0:00

I enjoy a nice glass of wine, but I

0:02

don't pretend to be an expert in wine. I

0:04

usually just want a wine that's high quality, delicious,

0:07

and not too expensive. And to me, that's Bogle

0:09

Family Vineyards. And here's the thing about Bogle. This

0:11

is a third generation family owned winery from California

0:13

that makes exceptional wines for about 10 bucks a

0:15

bottle. Bogle wines consistently earn best buy designations and

0:18

high ratings from wine enthusiasts. And let me tell

0:20

you something, the folks at Wine Enthusiast, they drink

0:22

a lot of wine. They drink a lot of

0:24

fancy expensive wine, and yet they still keep giving

0:26

great ratings to Bogle. And Bogle Vineyards

0:29

has so many different kinds of wine. Whatever your

0:31

mood, whatever you're eating, there's a wine for you.

0:33

They got this great Pinot Grigio that's crisp and

0:35

fruity, goes well with spicy foods, with fish. They

0:38

have a classic Chardonnay that's balanced, amazing, with a

0:40

pork tenderloin or butter chicken. I

0:42

like to take that Chardonnay and do what Jacques Pépin

0:44

taught me, a couple of ice cubes in your glass

0:46

of Bogle. If Jacques Pépin says it's okay, then it's

0:48

okay. And there's the Bogle Pinot Noir, refined

0:50

and elegant with bright fruit and about as food friendly

0:52

as red wine can be. You're not gonna believe it's

0:54

only $10. Neither will your

0:56

friends if you tell them. So pick up a few

0:59

bottles of Bogle, wherever you buy your favorite wines. Please

1:01

drink responsibly. Hey,

1:05

it's Dan. Before we get into this week's reheat

1:07

with comedian Jim Gaffigan, we have a bunch of

1:09

exciting upcoming events I wanna mention real quick. First

1:12

off, the West Coast swing of Spork Full

1:14

Live, anything's possible. My book tour of live

1:16

podcast tapings is starting in just a couple

1:18

of days. This Sunday, April 28th, I'll be

1:20

in San Francisco on the 30th in Seattle,

1:22

although the Seattle show is sold out. And

1:25

then Thursday, May 2nd in Los Angeles, all

1:27

these shows have tons of cool guests and

1:29

special appearances and people I'll be in conversation

1:32

with. And some of them even have free

1:34

food samples. All that info is at sporkfull.com

1:36

slash events. And then new book events have

1:38

just been added. I'm teaming up with the

1:40

culinary whiz kids at Cafe Mars in Brooklyn.

1:42

They call themselves an unusual Italian restaurant. They

1:44

love to do weird stuff with Italian food.

1:46

They're gonna take anything's possible at my cookbook

1:49

and let it inspire a whole menu of

1:51

dishes. If you go to our events page,

1:53

you can get not only a link to the tickets, but

1:55

also a link to the full menu to

1:57

see what will be served. This is one night only at

1:59

Cafe Mars. There they may ninth in

2:01

Brooklyn and in the Fall on Thursday

2:03

May sixty the doing a virtual cooking

2:06

class with Milk Street Online Cooking School

2:08

So everyone's invited for details are all

2:10

of our lives in various events including

2:13

coupon codes for that Virtual events go

2:15

to sportfor.com/events. Or it this

2:17

way Three, he does my conversation with comedians

2:19

him gassing know first a disservice way back

2:21

and Twenty Fifteen Cm was already big deal.

2:24

Back then he has continued to be one

2:26

of America's top comics A few months back

2:28

when your time's named his Twenty Twenty Three

2:30

special Dark Pale the best of the year

2:33

they wrote. each year he gets a little

2:35

better figure net neutrality is that fit his

2:37

every man static to check out this conversation

2:39

with him and also view of an episode

2:42

you'd like us to reheat semi a message

2:44

at hello as sport for.com. Thanks.

2:46

And onto our episode with Jim Gas Against. google.

2:51

Comic Gym Gas again. Hot pockets

2:54

comes up. google. Hop artists. A

2:56

gym gascon comes out. Sort

2:58

of famous for his hypothesis or to

3:00

my proposals. We have a sea birds

3:03

which is broiled and we have a

3:05

hot pockets which is cooked in the

3:07

dirty microwave. And

3:10

that comes with a side of pepto. Is

3:13

you're not part cold. in the middle is

3:15

frozen. For

3:17

the can be served the

3:19

boiling lava hot ass football

3:21

my mouth. it will destroy

3:24

your mouse. Everything okay for the

3:26

robber her almost. All

3:29

of our path of. It's

3:34

a classic bit, but he does so

3:36

much more. Great stuff on food. Even

3:38

wrote a book called food a Love

3:41

Story And when Jimmy's is all about

3:43

pleasure, he doesn't really go for chaos.

3:47

Watson Surprise. Looking

3:50

at a can of bug spray

3:52

said made with real chaos it's

3:55

a matter for all you have

3:57

to it frees guy. ever

4:00

and peppers put in the shake and buried

4:02

in the cloud. Kale

4:05

is so good for you. They could find out Kale

4:07

cures cancer and I would still be like, I'm just

4:09

going to do the chemo. I tried

4:13

the Kale. Today on

4:15

The Forkful, I sit down with comic Jim

4:17

Gaffigan. It'll be a meeting of food obsessed

4:20

minds. We'll discuss what he eats

4:22

before going on stage, his buffet strategy, and

4:24

dinner with his five kids. Turns out it

4:26

involves a lot of lying to them. Stick

4:29

around. From

4:34

WNYC Studios, this is The Forkful. It's

4:37

not for foodies, it's for eaters. I'm Dan Paschman.

4:40

Each week on our show, we obsess about food to

4:42

learn more about people. When Jim

4:44

Gaffigan came in to chat, well, I had a

4:46

cold, so you'll hear that. But more

4:48

importantly, he got comfortable pretty quick. Hey,

4:50

thanks for having me. Thanks for coming in. I feel

4:52

like I'm home. That's right. This

4:54

is a safe place. This is a safe

4:56

place for me, right? Yeah. I'm

4:59

not a weirdo who's overly obsessed. I'm

5:02

normal folk here. That's exactly right. Food's

5:09

a big part of Jim's TV show, The Jim

5:11

Gaffigan Show, which just started its second season. Another

5:14

big part of the show? Jim's kids. Like

5:16

I said, he's got five of them. They now

5:18

range in age from three to twelve. And

5:21

he talks about them a lot in his stand-by. Strangers,

5:23

for some reason, think I'm unaware that that's a lot

5:25

of kids. Five kids? That's a lot of

5:28

kids. Oh, you think so? Thanks

5:31

for the heads up. Do you mind if I stab you in the

5:33

head? The

5:36

best is when I'm alone with my five kids

5:38

and inevitably struggling, and some stranger will come to

5:41

me and go, looks like you got your hands

5:43

full. Why

5:45

would you say that? It's

5:47

like going up to someone in a wheelchair. Looks like you

5:49

don't do a lot of dancing. Looks

5:53

like you got your hands full. Yeah, I could still punch

5:55

you. But

5:57

it is a lot of kids, you know. Like my kids

5:59

love it. John Locke a love smoke

6:01

Sam Oh really yeah and like that's

6:04

a good Lox is expensive. I. Got

6:06

ageism them in the easy to get a lot of

6:08

lox may leave the table and i make daddy's bagel

6:10

with lox and i sit down and bad take a

6:12

bite know my big be who the in last year

6:15

so one of the comes wandering back into the kitchen

6:17

and are like. Daddy. What

6:19

do you eat Or yup, a deception. The

6:21

lines you tell your children are so. I.

6:23

Have you ever told your children something spicy

6:25

when it's not suffice? If you're like you

6:27

wouldn't like this. It's spicy gray. I'm an

6:30

adult lying to with Raza. But

6:33

like you ever get angry, do it like

6:35

says I'm like no you had your lats

6:37

this his daddy's lox. Like like I said

6:40

I feel bad like I'm being selfish. I

6:42

should give it to that. the I don't

6:44

is there such a swarm mentality that I

6:46

don't really fight it. So like if I.

6:48

Get a burger and fries from

6:50

the restaurant downstairs. I. Know

6:52

if any kids awake their gamete

6:55

old friends. And so I

6:57

iraq's gonna sit there and I go.

6:59

You know this is an upsurge for

7:01

me to be generous, but I have

7:04

lied for I've most definitely like I've

7:06

eaten something. you know, Outside

7:08

of my apartment knowing that

7:10

I can't bring it in.

7:13

A year ago know it's I've eaten a

7:15

bagel outside so I didn't have the Sarah

7:18

you ever like hot eat in hiding like

7:20

and we're It's like in the bathroom be

7:22

given away the kids to see your house

7:24

or them. Oh yeah now we wait until

7:27

they're in bed for me. but you know

7:29

says there's like since these ties spring dumplings

7:31

that it's like they think they're it's kids

7:33

food and and like know I'll wait till

7:36

they're in bed before I bring them out.

7:38

You got five kids gives. You.

7:40

A Genie. Worse. With

7:42

you? Yes! And. Large.

7:45

The raises your kids us. Talk

7:47

to me describe dinner. Family.

7:50

Dinner. as a guessing and

7:52

house you know it's a constant battle

7:54

to stop them from chewing with their

7:56

mouths open or using their hands or

7:58

you don't like a to year old,

8:00

you're lucky if they make it the

8:02

food into their mouth. So

8:05

it's pretty chaotic. Occasionally, we will

8:07

have guests that will just kind

8:09

of watch an amazement because you

8:12

can just have a kid sitting upright through

8:14

a meal. That's

8:17

amazing. And there's just

8:19

different levels of improper

8:22

consumption occurring. So

8:26

how much time in a given meal are

8:28

all seven of you sitting at the table

8:30

and eating simultaneously? How many seconds? I

8:33

would say roughly 30 seconds. There's

8:36

always somebody that wants to leave

8:38

or we're waiting for someone to get to

8:41

the table. Someone needs more water

8:43

or more juice or whatever. Or there's been a

8:45

spill. The

8:47

three and four year old, that's when there's

8:50

just always a spill. Or knocking over

8:52

their cup or other people's cups. That's

8:56

the issue. I have a two year old and a

8:58

four and a half year old. My

9:00

wife and I can't have beverages at the table because the

9:02

two year old just wants to

9:04

grab our glass and drink from it. Which

9:06

means that not only is she likely

9:08

to spill it everywhere and drop the

9:10

glass, which is actually a glass, on

9:12

the ground, but then she's going to

9:14

get her backwash all in our

9:17

water. Oh yeah, definitely.

9:19

There's also the issue of a

9:21

knife. There's

9:23

the task of, because there's a certain age

9:25

where you want to instruct them on how

9:27

to cut their own food, but

9:30

around that same period, you're giving

9:33

essentially a sociopath a knife.

9:36

Like someone that doesn't understand you

9:38

shouldn't jab a sibling with

9:40

a knife. It could be a very dull knife,

9:42

but it's still a knife. One

9:45

of the pizza cutter that

9:47

you see in a pizza, very dangerous. Have

9:49

you ever cut your finger on one of

9:52

those? It's insane. Right? And

9:54

pizza, of course, is the national food of children.

10:00

And it eventually gets ruined for parents. Like

10:02

it used to ... Is that

10:04

happening to you? Absolutely. Pizza was

10:06

this ... I have many views on pizza.

10:09

I mean, first of all, I love Chicago

10:11

deep dish, but pizza in general used

10:13

to be a celebratory thing. It used

10:16

to be something you'd eat in college

10:18

or something you'd have fun late

10:20

at night. And kids,

10:23

it's such an important part

10:26

of a kid's birthday party because it is the

10:28

food that every kid will eat and they can

10:30

eat it with their hands. That

10:32

you have it way too often. You know one

10:34

thing I discovered, the one benefit of being at the

10:36

kids' parties and cutting up so many slices of pizza

10:38

into those tiny like one centimeter squared little cubes

10:40

you do for a two year old? Yes.

10:43

Is that those little cubes of pizza

10:45

are a great pizza topping. Oh

10:48

yeah, no, I've seen that on Twitter. You

10:50

can sprinkle them on top of a slice

10:52

of pizza and it adds texture. It adds

10:54

texture, but there's also ... then it's almost

10:56

like a stale piece of

10:58

pizza. Is Jeannie, your wife, worried about

11:00

your eating habits influencing your kids? Absolutely.

11:04

Absolutely. And

11:06

she should. Do you ever like

11:08

eat an unhealthy food off

11:10

of their plates so that they eat

11:13

less of it? No, but I've pretended

11:15

to enjoy healthy eating in front of

11:17

my kids many times. But

11:19

having kids has made me a healthier

11:21

eater. I enjoy broccoli

11:24

now or edamame. Like

11:27

I give myself credit for eating edamame.

11:29

I'm like, look at me, Mr.

11:31

Healthy eating edamame. You're so virtuous.

11:33

But so yeah, no, I

11:35

mean it's a very positive influence. But then again,

11:38

if I had ... if I

11:40

didn't have five kids, I might be ...

11:42

I'd have more

11:44

free time to maybe exercise. I used to be

11:46

thin. I'm like in eating Gilbert

11:48

grape like that mom that was like I didn't

11:50

always look like that. That's how

11:52

I feel. And that's

11:55

... you know, I didn't always eat like that. I

11:57

Blame My Children. I Blame The

11:59

Light. Coming

12:08

up much more with him gas her,

12:10

explain what he's the Jean Claude Van

12:12

Damme of eating on televised. Cigarette.

12:26

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14:41

continue to get a lot of flack for my PB&J

14:43

technique, okay? Jelly on the top, jelly on the bottom,

14:45

peanut butter in the middle. That's the way to go.

14:47

And the first thing people say is, well, when you

14:50

spread the jelly on both sides and then spread the

14:52

peanut butter on top, you're going to tear the bread.

14:55

And my answer to you is, use

14:57

better bread. Like hero

14:59

bread. You get that whole wheat hero bread.

15:01

It's got some grain, it's got some heft, it's

15:03

got some flavor, it's got some texture, and

15:05

it will stand up to my excellent PB&J technique.

15:08

Hero makes delicious breads that include no

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net carbs, zero grams of sugar, but

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refreshing BLT, a savory breakfast burrito, or

15:18

a mouthwatering cheeseburger, you can have all

15:20

that with hero breads. And let me tell you,

15:23

we are a big burrito eating family in our house. Breakfast

15:25

burritos happen multiple times a week. And these hero

15:27

flour tortillas are perfect for it. Don't give up

15:29

being a breadhead. Hero bread is offering 10% off

15:32

your order. Go to hero.co, that's

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hero.co, and use code SPORQL at

15:37

checkout for that discount. That's

15:39

code SPORQL at H-E-R-O.CO. I

15:44

just got a very wonderful shipment of goodies from

15:46

the folks at Reese's. And let me tell you

15:48

something. These people remain the

15:50

absolute worldwide leaders in bringing together

15:53

chocolate and peanut butter. Of course

15:55

we know that peanut butter cups

15:57

remain transcendent. But have you tried

15:59

the Reese's? sticks, they're wafers with

16:01

peanut butter in between each wafer all coated

16:03

in chocolate. I mean, the combination of sweet

16:05

chocolate and salty peanut butter just brings people

16:08

joy and the folks at Reese's do it

16:10

better than anyone. So shop Reese's

16:12

Peanut Butter Cups now at a store near

16:14

you, found wherever candy is sold. Welcome

16:25

back to another Sporkful Reheat. I'm Dan Pashman. Hey,

16:27

check out my Instagram when you get a chance.

16:29

I share what I'm up to, what I'm eating,

16:31

all of my hot takes. They don't always make

16:33

the cut here on the Sporkful, although I don't

16:35

know why anybody would want to cut out my

16:37

rant about the best way to make peanut butter

16:39

and jelly sandwiches. But the point is that that

16:42

stuff is on my Instagram. Also,

16:44

sometimes I'm like debating, what should we do for this

16:46

episode? And I'll put up a poll. It gives you

16:48

a chance to actually have input into the show. So

16:51

you can do it right now while you're listening. Follow

16:53

me on Instagram at the Sporkful. Again, that's at the

16:55

Sporkful. Thanks. All

16:57

right, back to this week's reheat. Growing

17:00

up, my dad would, he grew up

17:02

in depression era and he was like,

17:04

steak, we're having steak like it was

17:06

like Abe Lincoln's coming over for dinner.

17:10

But steak, I get it. It's an old

17:12

guy thing where I'm like, now I get

17:14

it. I want to sit in a dark

17:16

room and eat meat and

17:19

have a salad covered in blue

17:21

cheese. I don't know what happened. It's

17:23

part of the evolution of the American male.

17:25

Well, tell me, I know you write about

17:28

your dad's steaks in your book. Tell me

17:30

more about your dad's steaks. Steak

17:32

was a very important thing. My dad

17:35

would burn the steaks. He would buy

17:37

steaks and he would go back on

17:39

the back porch in Indiana in the dark

17:41

drinking scotch and there would be ashes all

17:43

over the steak. I remember

17:45

thinking, well, there's usually ashes, a flavor

17:47

of ashes in most steak that I

17:50

eat. And so we would eat

17:52

steak. And then, but

17:54

you know, so that was my dad's association

17:56

with steak. It was a very, it was

17:59

associated with steak. He would eat steak

18:01

every, like after my mother died, I

18:03

would go back and visit him and he would be

18:05

eating steak every night. Every

18:08

night. And he would present it like he's

18:10

never had it before. Like, you want a steak? I'm like, we

18:12

had it last night. How

18:14

do you like your steak now? I like it

18:16

medium rare. Okay, so you don't like, you don't love

18:19

the well done. That's good. No, I don't. Yeah.

18:22

And you know, it's, look, I'm very white trash. So it's like, but

18:24

it is weird when people are like, I like it

18:27

well done. You're like, well, what's the

18:29

point? But, you

18:31

know, I mean, look, I like fast food burgers.

18:33

So I'm not, I'm not that

18:36

high end. But those are juicy at least.

18:38

Yeah. And they're covered with delicious

18:40

chemicals. Right. Exactly. I

18:42

prefer the Wendy's chemicals than to

18:44

the Burger King chemicals. Well,

18:46

that's good. It's nice to use such a refined

18:48

palate that you can identify the difference. You

18:52

wrote a book called Dad is Fat. Yes. In

18:55

Food, a Love Story, you cite your

18:57

weight as evidence. You have the expertise

18:59

needed to write a book about food.

19:02

This is true. I'm curious. Like it's become

19:05

now like a part of your persona, a part of your act.

19:08

Do you almost like feel obligated to maintain a

19:10

certain weight? Like is eating like training for you?

19:12

Like if you suddenly decided for whatever reason, we're

19:14

going to lose 25 pounds. Like

19:16

would you feel like you were alienating your fans

19:18

in some way? Being dishonest. Well, you

19:21

know, the amazing thing is like when I wrote

19:23

that it's fat. I wasn't that

19:25

fat. Like the joke was that my kid

19:27

was saying I was fat and I really

19:29

wasn't. Now I am fat. And

19:32

by the way, I've always talked

19:34

about food in this obsessive way,

19:37

except for the comments from

19:40

peers and people that have gone to

19:42

my show. It used to

19:44

be, wow, you talk about food like an

19:46

obese person and now people just say, wow,

19:48

you talk about food. Right. So

19:50

it's changed a little bit. But there

19:52

is, I mean, there are plenty of people

19:54

after shows where they've expressed a little disappointment

19:57

that I'm not heavier. And

19:59

you know, I feel like I'm not. I'm letting them down. What do

20:01

you eat before you go on

20:03

stage? That's a great question. Well, it's

20:06

it's an important thing I'm always eating right?

20:08

I try to always eat. It's either that

20:10

or feel emotions. So I but

20:14

the problem is I'm a low-energy

20:16

Midwesterner and so

20:20

you know when you get to a

20:22

theater and you're getting ready to

20:24

do a show I I Will

20:26

usually have like a ham sandwich I want cheese

20:29

But I can't because I don't want to I

20:31

don't want the dairy to kind of I don't

20:33

want to get all mucus II or whatever I

20:36

hope everyone's eating while they're listening to

20:38

this but so I

20:41

try and keep it relatively like because I am

20:43

a low-energy guy I mean

20:45

I drink coffee and Red Bull before a show

20:47

like all these things you're not supposed to do

20:49

but any Any artificial

20:51

form of energy? I'm not doing amphetamines

20:53

or anything like that But is

20:56

necessary. So I try and keep it

20:58

very light before the show afterwards. I

21:02

You know, I feel like I've you know, I've worked for an hour

21:08

Your show just debuted on TV land it's called

21:10

the Jim Gaffigan show I've watched over episodes I

21:12

love it It's a masterpiece. What

21:14

was it like sort of like playing yourself?

21:16

I mean like like are you are you

21:19

I think you're playing like a quasi true

21:21

to life like how it was something

21:23

about that process Well, it's

21:25

it's you know, my stand-up is kind of

21:27

an exploration of the id or like You

21:30

know You know what we kind of

21:32

want we all want to sit in bed and eat bacon

21:34

all day as a is kind of one of my Belief

21:38

but so I think if

21:41

my stand-up character is maybe You

21:44

know 20 IQ points dumber

21:46

than me then the

21:49

TV gym is another

21:51

20 Dumber

21:53

than stand-up. I think dumber. Okay,

21:56

but it's done for comic effect,

21:58

right? But it's You

22:00

know, I do love the fact that

22:03

food is something that I think

22:05

we, my obsession with food is

22:07

executed very well. There's

22:10

a couple episodes where we go

22:12

through and we sit there and we

22:14

go, all right, that's the red velvet

22:16

one, that's the Chicago Deep. Totally, totally.

22:18

That's the Everything Bagel episode. And

22:21

they're usually like runners. The

22:23

whole episode is not about

22:25

an Everything Bagel, but it's a very

22:27

important element. It's a through line. It's a

22:29

very important element. And I want to ask

22:32

you, so you're often eating in the show.

22:34

Yes. And when you shoot a TV

22:36

show, you often have to do multiple takes. Yes.

22:39

Like how many, like one episode I think of is

22:41

the Fudgecicle episode. How many Fudgecicles

22:43

did you actually have to eat to shoot that

22:45

episode? I probably ate maybe 50.

22:49

But the whole thing is like, look, I

22:51

do my own stunts. There's a spit bucket

22:53

there, but I feel like the spit bucket

22:55

is for amateurs. They're

22:58

like the Tom Cruise of eating on

23:00

television. Absolutely. Or Jean-Claude Bending.

23:02

That's what shellfish are. They're

23:05

just creepy crawly giant insects on the bottom

23:07

of the ocean. You know, fish are swimming

23:09

all like, we got to get an exterminator

23:11

up in this piece. They're

23:14

bugs. They have a shell like

23:16

a bug. They have spindly legs and crawl around

23:18

like a bug. They have antennae like a monster.

23:22

They're probably monsters. Like if you went home and you saw

23:24

a chicken in your house, you'd be like, what the hell

23:26

is the chicken doing in my house? But if you

23:28

saw a lobster, you'd be like, we're moving. Because

23:32

there's not a nickel's worth of difference

23:35

between a lobster and a giant scorpion.

23:38

Now, I understand everyone loves lobster.

23:40

I love lobster. Hey, I like

23:43

butter too. Okay. How

23:46

can I eat three sticks of butter? Well,

23:49

I found this giant swimming sea scorpion. Lobster

23:54

tail. This area near the

23:56

bottom. We

24:00

have to pick out your own laws. Are

24:02

you like I'll just I'll take that one

24:04

that's really struggling with the rubber bands. On

24:09

Facebook Sports Will listener Anne Marie asks

24:11

gym what do you do when you

24:13

get full but you want to keep

24:15

eating. To break glass

24:18

on this is something I deal

24:20

with a lot. Of.

24:23

First. Of all, I haven't

24:25

been hungry and close to

24:27

thirty five. Success and hunger

24:29

is not what determines. Our

24:32

consumption. Flavor. Does

24:34

forget about this is America

24:37

or Canada And and it's

24:39

not about being hungry. And

24:42

I would also say that. Some.

24:45

Of it is you eat mind

24:47

over matter. You can't worry about

24:49

how you stomach feels if you're

24:52

eating Chicago deep dish which I

24:54

think is a classic gluttonous example.

24:56

No one has ever needed to

24:58

eat more than one piece of

25:00

Chicago Us, but it takes roughly

25:03

three days to wait for them

25:05

to make it. so you gotta

25:07

eat to pieces so you're gonna

25:09

have to pass through. The. Second,

25:12

piece of your real man or

25:14

woman. Idea that

25:16

third piece I always get to to and

25:18

I say to myself. That. Was

25:20

enough. I'm definitely small. I don't need

25:22

any more. But.

25:24

Maybe I just take one bite of this third slight

25:27

dip and as a the whole there is iron. Bowl.

25:29

Leave a bonus or so I'm going

25:31

on tour. I'm on a thirty city

25:33

tour. And. I.

25:36

Look At them. And. I

25:38

only see what I'm getting enough was on

25:40

spending two days in Chicago and I've already.

25:43

Mapped. Out. I mean you know,

25:45

like there's a deep dish pizza than

25:47

there's Italian beef, than that a hot

25:49

dog or to be an An in

25:51

so Chicago it's I gotta get. I

25:53

gotta get prepared for it. Both.

25:57

a strategy yes is a topic you

26:01

I know it's funny you talk about the phrase, all

26:03

you can eat. I did study abroad in London for

26:05

a while and it always struck me that there they

26:07

say, they don't say all you can eat. They

26:10

say eat as much as you like. Oh, good point.

26:12

Which is an interesting difference. Right, because

26:15

I believe all you can eat,

26:17

it really is all you should eat.

26:20

Like there should be like a bouncer there

26:22

saying, alright, you've had enough. And there's a

26:24

strange pressure when you get there. There's always,

26:27

with the buffet, there's a strange kind

26:29

of like, well, there's a challenge, right?

26:32

Oh yeah. You initially go in there and you

26:34

think, oh, these guys are going to lose their shirt. And

26:36

then after about 10 minutes, you're like, these people are trying

26:38

to hurt people. They

26:41

need to be stopped. But they also, I

26:43

mean, they're, I've sort

26:45

of imagined a mythical figure that represents the

26:47

people who run buffets. I call him the

26:49

buffet master. Oh, interesting. The buffet master is

26:51

shrouded in mystery. He's

26:53

usually watching the buffet from a

26:55

windowless room through closed circuit TV

26:58

and he monitors the station. Similar to

27:00

a casino. That's right. That's right. But

27:03

in my imagination, he looks like claw from

27:05

Inspector Gadget, stroking the cat and all.

27:08

And the buffet master rigs

27:10

the buffet. Not unlike a

27:13

casino rig. Because I had the premise

27:15

that it works just

27:17

like a casino. That's right. The

27:19

house always wins. Well, unless you're really, unless like,

27:21

if you understand the- Unless you have the right

27:23

strategy. If you have the buffet equivalent of like

27:25

counting cards. Yes. It seems like

27:27

a great idea, but do you want to get

27:30

sushi at a place that's also offering

27:32

doughnut? Right? If

27:35

there's something, oh yeah, they have

27:38

Italian options and biscuits and gravy.

27:41

I don't know. Like biscuits and gravy, I

27:43

don't, you know, I'll always go biscuits and

27:45

gravy. Again, a stomach killer, right? Not good

27:47

for the buffet. Yeah. It's always

27:49

in gravy, but it's always offered at

27:51

a buffet. Right. And Who

27:53

doesn't love biscuits and gravy? Satan. Satan

27:56

doesn't love biscuits. But So like, the

27:58

strategy for a buffet is- It's

28:00

an interesting strategy right? So what? What's it?

28:02

Would a walk me through your approach because

28:04

you want to get your money's worth. You

28:06

also want to eat the foods you wanna

28:09

eat and been not just go in there

28:11

He likes. you know, ten pounds of caviar.

28:13

To say that your money's worth right? So

28:15

how do you do it? What is my

28:17

tactics? I will usually. I.

28:20

Will usually try and steer towards the

28:22

meats right? There's only so much bacon

28:24

you can eat, but I find you

28:27

can eat like ten or twelve dollars

28:29

worth of big battle make a big

28:31

dan bright red but and then you

28:33

gotta get that omelet station guy working.

28:35

Yeah so I usually get over easy

28:38

fried eggs again what are they cost?

28:40

Twenty cents right with us but I

28:42

made some worked for right right factor

28:44

in the labor for labor and then

28:47

I'll I'll always go Sausage patties are

28:49

you know or bacon. You

28:51

know occasional do like a blend something

28:53

something a little bit more convoluted you

28:55

know? But I usually I'm grazing when

28:57

I go to a buffet. you know

28:59

I'll leave that you'll even find me

29:02

a I present this like it's interesting.

29:04

really wouldn't allow me of them and

29:06

exit can stay subbed. Alexander, do you

29:08

do. War. I

29:10

first tip was my mother taught me when

29:12

I was very young. I hope you'll has

29:15

has as yourself and gifts from your mother

29:17

exactly at us survey the entire bus able

29:19

to take our yeah it's just like taking

29:21

an example if if the front of the

29:24

beginning the whole thing. Then.

29:26

You're gonna pick your spots. I

29:28

like to go to one pass through and

29:30

take small amounts of all the things I

29:32

want to try that also reduces waste. Yeah

29:35

and let's meet because he care about the

29:37

environment. You're you're you're buffet footprint that earth

29:39

they call s yes yes and so I

29:41

I I try a little bit everything I'd

29:44

I'd pick from that array of pick the

29:46

highlights, then my second zip up. I'm going

29:48

in for the kill and I'm getting large

29:50

quantities of the things I like the most

29:53

and what would that be? A depends on

29:55

the bus A but I like going to

29:57

focus on. meets mates rent

30:00

It meets fish, high value items.

30:03

Some people say, oh, I wouldn't get the fish at a

30:05

buffet because it's been sitting out. If you're worried about the

30:07

quality of the food at the buffet. You shouldn't be at

30:09

the buffet. Right, exactly. People are like, oh, I like to

30:12

start with a salad and all I can eat

30:14

buffet so I don't overeat. If you

30:16

don't wanna overeat, you shouldn't be at the buffet.

30:18

You've already lost money. Right, like what are you

30:20

doing? The worst is when you take a

30:22

kid to a buffet and they

30:25

get a bowl of cereal. Right, right. You're

30:27

like, how dare you? I

30:30

also, my game is

30:32

thrown off because I'm usually dealing with

30:36

numerous kids and trying to get, we

30:38

just get plates of food and

30:40

they don't eat any of it. Except for the

30:42

cereal. Death

30:50

Comic Jim Gaffigan. The Jim Gaffigan show

30:53

airs on TV land Sunday nights at

30:55

10, nine central. Season two just premiered.

30:57

You can also check out season one

30:59

on demand and it's on iTunes and

31:01

Amazon as well. Jim's also

31:03

performing stand up all across America. This

31:05

summer, find his tour dates at jimgaffigan.com.

31:09

Also, please remember to come and hang out with me

31:12

and pig out with me at the laid back festival

31:14

at the Nikon Theater at Jones Beach. There's gonna be

31:16

a ton of amazing music and a ton of amazing

31:18

food. And also, I'll be

31:20

there. So, let's hang out. To

31:23

get your tickets, go to ticketmaster.com and

31:25

search laid back festival. This

31:28

show is a production of WNYC Studios and

31:30

The Sporkful produced by Ann Sandi and me.

31:33

Editing helps from Shoshana Gold, music help

31:35

from Black Label Music. Special thanks to

31:37

Paula Schumann. Until next time, I'm Dan

31:39

Pashman. And I'm Shelby Withers

31:41

from Lexington, Kentucky. And I'm

31:43

Brent from Finehill, California. And

31:46

I'm Kristen from Jamaica, Queens, reminding you

31:48

to eat more. Eat better. And

31:50

eat more better. The team that produces

31:53

The Sporkful today includes

31:55

me. along

32:00

with managing producer, Emma Morgenstern, and senior

32:02

producer, Andres O'Hara. Our engineer is Jared

32:04

O'Connell. This workflow is a production of

32:07

Stitcher Studios, our executive producers are Nora

32:09

Richie and Colin Anderson. Until next time,

32:11

I'm Dan Pashman. Do

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