Clapped Out AngliaAnd its toes hurt from being too big for its bootsAnd its feet were anchored like a dead tree’s roots.And its soles were covered in guilty scars.And its boots were made for walking though these days it went by car Till it piled on weight through lack of labourAnd its knees ached like a retired footballerFuming in a queue trying to get away to the seaside.And its belly was full of fattening treatsAnd its dreams were influenced by late-night cheeseAnd its spine was a motorway started by slavesAnd its limbic system was sketched on the walls of cavesAnd its neck was cricked from looking back And its memory was like my senile mother’s; well, you have to laughFuming in a queue trying to get away to the seaside.And its heart was an object of bitter argumentsAnd its heart was located by inaccurate measurements And its heart was broken by inevitable penaltiesAnd its heart beat faster when looking out to sea And its heart beat stronger when all people got the vote And its heart was left in a seafront discoFuming in a queue trying to get away to the seaside.And its fingers smelled of many pies And its dying jokes were rescued by Morecambe and Wise And its suit was tailored but didn’t half niff And its hair was like an old Ted’s quiff And its conscience was apt to nip out for a fag As its hands rummaged in its pocket for a flagFuming in a queue trying to get away to the seaside.And its eyes were bigger than its bellyAnd its teeth were chalk cliffs chattering into jellyAnd its accent changed as the weather got more chilly And its mouth spoke Norse translations of StormzyAnd its eyes looked outwards but pretended not tolike a teenage lad on a fence at a girls’s schoolFuming in a queue trying to get away to the seaside.And its head was full of apples and glaciersAnd its shoulders were pit props collapsed on miners And its ears remade foreign sounds as its ownAnd its nose ran from Autumn till early JuneAnd its conscience opted for trial by jurySo it couldn’t believe it wasn’t the good guyFuming in a queue trying to get away to the seaside.