0:01

Welcome to the

0:01

Happy Highly Sensitive Life

0:04

Podcast, where we talk about

0:04

building a life that lights you

0:07

up as a highly sensitive person.

0:07

In this show, you'll feel like

0:11

you're sitting down with a

0:11

friend who is here to help you

0:13

unlock your energy. Find the

0:13

work you're designed to do.

0:17

Express your true self, and

0:17

follow your heart. It's time to

0:21

shift the conversation about

0:21

sensitivity. In this space, your

0:25

feelings are always valid, a

0:25

joyful life and work you love

0:29

are meant for you. And the

0:29

possibilities are endless.

0:36

Hello, hello, and welcome to the

0:36

Happy Highly Sensitive Life

0:40

podcast. You know, as HSPs, we

0:40

can experience physiological

0:46

changes when we're in intense

0:46

situations. If you're an HSP,

0:51

you know what this is like. You

0:51

have a job interview or an

0:55

unexpected problem to deal with

0:55

and your heart starts pounding

0:59

and your stomach is churning.

0:59

You're sweating, you have

1:01

trouble thinking straight. Well,

1:01

in this episode, I want to help

1:05

you make sense of what's going

1:05

on and share strategies to cope

1:09

before, during and after. So you

1:09

can restore that physiological

1:14

calm in your day and get a

1:14

decent night of sleep

1:18

afterwards. In this episode, I'll talk about

1:20

four strategies for coping

1:23

during an intense situation.

1:23

We'll talk about how to help

1:27

yourself recover in the minutes

1:27

and hours afterwards. I'll also

1:32

talk about one daily habit that

1:32

will give you an edge over the

1:36

stress response. And I'll share

1:36

what a day in my life looks like

1:40

when I have something big on the

1:40

calendar that has the potential

1:44

to be physiologically stressful

1:44

and intense. I want you to have

1:50

the strategies to cope with the

1:50

intensity that comes from being

1:55

outside your comfort zone. So

1:55

your days are more satisfying.

1:59

And also, so there's nothing

1:59

standing in the way of you

2:02

following your heart and trying

2:02

new things to fulfill your life

2:07

purpose. Because as an HSP, you

2:07

have wisdom and inspired

2:13

observations that make you a

2:13

visionary. You see subtleties

2:18

and have perspectives that your

2:18

family, friends, community and

2:23

even the world needs to hear. If you haven't listened to

2:25

Episode Two yet about what it's

2:27

like being an HSP, I highly

2:27

recommend that you go back and

2:30

listen to that. I talked about

2:30

the four traits all HSP share.

2:34

So as an HSP, physiologically,

2:34

your survival brain is reading

2:40

the energy of a situation and

2:40

relying on instincts to pick up

2:44

on a threat. If something feels

2:44

off, say you're surprised by an

2:49

unexpected error in the data you

2:49

just submitted to your boss or

2:53

you're forced to move quickly

2:53

into an unexpected an unknown

2:56

situation. Say you're called on

2:56

to give a report or update in a

3:01

meeting full of strangers when

3:01

you weren't even on the agenda

3:04

to speak your self protective

3:04

fight or flight reaction kicks

3:08

in right in the middle of your

3:08

office. So here's what happens.

3:13

When your survival brain is

3:13

triggered. Your body's stress

3:16

system takes over and dumps all

3:16

its resources into being able to

3:19

get you to safety. Your heart

3:19

pumps blood to your legs and

3:23

arms so you have the power to

3:23

run away. I can actually feel

3:25

tingling in my legs and arms as

3:25

blood pumps into my extremities.

3:30

And your pumping heart makes you

3:30

hot and sweaty. For me, I end up

3:33

with massive sweat rings. With

3:33

all this work going on your body

3:38

needs to conserve energy by

3:38

pulling resources away from your

3:42

thinking brain, which controls

3:42

problem solving, focus and

3:45

attention. And that's why your

3:45

mind goes blank. If you've ever

3:48

done something for the first

3:48

time and walked away thinking I

3:51

am never doing that again. That

3:51

was awful. Once was enough for

3:56

me. You probably had an intense

3:56

physiological stress response in

4:02

that moment. And there's a

4:02

continuum of responses you may

4:05

have. Maybe you just have

4:05

butterflies in your stomach when

4:08

you see an unexpected email from

4:08

your boss come into your inbox.

4:12

Or you may have full on

4:12

sweating, heart pumping, stomach

4:16

tightening and brain freeze when

4:16

you're giving a public talk for

4:19

the first time. As a kid I used

4:19

to take singing lessons and

4:23

before recitals, I never

4:23

understood why I was so rattled.

4:27

My gastrointestinal system was

4:27

in overdrive. I was tooting up a

4:32

storm, and I was so afraid my

4:32

mind would go blank and I forget

4:36

the words. Singing is not very

4:36

easy when you're holding your

4:41

breath out of fear. I've also

4:41

had this response before a hard

4:44

conversation. You know how

4:44

people always say they avoid

4:47

having a talk because they're

4:47

afraid of hurting the other

4:50

person's feelings. Well, I

4:50

realized I avoided having hard

4:55

conversations because I didn't

4:55

want to come unglued. Have my

5:01

mind go blank and forget all the

5:01

important points I wanted to

5:04

make, or worse cry, when I was

5:04

actually mad. Many years ago

5:10

working as a social worker, I

5:10

had to testify in court.

5:13

Luckily, it didn't happen often.

5:13

But whenever I had a court date

5:17

on my schedule, I knew I would

5:17

be extremely stressed. And the

5:21

night after, I would be tossing

5:21

and turning with an emotional

5:25

hangover. Thinking about all

5:25

that went on, going over and

5:29

over it in my brain. I was

5:29

definitely not resting with all

5:35

the emotional energy that was

5:35

still coursing through my body.

5:38

So I have learned many things

5:38

since then about how to cope

5:41

with this physiological

5:41

response. And I want to share

5:43

all that I've learned with you

5:43

today. Because I want you to

5:46

have all the tricks and

5:46

strategies at your disposal. So

5:50

you can go and do whatever is in

5:50

your heart to do, whether it's

5:53

speaking out about a cause

5:53

that's near and dear to your

5:56

heart, or advocating for changes

5:56

at your kids' school during a

6:00

PTO meeting. I want you to have

6:00

supportive strategies to use

6:05

when you're heading into that

6:05

doctor's appointment to get test

6:07

results or going into a job

6:07

interview for your dream job.

6:12

And I want to tell you that,

6:12

because this response often

6:15

happens in new situations, as

6:15

you get more practice, say at

6:20

public speaking, the strength of

6:20

your physiological reactions

6:24

will decrease. About 10 years

6:24

ago, I walked in to give my

6:27

first presentation to a college

6:27

class at the university I worked

6:31

at as an academic coach. I had

6:31

all the physiological symptoms.

6:36

And of course, I'd prepared like

6:36

crazy. I had all my talking

6:40

points ready for when my mind

6:40

went blank, I had my piece of

6:44

paper that I could look at in

6:44

case that happened. As HSPs we

6:48

know to be overprepared walking

6:48

into these things to be able to

6:53

compensate if our mind does go

6:53

blank. And I made it through

6:57

that presentation. Since then,

6:57

I've given countless

7:00

presentations in college

7:00

classrooms. I've even taught my

7:04

own class and each time I was

7:04

able to preserve my internal

7:09

calm more and more. And my

7:09

message to you is this. When you

7:14

find the cause, or the activity

7:14

that lights you up, it makes

7:17

stepping out of your comfort

7:17

zone and the energy exchange

7:21

worth it. Now, let's talk about

7:21

four strategies to cope with a

7:26

stress reaction. The first one

7:26

is relaxation breathing. I start

7:32

relaxation, breathing the moment

7:32

I feel my first butterflies in

7:36

my stomach. Butterflies in my

7:36

stomach tend to be the first

7:40

sign that I'm getting anxious

7:40

and stressed. So I start

7:45

relaxation breathing the first

7:45

moment I noticed them, and I

7:48

continue it during my event. So

7:48

let's talk about relaxation

7:53

breathing. When your heart is

7:53

pounding in your chest,

7:55

relaxation breathing is one of

7:55

the best things you can do. And

7:59

you may think that you know how

7:59

to breathe, but as you'll learn

8:02

a sec, we've all gotten the

8:02

wrong advice. But before we go

8:06

there, let's talk about why

8:06

breathing? Well, because your

8:08

heart rate changes with your

8:08

breathing. There are two parts

8:11

of the breath, the inhale and

8:11

the exhale. The inhale speeds up

8:17

your heart rate, the exhale

8:17

slows it down. So you need them

8:21

both right? But how often do you

8:21

hear "just take a deep breath",

8:26

it's actually the wrong advice.

8:26

When you're stressed and your

8:30

heart is racing, you want to

8:30

focus on exhaling. That's the

8:34

part that calms your heart. Taking a fast deep breath in

8:37

could just leave you

8:40

hyperventilating into a brown

8:40

paper bag. Okay, so instead,

8:46

exhale through your nose,

8:46

lengthen the outbreath, using

8:50

your diaphragm to force the air

8:50

down to the spot below your

8:54

belly button. Can you breathe

8:54

out for a 10 count and in for a

8:58

five count, that's 15 seconds

8:58

per breath. Your goal is to slow

9:03

your breathing down to four to

9:03

six breaths per minute. So on

9:08

your first few breaths, you're

9:08

probably not going to be

9:11

breathing that deeply. That's

9:11

okay. As you keep going with it,

9:15

you will deepen and deepen your

9:15

breath. I use it before and

9:20

during stressful events like a

9:20

job interview, or in the waiting

9:23

room before a medical procedure. Okay, so let's talk about the

9:26

next strategy. It's one you

9:29

would use if you don't love

9:29

focusing on your breathing and

9:33

it's called the grounding

9:33

technique. It helps you come

9:38

back to the present moment and

9:38

your body by using your five

9:43

senses and here's how it goes.

9:43

Notice five things you can see

9:48

and say them out loud. So I see

9:48

my computer. I see my water

9:53

glass. I see the clock. I see my

9:53

phone laying beside me. I see

9:56

the picture on the wall. Then

9:56

you'll notice four things you

10:00

can feel and say them out loud.

10:00

I feel my feet warm in my socks,

10:05

I feel the hair on the back of

10:05

my neck. I feel the chair

10:08

supporting me, I feel my shirt

10:08

touching my skin. Notice three

10:12

sounds, it could be the sound of

10:12

the computer whirring, the sound

10:15

of typing or the clock ticking.

10:15

Say the three things out loud.

10:20

Notice two things you can smell,

10:20

it may be a new carpet smell or

10:24

coffee down the hall, say them

10:24

out loud. And notice one thing

10:27

you can taste, maybe the

10:27

toothpaste from brushing your

10:30

teeth or a hint of your lunch

10:30

leftover and say them out loud.

10:34

So you can use an abbreviated

10:34

version of this anywhere. I like

10:38

to do it sitting in my chair

10:38

waiting for what's coming next.

10:41

If you're in public, just name

10:41

the sensations quietly to

10:44

yourself. I feel the chair

10:44

connecting with my legs, my feet

10:48

touching the floor, I notice the

10:48

taste in my mouth, I focus on

10:51

the visual of my hands holding

10:51

my phone. So take a minute now

10:55

and reconnect with your toes,

10:55

feel them wherever you are and

11:00

wiggle them in your shoes. This

11:00

is one thing I do just about

11:04

anywhere when I need to easily

11:04

reconnect to my body. I just

11:11

focus on wiggling my toes and

11:11

the feel of feeling my toes

11:16

wherever I am. So here's the

11:16

third strategy that will help

11:21

you break through brain freeze.

11:21

And it's note taking. So

11:28

resources are being pulled away

11:28

from the problem-solving part of

11:32

your brain to power your body to

11:32

get away from danger. And if you

11:38

feel your brain disconnect from

11:38

your body, and suddenly you

11:41

can't remember anything, that's

11:41

because your brain on high alert

11:45

has limited working memory. Your

11:45

working memory is the memory you

11:51

use to remember a phone number

11:51

or directions to someone's

11:54

house. Being stressed makes it

11:54

hard to hold two thoughts in

11:59

your mind. And notetaking is the

11:59

remedy that I use. Taking notes

12:05

or writing about what's

12:05

happening activates the thinking

12:10

or cognitive brain and

12:10

prefrontal cortex and it reduces

12:15

that brain freeze. I used it

12:15

when my dog Zuzu was having a

12:19

health crisis. She's completely

12:19

fine now, but I used it to track

12:22

her symptoms and to write down

12:22

what the doctor was saying. I

12:27

use it during doctor's

12:27

appointments when I'm getting

12:29

test results back and need to

12:29

remember the results and need to

12:34

remember to ask specific

12:34

questions. I've also used it

12:38

when I have a surprise at work

12:38

that rattles me. I carry a

12:42

notepad and pen with me wherever

12:42

I go. And especially if I'm

12:46

going to be in a stressful

12:46

meeting. You can even have a

12:49

notepad with you if you're

12:49

having a stressful phone call

12:54

with a family member. Have notes

12:54

to look at, make notes as you go

12:58

along. The problem-solving

12:58

cognitive brain balances out

13:04

that survival brainand writing

13:04

can tap into that.

13:08

Alright, now that you know about

13:08

relaxation breathing, grounding

13:12

technique and note taking, let's

13:12

look at one more. This is a

13:15

science-backed mantra that can

13:15

help you make a good impression

13:20

when all eyes are on you.

13:20

Researchers set out to see if

13:24

people perform better under

13:24

pressure if they try to calm

13:27

down, or if they allow

13:27

themselves to embrace their

13:31

anxiety. Participants were told

13:31

they needed to give a speech and

13:36

they should relax by repeating

13:36

the mantra "I am calm". Another

13:41

group was told to embrace the

13:41

anxiety and repeat to themselves

13:45

"I am excited". Anxiety and

13:45

excitement feel pretty similar.

13:49

Now both groups were still

13:49

anxious. But the ones who

13:53

embrace the feeling of

13:53

excitement felt more confident

13:56

and handled the pressure better.

13:56

And the audience saw that group

14:01

as more persuasive and competent

14:01

and confident. So next time you

14:05

have to perform or go to a

14:05

social event, psych yourself up

14:10

by saying, "I am excited". I use

14:10

this before I go into parties to

14:14

help me make it through the front door. So you've made it through your

14:16

stressful event. How can you

14:21

recover in the minutes and hours

14:21

after you've been in an intense

14:26

situation? So on days when

14:26

you've been in fight or flight

14:30

you need to finish the stress

14:30

response cycle, as Emily and

14:35

Amelia Nagoski describe in the

14:35

book "Burnout". So stress has a

14:39

beginning, middle and end. Your

14:39

body doesn't know the stressor

14:43

is over just because you've

14:43

switched into your cozy sweat

14:47

pants. I can feel the emotional

14:47

energy still present in my body

14:52

after an event like this. It

14:52

feels like an emotional hangover

14:56

or a feeling of intense

14:56

vulnerability. Like I've been

14:59

exposed. It can keep me awake at

14:59

night. You have to help your

15:04

body cross the finish line after

15:04

the stressor is over. So let's

15:07

say you've had a heart pounding

15:07

day, you have to release this

15:10

pent up energy from your body.

15:10

Animals instinctively know to do

15:14

this. A zebra whose just outrun

15:14

a cheetah will shake or run in

15:18

circles or ripple their back to

15:18

recalibrate their nervous

15:21

system, and release the stress

15:21

and adrenaline that's taken over

15:25

the body. My dog races in

15:25

circles after she gets a bath.

15:29

She's working the stress

15:29

hormones that built up during

15:31

that bath out of her body. So

15:31

move your body for 20 minutes by

15:37

walking or doing cardio or

15:37

cardio sports. Go for a brisk

15:41

walk afterwards and you'll feel

15:41

the stress hormones working out

15:44

of your body. And notice your

15:44

mind and body settling down as

15:48

you walk. So what if you're not

15:48

into exercise or you can't head

15:51

out the door easily? Here's some

15:51

other things that will do it

15:55

according to Emily and Amelia

15:55

Nagoski. Tremble or shake your

15:59

body and ripple your spine to

15:59

reset your nervous system. Tense

16:04

your muscles while bringing to

16:04

mind your stressful moment until

16:08

you feel your body shutter and

16:08

have an emotional release.

16:13

Another thing that will do it is

16:13

having a fun conversation and

16:15

laughing. It shows your body

16:15

that the world is a safe place

16:19

to be again. You can also hug a

16:19

friend. A long 20 second hug

16:23

with someone you trust will

16:23

release oxytocin and lower your

16:28

heart rate. Changing the

16:28

hormones in your body signals

16:32

that the risk of danger is past.

16:32

Just hug it out until you feel

16:36

more relaxed. And yes, petting

16:36

your dog or cat works too. You

16:41

can also have a big old cry to

16:41

shift the energy in your body.

16:44

Just let it go. Find the

16:44

strategy that works best for

16:48

you. For me, heart pumping

16:48

exercise makes all the

16:51

difference. And in that time, my

16:51

brain has a chance to review

16:54

what happened. Observing myself

16:54

in these moments, I can see my

16:58

mind thinking about what

16:58

occurred in an effort to try to

17:01

piece together what went on when

17:01

my fight or flight brain was in

17:07

charge and my problem-solving

17:07

brain was offline.

17:10

So one of my favorite strategies

17:10

for processing the emotional

17:14

aspect afterwards is to journal.

17:14

Research shows that writing

17:20

engages the problem-solving part

17:20

of the brain, which I talked

17:23

about a few minutes ago. It

17:23

helps to lower the intensity

17:28

coming from the emotional brain.

17:28

So if your thoughts are carrying

17:31

an emotional charge, I call them

17:31

sticky thoughts, those thoughts

17:35

that just keep boomeranging

17:35

through your mind over and over.

17:39

Engage that problem solving part

17:39

of the brain by journaling about

17:43

what's on your mind. Writing

17:43

about it lets you take a step

17:46

back to view the situation from

17:46

a different perspective. You

17:50

know, I was actually never much

17:50

of a journaler until I learned

17:54

how good it can be for releasing

17:54

emotions. Now if I have

17:57

something on my mind, even just

17:57

a few minutes of writing about

18:01

it can allow me to make sense of

18:01

what's going on to be able to

18:04

get back to mental peace. So do

18:04

this, write down the unpleasant

18:09

thoughts, how do they make you

18:09

feel and why? Once you've made

18:13

sense of the situation, your

18:13

brain feels free to move on.

18:16

Sometimes all I need is five

18:16

minutes of journaling to put my

18:18

thoughts to rest. If I get into

18:18

bed at night and have any amount

18:23

of an emotional hangover, or

18:23

feel vulnerable and like I have

18:28

unfinished emotional business

18:28

about what's occurred, I pull

18:32

out my journal and write about

18:32

it. It doesn't have to be for

18:36

long at all. Let yourself make

18:36

sense of it. Because pushing it

18:39

away or ignoring the feelings

18:39

can weigh you down more and

18:43

unknowingly, what happens when

18:43

we do this is that those

18:48

thoughts gain steam. Research

18:48

shows that trying not to think

18:51

about it backfires. In one

18:51

study, participants were told

18:55

not to think about white polar

18:55

bears. And as a result of these

18:59

directions, participants started

18:59

thinking about them even more

19:03

than when they had permission to

19:03

think freely about white polar

19:06

bears. The researchers

19:06

discovered that when you say

19:09

"I'm not going to think about

19:09

that", when you push the

19:11

thoughts or memories away or try

19:11

to ignore them, your brain

19:15

checks in periodically to keep a

19:15

watch out for them. At each

19:20

check-in, your brain brings to

19:20

mind the forbidden content. So

19:23

once you become tired or

19:23

stressed or you lay down in bed

19:26

at night, your mind lets up and

19:26

the thoughts reemerge. When that

19:29

happens, your mind decides those

19:29

thoughts must be really

19:32

dangerous. And then you worry

19:32

and think about them even more.

19:35

So what's another strategy?

19:35

Well, the white polar bear,

19:38

researchers found that a very

19:38

absorbing replacement thought

19:42

worked. They told participants

19:42

to think of a red Volkswagen

19:45

instead of a white bear. They

19:45

found that giving the

19:48

participants something else to

19:48

focus on, helped them to avoid

19:50

thinking about the unwanted

19:50

white bears. So that's another

19:53

strategy to try. Give yourself

19:53

something specific to focus on

19:56

instead, I have a very specific

19:56

way that I distract my myself if

20:00

I've tried everything else, and

20:00

my mind and body can't relax

20:05

when I'm trying to fall asleep

20:05

because of emotions. I play a

20:08

movie in my mind. I imagine the

20:08

opening scenes of When Harry Met

20:13

Sally. In my mind, I imagine the

20:13

dialogue and the images of the

20:19

scenes. Now I am a very visual

20:19

person. So this works for me. It

20:24

is totally absorbing for me and

20:24

I can feel my body start to

20:29

release. Okay, so now you have a whole

20:30

arsenal of strategies to cope

20:34

during intense situations.

20:34

You've got relaxation breathing,

20:38

and grounding, and note taking

20:38

and reframing anxiety as

20:42

excitement. And afterwards to

20:42

finish the stress response,

20:46

you've got exercise, tensing

20:46

your muscles until your body

20:49

trembles, hugging, laughing,

20:49

crying to change your

20:53

physiology, and then journaling

20:53

or focusing specifically on

20:57

something else. Let's talk about

20:57

one daily habit with that will

21:00

give you an edge over the stress

21:00

response and help you remember

21:05

to use these techniques in the

21:05

moment. And that's Mindfulness

21:09

Based Stress Reduction.

21:09

Mindfulness has become quite

21:13

mainstream, it's no longer just

21:13

monks meditating on cushions,

21:16

it's well studied. And about 10

21:16

years ago, I was a participant

21:21

in a Mindfulness Based Stress

21:21

Reduction study, which involved

21:25

brain imaging to measure brain

21:25

changes triggered by regular

21:29

mindfulness practice. And we

21:29

know that mindfulness has a

21:33

whole host of benefits. In the

21:33

moment it interrupts the stress

21:38

state, it increases your overall

21:38

sense of well-being. It

21:42

increases your relaxation

21:42

brainwaves, and reduces the

21:46

brainwaves associated with a

21:46

very busy, alert and focused

21:50

mind. You can switch your

21:50

brainwaves from a chaotic

21:52

brainwave pattern of worry and

21:52

scarcity thinking to a coherent,

21:57

abundant sense of well-being,

21:57

expansive and healing brainwave

22:02

pattern. With mindfulness, the

22:02

brain shows increased

22:06

connections in the

22:06

problem-solving part of the

22:08

brain, and decreased reactivity

22:08

in the survival brain when under

22:13

stress. Elaine Aron, HSP

22:13

researcher, recommends daily

22:17

meditation and as much as

22:17

possible so your body learns to

22:21

relax automatically. So how do

22:21

you get started? Well, there are

22:24

many ways to meditate and here's

22:24

the process I use, I sit in a

22:27

comfortable position in a chair,

22:27

or cross legged on the floor.

22:31

You can even do this when you're

22:31

sitting on a bus or waiting to

22:35

give a presentation. Close your

22:35

eyes to reduce stimulation and

22:37

distraction, if that's

22:37

comfortable to you. If it's not,

22:41

choose a point to fix your eyes

22:41

on. Begin to follow your breath.

22:44

You may choose to focus on the

22:44

sensation of the breath passing

22:47

through your nose, or of your

22:47

belly rising and falling, or to

22:52

repeat the words inhale and

22:52

exhale in your mind. Or you may

22:57

focus on the sound of the breath

22:57

passing in and out of your nose.

23:00

And as you breathe, you'll

23:00

notice that your mind naturally

23:04

wants to hop on a carousel ride

23:04

and thoughts will start to

23:07

capture your attention. "I need

23:07

to pay that bill. I shouldn't

23:10

have said that work yesterday,

23:10

I'm hungry, I need to take the

23:14

dog to the vet". When you notice

23:14

your mind wandering, as an act

23:19

of loving care, just gently

23:19

without judgment, redirect your

23:22

focus back to your breathing.

23:22

And just continue this over and

23:25

over, holding the focus. And

23:25

then watching your mind stray.

23:29

You can see how your mind has

23:29

automatic thought patterns that

23:33

it defaults to, reviewing the

23:33

past or mulling about the

23:37

future. You will notice your

23:37

mind began to default to these

23:41

patterns. With a spirit of

23:41

curiosity and non-judgmental

23:45

compassion, gently redirect your

23:45

focus back to the breath from

23:48

these automatic mental habits.

23:48

You'll begin to see that your

23:52

thoughts are like clouds that

23:52

move and change and keep on

23:55

moving and changing. You can

23:55

observe them without becoming

23:58

attached to them as truth. And

23:58

when you open your eyes, what I

24:02

noticed is that I continued to

24:02

notice what's happening in my

24:06

mind. There's a space or a pause

24:06

between my thoughts that wasn't

24:11

there before. And that moment of

24:11

pause lets me choose how I want

24:16

to respond to my thoughts from

24:16

moment to moment.

24:18

So for how long do you need to

24:18

meditate? Well, benefits have

24:22

been shown in increments of as

24:22

little as five minutes a day.

24:27

When you're beginning, do

24:27

whatever easily fits in your

24:29

schedule and increase the amount

24:29

of time up to 10 to 20 minutes.

24:33

On a busy day, even just five

24:33

minutes can create an impact.

24:37

When I used to see students and

24:37

clients back to back, six

24:40

sessions a day in an eight hour

24:40

day. My five minutes of

24:44

meditation between sessions was

24:44

a lifeline. So when do you do

24:49

it? Your brain will lean into

24:49

meditation more easily first

24:52

thing in the morning or right

24:52

before bed. Your brain isn't

24:55

juggling the distractions of a

24:55

busy day and it can settle down

25:00

more easily. If you're

25:00

anticipating a very stressful

25:03

day, morning meditation will

25:03

help you be more resilient in

25:08

disruptive and chaotic

25:08

environments. If you haven't

25:11

slept well, 10 minutes of

25:11

meditation first thing in the

25:15

morning when you wake up will

25:15

lower your stress levels and

25:18

leave you more focused. And

25:18

before bed, meditation will help

25:23

you create a coherent brainwave

25:23

pattern. So you feel more

25:27

balanced and have a sense of

25:27

well-being. Now if it feels hard

25:30

to do, start small and build

25:30

momentum, a minute a day. Let

25:35

yourself be a beginner, give

25:35

yourself grace and permission to

25:38

do it imperfectly. No matter

25:38

what, you will benefit from

25:42

sitting in the quiet and in the

25:42

dark. And even if your mind is

25:45

hopping around, the sensory

25:45

relief you will feel will

25:49

provide a benefit. So do an

25:49

experiment. And observe how your

25:54

day goes with meditation and

25:54

without it. And if you can see

25:58

an observable difference in your

25:58

day, where you can mindfully

26:03

keep from getting sucked under

26:03

by a stressful moment, that is

26:07

positive reinforcement for

26:07

continuing to do it day after

26:11

day. Seeing the difference in

26:11

your day and wanting to maintain

26:14

an emotional edge and being able

26:14

to see the impact meditation is

26:19

having will make you want to

26:19

make the time for it and

26:24

prioritize it in your day. You

26:24

can also consider using a

26:28

meditation timer app like the

26:28

Insight Timer app or the

26:33

Headspace App. I'll link these

26:33

for you in the show notes. So

26:38

for the last 25 years, I've been

26:38

an on and off meditator. In the

26:43

past, I've not surprisingly done

26:43

it more when I've had more

26:47

stress. If I'd had an intense

26:47

day and then slept poorly the

26:52

night after and if I wake up

26:52

grumpy, meditation is the first

26:58

thing I do because I can feel

26:58

the stress of tossing and

27:01

turning all night melt from my

27:01

body as I meditate. And then I'd

27:05

also do mini episodes during the

27:05

day, when I was feeling fatigued

27:10

from my poor night of sleep. I

27:10

don't drink coffee. So this

27:13

would give me an added energy

27:13

boost. Now, today I incorporate

27:18

morning meditation as part of a

27:18

spiritual practice of just

27:23

wanting to stay connected to my

27:23

internal compass, my internal

27:29

voice to stay rooted in the

27:29

truth of myself throughout my

27:33

day. So I can show up here as my

27:33

real authentic self and be of

27:40

service in the best way and the

27:40

highest frequency as possible.

27:44

So that is my daily motivation

27:44

to meditate. today. It's wanting

27:49

to feel connected to myself and

27:49

my inner voice.

27:52

So I want to wrap up by sharing

27:52

with you my routine if I have an

27:56

event on my schedule, which has

27:56

the potential to be very

27:59

intense. In the past, I walked

27:59

into intense situations like

28:04

testifying in court, with no

28:04

strategies. And after it was

28:08

over, sugar was my comfort and I

28:08

would have an emotional hangover

28:11

or feel emotionally vulnerable.

28:11

Reviewing and thinking about

28:15

what went on for about 24 hours

28:15

after the event, I just kind of

28:17

accepted that that that was

28:17

going to happen. I always slept

28:21

badly because there was so much

28:21

emotional energy remaining in my

28:24

body. But then I started adding

28:24

in a run after the stressful

28:27

event and that seemed to help.

28:27

And then, when I trained to be a

28:31

health coach, I added in

28:31

relaxation breathing. And now,

28:35

my self-care routine has evolved

28:35

to be much more elaborate. So

28:39

here's what I do in the morning

28:39

when I have an intense event on

28:42

my schedule. I start my day with

28:42

morning meditation for as long

28:46

as I can, maxing probably maxing

28:46

out at about 20 minutes. And

28:51

then as I'm getting ready for

28:51

the event, at the first sign of

28:56

any nervous butterflies in my

28:56

stomach, I start my relaxation

29:00

breathing. So I may do this

29:00

sitting at my desk or driving to

29:04

a job interview or sitting in

29:04

the waiting room at the doctor's

29:08

office. And I continue it

29:08

walking into the event. And I

29:13

think to myself, "I am excited".

29:13

Obviously I don't think that to

29:17

myself if I'm going into a

29:17

doctor's appointment, that's

29:20

really not a suitable substitute

29:20

that your mind would believe in

29:24

that moment. But if I'm walking

29:24

into a job interview or public

29:28

speaking event, I say to myself,

29:28

"I am excited". And then during

29:32

the event I am tuning in

29:32

periodically to notice my

29:36

breathing. To make sure I'm not

29:36

holding my breath. I may focus

29:42

on the exhale and lengthening

29:42

the exhale of my breath. And I'm

29:47

using grounding to stay present

29:47

in my body. I just feel my toes

29:52

and wiggle my toes in my shoes.

29:52

And also I do notetaking so I

29:59

have a pad of paper available.

29:59

So afterwards, for me that

30:05

emotional energy is gathered in

30:05

my body. And I like to exercise

30:11

it out. That's what works for

30:11

me. And so I'll go on a fast

30:15

paced walk, usually around my

30:15

very hilly neighborhood for

30:19

about 20 minutes and I can feel

30:19

it start to release from my

30:21

body, I can feel my pace of

30:21

walking slow as the stress

30:26

hormones come out of my body.

30:26

And then afterwards, I'll

30:31

journal, which takes this sticky

30:31

zing out of my thoughts. And it

30:37

preps my brain to relax and to

30:37

sleep. So then, when I'm getting

30:43

in bed that night, if I lay down

30:43

and my brain is still going

30:46

after all of that, I'll give

30:46

myself something else to focus

30:49

on like reading a book, which

30:49

helps with relaxation. Once I

30:53

turn out the lights, if I don't

30:53

fall right to sleep and I can

30:57

feel emotional energy still

30:57

there, I'll start focusing on

31:01

replaying that movie in my head

31:01

that I mentioned earlier. I'll

31:06

start remembering the dialogue,

31:06

and picturing the scenes of When

31:11

Harry Met Sally and my brain. So

31:11

then the next morning, if I've

31:15

had a bad night of sleep,

31:15

morning meditation is a must.

31:18

And then I keep doing mini

31:18

meditation sessions during the

31:24

day here and there if I'm

31:24

feeling fatigued, but mostly I'm

31:27

just focused on being very

31:27

gentle with myself. So this is

31:31

the routine that I use. If you listened to Episode One,

31:32

you heard how I deliberately

31:36

switched jobs when I noticed

31:36

that working as a therapist was

31:41

changing me in a way I didn't

31:41

like because of the frequent

31:45

exposure to very intense

31:45

situations. My life was getting

31:50

smaller and smaller, and my

31:50

energy to be curious and try new

31:54

things was non-existent because

31:54

so much of my life was

31:58

physiologically intense from

31:58

that work. And it was then that

32:03

I learned to be intentional

32:03

about what I give my energy to.

32:09

So I'm giving it to things that

32:09

light me up, and so I can live a

32:12

full life and fulfill my life

32:12

purpose. And that's what I want

32:17

for you too. Please know that I

32:17

am rooting for you to have every

32:23

happiness that you desire.

32:26

Bye for now. I'll see you next

32:26

time.

32:33

If you enjoyed this podcast,

32:33

please subscribe, leave a

32:38

positive comment and rate and

32:38

review it. This helps other HSPs

32:43

to find this podcast.