Rand Fishkin is the cofounder and CEO of SparkToro. He’s dedicated his professional life to helping people do better marketing through his blogging, videos, speaking, and his book, Lost and Founder. I first interviewed Rand about his experience with depression in late 2018 for a podcast I was planning to launch called "Unstuck in Traffic: Mental Health and the Drive to Work." Then my own depression came roaring back and I got stuck. I never launched the podcast.  

Well here we are in the middle of COVID-19. No one is stuck in traffic on the way to work but I know plenty of us are feeling stuck--stuck dealing with depression, chronic pain, sleeplessness, anxiety, and more. So I kicked myself in the ass and said it's time. Time to get unstuck and share the gift of Rand's story and insights with the world. As a marketer it's painful for me to share this with the world without a launch plan, without the branding and without all the razzle dazzle. But in these times people don't need flash. What they need is helpful conversations, and I hope you find this to be just that. 

I first learned about Rand through his work at MOZ when I was working at Amazon. At the time I was spending up to three hours a day in traffic to and from work in the darkness and rain of Seattle. I was dealing with anxiety, PTSD, depression, and chronic pain and was trying to keep my head above water on a team with a controlling manager who created a toxic culture of fear that only amplified the pain I had been experiencing since childhood. Sure those were some of my most productive years but they also sucked my soul dry and I eventually lost all hope. 

I remember repeating to myself over and over throughout those years as I was sitting in bumper-to-bumper traffic, "I feel stuck. I feel stuck. I feel stuck." The darkness only grew darker and every Saturday when the craziness of the work week subsided, I was left with my thoughts and it wasn't pretty. And every Saturday like clockwork, I thought about killing myself. I remember sitting on the edge of the river that runs through our small town one weekend and feeling as if I was being sucked into the river by that darkness. 

That desire to end it all stuck with me for years but I eventually found hope. And then I began looking for ways to help other folks in similar situations. That's when I found this article from Rand on A Long, Ugly Year of Depression That's Finally Fading. That helped give me the courage to begin speaking up, to push back against the shame, and to be willing to share my story. I remember telling that story for the first time on The Boss Show podcast. My depression spiked hard after I recorded it and I was in bed for two days after that. But here's the thing. It helped people. I never listened to it. And I never will. But I heard from a number of friends how it had impacted them. And that inspired me to keep telling my story. 

Today, I'm not doing great but I'm doing a lot better. I'm alive. Yes I'm struggling with a lot of challenges during COVID-19, but because of Rand and a lot of other great people I'm stable and I'm improving slowly but surely. My life is no longer in danger. I'm a small business owner (which is oh so much fun in this season!). And I'm now able to use my experience to help combat-wounded veterans through The Bar X Project. I hope you find this helpful.