0:06

Hi. This is producer Dave from this sound

0:08

serious. and there's a new show I wanted

0:10

to tell you about. It's a sci

0:12

fi adventure comedy podcast from

0:14

Dana Carvey and Team Coco called

0:16

The Weird Place. It'll remind

0:19

you a bit of the twilight zone. It's

0:21

got aliens, time traveling pirates,

0:23

and a power hungry madman with

0:25

a magic globe. and you know it's

0:27

gonna be funny because Dana Carvey's all

0:29

over it. We're gonna play you the first

0:32

episode of The Weird Place right now

0:34

on this feed and check out the rest

0:36

of the story wherever you get your podcasts.

0:39

Here we go.

0:43

Congratulations. You're about

0:46

to go on a comedy sci fi adventure

0:48

into the unknown, the supernatural.

0:51

And well, just the plain, old, weird.

0:54

So buckle up and grab a cool

0:56

snack and get prepared to have

0:58

your mind blown. Welcome

1:01

to the weird place.

1:08

There are those who wish to live on land

1:10

and those who dare to dwell

1:12

under the sea, such as the

1:14

sailors aboard the USS Ohio,

1:17

a class one nuclear submarine

1:19

circa nineteen sixty six.

1:22

bliding under the icy Atlantic water

1:24

on its way home to Staten Island

1:27

naval station. However, this

1:29

seventeen thousand tonnes steel

1:31

beast armed with the latest nuclear

1:33

weaponry is about to travel back

1:35

in time and come face to

1:38

face with an eighteenth century pirate

1:40

ship. an encounter that could

1:42

only exist in the

1:44

weird place. How

1:51

are we looking at today? Maintains speed

1:53

thirty nine. Course 9577

1:56

Lieutenant? Everything's

1:58

looking handsome, Kevin.

1:59

should be arriving at Staten Island, naval

2:02

station is actually eighteen hundred hours.

2:05

Wow. Hey, captain. What

2:07

is it, ensign? Sonar says there's an underwater

2:10

disturbance one

2:10

thousand yards off our bow and closing fast.

2:13

Could it be a Soviet toast?

2:14

No, sir. I've never seen anything like

2:16

that.

2:16

Distributors at five hundred yard turn.

2:19

Red alert, evasive action. Three hundred

2:21

yards turn, brace for it. Pack. Two

2:23

hundred yard a

2:24

cozy mask. Sweet Jesus.

2:26

steady.

2:27

Stay. Hold

2:29

it together. Hang on people.

2:31

We're going for a ride.

2:45

What the hell was that? Sweet

2:48

Jesus' Camp. I've never felt quite

2:50

that. Instant. Damage report. Minimum

2:52

damage report. It's her? A periscope.

2:55

I wanna take a look around.

2:59

Well, it's beautiful day up there, gentlemen. Wait

3:02

a minute.

3:04

Lieutenant, take look at this.

3:07

Whoa. Impressive cat.

3:10

Looks like some sort of eighteenth century

3:12

salad vessel. She's

3:14

a big one too. Well,

3:17

you look at that, multi deck,

3:19

four miles and square rig

3:21

sales. what she

3:23

doing in the middle of the Atlantic. Let's

3:26

take a look. Post up to her starboard side

3:28

antenna. Awesome.

3:33

Captain McKinley and his crew were about

3:35

to encounter a ban of strikely bearded

3:37

eighteenth century pirates. Although

3:40

the year is seventeen thirty eight, The

3:42

submarineers still believe it is nineteen sixty

3:45

six. They can only assume these

3:47

disheveled misfits with eyepatches

3:49

and billowy blouses are hippies.

3:51

pretending to be pirates.

3:58

Attention. This is captain McKinley

3:59

of the US SOI. Hello.

4:02

Is anybody aboard? No one

4:04

seems to be here, Cal. Interesting.

4:08

It's on

4:09

that

4:12

don't move. You

4:14

beat around it by yours truly, captain

4:17

Jack in the Golden Bahama writers.

4:19

Lieutenant

4:23

What do you make of this? I don't

4:25

know cap. The hip

4:27

is on dope. Yes. Hip

4:29

is on dope pretending to be

4:32

pirate. keep peace on door,

4:34

pretending to be pirates. That's

4:36

right. You speak in Reddos. Who

4:39

are you? How do you say it'll beneath the

4:41

sea in your iron whale?

4:43

Iron whale, put down the hatch pipe

4:46

sparky. It's called a submarine. so

4:49

marine, totally noted. Now

4:51

tell me where you keep your gold, the balloons,

4:53

captain, or I'll cut your head off

4:55

and count up three.

4:58

Cool. What?

5:01

Captain Jack?

5:03

I believe I've solved the mystery

5:05

of who these strangers are.

5:08

smartie weekends famously known as

5:10

the smartest pirate on the seven seas.

5:12

What you say? It's quite

5:14

all the

5:16

kept in drug.

5:18

They are from the future. Look

5:20

how they fasten their trousers. So

5:23

very on. Instead

5:25

of buttons, they have matching

5:28

sets of tiny, interlocking metal

5:30

teeth. Nothing

5:33

lie could exist in our

5:35

world. Captain Joe.

5:39

You think because our pants have zippers

5:42

were from the future. Well, what

5:44

year do you think it is?

5:47

because of mine. Obviously, it's

5:50

nineteen sixty six. Well,

5:53

you're a wee bit off captain. How's

5:55

that? It'd be seventeen:thirty eight.

5:58

That's insane. What

6:01

is it lieutenant? The ship's gone over

6:03

the well, we left the subject now.

6:06

He said to you, seventeen

6:09

thirty eight.

6:11

Oh my god. They're

6:13

not hippies on dopa.

6:15

They're actual pirates.

6:18

We've traveled back into

6:24

The two captains discussed their

6:26

unbelievable situation for several

6:29

hours and agree that Captain

6:31

McKinley and his crew have traveled back

6:33

in time. As trust

6:35

develops between the two crews, captain

6:38

Jack inquires about having a look

6:41

see around the submarine.

6:45

Captain

6:45

McKinley, would it be

6:47

possible to have a look see around your

6:49

school money? I'm sorry, KEPT

6:51

IN JACK BUT THE U. S. OHIO IS CLASSIFIED.

6:54

AUTHORIZED PERSONAL ONLY. Ugh,

6:56

OF COURSE. WELL, NEVER

6:59

D. M. MIGHT I interest

7:01

you in your crew and a tour of my ship?

7:03

A lucky lady. A tour of

7:05

the lucky lady. we'd

7:07

be delighted. A

7:09

tour of a real eighteenth century pirate

7:11

ship. I can't wan camping. I'm a real

7:13

history bop. I really like things.

7:15

Huddled down. ends and Sorry, sir.

7:20

And this is where

7:21

we store these salted beans and

7:23

pickled vegetables. They can keep for several

7:26

And now if you'll follow me just around the corner,

7:28

here'll be where we do our business. Smarter

7:31

Wegens designed it. It's

7:33

a walk in progress. I

7:36

call it the

7:38

lavatory. And I call

7:40

it the unknown shape.

7:43

Lamatory unload chamber. All it is, just

7:45

a giant hole in the floor. No plumbing whatsoever.

7:48

The poo drops straight in the ocean. How cool

7:50

is that? I mean, you just sit down and settle

7:52

down as in Sorry, sir.

7:55

Alrighty then.

7:57

Time to move on.

8:01

And finally, gentlemen, just around

8:03

the corner, be the brig. Where we keep

8:05

our prisoners? Wow.

8:08

Who's that guy? That b cycle

8:10

bill originally from the southern colonies.

8:13

A freak, six foot seven three hundred

8:15

pounds, a pure hatred. cycle

8:18

build. If he were to break

8:20

out of his cell, we would all be

8:22

dead in an instant. But

8:25

don't worry. I've got the old

8:27

leaky. Are you sure that cell

8:29

will hold it? Well,

8:31

I could never break out. Not

8:34

with these balls, never find. spatasty.

8:38

Now, who is this

8:40

hardly intelligent man? I'm

8:42

kept McKinley of the United States

8:45

Navy. Navyman. Something

8:49

something strange by you. what

8:52

is that sweet

8:54

fragrance, nice man. It's

8:57

a deodorant,

8:59

d o God ran.

9:01

Never heard of it.

9:03

This guy's starting to give me the creeps.

9:05

What did he do? He was responsible

9:08

for the Chartuga Island massacre. Where'd

9:11

you cycle me? Massacre. He

9:14

killed and then ate seventeen pirates

9:17

won by wood. Chemical

9:20

gas. But

9:24

my lady's gone another desire is

9:27

to eat. Captain

9:30

jacks

9:30

by his

9:33

What's that you say? Comment in

9:35

a blouse, sir. You're getting a little

9:37

close to the barns. Aren't you captain? Oh,

9:40

nonsense, bikini. This is a finest

9:42

Spanish.

9:42

Be

9:49

careful now, captain Jack. That

9:51

was close. Are y'all

9:54

right cup. Harvey alright when

9:56

I've traded this looter ticket for a fine

9:58

bounty.

9:59

Let's change the mood. I propose a

10:02

party to night captain aboard the lucky

10:04

lady to celebrate our future travelers.

10:06

A party. Well, excellent.

10:09

I'll inform the crew.

10:13

Captain McKinley returns to his quarters

10:15

to make a most unusual entry into

10:17

his journal. Captain's

10:21

Law seventeen thirty

10:23

eight. It appears the Ohio

10:25

went through some sort of underwater time

10:28

portal and traveled back in

10:30

time.

10:31

We met some

10:32

pirates, colorful characters.

10:35

They're actually kind of entertaining. Tonight,

10:38

we were attending a pirate

10:40

chainedic.

10:43

Crazy to think that this morning, nineteen

10:46

sixty six My wife peck, it

10:48

just filed for divorce. She

10:50

said I drink too much. Well

10:52

peck, truth be told it's

10:55

been a hell of a day, and

10:57

I am going to do some serious

10:58

drinking tonight. Captain's

11:04

Law April ninth

11:06

seventeen thirty They

11:09

must have gold brooms. But

11:12

I digress. They

11:14

came from beneath the sea in an

11:16

iron whale claiming to be from the

11:18

year nineteen sixty six.

11:20

It turned out to be true. The

11:23

captain reminds me of a large block of

11:25

woods. but men may be

11:27

flesh and blood, which makes

11:29

them ripe for the picking. Tonight,

11:32

I will incapacitate them with my

11:34

special pirate's rule. I'm

11:37

plunderedly authorized personnel

11:40

only. So marine.

11:47

What

11:47

a story, weirdos. Time

11:49

travel, psycho bill, and now a shindic,

11:51

attended

11:52

by people born centuries apart.

11:54

we joined our newfound friends three hours

11:56

into the party on the deck of the lucky

11:59

lady, and Captain McKinley, is

12:01

hampered.

12:06

You seem to be enjoying your pirate's

12:09

boo captain. Oh,

12:11

very tasty. I love it. What's

12:13

in it? It's a secret recipe.

12:17

Excuse me, Kent McKiley. Permission

12:19

to use the pirate laboratory, sir.

12:21

Go right ahead, sir.

12:24

Enjoy yourself. Thank you,

12:26

sir.

12:30

Wow. A real

12:31

life pirate ship bathroom all of myself.

12:34

Tobacco leaves instead of toilet paper.

12:36

Just like I read about in Colliers and Cyclopedia.

12:40

Well, you look at that. can see all

12:42

the way down the ocean. Careful

12:44

now. Time to take a seat. Hey.

12:46

Oh,

12:50

no. I think

12:50

I just took a dump on a dolphin.

12:53

Uh-oh.occupied. Someone's

12:56

in here.

12:56

hi

12:58

Well, if it isn't

13:00

a little dolphin, double himself.

13:03

I

13:05

was listening. Cycle

13:06

Bell. US came from the brig.

13:08

Yes. I did. No

13:11

power of observation. I'm also

13:13

aggressive.

13:14

And I don't don't really think

13:19

Right now, dancing.

13:22

Okay. I won't be needing to

13:24

he's in a mall. You

13:26

stole captain Jack's keys? Yes.

13:30

Would

13:30

you like to hear my plan?

13:32

Can I pull my pants up first. Why

13:35

not? Okay.

13:37

I'm gonna dive through this here.

13:40

Lavatory hole, swim

13:42

around the Sneak up on

13:44

the body and eat captain

13:46

Jack's fate. Oh. Here

13:49

I go. Watch me use

13:51

this loose piece of wood as a spring

13:53

low.

13:54

Slung die.

13:58

Oh, no. Michael Bell

14:00

dova out of the laboratory hall. Now he's

14:02

had his drinking happen, Jack. I gotta

14:04

let everybody know before he's still late.

14:08

And that concludes part one

14:10

of pirates versus submarine. I

14:13

know what you're thinking, weirdos. with

14:15

a demented and monstrous psycho

14:17

bill, Eat Captain Jack's face.

14:20

Will the submarineers ever make it back

14:22

to nineteen sixty six?

14:24

so many questions. One answers

14:26

my weird little weirdos

14:28

stick around for part two,

14:31

the shucking finale of pirates. versus

14:34

submarine.

14:41

like what you're hearing so far, please

14:44

rate and review. This

14:46

has been a team go go production.