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housing lender. Welcome

2:00

to another greatest hits episode of the

2:02

Stacking Benjamin Show. Hey everyone,

2:04

I'm Griff the Intern. How are you

2:06

liking our special five days of podcasts?

2:08

It's been fun reaching back into the

2:10

archives, especially yesterday with Suzy Orman. So,

2:13

what are we doing today? We'll pivot

2:15

this time to our sister show Stacking

2:17

Deeds, where we talk real estate with

2:19

budding investor Crystal Hammond and Joe Selcehi.

2:21

On this episode, originally recorded in November

2:23

of 2023, we

2:25

talk about what you can learn from an auctioneer

2:27

about negotiation. It's a fun discussion with a dynamic

2:30

woman. If you haven't heard this one,

2:32

Dia Bondi is a force of nature, and will have

2:34

you learning from the mechanics of an auction in no

2:36

time. No need to be interested

2:38

in real estate either. We negotiate all the time,

2:40

don't we? Nothing like finding a bigger raise or

2:42

saving a few Benjamins by knowing how to ask

2:44

for more. As I mentioned, this

2:47

episode originally aired on Stacking Deeds light

2:49

last fall. Enjoy the episode, I'm back

2:51

with one more tomorrow. Fintern out. Live

3:05

from the back of Ruth

3:07

the Realtor's car, it's the

3:09

Stacking Deeds Show. I'm

3:13

Ruth's neighbor and part-time mechanic,

3:15

Neighbor Doug, broadcasting live from

3:17

the spacious, luxurious, super roomy,

3:20

drunk recording studio. On

3:22

today's show, you've got to negotiate to

3:25

get your best price, so who better

3:27

to teach you that skill than auctioneer

3:29

Dia Bondi? In

3:32

our headlines, there was a huge

3:34

federal real estate verdict handed down a

3:37

couple of weeks ago in St. Louis.

3:39

What happened and what does this have

3:41

to do with building your real estate

3:43

empire? Maybe a ton. Plus, we'll answer

3:46

a Deeder question and don't you worry,

3:48

because we always save time for a

3:50

property pop quiz. And now,

3:52

two people who are the

3:54

Da Vinci and Michelangelo of

3:56

real estate podcasts, it's Joe.

4:00

I'm I don't have an. Easier

4:06

Life You go by your first name now

4:08

so. I just citizens as such

4:11

a few that are my life and seems

4:13

to him as simple as long as it

4:15

sound like dragged him at his side of

4:17

even realize it when I whenever I smell

4:19

of certainly wouldn't. Marry the guy will

4:21

seek my last name of your your

4:23

premonition icing met. With. I

4:26

know one guy who is that. I know one guy

4:28

who did that took his wife's name but it was

4:30

a pretty sweet last name was been shown. I would

4:32

have done that if we have that option of enjoy

4:35

and I both would have done that well as I

4:37

can change it to him and that I would definitely

4:39

changed results hard as I guess that is. A Segway

4:41

would? names would you want? Winfrey.

4:44

Physicists. It. Has

4:46

no but I know what real estate

4:48

address I'd while ah what zip code

4:51

at want to be him I'd wanna

4:53

be in a really nice one and

4:55

were about help people get their crystal

4:58

because the deobandi his journey a see

5:00

the huge ted talk about for time

5:02

spent messing around is an engine is

5:04

this and semester set up severe as

5:07

an ox maybe says So we'll have

5:09

the engineer crystal, the auction or dia

5:11

the wild man dogs and I altogether.

5:13

Such as you had to pause

5:15

like why would I just heard

5:17

I used for it cause of

5:19

the necessity of mostly insane dogs

5:21

fitting Yes, Hither.

5:24

Everybody want give a shoutout to

5:26

over service members. And their

5:28

families for keeping us safe, Both. Here

5:30

and abroad. And ah, thank you so

5:32

much to the family members who hold

5:34

the fourth downs. Thank. You for keeping

5:36

us safe here in America and all of

5:39

our interest. Overseas as well you

5:41

know this is Military Appreciation Month and

5:43

Navy Federal Prison. He wants to celebrate

5:45

their members who go above and beyond

5:47

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5:50

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5:52

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5:54

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5:56

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5:58

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your local agent today. For.

7:20

A big headline first Crystal. so those

7:22

get into that. Less

7:27

or headline comes to us from

7:29

the Morning Brew. A Keep Living

7:31

says that loud Doug founded Physicists.

7:34

Bugs great if if. Read

7:37

it is exactly as you said, better

7:39

assess As a few things, we were

7:41

never here again. you're about to talk

7:43

similar assist Major changes coming. The home

7:45

buying process and acts of this was

7:47

all over the place. Crystals are you

7:49

Now is as us real estate industry

7:51

may never be the same. David Loza

7:54

wrote this piece of the starts off

7:56

a federal judge Missouri couple weeks ago

7:58

found the National Association of Realtors. Enlarge

8:00

brokerages conspired to keep

8:02

commissions artificially high, finding

8:04

them liable for wait

8:06

to this number. One.

8:09

Point eight billion with

8:11

a be in damages

8:13

as crazy. They

8:15

must have done somehow very very

8:17

wrong for one billion in. And

8:19

another thing too, I hate that

8:21

sometimes they do wrong and sometimes

8:24

to see his pennies compared to

8:26

how much they scammed people are.

8:28

So you're like oh, will happily

8:30

pay the fee and nothing changes.

8:34

Rife. With a credit card companies. I

8:36

remember talking to Nyc Clemens formerly of

8:38

Magnified Money about this and when he

8:40

worked for Barkley they had a line

8:42

item crystal that were for fees when

8:44

they got caught like it was a

8:46

budget item they knew they were cheating

8:49

of and they put it right in

8:51

the budget that once we get caught

8:53

we're just gonna pay it out of

8:55

this money we set aside was a

8:57

joke with this one. This when you

8:59

know Chris this is a thing. I

9:01

host also the second Edmunds podcast and

9:03

over. There people talk all the time

9:06

about oh you don't want to buy

9:08

this fun because as a half percent

9:10

fee read or by the sponsors get

9:13

three course percent v h and commissions.

9:15

Have been five to six percent

9:18

for forever. In real

9:20

estate. And nobody complains.

9:23

Everybody's I was like real states

9:25

awesome Alchemy says are bitching about

9:27

the seas here like you are

9:30

raised a second methods site. It's

9:32

crazy how high these fees can

9:34

be. So what it says happened

9:36

is because the seller pays. Would.

9:39

Pay the commission the buyer could

9:41

get him without a see the

9:44

settlers motivated. To get rid

9:46

of the houses seller frankly doesn't care what

9:48

the fee is. Well, they care, but not

9:50

as much as the buyer who might make

9:52

it so they buy less house. While and

9:54

when you're the cell I feel like everybody hops on

9:56

you with all the seas because you pay so many

9:58

feel. Like when you look at that. The statement at the

10:01

closing. It's like oh man, the

10:03

seller pays for both commissions for the

10:05

Realtor, so they pay the other buyers

10:07

filter and there's sellers realtor. Will

10:10

Those days are now over. There's.

10:13

Gonna be the new sheriff in town

10:15

and as he gets they talked about

10:17

what else might change is more flexibility

10:19

for buyers because under the current system

10:21

sellers pay their commissions. And. That shared

10:24

with the buyer's agent. Sellers know if they're

10:26

banned from paying buyer's agent. Some buyers will have

10:28

to pay their own age and if they choose

10:30

to use one a flat for your hourly rate.

10:33

That. Crystal could drop these fees even

10:35

more. That. Puts I think

10:37

a lot of people also don't realize

10:39

that the seas are negotiable. eyes negotiate.

10:42

It does to say as that's why

10:44

this is such a great Hitler. Had

10:46

to talk to the upon the later

10:48

about negotiating but you can say hey

10:51

I knew what house I wanted and

10:53

you know your job was easy or

10:55

you can negotiate with white. Like the

10:57

how many homes you've seen you can

10:59

negotiate. you know how easy like look.

11:02

I've already come with my financing or

11:04

this is a cast sale or this.

11:06

Is no inspection like you can have

11:08

different things in your tool belt to

11:11

negotiate. A lower commission.

11:14

Is. Something that few people do and

11:16

it's been right there forever. Now now,

11:18

there's a good chance that we might

11:20

see it even more. First time homebuyers

11:22

they say could feel the crunch because

11:24

now Crystal. Those agencies are going to

11:27

come out your pocket. Could cost you

11:29

more money. On the other side if you decide

11:31

to use nobody and go it alone is the

11:33

first time homebuyer which people are going to do.

11:36

We're. Going of headlines forever, Crystals people

11:38

just continually f this f. Word

11:42

that too because and know when I

11:44

bought a place that was new construction

11:46

and I didn't have a realtor as

11:48

is knew I wanted to live there

11:50

in that community. The A's and the

11:52

sellers is it actually got a dual

11:54

agency so even though she did nothing

11:57

for me to help me find this

11:59

place see got both commission as a

12:01

buyer and seller in so lot of

12:03

you bit of know that's when there's

12:05

a dual agent when you're working alone

12:07

than that sellers agent collects both commissions

12:09

and this would actually be amazing bet.

12:11

So the buyer, since we're coming in

12:14

with no commission that lowers the price

12:16

by three percent and that can be

12:18

pretty. The. Myths for kids.

12:21

Sega. Sniff! A good fit for.

12:24

A guys have a little bit of a

12:26

question on this. Here's what I've always understood

12:28

about the way the commission's gets distributed under

12:31

what is now to be the old system

12:33

is that if it were six percent. Total.

12:36

So five hundred thousand dollar house? What

12:38

is that? Like Thirty grand or something

12:40

like that? in that range I twenties

12:42

Anyway, so three percent of that goes

12:44

to the sellers agent and their brokerage,

12:46

three percent goes to the buyer's agent

12:49

and their brokerage. and then they typically

12:51

split it up so that each agents

12:53

getting one and a half percent and

12:55

each agents brokerages who they work for

12:57

weather was whatever saw the bees or

12:59

century twenty one or remarks their get

13:01

one point. Five percent is that. In

13:04

fact, true and still the case. Yes,

13:06

Technically the Realtors commissioned goes had their broker,

13:08

some Realtors or their own brokers so they

13:10

don't have to split what a broker, but

13:13

a lot of testing. go with the big

13:15

guys. Like if I'm a Realtor with three

13:17

max and I'm just starting. Remixes

13:19

gonna keep eighty percent of my commission

13:22

and I'll get like twenty percent likes.

13:24

Not that those numbers but that's usually

13:26

the split but as the seller. And

13:28

buyer, you don't care about any of that. You

13:30

know what a mountains going to the program. But

13:33

as a real thera. That's. Something that.

13:35

You need to know because now you know what

13:37

percentage are getting so you are doing the work.

13:39

But. You. Are splitting that commission

13:41

with your broker? Was.

13:44

Yeah. So then I just sort of

13:46

think about play him the shutters game

13:48

here to and are smart enough to

13:50

play chess. So either going to be

13:52

that many buyers agents because if there's

13:54

a good chance at the buyer's agent

13:56

may not get that much money because

13:58

you don't have to pay that side

14:00

it will we be mostly just looking

14:02

at listings. And going straight to the

14:04

sellers agents. I think

14:06

we're definitely going to see the game change a

14:09

bunch there. I think. Your point? doug? What?

14:11

You know cynical me thinks is gonna happen.

14:13

I don't know your thoughts on this crystal.

14:16

But. I think a lot of people. Are. Gonna go.

14:18

Without. Agents because it can see how high the sea

14:20

is. For the first time ever they know they have to

14:23

pay it. They. Won't pay it.

14:25

They'll step in it hard. They

14:27

will attempt to sue everybody for

14:29

their own negligence because they didn't

14:31

get the proper help right? It'll

14:34

become headlines and they'll be this new industry

14:36

the comes out of. This is I think

14:38

might be it a little bit lower fee

14:40

but will be a you know it's almost

14:42

like how many times have we are ready

14:44

in the course of less than a year.

14:46

Talked about people not getting an inspection. People.

14:50

Go! Yeah, I'm going to cut a corner. I'm actually

14:52

get inspection on the biggest thing you've ever bought. You're

14:54

not gonna have it. I think the same stuff going

14:56

to happen here. I don't know. What do you think?

14:58

Crystal. Definitely self, the real

15:01

terrorists has a huge value in

15:03

their value is negotiating the real

15:05

to nosed of the neighborhood. Better

15:07

than you do probably Isaac. It's also the

15:09

contracts to yeah that I think that I

15:11

don't have room to know cert in and

15:14

out of that contract and knows when there's

15:16

some fishy stuff going on. I remember looking

15:18

at some of these contracts back when I

15:20

was a financial planner just because I told

15:22

people mike I'm not a real estate agent,

15:24

but if you want one more set of

15:26

eyes and I would read through it and

15:28

I would bring up these clauses that my

15:30

client had never seen and sometimes the real

15:32

estate pro had never seen. Yeah, the evidence.

15:35

That didn't I'm they're just different things that

15:37

they add that's outside. Of the every

15:39

contract and those can get fishy and

15:41

tricky to so you're realtor speak that

15:43

language or you know the lawyer. To

15:46

they speak that language so I

15:48

would definitely. See a difference or

15:50

his roaches, the a different

15:52

than how that buyer's realtors

15:54

paid for, because for me

15:56

as a landlord, I happily.

15:59

A. Realtor to. Help me find renters.

16:01

That's an expense that comes out of my

16:03

pocket as the buyer, as the landlord and

16:05

a lot of people don't do that, They

16:07

go it alone. But then that. Makes her

16:10

job harder. Just like if you're try to

16:12

buy a home without a realtor. That.

16:14

Is is gonna make your job harder

16:16

and so. It'll. Come

16:18

out a your pocket possibly. but. That.

16:20

Happens at the closing tables and you'll get

16:23

that. Three percent back in the power

16:25

of the realtor and then negotiating n

16:27

what? you're thinking. There's a your sees

16:29

bring into the table for you. Or.

16:31

That's further down. The species has

16:33

trouble for real estate agents, with

16:35

thirty billion dollars, thirty billion potentially

16:38

leading the industry. One. From estimates

16:40

one point six million agents could lose their

16:42

jobs. If you're listen to Sneer will say

16:44

probes. People. Are really crystal gonna

16:46

begin demanding that your worst said yes that

16:48

you actually are worth the money that we're

16:51

paying You are we're not gonna pay you

16:53

any money. I'll tell if you know dog.

16:55

When I lived in Michigan for a while,

16:57

it was weird. how would I moved back

16:59

to Michigan? By the way, Doug decided to

17:01

move way far away from for I was

17:04

a synthesis. sit sit sit sit sit. I

17:06

felt like there was something like that restraining

17:08

order was gonna get a physicists was gonna

17:10

get to that months afterwards. The third: The

17:12

timing was weird for Doug when we sold

17:14

their house. I don't have

17:17

you remember hundred but they were said. I know

17:19

you're reviewing the roads in that subdivision that I

17:21

lived in. And. We were

17:23

going to be on the hook for

17:25

Crystal. About twelve thousand dollars worth of

17:27

work right away as well. Thousand bucks

17:30

was the first times wrote have been

17:32

redone and thirty years because it was

17:34

a subdivision in the way that this

17:37

community was where I lived. That wasn't

17:39

part of our tax load. So. We.

17:42

Were just gonna eat it. I had lived there for

17:44

a bus okay for less than two years. And.

17:46

I'm going to get hit with the first time

17:48

in thirty years happening. I am. by the way,

17:51

a movie, right? So it's gonna be twelve grand.

17:53

Well, we put it right in my disclosure. and

17:56

my realtor who was really

17:58

really super easy He completely

18:00

disclosed it. He said, hey, new

18:03

person, whoever buys his house is on

18:05

the hook for 12 grand of road

18:07

construction. If you live here for a

18:09

long time, that's fantastic. We

18:12

thought it was going to be a negotiating point. When

18:15

the person signed all the stuff, saying

18:17

that they had read all of it, we

18:20

were just surprised. I remember calling

18:22

Brian, my realtor, and going, they

18:25

didn't do one peep about this, and

18:27

all those disclosures of all the stuff. I don't

18:30

know about you guys. I read those crazy, every

18:32

single one of those, oh, there's

18:34

a problem with, historically been a

18:36

problem with the water heater, or there's been an issue with

18:38

this other stuff, whatever it might be. Man,

18:41

it was all in bold, nothing. Brian goes,

18:43

I can't believe it. They must really want

18:45

that house. It was very competitive. People

18:48

wanted to live there. We just thought it

18:50

was competitive. The woman came back, Doug, two

18:52

weeks later. After everything

18:54

was signed, everything is

18:56

done. What

18:58

is this I'm hearing about the road construction? Brian

19:01

goes, it was right in the

19:03

disclosure. You

19:05

read it. Imagine

19:07

having her as your agent, if you're buying it.

19:12

That phone call, hey, Crystal, guess what?

19:15

It's going to be $12,000 more than I told you it was going to

19:17

be. We

19:19

signed everything saying we read it. By

19:23

the way, shame on the people buying it too.

19:25

Clearly, yeah. They didn't read it. They were guilty

19:27

of not reading every single line, but this

19:30

is a lesson for that, reading everything.

19:34

Down here later, it says startups get new life.

19:36

I think this is also going to change, Doug.

19:38

Previously, companies like Purple Bricks and REX

19:40

offered lower or flat fees to sellers

19:42

and did not promise to pay the

19:44

buyer's agent's commission. They were forced

19:47

to close their doors. REX founder Jack Ryan told

19:49

the Wall Street Journal, this is going to be

19:51

a catalyst because nobody could break the cartel before.

19:54

I love the cartel. The question that I

19:57

want to dig into that and I should have

19:59

maybe before. But it's that

20:01

word cartel and the fact that they couldn't

20:04

break in that really makes me well I

20:06

mean, that's essentially what what that organization is.

20:08

I mean, there's a nefarious kind

20:10

of Ingenuation around

20:13

that word, but I want

20:15

to know why they couldn't break in like why

20:17

didn't those business you think if it's just straight

20:19

up Hey We've got a better mousetrap

20:21

here and buyers won't have to pay at least part

20:23

of that fee Because our agents

20:26

are flat fee or whatever hourly

20:28

you'd think that would take off that that would

20:30

be a very appealing product So I want to

20:32

know why they couldn't break in what was it

20:35

about what the National Association of Realtors or any

20:37

other group? Had that prevented

20:39

those other companies from succeeding. I Think

20:42

it's the big name and the protection that

20:44

you feel I remember years ago. I did

20:46

a focus group I was a focus groupie

20:49

focus group groupie like they

20:51

used to feed you back in the day You

20:53

would get cash for your opinion One

20:56

time I caught a bus and two

20:58

trains out to this one place to

21:00

do the focus group Oh, yeah, no,

21:02

where's my time? You know now looking

21:04

back was not But

21:09

this was when This

21:16

was back when redfin was trying to get into

21:18

the market and they were one of the first

21:20

people with the flat rate Commissions and

21:22

all of us were skeptical in that focus

21:25

group I think whatever NDA is

21:27

probably invalid by now But a lot of

21:29

us were really skeptical about it and it's like, you

21:31

know, this is a home purchase This is one of

21:33

the biggest purges in my life I

21:35

want to go with you know a realtor and they

21:38

are like one of the big names I

21:40

don't know you from a can of paint. It

21:42

just seems fishy I don't want

21:44

to just do this all over the internet

21:46

thing, you know, this was the internet was

21:48

all new and everything So they did the

21:50

focus group They did the research and we

21:52

were just like I Don't know

21:54

about a flat rate because am I gonna get

21:57

the same level of service? If I'm an investor

21:59

trying to buy a. Fifty thousand dollar

22:01

home, then me or my after

22:03

repair value. Of maybe this two hundred

22:05

thousand or even if I'm in the million

22:07

area. Do you really? Expect the same level

22:09

of service for a flat fee. I think

22:12

that's why a lot of the flat. Fees

22:14

are like on on know about that?

22:16

You saw this over though happen with

22:19

airlines, right? I mean the Discount Airlines.

22:21

And then what happened? You didn't get

22:23

better service from Delta and American. Next

22:25

thing you know, you get nothing from

22:27

anybody. But. You also saw this

22:29

the opposite way in the world of

22:31

certified financial planners back in the nineties.

22:33

I mean, it was all big businesses.

22:35

You were gonna use a big name

22:37

in these wings that we're off work

22:39

and on their own were. Very.

22:42

Few there weren't that many of them. And

22:44

now of course, I think a lot of

22:46

people now. Crystal final look, look at this

22:48

a different way. So babies, just a matter

22:50

of time. Dogs? Maybe it's now people get

22:52

to get used to the fact that you

22:54

know, maybe work him as a smaller firmer

22:57

Affirm that works differently is actually good thing.

23:00

Is my intimate. To. Maybe they they're

23:02

thinking that to of. Coming

23:04

up next See is a woman

23:06

who works of people on communications

23:09

and See also spent a just

23:11

for fun as an auctioneer. She

23:13

talked about it in a Ted

23:15

talk. See has a new book

23:17

out about the topic but d

23:19

a body is a force of

23:21

nature and we're about to talk

23:23

to her now about negotiating because

23:25

Crystal, you know. We. It

23:27

turns out solar cells short. so

23:29

so so often India's gonna help

23:32

us there. I. Know I

23:34

do. I sell myself short like to. I'm

23:36

looking for it To this talk. I

23:38

didn't realize how much as so by so

23:40

short little I heard about the speak for

23:42

the finance. Yeah, so strap in everybody because

23:45

we're about to pull over and pick up

23:47

the a body. and while we do that

23:49

dog I think you've got today's partners. Sort

23:57

so you're a tremendous loud. Later

24:00

of I burns red wielding repaired or

24:02

a neighbor died and since we've got

24:04

a renowned auctioneer about off into the

24:06

back seat of a town car, the

24:08

thought I'd lean into learn more about

24:10

that fascinating profession since I'm already three

24:13

salesmen, right? So else. Could have sold

24:15

some Fleury painting of water lilies have

24:17

picked up at a garage sale, some

24:19

soccer on E Bay for two hundred

24:21

bucks. Clever that mon it dude was

24:23

inside it must have just learned how

24:25

to pay because you could see every

24:27

for us for wow. I mean it's

24:29

a handrail. Women's or and we all know I can

24:32

talk that sort this out to the good point about what

24:34

if I beat him on be been sorted thought but I'm

24:36

I'm thirty thirty thirty. Four

24:38

Thought about Fifty Soul to the woman.

24:40

drive in the Chevy Malibu. Do it

24:43

or make up in the stoplight. The

24:45

stuff she just bought. The triplets I

24:47

got my front pocket didn't even know

24:50

it today. Trivia question is, who reads

24:52

the most expensive thing ever sold at

24:54

Auction Hobby? Back Right after I figure

24:56

out what else, I've got a cell

24:59

with my magical. Powers. And.

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Now. A

27:22

their data resigned Sale: Samurai n

27:24

Double soccer roofs Mechanic neighbor died

27:26

of a dig in and of

27:28

his auctioneer. Thanks. Really sick. I've

27:30

stumbled into minor side hustle that

27:32

the least of which is because

27:35

people call auctioneers criminals supporters. That?

27:37

That's because during the American Civil

27:39

War, the winners of a battle

27:41

with loot the bodies on the

27:43

battlefield and then the Colonel would

27:45

auction off all the stuff to

27:47

the soldiers. Or. I

27:49

mean the ones still alive. Or

27:52

these clarify this before the break

27:54

or as your who painted the

27:56

most expensive thing ever sold at

27:58

auction. While there are less than

28:00

twenty node surviving paintings by the

28:02

artist who made the depiction of

28:04

Christ called Salvatore Monday or Savior

28:07

of the World. Or

28:09

something else Again, common with is

28:11

trivial. Well etti who a thing

28:13

with his John Hancock on it's

28:15

gonna pull down Beaucoup bucks. That.

28:18

Was John Hancock so it's heated signatures

28:20

it was actually Leonardo da Vinci to

28:22

Salvador Moon. the commanded more than four

28:24

hundred and fifty million dollars to get

28:26

This is a bunch of people think

28:28

it's a fake see that's more proof

28:30

that as you can talk really really

28:33

fast people to buy anything. Now that

28:35

I've talked to all I know about

28:37

becoming an awesome new and see if

28:39

the a bond he has anything to

28:41

an. Amber

28:46

Super happy to have her here with us

28:48

to your body. I'm a lot of hours

28:50

in. A I'm mad as well. Thousand a year

28:52

of law to be here with you. Were.

28:54

Going to tell you you know you say to

28:57

this whole project to it is about auctioneers. It

28:59

turns out like when open your book it's really

29:01

about take this is all about hey would you

29:03

haven't matter as as as. Yeah, me too I

29:05

now. Know. How but for has less in

29:08

L but opens with a story that might feel

29:10

familiar to folks who are listening. were Lunar kids

29:12

it was so easy for us he is or

29:14

ingenuity to sort of figure out who he needed

29:16

to to get what we needed and our plans

29:18

might change of what we ask more might. Change.

29:21

But the goal is still sort of strong

29:23

in our hearts and minds. and this whole

29:25

book or this project as like an auctioneer

29:27

easily designed to sort of pop into your

29:30

tiny genius, an attendee geniuses that knew we

29:32

wanted take a you know and would end

29:34

up with candy but still happy that we

29:36

got something that felt sweet. I

29:39

remember these days though I'm saying mail open up

29:41

at like the i don't have to family reunion

29:43

or the big family picnic and I remember these

29:46

days and mom doesn't want you to have any

29:48

more take. You've had enough sugar and so you

29:50

and what your cousins, you guys all starts inspiring.

29:52

But what's cool is and I think this is

29:54

just a great thing to go through. like we're

29:56

going to talk about asking for the first you

29:59

can the have the right people on your team.

30:01

You gotta know who the gatekeepers are like a

30:03

sounds like uncle, what was name uncle Jim or

30:05

something like he's your body dia. Hundred

30:08

percent. I mean it is a lot

30:10

about understanding that in a okay. So

30:12

as I got here isn't necessarily about

30:14

negotiation. we talk about negotiation their little

30:16

bit, but it is really exactly what

30:18

you said. It's about using asking as

30:20

a success strategy and. Yes,

30:22

We do open the book in that year. These

30:24

were like common pool parties we had in our

30:26

household and with all of our husbands coming together

30:29

and we would use asking as an excess fat

30:31

as everybody knows that feeling you got a mom

30:33

or you got a daughter you go to or

30:35

onto your you got your grandma new ass or

30:37

something and they say now and he doesn't stop

30:39

you. You. Wonder like okay, Google

30:41

has snacks and in that way you know

30:43

we can use asking of a way to

30:45

forge our way forward, even when we hit

30:47

roadblocks. But. What Do you draw?

30:49

The line that this isn't negotiation because I think that

30:51

there's a lot of negotiation there as you to negotiate

30:54

with your uncle used to negotiate where the whole your

30:56

mom is you can slip around or that scored on

30:58

because he would grammarly get the candy. That's.

31:00

Fair but I'm all I wanna. Focus is

31:02

so off inside the in I lost projects

31:05

as like an auctioneer with a gold help

31:07

a million women asked for more and get

31:09

it as a keynote and workshop. Like five

31:11

years ago and we've been I googled X

31:13

team. We've been at Drop Occident Women of

31:15

Color advancing Peace and Security. These are black

31:18

and brown women in that department, offense and

31:20

the White House working on peace policy. It's

31:22

all about helping these women use Ask Me

31:24

have Success strategy, in their careers and in

31:26

their business as. A lot and

31:28

entrepreneurship as well. And it's very easy for

31:31

us to think. About was

31:33

I say next? instead of focusing on

31:35

what are you seeing first, What?

31:37

Are you asking for? and how are

31:39

you designing and ask? Such as that

31:41

is the most fruitful high yield maximized

31:43

asked you can possibly make for yourself.

31:45

And then let's talk about how to

31:47

negotiate your way forward. Ask you to

31:49

find that ask. I just feel like

31:51

there are plenty of books, plenty of

31:53

projects out there focusing on the negotiation

31:55

parts I want to really drill and

31:57

on which is it's your ass for.

32:00

And how are you not preemptively lowballing

32:02

yourself And that very first moment where

32:04

we get to be truthful with ourselves,

32:06

about where we see what are limits

32:08

are, and how we can challenge them

32:10

by shaping and ask that has bigger,

32:12

bolder, more courageous, and more aligned to

32:14

what we actually need than we've ever

32:16

experienced before. I want to talk

32:18

in a minute about how this whole thing began,

32:20

because it was. Awesome watching. So

32:22

much easier to talk about this topic is

32:25

how this came to be. asking like an

32:27

auctioneer but before that a you know everybody

32:29

thinks they got to be something more via

32:31

I got to be more I got a

32:33

slimmed down i got a beat you like

32:36

no no you be exactly you right at

32:38

the beginning Before we even start out this

32:40

is not about you changing a ton. Yeah.

32:43

I mean so. What? You're planning to

32:45

is this nurse and that you will be too

32:47

much for some people. those are not your people

32:49

and it's not about being too much in terms

32:51

of your big personality. other could be it could

32:53

be about how charismatic you are at could be

32:55

about you know that sort of your outward. How

32:58

people perceive you outwardly, it could be about how

33:00

you think about shaping up the things that you

33:02

ask for and who you. Collaborate. With

33:05

that if you feel. Like.

33:08

What you are moving toward

33:10

isn't being received. This. Is

33:12

Not. An. Invitation for us

33:14

to krauts into an uncomfortably small position.

33:16

It's an invitation to recognize that they're

33:19

just is miss Alignment. That what

33:21

matters you doesn't matter to them. Miss. Alignment

33:23

doesn't need to be internalized, so as

33:26

a think about asking for more and

33:28

getting it's holding onto the stance gives

33:30

us permission and space. We need to

33:33

go ahead and move forward of what

33:35

we want without powering in the face

33:37

of possible rejection. One

33:39

chrysalis or. Deters. You're building

33:41

the real sea teams. These advice right there

33:43

is hugely important is how often do we

33:45

think it's us, right? Oh, this contractors a

33:47

bear to work with so it must be

33:49

me. too often and then another

33:52

thing about cowering like a lot

33:54

of us to don't recognize when

33:56

we've outgrown a space we've outgrown

33:58

a job we've outgrown friends outgrown

34:00

family. How many times have we cowered

34:02

down to that instead of, you know,

34:05

those people aren't for you anymore or aren't for

34:07

you. And like you said, like, we got to

34:09

grow out of it and stretch out of it.

34:13

So often we're kind of problem solving for the

34:15

wrong thing. Now I recognize we don't all operate

34:17

in a vacuum like women

34:19

specifically are punished for advocating for themselves,

34:22

particularly black women are punished for advocating

34:24

for themselves. But the answer can't be

34:26

play small. I can't have that be

34:29

the thing. So we do

34:31

need to, as we go to make big,

34:33

powerful strategic asks, build a community of mentors

34:35

and champions around us. We need to let

34:37

our dreams be known to the communities that

34:39

we're collaborating with so that when we go

34:42

to do that big ask, people can see

34:44

it in the context of what you're trying

34:46

to do in the world and they can

34:48

help you get there. It's not about what

34:51

you're getting. It's about what you're making happen.

34:53

I remember very early, the very first time,

34:55

you know, when I wrote this book, which

34:57

is published day before yesterday was our pub

34:59

day, you know, I kind of open sourced this

35:02

stuff. This is how I'll always write books. I

35:04

recognize, you know, we did it as workshops and

35:06

keynotes for four years before it turned into a

35:08

book proposal before it turned into a book so

35:10

that I could see what was resonant, what mattered

35:12

with audiences. The very first time I tested it

35:14

was 65 women in Silicon Valley. I said, I

35:16

got 20 minutes to share with you what it

35:19

means to ask an auctioneer and your job is

35:21

to tell me if it works or if it's

35:23

crap. Of course, everyone in the

35:25

room raised their hand and said, it works, keep going and here

35:27

we are. But there was a woman in

35:29

the room that raised her hand and said, okay, but

35:31

this is all great. I want to do this,

35:33

but how do I ask so that I'm not

35:36

seen as and then fill in the blank? Like

35:38

anybody listening can fill in the blank. Yeah, whatever.

35:40

Pushy, you know, bossy, greedy, you

35:42

know, self-centering, self-ish, like fill it all

35:44

in. I knew at that moment I

35:46

had a choice to say I could

35:48

help this woman pretzel herself into a

35:51

dorked, uncomfortable, one-footed position such that she

35:53

can get what she wants and not

35:55

possibly run up against any disapproval anywhere

35:58

and spend a lot of time. of

36:00

energy worrying about what other people think or

36:02

I can decide not to. And

36:05

I've just decided not to. I'm

36:07

like, look, if we are asking the right

36:09

audience at the right time tied to a

36:12

dream that everyone knows you have

36:14

for yourself and for the impact that you want to

36:16

have on the people around you, you

36:18

are deploying a big powerful ask

36:20

into a context that has sense,

36:22

the math works. Okay? Number

36:24

one. Number two, you will be too much for

36:26

some people. Those are not your

36:28

people. And it

36:31

is okay to be misunderstood by the wrong

36:33

people. I've got a one

36:36

more thing to set this up,

36:39

which is I've always, Dias,

36:41

since the late 1980s, I heard

36:43

a phrase which was feel the

36:45

fear, but do it anyway. And I'm afraid

36:47

of everything. I'm afraid of everything. And

36:50

I have to continually remind myself that you have a

36:52

different phrase, which I actually frankly like better than mine.

36:54

I've just had mine for so long. And

36:57

you call it Zofo and life is really finally moving

36:59

for you. And this is where we're going to get

37:01

into the guys asking like an auctioneer. What

37:03

is Zofo? Zofo

37:05

stands for the zone of freaking

37:08

out, which is where all the

37:10

asks we make in our life

37:12

business career live because

37:14

they are bigger than what we

37:16

think we can get a guaranteed

37:19

yes to. If it's

37:21

above what you're pretty sure you're going to get

37:23

a yes to that ask lives in your zone

37:25

of freaking out. And here's the thing. The

37:27

Zofo never goes away. You can think of it

37:29

like this. If I'm not in my comfort zone,

37:31

where am I? I'm in

37:34

my Zofo. And it has that familiar feeling.

37:36

I'm sure everyone listening can recognize for me.

37:39

The Zofo feels like I swallowed a cold penny

37:41

and it's just stuck right below my sternum. For

37:43

other people, it could be that hot feeling you get

37:45

in your neck when you go make a big ask

37:47

or you advocate for yourself in a way that you're

37:49

not used to. And we can

37:52

reread that feeling we get not as

37:54

a sign that we're really trespassing or

37:56

breaking anything. How dare you? Who

37:58

do you think you are story? But we

38:00

can take that combination of

38:02

thrill and fright and

38:05

reread that feeling as a sign you're actually

38:07

standing up for yourself and that

38:09

you're being courageous and that you're challenging your

38:11

own assumptions about what's possible. I

38:14

think of the Zofo, the zone of

38:16

freaking out is also the zone of

38:18

potential because we don't know what could

38:20

happen. We might be making an ask

38:22

that can surprise us.

38:26

Well and that's the thing too that I loved about your

38:28

book is it comes with worksheets

38:31

and prompts to really reflect on

38:33

a lot of different things. When I was

38:36

going through my Zofo, a lot of times

38:38

you notice after even if you get a

38:40

no from your Zofo moment, it wasn't that

38:42

scary. It wasn't the end of the world

38:45

and it got you closer to what

38:48

you really wanted in the first place.

38:50

So that's another realization I liked about

38:52

it. It's like that wasn't as scary

38:54

as I made it out to be.

38:57

Yeah, it goes from a negative scary

38:59

to kind of a thrilling scary. Our

39:02

Zofos grow with us. Look, when I first

39:05

was starting out in my communications practice, I've

39:07

been a long time leadership communications coach, I

39:09

never would have thought that I'd be working

39:12

on contracts that have as many zeros

39:14

as they have on them now. But

39:17

I still have a Zofo. When I write a proposal

39:19

or I go for that big client, I'm going to

39:21

launch a few things this year that feel Zofo-ish for

39:23

me. But I know it's a

39:25

sign, again, I'm rereading that feeling that it's a sign, I'm

39:27

kind of standing up for my dreams for myself. And

39:29

it grows with us. Our Zofos are like

39:32

the horizon. You run toward them and they

39:34

just move away from you and that's okay.

39:37

Crystal is funny. I'm going to talk

39:39

to Crystal here for a second. But what amazes me about

39:42

this conversation is you hear one expert that

39:44

you talk to who says something and it might be

39:46

their quirky thing, it might be their deal. But

39:48

then you start hearing these people that

39:50

are geniuses who have this same, same,

39:52

same and you start to kind of

39:54

get the Milky Way, right? This

39:56

is where things are really lining up, the stars are

39:58

lining up. This sounds crazy. The like Our interview

40:01

with Vicky Baron who dia is one of

40:03

the top real estate people in the

40:05

United States see consistently is living and so

40:07

full Lance He would ask questions of

40:09

people all the time. She would put deals

40:12

on the table. remember that one deal

40:14

Crystal? She had no business asking for that

40:16

deal and she told the guy she

40:18

goes. Here's what I'd like to have happen.

40:21

And. The A C just threw it out there seekers. What

40:23

I'd like to have happened is I can't afford this house.

40:25

but I love this house the I think I would be

40:27

so good to this property. I think it be great but

40:29

I can't afford it. What can you do. To. Help me

40:31

make this happen. Guess what happened to us? The.

40:33

Deal Happen. Don't.

40:36

Have to tell me the house at my As

40:38

or I live in right now which is sort

40:40

of our dream space in the bay Area happen

40:42

because my has reminded me that because I made

40:45

as else i'll ask before even had the language

40:47

of what the sofa was We made an offer

40:49

that was all the money we had and they

40:51

said you know are you kidding me and we

40:53

said no we're not the smell the money we

40:56

have They said ticket pack and lady like twenty

40:58

five thirty days later they came back and said.

41:00

Okay, renew your offer of of all contingencies. accept

41:03

the long contents as he would. We were comfortable

41:05

doing his because our fourth home we're not afraid

41:07

of a little bit of in a run of

41:09

millennials. We. Know how to take. She broke down and put it

41:11

back in our. And. We landed that homes

41:13

and this is a big when I want a

41:15

point you're not as like yes. Like

41:17

they also asked are the kinds of asks

41:20

that can change everything for us is not

41:22

every ask you make in your life, career

41:24

business is is also ask some of them

41:26

are just please pass the salt he can

41:28

I get you know a few more hours

41:31

of your times like they're not all adrenalin

41:33

filled you know so full asks but the

41:35

ones that have the potential to change everything

41:37

are now. One thing that's really critical is

41:40

it does Oval asked means that you to

41:42

get a Now and K Euclid. That's what

41:44

makes it so far west and you could

41:46

incentive to set. Of, I feel like my

41:49

husband and I didn't that example fifteen years

41:51

ago, but there is something called the boomerang

41:53

effect. Which. Is to say these

41:55

people can say no and they

41:57

may come back. In. A month.

42:00

Twelve months, eighteen months collaborators

42:02

in our lives, customers. We

42:04

work with clients that we

42:06

might engage with and we

42:08

want to make sure that

42:10

we're coming at these asked

42:12

moments with integrity and empathy

42:14

and generosity with out making

42:16

ourselves small because you'd just.

42:18

Never. Now. Wolinsky.

42:22

To the heart of this with the a crystal which

42:24

is. Sit tuck uploads of

42:26

them have. When the

42:28

hell did you decide become an auctioneer like Where

42:30

did? Hey, I'm going to go ahead and do

42:32

auction club after. That would be a my Zola.

42:34

That would totally be. Though thousand.

42:38

Dollars. Go and zodiac sign on

42:40

know much do that. Since I've

42:42

been leaders have clinic is is that for many many

42:44

years I went on. Sort. Of a

42:46

working sabbatical and that eighteen months I did

42:49

the artist's way and to n folks are

42:51

listening might be interested in what that is

42:53

Beautiful way to sort of move your way

42:55

back towards your creativity and sort of what

42:58

life you up even if you're not an

43:00

artist or a writer. I got the best

43:02

shape of my life and in that time

43:05

I was like while I was doing pull

43:07

ups and doing journal entries. For.

43:09

The artist's way. I was like i want

43:11

to do something weird and interesting. I'd like

43:13

learning stuff spits out side of my domain.

43:16

you know I like taking it. Took a

43:18

class and spiritual will writing which is very

43:20

interesting and wonderful and I will find a

43:23

way to draw these things back into my

43:25

communications work. Or my husband said during that

43:27

sabbatical hate member that saying that you said

43:29

you do which was auctioneering school sixteen years

43:32

before, twelve years before my kids were and

43:34

a preschool co op and we had an

43:36

annual fundraiser and all those mommies and daddies

43:38

and caregivers. That were

43:40

involved, the running that fundraiser and the school were

43:43

like a might on the might Do you get

43:45

on the might come on. I've been facilitating workshops

43:47

and speaking for he is comfortable place for me

43:49

to be. I didn't know so they said be

43:52

a Bb auctioneer and I was like. This

43:54

is a time where even your now you the learn anything

43:56

on you tube and it wasn't so robust at that time

43:58

so i just kind of sake said. Get it!

44:00

And had so much fun! And a couple

44:02

of weeks later I'm at dinner and. We

44:05

were talking about bucket list staff fright than of the story's

44:07

going on, a promise of any get. To and know

44:10

this news desk. We. Had gone around the

44:12

table. You know what I would do. You know

44:14

what I would? You wanna travel here? Want to

44:16

travel there when alertness? I want to learn that

44:18

and I said I would do so. He's had

44:20

auctioneer for real wealth. Fast forward to my you

44:23

know, eight years later to my sabbatical. My has

44:25

reminded me of that sort of threat I'd made

44:27

in i would like. To. Him.

44:29

So I googled around and like there's a thing

44:31

called auctioneering school as I got an airplane and

44:33

me and a hunter cowboys learn how to auctioneer

44:36

just about everything. And. These

44:38

guys were there for you know we'll see

44:40

dachshunds for sure but also like catalogs and

44:43

send you know people are we learned everything

44:45

like garage sale och sense you're selling think

44:47

starting in a dollar you know and when

44:50

I got home I was like doing with

44:52

it. Then. I could easily the career but

44:54

I was like oh I node. I'm

44:56

really into said an active in the World

44:58

of Advancing Women in Careers in entrepreneurship and

45:01

I was like I will do it as

45:03

an impact hobby in the semi Cisco Bay

45:05

Area for women lead nonprofits a non profit

45:07

benefiting women and girls it makes sense to

45:10

me again the math worked for me and

45:12

so I connected with a local auctioneering agency

45:14

here actually that had gigs went past them

45:16

to me I me I we charge the

45:19

tiniest bit from my cervix a me i

45:21

am care about making the money was just

45:23

an opportunity that to start auctioneering quickly and

45:25

and twenty auctions. Later I realized oh my

45:27

gosh, everybody I work with you know around my

45:29

communications work could really benefit from what I was

45:32

learning and I was not gonna start. And auctioneering

45:34

school for girls. In. Step I

45:36

lost project as like an see or share what I learned in

45:38

part of the room. Wow.

45:41

You never know if you have a

45:43

curiosity about something you want to learn.

45:46

Or experience. And.

45:48

You can afford it in terms of

45:50

time and attention and spirit. Do.

45:53

Even if it doesn't have a

45:55

obvious upside to since never know

45:57

what it'll spark for you. And

46:00

I think that's the key. One of my long-time

46:03

beliefs, and I never put this together as brilliantly

46:05

as the guy I'm going to quote did, when

46:07

I read Austin Kleon's Steal Like an Artist idea,

46:10

it just resonated with me. Because stealing like an

46:12

artist, taking things from over here, and moving it

46:14

over here, and taking that, like

46:16

my favorite thing is to go to podcasts.

46:18

There's a podcast conference called Podcast Movement. And

46:21

I'm learning from comedians, and I'm learning

46:23

from NPR people, I'm learning from sports

46:25

people, stuff about financial shows,

46:27

you know, because financial shows generally

46:29

aren't good storytellers. And you learn

46:32

that from storytelling people, and just

46:34

that synapse of what you learned

46:36

at auctioneer school being so big.

46:39

Give us though it very,

46:41

very, very bluntly, what

46:43

can real estate investors learn

46:45

most from auctioneers? Well,

46:48

I don't

46:50

know how a real estate investor might deploy

46:52

this into the asks that they make, but

46:55

the core idea of what it means to

46:57

ask like an auctioneer is to

46:59

ask in order to get a no. Because

47:01

if you get the no and negotiate down, you

47:03

know, you will be sure you've left no

47:05

money or opportunity on the table. That's the number

47:07

one lesson. If you want to

47:10

know that you have not accidentally lowballed

47:12

yourself, you are going to aim for

47:14

a no intentionally. Well,

47:17

that makes sense. Yeah. And I

47:19

like just because it's almost cheating

47:21

yourself too, because I know

47:23

going back to what we were talking

47:26

about earlier, I had an interview, I

47:28

thought I wowed them because you do

47:30

say I like that you say arm

47:32

your asks what they need, so they

47:34

become the most powerful version possible. So

47:36

you're telling them how your ask is

47:38

actually helping them. So you

47:41

know, or you're explaining, you know, why

47:43

you arrived at your ask in the

47:45

first place. Yeah. And actually that

47:47

quote you're pointing to, there's two ideas. One

47:49

is, I don't want

47:52

women to feel like they

47:54

should ask or that there's something

47:56

wrong with them if they don't. I want

47:58

to say if you want to use Acting

48:00

as obsessed strategy, I want you

48:02

to arm your little asks like

48:04

they were. Your children are your

48:06

favorite. Movies with.

48:08

The best possible tools as if they can be their

48:11

biggest and best thing in the world. Said think about

48:13

you and powering your own Asked not yourself, you are

48:15

already in power Your sit right here you that all

48:17

the things in it. But. There's a

48:19

second idea in their which is that there

48:22

is an offer inside every asked you make.

48:24

One of the things I learned: auctioneering, Was.

48:26

It sometimes I had to sit in front

48:28

of the room and ask for direct pledges.

48:30

We were even selling anything and I'm like

48:33

what's the story here Like what is it

48:35

that these people want? If they're just going

48:37

to raise or paddling, give me twenty grand.

48:39

Ten grand, Five grand. Are you know I

48:41

say every dollar as a hero Dollar Like

48:43

if they're gonna give you twenty bucks tonight

48:45

to support you know women going through breast

48:47

cancer and low income level so that they

48:49

don't get the lights set off, other and

48:51

treatments. Or you know, funding counts for autistic

48:53

kids, have low income families apparent can get

48:55

a respite like on. And on rights. So

48:57

I get really clear what's the offer?

48:59

Insight of this: Ask Amnesty for Five

49:01

Grand. What Are you gay? You're getting

49:04

an opportunity to live and pledged in

49:06

alignment with your values. You're getting an

49:08

opportunity to participate in a collective act

49:10

of generosity with people in your very

49:12

own community and built connections around that.

49:14

Tonight if you buy a piece of

49:16

art, you are going to officially be

49:18

able to call yourself a Collector Feldstein

49:20

So understanding the offer inside of your

49:22

app and I wanna answer. To.

49:24

Your question a little bit more directly. You

49:26

don't. We think about real estate investing. As

49:28

an outsider, I think about like buying and

49:30

selling properties. Buying. And Renting

49:32

Properties Leasing paper saying. But

49:35

I want people to apply this idea

49:37

to send. It's more than just money,

49:39

asks. You. Know we are not

49:41

successful in our lives and businesses alone.

49:44

So if you need to

49:46

find deals that are off

49:48

market. how might you grow

49:50

your network of influential voices who have

49:52

their ear to the ground such that

49:54

you are a trusted partner and i

49:56

want to fiji deals so those are

49:58

the kinds of as that elevate your

50:01

own visibility and influence in a

50:03

particular market. Maybe it's

50:05

about authority. How do you become a

50:07

trusted authority in your community such that

50:09

when you put a deal forward, they're

50:11

more likely to say yes to you even if

50:14

you're making the big ask, which could be a

50:16

big dollar amount or a small dollar amount. And

50:19

balance. How do you

50:21

act and make the asks that you need in

50:23

your own business and career that let you bring

50:25

into balance who you are and the kind of

50:27

work, the kind of investment, the kind of projects

50:29

you want to be working on every single day.

50:31

So I don't want this to be just focused

50:33

on the kinds of strategic asks we make that

50:35

are tied to money. But

50:37

it all leads to just a better

50:39

life, Dea, I think, because, man, if you can

50:41

ask for that mentorship help, which I

50:43

think is part of what you're alluding to for

50:45

all of our deaters. Turns into dollars. Yeah. Not

50:48

just dollars, but wonderful experiences. I mean, my son

50:50

gets a lot of help. He invests in real

50:53

estate in Detroit. He wants to be a part

50:55

of the rebirth of Detroit. So he owns 14

50:57

rental houses there. And he's excited

50:59

about being in these communities, being a force

51:01

for good. It's just that, yeah. I've

51:04

seen as a trend around, and tell

51:06

me if I'm wrong, just around

51:08

folks buying abandoned small family owned

51:10

motels and turning them into single

51:12

room, you know, low income rental

51:15

properties for folks and communities that would otherwise

51:17

not have access to that housing. Like what

51:19

an asset you are to your community when

51:21

you engage in that way. And

51:23

then how do you... I wonder if that was inspired

51:25

by Schitt's Creek. I'm just, no, I'm kidding. That's

51:28

a good one. I wonder. Well, and then

51:30

this also goes back to something you... A

51:32

phrase you said earlier, Dia, and something in

51:34

the book that asks that changes everything. Will

51:37

you teach me? And then what you said earlier was,

51:39

hey, can I get a little bit more of your

51:42

time? That's how you change

51:44

communities is you're in the community and

51:46

you have a mentor or you have like

51:49

the local, you know, alderman politicians. Like, you

51:51

need to build relationships with all these people.

51:53

And how do you do it? You ask.

51:56

And This is, Crystal, actually a great place

51:58

to use our last question because... A.

52:00

D I had the same question this

52:02

is personal for you Crystal what you're

52:04

alluding to like this isn't just all

52:06

whatever you had a big asks in

52:08

year or so for moment for you

52:11

that really change your life. I.

52:13

Did and again this is stuff that

52:15

you know we can all at backwards

52:18

and notice the asks we've made in

52:20

our lives. that teens everything and we

52:22

can reproduce this experience we can every

52:24

day. I mean I have reminded me

52:26

like the a you think you launch

52:28

this is a new idea. You been

52:30

doing this your whole life and I

52:32

was like what do you mean any

52:34

reminded me yes I made one after

52:36

that changed everything. I has a nice

52:38

were married pretty young. I was really

52:40

floundering about what I wanted to do

52:42

with my career. And I found somebody who

52:44

is doing work that once I saw him doing

52:47

that work it was around facilitating learning in a

52:49

corporate environment, around communications and helping leader speak powerfully.

52:51

And I was so socks and compelled by the

52:53

work when he let me sit in the back

52:56

of the classroom and watch him work for me.

52:58

I say classroom but it's You know it's a

53:00

professional development context and I would never wanted some

53:02

things about of a life. I mean I saw

53:04

it and I was like if I don't get

53:07

to do this work I'm and die. Like

53:09

I have. To find a way. And

53:12

I was so. and I was qualified

53:14

in that I had the dry as

53:16

I had the desire to be a

53:18

strong and powerful facilitator. I'd grown up

53:20

in the world of my early working

53:22

days. Were you as a fitness instructor

53:24

says, use being in front of the

53:26

room with a might on my head

53:28

tech and fifty sixties you know people

53:30

at a time when I saw that

53:32

work. I knew I was gonna make

53:34

and ask as Ham and I had to spend

53:36

some time figuring out what that was. But.

53:39

At this point Dia at this point in

53:41

just to be clear for our deters, you're

53:43

about to make the asks. This is where

53:45

most of us suffer from that where they

53:47

called the imposter syndrome rights and were like

53:49

i'm a qualified a can't do it You

53:51

know what? That's a dream. I'm gonna let

53:53

it go. Well, What I recognize that

53:55

I wasn't asking him for a job.

53:57

I wasn't asking him for a job.

54:00

What I really understood in that moment

54:02

and this was the ask. Everybody was

54:04

not about money, it was about his

54:06

time and attention and investment in me.

54:08

And I knew that the ask was.

54:10

Will you teach me? And

54:13

the offer insight as that ask was

54:15

an opportunity for him to mentor somebody

54:17

meaningfully for him to have an apprentice

54:20

to pass on his ideas and practices

54:22

through to the next generation for him

54:24

to expand his own impacts. The brew

54:26

me as if he taught me I

54:28

could be out in the world teaching

54:31

his work you know on his behalf

54:33

all over the globe at the end

54:35

up getting travel all over the world

54:37

so there was something in it for

54:39

him so to speak and of I

54:42

could demonstrate simultaneous. To me, asking for

54:44

having the felt way bigger than my

54:46

britches worth being able to articulate what

54:48

mattered to him in the same brass:

54:50

my chances of getting. A. Yes, even

54:52

though I was sore, he was gonna say no

54:54

and I aim for that now. I was willing

54:56

to be rejected with a pretty good bat an

54:59

eye and that know I ended up getting a

55:01

yes in the next thing I knew. as an

55:03

airplane in your. Life

55:05

changing. Life changing. The.

55:08

Book is called. Ask like an auctioneer how

55:10

to ask for more and get it in

55:12

his you just said earlier. The as available

55:14

everywhere. It is an an audio

55:17

book. I read the book and I hope

55:19

that as you read at Crystal and Out.

55:21

You had some son was set in I recognize

55:24

and as so many folks in that nonfiction sex

55:26

and really can read like a Wikipedia page I

55:28

hope this on did not. I really tried to

55:30

make sure they will not fun for everyone to

55:33

leave and have an alliance nest in it that

55:35

I hope you can experience and you go use

55:37

these ideas out in your own world in your

55:39

own life and your own career yet helped me

55:42

he I'm getting rid of the you know them

55:44

to pry. gonna say know like we all need

55:46

to remove that thinking in the first place. The.

55:49

I said that today inside of our second

55:51

Edmunds team we are having a discussion about

55:53

something that will help our leaders in our

55:55

starters do better stuff and it's a big

55:57

thing and stay the on. Our team was

55:59

like maybe we should try to get this

56:01

done by the end of year. And

56:04

I said oh man, I don't know and that

56:06

I thought of you. Add.

56:08

I thought about so funny and I went. You

56:10

know maybe we should I this it but then

56:12

I also said i'm like hey if we miss

56:14

you know I did want to put too much

56:16

pressure on my team. If we miss we must

56:18

be a while at the bar. Hide let's do

56:20

it. Stacey goes Yet, let's do it like or

56:22

teams by you're not because you see a so

56:24

thank you so much for mentoring all of us.

56:28

So. Happy to hear how this can

56:30

get ideas. We can twist them into what

56:32

works in our own contexts and make them

56:34

as I in I say in the book

56:36

and I think it's true that these ideas

56:38

work best when you make them work for

56:40

you. That's. A great last words were going

56:42

to and on that oh my god was that fun!

56:45

Big. Thanks to D S for joining

56:47

us and crystals! How many times have

56:49

you thought to yourself, oh, that's a

56:51

good enough deal for me as you

56:53

would just ask again until you got

56:55

to know it would. Have been in different

56:58

turn us listeners and so many has a might

57:00

ah soccer he said yes to my. Place

57:02

as a society. That and

57:04

all. and at I was totally screwed.

57:06

So this tens of the game

57:08

the same does everything. And. Is

57:10

gonna keep Dig and dig and dig and. Does.

57:12

You think you're being like a jerk,

57:15

especially like the bodega. Like why travel

57:17

internationally? I'd pay rise they say. Oh

57:19

he didn't know you can haggle. So

57:22

you think people are pussy that hagel

57:24

but know they get what they want

57:26

or they get the best deal. For.

57:29

It does add to be confrontational as we

57:31

think it's You know when you say being

57:33

a jerk it's because you think you're creating

57:36

confrontation butter points and with an auctioneer. Yeah.

57:38

total everybody says no specific

57:40

ah you're right you are

57:42

right about that for a

57:44

of us are midwest nice

57:46

though if one of those

57:48

with forget worth it was

57:50

this are normally associate amount

57:52

of recursive bruce rotary phone

57:54

however and we have a

57:56

know here from listener jewel

57:59

she will Crystal has

58:01

some discrepancies with something I said about an

58:03

insurance company a couple weeks ago. All

58:06

right. I can read that.

58:08

Let's see. So this is from Jewel Robinson. First of

58:10

all, thank you, Jewel, for writing into us.

58:13

We love hearing from our listeners. Okay. So

58:15

and we've been on the windshield like nice

58:18

parking jerk. That's what you thought the note was

58:20

going to be. And then you... Oh yeah. I

58:23

lightened up now. Lightened up. Totally different

58:25

attitude now. This is an

58:27

FYI for Joe as I heard him talking

58:29

about Allstate insurance. I just want

58:31

him to know we were with Allstate for

58:34

auto and homeowners for 35 years. And

58:38

there was a missed payment because my credit

58:40

card expired and I didn't realize the payment

58:42

was tied to this card. So

58:44

the broker never sent me an email,

58:46

never called and no notice at all

58:49

from Allstate. We were hit

58:51

by another driver. No injuries, fortunately. Glad

58:53

there were no injuries. But there

58:55

was damage to the vehicle. And

58:57

since the payment had been missed

58:59

and I discovered it the day

59:01

before the reinstatement date and

59:03

I made a payment online because no

59:05

one was answering the phone at the

59:08

broker's office. Since this was late on

59:10

a Friday afternoon and of course they

59:12

were closed till Monday, they

59:14

refused to accept the payment for

59:16

reinstatement. And I just couldn't believe that

59:18

they would treat us like that after being

59:20

loyal customers for over 35 years. So

59:23

I'm definitely not recommending Allstate

59:25

to anyone. Oh, that's

59:28

quite the conundrum. Well,

59:31

I'm glad you brought that up because

59:33

when you get to the level of

59:35

an Allstate, the problem is it's so

59:38

agent dependent. Allstate

59:40

is less of a Allstate's good or

59:42

bad crystal as it is. We have

59:44

all these agents. You hope they would

59:46

all be uniform and they are not

59:48

all uniform. Allstate's

59:51

part as a company like their home

59:53

office, if the home office hours are

59:55

already closed and the

59:57

agent hasn't done their job. I

1:00:00

think your big issue is with the

1:00:02

neglect of your agent. That's the first

1:00:04

place I would start, is

1:00:06

with agent neglected this, agent

1:00:09

caused this problem. I mean, if

1:00:11

you're thinking about keeping that relationship

1:00:13

alive, I think the thing I'm here

1:00:15

loud and clear here before I get to really

1:00:17

why there's

1:00:19

a lesson here that might be different than

1:00:21

the one that Jewel got, is

1:00:24

that if you're gonna go with a company that has agents,

1:00:27

you really need to do a good job of interviewing that

1:00:29

agent and making sure that it's, because

1:00:31

I think too often when it comes to a

1:00:33

company like State Farm as an example, which is

1:00:35

very agent based, Allstate, which is very agent based,

1:00:38

your whole experience of that company's gonna be based

1:00:40

on that agent. And so, I mean,

1:00:42

State Farm and their commercials, right, to switch companies here

1:00:44

for a minute, what do they do? They

1:00:46

talk about how great the Jake from State Farm. And

1:00:49

the reason is, is they say their agents are

1:00:51

strong. If you get a State to Farm agent

1:00:53

who isn't strong, who isn't actually helping you with

1:00:55

anything, you're overpaying. State Farm doesn't

1:00:57

want me to tell you that, but I'll tell

1:00:59

you that you can easily beat State Farm's premiums

1:01:02

with a company that doesn't have agents.

1:01:04

So, that's number one. The issue

1:01:06

here is, so because Allstate is beholden

1:01:09

to their agents, that's how they've decided

1:01:11

to set up their work, this is

1:01:13

where Allstate created the frustration. They

1:01:16

cannot violate their contract. This

1:01:19

is literally an insurance contract.

1:01:22

And because of that, if State

1:01:24

Farm's corporate office closes

1:01:27

at five, and you want to

1:01:29

submit your payment at six, the

1:01:32

contract is, it's gonna be during the working

1:01:34

hours. And Crystal, and this is where it's

1:01:36

a bummer for Jewel, they

1:01:38

can't violate that contract. If they do violate

1:01:41

that contract for Jewel, then

1:01:43

they're on the hook for everybody else. And they're

1:01:45

regulated by the individual states

1:01:47

who hold them accountable to keep up

1:01:49

the contract. So, does Allstate

1:01:51

have a problem here? Yeah, they've got

1:01:54

agents who suck. It isn't

1:01:56

the thing that Jewel wants to hear, that they're

1:01:58

not training their agents, she wants. them to

1:02:00

give them reinstatement after the

1:02:02

close of the contract, agents should

1:02:04

have noticed but Allstate really, their hands are

1:02:07

tied in terms of, so the only piece

1:02:09

of this that I get frustrated with that

1:02:11

I wish there was something Allstate could do

1:02:13

but they can't, she goes, we've

1:02:15

been with them for 35 years and they treat us this way.

1:02:19

Allstate's treating your contract exactly like they treat

1:02:21

every other contract. Your

1:02:23

agent screwed this up. Yeah.

1:02:26

I mean, the agents all get paid on commission

1:02:28

for the premiums that get paid. So you'd think if

1:02:30

they had a good process and system set up in

1:02:32

their office to figure out what's our revenue and is

1:02:35

everybody paying their stuff because I want part of that,

1:02:37

then they would have noticed that somebody didn't

1:02:40

pay like that's a great service that your

1:02:42

agent should be doing on your behalf but

1:02:44

mostly there's some self-interest there because they want

1:02:46

whatever small percentages of your premium that you

1:02:49

should be paying. Absolutely.

1:02:51

Yeah, but your agent systems are, and

1:02:53

now does that ultimately fall in Allstate?

1:02:56

Sure, because Jewel doesn't think that it's

1:02:58

just the agent. It's

1:03:00

Allstate not training their people as

1:03:02

well to be better or letting them still

1:03:04

exist, right? And maybe she

1:03:06

needs to put pressure on Allstate, but it should

1:03:09

all be directed to the agent and how the

1:03:11

agent messes up. Sorry to hear about that,

1:03:13

Jewel, and I hear that loud

1:03:15

and clear. Very luckily, I have

1:03:17

a very good agent who they

1:03:19

contact me, not an annoying amount,

1:03:22

but about three times a year. And here's

1:03:24

what's cool, Crystal. My agent, a

1:03:26

guy named Scott, has such great systems. I

1:03:29

don't even talk to Scott. Jackie

1:03:32

is the person that works for the agent.

1:03:34

She knows so much about homeowners and

1:03:36

insurances that Jackie and I have had

1:03:39

these phenomenal conversations a few times

1:03:41

a year about, well, what about this going

1:03:43

on? What about this going on? And make sure that,

1:03:45

and you know what's cool? They're not long conversations, but

1:03:48

I also know that Jackie and Scott are

1:03:50

not going to drop the ball for me.

1:03:52

Again, agent dependent with Allstate. I'd

1:03:54

say just generally, guys, that's been my

1:03:56

feeling about Allstate for the last 30

1:03:58

years. In the all

1:04:00

state is hugely agent depended state farm,

1:04:03

much less self state farm. I feel

1:04:05

like as much more of a you

1:04:07

go state farm their bedding so much

1:04:09

that their agents are gonna rock. That.

1:04:12

State Farm agents more often than

1:04:14

not, are just absolutely phenomenal. However,

1:04:16

you're investigating a premium, you know?

1:04:18

Yeah, so am I Know they

1:04:20

talk about low price and they

1:04:23

ever have Never cease it. Less

1:04:26

than yes knock on State

1:04:28

Farm to door if anybody

1:04:30

knows. This reflects. The

1:04:33

Circuit white oh great thing for so they

1:04:35

could have you and I for a lot

1:04:37

less money. We should. Maybe exactly. Let's

1:04:39

do it less be this celebrity honor. Talent

1:04:41

We could be there on. Are they gonna pay

1:04:44

for Patrick the home? Somehow I know exam and

1:04:46

crystal. We haven't gotten the know yet with them

1:04:48

so. We. Don't cost a

1:04:50

few million dollars to man. Yeah,

1:04:53

Thanks. To the note: Duel If people

1:04:55

want to though, please call Bruce Rotary.

1:04:57

What's the number? Hundred people get their

1:04:59

crystal. Your. Head on over to

1:05:01

Stalking deeds.net/voicemail We can hear your

1:05:03

lovely voice on camera or will

1:05:06

not on camera but on radio

1:05:08

or you can just leave us

1:05:10

a know, decides your did and

1:05:12

then we will answer your question

1:05:15

on air. Or

1:05:17

a crystal. What do we do to wrap

1:05:19

this up? Oh so notes. You've got to

1:05:21

show. notes. Ah ah yes,

1:05:23

so has has slept. That

1:05:26

we have we have no idea being a

1:05:28

success of squeezes the man have you done

1:05:30

this before? So has his

1:05:33

sacking deeds.net/so knows he will

1:05:35

get an awesome synopsis written

1:05:37

by yours truly with some

1:05:39

great points. Take a ways.

1:05:42

Sometimes. The ad funny little notes in there,

1:05:44

At the refer to myself in a

1:05:47

third person some time. so join. Us

1:05:49

to get this so notes and it's gone

1:05:51

back to does trivia. You guys don't put

1:05:53

makeup on when you're at the stop lights

1:05:56

in the car at that. Everybody does that.

1:05:59

Now. No, nothing.

1:06:01

Well, it's funny. Not

1:06:03

as much as I used to. Not as much as you used

1:06:05

to. Because I remember our driver's ed teacher was like,

1:06:07

why do people dig in their noses in cars? And

1:06:09

I was like, oh, I know this because they think

1:06:11

we can't see them. And he's like, no, you have

1:06:13

the best mirrors in your car. You can

1:06:16

see everything. So you can see clear up

1:06:18

your nose in the car.

1:06:20

And all that stuff. Hey, hey,

1:06:23

this is an awkward term that I wasn't

1:06:25

expecting. And that's why Crystal picks her nose

1:06:27

in the car. No,

1:06:31

there are no bookers under my seat. Did

1:06:38

you feel any even Ruth sped up

1:06:40

on that one? Holy cow. Well, let's

1:06:42

bring this thing home. She's

1:06:45

Crystal. I'm Joe. We'll see you next time

1:06:48

back here on Stacking Deeds. Doug, well, based

1:06:50

on what we did today, let's

1:06:52

do this. Instead of what should we have learned,

1:06:54

what's our to-do list? Okay.

1:07:04

Well, Joe, first, use this from Dia

1:07:07

Bondi. Keep negotiating until you reach no.

1:07:09

Only then are you at the actual

1:07:11

price of the thing or service you're

1:07:14

after. Second,

1:07:17

ask this question based on our

1:07:19

headline. How much is the commission

1:07:21

you're being asked for? And how

1:07:23

is it covered in our agreement?

1:07:25

It's one little question that could

1:07:27

save you huge money. That's

1:07:30

a big lesson. The true Da Vinci

1:07:32

in this room is probably me. I'm

1:07:35

the one setting the tone for this whole podcast.

1:07:37

I mean, check out that

1:07:39

open I did today. It was incredible.

1:07:41

Reflection, mood creation, just

1:07:44

really fine. All right.

1:07:47

Credit. Can I do it really

1:07:49

fast? She's

1:07:53

really not a sock of fun out of

1:07:55

this room. Thanks to Dia Bondi for joining

1:07:57

us today. You can find her new book

1:07:59

as well. Like an auctioneer, how to ask

1:08:01

for more and get it wherever books are

1:08:03

sold. We'll also include links in our show

1:08:05

notes at stackingbenjams.net. See, I can do

1:08:07

it with that. It was stackingfeeds.net. You

1:08:09

couldn't do it. F***. Ha

1:08:12

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

1:08:14

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha