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Welcome to the Lead Well podcast , the

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podcast where we interview mission-driven

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leaders who are doing it well . We ask

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them what they're doing and how they're doing

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it to help you lead your business

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and your people well , have

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you ever thought about the legacy

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that you're leaving as a leader ? Many

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of us don't spend a whole lot of time thinking about that

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, and yet that's one of the keys of leading

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is that we are reproducing and replicating

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ourselves and helping people

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to achieve a big old shared

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purpose . And today's guest , josh Parnell

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, is the author of Leading a Legacy

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and he is the founder of Limitless

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Leadership . He is a leadership coach

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and he has been helping develop leaders for

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over 20 years . While

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it may have started with a fun

0:45

story about film school , the United States

0:47

Air Force and everything in between , he's

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going to walk us through how we got here today

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and how we can lead a legacy

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where we are at work , in

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life , with the people around us . Let's

0:59

jump right in with Josh . Josh

1:13

, my friend , I am so glad

1:15

that you are here with us today on the Leadwell Podcast

1:18

. I cannot wait to dive in and , as everybody

1:20

else can see , we are on location

1:22

because if you have not yet watched Josh

1:24

and I on his podcast . You

1:26

need to do that right .

1:27

This is the trade .

1:28

So thank you for being here and trading . It's

1:31

such a great thing to be able to get to know you

1:33

better . Have you on the podcast .

1:34

John . Thank you , man . Thank you for having me . It's an honor to be

1:36

here and certainly a pleasure . I'm excited to do this with

1:38

you .

1:39

So I'm going to ask Josh all about his book

1:41

Leading a Legacy , and

1:43

you all can get it . You can get it on Amazon

1:45

. I'll let Josh tell you more about wherever you can get

1:47

it elsewhere . But

1:55

one of the things that I thought was really cool that you all heard

1:57

in the opening is how you got into the military , and I am just . I am grateful for

1:59

your service , Thank you . And I love

2:01

the different stories of what people

2:04

pick up through that and how they've kind of worked through

2:06

that . So if you wouldn't mind just sharing

2:08

with everybody a little bit of that journey , especially kind

2:10

of that military lens to all

2:12

of the wonderful family that you have and

2:14

how we're here today , Of course .

2:15

Well , man , I appreciate the opportunity to share

2:17

and once again , thank you for having me on . Yeah

2:20

, you know , my journey begins after high

2:22

school . I had hopes and dreams and aspirations of going

2:25

into Hollywood to become the next

2:27

Steven Spielberg . So clearly that did not happen

2:29

. But back then I had a strong

2:31

interest in filmmaking and I found out

2:33

that the University of North Texas in Denton

2:35

, near Dallas , had a great radio , TV and

2:37

film program . So I went to UNT

2:40

and I planned on being there for four years . But

2:42

after a year and a half , UNT said hey , Josh

2:44

, thanks for playing , but your grades are terrible

2:46

.

2:46

You need to leave . We've learned just enough to do

2:48

podcasts at the level that we do them right , exactly right .

2:51

So clearly I had a lot of growing up to do . I

2:53

wasn't making school a priority . I knew

2:56

that I couldn't go back to school , I didn't want to come

2:58

back home . But

3:06

this was around time that 9-11 happened and that really impacted me on a pretty great level

3:08

, and so I decided to look into the military and I found out that videography was a career

3:11

field available in the Air Force . So

3:13

I went to my nearest Air Force recruiter's office

3:15

and walked in and introduced myself

3:17

and I said , hey , you know I have an interest in filmmaking

3:19

. He said well , great , we have videography available

3:22

. He said now , just so . You know it's

3:24

not available right now , but when you get

3:26

into basic training it will be . All you got to do is sign

3:28

the dotted line and I was like all right , let's do

3:30

this , sign me up Again . Unt

3:32

dismissed me for a reason right . So I

3:35

wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed , but I

3:37

took him for his word and

3:48

I signed the dotted line without a guaranteed job , expecting to go into

3:50

the Air Force to eventually become a filmmaker in the Air Force

3:52

. But of course , when I got

3:54

into the Air Force , videography was still not available . So

3:57

, much to my dismay , I was going to be doing something different , but I said that's okay . This was the first time

3:59

I had a choice to make . I had

4:01

a decision to make and recognize look , everything

4:03

happens for a reason . I think we've all heard the

4:05

phrase if you want to make God laugh , tell him what your plans are

4:08

. And he got a good chuckle out of my plans and

4:10

pretty quickly course corrected me accordingly

4:13

. Now an important part of the story

4:15

is that as I get into basic training

4:17

, everyone fires the M16 . And

4:20

at the time I think now it's the M4 , but

4:22

at the time it was the M16 rifle and

4:25

I had never shot a weapon in my life . So I'm

4:27

going into basic training .

4:28

What are you talking about Like you're in Texas , like I'm in Texas

4:30

? You don't just walk around with this in your pocket

4:32

.

4:34

Hey , hey , don't let the looks fool you . If you're watching

4:36

this episode , you know I have a beard . I probably

4:38

look like I go hunting quite a bit

4:40

. I've actually never hunted a day in my life .

4:43

So newsflash for everyone that's not in Texas . That

4:45

is one of the things that is very common

4:47

, but neither one of us actually

4:50

go into any of those things .

4:51

Hey , you know , I grew up playing sports . That was something

4:53

that that that really was a passion of mine

4:55

, but I had never shot a weapon , and so

4:57

I got pretty minimal

4:59

instruction in basic training and I tried my

5:01

best , but I was a bad shot . I

5:03

mean , you know , in order to become I wonder why ? Right

5:06

? Well , in order to become an expert marksman

5:08

in in with the M16

5:10

, you have to hit the target or specific

5:12

parts of the target at least 45

5:14

times or more out of 50 rounds . And

5:17

I'll tell you john the , the range instructor

5:19

, got so frustrated with me that

5:21

he threw an extra 30 round magazine in my rifle

5:24

, so I did score a 45 . However

5:26

, it was out of 80 rounds . So

5:28

the only people who knew that I shot

5:32

80 rounds were me and the range instructor , because

5:34

even on my score sheet it showed a 45 out of 50

5:36

. So I jokingly say that I'm still technically

5:38

the worst expert marksman in the history

5:41

of the Air Force . But

5:43

that's an important part of the story , because when it

5:45

came time for them to determine what career field I

5:47

was going to go into , they said well , you're

5:49

an expert marksman , you're going to be a cop , which is

5:51

security forces and I'm thinking like

5:53

that's not really my personality

5:55

. I mean , can we do something different than security forces

5:58

? And they're like get out of here , you're going to be a cop . And

6:00

so , again , I have a decision to make . Right

6:02

, we know that not every day is going to be a good day , but

6:04

we can find the good in every day . I

6:06

was not excited about being in security

6:09

forces , but once again , I

6:11

knew that everything is happening for

6:13

a reason , and I learned then and there

6:16

also , that the two things that

6:18

we can control in our life every day is our attitude

6:20

and our effort . And so I'm

6:22

not saying that it's easy , but I'm saying it's possible . I

6:25

wasn't excited about what was to come because

6:27

that wasn't what I was planning on doing , but

6:30

God , of course , course , corrected me , which I'm thankful

6:32

for , you know , to this day . But

6:34

ultimately I said you know what

6:36

? Here's the good news If I'm finding the good

6:39

in every day . You know we've heard the phrase when it rains , it

6:41

pours . We can also say when it rains , look for

6:43

rainbows . And if I'm looking for rainbows , here's

6:45

what I know . I also joined to travel

6:47

and I thought you

6:55

know what Every base needs a cop , so I can still go to Germany , italy , belgium , spain . I wanted to

6:57

go to Europe , right , I wanted to go overseas , get some culture under my belt . But once

6:59

again , john , the Air Force had other plans . Instead

7:01

, they sent me to beautiful Minot , north

7:04

Dakota . John , at this point

7:06

I'm

7:10

thinking all right , somebody does not like me in the air force . I joined

7:12

to be a filmmaker in Italy and instead I'm a cop in

7:14

North Dakota .

7:15

But I will tell you , man , you know , in all seriousness , I am I'm

7:17

sorry , I'm laughing because I have a very dear

7:19

friend who was in Minot flying bombers

7:22

, wow and what I know about Minot is

7:24

the nearest target is two hours away . So

7:26

for those of us that can't contextualize

7:29

what might be going on in Minot and we're

7:31

too young to fully comprehend the Fargo

7:33

movie , just know that

7:35

your nearest target is two hour drive .

7:37

I'll tell you , man , it was a

7:40

culture shock , to say the least . I wanted to

7:42

get some culture under my belt , but that's not the culture

7:44

I was looking for .

7:45

So I'll say that , okay , so if we could , before we

7:47

go on , I want to pull because

7:49

so many of us especially lately

7:52

, especially for the listeners

7:54

we work in organizations , we're

7:57

mid-level executives , we're managers

7:59

, we're leaders , and

8:02

sometimes organizations have different

8:04

ideas than what I have , and that's a lot of what

8:06

I heard in your story is , university had

8:08

a different plan for me than I had for me

8:10

, that the military had this , that I may

8:13

have been bait and switched , and

8:15

then I find myself as a cop and , okay

8:18

, you're talking now to the manager

8:20

, to that mid-level executive , maybe to

8:22

someone that's a CEO , that's kind of quote , unquote

8:24

, topped out , and maybe they got to switch industries

8:27

or they're being told they got to switch industries

8:29

. What , what lesson

8:31

and kind of what would you tell them from your story

8:34

on how to have the attitude

8:36

, the

8:42

effort and to kind of take control of where you are inside of places ?

8:43

you might be moved that you don't . You don't think you want to go . You just said the key

8:45

word control . Focus on what you can control and try your best not

8:47

to worry about what you can't control . You know what I could

8:49

have controlled when I was at UNT my

8:51

grades right . I mean I

8:53

could have controlled that . If

9:00

I had done a little more research , I could have controlled what career field

9:02

I was going to get into in the Air Force . There's certainly learning

9:04

curves that we're going to go through . We're going to talk about a learning curve

9:06

here in a bit . But there's learning curves that

9:09

we go through . But ultimately , trust

9:11

the process . Focus on what you can control

9:13

. Invest in yourself , pour into yourself

9:15

. Hire a mentor , hire a coach . Find

9:17

someone who's willing to give you the hard truth

9:19

.

9:28

Find someone who's willing to help you with perspective , because with perspective , the way that

9:30

we view things drives the way that we do things , but ultimately focus on what you can

9:32

control and try your best not to worry about what you can't control . Yeah , that is so , so

9:34

good , and just from your attitude

9:36

, and one that has chosen

9:39

to move and been moved , I

9:41

think , going into it

9:43

, I had the encouragement once from someone

9:45

that said focus

9:48

on the work and doing the work

9:51

that you can do and that you want to do , and it goes back

9:53

to your attitude thing , right . So okay , if you

9:55

want to go there , how do you tie it in with your

9:57

ultimate kind of goals and where you might be

9:59

going ? Sure , how can you flip this to be

10:01

a time of learning , of paid

10:04

practice , of whatever it might

10:06

be for what you got coming ? Because

10:08

your attitude just vibes off

10:10

of it so much and I get it

10:12

so much when I read through the book , especially

10:15

that story . Way fun to hear live

10:17

. I'm so glad you all got to because it's there

10:19

. But talking to us about

10:21

leading a legacy which

10:23

you got to take control and ownership

10:26

of the legacy you want to lead , what

10:28

is the theme and

10:30

what you hope people pull out of that book ?

10:32

Sure . So the subtitle of the book is

10:34

how to Live Today to Make an Impact for Tomorrow

10:36

and for a lot of coaches

10:39

whether you're coaching people

10:41

in leadership , whether you're coaching people in

10:43

finance , whether you're a fitness coach a

10:45

lot of coaches need to begin with mindset

10:47

, because what we know is that our thoughts

10:50

will dictate our feelings , and

10:52

our feelings will dictate our actions , and

10:54

our actions will dictate our legacy . So

10:56

if we want to change our legacy , it begins with our thoughts

10:58

. Here's the problem , though . Studies

11:01

show that humans have up to 60,000

11:03

thoughts per day . I just had

11:05

seven .

11:06

There you go Right .

11:07

Hey , let the rest of the day go by , because you're going to have a lot

11:09

more . But 60,000

11:11

a day . And

11:17

studies also show that 80% of those thoughts are negative and 90% of

11:19

those thoughts are repetitive . So it's no wonder why we regularly experience stress and worry and

11:21

doubt and concern and anxiety and fear .

11:23

Can you say that was a ? Can you say that again

11:25

? Because that was powerful . How many , how many

11:27

thoughts are negative ?

11:28

80% of our 60,000 of

11:30

60,000 .

11:31

And then this one was the key to me when I

11:34

think about when I'm stuck in a loop . What did you

11:36

just say about the ?

11:36

90% of those thoughts , oh my goodness

11:38

. And so , a lot of listeners , you

11:41

can think to your own thoughts and , yeah , like I

11:43

get it now , like I understand , and you

11:45

know , we saw an uptick in anxiety

11:47

in 2020 when COVID hit right

11:49

, and so , for a lot of us , we recognize

11:51

how these thoughts . Of course , we're

11:53

going to have anxiety and stress

11:56

if we don't know how to manage our thoughts

11:58

, but we also know that fear is typically

12:00

the root of a lot of the thoughts that stem

12:02

from limiting beliefs , and we know that fear is

12:04

simply false evidence appearing real

12:06

and , as our boy John Acuff would say

12:08

, we know that one of the greatest mistakes any of us

12:10

can make is assuming all of our thoughts are

12:12

true , and so we're always gonna find evidence

12:14

in the things that we believe . How can we start

12:17

shifting a paradigm and challenging

12:19

the thoughts that we're having ? We've talked before

12:21

about how it's so important

12:23

to ask questions . Ask questions of those that we're

12:25

leading , but also asking questions of

12:27

ourselves . Start challenging the

12:30

thoughts that we're having by asking questions

12:32

about those thoughts . It's almost like this

12:35

verbalization of journaling

12:37

. I'm a big believer in journaling , which I talk about in chapter

12:39

one of the book , and with journaling , the things

12:41

that we write are the things that we invite . So

12:43

I'm going to share another stat with you that's really eye-opening

12:46

for a lot of folks . We

12:50

have a 42% more likely

12:52

chance of achieving our goals

12:54

by simply writing them down . And

12:56

when I say we're writing goals down , but we're also

12:59

writing down our thoughts . By doing

13:01

so , we're able to get clarity and direction

13:03

through the process . I want

13:05

to take a step back for a second , john , and share

13:08

how a goal of mine was to go

13:10

to UNT , and another goal of mine

13:12

was to go to Hollywood , to

13:14

be the next Steven Spielberg , to go into filmmaking

13:16

in the Air Force . All of these are easy to

13:19

set goals on . Oh , what do you want to do ? This is what

13:21

I want to do . Boom , just set a goal , just set four

13:23

goals right . Where I failed

13:25

when I was younger was , you

13:27

know , in the book Seven Habits of Highly Effective People

13:29

, stephen Covey talks about beginning with

13:32

the end in mind , and the key is

13:34

beginning , because my end in mind

13:36

was Hollywood . My end in mind was filmmaking

13:38

. My end in mind was fill in the blank . Where

13:41

I failed was shifting my focus

13:43

from the end in mind to the steps that I need to

13:45

take in order to get there and this is where

13:47

a lot of folks make mistakes

13:49

on is what's your goal ? I

13:52

want to lose weight and eat healthy right , that's the number one new year's resolution every

13:54

single year , right ? So how are we going

13:56

to do that ? This is where we need to stay

13:58

focused on the steps that

14:01

we take in order to get here , but too

14:03

many of us are so caught up and just creating

14:06

the goal and almost like a wishful thinking

14:08

yeah , and , and so the opportunity

14:10

is to you're trying you mean manifesting it , you're

14:12

trying .

14:12

Hey , there you go , yeah , yeah , a more a're manifesting it .

14:14

You're trying to manifest it . There you go . Yeah , A better way to say it , yeah , I'm going to

14:16

manifest this weight loss this year , right

14:19

, but this is an opportunity area that a

14:21

lot of us don't capture , which is what you said

14:23

earlier putting in the work . We've got

14:25

to do the work .

14:27

Yeah , wow , I think that was a great

14:29

tie back into how do I live today with small

14:31

steps , which you and I are huge fans of

14:33

. Right , and we

14:36

keep pulling on the thread that if you haven't yet

14:38

watched the episode on Josh

14:40

Parnell leadership podcast , you need to go do that . You

14:42

just pair really well together . The

14:44

only problem is you get to listen to both of us , but

14:46

that's also a good thing . So , so there

14:48

you go , but back into this and what you

14:50

talked about in the subtitle live

14:57

. There you go , but back into this and what you talked about in the subtitle live today to

14:59

make an impact for tomorrow . And you just talked about all of these baby steps and I'm I'm

15:01

thinking specifically around the chapter of effect change yes , and drawn back into that ceo that's looking

15:03

and saying the things like this

15:05

is a big ship and I don't know if we can turn the big

15:07

ship . And if we do take the big ship , it takes time , right

15:09

, like we've all heard that type of or you're

15:11

, you're in the middle of the organization

15:13

, saying look , josh , like I'm

15:16

trying to meet the needs of my team , serve

15:19

them well , and I'm also getting it from

15:21

above with my leaders and

15:23

you , you want me to affect change and I'm just

15:25

trying to get through the day . Yeah , Right , so

15:27

what can I start

15:29

focusing on and how can I start

15:32

doing this and affecting change from where I am

15:34

today ?

15:35

Great question , John . So intentionality , intentionality

15:38

plus time spent equals value received

15:40

and intentionality .

15:43

Okay , so I'm thinking about what I'm doing . I'm

15:45

you're , you're baking into

15:47

me that I have to think about what I want to do . Kind of begin

15:49

with the end of mine .

15:50

Yeah .

15:51

Time spent so um

15:54

with my team in

15:56

research and my

15:58

PB and J right Pause books

16:00

in journal or prayer , bible and journal

16:03

in the morning , whatever that is . Like you're telling

16:05

me , I got to do these things , I got to spend time in that

16:07

, and then the value is what is produced

16:09

Ultimately you get the value that , but here's what is produced

16:11

Ultimately .

16:12

you get the value , but here's . Here's

16:14

the thing . A lot of us we start out intentionally and we

16:16

start out investing in the time , but

16:19

we trail off , and that's really what a lot of chapter

16:21

five affecting change talks about .

16:23

Well then , help us because , like you said and

16:25

you and I know this cause , we both do trainings If

16:28

you don't do anything with the training within

16:30

48 hours is gone , you just

16:32

it's

16:35

not going to happen . And if there's not something to supplement it , if we're not following

16:37

up , if we're not inviting coaching , if we're not doing

16:39

some of those things to help with the application and

16:43

you do something about it , the diminishing value

16:45

is still there , right ? So this is , this

16:47

is everywhere . Sure , help us , take

16:49

that intentionality and

16:51

keep it on the tracks .

16:52

Yeah Well you know , with training , you know , we know that the

16:54

fortune is in the followup , and so , for a lot of

16:56

us , we go to training and that's great , but

16:59

, to your point , 70% of what you got today

17:01

is forgotten tomorrow and 90% is forgotten

17:03

in 30 days . So what are you doing

17:05

with the , with the content and the curriculum

17:07

that you just received ? What are you doing

17:10

to focus on affecting change through

17:12

new information ? You

17:14

know , I begin the chapter by asking

17:16

a question , and the question is would

17:19

you rather that I give you $1

17:22

million in cash , tax-free , in hand

17:24

right now , john ?

17:25

I'm tempted . I'm tempted right .

17:27

Or I give you one penny that's

17:29

going to duplicate in value each day over

17:32

the course of the next 30 days . So just for- .

17:34

This is like that old marshmallow test Like , do you ? Want one

17:36

marshmallow now , or do you want two marshmallows later

17:38

? This is what I'm feeling , like you're asking me .

17:40

Well , I want to make sure I'm being clear with the audience . So

17:42

today it's one cent , tomorrow it's two cents

17:44

, day three it's four cents , eight cents

17:46

, 16 cents and so forth and so

17:48

on . So

17:53

which of those would you take a million dollars right now ? But what if I die on day four , josh ? Then

17:55

you probably should take a million dollars four days ago . All right , yeah .

17:57

Yeah , but this is the , this is the real poll

17:59

, right , and we're talking about

18:02

compound interest and

18:04

that type of thing , Right ? But it's I'm

18:06

sitting here and thinking like , well , it depends , like

18:09

I could do a lot of things with those million dollars Exactly

18:11

. And uh , and I know

18:13

where you're trying to build to . Yeah , I do know

18:15

, yeah , so help me want that piece

18:17

of it . Of course I want to take the penny , of course

18:19

.

18:20

So why do I ?

18:21

want to take the penny and tell me how much it's going to be worth

18:23

to me .

18:23

Absolutely . Well , you know , uh

18:29

, disparity in $1 million versus a

18:31

compounding penny , to where the

18:33

listener's probably thinking , well , there's got to be a

18:35

catch here , or I feel like

18:37

it's the penny , but it just doesn't mathematically make sense

18:39

right now , without me seeing the chart . But

18:42

if you do see the chart in chapter five of the

18:44

book , you'll see that just

18:46

10 days later , 10

18:48

days ago , you could have had a million dollars . 10 days

18:51

later you're only at $5.12 . And

18:53

another 10 days after that you're at $5,242

18:56

. But here's where what you shared

18:59

earlier compound interest , the compound effect

19:01

takes place day 27

19:03

. You're at $671,000

19:06

. The next day you're at 1.3 and some change

19:08

. By day 30 , John , you're at $5.3

19:12

million . 30 days .

19:14

Not 30 years , right 30 days , because all of our

19:16

retirement people tell us after 30 years

19:18

you'll be a millionaire . You're telling me 30 days

19:20

of a doubling penny or

19:23

a doubling value Right , and

19:26

all of a sudden , 30 days in . I'm well beyond $5.3

19:28

million 5X that return

19:30

.

19:31

It's crazy to think right , but

19:34

here's the thing . This is where the intentionality plus

19:36

the time spent equals value received . I want to go back

19:38

to losing weight and

19:40

eating healthy . Every year , the number

19:42

one New Year's resolution for resolutioners

19:45

is to lose weight and eat healthy , which I think is that

19:47

it's about 25% of resolutioners

19:49

want to lose weight and eat healthy . So

19:51

if we're putting ourselves into 25% , what

19:53

are some things that we're going to start doing in

19:56

order to lose weight and eat healthy ? We're

19:58

going to go get a gym membership if we don't already have

20:00

one , so we're going to spend money on a gym membership . We're

20:02

going to replace a lot of our sugary , starchy

20:07

foods in our fridge and pantry

20:09

and so forth with the sugar-free

20:11

, the calorie-free , carb-free

20:14

products that are going to taste like cardboard , but we're going to grin and

20:16

bear it . Hey we're trying to get six-pack abs . Hey man , crunchy

20:19

granola all the way , let's do this , so

20:21

we're going to hey , you know what , John .

20:22

Until nighttime . Then it's ice cream time .

20:29

I'm going to go buy new running shoes because'm

20:31

going to start meal prepping . These are all the

20:33

things that I'm going to start doing . Oh , I found

20:35

a treadmill on Craigslist . I bought that

20:37

too right ? I'm doing

20:39

all these things and I haven't even started working

20:41

out yet , and so then we're going

20:43

to start working out , we're going to wake up a little bit earlier each

20:45

day , we're going to start meal prepping , we're going to go to

20:48

the gym and we do fine for the first

20:50

week or two , but what happens

20:52

is life . Life happens

20:54

For a lot of us . We're trying to make this massive

20:57

180-degree shift overnight

20:59

and we know that ultimately , that's not

21:01

sustainable . There is literally a day

21:03

in the year , called Quitter's Day , which

21:06

falls on the second Friday in January

21:08

Because , statistically speaking , by

21:10

the second Friday in January , over

21:12

half of the New Year's resolutioners have already

21:14

quit their New Year's resolutions . And

21:17

so when I talk about how , how

21:19

important it is to recognize the

21:22

learning curve and to go through

21:24

things in order to grow through things , if

21:27

we're going back to let's , let's step back for a second

21:29

and look at the chart on in chapter

21:31

five On day 20 , we're

21:34

only at $20 . So

21:36

so keep in mind this is like if we're , if we're shifting

21:38

to our own life and we tried to work out , need healthy

21:40

, I'm sorry . On day 12 , we're shifting to our own life and we tried

21:42

to work out and eat healthy , I'm sorry . On

21:45

day 12 , we're at $20 . By the way , the reason

21:47

I'm saying 12 is because on this year , quitter's

21:49

Day fell on January 12th . So on January

21:52

12th , that's Quitter's Day . This year , if

21:54

I'm looking at the chart , I'm only at $20

21:56

on day

21:58

12 . Yeah

22:03

, that's not very encouraging and it's not yet a million dollars . It's not . And this

22:05

is why people quit , because we overestimate what we can accomplish

22:07

in a month , but we underestimate what we can

22:09

accomplish in a year , or five years , or 10

22:11

years . Or 30 days , or

22:13

30 days because intentionality

22:15

plus time spent equals value

22:18

received . So this falls

22:20

in line with the J curve . We talk about a J

22:22

curve and what the J curve looks

22:24

like is literally a letter J

22:26

, and if you picture the letter J , you

22:29

can you know we're starting on the lower end of the

22:31

letter J .

22:31

Okay , so I'm not going to do it like I draw , but

22:33

I start kind of where I finish when I write

22:36

Correct , correct .

22:37

So you're starting on the lower end of the J

22:39

and the intent is

22:41

to ultimately be on the higher end of the J . So

22:43

this is the equivalent of going from good to great right .

22:45

Or I like to say great to greater .

22:47

So let's say we're starting on the lower end of the J

22:49

and we're trying new things . We're

22:51

implementing these concepts that

22:53

we learned in training through coaching

22:56

. What have you right ? We're trying new things

22:58

. Naturally it's

23:00

going to feel different , because

23:02

it is . It's going to feel awkward

23:04

, it's going to feel challenging , it's

23:07

going to be uncomfortable , but we're going to get comfortable

23:09

being uncomfortable . We know that growth

23:11

and comfort cannot coexist . They do

23:13

not . So what we do is we recognize there

23:16

should be and will be an inevitable dip

23:18

in progress , in

23:20

success , in accuracy , in efficiency

23:23

. So what happens is we're starting

23:25

to follow the path of that J , right

23:27

, and you'll notice that there is

23:30

that's the curve . You know the term

23:32

learning curve is a real thing , because you have to go

23:34

through this curve in order to grow through this

23:36

curve . But what happens is we

23:38

get to the bottom of the dip and

23:41

we quit in the dip .

23:42

Yeah , because it's exhausting , because

23:44

I don't even feel like I have

23:46

$12 because I've spent $1,200

23:49

on all of these equipment I've invested

23:51

my time . And guess what

23:53

? This J curve is not

23:55

just for you . Seth Godin

23:58

wrote a book called the Dip , and all of us do

24:00

it . We get up and then we come down . Organizational

24:02

change models we go up because we launched

24:04

this new thing . Everyone's super excited . We

24:07

don't have a system and we don't follow through . And we

24:09

go down and if we don't figure those things out , we

24:11

never come back up . That's it .

24:12

So how do we come back up , well

24:23

, I think it begins spent equals value received . I can't , I really can't emphasize that enough

24:26

, because we have to recognize there's going to be a dip . So , first , recognize

24:28

and acknowledge there's going to be a dip

24:30

. And for a lot of us , we get on

24:32

day 12 of January of 2024

24:35

and we say you know what ? It's not working . I'm

24:37

going to go back to how I was doing it . Good was good , right

24:40

, it wasn't great , but I'll tolerate

24:42

, good , I'll settle .

24:43

This is just how it's going to be .

24:44

I'll settle for good . You

24:48

know , John , one of my favorite quotes comes from Brian Wilson of the Beach Boys , and he says beware the

24:50

lollipop of mediocrity . Lick it once and you'll suck forever

24:53

. Oh

25:02

, that was a good one . We want to recognize that we're going to go through something and subsequently

25:04

grow through something , but we have to know it's going to

25:06

take some time .

26:32

o okay , so I'm being intentional , I'm putting

26:34

in the time . The super great thing that I think

26:36

about is if I am a leader in

26:38

an organization or of a team , this

26:41

immediately is starting to create ripple

26:43

effects beyond me , and so this feels

26:45

to me like the beginning

26:48

of a legacy

26:50

and that perhaps

26:52

, yeah , I'm $12

26:54

in , or I'm $1,200 in and you've

26:56

told me this is coming , so

27:00

walk me through , kind of . If

27:03

I'm going through hell , how do I keep going ? Right

27:05

that kind of idea so

27:07

that I can see the things that are happening around

27:09

me and I start to see the ripples of all

27:11

of these change . Where would you take me ? If I'm

27:13

committed , I'm through the dip , I'm coming up the

27:15

upside , I'm committed to being intentional

27:18

, to putting in the time . I got glimmers

27:20

of hope . Tell me how we get past

27:22

that million dollars .

27:23

It starts with communication . You know , john

27:25

, any change that gets made , big or small

27:27

, it's going to start raising some eyebrows

27:30

. The questions are going to start getting asked . We

27:32

, as leaders , want to make sure that we're providing two

27:34

things for every person . Every person deserves two

27:36

things in any relationship , especially professionally clarity

27:38

and direction . So

27:42

, as leadership coaches , you know that we want to create two things so that we can

27:44

provide two things . We want to create safety and trust

27:46

so that we can provide clarity and

27:48

direction . Any team member that you're

27:50

leading , you want to establish safety and trust

27:52

so that you can provide clarity and direction

27:55

. It begins with communication .

27:56

So talk us through that . Just yeah , communicating

27:58

, take me down the path of communicating , because

28:00

I've done this way too many times

28:02

. I get into that meeting and I've gone through a book

28:05

like yours and all of a sudden I'm like , yes

28:07

, this is what I'm going to do , this is how I'm going to change

28:09

. And I show up in that Monday meeting and all of a

28:11

sudden I'm just like I mean , guys

28:13

, we've always done it this way , like

28:24

this is just how it abandon what I used to think , or the fact that I've completely disregarded

28:26

that . I may have quit some sort of organizational change management model on January 12

28:28

, whatever that might be , but I've brought in this new thing

28:30

. So help me communicate in

28:32

a way that shows that this is a process

28:35

and that we're making progress .

28:36

We know that nothing changes if nothing changes

28:39

, and so one thing that the entire team

28:41

needs to know is that we're going to be pivoting

28:43

accordingly If we're

28:45

recognizing the three questions . Which is where

28:48

are we going ? That's our vision . How are we

28:50

getting there ? That's our mission . Why are we doing

28:52

it ? That's our purpose . There are pieces

28:55

of each that could change to some

28:57

degree because we're trying to make

28:59

sure that we are still driving towards the ultimate

29:02

vision that's been casted

29:04

and the mission that's going to take us there , but

29:11

as things change , questions start arising . So I like to implement the five steps to

29:13

effective communication through what I call a foundational conversation

29:15

. So foundational conversations are important for any

29:18

team member , regardless of tenure , of

29:20

course . As a new person on board

29:22

, when you're onboarding someone , you

29:24

want to walk them through what the

29:26

expectations looks like , what the standards

29:28

looks like , what the culture is

29:31

, and ask them any questions that you can think

29:33

of that will help them recognize that

29:35

we're all on the same team . It's a we before me mentality

29:37

, but even with tenured team members

29:40

, it's okay to sit down and reestablish

29:42

the foundational conversation because you're laying the groundwork

29:44

, you're creating a firm foundation for everyone

29:47

a part of the team . So the five steps I

29:49

like to walk through is first , assume

29:51

positive intent . Recognize

29:53

that we may not always

29:55

make the same decision that each other would , but

29:58

it's coming from a good place . People don't care

30:00

how much you know until they know how much you care , and so

30:02

when someone knows truly how much we

30:04

care about each other on a team , we know that we can

30:06

assume positive intent . The second is

30:08

to seek first to understand than to be understood

30:10

. Too often we

30:13

as leaders are trying to provide directives

30:15

versus direction , and we can provide direction

30:18

through questions . One of the questions

30:20

is hey , help me understand , help me understand what's going on

30:22

right . So I'm not going to go to you and immediately

30:24

give you a directive without asking some questions

30:26

. I want to help you

30:28

learn how to become a better problem solver and

30:31

critical thinker , someone who can think outside the box through

30:33

asking questions .

30:34

I hope everybody that's listening all of a sudden starts

30:36

to see how this starts to

30:39

lead a legacy , because now

30:41

you are a leader who's developing leaders just

30:43

by the way that you are leading . That

30:45

is exactly where you are taking us right here In sports

30:48

analogies .

30:48

To me it's like a coaching tree . You

30:50

look at coaching trees in the NFL . I

30:53

think Andy Reid . He just came off his third

30:56

Super Bowl win in the last five years or so and

30:59

he's developed a coaching tree over

31:01

the years . It's very similar . As a leader , what you're

31:03

doing is you are as a servant leader , as you know

31:05

, john , you're pouring into people , you're investing

31:07

in people . You are so focused on

31:09

the growth and development of people

31:12

for the sake of them

31:14

being able to create a legacy for

31:16

themselves . Like

31:18

, ultimately , we're all going to be leaving a legacy

31:20

at the end of our life . So

31:23

the legacy that we're leading today determines the legacy

31:25

that we're leaving tomorrow . So

31:27

, as we get into the third step of effective

31:29

communication , something I like to talk about is falling

31:31

in love with asking questions . We're

31:34

asking a lot of questions and , of course

31:36

, when uh when we're asking questions . The

31:38

fourth step is listening , and I think the key

31:40

here is knowing that there's a difference between

31:43

listening and hearing . If

31:45

we're hearing someone , we're simply waiting for them to

31:47

stop talking so we can tell them what

31:49

we want to say . If we're listening , we're

31:51

receiving information , we're processing

31:53

information and we're utilizing that information to best serve

31:55

that person , but , furthermore

31:58

, listening empathetically . I

32:00

think empathy is an opportunity

32:02

that a lot of leaders are not capturing , and

32:05

what I mean by this is empathizing

32:07

with someone doesn't mean that we necessarily have to experience

32:09

the same situation as that person , but

32:11

it does mean that we can imagine

32:13

their circumstances and

32:17

accept their feelings without invalidating

32:20

them , and I think the key word here is invalidating

32:22

them . Sometimes we inadvertently invalidate

32:24

when we don't listen . We simply

32:26

hear them , because we're listening to respond

32:28

versus listening to understand .

32:31

Or I take my own thing of . I don't know

32:33

that I can handle what you're throwing at me , that's so

32:35

good . And so I

32:38

, to protect myself , have to shut it down , when

32:42

in reality , just accepting

32:44

it , not taking it on as

32:47

something that I have to carry for you

32:49

, but that we can be with each

32:51

other together , is somewhere

32:53

that we can move kind of through that

32:55

and beyond it and I can still serve you .

32:57

Something I've learned over the years , john , is how important it is just

32:59

to you can literally verbalize

33:02

empathy through modeling

33:04

it like this you thank the person for

33:06

sharing this with you . John

33:08

, I want to thank you for sharing this with me . I want to acknowledge your feelings

33:11

and validate what you shared

33:13

. I want you to know that I'm here for

33:15

you . I'm going to do everything I can to serve you and

33:17

support you in the best way possible . So

33:19

, just starting with something like

33:21

that , they feel heard , understood and

33:23

acknowledged . And so I think , for

33:25

a lot of folks , when we don't validate

33:28

the feelings , that again , that you don't necessarily

33:30

have to completely understand , but

33:33

you're accepting those feelings of

33:35

that person without invalidating them , that

33:37

can go a long way in leadership . And

33:40

lastly , is staying positive

33:42

. And so there's kind of a three-piece combo with

33:44

staying positive , and that is to implement the no

33:46

complaining rule . So we

33:49

know , man , when we're starting complaining about things

33:51

, we're allowing

33:54

negativity and toxicity to seep in

33:56

and creep in , which can really be detrimental

33:58

to the culture of the organization

34:00

. We also want to make sure

34:03

that when there is a problem , we're

34:05

going to pair that with a solution

34:07

. Now , here's the thing , john , one thing I've

34:09

learned and I think you and I even talked about this

34:11

off camera is

34:14

this applies at work . It doesn't always apply

34:16

at home , sometimes . What ?

34:18

are you trying to tell me , Josh ?

34:20

Sometimes our spouse may not

34:22

want us to to bring a solution

34:24

, and vice versa , you know , I think it's okay to admit

34:26

that . Look , there are times when venting

34:29

can be healthy . And if

34:32

there's a time when you know our spouse is

34:34

sharing a problem with us . Something my wife

34:36

and I have have gotten pretty pretty good at is

34:38

asking each other in advance Do you

34:40

want me to listen or do you want me to reply ? Essentially

34:42

, I'm saying I'm asking do

34:45

you want me to provide a solution or do you want me to just listen

34:47

, because I need to know how you

34:49

need me to show up for you in this moment .

34:51

Yeah , one of the things that we use and say is I

34:53

can contain that , right , if you just have to vent , I

34:56

can contain that and I can move forward

34:59

after this without being emotionally

35:01

hijacked . Contain that

35:03

, and I can move forward after this without being emotionally hijacked , without

35:05

having to come in and do that . And I just it keyed on it when you were saying it

35:07

that sometimes it's

35:10

still a problem in a solution , but

35:12

it doesn't mean that we have to bring the solution . Yeah

35:14

, that's so good Means that we need to be the one to

35:16

help get to a solution

35:18

. And that might just be . What do you want to do

35:20

? Right , that's right . What do you think ? Or

35:23

was was that the solution ? Like

35:25

, is there anything else ? Sometimes the vent sesh

35:27

is just it , and that is , in fact , the solution . I've

35:29

discharged and now I'm good , I can move

35:31

right . So I I still

35:34

feel like there's always a resolution and a solution

35:36

. That's there , even with our wives

35:38

sorry , meg , uh , but I

35:40

I promise not to solve all of them unless I'm invited

35:42

into it . And it's still , there

35:44

is a release

35:46

.

35:47

There's also a time and place , because it doesn't mean

35:49

that just because we're not developing a solution right

35:51

now doesn't mean that a resolution

35:53

will come right . So we're just planting

35:56

the seed and we're sharing with

35:58

our partner how we can show up for them

36:00

.

36:00

You mean , we don't have to solve every problem every single

36:02

day , we do not actually have to do that . That's the crazy

36:05

thing , right .

36:06

But going back to communication , what we know is that when

36:08

there's a breakdown in communication , voids

36:10

tend to get created and oftentimes negativity

36:13

fills those voids . So when I talk

36:15

about the importance of communication , we also know that

36:17

there are oftentimes three

36:19

different conversations happening for the

36:21

one that's actually happening , which is the one that you're

36:24

having , the one that I'm having and the one that we're having

36:26

. So one of the greatest misconceptions

36:28

about communication is the fact that it's actually

36:30

happening . So this you know

36:32

, implementing the five steps to effective communication

36:35

allows you to get

36:37

realigned with your team

36:39

so that we can collectively

36:41

we before me , we can collectively move

36:44

that mission towards the vision that was casted , even

36:46

as changes do begin to occur .

36:48

And I just I hope that you all are so encouraged about

36:51

kind of the intentionality , the

36:53

time spent , the value received , and then how to

36:55

work through that in communication

36:57

. Josh , before I turn

37:00

it over , you tell everybody about where to get the book , where

37:02

they can get all the end pieces

37:05

that we haven't had time to cover yet today , and

37:07

I ask you a question what's something that

37:09

you want to share , that you want to point

37:11

people to in the book , or that's just a good

37:13

piece to know ?

37:15

before we go . Thank you for asking

37:17

, john . I think that , ultimately

37:19

, something I struggled with as I've

37:21

gotten older , even into my adulthood , was

37:23

I didn't fully believe that I was

37:26

a leader , and I think it's important

37:28

to share with everyone . If

37:30

you're listening to this podcast , no

37:32

matter your tenure , no matter what title you

37:34

hold , even if you don't have a job , you are a

37:36

leader . Because being a leader means that you are a leader , yeah

37:39

, amen . Because with , with , with

37:41

a , being a leader means that you have a perspective

37:44

that no one else has , so you have

37:46

your own unique individual perspective that

37:48

makes you one of one you're . There's no one

37:50

else in the world like you . So , with perspective

37:52

, you have the ability to be influential , and

37:54

if you can be influential , you can affect

37:57

change . Anyone who is a change agent

37:59

is a leader a

38:01

good friend that that .

38:03

He said he walked into a training and he walked

38:05

up to the table and it said this table

38:07

is reserved for leaders . And he walked

38:10

to the next table and said this

38:12

table is reserved for leaders , third

38:14

table . He finally got it that it was

38:16

for leaders .

38:17

Love that .

38:18

You just heard Josh say , for every single one

38:20

of you is that you are a leader and

38:22

you have a legacy to lead

38:24

and leave today

38:26

. So where can

38:29

we get this and learn more

38:31

about you , josh , so that we can continue

38:33

and maybe even begin , but

38:35

at least move forward in ?

38:37

leading a legacy . Thank you , john . So you can find Le leading

38:39

a legacy on Amazon . You can also purchase

38:41

the book uh through my website , which

38:43

is limitlessleadershipco . Uh , not com uh

38:46

, but co

38:48

so limitlessleadershipco .

38:50

It's cool .

38:52

Um , so yeah , limitlessleadershipco , and if

38:54

you do purchase through my website , I'll also send a

38:56

signed copy , uh , to you .

38:58

Um and um go there today If you do

39:00

it right , right , right , right right now . I will

39:02

just take it with me and I'll shoot

39:04

it to it . Just kidding , but you should go do that .

39:06

There's more , that's right , but yeah you can go

39:08

to Amazon or LimitlessLeadershipco to

39:10

purchase Leading a Legacy today , and you can

39:12

find me on most social media platforms

39:15

at the Bearded Leader . So at

39:17

the Bearded Leader , so

39:19

you can see if you're watching this episode the

39:21

beard and of course , I am a leadership coach

39:24

but at thebeardedleader you can also find me

39:26

. Just search my name , Josh Parnell

39:28

, P-A-R-N-E-L-L , and I'd

39:30

love to connect with you . That's awesome .

39:32

Josh , thank you for letting

39:34

me and us come on location

39:36

in your home . We got to do the pod swap

39:38

, which was super fun Before

39:41

you go . What does it

39:43

mean to you to lead well

39:45

?

39:48

John , I think leading well to me means

39:50

connection before content .

39:53

Tell me just a little bit more about that .

39:54

Yeah , being able to connect . I think we

39:56

can connect through three different ways , which is authenticity

39:59

, humility and vulnerability , and

40:01

I think it's okay for every leader to recognize

40:03

you don't have to have all the answers , you

40:06

don't have to be the best at what you do , but

40:08

you have to have a heart for serving people and

40:11

you can serve people through authenticity , humility

40:13

and vulnerability when you put connection before content

40:15

.

40:16

Connection before content so

40:19

that you can lead well . This is Josh

40:21

Parnell . He leads well wherever

40:23

he goes . Thank you so much for can lead well . This is

40:25

Josh Parnell he leads well wherever he goes . Thank you

40:27

so much for being here today . We will

40:29

see you next time and until then , be

40:31

well , lead on and God bless

40:37

.