Episode Transcript
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acast.com. This
2:03
episode is dedicated from Thomas Cardona
2:05
to Amanda. Thanks for
2:07
showing me the wonderfully eldritch horror that is
2:09
TMA. I can't wait to go
2:11
down the rabbit hole even further when we terrorise
2:13
our friends with it too. I
2:20
should have said this
2:22
before a first
3:34
a lee
3:47
left couple
3:50
left There
4:00
you go. Oh, you spidana. Why did
4:02
you find that? I've learned
4:06
that keeping my fazbier sound at the break room cupboards is a quick wait a
4:08
minute. What? Oh no, you don't have
4:10
it. It's all good, Vivi. Vivi, take the
4:13
teabag. I'm all for it. Thanks. I
4:15
owe you. Notice. Uh... I'm
4:18
sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm
4:21
sorry. I'm sorry. I'm
4:23
sorry. I'm sorry. I'm
4:25
sorry. Notice. Uh...
4:28
I'm sorry. Any... What
4:31
do you maybe hear and want to go out and grab a cup of tea? Me
4:33
sometimes. Tea? Oh, coffee. At
4:36
least. Oh, no, sir. I mean, you
4:38
don't have to, obviously. It's really good.
4:40
No, I'd like to. It's just your business.
4:43
No, what happens? I don't know. I don't know. I
4:46
don't know. I don't know. I don't
4:48
know. I don't know. I don't know. I
4:50
don't know. I don't know. I
4:53
don't know. I don't know. Well,
4:55
actually, yes, but I'll go to the market
4:57
now. I can't get it. I
5:00
don't know if you can find it. What
5:02
is it about all the people in the market? I
5:05
can't get it. He
5:07
did it. Hey,
5:10
no worries. That would be nice
5:12
to know if you maybe managed to get
5:15
involved. Yes, I did. I'm
5:17
not sure. I just wanted to know if you guys
5:19
can get involved with
5:21
me. You know, you
5:23
can form a... yeah. Yeah,
5:25
that works. Cool. See
5:30
you later. Yeah. Do
5:32
you really think that... What?
5:39
What? Just get
5:41
into it. I'm sure. I don't
5:43
know what you're thinking about. Maybe. I
5:48
was just wondering. I'm
5:50
trying to say, oh, I'm
5:53
sorry to be a bother, but you and I...
5:57
It's not too much trouble, isn't it? I
6:00
just had a quick wave, knew it through digging through
6:03
a little bit of river and I was like,
6:05
we don't know what to do with the game.
6:07
It's only here that you still have people out there
6:09
who are just losing their shit and stuff. But
6:12
it works to the new TV. Cinderbird
6:14
has paid to you in the office right
6:16
now passing a fine, fading off the cinder
6:18
print and booking a one-way flight to Costa
6:21
Rica. You want to tell us? No,
6:23
I just did it. Oh, yes. I can't
6:26
believe I'm missing out on all the jokes. What
6:29
a stanker. Listen,
6:32
I just... Hmm? Huge.
6:35
For what? For coming with me to
6:37
the Institute, even though you knew it was going to be a
6:40
waste of time. A waste? I
6:42
knew it. Yeah, don't
6:44
worry about it. Mm-hmm,
6:47
not really. It is
6:49
not a little bit physical. I'm just waiting for you
6:51
because I'm too scared on time. When
6:53
either way, I'm a little bit physical master
6:56
for all the food you're willing to eat.
6:59
I think I'm not a fan. I'm
7:06
doing a post-apocalyptic email with the
7:08
telephone from the Master's Institute where
7:11
you can monitor these interesting stories.
7:14
You can be like this. Yes.
7:19
Good. You don't know, do you? I just want to
7:21
check the plane. Oh? Come
7:24
on. So now that's just focused
7:26
on getting you as jagged and as pathetic as
7:29
possible. I'm sure. Yeah,
7:31
well, we don't always get
7:33
what we want, do we? Yes.
8:00
Policy type. Employers liability.
8:04
Site address. Soho Jacks. 9 Carlisle
8:07
Street, London. W1D. 3BK. Affected
8:12
employee. Ms. Jordan Bennett. Date
8:15
of incident. 9 March, 2024. Incident
8:19
location. On site. Documentation.
8:22
Crime report. Submitted. Medical
8:25
practitioners report. Submitted. Incident
8:28
book entry. Submitted. First Aiders
8:30
report. Submitted. Supervisors incident
8:33
report. Submitted. HSE
8:35
communications. Submitted. Health
8:38
and safety policies. Submitted. Employment
8:40
contract. Submitted. Claim
8:43
valuation. 1.56 million
8:46
pounds. Sterling. Assessment
8:48
conclusion. Claim denied. Readon.
8:51
Fraudulent claim. See incident
8:53
description and police report. Incident
8:56
description as follows. I've
8:59
been advised by my lawyer that I should
9:01
cooperate with your insurance claim, even if I
9:03
am suing your asses to kingdom come. Something
9:06
about acting in good faith. So
9:08
here is my account of what happened, for all the
9:11
god it'll do. I could
9:13
apologize for the handwriting but since it's your
9:15
damn fault I won't bother. I
9:18
started working at Jax in the spring of 21 after
9:21
finishing the Flare Academy six months earlier. I
9:23
hadn't found a job the whole time and
9:25
I was just about to call it. Go back
9:27
to flipping burgers when Jax replied. Got
9:30
an interview straight away, bossed the demo
9:32
and somehow found myself tending at the
9:34
Soho Gentlemen's Club. Jax
9:37
has dances on the bottom two floors with
9:39
VIP suites for higher above with a dedicated
9:41
bouncer keeping them separate. Really
9:43
it's just a quieter box with a private bar,
9:45
some comfy chairs and the option of private dancers.
9:48
It's always booked up with swank dickheads trying to
9:50
show off. But stags are the
9:52
worst. They're cheap, they're loud, they
9:54
drink too much, tip too little and only
9:57
ever hire one dance for the groom. Plus
9:59
there's a- always some nice guy that won't
10:01
shut up about exploitation without even bothering to
10:04
stop bearing. This lot weren't
10:06
the worst. Just a bunch of heavy
10:08
set middle aged lads with names like
10:10
Ozzer or Rozzer or whatever. My
10:12
guess was they used to be a school rugby team or
10:14
something? The groom was fine, acted embarrassed
10:16
even though he was obviously keen and they
10:18
were easily pleased. They mostly just ordered lager so
10:21
I did a couple of helicopters and a
10:23
flash with some empties just for show and then
10:25
left them to it and got ahead with restocking
10:27
while they all swore they'd come back every
10:29
year. No one ever does.
10:32
They started giving the groom gifts. Same
10:35
old tats always. Cuff links, poo gags,
10:37
all the standard stuff. Then
10:39
the groom spotted the last one on the
10:41
table, this cheap yellow and purple kid's lunchbox.
10:44
It looked old and shoddy and no
10:46
one admitted to bringing it in but
10:48
the groom just squealed with glee and
10:50
carefully opened it before pulling out a
10:52
bunch of old souvenir merch. Pencils,
10:55
postcards, key rings, all sorts
10:57
of crap. All the same
10:59
yellow and purple and last of all
11:01
a cracked CD case. When
11:03
they saw it the whole bunch gave this
11:06
big laughing cheer. I could
11:08
see which way the wind was blowing and sure enough the best
11:10
man came over and asked if he could play it. The
11:13
cover had this awful comic sans title,
11:15
Mr. Bonzo's on his way and I
11:17
wasn't exactly thrilled by this. Mr.
11:20
Bonzo was way before my time and from
11:22
what I'd seen online he'd always looked pretty
11:24
messed up. But hey, it
11:26
was their night. If they wanted to
11:28
spend it on some cringy nostalgia trip who was I
11:30
to say no? This kind
11:32
of thing happened often enough that we kept a battered old
11:34
CD player in the back that we could patch into the
11:36
room speakers, just in case. So I
11:38
ducked back there, put it on, turned the volume down
11:41
as low as I thought I could get away with
11:43
and prayed it wasn't too obnoxious. Immediately
11:45
the cheering children's voices blared out the
11:48
speakers accompanied by bouncy tubers loud enough
11:50
to drown out the rest of the
11:52
club's music. It was awful.
11:55
But I could hear the lads stamping the floor in rhythm
11:57
and as the kids started singing the men were singing a
11:59
lot of music. Mr. On those
12:01
on his way He wants to stay. He wants
12:03
to play, missed the bombs on his way. He
12:05
wants to stay. He wants to play. I.
12:08
Gave them a minute since I didn't want to be
12:10
a total killjoy about. Finally I reached over and turn
12:12
off the Cd player before their it came down from
12:14
the office to have a word. For.
12:18
Instead of stopping, it just grew louder,
12:20
raffling the glassware in the. Midst.
12:23
Of bonds I was on his way. Wants to
12:25
stay. He wants to blush. I
12:27
should young the cables from the
12:29
speakers just getting louder. I
12:32
was just reaching for my walkie to call for
12:34
a techie when I heard this massive crush from
12:36
the roof followed by this chair from the party.
12:39
Members back in ready to give them a boasting but
12:41
then as it tasted behind the door when I saw.
12:45
It was hunched in the doorway of a
12:47
bulbous figure with a purple heart that cast
12:49
crazed shadows in all directions thanks to the
12:52
clubs lighter. Than it
12:54
does it's have. Pushed itself into
12:56
the room. From touching on the door
12:58
frame with a squeaked set my teeth
13:00
on edge. It's massive, bulbous, googly eyes
13:02
seem to rome all over the room
13:04
before settling on the groom. And
13:07
it was almost as if the huge to
13:09
be green crew that little bit wider when
13:11
it saw him. There. Will
13:13
be boys with tripping over themselves to get it and I'll
13:15
get my thing is pushing the groom to the from and
13:17
so I think it at that point he was a prank.
13:20
Again, none of them took credit for it, and
13:22
there was a moments of genuine hesitation on so
13:24
one of them yelled out. It's. Your
13:26
lap dance bars and. They all
13:29
fell about. blessings. I know
13:31
you'll think I should have seen the funny side of
13:33
it after all they were about bunch but. I
13:35
was pissed. Not them, they didn't know any
13:38
better, but a Joey the Orman delicate already
13:40
written a new one after Doctor for Smoke
13:42
and left me alone with punters. If you've
13:44
done it again, Mr. Accidentally let this kind
13:46
of thing happen. I was ready to
13:48
kill him myself. Against a
13:50
strident readying for the inevitable complaints
13:52
them acetate it as I saw
13:55
something far more on that these
13:57
ugly costume that was capering with
13:59
the group. The middle of the group. It
14:02
was a pair of heavy boots on that side. Poking.
14:04
Just inside the still open doorway. Joey's.
14:08
Boots. And they weren't moving.
14:11
Just. Then the googly eyes turned to me.
14:14
And. Of the things are raised cheekily
14:16
to it's mouth. Though. This
14:18
time the men at all started shouting
14:20
bonds bonds are you have been so
14:22
and stumping that feeds, binding the tables
14:24
in a circle around the pair in
14:26
the center of the music group. deafening.
14:28
distortions, Creeping in as the
14:31
speakers streamed. Like.
14:33
Ruff for my walkie to call for help with. A
14:35
Race. It's my face. I could hear the
14:37
same god awful tune blaring from the teeny
14:40
little speaker. Mister. Bubbles on his
14:42
way. He wants to stay. He wants to play.
14:44
I started to yell at them. Telling to stop
14:47
to get out before we call the police.
14:49
but some of the post. There. Was
14:51
still focused on thing as it took the
14:53
grew by the arms Mccown to spin him
14:55
around faster and faster. The.
14:57
Watching men with falling over
14:59
one another in hysterics as
15:01
it drew itself up to
15:03
it's full height a full
15:05
head taller than the largest
15:07
of them still spinning suddenly
15:09
ripped the grooms arms from
15:11
their sockets with the grizzlies
15:13
snap of tendon, a muscle.
15:17
Or members say was the last thing as the
15:19
group began to scream. Bloody. Flooding
15:21
out of his shoulders and gals. It
15:23
was only when I screamed with him that they realized
15:25
what was happening. To.
15:28
Be and screaming themselves as
15:30
Mr. Bonzo plums it's oversized
15:32
hundred into the groups of
15:34
mouth is t unable to
15:36
penetrated sweaty hide. The
15:38
other hand close that of his face,
15:40
dhabi fingers pressing into his eyes and
15:42
smothering his nose. And the two
15:44
hands jerk to part unfolding the
15:46
groups had with another flowering explosion
15:49
of blood. And then
15:51
becomes rule. So enraged most the
15:53
terror a few of the big
15:55
guys pixel chest bottles becomes a
15:57
flash thing It it's to note.
16:00
All this bloodshot eyes staying on
16:03
the group's body as it raised
16:05
over had. One. Slash from
16:07
a broken bottle. first one of the spots
16:09
on his body, releasing a stream. Hi
16:15
all mixture of keeps it was
16:17
brought home and Rancid meet. The.
16:20
Bones or thing didn't seem to notice.
16:22
Grace the body and slammed it back
16:24
into the floor. Oh, Oh
16:27
oh that's a low pulverizing
16:29
the flash and showering as
16:31
a goal until all that
16:33
was left was excuse. Oh
16:37
is that shuffled into with
16:39
a gap toothed mouth with
16:41
satisfaction? For
16:44
split seconds. All. Was still. But.
16:48
The music just pounded on
16:50
barely recognizable bow over the
16:52
distortion from the smoking speakers
16:54
as those voices no longer
16:56
child like still tempted the
16:58
words he's here to stay
17:00
He wants to play. That.
17:03
Mr. Bones or turn towards us
17:06
with it's head bowed almost reverentially.
17:09
And everyone went silent. Slowly.
17:13
Slowly slowly it raised its
17:15
head, tilting it. Coquettish
17:18
to one side, And.
17:20
The seems across it's a
17:22
splint revealing it's gaping more
17:25
filled with even larger shop.
17:28
On. A boomed playfully bonzo
17:30
on the ones who.
17:34
I don't remember much of what follows. Dream
17:37
about it most nights. In. The
17:40
dream it takes through all those
17:42
men to get to meet, grabbing
17:44
hold of them and slowing them
17:46
smashed against the wall. strobe fires
17:48
as it's hands plunge into a
17:50
pile of us/was a little less
17:53
flesh between meet. Me
17:55
at all those. My
18:01
own to protect myself. A. List
18:04
of spouse. Miles.
18:12
None. Of us was left whole. If
18:14
I was the luckiest. All. My last
18:16
was a hand. Wasn't even
18:18
my dominant one? I've
18:20
told the investigators everything I know
18:23
doctors to. I
18:25
don't know why nobody outside the room
18:27
heard or saw anything, why the cameras,
18:29
woodworking, why it let me live. but
18:32
I do know why there isn't any
18:34
bodies. Will.
18:37
Actually want is my hand back so I
18:39
can tend bar. That isn't going to happen
18:41
is it? So have to settle for the
18:43
next best thing and six you for everything
18:45
I can get because I don't know what
18:47
happened that night. That it does
18:49
in your than you and no one came to
18:51
help. Not Derek. Not another
18:54
dorm. And. No. One. So
18:56
yeah, You'd better have one hell of
18:58
a settlement waiting for me. Or I'll
19:01
see you in court. He
19:05
says christ ago by Alice?
19:07
No, actually. Glenn
19:12
below. Thought.
19:14
Okay, enough is enough school moments.
19:16
The ones you will be. You're already at the end of your
19:19
rope. Don't. Lower.
19:23
They. Are usually I'm actually ok. Sir.
19:29
Yes, I just. Had
19:32
to meet one of these external. I
19:35
get it. Yeah, I've worked in
19:37
civil service long. Enough to meet plenty of
19:39
and titles will dip shit consultants he
19:42
shouldn't let it get see is. What
19:46
do you think we're actually doing? Here
19:49
at the O Y A R. Support
19:51
a mortgage and on mental health for a
19:53
wage packet. We've both
19:55
been here long enough to know this place.
19:58
We're. Not doing good, We're
20:00
not just an existing random data.
20:04
The something wrong here. What
20:06
Are you getting up? You
20:08
never wonder what the point is. Who
20:11
benefits from all this awfulness?
20:13
I don't wonder. I
20:16
know. False. Really?
20:18
Oh yeah. I've
20:21
known for a while what we're
20:23
doing here. It's all part of
20:25
a grand plans to satisfy one
20:27
of the most unspeakable the evils
20:29
known to mankind. As
20:32
you can often than. Thanks
20:36
Alex! Utterly useless
20:38
as always. anytime. The
21:01
Markets Protocol is a podcast distributed
21:03
virus to quilt unlicensed under a
21:05
Creative Commons attribution noncommercial Shower Like
21:07
Four Point Oh international license. The
21:09
series is created by Jonathon Simmons
21:11
and Alex on the junior. This
21:18
episode was written by Alexandre Genuine
21:21
and edited with additional materials by
21:23
John Ensign. With
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Oakland is by Larry on
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Davis songs, gaming servers and
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mustering Kathryn Winnick with music
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by Some Gifts. It
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featured Billie His. Real.
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forces reminder the junior. Among
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as protocol is produced april
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someone with access to says
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Alexander general something with on
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Lindsay Samantha as T. And
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as you produce a storm.
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megatons. Describe
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