0:02

content warning, this episode speaks

0:04

about suicide

0:09

assalamualaikum warahmatullahi

0:11

wabarakatuh to

0:13

it, is your sister and

0:15

friend other and you're listening to the

0:18

digital sisterhood podcast, man,

0:21

have i the on

0:24

the microphone okay, listen

0:26

you guys, i have been sick

0:28

right with feels like been a month i've been

0:30

sick i still like been sick for a month but

0:33

as he has no i've been on to are all

0:35

summer long and when i finally

0:37

got back it's like my body said

0:39

to me yeah that's enough

0:43

that , enough you've done to my it's

0:46

it's time for us to pay his hobby you pay

0:48

you and so i

0:50

instantly so sick and

0:52

then the sickness continuing

0:55

and before i knew it i was sick for three weeks and

0:57

i was like what is going on but i

0:59

think i was is paying a debt that i owed debt

1:01

my body on the and

1:03

hundred i'm feeling much better much

1:06

better and i've missed all of you so

1:08

much and i just want to presley say

1:10

to every wanna reach out to me to personally

1:12

soccer my wellbeing oh my soccer i love you

1:15

prefer to so what for taking all me

1:18

and i that's why they are they prefer you all

1:20

and i love that a love that we have of

1:22

community and the we second a good says

1:25

i thought the love for to zoc located on

1:27

for that me off until his truck on y'all

1:29

just the way the arctic army affirming

1:32

so you already know you guys i miss tell

1:34

you miss stories you know stories miss tell

1:36

your story as this league

1:38

the man do i have

1:41

a story for you now

1:43

before i tell you the story i just want a pc

1:46

to tell ya that i

1:48

met this guessed her new them all i

1:50

actually met her i wouldn't have met

1:52

her physically until much much later

1:54

but i met her for i saw her on

1:56

facebook on there is a video

1:58

of going viral backing think twenty

2:01

seven team on

2:03

, she was is really pretty girl

2:05

who was very well spoken

2:07

and could tell a really what

2:11

like a really engaging story and

2:13

the for the she told man that a break

2:16

my heart heart my heart

2:18

and i think it broke a lot of people apart and

2:20

it was extremely brave of her to tell that story

2:23

the way that she did i always said to

2:25

myself like you know i would love to

2:27

meet her either folder on facebook i

2:30

kept up their status as you'd write these really

2:32

credible sources about the things

2:34

as she's experienced unless you know that

2:36

with that was so touched by them and

2:38

so earlier this year

2:42

when you were thinking about the yeah through the tell the season

2:44

i always had her in the back of my head

2:47

of the i'm going to get more story i

2:49

need to get a most or even this story nice

2:52

to live on what she has to say what she's

2:54

learnt me see be heard of

2:56

, it was that powerful powerful

2:58

so i just pressing want to tom all she's

3:00

listening and oh she's listening thank you so

3:03

much were telling that story i know it wasn't

3:05

easy i know it was an

3:07

easy and i know wouldn't be back then and

3:09

i know was easy that that the on

3:12

that may at the studio by

3:14

, i tell you how appreciative i am on

3:16

how brave i think you are and

3:18

how bless i think your family is is

3:21

so without further ado

3:25

this is my story one

3:27

more thing before i go this

3:30

is a very heavy episode even

3:33

when when and i recorded this

3:35

episode my a home staring

3:37

at the ceiling i'm not even joking

3:39

it was very hard

3:42

episode to listen to so

3:45

i really encourage ah not to be operating

3:47

heavy machinery when listening to this episode was

3:50

number two on

3:52

maybe sit down sit number three

3:54

maybe this to this episode with the community

3:56

with a friend so that we you can kind

3:58

of it as shit there's refer to the you don't

4:00

do it alone you know and a month

4:03

you know like exaggerating i just it's

4:05

a very heavy episode and you

4:07

don't know how impacts u cel please to yourself

4:09

and yeah the

4:12

master

4:13

more

4:15

was a so my girl born and raised

4:17

in abu dhabi where she lived a very

4:19

lavish lifestyle i mean

4:22

you know abu dhabi is that

4:25

city ray high rises

4:27

said biggest mall in

4:29

the world she's also she's also

4:31

by family and just overall the

4:34

lived a very content life i mean

4:36

she grub hearing the

4:38

i that and you know some of the north

4:40

a job as a nor me was prevalent

4:43

ten you're being ridiculed like some

4:45

of us are being ridiculed in the west on

4:47

had an easy life as easy we

4:49

come from a life where are you just call the convenience

4:51

store when everyone as and right out this

4:53

as seeds or sad so alive lazarus

4:57

i was there i thought i was the king said

4:59

you could order and any same thing

5:02

and it would be a door five minutes to seconds

5:04

other sources we went to private

5:06

school so my that somehow as well as preparing

5:08

us for in north america thinks

5:11

he always said he had to speak english is

5:13

as nice as he prepares our my

5:15

dad was always against arm you know

5:18

getting used to having made since

5:21

i'm getting used to people like we had a guy

5:23

who had com and i are in a close and pulls

5:25

her clothes and put away or claude along

5:27

that as the laundry was i have

5:29

no idea the several i have of laundry

5:31

here i sit on still struggling twenty

5:34

one years later of cycling and longer

5:36

with us the life he came from and ,

5:38

dad was of know we need to learn to be independent

5:41

independent know so he all his time and forest

5:44

sports and try to not

5:46

me as kind of lazy and like always

5:48

trying to make us understand the privilege

5:50

that we had you know he was

5:52

again was life is like giving to everyone just

5:54

like it is it raise he now you have to work

5:56

hides liquid we need to worry

5:58

cards everything given her but

6:00

why do we need to do that when do

6:02

you not my not be here wonder

6:05

you might me the fly more powerful italo

6:07

just about one hundred

6:09

, my dad's of height as i see like for north

6:11

america is our last it's completely

6:14

different era if you guys are that are my

6:16

episode the wallflower i told

6:18

you get story about my experience going to

6:20

dubai rights i had never

6:23

in my entire life have ever seen

6:25

muslims living in luxury it was never

6:27

a thing and every with thought it that existed

6:30

existed it was kind of a culture shock for me

6:33

with a massive culture shock so i

6:35

can only imagine what it was

6:37

like for forty old a mall

6:39

the go from living in abu dhabi to

6:41

toronto if i

6:43

could have had the opportunity black

6:46

man to whisper in a month year

6:49

i would have told her

6:51

girl

6:52

get ready

6:54

you about to get the korea

6:56

vs

6:57

rude awakening actually

6:59

before we got to toronto we got to

7:01

me are and oh we stopped at

7:03

brooklyn i love brooklyn's a

7:05

as also our we list of coming

7:08

from have a buddy where it's and glass

7:11

lavilla a lavish slice the mosque

7:14

n s everything other the

7:16

a lot of either

7:17

the

7:19

and coming to the

7:21

uric was a sock for as brown

7:23

buildings

7:27

some way we didn't understand why

7:29

do it looked like that and that

7:32

and and life until immediately whole

7:34

he was like i cannot live here i

7:36

have to move of fan living

7:38

in new york to that i can't raise a family

7:40

share so then we moved

7:43

to try know i moved here

7:45

all my daughter was really hard and

7:48

coming sharing my mom was the

7:50

one who brought us here at says

7:52

came with on me and my siblings

7:55

and , that time i was her translator

7:59

someone who was doing

7:59

everything at fourteen years old i mean

8:02

understand anything before and

8:04

i would have he alice a child's was playing around

8:06

and dad and mom was making the decision

8:09

and then hearing canada i was

8:11

the one was making decisions with my mom first

8:13

time the my i have no idea what's happening

8:16

that , had to try and give my mom or

8:19

com for it be known oh they want this

8:21

and this is what they wind that's

8:23

why that's fourteen when we came

8:25

here i saw immediately two years later

8:28

i was working

8:30

well i had to work to

8:32

also support my family is

8:35

normally people other asian canada

8:37

are some actually would have

8:39

worked for themselves

8:40

you know your job at the movies so

8:42

the by parker it as hang out

8:44

your friends with you are working

8:46

to some

8:47

are your mom

8:49

what life a lot of time where my mom

8:51

and be like i'm so sorry like up at a lot of pressure

8:53

on u n n when i look

8:55

back i'm always like

8:58

you know you know didn't you

9:00

needed that support the

9:02

you need about health then as

9:04

your daughter at a young age i had to support

9:07

and hum dil i did i do when my

9:09

mom to feel bad about it because

9:11

my mom crying on pointed only other

9:13

siblings from everything

9:16

that she would see and fees

9:18

him go through that somehow

9:20

kind as sure he did with me because i

9:22

have to be than one who make

9:25

the call read the letters and

9:27

make the decisions with her and

9:29

she find out understood that this is not

9:31

a moderate doses not up lobby this is

9:33

not the lie for you just pick up a phone

9:35

i mean thirsts we have

9:37

to extremely work hard

9:40

we once we

9:42

actually settled down in everything in

9:44

remember as had to go

9:46

walk to switch v six and we were like

9:48

quests as cursory store for

9:51

thing is how can thing know why

9:55

they not deliver food this is i

9:57

love sukkari they're noisy is just

9:59

like

9:59

packing the bag you know with

10:02

another pack the bags out yeah what shy

10:04

and i wow that's why they pack everything for

10:06

you and then they ask you the want us to fit it

10:08

in the choir for you or you can take it from here

10:10

you know and , i remember

10:12

when we did our first groceries and these

10:15

tommy backs and high heels anklet anklet

10:18

within one hundred bucks you on our way

10:20

like way ah

10:22

fifteen twenty inches eight

10:24

oh okay and then we're

10:26

we're waiting for high to put the stuff in the bag

10:29

in no see this through

10:31

the right right there to the cafe max and relevant

10:34

says has and relevant is clearly

10:36

put your stuff they had to and legs

10:39

as coming aim in a time

10:41

where the woods actually and sunni we

10:43

came just tried before september

10:45

eleven as long as saliva

10:47

so high for muslims and and

10:49

this struggle and a was

10:51

just like that was like very hard for

10:54

us made for that

10:55

with are welcome to try know

10:57

my pigs turn one a mall

10:59

gets married and these are family to go live with

11:02

her husband

11:03

those you only fifteen minutes away

11:06

i'm all for her marriage kind of like a break

11:08

up with her family the hill

11:11

the eventually gets pregnant and find

11:13

a lot of support from her mother what

11:16

her daughter's around eighteen months the

11:19

merits the most comes to an

11:21

end

11:22

i'm going through the forest and a

11:25

young age with a daughter who is eighteen

11:28

once was , hard

11:30

and my divorce was really hard

11:32

to voice within an easy device

11:35

he played he role in my life

11:38

in impacted me so my it's and

11:40

ah my mom and everyone

11:42

around me that was close to me and

11:45

i remember saying to myself you know

11:47

i i fall

11:49

apart like i fell apart so bad

11:52

that , remember locking myself

11:55

in the house and i didn't share

11:57

it with my family would white when white was going

11:59

through my mom used to be like you know there's

12:01

something going on with you you're not calling

12:04

as much or visiting on

12:06

, kept to myself i name even told

12:09

my sister or my close friends when i was going

12:11

through through to

12:13

am i just remember like to speak

12:15

side of wanted so immediately

12:19

when i saw my daughter alice like

12:21

the need to be strong for her

12:24

her korea was

12:25

one

12:27

the sea levels she played

12:29

in our life immediately

12:32

what made me feel

12:33

i need to get out

12:35

pick myself up for the

12:37

sake of my daughter for the sake of my sars

12:40

and for the better life for

12:42

better life for my daughter so i remember

12:44

had to move back to the east hum

12:47

, and i moved back to the east arms and

12:49

went back to work ain't

12:52

that's on that's so picking things up for

12:54

my songs

12:55

i told my have had to have

12:57

my own place and my daughter to a close

13:00

to home

13:01

now close to my family and the same times

13:04

where i can play my wall

13:06

as a mother to my daughter the

13:09

and at the same time play my role as

13:11

a daughter to my mom when you're

13:13

with your family and yeah

13:15

you know your mom and mean for me also

13:17

my sister p that fig though

13:21

i , she told me her in my mom

13:23

and he took care of my daughter daughter

13:25

they told me go for a vacation

13:28

since it wasn't even have a case then i

13:30

was seven hammer city for is an airy

13:32

coreys oh i know this discourse

13:35

the family was a was and

13:38

it was in calgary in bad

13:40

all you were all the way the oh wow that are

13:42

treated as i'm aware amazing great shade

13:44

and i remember i went with

13:47

this to amazing friend one of them

13:49

who paid for my ticket positive and

13:51

said let's go and

13:54

my sisters let's go take care of them they and

13:56

my daughter and i'll take and jolla was

13:58

like will be here and

13:59

you know we had another friend who was in the house

14:03

and when i when they're that was the fairest

14:05

time going away from my daughter was

14:07

during the boys

14:10

it was amazing chef and [unk] sharif

14:12

what he did visioning de

14:15

and seeing dot come to like

14:17

a what you're asking a law and

14:19

visualizing that

14:21

change my game plans with i literally

14:24

wine that we went to bounce we

14:26

went to fairmont to telos never forget

14:29

about view

14:34

was the exact mountain

14:36

and the view of the lake

14:38

and it was just so beautiful screensavers,

14:46

if you're going to go to go by life renew,

14:49

that's when

14:51

you going

14:54

there, having a group of people,

14:56

as if mohammed sharif invited

14:59

and brought in to talk about a law and

15:02

to see what do you want to ask

15:04

allow of all i one a

15:06

bullet

15:07

how are you asking the love written now

15:09

which level of gender you're visualizing

15:12

how are you trying to get their what

15:15

are you doing now you know mean and and

15:17

then sometimes bringing things like i want to open a

15:19

business or i when i get out of the situation

15:22

he was literally breaking it down a year

15:24

per year five

15:26

years if he ten years with two years

15:29

and it was like you have to visualize where

15:31

you are if in ten years

15:33

you see yourself of their said what are you

15:35

doing five years from now what are you doing

15:38

two years from now what are you doing today

15:41

why and how are you asking a love for today

15:43

hello cat he was i can never

15:45

forget when he said if you go to

15:48

a rich guy and and richest person

15:50

in the one and ask you what what are you want

15:52

you're not going to say can add pennies you

15:55

know why are you guys talking to a lot

15:57

hundred thailand such manner

16:00

that for me a member of the sky

16:02

man and wife selling nobody

16:04

knows i'm going to do bar is by a lot know

16:06

so like does crying and connecting

16:09

with the mountains and seem to have

16:11

a lot house huge

16:13

the mountains are and how

16:15

the more we look

16:16

right now

16:18

how decrease in a beloved a psych

16:20

analysts so beautiful and

16:23

, allow who created us mountains

16:25

and a lover creative is beautiful view

16:28

is the same is the

16:30

me and you have you know

16:32

sometimes when people have lived there like

16:34

oh this is my lifestyle and this is what i

16:36

have or this is what i am

16:38

this is what i can break on whatever they are

16:41

that imagine the same allow

16:43

that i have to same a lot you have

16:46

join you for fun and how we

16:48

ask of a law it's all different

16:50

because we all have a personal relationships the

16:52

law and is connected

16:54

to allow was

16:57

it just to recruit me again

17:00

get me back to like okay i'm

17:02

ready to go back to china

17:04

play that role as a mother see

17:07

, single mother okay let's think

17:09

that wrong anyway it's like you're tied your waist

17:11

i got to know all these amazing single

17:14

mothers i made a support

17:16

amazing support system i'm

17:18

amazon i'm going to move i'm going to work here

17:21

and everything here and love for

17:23

was just of that falling into

17:25

place my

17:28

sound this new found confidence and

17:30

trust to push forward the pieces

17:32

and glue her life back together as

17:35

what most women are often left to do thankfully

17:38

in the air we live in a more understood

17:41

the importance of taken care of a mental health

17:43

which is why she signed up to go to their retreat

17:46

however a more mom was also

17:49

going through something similar she

17:51

didn't have the same outlives to help

17:53

her like a modest dad

17:56

cheated were most women in her generation

17:58

do

17:59

she kept saying

18:02

the some i prefer that says the

18:04

had a hero which hardly to

18:07

higher waste this phrases

18:09

i used to know it was used to empower women to

18:12

encourage them to take them power back this

18:15

phrase also has been misused it's

18:18

kind of turned into a double edged

18:20

sword now it just means

18:22

shut up and deal

18:25

true there women at a time

18:27

when encouraged to speak up because

18:29

that was seen as a sign of weakness

18:31

the women women

18:34

weren't allowed to be that

18:35

now

18:37

i would say or their my mom was going through

18:40

on depression really

18:43

know about depression too much

18:46

sure i say seen

18:48

a lot of sadness and

18:50

near sighted near sighted notice

18:52

when i got married around the time i got married

18:55

kinder and ,

18:58

really know better remember when i left

19:00

even when i left to call the the

19:03

remember my mom should be so happy

19:05

and excited by the same time there's these she

19:07

was so sad and really know

19:09

why she was so sad you

19:11

know and i know coming share

19:13

the new comer leaving

19:16

, lavish life and

19:18

i know shed a culture shock you

19:20

know she had no support

19:23

i , set aside from zero but our

19:25

language she doesn't speak speak

19:28

was fluent in fluent my

19:30

mom was the type of person who would

19:32

speak and talk speak everyone

19:35

if she entered the room she kind to

19:37

have your personality so bubbly

19:40

and oh thin and smiling

19:42

with everyone and she wouldn't

19:44

meet anyone at anyone

19:46

one to she meets immediately be click

19:50

the you know she had that prison out in that flights

19:52

and coming from middle east and having

19:54

that five pence that supports

19:57

them in everything to place where she is no support

19:59

can speak the language she

20:01

helped a lot in you

20:03

can when she saw me playing that role

20:06

at a young age helping her he

20:09

kept on lot in of sadness

20:12

and so i notice

20:14

during the marriage and when i came back

20:16

that sicily my

20:18

mom thursday's when she gets sad and she

20:21

tries to

20:23

the way she was cheating has sadness

20:25

was going back to

20:27

have a bevy kind of visiting has used

20:29

to go back of a summer and

20:32

should be like okay well enough any that

20:34

all grown i can go back for two months

20:36

and come by in

20:39

those two months for her was i i

20:41

can been sadness without my kids

20:44

seeing me that how i said

20:47

i can change their society and

20:49

maybe maybe swan oh that's making

20:51

me some it maybe i need

20:53

to be where's my husband

20:56

to couldn't come here the immigration

20:58

process me me me

21:00

me me to take my kids back home to

21:03

offer duffy fabulous he was our home

21:07

and coming here she came in

21:09

hopes to the

21:11

see what a lot of somalis com forget citizenship

21:14

a protection of a country where nobody

21:16

can kick you and education and

21:19

he felt like i can give

21:22

my kids this next giving them that

21:24

in that process she lost her so raising

21:27

on salon the

21:29

i saw like i saw her

21:31

i saw i used to see me and my sister

21:34

and my siblings when noticed my

21:37

mom canopy sandwich kind to hide or sadness

21:40

and uncles to a wave of

21:42

depression now

21:44

i know as depression at that time we

21:46

didn't know so

21:48

i used to go through every shift

21:50

was her and

21:53

we are i an inch of like okay have to go read

21:55

put on on me and and then go to the

21:57

whole process the

21:59

was and was

21:59

very intense process my

22:02

role that i said i played i

22:04

played years old came

22:07

back a lot stronger again

22:10

i had to take a to get

22:12

yeah done then i was

22:14

i remember being scared you

22:18

know why do you have to close with as far as

22:20

i know put on his healing the what

22:22

me if you believe flight

22:24

data name you ,

22:26

an ama hearing that from the community

22:29

local she'll it's evil eye

22:31

you get worried

22:33

once we give him on any the lion

22:35

how evil eye and over evil i have have

22:37

you see as i get over you understand

22:39

but at that time you get so scared when it's your mother

22:42

yeah so being

22:44

a mother myself in seen my

22:46

mom going to not was song

22:48

that's the price sucking wave for

22:50

us to not

22:54

i

22:56

it did you see that the study get better

22:58

he will get better for a lead of it isn't

23:01

and will back to square one and

23:04

then should get better if you go

23:06

to another ship then it's back

23:08

to square one zoom in and some

23:10

would say it's them by immense once

23:13

i hate you gotta aim

23:15

is a lie you gotta change environment so

23:17

she used to think okay going back over there be

23:19

very wet for on and myself and

23:22

my found the in my kids will help but

23:24

that didn't hall and

23:26

then he says got worst

23:28

and worries to point to where my

23:32

mom felt like she thought

23:34

the moon and less process you

23:36

know sometimes , explain to

23:38

people and they're like nanos happens

23:41

as a marina secrecy is flush i find

23:43

has nothing long and she will ignore with

23:46

the sheriff sheriff that i have

23:48

evil eye and , when

23:50

i tell ya other she went to almost

23:52

every chef the city the

23:55

to cari to almost a lot of she's in the

23:57

city and

24:00

combine some of the process he was one week

24:04

and then choose one day sometimes as few hours

24:06

sometimes the last few months the

24:10

time he got a point where my mom was like

24:12

you know you don't understand it's it's put the

24:14

issue facing it's evil eye

24:17

in a in assists

24:19

we were going to one after another

24:21

chapter of my mom size of

24:24

seeing what we know we know

24:26

in different stage at that time the

24:29

when we finish the shoe stage it

24:31

was now he

24:34

would be at home and to successor the

24:37

room and in the been that i can

24:39

doesn't eat and as wanna talk to anyone

24:42

mind uses such a social

24:44

prices a lot of her

24:46

friends will ask about her where are you henna

24:49

my mom's name is hannah and

24:51

now where have you been where been where what's

24:53

going on with your long till point

24:55

way she just felt like i got she

24:57

felt like she got paranoid from people

25:01

the man

25:02

when she comes back and she feels good

25:04

and she's out of that stage of ways he

25:07

we trust so beautiful that

25:10

, holder that small from my

25:12

mom you can smell it from miles

25:15

away away has always

25:17

have a bias friday's was her favorite

25:19

days because of gym i

25:22

will wake up early take

25:24

you know which everybody goes to school

25:27

irene our clothes i

25:29

are in her clothes had via

25:32

make sure it's island and then she makes

25:35

sure she goes to the mess

25:37

said with , price

25:39

matching of a whole whole

25:41

mom would where she'll the another that as ally

25:44

of whom it adds your office as a society

25:46

that you really have eroded how

25:48

admittedly see that a mess with heels

25:50

this everybody's wearing boots here is

25:53

here as you say i

25:55

don't care this is how are you dress and everyone

25:57

who knows my mom carries

25:59

her so well and she

26:01

would come in and rec center really

26:04

cool movie woman i met a high

26:06

nine cents in leave will be like be center

26:08

of attention without her wanting to be the center

26:10

of attention and oh smile

26:12

and hunkering kids syrian do everything

26:14

and yet to the cook a killer stay together

26:17

this together this she was so proud introducing

26:20

wow this is my

26:22

daughter this is my daughter is as the you

26:24

know the sushi affect me my

26:26

, my sister's all this acquired one at the backend

26:29

of yeah my mom of the like like

26:31

is my system when in the air my determine

26:33

and this is my daughter emma and the you

26:35

know i will have to health or said if

26:37

you need any help with anything except have

26:39

another note i doing some other appointed

26:42

to appointed how

26:44

fine assess wanted to play earlier wanted

26:46

month i'm all for your services civic

26:48

assume the high you

26:50

gotta help people as she was always

26:53

the service of others he

26:56

, she was always helping others

26:59

sometimes i wonder i got that

27:01

plans plans i realize

27:03

or that i became that mini my mom honestly

27:06

i actually look like

27:08

my mom i am i

27:10

became a copy like her a lot of people

27:12

tommy your storyteller just like your mom

27:15

when i call you sorry sweetie we can assess the

27:17

now set us up you're not going to hear the

27:19

end of the story of this

27:22

i'll tell you every little detail you don't ask when

27:24

that who my mom one

27:26

when she leaves the jamal she was always

27:28

leave with helping someone

27:31

no matter what you need a house

27:33

replace a safer com we have

27:35

you need this need a ride you need this and i

27:37

use of her core your we are in canada

27:40

of as a said everybody safe

27:42

here are some the gala everyone

27:44

in the fields with a global sms sydor

27:47

announced like okay yeah you're right okay

27:49

this is said that

27:51

the

27:53

she go through that leave i'm

27:55

in my mom would disappear again

27:58

for few months and

28:00

everyone would be like the process

28:02

with uma with hollywood on your

28:04

face it as an answer costs explaining

28:07

that to others with also so exhausting

28:11

she's okay she's okay we

28:13

became robotic turn answers she's

28:16

fine dory she's doing good and

28:19

it will be like oh yeah get i'll tell you the city's

28:21

leads you that cheating understand

28:23

the process and we didn't and

28:25

didn't wish we did at that time with him

28:27

and him and where we both will be like

28:31

you get to a mostly frustrated

28:33

and sad to see a mother and

28:35

i stayed with him in a one

28:37

while for your mom and you don't know what's happening of

28:39

us who the she said this and we can

28:41

get out of it and it can happen

28:43

in his sister

28:45

he

28:48

it was to my job i

28:50

was signed for the so sad and when someone

28:52

is very open and known and you

28:54

just go away and disappear it

28:56

over for that pressure where people were couple

28:58

brain ask it was too much

29:00

and they would

29:01

ask me

29:02

and i had to deal with the answer the

29:05

had any and of i can imagine

29:07

it's really scary to give answers you don't have

29:10

you're also worried yeah you know that you

29:12

get show that they

29:14

couldn't so age i saw

29:16

flag i started getting calls

29:19

where people have been like you know

29:22

take care of jolla be

29:24

like what does that mean why how well no

29:26

, she doesn't call or she doesn't do

29:28

you know this take care of her

29:31

her then he went to my mom sleeping

29:33

to other to and being up

29:35

at night time and then sometimes

29:37

you would call hum

29:40

of have friends in a time and there we like

29:43

are you calling a two young and

29:46

for her it was sake

29:48

i would like to come flying yeah they

29:50

couldn't understand

29:53

he couldn't and

29:54

why she's coming over to i am and

29:56

for her it's like i've

29:59

been sleeping on the i kind

30:01

in the dark couldn't

30:03

articulate that because

30:05

we have a thing where we keep our emotions and

30:08

i remember one call one friend

30:10

of my mom where she said javier

30:13

i really think your long

30:16

we wanna taste going crazy that

30:19

was the first shocking call

30:21

i've ever played i said

30:23

why would you think that because she's calling

30:26

as a two am three

30:30

in to hear that as a daughter

30:34

to hear someone say that about your mom

30:37

i never told us to my mother and

30:39

handily last i've never mention

30:42

that to my mom cause

30:44

can you imagine a telling my mom jolla

30:47

you know the word jolla how beautiful it

30:49

is so you means home holiest

30:52

com frayed someone

30:54

called me to say that

30:56

you're crazy and

30:59

i never did that for that and i never told

31:01

my siblings i

31:04

remember telling my my mom's friend how

31:06

they are she's not she's a suicide

31:08

and she doesn't go out with him she's

31:11

home all day and yeah

31:13

but have you know why which com to am i

31:15

remember will lie forget that i'm

31:18

i will make sure how old then maybe

31:20

she can cause someone else so used

31:23

to redirect my mom sometimes and night time

31:25

to call different people

31:28

i knew she would suit you suspicious of me

31:30

why the someone call you on

31:33

nick know and she'll be up and energetic

31:35

at nighttime do laundry

31:38

when people are tired

31:40

and no one understood how

31:43

the will depression please in your body

31:46

the she was trying to hold it together he

31:50

was trying to be strong for i said

31:52

smile and do have all as

31:54

a mother clean kirk's

31:57

everything she's a do a nighttime

32:00

and for her my mom was sense of

32:02

achievement because i'm doing something

32:05

bird

32:06

i com they financed

32:07

in an answer it it's

32:09

okay i can call someone else he never thought

32:11

there would be a detriment back the

32:15

now i know otherwise she can could

32:17

you present yourself

32:20

because of such judgment

32:23

she could receive

32:25

and she was scared

32:28

then she was alone in the process when

32:31

i talk about my mom way now i

32:33

always say to myself

32:37

some we can not say if

32:39

and set off

32:41

and i always tell myself

32:44

i don't want someone else going to let it be went

32:46

through

32:47

they appearance or they loved

32:49

one in sadness in darkroom

32:52

isolated , times or

32:54

waking up at different times and people few

32:56

dozen different not realizing

32:59

that it was depression you know know

33:01

was tell myself that

33:03

you went through you want had to go through

33:05

it

33:07

and if it's not every what some fuck other

33:09

and along i don't think

33:11

as family we would stay strong

33:14

my mother went

33:16

through this year

33:19

the from i went through the feel

33:22

of fear of hazzard went

33:24

through the fear ha

33:26

losing her kid to sit spreads herself

33:29

to doctorates because

33:31

only got to the siege of trying to

33:33

help her we told her

33:35

how you

33:37

let's get help

33:40

he's like no i don't want

33:42

to get help if i feel like i'm gonna lose

33:44

you guys were all over eighteen

33:47

some your another knows anyone

33:50

but , has i fear when it

33:52

comes to them into have and

33:54

it as and it to there's a lot of like fear

33:57

factor that came with this the whole

33:59

the whole l

33:59

like to the been taking from the

34:02

their pants take a they weren't as others

34:04

real threat yes that appears

34:06

that was when they came here and with happening and it

34:08

was happening at that like it with a real actual

34:10

real threat in it so that that it

34:12

till today still exists guess yo

34:15

i can imagine what she was still there like so back

34:17

there is like no way i can express

34:19

my feelings cyclists my kids

34:22

then we finally talked to her to get help

34:25

this by everything

34:28

we went through were talking about nine years

34:30

of struggle

34:32

nine years of up and down and and nine years

34:34

of not knowing what it was

34:38

when my sir finally thought to my mom

34:40

and as journalists get have and

34:42

we got her doctor sadly have to

34:44

wait like six months of the

34:47

she had to wait for six months to get help

34:50

and when we finally got the house

34:52

dr it is size for like

34:54

two minutes this is when

34:57

my sister was with my mom and my

34:59

friend i was

35:01

at work anywhere three two

35:03

minutes only on

35:06

something you waited for six months can you imagine

35:08

this two minutes diagnosis was so

35:10

quick my , couldn't understand

35:14

so my mom had

35:16

my mom in the hospital he

35:18

got so scared and had a breakdown my

35:21

friend was with my mom my sister went

35:23

back and i doctor and expressed we

35:25

waited for so long to get us

35:27

help than treatment my

35:29

mom went to a light to be share

35:32

the fear of adulterated solve an

35:35

end to get the house she wanted please

35:37

give her some time and please see

35:39

her and her was so quick

35:41

to set her down he

35:44

told her this is

35:46

what it was and don't worry come

35:48

back in three months there

35:50

was a diagnosis that he gave her

35:52

he said with suppression

35:55

then we knew is why than the pressure we

35:58

knew there was depression but do with that

36:00

my mom was facing cause she reached

36:02

the stage where she was so scary who's

36:05

of everything and paranoid of

36:07

everyone so he gave

36:09

her on the medication he

36:12

said the medication is going to last for

36:14

three months

36:15

the medication finished

36:17

and she was a psych every

36:20

time she goes through the seat of the press

36:22

in hollywood ass com why

36:25

am i going to this am i alone

36:28

then i always immediately say no you're not

36:30

alone higher as a there's

36:33

some people were side like me

36:35

yeah there are people who retired

36:37

there are people who can get out of the sadness

36:40

and their life turn around

36:43

and such a law that one

36:45

week my mom was with me

36:48

i remember i'm we were

36:50

getting and gas we were the gas hissing

36:52

getting gas and my mama like you know

36:54

she had some type of paranoia

36:58

like that are you looking at me what's happening

37:00

and with who that strangers she's like

37:02

yeah michael your nothing of comforting

37:06

not realizing also the medication finished

37:09

who prayed and

37:11

when i didn't listen she

37:14

didn't want to go to my friend's house i'm

37:17

okay i took her

37:19

took her friend's house in the last

37:22

albuquerque hi i'm

37:24

planning to go back home

37:27

and let me know when you want to go back home i'll pick you up

37:29

and she's like no no you know what i'm

37:32

, go back home lean on and i'm getting

37:34

at a ride and salon ok corral they

37:36

i'll come and pick you up if you want you

37:38

can be with your friend

37:40

my radicals mean the evening and says

37:43

you know late night where is where is higher

37:45

and like wedding mean she said she is coming

37:47

back home in a friend was shopping

37:50

her his act now she says

37:52

you're sleeping or

37:52

her friends house

37:55

hi

37:56

my mom never it's operating

37:58

i'm i would he

37:59

he accuses living over

38:03

not my mom's personality this is

38:06

not wholly are the you

38:08

know so i immediately called all

38:10

and embrace of friends chicago from my phone

38:13

and i answered one of the friends answer

38:15

it and she's a couple years here i

38:18

, okay i'm gonna come and pick her up i called

38:20

my other friend of my com it's me i'll drive my mom's

38:22

car back she somehow got her car

38:25

with my brother dropped her off i

38:27

went there in just before

38:30

i knocked the door to my mom's

38:32

first language is utterly arabic

38:35

she speaks arabic so beautiful you

38:38

typically same oceans and everything so

38:40

beautiful to see not the door

38:42

and she was like bit before enough

38:44

the door i hear it's peak into chef

38:47

and he's i cannot

38:50

lon lon feel

38:52

this is a test or law have for you

38:54

and she said i love

38:56

a loss phone lines

38:59

i just wanna know why am i going

39:01

to this in arabic i see like

39:03

adults and my kids i

39:06

don't wanna tell them any of the stuff i

39:08

don't want to harm my kids even

39:10

in that state she was worried

39:12

a mother will always wary but her

39:14

kids i said to her

39:17

i , listening on my friend was like i

39:19

think they're less watch hearing t v because she's

39:21

as an arbitrary them with others my mom

39:24

and i'm like when we hear what she says and she

39:26

was crying i

39:29

went on lot to help me and a lot to cure

39:31

me this is one day the

39:34

current my mom committed suicide

39:38

one day before my

39:40

mom took away

39:42

and when i heard it at

39:45

night time i was there in the same

39:47

building or that at the same floor

39:51

and

39:53

when i knocked it door my

39:55

mom immediately pushed me

39:57

out of that unit

40:00

and i feel like she did it out of a texan

40:03

and i feel like she did it

40:06

because i felt like

40:08

she was going to commit suicide that

40:10

night you

40:12

know

40:14

the

40:15

for me i had all these softness

40:18

when i hurried sadness and

40:20

and when harm my kids this

40:23

was a ripple april third

40:26

and the next day i went

40:29

i caught member calling my sister and

40:31

my my family in the saying you

40:33

know see

40:34

the polio

40:36

in explain to them what happened

40:39

i just said please feisty with her

40:42

and my brother was like to my sister don't

40:44

way i got it on stay with her and

40:46

someone my

40:48

mom went back to that units a hand

40:50

to that house in the last early morning

40:53

the pro

40:55

i went back to my

40:57

sister was at school shed exams

40:59

she went back i think

41:01

home ending and i was me and was

41:04

at work imagine as

41:07

for an emergency meeting from

41:09

work from my

41:11

boss my manager in one of the board member

41:14

to go from working full time to party

41:18

and my meeting was

41:20

at

41:21

three o'clock

41:23

while i was at the meeting i over it already

41:26

decided i'm going to work part time

41:28

to

41:28

the part my mom

41:31

i got com

41:33

an hour they looked at the full moon wallows

41:35

at the meeting isis is

41:37

t miss costs immediately

41:40

i thought my dad passed away cause

41:44

why he's in middle east is the furthest

41:47

my , skipped a beat also

41:49

scared and i'm telling

41:51

my manager to make

41:53

com

41:56

something happened not

41:59

thinking

41:59

laughing happened to hire

42:01

danny with my own com

42:04

i answered ahead ,

42:07

holiest mean he's making

42:10

what's whole useful mean

42:12

that

42:12

hi when is always full new piece

42:14

asked me to answer meet you know

42:17

i don't try and you know it's motoko

42:19

heard her kids i'm driving a piece

42:21

panicking other as , what

42:23

happened to my mom before give you are full

42:25

of full name is it preserves

42:28

game anymore mckenna month

42:31

he's expand into car accident and and

42:35

what i make

42:37

them calling and just

42:39

before i clean my sister anyone about

42:41

anyone call

42:43

the read a news was broken to me

42:46

the it affects me

42:48

that a coffin man who was crying

42:51

why don't normally is so the states

42:53

whose it is it to your mom

42:56

who has sought out of the balcony

43:05

hi that were immediately

43:08

i fainted i

43:11

remember getting up

43:14

our fight

43:16

what's happened know

43:18

this this sure that's not

43:20

true that silly pro for i told you was

43:22

this with eyes what what , is

43:25

hop in and make make

43:27

a manager company manager you

43:29

know i was working with some organization me

43:31

com we now need said no no no com

43:33

done a clear and breed and you know my

43:36

whoa the fourteen year the bowl

43:38

immediately as had my siblings

43:41

were siblings say

43:43

the anything calm down were gonna go to

43:45

the hospital we went to hospital

43:48

they said he's not in

43:50

this house when on you

43:52

need to go to another hospital

43:55

then we reached the hospital

43:59

our suffering

43:59

when they're with my manager

44:03

remember

44:04

i got a call from uncle who

44:06

said an accident another

44:08

com the city among to herself and

44:10

, manager seeing as much as i

44:13

was there with them and i don't know

44:16

what's happening also

44:19

just kind

44:21

then i did was pretty

44:23

how long somehow

44:25

that pays who cried and said

44:28

is true humans

44:30

who had some kind of about the i

44:32

felt like

44:34

be true

44:36

and then i was there

44:39

the doctor team and said i

44:41

need to speak to whoever is in charge

44:43

of this for a this clown

44:46

this patient i said

44:48

to me he's like a beer crying

44:50

i can assure anything to have anyone else

44:53

do you have your dad yep another sibling i said it's

44:55

only me he , she know

44:57

what happened now he

44:59

said your mom committed suicide bomber

45:01

tall storey building

45:08

the

45:13

whoop

45:18

my mouth he , sweet

45:21

your signature we

45:23

need you to sign we

45:25

need to surgeries we don't have time for

45:27

this

45:28

i am down

45:31

i caught one of my friend and they said

45:34

these my sister

45:36

and my siblings

45:39

within half an hour the hospital

45:42

oh failed

45:45

pricey

45:46

the department

45:48

the people

45:49

i'm

45:51

still time to process what's happening

45:55

i didn't see my love

45:59

i didn't see my mom i'm still processing

46:02

and

46:04

these people who are there i

46:06

, he is to see anna

46:08

we is to see see

46:10

the sources and it took her life

46:13

and him to sitting there hearing

46:15

people hearing soft and

46:17

seafaring my body when flu shot

46:20

at

46:22

i called my brother is

46:24

i have one of my friend who worked

46:26

at that hospital and

46:28

i immediately coffee my peace come

46:30

here

46:33

she was a nice i i don't know

46:36

some out everybody else board hell

46:38

with accept his siblings and her

46:41

no name is when i took and

46:44

see if he really came and explained

46:46

everything and or law here and and or to

46:48

say we went through

46:51

i see you for two weeks filled

46:55

with people

46:56

hi and softness

46:59

what is a suicide in somali

47:01

community i don't even know

47:04

i've never heard anyway

47:07

every comedian anything

47:09

anyone who's close to us it had their own

47:11

life

47:14

amanda doctor came and said

47:16

ten outright

47:19

he said

47:21

you're ready are you ready to see him

47:25

i'm thinking i can how

47:27

can i see my mom

47:28

sure

47:30

he is doesn't look of the say

47:33

i said of course i can

47:35

and then when i when and i was

47:37

the first one to see my mom

47:47

no the heart of a mother

47:50

mother so strong other she

47:54

heard heard and seats as

47:56

quincy's laying down he

48:00

all these hoops her face

48:02

to look beautiful

48:06

and lot online

48:08

that we can remember

48:11

or fries being the same now

48:14

the , of the fight it wasn't that the face

48:16

was and somehow

48:19

on line two inch motivates us through

48:21

this process and

48:23

when i talk to her i remember

48:26

seeing how you everything

48:29

is going to be okay

48:31

hang on one and she cried

48:33

care either not open tears

48:36

rolling down

48:38

and i had to her

48:41

hire a kids will be

48:43

fine

48:45

going to here and she cried

48:48

more wow

48:50

she's attached heat she

48:53

cried more he couldn't open her

48:55

eyes and over the dr singh what are you saying

48:57

i'm like i'm talking to my mom and

48:59

will lie he lie got my piece my

49:02

piece might say please forgive me

49:04

now and his wife in went through

49:07

for being alone is spots

49:11

for coin to all this

49:13

people who touched you

49:17

feeling lonely

49:19

for anyone

49:24

wanted to be song for your kids

49:27

and wanted to go pack your family

49:30

you know if for

49:33

because

49:36

they told me your mom's gonna pass away to

49:40

and i said are you using a week

49:42

hit i never said her ,

49:44

they said i said you have an amicus

49:46

and specially my two younger brothers

49:49

were her right right i said

49:51

they're gonna be i was i promise

49:53

i'll take care of my within reason and

49:56

she'd just cry and cry

49:58

then i the are trying to

50:01

say something to me which i didn't understand

50:04

she was pointing to something like

50:06

like he could remove her hand which is just doing

50:09

this with , face

50:11

moving right and left left they do

50:14

want this to say no then

50:16

as it would you like got on

50:18

she was mad

50:20

because my moment we sort

50:22

of bakara and an enron

50:24

every single day

50:27

every single day sometimes he

50:29

put thing sad when you is eileen

50:32

or you'd trust with your heels and

50:34

you have the whole miles away

50:36

the even i've written something people think like owing

50:39

other prison so happy and

50:41

, on but she was the type

50:43

that would always to add color

50:46

and creed iii to a

50:48

as a sort of the bucket of everything up

50:50

an ama

50:52

she said she wanted to put on we

50:55

immediately got her is the crime and

50:57

was playing

50:58

and my siblings when

50:59

then i remembered

51:02

my dad either

51:04

who is in middle east

51:07

who has diabetes

51:12

who i had to make that phone call for

51:15

i remember telling my uncle no

51:18

one speaks to my simply

51:20

are my dad

51:22

the

51:22

the only one who's a then explain what

51:25

happens

51:26

i had to could her room and i called

51:29

my dad

51:30

that

51:31

probably percent higher pool

51:33

how are you

51:35

i mean i see you and my dad is

51:37

asked me how i am and

51:39

, asking me how's everything everything

51:42

i didn't know how

51:44

to get myself together to get to my

51:46

dad then he just said papa

51:49

what's wrong with your voice

51:51

the data you outside he said yes

51:54

i said oh well can you hold sit somewhere please

51:56

the diabetes he

51:59

said why

51:59

why don't we offer is everything

52:02

okay with you guys a major

52:04

he's major com outside buying

52:08

who's buying the whole for a on

52:10

others

52:12

because someone was coming to canada

52:14

and you have given to them the combined you guys will hold

52:16

on others are quickly

52:19

uncle new please have a seat

52:22

call me when you get home the

52:24

new album than a sit down on my piece com

52:26

you any get home and want you to be safe

52:29

do i need to lose both of my parents

52:31

in one

52:33

he said no

52:35

how can we are both ann

52:39

arbor are

52:42

you i'm kinda hard to say

52:45

committed suicide

52:47

my dad speaks english has had ago

52:51

are you from the hospital he said why

52:53

is it she's in the i see you in

52:55

the says she's gonna pass away tonight

53:01

you might said

53:04

are you

53:06

manner

53:07

mine are they

53:09

the nice and harmful what happened

53:13

a boy committed

53:16

embracing that new my

53:19

that

53:23

he

53:25

met used to my dad was so high

53:29

who is in the market in in

53:32

the mom buying perfumes and the horrors that

53:34

his wife loves and

53:36

is the it like say no

53:42

he sat down and he said in early know

53:44

encourage own in ,

53:47

has bail on their men were killed

53:50

that up a please please can you

53:52

be safe i called one of my uncle

53:54

to make sure

53:57

that my dad is safe

54:00

hundred and now i'm my uncle's my

54:02

uncle got to my dad

54:05

or juri sided with the i

54:08

see you for two weeks her

54:11

home now was the

54:14

hospital

54:15

the do it

54:17

that night he said my mom is linda

54:19

passively

54:22

whenever she didn't

54:24

i felt like along gave us

54:27

i'm time with her we

54:29

didn't know that's going to be two weeks

54:32

he was two weeks in , journey

54:35

at the hospital this one inch seen journey

54:37

so i would take twelve hour shift

54:40

and my sister will do another twelve hours

54:43

hours the people will come in between day

54:45

and night every day we had

54:48

minimum mom

54:50

i would say eighty two one hundred people

54:52

that would come and visit my mom hello

54:56

with a point where the i see you department

54:59

will feel like he

55:02

know so many people cool

55:05

you mom in the community

55:10

i remember at one point

55:13

my mom was not refer to her name

55:16

anymore

55:17

he was referring to

55:19

the bad number and

55:22

it was so sad it was so sad hearing that

55:24

like when you hear your mom is

55:26

referring to bed forty eight

55:30

when you when you enter college and you want to see

55:32

okay who would you like a visit bet forty

55:34

eight and was on your mom's name anymore

55:37

that whole thing was very new to us

55:39

being in the ice you for the first time it's very

55:41

new

55:42

the houses saying

55:45

suicide at the hospital

55:47

was new saw lot

55:49

of people couldn't go to my sister as

55:52

lights they would wait

55:54

till i com only because

55:56

again the role that i played a

55:58

with my family and

56:01

i would ask me questions like what's your mom

56:03

crazy

56:05

the hangar

56:07

your mommy says

56:08

how

56:10

did your mom actually talk to your

56:12

but killing fisa

56:15

did you mom really how

56:18

i'm just

56:20

wondering how could you talk to me

56:22

my daughter

56:24

how could you see something like that

56:28

how could you mention and talk about my mom like

56:30

that

56:31

and

56:35

i got to realize that

56:39

to step up for

56:42

myself honestly

56:44

step away from the circle

56:47

when people used to come and visit i used to just

56:49

go sit next to my mom who by

56:51

the way after the first nine when nine tacoma

56:55

and she couldn't get out of that coma solicit

56:58

, her and comfort her and talk

57:00

to her and in whole says she can hear

57:02

us us every day they

57:04

would say she's not gonna survive she's

57:07

not going to last and

57:09

last when you come to the waiting area know these people

57:11

and hundred now i'm not gonna lie though there was

57:13

lie though of support people give us food

57:16

cause or somali community were very good at that

57:18

uses to speak amount

57:20

of support and help

57:23

that to the i realize

57:27

we have family but it's

57:32

not my mom not my

57:34

died matt my up

57:36

t my

57:39

have a yard my cousins

57:42

and it so that so that the moment when

57:45

it hit us

57:47

the family all had and was more than

57:49

one was paying more than one well was wholly

57:51

on today's

57:52

the time

57:53

oh

57:54

and looking at my siblings

57:56

was really really hard and

57:58

we couldn't or feature

58:02

the

58:03

avoiding each other by the

58:05

motions and being that we couldn't help each

58:07

other

58:09

one of my friend when she heard what

58:11

happened so from other the next day

58:14

we treat my mom way

58:16

her mother

58:18

when my mom she would sit there was

58:20

reading or on and threats of bahadur for

58:22

my mom in in with

58:24

their with us

58:26

then i remember that passes just

58:28

before she last two

58:30

days before my mom passed away you

58:34

may choose to weigh in the room the

58:36

friend and handlers if is since she came

58:38

she confronted tied hither

58:40

and he was hippa she's such a gift

58:42

to us she was really

58:44

playing hole in her name coming

58:47

, other in like twenty four hours and

58:50

being there she was such

58:52

was gift for us she would ease

58:55

situation up waiting

58:58

area flies would literally

59:01

that people will be like was a monk reason

59:03

to do we need to hear this way know wow

59:06

do you really need the sensory now

59:08

it's is going to help you she

59:11

put a smile in our face i don't know

59:13

how what does he believe me

59:15

heaven means gift in arabic

59:19

she was truly a gift

59:21

for us these

59:23

as she states work only gave

59:25

her i believe ten days

59:28

something like that and those ten

59:30

days shows with us

59:32

the night at the hospital literally

59:35

talking to people see you

59:37

know they don't need to hear this are you

59:39

here to talk this is not a place

59:42

to talk go somewhere else

59:44

helping , to eat and comforting

59:47

us and it wasn't only

59:49

ever literally my friends

59:52

are that have paid of whoa like

59:55

your family

59:57

the token his day night and

59:59

i'm been hf the night

1:00:02

shift between my , who would

1:00:04

put their kids to bed only

1:00:06

to com and night when

1:00:08

you i left with your thoughts

1:00:11

and , there with me envious

1:00:15

the have no idea what

1:00:17

to say to me i had no idea what to say

1:00:19

but the new hello your and they

1:00:21

would be there with me and

1:00:24

that's when i realize unlike

1:00:26

can't leave

1:00:27

moon in the situation

1:00:29

mom left me with friends who are like samui

1:00:33

care

1:00:35

of my daughter who were

1:00:37

there for us as you see my see my

1:00:40

dad was into situation in he was helpful

1:00:42

and her ground loss they played every

1:00:44

wolves for my family

1:00:47

my sister can testify that's

1:00:49

upon along i needed anything

1:00:52

in daytime when i time they were there and i'm like

1:00:54

that website is you others who

1:00:56

is who is here be like your bus or

1:00:58

will i have on on

1:01:01

i have him the i have blue that i

1:01:03

have you know have heather i

1:01:05

have you do we have the triplets we have

1:01:07

fed the recall the typical the somali to

1:01:10

feed ourselves and i

1:01:12

mean was just going on and on like

1:01:14

this series supporting us day and

1:01:16

night my daughter was

1:01:18

like this is your found the

1:01:20

oppo take care of them

1:01:23

and

1:01:25

he got out of the coma a me

1:01:27

and my sister were looking on my mom and

1:01:29

she got up other out of nowhere

1:01:31

smile she got us out

1:01:34

of nowhere slightly slightly elevated

1:01:36

had her eyes open for the

1:01:38

first time in that whole process

1:01:41

and we're my says we're fighting for that smile

1:01:43

holyoke you see ah yes and then she

1:01:45

was smiling and to that most his mother

1:01:47

me and will sit on we to and we were

1:01:51

i hope for those two weeks

1:01:54

thinking

1:01:55

that

1:01:57

sharma my mom is going

1:01:59

to live

1:02:01

my mom is going to wake up

1:02:04

every single day we had either

1:02:06

social worker or therapist

1:02:08

who had com tasks and oscars

1:02:11

what do you guys plan to do

1:02:14

if your mom get out of the situations

1:02:16

what panty have for her

1:02:19

so that gave us a hope that my mom

1:02:21

is going to live he should really get

1:02:23

out of the situation and we have to go through the

1:02:26

procedure of we had

1:02:28

we have three

1:02:31

we have been going

1:02:33

, the procedure we have ain't

1:02:36

, to ask them how do i call

1:02:38

can a break the situation to

1:02:41

my daughter and the city have to tell

1:02:43

the truth hiding

1:02:45

math and my daughter was at five years old

1:02:47

at that time who is very very

1:02:50

close to my mom then she got out of

1:02:52

the coma we had hoped when

1:02:54

we saw her smiley even posted

1:02:56

online saying we don't know what tomorrow

1:02:59

holds but we know that today

1:03:01

we can sleep with comfort because

1:03:03

my mom got out of the coma for a few seconds

1:03:06

and gave us a smile april

1:03:09

seventeen

1:03:11

two thousand

1:03:13

having team

1:03:14

the doctor told us the next twenty four

1:03:16

hours your mom is between

1:03:18

life and and

1:03:20

they talked to my sister finish

1:03:23

with have ah receptor was there i was home

1:03:26

my sister called me and said you know you need

1:03:28

to come back home though

1:03:34

april nineteen i came back

1:03:37

seventeen of course i came back to

1:03:39

eating they told us humans on a personally i'm

1:03:41

on that impassively then then that's

1:03:44

exactly on the eighteenth

1:03:46

they literally emphasize

1:03:48

any moment

1:03:50

you're always gonna pass away

1:03:53

t serial mom and define

1:03:55

to die

1:03:57

soon

1:03:58

what point can

1:03:59

the have for her to go to

1:04:02

rehab the

1:04:05

whole nother ballgame of

1:04:07

emotions none

1:04:10

of us know what to plan for when

1:04:13

that moment comes and know when is ever prepared

1:04:15

to lose a dead of a loved one

1:04:19

the be your mother empty

1:04:21

hear that phone doctors who

1:04:23

said they did everything they can do

1:04:26

unfortunately

1:04:28

see now got an infection increase stomach

1:04:32

who the suicide clean kill

1:04:34

my mom bitingly how

1:04:37

to be an infection out of the blood

1:04:39

hannah long

1:04:41

and we just sat down and a said to

1:04:43

us going through the scary procedure

1:04:46

if your mom passes away

1:04:49

you wanna see the cpr

1:04:52

before we pronounce

1:04:54

issued if she's dead we

1:04:56

said do everything you can do

1:04:58

and we know we have to leave the rest

1:05:01

a lot she

1:05:03

didn't mention because her body so fragile

1:05:06

where did we do cpr might break and

1:05:09

will her bones we

1:05:11

like to what you can do to make

1:05:13

hello live the

1:05:15

winner mother to be alive

1:05:17

april

1:05:20

nineteen twenty

1:05:23

eight am

1:05:26

me through the machine system that

1:05:29

of equipment they're attached to my mom

1:05:32

please chess hurried

1:05:35

he

1:05:37

the people that

1:05:41

mom went from alive

1:05:44

the dead by just hearing that

1:05:46

the

1:05:49

forerunner to saying goodbye in

1:05:53

we meet sure

1:05:55

no one sees my mom in that situation

1:05:58

for the two weeks he was and because had

1:06:00

hold his gonna get out i can mention

1:06:02

she loves to dress up she

1:06:04

, beautiful she

1:06:07

had a smile on her face last

1:06:09

thing any those people to remember my mom

1:06:12

such a venerable situation

1:06:15

i knew she would on like it so

1:06:17

use it's healthy for no one of them as he my mom except

1:06:19

my siblings is him com um

1:06:21

pay your respects guys no problem

1:06:25

april eighteen in the evening

1:06:28

everyone secret by

1:06:31

the doctor told me let people say goodbye

1:06:34

i did

1:06:35

the hardest goodbye lists

1:06:38

when my dear friend night on she was holding

1:06:40

my daughter he couldn't be

1:06:42

there every day because she was taking care of li yan

1:06:44

at home making her busy with

1:06:46

busy with kid

1:06:48

i can't really say can you bring layers

1:06:52

he was with me at the hospital was bringing landed

1:06:55

she left the said bring her back and

1:06:57

she knew from my voice

1:06:59

he had to bring about because it was a good fight

1:07:03

and to hold my daughter was

1:07:05

so close to her grandma

1:07:07

you know who you are you it is

1:07:09

he doing it is sleeping

1:07:12

the polio ale is not feeling

1:07:14

well but what is from

1:07:16

my doing

1:07:18

she was five years old i want to

1:07:20

kiss and make

1:07:21

ukraine like and a hug

1:07:26

the you how you i couldn't

1:07:28

tell her you com as gonna die i to

1:07:30

sit give her a kiss and hug a tight

1:07:32

hug lucchese ,

1:07:35

her and gave a tight hug she

1:07:37

was asked me why see years at years year hurt

1:07:39

herself that's all i could

1:07:41

explain a you you hurt herself from

1:07:43

a hurry to hurt herself either

1:07:46

to tell right away took her home i

1:07:49

saw as sleep one

1:07:52

saying goodbye

1:07:55

current

1:07:56

me and me something couldn't process

1:07:58

as she's gonna leave us

1:08:00

and when that pete sound came

1:08:04

and he took all the equipment salad

1:08:06

the

1:08:09

next chapter well i sided

1:08:11

appearing for the genocide

1:08:15

how do we prepare for geneva

1:08:17

where he to even start with agenda

1:08:20

who do we contact hundred

1:08:23

elo working with the community and contacting

1:08:26

brother who was indigenous

1:08:28

i he just came into care of everything

1:08:31

i sell

1:08:33

i'm like

1:08:36

he

1:08:38

how you close who from the hospital

1:08:41

and they tell us he has to call back home

1:08:44

her party's we can't felicity

1:08:46

you we're

1:08:48

going to release it to the tunnels that he

1:08:50

ain't the barrier service and so

1:08:52

on a man

1:08:55

coming to them as shit and pulling

1:08:57

my mom out of the freezer in

1:09:00

pain to us the team of

1:09:02

also is ready and

1:09:05

i said over me and my dad near

1:09:07

misses are going to wash my mom's body and

1:09:10

they said know you guys another into that then

1:09:14

i said yes we're going to do that within

1:09:16

a watch my mom's body and they said

1:09:19

a body we're going to i

1:09:21

knew it the

1:09:24

height of going to be very affected

1:09:26

by this and i said to them

1:09:28

if them if laying there do

1:09:30

you think my mom

1:09:32

we didn't

1:09:33

home the

1:09:35

the

1:09:37

ritual and a certain everything

1:09:39

on me he weren't as

1:09:41

much as it's painful me and my sister fight

1:09:43

it another one law

1:09:45

he of like a the sixteen of tranquility

1:09:49

when we lost my months body

1:09:52

we never thought the samuel

1:09:54

came from over the we were going to

1:09:56

bury a mother six feet under here in china

1:09:59

the never

1:10:02

in some kind of humphrey came

1:10:04

to us died to

1:10:07

me in maryland now

1:10:08

we're in mainly roger

1:10:11

that you know that was beautiful a lot of people keep

1:10:13

me to ah it was painful

1:10:16

the same time it was

1:10:20

i couldn't explain it was

1:10:23

i couldn't see was good bye he

1:10:25

was in saw a la jolla he

1:10:28

knew he limps you're asked her see

1:10:31

you in a better home

1:10:33

we came here with our mom

1:10:37

this is my mom passed away

1:10:39

either i feel like we don't

1:10:41

have don't have hi

1:10:44

yo is a home how

1:10:47

you is a com for it a

1:10:50

, you is everything

1:10:52

and my mom was the father them liberia

1:10:54

that grandfather has every well

1:10:56

she played and has

1:10:58

and when she passed away

1:11:02

why we felt like we

1:11:04

have no one in canada

1:11:08

and i couldn't explain

1:11:09

the new with any other feeling of the

1:11:11

feelings of feeling

1:11:15

light among are now

1:11:18

and we're like how

1:11:20

would he

1:11:22

living life like that before he was only

1:11:24

all wheel oh you please hold

1:11:27

much role and when she

1:11:29

laughed

1:11:31

my own siblings couldn't go back

1:11:33

to the house

1:11:35

where's where's home

1:11:37

there were his home home

1:11:40

for as now either is the graveyard

1:11:43

my mom graveyard

1:11:46

that we were holier is and

1:11:48

when your loved one is buried six

1:11:50

feet under hannah

1:11:53

lot so

1:11:55

and need realizing

1:11:58

that no wonder

1:12:00

if any here holy his voice

1:12:03

no one or been around back home your

1:12:07

mom and talk about id the

1:12:09

name anything we wanna do we

1:12:12

like saying that are visits are

1:12:14

no longer weekend visits

1:12:17

the house from home sweet

1:12:20

home calling

1:12:21

when my mom wanted to get hold of us you would

1:12:23

call us twenty times in a row a

1:12:25

sexy get a hold of us are becoming claws

1:12:27

are no way or has it doesn't

1:12:29

matter that twenty call is that com

1:12:32

the writing there is no more those miss cause

1:12:35

realizing you're not going to hear i cook the special

1:12:38

meal for you today

1:12:40

then realizing everything house it's

1:12:42

coming this is the end for

1:12:45

your mother your mother used tenure

1:12:48

the and

1:12:50

i remember when we had to pick my mom's

1:12:52

price and

1:12:55

got her belonging and put away her belonging

1:12:57

and her beautiful debt as was shelved

1:13:00

two suitcases enjoy

1:13:03

seeing her place where she had a high does a

1:13:05

she always lot

1:13:07

husband and listened the orange running arabic whoa

1:13:10

that's the that's a that's a hoya is that what

1:13:12

, it away have that one in their back progress but

1:13:14

i feel they have right zola

1:13:17

going through that reading going reading seeing the pictures

1:13:19

into the eyes higher than some of the letters

1:13:21

some had for us she would always carrying

1:13:24

all our patriots

1:13:26

gave me

1:13:28

dr ah other

1:13:30

who do something for myself

1:13:33

and others in the community is

1:13:35

so their first thing i did

1:13:37

that was to hear

1:13:38

i'm healing i don't understand

1:13:41

how could you heal from

1:13:41

the site

1:13:43

why i'm a mother to the same time n

1:13:46

n v there for my daughter

1:13:48

alice single mother that time and

1:13:52

didn't and and i try

1:13:54

to go back to my

1:13:56

the to day weekend was the first

1:13:58

outing i went to was

1:13:59

we have a monthly book club and

1:14:03

going to see my book club friends

1:14:06

not every so sad to see me

1:14:09

the made sure to continue

1:14:12

the obsession to go normal i

1:14:15

just wanted something to block normal back

1:14:17

to for me what at that time i didn't know what

1:14:19

normalise yeah normal for me

1:14:21

was see people without them looking

1:14:23

at you oh

1:14:26

miss keen like her she's

1:14:28

a girl the mom went to a this

1:14:30

is so when i went through that

1:14:33

outing and the reading the book

1:14:35

and i start crying

1:14:37

but with book of it still remember

1:14:39

the success that the center to

1:14:42

has a book club threw it over you are

1:14:44

if it's are just being would

1:14:46

their company that that was my first

1:14:49

out he

1:14:50

and they gave me certificate

1:14:54

he said be planted under my mom's

1:14:56

name a sort of italia ah that's

1:14:58

incredible as soon as he

1:15:01

me that i just cried

1:15:04

i don't even remember we to i don't think we talked about

1:15:06

the book was specifically said i was

1:15:08

a book to assess says see

1:15:11

know i was assassin for that

1:15:14

mind that death

1:15:16

you can share your grief in playing

1:15:18

we're all com fighting the have

1:15:21

then i felt not charged tiny

1:15:23

insults scared you

1:15:26

know okay and

1:15:28

win a game in the city figured under my mom's name

1:15:30

i told myself and i paid i

1:15:33

need to go to another

1:15:34

of hearing

1:15:35

so i signed up for

1:15:37

grief counseling which

1:15:40

i could any medicine what it was

1:15:43

i one they're only to

1:15:45

see

1:15:46

physically you a suicide related

1:15:49

the people who lost their a sign

1:15:52

their daughter their my their my

1:15:54

their their wives and husbands

1:15:56

their kids to suicide

1:15:59

and it was sunday trade and

1:16:02

to see and hear that experience

1:16:05

go through that and

1:16:07

it was sixty eight weeks process

1:16:10

two week after week year people

1:16:12

process and what they went to i

1:16:15

felt like felt like alone i

1:16:18

felt like do is group of people who understood

1:16:20

me

1:16:21

that

1:16:22

he that you feel

1:16:24

that will look also there you go through cause people

1:16:26

will see what a smile and the local

1:16:28

she's okay seems okay i'm

1:16:30

breaking down from the inside

1:16:33

our first ease

1:16:35

imagine was a pope's and then

1:16:37

was a month later within a woman on my

1:16:39

mom passed away obama i don't

1:16:42

even know how we went to it so

1:16:44

i told myself when i went to rome milan and

1:16:46

eat without whole you'll

1:16:48

i need to this grief council pulses

1:16:51

right what i really need and

1:16:54

syria a two k you can go to

1:16:57

that and us the guy who assume

1:16:59

the counselor at that session

1:17:01

he lost his sister to suicide

1:17:04

hence why he does this system

1:17:06

when he said he does it because it

1:17:08

reminds him of his sister it's is coping

1:17:11

mechanism wow and

1:17:13

he wants to give back to the community i

1:17:15

said community wanna beat him one day

1:17:18

and then it will get certificates were

1:17:20

i have no idea i'm just

1:17:22

going to google mental health

1:17:24

and i'm going to get certificates and

1:17:26

, there's one does fit enough mental

1:17:29

health certificate mm mm

1:17:31

mm mm mm only

1:17:34

mental health certificate yeah

1:17:37

how'd you find the i have no idea

1:17:39

i googled it all that and i really isn't

1:17:42

really slow for a mental health i was pulling

1:17:44

i was googling mental health certificates

1:17:46

mm as certificates was like you have

1:17:48

the experience get the knowledge

1:17:51

also to help people are absolutely right

1:17:53

i could talk about personal experience

1:17:56

but girl get some education

1:17:59

of how to

1:17:59

share

1:18:01

that's painful experience

1:18:03

talk to people so

1:18:05

how do you apply for a man but i do not

1:18:07

believe that i , such

1:18:10

as you get to let me tell you how are you apply

1:18:12

for that i just put my name i

1:18:14

set off and eight off and it's of my sister said

1:18:17

we're going here why is it only for a man

1:18:20

ukraine and then i said i get a d

1:18:22

meat is it's into their one and also yet to be i

1:18:24

also says of belongs exclusively to them

1:18:26

and why is it on facebook an open to everyone in a

1:18:28

society but of size said

1:18:30

were going applying i thought group of amazing

1:18:33

women cashman i don't have enough us to smell

1:18:35

of us and she's an amazing

1:18:37

i'm sorry she was there was

1:18:40

it as it it was it as a kid m and ms and

1:18:42

group of women that were there and as that i'm getting

1:18:44

messy typical we got there early we sat

1:18:46

in the front amazing have your

1:18:48

sister was part of it they were doing this

1:18:51

the own officially center on

1:18:53

the state cs sunlight

1:18:55

this is amazing i'm writing everything

1:18:58

down ah , this is a training

1:19:00

session and i'm like either going to give me certificate

1:19:02

the like yeah and i'm like although

1:19:04

is all the for the

1:19:06

a man i'm here i am going to do the

1:19:08

said the can mean and yet had a lot you know

1:19:11

so i got a certificate it gave me a boost

1:19:15

make a how to get another certificate you

1:19:17

want to get a sort of the trade he said i've

1:19:19

lived in this train as far as

1:19:21

naga i'm going far yeah i'd

1:19:24

i'd ah my friend gave

1:19:26

us another significant for a statement a whole set

1:19:28

of a kid muscle not with do in such

1:19:30

immediate response and and consulates islands

1:19:32

so once i love that our that

1:19:35

i know i've died certificate

1:19:37

then i told myself

1:19:39

the apply for school

1:19:42

wow i i ne was like

1:19:45

i need to go back to school

1:19:47

i , honestly think she's applying to

1:19:50

different schools for then as i say

1:19:53

program would use t of i

1:19:55

don't even think they can access to me pope why

1:19:57

not to differ reference

1:19:59

used he's like that

1:19:59

the school

1:20:01

in canada let's consider what at when

1:20:03

american i believe will be considered style

1:20:05

was like that for us for those who wonders for

1:20:07

she's like applying for the best university

1:20:09

university of toronto receipts are auto

1:20:11

which is the best of a by the way it's the university

1:20:14

created insulin we have yeah

1:20:16

like you know there was a sound insolence oath

1:20:18

of bridge universe big

1:20:20

one sata to us to use on

1:20:23

t side was so scared

1:20:25

i applied and i got accepted

1:20:28

i got him i was like so

1:20:31

sad them whole you listen harry to see that

1:20:34

but at the center was so scary to sail setting

1:20:36

tell people gregory

1:20:38

directly apply to that if i feel so that you

1:20:40

know what is now set us up so

1:20:43

, mile zone i could just as

1:20:45

addictive rejected by some as soon as they

1:20:48

are more from you t who sale

1:20:50

sale in others it and so ah

1:20:53

than had i been in a pass for his

1:20:55

see her you apply these i did i

1:20:57

got in a finished my first my

1:21:00

and i was like i thigh

1:21:03

fitness this was an intense i quit

1:21:06

my job i saw my during school

1:21:09

i need to go back into something

1:21:11

for the community i love to educate

1:21:13

myself so i applied for equity studies

1:21:16

i love africa here i secretary said out me

1:21:18

as i as a program i also like i was

1:21:20

doing without he to yeah definitely

1:21:22

think these in tinted now the critical in

1:21:25

solidarity inequities ladies

1:21:27

and i said i'm going to do that and

1:21:29

minor and women and gender cities

1:21:31

and women hop in psychology i

1:21:34

said get that women's ride

1:21:36

gets your equity ride that the

1:21:38

men to hide a lot of i see as a

1:21:40

santa last the youth youth

1:21:42

took basically a really difficult was difficult

1:21:45

mom of your life and he said how do

1:21:47

i take something and nine somehow

1:21:49

flip the and make it to someone change

1:21:51

at allies as you for your such as yourself

1:21:53

with people around you because and i was

1:21:55

so tired of people looking at me and be

1:21:58

like oh are you with i curl

1:21:59

there are grown now i'm like yes and that

1:22:02

girl i'm all for charles out of we

1:22:04

get a stadium of always asia and

1:22:06

i am that girl who will own her

1:22:08

mother's sorry you're not gonna put an

1:22:10

end to my mom's name by see him

1:22:13

out the one who took her life she was more

1:22:15

than nine eleven the she was she was

1:22:17

and she was a daughter she was a friend showed

1:22:19

the wives you know and

1:22:21

she was an inspiring person i i

1:22:24

wanted to own my mom story when

1:22:26

you take a charge of the saw you on

1:22:28

it the narrative session it's your

1:22:31

race so i didn't want my mother

1:22:33

narrative and him means just be end

1:22:36

with the lead you took her life

1:22:37

the

1:22:39

i was i know you're that is

1:22:41

gonna put your name up your kids

1:22:43

will put your name of and my siblings weekend

1:22:46

those a separate rain

1:22:47

i guess it was support me for

1:22:50

taking my daughter to school lane and

1:22:53

and my brother is being there and and

1:22:55

hundred and lot like

1:22:56

the became so close

1:22:58

and i

1:23:01

was psyched

1:23:02

oh and graduating this a

1:23:04

problem yeah

1:23:06

can we you know one more time you are

1:23:08

here though retire my mom you

1:23:10

don't represent with these has difficulty

1:23:12

is now graduating from the best university

1:23:15

in canada and one of the world

1:23:17

, with honours yeah and you

1:23:20

and will obviously human less likely than than

1:23:22

city thunder a

1:23:25

modern women gender studies and but

1:23:27

the how the psychology a look at it

1:23:29

could you have ever imagined know

1:23:32

that this is how and where you would be now

1:23:35

i never thought an iffy

1:23:37

today i never thought

1:23:39

when ah we went with us experience

1:23:42

that i would be in this position

1:23:44

in life i and and never thought i

1:23:46

also got married wow

1:23:49

let me tell you how life has

1:23:51

them

1:23:52

the

1:23:53

literally my mom to offer

1:23:56

me to the t and

1:23:58

while i sometimes and i look at that's why

1:24:00

they importance of of mothers to are even

1:24:03

when they're gone the read

1:24:05

my is still with you some honolulu

1:24:07

what see if you see it coming to

1:24:09

live with your mom makes to have

1:24:12

for you and your parents it's so

1:24:14

powerful you know no one else and local

1:24:16

except it

1:24:18

like my mom he does a

1:24:21

i always tell my husband you are it to the teeth

1:24:23

what my mom pay

1:24:24

for me

1:24:26

and your team in a perfect time

1:24:28

in my life

1:24:30

n to have

1:24:32

my son that i give for it certainly still

1:24:34

be in school and not take time

1:24:37

off and be pregnant and and

1:24:39

how does support it

1:24:41

from my husband

1:24:43

my reward him i said and done it

1:24:45

without him one see in my family

1:24:48

and in in saw him you

1:24:50

see this is all yours to her she'll as you see

1:24:52

me she always you see may you

1:24:54

go back to school or you graduate

1:24:58

may you have an amazing has van

1:25:00

me you help always people

1:25:04

you know for handler and and like

1:25:06

we're allies planned in the way that you were how people

1:25:09

wow in panel and i really want to healthy

1:25:11

for through counseling i shared my mom

1:25:14

story to give people

1:25:16

hope that mental and

1:25:18

less

1:25:19

the illness shouldn't define

1:25:20

the prison

1:25:22

now you're more than hope

1:25:25

that person who is locking

1:25:27

them something that's through the darkness

1:25:30

a you're not alone and that you see

1:25:32

ceylon moon we as a community honestly

1:25:35

me to do better need to do

1:25:37

better stop judging stop

1:25:39

putting people down stop looking

1:25:41

at people and be like you know big

1:25:44

my rant went to have we need to stuff

1:25:46

seen we don't place

1:25:49

when someone back there like other if

1:25:51

you were collected a less somehow i hope you don't

1:25:54

i would never blame him be like hello other

1:25:56

want to book a leg or this is what other

1:25:59

is or i got a cancerous

1:26:02

people sympathize with you can i see it physically

1:26:05

and because they don't see mental illness is

1:26:07

a clear

1:26:08

the

1:26:10

the jewish people look down on them

1:26:12

and , need to stop doing like they can help

1:26:14

it yeah like that it's like that causes themselves

1:26:17

get this presumption like oh

1:26:19

you did this yourself or or you

1:26:21

weren't a good muslim vienna

1:26:23

lager zero line

1:26:26

is we are you man is leaking amazon

1:26:28

we heard that i my mom was

1:26:30

say that for she was telling their shifts their

1:26:32

love the law i praise

1:26:35

i read the koran

1:26:37

that we can not tell people they you're a man

1:26:39

is weak spiritual it's

1:26:41

one thing but we can not people

1:26:43

put people dance for they illness

1:26:45

and say it's because of you that's

1:26:48

because of your he mans you're going

1:26:50

through that's a hundred law we cannot

1:26:53

label people you know

1:26:55

so that whole liebling

1:26:58

enlist in in in in calling

1:27:00

, the name calling and everything in the sigma

1:27:02

the shame and everything isolation

1:27:05

and fearing nice to stop the

1:27:07

i system when i went on my absolutely

1:27:09

either closer view guess how do you

1:27:11

start the conversation with the family member

1:27:14

who you might think is going to depression

1:27:16

i'm see sit down ask

1:27:19

them how they doing and just listen

1:27:21

to them how

1:27:23

are you how's everything

1:27:26

not directly a uk

1:27:29

is uk is just be

1:27:31

there sometimes sometimes they don't want you

1:27:33

to talk be there physically

1:27:36

i haven't been an accident

1:27:38

together the want

1:27:40

to do this

1:27:42

how covered with the one at home for one

1:27:44

be as a support

1:27:47

not in a way you want but in

1:27:49

a way they want you to be there the

1:27:51

support everybody's different

1:27:55

honestly sincerely

1:27:58

how are you doing

1:28:00

the

1:28:01

really

1:28:03

sorry like remind me of like

1:28:05

you don't think my parents the

1:28:07

go to so many things i forget their human

1:28:10

you know i forget the they're human think

1:28:13

they're to be invincible

1:28:15

they can possibly yeah sad and

1:28:18

and and at it and i think there's also the voting

1:28:20

they carry to the i'm very keen eyes

1:28:23

i my cousin see that side of me and they should at

1:28:25

know soon and

1:28:28

the didn't we see that something is wrong and

1:28:30

and suddenly was scared to

1:28:32

how the asked if they need help they can

1:28:35

, as a child the can you help them

1:28:38

you know how do you helped somebody helped your mom

1:28:40

yeah you know your mama's boys the know how do you

1:28:42

that is always upon our the other cities you

1:28:44

know cities you you're as you're know you're like know

1:28:47

you're gotta be superhero and we read that either

1:28:49

have or were have now my dad is in

1:28:51

on a from that in that it's allies and

1:28:54

how

1:28:55

the we trying to help him and you're going to the

1:28:57

early stage of your life right now you

1:28:59

are as a hub for your parents had the meet

1:29:01

at this age

1:29:03

and when you see your parents at that stage

1:29:06

is

1:29:06

hundred another great blessing to have the parents

1:29:09

who you're going with and who is still

1:29:11

alive and it's a blessing and

1:29:13

like you said they're human yes

1:29:16

there's superheroes even the

1:29:18

here is a human and and

1:29:20

they still have feelings

1:29:22

and emotions

1:29:24

hurry the fuck

1:29:26

human i worked in this earth is a process

1:29:28

homeless for and look what he went through an old

1:29:30

a hardship you have to for a lot

1:29:32

to show us that even the pass

1:29:35

is is still a human and

1:29:37

sometimes that's what i do other i

1:29:40

connect people to process and

1:29:42

on and sort of the her

1:29:44

enlarge suited to how was telling

1:29:47

my mom does a powerful to her y a

1:29:49

y u so super connected with that i

1:29:51

love acid or as very sorry

1:29:53

to sort of that the her and

1:29:55

when i love hannah tyler and

1:29:57

they came down at down at where the readily

1:29:59

you know calling for

1:30:02

us and them than vision on the sat hair

1:30:05

in a musician and all that start calling him a

1:30:07

lot of name you're

1:30:09

in a suit our age when a lot

1:30:11

from atlanta starts with food

1:30:13

at at the ha bothered with less it on

1:30:15

it in what the ha in by the day

1:30:18

me either says our he

1:30:21

now and the night when it's cover

1:30:23

ice may lead to a

1:30:25

terrible car one that i love to

1:30:27

hear it up argued the lord has not

1:30:30

fully say kid you

1:30:32

no

1:30:33

has he forgotten you regret

1:30:36

, i always connected with soda

1:30:38

to the have had to learn that

1:30:41

have series and things to society me

1:30:43

and society me have reached jr said details

1:30:46

you know it has not

1:30:49

forgotten you the new

1:30:51

lord has not abandoned neil and

1:30:54

to connect us outta with someone who's

1:30:57

going through depression

1:30:58

the world

1:31:01

can call you crazy the world

1:31:03

can isolate you mahmud

1:31:05

light and

1:31:08

in a law reminds of ruff as well

1:31:11

as hitler to trade letter mean

1:31:13

a little that

1:31:16

the hereafter is better for you from

1:31:19

fly if is silly his first

1:31:21

i am ,

1:31:23

told me i remember reading this

1:31:25

food to hoyle hoyle she

1:31:27

knew every weekend is going to that the seed

1:31:29

with her it was so beautiful

1:31:33

in for me i take that

1:31:36

see rizzuto

1:31:38

small sura as a

1:31:40

reminder pauses or two hundred

1:31:42

clue to the presidency of of he went

1:31:44

through

1:31:45

i'm and it's gone

1:31:46

they'd part of it is some

1:31:49

right is and why

1:31:51

would have listened a profit as a human

1:31:54

they remind us

1:31:56

that even the best mankind

1:31:58

on this earth feel sad feel

1:32:01

sad who are we

1:32:03

as human one people

1:32:06

sealed damn on and sad

1:32:08

to label them and put them down hautala

1:32:12

the homeless it's is actually you incredible

1:32:14

to think about i'm

1:32:16

but a so empowering so uplifting it

1:32:18

so uplifting to to remember the

1:32:20

allies not forgotten as at her even

1:32:23

when we feel forgotten even when you

1:32:25

feel you think about use of alison up when

1:32:27

up when in

1:32:28

the employment

1:32:30

and you can imagine when you're in a place like they feel forgotten

1:32:33

yeah right

1:32:35

it's and degree he was you know

1:32:37

the and

1:32:38

well i didn't

1:32:39

yeah you know and it's even more everywhere

1:32:41

you finish the story you know how much a lot

1:32:43

of plans for her how was he

1:32:45

had in store for him how

1:32:47

to use authorities actually and actually and

1:32:50

here are the most beautiful story and it

1:32:52

has incredible gen in there

1:32:54

if those are like really focus on learning it but

1:32:57

i did they give you server and and and then

1:32:59

a how his story played items they wow like

1:33:02

all i had never forgotten him he wasn't it was

1:33:04

it kinda visit possibly he was following

1:33:06

along the entire time i was so

1:33:08

precise of when relief would com

1:33:10

and with things would change at how he would

1:33:12

make sure that use of was okay yeah i

1:33:14

listen i'm and is just as as it is

1:33:17

important for us to look at these examples in these

1:33:19

moments any stories and reflect

1:33:21

in say when we feel sad when before

1:33:24

alone like you're at it is

1:33:26

it just you your you might be sad right

1:33:28

now you might be depressed

1:33:30

right now you might be grieving right

1:33:33

now

1:33:34

and with feels super

1:33:37

alienating and the lord

1:33:38

and it doesn't feel like the world

1:33:40

is in color and you're trying to

1:33:43

not let your friends know and scarier family

1:33:45

members off with the grief is sad to see you

1:33:48

feel

1:33:50

know that you do a lot those the

1:33:53

lord knows a lot nose to the depths

1:33:55

you don't confuse closer to us

1:33:57

the not in our juggler dame

1:33:59

so he

1:33:59

the absolutely

1:34:01

in the to feel the alienation that you feel

1:34:04

it is reassuring to know he's closer

1:34:06

to us

1:34:08

the and to know that he

1:34:10

the not forgotten the ruminated

1:34:13

emma is is the idea of i haven't

1:34:15

forgotten because i i'm i'm thinking

1:34:17

of you and , know when of

1:34:19

standing with you and i'm there you know

1:34:21

his his is such

1:34:23

a beautiful reminder so reminder

1:34:26

want to segue to this what

1:34:28

ninety nine name of allah

1:34:31

do you feel really see story most

1:34:34

man

1:34:37

man lives

1:34:40

the most merciful throughout this whole situation

1:34:44

my so it has murray see

1:34:46

over and over again

1:34:50

in the situation of how he can be

1:34:53

merciful

1:34:54

seen everything that we went

1:34:56

through her life being

1:34:59

an overview with a my phone thing

1:35:01

the with her family coming here also

1:35:04

as worst of all going through my

1:35:07

mom seat of life and everything

1:35:09

she went through and just especially

1:35:12

the help we got at the hospital

1:35:14

two weeks hop

1:35:18

not having a family member

1:35:20

having friends or merciful and

1:35:22

you see a loss mercy sending

1:35:24

his i'm wary see on us to

1:35:27

defend , been hill hill

1:35:30

just a very year very burying

1:35:32

your own mother and is going

1:35:34

through that process differently of

1:35:38

healing

1:35:41

there is no way i could make it without

1:35:43

the most merciful

1:35:45

and who are when i was going to my months

1:35:48

to nasa summer split three months

1:35:50

of to me

1:35:50

i don't know i

1:35:52

the kept referring to senator man over

1:35:54

and over again and they kept crying

1:35:57

and just pay

1:35:59

being reminded which of the

1:36:02

save with of a lot could you deny

1:36:05

i'm being reminded between

1:36:07

sort of man and threaten

1:36:09

the house which always connect to eat

1:36:11

veal or didn't front gates you from sick

1:36:14

in you for , as with most

1:36:16

merciful that meme

1:36:18

of a long like a single

1:36:21

man you had motion as continued

1:36:23

have them myself as how person

1:36:25

continue the be that so

1:36:27

son died five they

1:36:30

connected with i mean so

1:36:32

wow personally and lessening

1:36:34

the help me any got to personally

1:36:36

would stick through and live and

1:36:39

it's only to a less noisy that noisy was able to get

1:36:41

up the next absolutely an m

1:36:43

an m there as a role as a mother

1:36:46

my five year old wasn't even

1:36:48

going to school including this the armor

1:36:51

and it'll filter to gotta go and can

1:36:53

imagine being a mom and having a new

1:36:55

voice allies in on his his

1:36:57

mercy for that we we get into all the things

1:36:59

and feel accomplished and go to bed

1:37:02

okay of are not rps

1:37:04

and you know we used to go to bed side

1:37:07

and when but it was through a lot more see

1:37:09

i can wake up and deal with the day

1:37:11

deal with the day was on last crazy get

1:37:13

up and and face people who would say

1:37:16

to you

1:37:17

you know girl they human

1:37:19

six her life away and you will i get

1:37:21

yes i am and her name is and

1:37:25

are you have more than that

1:37:27

the the person

1:37:30

not the illness

1:37:33

wow what a beautiful way

1:37:35

to and

1:37:36

the episode see the person not

1:37:38

illness the highlights for it is always going to

1:37:41

remain resonate with me i'm

1:37:43

i'm extremely touched by your story a man i

1:37:45

don't even know what to say

1:37:47

and i'm gonna hold the memory of your mother

1:37:50

the one member the memory that you're saying

1:37:52

about her smiling and the because

1:37:54

it and you know that version of her and

1:37:56

i'm the sick of her often in nyc to offer and

1:37:59

to all my

1:37:59

the news on please keep how

1:38:02

jolla hannah of the a hammer on

1:38:04

c hammer in your do i

1:38:06

he rude eyes what

1:38:09

are granted a higher level agenda

1:38:11

high level and i feel us

1:38:13

interview not you all with her made

1:38:16

, of first day you get in she greets

1:38:18

you aim and all you and our loved

1:38:20

ones me loved the us

1:38:23

can talk about

1:38:24

the difficult moments you can

1:38:26

be relieved

1:38:28

you know now day for with this is happiness

1:38:30

and peace and tranquillity be a long ago

1:38:32

reality and mean i mean filler bless

1:38:35

you guys truly guys are actually euros

1:38:37

a huge heroes are you able ticker the

1:38:40

most difficult strategy but

1:38:42

they've got tragedy and humid out a good

1:38:44

the new book have been alive you did

1:38:47

this for a loss they can as closer that's

1:38:49

research export

1:38:50

you know and i'm and i really believe

1:38:52

that's the case here you know he's a

1:38:54

law has plans a huge plans for you guys and

1:38:57

the i let me guess we're sick of illicit i just ah

1:38:59

cool of it's for sharing

1:39:01

sorry but not having happiness

1:39:03

in loving memory last forever inshallah

1:39:05

me think saturday can i

1:39:08

know i have you

1:39:13

sean my hope is he doing while

1:39:16

she , a

1:39:18

giver

1:39:20

perrier or anything physical

1:39:23

fight so that's it the harder than i expected

1:39:25

a muslim have , very

1:39:27

very very shy or you know like that i

1:39:30

never i never meet a lot ever

1:39:32

only giving people know like i

1:39:34

saw uncomfortable with his in

1:39:37

the comfort you gave me insula with

1:39:39

two boys and sometimes and

1:39:41

law against for his to specific

1:39:44

individual know i'm all

1:39:46

requested for , to recite

1:39:49

said i do have have is very

1:39:51

shy very again say because

1:39:53

i guess i'm very uncomfortable as was hiding out loud i don't

1:39:55

know over to the mall asked

1:39:58

me and because of who she is

1:39:59

friday to do

1:40:02

ruby naive enough

1:40:04

sale pineal regime

1:40:07

this mean humorous

1:40:10

manual raheem

1:40:13

one for ha

1:40:15

when lady that says now

1:40:19

what dug out of book our

1:40:22

map one

1:40:24

an athlete a to played on

1:40:27

letterman and who

1:40:30

one else over year old the garage

1:40:33

book ever total law

1:40:36

mm yr did that i had seen

1:40:41

well we're dead aca law

1:40:46

her the woah

1:40:48

dead or guy our

1:40:52