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The Honeydew with Ryan Sickler.

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["The Honeydew with Ryan Sickler"]

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Welcome back to The Honeydew,

0:15

y'all. We're over here doing it in

0:17

the Nightpan Studios. I'm Ryan Sickler, ryansickler.com.

0:19

Ryan Sickler on all your social media.

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And I'm gonna start this episode like

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I start all of them by

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saying thank you. Thank you very much for

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supporting this show. Thank

0:30

you for supporting everything we do here.

0:32

If you haven't subscribed, please, it's a free

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easy way to help the channel out. And

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if you gotta have more than I'm telling you,

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you gotta have the Patreon. Go watch

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the recent Joshua Bepso where we highlight

0:45

the lowlights of the Patreon, some of

0:47

our favorite, because it's The Honeydew with

0:49

y'all. And y'all have the craziest

0:51

stories I've ever heard in

0:54

my life. It is nothing like it out there,

0:56

I promise you. And

0:59

the new podcast, The Way Back. Thank you

1:01

for the support. I'm stoked for it. We

1:03

have so many recorded already. Very excited to

1:05

bring that to you guys as well. Tour

1:08

dates, everything is over at ryansickler.com. All right,

1:10

that's the biz. You guys know what we

1:13

do here. We highlight the lowlights. I always

1:15

say these are the stories behind the storytellers.

1:17

And I am very excited to have this

1:19

guest on. First time here on The Honeydew.

1:21

Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Leah Kreischer.

1:24

Welcome to The Honeydew. Thank you

1:26

so much. I'm so happy to be here. This

1:28

is long overdue. Aw, well thank

1:30

you. I came to

1:33

see you guys and do your shows and stuff over there.

1:36

And I was like, I got it. I want you to

1:38

come on, because I'm gonna tell you this. I wanna give,

1:40

your husband gave me my flowers. I'm gonna give you your

1:42

flowers. The wife of the party.

1:45

Listen, it's the best

1:47

name for a podcast out there.

1:49

It's so creative. It's so

1:51

smart. It's so on point. It

1:54

just nails it. It fucking nails it. It's

1:56

so good. Thank you. It's so good.

1:59

And to be the one. of the party like

2:01

that. I am. Yeah, I know. And

2:03

to know the story before the wife

2:06

came in and all that, like, Holy

2:08

shit. So Leanne Chrysler, welcome. Please plug,

2:10

promote everything you would like. And then

2:12

we're going to get into your story.

2:15

Okay. Well, obviously wife's party podcast. I've

2:17

had it for 300 plus episodes. I

2:21

love my podcast. We

2:23

talk about everything and nothing

2:25

and it's great. I

2:28

just produced my first standup special for Shane

2:30

Torres. I'm really proud of that. It's on

2:32

YouTube. You can watch it on Bert Chrysler's

2:34

channel or Shane's channel. And

2:37

I think, I mean, I love Shane,

2:39

but I think we did a really good job. I was

2:41

really proud of myself. Um, so

2:44

yeah. And then obviously always Bert, Bert,

2:46

Bert, bert.com, you know,

2:49

always be selling Bert, Bert, bert.com. But

2:51

yeah, I guess that's it. Wife's party podcast.

2:54

Well, I don't know a lot about

2:56

your upbringing and, um, but

2:58

I hear, I catch these things from Bert,

3:01

from Kirsten, from whoever here, there. So I

3:03

want to talk to you about your upbringing,

3:05

upbringing, because you're where were you born originally?

3:07

You're, you're from the South, obviously. So here's

3:09

what else is funny. People constantly tell me

3:11

I have a Southern accent. Do I sound

3:14

Southern to you? No, exactly. And I say

3:16

that to them, Oh, you

3:18

must sound to me like

3:20

I sound to them for whatever

3:23

reason. Right. Right. Um,

3:25

I draw my O's and my A's

3:27

and it's a, it's a draw. It's

3:30

not a Southern accent. Like accents a

3:32

different hit. No, it's definitely not. Yeah.

3:34

No. Most people think I'm from Texas, but

3:37

my accent is very different than Texas. But

3:39

if you're not from Texas or from where

3:41

I'm from, you just, everybody thinks everybody's from Texas.

3:43

I think. So where are you from? I'm from

3:45

Bowdoin, Georgia. Oh, you're from Georgia. Yeah. Bowdoin

3:48

has about 1600 people. My

3:50

daughter's middle school had 1800 people. Slightly

3:54

different than my upbringing. The

3:56

LA school out here had 200 more

3:58

people than your. I

4:01

remember being there the first day

4:03

middle school and going, yeah, this

4:06

is my entire home town in

4:08

one building. And my kids were

4:10

like, yeah, it is crazy. Man,

4:13

that math has hurt my head. Yeah.

4:15

In one building, one building. So this

4:17

is an, everyone knows everyone in their

4:19

business town. Yes. Joke,

4:21

but true. Sort of true joke,

4:23

but true. And do you have,

4:25

um, extended family or is it just brothers

4:28

and sisters? I'm the only child, only child,

4:30

only child. And you have cousins and stuff

4:32

that live there though. I have cousins. I

4:34

have one other cousin that left actually

4:37

two cousins that left one is still in Georgia and one

4:39

moved to San Francisco. Everybody else is still there. Yeah.

4:42

In that same town. Pretty much. Yeah.

4:44

And what is it now? Do you know the population

4:46

now? About the same. No way.

4:48

Yeah. It's about the same. Nobody's

4:51

moving. No,

4:53

I know when I was in high school, you know, I

4:56

think four or five of us went

4:59

to college, we graduated, I graduated with

5:01

74 people, my graduating class. So yeah,

5:03

it's kind of your whole senior class

5:05

of 70. Uh-huh. My whole senior class 74. And

5:08

I moved around with my parents divorced when

5:10

I was seven. So, but everyone that I

5:13

started kindergarten with in that town, I graduated

5:15

with in high school. Cause I went back

5:17

there for high school. And

5:20

everybody, you know, everybody knew everybody. I

5:22

had like three options for a boyfriend in high

5:24

school and they were all my third cousins. Not

5:27

a joke. Well,

5:30

my boyfriend in high school, when I finally broke up

5:32

with him, my dad was like, thank God, you know,

5:34

he's your cousin. And I was like, what? You could

5:36

have given me a heads up. Didn't tell you

5:38

that at all. No, he was like, well, I knew it

5:40

wasn't going to work out. So I was just waiting for it

5:42

to fall apart. But yeah. So

5:45

what's mom do? What's dad do? You're

5:47

an only child and then they divorce.

5:49

So tell me about that. Mom

5:51

and dad were from neighboring

5:54

hometowns. My

5:56

mom's actually from Alabama. So my hometown is

5:58

on the border of Alabama. So,

6:00

uh, they were high school sweethearts, got married

6:02

three weeks out of high school after my

6:04

mom graduated. And my dad, uh, the

6:06

mechanic, he went to school to be an auto

6:09

mechanic, had his own shop. My

6:11

first job was working for him. I, um, kept

6:14

his books. And then when I turned 16, I drove his

6:16

tow truck. You did? You

6:18

were telling people, I did. I swear.

6:21

Were you really? Yeah. Who are

6:23

you? Yes. I

6:25

know. You pull it out of the fucking place. Every

6:27

old man and his overalls, I'd pull up and they'd

6:29

go, where's your daddy? And I go, well, he's at

6:31

the shop. Well, who's going to pull

6:34

my truck in? Well, I am. And they were

6:36

like, no, you ain't going to hook this up.

6:38

And I'm like, I've been riding record trips with

6:40

my daddy since I was eight years old. So

6:42

I just hook it up and pull it to

6:44

the shop. And these old men would get it. And

6:46

do they ride with you in the cab? Yeah. And

6:48

I'm like, what? I didn't know Jimmy's daughter did

6:50

that. And I'm like, well, you know,

6:53

the good thing about my daddy is I don't

6:55

think he ever really saw me as a girl

6:57

or a boy just as a kid. So

7:00

he never really treated me like, oh, you're

7:02

not doing that. Girls don't do this. Boys don't

7:04

do that. Yeah. Good. I

7:07

like that. He was just like, if we're chopping wood, you are

7:09

also. Yeah. I grew up in

7:11

my friend's dad's junkyard and we had ladies like that

7:13

too. Like, I'm like, you're going to drive that? And

7:15

she's like, yeah, I'm going to fucking drive that. God

7:17

damn it. She would drive the shit out of it.

7:19

Yeah. Yeah. To 16. Just

7:22

getting your license and you're doing that. Yes. Yeah. My

7:26

dad's family had an 88 acre

7:29

farm. So I'd been driving for

7:32

a long time by the time I actually got to legally

7:34

drive. But anyway, so my parents

7:36

were high school sweethearts. My dad was a mechanic. My

7:39

mom worked in a factory selling men's suits

7:41

to pay his way through school, mechanic school.

7:44

And then when he graduated, very liberal of my dad, he

7:46

said, well, what do you want to do? It's

7:48

my turn to pay for you to go to school. And she wanted to

7:51

be a model. So she's very

7:53

beautiful. So

7:55

he paid for her to go to Barbizon modeling school.

7:57

I remember Barbizon. I remember Barbizon. Barbazone

8:01

and when I was four, she went to

8:03

Chicago to a catalog model and

8:05

just didn't come home for like a year and a half.

8:08

Wait, what? Yeah. Kind

8:10

of went a goodbye.

8:13

Just split and stayed. Just split

8:15

and stayed. I think she came home once

8:17

or twice in that year and a half,

8:19

but she stayed there. And, uh, that kind

8:21

of was really hard

8:24

for my dad. My dad sorta

8:27

unofficially had a bit of a nervous breakdown.

8:29

Like I remember getting up

8:31

at for kindergarten and him just,

8:33

just sitting at the table, just

8:35

staring off into nothing, making myself

8:37

waffles and you know, he's

8:39

a great dad, but he was just really

8:42

in love with her and she just broke

8:44

his heart. So when she came back

8:46

from Chicago, but also left you. Yeah.

8:49

So he's watching his little girl without a

8:51

mom to his dudes without a wife. You're

8:53

without a mom. Is this okay? Here.

8:57

Without a wife, without a mom, I

9:00

stayed with her parents a lot. Um,

9:03

her dad suffered from really severe PTSD

9:05

from World War II and was probably

9:08

the meanest person I've ever known. Like gotten

9:10

to fight hit somebody was like a logging

9:12

chain in the head. Um,

9:14

just a real mean nasty guy. So I was

9:16

really scared of him. I didn't enjoy

9:18

staying at their house, but I stayed there to

9:21

my mom came back. And when

9:23

my mom came back, she kind of plotted to leave

9:25

my dad. So,

9:27

um, that's when the

9:29

games began with my mom.

9:33

Oh, so

9:38

yeah, my mom came back from Chicago. Um,

9:41

what made her come back? Do you know? I

9:43

think, um, I think my

9:45

dad just kind of stopped sending her money.

9:48

So he was sending her money to support. He was fulfilling

9:50

his end of the bargain. I'm going to support you and

9:52

get you up and running. But at a

9:54

certain point he figured out that she was, this was,

9:57

she was kind of conning him a little bit. Um,

10:00

So he just stopped sending her money. So she came

10:02

home when she got home. Ah,

10:05

this is just so not

10:07

fun. But she had

10:09

gone to Atlanta, found an apartment,

10:11

rented an apartment, fully furnished it

10:13

without telling him. And

10:16

basically was like, I'm going to

10:18

leave. And he was like, what's going on?

10:20

Let's have like a trial period where we

10:22

see if this can work here. And

10:25

she agreed to it while she finished amassing

10:27

everything and then left him and left him

10:29

with all the credit card debt and took

10:32

me to Atlanta. Took you. Yeah, took me

10:34

to Atlanta, which was really devastating for me

10:36

because I was on this farm, right? I

10:39

had a calf every summer I had to raise. I

10:41

worked on the farm, all my cousins. You're telling people

10:43

out there. Not yet, later though. But I had

10:45

all these cousins. I was totally surrounded by

10:48

family. And then she moved me to Atlanta

10:52

in a community in Atlanta

10:54

that was all gay men in the 70s because

10:56

she thought a little girl would be really

10:59

safe in the gay community. So she

11:01

moved me into the gay community. And

11:04

did you know you were going or did you

11:06

wake up one day and mom's just driving? Like

11:09

you had any heads up? I didn't

11:11

have a lot of a heads up, but

11:13

I know she told me that I had

11:15

enough time to give my dad my favorite toy.

11:17

And he still has that toy. It broke his

11:20

heart. I gave him the toy that I slept

11:22

with every day because I was, you know, he

11:24

and I had been inseparable for a year and

11:26

a half. And then all of a sudden she

11:28

showed up and everything changed.

11:30

It was really hard. But

11:34

after we moved to Atlanta, I started

11:36

figuring out my mom was not right

11:38

in that. And this is my

11:41

opinion. My mother has not been diagnosed with

11:43

anything that I know of. But

11:45

I noticed at a young age that she lied

11:47

quite a lot. And I would

11:49

catch her in the line. You know, when you're like seven

11:51

or eight, you go, hey, that's not true. And

11:54

then when you say, hey, mom, that's not true, I would

11:56

get in trouble for that. And she would tell me it

11:58

was true. Um,

12:00

and then, you know, she

12:03

started having me steal things from places.

12:05

Why? She wanted them and

12:07

she didn't want to pay for them. What are we talking about?

12:09

What do you feel? Like sugar dispensers

12:14

and she loves, she likes

12:16

large knives and

12:19

she liked large serving spoons in

12:21

restaurants. So it was always from

12:23

a restaurant. It was never, it was one of

12:25

her favorite spots. Where are you going? Well, I

12:27

don't know. Cause we went to

12:29

everybody's pizza a lot and they had

12:31

everybody's pizza. And

12:34

you would be stealing shit from there. Yeah. And

12:37

I hated it because I was like, this

12:39

is so wrong. How old are you? Eight.

12:42

I can't imagine that my kid be like,

12:45

get that spatula. Get

12:47

that spatula. Just take it down your pants. Take

12:49

it down your pants. Here we go. If they catch

12:51

you, you won't get in trouble cause you're a little

12:54

girl. So just put it in your pants. And I'd

12:56

be like, Oh my God, I'm just gonna, I gotta,

12:58

I gotta, I gotta keep walking. Keep walking. Keep walking.

13:02

So there was that. And then

13:04

she was dating this guy that we

13:08

would take suitcases full of cash to the Cayman islands

13:10

on a regular basis. So some part of me was

13:12

like, I don't know what that dude and her

13:14

and her, three of us, she was seeing the

13:16

guy. Yeah. Here's

13:18

my little suitcase full of cash. He

13:21

owned arcades and junkyards. Yeah.

13:24

It's cash business. Cash. Yeah.

13:27

So that was happening in Atlanta.

13:29

And then my dad's house, my dad was

13:32

living with two other bachelors and a log

13:34

cabin that had no heat on

13:36

20 acres of land. We had to chop wood.

13:38

I lived with them every other weekend and then

13:40

all three months in the summer. So

13:43

I jokingly say I'm a perfect fit

13:45

for Bert because I grew up with

13:47

like three bra major

13:49

bachelor party every weekend,

13:52

women in and out. I mean,

13:54

it was like a frat house and

13:56

that's where I felt really safe because my mom

13:58

not only was like, flying was, had

14:01

a lot of men in and out and

14:04

didn't really have a lot of friends. And

14:06

I think when I was young, I just was

14:08

like, something's up here. Like something's not, elevator's

14:11

not going to the top floor. Um,

14:15

when I was middle school, she moved us to a

14:17

suburb and I guess I always knew something was really

14:19

off, but when we moved to the suburb, I had

14:21

a neighbor across the street whose family was like, Oh

14:23

no, you need to kind of stay at our

14:25

house. Oh, really? Yeah. They told, they

14:28

sort of like took you in. Yes. And

14:30

then what were they seeing? Just the shit that's

14:32

going on. A lot of yelling

14:34

and screaming. A lot of you,

14:36

your mom. Yeah. A lot of, um,

14:39

hardcore criticism of, of me, of,

14:41

I didn't really, the way

14:44

she worked now that now that I'm an adult

14:46

and I've read a lot of books and I've

14:48

been in a lot of therapy, I really think

14:50

she had a borderline personality disorder called narcissism as

14:52

a disorder. That's what I

14:54

believe. Again, she's not been diagnosed. So

14:56

I can't say that's factual. But

14:59

my experience of her based on what I've read

15:01

is pretty much that. So

15:04

if I, if you

15:06

told me, if I said, Hey, the inside

15:08

of your mug is green and she didn't

15:10

think that was true, I would be punished

15:12

for that. Just me going, but

15:14

hold on that's green. So why am I

15:17

in trouble? She was very, um, she

15:19

made me take like 21 vitamins every day.

15:21

I had to drink niacin when I was

15:23

a kid. She was very controlling of my

15:25

bowel movements. Like she would monitor my bowel

15:27

movements and watch me to make

15:30

sure I had them like, like not

15:32

normal stuff. Yeah, that's not normal. Not

15:34

normal. She was naked a lot. Like

15:36

all the time, she was always clean.

15:38

A lot. Then you said like,

15:40

oh, like she

15:43

vacuumed naked. She was naked. Yeah,

15:45

she was always naked. She was a model actually, by

15:47

the way, she ended up being the highest paid model

15:49

Atlanta for like nine years. She was a runaway model

15:51

in Italy. She was like, yeah, my mom. I don't

15:53

look like my mom. I look like my dad. She's

15:56

like five, eight blonde green eyes, shares

15:58

body, not my. Naughty Share a

16:01

C would just roll around. They get

16:03

it on a you're always yeah would

16:05

just be when you had company as

16:07

well. Received an Mc. enough to keep

16:09

it together. Remember. I grew up and gags the.

16:11

There's no no way no joy on

16:13

over there off of. Let us

16:16

know kids I know for a

16:18

higher power point as noses in

16:20

my community. So yeah was. Not.

16:22

Super awesome! It was really lonely

16:25

and other stuff with this lady

16:27

who is always naked and so

16:29

I'm obsessive about what I was

16:31

doing. Well as you know, Eating.

16:34

She was also kind of macrobiotic so I

16:36

could only eat what she told. Me

16:38

as is projecting all that model

16:40

and security mental illness bullshit on

16:42

the you with the bowel movements

16:44

in what's gone in and out

16:46

of the body and isn't same.

16:48

May and you're being regulated like

16:50

that. She's watching us sheath a

16:52

yes, he I'll share. Misallocate. Out too

16:54

graphic that she would like that newspaper on the

16:57

floor and go do it. Without.

16:59

A toilet money you me

17:01

that last as humiliate me

17:03

to not just monitoring it

17:06

is bad man. Israel had and

17:08

then that my dad who is just of

17:10

friggin also. Signaled the floor. Really? Bad

17:15

now he was. If I wasn't we did it

17:18

as less girl he had take a dune buggy

17:20

up the side of a mountain unleaded elders rattlesnakes

17:22

in the would eat en. Route from that

17:24

was that's interesting to hear you say. that's

17:26

where I felt safe. You talk about rattlesnakes?

17:29

yeah, buggies and ladies in an hour? Yeah,

17:31

like this is where I'm at all day.

17:33

I'll listen. We had to build a chimney on

17:35

this large having to read it right? so we

17:38

had one. Fireplace only is in

17:40

the living room said he'd the bedrooms

17:42

my dad was building this like would

17:44

burn burning furnace that he actually.did through

17:46

the house. Though. He had to

17:48

build the chimney says one mountain in

17:50

our home town called Blackjack Mountains and

17:53

like a mountain is covered in rattlesnakes

17:55

sell. Me: And my dad

17:57

and his roommate. Studies. and

18:01

put a trailer on the Jeep and my

18:04

dad would turn a rock over and Doug would shoot

18:06

the rattlesnake that was under the rock and then they'd

18:08

hand the rock to me to put in the trailer.

18:10

Fuck that!

18:13

Fuck that chimney right now! Then

18:16

you pick the rattlesnake up and throw it. I'll

18:18

shiver on that. Fuck that! That's

18:20

all for one rock! That's one rock!

18:23

Yeah, you got a lot more rocks.

18:25

There's only like four weekends in a row.

18:28

All the rocks build this damn chimney. One

18:32

summer I had to dig a ditch because the

18:35

basement was flooding and I had to dig a

18:37

ditch that was the length of the house and

18:39

the width of the house. How old are you doing

18:41

this shit? 12,

18:44

13, oh younger. 10, 11. He bought it

18:46

in 1980. You're taking a trench around the house?

18:49

Yeah, that's what we did. Bunch of

18:51

beer, a little bit, something on the radio. Dig,

18:54

dig, dig. Cut wood all year and I was

18:56

so happy to be there. I would have done

18:58

anything not to be at my mom's house. And

19:01

you're only getting the weekends and then

19:03

the summer. And the summer, yeah. But

19:05

Monday to Friday is mom. Yeah. Naked

19:08

mom who is just torturing you. Yeah,

19:10

it was pretty rough. Man. So

19:12

when I'm middle school we moved the family across

19:14

the street. They were moving and

19:17

the dad called me in and

19:19

he was like, hey, I actually can't leave you

19:21

here. I'm building a house. I'd like to build

19:23

a room for you. I'd like to legally adopt

19:25

you if that's okay with you. And

19:28

I was so embarrassed because I thought, oh

19:30

my God, they found out. They

19:33

know that my mom is not

19:35

right. It was really embarrassing. So

19:38

I was in eighth grade. And actually

19:41

when my mom got custody of me, the

19:43

judge was like at 13, she can choose

19:46

wherever she wants to live. So

19:48

I knew I was going to move with my dad after

19:50

eighth grade. So I said, thank you, you know, but I'm

19:52

going to live with my dad. But

19:54

that was probably one of the right 13. 13.

19:57

So you decide on your own. Okay. Sorry. I interrupted. That

20:00

was probably, that was one of what? That

20:02

was what, that was when probably one of the

20:04

hardest moments is that I, someone

20:06

saw me and saw,

20:09

um, that it was

20:11

rough. You know, you can kind

20:13

of pretend like everything's okay. I

20:16

don't have any siblings. It was just me and her and

20:18

a cat. So you could just

20:20

kind of act like nothing's

20:22

I'm good. I just got to wait 12

20:25

days to get two days of normalcy with

20:27

my dad. Then I'll wait 12 more

20:29

days to get two days of normalcy and that's gotta

20:31

make it to Memorial day. And then I got three

20:33

months in the morning. Scaring Judy Garland for

20:35

fucking 12. Here

20:37

goes that. Here goes daddy. So I got a question

20:39

that just popped in my head. I want to ask

20:41

him. I want to get back to you, but, um,

20:45

raising your girls, even though

20:47

we're out here and your life is so different,

20:49

have you seen the little Leanne in their school?

20:52

Have you seen that girl? You know, have you

20:54

been able to identify one where you're like, I'd

20:56

like to, or have you helped anybody like that?

20:59

My house. Yeah. I have a Girl Scout troop, you know,

21:01

I've had for 13 years and we had

21:03

a girl in that troop that all,

21:06

I have two other leaders, all three of us were

21:08

like, this girl needs all

21:10

of us needs everyone here and needs

21:13

the three of us adults in particular,

21:15

and at some point, um, She,

21:19

she stopped coming and we tried everything

21:21

we could get her to keep coming.

21:24

And I mean, pick her up to drop

21:26

her off, just whatever we could. And, um,

21:29

Couldn't make it work. Here's the thing. I was the

21:31

kid. Like I felt like, uh, so after my dad

21:34

died, we were 16, like everyone,

21:36

it was right at Thanksgiving. So

21:38

all of a sudden is this. Bunch

21:41

of donations, anonymous donations, Christmas presents,

21:43

clothes from all the wonderful people

21:46

who meant well. And

21:49

all I could feel like was a fucking

21:51

charity. And I was embarrassed.

21:53

I was humiliated. I was angry. Like fuck

21:55

these sweatshirts or fuck these people in there.

21:57

You know what I mean? Like I didn't

21:59

mean. that but I was just like this

22:02

I don't want

22:04

or need and I've been able to do

22:06

that too and a few times in life

22:09

where I'm like oh and it's all so

22:11

scary I remember being a kid like why

22:14

should I trust this one this one fucking is

22:16

trash oh you know and then for you to

22:18

have these three ladies that wanted to look out

22:20

for you it's also a little bit nerve-wracking

22:24

to be like do I give my

22:26

trust in these people absolutely you know

22:28

it's hard to believe someone can love you

22:31

and the one person that's supposed to it

22:33

doesn't know how amen she just doesn't know

22:35

how I mean what what causes narcissism

22:39

as a disorder is serious childhood

22:41

trauma which I believe she had

22:43

I mean her dad was a

22:45

disaster he was an absolute meanest

22:48

nastiest man I've ever seen until

22:51

he got diagnosed with PTSD and

22:53

got medicated and then he was

22:55

actually really great you really saw

22:58

difference are you kidding wow he

23:00

would oh my god I would hear him hit

23:03

the front porch screaming

23:05

and cursing at my grandmother where's

23:07

my goddamn lunch may I mean from

23:09

the minute he walked on the porch

23:12

and when he got medicated he just started

23:14

crying he cried and cried

23:16

and cried and cried but he was

23:18

you know he was

23:20

on Hiroshima 30 minutes

23:24

after they dropped the bomb and

23:26

his job was to find survivors and take him to medics

23:29

oh my god yeah

23:32

I mean come on yeah that's

23:34

insane yeah how do you come back

23:36

from that how do you how do you raise

23:39

three children and be kind and

23:41

soft you can't do that he was

23:43

just trying to not see Japanese bodies

23:45

all the time and didn't tell anybody

23:48

until I was in

23:50

probably probably

23:53

tells eight or nine years old when he finally

23:55

got diagnosed and then started getting treatment

23:58

that's a razor There you

24:00

know why. Understand why she's broken and

24:02

I? I have no hard feelings with

24:05

her as I had all that when

24:07

I was younger. I really forgave her

24:09

for a lot of stuff. By when

24:11

you decide to choose your dad to

24:13

signal even worse with her or is

24:16

it just cut off cold like how

24:18

does that go now Well this this

24:20

sars them. Make the choice yes I

24:22

do. Ah, This

24:25

starts phase two of. My

24:27

and her relationship really say to his

24:30

you're dead to me. And

24:32

I'll see or talk to or for like

24:34

a year and a half or so. And

24:37

then she savage cheerleader and high school. She

24:39

just showed up at a ball game like

24:41

nothing happened and then I'm a teenager yelling,

24:43

well guess okay. So. I guess we're

24:45

making up now, you know, That's just how

24:47

was this poop Out of nowhere I'm at

24:49

this game. yeah not I'm com his elbow

24:52

heads of nest. The. As

24:54

north the do for new city death

24:56

this to sell out is so applied

24:58

as facilities he made. Mans

25:02

a time soon as you fancy model

25:05

come back to her small home town.

25:07

on this is like it was average

25:09

Sir James right to my ball game.

25:12

I'm so yeah. Then I just started

25:14

under a relationship with her again because

25:16

she's my mother and it went on

25:18

until twenty three and. Then I assume

25:21

other questions this whole time the you

25:23

choose to live with your dad, how

25:25

far in proximity his mom would couple

25:27

miles like at Lan how far the

25:29

land of from that. About. Fifty miles.

25:32

So. Far as I'm an hour yeah

25:34

and not three states over meant

25:36

like with wanted to could absolutely

25:38

have had a relationship with her

25:40

daughter. Had. To drive through my dad some

25:42

down to get her parents' house. And.

25:44

Did do that? Oh, I'm sure she

25:46

did. So she bows to Chicago and

25:49

now she's staying in Atlanta and both

25:51

you now. The Bass? Yeah,

25:53

Yes. So. Dimension.

25:56

Season or six times when. You

25:59

forgot the. Six marriages. She

26:01

was working on number seven, but I think he might

26:04

have got wise. Then got out

26:06

early before he got trapped. She's

26:09

six divorces. She ain't healthy, y'all. She

26:11

just ain't healthy. Bless her heart. You

26:16

know, I don't want anybody, I genuinely

26:18

would hate to be

26:22

as angry as she is and

26:24

live her life every day that angry. That's

26:26

just not any way to live. You know, that's really

26:28

sad. It breaks my heart for her. But

26:31

yeah, she, uh, I was

26:33

dead to her for a while and then she came

26:35

back and then we, you know, we're sort of okay

26:37

for a little bit. And then I was bopping around

26:40

in college. I was miserable in college. We even talked

26:42

about the redneck stuff I grew up with. I'm sure

26:44

Burt's talked to you about. That's the stuff I want to

26:46

talk to. Kirsten's told me some things too. So should I stop talking

26:48

about this because that's way more fun? No,

26:50

no, we could talk about, we'll get to all

26:52

of them. We're not in a hurry. Did Burt

26:54

tell you that when my dad first met Burt, he

26:56

was living in a convenience store? Yeah, that's what he

26:59

told us. He went from a log, Gavin. I

27:01

could live here. I could live here. Oh, he

27:03

got a log. Okay. First of

27:05

all, okay. When

27:07

I first started dating Burt, I said

27:09

to him, I'm a little concerned about

27:11

you meeting my family because I don't,

27:13

he's from pretty white collar, you know?

27:17

He's from Florida, which gives a different element.

27:19

But I mean, dad's a lawyer. Mom's

27:21

very educated, um, wasn't

27:24

educator. Her parents were like, they're

27:27

just white collar people. I am

27:29

not from that big time. And

27:32

I was like, oh, my dad's

27:34

actually currently living in a convenience store.

27:38

But from up from the cabin? Yes,

27:40

from the cabin. My dad's currently living in

27:42

a convenience store and my

27:45

grandfather wears overalls every

27:47

day of the week. I mean, he has a

27:49

Sunday pair for church and then the regular pair

27:51

for, I mean, like, and definitely

27:54

is an old school Southerner. If you know

27:56

what I mean. Really nice

27:58

man, but very old. old school southerner

28:00

and I was like, how in the world am I

28:02

going to make this

28:05

happen? So I kind of prepped Bert on

28:07

the way to Bowden explaining

28:09

to my family, a couple of people

28:11

might cook meth, just saying one

28:13

or two has a missing teeth and

28:15

that's why. So just buckle

28:17

up and

28:21

just hope for the best. And we went in that

28:23

convenience store and in the middle of the convenience store

28:25

is a pizza oven. And Bert was like, there's a

28:27

pizza oven in here? Wait a minute. You

28:30

mean you go through the beer cooler and on the

28:32

other side of the beer cooler is my dad's apartment,

28:34

which has no windows. So it's pitch black. But

28:36

he had a great couch. He had a great

28:38

couch. The couch reclined and he also had a

28:40

recliner. And Bert was like, hold on. You

28:46

mean you can get up any time of the night

28:48

and go in the other room and get snacks? And

28:50

then my aunt also worked there who makes the best

28:52

biscuits ever. And so as soon as you wake up

28:54

in the morning, you can have like biscuits and gravy

28:56

and whatever you want.

28:58

It was a dream. Met my

29:00

grandfather, Haskell, who was the

29:03

best storyteller I've ever been around. And as

29:05

you know, Bert is one

29:07

of the best storytellers and my pop

29:10

just told him stories all day. The

29:12

first day they were inseparable and I

29:14

was like, okay, well that's working. My

29:17

dad's working. Just avoid the two toothless cousins in

29:19

the corner and we can get out of here

29:21

unscathed. But yeah, when my dad

29:23

first met Bert, he was like, I want to tell you

29:25

something, boy. That's the

29:27

best frog gigger in the county

29:30

is Leanne. And Bert

29:32

was like, what does that even mean? What

29:35

does that mean? And well, we used to have them when I was

29:37

a kid, we didn't have any

29:39

money so we would camp a lot. And

29:41

my grandparents had this farm that had a river on it. So

29:44

you get in a John boat, a flat bottom boat

29:46

with spotlight and you just frog gig all night long.

29:49

You just reach in the bank and grab frogs. Some people do

29:52

it with like a pole, a forked pole, but we didn't do

29:54

that. We'd just grab it with our hands. You

29:56

just trolling along into snag and grab it with your

29:58

hands. And then what do you do with it? You

30:00

put it in the well of the boat and

30:02

then you eat them. Oh, you do go home

30:04

and eat them. Yeah, we eat frog legs Yeah, fry

30:07

them up. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yes. I've had frog

30:09

legs. They're not bad. They're not bad. They're

30:11

not bad They're fine. It was fun. I

30:13

mean as bizarre as that may sound that was

30:15

so was by the way shooting rattlesnakes out from

30:18

under rocks Yeah, that to build a chimney

30:21

Not just for fun to build a chimney. It

30:23

was a perfect It

30:25

worked and then we finally had heat. It

30:27

was freezing in that house Oh,

30:32

we did have a snake that lived in

30:34

our log cabin So we had a rat

30:37

snake that lived in my dad's bathroom because

30:39

what's better to take care rats Than

30:42

a snake and most people

30:44

don't really understand that perspective But my

30:46

family always had snakes because they

30:48

take care of rats and we have farm. Yeah,

30:51

you have a farm You can't need that So

30:53

I had that too those kind of bizarre get started

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off. That's

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farmersdog.com/honeydew. Let's

34:29

get back to the dews. What else did you use to

34:31

drag race for money in high school? Where?

34:33

Hog liver road. Like just on the street? Yeah?

34:36

Yes. There wasn't a track? There wasn't

34:38

a quarter mile track? No, no, no, no. Did

34:40

you just say hog liver road? I did. Our

34:43

intersection. Is that the straightest spot to do it? It's kind of

34:45

in a holla, so you know. It's very safe. Hog liver road.

34:47

I'll tell you what right now, mother fucker. I'll see all that hog liver

34:49

road. I'll tell you what. I'll tell you what.

34:51

I'll tell you what. I'll tell you what. I'll

34:53

tell you what. I'll tell you what. I'll tell

34:55

you what. I would never

34:58

do that. There's no way to say that.

35:01

It's real though. It's real. People don't believe

35:03

it's real. It's real. My

35:05

intersection in my street where my dad's

35:07

farm, my grandparents' farm was called Bug

35:10

Scuffle. So you'd go to Bug

35:12

Scuffle and take a right. On the

35:14

Hog Liver? Off of Bug Scuffle. On

35:17

Dot Road? Is that right?

35:19

It's Dot Road. I love this.

35:21

Anyway. So, all right, how

35:23

much are you winning? You just going like 50

35:25

a pop or what? Are you just drag racing

35:27

against all dudes too? It was all dudes. Are

35:29

you the only girl in the group of every

35:31

guy? The only girl, yeah. I

35:34

was the only girl all the time. I went everywhere with my

35:36

dad. And he did dad stuff. He

35:38

went to the tractor pull. We went to Demolition Derby.

35:42

I want to go. I can't find one.

35:44

Demolition Derby? Irwindale Speedway? Every

35:47

other month. Out here? It

35:49

is awesome. Yes. In

35:51

Irwindale. I go. I take Isla all the

35:53

time. I love my daughter so bad to

35:55

that. It's called the Night of

35:57

Destruction. It's a different kind of redneck. It's freaking

35:59

awesome. go to these tracks, it was a place called 75 and

36:02

80 because it was at the intersection of 75 and 80. And

36:06

the rednecks, all the fat guys would take their

36:08

shirts off and then it was locals that would

36:10

bring their Nova in or their souped up, you

36:12

know, or whatever. And they would warm their tires

36:15

up and light them up here. And these guys

36:17

would be like, whoa, and stand there and let

36:19

those little pieces of gravel and rubber just all

36:21

over them. And they would stand there like that.

36:23

I'm like, what the fuck are you all doing?

36:26

It's a different kind of mentality, redneck, right? I

36:28

remember in high school, the boys used to stir

36:31

up an ant bed and stick their

36:33

hand in it for money. Whoever could leave their hand

36:35

in it at long, you got the money. And you're

36:37

like, what? I

36:40

mean, could you imagine some L.A. kids doing it? Fuck

36:43

no. No way. No

36:45

way. Yeah, that was often

36:47

done. So that's so dad moves.

36:50

What age are you living in the convenience store?

36:52

Or you never? I never did. So you grew

36:54

up in that cabin? I did. My

36:56

dad and I did build a house from the ground up when I

36:59

was about 14. So we moved out

37:01

of that house into the house that he and I built. You've

37:03

literally built a house. I did. I didn't

37:05

put the roof trusses on and

37:08

I didn't do the electrical

37:10

wiring. But you

37:12

built your shelter. My dad and

37:14

I did. Yeah. My dad and I taught me that

37:16

my daddy was the real deal.

37:19

It still is very handy. Yeah.

37:22

And he's an understatement. He's like, bet

37:24

your mom's looks are long gone. Dad's

37:26

skills still around. He's

37:31

the best. He's the sweetest and the best.

37:33

I would not be this person without my

37:35

daddy. That's great to hear. Would not be this

37:37

great. Great to hear. No way. So

37:40

yeah. Um, yeah. He and I built that

37:42

house. We lived there for a little bit and then we moved

37:44

back into the log cabin because we didn't like it. We liked

37:46

the cabin better. So we moved back.

37:48

And did you have your own room? You did.

37:50

It was a big cabin. It actually was like

37:52

a four bedroom log cabin. Um,

37:55

and he had, like I said, he had the roommates.

37:58

So I had where those were good. dudes

38:00

by the way dudes don't have any

38:02

but all of them I could be I'm

38:04

not but I mean when I got married to

38:06

Bert I am huh as

38:08

I don't have my mom I drove myself to

38:11

my wedding in a pickup truck no I

38:13

did did you really you drove

38:15

yourself I did I didn't think

38:17

about it you know I think the thing is when you

38:19

grow up by yourself the way I grew up you just

38:21

don't think about it you just do because you

38:23

need to do and if you don't they

38:26

know nobody's gonna drive right nobody coming to

38:28

drive that motherfucking truck that's true you

38:30

know and all this crap

38:32

with my mom my dad is such a sweet

38:35

kind of as much as he was

38:38

a party guy he's really fragile guy

38:40

like emotionally really really fragile kind of

38:42

like Bert really sensitive some

38:44

anxiety issues which you know back in the

38:46

70s you know what that was but

38:50

yeah he remarried when

38:52

I was 19 he'd been with her

38:55

since I was about eight and she

38:58

left him and when she left him he had a

39:00

he had a legit nervous

39:02

breakdown it moved into the dorm with

39:04

me in my college no roommate

39:10

moved out

39:13

like it's

39:17

only if your dad second divorce he

39:19

moved into your college door but what

39:23

though he would he would just be like

39:25

Georgia move

39:30

over there's no way he could make

39:32

it I the same person no way

39:34

no not a mystery I married this

39:36

guy who's the most fragile

39:38

frat boy on the planet that was my dad I mean my

39:40

dad was a friend that moved into your

39:43

dorm it was

39:47

it

39:50

was rough he's not moving

39:52

in for party time no he's

39:54

not he was moving in and how'd you

39:56

get away with it he was crying a lot

40:00

I would sit on the couch

40:02

in the dorm lobby and just wait for me. I

40:06

can't imagine seeing this poor man just

40:08

sobbing. If you're trying to

40:10

live your life and be in

40:12

college, you're finally out of the house. Yeah,

40:15

it was pretty bad. It was pretty bad. It

40:17

was pretty bad. It was pretty bad.

40:19

Um, I got away with it because, um,

40:21

I was in a school. Wait,

40:24

what school did your guys go to? It

40:27

was West Georgia College. It's now

40:29

a University of West Georgia or West Georgia University, something

40:31

like that. But yeah, so in

40:33

my home, it was pretty close to

40:35

my hometown. I was in

40:37

a sorority and you couldn't live in a sorority

40:39

house because it was considered a brothel. Certain

40:43

number of women live in a house together. It was

40:45

a brothel. So we had a dorm floor.

40:48

So my, my sorority dorm floor was all

40:50

of my sorority sisters. And I just explained

40:52

it. I was like, listen, I don't know

40:54

what to do. My dad's in pieces. So

40:58

my roommate kind of

41:00

moved out and moved in with her boyfriend and my

41:02

dad moved in her bed. I don't remember

41:04

how long he was there. Like maybe a month. You have like

41:06

bunk beds with your dad or like the two

41:08

twin beds. My

41:12

God. It's

41:15

gotta be the saddest thing. The

41:18

thing on the wall. See

41:21

your look on your face and he's over there. It's

41:23

sobbing. It was awful. You

41:28

know, I get out of school and he'd

41:30

be waiting for me on the couch and

41:32

then he wants to go like drive the

41:35

streets of the city, drinking Bow Eyes or

41:37

looking for his wife. And it was like,

41:39

Oh my God, it was bad. Bless

41:41

his heart. You

41:44

know, now I

41:46

would, I would never do that to my kids, but

41:48

I guarantee you if I did that to Burt, Burt

41:50

would definitely be moving in with Georgia. So

41:54

sorry, Georgia. You didn't hear your dad. So

41:57

funny. For a month. That's a

41:59

long time. It was a long time as

42:01

a sophomore what made him finally say all

42:04

right. I'm fucking out of here You meet somebody ended

42:06

no Not

42:12

that deep but It

42:14

was over Someone

42:17

no no no no no no

42:19

no no you didn't mean anybody knew for a long time

42:22

But you know time he was all wounds.

42:25

I guess he just kind of got over it and I

42:27

moved to Atlanta I was like I gotta get out. I

42:29

gotta get out Crazy

42:32

crazy crazy so now you're in Atlanta, but isn't

42:34

that where mom is I was living with my

42:36

mom again cuz remember at 13 We

42:38

reestablished our relationship. I

42:40

moved in with her at that point. God. There's a

42:42

lot about my life I guess I started drinking when

42:45

I was 13 and by

42:47

the time I was 20 Me

42:53

too I'm sure they don't drink anymore I mean

42:55

I do drink some but yeah by the

42:57

time I was 20 I'd

42:59

had a DUI I'd gotten arrested

43:01

for vandalizing people's homes. What were you

43:03

doing? I was throwing rocks and windows just

43:06

for fun. I can do it.

43:08

I was angry and

43:10

I do I and then

43:13

Still drinking my 21st birthday. I drank

43:16

like a Fifth of vodka

43:18

by myself. I was drinking that much and

43:20

then like a regular thing Uh-huh. That's pretty

43:23

regular and then I started losing my hair

43:25

and From

43:27

the drink and I started bloating

43:29

really badly and then moved to my

43:31

mom's because

43:34

I was in bad shape and I was getting away

43:36

from the situation with my dad and my sorority had

43:38

actually Done an intervention on me and told

43:40

me I needed to go to rehab Kicked

43:43

and stripped me of all my offices in the sorority and

43:45

I was like fuck all you people I'm moving and

43:48

moved to Atlanta to get away Out

43:53

of it So

43:56

then my mom sent me the doctor the doctor's like this

43:59

is from alcohol her And I was like, I don't drink.

44:01

I don't know what you're talking about. Totally lying. Kept

44:03

drinking, kept driving drunk massively. And

44:06

then I woke up one day, I was just driving and

44:08

I was like, this is, I'm not happy. I'm

44:12

massively unhappy. And I

44:14

don't think it has to do with alcohol. I think

44:16

there's something else wrong. Like I'm really

44:18

unhappy. So I

44:20

dropped out of college. My mom's fourth

44:23

husband at the time was very wealthy and said,

44:25

what do you want to do? I'll help you.

44:28

I'll help you any way you want to help. I want help. He's

44:31

the nicest guy ever. And I said, I think I just want

44:33

to move to New York City and just take like a year off college and

44:35

just figure my shit out. I need

44:37

to get out of Atlanta. I didn't make any friends in Atlanta. That

44:40

was like a boy in a girl's body. And

44:42

then south, like you have to be sort of girly. And

44:46

I just, you know, I was raised by three men really. So

44:49

I just couldn't find my way there. So

44:51

I was like, well, I'd love to go to New

44:53

York. And he said, well, I'll pay your rent for six months.

44:57

Just your rent and you take care of everything else.

44:59

And then, uh, you know, I'll find the lease over to

45:01

you or you move or whatever. And I

45:03

was like, that's amazing. Thanks. Did

45:07

that then and stopped drinking

45:09

entirely. I was just like, I'm just going

45:11

to stop cold turkey and figure out why I'm so unhappy.

45:14

So I moved to New York and shortly after that and

45:16

got into therapy. Shortly

45:18

after that, my mom decided to reinvigorate

45:21

her modeling career and move into my apartment with me. Come

45:23

on. Wait, first of all, I'm not

45:25

going to do that. Wait, first of all, two questions.

45:27

How old is she at this point when she's reinvigorating

45:29

the career? I'm 23. So she'd be

45:31

43. Okay.

45:34

So it's not the end of the career,

45:36

but it's going to be a different career.

45:38

It's not the runway, uh, young fashion model

45:40

anymore. Nope. But she got

45:43

JCPenney and Sears. Yeah, that's right.

45:46

Totally. But you know,

45:48

she's beautiful. Right. She's blonde.

45:51

She's tall. She's beautiful. Okay.

45:54

But now she's coming to your place. I have

45:56

a studio apartment. And is that leverage because husband. Number

46:00

four is paying for it. So she's like, fuck

46:02

you. I'm coming and staying to your shit. Correct.

46:04

Man, you can't get a goddamn minute to yourself.

46:06

You ready? It's still better. She

46:08

starts fucking the neighbor across the street and

46:12

says to me, you got to lie. To

46:15

my husband about this. And I said, I'm

46:17

not doing that. I don't lie for myself.

46:19

I'm not lying for anybody. No. So

46:22

we get an a fist fight in my

46:24

own apartment and she kicks me out of my own apartment. No,

46:26

you got a fist fight with your mom. I

46:29

did. I hit her actually. I

46:32

had just had so much. I

46:34

hit her first in the middle of the chest with

46:36

my fist. You punched like that. I just punched

46:38

her and I wanted to knock her down. That's what

46:40

I was trying to do. Just knock her down and she

46:43

didn't get knocked down. So I just kept shoving her

46:45

and shoving her and shoving her until I got, I

46:48

just had to, I just went, hold

46:50

on. I am out of control now and I need

46:52

to leave. So I left and she

46:55

let me be gone. So she set a

46:57

bag out and I was out of my

46:59

own apartment. I was about 10 days. I

47:01

had nowhere to live. So I just

47:03

went from like lobby to lobby to lobby and apartment buildings

47:05

and just kind of went there. I got a friend that

47:07

lives here. I'm just going to hang on the couch till

47:09

he gets home or whatever and would not

47:11

often sleep a little bit. And then, uh,

47:15

I was trying to be an actor because I was trying

47:17

to figure out what I wanted to do. So I was

47:19

in acting class coincidentally with miss Georgia

47:21

and my teacher was like, something's going on

47:23

with you and I don't know what it is. But

47:26

what's happening? And I told him everything

47:28

that was going on coincidentally.

47:30

My mother had also joined my acting

47:32

class. Get the fuck out.

47:35

Is it really coincidentally? No, it's

47:37

not coincidentally. Right. No, she joined my acting class, which

47:39

I went to my teacher and went, please no. So

47:41

he put her in a different one. So

47:43

they were, we're an excellent class together. So he

47:45

knew who I was talking about

47:48

because he taught her also and, um,

47:51

went to miss Georgia and said, can you let her sleep

47:53

on your couch until, and help her find a place to

47:56

live. And she did Stephanie Michelle's I'll

47:58

be very grateful for her. But

48:00

I also like you were talking about being

48:02

embarrassed once I finally got up

48:04

on my feet I was so embarrassed that

48:06

she'd helped me that I Like

48:09

was an asshole to her and

48:12

years later found her and apologized to her wrote her

48:14

a letter I was like, I just I

48:16

just don't I didn't know how to accept help

48:19

and I was so embarrassed But

48:22

yeah, and she and I are fine now

48:24

we're you know, not friends but fine I

48:28

Be I lived in Spanish

48:31

Harlem for three months scared out

48:33

of my mind. This is in 93. So

48:35

it's a little different than Alabama,

48:38

yes Spanish, Harlem. Yes. I

48:40

remember getting off at the Port Authority. I'd

48:42

never been to New York I just moved

48:44

there. I just thought it's not working here.

48:47

Let's just go there and The

48:50

port, you know 42nd Street was like peep show peep

48:52

show peep show Triple X movie nudie

48:54

nudie prostitutes everywhere in 42nd Street when I

48:56

first moved there dead bodies in alphabet City

48:58

everywhere It was like it was before they

49:00

cleaned it up. So it's really pretty rough

49:04

But I ended up living there for like four

49:06

years. But yeah, my mom when she kicked me out

49:08

I was dead to her then too so

49:11

it happened at 13 and at 23 and then

49:15

I got subpoenaed to court

49:17

to testify on my stepfather's behalf

49:19

because she claimed all these things

49:21

that were not true and Other

49:25

things happen. I don't feel comfortable saying here. I'll tell you

49:27

later if you want to know But wait you

49:30

you had to go to court against your

49:32

mom Yes But she settled

49:34

the night before I had to testify so nice

49:36

way to go But there's nothing worse than walking

49:38

through an airport and someone saying are you my

49:40

name's my first name's Kelly Are

49:42

you Kelly Kemp? Yep, you've been served and open it

49:44

up and find out you have to testify against your

49:47

own mother You're in the airport where they got you

49:55

This is 93 or 94 yeah,

49:57

so that happened and so we

50:00

Split up for a while and then I went on with

50:02

my life. I moved to LA and met Bert, fell in

50:04

love with Bert and

50:07

uh, uh, Bert and I got

50:09

pregnant on the pill. Um, swear I

50:11

was on the pill, got pregnant. We'd, we'd been

50:13

dating for like over a year. He already bought

50:15

me a ring. I didn't even know it, but

50:17

we got pregnant on the pill. So

50:20

my mom wasn't talking to me then either.

50:23

Uh, we had gotten back into talking in

50:25

my twenties, but she was mad at me

50:27

because I wouldn't do something she wanted me

50:29

to do. So she wasn't, um, responding.

50:31

I kept calling her and going, you

50:33

need to call me. I need to tell you something

50:35

like really important. Never call

50:37

me back emailed or you need to call me. I need

50:40

to tell you something. Cause I was going to get married.

50:42

We like had shotgun marriage. We got

50:44

married in like two months. She never

50:46

called me. So finally I sent her an email and said, listen,

50:48

you're not calling me back. So I need to tell you I'm

50:50

pregnant and I'm getting married and I want you to know, and

50:52

I want you to come to the wedding and the email I

50:55

got back from her. Email. First of

50:57

all, an email. Was

50:59

so bad that I printed it out and

51:01

gave it to Bert sister and she cried.

51:04

And I went, I am

51:06

keeping this email forever because

51:08

I will never, ever forget

51:10

how sick she is. So

51:13

in the email again, she said, you're dead to me. I don't

51:15

want to know you don't want to know your husband. I don't

51:17

want to know your kids. You're so

51:20

disrespectful for telling me in this

51:22

manner and whatever her crap was.

51:25

And that's the last time I really had contact with

51:27

her. I saw her at her dad's funeral and,

51:30

uh, how long had it been? Oh,

51:32

long time. And she did bust in on,

51:34

I always brought the girls to see her

51:36

parents because I wanted them to know their

51:38

great grandparents and I had a

51:40

good relationship with them. I mean, shit, who has

51:42

great grandparents anymore? Right? Yeah. I mean,

51:44

they just lost my mom's mom like a

51:47

year ago. Wow. So yeah, I

51:50

mean, everybody has babies young in the South

51:52

y'all. So, you know, but

51:55

yeah, she busted in on one visit with them.

51:57

Literally walked in the door just like my cheerleader.

52:00

Hey y'all, I'm your nanny. And my

52:02

kids were like, Georgia was

52:04

like eight. She'd never seen

52:06

her before ever. And then I

52:08

saw her again at her dad's funeral and that's it. I

52:10

don't know. What was that like? It was, you

52:13

know, we were- You talk at all? We were

52:15

cordial to each other. She introduced me to

52:17

her sixth husband there.

52:21

And then coincidentally,

52:23

my dad's mom had passed away within

52:25

a couple days. So her funeral was

52:27

the following day. And she showed up

52:29

at my grandmother's funeral who I was

52:31

very close to and did

52:33

one of these, pulled me outside and

52:37

with my kids, gave my

52:39

kids each a gift and then proceeded

52:41

to lecture me about respect in

52:44

front of my children and how I have no respect. I've

52:46

never had any respect. I don't know how

52:48

to respect and how disrespectful

52:50

it was for me to come to her

52:53

dad's funeral. And my kids

52:55

were like, what? And I actually talked to my kids about

52:57

this not long ago. I was like, do you remember that?

53:00

And Georgia said, yeah, I just

53:02

thought she's crazy. And I

53:04

went, might not be- And you held it

53:06

together? You don't believe, fuck you lady. No, I

53:08

just go, okay. After all these years, you're just at

53:10

that point like, all right. It's not even worth

53:12

it anymore for you. Yeah. It's

53:15

like almost this is gonna, if she ever hears this, she'll be really

53:17

mad. It's almost like when a homeless person

53:19

is talking nonsense to you and you have

53:21

sympathy and you go, oh yeah, totally. I

53:24

completely, yeah. There are definitely aliens in your

53:26

tent, 100%. I

53:28

agree. Yep. You probably should

53:30

look into that. Yep. That's kind

53:32

of how it is. Because she's just so not

53:35

on this planet. But how's dad? Like how's your

53:37

relationship with your dad? It was amazing. My

53:39

dad comes out here every three or four months. He's

53:42

taught my kids how to build stuff, how

53:44

to fix their car, how to, he

53:46

built all the mic stands out of

53:48

wood in our whole studio. He

53:50

and I build furniture together all the time. We have

53:52

a great relationship and I'd take my kids back. He

53:54

has a house on the lake in Alabama. We go

53:56

there every summer. They birded

53:59

doors. He adores my dad. He's

54:01

just the best. He's great.

54:04

He's been with his he's not married But he's

54:06

been with his girlfriend for 23 years

54:08

now. They're happy. He's got three sort of

54:10

step kids with her So he's

54:12

good. He's all good so

54:15

do you like Look,

54:17

there's no way you can tell your kids

54:19

like you don't even know you know what

54:21

I mean like cuz they they'll never get

54:24

That never I mean even no offense kids

54:26

who aren't in the situation your kids are

54:28

in there's There's no lower

54:31

middle class kids out there building their

54:33

own motherfucking chimneys. No, it's fine. I

54:35

know what I mean Like that's

54:38

that's way different than anything. So how do

54:40

you like? How

54:42

do you balance that with your kids? How do

54:44

you or do you find yourself overdoing it over

54:46

correcting? Like how do you do that as a

54:48

mom? well, I take them home

54:50

every summer and for two weeks since they

54:52

were born and We float

54:55

the river we frog gig We

54:58

build stuff we we sleep on

55:00

the ground Not

55:02

on a cot like I did growing up eyes

55:04

when we went camping. We have a tent What

55:07

do you mean you slept on the ground? We put a clean bag

55:09

on the ground. No, like when we go camping So

55:13

we do that We

55:16

take a dock bath, you know, we're at the

55:18

lake house We soap up on the dock and

55:20

jump in the lake and that's a bath You

55:22

know, so that's what I grew up doing so

55:24

as much as I can you know, my cousins

55:26

are walking around no shirt Pistol on their hip

55:29

there's always snakes in the river when we're in

55:31

the river I mean they've my kids have seen

55:33

my cousins shoot a snake You

55:37

know, so I try to give them that that

55:39

little two-week window of what that

55:42

part of the world is like because what I feel

55:44

like too is we we

55:47

LA is such a bubble It's

55:49

not really it is a

55:52

reality, but it's not the only

55:54

reality and my reality was

55:57

Amazing in so

55:59

many ways that I

56:01

couldn't possibly give them here. So

56:04

like we went to Montana with another

56:06

family that's born and raised in LA

56:08

originally from Boston. So super city people

56:12

went to Montana and there was this

56:15

convenience store that had taxidermy literally on

56:17

all four walls like on top of

56:19

the freezers like everywhere and

56:21

her two kids were so flipped out and my

56:23

kids didn't even really notice it because

56:25

when you go back to my hometown that's the way

56:27

it is there too. And I had to explain to

56:30

her kids, you know, hunting is not

56:32

what you think it is. In my

56:34

community, you actually eat what you hunt.

56:36

I mean, I grew up eating deer

56:38

and we grew everything we

56:40

ate on the farm. We had cows

56:42

and pigs and goats and chickens. Oh,

56:44

you would eat those too? Oh, yeah.

56:46

Okay. You're not just using them for

56:48

dairy and no, we weren't a dairy

56:51

farm. No. Yeah. So they had cattle

56:53

farm at 250 had a cattle, but

56:55

he would always put one cow up

56:57

for our family and he raised pigs

56:59

for the family. He raised chickens and

57:01

goats. If you

57:03

a butcher takes a cow,

57:06

how many like, how many people could

57:08

that one cow feed? I don't know, but

57:10

it filled up a big freezer. My grandmother was

57:12

thought out a long time. Yeah. Steaks and burgers

57:14

and everything else you can get the fuck out of

57:17

that thing. Yeah. And the pigs. And

57:19

my pop had his own smoke house. So he

57:21

smoked everything. There was a dairy farm down the

57:23

road. They would trade with a group,

57:26

hall, big vegetable garden. There's very little,

57:28

they bought very little from the store.

57:30

So I feel like I have, I

57:32

feel like I got the opportunity to

57:34

have the last little window of this

57:36

old world. That's the most fucking LA

57:39

upbringing. These people want, you know what I mean? They

57:41

all want to go. That's right. They all want to

57:43

go farm the table

57:45

and this and that and that. And you're really

57:47

fucking doing that shit back then. You're like, Oh,

57:49

you're going to kill this cow because we're going

57:52

to fucking eat this thing. You know, these chickens,

57:54

these fucking whatever. Yeah. They don't know. That's the

57:56

whole fucking woke bullshit out here. They all want

57:58

to be like that. And I'm not. one of them

58:00

is like that out here. It's so hard. That

58:02

life is so hard. Here's

58:05

what I like about what you're saying, I actually love

58:07

about it because you're saying it's so hard but you

58:09

also said you loved it. No, I did. I loved

58:11

everything. You didn't hate it? You didn't.

58:13

You don't tell your

58:16

kids like fuck seeing that part of the world

58:18

because you don't. Yeah. I really

58:20

like that you embraced it. No.

58:22

They've definitely seen us like

58:24

clean fish, fly fish like right out of

58:26

the lake and I don't think

58:28

a lot of kids get the opportunity to see that either

58:31

here. Yeah, I love the

58:33

way I grew up. I would not trade.

58:35

I actually wouldn't really trade my mom either

58:37

because I learned a lot

58:39

about human behavior from her. Knowing when

58:43

someone lies, I'm pretty good at

58:45

that because you read your

58:47

mom differently than you read other people. When

58:50

you can see those kind of inconsistencies in your mom,

58:52

it makes you feel unsafe. That

58:54

unsafe piece you can spot in

58:57

other people very quickly. That's a

58:59

good tool. I also have no

59:01

ability to filter things

59:03

because she filtered everything. Everything

59:06

was a con. I

59:08

just went, I will not be doing that because

59:10

it's so unsafe because you go, well, are you

59:12

asking me to do this? I

59:14

was just saying this to Bert. I remember when

59:16

in high school, she gave me a really nice

59:18

purse and my instinct was to give it back

59:20

because the purse was too expensive for me. So

59:24

what she would ask me to do because

59:26

she'd given me a gift was too expensive.

59:28

I don't want it. I don't want what

59:30

comes with that gift. Exactly. I know

59:32

that. So then it makes me give

59:34

gifts with absolutely no attachment. I don't

59:36

even care if you like it. Me

59:38

too. Throw it in the garbage. Me too. I don't give

59:40

a fuck. Take it back. Return. I don't give a shit.

59:42

You're not going to hurt my feelings. Doesn't

59:45

work like that for some other people though, you realize.

59:50

I love it. Sorry. It wasn't for Bert.

59:52

Bert gave me, oh my God, the

59:55

worst. He gave me

59:57

a gold velour tracksuit.

1:00:00

What part of me looks

1:00:02

or sounds like I would wear

1:00:04

a gold velour

1:00:06

tracksuit? He is six foot

1:00:08

two with a belly. It looked great on him.

1:00:12

And I opened it and I went, oh

1:00:14

man, I'm never going to wear this. And

1:00:16

he has never forgotten it. So

1:00:18

I was like, this is not, I mean, gold jewelry

1:00:21

is one thing, but an entire velour suit.

1:00:24

What is wrong with you, dude? And

1:00:27

he's like, oh, I can't, just can't

1:00:29

buy gifts for you ever. Listen,

1:00:32

thank you for coming on here and doing

1:00:34

this episode. Before we go, I want

1:00:37

to ask you advice you would give to, because

1:00:39

this is interesting, I'm curious what you're going to

1:00:41

say, advice you would give to 16 year old

1:00:43

Leanne. I

1:00:46

would say... Wait, what's your name again? My

1:00:48

name's Leanne. My first name's Kelly.

1:00:51

Kelly, and what was your maiden name? Kemp. So

1:00:53

what advice would you give to Kelly Kemp? I

1:00:58

would say it's, I don't know if it's

1:01:00

advice or maybe like just it's all

1:01:02

going to be okay. I was such

1:01:04

a mess at 16. It's all going

1:01:06

to be okay. I am so happy and balanced

1:01:10

and fulfilled and

1:01:12

at peace with the things I was not that

1:01:14

way about at 16. I think that's what I'd

1:01:16

say. It's going to be okay. That's great. I

1:01:19

agree. I think about the things I thought about

1:01:21

at 16 and how much it meant. Now

1:01:23

I'm like, God, if you

1:01:26

only knew how it means nothing.

1:01:28

Nothing. I mean nothing. Nothing. Nothing.

1:01:32

Thank you very much. Please plug and

1:01:34

promote anything you'd like again. Just

1:01:37

watch the Party Podcast. Shane Torres' special.

1:01:39

Yeah. It's called the Blue-Eyed

1:01:41

Mexican on YouTube. All right.

1:01:43

Thank you very much. As always, Ryan Sickler

1:01:45

on all social media, ryansickler.com. We'll

1:01:48

talk to you all next week.