0:01

You're listening to Giraffe

0:03

King's Network.

0:13

Welcome to the big

0:15

suey presented by Giraffe King. Why

0:17

are you listening to this show? The podcast

0:19

that seems very similar to the other Dan Levitard

0:22

podcast. I'm sorry. I'm not going to apologize

0:24

for that. In fact, the only difference seems

0:26

to be this imaging. I have been tempted

0:29

in restaurants just walking past tables

0:31

to grab somebody's fries. That

0:33

if they're just there, that hasn't happened to you

0:35

guys. I've done it. And now here's

0:38

the marching man to nowhere, fat face and

0:40

the habitual liar. Stugatz turns

0:42

to me and he goes,

0:43

the good news that it's all is

0:45

that it's all coming out now. It is. Yeah.

0:47

It's breaking up. What your phlegm? Yeah.

0:49

That's what you're waiting for, right? It's like, it felt,

0:52

it felt very tight. I don't know if that's what I

0:54

was waiting for specifically. Well, not

0:56

you, but I was waiting for that moment. I'm sorry

0:58

to do this in front of you, but

1:00

the medication is kicking in and I haven't

1:02

gotten to the strong stuff yet. I mean,

1:04

wait until I take this date. Well, with FAPO,

1:06

cool. I thought he was referring to like

1:09

breaking news reporting about something

1:11

until I realized he was talking about his own congestion.

1:13

Yeah. Yeah. That's what's coming

1:15

out. That's what you wait for though, right? You wait for it to

1:17

break up. As it comes out, it starts to

1:19

feel good. Much like Albert

1:22

Pujols

1:23

better out than in. Judges. It counts.

1:26

No, it's a poop. I thought we ruled out, ruled out, but

1:29

in general, that's a whole new

1:31

pool hole is in the butt and booties.

1:34

Yep. I had Marion butts though.

1:36

That closed out the butts category. Yeah.

1:39

But Pujols. Okay. You're right. So Mike

1:41

got hit by lightning. Not me specifically.

1:44

The airplane I was in. I walked in today.

1:47

And there was this whole thing about how there was lightning

1:49

and Mike almost died.

1:50

Well, that was after he Tony topped my story

1:53

about seeing someone get bit by a shark

1:55

over the weekend. But I do want

1:57

to hear Mike's airplane story.

1:59

Actually, no, I don't want to hear Mike's airplane

2:02

story. I'm going to leave. I don't want to hear

2:04

this. It sounds terrifying. It's

2:06

very odd and unsettling. It wasn't terrifying

2:09

credit to the pilot for making that as smooth

2:11

as can be. But, yo, I was sitting

2:14

in a plane that was delayed for

2:16

I was on the tarmac already for 90 minutes.

2:19

I mean, I had already taken my nap. Only 90 minutes? I

2:21

was, but we were on the runway. Just flying out of LaGuardia.

2:24

Seriously, all these delays, what's up with all the

2:26

delays? Well, the delays down here, because

2:28

the weather has been crap and crap

2:31

everywhere. Yeah, we were delayed

2:33

because bad

2:34

weather. We took off in

2:37

about 20 minutes into our flight.

2:39

We got hit by lightning. Now you may ask, how'd

2:41

you know? I don't want to hear it. And you'd

2:43

be surprised how easy it is to tell

2:46

if your plane's been hit by lightning. It looks

2:48

and sounds and feels as

2:50

you might imagine. There was a clap. There

2:52

was a flash of light. There was a vibration. There

2:54

was like a weird like tenth

2:57

of a second where everything kind of like faded

2:59

down and faded back up again.

3:00

And it felt like from my seat,

3:03

there was like a half second where we were just kind

3:05

of gliding. And

3:08

it was surreal. What's your move? Surreal.

3:11

So my move when something bad is happening on any airplane

3:13

is to immediately lock eye

3:15

contact with a flight attendant to figure

3:17

out if they're worried.

3:19

And I'm just going to base how I'm worried on

3:21

whether they're worried. What did you

3:23

do?

3:24

So the lady next to me,

3:26

she dug her nails into my forearm pretty good,

3:29

which was weird because her husband was sitting at the chair

3:31

next to you, went to me, but it's okay.

3:34

So the beef, I mean, this is all

3:37

paying off. There was like not my entire life

3:39

flashed before my eyes, but it was my life

3:41

as it stands right now. The messy go

3:43

before my eyes. Well,

3:46

it hadn't happened yet. Jeff

3:48

Ruiz's various NIA deals in

3:50

the summer of 2022. The public's video. Wait,

3:52

Mike, help me out with this. Are you saying you knew

3:54

that it was lightning? There was no discussion

3:56

of, Hey, what was that? There's

3:58

a flash of light that kind of.

3:59

fills the cabin. There's

4:02

the sound of lightning. There's like

4:04

a weird tilt of the plane. It's

4:07

pretty easy to tell. There was one person

4:09

saying, was that lightning? There's

4:13

a whole bunch of people being nervous

4:15

and I had kind of, I

4:17

processed everything. I thought about my

4:19

daughter, I thought about my wife

4:22

and I thought about Roma

4:24

and I thought, man this sucks. That

4:26

was my prevailing theme. Like

4:28

I wasn't really scared in the moment, but

4:31

we're talking about a half second here,

4:33

but my whole thing was, oh this is how

4:35

I'm gonna die. And

4:36

then I googled

4:37

how often this happens and

4:41

at no point, the Wi-Fi worked. At no

4:43

point during this Google did I realize how

4:45

reassuring the Wi-Fi working is actually

4:47

to my current situation.

4:50

It

4:50

only hit me after the successful

4:53

Google result that I realized, oh the Wi-Fi is working.

4:55

I guess we're okay, but

4:57

the average commercial airliner

5:00

gets struck by lightning every

5:02

one to two years. Every

5:05

plane. They're built for it. They're built

5:07

to absorb the shock of this. And 20

5:11

minutes after the incident,

5:13

the pilot came over and he said, as

5:15

many of you... 20 minutes later? Yeah.

5:18

That is way too long. Way

5:20

too long. He's flying the plane. The

5:23

Cuban pilot has a... Don't

5:28

talking. It was a Miami-based flight

5:30

crew. He actually walked over? Like

5:32

he walked out of the cockpit? No, no, no.

5:35

He walked out of the cockpit after we safely

5:37

landed to get his. And his hair was all... He was

5:40

wearing the hat. Dude wanted his flowers. I

5:44

tapped him up pretty soft. He deserves

5:47

them. Yeah. But he said after 20 minutes

5:49

he went over the PAs. As

5:51

you probably piece together, yes

5:53

we were struck by lightning. Not to worry folks.

5:56

This does happen more than you think. They're built

5:58

to sustain these hits.

5:59

We have a whole checklist that we want to leave the voice. The

6:02

pilot voice is a reassuring voice.

6:04

It is, but I need it sooner. Like, don't let

6:06

me, Pablo, I can not sit there wondering

6:08

what just happened to the plane for 20 minutes. I

6:11

need that message. I need that assurance sooner.

6:14

One of the weirdest pilot like voiceovers

6:16

I've ever had. Excuse me. Sorry. My

6:19

bad. It's everywhere.

6:21

Sorry. Um, we hit. It's

6:24

bulletproof class. I mean, we

6:26

see each other out there. Oh, sorry.

6:29

Anyway, so we hit like insane

6:31

turbulence and the pilot comes on and he's like, Hey guys,

6:33

like be, be aware, like be in

6:35

your seat. And everyone's freaking out.

6:38

The guy next to me is praying. Like we're shaking really

6:40

bad. And for some reason the pilot

6:42

was like, this is the time to read the drink menu

6:44

options. So everyone is living

6:47

out and he's like, we have Pepsi

6:48

and Diet Pepsi, but not

6:50

Sprite. We have a story that is

6:52

the off brand of Sprite. And I was like,

6:54

well thank God I know this while I'm like about

6:56

to die is that I know that CRM

6:59

S is rebranded to story. Some

7:01

people are just finding that out for the first time right

7:03

now. I found out like, well, I thought

7:05

like this plane is going down. The man next to me is

7:07

praying. I'm like, should I like call, like

7:09

text my family? And I'm like, all right, well, at

7:11

least I know the Dr. Pepper's coming any minute now.

7:14

Have you guys ever gotten into

7:16

the brace position? No. I

7:18

was on a flight to Chattanooga,

7:21

Tennessee to cover the one

7:23

double a title game, Joe Flacco and

7:26

his Delaware blue hands against our Monty Edwards

7:28

and app state. And we were

7:31

flying in a line six and a half. Yeah. I

7:33

had our Monty. Yeah. They covered. I

7:36

got into the brace position at the

7:38

direction of the pilot who told us

7:40

all to get into like, you

7:42

have to like

7:43

grab your ankles and like, I

7:45

can't do that. Classic joke. Classic

7:48

joke. Put

7:50

that out for pools in the air boys. We're

7:53

landing. It's going to be bumpy. He came out,

7:55

took a picture of it. BBM did to all of his

7:57

friends.

7:58

So you grabbed your ankles now. What

8:00

were you thinking of? Is that all? Was the turbulence

8:02

bad enough to warrant this or was it just a surprise?

8:04

No, it was like on the descent. The turbulence was terrible.

8:07

He told us all to get in the brace position. I got

8:09

into the, all of it was very, very,

8:12

very scary. I was sitting next

8:14

to a graduate of Appalachian state

8:17

and I just thought to myself like,

8:19

this is how, this is how it ends. This

8:22

is how it ends. And we,

8:25

spoiler alert, survived. Went to

8:27

a tailgate in the parking lot of the Chattanooga,

8:29

Tennessee football stadium. Nice. And she passed

8:31

me my first glass of moonshine to celebrate

8:33

that

8:34

we survived. They make the best moonshine

8:36

up there. It was headed to me by a guy who actually

8:38

looked like an old prospector. That's what their mascot

8:41

looks like. It was all extremely

8:43

as you would have imagined it. I think I've told the

8:45

story on this show before that my dad was

8:47

ticketed on a flight that crashed, but he didn't

8:49

make it on the plane.

8:51

Maybe I haven't told that story. Yeah.

8:54

When I was a baby, my dad was supposed to be on

8:56

a flight from Chicago to Pittsburgh that crashed

8:58

and everyone on board died. It was one of the last major

9:00

commercial airline flight crashes in the

9:03

United States, but he either

9:05

changed his flight at the last second or didn't make it on the flight

9:08

and ended up on a different flight. But my family didn't

9:10

know that he wasn't on the plane. So we all

9:12

thought that he died. And then lo

9:16

and behold, we

9:17

were in Pittsburgh and he was just, he showed

9:19

up at my grandparents house and that's how we

9:21

found out that he didn't make it on the

9:23

plane. You guys sobbing. Before

9:25

cell phones. Yeah. My mom was like, shit.

9:27

My mom was like, Ooh, I have two

9:30

babies. What am I going to do? Yeah. Everyone

9:32

was freaking out. Everyone was calling my grandparents like

9:34

is Mark okay? And they were like, we don't think so,

9:36

but they didn't have cell phones. They didn't have like

9:38

a final flight manifest ready

9:41

until like hours later. So yeah,

9:43

my family all just thought he was on the

9:45

plane.

9:45

If cell phones did exist for the moment

9:48

when your dad walked in the door, what

9:50

a TikTok that would have been. Holy

9:52

shit. Maybe we should virally

9:55

recreate it. Ice cream so good. Strong

9:59

daddy. yes gang

10:01

gang he avoided that she's

10:03

Tex thanks for the glizzies it's like final

10:06

destination you ever see that movie yeah

10:09

I can never drive behind oh no death is chasing

10:14

him yeah that is chasing your father

10:17

dad walks in and he has a super imposed cowboy

10:19

hat right him

10:22

cowboy I can we

10:24

talk about pinky doll yeah I mean right

10:28

now is through the roof

10:30

sorry Tony so they started me is not

10:32

me maze that this is

10:35

a tick tock live thing right yeah

10:37

and so it's we're at the point

10:39

where I just sort of connected dots

10:42

and was already numb generally to that

10:44

the fact that we were doing this now but

10:46

this is now just a thriving economy

10:49

like one person can you explain

10:51

to the audience what we're talking about with pinky doll

10:54

no want to take a stab

10:56

at it or based I can't even explain

10:58

it tick tock live to be honest with you

11:01

I don't know what it is Google pinky doll do

11:03

I have to pinky dolls becoming one of

11:05

the biggest stars on the planet right now okay

11:08

it's true oh my god we should make Stu got to

11:10

make one of these videos mmm ice cream

11:12

so good thanks for the

11:15

glizzies just

11:17

flam noises it's breaking up pinky

11:20

doll so people are masturbating watching

11:22

this just right to the chase what

11:25

I had it whoa I hadn't

11:27

even thought of that what a weird

11:29

kink to see someone pop

11:32

a single kernel of popcorn in

11:35

in a hair iron I've never seen

11:37

that before and I just assumed

11:40

now I hadn't considered that if

11:42

I'm being honest really it's Wow

11:44

your mind oh I'm the freak you be

11:46

that's what's happening I'm the no no no I genuinely

11:49

never thought that someone jacks off to this

11:52

what

11:52

yes you're the freak if Mike Ryan

11:54

hasn't thought of this I'm sorry I'm taking off to

11:57

everything that's my point you know in which bench

12:00

heroes burning like 35 Barbies I'm like

12:02

someone is jacking off to that absolutely messy's

12:04

gone that was out in the open I know

12:07

that was accepted I heard it all the

12:10

way from the diner I've never really realized

12:12

so there might be an anime

12:14

tie in because this seems heavily influenced

12:17

by anime

12:19

business it felt it feels

12:21

anime and I'm looking for a life

12:23

there is a lot of my culture is not your costume as

12:26

an Asian American when I watch these videos for the record

12:28

they do loading screens they do loading

12:30

screen movements and a lot

12:32

of their delivery does seem heavily

12:34

influenced yeah like they're almost dubbed

12:37

over like anime characters they

12:39

have big eyes and they're anyway

12:42

Lucy can you are you how long yes

12:44

young person

12:47

this is not the side of tick-tock that I am

12:49

on I just want to make that super clear

12:52

I have seen most of this on Twitter

12:54

I use the

12:56

ashtray I did all right well I guess

12:59

we're just gonna keep going yeah

13:05

this

13:08

is how it ends but lightning

13:10

just almost got attacked by a shark I feel we're

13:16

right in the hot hand I think we're good

13:19

you literal heat check unless your dad's here

13:22

my like big contribution to this is you can make

13:25

money on tick-tock lives that's all this is

13:27

about I make money when I go on tick tock life

13:29

not doing these things

13:30

that we're talking about football

13:33

but yeah you can like send people gifts and requests

13:35

and stuff like that and it can be very lucrative

13:38

it should not just be all

13:39

lucrative thought to me I had

13:41

to see that's thousands of dollars really

13:44

yeah a day a month yeah there's

13:46

people that have been imitating these videos now

13:48

because they found out how much pinky dolls making

13:50

doing they're doing it poorly and still

13:53

making hundreds if not thousands where

13:55

do I get this up and just

13:57

tick-tock how do I download it app store

14:00

I'll teach you how to do it. I probably have. So hold

14:02

on, people give people money like Twitch where you'd be like,

14:05

oh, here's five bucks, here's 10 bucks, whatever.

14:06

It's come in weird form. So it's like, here's

14:09

a rose and that rose translates

14:11

to X amount in the TikTok creator

14:13

fund.

14:14

It's very odd. You want

14:17

ice creams from what I can gather or glizzies

14:21

and you have to thank people for them or say,

14:23

mm, ice cream so good. All right.

14:26

TikTok it's called? Yep. T-I-C-K.

14:29

Thank you. T-O-C-K. Always

14:31

there for me. We do have

14:33

to do one of these. At this point,

14:36

Sugats would actually be very popular, I think, on this

14:39

platform. I mean, I'll do it if I can make

14:41

money. I have so many TikTok trends that

14:43

you would crush. I'll teach you how to do all of them. Why is everything

14:45

in Chinese? Hey, Levitard

14:47

Show listeners. It's Mike Ryan here and I sincerely

14:49

hope you're enjoying your summer. My summer

14:51

has been pretty cool so far. I

14:54

often go home after a really long day of work

14:56

that the listener doesn't seem to really appreciate.

14:59

I go outside and crack open a beautiful

15:01

white can of Miller Lite. And I have

15:03

myself some Miller time. I am not

15:05

a care in the world when I have that wonderful 96

15:08

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15:10

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15:12

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15:14

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15:16

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15:19

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15:21

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15:23

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15:25

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15:28

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16:51

Dan Lebotard. Take a mental picture.

16:53

Okay, I take a mental picture by blinking.

16:56

Yeah, I just did that. Okay, great. Stugatz.

16:59

So you've taken a mental picture. Now, you should make a noise

17:01

too. Did you

17:03

get it? Yeah. This is the Dan

17:05

Lebotard show with the Stugatz.

17:08

Stugatz,

17:09

I've gotten our best people on

17:12

it, our youngest people on it. And

17:14

I've been told that by show's end, you

17:16

will be able to do a TikTok live. Okay.

17:19

Yeah. But you have to, you have to

17:22

come up with your shtick. You

17:24

get awarded things. So you have to say some,

17:26

you have to have signature calls. Okay. So

17:28

if someone gives you a rose, you have to think of,

17:31

ah, D rose. Like you have to just

17:33

figure something out. Got it.

17:35

Yeah. The Rose Bowl. Ah, the granddaddy

17:37

of them all. Granddaddy of them all.

17:40

Granddaddy of them all. Granddaddy

17:42

of them all. Ooh, ice cream. So good.

17:44

Seems easy. All right. So we're, I'm

17:46

being told right now that we have to cease

17:49

operations and evacuate the building, but disregard, disregard.

17:52

I know I told you if it does it twice, maybe pay attention

17:55

a little bit more, but I think we're good. Yeah. We're,

17:57

we're, we're definitely not.

17:59

Gonna die despite no warning saying

18:02

we're gonna die good in fact I'm the type of

18:04

guy you want to fly with now I always thought it was a mean

18:06

because a mean said he's never gonna die on an air right

18:09

you certain of it

18:10

He knows how he's gonna die in a car accident mm-hmm,

18:13

so I wasn't with a mean and that was my problem, but

18:16

now

18:17

You're good chances of me being in

18:19

a plane getting struck by lightning twice Very

18:22

slim right very very so what they

18:25

say lightning does not strike twice Mm-hmm well

18:27

done

18:28

so you buyers before flying together.

18:31

This is concerning. I mean the fires

18:33

fire In

18:37

the bucket

18:38

I think that's what made you crave the cigarette you saw all the

18:40

other cigarettes in the bucket you're like hmm Yeah,

18:43

I think I can add another one that the pack that

18:45

I bought on the way here But I forgot the lighter Fuentes

18:47

explained to me in the audience where we're at

18:50

with our tick-tock live

18:51

This is what you get for solving the Rubik's Cube

18:55

Here's thin is figuring out how to do a tick-tock live so we

18:57

can have stupid NPC I only

18:59

remotely know but here's to know more about these things so she's

19:01

setting it up right now, and I just do gots his Guardian

19:04

how is he gonna get paid for this I?

19:06

Don't

19:08

know Glizzies

19:11

I'll cut you in you're gonna get glizzies. I

19:13

don't know what that means Glizzy is a hot

19:15

dog. Did you not know this no a glizzy

19:18

is a hot dog. Okay? Yeah, what did

19:20

that start?

19:21

That's a good question

19:22

It's one of those things again that just pops up, and I'm

19:24

like I guess that's a thing now pre pandemic

19:26

I think is when it started like 2019 as

19:28

I started hearing about glizzies, and they really

19:31

took off during the pandemic

19:32

You're a New Yorker right yeah,

19:34

you'd never heard the term glizzies be no In

19:38

New York no Originally

19:41

a slang term for gun in the Washington DC

19:43

metropolitan area then became a hot

19:45

dog Nickname because the length

19:47

of the Weiner is similar

19:49

to the extent of a gun

19:52

the wiener. Oh, yeah, there's a there's so when you

19:54

order a hot dog now You go up to one of those dirty

19:56

water dog stands you ask for a glizzy. I'm not

19:59

I'm not or you just say glizzy

19:59

Give me a dog with crowd right?

20:02

Spicy musters?

20:03

I love spicy musters. All right,

20:06

I'm being told Sughats is on TikTok

20:08

live right now. Is this mine? Yeah,

20:10

yeah, that's it. We'll figure it out. Right. All

20:13

right, so. I mean who's making money off of me right now? Look

20:15

at the screen. Yeah. And remember you want to

20:18

texturalize. This is what I've been told from creators.

20:20

So

20:21

you want to texturalize the screen.

20:24

So do things with your hands. Okay. Okay. Sughats

20:29

is waving. Sughats is, it's

20:31

like that scene in, oh yeah, there

20:33

it is. It went from arrival, Natalie

20:35

Portman like gesturing in front of the alien.

20:38

It's

20:38

a thousand dollars right there. Window to

20:41

raving. Is that Amy Adams? Oh,

20:43

is it Amy Adams? I think that's Amy Adams. Arrival,

20:45

maybe. Oh, it definitely is. Okay. All

20:48

right. Are you being gifted anything? Are you seeing anything on the screen? Well,

20:50

yeah, hearts. Oh, we've

20:52

got 13 people watching. Annihilation

20:56

is what I was thinking of. Oh, like that

20:58

weird, like, I know thing. The other one. Yeah.

21:03

All right. Just, you have to react to the things that you're

21:05

getting because those are guests. I can't read them. No

21:07

one sends me them any time. You have to

21:10

put on your reading glasses. Put on your reading glasses. I

21:12

got to see if I have those. Ooh,

21:13

whatever filter they have on you, it's making

21:15

you look really good right now. Really? Yeah.

21:18

You got 250 viewers right now.

21:20

Right. So when, when Mike,

21:22

when you say, when I see something, I need

21:24

to respond. So I'm just seeing hearts right now. Yeah. So make

21:27

a signature call for hearts.

21:28

Jason Hart. Well, maybe like.

21:31

Heart to heart. Yeah, that's, that's

21:33

fine. Great show. But say it in a funny

21:35

voice. Why? Because you have to do

21:38

things that are distinct to you. Oh,

21:40

okay. Yeah. You're trying to become an IG influencer. What was that?

21:43

An influencer. He has a rose. Oh,

21:45

he has a rose. I have a rose. Granddad,

21:47

everyone. I don't know. Must've

21:51

been the roses.

21:54

All right. Now you do that every time

21:56

you get that song. You do that every time

21:58

you get a rose. How much money do I make?

21:59

I don't know about this yet. I think that was two

22:02

cents. Really? Yeah,

22:04

but imagine. Oh, you got a glizzy. What's

22:07

a glizzy? We just explained

22:09

it to you. Oh, yeah. What's your signature

22:11

call

22:12

for a glizzy? Glizzy with mustard

22:14

and krauts. All right, so you have to do that

22:16

every time you get a glizzy. Done. I

22:18

gotta write these things down. Hold

22:19

on, my read-by. You got sent a mustache and hat also.

22:22

I did? Monopoly! You

22:24

got something new. You got a pretzel. Oh,

22:26

a pretzel. Salt and

22:29

mustard and spicy mustard.

22:33

And Andre the Giant, one of his famous

22:35

moves, was called the pretzel. Did anyone know that?

22:37

So are you going to say that every time you get

22:39

a pretzel? Which one? How

22:42

about you sing like pretzel? OK. Something

22:45

like that. OK, I got

22:46

you. Singing seems to be key. Fire alarm just said

22:48

that we're going to live. Did it? TBD.

22:50

We don't know. This is how I want to go out. I'm saying

22:52

here. Ride them, cowboy! Yeah.

22:56

Are you doing a dance? Yeah,

22:58

ride them, cowboy! That's

23:01

how you do it. That's how you get the big bucks. Really?

23:04

Yeah. It's a weird game.

23:06

Just keep responding to things that you're seeing

23:08

on the screen. Running dialogue. It was a problem

23:11

with my glasses. Your pass is stuck

23:13

to them. My badge is hanging on my glasses. Yeah,

23:15

just do it. That's your thing. OK.

23:17

It's giving it youth. Let me see

23:19

here.

23:21

Ride them,

23:24

cowboy! Funny.

23:27

J-ching? What's most disturbing about this for

23:29

the podcast audience is that Mike is basically

23:32

mouthing the words as Stu-Gott's does it. I don't

23:34

know. It must

23:36

have been the roses.

23:41

Mike is kind of like Stu-Gott's stage

23:44

mom. It's like watching a mob. Yes.

23:47

Mike is waiting in the wings, like mouthing

23:49

the routine. What is that? Those

23:51

are heels. High heels. High

23:53

heels. These

23:55

boots are made from walking. Thank

23:58

you, Mike. I have to say that. every time

24:00

I get high heels now. Yeah. You have to say, thank

24:04

you, Mike. I don't know.

24:07

It must have been here. Roses.

24:11

Where?

24:12

A Glizzy with

24:14

mustard and crowds. He's a natural

24:17

guys. Nom, nom, nom. Is

24:19

that your donut noise? A Glizzy with

24:21

mustard and kraut. Nom, nom, nom.

24:24

He's learning. Watch.

24:27

Look at me. Learn a

24:29

Glizzy with mustard and kraut. Nom,

24:32

nom, nom. I don't

24:34

know. Must've

24:37

been the roses. A

24:40

lot of people are laughing, enjoying this. Stu

24:43

gots to going to be so rich. I already am.

24:46

Never enough. I

24:52

don't know. Must've

24:55

been the roses.

24:59

Ride him cowboy.

25:02

Yeah. Nah, nah, nah.

25:05

What is that?

25:06

Love it. Nacho.

25:10

You're getting the, the flourish down. Like

25:12

it. You're getting good.

25:14

This can be your entire side income.

25:17

Really? I don't know what to do for a donut.

25:19

What do you think? Pablo? Um,

25:23

ooh. Time

25:25

to make the donut. That's a good one.

25:27

Yeah. Yeah. Different voices. Yeah.

25:30

Yeah. You're going to want to show off your focal range

25:32

here. I think. Can anybody give you a watch

25:34

because we know what our signature call it's going to be

25:37

ice cream. You scream. We all scream for

25:39

ice cream. There you go. Yeah.

25:42

This is exactly how I thought I would get COVID.

25:44

So is this money go right into my bank of

25:46

America account? How does this work?

25:48

I can't wait to see how much money this life has

25:50

already made for you Stu. Corn

25:54

on the cob. It shows

25:56

up in your poop. I

25:59

love.

25:59

when I see corn in my poop. I do.

26:02

It means the corn has been digested properly.

26:05

It's gotten all the way through. I love seeing it on

26:07

the other side and remarkably

26:09

it stays the same. Like it's right,

26:11

right, Tony? It's great. How the hell does that happen?

26:13

I don't know. We chew it. I mean, so

26:16

it shows up in your poop is your signature call from now

26:18

on. It's a memory game. It is. Well,

26:21

it's

26:21

a problem. Yeah. What are you going

26:23

to know? If you're hearing that sound,

26:25

it's do you got his ID rattling against

26:28

the microphone because his ideas clip to

26:30

his glasses and he shot to the heart

26:33

and you're to blame. It was

26:35

a heart with an arrow. Yeah, there you go. Yeah, that

26:38

was good. I like it. Thank you.

26:39

Drizzy with mustard and crouch.

26:42

It's a good person. I gotta

26:44

write these down close though.

26:47

Lizzie mustard. Your badges

26:49

legitimately stuck to your reading glass. Shot

26:51

to the heart and you're

26:54

too late. I

26:57

think it's, what is it?

26:58

Blame. Blame. You're to blame. Really?

27:02

Yeah. Not so sure. Shot

27:04

to the heart. What do you think it is? And

27:07

you're to blame. You give

27:10

love a bad name.

27:13

You're it. You're missing gifts. Oh,

27:16

hold up. What's it called again? Don't

27:19

Lizzie with mustard and crouch.

27:22

All right. So we're going to do our show while you

27:24

do that. Okay. That makes sense. I like that.

27:27

Why I make money. Yeah. While you make money,

27:30

you just react to it and we'll

27:32

kind of what Stu got has

27:34

been doing figuratively his

27:36

entire career, but now he's just doing it literally.

27:39

Yes. Whatever that doing his own

27:41

show profiting

27:44

exclusively. Have you been able to watch

27:46

the women's shots of the hearts?

27:49

What is it again? You're

27:51

to blame. Yes. All

27:53

right.

27:54

I don't know.

27:57

Must have been here in

27:59

the road.

27:59

Whose is they're coming back like? So

28:02

Dan Snyder sold the Washington commanders.

28:05

And. Ride em, cowboy. Was

28:08

hit with

28:10

finality, the

28:12

results of the investigation. Funny how that

28:14

all. He was hit with a fine amid all

28:16

of the finality of $60 million. And

28:19

we finally got a window into these investigations

28:21

and all of them are. Mostly

28:25

taken with the level of seriousness of

28:27

Stu gots right now. And finally

28:29

we got some picture into them, but the reality is.

28:32

Like you just can't Mike. What

28:34

a business.

28:36

What a business. You run it

28:38

into the ground.

28:43

And you make more

28:46

money than anyone ever has. I think now

28:48

is an important time to really point out the

28:51

suffering that these owners do and

28:53

how difficult they're constantly operating.

28:55

These franchises had a loss. Losing

28:57

money.

28:58

It's an altruistic venture for the most

29:00

part. And yes,

29:03

did he profit to the tune of billions

29:06

upon billions upon. Six

29:08

point zero five. Hot, hot, hot. Pepper.

29:11

It's a shame he didn't. He

29:13

could sell it too. It's

29:17

just you while he

29:19

did profit in the end, you

29:21

can't overlook the 20 years of

29:24

using the franchise as a tax write off against

29:26

your losses so you can actually pay less taxes

29:28

than I do. You know who I saw

29:31

on stage with Josh

29:33

Harris accepting the most

29:36

valuable asset in the history of sports

29:38

was Magic Johnson.

29:39

He's got it kind of figured out.

29:41

Magic Johnson has it figured out

29:43

better than any person on earth

29:46

who is rich. Has it figured out?

29:47

Stu gots making TikTok lives right

29:49

now agrees. Figured it out.

29:52

I'm watching Elon Musk rename.

29:55

I'm watching Elon Musk's brain get eaten by.

29:58

Ride him cowboy.

29:59

back to you it's always

30:02

been with us you're good just keep doing what you're

30:04

doing okay renaming Twitter

30:06

just getting everything

30:08

in his life backwards

30:11

if in fact you are the richest man in the

30:13

world

30:14

and there's Magic Johnson I don't know

30:18

must have been

30:20

the roses on a

30:23

boat in Positano

30:25

coming in to buy the commanders back

30:28

to a malfi I'm like that's what a rich guy

30:30

should be doing that it's

30:32

almost as if everyone gets consulted

30:36

and if they're putting together an ownership group they're

30:38

getting the advice that they have to bring in magic

30:41

because it's such a PR win yes I

30:44

mean for that team specifically right they want to champion

30:47

diversity they want to champion all of these things

30:49

that magic represents they're

30:52

gonna change the commander's name it appears what are they

30:54

gonna change it to because you're right like this not

30:56

pulling up to the football team what

30:59

the you're giving takes out during that

31:01

way which is that I

31:03

thought that was hot hot

31:05

hot get to that or is

31:07

that hot hot hot hot hot hot that

31:09

was a pepper hot hot hot for

31:11

the football all right Oh two very similar

31:14

oh wait random cowboy

31:20

what I gotta think about this one for a second

31:23

Michael Jordan were you giving a goat it's

31:26

a basketball okay all right cool but

31:29

you're just gonna say like that Michael Jordan hey

31:31

bear

31:32

you got to do funny voices with these things and textualize

31:35

okay yeah what does that look like do

31:37

something with your hands people like jump up and down

31:39

they like do little routines what

31:42

when you say gang-gang you make your hey

31:44

bear your shoulders go from direction

31:46

you say gang-gang I know

31:49

any gang gangs I have it hot

31:51

hot hot

31:52

just got one yeah you're gonna want to have a voice hurts

31:55

a little bit a subtext of just

31:57

people definitely masturbating while they're watching

31:59

you so just be

31:59

a of that too as you're

32:01

giving these line reads. Okay,

32:03

ruined all the fun. Yeah. It's

32:05

the business, man.

32:07

It's it. Showbiz. Do I charge

32:09

for that? I'm constantly operating

32:11

under the assumption that millions of people are jacking off

32:13

to me. He's definitely

32:16

made at least 80 cents by now. That's

32:18

it? Yeah, but you got to build up your base.

32:21

I got a gift. Someone sent me a gift. What's

32:24

the gift? Shot to the heart and

32:27

you're to blame. Oh

32:30

my God, money. Oh my God, money. They're

32:32

throwing money at me. This is amazing.

32:34

I don't care if I ever see it. I don't care how much it is.

32:37

This is addicting.

32:38

I might put cigarettes for this. Money.

32:42

Oh my God, money is, is your

32:45

new signature. Money. That's

32:48

all. Pink Floyd. Pink Floyd. Great

32:51

song. It's a gas. I scream. You

32:54

scream. We all scream for ice cream. Money.

32:57

Are you going to get a, you should do a, how about that?

32:59

What's your, what's your, how about that? FaceTiming

33:01

Joe. That's been by mistake. What

33:06

call is that for? Joe gets it. Tell him

33:08

to send some glizzies. You got a clover.

33:10

Every time you get a clover, you got

33:12

to be doing that.

33:15

I did. You saw it, right? I

33:17

did. Look, that's the students of accidentally

33:19

having your flashlight on. He

33:22

was trying to produce the commander's.

33:27

I like the idea of Joe. That's

33:29

been just popping in. He is a former producer.

33:31

He heard his conversation.

33:34

He got the subconscious

33:37

was doing the show.

33:40

His ID was, was doing the show. Is

33:44

it available during the pandemic? I

33:48

couldn't get a freeway. You're, you're making

33:50

observations about the supply chain

33:52

shortage during your IG live. I

33:54

mean your Twitter, TikTok. What is it? It's

33:58

live. Yeah.

33:59

TikTok. They're on mine though, I thought.

34:02

They're giving you money. You've made 92 cents. This

34:07

is getting deep. Round it up.

34:09

We'll wrap it up at a dollar. 92 cents. I don't know.

34:14

What's it, Fuentes, do we know what the count is over there?

34:16

You won't know till the end. So

34:19

give them your best self. Tell them that you guys

34:21

tell your audience that, uh, tell them to

34:23

stop masturbating and tie. I don't

34:26

know.

34:26

It must have been

34:29

the roses. The best way

34:31

to know is just to ask them straight up. If they're

34:33

masturbating. Glizzy with crap mustard.

34:36

I mean, just ask him, Hey guys, are

34:38

you masturbating?

34:39

Tell me. Glizzy

34:41

crap mustard. Glizzy's

34:44

if you are in fact doing that. Yeah. If

34:46

you are, I don't care. Just let me know. I'm

34:50

fine with it. Teach his own. I mean,

34:52

I get paid either way. Glizzy

34:54

with crap mustard.

34:56

All the replies say yes. And if you're not

34:58

masturbating, please tell me what I

35:01

don't know. It

35:03

must have been

35:05

the roses.

35:07

Masturbating or not. Guys,

35:09

my time is wrapping up. Want all your gifts? I

35:12

don't know. I have

35:15

to shorten this one. Must have been

35:17

the roses. I don't know.

35:22

Must have been the

35:24

roses. Don't send that

35:27

again. Hey bear.

35:29

Now you're going to have to wear your badge on your, on

35:31

your reading glasses every time out because this is your character.

35:34

No, it's inconsistency.

35:37

All

35:37

right. Last minute

35:40

here. Finish strong. Super. God's better suited for

35:42

the technological future than any of us. Like

35:44

today's show. It's

35:46

pretty much a losing effort anyway. So let's give you one

35:48

solid minute of reacting to

35:50

gifts and then we'll close this out.

35:52

I've been just texted me asking

35:56

if everything's okay. Tell him thanks for the glizzies.

35:59

Tell him.

35:59

I don't know, must've

36:03

been the roses. Send

36:06

him a voice memo where you just say that. Hold

36:09

on, did

36:09

you joke? Yeah. Why? Nom,

36:13

nom, nom, nom. Ice

36:15

cream, so good. Do I answer

36:17

these questions? Oh, he's calling me back. Oh my God.

36:19

Take it. Hold up. Speak your phone.

36:22

Ah, hold on. Gang

36:24

gang. Joe Thighs has been actually

36:26

calling Stu Gats right now. Strong

36:29

women. What did I say? What happened?

36:31

Did I call back Joe? Do you guys want him on the show? Yeah,

36:33

I think we want him to. Glizzy

36:36

with grout and mustard. To be aware of what

36:38

you mean. Nom, nom,

36:38

nom. I don't know how to use FaceTime.

36:40

Don't put Joe Thaisman on TikTok

36:42

Live without telling him. That's a good point. Oh,

36:45

what do I do now? Yeah, definitely just. Nom, nom, nom, nom.

36:48

Gang gang. Gang

36:50

gang. Joe Thaisman is

36:53

on TikTok Live involuntarily.

36:56

Hey Joe. You are Joe.

36:59

I didn't mean to call you gang gang by the way.

37:01

And Glizzy with grout

37:03

and mustard. I did not mean to. Nom,

37:05

nom, nom, nom. I did not mean to call you

37:08

though Joe. I apologize. You

37:10

look fantastic though.

37:12

I don't know. It

37:15

must have been the roses.

37:19

Nom, nom, nom.

37:21

Joe, would you like to join us later on tonight? Or?

37:23

I understand.

37:25

He's wearing a suit and tie right now. Nom, nom,

37:27

nom. You're wearing a suit and tie. Where are you going?

37:29

So do I. Shot to the heart

37:32

and you're too bled. Joe, I love

37:34

you. I'm sorry to bother you. I did not mean to call you.

37:37

Nom, nom, nom. You look fantastic. I

37:40

love you. Thanks for the glizzies. All

37:43

right, buddy. We'll talk soon, okay? Okay.