0:02

Welcome to good intentions, the

0:04

podcast where we explore the world around us to

0:07

find meaning and intention in what we do. I'm

0:09

Kelly Harvard , and I'm on a mission to spread positive

0:12

stories that will inspire you to live a more meaningful

0:14

and connected life.

0:18

Kathy mother Reid is a holistic life coach who

0:20

left her 18 year career in corporate it

0:22

behind to follow her calling. One

0:24

of her main areas of focus is blocked energy

0:27

and how we store trauma and distress

0:29

at a cellular level, leading to emotional

0:31

and physical problems. She works

0:33

with clients on both their belief systems and energy

0:36

systems to overcome limiting beliefs

0:38

and release energy blocks. Sounds fascinating.

0:40

Doesn't it. We talked about how Cassie

0:43

recognized that she was feeling lost and unfulfilled

0:45

in life and chose to take a different path, healing

0:47

her own trauma, discovering her goals and

0:50

learning to live in alignment. We also

0:52

discussed the mind body connection, how it

0:54

works and how our body has everything that it

0:56

needs within it to heal itself. We just need

0:58

to listen to it. Cassie is

1:00

warm and approachable, and as you might expect,

1:02

she has great energy. It was a delight

1:04

to talk to her. I hope you enjoy this episode.

1:07

Thanks Cassie so much for joining me today.

1:09

I'm really looking forward to our conversation.

1:11

Thanks so much for asking me . I'm so

1:13

excited to be here. I'm really looking forward

1:15

to diving into this with you .

1:16

Super let's start at the beginning . You've

1:18

got this really interesting job title, holistic

1:21

life coach . And I kind of feel like I might

1:23

know a bit about what a life coach does and I might know a

1:25

little bit about the holistic, but I dunno how it comes together.

1:27

So, so what's involved in that. I mean, what

1:30

do people come to you for ? How do you differ from

1:32

a sort of conventional one or the other? How do

1:34

the two combine

1:34

For me the two, the combination came

1:37

because of my own journey. So

1:40

it became what it was because

1:42

it was what I needed. So I

1:44

had gone on a journey of my own

1:46

journey of self discovery through yoga,

1:48

through healing, through

1:51

sort of achy and crystal healing I'd have coaching.

1:54

And each of them had given me something,

1:56

but combined, I felt that they

1:59

could give me something so much more powerful.

2:01

So even though a life coach

2:03

is amazing, you know, they're really focused

2:05

on setting goals and actions and getting

2:07

you to the place that they want to be for

2:10

me holistically. It's looking at where

2:13

all of your emotions are stored within

2:15

the body, as well as how

2:17

it's impacting your mindset, what you could maybe

2:19

do physically that might help

2:21

you along your journey and how we

2:23

can understand those things that have gone before

2:26

that then impact how you are able

2:28

to move forward in the future. So that kind

2:30

of surmises a little bit what a holistic

2:32

life coach for me does.

2:33

Brilliant. And so, so when you talk about like emotions

2:36

and the body, I mean, talk us through sort

2:38

of what you mean by that. Cause I kind of think I

2:40

have a bit of a grip on that, but I'd love to know exactly what you mean.

2:42

So in our bodies, we

2:44

store our reactions to any experience

2:48

the , the good, the bad, the ugly. So what happens

2:50

is when we experience

2:52

something, we get a

2:55

reaction or a response to that

2:57

feeling. And then what happens is

2:59

it creates an imprint really on

3:01

our cellular memory. And then when other

3:04

things happen in the future, those

3:06

responses start to compound because

3:09

we know that we felt like this before we

3:11

know that we have this certain response to

3:14

it and it almost impacts the

3:16

way that we respond again. So what

3:18

we're really looking at is those

3:20

things that have happened that have created an

3:23

emotional response in

3:25

us and how then we can

3:27

move forward from that if it's created and

3:29

negative or an adverse response in

3:31

us .

3:32

Wow . Okay . That's so interesting. And so , so when

3:34

people come to you and you know , they kind of sit down in

3:36

front of you or having your , your sessions with people , like

3:38

what , what's the thing they're coming to you for? Like, is

3:40

it a problem? Is it an issue? Like what's

3:43

the reason for , for people to see

3:44

It ? So typically I work with

3:46

people who want to make a change. They

3:49

don't kind of know what's getting them stuck. They

3:51

may be in this cycle of overwhelm or anxiety

3:53

and stress. And I really help them look

3:56

into what it is. That's keeping them

3:58

there, how they can shift perspective or transition

4:01

to create that better life

4:03

of balance and really connecting

4:05

with their own mind, body and energy.

4:07

Wow. Okay . So people have got to a point,

4:09

is it , is it that they've got to a point where something like,

4:11

not something has broken, I don't like the word

4:13

broken and fixed at all, but like there's something that's

4:15

holding them back or there's, there's something that's

4:17

something has happened or

4:19

Yeah, I think often it can be limiting

4:21

beliefs, so it can be something that's keeping

4:23

them somewhere where they don't want to be anymore . It's

4:26

a response that they've found that they keep repeating

4:28

and they don't really know why they've

4:30

done a lot of the work potentially already, or

4:33

they've started to understand themselves

4:35

a little bit, but they're still unable

4:37

to change this response pattern

4:40

or really elevate themselves to where

4:42

they want be.

4:44

No , I recognize this a lot sort of in myself

4:46

and then amongst my peers were sort of, I , I dunno

4:48

if it's an age thing, but I think you get to a point where you're

4:50

like, okay , I think if you're quite self aware

4:52

and you're kind open to these kind discussions, you can be like

4:54

, okay , I'm gonna read these books. I'm gonna go on a couple of

4:57

workshops. I'm like gonna go to a retreat, but you get

4:59

to a point where you can't do it on

5:01

your own.

5:01

Absolutely.

5:02

You can't operate . I've done the best I

5:04

can. And I'm quite self-aware, but now I need someone

5:06

else to get me through this last bit. Cause you

5:08

know , I'm not the expert here and I can't do it on my own. So

5:10

yeah, I think this is super interesting. So I'm

5:13

really fascinated by this, like you spent, is it 18

5:15

years working in it?

5:16

I did. So I worked for , um, a corporate

5:19

it company that

5:21

dealt with huge public sector accounts,

5:24

selling services basically to the government.

5:26

So I kind of worked my way up , but all in

5:28

all, I was there around 18 years.

5:30

This couldn't be any more different, just sort

5:32

of like for people that are listening to the podcast, I

5:34

can also see Cassie , she's got this beautiful setup , this

5:36

very calm room, that's comfort burning . And

5:39

then you are kind of talking all about things which involve

5:41

intuition and feelings and, and

5:43

memories. And so you've gone from

5:45

sort of one extreme to the other sort of what made you

5:48

sort of change so drastically and

5:50

, and talk us through like how that change happened.

5:52

It wasn't a light bulb moment and

5:54

it wasn't one switch that made the change.

5:56

For me, it was a number of things

5:58

that brought me to where I am today. So

6:01

my, it was a journey for me. It wasn't

6:03

just a , you know, I can't do this anymore.

6:05

I'm done. So my start in

6:08

the change really was having my children and

6:10

returning to work after having my

6:12

children. And my first

6:15

thing in , you know, when I sort of was confirming

6:17

my dates from coming back , um,

6:20

the response that I got back was, well, you can't

6:22

actually return to this job on the condensed

6:25

hours that you want to return to. So you either

6:27

come back and do your usual pattern of

6:29

working 40 hours, but actually

6:31

really doing more like 50 plus, or

6:34

you find yourself another role to go back to,

6:36

is that in the UK? It was, yeah. Gosh

6:39

, are they

6:39

Even allowed to do that in the UK? Isn't that

6:41

Illegal ? I think if you return to

6:43

work after a certain period of time, so within a

6:45

window, they have to hold that

6:47

particular role open for you. If you go

6:49

past that window, which I think is approximately

6:52

six months and with my leave, I

6:54

think I ended up with about 10 months off . Cause

6:56

I'd like sort of all of my leave . So by

6:59

the time they had to give me an equivalent

7:01

role, but they did not have to actually give me my

7:03

same role back. So that kind of set me

7:05

off on a , a bit of a pattern where, okay

7:07

, this is turned everything upside down now

7:10

. So not only am I going back to work,

7:12

trying to balance my new life, I'm

7:14

also going back to work, trying to balance something

7:16

that I've never done before, really feeling

7:19

like an imposter because

7:21

all of the fear and the doubt and everything starts to

7:23

creep in doesn't it. So anyway, I

7:26

was lucky enough to go back in with an amazing leader

7:28

and he was brilliant, you

7:30

know, and his motto was almost

7:32

family first , you know? So if anything happened

7:34

also to add , my mom

7:37

was diagnosed with , uh, terminal cancer

7:39

and I was off on maternity leave. So the

7:41

plan was always that my parents were

7:43

going to look after our girls when

7:45

I returned to work and my mom was diagnosed with

7:47

cancer. So that happened basically

7:50

a month before I went back to work.

7:52

We also moved house. And , um,

7:55

my dad broke his heel when he was supposed

7:57

to be looking after my mum by falling out of a loft

7:59

hatch. So everything had

8:01

literally turned upside down. So

8:03

you kind of cope with these things and you keep,

8:05

you know, we keep going, we keep going, we keep going.

8:08

And then as the time progressed

8:11

being in work, I was traveling , um,

8:13

up to where I needed to work from in Newcastle.

8:16

And then it it's , it

8:18

just, everything slowly

8:20

was starting to fall apart around me.

8:23

I was noticing I couldn't respond

8:25

in the same way. I couldn't cope

8:27

with things in the same way I was becoming really

8:30

unhappy. And on top of this, the

8:32

company were beginning to make a lot of

8:34

cuts in the office. So

8:36

there was a number of roles that

8:38

were up for redundancy effectively or

8:40

at risk of redundancy every

8:43

quarter. So every quarter

8:45

you were waiting for this moment to

8:47

happen, whether or not you were on this at

8:49

risk list as in your role . So

8:51

it was never you personally, but obviously going

8:54

back on condensed hours, going into

8:56

a new role, always felt like

8:59

a more risky position for me. So

9:01

all those things were, were sort of happening. My

9:04

relationships were suffering at home. My

9:06

friendships were suffering. My husband worked

9:08

away a lot and I was just getting

9:10

to the point where I couldn't cope and

9:13

I needed to make a change. So the first

9:15

thing for me was stepping on

9:17

the yoga map and I tried yoga for

9:20

many, many years before and being

9:22

in such a young environment at work and being quite

9:24

a young person, really action

9:27

oriented, driven, needed to

9:29

succeed. All of that. It never really

9:31

fitted with me . And I found Ash Tanga

9:33

actually is a practice, which

9:35

is really quite physical and quite driven. And

9:38

it fitted, it fitted with what I

9:40

needed to get out of it physically, but

9:43

actually it introduced me mentally and

9:45

emotionally to what I needed to tap into

9:47

. And that became the start of my journey

9:49

really. And then through that practice , I

9:52

then ended up training as a yoga teacher.

9:55

It's an interesting that sort of that . And again, so already

9:57

that mind body connection, cause um , I interviewed

10:01

Sasha Bates . She's written an amazing book about grief.

10:03

Her husband died very suddenly. So when

10:05

he was only in his early fifties, she's a psychotherapist.

10:07

And so she's written this really interesting book anyway,

10:09

it's a different episode , but , um, but what

10:11

, one of the things that saved her was the whole sort

10:14

of was a yoga, but it wasn't just the yoga. It was the

10:16

fact that she was having this , like she was connecting

10:18

deeply back into her body after she'd had this

10:20

experience, which was kinda made

10:22

her feel sort of free wheeling and frightened and

10:25

untethered . And then the practice of kinda sitting and

10:27

coming and being with herself really

10:30

helped , which I find really interesting. So

10:33

that was that you started , you went retrained

10:35

as a yoga teacher, but then when did all the sort of holistic

10:37

and the coaching bit come in , then

10:39

They were gradual really. So it took me a

10:41

couple of years to get my training as

10:43

a yoga teacher and to qualify, I

10:45

did it over a longer period of time. I didn't just

10:47

run off and couldn't just run off to India unfortunately

10:50

and do like a , an intense months training.

10:53

So I did mine over around six months

10:55

with an amazing group of women and actually

10:57

most and , and one gentleman as should taste to

11:00

our , but we were all actually a little

11:02

bit older. So nobody really

11:04

was very young. Everybody was kind

11:07

of going through a change and had come to

11:09

their mat or come to their practice

11:11

or their yoga teacher training for

11:13

something else and because of their own

11:15

life experiences. So as a group,

11:17

it was a really powerful collective.

11:20

And then I just began as

11:22

I was teaching yoga, I began to want

11:24

to do a little bit more. I noticed when people were coming

11:26

to the mat and they were leaving, they'd loved

11:28

it, but they still needed a little bit more

11:30

from me. I felt like at the end of a session,

11:33

we could have sat down and done a circle and been there

11:35

for another hour . So, and I did my

11:37

Raiki training and then

11:39

I incorporated a little bit Raiki into

11:41

my yoga practice with my students. And

11:44

then I did my crystal healing.

11:46

And again, I brought it in and used

11:49

to use essential oils and um

11:51

, then my life still wasn't

11:53

completely on track. I still didn't know where I

11:55

was going. I was doing all of these things, doing

11:58

all of the self development work, but I still

12:00

felt lost. Still. Didn't

12:02

really know where I was by this

12:04

point. My husband had moved countries, he'd moved into

12:06

Canada and we decided that we would do

12:09

the transition gently and see if

12:11

he even liked it for the first year and was somewhere

12:13

that you wanted to settle. So it was a lot again,

12:15

emotionally and, and everything in our

12:18

lives. And then I, so

12:20

I continued with different aspects of

12:22

yoga, teach training. I did my trauma, my

12:24

trauma sensitive yoga practice. I

12:27

did Y yoga. I did pre and postnatal.

12:29

So I grew my yoga portfolio,

12:32

I suppose, into appreciating

12:35

more about how it can be tied into

12:37

different aspects of different people. And I love

12:39

the , I literally love the fact that I could focus on

12:41

women's wellness with that. And

12:43

then I had a coach myself, and

12:46

that for me was like, the moment

12:48

I just spent , this is it . This

12:51

is what I need to do.

12:52

Yeah. This is something that I'm realizing now,

12:55

when I speak to a lot of people that sort be the coaches or they're

12:57

in that personal development space and they all

12:59

have their own coach, even Dr . Salha from the

13:01

lighthouse has her own therapist. I was

13:04

like, okay , now you say this, it makes total sense.

13:06

But like you kind of think that the coaches have got it

13:08

all worked out or the people that are giving you advice, but actually

13:10

know everybody needs a coach, which I think is really interesting

13:12

and really encouraging. Cause it makes me feel none

13:14

of us are the perfect finished article,

13:16

right? We're all growing and developing

13:18

and doing the best that we can and everybody needs <inaudible>

13:21

as well, which I think is really interesting.

13:22

Absolutely. And I think before

13:24

you've had a coach, you don't know a coach is what you

13:26

need. Then once you've had a coach, you realize

13:29

that actually there's so many different aspects

13:31

of coaching that you can tap into that

13:33

will continue to support you through your journey. Like

13:35

I've got a business coach at the moment that

13:37

I'm working with. I'm always working

13:40

with other coaches in different groups to

13:42

do co-mentoring and co co support

13:44

. So you , you journey with coaching never

13:46

end you journey with development in yourself,

13:49

never ends you just for

13:51

me with the type of coaching I do.

13:53

I give people access to coaching

13:55

and I give them ways to be able

13:57

to recognize things in themselves.

14:00

So they don't sit in that dark spot

14:02

for too long. And even just doing that

14:04

for somebody really gives them an

14:06

insight into how powerful they can

14:09

be. And sometimes you just need a little bit of help

14:11

facilitating that journey.

14:12

Yeah. Just a little bit of a push now . I

14:14

totally agree. So talking about clients

14:16

and the kind of people that come to see you, I mean, you mentioned

14:19

that people come to you when they're stuck or they're

14:21

repeating old patterns. I mean, what's the most

14:23

common if you wanna call it a complaint is

14:25

, and is there anything that is sort of specific

14:27

to Dubai that you see people coming to

14:29

you with?

14:30

Um, so Dubai is probably more

14:32

around professional women. I think where

14:35

there's a lot of , um, women

14:37

who , and I say women because potentially, well,

14:39

most of the time it is women that are drawn towards

14:42

walking are working with me. So generally

14:44

they have no balance in life. You know, they're

14:46

doing all of the things that we

14:49

weren't expected to do actually generations

14:51

ago, but we're still expected to respond

14:54

in the same ways as women or mothers or

14:56

daughters. So, and then throwing a

14:58

COVID pandemic, it

15:00

kind of has reassessed

15:02

the world for a lot of us. I think, you know,

15:04

it's given us an opportunity actually to

15:06

think I've managed to balance working at

15:09

home with the kids. I've managed to balance my job.

15:11

Then I've managed to balance going back into a workspace,

15:14

but actually now this

15:16

isn't really necessarily working for

15:18

me. So how do I still

15:21

drive forward in my career if that's what

15:23

I want to do or choose to look into

15:25

doing something else while still maintaining

15:27

time with the people that I

15:30

love and doing the things that I love. And it's

15:32

really being able to create that balance for

15:34

themselves. What seems to have happened

15:37

for me with clients that I've worked with in the past

15:39

is they've done a lot of work already. So

15:42

they've kind of tapped into this. Well

15:44

, I know that I need to maybe get on my yoga out

15:46

, or I know that I need to make some

15:48

changes. I know that I need to read some

15:51

books . So they're do , they've kind of dipped

15:53

their toe in the water and they've taken themselves

15:55

so far and they realize

15:58

that they can't take themselves any further by themselves.

16:01

Mm-hmm yeah. I hear you loud and clear on that. And

16:03

when you mention COVID , do you feel that people, I

16:05

mean, we , there's been lots to talk about the great resignation

16:08

and the great reset and even, you

16:10

know , the team that I work with, just the

16:12

way that we think about work is so different. You know, it's

16:14

not just about the paycheck anymore at all. It's more about

16:16

like the purpose and the meaning and what am I doing this

16:18

for? You know, I've got this corporate job, but sort of who's it

16:20

benefiting and , and trying to find sort of meaning, meaning

16:23

in it. Do you, does that make you feel hopeful that things

16:25

are sort of moving in a slightly more sort of like empathetic,

16:28

holistic direction?

16:29

It does in some respects, but equally

16:31

I think there's a lot more that the workplace can

16:34

do to support people in

16:36

these environments. You know, wellness in

16:38

the workplace still has a lot

16:40

that needs to be done, you know? Yes,

16:43

you can have mental health workers

16:45

in there. You know, there's people that work in

16:47

HR that do these mental health support

16:49

qualifications so that they can recognize

16:52

symptoms and things, but there still aren't

16:54

safe spaces for people to go and talk. So

16:56

if they want to raise concerns, maybe about

16:59

their workspace, about their leadership, it

17:01

might not be absolutely that they want to escalate it

17:03

and take some sort of action on that, but they

17:05

just need to be heard. And also

17:07

they need to know what they're feeling. It's

17:10

true. It's true to them. It's happening.

17:12

It's not just dismissed. It's not just

17:15

a cultural thing or it's not just

17:17

a toxic environment. It's how they feel.

17:19

And they need to feel supported in that. So there's

17:21

a lot of work that can be done in the workspace.

17:23

I think to support that, to make people feel

17:25

supported and held , to give them a safe

17:28

space, to vent these things, to give them tools

17:30

and things, actually that they can look at ways

17:32

in which they can respond to other people,

17:35

which will help them understand

17:37

the way the other person responds to

17:39

firefighting. For example, to project deadlines,

17:42

to whatever it is that might come up and

17:44

genuinely, we need to have some empathy in some

17:46

cases for these people that are leaders, because

17:48

often there became leaders because they did a

17:50

really, really good job, but actually

17:53

they didn't become a leader because they were really good

17:55

at leading people. And most of them don't

17:57

really want to lead the people. They

18:00

still want to do a really, really good job and

18:02

they still want to expand their career and actually

18:05

taking on people has to

18:07

be part of that full , but they're not necessarily

18:09

developed as leaders with people

18:12

they're developed as leaders for a role .

18:14

Gosh , that's so interesting and really

18:17

ringing a massive planning bell at the moment. How

18:20

do you sort of address that with people mean , I guess people are coming to

18:22

you that sort of to it and receptive

18:25

to , okay . I could do things differently. How do you sort of

18:28

this with people's perhaps, especially that are at very

18:30

senior levels that don't have this sort

18:32

of stranding and that string to their bow

18:34

. I mean, how can you bring that into them and how can you raise it

18:36

with them without sort of, especially, I mean, especially

18:38

in this market, in this region, you know, there's quite a lot

18:41

of egos flying around. I mean, how can we raise

18:43

this with people and improve it?

18:44

I think it's understanding egos. It's

18:46

really interesting that you say that word actually, because

18:48

ego is both positive and negative. It's

18:51

actually just about how we respond to situations.

18:54

So I think it's really important to

18:56

understand other people's egos and

18:58

understand in the way that they are

19:01

driven. What drives that person when

19:03

they respond that way, are they actually

19:05

responding to you and a situation

19:08

or is that just their knee jerk reaction

19:11

response? Because they do not have the skills

19:13

or the understanding to respond in any

19:15

other way. And then your ego is going

19:17

to decide , well, do I take that as

19:20

a slur on me? Can I take a

19:22

step back for a moment and think about

19:24

those other things before I

19:26

actually respond. And all you are

19:28

in control with yourself is

19:30

how you respond. So it's always

19:33

taking that pause before response,

19:35

or actually just using the words to

19:38

say to the person I need to just

19:40

come back to you on that one. Just give me some

19:42

time to go away and think about it . And

19:44

let's come back and have another conversation on this. And

19:46

those are those really give you

19:48

some control back on a situation,

19:51

because then it gives you time to pause. It gives you

19:53

time to assess the situation and it gives

19:55

you time to assess how you and

19:58

how you respond actually is

20:01

really powerful because if you've understood

20:03

why they've done what they've done , you've

20:06

understood enough to then take

20:08

a moment and respond in the way

20:10

you feel is going to be most effective.

20:12

And the outcome potentially is

20:15

going to be very different than both of

20:17

you just reacting on a knee jerk thing

20:19

. Mm-hmm

20:20

<affirmative> yeah. Which when you often don't just progress anywhere, do you

20:22

, it just becomes like this . Like he said , she said, he

20:24

said , I said, yeah , doesn't really benefit anybody. Yeah.

20:27

I'm

20:27

Really interested. So when people come to see you and there might be

20:29

coming okay , right. I need some coaching , you know , I'm gonna

20:31

go to cast , she's gonna help me here. Then when you

20:33

bring in sort of all these sort of body,

20:35

mind, connection elements and things like

20:38

crystals and oils, like how do people react

20:40

to that? Are they open to it? Have you ever had somebody come

20:42

to you a bit ? Like, I'm not sure about this. And then you kind

20:44

of see them sort of transform with the experience.

20:46

How does that work?

20:47

So for me, it's about baby steps

20:49

with people. It's never just about saying

20:51

to them, and that's not my job as

20:54

a coach, really to say to them , you need to do something

20:56

this way. It's about offering them

20:58

all the tools that are in my toolbox and they

21:00

take what they want from it. And they leave what

21:02

they don't, but it's giving them an opportunity

21:04

to experience other things that they

21:06

may not have experienced if they were doing it

21:08

by themselves. And I always say to people

21:11

in whatever, they try, start

21:13

really small and start really simple,

21:15

but don't just try it once or twice,

21:18

try these things for a week or two, and

21:20

then see how it feels, see

21:22

what you can create, be that space that

21:24

you need to create in yourself, or

21:26

just creating some sense of calm

21:29

so that you can respond in a different

21:31

way, but try these tools and techniques

21:34

for a period of time, give them

21:36

chance to create a habit and

21:38

create a change in the pathways

21:40

for you so that you're not responding in

21:42

the same way.

21:44

Okay . Interesting . And I've recently

21:46

been rereading the book. The body keeps

21:48

the score, which I absolutely love just

21:50

such a fascinating book. Um , if

21:53

anyone hasn't read it, it's all about how your body, like

21:55

what we've been talking about, basically how your body store

21:57

trauma. Yeah . But obviously here and especially

21:59

here in the UAE, you know, love the UAE. Whenever

22:01

you go to a doctor, there's very much this, like, okay, let's

22:03

write you a massive prescription and send you on your way, unless

22:06

you're lucky enough to find someone who's a bit more open to

22:08

sort of exploring, you know, what, the reasons behind

22:10

this pathway . So mind and body are very

22:12

separated in modern medicine. And yet

22:14

your approach brings this together. So how

22:17

do you sort of work on both of these together? You know, maybe a

22:19

client comes to you for some coaching, but they've got this pain

22:21

somewhere in their body. And then you , you know, you're starting to

22:23

uncover this trauma . How does that

22:25

work and how do you bring the two together?

22:27

So we look at, on my initial assessment, when

22:30

I work with a client, I'm asking them straight away

22:32

, if they've got any physical symptoms, it

22:34

could be that they have got digestive

22:37

issues. It could be that they feel a lot of tense

22:39

or tension in the shoulders or the lower back. So

22:41

those things actually already are telling me

22:44

things that are going on with their body. So

22:46

then we also will ask

22:48

about experiences that

22:51

they may have had in the past. So any

22:53

adverse childhood experiences,

22:55

for example, anything that

22:58

may have been a big

23:00

event for them. So trauma doesn't

23:02

have to be a huge thing.

23:04

It doesn't have to be one huge event.

23:06

That's happened for somebody. Trauma is

23:09

your response to an

23:11

event. So that event actually could

23:13

have happened to somebody else. And you could have born witness

23:15

to that and it could have created

23:18

a reaction in you. So it's

23:20

really important that people understand

23:23

that actually doesn't have to be theirs,

23:26

but it's something that they responded

23:28

to that made them not feel good

23:30

or made them feel low

23:33

or question themselves

23:35

it's whatever your response is . So

23:38

we look quite deeply actually into events

23:41

that may have happened in the past . That then give

23:43

us an understanding of what then

23:45

has happened to build up

23:48

a response pattern for them. And

23:50

that could be self-worth issues. It

23:52

could be, you know, not feeling safe,

23:54

not feeling abundant, any of

23:57

those things. And actually the physical

23:59

symptoms then tend to correlate with

24:02

what's happened with those traumatic experiences

24:05

for them. So we tie those things together.

24:07

Interesting that you say about it could be witnessing someone

24:10

else's trauma . I hadn't thought about that before.

24:12

Absolutely.

24:13

If you read Oprahs, it was not new anymore. It's the

24:15

book. It came out. It was earlier this year, last year. I

24:17

think it was last year. I took it on holiday with me. And it's all about

24:19

what happened to you. So rather than like,

24:22

what's the matter with you, it's what happened to you ? And she talks

24:24

a lot about draw and she says, she's written over the

24:26

doctor. It's not, you know, her professing to know all of

24:28

this, but , um, it's really interesting cause it says you

24:30

, everyone thinks that trauma has to be like, this

24:32

is what happens to war vets when they come back from a war, right? If

24:34

you fight in Iraq or whatever, it's like P it's really like serious

24:37

PTSD . People are like, well , I can't possibly have drama because

24:39

I had pretty normal upbringing. And this , you know , this happened

24:41

to me , my car didn't crash, you know , no

24:44

one died. So people think, okay , I haven't

24:46

had trauma, but actually it's either can be like

24:48

you say, experiences that have affected you

24:50

or that things have , that have happened to somebody else, which I think

24:52

is interesting.

24:53

I think everybody, at some point in their life

24:55

has experienced trauma. They had

24:57

some sort of response to trauma, whether or

24:59

not they see as trauma is

25:01

a completely different question. That's

25:04

very subjective for people. But

25:06

actually I would say 99.9%

25:09

certainly of adults have had

25:11

some response to something in their

25:13

life, which is imprinted on

25:15

them physically or emotionally,

25:18

just that feeling when something happens

25:20

and it makes you feel a little bit sick. Your

25:22

body remembers that if you think about

25:24

fear and excitement and the butterflies that

25:26

you get in the , the tummy, the nervous

25:29

system doesn't really know how to cope

25:31

with that. And then you

25:33

can slowly make a decision based on previous

25:36

experience, how you are going to respond

25:38

to that feeling. Are you going to let the fear hold

25:40

you back? Or you're going to let the excitement

25:42

take you forward. There's so many ways

25:44

in which these experiences tie

25:47

into how our body reacts and

25:49

how our mind reacts and how we can work

25:51

with that to then create new pathways

25:54

for people to move forward.

25:55

Yeah. And I'm interested in , in these sort of new pathways

25:58

as well. I mean how, I'm assuming it's

26:00

not easy, right. To overcome these kind of pathways

26:02

and tracks and like this, this path

26:04

that you've been on and the , and the , the patterns that

26:06

you've been repeating. So, you know, how hopeful

26:08

are you when people , when people come to you, you know, how

26:11

difficult is it for them to sort of create these new pathways

26:13

and start overcoming them ?

26:14

I think if people are open to this

26:16

sort of work in the first place, that's the first

26:18

hurdle because I can't convince

26:21

anybody to come and work with me if they're

26:23

not ready with me and I , yeah . Ready to work

26:25

with me. And I wouldn't want to do that because

26:28

it's pointless. Somebody has to

26:30

be ready to do the work. They have to be ready

26:32

to accept that. Actually, maybe there's

26:34

more than one thing that's tying into this and

26:37

it isn't just mindset because mindset's

26:39

awesome, but let's face it. You

26:41

can't control everything with the power of

26:43

the brain. There's lots of other things that

26:45

are happening to you. There's lots of other signals

26:47

that are being sent to the brain, not just the

26:50

brain sent and the signals. So it's

26:52

listening to those and tapping into them. So

26:54

people really need to be ready to do the work

26:56

and it can be difficult. It can be difficult

26:58

to address things that may have happened previously.

27:01

And it can be difficult to understand

27:04

how that's created a response for

27:06

you. And the idea is to give those

27:08

people, assurances that actually

27:11

the way that you respond it,

27:13

isn't just because that's

27:15

the way you are. You know, you're responding that

27:17

way 90% of the time, because something

27:19

has happened to you and you've learned to

27:21

respond in that way. It's learned behavior. So

27:24

for example, if you were a child and you were

27:26

always told to shut up, you were too

27:28

loud, you were too noisy. You

27:30

weren't made to feel valued in

27:33

anything that you said. You're often not

27:35

going to use your voice. If you're always

27:37

told that you shy, you're quiet, you

27:39

timid. You tend to adopt that label.

27:42

And then you don't know another way in

27:44

which to respond. So there's a lot of things

27:46

that happen that just start to build

27:48

up and then they create this

27:50

response for you . So it is difficult to unpick

27:53

it, but it's about understanding it,

27:56

creating a new way of responding and

27:58

moving forward with that, with any tools

28:00

or anything that you need to take.

28:03

Absolutely. And you mentioned sort of

28:05

like listening to these things that are happening,

28:07

like whether that's in your body or your , but being aware

28:09

of them , like how, I mean we're so disconnected, right?

28:11

Like sometimes people talk about intuition, like

28:13

what's your gut telling you? And I'm like, to be honest , I really have

28:16

absolutely no idea. I can't hear anything

28:18

right now because I'm so, you know , I'm operating

28:20

in a space which is not connected. So how can we learn

28:22

to be more in tune with our bodies and listen

28:24

to what they're saying to us? So

28:26

I think in the first instance, it's knowing

28:28

that the body is sending you a signal. And

28:30

often we don't even know that

28:33

these tight shoulders are telling us that

28:35

something doesn't feel good for us, that actually it's

28:37

making us either want to be hidden or

28:40

it's tapping into our fight and flight

28:42

response and thinking, and need to get the heck out of

28:44

here. So it's just understanding

28:47

those small things, that happening

28:49

areas of tightness in the hips often

28:53

tied into really emotional behaviors,

28:56

really emotional patterns. So it's understanding

28:58

these little signals that actually

29:00

the body is sending you

29:02

and then being able to tap into those

29:04

to say, okay , when can I start to

29:06

notice that? Do I notice that

29:09

actually when I'm in the workplace, I'm

29:12

in this meeting with this particular person, that's

29:14

when the shoulder pain starts. That's when I really

29:16

start to feel the tension in my neck. Then

29:19

when I'm at home, I'm with the people

29:21

that are love and support me. There's

29:23

no shoulder pain, there's no tightness in

29:25

my neck . That's because it's

29:28

the situation or something that's

29:30

happening to you physically. That's creating

29:33

that response that

29:35

you don't like, and that you're not comfortable with . So

29:37

it's really encouraging people to notice

29:39

situations. And

29:42

then the responses that happen to them

29:45

to slowly start to unpick the, getting connected

29:48

back into the body. And then you

29:50

using simple tips and tools. Like breathwork

29:53

noticing your breath, noticing how your heartbeat

29:55

goes, encouraging people to breathe

29:57

in a particular way to get the

30:00

connection back into themselves. So that then they

30:02

hear these responses a little bit louder. Gosh

30:04

,

30:04

Even as you said it, then I just took a deeper breath without

30:07

even <laugh> soon

30:09

as you say , I'm like , oh yeah, I'm not doing that . I must do more of it.

30:11

I mean, it seems pretty clear, like the science proves

30:14

this link , right? Between the mind body . It's the mind

30:16

body connection . It's all out there. Like every , you know , Joe spends

30:18

a , this huge amounts of research about this now

30:20

why we're not more aware of it, why isn't it being considered

30:23

more ? You know , almost if you start talking about this, there's a little bit

30:25

of like , you know , we watch out for your tin , foil hat , you

30:27

know , <laugh> what I mean , obviously like

30:29

when you're speaking to more enlightened people know , but there's

30:31

still a bit of an element of that out there . And I just find

30:34

it staggering that when there's so much science , we're

30:36

just willingly ignoring it . Like why is that ? I

30:38

think

30:38

Because people are seen to be either

30:41

woo or scientific. And actually

30:43

I think there's a real balance in both your

30:45

intuition. Yes. Is something that's IBU

30:48

and it's not necessarily tangible. So

30:50

you can't really understand why, but

30:52

then actually when you look at the science of it, your

30:55

body is sending you a signal it's

30:57

telling you about something. If you look at

30:59

like the Vaus nerve, for example , we

31:02

can tap into the vagus nerve and

31:04

impact our responses, our vital

31:07

flight rest and digest. We

31:09

can send signals through the heart, through to

31:11

the brain. And actually more signals are coming

31:13

up this way than are going down that way.

31:15

So we can actually impact the way that

31:18

we respond to a situation just

31:20

by tapping into our able nerve 10th

31:22

cranial nerve. We can impact it

31:25

by really simple things. Breath

31:27

, breathe into the belly, don't breathe into the

31:29

chest tone of voice. So

31:31

if I drop my tone of voice and I speak to

31:33

you in a different way, in a way that I

31:35

might record a meditation or do

31:37

something straight away, I'm sending

31:39

a different signal to you by

31:41

using this tone of voice, it's

31:44

so easy humming causing

31:46

a vibration. It creates

31:48

something in the vagal nerve that

31:50

then creates a response that sends the

31:53

signals through the body. So there's so many

31:55

effective ways that we can tap into

31:57

things. And it's understanding that , yes,

31:59

there's a real element, but also

32:02

there's a lot of science behind

32:04

it. And actually when you look at

32:06

generations before us, they

32:08

were so much more self-aware

32:11

and did things before the

32:14

invention of all of the modern medicine,

32:16

Of course, right ? When you look into so many of these things

32:18

they've been around for literally forever , I

32:20

mean, humming , I'm a recent Hummer, by the way, Wayly

32:23

I read about , feel a bit , feel a bit

32:25

silly humming. And obviously if I , if you are somewhere

32:27

where there's other people, like I'm not yet at the stage where

32:29

I can just hum freely. So I have to wait until like

32:31

, perhaps nobody in the house , or if I'm on holiday , I have

32:34

to go and sit somewhere really far away from people

32:36

. But I tried it and it

32:38

was amazing . Like I felt amazing afterwards.

32:40

I was like, but then I read about it . It was like , yeah , people have , people

32:42

have been humming since like prehistoric times,

32:44

like this is nothing new. And then, you know, we

32:46

find these things and we're like, oh amazing. But

32:49

actually it's part of our psyche in our DNA . And it's

32:51

part of our civilization has been functioning. It's

32:53

only, now that we've become so sort of detached

32:55

from some of these things and working in

32:58

our little tin cams that we drive to the other tin

33:00

cannon to sit in a tin cannon all day and then come home

33:02

to a different tin cannon . And it's like, we're not really meant to live

33:04

like this. And there's many, many more

33:06

things that we could be drawing on.

33:08

And ego is so apparent in the world. Isn't it?

33:10

Because we are so worried actually of stepping

33:13

out of our box or being seen as

33:15

doing something that maybe isn't

33:17

the norm or doesn't fit with

33:19

society or the way that people do things.

33:21

And it's having the strength of your own character,

33:23

your own self worth your own ability

33:26

to be able to step out and say, you know what?

33:28

These things really work for me. And

33:30

actually they make me a more effective colleague. They

33:32

make me a more effective leader. So if

33:35

tapping into this helps me and works for

33:37

me. I'm not afraid to stand up

33:39

and say that I do that. I'm not going to live in the fear

33:41

of other people's expectations.

33:43

No, I couldn't agree more. And um , yeah, you're

33:45

not the first person to say this to me actually on the podcast, I've

33:47

spoken to a lot of people that do this full time and I've

33:49

spoken to people who kind of have this element of their lives

33:51

that maybe still have a really corporate job that they have to

33:53

go to every day . And I'm really interested in your

33:55

opinion on this actually, as someone who have this kind of

33:58

corporate, you know , going to an office job,

34:00

I mean, how can you sort of marry this

34:02

sort of spiritual side of yourself with, okay,

34:04

I've still gotta get on and put on, you know , the suits,

34:06

the hair, the makeup go to this job.

34:08

Like how can I incorporate both of these things and

34:10

, and have both of these things without having to leave the job,

34:12

which would be lovely. But the reality is, you

34:14

know, not everybody gets to live in a year on the

34:16

side of a mountain. So how can we balance that? Okay

34:19

, I need to go to work and have this corporate life,

34:21

but I wanna nurture this spiritual more deep

34:23

side of myself and find meaning . And

34:25

Just something you said there actually as well, Kelly

34:27

, you said it's either one or the other.

34:29

So it's either I'm in this corporate world.

34:31

Or I live on the side of the mountain in a

34:33

U that's an expectation

34:36

that the two things can't work

34:38

together. And I think that's why there's not as much

34:40

wellness in the workplace as there needs to be on

34:42

this level. It's because people think they

34:44

are exclusive of one another and

34:47

not inclusive. So there's some work to

34:49

be done there to make people believe that

34:51

actually it's a combination. I

34:53

mean, if you look at some of these really, really

34:55

successful people who have long

34:58

careers or great businesses,

35:00

they've got a routine in their life.

35:03

And we're not saying that it has to be something

35:05

that includes breath work or trauma work

35:07

or anything, but they've got things in their

35:09

lives that work for them that create some

35:12

sort of balance that make them a more effective

35:14

person. It might be yes, that they

35:16

do some meditation walking might

35:19

be their meditation. Meditation doesn't

35:21

have to be sat on your map . It's

35:23

something actually that just brings more calm

35:25

and more balance into the body, mind energy

35:27

space. So it doesn't have

35:29

to look a certain way and it's letting

35:32

people know that they're not exclusive.

35:35

They can be done together

35:37

and it's working out what works

35:39

for you. So if you are really unhappy,

35:41

for example, in your corporate role does work

35:43

to be done to see what is it that

35:45

you're actually unhappy with? Is it something

35:48

that you can fix? Is it something that

35:50

you can then take into this workplace and be

35:52

more effective or is it actually

35:54

the workplace that needs to change? And

35:56

so there is work around that because in some

35:58

situations it is exclusive

36:01

to the workplace, you know, and that does need

36:03

to change. It doesn't mean that they can't still do that

36:05

role, but it might mean that they can't do

36:07

that role in that workplace. They might have

36:09

to take it somewhere else, but equally there's

36:11

lots of things that they can do to understand

36:13

themselves and also to

36:16

balance themselves better so that

36:18

their responses are different

36:20

so that they can drive

36:22

themselves forward in other ways to

36:25

then make it an inclusive practice

36:27

for themselves to have two of these things that

36:30

work in , in alignment rather than being exclusive.

36:32

Yeah. That's so interesting what you're saying about , yeah , it doesn't

36:35

have to be one or the other, like I do often go to the

36:37

example of the earth on the mountain. I think I need

36:39

to stop doing that. And <laugh> , I

36:41

must have a somewhere if I'm meant to be living my truth

36:43

in a year clearly , which I'm not doing,

36:46

But there's a belief system there isn't there as

36:48

well. There's a belief system. There's a condition

36:51

way that we all take forward,

36:53

you know, and certainly for my generation,

36:55

I was a fat baby. So I

36:58

was brought up that women power did

37:00

things a certain way and you

37:02

cannot be a woman in power if you do

37:04

not follow that patriarchal system

37:06

or that masculine way of doing something, but

37:08

, and actually to be completely

37:11

belong . It's total BS. There

37:13

are so many ways. Yeah. You're not gonna be able

37:15

to change the patriarchy in a lot of ways

37:17

, but it doesn't mean that you can't work

37:19

with it to better understand yourself

37:22

and still be as effective if

37:24

not more effective doing it your way rather

37:26

than,

37:27

Oh my God. Yes. Casie

37:29

for president <laugh>

37:32

Wouldn't

37:32

Agree . No , absolutely . And I think there's

37:34

so many more workplaces now that are kind of , sort

37:37

of trying to bring this in with varying

37:39

degrees and, you know, sort of finding people

37:41

within organizations. I've met a few very

37:43

inspirational people here that are trying to do it

37:46

, especially women that are trying to do it a different way. And it's

37:48

not, you know, with the old, the old roots that

37:50

are , are the only roots

37:51

And it's understanding what that thing that women

37:53

need. Is it isn't yes, we need help

37:56

to balance kind of our lives as

37:58

in work life balance. But also

38:00

it isn't just about, oh,

38:02

let's give them some extra time working at

38:05

home. Actually people might like to be

38:07

in the office. They might like that separation

38:09

between work and home. They might just want one

38:11

day at home, but it's understanding what they

38:13

need. It's not a one fix one

38:16

solution fits or scenario. This

38:18

it's actually asking people

38:21

what it is they need, what do they need

38:23

for their further development? How do they need

38:25

to feel, how can they sponsor that

38:27

within a work environment? How

38:29

can they offer people a space to

38:31

talk? How can they offer people support? How can

38:33

they offer people a path to leadership that

38:36

fits in with their life and their

38:38

lifestyle and their expectations.

38:40

And if we don't have this understanding that

38:42

things aren't going to change.

38:44

Yeah. Couldn't agree more . So this

38:46

podcast is all about good intentions and we've touched

38:48

on some of the great things that you mentioned, like breath

38:50

work and, and things that can sort of help help us

38:52

kind of set intentions for ourselves.

38:55

Have you got any sort of top simple, practical

38:57

tips of how we can sort of keep ourselves at

38:59

an optimum level and encourage this sort of optimistic,

39:02

positive outlook and energy? I really

39:05

gonna have lot of tips .

39:06

Oh God , this Lord there's so many. So one

39:08

that I regularly share with clients is about breath

39:11

work , actually. And it's about just bringing the breath

39:13

down into the valley . So again, stimulating

39:16

that Vaus nerve stimulating, whether you

39:18

are in the fight and flight in the workplace. And

39:20

if you are , it's going to really help bring you

39:22

back down into a bit more of rest and digest.

39:24

So what I try and say to my clients

39:27

is attach it to something that you do all

39:29

of the time. So it might be that every

39:31

time you go to the washroom and you

39:33

wash your hands, you take five belly breaths.

39:35

Every time you go and fill your water bottle

39:37

up, or you make a tea or a coffee, do

39:40

your five belly breaths. So it's attaching

39:42

it to something that is

39:44

really easy and that you can create

39:47

a habit of . And then before, you

39:49

know, it, it becomes a natural process

39:52

that you do without having to

39:54

attach it to something that you do as

39:56

a habit. So that's a really, really effective

39:58

place to start. And also pause

40:01

is really brilliant because

40:03

it's gonna give you an opportunity to respond

40:05

differently. And it's something you are in

40:08

control of taking a pause.

40:10

So when somebody says something to you , take

40:12

a breath, take a pause, decide

40:14

whether or not you actually even want to respond

40:17

now, or if you are going to

40:19

respond later and then just

40:21

say the words to the person. If

40:24

you need to take the time , I need to just think

40:26

about that for a moment . Doesn't , you know , don't have to explain

40:29

yourself . It just has to be . I need

40:31

to just think about that . Let me come back to you later

40:33

on that one. I might have some other

40:35

ideas, you know, whatever it is, whatever sentence

40:37

works for you, but take the pause. So,

40:40

yeah, there's a couple, but anything really that

40:42

works for you humming is a brilliant one that we

40:44

mentioned earlier, and it can be something really

40:46

simple, like breathing and just hung

40:48

out on the exhale. So there's a whole pre

40:51

a whole breathwork that you can do with that, that runs

40:53

a lot deeper called be's breath, which

40:55

we won't go into on this. So we're not gonna do

40:57

a VRE session, but actually it

40:59

just starts to stimulate it. But again, it's

41:01

attaching things to things that you

41:03

do all the time. So for example, when

41:06

you are in the shower, that's when I'm gonna do Mohamed

41:08

.

41:08

Yeah . That's , that's a good idea. Close

41:11

the door .

41:12

Nobody you , yeah . If you say anything

41:14

, you just say you singing in the shower . Yes I was

41:16

. Or in the morning, if

41:18

you are the person that gets up in the morning first and

41:21

makes a coffee, or you are preparing your

41:23

lunch home , then set yourself for the

41:25

day. All of these things can be attached

41:27

to something to make it easier for yourself to

41:30

start .

41:30

Yeah, no , absolutely. I went through a stage of

41:33

what was doing like squats or something. When I brushed my

41:35

teeth, it worked for a long time. Actually. It was , it

41:37

was when I was trying to get myself back into exercise and I really

41:39

didn't wanna do it. I don't , I think I let it go now. Cause

41:41

I'm actually exercising. But yeah, that whole sort of like

41:43

I have to brush my teeth twice a day, sometimes three times a

41:45

day. So what , how can I sort of use this

41:47

time and yeah, exactly. Sort of create a new habit,

41:49

which was , um, it actually worked really well to

41:52

say probably revealing a bit too much about my personal life

41:54

.

41:54

<laugh> yeah .

41:56

And I love the sort of breath work thing as well. I breath

41:58

work where I had to flap like a bird and then

42:00

do the breathwork with it. Have you ever done

42:03

anything? I dunno what , it was an amazing

42:05

teacher that used to Beira and yeah , you

42:07

have , we were blindfolded. Okay .

42:09

Well ,

42:09

Cause you feel so ridiculous. So she was like, it's best that you can't

42:11

see one another. So she blindfolded us all . And then

42:13

we did this kind of flapping and breathing

42:15

at the same time, which sounds absolutely nuts.

42:18

So when I look back on it, I'm like I did what , but at the time,

42:20

like the feeling that it gives you and the way your

42:22

brain is obviously loads of signs

42:23

Behind it. There's lots of things you can do with

42:25

your arms. And it builds likey

42:27

energy. So it's a power breath . What

42:30

automatically stands out for me doing something

42:32

like that is I'm a trauma sensitive teacher.

42:34

I'm a trauma sensitive coach. So

42:36

the fact that you're asking somebody to cover their eyes

42:39

in a situation like that would

42:41

be a , a massive, no , no

42:43

, maybe , but it would certainly be something

42:45

that would worry me . Shall we say

42:49

I anyway , we

42:52

, but yeah. Yeah. So we mentioned

42:54

the body keeps the score earlier. Could you tell us a bit more

42:56

about any books that sort of meant something to you or that

42:58

have been super helpful that you've

43:00

really sort of helped shape how you live and what you do?

43:02

So the body keeps score is amazing. And

43:04

actually it was one of the books that I read before I started

43:06

working with people in addiction and I

43:08

used to go and teach yoga in a center that dealt

43:11

with people that had , um, addiction to

43:13

alcohol or drugs. So it was

43:15

a brilliant basis actually for me to

43:17

understand that more. And obviously I'd worked with

43:19

trauma sensitive by then and done my sort

43:22

of continued professional development in that.

43:24

But one of the very, very early

43:26

books I read when I was still working in

43:28

a corporate job was gay Hendricks,

43:31

the big leap. And it's about

43:33

understanding yourself a little bit

43:35

more and actually where you stop yourself doing things

43:37

and where you upper limit yourself and things

43:39

like that. And it's a brilliant, brilliant book to

43:42

start to try and understand yourself a

43:44

little bit more. Certainly if you're still working,

43:46

it's how to understand, why

43:49

do I not put myself forward for those things? Where

43:51

are those beliefs coming in? So it's

43:53

a really general book. It doesn't dig into

43:56

kinda necessarily trauma. It digs into a little bit

43:58

of experience work, but it doesn't go

44:00

very, very deep. So it's a great place

44:02

to start. Miracle morning was another

44:04

game changer for me when I first started,

44:07

they've all been brilliant. And then there's

44:09

been some yoga books that I've read that have been quite deep.

44:11

The book that I'm reading at the moment is this

44:13

amazing book, which is called

44:15

healing is the new high by vex king.

44:18

I saw this in mcg the other day. Tell me

44:20

what it's like.

44:21

It's brilliant. And

44:23

what I love about it is it's

44:25

not really telling me anything that I don't know

44:27

in the work that I do, but what it is teaching

44:29

me is a more simple way to explain

44:32

things.

44:33

OK . Yeah .

44:33

And what I really like about vex king

44:36

and the way that he shares his story is

44:38

he's telling you about what happened in his

44:40

relationships and how he responded to

44:42

them. And then he's telling you how he

44:44

got to a deeper understanding of it. But

44:46

he's doing that in a way that isn't talking very

44:49

deeply about spiritual stuff or will

44:51

. So it makes it open for

44:53

everybody, you know, and the tools that in techniques

44:56

that he use is , you know, he , he goes

44:58

into, for example, a yoga Nera , which

45:00

is something I use myself , which is

45:02

brilliant, but he just does it in a very,

45:05

very simple way. So if

45:07

don't let the , the subject

45:09

healing is the new high , put you

45:11

off, it's a brilliant book. And actually

45:13

I've got my husband to read , um, started

45:16

the other day because we are very different.

45:18

He's definitely the yang to my in . And

45:21

, um, he kind of , the

45:23

language of spirituality loses him. And

45:26

when he read, if you just a first chapter of

45:28

something of this book, he was like , yeah

45:30

, it's good . That actually isn't it . I , I could

45:32

read that, you know, and he is not that

45:35

his books, aren't really something that he's

45:37

drawn to unless the kind of live story stuff . So

45:40

the fact that that drew him

45:42

in and he could read something like that spoke

45:44

volumes to me , cause it's just super

45:47

simple and accessible and that's

45:49

what you want. Accessibility is

45:51

key .

45:51

Totally. Well , I think we might be married to the same person, actually.

45:55

<laugh> say there's always some

45:57

sort of like gentle eye rolling when we're on holiday together.

45:59

Cause the books I read are like wildly different

46:02

to my husbands. Although saying that, I mean, he does read a lot of self-improvement

46:04

books , but um , the Oprah one that I mentioned,

46:06

he, he really loved the , um, the , what happened

46:08

to you because it's Oprah, but then it's a doctor . So

46:11

Oprah kind sets up the chapter and she kind

46:13

of goes a bit woo . And then she talks about a lot of feeling, but

46:15

then the scientist, the doctor comes in and he's like, OK , right.

46:18

Well , I think that's , it's a fair point. You know, not everybody wants

46:21

to is interested in the sort of ultra

46:24

ultra spirituality side of things. So to have

46:26

something that's a bit more accessible and

46:28

What I like about Oprah when she does stuff as well, is

46:30

when she does her super cell Sundays,

46:32

for example, and say, she'll have

46:35

Eckhart who came in, was a guest with her and

46:38

she lets him really, really dig

46:40

deep. And then she takes

46:42

on the role of the less spiritual person.

46:44

So that's really clever that in the fact that she

46:46

can see both sides and that she

46:48

can interview him regardless

46:51

of what maybe her own beliefs are, or

46:54

also play devil's advocate,

46:56

if she believes everything that he's saying. So

46:59

she's , it's really clever, I think in the way that she

47:01

can transform herself into those

47:03

different roles.

47:04

Yeah. She can't there's um , there was a brilliant

47:06

series. I think it was his , his second book, a

47:08

new earth. And she basically, she did a

47:10

chapter for every chapter. She interviewed him

47:13

for the podcast. They went through . The idea was that you would

47:15

read along with it, see chapter one chapter two,

47:17

and then they would talk about it . And all of my friends , we

47:19

were all kind of trying to do it at the same time . I

47:21

think it was chapter five and yeah , he was going on about

47:23

how brilliant it was , was like chapter

47:26

. And I still don't get it , like,

47:29

forget, like leave all that behind. And

47:31

she was really grilling him on it. And I was like, thank God. Cause

47:33

I didn't get chapter , whatever chapter it was. I was like, I didn't get it

47:35

either. And I'm happened to read every page, like five times.

47:37

Yeah. And now I love that she does that and brings

47:39

it, brings it back down to earth as well. And

47:42

Again, it makes it accessible. Doesn't it? Because

47:44

by doing that with them , you realize actually

47:47

it was nothing about you. Like your ego

47:49

was telling you, oh, oh God, I should have got this

47:51

it's me. I don't understand all of those

47:54

negative limiting beliefs come in. And

47:56

actually Oprah's saying, yeah

47:59

, I can't . That was rubbish. I didn't

48:01

understand that at all. So the fact that it's

48:03

not, you makes you feel much better

48:05

about yourself as well .

48:07

That makes you lot of Virginia as well . Cause otherwise you

48:10

just , just stopped . Yeah . I'm just gonna have to stop. I

48:12

just , this book is not for me. I can't read anything else by

48:14

him. You know, it's just too much. And actually yeah,

48:16

no, no, actually I'm gonna carry on. I'm not stupid after

48:19

all , always about us .

48:20

Isn't it ? How we talk to each other . We

48:23

talk to ourselves .

48:25

Absolutely awful . I talked about this just recently with the guest . Like

48:28

the way we talk to ourselves is

48:30

just absolutely hideous.

48:32

And we repeat what we've been made to

48:34

believe. That's the point we've

48:36

sent these messages and these words from

48:38

a very early age and we take them

48:41

and then we make them into

48:43

our belief and that's why we do it

48:45

. We repeat the things that we've heard. We repeat

48:47

the things that are around us and our experiences.

48:50

And we adopt that as our story

48:52

and our brain's very clever at

48:54

creating stories in the science side

48:56

of it. Your brain creates a story to keep

48:58

you safe . And so it's taken the

49:00

signal from the nervous system or we did that last

49:03

time and we didn't like it. So it creates a story.

49:05

And also if you tell a story a certain

49:07

way , a number of times the brain believes

49:09

it. So it really all

49:11

comes back into those experiences and

49:14

those stories that you tell

49:15

Yourself. Yeah. And at the end of it , I mean, I find that really

49:17

quite moving as well. It's like your brain, all

49:19

of this is because your own brain

49:21

is trying to keep you safe. So it's, you're

49:24

self sabot, but it's from a good place, which

49:26

I find. And that , yes , it sort of break

49:28

that person is so tough, but yeah , you

49:30

are trying to keep yourself safe. So interesting . And

49:32

I just end on one big question

49:35

and I you're gonna have a great answer this , why are

49:37

we here ? What's our purpose on earth .

49:39

So for me , my purpose is to help more

49:42

women and to make sure that the generational trauma

49:44

doesn't get spread through all the common

49:46

generations. That's kind my

49:48

purpose .

49:49

Gosh , what an incredible purpose. Yeah.

49:52

Thank you so much for this conversation. I absolutely

49:54

found it fascinating, super interesting.

49:56

And it's given me loads of food for thought as well. So thank

49:58

you so much.

49:59

You're welcome. Thanks so much for having me.

50:01

It's been lovely to talk to you .

50:03

Thanks so much for listening to the good intentions

50:06

podcast. You can find links

50:08

to issues and to books that we discussed in

50:10

the show notes. And you can look for the podcast on

50:12

Instagram. It's good intentions, UAE.

50:15

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50:17

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50:19

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50:22

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50:25

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