0:00

Hey floppers, this is Elliot talking before we get

0:02

into this episode classic flophouse shenanigans I want to

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make sure you know about some upcoming live events

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We are very excited about on April 27th at

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7 p.m. Eastern We

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are premiering online the professionally shot professionally

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be there watching the show with you

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Text chatting with the audience throughout the

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27th The video will be

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available to watch at your leisure through May 19th

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to see the trailer and buy tickets go

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Dash-speed dash to if you want to see us in

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go to flophouse Podcast comm slash

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events now. That's enough live show

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hype from me Let's get to

0:58

that patented flophouse silliness take it

1:00

away peaches on this episode we discuss

1:03

Argyle, that's right join us

1:05

on the high seas where

1:08

Guile from Street Fighter gets press-ganged

1:11

onto a pirate ship or guile

1:13

they say Not

1:16

even a joke about the pattern no Music

1:44

Hey everyone and welcome to the flophouse.

1:46

I'm Dan McCoy. I'm Stuart

1:48

Wallington I'm Elliot Kalin And I'm so excited

1:50

to tell you that if you're listening to

1:52

this on the day we release it you

1:54

have a chance to chat with Us later

1:56

today Saturday April 27th when we see you

1:58

at the online promotion of our speed to

2:01

streaming event the flophouse sink speed to I'll

2:03

tell you more about it later in the

2:05

show, but that's at stage pilot comm slash

2:07

speed Today we'll be chatting

2:10

today while we watch it if you're

2:12

listening to this On

2:14

the day released if you're listening to this the next day. Well,

2:16

you're partly in luck, but I'll tell you more about that later

2:19

I mean, we'll see you in the sense

2:21

that we'll see your user names on the

2:23

screen as a chat We will actually be

2:25

seeing ourselves, which is sort of weird We're

2:27

gonna log on to see our own faces

2:29

as we talked to have a conversation we

2:31

had video months ago That'll

2:34

be weird for two of us the two

2:36

that don't routinely post videos of our own

2:38

workouts online Watch them

2:40

later Wow Masterbate

2:44

while watching said video I

2:49

see the bookmarks. I know that's

2:51

it Saved

2:54

yeah, I thought you're gonna see but thematically

2:56

consistent say he masturbates the videos of himself

3:01

There's great a beefcake coming my way Do

3:05

be the damn what we do on this podcast other than

3:07

reveal that I masturbate the videos of stew um,

3:10

I have Honestly,

3:12

forget wait, we watch a bad movie and

3:14

then we talk about and do So,

3:17

you know, it's it's

3:20

now on Apple Plus Streaming

3:23

for all who subscribe this podcast or do

3:25

you mean a movie that well Not

3:28

this podcast unless you like, you know Mirror

3:31

it on your Apple TV, then I guess you could probably

3:33

like pretend that's on Apple Plus But no the

3:35

movie that we're talking about the movie. It's

3:38

it's new to streaming for for

3:40

not all but many and My

3:42

commitment to train is the Gil

3:44

Gil is the car salesman Kind

3:54

of Jack Lemmon Glendary Glenn Ross character Dan is

3:56

so Dan is so under the

3:59

impression that these stream release of Aragael

4:01

is the cultural event of the

4:03

year. He's been talking about it

4:05

for weeks leading up to this. Well,

4:08

I've been excited. It's a cultural event

4:10

other than Madam Web thus far of the

4:12

year for us, a bad

4:14

movie podcast, because I feel like

4:16

this is the movie, the wide-release

4:19

movie in theaters that got

4:21

the most sort of

4:23

baffled and dismayed reactions and a lot of

4:26

talk around it. There

4:28

was enough talk beforehand

4:30

about people lying that Taylor Swift wrote

4:32

a book that was based on for

4:34

some reason, like that's how big the

4:36

footprint was. I fucking forgot about that.

4:41

That was good publicity work on the part of whoever

4:43

publicized this, that they managed to connect it to the

4:45

most famous person in the world who

4:47

was otherwise unrelated to the movie in every single

4:49

way. Not since

4:51

Mark Millar told the artist of

4:53

the Ultimates to make Nick Fury

4:56

look like Samuel L. Jackson, thus

4:58

creating the role for Samuel L. Jackson. Has

5:01

there been such a successful marrying of a property

5:03

and a famous person who is not related to

5:05

that property in any way? And for old people,

5:08

they snagged the new Beatles song for

5:10

this, like a year ahead of time,

5:12

apparently, because the guy heard the new

5:14

Beatles song, he's like, I'll have that,

5:16

please. I was reading about

5:18

it, how the director was hanging out with his

5:20

friend, John Lennon's son, I guess,

5:22

or something, and was like, oh, I've got a new

5:25

song, you would love to put it in your film,

5:27

you know, and that's how it happened. So,

5:30

yeah, Mark, is it possible for a movie to be a parody

5:32

of itself? Well,

5:35

I mean, I guess that's the Zen Cohen that

5:37

Argyll asks us, you know? Zen

5:40

Cohen is a Buddhist rabbi, is

5:42

Zen Cohen. Yeah, that's a good

5:44

joke. That's not too

5:46

far off from, Matt Cough has

5:49

that Tiger Schulman bit in the

5:51

Gerserati school. Yeah. Check

5:53

out his album, anyway.

5:56

Sure. Should we talk about Argyll?

5:58

Should I get into what happens? in the movie Argyle. Yeah,

6:01

please. Please explain it to me. Let's

6:03

toss on some Argyle. Get ready for

6:05

some twists, some turns, and a

6:08

movie named Argyle, which kind

6:10

of explains the title but kind of

6:12

never explains the title. And going into

6:14

this, I assumed it was going to

6:16

be like kind of like a romancing

6:18

to stone or the lost city. But

6:21

it then morphs into a long kiss

6:23

goodnight, which I wasn't expecting. Very much

6:25

so. I

6:27

mean, since Stewart sort of swelled it already,

6:31

we'll get to the full spoilers later on. But

6:33

can I say that like I'd seen the

6:35

trailer, I was thinking about Argyle.

6:37

I was like, yes, one does. All

6:40

right, the dots are connected. Sure. Okay.

6:43

Dan's like got his arms crossed behind his

6:46

back, looking out onto the waves. Yeah, in

6:48

my head, I'm like

6:50

that meme from Always Sunny in

6:52

Philadelphia. I'm connecting yarn all over

6:54

the place. And I'm like, I go to

6:57

my friend. I'll call her out because she doesn't listen

6:59

to the show. Liz Babish. I said to

7:01

Liz, I said, Hey, is

7:03

this the twist behind Argyle? And is this

7:06

also what's going on with

7:08

this secondary character in Argyle? And she's

7:10

like, Yeah, you got it. And

7:12

I'm like, and I felt so pleased. So did she write

7:14

Argyle? Why is she the person you went to for your

7:16

Argyle information? She had seen it at that moment. She had

7:18

seen it. Oh, I see. That important piece

7:21

of information had been left out. I didn't know. I

7:23

believe your friends and ask them questions about Argyle. I

7:25

believe I did. But I

7:28

apologize if I hadn't in passing,

7:30

but no, I was so pleased

7:32

with myself for guessing it off of

7:35

not having seen it. And who

7:37

is immediately deflated me by saying, congratulations,

7:39

Dan, you've seen a lot of movies.

7:42

Yeah. Yeah. But

7:44

then watching this movie, I feel like it telegraphs

7:46

everything way early, but yes,

7:48

we'll talk about it. Yes. And

7:51

it's really that final, the kind of finalist

7:53

plot twist, which I feel like they telegraph

7:55

multiple times throughout just in case the audience

7:57

is a moron. But anyway, so you're

8:00

Oh, uh, just speaking of seeing a lot

8:02

of movies this this movie is directed by

8:04

Matthew Vaughn Who's made a lot of movies

8:07

and I would argue as he continues to

8:09

make movies they get less good Well

8:12

certainly as he continues to make them he has

8:15

access to more money and bigger stars And I

8:17

think that has been a negative for him in

8:19

terms of the quality of the film. Yes Layer

8:23

cake was his first one, right? I

8:25

mean it was definitely the one that got him attention. I don't know

8:27

if it was very first Look

8:31

You look at a movie like kick ass

8:33

which I did not particularly like but that's

8:35

a much better movie than this movie Yeah,

8:37

and has a genuinely great

8:39

sequence where Nicolas Cage is putting on

8:41

makeup and applying his fake Like

8:44

mustache extension. Yeah. Yeah, let me let me

8:46

quick. Just run it down. We got layer

8:48

cake We got stardust came next which was

8:51

pretty good. Okay. Yeah kick ass again like

8:53

Elliott like I have problems with it But

8:56

it has a thing X-Men

8:58

first-class we have a pretty good X-Men movie.

9:00

Not a first class I did I

9:03

didn't particularly like it but I did like the

9:05

sequence where Magneto and Professor X

9:07

are like wandering around looking for mutants like

9:09

yeah. Yeah, I feel like it never gets

9:11

better than that But then

9:13

he gets into the world of the the Kingsman

9:16

And I will admit having a certain

9:18

fondness for the first movie, but that you just

9:21

like that last joke, right? Like the like about

9:23

particularly how by saving the world he gets to

9:25

have sex He needs he gets to have anal

9:27

sex afterwards or something. Thank you for yeah Spoiler

9:30

alert, you know, we got a shatter from

9:32

the rooftops. What's the end? and

9:35

then I I've

9:37

only seen Kingsman the Golden Circle

9:39

without sound played

9:41

on a television Okay,

9:44

which again Yeah,

9:47

I mean this is I mean this is a movie

9:49

that in many ways would work better as a series

9:51

of Images in the

9:53

background somewhere than as a than as a

9:56

film with sound and and story But it's

9:58

almost like entering the spot world

10:00

is his version of James Cameron

10:02

going underwater where he is fascinated

10:04

by it and I think he's

10:06

overestimating the audience's interest in that

10:09

subject matter. Yeah, we I think

10:11

we can all agree. Which

10:13

is not to say that he's a filmmaker at

10:15

the same level as James Cameron on a technical

10:17

level. Yeah, yeah. I mean, this

10:19

movie, I will say for

10:22

a while goes down easier

10:25

than I thought just because it's

10:27

so glossy, but then it

10:29

piles on about 40 more minutes

10:31

that it needs and at least one

10:34

more plot turn than it needs.

10:37

This movie is very long. Yeah, the

10:39

glossiness is kind of like how my cousin

10:42

used to smear his hot dogs with applesauce

10:44

because he said it might have slide down

10:46

his throaty. You should eat a hot dog.

10:50

He also did it with with mac and cheese,

10:52

which is wild because that should already be pretty

10:55

slippery. It's already pretty lubed mac and cheese. You

10:57

don't have to put more lube on mac and

10:59

cheese. Yeah, unless he's eating a dusty mac and

11:01

cheese. Yeah, I mean, it depends on maybe he

11:04

doesn't know that the cheese dust is supposed to

11:06

be mixed with milk and maybe even butter to

11:08

get it extra creamy. But you don't

11:10

just eat it or not. A lot at once, you

11:13

know, I could see a clog for me.

11:15

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You see

11:17

that in your systems also. Big mac

11:19

and cheese plugs there, stopping up the

11:21

sewage septic tanks. Okay, guys, let's talk

11:23

about what happens in Argyle. It's a

11:26

Matthew Vaughn movie. You know, it's a

11:28

glossy spy picture. And it opens

11:30

up with a scene. I'll just go

11:32

through it in detail, even though a lot

11:34

of what happens in this scene is not exactly

11:36

set up. But Henry Cavill,

11:38

he goes to the dance club. He dances with a

11:40

sexy blonde lady played by Dua Lipa. And

11:44

he lifts her and does a dance called

11:46

the Whirlybird, which we will see performed two

11:48

more times throughout the movie. We

11:51

learn that he is Agent Argyle and she's

11:53

a villain. She's lured him into a den

11:55

of killers, but he defeats them all off

11:57

camera with the help of his tech sidekick

11:59

Kira. played by Academy

12:01

Award winner Aria DeVos,

12:04

right? And bad guy, Blonde,

12:06

Doolibah, she shoots Kira, and then Argyle's spy

12:08

boss, Richard E. Grant, is like, Argyle, you

12:10

have to go chase her. It's the only

12:12

time we see Richard Grant in the movie.

12:14

I was so mad about it. What a

12:16

waste of Richard E. Grant. And I literally

12:18

just, right before watching this movie, finished reading

12:20

his book with nails, which is his kind

12:22

of an adaptation of his diaries when he

12:24

was making With Nolan, Hudson Hawk, and the

12:26

player and stuff like that. And I was

12:28

like, I wanna see more Richard E. Grant.

12:30

I got a hunger for Grant. I wanna

12:32

give me a Grant Grant. Grant me some

12:34

more Grant. But that's all we need. A

12:36

cameo. Give me some Grant Land. Exactly. He

12:42

tells Argyle the chaser, they have

12:44

a very CGI car motorcycle chase.

12:46

Almost ludicrous in CGI. It's just

12:49

like Ronin, right, guys? Well, and

12:51

if you take Ronin and

12:53

it started the Looney Tunes characters, but with no

12:56

jokes, that's kinda what it feels like. But

12:58

the ludicrousness of this serves a

13:00

point here. Yeah, leader is not.

13:03

I kept expecting, oh, and

13:06

this is one of the big problems of the movie, spoiler

13:08

to my opinion of the film. But

13:10

you watch Her Mansion the Stone,

13:12

it starts off with that really

13:15

goofy segment of her book,

13:17

which is heightened, and then it contrasts

13:19

it with the real world, which is

13:22

recognizably real, and it gets goofier

13:24

later on. Which is the opposite of heightened, yeah.

13:27

It gets goofier later on, but it still feels

13:30

like normal, real people within this, who

13:32

are having adventures that they're, but

13:34

even they're like, how are we having these

13:36

adventures? This movie, I was

13:38

like, oh, they're gonna create a contrast, but

13:41

everything in the real world is just as

13:43

loopy and goofy and weightless. It's

13:45

a little bit like if in Who Framed Roger

13:47

Rabbit, the humans were also cartoons. So

13:50

it's like, no, in anime, but the

13:52

humans were also cartoons here too. They're also animated.

13:54

So they have this chase, an American agent, Wyatt,

13:56

played by James John Cena. He stops the baddie

13:58

in a moment. This moment I did. where

14:00

he just grabs her off of her motorcycle. And

14:03

she reveals that their spy boss is actually working

14:05

for the bad guys and Wyatt is

14:08

like, we need to go off the grid.

14:10

And we discover this is all a

14:12

story being read out loud by writer

14:14

Ellie Conway, Bryce L. Howard, at her

14:16

book launch for her fourth Argyle spy

14:19

novel. And the way she

14:21

does the book launch is she reads the

14:23

final chapter at the end. So she reads

14:25

the end of the book and then answers,

14:27

I think, three questions and then that's the

14:29

total event. I gotta point out, there's a

14:31

moment where one of the fans that are

14:33

book reading, who we later find out is

14:35

an enemy spy, but he's like, yeah,

14:38

your books are, like a lot

14:40

of other famous spy authors like John Le

14:42

Carre were formerly spies. And

14:44

like, you're a lot like that. I'm like, have

14:46

you never read a fucking John Le Carre book?

14:49

Well, he says your books are so real. It's

14:51

clear that real spies read them. And you're like,

14:54

the thing we just saw was deliberately

14:56

over the top and heightened and like

14:58

James Bond and Scoofiest. That being said,

15:00

if the whole movie had been that

15:02

first scene at that level, I

15:05

think I would have enjoyed this movie more

15:07

because as Dan was saying, instead

15:09

of it being like, that was her fantasy world,

15:11

but here's what the real world of spies is

15:13

like. The real world of spies is just as

15:15

silly and crazy and goofy and non- So I

15:17

guess he is right though. I

15:20

guess real spies are just like the crazy crap we

15:22

did though. In the world of Argyle. Actually,

15:24

that would be a funny thing in the world of

15:26

this movie, that is what real spy craft is.

15:29

Is a lot of like quips and like

15:31

glamorous dance off and things like that. I

15:34

definitely also had a problem with this moment though

15:36

for the same reason, like this reason and another,

15:38

I'm like, number one, were we

15:40

supposed to just have seen a Le

15:43

Carre style realistic spy story? He had

15:45

heard that he meant John Le Carre.

15:47

It really hurts that he said that.

15:49

Hasty old men sitting in shabby

15:52

room. I was just

15:54

sitting around. Have

15:56

you ever seen the movie of the spy who came

15:58

in from the cold? If

16:01

there is any movie that teaches you not to be a

16:03

spy, it tells you like, don't do it. Don't

16:07

ever do this job. Don't do it. It's

16:09

that one. Yeah. But

16:11

there's that. And then also this tips the hand

16:13

right away. You know, not to me, of course,

16:15

I've seen a lot of movies, I guess, for

16:17

twists, but like I think

16:19

that the screenwriter was like, Oh, I'm having a

16:21

little fun. This is some clever

16:24

foreshadowing of like, they all

16:26

turned, but he says like they all turned

16:28

out to be spies. He phrases it that

16:30

way. And, you know, she is going to

16:32

turn out to be a spy later in

16:34

the thing. I don't know how much of

16:36

this now here's the, here's my theory on

16:38

this movie. It was once

16:40

told to me by a, by friend of the show,

16:43

John Hodgman, that he had been told that they

16:45

had reached that the people who make like

16:48

mystery TV shows had research showing audiences

16:51

liked guessing the mystery before the characters.

16:53

They did not like to be surprised

16:55

or shocked. They liked to know the

16:57

twist and this movie feels like that

17:00

it is telegraphing those twists so frequently

17:02

and in ways that you

17:04

ever like, is this like, are you like,

17:06

this is a red herring, right? Because

17:09

that, that can't be the real twist because you're basically telling me what

17:11

it is. But I wonder

17:13

if that's the idea behind it. It's like

17:15

people like to be go, Oh, I'm smarter

17:17

than the characters in this one. I know

17:19

what's going to happen, but it also makes

17:21

the characters in this movie seem really dumb,

17:23

especially the main character who for someone who's

17:25

supposed to be a bestselling novelist comes off

17:28

as so kind of like inept

17:30

at everything, but also writing.

17:32

Anyway, the point is she

17:35

became a writer after an ice skating, ice skating accident. This

17:37

is a detail that that is one of the few details

17:39

that seems like a throwaway. And then later I was like,

17:41

Oh, I guess they are going to do something with this.

17:43

But everybody loves her. She's a huge bestselling author from

17:46

the guy at the, at the, at the thing asked

17:48

if she's a spy that night and someone else asked

17:50

her out. Do you guys think

17:52

the, uh, I feel like it would have

17:54

played better, at least for me, if her

17:56

spy novels were like middling, like she wasn't

17:59

that successful. If she was an

18:01

unsuccessful spy novelist and it turned out she

18:03

had this die-hard readership that were all real

18:05

spies Because she knows but instead

18:07

but this movie doesn't do anything small.

18:09

It does it all big. It's gotta be as big

18:12

as possible Yeah, she's a writer She's got to be

18:14

the best-selling writer in the world if she is to

18:16

the point where later on a fan of hers is

18:19

Live-streaming her sitting at a park bench because she said

18:21

I mean like if Stephen King was at a fucking

18:23

park bench Do you think people would be like I

18:25

got to get this on camera? I got a Know

18:29

what a lot I would think I would

18:31

take a surreptitious picture perhaps of mr. Me I'm

18:33

sorry forgive me mr. King. I'm a fan But

18:36

we're not like him because I don't think he's

18:38

gonna be doing anything particularly No, maybe maybe just

18:40

kidding Rowling if she was sitting somewhere. I can

18:42

see that happening, but they'd be like, oh shit

18:44

We got a capture. Yeah, she's gonna be whatever

18:46

gonna be That

18:52

night so and and someone at the reading asks her

18:54

out on a date as a question from the audience

18:56

Which is bad etiquette, please don't do that if you're

18:58

at a public event But she

19:01

goes now I've got a hot date that

19:03

night. She's alone at home with her cat

19:05

Alfie She's got to get to work finishing

19:07

her next book, which is very funny She's

19:09

like, okay time to get to work and

19:11

she has about five sentences left to right

19:13

in the book It's like it's almost over

19:15

and you got you got thoughts on Alfie

19:17

here Alfie I do want to say what's

19:19

it all about Alfie? I'll tell you it's

19:21

about mostly Alfie is played by CGI But

19:23

when Alfie is played by her cat great

19:26

In imaginary imagine, yeah But

19:30

in the in the moments where there's a real cat

19:32

apparently that's Matthew Vaughn's wife's cat

19:34

and wife is I Couldn't

19:37

I can't Claudia. She really

19:39

yes, and so I have

19:41

to assume the cat's name is law. See

19:43

I w Dia Shipper Yeah, I read that

19:45

name Because I

19:47

know this fact But

19:50

my brain somehow like I'm no longer

19:52

13 years old Man

19:57

like I just I don't want to believe that Claudia sure

20:00

with anyone. Dan,

20:02

you are, you are officially turning into

20:04

the old man from Logan's run who

20:07

just has his cats around him and

20:09

that's all he cares about. Sounds pretty

20:11

good guys. Okay. So we got a,

20:13

we got a fake cat go on.

20:15

Oh, and she, I liked it when

20:17

she writes, she's surrounded by

20:19

little like a cartoony statuettes of the

20:21

characters from the books. They're not quite

20:23

Funko pops. They're more like, uh, like

20:25

little statues of like the loop in

20:28

the third characters from the popular animated

20:30

series. Yeah. They're kind of like, they're almost kind of Bruce

20:32

Tim style, uh, like figurines of

20:34

Argyle and his gang and Argyle wears what,

20:36

what, what kind of jacket is that? He's

20:38

wearing like a weird, like high, uh, it's

20:41

a Naru jacket. Naru jacket with a flat

20:43

top, which is not unlike

20:46

guile from no, if

20:48

I can explain his hair, but Audrey was

20:50

very dismayed by it. And one of the

20:52

top letterbox reviews I saw was just like

20:55

talking about what a crime to the hair was. It

20:57

looked terrible. And I feel like it has Henry

21:00

Cavill has the interesting relationship with hair because

21:02

he had that great mustache in mission impossible.

21:05

And I was like this guy, but then

21:07

this flat type haircut, it almost undoes how

21:09

great that was. So it's like, Hey, I

21:11

guess you know what? Like any tool or

21:13

any weapon in the right hands, Henry Cavill's

21:15

hair is a good for mankind and in

21:17

the wrong hands, it's a crime against mankind.

21:19

You know, you can't blame the hammer, whether

21:21

if the hammer, the hammer could, could build

21:24

a house or it can beat up a

21:26

bunch of guys in old boy hammer. Don't

21:28

hurt him, but it's not the hammer. Yeah.

21:31

So anyway, I'll give him a mustache

21:33

for safety. That's always, you know, that's

21:36

the best. It'll be always go wrong

21:38

with a Henry Cavill mustache here at

21:40

Henry Cavill mustache. It's the only supplier

21:44

we take Henry Cavill's actual facial hair,

21:46

meticulously reglue it into a mustache. You

21:48

can wear now. You're the bad guy

21:50

in rogue nation or whatever. When it

21:53

was starting in Superman need it removes

21:55

come back, come on back down. Only

21:57

your computer. It's fallout, right?

22:00

It was Fallout, it was not Red Nation as Fallout, thank

22:02

you. Uh, the subtitles

22:04

to Mission Impossible movies are... They're

22:07

so totally meaningless. I

22:11

believe that you'll find that in Ghost Protocol there was a

22:13

Ghost Protocol in both. I guess there was a Ghost Protocol

22:15

in there. Got

22:17

em! Was it

22:20

any better than if they just called it Mission Impossible 4? I

22:22

don't think so, but still. And

22:25

certainly less clear than if they just

22:27

called it Mission Impossible Disabowed, which means

22:29

the same thing. So

22:32

she gets... Anyway, the story

22:34

she's finishing, she's finishing book five. Agent

22:37

Argyle needs to find the master file to

22:39

destroy his former bosses in the Directorate who

22:41

have gone evil. She just finished his last...

22:43

Just like a fucking John Lecquere book. Yep.

22:46

It's a cool... Yeah, he's... All

22:49

his spies needed master files on flash drives

22:51

inside of silver bullets that were hidden somewhere.

22:53

So the next... So she finishes the book

22:55

and ends on a cliffhanger. The next day

22:57

her mom, Catherine O'Hara, always a pleasant thing

22:59

to find in a movie. There's

23:02

a point later on where Catherine O'Hara is

23:04

doing an English accent and it's the most

23:06

like Moira Rose she could do. We

23:09

had the captions on because again, I'm the sort of

23:11

old man who's surrounded by cats. And

23:14

the cats were covering your ears? Is that it? Like

23:16

living earmuffs? When she switched it said, British

23:19

accent in parentheses and I'm like, oh, thank

23:21

God told me because I would not have...

23:23

I'm like, what are you doing? Like I

23:25

love you. You're great. Nothing

23:27

to fact that the earmuffs... I have no problem

23:29

with her performance at all. I wish she had

23:31

gone even more with it. Her

23:33

mom is like, the book, I read it already.

23:36

It's anti climactic. It needs another chapter. Why don't

23:38

I fly out and help you write it? And

23:40

Ellie is understandably kind of like, I didn't really

23:42

want my mom to just fly out out of

23:45

nowhere. And so she

23:47

decides she's going to write the other chapter herself,

23:49

but she's got no inspiration. So what's she going to do? Take

23:52

Alfie, put him in a backpack with a bubble

23:54

window on it. This is the extent of her

23:56

luggage apparently. And she's going to take a train

23:58

to see her parents. the cat

24:00

on my back doesn't he clothes

24:03

toiletries like John Reacher I mean

24:06

if you use the cat the right way no John Reacher that's

24:08

that's what says

24:10

I'm supposed to get his nickname

24:12

John Reacher where they fucking get

24:14

back John Reacher I know John's

24:16

my father told me John Reacher

24:18

is Jack Reacher's brother who is

24:21

always like yeah got another postcard

24:23

from Jack having some adventures I

24:25

guess on the yeah on they

24:27

get up his brother got killed

24:29

Elliot yeah come on respect it's his

24:31

other brother okay yeah the one he

24:33

doesn't talk

24:39

about cuz there's no trouble funny thing is

24:41

I actually know about Jack Reacher but I

24:43

anyway yeah that's all about Jack Reacher come

24:45

on things cuz he's

24:47

tall and big and fairly the size of dinner plates

24:49

so how did he hold a dinner

24:55

plate oh my god like a

24:57

BFG yes I

25:00

mean in a way the BFG how does

25:02

he handle a gun if his hand is

25:04

that big like how does he get his

25:06

finger through the trigger he just flaps the

25:13

gun and bullets come out yeah bonds with

25:15

the bullets are so scared of them they

25:17

just act like we can't get this guy

25:19

mad at us I see that makes it

25:24

some kind of Jack creature so

25:27

uh she goes on the train on the train

25:29

a guy hits on her she says oh no

25:31

no I'm this receipts taken then a slovenly bearded

25:33

Sam Rockwell one of these upper

25:36

Northwest hitchhikers types oh

25:38

gross he did he said he sits

25:40

down plops down in the chair across and goes hey

25:42

aren't you the famous author Ellie Conway I'm a big

25:44

fan of your books he has her latest book

25:46

which is just called Argyle even though it's the fourth book

25:48

in the series I don't know what the other ones were

25:50

called I guess and introducing

25:53

Argyle more Argyle and

25:55

then Argyle just have to go back to

25:57

base. Hey,

26:00

what's that? Hold on. Let me take a look

26:02

dot dot dot. It's our guy Fourth

26:10

ones where our guy goes into space It

26:14

has to be yeah Any tells her he

26:16

goes I'm a spy someone's trying to kill her so in

26:18

a minute I'm gonna start fighting and then we're gonna jump

26:21

off this train and you're gonna have to hug me when

26:23

I tell you and An

26:25

army of undercover assassins comes by and he fights them

26:27

off one by one as she starts hallucinating That

26:30

he is agent Argyle doing all this

26:32

and they do this thing where you

26:34

are her I view as her eyelids

26:36

close and then open again over the

26:38

camera and suddenly he's Argyle and she's

26:40

like, huh? What she's she is acting

26:43

in a way that it did from this

26:45

moment on through much of the rest of

26:47

the movie Ellie Conway does not act like

26:49

a human being so much as like a

26:51

walking. I don't know like a walking collection

26:53

of plot things Seems

26:55

like she's maybe on some Clonopin

26:57

there's annexes They

27:00

should have shown her because we know she doesn't like

27:03

to fly maybe like trains either They should have shown

27:05

her taking those annex before she gets on because yeah

27:07

It does feel suddenly like she's drugged and there's no

27:09

explanation for that other than later on

27:11

as we find out just the drugging

27:13

of a human Psyche in in turmoil

27:15

and fighting against itself anyway and for

27:17

somebody who's nervous about flying She

27:20

seems much more comfortable around dead bodies

27:22

than I would expect a normal person

27:24

to be Yes, and I guess they

27:26

that very fast. They kind of explain that also

27:28

when so this This

27:30

technique where you're kind of seeing Sam Rockwell

27:33

and then Henry Cavill back and forth The

27:35

first thing I thought is that's a lot of effort

27:37

to make something unpleasant to watch The

27:41

other thing is I was like are they

27:44

trying to infer that she would prefer

27:46

her spy to be the Henry Cavill

27:48

type Over Sam Rockwell because I'm like

27:50

I gotta tell you right now. One of those two

27:53

actors is more charming than the other Yes, very much

27:55

one is more Handsome than the

27:57

other I guess but the other is more and well

27:59

this is This is a movie is

28:01

it's messy and what it's doing later on it

28:03

turns out. I think that that's not what she

28:06

is thinking But at the moment you're right. It's

28:08

it felt like it's supposed to be you're supposed

28:10

to be contrasting super suave Henry Cavill with kind

28:12

of like Clumsy

28:15

Graceless kind of like it gets hurt

28:17

really badly same rifle, but that what

28:19

they're doing is not that different Like

28:21

the same rock well, even when he's

28:23

graceless is like very charming and he's

28:26

also like like he's a fucking dancer

28:29

Yes, no, no, she Henry Cavill

28:31

my war hammer for my war hammer buddy like me

28:33

and Henry Cavill We can play war hammer no shade

28:35

to you, buddy Yeah, he's doing all

28:37

the super spy fighting still like he you know

28:39

He gets distracted every once in a while by

28:41

like looking at her making sure she's okay, and

28:43

then someone gets it But he's not like Yeah,

28:46

he's not like doing like goofballs shit. He's

28:49

just doing like unflappable

28:51

sort of like Charming

28:53

same Rockwell, which is very appealing

28:57

He's not like running his fingers through his own hair to

28:59

show how easy this all is although it is The

29:02

longer the movie goes on the easier it gets

29:04

for both of them to be way back the

29:06

wave of thugs This is yeah, I feel like

29:08

this happens a lot in modern-day action movies. Maybe

29:10

I'm wrong. Maybe I'm watching the wrong ones I

29:12

feel like in old school action movies The threats

29:14

get bigger as the movie goes on

29:16

and the characters get beat up more and more

29:18

it gets harder and harder for them To do

29:20

these things you look at something like die hard

29:22

and like it's getting harder. Look one of the best

29:25

action movies Yep, yes Whereas with but why not why

29:27

not compare to the best but then in our gile?

29:29

They just get it just gets easier and easier as the

29:32

movie goes on until by the end we'll get to

29:34

it But they're like they're just mowing down wave after

29:36

wave of guys who don't even seem to have guns

29:38

on them or We

29:42

just I mean again an unfair

29:44

comparison, but why not compare something good to

29:46

something that doesn't work We

29:48

just finally saw the dune 2 We

29:53

watch out you say it three times, you know who's

29:55

gonna show up And

29:58

you know the end of that

30:01

is a fight between two men

30:04

and it is like weighted with a lot

30:06

of Meaning from the rest of the

30:08

story But it is all the more powerful that is

30:10

just two people who are very good fighters who really

30:12

want to win this fight I would argue that I

30:14

would argue that Paul trainees much more than a man

30:17

at that point Deared

30:21

to be more than a man, but sure But

30:24

you're right it when a fight between two

30:26

people But I mean there's no

30:28

fight in there's no fighting scenes in this movie and

30:31

the fight scenes are very colorful the very action Packed

30:33

there's a lot of choreography. There are no scenes in

30:35

that They're as exciting to me as

30:37

Sean Connery and Robert Shaw Fist

30:39

fighting in a train compartment in

30:42

from Russia with love like there's nothing in

30:44

here That's as exciting as that and it's

30:46

I think partly because everything feels so weightless

30:48

in the movie It makes sense when the

30:50

Argyle scenes are weightless because they're like a

30:52

fantasy, but everything so it's so

30:54

cartoonish It's so you know like there's no there's

30:57

no even sense of reality anyway anyway I

31:00

was wrong there is a sense of reality because after

31:02

this long fight scene Sam Rockall does parachute them out

31:04

of the back of a train and She

31:06

fames while holding on to him which didn't mean

31:08

that she drops to her death like I Know

31:11

he like he like wraps something or he puts a

31:14

belt around her. Okay. I miss that. I miss the

31:16

belt She wakes up in a

31:18

cabin where he has now shaved. Thank goodness now

31:20

He's just regular Sam Rockwell not bearded Sam Rockwell

31:22

And he tells her he is super spy aid

31:24

in wild and that her books are so great

31:26

name This

31:30

is not the fantasy of Argyle This is where

31:32

real spies have real names like aid in wild

31:35

and they are that her books are so accurate

31:37

that the real life Evil division the real life

31:39

version of the directorate in the books wants to

31:41

catch her and the division is run by director

31:44

Ritter Who was played by Brian Cranston? We see

31:46

him He's so mad at Rob Delaney his underling

31:48

for losing Ellie that he just shoots him He

31:50

just murders him and it's one of the things

31:53

where it's like She's

31:55

like a skeleton Or

31:57

Darth Vader if you work at an organization And

32:00

if someone, you see a coworker mess up

32:02

and they get killed, leave that job. It's

32:06

not worth it. Don't be in that job. And

32:09

Wild is allergic to cats. This is an allergy

32:11

that comes and goes as the movie decides. There

32:13

are times later when he's just hanging out with

32:15

his cat with no reaction. I would think that

32:17

would give you sympathy for this character. If they

32:19

handled it in a way that was realistic, perhaps,

32:22

but the allergy seems to turn on and off.

32:24

But also, it's one of those things where it

32:26

just means he sniffles every now and then. It

32:28

doesn't really play into anything. He

32:31

explains, and he explains, this is the first of

32:33

many info jumps that Sam Rockwell is tasked with

32:35

performing in the movie. And he does a fine

32:38

job of it mostly. He says

32:40

that he had hired a hacker

32:42

named Buchanan, an anarchist hacker whose

32:45

anarchism is so cartoonishly displayed.

32:47

And later on, we see a

32:49

flashback to Buchanan's apartment, and his

32:51

walls are just covered with anarchist

32:53

A symbols all over the place.

32:55

It's ridiculous. He hired this hacker,

32:57

Buchanan. I wish I was that

32:59

committed to branding. So

33:02

my older son, he loves the LA Dodgers.

33:04

All he talks about is the Dodgers. Most

33:06

of his shirts are Dodgers shirts. He

33:14

has some Dodgers stuff in his room. But it's

33:16

not just that the walls are spray-painted with the

33:18

Dodgers logo over and over again as if he

33:20

wanted to make his own wallpaper out of the

33:22

Dodgers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

33:26

He's like the Joker, but for the Dodgers. Yeah. I

33:28

mean, are you already prepared to do something

33:31

like that for his inevitable Dodgers theme department?

33:33

Oh, it's going to happen for sure. Yeah.

33:37

I'll see if I can get Shohei Ohtani to show up. Maybe

33:40

he can be the rabbi. What's the Dodgers

33:42

mascot? Is it like a

33:44

baseball man with a baseball head? What is it?

33:46

What's a? I don't know that they have

33:48

a mascot, to be honest. And I have no interest

33:50

in seeing one of their games. No. I

33:53

mean, some kind of a cartoon character to keep her about. You need

33:55

some kind of a gritty or a Mr. Met. Yeah. Some

33:59

kind of a... Fanatic of some kind

34:01

so anyway so

34:04

While this explaining look I hired you Karen

34:06

it be Karen to steal the division's master file

34:09

which they easily They easily organized and collated

34:11

all the bad things they did and all

34:13

the evidence for it into one master file It

34:15

was very helpful He put it on a flash

34:17

drive inside a silver bullet But the hacker

34:19

disappeared and I want you to use your

34:21

writers intuition to find him so they fly to

34:23

London She's afraid of flying, but he talks

34:25

her through the takeoff Which by the way,

34:27

this is a this is a dumb plan that

34:30

makes more sense when the the

34:32

the reveal When they reveal stuff

34:34

later, it does make more sense No, this is what I

34:36

was gonna like the idea that she would be predictive in the

34:38

way he wants her to be is Ludicrous

34:41

but then like that's not actually what's

34:43

going on But I would

34:45

argue that's a better plot for the movie then

34:48

yeah, then the twist reveals I think the

34:50

idea of like somehow she's such

34:52

a good writer that she can predict things that

34:54

are gonna happen It's kind of

34:56

I think I think to me it's like

34:58

a good like procedural show Yeah,

35:02

it's like Castle but predictive castle She's

35:08

in a fight scene and she's like how would I write

35:11

this scene? Okay, I would make sure that

35:13

this guy that I was like that guy I

35:15

would give him like a weakness Maybe he's got like

35:18

like a really bad like an Achilles heel. That's not

35:20

good kick him the heel that didn't work Okay, maybe

35:22

another thing. What if he has like a weak heart?

35:24

So if I surprise him but and the guy has

35:26

a heart attack and dies like amazing. Yeah, I did

35:28

it like predictive castle

35:32

You predicted it Like that's

35:34

more fun to me than what we get. But

35:36

anyway, they go to London they go to the

35:38

Alfred memorial, which is a real memorial and That's

35:41

where he was supposed to meet the hacker He

35:44

wants her to invent her next chapter right

35:46

there in the hopes that it'll lead them

35:48

to be Karen and she envisions Argyle

35:50

and his sidekick Wyatt finding a fancy

35:52

phone chip which leads them to a

35:54

satellite relay Which helps them locate the

35:57

hacker and the division is meanwhile watching

35:59

all this through a closed circuit TV

36:01

camera because they got tipped off because one of

36:03

Ellie's fans was live streaming that she is sitting

36:05

at a park bench in a park and so

36:08

we're cutting between Ellie the division and

36:10

Argyle who is a fictional character all

36:14

racing to see who can get the address for

36:16

the hackers apartment from the satellite relay yeah

36:18

they figure it out Ellie didn't go to the

36:20

apartment it's empty except for a little

36:22

bit of furniture it's empty the walls are have

36:25

been cleaned of anarchist symbols I will see them

36:27

later and they find a hollow

36:29

floor how was it discovered because Sam Rockwell

36:31

starts dancing well also like before that Ellie's

36:33

like oh there's clues here I can feel

36:36

this means something it's like no we know

36:38

nothing we got to go and I'm like

36:40

what are you talking about you're the one

36:42

who brought her because of your belief that

36:45

she has this information and now you're immediately

36:47

dismissing it nothing in the scene makes sense

36:49

watch and the clues that she is finding

36:51

don't mean anything like they're not real like

36:53

yeah they find the hiding place for the

36:56

for the master file logbook purely

36:58

by chance but yeah why is he suddenly like

37:00

and this doesn't mean anything when this is his

37:02

plan she should be the one who's like no

37:05

this is meaningless and then finds something like

37:07

it don't seem as backwards like they reversed

37:09

this scene for some reason yeah yeah and

37:12

also I mean I

37:14

don't know when best to address this but I'll just do

37:16

it now pause the allegations

37:19

again you said it's

37:21

all hokum hokum I

37:23

think he meant hokus

37:28

focus yeah because he was referring us to his

37:30

favorite movie of course I am still

37:32

aware of who Claudia Schiffer is I don't

37:34

just know um no

37:37

I just don't get the whole McGuffin

37:39

angle of this thing where why

37:42

if this thing is lost

37:46

you know is the division putting so

37:48

much energy into like handling it the

37:50

way they are it's it's it's lost

37:52

it's lost you're you're you're doing good

37:55

guys like if anything work

37:57

to like kill the people who are

37:59

still working against to Rockwell

38:01

and we will meet later Sam Jackson.

38:04

That's a much easier task than finding

38:06

this lost thing through a series

38:08

of mental manipulations. Here's what I'll say.

38:11

Here's what I'll say. Just because it's

38:13

lost, it's not really lost. It's being stored somewhere

38:15

and they don't want somebody else to get it,

38:17

which I understand. But also it's one of those

38:19

things too where you're like, well, if

38:21

the good guys are looking for this thing, why

38:23

don't you let them find it

38:25

and then kill them and take it

38:27

rather than trying to kill them throughout

38:31

is they're trying to kill Sam Rockwell, but

38:33

unnecessarily. Ellie, as we'll find out later. I

38:35

mean, the twist, none of the, the reason

38:38

is because gotta have action. This

38:40

is an action movie. There's no real reason why you're doing

38:42

anything. There's

38:45

no meaning behind life. Come on, we're just wasting

38:47

time till the grimy pretenses of the show. Buddy,

38:50

you're done. So the action

38:52

and hell, there's no more action anymore.

38:54

Exactly, that's called entropy or ax-ro-pee.

38:58

So they find the hacker's code

39:00

book or whatever. The division team shows up.

39:02

There's another fight-em-up scene. Aidan

39:05

Wilde, the hero of the movie, tells Ellie that

39:07

when he shoots someone, he wants her to then

39:09

crush their skulls with her foot to

39:11

make sure they're really dead. Like

39:13

you're doing the twist. Yes, she has

39:16

a lot of issues with this, understandably, because

39:18

you are murdering someone who has already been

39:21

taken out as a threat. So

39:24

she can't bring up to do it. Also, if you're gonna

39:26

do that, why do it in a way that gunks your

39:28

foot all up? Just take his

39:30

gun and shoot him again, maybe, once

39:32

he's been, I don't know. Yeah, I don't think she's

39:35

involved already. She went in the right step

39:37

or way. But where to Mario stomp these

39:39

guys' heads to death? And of course, the

39:41

reason is because later on, she

39:44

is going to have to go through this again in a

39:46

way that where it looks

39:48

like she's gonna do it to the hero.

39:50

Like it's one of the things where it's

39:52

like, why is this scene in here? So that

39:54

it can set up a suspense

39:56

scene later on. But it

39:58

doesn't really make sense why you would have it. You do it.

40:00

Yeah, folks. That's how you that's screenwriters.

40:03

I hope you guys are taking notes

40:06

One thing if you need to know

40:08

one thing set up stuff that it pays off later

40:10

But it's okay if the setup is meaningless and doesn't

40:12

have to happen One thing I have

40:15

to pay off doesn't have to happen. It's just action. It's

40:17

just action all the way down. Honestly, nothing Nothing

40:19

has to happen. You don't have to make movies. You

40:22

don't have to I just want to

40:24

say that on this note like one thing

40:26

I always really admired about the Cornetto trilogy

40:28

is like In

40:31

all those movies like so much that is set

40:33

up in the first half gets an explicit payoff

40:35

in the second half But it all works on

40:37

its own terms Like you're never like this is

40:40

a setup for something because it's always like funny

40:42

the first time around Yeah, that makes sense Edgar

40:44

Wright at his most stylistically

40:46

driven is still more invested

40:49

in character and Reality

40:51

then yeah, you've on at his realist most realistic.

40:53

I feel like you know, that's yeah, that's they

40:55

both do different things I don't think it's going

40:58

on a limb to say that a karate is

41:00

a better filmmaker His

41:03

movies will mean more to me and will last longer,

41:05

you know But anyway, that's

41:08

uh, that's neither here They're there because they've

41:11

got to escape they go up to the roof. They see

41:13

a boat down there That must have been Buchanan's escape boat

41:16

to get Ellie to jump off the roof Aiden

41:18

just throws Alfie the cat off the roof to

41:20

show that safe which I was like you were

41:22

probably you probably appreciate it I was thinking of

41:24

your moment. I Survived

41:29

No Cat

41:32

enter the speed force that's what I'm saying of a

41:34

truth Do you guys remember the scene in Kramer versus Kramer

41:36

when Kramer enters the speed for? In

41:44

the Shawshank Redemption when Andy Dufresne he's

41:46

crawling through that two miles of muck

41:48

and and she Fast

41:56

come on you guys remember

41:58

the scene in Rudy when he hit one really Rudy

42:00

enters the Speed Force. Man,

42:03

you would not ever have to sit on the bench if

42:05

that bitch was in the Speed Force. If he was in

42:07

the Speed Force, he'd be the greatest bastard of all time.

42:10

And yet we didn't stand up and cheer until The Flash

42:12

did it, and that's what makes that movie the classic of

42:14

it. Yeah, exactly. Nobody stood up and cheered

42:16

until it happened. I mean, they do flash the word stand

42:18

up and cheer in big red letters on the screen when

42:20

he entered the Speed Force. But

42:24

we did it. What a stand

42:26

up and cheer. Do you think anyone

42:28

in the history of anyone watching that

42:30

movie ever stood up and cheered watching

42:32

that movie? Okay, real talk, guys. We've

42:34

had a lot of goofs. Yeah, let's

42:36

be real. When was the last time

42:38

you stood up and cheered in a

42:40

movie? I

42:42

don't know. I mean, like... I've certainly cheered in

42:45

movies. Only I've ever stood up. Yeah,

42:47

I feel like the closest thing I can think of... I mean,

42:49

I don't... I, you know, I was sitting

42:52

stock silent because absolutely I

42:54

watched movies. I reacted to

42:56

things. But the closest

42:59

thing was the fucking Avengers

43:01

when the Hammer... Hammer.

43:04

Oh, I feel like that may have been a stand

43:07

up. The Hammer? Captain America picked up

43:09

the Hammer, yeah. When Captain America took it. When

43:11

he picked up Thor's Hammer. Well, I mean, yes,

43:13

that wasn't true. I've been waiting for that moment

43:15

for several movies. I knew it had

43:17

to happen at some point. But

43:19

you're saying somehow seeing this character

43:22

that we have come to know and love over a

43:24

series of films, showing

43:26

that he was worthy to wield the power of

43:28

a god, another character, was more to stand up

43:30

and cheer a moment than seeing a character we

43:32

had just met in that movie.

43:35

Use his power. Use his power the way we expected him to?

43:38

Yeah. Well, but that's the magic of

43:40

the movies, though. Even so, please sit up and cheer

43:43

a moment. Well, Ben, but actually,

43:45

you don't need... But you also don't need... I'm

43:47

sure that when Luke Skywalker blew up the Death

43:49

Star, I'm sure people stood up and cheered the

43:51

first time they saw that. And they didn't know who

43:53

Luke Skywalker was until the movie started. You don't need a

43:55

whole series to introduce someone to build up to it. That

43:57

being said, when the character's called the Flash and his... Power

44:00

is speed. He meant your speed force is

44:02

not not that yeah, it's not that exciting.

44:04

Yeah And

44:07

the first to be honest though to me also I did I

44:09

said I stood up and cheered because I was like I think

44:11

the movie's almost over Maybe

44:20

it was like a stand-up and go watch

44:22

Cheers moment. Yeah, that's what they're talking

44:24

about. Yeah So that

44:26

night for a little hell Ellie

44:28

is hallucinating that our guy was talking to her

44:30

But he doesn't actually tell her very much of

44:32

interest and she goes go away and she overhears

44:34

aid and on the phone Saying oh,

44:37

I hate Ellie Conway someone should put a bullet

44:39

in her head I'll deliver her to you and

44:41

then I'm done and that understandably sounds threatening So

44:43

she sneaks out calls her mom tells her mom

44:45

to meet her in London the next morning I

44:47

guess Ellie goes to her mom's hotel room. I

44:50

don't know how fast that plane is, but that

44:52

was that was a fast flight hopped

44:54

on the Concord In

44:57

this world the Concord still exists. Yeah, I

44:59

mean I believe it. It's a world of super

45:01

spies Of course, why wouldn't they super fast super

45:03

loud plane that nobody really needs that badly and

45:05

so when out of business I wouldn't it still

45:07

be around so Uh-oh

45:10

that there's a knock on the door. She

45:12

goes mom don't answer it the door opens

45:14

It's director Ritter and Ellie is shocked until

45:16

she goes dad What

45:18

her dad is the evil bad guy director

45:20

twist didn't see that twist come in did

45:23

you twisty You

45:29

know that's gotta be her dad right before it happened,

45:31

but yeah, you know, it was pretty good twist No,

45:34

I mean yes, it's you know, what's gonna happen. Yeah,

45:36

here's what I was hoping I was like Okay,

45:39

there's two ways. I want this to

45:41

go either He's a bad

45:43

guy and Catherine Hara doesn't know it or

45:47

Her dad is identical to director Ritter and they're

45:50

gonna get mixed up at some point that's

45:52

what I want to say Yeah Nice

45:57

That's this kind of bundling Colorado

46:00

dad is just kind of Chicago dad

46:02

I guess this bumbling Chicago dad is

46:04

just it's just kind of like thrust

46:06

into running an evil directorate and he's

46:08

like oh sure okay I'd

46:10

like I would love to see that that's not

46:12

yeah that's actually pretty good I like that one

46:14

he turns out to be Ellie's dad she hands

46:16

in the logbook he starts flipping through it and

46:19

it was noticeable glee on his face but then

46:21

Aiden bursts in oh no he puts a gun

46:23

to the dad's head and the dad instantly drops

46:25

his cover reveals he's a bad guy Ellie's mom

46:27

puts a gun to Ellie's head and starts talking

46:30

in as Dan saw from the captions a

46:32

British accent he's like what's going on and

46:34

Wilde shoots Catherine Harrah knocks out the dad

46:36

and then drives off with Ellie just as

46:38

Ellie's about to get in the car she

46:40

realizes she left Alfie the cat up in

46:42

the hotel room but he's like you can

46:44

come with me and learn some things or

46:46

you can go try to rescue that cat

46:48

she makes the wrong decision she

46:50

goes with him instead of going back to

46:52

your cat that's not a heroic thing to

46:54

do if she was Sigourney fucking Weaver she'd

46:57

go back for that cat yeah and it's

46:59

also you know in direct opposition to the

47:01

screenwriting rule that states that one does explicitly

47:03

that thing yeah that you go back and

47:05

save said cat that's what yeah that's what

47:07

makes her an unlikable protagonist well I'm also

47:09

like if they're the only thing you've set

47:11

up for me that there is one relationship

47:14

that means more to her than anything else

47:16

in the world and that is this dumb

47:18

cat this dumb CGI cat and

47:21

then she's like uh I guess I will leave

47:23

the cat behind like come on what do you

47:25

what are you doing anyway she hallucinates Argyle again

47:27

and then passes out I guess just for the

47:29

sheer exhaustion of these last couple days she wakes

47:31

up they're driving to the French countryside I'm sure

47:33

there's a way to drive from London to the

47:35

French countryside I don't know what it is maybe

47:37

a ferry was involved at some point I don't

47:39

know that is a train I don't know that

47:41

you can drive a car through it but

47:45

maybe I'm wrong they should the same

47:48

I don't know Google it maybe I'm

47:50

again I've never I've never done

47:52

it and I'm way to do it there's

47:54

spies dude maybe their fucking car turns into

47:56

a gondola that's just like it which which

47:58

run more is that with Moonraker where

48:00

the pigeon does a triple take. I feel

48:05

like, I feel like Matthew Vaughn saw that scene.

48:07

He's like, perfect. That's I'm making a whole movie

48:09

like that. I want my whole career to be

48:11

like that. They're driving to the

48:14

French countryside. They get to an isolated vineyard. There's

48:17

a channel tunnel that you can use for your car.

48:19

Okay. So there is a driving tunnel. Okay. That's fine.

48:21

I, you know, then please strike it from the

48:24

record. My, No, leave it. Yeah. Leave

48:26

it in. No, no. Yeah.

48:28

Make it more. That's the trailer.

48:30

Uh, she wakes up. She's a,

48:33

they go to a, the vineyard

48:35

of former CIA deputy director, Alfred

48:37

Alfie Solomon, played by Samuel L.

48:39

Jackson, Nick Fury himself. And

48:42

he uses wine making as a very on

48:44

the nose metaphor to reveal that Ellie

48:47

is actually about to meet the real

48:49

agent, Argyle, because Ellie, Dan,

48:51

hold onto your fucking socks. You are going to, they're

48:53

going to blast right off your feet. You are going

48:55

to, you're going to flip over backwards, your feet in

48:57

the air. Like this is a bazooka Joe comic. You

48:59

learned this stunning twist. Ellie

49:03

is the real agent Argyle

49:05

or actually agent are Kyle,

49:07

Rachel Kyle, which they have to find a

49:10

better way to do that. It's the closest

49:12

way to get the name Argyle. So

49:15

much. I gotta, I gotta hand it to my,

49:17

uh, to Samuel L. Jackson. He really, he really

49:21

set up a pretty sweet deal to put

49:23

in what two days of work, hanging out

49:25

in an office, tapping, watching Lakers games. A

49:27

lot of it. I love that he's in

49:29

his, his vineyard man cave, which has a

49:31

big screen that he uses either to track

49:33

the world's evil spies or to watch the

49:35

basketball games and the whole, all the walls

49:37

are, have framed basketball jerseys on the memorabilia

49:39

and shit. He just loves memorabilia.

49:41

But yeah, she is actually a secret

49:44

agent for books. They're not fiction.

49:46

They're her processing her buried memories of

49:48

being a spy and Ellie's like, I

49:50

can't be, but eight improves it in

49:53

the only way to prove things in

49:55

these movies. He fights her and unlocks

49:57

her secret spy fighting skills. Why the.

50:00

previous times when people were genuinely trying

50:02

to kill her, her fighting skills remained

50:04

under lock and key. I don't

50:06

know. That's just the power of the human psyche. You

50:08

know, that's the mind. No one threw

50:10

a direct punch at her, which is like, I

50:12

guess it's the triggering event that needs to happen.

50:14

I guess. Yeah, I suppose that's it. It would

50:16

have been kind of better if she

50:19

was like, but what about all those other times when you

50:21

killed all those guys and Aidan's like, I didn't,

50:24

I didn't kill them. You killed them all. We

50:26

get a flashback of her like murdering. Like a

50:28

blank look at her. To

50:31

be honest, I would, again, I would have liked that

50:34

kind of more, but like, but it

50:36

would have been like a look of horror on

50:38

his face. He's like, what are you doing? You

50:40

want her

50:42

upgrade her way through these? Yeah. You were

50:44

always the most brutal of us, a beast,

50:46

a monster. So guys were you, you were

50:48

flabbergasted by this twist, right? Like you did

50:50

not know how to handle it. Your mind's

50:52

gone. Again, I would thought to

50:54

myself beforehand, how would I write this

50:56

movie based on this trailer?

50:59

Oh, she probably, she probably repressed

51:01

memories. She's like been brainwashed. I

51:03

had to go all the way back to the beginning and

51:05

start over. Cause I'm like, I must have missed something. Yeah.

51:09

And guess what? I don't know. I'm

51:11

sure there are clues of a sort,

51:13

but they're not, it's not like it's,

51:15

I dunno. It's the only way to deduct

51:17

this twist is to have seen movies before.

51:20

But anyway, Alfie and the division, or

51:22

maybe not just to, just to guess it, Alfie and

51:24

the division, they're racing to decode this hacker log book

51:26

as Aiden does some more info dumping on Ellie. So

51:28

guys get ready for some info to be dumped on

51:31

you. She was the agent who went

51:33

to meet with Buke Karen in his hilariously

51:37

anarchist apartment. She ended

51:39

up in a coma. She

51:41

was found by the division leaders who

51:43

posed as her parents. They brainwashed her

51:45

into believing that she was a writer

51:48

who was injured in a skating accident so that

51:50

she would then, they gave her a journal that

51:52

they said was hers full of story ideas for

51:54

her to then write as novels so that she

51:57

could write the novels that would lead them to

51:59

the hiding place of the movie. Master File rather

52:01

than let's say not giving

52:04

her a cover story and asking her Where's

52:07

the Master File? They instead decided to

52:09

take the clues that would lead people

52:11

to the Master File and put them

52:13

into Best-selling books that would be available

52:15

around the world probably in multiple languages

52:17

I know that anyone could join in

52:19

on the hunt yeah Or they knew

52:22

they're gonna take off this way, but

52:24

I also had a problem with I

52:26

also had a problem with the like Encouraging

52:28

her to write and

52:30

then it turns into this Storyline

52:34

I thought like why not

52:36

just if you're writing this why not just make it

52:38

like They like are

52:41

keeping an eye on her They

52:43

have this cover like they've given her this

52:45

other identity They're they're you

52:47

know staying close to her in case something

52:49

comes out and then unbeknownst to them like

52:53

He starts writing this story, you know,

52:55

that's just something that happens like it's

52:57

so Absurd to me that

52:59

part of their plan is like oh she's

53:01

gonna write her memories into these stories

53:03

and just sorry just to clarify before Not

53:07

that important, but the reason she was in a

53:09

coma was like he had some sort of dead

53:11

man Switch the hacker and later we don't know

53:13

that's a later What

53:16

if there's a point where they were like well We want

53:18

her to go through this process so we can figure it

53:20

out and then they started selling the books and they're like

53:23

Man, we're making some fucking money off these

53:25

books. Yeah, like maybe we should just focus

53:27

on publishing instead of being evil spy Yeah,

53:30

well that it's one of the things where you look

53:32

at like you look at James Bond movies And I

53:34

mean those are cartoons also it you're like you have

53:36

so much advanced technology. No, that's uh, that's James Bond

53:38

jr Is

53:42

the weird thing But his

53:44

dad was also named James Bond Like

53:47

George Foreman's family wherever all the boys have the same name

53:50

So but that the idea you have all this

53:52

advanced technology you should just do that just

53:54

sell that instead using it to like

53:57

Hold gold for ransom or whatever, you know

54:00

certain undersea kingdom, you know, but it's

54:02

so there's so many ways to

54:06

Be a bad person with a lot of money in

54:08

the world that don't run afoul of the law Yeah,

54:11

you don't end up having a spy chasing after

54:13

you and trying to shoot you do

54:15

one of those evil people Okay, so and every now

54:17

and then we get a piece of consumer electronics out

54:19

of it. So so that's the bargain bargain

54:22

we've made made with the evil people of the

54:24

world So it

54:27

turns out the thing that happened

54:29

in Greece at the beginning of the movie

54:31

that whole shootout with Argyle and And do

54:33

and that happened Aiden was

54:35

the real-life Wyatt They did have an

54:37

associate named Kira who got shot in Greece and

54:39

Ellie's like Oh, I was gonna bring Kira back

54:42

in book six a fan sent me a crazy

54:44

way to do it and you're like So I

54:46

was gonna include into my book and risk with

54:48

a game. Yeah That

54:51

was Yeah, that was

54:54

the biggest problem I had not the foreshadowing of

54:56

who of course sent this I know Charlie's

54:58

like that's gonna happen. I'm like, but there's no way

55:00

she could put that in her fucking book This

55:06

is why you don't get unsolicited And

55:09

then I'm like stomping around the living room making

55:11

a lot of hand motions like I'm fucking Sebastian

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55:39

Alfie cracks the code it turns out and there was

55:41

no way that anyone is gonna be able to guess

55:43

this that Ellie That the

55:46

master file was in the keeping of a

55:48

known associate of Ellie's known as the keeper

55:50

of secrets a professional secret keeper How could

55:52

they have ever thought that it's that how

55:54

could they've cracked that this amazing thing? Ellie

55:57

is nervous, but Aidan's like you're gonna have to

55:59

go with me on this mission to get it. They

56:01

go to, as the Chiron tells us, Arabian

56:04

Peninsula, no country, no city, nothing. We

56:06

can say Chicago, but we cannot be

56:08

any more specific than it's somewhere on

56:11

the Arabian Peninsula, which

56:13

felt racist to me in a way, and I'm not quite sure if it

56:15

is or not. They show

56:17

up dressed as glamorous spies, they go

56:19

to luxurious oasis complex, Ellie is

56:21

nervous, so what do you do when someone's nervous,

56:23

and you want them to just not worry about

56:25

it anymore, you dance with them publicly, and you

56:28

do the whirly bird move. And he reveals that

56:30

they weren't just spy partners, they

56:32

had a relationship, and this song that's playing,

56:34

that was their song. That song, of course,

56:36

is now and then, a Beatles song that was not released

56:38

until 2023. I'm like, when

56:40

is this movie taking place? It's

56:42

taking place 20 years in the future.

56:44

Yeah, I will say, you say they're

56:47

dressed up like glamorous spies. I gotta

56:49

say, I'm not a huge fan of

56:51

the dress that they put Bryce

56:53

Dallas Howard in, the glamorous

56:56

spy dress, because it feels like

56:58

it both covers up her body

57:00

entirely, and also does nothing for

57:02

her. So it's like, it

57:04

should be something that empowers her more, I would

57:06

argue, rather than covers her up, and

57:08

doesn't look particularly good on camera. Wow.

57:12

I mean, that's Stewart's costume corner. That's

57:15

my little, and I

57:17

will say Sam Rockwell, the little frosted tips, thumbs

57:20

up more of that. Okay, so

57:22

there's a jeer and a cheer here. It

57:25

is ridiculous that they dress up as

57:27

Aragile and Lagrange, the bad

57:29

guy lady from the beginning to get into

57:31

this thing. It's a, I don't

57:34

know, it's silly that they play those parts,

57:36

especially because she should be

57:38

dressed as Aragile. Like, he should be

57:40

wearing some kind of spangly thing, or

57:43

not, I don't know, anyway. But

57:45

they dance to their song now and then, a

57:47

huge hit Beatles song everybody loves. It's everyone's favorite

57:49

Beatles song since 2023 when it

57:51

came out. Ellie meets with the keeper of secrets,

57:54

and- By the way, just, I

57:56

gotta clarify, is not a greater demon of

57:58

Slannash, which I was hoping for. or was

58:01

disappointed by the omission. No, no, it is

58:03

just a woman who keeps secrets. Who is

58:05

this? Sophia Bethea. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Multiple flophouse

58:07

films. Yeah, we're gonna be seeing her soon.

58:10

We gotta date with Rebel Moon too, right?

58:12

We could date with Rebel Moon too sometime.

58:14

I forgot that was her in the Rebel

58:16

Moon series, yeah. You know, it's that old

58:19

Rebel Moon. Sign it down

58:21

on us. So

58:25

Ellie meets with the Keeper of Secrets and she's like

58:27

nervous. And the Keeper of Secrets is like, how

58:29

do I know you are still the same

58:31

Agent Argyle, Agent R Kyle that

58:34

I remember. And she hallucinates Agent

58:36

Argyle saying, you don't need

58:38

me anymore. You're all that you need, you can do

58:40

it. And I'm like, well Agent Argyle, have you done

58:42

anything to help her up to this

58:44

moment? Like it felt like this is what

58:46

happens after she has hallucinated Agent Argyle like

58:48

giving her tips, you know, or helping her

58:50

through things. Like

58:53

Dabney Coleman in Cloak and

58:55

Dagger. So yeah. Yeah, exactly. Let's get

58:57

Dabney Coleman in here. Yeah,

58:59

get Dabney Coleman. How many times do I have

59:01

to say it? Get Dabney Coleman in here. If

59:03

we're gonna have a sexy spy character. That's not

59:05

the call that I wanted. I

59:08

said Dabney, I was clear about it. If

59:10

you're gonna have a sexy spy, be Dabney

59:12

Coleman. Yeah, the luxuriousness

59:15

of that mustache. Oh

59:17

man. Mustaches work. Let's

59:19

just say it guys. Whether it's on

59:21

Henry Cavill or Dabney Coleman, mustaches work.

59:23

God, I'm gonna grow my fucking

59:26

mustache again. Mustaches work. Tashes

59:29

is of course, they publish art

59:31

books, right? Anyway, so. Man

59:34

and PI, the list goes on. Anyway, yeah.

59:36

His name stands for mustaches are. Sam Elliott

59:38

in fucking Roadhouse. Not. Wait,

59:41

mustaches are great, not

59:43

ugly man. Please

59:46

introduce. Inform. Please inform. Please

59:49

inform. They spread this information about

59:51

mustaches. Brought to you by the Facial Hair Council.

59:53

So she bluffs her way

59:55

into getting the flash drive with the master file, which

59:58

is just her being mean. Is the person's like. How

1:00:00

do I know you're the real agent Argyle? Prove

1:00:02

it." And she's like, Fuck you, you piece of

1:00:04

shit. And she's like, Yes, you are the real

1:00:06

agent Argyle. Good job. And she opens up the

1:00:09

file and starts to read it just on the

1:00:11

computer right there. She is shocked by something she

1:00:13

sees, but we're not going to find out what

1:00:15

it is until a few minutes later, unless you

1:00:17

guess what it is, because it's the most obvious

1:00:19

thing that it could be. Catherine Harris shows up

1:00:22

alive. She reveals she was wearing a bulletproof vest

1:00:24

over some tea. She reveals that Ellie was

1:00:26

actually a bad guy, a devoted evil agent

1:00:28

of the division. This is when we learned

1:00:30

that she went to be Karen's anarchist apartment,

1:00:32

killed him, which set off a dead man

1:00:34

switch bomb, which put her in a coma

1:00:36

and then never will be drank in a

1:00:39

tea. Passes out. This is, I think,

1:00:41

the third time that Ellie has passed out and

1:00:43

then woken up again in a new place. See

1:00:46

a fucking doctor. That

1:00:48

can't be good for you. If you want to

1:00:50

see a movie where the main character is continuously

1:00:52

roofied, go ahead. You'll see Argyle. I

1:00:54

guess that's a review.

1:00:56

If you want to see a

1:00:58

movie where a female lead is

1:01:01

continuously passing out and waking up

1:01:03

in situations she doesn't know she got

1:01:05

there, go ahead. Watch out, guys. No

1:01:07

thanks. Wow. Ellie, it's

1:01:09

a hero. Take the stand. Don't like

1:01:11

it. So Ellie went to the division. She's

1:01:14

at division HQ. Director Ritter is destroying

1:01:16

the flash drive. And he's like, we

1:01:19

need you to tell us where Alfie is. And she doesn't know, but

1:01:21

she figures she can get that out of Aiden. And

1:01:23

Ritter is like, if you give us our Alfie, we'll

1:01:25

give you back your Alfie. He has the backpack

1:01:27

with the cat in it. And she goes, I

1:01:29

hate cats. And he just drops

1:01:31

the backpack. That's how you know she's evil now. Aiden

1:01:34

is getting beaten up for his info. And

1:01:36

Ellie walks in and is like, why don't you just tell me? And

1:01:38

he says no. So she shoots him. And then

1:01:40

she uses her hacker skills to

1:01:42

find Alfie. But meanwhile, Aiden, hold

1:01:45

on. He's not really dead. And he

1:01:47

beats up his interrogators and then shoots himself up

1:01:49

full of adrenaline. So much that it would, has

1:01:52

to kill him. It's in the

1:01:54

business. We call that a Hong Kong cocktail. Oh,

1:01:57

no. So he's got to keep his heart rate up real fast.

1:02:00

Yeah. Oh no. He's got

1:02:02

an injury near his heart, maybe

1:02:04

it was. This part really annoyed

1:02:06

me. Like of all the like

1:02:08

quote unquote twists, I mean like they don't wait

1:02:11

that long to reveal with what's really

1:02:13

going on. But even so, it bothered

1:02:15

me because you're not

1:02:18

watching Argyle thinking like, oh

1:02:21

shoot, like she really just

1:02:23

killed Sam Rockwell. Like she

1:02:25

turned to the, you

1:02:28

know that this is gonna be undone.

1:02:30

So why even play it

1:02:32

movie like we're fool. Because

1:02:35

twist, Stan, cause twist action. You don't think

1:02:37

there's a, you

1:02:40

think they should have stretched it out a little bit. Like

1:02:42

him give final words, maybe he's like a

1:02:45

little bit of blood drips out of his

1:02:47

mouth. I mean, I look, I'm just saying.

1:02:49

You say, why not cut out the middle

1:02:52

man, just have a rescue Sam Rockwell. I

1:02:54

will give the movie the

1:02:56

slight credit that it doesn't try

1:02:58

and extend this long at

1:03:00

all. Like he doesn't try and like really fool

1:03:02

us. But if you're gonna

1:03:04

do it, I feel at this point, just like

1:03:06

have them like exchange a wink. So like, you

1:03:09

know, like I don't know. Aiden doesn't

1:03:11

know it cause she can't blow her

1:03:13

cover. But this is up there with

1:03:16

Chewbacca's death in Rise of Skywalker. You

1:03:18

see like, does this, you know, I know

1:03:20

this is not good. They undo it, you have to

1:03:22

undo it really fast cause nobody, everyone knows Chewbacca is

1:03:24

not gonna die off screen killed by the hero accidentally.

1:03:30

When it happened, I was like movie, if this is

1:03:32

for real, you have, okay, I'll give you some credit

1:03:34

for that. You're a mad man, I

1:03:36

don't know where you're going. What happens? Like

1:03:39

you're just so, you're insane. Yeah, yeah, I looked at

1:03:41

him like, I guess I should buckle

1:03:43

my seatbelt. I don't trust this guy.

1:03:45

No one's safe. I wonder if

1:03:47

the theater will give me a refund on the

1:03:49

four fifths of my seat. I'm not using it cause I'm

1:03:51

just sitting on the edge. But

1:03:54

the, it turns out. You call

1:03:57

fucking Usher over and explain that. Like, what are

1:03:59

you, And Usher is like, yeah,

1:04:01

yeah. Oh, wow. Elliot

1:04:03

knows a fucking Usher zone? That's

1:04:06

the one. That's fucking crazy. That's

1:04:08

blowing my mind. It

1:04:13

doesn't surprise you more that Usher is working

1:04:15

as an Usher at the movie theater. No,

1:04:17

I'm more surprised that Elliot knows an Usher

1:04:19

zone. He's been researching for what? His concept

1:04:21

album about working at O.S.V. He's

1:04:24

like, I've been at a wedding, I've been

1:04:26

at a movie theater. Yeah. Yeah.

1:04:29

I spent a little bit of time as a toilet, but that's

1:04:31

a flusher, that's a little different. And

1:04:34

I spent a little bit of time as a candy with fruit

1:04:36

juice in it, but that's a gusher. Also a mistake on my

1:04:38

part. She's one of the cover spaces. An

1:04:42

actor prepares. An actor

1:04:44

certainly does prepare. Especially

1:04:46

if you're Usher, who's not really an

1:04:48

actor. It's the name

1:04:50

of a book, I don't know. I mean, in what

1:04:54

was the movie with the Hustlers? I mean,

1:04:57

he doesn't really act in that. He's just

1:04:59

playing himself. But playing yourself

1:05:01

when you're Usher is the role

1:05:03

of a lifetime. Well, thanks, Mitch, when behind the

1:05:05

music, narrator. Usher

1:05:11

thought things couldn't get any better, but he

1:05:13

was wrong, and they did. The

1:05:19

rise and rise of Usher. So

1:05:21

anyway, we're gonna find

1:05:23

out Usher did something bad that we don't know about, that people

1:05:25

are gonna be like, how can you make jokes about Usher? I

1:05:28

only know the one song. I watched this whole halftime

1:05:30

show and I still don't know any of his songs.

1:05:32

Anyway, so he escapes

1:05:34

the interrogation room. Ellie reveals to the bad

1:05:36

guys, actually, I'm a good guy. And I

1:05:38

just sent the master file to Alfie. And

1:05:40

then an error message comes up on the

1:05:42

screen that's like file not sent. And she

1:05:44

goes, uh, let's see. And she knocks out

1:05:46

fake mom and dad. Once it's just not

1:05:48

killed him because. Why is he constantly knocking

1:05:50

him out? Yes,

1:05:52

well, in movies, for some reason, there

1:05:55

is nothing wrong with murdering low level

1:05:57

grunts, but there is some moral problem.

1:06:00

with killing the people at the top who are responsible.

1:06:02

It's the same thing with Guardians of the Galaxy 3,

1:06:05

where they're just mowing down people. And then when

1:06:07

it's time to kill the high evolutionary, they're like,

1:06:09

no, we won't do it, because we're guardians of

1:06:11

the galaxy. It's like, I don't know, man, if

1:06:14

you're gonna kill anybody, kill that one guy, and

1:06:16

leave everybody else alive. Still think they're supposed to

1:06:18

have been using stun things. They talked about non-lethal

1:06:20

force in that movie. I mean, I- Guardians of

1:06:22

the Galaxy, so when Chris Pratt says, okay, Groot,

1:06:25

kill them all, and they just start shooting people

1:06:27

with blasters. That's a lie. I

1:06:29

don't know. When

1:06:33

they're fighting those pig monsters, and they're

1:06:35

just chopping their limbs off of swords,

1:06:37

with those stun swords, and they can

1:06:39

reattach their limbs later. And Star-Lord's like,

1:06:41

yeah, use the stun weapons, leave them

1:06:43

on the ship that explodes in a

1:06:45

few minutes. I will say. There's

1:06:48

that, too. The only reason

1:06:51

I am pushing back at

1:06:53

all is, you've used this as an example a

1:06:55

few times, and I'm like, well, even

1:06:57

if it doesn't do it well, that is

1:06:59

one of the few movies that tries to

1:07:01

make some nod towards, hey, let's

1:07:04

not just kill all of

1:07:06

these faceless people for

1:07:08

because they're minions of the bad guy. But

1:07:10

then they do it. I

1:07:13

know. Or in Rise

1:07:15

of Skywalker, where it's like, you can't kill the

1:07:17

Emperor, that would be wrong. Yeah. Right,

1:07:19

I guess I'll just murder all these child soldiers who

1:07:21

were forced to fight for you. I'll just blow them

1:07:23

up en masse. It's like, check yourself. Look

1:07:27

at what you're doing. I mean, Argyle

1:07:29

doesn't do this, but let me do

1:07:31

a little Argyle strip doctoring. Strip doctoring.

1:07:34

Ooh, strip doctoring. Make this shirt off.

1:07:39

I'll take off my things to suck

1:07:41

over. No, you could

1:07:43

have her not able to kill

1:07:45

them because she has lived thinking that

1:07:47

they're her mom and dad for a

1:07:49

while. That's a good thing. Some emotional

1:07:52

reason, anyway. Yeah, no, that makes sense. Even though

1:07:55

she still has trouble doing that. But

1:07:58

she knocks them out, she apologized to her. her cat

1:08:00

for saying that she hated it. She still loves

1:08:02

it. She runs off to a weapons room where

1:08:04

she was reunited with Aiden and she tells him,

1:08:06

I want a fucking weapons. I

1:08:10

would have way cooler once I would have like

1:08:12

all kinds of katana. Yeah.

1:08:15

Your weapon is basically just the, it's just

1:08:17

the, uh, the pawn shop from pulp fiction.

1:08:19

Like, there's like a baseball bat. There's a

1:08:21

chainsaw. There's a katana. Or you

1:08:24

know what? The Kingsman movies have better

1:08:26

weapons rooms than this one. I'd have

1:08:28

a flying guillotine. Oh, that's a really,

1:08:30

that's hard to, you got to master that thing. That's hard to

1:08:32

use. Yeah. I'll accidentally chop my

1:08:34

hand off at least twice. Like

1:08:36

you've got, that's the only number of times you can

1:08:38

do it. You can't just do it at least. But

1:08:41

the thing is, the point is, you got to get

1:08:43

it to land right over the other person's

1:08:46

head. It's like a carnival game. Like it's pretty

1:08:48

hard to do. And it looks not just that

1:08:50

you have to do that. And then you have to

1:08:52

wait for them to register their situation. Then you

1:08:54

chop their head off. And the other thing is

1:08:56

you got to pull so hard that it cuts through

1:08:58

a human neck. That's hard to do. Yeah. Like

1:09:00

a carnival game. The loop is actually a little smaller

1:09:03

than people's heads. Most of them. So you got to

1:09:05

find some with a very small head. Yeah. Yeah.

1:09:10

Or maybe, she

1:09:14

would do a baby. Let's say

1:09:16

the Hitler. People

1:09:19

say all the time, this is me saying the opposite of the

1:09:21

same. No, similar. If people are like, Oh, would you be able

1:09:23

to kill a baby Hitler? Cause he's just a baby. I'd be

1:09:25

like, yeah, you, you better believe I will. Let me dash

1:09:28

it. Brains out. Come on. I know

1:09:30

that baby Hitler, you know, do it fingerprint

1:09:32

at first. Make sure it's he

1:09:38

didn't use his sinister genius to switch places

1:09:40

with a different baby. Probably a Jewish baby

1:09:42

because he's that evil. Anyway, but yeah, I'll

1:09:44

take out baby Hitler. Get, bring me your

1:09:46

time machine. Anyway, uh, she talked

1:09:50

later. She's telling me she's just pretending. She's

1:09:53

just application to the fucking looper program.

1:09:57

Reasons for applying. baby

1:10:00

Hitler changed his dream. Oh no,

1:10:02

whatever. Specifically baby though. Can't handle

1:10:04

older men. Not grown up

1:10:07

Hitler. Too much of a challenge. There's

1:10:09

all those stories where they're like, oh we

1:10:11

can't kill Hitler. What if someone worse shows

1:10:13

up? And I'm

1:10:15

always like, hmm, he's pretty bad. Let's

1:10:17

take the chance. Let's see what happens.

1:10:23

What if his replacement started a war that killed 50 million

1:10:25

and 3 people? That slightly worse. Let's

1:10:28

treat ourselves. Let's just... You know what? Let's

1:10:31

live dangerously and kill Hitler. Let's

1:10:34

take those odds. Anyway, she reveals to Aiden, I'm not

1:10:36

really bad. I shot you, but I shot you... He

1:10:38

goes, you shot me through the heart. And she goes,

1:10:41

no. I shot you through the vascular corridor. A 2

1:10:43

inch passageway that allows the bullet to pass through

1:10:45

the body while appearing to go through your heart

1:10:47

harmlessly as long as the blood is spot. And

1:10:49

she goes, this is the crazy storyline that was

1:10:51

suggested to me by that fan about how I

1:10:53

was going to bring Kira back. And it's like,

1:10:55

movie, you don't have to keep telling me. I

1:10:57

get it. Kira's going to come back because that's...

1:11:01

It's fine. Just keep moving, movie.

1:11:04

And it's in the name. Movie's

1:11:07

got to keep moving. Keep moving. Come on. It's

1:11:10

not a stoppie. No. See,

1:11:13

it is a talkie. This is where we get to

1:11:15

the two scenes that really soured me on this movie.

1:11:17

Up till this point, I was like, you know what,

1:11:19

movie? I don't really like

1:11:21

you, but whatever. I respect you. Not

1:11:24

that either. You don't

1:11:26

just check your brain at the door with this

1:11:28

one. You check your whole nervous system. Check your

1:11:30

circulatory system too. And the print system.

1:11:32

The whole thing. But then they team

1:11:34

up to fight their way to the server room where

1:11:37

they can transmit the file to Alfie. And you

1:11:39

get two action scenes in a row. One is

1:11:41

this big kind of dance shooting scene

1:11:43

where the two of them are dancing while

1:11:45

shooting guys while they're fleeing colored smoke grenades

1:11:47

everywhere. And it's supposed to be big and

1:11:50

bright and colorful and fun and silly. They're

1:11:52

rediscovering their love for each other while they

1:11:54

kill people. And the bad

1:11:56

guys are such low-level threat. There

1:11:58

is no threat whatsoever. that I

1:12:00

was just, it just murdered to me. But anyway, Stuart, you

1:12:02

were saying, prove me wrong, Stuart. I

1:12:04

will say that I feel like at

1:12:06

least this scene is pretty colorful and

1:12:09

visually. It's very colorful. I think it's

1:12:11

colorful, I think it has a look

1:12:16

that I don't feel is overdone. I

1:12:19

agree, it's not like a particularly

1:12:21

good action sequence, but I think as like a dance

1:12:24

sequence, it's more fun than other parts of the

1:12:26

movie. That is like, well, yeah, sure. In

1:12:28

the color section of the grading

1:12:30

card, I'll give this scene an A. 10

1:12:33

out of 10, for sure. They use all the colors. I

1:12:35

have some sympathy with what Elliot's saying

1:12:37

because I feel like the older I

1:12:40

get, the more this kind of like

1:12:42

whimsical, gleeful murder of people on the

1:12:44

screen bothers me even in the movies.

1:12:46

I might've been more into it. And at the

1:12:48

same way, like when Sin City came out, I

1:12:50

was like, this movie is cool. And now I

1:12:52

think I don't know that I'd be able to

1:12:54

watch it. It's just so grim, but not the

1:12:57

fun kind of grim where it's like the grim

1:12:59

adventures of Grim Zimandi or

1:13:01

whatever it was, the cartoon where the Grim

1:13:03

Reaper hangs out with those kids. But yeah,

1:13:06

I think part of it is me getting

1:13:08

older, having a family, living in a world where

1:13:10

people are killed routinely by guns and it's not

1:13:12

fun. So to see like them kind of dancing

1:13:15

their way through shooting people, I just can't take

1:13:17

the same enjoyment out of it that I could

1:13:19

when I was young and didn't think about that

1:13:21

stuff. But then, so I will say this sequence

1:13:23

is better than the next one where they're in

1:13:25

a room that's leaking oil because of all the

1:13:27

shooting. And so they're like, we can't use our

1:13:30

guns. So they have to fight with knives. The

1:13:33

bad guys are slipping all over the place. They

1:13:35

cannot stand up. Now he goes, wait, was I

1:13:37

really an ice skater? And Sam Oppo's like, yeah,

1:13:39

you're a great ice skater. So she takes two

1:13:41

knives, then she shoves them into the bottom of

1:13:43

her boots and ice skates. Unnecessary. Ice

1:13:46

skates through the oil, just stabbing guys and

1:13:48

just cutting their hamstrings and stuff. And these

1:13:50

guys are, they are so at her mercy

1:13:55

because they're slipping and falling down. So it's like,

1:13:58

it's not, and she's kicking them with. her

1:14:00

boot, which has a blade in it, so

1:14:02

she's slashing their faces open. Like, you

1:14:05

don't see their faces get cut open, but you're like,

1:14:08

there's a blade in the bottom of your boot. It's

1:14:10

totally bloodless. I had a moral problem with the previous

1:14:12

scene, but in this scene, that

1:14:14

was replaced by just being annoyed, like

1:14:16

being like, those knives would make it

1:14:19

harder to slip around on that oil.

1:14:21

Yeah. I just use your fucking shoes.

1:14:23

I've seen the fucking transporter, which is

1:14:25

the platonic ideal for an oil fight

1:14:27

scene. Yeah. And

1:14:29

also, I think there's a certain point

1:14:32

where characters in a movie get so self-satisfied

1:14:34

with what they're doing that it makes the

1:14:36

movie feel smug. And this scene is where

1:14:38

that happens for me. She

1:14:40

is so proud of herself for

1:14:43

doing this, and it is so not

1:14:45

a challenge for her. And the bad

1:14:47

guys are at such a disadvantage that

1:14:49

it's like, okay, yeah, you're super

1:14:51

cool. I don't know. I don't understand. I don't like

1:14:53

you. I stopped liking the

1:14:55

character at that point. This makes me think of like, I

1:14:57

went to see, hell, it's

1:15:00

going to make fun of me. The fact that I saw this. Look,

1:15:03

I was feeling down, wanted

1:15:05

a movie. You're like, look, I have so I didn't

1:15:07

know what to do. I went to the I went

1:15:09

to the Times Square subway station. I watched a rat

1:15:11

fight. I

1:15:13

went and saw the snuff movie for mate

1:15:16

millimeter. They

1:15:18

were they're playing at night Hawk. I

1:15:20

have no, it's a rubbery screening. That

1:15:23

was so gross. It's that

1:15:25

I know Elliott will take umbrage to

1:15:27

anyone having the spare time, but I

1:15:29

saw the equalizer three and the end.

1:15:33

No, Dan, that's one of the essentials. You got

1:15:35

to see it. Yeah, the end of

1:15:37

this film. It answers all the questions

1:15:39

that the equalizer two left unanswered. Yeah.

1:15:42

Fucking Mr. Equalizer Denzel is doing

1:15:44

these like it is shot and

1:15:47

staged like a slasher

1:15:49

movie where he is the killer.

1:15:53

I am like, I have lost

1:15:55

any sympathy with the equalizer

1:15:57

at this point. This feels grim and ugly.

1:16:00

Too easy for the good guy to kill the

1:16:02

bad guys then they become the bad guy and

1:16:04

then if it's done Well, then the audience does

1:16:06

feel that is deliberately feeling uncomfortable because it's like

1:16:09

you wanted this you're getting it now It's not

1:16:11

it's not pleasant. But I was while I was

1:16:13

watching this. I'm like, I love the

1:16:15

movie the raid redemption What is different between that

1:16:17

movie and this one and the difference is that

1:16:20

it is hard for those guys to get through that

1:16:22

building Like they are constantly in trouble It's

1:16:30

too guys again get through a village

1:16:32

they did it's a hot getting from Florida some days He's just as

1:16:34

hard to get from the second floor to the third floor

1:16:36

when it's two guys versus one guy in

1:16:39

a fight That one guy is a is

1:16:41

a maniac and yeah, and that's why it's

1:16:43

like a mad dog Do it like there

1:16:45

is I get no thrill out of seeing

1:16:48

a super skilled assassin hero Taking

1:16:50

out guys who the bad guys they

1:16:52

barely get a shot off in the last couple scenes

1:16:54

in this movie there And they're just standing there with

1:16:56

guns their hands not firing It's a guy's take them

1:16:58

down and it makes me it's not fun You know,

1:17:00

but so but if but if they were like, this

1:17:03

is really difficult and then they had to Meet

1:17:05

the challenge. I'd be like, oh, this is a fun movie. It

1:17:08

takes it takes a very It

1:17:11

takes a certain amount of skill and

1:17:13

work to make a like an ultimate

1:17:15

badass character Interesting. Yeah, see

1:17:17

the lone wolf and cub stories

1:17:19

for instance We're like Wolverine like

1:17:22

Wolverine at his worst is a character who's just

1:17:24

so good at everything that he just mows through

1:17:26

Thousands of guys at his best He is a

1:17:28

guy who is only capable of

1:17:30

winning because he can absorb more pain than

1:17:33

anybody else and it's not that he's invulnerable It's

1:17:35

just that he or maybe he's invulnerable. It still

1:17:37

hurts, you know, and he looks worn out It's

1:17:39

hard for him like when a hero has to

1:17:41

push themselves It's cool when

1:17:43

a hero is just kind of sliding by

1:17:45

like agent. Argyle does Agent Argyle

1:17:47

has more of a hard time than agent Ellie

1:17:49

does at this. Yeah, it's like or agent our

1:17:51

Kyle I should say anyway, we don't need to

1:17:54

keep belaboring the point The point is they get

1:17:56

to the server room. They're gonna upload the stem

1:17:58

file. Finally Ritter walks in he's about to shoot

1:18:00

them with his old-fashioned shotgun. But

1:18:02

who steps in the true hero of the

1:18:05

story? This Alfie the cat to claw the

1:18:07

shit out of his face. And like and

1:18:09

and before that Ritter was like it's a you

1:18:11

can't use this computer there's a retinal scanner it

1:18:14

only works on my eyes and then Alfie jumps

1:18:16

at him and Agent Wild is like oh I

1:18:18

better kill him before your cat destroys his eyes.

1:18:21

He shoots Agent Ritter and he's like oh

1:18:23

it's too bad his eyes are messed up.

1:18:25

And I'm like okay so in this fun

1:18:27

action movie the villains eyes have been clawed

1:18:30

out by the cat. I

1:18:32

kind of respect it. It's a little fun. It's

1:18:35

a little more like on the back you use

1:18:37

a little more edge in this movie.

1:18:39

Yeah it works in a Vaner Rheinzels. It's like

1:18:41

got a bunch of killing but no. A Vaner

1:18:43

Rheinzels story is a horror movie and that's a

1:18:46

hugely freighted moment when he rips his own eyes

1:18:48

out. It's not a it's not like it's not

1:18:50

a laugh line when he does that. Yeah anyway.

1:18:53

But it reminds me a little bit of that scene that

1:18:55

I didn't like so much in Quantum Mania when Modok dies

1:18:57

and they're like oh weird

1:18:59

day today huh. It's like we just saw

1:19:02

someone you know die. Even if you don't

1:19:04

like him you know take a moment. Anyway

1:19:06

they they're like okay luckily there's another computer

1:19:08

on this in this place that we can

1:19:11

go use to upload this file. They go

1:19:13

up on the deck of what turns out

1:19:15

to be a giant oil tanker. That's where

1:19:17

they've been all this time and maybe it's

1:19:19

because we watched Waterworld earlier this year but

1:19:22

I was not surprised or excited by

1:19:24

the idea of them being on a

1:19:26

giant oil tanker. Like okay. It explains

1:19:28

why there's all that fucking oil. Oh

1:19:30

yeah the oil. Does explain all that

1:19:32

oil. No that's because it's an intricate

1:19:35

puzzle box. Every piece fits just so.

1:19:37

Couldn't it have just been because they

1:19:39

needed oil for some reason for all

1:19:41

this machinery that's around. No it wouldn't

1:19:43

be. Not an oil tanker. While the

1:19:45

file is uploading to Alfie, Catherine O'Hara

1:19:48

turns she has a music box and

1:19:50

the music triggers Ellie's brainwashing and she

1:19:52

commands Ellie to kill Aidan. They fist

1:19:54

fight for a while and they're like pressing

1:19:56

the button that pauses and unpauses the file

1:19:58

transfer. Because that's how file transfer works. for his work, right?

1:20:00

It's just hit pause. And when you hit on pause, just

1:20:03

goes right back towards started. I don't know. I'm pretty bad

1:20:05

with that stuff. Yeah. Bad with

1:20:07

all that stuff. And you have, why is it

1:20:09

not working? And every then you cut to Alfie

1:20:11

and his, his man cave going, Oh, it stopped

1:20:13

like the, and they're fighting.

1:20:15

And finally Aiden is like, Ellie, I'm not going to

1:20:18

fight you anymore. I know you're still in there. I'm

1:20:20

going to do a Rachel or whatever. I'm going to,

1:20:22

you're going to do the right thing. She knocks him

1:20:24

down. She's about to, she's about to stomp on his

1:20:26

skull as he taught her to do. And for

1:20:28

some reason I have to feel, it feels like we need

1:20:31

that the movie feels to me to flash back to

1:20:33

moments of their relationship. And the moment when he taught

1:20:35

her how to stop skulls. It's like, yeah, I remember

1:20:37

I was watching this damn movie. I mean, it's a

1:20:39

long movie. It's not that long that I'm forgetting things

1:20:41

that happened. This really bugs me

1:20:43

because the only, like he stops fighting.

1:20:46

He's like, you know,

1:20:48

I know, like you said, I know

1:20:50

you're really in there. I'm not going to fight you.

1:20:52

I don't want to hurt you. Like, like the only

1:20:54

way to leave you before was to fight you. Now

1:20:56

I'm the only way to cure you is to not

1:20:58

fight you. Yeah. Symmetry. The only reason to

1:21:01

do that would be is if she

1:21:03

overcomes her programming, but she doesn't. The

1:21:05

only reason that that

1:21:08

she survives or he survives is, you know,

1:21:10

what's her face comes in. Yeah. And

1:21:14

like, a man, a figure, Dan,

1:21:16

you're revealing a twist, a masked

1:21:18

figure hits Catherine Harrow in the

1:21:20

head with a wrench, probably fracturing

1:21:22

herself. And that, and the music

1:21:24

box stops and she snaps out

1:21:26

of it. Oh no. And then

1:21:28

that, and that mass figure, you

1:21:30

guessed it is Kira who

1:21:32

reveals that she's the anonymous fan

1:21:34

who sent the vascular Carter plot because

1:21:37

that's what happened to her. We could have gotten to this

1:21:39

after I was done with what I was saying, but no,

1:21:41

I'm just saying that like narratively,

1:21:44

like why

1:21:46

go down this road? Cause like Sam

1:21:49

Rockwell stops fighting and

1:21:51

I'm like, no, like go

1:21:54

down and get Catherine O'Hara gets

1:21:56

the thing. Like he says he's going to do it earlier, but then

1:21:58

he's just like, you know what? I'm just going to stand here

1:22:01

and let you beat me up. And, and

1:22:03

I'm like, okay, well, it's going to be

1:22:05

him, her struggling to overcome her program. I

1:22:07

got a better, better version of this action

1:22:09

sequence. Catherine O'Hara whips out a music box

1:22:12

that makes Ellie try and kill Sam Rockwell.

1:22:14

Sam Rockwell then spends the next, the whole

1:22:16

fight trying to defend himself

1:22:18

while also dancing, while also breaking the

1:22:20

music box. And each time he does,

1:22:22

Catherine O'Hara brings out another one. Oh,

1:22:24

that's like, that's the standard version of

1:22:26

it would be he's trying to get

1:22:28

to Catherine O'Hara and Ellie keeps stopping

1:22:31

him and he can't get better. But I

1:22:33

do like the idea that she has multiple

1:22:35

music boxes. She keeps whipping them out and

1:22:37

he's like, oh, another one. That would be

1:22:39

amazing. I think I've got the explanation for

1:22:41

why, why they're doing it. I think

1:22:43

it's because this movie is not well written. Oh,

1:22:45

okay. I think that's the right, and I never

1:22:47

want to blame the writer on a movie. I

1:22:49

will always blame the director and I will always

1:22:51

blame executives who meddle with stuff. But I'm going

1:22:53

to say that this movie is,

1:22:55

it's a movie. It's a, it's a script that

1:22:58

is free from reasons for

1:23:00

things to happen or people to do things.

1:23:02

But you know what, then that could be

1:23:04

the director and the producers meddling. It could

1:23:06

be the director, it could be the meddling.

1:23:08

I guess we'll find out. By blaming the

1:23:10

script, we aren't necessarily blaming the writer because

1:23:12

it could. If the same writer who

1:23:14

wrote this when his Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy series

1:23:16

that was announced a few years ago, and I guess

1:23:18

it's wrong. I mean, when that comes out, we'll know

1:23:21

for sure whether it was him or the director, you

1:23:23

know, when he takes a

1:23:25

truly beloved piece of literature for me

1:23:27

and gives it the, our, our

1:23:29

guile treatment. Anyway, but I, I, I never

1:23:31

want to blame the writer because the writer

1:23:33

ultimately doesn't get to make the final decisions.

1:23:35

It's I will always blame the director of

1:23:37

the executives because they're the ones who make

1:23:39

those decisions. Anyway, that math figures, Kira, she

1:23:41

explains, she, she, she survived because this vascular corridor.

1:23:43

I didn't do the research to find out if it's a

1:23:45

real thing or not. I don't care enough. She

1:23:48

goes, I think when you didn't respond to my email,

1:23:50

I decided to go undercover in the division and wait

1:23:52

until the moment when I was needed. And it was

1:23:54

like, uh, there were like 400, 400 moments you could

1:23:56

have stepped in until this

1:23:59

one. They finished. Transmitting the file to

1:24:01

Alfie and then they leave blowing up the

1:24:03

tanker killing I have to assume dozens if

1:24:05

not hundreds of people who

1:24:07

did not get to evacuate when they're all lying

1:24:09

on conscious pools of oil Well

1:24:11

as they as a tanker explodes around them And we

1:24:13

don't even we don't even get a moment to make

1:24:15

us feel better about it like in water world when

1:24:17

Carl the Olson Goes, oh, thank God As

1:24:21

flaming cults. Yeah, that's a good

1:24:23

bit this what a treatment on

1:24:25

his part anyway Ellie

1:24:27

then vo's that Argyle was now free He

1:24:31

had no more missions left and we see

1:24:33

she's reading from the final Argyle book to

1:24:35

the same audience members who all showed up

1:24:37

to this book release all yeah, maybe Yes,

1:24:41

yeah, and one of

1:24:43

the people's goes people that says I have to know

1:24:45

what happens to the characters after the book and Ellie

1:24:49

sucks Ellie explains

1:24:51

each of the characters happy endings Samuel

1:24:54

Jackson gets the medal Kira becomes the

1:24:56

next Steve Jobs or Bill Gates, whatever I want

1:24:58

to see that I wasn't just in the book Why

1:25:01

don't you put in the book? Is it cuz it sucks?

1:25:05

Maybe you could say the same after the book

1:25:07

came out There's an

1:25:09

edict in writing to you know get get in

1:25:12

at the latest possible moment and get out of

1:25:14

the earliest maybe she's like this is Unnecessary.

1:25:17

It's the movie. Our gal doesn't learn

1:25:20

From usually I feel like usually spy novels

1:25:22

don't have an epilogue that explains what happened

1:25:24

to the characters later in life And

1:25:34

But they each have happy endings and they're all there at

1:25:36

the reading Kira Alfie Alfie the

1:25:38

cat and Sam Rockwell who has now remembered

1:25:40

that he's allergic to Alfie the cat, but

1:25:42

they're now living together They're they're in love

1:25:44

finally and I remember the cat. This is

1:25:47

the dumbest of all the twists in the

1:25:49

entire movie Sounds

1:25:51

up. He's got a mullet and a southern accent

1:25:53

and she goes I don't have a question, but

1:25:55

I bet you've got two or three for me

1:25:57

and Ellie is shocked cut to credits and it's

1:25:59

like Wait a minute. So it's

1:26:02

a twist that means nothing. But except I

1:26:04

guess, how are we supposed to take this

1:26:06

twist? Guys explain to me this twist because it's not

1:26:08

like our guy has a famous face. He's a character.

1:26:10

Well, that's what I was just thinking about. Like,

1:26:13

does he know how she envisions

1:26:15

our child? Exactly. Yeah.

1:26:19

Since we've established that she is our

1:26:21

Kyle, there's no our guy. But

1:26:24

I guess, why does he have an accent? It

1:26:26

literally feels like one

1:26:28

of those things where they threw a twist in just

1:26:30

to have something, but they didn't have an explanation. Well,

1:26:33

like the end of Super Mario Brothers, the movie where

1:26:35

they're like, yeah, we didn't have a story for them

1:26:37

to go back to. Now a cliffhanger. The

1:26:40

next the next. Are

1:26:42

we going to go to the to the mid

1:26:44

credits? Well, I'm just I want to bring it

1:26:47

up because it's some light on it. What's going

1:26:49

on? Wait for Stuart. I want Stuart never to

1:26:51

use the mid credits. Stuart, what do you think

1:26:53

the mid credits scene is? OK, this movie. OK.

1:26:55

I can only assume I can

1:26:57

only assume it's Tom Hanks in a

1:26:59

fat suit dancing to a rap song.

1:27:04

Or a little left field. But

1:27:07

if only. Well, so

1:27:09

Dan, what happens in the mid credits scene? Tell me. Well,

1:27:12

in a mid credits scene. It's

1:27:16

totally we don't see any of our people. We've

1:27:19

come to love over the course of the movie.

1:27:21

Argyle, in fact, it says 20 years earlier. But

1:27:23

he said earlier, a young

1:27:25

guy walks into a bar that walks

1:27:28

into the Kingsman Pub. And the little

1:27:30

Easter egg for those Matthew Vaughn fans.

1:27:32

Well, and he

1:27:34

introduces himself like

1:27:36

he asked for like something with a

1:27:39

twist or whatever. And like they give him a gun.

1:27:41

He goes, oh, that's it. Twist. He said he says

1:27:43

a bunch of code words. It's like, I want this

1:27:45

drink minus minus this minus this. And they give him

1:27:47

a gun. And he says, that's a twist. And they

1:27:49

go, what's your name? And he

1:27:51

goes, Aubrey Argyle. Where again, as

1:27:54

you mentioned, there is no one really

1:27:56

named Argyle. Although we

1:27:58

come out of this scene. and it

1:28:00

says Argyle book one, the

1:28:03

movie or something, a poster. Coming

1:28:05

soon. Coming soon. So it's like, I guess this

1:28:07

is the movie version

1:28:11

of the book

1:28:13

series within the universe and it's tied

1:28:15

to the Kingsman somehow. And this is

1:28:17

what I was gonna say before with

1:28:20

the ending of the thing where

1:28:22

it's clearly setting something up and

1:28:25

imagine when apparently had this

1:28:27

idea like, oh, I'm gonna have these three

1:28:30

separate kind of like worlds of

1:28:32

espionage and eventually they're going to

1:28:34

coalesce into sort of a Matthew

1:28:36

Vaughn cinematic espionage universe. I love

1:28:38

the look on Stuart's face, his

1:28:40

fantasy is just so lip snarled

1:28:42

and discussed. The fact

1:28:45

that Argyle was

1:28:47

greeted as Argyle was, of course we're not

1:28:49

gonna see the fruition of whatever the fuck

1:28:51

all this is about. No. So

1:28:54

it just lives on as total gibberish nonsense

1:28:56

to confuse at the end of a movie.

1:28:58

Yes, and I have one comment

1:29:01

and two questions. And

1:29:03

my comment is. What kind of. Like

1:29:05

we're at an Argyle book event. Yeah, like I

1:29:07

did say, yeah. This is less of a question

1:29:09

and more of a comment. How dare you? But

1:29:13

what kind of chutzpah does it take to

1:29:15

produce a movie like this and be like,

1:29:17

by the way, this is gonna be one

1:29:19

of a series because people are gonna care

1:29:21

so much about the fictional world inside of

1:29:24

this movie that they're gonna wanna see it.

1:29:26

People didn't even wanna see Lightyear, a movie

1:29:28

based on a beloved series of movies. They

1:29:30

were like, oh yeah, I wanna see what

1:29:32

the Buzz Lightyear story in universe is. The

1:29:34

idea that you would do this is bonkers

1:29:36

to me. So here are my questions. One,

1:29:40

are we ever gonna see, are we ever

1:29:42

gonna see any of these movies? And are

1:29:44

you, how do you feel about that? And

1:29:46

two, knowing that we will probably never see

1:29:48

these movies, what is your explanation for this?

1:29:50

How do you think it would play out,

1:29:52

this ending where a Southern Henry Cavill shows

1:29:55

up looking like her mind's eye imagining of

1:29:57

the Argyle character? So I

1:29:59

can only presume that this is. Part

1:30:01

of some other memory that she has

1:30:03

and she has transposed his face On

1:30:06

to like that's the only thing that makes any

1:30:09

sense to me He

1:30:12

knows that she used to know him

1:30:14

but I don't know why he

1:30:17

would introduce himself necessarily that way Because

1:30:20

like he doesn't know that she's recovered the memories

1:30:22

of him So also it feels like a weird

1:30:24

thing to do it like why do it as

1:30:26

a book? Yes, why

1:30:28

do it at a book event? Why not but the

1:30:30

that's that we know already that she

1:30:33

has reimagined Sam Rockwell as John Cena in

1:30:35

her memory of In the

1:30:37

her mad things of this book So is it so

1:30:40

now but that we're supposed to believe that her description

1:30:42

of our gile is Letter

1:30:44

perfect to what the actual guy looks like. Well,

1:30:46

he's got you know, he's got different hair. He's

1:30:48

a different Hair

1:30:50

that's the hair on the back of his head is

1:30:53

different. That's true. That is a big change the Stewart

1:30:56

how do you feel? Do you are you are you a

1:30:58

little I do you think we're gonna get these are gone

1:31:00

movies And how do you feel about it? We're not gonna

1:31:02

we're not gonna get them What's it

1:31:04

wasn't it? I was it one of the Kingsman

1:31:06

movies where the like post-credit scene has Like

1:31:11

what's the Russian wizard guy

1:31:13

Rasputin? Yeah Rasputin's

1:31:16

like introduces Hitler and like a

1:31:18

Thanos type moment like Like

1:31:21

it's a flashback though It's not even and it's like

1:31:23

yeah Rasputin's like we figured out the guy that you're

1:31:25

gonna do all this stuff And he's like hello. My

1:31:27

name is Adolf

1:31:29

wink and it's like yeah Then

1:31:34

guitar squeal Listen

1:31:40

to me like it's all it's like, I mean that's

1:31:42

basically list of mania. Isn't it where they're like rock

1:31:44

and roll? Not at the end Yeah,

1:31:48

I mean we're not gonna roll Nazis you were

1:31:50

talking about hammers earlier. That's another situation with hammers

1:31:52

where yeah, that's for sure Look, don't blame the

1:31:54

hammer in the hand the there's

1:31:56

a Yeah, this is I

1:32:00

feel like I can almost

1:32:02

understand when a DC movie ends

1:32:04

with a mid-credits scene and you're like They're probably

1:32:07

not gonna pay this off, but I get it

1:32:09

These are pre-existing characters that they have some reason

1:32:11

for assuming people will want to see

1:32:13

when new characters that are made up

1:32:16

For the miss this movie are then teased at the

1:32:18

end as if the audience is gonna be like What

1:32:21

we're finally gonna get the archive

1:32:23

story like I don't what reaction

1:32:25

are you hoping to get from the audience? Like

1:32:27

I don't I don't understand actually when was the

1:32:30

last time a movie went that all in on?

1:32:33

completely brand-new characters that have no

1:32:35

pre-existing backstory and they just assumed

1:32:37

people would love it and it

1:32:39

actually worked and it's not And

1:32:41

it's not based on a book or anything. Yeah. Well, there's

1:32:44

this movie rebel moon Probably

1:32:46

I mean to say rebel moon is not based

1:32:48

on pre-existing Yeah,

1:32:51

I mean so obviously Star Wars right is

1:32:53

it is a big one is is

1:32:55

that But that's yeah, I mean

1:32:58

that even that's almost 50 years ago. Is there

1:33:00

anything since then? Oh Where

1:33:03

a movie went all in and was like you saw these

1:33:05

characters They're new and you're gonna love it and they were

1:33:07

like, yeah, it worked. It worked I

1:33:10

mean and it's not based on anything I

1:33:12

want audience members to write in cuz I'm having trouble thinking

1:33:14

of anything else That's probably because

1:33:16

there's so few original movies that are made

1:33:19

now that are not based on

1:33:21

the way Is the question

1:33:23

like people like The

1:33:25

act of going all in a challenge assuming

1:33:27

this or the fact that or

1:33:29

when are you asking when it's actually successful?

1:33:32

My my argument is that a

1:33:34

movie that introduced brand-new character was

1:33:36

also in the course of the

1:33:39

movie was like This is

1:33:41

gonna be a huge success. We are

1:33:43

promising this huge universe Yeah, there are

1:33:45

definitely sequels and it actually paid off

1:33:47

like no, I don't audience. I can't

1:33:50

think of something like

1:33:52

that like the like That's

1:33:54

true. Cuz even like Star Wars and Indiana Jones. It's not like

1:33:56

they said we'll be back in you

1:33:58

know, I mean James Bond will return

1:34:01

but like James Bond was already a successful series of

1:34:03

novels, you know and and the thing

1:34:05

I'm like that's what's our guy books I

1:34:07

would argue that like Star Wars and Indiana

1:34:09

Jones both kind of posit a larger world

1:34:11

and it's one adventure for that character One

1:34:13

of many and in both cases it worked.

1:34:16

Yeah, but I don't think other things have That

1:34:21

as long as you tell like a full

1:34:23

story within that universe No,

1:34:27

but I can't think of other movies is This

1:34:31

yeah This is one adventure of a larger that there

1:34:33

could be a series of you know Because

1:34:35

I think because they're both wearing their influences from

1:34:37

the serials of old on them I

1:34:39

guess but yet when the last time I've

1:34:41

seen a movie that was a new movie with original

1:34:43

characters then back to the future How it ended on

1:34:45

a cliffhanger that said to be continued at the

1:34:48

end, right? Yeah, but that wasn't even Intended

1:34:50

on happening like they just like they're like, okay.

1:34:52

Well, let's do it But like they kind of

1:34:54

did that as a joke originally, you know But

1:34:57

that's that's how I understand

1:34:59

I mean Dan it may have

1:35:01

started as a joke But it sure didn't end as

1:35:03

one back. Yeah, sure is one of the most beloved

1:35:06

franchises No, here we go. Join me Won't you as

1:35:08

we look in back to the future and all it

1:35:10

loves from the movies to the cartoon show to the

1:35:12

comic books? To that's it to

1:35:15

the Broadway show Was

1:35:19

a Broadway show really how go

1:35:21

watch that's what we need a day

1:35:23

away jiggle watch How's

1:35:26

that what's his name Roger Bart,

1:35:28

yeah, it's the main thing that

1:35:30

makes that show Watchable

1:35:34

I would say that the songs are

1:35:36

all various degrees of awful

1:35:38

and not Anything

1:35:41

to advance the story the only good songs

1:35:43

are the songs that they steal from you

1:35:45

lose to stick in there Are there they

1:35:47

feel ever did they pay him a license

1:35:49

and for you? Yeah, I told the Elliott

1:35:51

this actually Well, we're listening if they stole

1:35:53

those songs you can't sue them. You didn't

1:35:55

be here Lewis and the sues I

1:36:02

use this metaphor

1:36:04

before I was talking to Elliot about this on tour so

1:36:06

I apologize but no one else has heard it before. He

1:36:08

didn't even apologize to me. I'll hear it again. I don't

1:36:10

remember it that well. This is a conversation we had in

1:36:13

an airport. Another fucking straw man, bitch.

1:36:18

I better get out there in case anyone overheard

1:36:20

me say this to Elliot in an airport in

1:36:22

Portland at the time, I think. Because

1:36:26

then they might get mad that

1:36:28

I'm reusing material. Yeah. So

1:36:31

a lot of what

1:36:33

is fun about the show

1:36:35

is seeing them recreate a movie

1:36:38

that should absolutely not be on stage

1:36:41

as a Broadway show. It should work on stage.

1:36:43

There's just too much special

1:36:45

effect. It's like that King Kong musical where everyone said

1:36:47

if you're going to see it, see it for that

1:36:49

giant puppet King Kong. This

1:36:51

is not a show that makes sense as a Broadway musical. You

1:36:54

could do it by doing it super

1:36:56

Michelle Gondry style where it's just a

1:36:59

car that someone holds and runs around

1:37:01

with. Like that 39th-day music play from

1:37:03

a bunch of years ago. But

1:37:05

if you're going to do it Broadway style, it's ridiculous.

1:37:08

You watch it and the

1:37:11

fact that it comes as close to

1:37:14

recreating the movie as it does is

1:37:16

kind of amazing. But it's an amazing

1:37:18

in a way that's like if you

1:37:20

saw someone who owned a duck and

1:37:22

were like, that's a pretty good duck. But

1:37:24

could you make that duck into a horse? And they're like,

1:37:26

let me try. And they come back and it's like 75%

1:37:29

of the way to a horse. And

1:37:31

you're like amazed that they did it

1:37:33

that well. But you're like, thinking about

1:37:35

the duck horse. This is

1:37:37

not worth doing. Yeah. You

1:37:40

know? Yeah. Now I'm getting vision

1:37:42

that like a Yorgos land the most duck horse

1:37:44

being plopped in front of me. Yeah.

1:37:48

It's a poor thing indeed. Yeah. Yeah.

1:37:51

I started thinking of some lyrics in my head for

1:37:53

for Crispin Glover's haunting ballad

1:37:56

for it. He has a song that

1:37:58

he sings while he is in. the

1:38:00

Peeping Tom tree. He has a

1:38:02

big number. I can't you see

1:38:04

she's my density. It don't make

1:38:07

sense to me. That's what she

1:38:09

does. I mean, is there a song

1:38:11

where Marty sings about how his mom

1:38:14

wants to fuck him? I

1:38:17

can't recall. It seems like a missed opportunity,

1:38:20

if not. But you know what? We've what

1:38:22

do I do this time? How

1:38:25

do I deal with the situation?

1:38:29

Don't want to commit a love crime. So

1:38:33

what we normally do is Freud says

1:38:35

I should do it. And then he

1:38:38

comes and goes, no, no, Marty, you'll

1:38:40

be understanding. That's

1:38:42

Roger Bart in a segment. You're

1:38:45

telling me Roger Bart can't do a funny segment Freud.

1:38:47

Then I'm in your liar. Yeah. It's

1:38:51

like it turns out that most of my

1:38:53

theories are complete nonsense. They just kind of

1:38:55

made up. I was kind of

1:38:57

taking my own neuroses and projecting them on other

1:38:59

people. Anyway, this is

1:39:01

a part of the show where normally we

1:39:03

don't talk about Back to the Future or

1:39:06

Sigmund Freud. But we do our final judgments

1:39:08

whether the movie is a good

1:39:10

bad movie, a bad bad movie or movie.

1:39:12

We kind of like I'm going to say

1:39:14

about Argyle. I'm going to say is a

1:39:17

bad bad movie. However, on the

1:39:20

steep curve of the flophouse.

1:39:23

Yeah. It

1:39:25

did not make me as

1:39:28

angry or bored as most

1:39:30

movies do. Like it is

1:39:33

surprisingly watchable for how big a mess it

1:39:35

is. Like and so if you were like,

1:39:37

you know what? I just

1:39:39

want to see colors. I want to look

1:39:42

at your high basically if you're high or you're

1:39:44

a cat. I want to check

1:39:48

my if you're a cat jump off the couch

1:39:50

onto the remote jump on the buttons until Argyle

1:39:52

selected. Yeah. As I said,

1:39:55

if I want to check my whole nervous

1:39:57

system at the door, it's you know, I was a tyrant.

1:40:00

week and you have Apple Plus already,

1:40:02

I'm not gonna say don't turn on

1:40:04

Argyll. That's the highest recommendation I could

1:40:07