0:00

You know, this is a matter of trust, right? I hope

0:02

you trust me enough to know that there's nothing to hide.

0:04

But, you know, if you really wanted to,

0:06

it would make me very uncomfortable if you go through my

0:08

phone, but I have nothing to hide and truly

0:10

think about it this way. Ok. Would you be

0:12

ok for your partner to look through your

0:15

phone? If you're not,

0:16

then he's got pictures of his big

0:18

side.

0:25

Hello? Welcome to another episode of The Naked Truth.

0:27

It's Gerald Kim and Maya. It's

0:29

been a while, but we're back again. It has Happy

0:31

New

0:32

Year. Happy Year. Indeed. Welcome to 2024.

0:35

Ok. So today

0:36

we're gonna talk a little bit about, um,

0:38

snitch in or not. This is not snitching, sneaking

0:40

around,

0:42

sneaking

0:42

around. Snitching is my other past time. But anyway,

0:47

he's not even kidding.

0:48

I'm kidding you. Ok.

0:51

Anyway, we about sneaking around.

0:54

I've never done this before. You haven't. You

0:56

guys are quite expert. Wow,

1:00

immediate accusation.

1:02

Ok. What are we talking about today? Ok. The question for

1:04

today is very simple that we're going to discuss. Is it

1:06

ok to look into your partner's phones.

1:09

Now we're gonna define this for you a little bit. Ok.

1:11

Obviously if you have a healthy relationship

1:13

and you guys are, I don't know, a healthy

1:15

couple, you're married whatsoever. Trust each other.

1:17

You give each other permission, you know, any time, you know, you can

1:19

go into my phone whatsoever. Not in like a hey,

1:22

you want to check it out kind of way. But

1:24

you know, there are a lot of couples. I know who essentially you just

1:26

like, can you help me reply the text message? Oh, yeah,

1:28

someone's calling. Oh, can you help me pick up the phone?

1:30

I think when it comes to that level, looking

1:33

at each others phone is definitely not like a right

1:35

or wrong thing anymore. It's just like a normal discussed,

1:38

understood thing. I

1:39

think it's more so the

1:40

intention, the intention is really important.

1:42

So I think let's let's let's

1:44

wind it out a little bit more. Looking

1:46

into your partner's phones in a way whereby

1:49

it's sneaking around. Is that

1:51

ok?

1:52

Before we go in deep? Right? I'd like

1:54

to say that this suddenly brought back a lot of memories

1:56

for me. This

1:57

Sunday brought back a lot of memories for me. This suddenly

1:59

suddenly

2:00

brought back a lot of memories. So

2:02

I was, this was my ex girl friend, right? So

2:05

I was driving the name. That's

2:07

not what

2:11

I was scared. I was driving and

2:13

you know, you know, I'm a very safe driver. Sure.

2:15

So when I look at my my blind spots,

2:18

right, I would turn my head all

2:20

the way through 7836

2:22

back to the center. Never

2:24

mind. 1 81 82 70

2:26

there abouts. So there was one time

2:29

I wasn't looking into her phone but

2:31

she was texting a guy and

2:34

I was just looking at my blind spot and

2:36

then because she was guilty,

2:38

she

2:38

took the phone up and she

2:40

was like, why are you looking at my phone? I'm like, I'm

2:42

looking at the blind spot. Don't you look at my phone?

2:45

What do you see? I'm

2:46

saying? You should have been like, why are you so defensive?

2:48

So agree. What do you have to? I

2:50

was very meek last time. So I just went,

2:52

I'm sorry, you told me what you look. So

2:54

I had to even lie and pretend

2:56

that I saw something else that I didn't see you.

2:59

I

3:00

was, I was very ok. That's low straight. Did

3:02

you ever find out what it was? She was a guy

3:04

and knew. So I said, I thought

3:07

I saw a guy's name. I don't really care. Said no. Was

3:09

it this guy's name? I'm like, wait, hold on, what's

3:11

going on

3:12

here? The fact that she's even asking with the name?

3:14

Yeah. So

3:15

because of that, you know, I

3:17

realized something that is, I don't have this

3:20

habit of looking to people's phone because

3:23

I realized that actually I don't know. I'm

3:25

curious and I'm questioning myself, why have

3:27

you ever looked through somebody's phone? So this

3:29

is really interesting because I have never

3:31

done this before until one of my

3:33

relationships. And you can always tell

3:36

when someone has something to hide. How can you tell

3:38

when you go out with the guy? Oh my gosh, guys,

3:41

this is a true story. Ok? You go

3:43

to die if you see

3:45

him at the dinner table and he flips

3:47

his phone the other way around.

3:50

There's a good chance that he doesn't want to want you to see what's

3:52

on the phone. Now, there could be a few reasons. Number one, he doesn't

3:54

want the notifications to be distracting and

3:56

stuff like that. He wants to respect your dinner time.

3:58

But in my experience, any guy

4:00

who does that has something to hide,

4:02

I do that because, you know, I don't want my phone to

4:05

so

4:05

shifty, I

4:08

don't know. Ok. So, and it's not just

4:10

that, I mean that, that obviously is like, you know, a little

4:12

bit like of a 5050 situation. But

4:14

at any point in time when you see a person texting,

4:16

you know, when people text, they usually put their phones out in front

4:19

and they like texting at like a comfortable

4:21

distance. So if a person is holding the phone

4:23

close to, they twist the chair or

4:25

they turn it away from you and like

4:27

you can tell that they're like, and he texts very

4:29

quickly and he, like, quickly swipe away. I call

4:31

them stupid boys. You know, like, why

4:33

are you doing that in front of the, you're

4:35

going out with nothing.

4:39

I actually completely agree. Why you, why

4:43

cant you just wait and, like,

4:45

do it later. Exactly. I think the fact

4:47

that you're hiding and texting, um, someone

4:49

that you're obviously not supposed to in front of the girl

4:51

that you're going out with shows sheer

4:54

disrespect and also stupidity.

4:56

No, it shows the obvious lack of interest

4:58

for this person you're going out with. Why you still

5:00

go out with her? That's true. Why waste each other's time?

5:03

Do you think? Ok, in your experience, do you think

5:06

your ex partners, whoever

5:08

it is, you know, they are well

5:10

prepped as in, you know, they know that you

5:12

are going to look into their phones and therefore they're going to delete

5:14

those stuff before meeting you. I mean, that's also possible,

5:17

but wait, Kim, you still

5:18

have an answer and I have seen the entire

5:20

spectrum of it. So I will,

5:22

I will. How many boys have? No,

5:24

no, no, no, no, just with one person.

5:27

So one of the points where I actually looked

5:29

into a person's phone was a night when

5:31

we went out. Ok. So this person

5:33

got really, really smashed and

5:36

he actually puked in the driver's car

5:39

after which the driver wanted me to pay her

5:41

$300 to clean up the car, I mean, understandably

5:43

so because she can't drive for the rest of the day. So

5:46

I transfer her money, blah, blah, blah, took him back and all that kind

5:48

of stuff and she had a very specific request

5:50

which was like, you have to give me a five star rating

5:52

on grab like she was so angry and she

5:54

just had all these and I was just like, yeah, sure. Ok,

5:57

I woke up in the morning and I was up and

5:59

I, I actually went to the phone and

6:01

I was like, ok, like, you know, let me go and look for

6:03

the graph and stuff and I saw

6:06

everything that I was not supposed to.

6:08

This is your, this is

6:09

my story. I saw everything that

6:12

I was not supposed to see from the girls that he was texting

6:14

to the pictures

6:17

that he kept to

6:19

the albums that he had to

6:21

the list and stuff like that. It

6:23

was just like wild

6:25

had no suspicions

6:26

prior. I had no suspicions at all

6:28

prior because he was so sweet to me.

6:30

Like he was a really, really like

6:32

Pandora's Box like really he

6:34

was really sweet. Super attentive,

6:36

very, very thoughtful

6:39

initial reaction. Did

6:41

you jump on him? Slap him? No,

6:43

I

6:43

just froze because I just couldn't even believe

6:45

what I was I was taking in. It wasn't like

6:47

a one person situation. It was like a multi

6:51

like people situation and

6:53

I was just like people that's like serial

6:56

cheater. So I was just so confused

6:58

and I was like, is there some kind of explanation

7:01

for this? My mind just went blank

7:03

and did

7:03

that make you want to continue looking

7:05

through his phone after?

7:07

Um I think after that, it just honestly, it's

7:09

like a Pandora's Box, like you said, right? So basically,

7:12

what happened was I didn't actually confront him

7:14

until like the next day. And

7:17

I, all I said was

7:19

I literally just, just told him very, very calmly

7:21

and I just said, I know everything.

7:24

I'm going to like, leave and I'm not

7:26

going to come back. And then he was like, what do you mean?

7:28

I said, I saw your phone and

7:31

he was like, what? And I was like, he was

7:33

like, you went to my father. I said, well, it was not my intention

7:35

to, but I saw, I saw

7:37

some things and it just was a rabbit

7:39

hole. I know what you

7:40

say. He,

7:42

because I just, I fe up straight away,

7:45

right? I didn't even pretend like I didn't see it and stuff. I just

7:47

straight up said that I looked at your phone. Yeah, not

7:49

the best thing to do, but I looked at your phone and

7:51

so he couldn't even like, hide it and

7:54

I was just like, yeah, this is really not the thing for me.

7:56

Yeah. He, he couldn't even

7:59

that, that's really tough. He's so silly, you know, I mean,

8:01

understanding that he's so silly. He could

8:03

have said like, that's not my phone. I feel like silly

8:06

is such an understatement in this situation still

8:09

an understatement. I think it was a stupid

8:11

one because after that, he told me that he would stop

8:14

and that he would like, you know, cut off all these connections

8:16

and stuff like that. And like, I was

8:18

like, ok, you know what? Everyone makes mistakes. I don't know,

8:20

maybe it's like your lifestyle who used to be whatever.

8:23

So I gave him, I gave him like a chance and

8:25

I eventually, like, you know, he said, like, you know, he

8:27

would stop and stuff, but I realized I didn't stop because

8:29

what happened was instead of, you know, being

8:31

more open and honest, he actually

8:33

added like passwords to everything

8:35

so he hid even more. He

8:37

hid even more. Wow. Yeah, he

8:39

added passwords to everything and everything was like a, like

8:41

a, I don't know, like a fingerprint or like face unlock situation

8:44

for every single chat. Is there like

8:46

a threshold of chance to give,

8:48

you know, like, how far would you go

8:50

to? Is that what we're discussing?

8:55

Never, ever go back to. Don't

8:57

be stupid. Do you go into

8:59

your partner's phone slowly

9:03

before you answer? You're too, you're

9:05

a married woman. Let

9:07

me think about this.

9:09

Pretty honest. She's just going to

9:10

say it. I have to be very honest

9:13

in my relationship. Not this

9:15

one. But in a previous relationship, I

9:18

felt like something was going on just

9:21

by the behavior of this

9:23

guy. Yet again, he was really

9:25

shifty. He would always turn his phone away

9:28

and I heard a couple of things from people, like,

9:30

even not stalked him.

9:32

But, you know, when you first date somebody, you kind of want

9:34

to know them through social

9:36

media. So I saw the type of guy

9:39

who he was, he was quite the player.

9:41

And yeah, so I looked through his phone and I saw

9:43

things like conversations and stuff that he

9:45

was still talking to some girls. But

9:48

yeah, so I have, ok,

9:50

let me, let me give you guys a scenario, right?

9:53

So if if the conversations

9:55

that you know he has saved in his phone

9:57

is actually a during a time

9:59

when it was before you would you still

10:02

be a little bit

10:02

uncomfortable? Oh I think it is before.

10:05

Ok, I'm a horrible person. I will not say anything.

10:07

I was gonna say it was before. It's fine because it's all in the

10:09

past. Some people just don't delete stuff,

10:12

right? So for my, you won't, right? Because it's

10:14

like why are you still saving those conversations specifically

10:17

saves? And that is like the biggest red

10:19

flag if it's not saved and it's still in his

10:22

archive or whatever, I would like for

10:24

it to be deleted anyway because why do you need

10:26

to be reminded of it? Ok. Pictures,

10:28

videos Oh, no, that

10:31

one. So you have to delete those

10:33

things before you continue. You want

10:35

to see another girl and whatever he's

10:37

doing with her, his phone don't care,

10:39

be with her. Maybe you should just, like, buy

10:41

him a new phone and like, don't say anything

10:43

but like, you know, you can't transfer, throw away the

10:45

phone. But then again, these days iphones got icloud.

10:47

So, I don't know,

10:48

I think it's something from the past.

10:51

It, it's hard to because

10:53

people just don't like, I don't, I mean,

10:55

I don't delete a lot of my stuff too and

10:57

it's not because like, you know, I still have like feelings for

10:59

like, you know, the person in the past or whatsoever. It's just, I'm

11:01

just lazy dude. There's like so many photos

11:04

under what circumstance would it be

11:06

OK to go into someone's phone?

11:09

If I say, can you help me to look at something?

11:11

Yeah.

11:12

Or you have a mutual understanding or

11:14

if I do trust your partner, you know, and

11:16

there's nothing actually to hide then. Yeah, it should be

11:18

fine. Unless you're looking for something

11:20

then that's not OK. OK. OK.

11:22

So you're saying that, ok, what

11:24

do you guys think, man, if let's say, you know, you're with

11:27

a guy that you love a lot and he

11:29

says, no, you can't go into my phone.

11:31

What would you do? I

11:32

think that's the problem because when the person says you

11:34

cannot do it, it becomes a question

11:36

of like, why cannot I, I

11:39

think it's more of like a mutual understanding like, hey,

11:41

you know, I like, you know, this

11:43

is a matter of trust, right? I hope you trust

11:46

me enough to know that there's nothing to hide. But,

11:48

you know, if you really wanted to, it would make me very

11:50

uncomfortable if you go through my phone, but I

11:52

have nothing to hide and

11:53

truly think about it this way. Ok. Would

11:56

you be ok for your partner to look through

11:58

your phone? If you're not, then

12:00

he's got pictures of his big side. No.

12:04

You know what? I didn't tell the. So

12:07

at one point in time when he was trying to lose weight,

12:10

he would, he would weigh himself

12:12

every day on the weighing scale naked,

12:15

naked because the clothes

12:17

right will add on to the weight. It's like a couple

12:19

100 g, please.

12:21

No. So he always takes

12:23

up all his clothes to weigh himself and he takes a picture

12:25

of his weight on the weighing scale. But the way is a bit reflective.

12:29

So I sent it to Kim and then she was like, what's

12:31

that? I was

12:32

like

12:33

you saw everything. Don't

12:35

answer, don't answer. But anyway. But

12:38

yeah, I, I, so

12:40

there are some things that, you know, you should just not show

12:42

people on your phone. Actually.

12:43

You know what for me, for all my relationships, I

12:45

have been very open and in

12:47

terms of like passwords or like phones or whatever,

12:50

we exchanged them. But it was very

12:52

secondary school for me. My

12:54

real, like, relationship

12:56

that I got into was with my wife right now.

12:59

We didn't say anything. We didn't say that. Ok. We must

13:01

exchange passwords.

13:02

Right. Yeah, it's just like a mutual understanding.

13:04

Correct. That there's that level of trust

13:06

you give each other that you don't even, you don't even

13:08

want to look at the

13:09

phone. It's like I just told her,

13:11

you know, can I put my email into your

13:13

phone so that if I get

13:15

an important message, what I saw, you can remind me

13:18

or like, you know, if I have

13:21

a certain picture whatsoever, I would like

13:23

to share with you. So we share our, well,

13:25

we have the same icloud. Oh, wow. Yeah. So,

13:27

so whatever I take pictures of, yeah, she gets to

13:29

see as

13:30

well. So you see, it's like I think it's things

13:32

like that, that kind of give you that sense of security

13:34

that you don't even need to want to look at the

13:37

whole. Exactly. So, yeah, he's

13:39

wishing you all the best

13:41

in your relationship, your

13:44

future endeavors. If you feel

13:46

like there's something wrong,

13:48

there probably is

13:49

just address it with your partner just

13:54

straight away. Go wait and talk

13:56

it out from my apr

13:59

statement. The honest truth. Ok. Ok.

14:02

Well, thanks again for tuning in to us. Of course,

14:04

right here on the naked truth. We'll be back again

14:07

very soon before you know it. In fact,

14:09

if you'd like to have us talk about some topic

14:11

that you would love for us to

14:13

chat about. You can always leave a DM

14:15

over at 987 FM. Let

14:16

us know your intrusive thoughts at 987 FM.