0:00

A H, a Friend Mel and

0:02

welcome to them Our Ovens podcast.

0:08

I have been dying to talk to

0:10

because I have the greatest story to

0:13

tell you and I don't know how

0:15

to say this without sounding like it's

0:17

a big flags So here goes. I'll

0:19

just say it. Our daughter Candle was

0:22

invited to sing. At. Carnegie Freaking

0:24

Hall in New York City. And

0:26

that's the beginning of this crazy

0:28

story that I want to tell

0:31

you that involves so many cool,

0:33

hilarious things like how to stay

0:35

calm when you're stressed, or the

0:37

benefits of screaming in an elevator.

0:40

The. World's coolest pair of pants

0:42

and why you should Never. And

0:44

I mean never. Try. To

0:46

film a performance at Carnegie Hall

0:49

on your I phone. Who are

0:51

gonna love this story? You will

0:53

laugh at my expense and adore

0:55

the for life lessons that I

0:58

learned that random night. These are

1:00

for lessons that are going help

1:02

you act confident when you're stressed,

1:04

be fearless under pressure, reach your

1:06

potential, and unlock the magic in

1:09

your life. So get ready for

1:11

for lessons I learned recently on

1:13

one random night in. New York

1:15

City's let's do this. The.

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A It's your friend mal. Welcome.

2:33

To the Now Robbers Podcast Family I'm so

2:35

glad you today. And because boy do I

2:37

have a doozy have a story to share

2:40

with you. And for things that I learned

2:42

on this random night that I spent in

2:44

New York City, I'm gonna get to that

2:46

moment. But I just want to acknowledge you.

2:48

For something before we get started, you

2:51

could be. Doing a million things right

2:53

now. And. Yet you chose to listen

2:55

to some saying that could help you make

2:57

your life better. and I think that's so

2:59

cool. And you are going to love love

3:01

love today's episode because you're gonna love the

3:03

story and you're also going to get sensing

3:05

out of it. I've been dying. To.

3:08

Tell you what happened when I was

3:10

in New York City a couple weeks

3:12

ago and it's a story about how

3:14

you can stay calm when you feel

3:16

like you're about to throw up from

3:19

stress. I'm going to talk about the

3:21

benefits of just randomly screaming and an

3:23

elevator. Oh know, you'll also sheer this

3:25

incredible saying that happened. It's about the

3:27

world's coolest pair of pants. You're going

3:29

to know what I'm talking about just

3:32

a minute and why you should. Never.

3:34

And I mean never. Tried.

3:36

Of film a performance at Carnegie Hall.

3:38

On. Your eyes on you are going

3:41

to love this story about what happened

3:43

in New York City to me. But

3:45

more importantly, there are four life lessons

3:48

that I learned at night. And.

3:50

These are lessons that will help you

3:52

Number one: Act confident. When.

3:55

You're feeling stressed out. It

3:57

will help you be fearless. When. You're

3:59

under pressure. Devices.

4:01

Will help you reach your potential

4:04

no matter what situation your and

4:06

and a mock the magic that

4:08

is in your life. Or

4:12

right so I'm sure years ago had a

4:14

disaster. What story? what Happened in New York City? So

4:16

here's. What habits are. Daughter Candle is

4:18

twenty three years old. She's a singer

4:20

songwriter and she was out Los Angeles

4:22

and earlier this year she released her

4:25

very first single on Spotify and I

4:27

gotta you showed up I mean this

4:29

podcast family you are the best to

4:31

thank you thank you thank you for

4:33

listening to Candles single pastime, for sharing

4:36

your friends you how to that songs

4:38

her goss And it's an exhilarating to

4:40

watch it happen because she's been working

4:42

really hard and it feels like our

4:45

careers officially be gone. And it's so

4:47

thrilling because it seems like she's got

4:49

a lot of momentum because of the

4:51

success of the song. All kinds of

4:54

cool things started to happen. People.

4:56

In the music industry are reaching out to her. And

4:59

so as I've been watching all this go

5:01

down of the last couple weeks from the

5:03

east coast I'm like oh my gosh she's

5:05

riding the wave. She is also back in

5:07

the studio working on some new songs because

5:09

like you know, it's not just one thing

5:11

that you do that's gonna make you successful.

5:13

You to keep on doing the raps And

5:15

so I'm over here on the east coast

5:17

or she's on the west coast and my

5:19

dad Go Go Go! And then all of

5:21

a sudden. She. Gets an

5:24

email. Check this out.

5:26

Inviting her. To. Come to

5:28

New York City and perform

5:30

her new single past time

5:32

at Carnegie Hall. Always freakin'

5:34

touts! Oh my God. can

5:36

you believe this? and you're

5:39

probably thinking. How. The

5:41

heck. Did. She get invited to

5:43

sing at Carnegie Hall? That's a great question. See.

5:46

A year ago, she met a bunch

5:48

of incredible musicians at the Newport Folk

5:50

Festival and she kept in touch with

5:52

them and one of them reached out

5:54

and invited her. To join

5:56

them at this incredible concert called

5:58

the Piano Recital. Carnegie Hall and

6:00

happens once a year. It's produced by Rainy

6:03

Egan and if he hadn't heard about it,

6:05

no big deal. The Piano Recital is a

6:07

bunch of are now musicians like the biggest.

6:09

Name their Mandy Moore and side

6:12

note: Kendall. Grew

6:14

up listening to me anymore. I mean

6:16

she calls Mandy Moore for quote musical

6:18

mom. Because she had Mandy Moore's

6:21

album Wilde Hope on repeat. I mean

6:23

played that sucker into the ground. So

6:25

it's a piano recital at Carnegie Hall.

6:27

All these are now musician show up

6:29

they perform to have their original songs

6:32

that get this. The. Only

6:34

instrument that accompanies and. As

6:36

a piano. Hence, it's called

6:38

the Piano Recital. It's a super cool.

6:40

Intimate stripped down sang.

6:44

And so when Kendall told me. My.

6:46

First reaction he did. You

6:50

lose anything. Universe is conspiring. Holy

6:52

smoke is I cannot believe it's

6:54

and the second that she called

6:56

me. I mean you can already

6:58

guess what I was like. I was

7:01

like all over it. I was so

7:03

excited for her I was read a

7:05

book or a plane ticket. invite her

7:07

friends that are family and make dinner

7:09

reservations. I started to change all of

7:11

my work commitments so that I could

7:13

drive down and obviously be in New

7:15

York when our daughter steps on stage

7:17

at Carnegie. All rights As obviously she

7:19

was gonna jump in and do it

7:21

rights and. This. Was happening. In

7:24

seven days from the email invitation like this

7:26

was game on. we're in the starting gate

7:28

latch for it can go and so of

7:31

course I'm like yeah she's gonna reply immediately

7:33

with a yes say to stickers These are

7:35

all of her friends are musicians that she

7:37

had met the summer before and they were

7:40

asking her to do this events and one

7:42

of them in particular his name is so

7:44

cocoa. Talk about him a business story. He's

7:46

been like a mentor and a friend to

7:49

her said hey look dude I've already arranged

7:51

pastime for you on the piano. We're good

7:53

to go. On Sunday raise rents are you

7:55

all accompany you on stage is gonna be awesome.

7:58

So the second she told me about the. The

8:00

trees and I'm like game

8:02

frickin' on less freaking. Go.

8:07

That. Wasn't.

8:09

Her reaction. Her

8:12

reaction was not. Load.

8:14

School. It

8:17

was. Oh. Hell.

8:21

No. And.

8:25

See, let that invitation.

8:29

Of a lifetime. Sit.

8:32

There. On a. For

8:36

twenty four hours.

8:40

He asked. What?

8:46

I was speechless. I

8:49

couldn't even understand. How

8:52

anyone. Could

8:55

stop and think. About

8:57

it. Opportunity like that. I

9:00

mean your singer songwriter? You get this

9:03

invitation like your friend is. What with

9:05

why wouldn't you just say oh hell

9:07

yes? Oh my God Thank you I'm

9:09

on it. Let's fucking go Mom. But

9:11

the plane tickets. Get some reservations, color

9:14

friends and family. And

9:17

I want a slowdown. This part of

9:19

the story. And truly

9:21

unpack this moment with you. Because

9:24

it's a moment. That

9:27

you've experienced before. Some

9:29

really going to describe it seems. see it.

9:31

It's a moment where someone in your allies.

9:34

Isn't reacting the way you thought

9:36

they should. To. Wait,

9:38

you think is goodness? It's

9:42

a moment where someone. In

9:45

your life isn't jumping all over something

9:47

that you see. As this

9:49

incredible opportunity. I

9:52

know you've been there. Was. Someone

9:54

that you love in this moment and maybe is

9:56

happening your life right now. Someone

9:59

in your life. They're looking for a new

10:01

job and you just missed a perfect person for

10:03

them to network with. And so you give the

10:05

contact information and the email on the phone number

10:07

to this person that you love. And they do.

10:11

Nothing. Or

10:14

someone in your life wants to get in shape

10:16

and you've asked them, oh my gosh, you're so

10:18

excited or like let's use the read a challenge

10:20

together see tax them and say here's the start

10:22

date for the challenge or maybe sense and this

10:24

awesome personal trainer that you love that you stream

10:27

classes from or youths told them about the cross

10:29

fit box that is in your community. The people

10:31

of. And they. Do.

10:35

People. Are

10:37

the person you're always says that they want to cut

10:39

back on their drinking. And.

10:42

Yet. They're. They're. At

10:44

dinner. Go

10:47

have a I burger Manhattan! Or

10:50

maybe the person that you love is said oh I

10:52

worry really want to go back to square one, Apply

10:54

to nursing school and you for it in this email

10:56

about this really cool program that you saw. And

11:00

you can't understand. Why?

11:03

They haven't acknowledged it.

11:07

Might. Only done it. Why?

11:11

Is this person that you care about that you

11:13

see all this detention? Why are they not moving?

11:17

On this opportunity, And.

11:20

The more time that passes have you

11:22

noticed. Proof. You're.

11:25

Now in the deep and emotionally. Because

11:28

you get frustrated. And you

11:30

have all these opinions about with they should do.

11:33

And the opportunity to just grab life

11:35

by. The Horns and try out for

11:37

that travel team or apply to that

11:39

programmer Students think it's site say are.

11:50

When are they can it. Isn't

11:52

this what extent? And.

11:57

It's really play this. I'm

12:00

an out. Someone

12:03

you love turns to you. And

12:06

says you, you know. It's.

12:09

Time. I need to find

12:11

a new job. And

12:14

that declaration. I need to

12:16

find a new job. It

12:18

opens up this window of time.

12:26

Had a day goes by. On

12:29

than a week goes by. And

12:31

then a month goes by. And

12:34

then there they are. Standing

12:37

in their boxers eating a waffle at

12:39

nine forty five on a Wednesday morning.

12:42

And you're thinking, what are you going to

12:44

get. Going on this I mean why do I

12:46

care about this more? The why are you eating

12:48

a waffle on a Wednesday morning when you could

12:50

be looking for a job and your anger is

12:52

rising and you're getting judge eats and you're biting

12:55

your tongue and you're kind of angrily washing the

12:57

dishes. You've done that before right where you're trying

12:59

to like signal the somebody that you're mad that

13:01

they haven't done something and among like it's the

13:03

worst. On for twenty

13:05

four hours. That was the

13:07

moment. With. Me and her daughter.

13:12

This. Opportunity was there and

13:14

I could feel the judgment

13:17

and anger rising up. Against

13:20

others emails and with every hour the goes

13:22

by I'm getting mad and I'm trying not

13:24

to send a taxi another tax free. Like

13:26

just send a test of that's just for

13:28

pie disconnect. Just just. I'm going to stop.

13:31

Because. I'm sinking. Over your You gotta be

13:33

kidding me? And he begs

13:35

the question: Why am I getting mad. I'll

13:37

tell you I'm getting mad. It's the same reason why you

13:40

get mad at the people that you laugh. Because

13:42

you see the potential, you see

13:44

the possibility you believe in them.

13:46

You know how great they are.

13:49

And it's a bummer when somebody that you

13:51

love is not rising to the occasion with

13:53

the same confidence in themselves that you have

13:55

for them. And

13:58

so I bite my lip. And

14:01

I did a really good job. You attach your friend

14:03

Rob as other because for twenty one I really didn't.

14:05

Lose Anything. And then I couldn't stand it

14:07

anymore. I couldn't stand it anymore. And

14:10

no uncertain get tax from her friend fell like a

14:12

do we to see you and I'm like Suzy will

14:14

respond again so I called and I said are you

14:16

sign of this. See.

14:22

X. Loaded at me,

14:24

Just like your husband would explode at you as he

14:26

standing there in his boxers eating a waffle on a

14:29

Wednesday morning and you're like are you going to send

14:31

out that resonates He would explode or you. Because

14:34

everybody. Hates being pulled out. And.

14:37

You're Not even calling them out directly.

14:40

What? Everybody Hates has been reminded

14:42

that you're bigger than your fears.

14:45

What Everyone Hates. Is

14:48

being reminded that you're avoiding sensing

14:50

that you know you want to

14:52

do? And. My daughter

14:54

no different than anyone else. And

14:57

you are she said She said stop pressuring me. I

14:59

get I did you want. This more than I

15:01

was visiting. You dream of being a successful

15:03

senior because you did for me, rethink. This

15:05

is about you. You're.

15:10

Arguing with the wrong person I was like

15:12

whoa, Wait a minute. Wait,

15:14

One minute I'm living my dream already.

15:18

I thought. This

15:21

was your dream. To

15:23

be a singer songwriter. Performing.

15:25

Your songs. On some

15:27

of the biggest stages in the world. And.

15:31

Then she's able to prop mom as you just assumed I

15:33

would say: yes. And.

15:36

I'm like, of course I did. And

15:39

then I said the two most. Important words. And

15:42

confused. And

15:46

confused. Please

15:48

explain to me. How it

15:51

is that you've always wanted to be a singer songwriter. You

15:53

do all of this work to get into

15:55

the number one program in the world for

15:58

this the popular music major it usa. You

16:01

do all this work. To. Write,

16:03

record, and release your

16:05

own. Single. Pastime.

16:07

As an independent artists you have

16:10

oh is this incredible momentum you

16:12

are doing all of the work

16:14

you get an invitation from people

16:16

who you love for here to

16:18

support you and hope you and

16:20

even arranged us piano part of

16:22

it's So You Can saying it's

16:24

your new song at Carnegie Hall

16:26

I'm confused. How he

16:29

says not a yes. Shit

16:36

A very compelling answer. It

16:39

wasn't a yes. Because.

16:42

She was afraid. Intellectually,

16:45

it makes no sense, right? Emotionally

16:47

makes all the sense in the world. That's

16:51

the disconnect. Intellectual you

16:53

see some buddies potential? But.

16:55

The person that you love isn't

16:57

living intellectually. they're living in their

16:59

emotions. And she felt

17:01

unworthy of the opportunity. She.

17:04

Wasn't sure she was ready. It wasn't lack

17:06

of desire that was in her way, it

17:08

was fear and the paralysis that it creates.

17:10

And then she serves you explain all the

17:12

stuff that was going on in her mind

17:14

and inner emotions like I don't deserve this.

17:16

What are my friends who have been working

17:18

so hard and their music career is gonna

17:20

say like why did this happen for me?

17:22

What if I screw this up I don't

17:25

think I'm ready for this like this is

17:27

happening too fast and this. Was.

17:30

An enormous take away for me. And

17:33

for you about relationships. Because you and

17:35

I easily see the potential and people

17:37

that we love and we forget. That

17:40

the people that we love our so overwhelmed

17:43

by their fears and insecurities where the same

17:45

way people that love us see our potential.

17:48

There. Are plenty of things that you know you should and

17:50

could be doing. But. You're not.

17:54

And just like you're frustrated with the people that

17:56

you love, Stan an error in his boxers with

17:58

the waffle not send it up the resin. Is

18:00

there are things that you have said that

18:02

you've won it in your life that you're

18:04

not working on either. And that's why when

18:06

you love someone. And. They declared

18:08

their goals or their dreams or

18:10

their desires or other ones to

18:12

you out loud. Whether.

18:15

That's getting a new job or being

18:17

healthy or cutting back on drinking a

18:19

running a marathon, are growing their business

18:21

or building a music career. If

18:24

someone tells you what, they won. And

18:26

they're not doing anything about it

18:28

or they don't seize the obvious

18:30

opportunities in front of them. You

18:32

have a. right? To.

18:35

Feel confused? And.

18:37

I'm here to remind you and ask

18:40

you. To sold

18:42

space. For. What your

18:44

loved one wants? To be

18:46

a loud advocate for what

18:49

they want. So

18:51

that you can help them push

18:53

through the seer. I.

18:55

Want you to remind them of

18:58

their potential and of the possibility

19:00

and why. It's worth it to

19:02

push through the motions and work

19:04

for it. And. This is a

19:06

very different way of. Approaching it's and

19:08

pressuring somebody. Is not

19:11

a telling somebody what to do?

19:14

I. Mean, I know from experience and I'm sure you

19:16

do to that pressuring somebody or telling somebody what

19:18

to do is the fastest way to get them

19:20

not to do it right. They will do the

19:22

opposite. Sort already given you

19:24

a phrase that you can use. To.

19:27

Help bring clarity without judgment

19:29

to a situation. Where.

19:31

Someone that you love has declared

19:33

what they want. But. You

19:36

don't see them doing anything or

19:38

you see them backing away from

19:41

the opportunity. Use the phrase I

19:43

used. I'm confused. Lead.

19:45

With that phrase. Because. When

19:47

you come from a place of confusion so

19:49

you're not attacking someone else, you basically putting

19:52

the spotlight on you. I'm confused here. Your

19:55

gently pointing out that their behavior is not

19:57

matching what they said they wanted. Here's an

19:59

example. I heard you say you wanted

20:01

to find a new job and I'm confused. As.

20:05

I don't know what you're doing about

20:07

it. You need some help. Or

20:10

here's another they have. I heard you say that you

20:12

wanted to lose forty pounds. And

20:14

I'm confused. Cause

20:16

I haven't seen you. Exercising.

20:21

In the last few weeks. To.

20:23

Need some support? And.

20:26

Then. But.

20:30

And here's piece of advice. When. You.

20:33

Let them talk Ask you say I'm confused.

20:38

I want you to imagine that they're. Literally gonna throw

20:40

up on you. Because.

20:43

You've just poked the beast. And

20:46

a seer. Or. In security.

20:49

Has. Paralyzed. The

20:52

person you love. The

20:54

fear and insecurity is gonna come out of

20:56

their mouth first and attack you. So.

20:59

When you go I'm confused or in Iran so busy

21:01

how dare you build it He had a the other

21:03

the area where we only louis. And

21:06

just keep going. Anything else? Yeah, Oh yeah

21:08

yeah that you have been busy. Yep, anything

21:10

else. With some reason. Anything

21:12

else. Because. What

21:14

finally will come out. Is.

21:18

The truth. And the

21:20

truth is that either. They.

21:24

Know what they want, But.

21:26

They're scared. Or.

21:29

They know what they want, but they don't. Know

21:31

how to get started, I.

21:35

Mean that was Dentals. Response.

21:38

She. Was drowning in in security

21:40

imposter syndrome and fear. And

21:43

when somebody is in the deep end emotionally.

21:47

You. Need to throw them a lifeline. And here's

21:49

how you do it. and this is life

21:51

Lesson number One From this random evening that I

21:53

spent. In New York City

21:56

for words. It's

21:58

not that deep. If other

22:00

deep. Because.

22:02

Somebody. Deepen Their emotions

22:04

needs to be yanked out of the emotions

22:06

and so I want you to use as

22:09

forwards. It's not that deep sea when candles

22:11

started talking about her fears. Carnegie Home A

22:13

good. It's New York. It's this. It's and

22:15

seven days it is. Well, as you can

22:17

hear I you served to just swirl right.

22:21

Candle. Is not that deep? Been

22:24

out for ya. I'm.

22:26

I'm still here to say. Is. That that

22:28

deep? It's an auditorium

22:31

that happens to be on the corner

22:33

sixty Seven and Six in a town

22:35

called. New York City, It's not that

22:37

deep. As that, you didn't

22:39

even know that the piano concert was

22:41

happening until you got this email. System.

22:44

Are deep. Is no one else

22:46

knows about it either. And by the way if

22:48

you don't post about it on social media or

22:51

invite any your friends and family nobody that you

22:53

know will be there. It's. Not that

22:55

cheap. And besides. She's.

22:58

And performing in front of audiences

23:00

for sixteen. Years. It's not

23:02

that deep. What are

23:04

your mentors is performing Is that tape?

23:07

And as I kept saying this phrase,

23:09

it's not that cheap She left. Has

23:12

to. Us.

23:17

And letting my emotions get the best to me. It's

23:20

up at the. Answer at

23:22

them back and said yes. And

23:25

this is a reminder. That.

23:29

Every. Situation lives doesn't. Need to

23:31

be so damn serious. Everything that

23:34

you face doesn't need decades of trauma therapy

23:36

to get through it. The six

23:38

don't need to be so high all the time,

23:40

but it is so easy isn't it to get

23:42

yourself all worked up in the emotional deep end

23:44

of your own mind and body? And

23:47

that's why you need this. Lesson number one: it's

23:49

not that deep and I have to credit Candle

23:51

because she's the one that actually taught me. This

23:54

phrase is not that deep mom. It's.

23:56

Not that deep. And. Now I'm using a back

23:58

on her which I love even more. The even

24:00

hear myself say those for words. It's not

24:02

that deep. It gives me the

24:04

space when I set it to her. It's not that

24:06

good. That look mel is other

24:08

deep if she doesn't wanna go to New

24:11

york. This. Coming week and perform

24:13

at Carnegie Hall served to do as

24:15

at a deep. There will be other

24:17

opportunities you don't need to worry about

24:19

this. It's not that deep. It relaxes

24:21

them. It relaxes, use it lowers the

24:23

steaks. It allows. Rational.

24:25

Thinking and support to step in. Because.

24:28

The fact is is she's not ready. She should

24:30

do it. If she doesn't want

24:32

to do it, she shouldn't do it. And.

24:34

If she decides not to do it, Is.

24:37

As a deep. So it

24:39

also helps me relax

24:41

into. The. Idea that this

24:43

is her decision. Let's.

24:45

Just get the emotions out of the way. And

24:49

there's one more thing I want to point

24:51

out about this first lesson and why it's

24:53

not. That. Deep will really help you.

24:58

No one needs pressure from you. Marry.

25:00

Feel enough as it. Like. What six examples:

25:03

Looking for a new job that is a stressful

25:05

experience even if you're excited to find a new

25:07

job. And if you've been laid off and you're

25:09

looking for new job. That's even

25:11

more stressing. So. You

25:14

need the phrase? It's. Not that deep so

25:16

you can lower the steaks and keep

25:18

your composure and your productivity and your

25:21

momentum. And you're clear thinking: And

25:23

you can use it's not that deep. To.

25:27

Push. Yourself for when you start feeling paralyzed

25:29

like everything is so high stakes. Knows I

25:31

do is just a resume. Sad that tapes.

25:33

Is this an interview as such As deep

25:35

as this a job offer. It's not that

25:37

deep. And. I can't allow

25:39

myself to get into the deep and or

25:42

I'm in a screw myself over. That's why

25:44

you gotta say it's not that deep sea,

25:46

you keep working toward something and up paralyze

25:48

yourself and also so that you keep your

25:50

wits about you when things do sir to

25:52

work out. Seat on, blow up the opportunity

25:54

by getting too emotional. same thing through data.

25:57

Yes, It can be very demoralizing to be out in

25:59

the data. The world And to find yourself ask

26:01

yourself why is everybody a meeting Such a loser

26:04

Where's everybody else have a significant other not miss

26:06

we the going to be maternal of Spices

26:08

certs and you know at his other deep.

26:11

The. Fact is Bob, you haven't met the

26:13

person. Who's good enough for you? yet? That's why are

26:15

still single. See. If not that deep.

26:18

All. right? So. Lesson number one in the

26:20

phrase is not that deep. It allows you to

26:22

take these moments a lot less seriously. But you

26:25

know what? I take really seriously? Or

26:27

advertisers because they support the show and allow

26:29

me to bring you this awesome awesome badass

26:31

at zero costs. Plus take a quick listen.

26:33

But don't you dare go anywhere. Because.

26:36

We come back, we'll move and under.

26:38

lesson number two which is the shocking.

26:40

Power of a good scream and wait

26:42

to hear the story about where does

26:44

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26:46

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there with Marriott envoy. Welcome

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back, it's your friend now! I'm so

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thrilled that you are sheer with me.

29:26

I am excited to continue telling the

29:29

story about what happened when our daughter

29:31

was invited to saying her new single

29:33

past time at Carnegie Hall and the

29:35

for life lessons that I learned on

29:38

that random night in New York City.

29:40

I've already shared lesson number one where

29:42

we. Talked about. using.

29:45

For simple words, it's not that

29:47

deep. To. Unhook your emotionally

29:49

when you start to feel

29:52

upset that that you laws

29:54

is not seizing an opportunity

29:56

are. Moving forward and working toward what

29:58

they want. And you can also. It's not

30:00

a deep to unhook yourself when you're

30:03

the one that's paralyzed to push yourself

30:05

through the fear. So now that your

30:07

movement, let's keep the story moving and

30:10

where the story picks up his that

30:12

she replies to the email. And

30:15

now we're going. A fast forward

30:17

seven days to the day of

30:19

the piano recital at Carnegie Hall.

30:22

And on the day of the recital it's

30:24

a Friday. I'm driving down from Vermont and

30:26

candle is flown in the night before and

30:29

she staying with some friends from college in

30:31

New York City and as I'm about to

30:33

get to the city she calls me it's

30:35

like or and two Thirteen says hey mom,

30:38

will you pick me up. Down.

30:40

In the West Village at my friend's apartment and

30:42

then drive me up to Carnegie Hall. I just

30:44

single be so cool to see you and I

30:46

was really excited about this because I just assumed

30:49

I was in a seer until after her performance

30:51

because I didn't want to stress or out but

30:53

I was like yeah I can pick you up

30:55

we have plenty of time you know and reminded

30:57

me that her call time. At Carnegie Hall

30:59

was for fifteen. And the soundtrack

31:02

was gonna happen at five thirty.

31:04

so plenty of time. And honestly,

31:06

I was just absolutely thrilled. So

31:08

I'm driving down the west side

31:10

highway. I pull up to the

31:12

apartments. she jumps in the car,

31:15

we brace each other. was so

31:17

exciting and would immediately struck me.

31:20

Was she was just. Cool

31:22

as a cucumber. And. We

31:25

were talking up a storm and she had

31:27

had a great night the night before and

31:29

were driving up town and the song comes

31:31

on that she loves and she grabbed my

31:33

hand and she started to cry and she's

31:35

like I just can't resist. Pluto

31:38

to lose anybody either. So I was

31:40

just. Thrilled to be in the

31:42

moment! And. Honestly to have a little bit

31:44

of time with her. Before. The

31:46

show began and before some of our

31:49

family and friends started to arrive in

31:51

town to see or perform and I'd

31:53

booked a hotel that was. Next

31:55

door at Carnegie. all like I'm Zoc and

31:57

the building is next door to Carnegie Hall.

32:00

We pulled up to the hotel at three

32:02

forty five. Plenty time, right? we drop our

32:04

bags at the hotel. We walked into the

32:06

lobby. And Boom! Her

32:09

grandmother was standing there. Her

32:12

grandmother had flown in from Florida

32:14

to Surprise Candle. There's crying and

32:16

squeals and hogs and now Wow!

32:18

Game on! Excitement is really building

32:20

it sir to see a real

32:22

you know what I mean. Like

32:25

this is actually happening. So we

32:27

get into the elevator and it's

32:29

me and it's or Grandma Jj

32:31

and I'd Jj, his boyfriend John

32:33

and so we're going up The

32:35

four of us and I'm starting

32:38

to feel. Candles. Free

32:40

performance, anxiety, kicking and how do I know?

32:43

As I can spot the way that I feel

32:45

and nice moments where I'm about to do some

32:47

big she's starting around the room. She's.

32:50

Getting frustrated she can't find a waters, can't find her

32:52

this can't find her lips. Six can't say no pants.

32:54

He's got the wrong pants and she certainly gets you

32:56

know short like the one. Can I help you know

32:58

you can all be? I guess I these likes of

33:00

your get it you been in that situation with people

33:03

that you love right? So at four Pm. And

33:05

she starts going to we got ago. We gotta go. We got ago

33:08

when she is shoved all these. Clothes and her bag just as and

33:10

what she wants to where. We gotta go. We gotta

33:12

go. And I'm trying to convert out and reassure

33:14

wrong thing. To do and like we are time

33:16

honey. Carnegie. Hall remixer.

33:19

As. Seen the Backstage door? It's literally.

33:21

Ninety. Seconds from here. I

33:24

saw the security guard. I saw the metal

33:26

detector. I checked it out weird into through

33:28

it easy Pc. Areas

33:31

thinks you heard me like she's now in that

33:33

state or she's ramped up. so we get into

33:35

the elevator Now mind you, We.

33:37

Now have and eighty six year old grandmother and

33:39

her eighty five year old. Boyfriend tagging along.

33:42

And so I'm starting to realize. okay, the last

33:44

and candle probably. Once right now is an entourage and

33:46

so I source a Stainless. And we don't need to

33:49

come with you to sound checked. Seriously, I give you.

33:51

Just want to go and do this yourself. I will

33:53

go hang out and she grabs Irises Know

33:55

Mom I really want you to be there.

33:58

So I say okay, And. So. Her

34:01

grandmother's like okay well we'll just walk into the door. So

34:03

we all had out to the hotel. We. Turn

34:05

to the right, I see.

34:08

The. Stage door is open. Read.

34:10

And Fifty Six Three. And a point I

34:12

say honey, it's right there. And. She

34:14

goes no such. Know that you're the average An

34:16

idea version as on anniversary I have every club were to

34:18

be late. We're gonna be late. I had been like. And

34:21

she takes. A right. And

34:24

such through the building between The hotel

34:26

and Carnegie Hall. And.

34:28

Speed walks through the lobby in

34:31

the wrong direction and I'm. Trying

34:34

to tell her grandma or were you guys

34:36

go I'm going to go catch up with

34:38

her. Anxiety is now in full charge. She's

34:40

been walking like she's at the Olympics Speed

34:42

Walking finals and I am now running after

34:44

and she's pumping her arms and now she's

34:46

out the lobby and taken a left on

34:48

Sixty Seven Three or even see or anymore.

34:50

So I'm running through the lobby. I get

34:52

out the building by now she's at the

34:54

corner and you can tell she's upset. The

34:56

scarves is flying so. Much

34:59

is back there is back there she durch

35:01

around the saying i'm like we do. As

35:04

you can just feel it and none of

35:06

the doors are open. And so as she

35:08

goes to every door at Carnegie Hall it's

35:10

that preserver owner of of your they're not

35:12

opening and so that's increase in the thanks.

35:14

And so I start to break into a

35:16

light job and I round the corner on

35:18

Fifty Seventh and Six and cut down Six

35:21

and the front of her your and then

35:23

I go back down sixty six to the

35:25

door. That's. Right next

35:27

to our hotel. We.

35:30

Have basically sprinted around a New York

35:32

City blocks. To. Arrive

35:34

almost exactly. Where. We

35:36

were when we walked out of the hotel. And.

35:39

She keeps saying i hate being late, I

35:41

hate being way of keeping weight and like.

35:45

Time. We still time it

35:47

is for thirteen. We should have been

35:49

twenty minutes early and like you're right,

35:51

you're right. but ears were okay. We

35:53

go through the metal detector. She.

35:56

Ask for directions. The security guards

35:58

were. Wonderful! Say you

36:00

gotta go up to the second floor she

36:02

is still repeating and a half a heaping

36:05

later he been with a being lights We

36:07

round the corner. We. Sit the

36:09

up arrow on the elevator. Looking

36:13

at the watch it's okay, it's just for is keenly

36:15

to see on weight on my own to dig dug

36:17

what we were in the building is and and so

36:19

now we're starting to bicker. The

36:22

elevator doors open up we

36:24

or a sin she punches

36:26

the to so we. Can go

36:29

up to the second floor where she

36:31

supposed to go. Meet. All

36:34

the other musicians. The.

36:36

Elevator doors close as she's

36:38

going on. And.

36:42

The elevator. Goes.

36:44

Down. It's

36:48

going. To. The basement. Instead.

36:52

Of the second floor. And

36:56

as that elevator dropped. My.

36:59

Heart began to sink. And

37:01

it's just the two of us. In.

37:03

There. And

37:06

Candle drops her head. And.

37:08

Puts her hands over her face,

37:11

And. Then. She. Pulls

37:14

her hands by her side

37:17

with to face and let's

37:19

out This blood curdling. School.

37:24

Easy. Fights

37:26

was shot still I thought she

37:28

was about the sir sobbing. Are

37:31

you. Talk about a

37:33

bad ass move. I mean how

37:35

often. Do you have

37:37

these moments where you are so tense

37:39

up with the motion that you are

37:42

about to burst into tears? Or.

37:44

You just still sit down and

37:47

you never release. I mean this

37:49

was a primal scream. Stis was

37:52

like a cause third act moments

37:54

where she release everything that have

37:56

been building up probably. For.

37:59

A week said. The got that first

38:01

email rights. This is not a scream

38:03

weakness. This was a frickin' lion as.

38:05

Roar and. Why I

38:08

loved about a ginger? That eyes and there. She

38:10

didn't care what I was thinking, She didn't care

38:12

who my hear her. For.

38:16

If you gave yourself permission. To.

38:20

Do that. To

38:23

release the tension. To.

38:27

Just. Let. It

38:29

slip General Amp you know the just.

38:33

Scream with all your might. To.

38:37

Stop holding it in. To

38:39

stop trying to hold it together. Maybe.

38:42

You're sitting there in the front seat or your purchase. Let

38:44

it will. Scream. I would

38:47

scream right now but it would be like really

38:49

hurt your ears if you have ear buds and

38:51

I'm not going to do that either walk into

38:53

a bathroom stalls he to pick up a throw

38:55

pillow is one of the kids are sleeping or

38:57

taken an abnormally come up just walk out the

38:59

front door and stanley for your and just scream

39:01

it out. Hit.

39:03

The release valve. That's

39:06

lesson number to. The.

39:09

Power. Of a good

39:11

scream. He. Wouldn't

39:13

feel so good. If.

39:15

You gave yourself

39:18

permission. To

39:21

just. Release.

39:23

It off. I

39:26

mean candles scream echoed through the

39:28

elevator shaft. It was like the

39:30

elevator was shaking and it not

39:32

only broke all the tension for her

39:34

i'll tell you what assists that

39:36

also sounded the alarm because let me

39:39

tell you what app it's the

39:41

second she let out that scream and

39:43

of for by her side you

39:45

like. As

39:49

soon as she was done screaming it was like

39:51

boehm. She was back. In

39:54

control. Like it never happened.

39:56

And it was kind of funny because what would actually did

39:59

happen is all the said. We have the basement.

40:01

And the doors open and there's

40:04

literally a dude who is clearly

40:06

run towards the elevator is out

40:09

of breath. He's heard the scream

40:11

because he's like are you okay

40:13

fire to retrieve and see. The.

40:16

Sights Oh My god I'm so sorry

40:18

I just had a moment my guide

40:20

says needed to just scream yet i

40:23

you need screen some and he was

40:25

amazing. He laughed news like oh I

40:27

totally get it happens all the time

40:30

in here. He

40:32

got on the elevator weather's Road up to

40:34

the main floor. Got. Out on

40:36

the main force or sort of the second floor. But

40:39

because she had screamed. She.

40:42

Was Eleanor said? She.

40:44

Was in her power. And.

40:47

It turns out there's a lot of

40:49

research. On. House

40:52

Therapeutic. Screening can be. It

40:54

was such a powerful moment and

40:56

researchers speculate as to why. See.

40:59

After you scream like was intention like

41:01

that. The relief that you feel after

41:03

a big scream or a good

41:05

cry is because. There's

41:08

this huge rush of endorphins and

41:10

peptides produced by the Pituitary gland

41:12

and your central nervous system. And

41:15

they act on your brains receptors. It

41:17

increases like the Pleasure center. Like maybe

41:19

that's where the control comes from. It

41:22

reduces, pants us and it increases strength.

41:24

Now this comes from Dr. Brian Bruno

41:26

his the Medical Director at Mid City

41:29

T M As a New York City

41:31

based medical center that's focused on treating

41:33

depression and he wrote this big article

41:35

about it. Doctor Brennan says that as

41:38

you. Scream. Your. Body

41:40

becomes more alert. And

41:42

you release tension in the muscles

41:44

that are caused by bottled up

41:47

emotions of in screaming literally just

41:49

voice your emotions and transforms that

41:51

feeling that can paralyze you. And.

41:54

Cheap? you like? just. Stoke.

41:58

City sensing that's. silent

42:01

and creating this inner tension to

42:04

something that you physically feel and

42:07

hear and process. It

42:09

allows you to release the emotion and take control.

42:12

That's exactly what

42:14

I witnessed in the elevator. Because

42:17

as the elevator started to rise from

42:19

the lobby up to the second floor

42:21

and we got closer to the second

42:23

floor and you could

42:25

hear the piano

42:29

playing in the rehearsal rooms. The

42:35

doors of the elevator opened to the

42:37

second floor and there

42:40

we were with all the performers

42:43

and the first person that was there to

42:45

greet us, her buddy Phil,

42:48

he was waiting like a warm hug. Everything

42:51

in that moment seemed to reset and

42:55

you could feel that things were

42:57

different because they were.

43:02

And you want to know what's amazing? I

43:04

haven't even gotten to the good part of the story yet. Let's

43:08

take a quick pause and hear a word from our

43:10

sponsors. They allow me to bring this show to you

43:12

at zero cost. And when

43:14

you listen, just send them a little hug back and

43:17

if you need to release

43:19

the tension, feel

43:21

free to scream it out while we're on

43:23

break. Maybe in the front seat

43:25

of your car while you're out on a walk and

43:28

just know that I'll be

43:30

waiting here for you. Just like Phil

43:32

was waiting for us outside that elevator

43:34

like a warm hug after the break.

43:37

Because you and I still have two more life

43:39

lessons to cover and I'm only

43:42

just getting started with this story. Don't

43:44

go anywhere. We'll be right back. I

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dot Com Promo Code: Now. Welcome

46:01

back, it's your friend Mel. I'm so

46:03

thrilled that you're here with me. I'm

46:05

telling you the story about this random

46:07

night that our daughter sang her new

46:09

song, Pastime at Carnegie Hall and the

46:11

four life lessons I learned. We've covered

46:13

two already. Number one, it's not that

46:15

deep. You got to use that as

46:18

a phrase to unhook you when you start

46:20

getting deep in the emotions and you feel

46:22

paralyzed. You can also use that to push

46:24

somebody that you love through their emotions and

46:27

get them going toward what they want. Second,

46:29

the power of a good scream. Do

46:32

not keep that pressure in. Give

46:35

yourself permission to release

46:38

it. Whether it's a

46:40

scream, a cry, a sigh, a

46:42

hug, stop bottling it up and

46:45

take control. Now,

46:47

let's move on to lesson number three,

46:49

which is give someone your pants. I

46:52

know it makes no sense. It will in a minute. But

46:55

we are now at the part of the story

46:57

where we're at Carnegie Hall. The

46:59

elevator doors have opened up. We

47:02

are on the second floor where all

47:04

the rehearsal rooms are and the artists

47:06

are milling about and all of a

47:09

sudden this woman walks by and she

47:12

is the epitome of

47:15

cool. And just

47:17

this woman that looks like an artist,

47:19

she's got the coolest clothes on and

47:21

this cool aura about her. And she

47:23

was wearing like a black leather jacket

47:26

and a black t-shirt and these super

47:28

cool big glasses. And she's got this

47:30

awesome shaggy long haircut. And

47:33

she has her younger daughter with her and she's

47:35

got on these insanely

47:37

cool pants. They

47:39

were these black pants

47:42

that were high waisted and they

47:44

fit kind of just right over

47:46

the hips. And then they

47:49

went out like these huge, not

47:54

even bell bottoms because you know what it looked like? It

47:56

looked like a ball gown. You know

47:58

how a ball gown that you

48:00

would wear to a big fancy event or something

48:02

that you would expect a Disney princess to wear

48:04

like some big gown at the bottom. It

48:07

looked like that only when she started walking you

48:09

realized, oh my God, those are pants. How freaking

48:11

cool is that? And so Kendall turns

48:13

to me and says, oh my gosh,

48:15

I think I know that lady because I think she

48:18

was at the Newport Folk Festival. I

48:20

recognized not only her, but I think she

48:22

was wearing those same pants at the Newport

48:24

Folk Festival because I remember seeing her with

48:26

some of the artists who were playing at

48:28

the piano recital with me tonight. And I

48:31

think she was wearing those same pants. And

48:34

I was like, oh, we got to find out who makes

48:36

those pants. And then all of a sudden Phil's like,

48:38

dude, no, we got to go play our song. And

48:40

so we go into the rehearsal room and this was

48:42

all the super cool moment. Well, Kendall

48:44

and Phil were at the piano in this tiny little

48:47

room and I'm crouched down in the corner and

48:49

here they are working out the

48:52

piano arrangement. It's

48:56

like four thirty in the afternoon at Carnegie Hall

48:58

on the second floor. I

49:05

could have sat crouched in

49:08

the corner staying out of their way just

49:10

listening to them forever. It was so cool

49:12

to watch two wildly

49:15

talented musicians just work

49:17

and speak this language that I

49:19

have no idea how people do that.

49:21

It's fascinating. And before we knew it, it

49:24

was five thirty and it was

49:26

time for Kendall and Phil to go downstairs

49:28

to the stage at Carnegie Hall and do

49:30

their sound check. And

49:33

before we got there, I'd been told all these

49:35

things about Carnegie Hall like they're super strict and

49:37

they will kick you out if you try

49:39

to film. And so I was very cautious

49:41

about taking any photos or doing whatever. And

49:43

here we go. We go down the elevator

49:45

again and then we get on the first

49:47

floor and we walk into the holding area

49:49

backstage at the main stage at Carnegie Hall.

49:51

And as we walk backstage, this woman with

49:53

a headset and a clipboard comes up. She's

49:57

running the show and

49:59

it turns out. She's a huge

50:01

fan of these. And

50:05

for she gave me a huge hug and

50:07

I'm like you would oversight to and she

50:09

lets me said. On

50:11

the stage. Against.

50:14

The wall. So. I

50:16

could watch the rehearsal. So

50:18

I sat on the stage. At

50:21

Carnegie Hall. When.

50:23

The theater was completely

50:26

empty. And. I

50:28

got some parts. Everybody warming

50:30

a was like the coolest thing in the

50:32

lights for like purple and blue and just

50:34

the. Majesty.

50:37

Of this I don't even know if that's the right word. There

50:40

was to so much. Beer. It. That.

50:43

Was present in that room. And

50:46

he raises your everything's occurred or

50:48

hurry when you know Somebody walked

50:50

up to the piano and felt

50:52

so what up first and he

50:54

played his ah first song a

50:56

little bit and I wanted to

50:58

Syrian can hear the echo and

51:00

the spaciousness of this. And

51:16

is still was playing. A

51:19

woman with the Kobe. It's came over. She

51:22

literally came on stage as he sat down

51:24

and we started talking shit or five year

51:26

old daughter there with her and we're talking

51:28

about how she's friends with a bunch of

51:30

the musicians and that she just loves music

51:32

and she was in town for work and

51:34

he i didn't know her she was yeah

51:36

no get that. just a minute and in

51:38

I leaned over and like. Tell

51:41

you. On

51:44

Result: Forty two kids.

51:47

and she had a laughed and through had

51:49

up there she's like oh my god is

51:51

only these pants could talk i have had

51:53

these fans for twenty years i last i

51:56

call them the traveling pants because they have

51:58

been all over the world strong friends have

52:00

borrowed them, people have, you know, asked to

52:02

use them. I have like, I just love

52:04

these pants. And I'm like, well, who makes

52:06

them? She's like, I have no idea. The

52:09

tag fell out years ago. I keep

52:11

threatening to like copy the pants and

52:13

make a pair of pants, but I

52:15

just just just, you know, she just

52:17

kind of went on about the pants.

52:20

So then she switched the topic. And she's like, is

52:23

that your daughter? Because now Kendall

52:25

was walking up to Phil who

52:28

had just finished up his

52:30

mic check. And I was like, yeah,

52:32

yeah, yeah. And she goes, it must be

52:35

so thrilling to

52:37

see your daughter perform

52:39

here at Carnegie

52:42

Hall. And I nodded and

52:44

I could feel the tears coming up. And

52:47

then Kendall and Phil started

52:51

your sound check. I

53:01

don't think I took

53:03

a breath for five minutes straight.

53:07

I just sat in

53:10

awe that we

53:12

were here. And

53:17

after they finished, Kendall and Phil walked

53:19

over and Kendall started talking to this

53:21

amazing woman with the pants. And

53:24

it turns out her name is Leanne

53:26

Ford. And I

53:28

did not know this at the time, but

53:30

you may know her because she has a

53:33

show on HDTV. She's a famous interior designer.

53:35

I mean, she looks like somebody who would

53:37

design pottery and furniture. And she happened to

53:39

be in town because she was

53:42

releasing a new line with Crate and Barrel.

53:44

I mean, how freaking cool is this? So

53:46

now I'm like realizing, oh my God, this person's like,

53:48

like not only looks cool, but she's doing so many

53:51

cool things. And so Kendall walks over and she

53:53

goes, so Ken, what are you going to wear tonight? And

53:55

Kendall said, you know, I'm not sure I've got a bunch

53:57

of stuff I borrowed from my roommates, but you know, I really

53:59

don't know. know what I should do." And she

54:01

said, well, you got to wear something fabulous.

54:03

I mean, it is Carnegie Hall. And Kendall just

54:05

casually said, I wish

54:08

I had time to run to a store. I mean, I don't

54:11

really love everything I have. I mean, I wish

54:13

I had something fabulous like what you're wearing right now.

54:17

And that was that. We

54:19

chatted for a few more minutes. We said goodbye.

54:21

I went back to the hotel.

54:24

Kendall went back up to the rehearsal

54:26

room with Phil. I

54:29

wished her luck. I thought

54:32

that was going to be it. And

54:35

then I get a text from her and she

54:38

says, you have to come over. It's like 7 30

54:40

now. Doors open at eight o'clock. You

54:42

have to come over. Something incredible just happened. Like,

54:46

do you need anything? She's like, no, no, no, just come, just come, just

54:48

come. So I go racing down

54:50

the elevator out the front door to the

54:52

stage door, back up the elevator to the

54:54

second floor. I'm now in the little room

54:57

that they were sitting in and I open up the door

54:59

and she's like, Mom, you're not going to guess what happened.

55:01

And I'm like, what happened? She's like, the pants. I'm like,

55:03

what pants? And then I look at her. She's

55:05

wearing the cool ballroom

55:09

skirt pants. I'm like,

55:11

what? Turns out

55:14

a couple hours after the conversation on the

55:17

stage, Leanne came to her

55:19

room, knocked on the

55:21

door and gave

55:23

Kendall the pants she had

55:25

been wearing. And

55:28

she handed her this extraordinary note

55:31

about wearing the pants

55:33

with love and joy and

55:36

wishing her all of this

55:39

success and congratulations

55:41

about this moment and then ending

55:43

it by saying, when you're ready,

55:46

here's my address. Just send them

55:48

back with love. She

55:51

literally gave my daughter the pants she

55:54

was wearing. She went back

55:56

to her hotel, changed out of

55:58

those pants into something else, came back

56:00

to Carnegie Hall, wrote a note

56:02

and handed them to my daughter to wear

56:04

on stage. It is one of the most

56:06

kind and

56:09

generous gestures I

56:11

have ever seen a woman

56:13

do for another woman. It's

56:16

not about the pants at all, is it? She

56:20

took her pants off and

56:23

gave them to my daughter with love. And

56:28

I want to pause here and ask you,

56:32

what if you lived your whole life like that? What

56:38

if your possessions were not yours to have,

56:41

but yours to give, and

56:44

to lend to others, to lift them up? That

56:47

the pants that you're wearing

56:50

right now as you hear my voice or

56:52

you watch this on YouTube, that

56:55

they could be a gift to somebody? I

56:59

didn't get a chance to thank her in person. I

57:03

was so moved by it and by just

57:05

how beautiful they looked on Kendall. It was

57:07

like Cinderella's slipper. I mean, they fit her

57:10

perfectly. And the heels

57:13

that Kendall was wearing were the perfect height so

57:16

she didn't trip on them. And

57:18

I was so moved that I just had

57:20

to reach out to her. And so the

57:22

only way that I knew to reach out

57:24

to her was to DM her on Instagram.

57:26

And I want to read you the exchange

57:28

that we had. I

57:32

wanted to say thank you. You giving

57:34

Kendall your pants to wear last night was one of

57:37

the coolest things I've ever experienced a woman doing

57:39

to support another woman. It

57:41

was such a kind and generous gesture

57:44

on so many levels. And

57:47

then I told her that I was going to

57:49

get them dry cleaned and get them fed ex-facto

57:51

or safe and sound. And just

57:53

acknowledge her for being super cool. And

57:56

by the way, so is your collection,

57:58

a Crate and Barrel. Oh,

58:01

we got to lift each other up. You know what I'm saying? Wait

58:03

till you hear her response. She's

58:06

like, nah, honestly, it wasn't

58:08

even a question in my mind. Feel

58:10

free to take those pants for a spin, too, because

58:12

I believe you said you have a big speech coming

58:15

up. So many thoughts, Mel.

58:18

One, Kendall did the most incredible

58:20

job. Wow. I

58:22

felt so thrilled for her and for my

58:24

pants. Her look was worthy

58:27

of the magnitude of the event. Though

58:30

I was thinking the entire time, don't trip,

58:32

don't trip, which is my norm in

58:35

those puppies. But what

58:37

I've been thinking about all day and

58:39

something that I honestly will not

58:41

soon forget was watching a mom,

58:43

you, watch her

58:45

daughter, prepare to

58:48

sing on stage at Carnegie Hall

58:50

that afternoon. Maybe

58:53

it was the fact that I was sitting there with my

58:55

own daughter and feeling this

58:57

beautiful core life and memory forming in

58:59

her own little heart. But

59:02

I can't describe what I was

59:05

feeling at that moment, enough to

59:07

do it justice. Just

59:09

that I felt such joy coming

59:13

from you, and

59:15

I felt such joy for you

59:18

as a mother. Different

59:21

than I was feeling for Kendall, even

59:23

as the performer. I

59:26

must have been emanating off of you, because

59:29

man, oh man, I

59:31

was picking up what you were putting out. The

59:34

confidence you have created and supported

59:36

in your daughter is obvious to all

59:39

who meet her. And

59:41

meeting you two together, I

59:43

know why. May

59:45

I give my daughter the same light you've

59:48

given yours? And

59:56

that brings me to the fourth and final

59:58

Lesson. If

1:00:01

you want to make something a core. Memory Do

1:00:03

not try to sell Met. Her.

1:00:09

I had been warned repeatedly that you

1:00:11

are kicked out of courage the hall

1:00:13

if you try to selma live performance

1:00:16

and so I had. A

1:00:18

looked at every possible way to sneak

1:00:20

in a camera and try to film

1:00:22

our daughter singing without getting caught. I

1:00:24

was ready. do my best. I had

1:00:26

tried it out. I literally you would

1:00:28

have laughed so hard. I had on

1:00:30

a big trenchcoat that I kept my

1:00:33

elbows toxic my sides and held the

1:00:35

soul in my close to my chest

1:00:37

and I got the perfect shot ready

1:00:39

to go. And as she walked on

1:00:41

that stage I set the record button.

1:00:47

But. When she started singing.

1:00:54

I couldn't help but lean

1:00:56

forward. Into.

1:00:59

The moment. And

1:01:02

I forgot about the camera. And

1:01:06

I forgot about where I was. And

1:01:09

I just. Was

1:01:12

present in the moment. And

1:01:15

as I took in

1:01:17

every single second of

1:01:19

her performance, I had

1:01:21

no idea. That.

1:01:24

I had tilted forward so

1:01:26

far. That I

1:01:28

was filming the railing. And front of

1:01:30

me. But

1:01:32

it did any of it

1:01:35

to have christmas. But I'm

1:01:37

glad I didn't. Because you

1:01:39

can't be present to your phone. and

1:01:43

present to your life at

1:01:45

the same time. Don't.

1:01:48

Be so obsessed with capturing.

1:01:52

Everything. That

1:01:54

you miss out on. Experiencing it, And

1:01:58

one more thing. And case though, Toyota's

1:02:00

today. Let me be the one to tell

1:02:02

you that I love you and I believe

1:02:05

in you. And I believe in

1:02:07

your ability to create a better life.

1:02:10

Is not that deep? Sea Go Do It!

1:02:14

I'll see in a few days. He.

1:03:03

No thank you Jesse! Are a

1:03:05

great. On a second I'm like

1:03:07

ceiling like not. Where. Are

1:03:09

we good? She released are very verse.

1:03:13

Or. Or

1:03:15

is what? Yeah, I do. I needed

1:03:17

amy. Anything. You

1:03:20

I get a grip. Oh My. God.

1:03:22

Oh my God. I love it. I

1:03:24

love it. Yeah, okay. great. great. Great

1:03:26

great game. A direct. Come

1:03:28

on. And or home

1:03:30

in their own. It's not

1:03:33

loaded man. Soccer. Or

1:03:35

ago the okay area from

1:03:37

Iran. And. Mom

1:03:40

season. So

1:03:42

good for that, He was. Oh

1:03:50

and one more thing I know

1:03:52

this is not a blooper. This

1:03:55

is the legal language. You know

1:03:57

what the lawyers right and what

1:03:59

I need to read the you.

1:04:01

This podcast is presented. Solely for

1:04:03

educational and entertainment purposes.

1:04:06

I'm just your friend. I am

1:04:08

not a licensed therapist and this

1:04:10

podcast is not intended as a

1:04:12

substitute for the advice of a

1:04:14

physician's professional coach. Psychotherapist or

1:04:17

other qualified professional. Got.

1:04:19

It. Good. Or see and the

1:04:21

next episode. Have

1:04:29

you ever told a friend I'm fine

1:04:31

when you really felt so overwhelmed? Done!

1:04:34

This is yours to reach out to

1:04:36

the knowing it a license we force

1:04:38

free Providence support to don't have to

1:04:40

hide how you feel, text, call, or

1:04:43

chat any. I

1:04:46

Capella University. You'll. Get support from

1:04:48

people who care about his success. From.

1:04:50

Before even rules to after you graduate

1:04:52

procedure goals knowing help is available when

1:04:55

you need it. Imagine

1:04:57

you see to differently and

1:04:59

capella.edu.