0:00

I'm Emily P. Freeman and welcome to the

0:02

next right thing. You're. Listening to

0:05

Episode Three Twenty Five. I'm

0:08

an author, a spiritual director, and

0:10

an occasional workshop leader. I live

0:12

in the Piedmont of North Carolina

0:14

with my family and through my

0:17

work I've helped thousands of spiritual

0:19

a thoughtful people overcome decision fatigue

0:21

so that they can discern their

0:23

next right thing in faith, work,

0:25

and life. If you struggle with

0:27

decision fatigue, chronic hesitation, or if

0:29

you just need a few minutes

0:31

away from the constant stream of

0:33

information and the sometimes delightful but

0:35

also distracting hum of entertainment, your

0:37

in the right place for. Discerning your

0:39

next right thing today! I'm so glad to

0:41

welcome New York Times and Wall Street Journal.

0:43

best selling author Michael Smith. You may know

0:46

her best as the Nestor and I know

0:48

her best as my big sister. We shared

0:50

a room for the first twelve years of

0:52

my life and even when we finally got

0:55

our own rooms, I ended up sleeping in

0:57

her room half the time anyway, because that's

0:59

just the kind of baby sister that I

1:01

am. The good news for all of us

1:04

is that Michael In has a brand new

1:06

book available on this very day. It's called

1:08

House Rules. How to Decorate for

1:10

every home style and budget. And if

1:12

you ask me, did you? I'm until

1:14

you Anyway, It's her best book yet.

1:16

She's never met a house she didn't

1:18

love and today she's here to help

1:20

us learn how to do the same.

1:22

If you struggle knowing where to start

1:24

or feel overwhelmed with the number of

1:26

decisions you believe stand between you and

1:28

the room that you love, I hope

1:31

you'll listen. It. It's.

1:40

My sister. Welcome to the next right thing!

1:42

Oh my goodness, we're so lucky to get

1:44

to do this! Thanks for having me today

1:46

Emily! We. Are the luckiest

1:48

I We say this. We've said this before.

1:50

I'll say it again. I don't know how

1:52

anybody writes a book without a sister. How

1:54

does anyone do anything without a sister? Truly.

1:58

how does anyone pick an outfit Go

2:00

on a trip. I don't know. Yeah, don't

2:02

ask us. Well,

2:05

I'm so, so thrilled about this next book.

2:07

I finally got my copy. I realized like

2:09

a couple weeks ago, you know, she's had

2:12

her copies, y'all for, I don't know, ever.

2:14

And I told her, I'm like, can I,

2:16

could I have one of those books? Like

2:19

I went to your house and you had the book on every bookshelf.

2:22

Your publisher sent you like a thousand copies. I

2:24

was so impressed. Did I give you one then?

2:26

No, well you did then.

2:28

Okay. But you had had, because you had heard

2:30

them for a while and I'm like, I would

2:33

like one of those beautiful books, please. So

2:35

no, it's, it's very exciting to finally have it in

2:37

my hot little hands. And

2:39

I've been excited about this book for a long

2:41

time. And I'll tell you where that started is

2:44

because it was born out of

2:46

three mantras that you have held onto for a

2:48

really long time and have applied to lots of

2:50

different areas of life. And I'd love if you

2:52

could start there. I would love

2:54

to start here. And Emily, the first time I

2:57

really talked about these mantras was on this podcast

2:59

with you. I think back in 2019, can you

3:01

believe that? Really? Yeah. It was when the next

3:03

right thing was launching and we

3:06

did a special episode. So anyway, the three

3:08

mantras are do what you

3:10

know, use what you have and finish what you

3:12

started. And just like the next right

3:15

thing, I didn't come up with those words. Other people have

3:17

put those words together, but man, they

3:19

sure have helped me. They helped me first in

3:21

my business. And then actually it

3:23

was a group of our friends, you guys, that

3:26

reminded me that I should actually apply

3:28

those to my house as well.

3:30

And it really changed everything for me. Wait.

3:33

So you, you had not really thought to

3:35

apply those to your house. I'm so embarrassed.

3:37

That's my whole spiel is that I see

3:39

the world through house colored glasses. I know.

3:41

That's what I was going to say. Yeah.

3:43

I need my friends and sister in my

3:45

life to tell me, cause we had a

3:47

weekend meeting. We used to get together with

3:49

three or four of us. And

3:51

I think the first day I really bragged about

3:54

like, listen to my new mantras. These are helping

3:56

me in my business so much. And they really

3:58

were, especially the third finish what you started. I'm

4:00

a chronic non-finisher. The

4:03

next day, I think we all,

4:05

you know, every time we got together, we

4:07

would bring a problem that we were having,

4:09

and my problem had to do really just

4:11

with my house, not finishing

4:13

my fixer-upper. And you guys pointed out

4:15

to me, what if you applied your

4:17

three mantras to your home? I

4:20

couldn't get out of there fast enough and leave

4:22

you guys and go apply it to my home.

4:25

Well, whenever I think of those

4:27

three mantras, do use finish. We use

4:29

it as a shorthand. Do use finish, do what

4:31

you know, use what you have, finish what you

4:33

started. Every single time,

4:35

with 100% certainty,

4:39

it brings me encouragement and inspiration.

4:42

Because they're so accessible, those three are

4:44

so accessible. It's like, well, what do

4:46

I know? Okay, what do

4:48

I have? And okay, what have

4:51

I started that needs finishing? I mean, we can

4:53

all answer those questions. We don't have to guess.

4:56

And even if it's just the smallest baby

4:58

step forward, it is

5:00

a place to start. It's such a next-rate

5:03

thing principle. And I did not even remember

5:05

that we had talked about this before on

5:08

this very podcast. I'm

5:10

so happy to know that. Well,

5:13

one of the places where decision fatigue

5:15

can be the most frustrating is

5:18

when it hits us at home. I

5:21

think the reason, one of the reasons why this is, and maybe you

5:23

can chime in here, but

5:26

is because I think we have this idea and we

5:28

know that these decisions in our homes, it's not life

5:30

or death. Because whether

5:32

you're redoing a family room or renovating a

5:34

kitchen, we know like, no one's going

5:36

to die no matter what I choose. But

5:39

because of that, because the seriousness, quote unquote,

5:41

the decision doesn't feel all that dire, I

5:43

think we can feel some shame and overwhelm

5:45

and frustration that it feels hard. And

5:48

it's like, this is supposed to be fun. I'm

5:51

so lucky to even be able to make

5:53

this decision. And what a privilege that

5:55

I have this opportunity at all. But

5:58

at the same time, it's been. Really hard

6:00

and I think that that sometimes can keep us

6:02

from moving forward. I mean, would you agree with

6:05

that? Do you think that's one of the reasons

6:07

why decision fatigue at home is so. Deeply

6:10

frustrating sometimes. Oh, absolutely. Just yesterday

6:12

I saw a meme or a

6:14

beautiful quote on Instagram a said

6:16

something about creating a so fulfilling

6:18

and enjoyable and fun and I

6:20

agree it can be really fulfilling

6:22

and really fun but that doesn't

6:24

mean it's easy. Were using real

6:26

money, were making decisions that are

6:29

whole family gets to see the

6:31

paint color that we choose that

6:33

we thought was a disaster now.

6:35

so there are actual consequences. It's

6:37

not the same consequences as if.

6:39

You're crushing your car into a brick

6:41

wall, but still. It's a pain if

6:43

you buy a sofa and then you

6:45

hate it the next day. It's.

6:48

A pain if you buy the sofa and you hear

6:50

the next day and I think that's what I mean.

6:52

Here's the deal. You talk about how really decorating his

6:55

decision making. That's what decorating as and it's learning how

6:57

to how to make decisions in the right order. And

6:59

I love the way you talk about that way because

7:01

it makes it feel like something you can learn. And

7:04

who better To teachers? who better.

7:06

But here's a place where to

7:08

start or continue because we've already

7:11

started. Years. Ago

7:13

I shared a story here on an x ray thing

7:15

about going to the Garden Center. And

7:17

at a so motivated to go and pick something

7:19

supplant in her yard. That I

7:21

realized that I got there, I wasn't picking anything

7:23

and in fact I felt stuck. With.

7:26

Knowing where to begin because I my bill which

7:28

which are the right type of plants to buy

7:30

and which ones will I love. In.

7:32

A month and which ones will I had to

7:35

lease Likelihood of killing and do I do I

7:37

need know about Satan Sun and Water. And.

7:39

I was just kind of stuck in. The thought came

7:41

to me too. I mean, I remember looking down at

7:44

my feet there was a hose kind of like another

7:46

gardens or that. or the hose somewhere on the ground

7:48

and wet cement. Know that? And I remember

7:50

just as thought came to my mind and it was. Pick.

7:52

What you like. Then. See how it grows?

7:55

So that mantra it's it's hit me in the

7:57

garden Center and I applied it to my. Plants

8:00

that very day. But. As

8:02

I continue to hold that. I

8:05

realized wow, this actually applies to a lot

8:07

of areas of life and I ended up

8:09

doing a podcast episode encouraging people that no

8:11

matter the area, it's very next right thing.

8:13

He writes sick one small step. That

8:16

we can pick what we like and then

8:18

see how it grows in many areas of

8:20

life. But as I have shared that over

8:22

the years. I have had

8:24

people respond. With. This. One.

8:27

Thing that keeps and for me to see that. Can.

8:29

You guess what it is? Do you have any idea what

8:31

they might be saying to me in response? The I know

8:33

exactly what it is. How. Do I know

8:35

what I like? How. Do I know what I

8:37

like? And that is what

8:39

gets people stuck and they can't they? It's like

8:41

the advice, it's helpful at first and then when

8:43

they go to apply it. All. Confidence

8:46

is shattered. A and. I

8:48

wanted to sit right there for this

8:51

episode and as conversation because I think

8:53

House Rules your new book. House Rules

8:55

is the guidebook for anyone who has

8:57

trouble knowing what they like. When.

9:00

It comes to home. So here's

9:02

what I did. I chose three house

9:04

rules and we can go more if

9:06

we need to, but I just three

9:08

of the house rules that are helping

9:10

me know and name what I like

9:12

and. Yeah I invited than a surgeon

9:14

same thing but she doesn't know was one guy says

9:16

and was when she says. The we're in

9:18

a safe. We says the same ones. What if we did? There's one

9:20

hundred. I know it's from it's one of them. the same. You

9:23

think so? Yeah, okay will do you wanna share

9:25

your first one? Okay, this is the one I

9:27

think we'd sir sir the same one and it

9:30

is. Find your own timeless classic. Yes,

9:33

That I chose that one to find your own time

9:35

of class. Okay, tell us, tell us about that. Well.

9:38

I I agree with you, I think

9:40

so many of us feel like was

9:42

my personal style. I have literally heard

9:44

people like someone sitting at my dining

9:46

room table saying well i can't do

9:48

anything or make decisions Were made progress

9:50

in my home yet because I haven't

9:52

figured out my style yet. The magazines.

9:54

like all these shelter magazines with the

9:56

cool quizzes that you get to take

9:58

to have a neat name. The Your

10:00

Style they have tricked us into thinking

10:02

that we can't make progress until we

10:05

have a really clever name for our

10:07

unique personal style. And. I

10:09

am here to tell you you do

10:11

not have to name your style in

10:13

order to attain your style. Also your

10:15

style is not lost however I think

10:17

sometimes as we you know as we

10:19

were growing older as we're working and

10:21

building our careers are our family are

10:23

moving around like some time for sale.

10:26

Needs. To be uncovered sometimes we just

10:28

need to be reminded of who we

10:30

are and what we like. So find

10:32

your own timeless classics is kind of

10:34

a way to do. So you're.

10:37

A private investigator on yourself. You're doing research

10:39

on what you like in the way you

10:41

do that is you just get to walk

10:43

around your house and you look at the

10:45

stuff that you have and a really the

10:47

older you are the longer you've been around

10:49

the easier the says but you can do

10:51

it if you're very young and new at

10:53

this to and what you do as you

10:55

just look and ask yourself what's a couple

10:57

things may be piece of furniture, may be

10:59

a lamp, may be a piece of art

11:01

in my home that I. Love

11:03

that I am able to work into

11:05

my style no matter what the trend

11:07

say, no matter what can a hillside

11:09

live in or no matter what the

11:11

season as I love this thing and

11:13

I know I'm gonna love it forever

11:16

and I'm always can use it and

11:18

that gives a nod to your personal

11:20

style. So. When I

11:22

read this part, I I remember as having

11:24

summer session on my sofa. a cell for

11:26

that I don't love, by the way. We'll

11:28

talk about that later and. I was

11:30

asking you like will once was my time

11:32

with Glances Little I love just as it's

11:34

like you don't even Yeah she's my sister

11:36

and and Solo know things but I remember

11:38

having this conversation about like well what are

11:40

you know we all have them and I

11:42

love that you give three questions and uses

11:45

named a couple of them. Were. Pieces

11:47

had he had the longest that you still

11:49

loving use. Walking around your house it is

11:51

like of course you would love the research

11:53

of it. Yeah she's really a scientist at

11:55

heart says I got up Science Science artists

11:57

are that are scientists order. The.

11:59

Pieces. You have a long as the still love and use.

12:02

What style do you love? no matter what the trend

12:04

say. And. What fabrics or patterns

12:06

can you always work into your home

12:08

no matter what? And I thought those

12:10

were really helpful questions I realized last.

12:12

So last week we we travel back

12:15

to our childhood home town of Columbus

12:17

Indiana where we grew up and I

12:19

realized one of my time of classics.

12:22

In my home Now that I love. I

12:24

think it's inspired by something in Columbus

12:26

and that was outside of the library

12:28

which was one of my favorite buildings

12:31

and all. the United States of America

12:33

is the library and my childhood home

12:35

town because that's where they keep the

12:37

books and outside a library they have

12:39

these like posts that are globe. Like

12:41

the frosted globe lamp posts. I can't

12:44

think of the word. And

12:46

I never realized they were there. But.

12:48

When I saw them, I loved them and

12:50

I remembered I've loved those my whole life.

12:53

Does that look of a of a globe light?

12:55

And now I have those in my house.

12:58

or have them over my kitchen table. or

13:00

have like globe lights over my what does

13:02

that thing. Doesn't.

13:05

I have club flights over my kids

13:07

an island and I. Love.

13:09

Them and I love the no matter where I see them all

13:11

over. but I really like. I think that

13:13

I think the happened when I was a kid

13:15

and at the library and here it is in

13:17

my house and I didn't even realize where it

13:19

came from. but now that I sort of know

13:21

that's probably where it came from, it makes it

13:23

even more solidify the my like that's something I

13:25

like and that was really affirming. Yes,

13:28

I remember when you had it wasn't until

13:30

after you had the lights installed set you

13:32

said these are my me of Columbus Indiana

13:35

so it wasn't that you thought that in

13:37

your head and then you went shopping you

13:39

got it right and it's it's gives you

13:41

think a be almost like backwards confidence like

13:43

oh in the future I know that I

13:46

love spheres especially smiling and while increasing to

13:48

know. What? A great thing to know

13:50

and I it's one of those little things that

13:52

like i think you know ice i it as

13:54

court a lot which is from a catholic priest

13:56

name ronald role or who says we get into

13:58

trouble whenever we don't name thing. Properly. And.

14:01

You can apply. That is so many years of

14:03

life. Even this, and so it's It gives you

14:05

a little bit of confidence and I like, oh

14:07

that's something that I know I like. What?

14:09

Would you say just for example sake Like what

14:12

are some of your timeless classic that you can

14:14

to throw off. Well. A main

14:16

one is a white dress or

14:18

that I bought in Nineteen Ninety

14:20

Seven from Jc Penney. It's a

14:22

basset dresser and I bought it

14:24

for our first born son, Landis

14:26

to be his. I guess like

14:29

changing table and then also over to put stuff. And

14:31

for address or I'm a few years

14:33

later, we. Moved We have move fifteen

14:35

times we've had a mini moves so I've

14:37

had the opportunity to use the stressor in.

14:40

Probably. Every single room of our house

14:42

it has been in the kitchen. It's been

14:44

in an entry way. It's been in our

14:46

bathroom holding towels. We first moved to this

14:49

house. it was in my closet at know

14:51

once in a hallway. We have to use

14:53

that dresser. Everywhere is it was in my

14:55

living room like front and center and my

14:57

last house. I always love it, it always

14:59

works and so. One. Of

15:01

the things that's helpful for that's like okay now

15:04

I have actress or what I do go by

15:06

twenty of I'm no no no What I look

15:08

at that is like I wonder what it is

15:10

I like about a dresser and part of it

15:12

is it's kind of a quiet basic thing. It

15:14

doesn't have a big pattern, it doesn't have a

15:16

bold colors on the design of pretty timeless like

15:18

it's got a little bit of a scallops apron

15:20

it has would pose. As far

15:23

as like the door and the

15:25

door knobs so it's very seamlessly

15:27

like a quiet. Big. Piece

15:29

that works in everywhere and so that

15:31

helps me say I needed another piece

15:33

of furniture like that a storage and

15:35

I think oh I want to make

15:38

sure I get something I'm in a

15:40

like for the long haul. Well. I

15:42

know from that white dress or that

15:44

maybe I really. Could. Incorporate. White

15:46

pieces and I do. I buy a lot

15:49

of white furniture and my whole house is

15:51

why I love contrast. but what it enables

15:53

me to do is to style the top

15:56

of it and add art as really funky

15:58

and fun and let them kind of carry

16:00

the sale of the home and then if

16:02

I get tired of my life I can

16:05

just change that out for fifty dollars instead

16:07

of having a by whole new dresser. So

16:09

that has helps me and my unique style

16:12

to be able to like it. It grows

16:14

with me and it changes with me and

16:16

it kind of fits into every room and

16:18

stats. Really good information and helpful to know

16:21

another. My timeless classic says just mirrors I

16:23

found that I get sick of art. I

16:25

always end up giving it to you because

16:27

I love artwork and I think it's beautiful.

16:30

And I'm like this looks so good in

16:32

your house and for some reason is driving

16:34

me insane. So mirrors have been good to

16:36

me. It took me awhile to figure out

16:38

like of I like mirrors so now if

16:40

I need a piece of art I will

16:42

ask myself. Is this a place

16:44

I could use? A mere is helpful to know. What?

16:47

You're describing is really practicing the

16:49

art of reflection but for your

16:51

home. That. You're not starting with

16:53

a blank slate and you're not peering into the

16:56

future to see what might I like in the

16:58

future when I'm going to love. That's where we

17:00

get stuck with Decision City. Instead, you walk around

17:02

your house and you look back and say what

17:04

Have I loved for a really long time? And

17:07

that gives you the clue to.

17:09

What? You're going to continue to love. As

17:11

time goes on, yes, you look back at

17:14

the past to predict the future. Let's.

17:16

Go listen. If I've ever said it once,

17:18

I've said a million times, that reflects and

17:20

helps us make decisions. Okay, so find your

17:22

own timeless classic. That's Rule Twenty Three House

17:24

Rule Number Twenty Three for anyone who has

17:26

fallen long and we both took that as

17:29

one of the ways to help us know.

17:31

Okay, if you if you want to follow

17:33

the advice of picking what you like and

17:35

seeing how it grows but you don't know

17:37

what you like. Finding. Your own

17:39

time is timeless. Classics can be one place

17:41

to start. Okay, what is a second rule

17:44

that you would point us to to help

17:46

us know what we like? Oh right. Well,

17:48

I didn't want to. Pick. The

17:50

all the same ones you did so I try

17:52

to pick one that may be was a little

17:54

bit object adjacent and this one is real number

17:56

fifty seven. When in doubt carry it out. so

17:59

I use this. In my bathroom

18:01

when we moved to this house the

18:03

hundred year old house and the bathroom

18:05

on the first floor had plaster walls

18:07

were the painless. Literally starting

18:09

to peel off the wall. so I knew

18:12

really quickly I was gonna have to make

18:14

a wall treatment decision like him. I just

18:16

gonna. Whatever. people do to

18:18

plaster walls to make them hold paints or said

18:21

i make. A big romantic gesture and

18:23

do both. Paper. The decisions in the

18:25

options were limitless an overwhelming because I

18:27

could do anything and I should do

18:29

something amazing and it ended up. I

18:31

had to do the bathroom in a

18:34

big hurry for some photos and all

18:36

the sudden I was faced with a

18:38

million decisions. Which toilet am I going

18:40

to get? a new do think and

18:42

hardware? It's Monica Silver or Gold and

18:44

Bubble Bus So the rule when in

18:46

doubt carried out. What I did was

18:48

I looked around my house which is

18:50

the old Victorian house and I paid

18:53

attention to while treatments. So are already

18:55

here that I liked. Kind of a short

18:57

cut and one of those while treatments was

18:59

be board and I thought oh once I

19:01

just put before it on the walls it

19:03

feels in keeping with. The. Spirit

19:06

of the House because it's already here, feels

19:08

really purposeful. I already know I like yet

19:10

so I'm confident in that decision. and that's

19:12

exactly what I did. It's almost a short

19:14

cut to be able to make a decision

19:17

that you already know is gonna work. You

19:19

can use that. you know? I think they're

19:21

afraid if we feel like every decision has

19:23

to be brand new from scratch. If you

19:25

love a sofa and you need to it

19:27

we need more seating. Get another sofa you

19:30

to that in your house and we have

19:32

dueling so far as you bought two of

19:34

the same thing. You know, if

19:36

you need dressers, Get a pair of

19:38

dressers. If you need nightstands, consider getting

19:40

the same thing twice. If you need

19:43

more lighting, you can get a pair

19:45

of lights. Like you can repeat things

19:47

that you see that you love. Where

19:49

else in your house can you use

19:51

that? As a good one I

19:53

start doing that was close to like when

19:55

I signed. You know a brand or assert

19:57

that works as like. Was get for.

20:00

Then yeah, because you know, like that's

20:02

kind of year. It's if it

20:04

looks good ones that a look at four times

20:06

as what I always say Yes Well. When.

20:08

A doubt carried out. You know what number that

20:10

is? It's number fifty seven. Okay so

20:13

I did not see that one so damn

20:15

at picking I didn't choose. I'll I'll share

20:17

with you. Ah my second one which is

20:19

find a mindset you can model. Mean.

20:23

And this one, you know this is always

20:25

use. Drilled this into my head if set

20:27

up for many years, which is if you're

20:29

asking people for advice about. And

20:31

this is actually true in every area

20:33

of life. But we'll talk about home

20:35

for now. If you are looking to

20:38

trust someone with their home decor advice,

20:41

Ask someone. Who is

20:43

doing it in the way you want to

20:46

do it? It may not be your exact

20:48

style, but someone who's sale reflects something of

20:50

what you want to emulate. Otherwise, if someone

20:52

is someone give you advice, but you. You

20:55

have never liked a thing they've ever done

20:57

then Maybe their advice is not going to

20:59

help you in your life. And I remember

21:01

when we were painting outside of our houses

21:03

like. Fifteen. Years ago. And.

21:06

The I was kind of hemming and hawing

21:08

about what I wanted to do with the

21:10

setters and I had like a fifteen minute

21:12

windows timer as like maybe as as paint,

21:14

the house anisette as all all one color

21:16

like that could sort of as monochrome. and

21:18

the painter in his white tee shirt and

21:20

my pants. Was like them to

21:22

that some we fail to undo. It

21:24

is very ugly fitness and I was

21:27

like you're probably right and now I

21:29

mean I didn't end up doing it.

21:32

And. But I remember thinking later with

21:34

Arab are you hearing like don't take advice

21:36

from your painter unless you loved their house

21:38

And I was like oh I've heard some

21:40

insights from painters tell us more about find

21:42

a mindset you can model. We. All

21:45

have we have let the painter,

21:47

the cable man, the mailman plus

21:49

the men suffer make all bad

21:51

decisions and our life subsystem from

21:53

you know I put my house

21:55

on Instagram every and. Multiple

21:58

times someone will say. That's

22:00

ugly. And. That's totally fine.

22:02

I'm not really asking for opinions on

22:04

my house. I like my style and

22:06

I want everyone to like their own

22:08

style. What helps me not take someone

22:11

saying that's ugly to heart is knowing

22:13

that I don't get to see their

22:15

house. So for all I know, if

22:17

I clicked over and they had a

22:19

picture of their living room, I would

22:21

think they're living room as ugly. And

22:23

you know what? We should think each

22:25

other's rooms are ugly if we have

22:27

different styles that are completely opposite. So

22:30

I'm totally fine with. Someone thinking that

22:32

my style is ugly. Especially.

22:34

Someone whose sole I can't even see.

22:37

Now how would you go about helping us

22:40

discover? Because if we're trying to figure out

22:42

what we do like. How

22:44

can we are? What are some ways for us to

22:46

sign of mindset that we can model? Yeah,

22:49

I think when we're looking for people to

22:51

learn from, we have to remember there are

22:53

two types of people there are. you know,

22:55

the influencers on Instagram that are leaving links

22:58

for pillows and coffee table and you like

23:00

their style? I think that is. I think

23:02

we should all be following people like that.

23:04

It's such a service to give a link

23:07

to an exact pillow and that is an

23:09

influencer. You can imitate. you want their pillow

23:11

snell. Sometimes you order that pillow and you

23:14

put on your sofa and you're like this

23:16

and look at in my house. Why didn't.

23:18

Look good in their health. Will you need

23:20

a mentor with a mindset you can model

23:23

to help teach you the wise behind Zoc

23:25

rating? Or if it's cooking Earth, it's styling

23:27

all of those things you need both types

23:29

of people in your life. That is what

23:32

I am. I am a teacher. I am

23:34

a mentor, so I might not be able

23:36

to give you a link to my pillow

23:38

that you love, but I can tell you

23:41

why certain pillows look good on your sofa

23:43

and why other pillows look crazy. As

23:46

such a great distinction between a mentor

23:49

aunt like someone who can deduce of

23:51

the big picture of the why things

23:53

work and why they don't work even

23:55

apply to any room. And

23:57

then once you once you. I'm

24:00

big into practice that then you might find

24:02

the people whose stuff you like. You know

24:04

what I'm saying. Like this boat, the sale.

24:07

they like the the particulars that they're sharing.

24:09

But. I think we get into trouble when

24:11

lead slip it and we're looking to the

24:14

specific person who shares all the things and

24:16

we're trying to apply that. We haven't thought

24:18

of the bigger picture yet that as such.

24:20

Great advice that by the way his house

24:22

rule number two. So it's very early on

24:25

in the book you'll stumble upon. It's one

24:27

of the first things. Okay, what is your

24:29

final rule to help us begin to know

24:31

what we like. Okay, I

24:33

know you don't have this one because

24:35

this is a bonus house rule that

24:38

I if you get the audio book

24:40

which you get it free if you

24:42

pre order order today I'm it's number

24:44

one oh three in it's mind your

24:46

materials it is related to find your

24:48

timeless classic spurts. this one stemmed from.

24:50

If you've ever gone shopping like get

24:53

up home goods you know how some.

24:55

Hum goods as or cavernous their

24:57

suits i'll after i after aisle.

24:59

Or if you've gone to an antique

25:01

mall is really big and it feels

25:03

overwhelming. One of the things that I

25:05

do instead of like will let me

25:07

just look at every single item that

25:09

there is in the store and decide

25:11

do I like this? Yes or no

25:13

is I scan for materials and I

25:15

overtime have paid attention and I want

25:17

everyone to pay attention in their own

25:19

home to the materials that you are

25:21

drawn to. Like for example Emily in

25:23

your house you have marble you have

25:25

unlock heard brass, you have like a

25:27

jade green showing up you. Have dark

25:30

moody florals showing up. You have some

25:32

painted brick, you have ebony. You have

25:34

a lot of black in your house

25:36

so what does? As if you're out

25:39

shopping and let's say you find and

25:41

of funky. Floor. Lamp and you're

25:43

like oh this is calling to me

25:45

but I have no idea if I

25:47

like to a like this. Well he

25:50

said unlike her breasts floor lamp with

25:52

a black say like when there are

25:54

materials incorporated that you have already had

25:56

success in your home you can be

25:58

more confident that. This item but you're

26:01

shopping for is gonna work or you can

26:03

flip that and say when you go into

26:05

an overwhelming space like you're at the depot

26:07

it Gibson Milan it's eighty thousand square feet

26:09

and set of feeling like you have to

26:11

look at every item and decide if you

26:14

want to buy it or not he just

26:16

say i'm gonna scan. I'm going to look

26:18

for things with bullion friends or leather or

26:20

alabaster. or for me I like furs and

26:22

sides. I like would inlay, I like crude

26:24

pottery and so I just keep an eye

26:27

out for things like that and I have

26:29

a running list. One time I made a

26:31

list of all of those things. It's hook

26:33

up a whole page of things that I

26:35

like that now I know like I'm. Just

26:37

drawn to all of their tufted letters. I'm

26:39

going to look at that. And then decide

26:42

from their. Hearing you read our

26:44

all of the the things of mine like my A

26:46

materials I feel like I just had like a. Like.

26:49

A house reading. Lately I know

26:51

all those things because I see them with my

26:53

eyes and I literally pick them out. but somehow

26:55

I didn't know it until you said it. It's

26:57

an apple of she's right I to have a

26:59

black I do like dark. Florals like all

27:02

those things. The so true.

27:04

Well and I think you could even have

27:06

a friend like you could exchange like you

27:08

could read each other's houses like tell me

27:10

was the material that yeah like even with

27:12

your clothes like we do that with you

27:14

have a denim shirt on you have toward

27:17

a So glasses you know you just we

27:19

repeat these things that were drawn to and

27:21

that can even cross over into your home

27:23

as well. like maybe you loved and I

27:25

use of a denim chair in a denim

27:27

sofa so anything like that like everything is

27:30

information to be used and to help us

27:32

have confidence. Well. Speaking

27:34

of confidence, My final one

27:36

to help us know what we like

27:39

is i hesitate sense when because. Well.

27:42

We'll see in one second. It's rule

27:44

House Rule Number Fifty four. Pick the

27:46

one that scares you. Did

27:48

you know you're can pick this one row

27:50

And I think one reason why I was

27:52

drawn to this is because in the pic

27:54

what you like and then see how it

27:56

grows in that decision making mantra. Well

28:00

how do we know what we like? Well, which

28:02

one scarce you. And that one

28:04

for someone who already is like not sure what

28:06

she likes, this one feels like we're just pushing

28:08

her further outside of her window. have to offer

28:11

sense. but I would love that. I think this

28:13

is so true and I actually think we know.

28:16

Instinctively. What? Scares us

28:18

but like and an exciting wait. So tell us more

28:20

about this one. right? It's another

28:22

thing that scares you because it's so

28:24

ugly and hideous you want to cry.

28:26

It's the thing that you keep walking

28:28

back to and looking out and then

28:30

putting it down because it's scary because

28:32

maybe it's a three times larger than

28:34

the items that your use to or

28:36

it's a brighter color. It's us boulder

28:38

pattern or a feels a little bit

28:40

outside your comfort zone. I think we

28:42

really need to pay attention to those

28:44

things. The best way to start, You

28:46

know, Don't pick the thing that scares

28:48

you when you're in an antique mall

28:50

and it's. A thousand dollars and there's no

28:52

return policy. Know when you're in Target and you

28:54

can return. It's moral. No one has to know.

28:57

Those are the types of things to baby step

28:59

your way into your style. Telling yourself you have

29:01

nothing to lose. Are going to be a Target

29:03

again next week. Go ahead and pick the one

29:05

that scares you. Pick the one that. I do

29:07

that a lot with scale because I think we

29:09

are all buying things that are too small. So

29:12

if you need a base and want you to

29:14

get the basics three times bigger than you think,

29:16

if you need a rug get the been hurt

29:18

rug, If you need art gets a bigger or

29:20

if you need. A lamp. Get the

29:22

bigger lamp. Pick the one that scares

29:25

you. It will have visual presence in

29:27

your home if you listen to me.

29:29

If you follow me, it's because you

29:31

are decorating and you want the things

29:34

that you're choosing to obviously have function

29:36

and serve your family. but you want

29:38

them to have a visual impact. And

29:41

visual impact often is read by something

29:43

that feels a little risky or that

29:45

catches your eye in one way. To

29:48

choose those items are is simply to

29:50

pick the one. The scarce you. These.

29:53

Principles are so helpful. These house

29:55

Rules that you share in the

29:57

book House Rules that releases today.

29:59

Everyone. The added can you homes because

30:01

not only does it help us on actually

30:03

move through our homes and create the house

30:05

houses that we love but it also this

30:07

is an absolutely beautiful book that looks good

30:09

that was gonna look good in our home.

30:12

So i just when I saw it for

30:14

the first time I remember it was like

30:16

you had one copy of the book and

30:18

showed mean kendra and then when you laugh

30:20

you accuse the thought we were not lot

30:22

so wonderfully love it so beautiful and and

30:24

she left and we like a hater It's

30:26

so beautiful I want my city that beautiful

30:28

it's think the highest compliment. When people

30:30

like are mad about something that so beautiful could even

30:33

I mean side to sell it or like well you

30:35

made us both mad because we are so obsessed with

30:37

a beautiful your book as so that's a lovely think

30:39

what I want To reiterate one final point before we

30:41

have you read us out because I love to have

30:43

authors read a little bit from there. but. Once.

30:46

Again, just like decision making.

30:49

You. Talk about how decorating as a skill that

30:51

can be learned and I would love for either

30:53

to share one sign. a little story about the

30:55

way you took spelling tests when you were younger

30:58

and how that has now informs the way you.

31:00

Approach your home. Ah

31:02

Kow line. You know

31:04

when you're in elementary school and on Monday

31:06

the teacher hands out the spelling words and

31:09

my heart which is pitter patter because I

31:11

knew. Every Friday when I

31:13

took that test I got a D plus

31:15

and it wasn't until finally one teacher kind

31:17

of put her arm around me and she

31:20

said you know you're supposed to study these

31:22

words every week. pray you can write them

31:24

down You can write them and sentences here

31:27

will give you some tricks like I before

31:29

e except after see to help you learn.

31:32

And of course I'm sure I. Did not

31:34

respond because I didn't ever talked to

31:36

my teachers but it was mind boggling.

31:39

I thought the spelling test was a

31:41

test on what we knew. it was

31:43

almost like she to i know this

31:46

is ridiculous but like oh. I.

31:48

Thought we were so. Boston. Know this

31:51

or not enough for the test is not. You.

31:53

Can learn It Will anyone? Can learn Dollar.

31:56

Listen, it is the exact same

31:58

thing with everything. Life and especially with

32:01

decorating. Decorating is simply a skill that

32:03

you can learn. It is not a

32:05

test on what you know we're not

32:07

and then everyone gets to make fun

32:09

of you. And you can feel bad

32:11

because you weren't born with the decorating

32:13

gene. No one was born with the

32:15

decorating gene. It not exist. While.

32:18

Final Words: I would love to hear

32:20

you read a little bit from your

32:22

book as the close out and this

32:24

is from House Rule number One hundred.

32:27

Separating isn't easy, but it can

32:30

be enjoyable and rewarding. Why would

32:32

we want that to end? Hum

32:35

could be done is people never

32:37

changed, But we change our minds

32:40

and change our jobs. Kids grow

32:42

up, parents get older, we pick

32:44

up new hobbies and drop old

32:47

ones. Home is ever evolving. And.

32:50

That's a wonderful thing. Part of

32:52

creating home is being attuned to

32:54

those changes and adjusting appropriately in

32:56

the most beautiful way that serve

32:58

the needs you have. You are

33:00

so good at this. Half of

33:03

design is simply paying attention and

33:05

most people never even get that

33:07

far. You are making a

33:09

difference just by creating home with purpose

33:11

that enhances the lives of those who

33:13

enter. As you move forward, I hope

33:16

you continue to do what you know.

33:18

Find ways to use what you have

33:21

and finish the great work you've started.

33:23

Here's doesn't. Thanks.

33:31

For listening to Episode Three, twenty Five of

33:33

the next. Right thing. I

33:37

hope the simple practice a following some

33:39

simple house rules can be just one

33:41

more rung on a trellis upon which

33:43

your for them of life can continue

33:45

to grow. Because while it's true this

33:47

is a podcast about making decisions. The

33:49

bigger truth is our daily decisions making

33:51

our lives. You can sign of Michael

33:53

and on her website, thenestor.com or on

33:55

Instagram at the Nest or you can

33:58

also find The House Rules We. About

34:00

in this episode and more. And

34:02

her new book House Rules Available

34:04

wherever books are sold today, it's

34:06

not only instantly practical for every

34:08

home, it's also just a truly

34:10

beautiful book to have on your

34:12

coffee table, on your desk or

34:14

south. and it would make a

34:16

lovely guest. You. Can sign me

34:19

online at Emily P. freeman.com or on

34:21

Instagram and Emily P. Freeman. You can

34:23

also always find a transcript of every

34:25

episode. So if you or someone you

34:27

know would prefer reading to listening to

34:29

visit Emily be freeman.com and click Podcast

34:31

and the bar. Choose the episode you

34:34

would like to. Read and it will be there for

34:36

you for free. A special thanks

34:38

to the team it Mutable who edits

34:40

are sound into Ashley Sherlock the creates

34:42

are shown us in closing, a simple

34:45

reminder. For Michael in you are

34:47

the artists and your home is

34:49

your Kansas. Thanks

34:52

for listening and I'll see you next.