings, you will figure it out.

7:17

Like we all have this innate sense of

7:19

how to protect ourselves and that's called intuition, and

7:22

so every human

7:24

being on earth wants to avoid being hurt,

7:27

and so we have this little compass inside of us.

7:29

But it's just learning when

7:32

it's the compass talking and when it's something else.

7:34

But I think that.

7:37

People typically know when other people are lying, and

7:39

you'll have that sense of, uh,

7:43

just kind of calm knowing. And

7:45

I, uh, so I was dealing with something

7:47

recently. I would like to preface

7:50

and say that this is not my boyfriend, because sometimes when

7:52

I do like abstract stories

7:54

or I'm talking about like an ambiguous

7:56

breakup on Instagram, people think I broke up with Sam.

7:59

Sam did not do this. Sam is a horrible liar. He

8:01

doesn't even try.

8:04

But I had this feeling

8:06

that this person in my life was

8:08

lying to me about something really important. And

8:12

I caught them before in

8:14

a couple different lies, but they were small

8:16

ones, and I was able to kind of just be like, hm,

8:19

okay, And they also wouldn't confess

8:21

to them except for one like

8:23

I brought up three different issues, and one of them I

8:25

literally saw with my own eyes, like them doing

8:27

the thing that they said they weren't and they

8:30

confessed to that one but also acted like it wasn't

8:32

a big deal. And then the other two like

8:35

literally they tried to tell

8:37

me that there.

8:39

Was a ghost in the house and that's

8:41

how that happened.

8:42

And I was like okay, okay,

8:44

cool, and I just

8:46

had this feeling and I was like that, I mean,

8:49

like, coincidences are stacking

8:51

up, and paying attention to coincidence

8:53

is also really important when it comes to

8:55

detecting lying.

8:56

And so I was just like looking at the evidence in front

8:58

of.

8:58

Me, and I'm like no, but like, don't

9:01

like think badly of them, Like that would

9:03

be crazy if they did that, Like, no, they would never

9:05

do that to you. But then I have this deep sense

9:07

of calm knowing that's like, no, something's

9:10

wrong. And to

9:12

quote my friend Mickey Guiton, that girl

9:14

is not your friend. And that is always

9:16

what she'll say when she's calling somebody out on being around

9:18

someone toxic, and she's she has

9:20

a fucking spot on intuition

9:23

with people's vibes and watch dress

9:25

and whatnot, and so I

9:30

have this feeling that like that

9:32

person was lying about everything, and I was like, you know what,

9:34

whatever, it's small, I just don't feel like

9:36

getting into it.

9:37

I don't think that this is worth my energy. And

9:40

then something really big.

9:41

Happens, and I was like, huh,

9:44

okay, and I didn't want to blame them right

9:46

away, because

9:49

what I would be accusing them of would be

9:51

absolutely insane and something I've never

9:53

accused anybody of before.

9:55

I'd also like to.

9:56

State that it wasn't something like abusive or

9:58

like anything like that. It was

10:00

just like kind of baseline breakage

10:02

of the Ten Commandments, like

10:06

one of the like more minor ones, but still shitty,

10:10

because that would be a whole different like situation.

10:12

So we're talking about some pretty low stake stuff.

10:14

But still like really shitty.

10:15

And I just knew

10:18

it. I just knew it, and I was doing

10:20

everything I could to talk myself out of it, and

10:23

that's what I do. Whereas if it was anxiety, I'd

10:25

be like collecting all this evidence and getting

10:27

hyped up and blah blah blah blah. And with this one,

10:29

I was trying so hard to prove myself wrong. I

10:31

wanted to be wrong. I wanted to be wrong so

10:34

badly because I didn't want to admit that this person would

10:36

do something like that to me or anybody,

10:39

and

10:42

I just couldn't. I couldn't shut it up.

10:44

And basically

10:47

what happened is like something went

10:49

missing and I looked

10:51

for it and I was asking everybody about it. I was like, have you

10:53

seen this thing? Have you seen this thing? And

10:56

you know it's like, oh no, I haven't. Sorry, I'll keep an eye

10:58

out, I'll look through my stuff whatever, and

11:03

I just knew and

11:06

I was like, damn, I've never accused anybody of anything

11:08

like that before, like even when I like, I

11:11

mean, it took so much for me to accuse my ex boyfriend of

11:13

like cheating, and I

11:16

only did because I saw Facebook message. It's like,

11:18

I don't do stuff without evidence, and I really cause

11:20

I just I don't want to treat anybody in a way

11:22

that I wouldn't want to be treated. And I would hope that someone

11:25

would really stop and think before they

11:27

accused me of something horrible.

11:29

And I did

11:31

that for like a week, and then.

11:35

The missing thing just like

11:37

reappears in

11:40

an incredibly obvious place that

11:42

I had looked for it so

11:44

many times, and it was on

11:46

top of something that I had put there the day before,

11:49

so I would have had to lift the thing up

11:52

to put this thing underneath it, and trust me, I would

11:54

have noticed it was a very obvious thing. And

11:57

I was like, hmm, well

12:00

that's funny. And I just

12:03

was like, I think

12:05

that there's like an intuition thing too, where if

12:07

you even think that someone's capable of something,

12:09

that's already a red flag, like even if they didn't

12:12

do it, if you are looking at evidence

12:14

from like what kind of person you know them to be, and

12:16

you think that they could be capable of doing that, then

12:19

you already probably should distance yourself from that person.

12:23

It's you gotta trust

12:25

your God on that you have to. And

12:28

so I mention it to the person. And

12:32

I have never so clearly been lied

12:34

to and like just straight up gas lit in my

12:36

life, and I think that it's really

12:38

important to remember that gaslighting

12:40

is not just somebody disagreeing with you or having a different

12:43

perspective. Gaslighting is when somebody

12:46

knows they're lying and they try to tell you're crazy.

12:48

And this person literally was like you're going crazy,

12:50

Like I don't know what you're talking about.

12:52

All of these like very standard gaslighting phrases.

12:54

Whereas if one of somebody, if somebody

12:57

I knew, came to me with the same situation and the tables

12:59

returned, I would obviously know I didn't do it,

13:02

but I would be like, Okay, well, let's try to figure this

13:04

out, because like I would be calm,

13:07

especially if there was like any sort of compelling

13:09

evidence as to why I might have done it. Like

13:11

I'd be like, Okay, I see how you came to that conclusion,

13:13

but like, I didn't do it, and here's why, versus

13:16

just like immediately yelling and

13:18

telling.

13:19

Someone they're crazy.

13:20

So I think

13:22

that just the defensiveness in and of itself,

13:25

and then the fact that this person had historically

13:27

been unconcerned when I caught them in a lie. It's

13:30

uh, there's people like that out there and it really

13:32

sucks and you don't want to believe it, but there

13:34

are people that are around you all the time. And

13:38

I just had this calm sense of knowing,

13:40

and when I went to this person, I

13:43

wasn't speaking from a place

13:45

of manic anxiety, nervousness

13:47

on edge, defensiveness whatever I

13:49

was coming from a place of calm knowing,

13:51

and I said, hey, I

13:53

don't need you to admit to this, and

13:56

I don't need you to apologize. I

13:58

don't need either of those things. Just need

14:00

you to not treat me like I'm stupid and

14:03

not do it again. And I

14:05

was very proud of myself for saying that, because like, really,

14:08

when someone lies, it's only going

14:10

to feel so good when they admit

14:12

to it, and like it's easy to get caught

14:14

up in the validation of that, But if you can

14:17

get good enough at trusting yourself, then

14:20

you won't need that from people, because that's a hard

14:22

thing because when people lie,

14:24

they typically lie a lot,

14:27

and when they lie a lot,

14:30

they stack up, and so if you accuse

14:32

someone of one lie and they admit to

14:34

it, then they kind of have to admit to all the other ones.

14:37

And you're just asking that person to do way more

14:39

than they are ready to do on their journey. Like

14:41

that person is clearly struggling with some big shit

14:44

and they're just not there yet and maybe

14:46

they never will be in this lifetime. But that's

14:48

not your problem. You can just choose

14:50

to trust yourself and to

14:52

know and believe that

14:56

you're not

14:58

going to just make up sh people. And

15:02

I do think it's really important to pay attention to, like the

15:04

reality, the facts about around you, the

15:06

coincidences that are stacking up, because

15:09

like, really, there's a lot of stuff that can

15:11

come off totally.

15:12

Wrong and it didn't

15:14

actually happen at all.

15:15

But you give people enough

15:17

of the benefit of the doubt, but at some point there's

15:20

enough evidence and you're like, Okay, this

15:22

is the only option or

15:24

that.

15:24

Could have happened. So that

15:27

was big for me.

15:28

And it was, like, like I said, kind of a low stake situation,

15:31

but it felt so good because like, for the

15:33

first time in a long time, I trusted

15:35

myself. I was like, you know what, I'm

15:38

not going to participate in this person gaslighting

15:40

me, because that's the hard thing about gas lighting is

15:42

you end up backing up the person because they're

15:44

telling you like they set

15:46

you up, and then you do the rest of the work

15:49

for the gas lighter because

15:51

you doubt yourself and so then you're just telling

15:53

yourself all these things about how you're crazy and

15:55

you're lying and that that's what they started,

15:58

but you finished the job.

15:59

So it just felt really good to.

16:03

Have that compass know the difference between

16:05

the two feelings, and we're

16:07

gonna do a little recap at the end, but we'll

16:09

take a quick break.

16:10

Thank you guys.

16:21

So, anxiety and intuition are gonna have two very different

16:23

voices. They're gonna sound like totally

16:26

different people. Anxiety

16:29

is going to be like the manic,

16:31

high pitched girl

16:34

who took too much adderall

16:36

and is super paranoid and just

16:39

like flailing about making not

16:41

a whole lot of sense. And then

16:43

intuition is going to sound like this really

16:45

calm, like the perfect

16:47

podcast voice.

16:50

I love Ashley Flowers on Crime Junkie,

16:52

so like it's gonna sound like Ashley Flowers and

16:54

it's gonna be like, no, this is what is.

16:58

You can trust yourself, you

17:01

can choose who you trust, and

17:04

you can believe what you're seeing

17:06

with your eyes and what you're hearing with your ears, and

17:10

so it's just gonna feel different like your intuition.

17:13

Like maybe we'll raise a red flag if something's

17:15

really different, like going really

17:17

wrong. But I think that might be where anxiety and intuition

17:19

hold hands and they're like okay, like if something's

17:21

like life or death or just really

17:24

bad and you have to deal with it really quickly. I think

17:26

anxiety is like all fine intuition, like all

17:28

listen to you, but

17:31

yeah, just remember that human

17:33

beings have had to rely on instinct

17:35

alone to keep us alive for hundreds

17:37

of thousands of years. And

17:42

anxiety is just this kind of little voice that

17:44

you can tune out. But intuition is something

17:46

that connects you to the universe. It's something

17:48

that connects you to your ancestors. It's

17:50

something that connects you to yourself and

17:53

to your surroundings, and it's it's the definition

17:56

of being grounded and getting in touch with yourself.

17:58

And it sounds all kind of like, you know, woo

18:01

woo, but it's real. These

18:03

are these are instincts that have been passed

18:06

down through revolution and

18:09

kept human beings alive. You

18:11

know, we didn't die out and and intuition

18:13

and instinct are why. So I

18:16

hope that this helped. I hope that you guys take

18:19

this into your everyday lives and

18:23

catch some liars because it is satisfying.

18:25

I mean, like you don't want people to be like that, but it's

18:27

just the validation that comes from like

18:30

that is a it's

18:33

big, it's big so thank you guys

18:35

so much for listening. I'm Kaylie Shure. This is too much

18:37

to say, and I'll see you next week. Don't

18:41

go has been questions

18:43

plea.

18:44

So I'll go soon. Now

18:48

tear it out you