0:04

The Joe Rogan Experience Train

0:06

by day Joe Rogan podcast by night

0:08

all day Hey!

0:14

What the hell was that? Boys

0:17

we're up! We're

0:21

up and rolling. Hey welcome to morning radio.

0:23

Norman's over there still getting it up. Let's go. Um,

0:28

does it terror alert? What do you mean really?

0:31

Yeah, yeah. Did I send it to you Jamie?

0:33

I didn't right? Where? The subs

0:35

are outside of Miami or something right? Yeah, well

0:37

the subs are outside of Miami that's real. But

0:40

then there's another thing. Cuban subs? Russian

0:43

subs? Is that what that is?

0:45

Yes. Yeah there's a Russian nuclear sub

0:47

outside of Miami. What's the trouble

0:49

with? Yeah, like outside of Cuba so it's

0:51

like 25 miles from Miami there's a

0:53

Russian sub. Ay yay yay. Yeah

0:56

CIA chief warns of possible terror

0:59

attack. They brought the

1:01

draft back you heard. I'm gonna send this to you

1:03

Jamie. What? Yeah. What

1:05

the fuck did I do to this? What? Draft

1:07

back baby. Draft back. Well I

1:09

think. I don't think it's. Expansion

1:12

draft? I think you always had to register for the draft. Backdraft?

1:14

I think it was a thing. Just in case. Just

1:16

selective service. Yeah selective service. I don't really

1:19

think much has changed.

1:21

Has it? Backdraft? US faces

1:23

serious threat of terror attack. Fun.

1:26

Great guys. Just in time for the

1:28

election. This season is the best. This

1:31

season has me riveted. I

1:33

don't understand. Who's writing this? How are

1:35

they killing off good guys? Like what

1:37

is going on? This season of the

1:40

world is amazing. Why? The

1:42

world. There's so many so many made

1:44

up things clearly right now. The Holocaust.

1:46

The Holocaust. Yeah I was just hearing

1:48

about that. Covid. Flat earth. Well

1:52

there's Ukraine, there's Gaza. Space.

1:55

There's the Congo. Something's happening. What's

1:57

going on in the Congo? Oh the Uyghurs. Oh

2:00

shit yeah, there's some there's some drawing.

2:02

I'm keeping a tally last.

2:05

I was so rough with the puking I'm

2:07

keeping a tally of my Norman

2:15

went up first at the mothership and he

2:17

was a Bliterated

2:20

you repeated jokes like three or four times, but

2:22

the audience and the audience knew what was going

2:24

on they caught on I was so happy that

2:26

I was like five people after you so I

2:28

got to sober up Oh, yeah, I was so

2:30

even then I was like Jesus Christ. I am

2:32

way too drunk to be on stage I was

2:34

man. I thought I was killing but they were

2:36

laughing at me No,

2:39

no, you started set up. They were like wait is

2:41

this another But

2:45

would you deliver did great you

2:47

had a great set it was funny we were watching

2:49

and laughing We're laughing no no no no no no

2:51

no no no you we were laughing because we knew

2:53

how hammered you were but you were killing It's

2:56

not bad. It was a great show we were

2:58

hammered we were obliterated. We were also we were

3:00

right there with you Yeah, we

3:02

all drank too much. Yeah, but what a fun

3:05

show that was what a fun day What a

3:07

fucking fun night? It was Shane going to I was

3:09

on after Shane or whatever and he goes I found mark

3:11

And I'm like where he just goes to a back hallway

3:13

and clicks a light on Blair

3:20

which really turned the corner just there You

3:23

were just feet away from your puke From

3:32

the stage snoring oh No,

3:35

shut up. I mean if you

3:37

snored they could hear you I heard you last night He

3:39

laid in it while I was on stage.

3:41

What did you two fucking mumbling back there? Yeah?

3:47

In the back having a conversation Right

3:50

behind the curtain on some out we're riffing on

3:52

what people were science who were listening. Yeah, we

3:54

had to prepare Fake

3:59

profession I don't know, it was crazy. That

4:03

was the worst with the store, with the hallway, in

4:05

the original room, the worst. You

4:08

would be out there and you'd be having fun conversations. You wouldn't

4:10

even realize you're a part of it. You're

4:12

too loud. And then you're a comic and all the

4:14

comics are too loud. And when you're on stage, like

4:16

you fucking guys are so loud. They're like, you're doing

4:18

it too. Everyone's doing it. You know it's bad when

4:20

the guy on the stage is like, guys, shut up.

4:23

It happens all the time too. It's that

4:26

transition between that festive back

4:28

corridor, the

4:30

parking lot area. That parking lot is always where

4:32

everybody gets out of their car. What's up? I

4:34

was just in Cleveland talking shit, having fun. And

4:37

then you go right into the hallway and you forget. I feel so

4:40

bad for the door guys because they're like, they're like, hey, you've cleared

4:42

this. And he's like, these are all guys I look up to. You

4:45

have to tell them to go outside. Nobody listens. Nobody

4:48

listens to the door guys. It takes a manager to go

4:50

over. I know. They'll say you guys got to leave and

4:52

all the regulars will go, I know, right? They do. Yeah,

4:54

everybody should get the fuck out of here. Does that system

4:57

work? I feel like there's a Mark Marin or a Kinison.

4:59

And they're like, they were door guys. This is a legitimate

5:01

way to get up. But I'm like, I've seen you work

5:03

the door for six years now. Listen,

5:06

it can work for some people. It

5:08

worked for Ari. Me, Bobby Lori. Yeah,

5:10

Kinison. Tony Hinchcliffe. Tony. All

5:12

right, I take it all back. That is easy. I

5:14

mean, the whole thing is like, not

5:17

everybody's going to do it. Everybody

5:19

that starts out, essentially, if you're

5:21

an open miker, you're probably doing comedy a couple of

5:23

years. How many of those guys from like

5:25

two years in the business are still in the business that you started

5:27

with? Mostly gone. Mostly gone. So that's going

5:30

to be the same thing we've done when you see

5:32

them. It's weird. Like a guy you

5:34

started with. Like an open mic guy. I'll

5:36

go back to Philly and see a guy. I'm

5:38

like, holy shit, dude. Yeah, they're happier. They're always

5:40

happier. They're always happier. But you feel bad for

5:42

them. No, I meant the guys that are still

5:44

doing it. Oh. They forgot.

5:47

You mean guys that quit? The guys that quit are definitely.

5:49

Guys that quit are definitely. A lot of them are happy.

5:51

Really? What the hell? Exactly.

5:55

Yeah, bombings. Yeah.

5:58

Some of those guys, they just bomb forever. You look

6:00

at a guy who's a door guy. It's a

6:02

guy who's there is in that spot You know

6:04

that you're just or door gal didn't even tell

6:07

them they don't call him door gals. Do they're

6:09

also door guys whores? That's gross. That's

6:11

rude. That's misgendering for gal. They also called them

6:13

mate when they started doing my way to sis

6:15

they call male waitresses That's

6:20

funny, but that's okay. He's a male

6:22

wage male stories That's a

6:24

stress test too because if you get mad someone

6:26

calls you a male waitress You're kind of a

6:28

bitch like we care what they fucking call you

6:31

I would be pissed if somebody called me a fucking male waitress They

6:37

only had female so the longest time and then they were

6:39

like we could have a dude waiter And people when did

6:42

they have a dude waiter? I don't remember any dude waiters.

6:44

They have them now they do now Yeah, but mitzi

6:46

was like the Holtzmann said that out of a funeral

6:48

once he was like I don't like this They're supposed

6:51

to only be female and they're supposed to fuck the

6:53

up-and-comers When

6:56

you think about like how many comics you

6:59

started out with that are actually doing it

7:01

today like from open mic I think I

7:04

know three you remember the ones that are

7:06

still in real yeah, what's a quit? Oh,

7:08

they bird Fitzsimmons I didn't know burr until

7:10

later burr started like a year or two

7:13

after me And I knew Fitzsimmons, and I

7:15

started the same time we started like a

7:17

week apart from each other Damn the same

7:19

club and he quit ah Now

7:23

he's great. Yeah, I think Chris McGuire But

7:26

he doesn't really do comedy anymore although. He was very

7:28

funny He just

7:30

mostly does like TV projects and shit now.

7:32

He was involved in that Snoop Dogg Martha

7:34

Stewart show I wrote jokes for that really

7:36

great job, right? Yeah, Chris the great joke

7:38

writer. He's a funny dude, but so he's

7:40

like me Dane Dane

7:42

was around back then and Like

7:45

who else how is he an open mics is

7:47

he killing no honestly I gotta say I saw

7:49

Dane when he was past open mic For the

7:51

first time the first time I saw them. I

7:54

used to do this There's a

7:56

place called dick dardies comedy hut dick

7:58

dardie was like Legend out Biker

8:01

slash comedian guy legendary Boston guy

8:04

It was character who's a fun and fun guy

8:06

like but he gave me a lot of work

8:08

like I love that guy because like when I

8:10

was just starting out he would send you out

8:12

to the middle of fucking nowhere to some weird

8:14

bar gig But you know you made money, and

8:17

so I did the comedy hut when dame was

8:19

with alan the monkeys Easy

8:21

yes, that was the show it was

8:23

a comedy show it was yeah monkeys

8:27

like a band Bobby Kelly Here's

8:34

Al Del Ben who was a sketch group yep,

8:36

they would do sketches, and then they would each

8:39

do like five minutes of That's

8:43

Bobby that's hot bobs on the left Holy

8:47

shit Jesus Yeah,

8:49

so this was you know 1990

8:53

says to is that what it says there? That's crazy 92 So

8:56

I think I met him in 90 90 91.

8:59

Oh my god. That's BCN WBCN comedy

9:01

riot winners I mean it was like the

9:03

comedy riot was the big thing back in

9:05

the day the BCN comedy right like if

9:07

you won The comedy right you were the

9:09

fucking man. They thought that was their future.

9:11

They took a picture for this. Oh, yeah,

9:13

who is al Al's

9:15

I don't even know what I was doing these days. I

9:17

know he was a serious Maybe

9:19

I think maybe Al Keita Al Del Benny.

9:22

Yeah, he was in Australia I think I think we married

9:24

an Australian lady, and I think they moved okay up there

9:27

So when I met them that's what

9:29

they were doing they were all together

9:31

They weren't like doing stand-up separately yet

9:35

And then they sort of gave up on that and started

9:37

doing stand-up separately Damn you had

9:39

to make it work back, but that was a

9:41

couple yeah now living in Sydney, Australia So

9:46

I guess he's still out there working But

9:50

so I know those guys, but that's a couple of

9:52

years after open mic for me It was like you

9:54

know nine this episode is brought to

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must be an ESPN plus

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subscriber to purchase UFC 303

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pay-per-view I started in 88. So

10:32

there was like only like four or four four or five guys

10:34

left What are you guys still have run from open mics? Yes,

10:39

I'm from Sean Patton But

10:41

then it feel like those gigs you had to go

10:43

out and do some weird, you know Knights of Columbus

10:45

bullshit Or you had to do like

10:47

the best those are the best Yeah, but people aren't

10:49

doing those anymore and then they just put a clip

10:52

on tick-tock So I don't feel like they're learning that

10:54

muscle of like I got to win these mooks over

10:56

the wall I think some people are

10:58

still doing it. Also, is that a good muscle to have?

11:00

Yeah Do a VFW? Yeah

11:02

just to get them. It's Good

11:06

to know what that is. Yes, you know,

11:08

like it's not this this magic doesn't work

11:10

in every setting Yeah, like you need

11:12

certain settings. You need a microphone, you know, you can't

11:14

have no microphone You need a compliant audience if you

11:16

have to do a corporate gig and people in the

11:19

middle of talking and they go and now Here's a

11:21

comedian you go on stage. You're gonna eat dick. I

11:23

just did that Texas

11:27

thing It

11:29

was as bad it was the word Rogan

11:34

Texas, I was I was sitting my house and I got a text Rogan

11:36

was like I'm going to that I was like fuck

11:39

Just to watch Just

11:41

to be fun. It was it was

11:43

for Texas's it was like fundraising for

11:45

football and They asked

11:47

me to do it. I said no then they finally

11:50

they got me. Yeah, I was like fine. I'll do

11:52

it The money's great free. Oh Field

11:57

passes And

12:00

also I'm friends with those people it was fine, but look

12:02

Tony came Oh, yeah, I

12:04

was like I'm bringing Tony on stage Cuz

12:07

I'm gonna die. I'll do that went first. It was on

12:09

the field It was in a it was

12:11

in it was in a concert stage because Brooks

12:13

and Dunn was the concert

12:15

after first 500600

12:20

but it was a wedding That's

12:23

the war it was just round tables dude.

12:25

I went on it was sunny out It

12:28

was in the football stadium Round

12:36

it was like a wedding and I got

12:38

on stage everyone filming standing I

12:42

tried to do a trumpet. I was like

12:44

this isn't working I

12:50

did like one word and I was like fuck am I doing

12:52

sorry? Beginning

12:58

those those in the beginning days of comment. I

13:01

think those gigs they test you well You don't

13:03

know about you really want to do this football

13:05

fear you got Hamlin where? It

13:10

was it was bad that's rough and then settings

13:12

are always oh and then before we go on I was like

13:15

I'm gonna bring Tony on and then the guy who was running

13:17

it like freaked out He was like oh shit.

13:19

He just saw the roast so he was like this

13:21

guy can't go up there. Yeah There's

13:26

fucking kids here There's kids

13:28

running around in front of the

13:30

stage off there like people don't

13:32

understand comedy think it's like carpentry

13:39

Can you hang this shelf come here tell jokes do

13:41

a joke about this when you're up there? 100

13:44

degrees in front of the richest people in Texas Picture

13:49

everyone just laughing and having a good time, but it's

13:51

you got to listen to me do a bit about

13:53

fingering Yeah, literally the fucking laughter gets sucked up by

13:55

the grass I

13:58

think I saw people I

14:00

saw some people laughing. I would've been howling

14:02

the Just

14:07

a comedian section the way way at top in a

14:09

box seat That

14:13

is a beautiful moment watching a friend bomb hard

14:16

Only friendly, you know is funny. Yeah, like

14:18

if someone bombs and they bomb all the

14:21

time. It's pathetic There's a specific laugh where

14:23

goes it goes set up punchline then a

14:25

pause quick pause The audience should laugh than

14:27

a half second after when they don't it's

14:30

the two comics in the back Sometimes

14:43

you like you go on stage It's

14:45

almost like you enter into a wrong

14:47

cadence or wrong Just

14:50

a wrong rhythm thought process a wrong rhythm

14:52

and then like you're like I gotta

14:54

get out of this Yeah, like get out of

14:56

this and get like this. How did I get

14:58

stuck? How did I get

15:01

stuck saying things in this order actually? Yeah

15:03

that show I just watched Season

15:05

one of Eastbound down again, and I

15:07

was literally just talking like Kenny Powers. Oh, yeah, it's

15:09

on stage Like good to see you motherfuckers made it

15:11

out tonight There

15:16

were kids and then I brought Tony on stage

15:18

and we did like tame Roast

15:21

jokes like Vince young was there. I was like

15:23

Vince young. I heard your birthday today. You're 41

15:25

more like Vince old The

15:36

rhythm thing but you know what else is weird you make

15:39

some weird choice out of the gate You're like, I'm gonna

15:41

fuck with this guy right first and it just were derailed

15:43

your whole set Yeah, like why did I just do my

15:45

act? Why did I bring him

15:47

up? It's choices like it's sometimes they

15:49

go sideways and sometimes they don't but

15:51

if you don't follow them You'll never

15:53

get those tags. You never get that

15:55

like that new branch

15:58

that Follow the field It's

16:00

just so funny. It just sometimes it doesn't

16:02

work. Sometimes you get a warning, the MC's on, I got

16:04

off, you're about to go on, I'm like, oh, there's a

16:06

lady on the side, she wants it to be all about

16:08

her, like don't. And then you'll walk for a second, and

16:10

you ask like, what's your problem? Like fuck! I

16:12

unleashed her, I got the warning! They

16:14

get you. Oh, no. They're always gonna get

16:16

you. They're just waiting to be called on. God, there's so

16:19

many needy people out there. Yeah, women. They

16:21

don't just wanna see a show, they wanna be needy.

16:23

Oh, I've met dudes, I've met needy dudes who wanna

16:25

talk to you while you're on stage. It's

16:27

like, why you doing that? Yeah,

16:31

I did a show, it was like a hockey

16:34

arena show, and

16:37

this drunk guy, did I tell this last time?

16:39

I think it was. Possibly, I was blacked out.

16:41

This guy snuck behind the screen, so

16:44

he was just sitting by himself up in a

16:47

balcony, or like, no one

16:49

was allowed to sit there, he just was sitting by

16:51

himself, and I heard him the entire show. But

16:53

he would only talk when I was talking. Oh, that's the

16:56

worst. I would start talking and he'd be like, Shane. Oh,

16:58

no! And I was on stage like, what

17:01

is it? It was like trying to find a fucking cricket

17:03

in your house. Right. The second you

17:05

stop it, it stops me like, and

17:08

then finally he was like, yay! I

17:10

saw him, I looked up and I was like, oh, he's

17:12

up there, and he was like, hey, I love you. He's

17:14

doing that with his hips. That's what's gonna count. I was

17:16

like, oh, there he is, let's fucking kick him out. We

17:18

used to get hecklers at the Vulcan that

17:22

would lean over the balcony, and you couldn't even see him.

17:25

There's the spotlights in your face, they go, who's up

17:27

there? What are you talking? Yeah, like people above you

17:29

yelling things down at you. Fuck

17:31

you. Fuck you. Fuck you. When

17:35

it's while you're talking. Yes. And

17:38

you're like, I swear to God I hear something, and it's a

17:40

fucking arena, no one else hears it. That's brutal. So I'm just

17:42

on stage like, in between

17:44

jokes, looking around, they're like, God damn, this guy's

17:46

a bitch. Some people, they shouldn't go to a

17:48

comedy show. No. They're just like, this

17:50

should be a test. They took that guy, put him straight in

17:52

a cop car. Whoa! He drove

17:54

by himself, they were like, all right. You

17:56

can't drive. He's been a, a

17:59

security guard grabbed him. shoes fell off

18:01

right away he wasn't saying

18:03

that he just snuck behind

18:05

the stage

18:14

it was going I love you dude he was

18:17

having fun it's so hard to

18:19

explain to a positive person that

18:21

they're ruining everything right especially one

18:23

with a 70 IQ I

18:26

did a Philly last week and I had the

18:28

lady who had the crazy laugh she's

18:30

nice she's loving the show she's like and

18:35

you're like you gotta go yeah

18:37

I'm laughing I'm like but you kicked

18:39

her out I had to it

18:41

was too much you ruined the openers whole set yeah

18:43

so then when I went on she's laughing in the

18:45

middle of setups we need like a pause and we

18:47

had to get out of there it was too much

18:50

crazy first yeah she was making it about her she's

18:52

doing on purpose

18:55

I think so it was way over the

18:57

top it was like the Joker yeah like

19:00

almost like a prank kind of yeah

19:02

or she just wanted you to know

19:04

she was laughing yeah it was like

19:06

fake orgasm chick where you're like hey

19:08

this is not real yeah I've never

19:10

I've six inches of thin

19:12

steel here a lot of vein did a

19:14

corporate gig

19:24

in Toronto but it was

19:26

the best setup ever did I tell this no but

19:29

I know this I restaurant I told you this Super

19:31

Bowl thing yeah it's the same guy no way yeah

19:33

I go sorry well it was just a hell gig

19:35

of all hell gigs it was all these rich millionaire

19:37

guys and the guy goes I'm a huge fan you

19:39

got to do this bit do that bit I'm like

19:41

this is a lock he's telling me what bits to

19:43

do I'm in so I open

19:46

up with all the bits and they're all bombing

19:48

you know it's corporate had the like the Fisher

19:50

Price Mike you know that whole thing and

19:53

then I'm bombing and the guy's sitting in the front row going what

19:55

are you doing what are you doing this is

19:57

like your specialized so I'm doing the bits

20:00

They're not laughing. I don't know what else to do. So

20:02

I bomb for a full hour. What are you doing? Doing

20:07

same show encourage your coach. Oh,

20:09

yeah, it's a rough show brought me into a dinner And

20:11

it was in front of just NFL Hall of Famers at

20:14

a steak dinner tape like a dinner Yes,

20:16

he was like alright stand up. That

20:18

was it. Oh I'm

20:21

not doing it. Yeah, and he was like he was cool

20:23

about he was like, okay He was now I

20:25

realized he really wanted me to stand up. So I was like Come

20:28

do a show later. I'll talk about Down syndrome in front of Jerry,

20:30

right? Come

20:34

do a show. Yeah, come do a show

20:36

fuck this. Yeah nonsense. I had one good

20:38

corporate. It was for the border patrol Oh,

20:41

really saw me into La Jolla and Sandy. I got a club

20:43

and he's like, I like do this stuff I'm like, okay, but

20:45

corporate so I goes they're pieces of shit Okay,

20:49

great and they really were cops are

20:52

great yeah, yeah, well we did

20:54

that show last year. They were awesome Yeah

20:56

two shows. Yeah, it's like Comedy

20:59

should be in a fucking comedy club and

21:01

it probably should be more than five minutes, too

21:03

That's what I want. I never did one of

21:05

those late night shows like it was like that

21:07

just doesn't seem like You

21:10

know, I just can't get cooking in five

21:12

minutes Yeah, you know I need some time and

21:14

I also was like I don't

21:16

want to water anything down I don't want to

21:18

do it goes with a style. Yeah, it's a

21:21

specific style for it It's yeah, if you're like

21:23

a setup punch joke writer guy, it's great But

21:25

I wonder today if it's even worth doing it

21:27

was certainly worth doing like when you guys were

21:29

doing it not at all But

21:31

today it seems like to develop like a solid five minutes

21:33

and do it on one of those shows No, it's yeah

21:35

I got Sam we're all hanging out me him and Sam

21:38

we're hanging out in the cellar and he said he

21:40

got an offer for Cordon or something like that and

21:42

he was like they're not paying and

21:44

then I gotta fly myself there Show

21:48

yeah, he goes I could just get this views on

21:50

my own. Yeah like tonight right now one tick tock.

21:53

Yeah Yeah, it's it's a weird situation

21:55

now where that thing is just evaporated in

21:57

front of our face. Yeah, and then they

22:00

I'm doing the tonight show soon. And, uh...

22:02

But the guy's like, hey, we'd love to have

22:04

you. And I'm like, alright, great, here's the set.

22:06

And he's like, ooh, can you change this and

22:08

that? And I'm like, well, why

22:11

would I do it now? You guys gotta like, change

22:13

with the times. You gotta bend a little. I had to

22:15

fight for Boner. I got Boner on. Oh gosh. But

22:19

that was a fight. No, Boner fight.

22:21

What's funny because before the internet, Boner

22:23

was a no-go. Great video game. Boner

22:25

was never happening before the internet. Mm-mm.

22:28

Boner. It's weird though. It's funny than

22:30

erection. Boner's a character on Growing Pains. Yeah, Boner.

22:32

It's coming from Boner to Boner. Oh, interesting. I

22:34

don't think they meant that thing. Same thing though.

22:37

Washed up dead. When did Boner become a hard guy? Washed

22:39

up dead in the swords of Vancouver. Really? Boner.

22:41

Pull it up. What do you mean? What do

22:44

you mean? What do you say? He

22:46

washed up the actor who played Boner to Boner. Oh, really? Washed

22:48

up dead on a fight. Did he drown? Yeah,

22:50

I don't know. A lot of sitcom guys get fucked. You're lucky

22:52

you got out easy. Well, you know what it is. They start

22:54

really young. They

22:56

start young. That's what it is. They

22:59

start, they become kids, they become famous when they're kids,

23:01

which you just can't do. That

23:03

works out a lot. Having a child be an actor.

23:05

That's a smart move. It is the

23:07

worst thing you can do to a kid other

23:09

than like awful things. Kevin's busy. Yeah. Wait

23:12

a minute. Boner found dead in Canada. Whoa. I

23:15

got two facts. All right. Body was

23:17

discovered in a heavily wooded area about 100 feet from a foot

23:19

past the huge park. How did

23:21

he die? Boner in the wooded. Foul

23:24

play was not suspected. I

23:26

don't know about that. What did that mean? Wooded area is

23:28

never good. How did he die then? I don't know.

23:31

I'll look. I mean, it's okay. His name

23:33

was Dick. But I've met a bunch. His name

23:35

was Dick and his nickname was Boner. Perfect. That

23:38

sucks. Boner used to be just a

23:40

mess up, right? A boner? I pulled a boner. Yeah, it

23:43

used to be that. What?

23:45

Yeah. When did boner become something that

23:47

people used to describe their dick? You

23:49

know, maybe it's like one of those things like gay. Like

23:51

Flintstones had a gay old time, remember? Yeah. Gay

23:54

used to be fun. We'll have a gay time. Right. And

23:57

then all of a sudden they took it just like they took the rainbow. Right.

24:00

Took it from us. They stole

24:02

it. They stole it. Yeah. We're

24:05

taking it. And now they own it.

24:07

We're taking it back. Gay all the time. That's

24:09

why when people get mad, if you call something

24:11

gay, like it used to be fun. Blunder. Yeah,

24:14

it was blunder. 1912 baseball slang. What?

24:17

Probably from Bonehead. Bonehead move.

24:19

Bonehead. The meaning erect penis is from the 1950s. Okay,

24:22

so the 1950s boner became a dick. I

24:26

mean, it's right there. Your dick's a bone. Boner. It's

24:29

right there. It's a hard funeral. Oh, from the

24:31

earlier. It used to be a bone on in

24:33

the 1940s. Follow

24:35

the trans boner. That's what I do during checks. Oh,

24:38

we got something that we don't. Yes.

24:41

Blue chukonich, as soon as the

24:44

fucking Viagra was invented. It's

24:46

hilarious. It's not a good word in the bedroom though. You know, if you're

24:48

like, I'm so hard. You can't be like,

24:50

oh, you like that boner? Yeah. It's

24:53

not. It's just talking to girls that got a fucking boner. Yeah.

24:56

That's a drunk. You couldn't have throws a bad guy using

24:58

that word as drunk. Nice boobs. I

25:00

got a boner. He's beer drunk. Really?

25:02

All you can use is dick and cock. Pretty much. I

25:05

didn't want to say it. I definitely hit a boner in there. Yeah.

25:08

You're drinking that Bud Light, you get a boner. But if you're drinking

25:11

like 25 year old scotch, you have an erection. There

25:13

you go. You have a hard cock. You

25:16

have an erection like a man. Ice

25:18

moving around your glass, I've got an erection.

25:21

Yeah. I can't take myself

25:23

seriously. It should be like, I have a hard

25:25

cock right. It's gross, dude. My wife likes the

25:27

insults and I feel bad. I said this last

25:29

time. No, no, no. You told me this before,

25:31

I'm sorry. But she's like, say shit, say mean

25:33

shit. But I'm a guy, so I'm like, oh,

25:35

you're retard. That's not hot. You

25:38

don't pay your share of the rent. You can't

25:40

cook. That's

25:43

funny that she likes that. Loves it. So

25:46

weird. She's a wacky lady. But

25:48

probably real nice outside of that. Very nice. That's

25:51

where she gets it out. Bizarre. She

25:53

could maybe go to the gym. Yeah, it'd be nice. It's

25:55

other ways too. Take a fucking yoga class. Get

25:58

in there. You have to

26:01

be fucking hand-to-hand combat while you're

26:03

fucking. Can you get out? It's

26:07

weird. Remember those self-defense classes? I felt like every lady

26:09

took one of those in the 80s and that kind

26:11

of went away. I thought he was the Nia guy

26:13

in the balls. That was it. Yeah. I

26:16

went to one to watch to see what they teach.

26:18

It was all nonsense. The only thing that they... In

26:21

the back, taking notes. Yeah, no, it was. This is

26:23

what I was teaching. I was like 21 at the

26:25

time. I wanted

26:27

to see it because it was at Boston University, I

26:29

think. Which is where I was teaching Taekwondo.

26:32

And when I was there, they had a big blue suit.

26:35

The guy would wear a big blue suit. And

26:37

he would come out. Like they're training German Shepherds?

26:40

And they would yell, stop. And

26:42

then they would drop and kick them in the

26:44

balls. That was one of the moves. And

26:47

then grab them with your keys. There was

26:49

moves where you take your keys, you put them through your fingers like brass

26:51

knuckles. Yeah. Back down

26:53

people had a house key, a fucking mailbox key. You had a bunch of

26:56

keys. So you could put them in there and punch people in the

26:58

face. But I was like, there's

27:00

no substitute for actually learning how to fight. This is not

27:02

going to work. None of it will work. None of it

27:04

will work. They just got to get out of that alley.

27:06

I had explained to this girl, she was like 100 pounds

27:08

with tiny hands. I'm like, you should

27:10

never try to hit a guy. Never try to.

27:12

You should learn how to not get hit and

27:15

how to move. But you're not going

27:17

to hurt someone. You're too small.

27:20

There's just nothing you can do about it. That's a

27:22

wake up call. They get in this head that they're

27:24

going to be karate experts. And they're going to be

27:26

beating up people. You don't have enough mass.

27:30

You have to have a certain amount of mass to be

27:32

able to generate force to hurt someone. Oh, Leah Thomas is

27:34

pretty beefy. I think of trying to be

27:36

like the type of guy who hits his

27:38

wife and then you go try to hit her and she can bob and weave.

27:41

She's like, that's really shallow. Well, that would

27:43

suck. Jiu-jitsu is the best sport for women. The

27:45

best martial art to learn for women. Because you

27:47

could be very small but still with leverage

27:49

and using the right technique you choke a guy

27:51

unconscious. I've seen it happen. Yeah,

27:54

big challenge. My friend Felicia, she weighs like 135 pounds. She's

27:57

a black belt under John Giacchiano. And there

27:59

was this guy who... who's like a porn star, he used

28:01

to have a TV show on Showtime, and he

28:03

was gonna have this thing where he tried jiu-jitsu

28:05

with a girl, and she fucking strangled him three

28:07

or four times in a row. And I don't

28:10

know if they ever even put it on TV.

28:12

The thing was so embarrassing. Because you

28:14

have this 135 pound chick, who's

28:16

just manhandling this dude, taking his life over

28:19

and over again and letting him go.

28:21

Felicia, oh, she's a shit. Some girl, there's

28:23

bodybuilder women, I watch a documentary, who get

28:25

paid on the side. Sure, it was

28:27

a documentary. Paid

28:30

on the side. They get paid on the

28:32

side while bodybuilding to wrestle dudes and throw

28:35

them around, and guys love it, top dollar.

28:37

What's the real job? Is it really

28:39

bodybuilding, or is it wrestling dudes? It

28:43

seems like you're bullshitting, you're saying you're doing it on

28:45

the side, and that's where you make all your money.

28:47

Bodybuilding is the ad you put out. How much money

28:49

do the women bodybuilders make, compared to women who are

28:51

willing to wrestle crazy old rich dudes? What's they make

28:53

in general? I bet there's a lot of money. In

28:56

old rich dudes that want to be humiliated. Of

28:59

course. Where the fuck are these people? Where are

29:01

they? Who are these guys doing? Oh,

29:03

they're out there. I don't think I will. A lot of

29:05

them are CEOs, these guys that you tell you jokes in

29:07

front of at these corporate events. Those guys

29:10

are getting tied down, pussy and asshole

29:12

stuffed in their face. They

29:14

get their balls kicked. That's the new thing,

29:16

because porn has become so specific, because

29:19

everything's just uploaded for free. So then it becomes,

29:22

well, I want to hire these pornsters to do

29:24

this exact scene. And a lot of it is

29:26

like, burn all my stamps I collected for 40

29:28

years. It's not, but

29:30

it's not just, like with these old rich

29:33

guys, like some of them, they make this

29:35

deal with what they call a humiliatrix. I

29:37

had one of them on my show. Humiliatrix?

29:39

Really? Yeah, and she will like get a

29:42

video of them sucking a cock. She'll make

29:44

him suck a cock on video, and then

29:46

send it to her, and then

29:48

she will tell him she's blackmailing him. But

29:50

it's all under safe conditions, and she will

29:52

get him, and he will send her $10,000,

29:55

and she still holds on to

29:57

the tape. They have like. She

30:01

steals a certain amount of money from him. She

30:04

can steal a certain amount of money from him, and she

30:06

humiliates him. There's

30:09

a thing that these rich, really powerful

30:12

guys that head these giant corporations, some

30:14

of them, that's how they get their rocks off. They

30:16

get their rocks off by being humiliated, but so they

30:18

hire a professional, and the professional gets

30:20

dirt on them, humiliate, makes them do embarrassing

30:23

things. That's a great gig for a lady.

30:25

Yeah, financial domination. Oh, Karen used to do

30:27

that. It's a sexual fetish lifestyle activity. They

30:29

do, yeah. Karen used to do that.

30:31

It was so funny. And

30:34

she was like, you suck. Send me some money. And

30:36

she looked like I got 20 bucks. What? What?

30:38

Yeah, it's before Onlyfans. She doesn't do it for free.

30:42

She sits on me. It's a lifestyle activity

30:44

which is submissive, is required to give gifts

30:46

or money to a dominant. Yeah, some dudes

30:48

out there just like to be dominated. Wow.

30:51

Symphony, easy. Play pig. Play

30:54

pig. Play pig. A cash

30:56

piggy. Whoa. It's a human

30:58

ATM. Whoa. Pay pig's the worst

31:00

though. Cash piggy's not bad though. Cash piggy. Cash

31:03

piggy. Cash piggy's not. Cash piggy's not.

31:06

Cash piggy's not. Cash piggy. I'm a little

31:08

cash piggy baby. Cash piggy. Yeah. It

31:11

sounds like what Jackie Gleason used to call his host. I

31:14

could maybe get behind the domination, but as soon as

31:16

they're like, you know, suck some guy's dick, I'm like,

31:18

hey, lady, I'm not playing this game anymore. I think

31:21

some of these guys want dirt on them. You

31:24

know, I think they're all involved in

31:26

fucking corporate shenanigans and they're probably all

31:28

criminals. Like, who knows? I don't, I

31:30

just can't. And I

31:33

get their nuts kicked. I can't. Damn.

31:36

That's the worst thing. That's the worst thing? How do you

31:38

find out? I don't get it. Is there

31:40

an unlock moment where you're like, oh shit, that's what

31:42

I meant. Like an accidental knee punch, you know? And

31:45

like, sorry, like actually. I bet a lot of it

31:47

has come out of the internet. I bet

31:49

a lot of it is coming out of guys watching

31:51

videos and it's like, that's what I want. And they

31:53

start jacking off to it. Next thing you know, they're

31:55

hiring somebody. I don't like any

31:57

pain. It's bothering me. I don't like pain. The

36:00

finger is the gateway so you gotta watch out with a finger

36:04

They started with the finger When

36:09

I was when I was like 21

36:12

years old I did a road gig and

36:14

I met this lady and We

36:17

went back to her place and she told me she

36:19

goes some gay guys used to live here before I

36:21

did I said, how do you know she

36:23

goes because they left gay porn? I was like

36:25

what and so this is the

36:27

first time I'd ever seen I I knew People

36:30

were gay. Yeah, I knew they were gay, but I

36:32

had no proof. Yeah I had no

36:34

proof of this activity and so she puts

36:36

it on first of all. I left her

36:39

apartment immediately Creepy

36:46

went through it was like I was watching someone

36:48

get shot Well

36:57

that lemon party shot you got to pull that Lemon

37:00

party yeah Oh

37:04

my god Not

37:13

had a real What

37:22

is that This

37:30

might be my computer might be in trouble now. Oh

37:32

is your computer tainted? I don't know if you

37:35

got a virus you son of a gay virus

37:39

They got AIDS the stavros

37:42

virus well the the fat black guy

37:44

with the huge dick he took over the lemon party

37:46

That was like the new generation. Yeah, that was it

37:48

anytime. There was like crazy new story the flat back

37:50

dick You can send that to your mom the lemon

37:52

parties She's

38:00

singing a couple trains Rogan's

38:06

have a good bit about Brokeback Mountain that there

38:09

should be a warning meat spin

38:11

meat spins a classic dude, which one's that?

38:15

It's a fun way you've seen your friends do this I don't know

38:17

meat spin Safe

38:24

on that good golly But

38:29

Just for show sort of like when people post virtuous

38:31

things on social media that kind of doesn't go all

38:33

the way up It's

38:36

they're only doing this for show like I'm so

38:39

safe Yeah, I engage in these risky activities filming

38:41

this like butt fucking in front of a camera

38:46

Yeah, but fucking without a camera is weird How

38:48

do you get that dick to maintain that circle people do it

38:51

and do you pause and try to go the other way? Well,

38:53

you got a sport the other muscles the

38:55

other way automatically Now

39:05

this Spotify is okay with that with

39:07

what the dick swinging we'll

39:10

find out all right. I mean Jamie's good

39:12

It's been on the screen Jamie

39:15

knows how to handle things everybody that's listening to

39:18

this knows exactly what me and lemon party a

39:23

Couple people to be like I'll look this up. What do they mean? It's

39:25

a marine watching like ah come on

39:27

well dude I remember the early days

39:29

the internet when this stuff was new

39:31

when you would get stuff like this

39:33

like you know attachments Well, yeah, but

39:35

also certain websites like do you remember

39:37

style project? No, just style project was

39:39

this wild website that had all the

39:42

most fucked up things It

39:44

was our spot. We would all go to yeah I

39:46

didn't write dot com. Yeah, it's me dot com. Do

39:48

you remember style project? I don't remember that one Bro,

39:50

this is still up. Yeah, I became friends. It's a

39:52

web. It's just a porn site. Yeah, they This

39:56

is meat and potatoes too much pubic hair

39:58

yikes quite a bush I

42:00

here's the karma here's why I don't have karma

42:02

porn 45 year old

42:04

stepmoms that get stuck in dryers and the steps unfucks

42:06

them First

42:09

of all it's ridiculous that she's stuck in the dryer You

42:13

can get out who gets laundry out that way

42:15

by sticking your head I don't know that it

42:18

doesn't make any sense like how are you how

42:20

are you stuck? And then also once you get

42:22

out you don't stop fucking you start sucking dick

42:24

and you get crazy. Yeah, those are fun It's

42:27

just like when you have like an 18 year old girls going

42:29

on an audition And she's sitting on a

42:31

leather couch and this guy's talking to her those I'm

42:33

like Can

42:37

do this you gotta get on the mothership somehow You're

42:47

not gonna have any of that AI no

42:49

actual people But you will still

42:52

have people that get addicted to it That's where

42:54

things get weird because then you don't think of

42:56

them as people you just think it was like

42:58

How do I get to the position where this

43:00

girl's on the couch? Maybe I

43:03

need to start my own thing maybe I don't know if

43:05

I get a check to yeah, it fucks you up It

43:07

fucks it fucks people up unless you ever meet a hooker

43:09

guy the guy who gets a lot of hookers And then

43:11

they're them around a regular woman. I don't

43:14

know how to relate to them Oh, yeah, cuz everyone's

43:16

for sale in that world so then they're like stare

43:21

Jesus Christ Jesus yikes yeah, some

43:23

people don't turn it off What

43:26

about I know guys also like to get shit on Third-day

43:34

thing I bet if you're like online today

43:36

on websites you could probably find someone to

43:38

shit on you pretty 1970

43:42

was probably quite a day gets your ass beat

43:44

yeah boy cops are gonna whoop your ass for

43:46

that Probably quite a task before you could find

43:48

someone who will safely shit on you the internet's

43:50

a beautiful thing You

43:53

know fucking sell next to Jack Ruby. Well.

43:55

What's it called two girls one cup? Apparently

43:59

that wasn't real shit That was like ice

44:01

cream they stopped that girl's asshole. Yeah, that's why it

44:03

looks weird. That's why it looks weird when

44:05

it comes out But you know Still

44:08

I don't show how they get it up there though

44:13

One of those things used to like decorated take a

44:15

cake yeah So

44:18

cold though no you just get some like

44:20

warm Work

44:23

around your hand for a little bit warm

44:26

foamy goodness We're

44:28

whipped creamy it's like whipped cream, and

44:30

then she dumps out this Growing

44:36

up at each other's mouths that's there's a those

44:39

were so many that was like the first reaction

44:41

videos Yes, two girls one

44:43

cup two girls one cup the that Jewish

44:45

reporter getting beheaded And

44:49

then the horse The

44:52

reporter was from what year Go

44:54

for like 2001 to David Epstein

44:57

something or I

44:59

think his dad invented like It

45:02

was in one of those Jesus Christ. I'm brother.

45:04

That one was so Heading

45:06

didn't it wasn't like you knew in the movies.

45:08

It was you just got through a quarter of

45:11

my neck I'm still screaming yeah, that's sawing Daniel

45:13

Pearl Pearl pearly, baby

45:17

His dad did something I saw in there. I know

45:19

he cried a lot Adam Curtis documentary they talked about

45:22

Yeah, remember the first time you caught a bestiality

45:24

video on accident When

45:28

I was in high school one of our

45:30

friends had barnyard Betty do you remember

45:32

barnyard Betty? Yeah, it was like it was a

45:34

videotape was so grainy We had like a copy

45:37

of a copy of a copy of a VHS

45:39

and one of us had to like guard the

45:41

door So we're downstairs in like the

45:43

den where the television was and one guy had

45:45

to stand up and try to watch by the

45:48

doorway In case someone came in so you could

45:50

stop them from getting through the door and they

45:52

pop the tape out in time Yeah, but it

45:54

was this lady. She blew a German Shepherd. Hell.

45:56

Yeah, and she let like I think she let

45:58

a donkey fuck her Couple other

46:00

animals remember that German Shepherd lady cuz you she

46:03

had nice tits Yeah,

46:07

his dad she won a Nobel Prize After

46:14

she sucked a couple of dogs pretty well

46:18

Wow, yeah, and then that

46:20

was that was when I think a lot

46:22

of people got freaked out about terrorism seeing

46:24

that like Oh my god, they'll cut your

46:26

head off on video just to freak everybody

46:28

out It's not just killing people.

46:31

It's like a very specific thing. They're doing probably

46:33

a great dog though That's the most

46:35

chill dog in the world. Just fucking some hop on On

46:43

the dog this German Shepherd now is on the guy getting

46:45

his head cut off What cross

46:47

wires are we on it's funny if you change top of

46:49

the inner woman where he's in mid like I got tags

46:51

I got to Boys

46:56

if a terrorist attack goes down, you know, you're gonna want to

46:58

be here I'm going to your house. I'm

47:00

gonna be your house If

47:03

I get in before you I'm not gonna let you know We

47:08

need to get a ranch before everything goes sideways

47:10

you'll need me to offer as a sacrifice guys

47:12

guys I got one for you. Yeah, leave us

47:15

alone We'll get you need a ranch with a

47:17

well and a bunch of animals. You need a

47:19

bunch of chickens You need food

47:21

and you need water chickens will always give

47:23

you food chickens will keep chickens are easy

47:26

You get one egg almost every day from

47:28

a chicken Hey, that's pretty good. And if you

47:30

have a dozen chickens, you have a dozen eggs a day

47:33

Or at least protein at least eight or ten

47:35

so then you have like that's food and

47:38

then all the other food you get is a bonus and

47:40

you need water and If things

47:43

go sideways, that's real. You got a bunker. I

47:45

have plans You're

47:49

not gonna let me in I'll let you in a promise. Yeah, all

47:51

you guys can come in I

47:55

just wonder thought of it if you're preparing

47:57

too late Like if

47:59

shit goes down tomorrow It's too late well

48:01

yeah, but you're but but those

48:03

guys who build those bunkers in the 60s, and then just like

48:05

shit You don't want a bunker This is why because if it

48:07

goes that bad you don't want to be a lot you don't

48:09

want to survive that you don't if a nuclear War happens you

48:11

don't want to be alive if you get it out. They'd wait

48:13

it out five years You're gonna come

48:16

out to hell. Yeah, you're gonna come out

48:18

to hell and the people that are gonna

48:20

be alive are gonna be so dangerous Yeah,

48:22

you're out there like hey guys. I survived

48:24

like new slaves They're gonna eat you They're

48:27

gonna eat you They will 100% eat you. You ever see

48:29

the road yes Yeah, the

48:32

bleakest version of that brutal, but everybody knows

48:34

that that's probably what would happen at least

48:36

in some parts of the world That's why

48:38

it's good. There's a nuclear submarine off the

48:40

coast of my Miami. There's not just one

48:42

There's another boat another Soviet boat. This is

48:44

great. Yeah, why don't we deescalate?

48:48

We'll be real good idea Do you see

48:50

Biden signed some 10 year deal to keep

48:52

supporting Ukraine for the next 10 years? I

48:54

did see that what are we doing? That's

48:56

so crazy. It's a lot of money, but

48:59

it's also the whole thing is so crazy

49:01

That's all because of some work there well

49:05

There's probably a lot of

49:07

factors. That's the thing right? Yeah,

49:10

but I guys he's in court now, but

49:13

there's a lot of other factors with like

49:15

all the different See

49:18

a part. Yeah, I see a part in coming.

49:20

Yeah, we got two politician guys in court. It's

49:22

a wild time There's just so many factors that

49:24

are dangerous right now like

49:26

Palestine Ukraine There's so

49:28

many different places in the world We're like

49:30

things could pop off and go real bad

49:32

at any moment and like there's a steady

49:35

clip of people dying Oh, yeah Steady clip

49:37

of people die in Ukraine steady clip and

49:39

at a certain point time if it gets

49:41

to like what how many people? Has

49:43

Ukraine lost let's guess How

49:46

many no one will tell us what is

49:48

the the estimate of losses in Ukraine

49:50

a lot of like non? Like

49:52

people went back athletes and stuff went back to fight That's

49:56

what I like like let's go let's go Do

52:00

you think I really want to have a guy in the

52:02

middle of that? Like

52:04

dude, do you and I

52:06

don't even know where's the money going? Who's

52:09

whose is any of it going sideways aren't

52:11

they like is there any really real account?

52:13

I'm sure someone's going sideways. You're dealing with

52:15

regular people Using

52:17

their farmland as loans And

52:20

we just buying all their fun. Is that what it

52:23

is? I think so Jesus Christ. We'll see cuz they're

52:25

weak Yeah, the breadbasket

52:30

Talk about a headline good for you. What do you

52:32

mean the farms like we get there Ukraine

52:35

Ukraine is the breadbasket of the world Well

52:38

like wheat We

52:41

stop eating that shit anyway, they did all that

52:43

farmland and then they got starved by the Soviets

52:46

Whoa, sorry, I'll be cranes agriculture

52:48

land Yikes, a

52:50

new report exposes the stealth takeover agriculture land. This

52:53

is from February 20 in the open is 23

52:55

on the same page Wow

52:59

It's always I don't know it's always about something. It's always

53:01

about something else I know is that point when when we

53:03

pulled out of a for Syria and Trump

53:06

was doing a press conference and he goes like I don't

53:08

think he's supposed to worry He goes don't worry. We got

53:10

the oil. We got the oil. Don't worry about that Like

53:12

he's just said it out loud at a press conference. I

53:14

was like wait. I thought it's human rights Stuff

53:16

and he was just like no, it's always so much

53:18

like when your girlfriend's mad at you. It's always something

53:21

else. Yeah That's wars a

53:23

racket. That's that's medley butler book in

53:26

1933 this dude retired and

53:28

just like he was in the military his whole life

53:30

and wrote this book called wars a racket Mmm,

53:33

it's all just about what he thought he was doing and

53:35

what it was actually one of being Ukraine

53:37

is the breadbasket of Europe producing one

53:39

of the highest wheat yields in the

53:41

world But deep tillage and poor soil

53:43

management has left its farmlands a heavily

53:45

degraded state, but Monsanto will take care

53:47

of that Because

53:51

of the poor state of Ukraine's

53:53

culture agricultural land shift to regenerative

53:55

agriculture has immense carbon sequential potential

53:58

Sequent cquestration None of

54:00

us know what that means. Yeah, sequestering

54:02

carbon in the soil means like instead

54:04

of like... Sequestrian like horses. ...leaving a

54:07

lot of shit in the air, the

54:09

soil actually retains it, and they get

54:11

like zero carbon footprint farms

54:14

in regenerative agriculture. It's like

54:16

Poly Face Farms does that.

54:18

And what was

54:21

the other one? White Oaks Pastures does that. There's a

54:23

few of them. And what they do is to just...

54:25

They let... The problem is

54:27

not farming. The problem is farming the way we

54:29

do it, where you did like one giant field

54:31

of one crop and like all these animals in

54:34

a pen and all these chickens in a box.

54:36

Like that's not how nature wants you to do

54:38

it. Yikes. And if you do it that way,

54:40

you need a bunch of chemicals. That's how we

54:42

do it. Is that Black

54:44

Rock? Black Rock's definitely buying that land. Oh

54:47

really? In Ukraine, I would imagine they're

54:50

buying everything. Good name for crack. They're

54:52

just trying to make money. Black Rock. They're

54:54

trying to make money. True. Anyway they

54:56

can. They're like billionaires invested in them and

54:58

like come on, let's see some returns boys.

55:00

Let's buy everyone's house. That's that game. They're

55:02

playing that game. They're playing the Let's See

55:04

Some Returns game. Yeesh. Yeah

55:07

and meanwhile, it's two wars. People are

55:09

dying. And you're trying to protect parks

55:11

you fucking dumbass. You should

55:14

protect this fucking Israel. You

55:16

need to protect Israel. How many parks do you

55:18

think we protected with this podcast? Yeah. We

55:21

did the one in Austin. They tried. They fought

55:23

back. Really? They saved it. No.

55:27

Good point. Yeah I think anyone protecting a park would actually

55:29

hate the fuck out of us. You're

55:33

out protecting a park. That is fucking

55:35

racist. I dig at somebody the other day that were

55:37

like hey man I used to play tennis under the Williamsburg Bridge all

55:39

the time. I appreciate what you tried to do. Whoa. Oh

55:42

really? That's cool. Where'd you kiss him? I had a

55:44

simp convention. I had him send him money. He had

55:46

me send him money. You're some gay guy kissing under

55:48

a bridge. Remember when there was a park here? Who

55:57

bought it? How did they sell it? They

56:01

said they have to change it up. Instead of

56:03

having homeless guys sleep around all night. There was

56:05

no homeless guys there. It wasn't there. Of course,

56:07

yeah. It's the one park in America without 40

56:09

homeless guys. It was like a different thing. Yeah,

56:13

and so they're just like fixing it with public funds. And

56:15

then they'll sell it off when the public funds run out.

56:19

Then they'll build the high rises with the brothers. Parker

56:21

Brothers. Yeah. So it's just

56:23

like a slow theft. Yeah.

56:26

It was like 3,000 trees they cut down. Oh.

56:29

Yeah, it's not a little park. It's massive. Not

56:32

the trees. It's massive. It was

56:34

the best place I've ever go. Remember

56:36

that amphitheater you ever performed in? How is that

56:38

okay? Who signed off on that? That thing outside

56:40

of the amphitheater? Yeah, that's gone now. Is that

56:43

gone? Good. I hated it. That bomb there. Fuck

56:45

that place. Who

56:47

signed off on that? The Blasio

56:49

and Carlino Rivera. Wow.

56:52

I feel like you don't know what the fuck you're talking about. No, I

56:55

do. Fuck Mark. On this one. You know

56:57

name? He knows how to protect the park. I'll tell you that. I

56:59

don't know if he does. I just wore

57:01

a shirt. Sounds awesome. I'm just

57:03

trying to protect the park, man. That's all you need.

57:05

You hurt the movement. You did. You're

57:07

the worst guy to be the fucking spokesperson. I really am. I

57:10

know nothing about anything. I just read one headline. I'm

57:13

like, no, guys, it's important. You got to recycle. Well,

57:15

was it for Teddy Roosevelt making national parks? Like,

57:17

who knows what they would have done with like

57:20

Yosemite, Yellowstone, and all these places? Oh, torn it

57:22

up for sure. Yeah, they would turn all

57:24

those fucking beautiful places into condos, Bass Pro Shop logo on house.

57:27

Fucking shit. Fucking chick-fil-a. Central

57:30

Park would not exist. Yeah, oh, it would

57:32

have been gone a long time. It's

57:34

amazing they killed that park, though. It's amazing that

57:36

people let them kill your park. They say they got to redo

57:38

it in case there's flooding. I think

57:41

they have to redo it. In case there's

57:43

flooding, it's killed 3,000 fucking trees. Didn't they

57:45

have to kill a black neighborhood to make

57:47

a park? We need to protect

57:49

neighborhoods. Well, that's not so bad. Why did they do that?

57:51

No, this was a cross. Oh, really?

57:53

Oh, they did. Yeah, that's right. They took over a whole

57:55

neighborhood? I think they had to tear down some black and

57:57

immigrant neighborhoods. Oh, they definitely did that for a long time.

58:00

To make all of Central Park? Probably the

58:02

upper half. Wow. I thought it

58:04

was already... Actually, probably the lower half. It was small

58:06

back then. Oh,

58:08

it was in Hooverville? Get rid of those motherfuckers. Shanty

58:11

towns built during the Great Depression

58:14

by homelessness. Yeah, just the

58:16

homeless vets. Clear them out. So

58:19

they cleared those folks out. It was already pretty low.

58:21

No, it was before that. There was a...

58:23

Wow. Whoa, look at that. Central

58:25

Park is amazing. It's huge. Every time I'm

58:27

in New York and I get a hotel

58:29

that overlooks it... Yeah. Oh my

58:31

God, damn. I walk around there. That's incredible. It's

58:34

all we got for trees. How sketchy is it

58:36

though? No, it's not. It's not bad. It's

58:38

just all changed. Whoa. When

58:40

did it change? Like in the 90s or something. When

58:43

I moved to New York, I was worried about it and Neil Brennan was

58:45

like, I don't know if they have bars in my windows. Just

58:47

pro, look at the stats. You're talking about an old New

58:49

York. But I'm talking about now with the

58:51

immigrant crisis. The Central

58:54

Park? I feel like you don't see it in New York. The

58:56

immigrant thing. Oh, they're out there. They're

58:58

about my neighborhood. I know. They

59:00

finally did it. They're telling me that you see a big

59:02

difference. They're usually dressed like fucking Elmo. Like

59:05

Elmo? No, that's true. He's usually just in New York.

59:07

What do you mean, Elmo? They're in fucking Times Square

59:09

dressed like a fucking sesame character. Oh, trying to make

59:11

money. Yeah. Every now and then you

59:13

catch that helmet coming off and you're like, hey,

59:15

that's fucking Carlos. Holy shit. That's a picture at

59:17

Disneyland where someone caught Minnie Mouse taking a cigarette

59:19

break and this is Mexican dude, a mustache. Oh

59:21

boy. Oh boy. Kids are

59:23

screaming. You got a mustache who's fucking

59:26

taking a cigarette break. Kids are like, what

59:28

the fuck? Minnie Mouse, dude. That's a good

59:30

way to cross the border. No one's going

59:32

to stop Pokemon. They're like, no. Pikachu. A

59:35

lot of them are Uber Eats drivers. I think a big

59:37

one. That's a big one on bikes. You can be an

59:39

Uber Eats driver and you don't have to have any kind

59:41

of license? No, nothing. No, that's

59:43

dress drivers. You drive a Vespa on

59:45

a fucking sidewalk. That's an electric one

59:47

that's silent. That's right. They sneak up

59:50

on you when you're driving a bike and you're like, I think I'm all

59:52

clear. Then they're just on you. I thought of a video for the group,

59:54

dude. You guys are going to like it. Yeah,

59:56

it's wild out there. There's those poor people.

1:00:00

guys though those poor Mexican guys are on a

1:00:02

bike in the winter and everybody's at home you

1:00:05

know they tend to rain so like Mexicans come bring

1:00:07

me yes I don't want to go out

1:00:09

in this I don't want to go two doors down chicken parm for them it's

1:00:13

either that or be under the grip of the cartel hey

1:00:16

what about that president the ladies yeah crazy

1:00:18

what he killed like 20 people

1:00:20

or 20 no no no no

1:00:23

no no no no I only

1:00:25

read 37 people were assassinated during

1:00:27

the general elections all throughout Mexico

1:00:29

say yeah so it's all sorts

1:00:31

of different roles city councilor mayor

1:00:34

this that so during the elections

1:00:36

37 people got

1:00:38

assassinated not like suicide

1:00:42

our president just died naturally Biden's all the

1:00:44

way out in office kick it he's running

1:00:46

again which is something

1:00:49

at prison office not of assassination

1:00:51

oh good question I don't think it's

1:00:53

ever happened the guy would know

1:00:56

pneumonia yeah oh that got

1:00:58

everybody wasn't Harrison Grover

1:01:00

Cleveland no tapped was fat

1:01:03

it was a big dog now he looks like

1:01:05

a normal guy what do you think

1:01:13

the odds are of by yeah

1:01:16

yeah we think the odds are of Biden still

1:01:18

being on a ticket in November he's

1:01:20

not coming off the ticket is he they're gonna slide so

1:01:23

I should have done that already I feel like they

1:01:25

would have done that by now I don't know if they

1:01:27

can keep this up there's been

1:01:30

some latest ones some latest gaffes what are you

1:01:32

doing over there buddy I'm just trying to find

1:01:34

this bull hitting this lady that you're gonna like

1:01:36

oh I said the one that got loose yeah

1:01:38

all right sorry I'll stop doing it and it's

1:01:41

like oh well for well

1:01:46

proud to be in America they

1:01:48

picked up that lady and just kept

1:01:59

cross lady that was just standing there.

1:02:01

And the family's standing up! She's like, I

1:02:04

got my nachos. She's wearing a red shirt.

1:02:06

I thought I was fine. I completely forgot

1:02:08

what I was Googling. What was I Googling?

1:02:12

Dementia. Who was the president that died of

1:02:14

pneumonia, given his inauguration speech? Ring and

1:02:17

Harding. Harrison. I

1:02:20

don't know why I'm saying Harrison. Harrison Barnes. 1841,

1:02:22

68. This is natural causes. 1923 and 1945. Did

1:02:25

he die in office? Harrison,

1:02:27

Taylor, Harding and Roosevelt all died in office. I think

1:02:29

Harrison was the one who gave a speech. He

1:02:33

was like, I'm going to show everyone. It was

1:02:35

like 30 degrees and raining and he fucking died. Whoa.

1:02:38

He got that inaugural speech. Whoa.

1:02:41

They were the long speeches with those presidents. Maybe he

1:02:43

wanted to die. If he lived in 1841, there was

1:02:45

no medicine. He might

1:02:48

want to die too. Those guys would always give like

1:02:50

three-hour speeches and get shot. Not

1:02:52

Joey. Wow. Yeah. Lincoln,

1:02:55

when they were doing debates, he did like

1:02:57

six-hour debates. Yeah, Lincoln dug those debates. He's

1:02:59

like, Chappelle. Yeah. They were really trying to

1:03:01

hash it out. One

1:03:03

month in office, cut a cold, developed pneumonia.

1:03:05

April 4th, 1841, he died. First president died

1:03:08

in office. Damn, dude. Those were the days.

1:03:10

They never had an emergency. With him died

1:03:12

the Whig program. What's the Whig program? The

1:03:14

Whig party. The Whig party. What's that? The

1:03:17

Whigs was Democrats, Republicans and Whigs. The Whigs?

1:03:19

The Whigs? What? The Whigs? Were

1:03:22

they the Know Nothing Party also? Who cares? Jamie,

1:03:25

fire up that bull hitting that fucking lady. Yeah.

1:03:28

Did you see that Karen going after that black dude

1:03:30

in the ghetto? The who? What

1:03:32

happened? Some black dude, like ghettoish black dude

1:03:34

is like, like burguring up or whatever on his front lawn

1:03:36

in some Karens. Like, you know what I mean? I'm getting

1:03:38

out of this neighborhood. And he goes, get

1:03:40

that fucking camera off my face. And she goes, it's

1:03:42

my constitutional right to fill. And he just goes and

1:03:44

punches her. Really? Whoa.

1:03:47

That's pretty funny. Holy shit. There it is.

1:03:49

So this is the bull out. Oh, we

1:03:51

need to get the boy killed. Oh,

1:03:53

no. He's got her on the hook. Oh, my gosh. She's

1:03:56

she's doomed. You can see the thong. The

1:03:58

three people. And then

1:04:00

the sides I should know rodeo bull escaped the

1:04:02

ring during the sisters rodeo But if you see

1:04:04

the escape this is so exciting she's just talking

1:04:07

to her friend red bull Yeah, she first got

1:04:09

out good. Yeah, well see get it when it

1:04:11

first got out. I saw me get her lady

1:04:13

Yeah, it's sad. Yes, but what makes me laugh

1:04:15

is when I'm proud to be an American where

1:04:18

at least I know I'm free Play

1:04:24

that wasn't actually playing actually Oh Oregon

1:04:30

I don't want to hear these people

1:04:32

you happen. There's a video where it

1:04:34

just shows the bull doing it It's harder to

1:04:37

find the actual video you want once like thumb

1:04:39

this Google and you know Oh, I can send

1:04:41

you all the clips and everything the bull escaping

1:04:43

has shocking video I know it's there. It is

1:04:45

right here. Give me some volume. He's got a

1:04:48

plan Shotted

1:04:50

from the beginning Oh

1:05:01

Wait, there's a great red barrel listen for the

1:05:03

what the fuck She's

1:05:11

wearing a red shirt you're right Yeah,

1:05:19

he ran around for a while She's

1:05:26

like no line at concessions Was

1:05:29

just hilarious that that's the song that's playing.

1:05:32

Yeah, I'm proud to be in America where at least I

1:05:34

know You

1:05:45

got out he's like where's that bitch his name was party

1:05:47

bus Party

1:05:50

bus Was

1:05:53

in Oregon, you know, Oregon

1:05:55

is all like a red state and

1:05:57

then Portland. Yeah. Yeah and Eugene The

1:06:00

rest of it is like The

1:06:02

rest of it's like rural hunters and

1:06:04

shit. That's most of America Colorado like

1:06:07

that to Louisiana Colorado's

1:06:09

like that, but these places the

1:06:11

cities get so populated All right,

1:06:13

they just overwhelmed voting like in

1:06:15

Colorado They just reintroduced wolves and

1:06:18

the ranchers are like, what do you

1:06:20

do? What do you reintroduce? They reintroduce

1:06:22

wolves They released wolves in Colorado for

1:06:25

the first time like wolves used to live all

1:06:27

over the place We killed them because they're a

1:06:29

real problem We

1:06:32

kill those Yeah, but

1:06:34

the wolves are a real problem. They kill kids.

1:06:36

They kill people they kill dogs They'll kill all

1:06:38

your livestock. You don't control the population of them.

1:06:40

They're fucking dangerous The

1:06:42

Soviet Union and Germany had a ceasefire

1:06:44

in World War one to kill wolves

1:06:49

Yes, they were in the middle of killing

1:06:51

each other and it was their wolves were

1:06:53

killing so many people They decided to have

1:06:55

a fucking ceasefire and then they killed wolves

1:06:57

together and then they went back to killing

1:06:59

each other. Yeah Yeah,

1:07:02

or palace that's how scary wolves are

1:07:05

in these fucking jackasses just released them

1:07:07

into Colorado Because they're amazing

1:07:09

because if you live in some beautiful

1:07:11

neighborhood with like cement streets, you don't

1:07:13

think about that There should be wolves.

1:07:16

There should be wolves Wolves are incredible

1:07:18

that you don't even know what a wolf is. That's

1:07:20

little red riding on that shit's real There's a reason

1:07:22

why there was in every little kids book because they

1:07:24

ate people They ate people

1:07:27

wolves ate people they dogs an allegory

1:07:29

to stay stay with fuck away from

1:07:32

them Yeah, they're we need croc in

1:07:34

dangerous wolves are fucking dangerous man Gators

1:07:37

aren't going anywhere I had a friend that got

1:07:39

surrounded by wolves He

1:07:41

killed an elk and the elk where they

1:07:43

were the elk died was like right next

1:07:45

to the wolves den And

1:07:47

so they went to retrieve the elk and the

1:07:50

wolves started circling them He told my friend John

1:07:52

Dudley He he killed two of them with a

1:07:54

bow and arrow and his friend killed one of

1:07:56

them with a rifle the wolves kept rushing Them

1:07:58

Dudley more just imagine So

1:08:01

what'd he do? He killed him. He killed two of

1:08:03

them. His friend killed one. And then

1:08:05

they fucking ran off because wolves luckily don't

1:08:07

have an understanding of how many rounds someone

1:08:10

has and a rifle. Because they were out

1:08:12

of bullets and he had like one arrow

1:08:14

left. And there was like ten wolves

1:08:16

and they killed three of them. Damn. It's

1:08:19

a bad way to go. Bro, and it got

1:08:21

like torn apart. It got real

1:08:23

close. Like they were running at them and they

1:08:25

were shooting them. The problem with a wolf is you got one in

1:08:27

your sights and there's another one behind you. Yeah. Oh

1:08:30

yeah. They're clever. Well, what they did was they

1:08:32

stood there back to a tree. Ahh. Yeah,

1:08:36

and so they're like literally standing with the old tree

1:08:38

back. We gotta get rid of these trees. Bark. Bark

1:08:42

Norman. That's the real reason for the park being

1:08:44

down. They're gonna reintroduce

1:08:47

wolves in New York City. Oh, that one

1:08:49

in the Lake River Park. Can you imagine

1:08:51

that? Running all through the West Village? You

1:08:53

can't climb trees. That's actually a good battle.

1:08:55

The bums versus the fucking wolves. Oh, that's

1:08:57

not bad. Listen, if the immigrant population

1:08:59

gets too dense, that's a movie. That's pretty much a

1:09:01

coliseum, right? They would take kind

1:09:03

of the bums. That's right. If I'd have like a

1:09:05

line. Well, let's see what happens. They do the baby

1:09:07

steps. It's always the same results. That's it. They brought

1:09:10

in coyotes a long time ago. Coyotes here in New

1:09:12

York City. But they're a problem too. Yeah, they're a

1:09:14

real problem. They'll eat your cat. They'll eat your kid.

1:09:16

There's a guy in Woodland Hills. This is

1:09:18

a video of his kid getting stolen from by

1:09:20

coyotes. That's good to know. Yeah, good way to

1:09:22

get rid of him. A little baby, like a

1:09:24

toddler. He did go eat his baby. Yeah, well,

1:09:26

there's no abortion here. He grabbed it and started

1:09:28

running with it. He chased after the coyote, then

1:09:30

coyote drops the kid and like, fuck. Oh, he

1:09:32

saved it. Yeah, he saved his kid. Ah, bummer.

1:09:34

Jeez, Norman. Mark, very expensive.

1:09:38

That type of thing's not funny. He's

1:09:40

just trying too hard to be shocking. Is

1:09:42

that a video of the alligator killing the little lady?

1:09:45

What? She's walking her

1:09:47

dog right by the... You see him like... It's like a

1:09:49

log coming fast. Then some lady calls like, they got her.

1:09:51

They got the lady. She's like, I don't know, she's

1:09:53

gone. Oh, that's horrible. Then I'm horrible. That's horrible.

1:09:55

When I was a kid, I lived in Gainesville,

1:09:57

Florida, and there's alligators all over the place. And

1:10:00

a lady's dog got snatched up while I was

1:10:02

there. This lady was walking her dog by the

1:10:04

water, and the dog's like sniffing around, and this

1:10:06

alligator just, damn, out of the water, grabbed the

1:10:08

fucking... Also, dogs will go, they'll see the alligator,

1:10:10

they'll go right up to it and bark at

1:10:12

it. Right, yeah. And you're like, this doesn't work

1:10:15

on lizards. Check this little white, like poodle-looking dog.

1:10:17

The alligator just snatched it right in front of

1:10:19

everybody. Damn. Yeah. You know, you can only kill

1:10:21

them by shooting them right in the top of

1:10:23

the head. It's the only way to kill a

1:10:25

gator. You can stab it, kick

1:10:28

it, shoot it, tase it, nothing. Gotta

1:10:30

hit it right in the noggin. You

1:10:32

ever watch Swamp People? Yeah, they pull it up on

1:10:34

the boat. Just execute it. That's not totally true. People

1:10:36

bow hunt alligators, and you shoot them through the ribs.

1:10:39

You shoot them through the lungs. Oh, really? Yeah. Yeah,

1:10:41

that can't be the only way to kill it. Well,

1:10:43

that's all these guys know. You can fucking cut it

1:10:45

in half. There's a couple different ways to kill them.

1:10:47

Well, you know, I mean, if you're out there... They're

1:10:50

so tough. They're a buzzsaw. They're so tough that...

1:10:52

You blow it up. That's true. They

1:10:54

were around before the dinosaurs. While

1:10:56

the dinosaurs existed, alligators in some form, at least

1:10:58

crocodiles in some form, were alive. They say they

1:11:00

never die. Like, if you just let it live,

1:11:03

it'll just keep going. Yeah, they just keep getting

1:11:05

bigger. Wow. Yeah.

1:11:08

What the fuck, dude? It's like Trump.

1:11:11

Can't stop and he keeps getting bigger. I'm

1:11:14

trying to arrest him. He got on Keto, started

1:11:16

doing tests, doing

1:11:20

some growth hormone, taking a lot

1:11:22

of creatine, doing bodyweight squats and fucking

1:11:24

deadlifts. He would die. See, Trump

1:11:26

starts swinging kettlebells. He gets

1:11:29

off fucking McDonald's and Diet Coke. He's

1:11:31

dead. Probably. He's already lived

1:11:33

it, 78. Yeah. Amazing.

1:11:36

God, I never really saw a fucking old. Everybody's so

1:11:38

fucking old. We looked at the other day, the founding

1:11:40

fathers, how old they were? Yeah, they're 28. 18,

1:11:43

one of them was 18. That's crazy. Yeah. One

1:11:46

of the founding fathers was 18. That's why they were like, Ben Franklin was

1:11:48

80, he was 40. Really?

1:11:50

They're all wigs. They're all white wigs. Yeah,

1:11:53

they weren't that old, man. It's crazy. And the

1:11:55

people that we have running this country are old

1:11:57

as shit. Why, what are we doing? What are

1:11:59

we doing? Nobody wants to do it. You don't want to

1:12:01

do it. I don't want to do it. No no young people want to do

1:12:03

that job Unrelated there's unrelated. They

1:12:05

have no like understanding what it's like to

1:12:08

be living but give RFK a shot. He's

1:12:10

ripped I like okay. I like RFK a

1:12:12

lot, and then I was I was taking

1:12:14

a shit this morning I was looking at

1:12:16

my phone, and it was RFK talking to

1:12:18

like two birds on his porch. Oh, no.

1:12:20

It's got a raven God damn it's that

1:12:22

raven don't film this. He's a falconer. I

1:12:24

look I get it. I like it I

1:12:27

like it made me like I like those

1:12:29

birds. I think they're cool birds Come

1:12:31

on, bro. But what's he saying like vaccine shit

1:12:33

to the bird? Feeds

1:12:37

the birds and they become his friend Being

1:12:40

friends with birds on camera don't do that.

1:12:42

That makes me nervous. I like him I

1:12:45

think I think he's clearly the

1:12:47

most sane of Our

1:12:49

often but he talked about with like the birds

1:12:51

on the porch was is there a possible way

1:12:53

that he could win No, no way. It's no

1:12:56

chance. Yeah, not this time. He could start over

1:12:58

again for the next one, right? Yeah, but it's

1:13:00

an as an independent can anybody really win no

1:13:02

not the system. We have it Just won't allow

1:13:04

it and not a Kennedy. He's gonna get clipped

1:13:07

runs it family right, but is it is

1:13:10

it just that What they

1:13:12

won't allow it or that no one

1:13:14

has ever really hit the kind of popular

1:13:16

It's like driving when it's independent. Let's imagine

1:13:18

you could win. He could win, right? He's already

1:13:20

he's already big but it's like remember UHF. None

1:13:23

of those UHF shows could be as big as To

1:13:27

to to 11 good and damn

1:13:29

you went old school Yeah,

1:13:32

he's too young there was like a secondary channel

1:13:34

system. Yeah, we're like many Hill was on Dr.

1:13:40

Who was on there? Yeah,

1:13:43

yeah, yeah, yeah old Star

1:13:46

Trek next generation But

1:13:52

those could never even if they were the most

1:13:54

popular shows it was oh people just didn't go

1:13:56

to it Remember Dark Shadows with Barnabas Collins. No,

1:13:59

no Vampire show that was on

1:14:01

UHF is that public access is that?

1:14:05

It's just like not ABC NBC or CBS,

1:14:07

but it wasn't cable either. It's kind of

1:14:09

like am yeah It

1:14:12

was like shitty local channels like local

1:14:14

Boston channels Hf you

1:14:17

sub ultra high-frequency radio for those air

1:14:19

transmissions and television signals No, that's very

1:14:21

well You step fucking you put tin

1:14:24

foil on your thing to make the

1:14:26

signal come in better Mm-hmm people at

1:14:28

all these wacky fucking antennas Sacrifice

1:14:31

like someone's got to hold it cuz if you're not touching

1:14:33

it we can't see the game Hold

1:14:39

the thing in place and some guys who get

1:14:41

these bomb ass antennas you'd go by Mike's house

1:14:43

like Yes,

1:14:47

he gets shows from Myanmar First

1:14:50

time I ever saw a satellite dish was bigger

1:14:53

than this fucking table some dude out of satellite

1:14:56

What are you doing with this? He goes I get TV from Japan

1:15:01

How are you getting deeper watch a Rick and Morty or

1:15:03

do you just like this is like a long time ago,

1:15:05

man This is in like the 90s this guy

1:15:07

had a giant ash dish in his backyard He

1:15:09

was getting like international television shows, but he's not

1:15:12

watching any of those shows. He's still watching just

1:15:14

fucking I don't know what he was watching I

1:15:16

just know this dude invested in a fucking dish

1:15:18

that took up like got one eighth of

1:15:20

his backyard Damn I do the dishes

1:15:23

are all over you go to the roof in New

1:15:25

York There's like seven dishes right there, but those aren't

1:15:27

those usually small like the direct TV You

1:15:32

see like just a concrete shack, but they

1:15:34

got their dish You know what Iran just

1:15:36

announced the they just announced those star link

1:15:39

setups that you could take in a backpack

1:15:41

Like it's like a size of a laptop

1:15:44

So anywhere you go in the world you

1:15:46

could take one of these star links set

1:15:48

it up You will have wireless internet

1:15:50

where you could stream 4k movies Yeah,

1:15:54

high-speed wireless internet the size of

1:15:56

a backpack. Damn. He fucked that

1:15:58

can't escape Africa fucked a

1:16:01

tribe well he wants kids I know

1:16:03

that he likes kids but no no

1:16:05

he wants to have kids Elon

1:16:08

yeah he's got a bunch but I'm not

1:16:10

saying he can't say he likes kids no

1:16:12

stay in age yeah he had to be

1:16:14

clear he went to Africa and gave him

1:16:17

the internet and they fucked him up oh

1:16:19

it wasn't Africa it was the Amazon yeah

1:16:21

on South America yeah they started whacking off

1:16:23

yeah yeah they're not equipped

1:16:25

we're not equipped for it they're definitely not

1:16:27

equipped what's crazy is this tribe does not

1:16:29

even allow public displays of affection like kissing

1:16:32

what and then all of a sudden whatsapp

1:16:34

messages they were sending porn to each other and

1:16:37

so the tribe leader was like what the fuck

1:16:39

is this yes they're all just sitting around scrolling

1:16:41

on their phones yeah I mean why not if

1:16:43

you just discovered point there was no porn and

1:16:46

that's not as porn right gonna happen it's gonna

1:16:48

you give someone a phone give them a connection

1:16:50

let them know porn's real I mean when the

1:16:52

iPhone came out it was right

1:16:54

can you get porn on that right before I can get in

1:16:57

the air can you get porn on that was the first question

1:16:59

you would ask that's what we do that's back when it was

1:17:01

a like you could go Wi-Fi and cellular cellular wasn't

1:17:03

good enough right yeah you couldn't even really watch

1:17:05

YouTube back then it was just too sketchy there

1:17:08

was no apps yeah anything for that stuff but

1:17:10

it was like I could go on you

1:17:13

know bang bus.com

1:17:16

party bus well you know those cave drawings

1:17:18

have dicks like they're they're doing porn then

1:17:20

oh yeah oh there's a bunch of old

1:17:23

porn that exists like in

1:17:25

like ancient Egyptian porn like hieroglyphic porn

1:17:27

watching the to get off on in

1:17:29

people ancient Greek porn like big heart

1:17:32

dicks banging girls doggy style but was

1:17:34

it like let me show you

1:17:36

what people are doing was it for like

1:17:38

eroticism I think it was for eroticism yeah

1:17:40

think what was it like pottery Jamie who

1:17:42

was bringing that up it wasn't Brian Murrow

1:17:44

rescue do remember what was was bringing up

1:17:46

like all the Egyptian oh

1:17:48

it's a little wasn't friend

1:17:51

Flint double that's pretty good he's

1:17:53

an archaeologist turn erotic papyrus oldest

1:17:55

known depiction of human sexuality there

1:17:57

you go but that's a depiction

1:17:59

It's not really like porn is that people boning

1:18:01

in that picture. Oh Look

1:18:03

at that. That's what it looked like animals boning.

1:18:06

They all have dongs. Oh There

1:18:08

you go. I mean look if you only live to be

1:18:10

20 years old back then It's probably all people thought about

1:18:12

like get your nuts off Slaughtered

1:18:18

by the neighbor you tried oh What

1:18:22

a hellscape life must have been like back

1:18:24

then I know but they were probably happier

1:18:26

than us no that's nonsense

1:18:29

Not us we're having a good time banged up.

1:18:31

Yeah, but who fucking has more fun than us

1:18:33

us well That's different we're living a life But

1:18:35

we're alive in the same time like this what

1:18:37

we're doing is possible for other folks in other

1:18:39

jobs in other ways of life Like but it's

1:18:42

the whole thing is like finding great groups people

1:18:44

having a good old time chuck one of those

1:18:46

this way We

1:18:50

can bring back America we're trying

1:18:52

it's not not but we can we can bring back the

1:18:55

song dude We got the song oh

1:18:58

Oh, yeah, yeah, I think it's time

1:19:01

to get a little round. I think we need to get I

1:19:03

need that bong please We

1:19:06

got double we got double What

1:19:09

is this the beginning of the look at that

1:19:11

hard on that guy that's a ridiculous dick Thank

1:19:16

you, but that seems like you

1:19:19

would hurt somebody yeah Nice penis

1:19:21

very nice way we get that

1:19:23

cold ones dude Joe's I

1:19:25

saw that my dick evaporates of

1:19:27

course That thing

1:19:29

is still good for you Joe. Thank you. There's

1:19:32

an audit on the side, but you know that was weird Can

1:19:36

be a chilly be contractual obligation what have a giant

1:19:38

no on it on the side of my car Part

1:19:41

of the deal to rep the kettlebells

1:19:49

Wait oh shit, I'm done Here

1:19:54

we go in one time we're

1:19:58

still number one we are number one We're

1:20:00

number one even if we lose. True.

1:20:03

Fuck the hell. Fuck yeah!

1:20:12

It's awfully cold. Oh

1:20:14

my god. That's

1:20:20

fun. That's fun. Hell yeah. And we're

1:20:22

back. I'm tired of people saying America

1:20:24

sucks dude. America sucks. You know what

1:20:26

man? We're just being gay lately but

1:20:28

that's alright. This is what it is. This

1:20:30

is a declining empire. No it's not dude.

1:20:33

Stop. We could come back. We're

1:20:35

gonna dip a little. We're gonna come back. I disagree.

1:20:38

I see videos all the time people using this fucking eagle at the barbecues. They

1:20:41

still know America rules. Oh America rules. Also go

1:20:43

to another country. Go to another country. Go to

1:20:45

another country. We rule. We're

1:20:47

the best. But the world's fucked. The civilization's

1:20:49

fucked. I don't know. We're

1:20:51

getting a little weird and queefy with the

1:20:53

China's buying all our farms and our real

1:20:56

estate. Very dangerous. Very dangerous. Digital control. All

1:20:58

of it. Very dangerous. We're gonna get to

1:21:00

a point in our lifetimes where we're

1:21:03

gonna make a choice between AI or

1:21:05

no freedom. What do you

1:21:07

mean? AI or no freedom? What do you

1:21:09

mean? AI is gonna govern things or

1:21:11

you're gonna have human beings governing things and

1:21:14

the tightness and the grasp that they're gonna

1:21:16

have on your ability to do anything is

1:21:18

gonna be so great that all freedoms will

1:21:20

be gone. Innovation will be stifled. Community

1:21:23

corporations will control everything and

1:21:25

they'll act like totalitarian governments.

1:21:28

They're already trying to do that. They're trying to

1:21:30

silence people on social media and do all kinds

1:21:32

of things to obscure facts and put

1:21:35

out bullshit narratives. They're doing that

1:21:37

right now and they have the power to do that and if they get

1:21:39

bigger they're gonna do it more. Yeah. America.

1:21:41

But you know I always think of this though.

1:21:44

Throughout history everybody's always thought this. Yep.

1:21:47

Really? No matter what they've been like this is

1:21:49

it. This is the end. We're done. We did that

1:21:51

in the 50s. They were living life. Well

1:21:53

that was they just got done winning. That's right. They

1:21:56

won the entire world. But they had a nice chill

1:21:58

moment. It

1:22:00

was like that two years after gay marriage

1:22:02

was legal and the gays were like, all

1:22:04

right, we'll calm down now we saw an

1:22:06

Assyrian tablet there was an Assyrian tablet from

1:22:08

like 2900

1:22:11

BC and it was talking about how

1:22:13

the end of the world's close and everything's falling

1:22:15

apart Shit was

1:22:17

falling apart. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well if you look

1:22:19

at watch like think of any

1:22:21

time throughout history It sucked. So it's actually look

1:22:24

around if like everything's sucked and it's all going

1:22:26

to shit and you look around like well Looks

1:22:28

pretty good. We went to another ship last night.

1:22:30

We had a great show Cocktails

1:22:33

had a lot of laughs. We did bottom of

1:22:35

the barrel for a half an hour That

1:22:43

was but also, you know, it's funny

1:22:45

is they definitely did this exact same

1:22:47

thing back then like he's got three

1:22:49

drinks Yeah, yeah three watch out and

1:22:51

a liquor here. That's fair. I see it one shot

1:22:54

That's Ron white tequila. I know I'm trying to

1:22:56

run work stuff. He says there's no hangover one.

1:22:59

I believe it when I know that's not true.

1:23:01

He's lying to you I agree. There's no hangover

1:23:03

in this Ron

1:23:06

doesn't miracle is in elixir. Yeah, exactly

1:23:08

major elixir of life He

1:23:11

said a heart-to-heart with Ron white said you got to

1:23:13

switch a silver tequila It'll change your life and he

1:23:15

goes it did change my life and I'm like dorosa.

1:23:17

You're an alcoholic and that changed your life

1:23:22

To silver tequila It's

1:23:27

just a stain in your voice. Yeah, there

1:23:29

is a rules Dude, don't you dare get

1:23:31

in his head that he's an alcoholic is

1:23:33

he will stop drinking? I take it back.

1:23:35

I take it back. I didn't mean that

1:23:38

He's Austin's newest resident We

1:23:41

got another one gross is another one on a tan I

1:23:44

love draw one of the firemen out there whatever you

1:23:46

one of those guys. I've heard my shades Security,

1:23:50

those are fire. You can go grab him. Go run. I

1:23:52

don't want to lose anything. I bet you have to pee

1:23:55

I got nothing. No, you want ours you

1:23:57

want you want to wear ours? Yeah Do

1:24:00

you feel more comfortable this way? I just yeah, it's

1:24:02

a little hidden. Yeah, I got a

1:24:04

whole podcast with them with Dylan Big

1:24:07

crazy square sunglasses that ladies were

1:24:11

Yeah, it's nice if you wear those you

1:24:13

hide you talk some shit. It's

1:24:15

fun to stare at checks in New York with them on

1:24:17

Oh, you're such a creeper the way you said it Yeah

1:24:30

But you said no, it's actually a bad idea. Yes. We

1:24:32

should have oh, we do have a

1:24:34

trimmer Michael Jordan does it now? We should have a tremor

1:24:36

stash. He could do it Michael Jordan. No,

1:24:38

he could do it I wore I have a lot done

1:24:41

a podcast Legion of Skincide to wear a Hitler mustache of

1:24:43

all their pubes Dave

1:24:45

Lewis and big Jack That's

1:24:47

not very fun. It was not there. I agree was not

1:24:49

very I don't like that. Oh, you finally spun the wheel

1:24:53

It's fun the wheel. It was either goldfish. They do you

1:24:55

think it's ever gonna be a time where the Hitler must

1:24:57

come back No, yes same

1:24:59

with eight off eight offs fucked two eight offs

1:25:01

fucked right off is out Adolphus

1:25:04

Adolphus Bush. Hell yeah, there we go. All

1:25:06

right, it smells so bad You

1:25:08

can smell the difference in their pubes to who are

1:25:11

the best smelling pubes Dave. You know

1:25:13

you like Dave's pubes I don't like You

1:25:23

said they smell like fresh basil I

1:25:29

couldn't breathe Did

1:25:32

take a shit in a Tupperware and fucking open

1:25:35

it up on stage in front of them shitler,

1:25:37

that's right My

1:25:43

friends called their mom shitler they would

1:25:45

there's three brothers and they would chant

1:25:47

they go mother shit And

1:25:52

then one day they spray-painted shitler on the side

1:25:54

of her work Does

1:25:58

K cubic Well,

1:26:00

yeah, they're those guys are animals

1:26:04

If a crime is committed, there's the first guys I'd

1:26:06

question by damn and by the way those guys that

1:26:08

goes in the Hate crime

1:26:10

stats even though it's just now we were

1:26:13

mom anything like that We

1:26:15

were out and then we would drive

1:26:17

the van we were kids and when they

1:26:20

would go to work We would take the van we were

1:26:22

children And

1:26:24

then we would take it off we would take

1:26:26

it into like a field And drive it

1:26:28

around that one time I was I wasn't in

1:26:30

it and I watched them hit like a hill

1:26:32

and the entire bottom Of the shitler van fell

1:26:35

out We

1:26:40

put it in neutral and pushed it back into

1:26:42

the driveway I love it mother

1:26:44

shit. Lou came home Well

1:26:53

that was you kids were feral back then you

1:26:55

just did crazy shit I'm here one time I

1:26:57

got blackout drunk. I was out with my friends

1:26:59

all night. They brought me back home They put

1:27:01

me on the porch and they shot me with

1:27:03

paintballs My

1:27:06

house my dad came out in a row, but he had like

1:27:08

a nom flash back and he flipped I

1:27:11

remember donuts you guys do as soon as it's Go

1:27:15

to parking lots do donuts or

1:27:17

football field and then just wait for the cops to show

1:27:19

up No ruled before

1:27:21

fucking gay ass global warming No

1:27:28

Snow at all in New York anymore. No the whole last

1:27:30

year we got almost none Last

1:27:33

year there was a little I think the

1:27:35

year before there was zero. Yeah, no snow.

1:27:37

No, it's real or like a quick dusting

1:27:39

But no like shutting down everything. I drove

1:27:41

by Lake Travis out here. You know, it's

1:27:43

the big lake. Yes, like 40% capacity Yeah,

1:27:47

dude, it's great. Oh, it's gone

1:27:49

60% of it's missing. Oh,

1:27:52

that's a bummer, bro It's not I know

1:27:54

it's fun to be based and red-pilled on

1:27:56

these podcasts, but global warming might

1:27:58

be real No, for fucking

1:28:01

five years. Here's the thing. It

1:28:03

is definitely a real thing.

1:28:06

Secretly? Wow, you went

1:28:08

with no music. You guys were

1:28:10

having a conversation. It's

1:28:13

definitely real. The question is like, how

1:28:15

much of it is because of us? And

1:28:17

how much of this green deal stuff is

1:28:19

just bullshit where people are trying to make

1:28:21

money and control people. Well that's us. Because

1:28:24

both things are happening simultaneously. Yeah, but can

1:28:26

we choose that black and white? Some sort

1:28:28

of a change in the climate, but then

1:28:30

also when you look at the level of

1:28:32

carbon in the atmosphere, it's like

1:28:35

the amount of it is not that much. I

1:28:37

don't think it's the major issue. What

1:28:40

is the issue? The world

1:28:42

gets hotter. There's never

1:28:44

a static temperature for Earth from 65

1:28:46

million years ago to today. When

1:28:49

they do core samples, it does this all

1:28:52

throughout history. The question is how much of an impact

1:28:54

do we have on it? We know we're having some

1:28:56

impact. That's what they know. These are snowfall totals for

1:28:58

Central Park over the last, I mean that goes back

1:29:00

a while, but these are just the last like 25

1:29:03

years? 2.3 and 7.5. Those are the lowest

1:29:05

two. Those

1:29:07

last two years at the bottom, but it's been a little before. Yeah,

1:29:09

2.5 in 2019, 2006. Yeah, it's low there. 4.8

1:29:16

just a couple years ago. 2.6 in 2006. Oh, that's

1:29:18

just January. You're looking at this December. 0.2

1:29:20

in 2011. No, no, you're looking at just a month. The totals are

1:29:22

on the right side. Oh, sorry.

1:29:24

Oh, sorry. Yeah. Yeah,

1:29:28

it's been high, it's been low, it's been up and

1:29:30

down. It's nice. No black ice is nice. But here's

1:29:32

the thing. If you make some crazy decisions that are

1:29:34

going to destroy the economy, you

1:29:36

make some wild decisions that are going to

1:29:39

destroy the economy and enrich giant

1:29:41

corporations, but nothing changes

1:29:43

because it just keeps going up and down. You

1:29:45

got to be fucking careful. Yeah. These

1:29:48

eggheads are not careful. China and India are not

1:29:50

going to chill. They're going full bore. Right now.

1:29:53

It's mostly them. And their economy is going

1:29:55

to grow because of it. China went crazy though on

1:29:57

environment. What are you talking about? They just built 200

1:29:59

new companies. coal-powered plants. Whoa! I thought

1:30:01

they were cleaning up all their pollution.

1:30:03

No, they're talking shit. They have concentration

1:30:05

camps. They're making new plants. Well,

1:30:07

because their air is so bad, they're like, we

1:30:09

gotta do something here. They figured out some ways

1:30:12

to mitigate that, and they're also developing gigantic filters,

1:30:14

so they're like the size of an apartment building.

1:30:16

Wow. Yeah, we're just gonna... I read

1:30:18

the trying to coal plant thing one time, it said

1:30:21

they're making a bunch, but they're all smaller. Yeah,

1:30:23

whatever. Come on. Like, a little tiny one,

1:30:25

my friend. Yeah, yeah. That one would be

1:30:27

more efficient, is all I mean, smaller, but

1:30:30

more efficient. But it doesn't matter, they're still

1:30:32

making coal plants. Like, coal plants, no

1:30:35

matter what the fuck you do, you're

1:30:37

burning coal, you're releasing particulates. And that

1:30:39

shit gets over cars. There's that, where

1:30:41

was it in Indiana? Is that where

1:30:43

it was? We saw that documentary on

1:30:45

this one area that has three coal

1:30:48

plants within like a 30 mile radius,

1:30:50

and these people's cars have like a

1:30:52

thin, like black sooty layer on them.

1:30:54

So you're breathing that in. You

1:30:56

go jogging outside, you're just taking in

1:30:59

particulates. I mean, my family's from

1:31:01

like the coal region in Pennsylvania, it's

1:31:03

rough, dude. Centralia? Bro. You

1:31:05

ever hear about that place? Never heard of it.

1:31:07

It's still on fire. A coal mine caught on

1:31:09

fire. We've had the videos on the show multiple

1:31:11

times. It's been on fire since the 50s or

1:31:14

something. What? I've been up there, it's fun to

1:31:16

go up there. It's just an abandoned area. It's

1:31:18

like a silent hill, it's fucking kinda scary. The

1:31:20

coal caught fire underground. If you're gay, I'm not

1:31:22

scared though. And there's so much

1:31:24

coal that the coal stayed on fire forever.

1:31:26

I don't get scared. What

1:31:28

about the Palestine, Ohio, didn't they have something?

1:31:30

No, that was a spill. That

1:31:32

was railroad tracks. Yeah, that got, that's bad.

1:31:35

That wasn't even a problem, dude, don't worry

1:31:37

about it. It could burn for another

1:31:39

250 years for the exhaust, the coal

1:31:41

supply, the fuel supply rules. Wanna

1:31:44

see a video? It's fucking nuts. There's like holes

1:31:46

in the ground, smoke is coming out. You go

1:31:48

there, it's just a graffiti abandoned highway that's covered

1:31:50

in graffiti. They abandoned everything. They had abandoned the

1:31:52

whole town. Never ending

1:31:54

fire. So the whole town is stuck,

1:31:56

and so everybody had to move out

1:31:58

of the town. Really? got bigger yeah

1:32:00

you're breathing toxic fumes all day

1:32:04

everybody had just bail oh it's funny

1:32:06

Shane Torres was headlining the

1:32:09

suntralia comedy no hairsburg comedy zone and I

1:32:11

was hosting and I was like you want

1:32:13

to go see suntralia and we

1:32:15

went in between shows it was nice how

1:32:17

far Saturday it's probably like

1:32:19

40 minutes north yeah

1:32:22

wow it's fun going to the band and what does

1:32:24

it smell like when you're outside you notice

1:32:27

it but but then every once in a while you

1:32:29

see a crack in the ground with smoke didn't you

1:32:31

like no way crazy I'm gonna put a grate over

1:32:34

it throw some burgers down somebody drew a bunch of

1:32:36

dicks on a highway for like a mile straight it's

1:32:38

pretty fun spray painted

1:32:40

a band and highway with dicks speaking of

1:32:42

hamburgers on the grill did you see that

1:32:44

photo of Chuck Schumer grilling in his backyard

1:32:46

with like raw hamburgers and no fire he

1:32:48

deleted it what did you go photo like

1:32:50

down it's so nice to be it out

1:32:52

here grilling burgers was he had like a

1:32:55

photo she's making a fake thing yeah so

1:32:57

but the grill was not on the burgers

1:32:59

were fucking like old gray looking burgers yeah

1:33:01

he's got like a smile on his face

1:33:03

it's like this it's it's almost

1:33:05

like an AI picture we got the shot go back inside

1:33:07

this is it so like there's no

1:33:09

heat at all in that grill look

1:33:12

down at the grill the cheese is

1:33:14

still rock hard try to find fire

1:33:16

there's no no smoke nothing's happening there's

1:33:18

that's not the best picture I've seen

1:33:21

a more high-resolution photo of it online

1:33:23

and as you get it they like

1:33:25

there's no fire got Chuck Schumer lives

1:33:28

like that with his neighbors right next

1:33:30

to him these have burb unless those

1:33:32

are fake those are great

1:33:34

the burgers are trouble yeah the

1:33:36

burgers bullshit I don't

1:33:38

know what's going on with the dogs decent tits

1:33:41

though fire

1:33:43

there okay find a better

1:33:45

photo there's a little higher resolution I thought

1:33:54

that was fire too and I zoomed in it looks like

1:33:56

a pretzel that stuck between the

1:33:58

greats he's got his reader on the right

1:34:02

check to see I might be wrong I don't

1:34:04

think I am though so if you can find

1:34:07

a more high-resolution photo as you zoom in I

1:34:09

thought it was fire like oh the fires underneath

1:34:11

there he just put the burgers down those wieners

1:34:17

are right out of the package they come like that the

1:34:19

people making fun of them

1:34:21

join the fight for peace very serious no

1:34:23

thanks you have on that patty

1:34:27

you don't know how to fucking cake it

1:34:29

cook yeah you flip that goddamn communist because

1:34:31

you're cooking a hamburger only for TV or

1:34:34

for the internet you're not really cooking a

1:34:36

hamburger to eat yeah

1:34:38

I can't respect your fake game think about

1:34:40

like when you see like comedians do the

1:34:42

social media route

1:34:50

thinking about politicians like comedians are like

1:34:52

people around you being

1:34:56

like dude that's fucking lame remember that

1:34:58

down AOC at the border crying yeah

1:35:00

and it was like you

1:35:02

know you see condolees are whatever

1:35:04

than the vice president is no

1:35:06

whoever the ladies Kamala Harris she's

1:35:08

clapping and singing along

1:35:11

to a song that was like yeah

1:35:13

burn America down she's a

1:35:16

dumb bitch and she's like yeah and then

1:35:18

someone had informer they're actually yelling out Kamala

1:35:20

Harris is a dumb bitch that's gotta hurt

1:35:22

like oh well that's not nice at all

1:35:24

well let's let's

1:35:27

keep moving it's like when you think you're killing

1:35:29

it the brother ship they're fucking repeating jokes you

1:35:32

were killing and repeating jokes at the same

1:35:34

time they're hiding that lady was

1:35:36

last time yeah I

1:35:38

think she's sucking out some of Joe Biden's dementia

1:35:43

Jimmy Kimmel doing that thing with Barack Obama

1:35:45

and Joe Biden really doing like like

1:35:47

shows with them he brings

1:35:50

them out and they do like a show

1:35:52

like a fundraiser yes you're sitting on a

1:35:54

stage yeah you know theater and then Obama

1:35:56

has to walk Joe Biden off the stage

1:35:59

imagine the He's just changed the rules and

1:36:01

said you could keep running if you win. There's

1:36:04

no term limits anymore. This is a crazy job. It's

1:36:06

very hard to do. And Obama decides to run again.

1:36:08

He'd be like, oh, he wins like that. Joe, step

1:36:10

out. Obama wins like that. Oh yeah. People

1:36:13

like Obama. If they just change that law, if

1:36:15

they just change that law, the term will win.

1:36:17

Biden has now lost all his, hey, I'm friends

1:36:19

with Obama, cred. Bro, he's lost all his, I'm

1:36:21

a competent human being who's not dying threat. It's

1:36:24

crazy going to rural Australia and talking to people

1:36:26

like, how do you, how do you rate Joe

1:36:28

Biden? I don't rate him

1:36:30

at all. I don't fall politics. And they're like,

1:36:32

nice. Well, Australia's got some problems too. They had

1:36:35

like a men behaving badly clause or whatever. You

1:36:37

see that? What's that? What do

1:36:39

you mean? Pull it up. There was

1:36:41

something about how they're like, we got to redefine men

1:36:43

and change everything. Bro, they went woke. They went hard

1:36:45

woke. And I never would have thought. I'll show you

1:36:47

what it was. Never would have thought that would have

1:36:49

worked. I love Australia. The problem is the type of

1:36:51

people that get into office are always nuts. And

1:36:54

those type of people are the people that

1:36:56

are like going to get the university kids

1:36:58

behind them. And we're going to push a

1:37:00

progressive. That's just politics. Australia is not woke.

1:37:03

Australia is not like a dirtbag. No, you're

1:37:05

right. You're right. It's not Australia. Australia politics

1:37:07

is woke. It's the Florida of the world.

1:37:10

But it's always a fucking tyrannical feud that

1:37:12

are opposing people being able to just do

1:37:14

whatever the fuck they want. Australian

1:37:16

people are wild. They're fun people, man. Is that what

1:37:18

you're talking about? Maybe. What is

1:37:21

it? Oh, Australia's men behavior change program. That's

1:37:23

it. Yeah. What is it? Behavior

1:37:25

change program. It's a history of

1:37:28

abusive behavior towards a female partner,

1:37:30

including violence, course of control and

1:37:32

verve. If this doesn't involve mushrooms, then

1:37:34

they should shut the fuck up. You got to take

1:37:36

classes or something. Yeah, that's not going to work. It's

1:37:38

a bummer. You'd have to take that

1:37:41

would get you through like one five grand. Joey

1:37:43

Diaz had to take one class and he avoided

1:37:45

Seattle for 20 years. He's

1:37:47

still avoiding it. He's still won't go there. He's still won't

1:37:49

go there. He's still won't go there. I'm going

1:37:52

to take one class. Don't be so

1:37:54

rageful, strangers. It goes, I'll just leave the whole

1:37:56

West coast. Seattle. You

1:37:58

could basically do anything. you right out of jail.

1:38:01

It's so crazy and they're getting him for like

1:38:03

what did he do? Like it was like parental

1:38:06

stuff when he was like 70 years ago. I

1:38:08

think he hit a guy Yeah, I think a

1:38:10

guy his ex-wife anger management. I think was one

1:38:12

of those things. Yeah, I Feel

1:38:16

like you're allowed to hit that guy Depends

1:38:18

on who the guy is it depends on who you are, but I

1:38:21

support Joey Diaz staying out of Seattle

1:38:24

I Doesn't

1:38:26

deserve him. He should do okay. And though he's a

1:38:28

good You

1:38:30

know what else is this shit Tacoma Tacoma

1:38:33

I did Tacoma with Dave we did Tacoma

1:38:35

dome Yeah, that's biggest show ever so monster

1:38:37

truck rally there I'm

1:38:40

a comedy club. I went to the Tacoma dome for

1:38:42

a monster truck. I didn't know monster trucks were just

1:38:44

for kids No

1:38:47

competitive retarded people are allowed to go to true David

1:38:52

I broke the attendance record there. We did

1:38:54

25,000 people there was a nutty

1:38:56

a show ever did We're backstage like right

1:38:58

before did that when we first did a

1:39:00

first few shows what would happen is I

1:39:02

would do my set and Dave would have

1:39:04

a DJ in between he had like this

1:39:06

whole thing like DJ's Oh, yeah people would

1:39:08

play playing music and shit and so the

1:39:10

DJ would introduce him so I got off

1:39:13

stage and the DJ starts playing music and

1:39:15

Dave and I are standing there and he just looks out he goes not

1:39:18

a lot of motherfuckers get to do this Well,

1:39:20

we're just looking at it. It's a fuck such as

1:39:22

like one of the coolest moments ever that

1:39:25

I still remember The other one

1:39:27

was when Dave the audience did not know Dave

1:39:29

was gonna go on stage. I

1:39:31

was doing I

1:39:33

was doing an arena in Columbus with Hinchcliffe

1:39:35

and I think Hans clip Hans. No. Yeah,

1:39:38

maybe Brian some prim What was it? Was

1:39:40

it Hans? Might have

1:39:42

been both of them. Anyway, we're doing this

1:39:44

giant-ass arena in Columbus and Dave shows up

1:39:46

while Tony's on stage And Tony doesn't even

1:39:48

know whether or not he's gonna bring up

1:39:50

me or Dave. I go Dave's come because

1:39:53

he said he's hurt He is coming. So

1:39:55

Tony is thinking he's bringing me up,

1:39:57

but I'm walking with Dave up to

1:39:59

the stage And the audience realizes

1:40:01

at a certain point that Dave's walking

1:40:03

the stage and in it's

1:40:05

a minute standing ovation Damn like

1:40:08

one solid minute and me and

1:40:10

Tony were just sitting there like wow just

1:40:13

looking around like this is Amazing.

1:40:16

It's like we were on a drug like this

1:40:18

is how many times you get to see? Like

1:40:21

one person generate this kind of love

1:40:23

and just cool to see watch this

1:40:25

watch this This

1:40:27

is Tony introducing him. I think we watched

1:40:29

his last time So

1:40:34

he thinks it's me right now Two

1:40:40

of the best in the world With

1:40:46

Tony role, but they're instantly they go bigger when they

1:40:48

see him I Grow

1:40:54

one whole minute That's

1:40:57

a Super Bowl What

1:41:00

happened to the video Tony's so happy. Yeah,

1:41:02

what happened the video froze just

1:41:04

froze so trust me It was a one-hole

1:41:06

for those people. It was one

1:41:09

whole minute, and then he points the mic he goes oh, H No,

1:41:12

it's fun. It was amazing It's the Tony roll

1:41:15

with that fast too cuz he's bringing you up

1:41:17

in the middle He goes one of my best

1:41:19

he goes I'm bringing up one of the greatest

1:41:21

comics And he's instantly goes to my best friend

1:41:28

Change well he knew I had a we had a

1:41:30

thing like if if it's Dave come towards the stage

1:41:32

with a light So I'll see your cell phone light

1:41:35

So I had the cell phone light and I was waving it towards me

1:41:37

saw the two of us as we're walking up What am I actually

1:41:39

one of my best friends two of the best communities of the

1:41:41

world right in that moment? That's

1:41:44

cool to think you went from the shitty Boston

1:41:46

rooms to that that's really my comedy You can

1:41:49

really my favorite of those is hosting the

1:41:51

seller. She had me host for a while And then

1:41:53

she goes you don't like hosting do you I'm like no But

1:41:57

I brought on Louie at his height at like 2016 2015

1:42:00

and I was like we're already

1:42:02

friends, but I was like please you know Pop

1:42:05

in please welcome Louie sick and there's so fucking nuts in

1:42:07

140 cedar And I was like do

1:42:10

they always do this for you, and he goes what? That's

1:42:15

fun when Dave came to the mothership when the

1:42:18

first week it was open that was the same

1:42:20

kind of deal, too We

1:42:22

had just started yeah, I opened for him. That's right

1:42:24

bomb did a little boy By

1:42:27

and you're not not true Shane

1:42:29

was like an a-minus It

1:42:34

was just the first time anyone had ever

1:42:36

stepped foot on that stage You know the

1:42:38

first person to talk into that microphone in

1:42:40

front of an audience it was it was

1:42:42

a stressful situation because Joe introduced it And

1:42:45

then I went up and then I could you could just tell

1:42:47

everyone in and it was all just friends

1:42:49

Yeah, I mean it wasn't like a regular crowd

1:42:51

like it was Chappelle and all his people Rogan

1:42:54

back there, and then I got up there. I was like you're

1:42:57

lying you're lying bring her show sold the

1:42:59

tickets online on Twitter in five minutes I

1:43:01

said there's a special intimate show tonight at

1:43:03

11 30 come down I

1:43:06

feel when I had like 20 people uh-huh well.

1:43:08

Yeah, he always has a boss There's 20 people

1:43:10

in the back of the place was packed It

1:43:12

was 110 people stuffed into the small room and

1:43:15

no one knew who the show was I just

1:43:17

said It's a special surprise intimate show and the

1:43:19

place sold out and so they didn't even know

1:43:21

who they were seeing You

1:43:24

because you want to do the big room the night

1:43:26

before I just wanted to fuck around and

1:43:28

knowing it doesn't because he walked in He's like man. He's

1:43:30

like when are you gonna open up this big room? And

1:43:33

I go you want to do it tomorrow night you

1:43:35

want to do it tonight? He's like let's do it,

1:43:37

and so it was like that simple says okay We're

1:43:39

gonna open up the big room so the waitstaff everybody's

1:43:41

brand new everyone's just like getting going We'd only been

1:43:43

open a day. You know I mean

1:43:46

maybe a couple days We just let just start

1:43:48

fire we started with the whole idea was we're

1:43:50

gonna open up once We're gonna do one show

1:43:53

We're gonna figure out what happens see how

1:43:55

everything goes what we need to tighten up and then do

1:43:57

two shows see how that goes So we want to do

1:43:59

that We went with one show a night, and we said, okay,

1:44:01

we're gonna try two shows a night. And then we did a couple

1:44:03

of these shows like that, and we

1:44:06

never stopped. We never did the

1:44:08

break. We just kept going. We kept going. We

1:44:10

kept going. Guns, braids. The ra-ra-raness of it would

1:44:12

fade away in a month or two, and it

1:44:14

just hasn't at all. Bro, I forget to post

1:44:17

images sometimes that tickets are on sale, and I

1:44:19

go, let me go check the website. They're fucking

1:44:21

sold out. Like immediately. It's this. Me

1:44:23

and Mark did a show last night, and they were like, I mean, they

1:44:25

put it up a week ago. And

1:44:27

then they were like, all right, tickets are on sale. 14

1:44:30

minutes, gone. Damn, that never happens to

1:44:33

me. It's just. No, it's crazy. They

1:44:35

would sell, a block of cheese would sell

1:44:38

out there. There's a bunch of hardcore comedy

1:44:40

fans, and they're fucking honest with their laughs

1:44:42

too. They're honest with

1:44:44

their laughs too. They know when you're not really getting

1:44:47

it right. And they know when you are. When

1:44:49

you really go for something. The thing is, they come. If you're

1:44:51

an audience member, you come going like, hey, it's gonna be a

1:44:53

good night, and you're gonna leave at minimum going, oh, that one

1:44:55

guy was really good, the other guy. And then they see someone,

1:44:58

suddenly it's like Tim Dylan, and they're like, that's

1:45:00

her You

1:45:25

and your buddy are there, and they're like, we did it!

1:45:27

We got her when Joey's here. Damn,

1:45:30

have you gone to Dave's Club? I have

1:45:32

not, but I will. I definitely will.

1:45:34

I heard his restaurant's insane. Restaurant? Yeah,

1:45:36

he's got a restaurant connected to it, with

1:45:39

some amazing five star chef that he

1:45:41

loves, that he brought to Yellow Springs

1:45:43

to work at his restaurant. Comedy's in a

1:45:45

crazy space. Oh my gosh. So funny seeing

1:45:47

these grown up children have hundreds of millions of

1:45:49

dollars. See what they do with it. I know,

1:45:52

right? Yeah. Right? It's bizarre.

1:45:54

Well, the Brady roast is like,

1:45:56

it's crazy to see that much

1:45:58

mainstream, like the biggest quarterback. and

1:46:00

the biggest comedians are interacting.

1:46:02

So Brady Roast was the

1:46:04

number one show in Netflix

1:46:06

history. Really? And your fucking

1:46:08

stupid watch went off at the perfect time.

1:46:12

The number one show was Dirty Comedy in

1:46:14

the history of Netflix. That's right. That's

1:46:17

it. There you go, Doug. The number

1:46:19

one show, Nikki Glaser, Andrew Schultz, Tony

1:46:21

Hinchcliffe, everybody going hard. Hard. Hard. That

1:46:24

was the number one show in Netflix

1:46:26

history. Love it. Fuck yeah. Most

1:46:28

of that was yours. We're back. Hear that,

1:46:30

Sarandos? Quick censoring. He knows. They know,

1:46:32

he knows. Okay. Sarandos is a good

1:46:35

man. Actually, he's kind of a bro, dude. He's a good man.

1:46:37

Yeah, he's a good man. I saw him backstage, I didn't know

1:46:39

he was, and he was just looking at me backstage at the

1:46:41

forum for Tony, and he

1:46:44

just turns around. I just thought he was some guy, and

1:46:46

he's like, what are you doing? I'm cutting a hole in

1:46:49

Kobe Bryant jersey so I can put my

1:46:51

dick through it. It's like, come on, the forum.

1:46:53

And he's like, cool. I was

1:46:55

like, who was that guy? He runs Netflix. I'm like,

1:46:57

oh, that's that guy? Oh, shit. You

1:47:00

worked for him. You did

1:47:03

a fucking two-part special for

1:47:05

him. Yeah,

1:47:10

that's true. You did two-part special. But

1:47:13

that's comedy. That's what comedy's supposed to be. What

1:47:15

is there for it? Well, that's what comedy can

1:47:17

be. That's what comedy can be. If

1:47:19

you let it go as wild as

1:47:21

it should. Yes. You gotta try, the

1:47:24

only way you find out what the limits are is you let

1:47:26

Brian Holtzman on stage. Ooh. You find out

1:47:28

what the limits are. We got Brian Holtzman on our

1:47:30

stage all the fucking time. And we

1:47:32

have him headline. He's a limit tester. We have

1:47:34

him headline. Instead of putting him at the end

1:47:36

of the night, we have Brian's headlining. That

1:47:40

is the end of the night. In

1:47:42

the big room. But no, he's doing

1:47:44

regular shows. And it's not like

1:47:46

a long show where it's two in the morning, you

1:47:48

finally get to see him, and he goes crazy. No,

1:47:50

he does whatever the fuck you want. But that's how,

1:47:52

when we started, that's where he was. Tommy relegated him.

1:47:54

He used to be just somewhere towards the end, but

1:47:56

still like second or third. Thank you, sir. But

1:47:59

he is so. I didn't know who he

1:48:01

was I was in LA so you see he's like in

1:48:03

a polo shirt buttoned up sharks can suit Yeah,

1:48:06

I'm like who is there another show another song

1:48:08

that we can go with other than that. What's

1:48:10

another one? How about that one that the bull

1:48:12

ran out to? Yeah, that's

1:48:14

a good one. Thank you. Ari perfect. Perfect.

1:48:16

Perfect. Dancer. All right At

1:48:19

least I know I'm free Jamie, please cue it up At

1:48:22

least the hostages Oh Jesus

1:48:27

Norman you're not even really Jewish right? No, no Everyone

1:48:31

thinks I'm a Jew key this come on. I'm kind of suck

1:48:33

it. Oh you want to do it with us You want a

1:48:35

knife? I got a knife. I'll do it

1:48:37

there Well,

1:48:40

you got a shotgun Norman

1:48:43

that's better than the eagle. I

1:48:45

like a shotgun shut your fucking

1:48:47

dirty communist mouth This is

1:48:49

the right in the middle interesting. Here we go.

1:48:51

Oh You

1:48:53

gonna why are you gonna cut his mouth with that

1:48:56

fucking terrible shitty job you did? Yeah, what are you

1:48:58

doing? No,

1:49:00

sorry, you don't drink out of it. You

1:49:03

don't drink out of no you don't all right drink out

1:49:05

the hole Yeah, you fucking idiot fair enough. You need you

1:49:07

doubt about you doubted yourself for a second. I did You

1:49:16

said it was that's confidence I almost believed it there you

1:49:18

go Norman

1:49:22

he needs his lips. Oh, my sweet sweet.

1:49:24

Let's have jagged edge dude. Fuck this. No,

1:49:27

no, shut the fuck up I'm proud to be an American.

1:49:29

I am honestly I am Here

1:49:32

we go We're

1:49:43

still number one we're number one Well

1:49:46

listen We're

1:49:51

number one in comedy By

1:49:56

a long stretch suck at England okay

1:49:58

bitches sit down Mark

1:50:01

do it If

1:50:13

we go down boys we're gonna go down having a good But

1:50:19

not everybody lives we're gonna get in that bunker We're

1:50:22

gonna have a new suit. I thought about the bunker. I

1:50:24

thought about sitting there Lemare lives with me I thought

1:50:26

about being like bunk it up him

1:50:28

being like can I go maybe on? Part

1:50:34

lemme you're really far apart the bunker would eat all

1:50:36

the crackers he would eat a lot of Maybe

1:50:40

curly sneak it off for food Things

1:50:42

like crackers you're gonna need like sustaining food.

1:50:44

You need stuff that lasts on a shelf

1:50:46

forever Look, I just

1:50:49

keep you alive tuna and you need iodine

1:50:51

tablets. You need a lot of iodine You

1:50:56

need tablets. He can drop in regular water so you could

1:50:58

drink it It's gonna taste like shit,

1:51:00

but you're gonna have to drink it just to stay alive

1:51:03

You might have to drink your own piss and we need

1:51:05

to kill ourselves. No No,

1:51:07

we need to say night. We started to start eating

1:51:09

assholes too late I'm

1:51:14

on it. We'll fight when we catch a shitty

1:51:16

person. We got to eat them. Yeah That's the

1:51:18

way to go you ever eating people not yet.

1:51:21

What well I wanted to

1:51:23

eat a coyote once these coyotes were killing my chicken

1:51:25

and I had this idea I Set

1:51:27

up I set up a bird's nest on that

1:51:29

one of my balcony. No Set

1:51:33

you free this is my plan This

1:51:36

coyote's had a bunch of my chickens men

1:51:38

So I tied one of the dead chickens

1:51:40

to a vase like a big ceramic boss

1:51:42

And I put it 30 yards off of

1:51:44

this ledge and I sat on the ledge

1:51:47

with my bow and I was watching the

1:51:49

coyote was Coming and my my daughter was

1:51:51

five at a time starts yelling coyote. It's

1:51:53

a coyote. I'm like, oh I

1:51:56

had this motherfucker. I had him he was coming in

1:51:58

he was sneaking around and she held it Oh,

1:52:00

yeah, I was gonna eat them. I was gonna I

1:52:02

was gonna cut it straps off and I was gonna

1:52:05

barbecue it I was gonna grill it and

1:52:07

then after I grilled it. I was gonna take a

1:52:09

shit in a hefty bag I had a plan what

1:52:12

and I was gonna throw the hefty bag over the

1:52:14

fence like there's your friend bitch. Whoa Had

1:52:17

a plan now you got to skin that

1:52:19

thing. I was gonna skin it Normal

1:52:22

food you need it. It's not good Stop them you

1:52:24

just have to make sure that you you really cook the

1:52:26

shit out of it to get all the parasites and trickinosis

1:52:29

out of it What the fuck are you pissin in

1:52:31

what are you piss? What are you doing? I was

1:52:33

just go to the bathroom But

1:52:36

just go back again go to the back, you know who's

1:52:38

gonna touch these Jmo has to touch that yeah He doesn't

1:52:40

like that. He doesn't like it. No one what do you

1:52:42

pee? Why would you and why would anyone? What is it?

1:52:44

What is the object that you're pissing into a truck and

1:52:46

fucking help shame with this? Oh Gross

1:52:50

you're already gross Sorry,

1:52:52

don't do it anymore. All right, go outside

1:52:55

piss outside. You can go to the bathroom.

1:52:57

She sucks. That's sucks I'm just

1:52:59

I was mad that we don't have a bathroom right outside

1:53:01

the door. What are you? Nice.

1:53:03

I love the wall. Yes to the bed. It's not

1:53:05

that bad of a walker the sun's out You see

1:53:07

those guys you go. Holy shit. Oh, yeah, really important.

1:53:09

They have to dig into the concrete and lay new

1:53:12

pipes So you have to walk ten steps I

1:53:18

Always pissed in my studio more than

1:53:20

any human being You

1:53:28

pissed in here does anybody else piston? Yeah,

1:53:30

no one Water

1:53:36

pitcher that we currently use we had to wash

1:53:38

it out. Oh, no, we should eventually wash this

1:53:40

out you use that again. Cheers I

1:53:47

Didn't have a new Jamie hated you until

1:53:49

that Yeah, he's

1:53:52

got you fucking who clean up my

1:53:54

piano to be an American Think

1:53:58

we actually made you clean it up The puke yeah

1:54:00

that no way you remember when you like slept

1:54:02

on the floor and I went out there and

1:54:04

played pool for like Three hours and then finally

1:54:06

you woke up came out And

1:54:13

then I woke up and Joe's playing like three

1:54:15

the top five pool players in the world like

1:54:17

hey buddy Over

1:54:25

here we were having fun Are you doing

1:54:27

man Awesome

1:54:36

photos. Yeah, we really fucked

1:54:38

with your sleeping in the closet Behind

1:54:41

yeah, the stage is wild that I got

1:54:43

I got a good hour of sometimes. It's

1:54:45

got to go I laid gotta

1:54:48

go down. It's gonna happen the way it happens. Yeah,

1:54:50

sometimes you gotta lay down where you are I tried

1:54:52

to stand up. I couldn't do it He's

1:54:57

in a fucking cubby hole behind

1:54:59

the Tommy Club Just boxes

1:55:01

and ladders Bro

1:55:04

that fucking is so much storage equipment.

1:55:07

I swear to God that clubs alive It's

1:55:09

a fun time. I looked in the cubby. It's like clean

1:55:12

as a whistle I think it's I think the clubs

1:55:14

alive when I when I first walked

1:55:16

into that building. I was like whoa Kind

1:55:18

of vibe. It's been around for so long when you

1:55:20

have a building that's been around for almost a hundred

1:55:22

years Is that a feeling

1:55:24

inside of it like the first place that I

1:55:26

went to the cult house that I almost built

1:55:31

You ever see the call place I

1:55:33

still think about buying it it was a that the one that's

1:55:35

in the sewage No,

1:55:38

no, I'll tell you the whole story off-air.

1:55:40

There's an issue. There's a couple of

1:55:42