0:01

You're listening to Comedy Central. I

0:10

think back for a moment to spring

0:12

of Much

0:14

of the world had ground to a halt, which

0:17

meant that people weren't driving, They

0:19

weren't visiting friends, or going into

0:21

the office, or hanging out

0:23

of the passenger side of their best friend's ride

0:25

trying to hollow at me. If

0:27

you left your home at all, it was probably to take

0:29

a sad walk around the block. I

0:32

mean at least until you heard someone cough down the street

0:34

and then you ran your ass back inside. Not

0:37

because of all of that, that

0:39

meant that America's oil industry,

0:41

which had been producing more than any

0:44

country in the world, basically shut down.

0:46

And even though society has ramped back up again,

0:49

the oil industry hasn't. Early

0:52

in the pandemic, demand for gasoline dropped

0:54

dramatically as workers were told to stay

0:56

home. That immediately walloped

0:59

the oil and industry like nothing

1:01

ever in its history has ever hit them before.

1:03

At one point early on in the coronavirus

1:05

crisis, the price of a barrel of oil

1:08

it costs less than zero dollars.

1:11

When prices dropped abruptly with the pandemic

1:13

shutdown, US shield producers

1:15

dramatically slowed. The drilling of new

1:17

wells. Briggs were taken out of service.

1:19

In oil production in the US dropped off significantly.

1:22

They shut down production, They laid

1:24

off tens of thousands of workers to

1:27

try and stay alive during the pandemics.

1:29

Just like everything else in our lives, and the

1:32

oil production has been impacted

1:34

by COVID, it can't just splick a pitch

1:36

at a refinery and operations

1:38

and have everything back normal. Yeah,

1:41

one of the reasons gas prices are so high is

1:43

because America is making less gas

1:46

than it did before the pandemic because people

1:48

may be driving again. But that doesn't mean that

1:50

it's easy for gas producers to just instantly

1:53

produced as much as they were before. You've

1:55

got to grow a whole new dinosaur and then smush

1:57

it until the oil comes out. That takes time,

2:00

and it makes sense that it's going to take them time

2:03

to adjust. I mean, it's been hard for all

2:05

of us, right, every single one of us. It's been

2:07

hard for us to get back to normal life after the

2:09

pandemic. Do you remember the

2:11

first time you have to make small

2:13

talk at the office. Nobody knew what we're

2:16

doing. Welcome to the elevator. Do

2:18

you remember whether, Yeah, I

2:20

do not. My wife

2:23

is leaving me. This is not my

2:25

floor, but I'm getting out now.

2:27

If America isn't making enough oil to keep up

2:29

with demand, then why doesn't it

2:31

just buy more from the rest of the world. Well, it

2:33

could, but it turns out the people who control

2:36

the oil in the rest of the world, well, they

2:38

just don't feel like sharing. As prices

2:40

really not being driven up by that demand on the

2:42

horizon, It's really more about the supply. Oil

2:45

producing nations are actually constricting the supply

2:48

a little bit because they're trying to recoup

2:50

their pandemic losses. There's a cartel

2:52

that controls the price of oil internationally,

2:55

and that cartel is called opec O pack. The

2:57

biggest oil producing nations aren't

2:59

in increasing the amount of oil they released

3:02

into the global economy, so as

3:04

demand rebounds in the US,

3:06

Americans are paying about sixteen

3:08

dollars more to fill up their tanks

3:10

than a year ago. President Biden

3:12

recently appealed to Opaque and Russia

3:15

to boost production, but received a flat

3:18

no. Wow, they received

3:20

a flat no. I

3:23

mean, to be fair, every no coming

3:25

out of a Russian is a flat. No, have

3:28

you ever talked to a Russian person, They're

3:30

never afraid of a flat No. Hey,

3:32

are you having a good day? No,

3:36

wells, there's always tomorrow right. No,

3:39

And look, you can understand opex position. I

3:41

mean, how much longer is oil gonna

3:44

be around? Right? They need

3:46

to make money on the ship now before

3:48

we're all driving Elon Musk's cars. That curse

3:51

out Bernie Sanders when you hounked the horn. And

3:53

by the way, you also know what this means, right, you

3:55

realize that this is the first time America could openly

3:58

go to war for oil, because usually

4:00

when America goes into the Middle East, it's always like this

4:02

isn't about oil. My son is going

4:04

over there to fight for freedom. But if prices

4:07

go any higher, now Americans can just

4:09

be like Kevin, you get your butt in that

4:11

fighter jet because your dad is not paying

4:13

six dollars a gallon. That's my stake

4:15

money. Now, the good news is

4:18

America is not going to war yet.

4:21

But asking OPEC nicely also didn't work.

4:23

So the big question is what can be done

4:25

to lower gas prices. Well,

4:27

the bad news for President Biden is not

4:30

much. The Biden administration is

4:32

scrambling for solutions to one of

4:34

his biggest biggest political liabilities,

4:36

soaring gas prices. Like presidents

4:39

who came before him, Joe Biden has few

4:41

options when it comes to combating high

4:44

fuel prices. Nearly a dozen Senate

4:46

Democrats are calling on Biden to consider

4:48

all the tools available at your disposal,

4:51

even the extreme step of banning

4:53

American oil exports, which Goldman

4:55

Sacks warned would be counter productive and

4:57

could actually raise prices. President

5:00

also considering tapping the Strategic

5:02

Petroleum Reserve. The industry

5:04

experts have warned that would do little to alleviate

5:07

the problem. If you ask the energy industry,

5:09

they would say, well, the White House could cut environmental

5:12

regulation and maybe that would help, and

5:14

it could maybe for next winter, but that would

5:16

take some time. President Biden does not

5:18

have a magic wand to dramatically lower

5:21

gas prices, and if he did, judging

5:23

upon his sinking poll numbers, he would use

5:25

that magic wand well, I don't know about

5:27

that. I mean, I feel like even if Joe Biden did

5:29

have a magic wand, he still needs

5:31

to recite a spell. Based

5:34

on what we've all seen, I do not have confidence

5:36

that he'd be able to get it right. Alexander

5:39

Abrica Abdul Jabbar, one

5:41

of one of the great negro You know the thing, you know

5:43

the thing? Did it work? What's

5:46

tough of Biden is that it doesn't matter what

5:48

else he does if the price of gas

5:50

stays high. That's that he

5:52

could sign old infrastructure bill as he wants. He could get

5:54

everyone to agree on abortion, but all people

5:57

care about is how much is

5:59

the black goo from the ground higher

6:01

than before? Then get the out of here.

6:07

A surprising new side effect of COVID

6:09

nineteen And this isn't a physical side

6:11

effect like shortness of breath or

6:13

loss of smell or mosque is

6:15

where the elastic glups make me look like Obama's

6:17

secret son. No, this is a side

6:20

effect of how COVID has become

6:22

a political football are as Americans

6:24

call it a political soccer. But yeah.

6:26

Basically, it turns out that once conservatives

6:29

got angry about having to protect themselves from

6:31

one disease, they decided to do

6:33

it with other diseases as

6:35

a matter of general principle. New

6:37

polls out suggest Republicans are much

6:39

less likely to get a flu shot now than

6:42

they were before the COVID pandemic. Several

6:44

national polls say there was not much

6:46

difference between the number of Republicans

6:48

and Democrats are getting a flu shot in the

6:51

years before the coronavirus pandemic.

6:53

However, Business Insider is

6:55

reporting there's now a gap

6:58

between the members of the two political parties.

7:01

About two thirds of Democrats say they

7:03

have or planned to get a flu vaccination,

7:06

while for Republicans that number is

7:08

less than fift These

7:10

archers say that indicates a political battle

7:13

over the covid vaccine is now

7:15

affecting flu shots as well.

7:17

Yeah, that's right. Many Republicans have

7:20

turned against the covid vaccine so hard,

7:23

then now they're turning against the flu shots.

7:26

Look what the covid vaccine, I get it,

7:28

I get it. It was new. People

7:30

didn't trust the technology. But guys, the

7:32

flu shot has been around since forever.

7:34

You can't decide now to hate it.

7:37

Like if everyone suddenly decided to hate Petty

7:39

White. I mean, we're all cool with her for a hundred and forty

7:41

years. What changed? And if you

7:44

ask me, this is a selfish decision. Because

7:46

people who don't get the flu shot spread the infection

7:48

to everyone they sneeze into the air

7:50

that we breathe. They grabbed the door knobs

7:52

that we grabbed. They touched the subway polls

7:55

that the rest of us lick. It's disgusting.

7:57

That's why I'm getting my flu shot for sure. Well

8:00

I'm gonna space it out from my COVID shot. You know, I don't

8:02

have two shots close to each other, Otherwise they're

8:04

both going to be there in my body at the same time.

8:06

They might start a turf war. She starts popping off

8:08

in my pancreas. Now it's the cross fire. I don't want

8:10

that ship, you know, trying to keep it safe

8:12

in my body, which already

8:15

feels like we're moving to a place where all of science is

8:17

going to become partestant. That's what it feels like like.

8:19

In a few years, you're gonna hear news

8:21

reports like Democrats are sticking by

8:23

gravity, but many Republicans say they're not interested

8:26

anymore. Poles show that up

8:28

to forty Republicans are now floating

8:31

off into space. And

8:33

now don't say over to you in the weather it's

8:37

not as warm as this ship, because I gotta wear a

8:39

coat and put my toes away, and I don't

8:41

appreciate it.

8:44

Just this COVID flute thing is wild. The

8:46

only good thing about this because

8:48

now if we don't want them to do things, we can just threaten

8:50

to vaccinate thom. What do you mean, like

8:52

if they try to storm the capital again, just be a bunch of

8:54

cops to be a life, sir. If you come across that line,

8:57

we will vaccinate you. Don't

8:59

make does make this flu shit air box, sir,

9:02

Sir, hauled them down, hit him in the net.

9:04

Ah, Like, now you just got cops running around with

9:06

needles. Just a bunch of rogue nurses

9:08

out here trying to help the like, just trying to help the

9:10

government. I think you you've just stumbled

9:13

upon the next wave of American loin force

9:15

is actually pretty good. Get him

9:18

all right, Let's move on. Let's move on from the war in science

9:20

to the war and out of space, because yesterday

9:23

Russia woke up and decided

9:25

to make things much more dangerous

9:27

up there than it needs to be. Now to

9:29

a conflict in space. The US

9:32

is slamming Russia for carrying out a

9:34

missile test that created a serious

9:36

amount of dangerous space

9:38

debris, which could remain in orbit for

9:40

decades, threatening space travel, leave

9:43

it this morning, outrage from

9:45

U S officials after rush Are carried out

9:47

a missile test early Monday, firing

9:49

an anti satellite missile into space,

9:52

obliterating one of its own satellites

9:54

and creating a vast debris field that's

9:56

now orbiting Earth. Some of that debris

9:59

coming danger really close to the International

10:01

Space Station, which is currently carrying

10:04

for US astronauts. The crew

10:06

sheltering for more than two hours until

10:08

they were finally given the green light. Secretary

10:11

of State Anthony Blinken slamming the Russian

10:13

missile test, calling it dangerous

10:16

and irresponsible, and adding that the

10:18

debris will remain a threat for decades.

10:21

Yeah, Russia blew up a

10:23

satellite with a rockets

10:25

and guys, I keep saying this, but these gender

10:27

reveals are getting out of hand. But for

10:29

real, though, I don't understand why Russia blew

10:31

up their own satellites. I mean, maybe it

10:34

was announcing that it was running against Putin, who

10:36

knows. But but there's gonna be a better way to do

10:38

this. I mean, if you want to get rid of something, you

10:40

just do what New Yorkers do. Drag it to the sidewalk

10:43

and leave a big free sign. On it, you know,

10:45

but people blowing it up, so it

10:48

sends lethal debris shooting around

10:50

in orbit. That's unacceptable, guys. And

10:52

if you ask me, someone needs to

10:54

stand up to Russia, Like maybe America

10:57

should start some sort of force to like

10:59

def in space. You know

11:02

what's that? Oh? It did? H

11:06

And I called it the most pointless thing since

11:08

Trump created Don Junior. Nah

11:11

doesn't sound like me, all right, thank you, thank

11:13

you. Well. Look, man,

11:15

this is one thing I love about America. America would

11:17

never launch a missile at a satellite.

11:20

I mean, they tried, but it accidentally hit a

11:22

wedding in Syria. But the point is they

11:24

didn't hit the satellite. All right, let's move

11:26

on to a threat that is closer to Earth. Vigilante

11:29

white dudes boom. Yesterday,

11:32

the arguments at the Kyle Rittenhouse trial wrapped

11:34

up, and now the jury has to decide whether

11:36

he'll go to prison or become Trump's

11:39

running mates in Meanwhile,

11:41

down in Georgia, they've begun the murder

11:43

trial for the three men charged with chasing

11:46

down and killing Armad Aubrey last year. Now,

11:48

for obvious reasons, this trial is getting a lot

11:50

of national attention. But the lawyer for

11:52

one of the defendants. Well, he seems

11:55

to have a big problem with who

11:57

is paying attention and explosive boarding

11:59

in the aisle of the three men accused of murdering him.

12:01

On are Very with a still smoldering

12:03

racially charged debate spurred

12:05

on by defense attorneys over black pastors

12:08

in the courtroom. Defense attorney Kevin gov

12:10

objecting to Reverend Jesse Jackson's presence

12:13

in the gallery. How many pastors does our

12:15

very family have? Um,

12:17

we had the Reverend Al Sharpton here earlier

12:20

last week. Which pastors next?

12:23

Is Raphael Warnock going to make it be the

12:25

next person appearing this afternoon? We don't

12:27

know. With all due respect your arm

12:30

The seats in the public gallery recurtroom are

12:32

not like courtside seats in the Lakers game,

12:36

all right. First of all, of course,

12:38

this trial is not like a Lakers game.

12:40

Right. The jury has eleven white people and only one black

12:42

guy. That's basically the opposite of any basketball

12:45

team. And secondly, I'm

12:47

not saying that this guy is racist, but when

12:49

you're representing a guy

12:52

who killed a black man just for jogging

12:54

in the wrong neighborhood, it's

12:56

not a great look to be pointing into the gallery

12:58

and going, Hey, this black guy doesn't belong

13:01

here. We should do something about that.

13:03

Come on, Jasper, you want to do it again. And

13:05

Thirdly, black pastas have

13:08

been supporting families in need from the beginning of time.

13:10

Are you shocked by this? Did they

13:12

show up for everything? Whether it's kids killed

13:14

in gang violence, whether it's a civil rights

13:16

issue, it doesn't matter what it is. Don't

13:19

show up. Hell, if you need them, they'll

13:21

even show up for emotional support at your kids

13:23

spelling be Lord Jesus, please show

13:25

this dumb little kid how to spell platypus.

13:28

His family has been through enough. Amen,

13:31

and Amen. What I'm confused

13:33

about? Listen, I grew up in Georgia.

13:37

Everybody is a pastor, everybody.

13:41

What are you talking about that you don't

13:43

want pastors here? Everybody George

13:46

is a pastor. Also, how am I supposed

13:48

to trust a Southern white man that don't

13:50

want the Lord in the room.

13:53

You don't want one of God's servants?

13:56

Yeah, you I don't get it.

13:58

It'd be different if like Jesse Jackson's

14:00

in there taking up a collection for a building fund.

14:03

So they're not taking up a collection

14:05

it's not like they're in they're preaching. Could

14:07

be worse. It could have been way worse. They could have brought

14:10

a whole choir in there with them, because if I'm

14:12

a black pastor coming to that trial, I'm bringing

14:14

in a whole black I'm bringing in a whole choir

14:16

and tambourines. They're going that guilt,

14:18

that guilt. That's what I'm doing about

14:20

a black pastor down there. I'm bringing a choir

14:23

in and being like George, tell

14:25

y'all, neighbor, and say, neighbor,

14:28

this man is guilty. Yeah.

14:31

I would start a sermon every time I walked into

14:33

place. They're just sitting there being quiet. It's

14:35

a he said, it's a public

14:39

gallery. Yes, they are

14:42

the public. Anybody can show

14:44

up, you can go all

14:47

right. And finally, yesterday President

14:49

Biden held a ceremony on the White

14:52

House lawn along with Democrats and

14:54

Republicans from Congress, and

14:56

they were doing this to finally sign his big

14:58

infrastructure build and guys, I

15:01

already am confused about why they have

15:03

to sign the bill in public. I

15:05

mean, I know it's important legislation, but as a spectator

15:08

sport, it's pretty bored. You know, like, where's the drama?

15:10

You know, maybe the pen will run out of ink

15:13

here man. Also, why are they even

15:15

having a bullsiding celebration? Passing

15:17

laws is their job. Nobody else

15:20

gets to do that at their job. Like after

15:22

you make photo copies for your boss of office, you don't

15:24

get to post for pictures while shaking hands. I

15:27

didn't think you could get a double sided. Well done, Billy,

15:29

well done. But look, I do get why lawmakers are

15:31

excited about this. It's the biggest investment America has

15:33

made in itself in decades. And

15:36

there's also some smaller things in this bill that

15:38

might do a lot of good. How to stop drunk

15:41

drivers before they even put the car into gear.

15:43

It has been talked about for decades, but now, thanks

15:45

to the Infrastructure Bill passed by Congress last

15:48

week, it could finally happen.

15:50

It includes a mandate for automakers

15:52

that all new cars must use technology

15:55

that prevents drunken people from

15:57

driving. It will be as standard as air

15:59

bags. The U. S Transportation Department

16:01

will decide the type of technology that will

16:04

be required. It's estimated hundred

16:07

lives will be saved every year,

16:09

the drunk or otherwise and pair driver will

16:11

get in their car and it either won't start, won't

16:13

move, or pull itself over, depending on

16:15

what technology is selected. The

16:18

sober driver will get in their car and never even

16:20

know it's there. All right, I think we can all agree

16:22

this is an amazing law, first of all because

16:25

it will hopefully save lives, and secondly because

16:28

some people will be so drunk they won't

16:30

even know that the car hasn't started. Do

16:32

you realize that, right is gonna get in and

16:35

get out of the way, Get out of all

16:38

right? I'm home? Now? Why my homeworks?

16:41

That's like the bar? Alright, guess a type of around

16:43

two. And I know some people are asking,

16:46

how will they develop technology to determine

16:49

if someone is drunk? What does that mean? Guys? We already

16:51

have that technology. It's called

16:53

the karaoke machine novel.

16:55

For real. No one is show what technology they'll

16:57

actually use to detect if you're drunk driving,

17:00

right. It could be something that tracks if your eyes

17:02

stay open, or if you're swerving out of your lane,

17:04

or if you're just trying to get to a taco bell. I

17:07

just hope it's not a breathalyzer. That's

17:09

the one thing I hope. I don't want to breathalyze a

17:11

hook to the dashboard because I'm sorry. I'm not trying

17:13

to give my car every time I want to go somewhere.

17:16

I want to save that for special occasions, you know,

17:18

like our anniversary or a Toyota thought.

17:21

There is one huge loophole in this law,

17:23

though, and that is it only

17:26

needs to be available in new

17:28

cars. Yeah.

17:31

I mean that's still good, but

17:33

it means if someone really likes drunk driving, all

17:36

they're gonna do is drive an old car. In

17:38

fact, at some point we're probably gonna be able to tell who's

17:40

committed to drunk driving because it's

17:42

gonna be like and they'll still

17:44

be driving a Kia sorrental from two thousand and five.

17:47

Yeah, you just can't give this baby

17:49

up. Man. You know me, I love vintage

17:51

cars. Here

17:58

today's big basketball story, and no I'm

18:00

not talking about everyone dunking on the eternals. I'm

18:03

talking about an iconic stadium

18:05

that's taking on a brand new identity

18:08

after twenty two years. Staples Center in downtown

18:10

Los Angeles is getting a new name, and it's a real

18:12

sign of the times. Beginning Christmas Day, the home

18:14

of the Lakers, Clippers, and Kings will

18:16

be known as Crypto dot Com Arena.

18:19

The cryptocurrency training platform reportedly

18:21

paid with thin seven hundred million dollars for the

18:23

naming rights. The Lakers won six championships

18:26

in this building. The Sparks won three

18:28

titles. The Clippers play here too, you

18:30

know, to be where this is. Uh, you

18:32

know, I grew up this being

18:34

Staples, and Staples being you know, the

18:36

place to play in the place to be. It's

18:39

kind of like just stripping the history

18:41

here. Well, I mean, I

18:43

don't know if you need to get that sentimental

18:45

poll. You know, It's not like Staples

18:47

is a sacred name from the ancestors. It's

18:50

a store where you buy fifty packs

18:52

of binders even though you only need one, you

18:54

know, and when you get home you find out that with

18:56

the wrong size. Anyway, you don't need to get that nostalgic

18:58

about it, like it's a company. And if you do

19:00

want to get nostalgic, just wait, just wait. I promise

19:03

you soon will get used to Crypto dot Com

19:05

Arena. And in twenty years when they change

19:07

that name to nanobot x Arena or whatever,

19:09

your kids will be upset. About that. Back in my

19:12

day, this stadium wasn't about the latest

19:14

fat It was about swapping blockchain

19:16

currencies on a digital market exchange.

19:19

There was culture attached to it, you

19:22

know, n f T s and

19:24

look this this shouldn't come as a surprise, but anywhere

19:26

a team can advertise, they're gonna advertise,

19:28

right the stadiums, the jerseys, the

19:30

courts. They literally started showing commercials

19:33

during free throws. You realize that with two

19:35

months away from the NBA selling name rights

19:37

to the score, it's gonna be like the game

19:40

ends with a score of eighty four to Mountain

19:42

do a big win for the Lakers or

19:45

a big loss. I can't tell what's happening, but

19:47

I mean, can you blame the arena though? If people

19:49

are offering you a shipload of money to use their name,

19:52

you do it. I mean that's what I did.

19:54

I sold my naming rights to a guy named Trevor

19:56

Noah for forty bucks. What

19:59

you know this? Come on? Do I look like a Trevor?

20:01

My real name is Bert Pakowski. I'm

20:05

sorry, I just can't stop picturing them removing

20:08

the Staples logo with one

20:10

of those giant Staples rem just

20:14

a giant clock. Sorry,

20:17

the edibles kicking and I think I

20:19

need to know what edibles these are. All right, let's move

20:21

on from sports to music and

20:23

the woman that everyone is talking about right now,

20:25

Taylor Swift, pop star, songwriter,

20:28

an inventor of the color red. Personally,

20:32

I love Taylor Swift, huge fan, really

20:34

nothing bad to say about her. But even if I had something

20:36

bad to say about her, I wouldn't I wouldn't

20:38

say it because Taylor Swift fans are

20:41

super protective of her, like like they're

20:43

like one of those old fashioned dads with a shotgun who

20:45

doesn't want you to marry his daughter because

20:47

he wants to marry her. You

20:49

see, Taylor Swift has been re recording all of her

20:51

old albums, which means people are

20:53

really listening to all of her old

20:55

songs about her famous excess and

20:57

then getting mad at those excess

21:00

all over again on her behalf. And

21:02

while Taylor may be content to address

21:04

her old boyfriends with heartfelt lyrics and

21:06

songs that are again, I want to stress this

21:09

perfect in every way, some of her

21:11

fans are a lot less subtle. This

21:13

is going a little too far. While Jake Joan

21:16

Hall is taking incoming fire from the

21:18

Swifties. Another one of Taylor's

21:20

excess is being bombarded with messages

21:22

now. A user on Instagram sent

21:24

John Mayer a direct message telling him

21:27

fuck yourself, you ugly bitch. I

21:29

hope you choke on something. Mayor

21:31

then responded to the user, saying

21:33

that he'd been getting many messages like that

21:35

over the past couple of days, and asking

21:38

do you really hope I die, to which

21:40

the user responded, O MG, what,

21:43

I don't want you to die. I'm sorry.

21:46

The user apologized again and admitted

21:48

they didn't really think Mayor would see the message.

21:51

You see, people, This is what I hates about social

21:53

media. It makes people act shittier

21:55

than they actually are, which then makes

21:58

us think that people are shitty

22:00

than they actually are, because social

22:02

media makes us forget that we're all human beings.

22:05

You know, we just see that little avatar and then we all talk

22:07

to each other. But we're all human. Even celebrities

22:09

are real people, all of them. I mean,

22:11

I always obviously accept Timothy shaalom me. He's got

22:14

to be c g I no one can be that good looking. I mean,

22:16

just look at that person. Now, I'm craving spice

22:19

that damn m m m m m. And

22:22

I know her fans are like,

22:25

but he heard her. Listen to her song.

22:27

Yes, that's all you're supposed to do. Listen

22:29

to the song, you know. Tell us with right

22:32

songs to express her emotions in a

22:34

way that touches other people, not

22:36

to order a hit on her ex boyfriends.

22:39

So death threats are not the way to go, especially with

22:41

someone like John Maya. Don't don't send him death threats.

22:43

He gets them all the time. If for anyone

22:46

upsets him, tell him that Ed Shearon is a better

22:48

guitar player that's going to hit his heart.

22:53

Russia, the fictional country depicted

22:55

and creed too. They're also the real

22:58

life country that likes invading other country

23:00

trees, and now they might be back

23:02

on their bullshit overseas. Tonight, in

23:04

the growing concern involving Russia, the US is

23:06

warning Russia maybe weighing a potential

23:08

invasion of Ukraine. Satellite

23:10

images tonight showing Russian troops and equipment

23:12

gathering about a hundred and forty two miles north

23:14

of the border with Ukraine, despite in

23:16

estimated one hundred thousand Russian troops

23:19

gathering along their border Ukrainian

23:21

forces appear confident and prepared for

23:23

battle. After years

23:25

of pushing for membership, the Eastern European

23:27

country is still not a part of NATO,

23:30

meaning they don't have treaty protection if

23:32

Russia invades, although this hasn't

23:34

stopped the Americans, British and French

23:36

from offering statements of support. We

23:38

are going to watch very closely

23:41

as the Russian Federation um

23:43

chooses its actions in the coming days and weeks.

23:46

Yeah, that's what I want from my allies,

23:48

as for them to watch very closely as

23:50

someone whips my ass. Guys, God,

23:53

I'm getting attack, I'm getting attacked.

23:55

Don't worry, man, We're watching them land every

23:57

punch donell you're recording, right, Yeah, we

23:59

got your we got you. We see them beating your

24:01

ass. If you're Ukraine, this situation sucks,

24:03

man, because Russia are the bad guys, right, But

24:06

it doesn't seem like the world is willing to get into

24:08

a war to protect Ukraine. And

24:10

can I be honest, Can I be honest with you. I think

24:12

it's because people don't have a personal connection

24:14

to Ukraine, like if Russia was invading

24:17

Italy or France or people

24:19

would do something about it. Oh, no, the

24:21

arts, the Colosseum, we have

24:24

to protect it. Like if I was Ukraine,

24:26

I would have bought the worldwide rights to all

24:29

the Seinfeld reruns. Then people would

24:31

care. If you don't protect us from Russia, you

24:33

will never again see crame or open Door

24:35

like crazy. Also, this is genius

24:37

timing from Russia, right you realize it's not

24:39

a mistake because anyone who knows history

24:41

knows you're not gonna send troops into Russia

24:44

at the beginning of winter. So

24:46

basically Russia has like what five months

24:48

to do whatever they want. Yeah, the rest of the

24:50

world is gonna be standing by, like this will not

24:53

stand Russia. Your ass is gonna

24:55

pay as as soon as mid

24:57

April rolls around. And it it depends on what the ground

25:00

a says. And like why does Russia even need

25:02

more land? Have you seen Russia?

25:04

It's huge? Why

25:06

are you doing this? Like I would get if Monaco wanted

25:08

to invade another country. I mean, they're running out of closet

25:10

space. But Russia, now, while Russia

25:13

is getting ready to invade another country

25:15

in Europe, is setting up a different kind of

25:17

invasion because they're not using tanks

25:20

or missiles. They're using

25:22

immigrants turning out of the border crisis,

25:25

this one playing out in Europe as thousands of

25:27

migrants trying to enter the European Union

25:29

from Belarus. These are the front lines

25:31

of what the European Union says is a hybrid

25:34

war. That you accusing Belarus's

25:36

dictator Alexander Lukashenko of using

25:38

migrants as weapons, purposefully

25:40

learning them into Belarus from countries

25:43

like Iraq and Syria, by promising them

25:45

easy access to Europe Poland and

25:47

refusing to let them in Belarus, refusing

25:49

to take them back, leaving thousands of

25:51

people stuck in the middle and come

25:54

on, people, this is just dirty. Basically,

25:56

what's going on is that for a while now, the

25:59

European Union has been imposing sanctions

26:01

on Alexander Lukashenko, the dictator

26:04

of Belarus and Eastern Europe's my pillow

26:06

guy. And you see he's been stealing

26:08

elections, he's been cracking down on protesters,

26:11

jailing journalists, basic dictator ships,

26:13

and now Lukashenko is trying

26:15

to get back at the European Union by

26:18

flying in migrants from the Middle East

26:20

and then sending them into Poland to

26:22

create a border crisis. Which

26:25

is the most passive aggressive military

26:27

tactic I have ever heard of. It's

26:30

like when your parents start cooking with peanuts

26:32

to get you to move out of the house because they know you're allergic.

26:34

It's a dick move. And obviously

26:36

everyone is really mad about this, not just because

26:38

it's inhumane to these migrants, but because

26:40

unlike Ukraine, we can't let

26:43

anything happen to Poland. I mean, that's where

26:45

all our water comes from.

26:47

Because you realize, people, this is especially cruel,

26:50

right, It's especially cruel to these migrants.

26:52

These are real people who are just trying

26:55

to live better lives. It is disgusting

26:57

to use them as weapons. I mean, say what you

26:59

want about Drake and Kanye's beef, but at least

27:02

they didn't catapult Mexicans at each other. But

27:05

let's move on, because while bus is

27:07

trying to destabilize Poland, there's another

27:09

country that's already on the brink of collapse,

27:12

Ethiopia, where a brutal year

27:14

long conflict has fourth millions

27:16

out of their homeland and is threatening

27:18

to disintegrate into an all out civil

27:20

war. Rebels from Tigrai Province

27:22

appear to be advancing towards the capital.

27:25

Artists Ababa, Ethiopia's

27:27

Prime Minister, called for national unity

27:29

and authorities in artists Ababa rounded

27:31

up ethnic to grants today. Two

27:34

weeks ago, the State Department urge all Americans

27:36

to leave Ethiopia, but with echoes

27:38

of Afghanistan. The State Department doesn't

27:40

know or won't say, how

27:42

many Americans are in the country. Last

27:45

week, the State Department did make a point of saying

27:47

there would be no Afghan style evacuation

27:50

for Americans stuck in Ethiopia.

27:52

They did, however, offer to help them get on commercial

27:54

flights out. Yeah, this is tough news

27:57

for Ethiopians, and this

27:59

is tough news for Americans in Ethiopia

28:02

because in Afghanistan, the US government staged

28:04

an all out and lift. Meanwhile,

28:07

in Ethiopia, they're like, Mike, we suggest

28:09

Priceline dot com. Like, I don't

28:11

even know what that means. What do they mean when they say the State Department

28:14

will help you book a commercial flight out?

28:16

That's not helpful. People know how to book flights.

28:18

That's like going, hey, hey, you do you need a ride?

28:21

You need to ride? Yeah, well I'm happy to help. So what

28:23

you gotta do is open Uber on your phone,

28:25

then you hit request to ride. Best of lock buddy.

28:28

Also, flying commercial is the worst way to evacuate

28:30

a war zone. Can you imagine that stress?

28:33

Please please the soldiers, the soldiers

28:35

are coming. We need to get out now, sir,

28:38

you're a Diamond Medallion member. Okay,

28:40

please step aside. Anyone in a group

28:42

A or above we're boarding you now, sir, please

28:45

please stand back, just roash, Thank you,

28:47

and you know who. This is a great opportunity for though, right

28:49

Alexander Lukashenko. I

28:51

bet he's already sliding into American d MS

28:54

like I can hook you up with the free private

28:56

flights to the Polish model. Are

28:58

you interested? But you've got feel

29:00

for Ethiopians, man, because anytime their

29:02

country is in the news, it is either because

29:04

of war or famine or

29:06

some long distance round broke the world record,

29:09

which are all pretty extreme things if you think

29:11

about it. I feel like we need more coverage

29:14

of just like regular ass Ethiopians, you know

29:16

who can't run, I don't know how to fight, just

29:18

want to chill. And please

29:20

understand this, Please understand this is a really

29:22

complicated, in sensitive story, right because

29:25

for for about a year now, the government

29:27

has been at war with a rebel group. But

29:29

that's like the simplified version, because there are

29:31

so many layers of this conflict

29:33

that we just don't have the time to do with justice.

29:36

This is a huge beef with a history that

29:38

goes back decades, involving rival

29:41

ethnic groups, different territories,

29:43

foreign interference. Because African

29:46

conflicts are never simple, they're

29:49

super complicated and everyone has different

29:51

versions of events. They're basically like

29:53

white people conflict, but with more seasoning.

29:56

So from Russia's military to migrants

29:58

and Belarus and armies in heath Yopia, people

30:00

everywhere are on the move. Meanwhile,

30:03

in India, the only place people might be moving

30:05

to is back inside, smothered

30:08

by small and toxic hayes hanging

30:10

over New Delhi and it is raising the

30:12

level of air pollution to dangerous

30:15

levels. Schools in the Indian capital have shut

30:17

their doors until further notice and private

30:19

construction ban at least for now.

30:21

India's Environmental Ministry Panel on

30:23

Air Pollution has directed Delhi

30:26

and other states to encourage private officers

30:28

to allow work from home, but for

30:30

street vendors, staying home is

30:32

not an option pollution. The

30:35

pollution is unbearable. The government

30:37

must take some steps. We are forced

30:39

to work because we can't stay indoors forever.

30:42

For now, Delhi's residents will be inhaling

30:44

this toxic air, which, according to report

30:46

by the University of Chicago, is

30:49

ten times worse in northern India

30:51

than anywhere else in the world.

30:54

God damn did you hear that the

30:56

air in New Delhi right now is

30:58

ten times worth us than

31:01

anywhere else in the

31:03

world. That means

31:06

you'd be better off just sticking your face and

31:08

that steam that comes out of the ground in New York

31:10

City, which, by the way, what

31:12

is that ship like? Is there a fire down there?

31:14

I've lived here for many years. I still don't understand what that

31:17

is like someone dry cleaning a rat? What what I

31:19

feel like? It's worth looking into? No one,

31:21

just me. You

31:23

know. One detail I like from the story is that the Indian

31:26

government put together an Environmental

31:28

ministry panel on air pollution who

31:30

confirmed that the air was indeed

31:32

polluted. You don't need a panel. I

31:34

don't know why they did that, Why the government's like doing this. You just

31:37

need eyes. Yes, after three years

31:39

of study, we have concluded that Delhi's

31:41

air is brown and that this is bad.

31:44

But you see, this is a great example of

31:47

why we all need to move to cleaner

31:49

energy, because yes, it is expensive

31:51

to do, but it is also halla expensive

31:54

to constantly shut down the economy

31:56

when your city turns into a sandstorm

31:59

from dune. Except this time, Timothy

32:01

Shallow mazing there to make you feel better with that smile,

32:04

and you might be like, well, Trevor, why don't they

32:06

just start car pulling in India? My man,

32:08

They're way ahead of you, and it's still not enough. It's

32:10

actually a real rough spot for India because as a nation,

32:13

you want to keep modernizing, you want to keep

32:15

growing, but then the fallout of

32:18

those effects make it so that you can't even enjoy

32:20

the fruits of modernization. You know. It's

32:22

almost like someone who gets really into crossfits

32:25

to help them attract women, but then they

32:27

push everyone away because they can't stop talking about

32:29

the fact that they joined CrossFit. Now those ads are

32:31

useless and you wouldn't be able to tell this from

32:33

the story. But New Delhi is

32:35

one of the most beautiful places in the world.

32:38

I mean, this is what it looked like last

32:40

year after months of lockdown and

32:43

the smug dissipating. But

32:45

now it's back to looking like it's stuck on

32:47

a permanent CPF filter. All

32:50

right, But let's move on to our final international

32:52

story. And like most things in the world,

32:55

the story was made in China, the

32:57

Royalty of Professional Tennis expressing

32:59

concern learn about the welfare of one

33:01

of their own. Honestly, it's shocking you

33:03

know that that she's missing. Punk twy,

33:06

a Chinese tennis champion, hasn't

33:08

been seen or heard from in weeks. In

33:10

early November, Peg published this bombshell

33:13

post on her Chinese social media account

33:16

and open letter to a former top communist

33:18

leader named John Gaul now aged

33:21

seventy five, who pun accuses

33:23

of sexually assaulting her after

33:25

the two had an affair. Shortly

33:28

after the controversial post, Punk's

33:30

online profile more or less

33:32

disappeared. Until recently,

33:34

Peng Shui was one of the biggest

33:36

tennis stars in China. But

33:39

look what happens. When you try to search for people

33:41

with her name in the Chinese Internet,

33:45

you get the message no

33:47

results found. Sensors

33:50

have all but scrubbed this woman

33:52

from the Chinese Internet. Now

33:55

today a new twist, with

33:57

Chinese state media releasing this email

34:00

purportedly written by punk to

34:02

the head of the women's Tennis Association.

34:05

It completely disavows the

34:07

previous allegations of sexual assault,

34:09

adding I'm not missing, nor

34:11

am I unsafe, and I

34:13

hope Chinese tennis will become better

34:16

and better. Yo,

34:19

this is really disturbing. Someone

34:21

speaks out about sexual assault and

34:23

then China's government just makes

34:26

them disappear. And then

34:28

what's even worse is that they release some bullshit email

34:30

pretending like everything is fine. Because come on, people,

34:33

that email from the tennis Star was as legit

34:35

as the letters I got from my supermodel girlfriend

34:37

in fifth grade. She's coming next year, guys,

34:39

I swear. This is what makes China so terrifying.

34:42

Like, if you're on a good side, things are great.

34:45

But if you try to tell the truth about how China

34:48

is a country that constantly a Trevor

34:51

no Le,

34:56

what the hell is that I'm not even in China.

35:00

Look, man, it's one thing for your government to come

35:02

after you, it's another thing for

35:04

them to just make you never exist. I

35:06

mean, they scrubbed the Internet

35:08

of anything about this tennis

35:11

player. Do you know how hard it is to get stuff

35:13

off the internet. Only China can

35:15

do that. In fact, if you have embarrassing

35:17

pictures online or problematic tweets.

35:20

Just moved to China and talk about the Communist

35:22

Party. Yeah, we'll clean up your reputation in no

35:24

time. I mean, yeah, you'll be locked in the basement some way, but

35:26

hey, at least you can get canceled. And

35:29

this also really puts into perspective when people

35:31

in America complain about being censored

35:34

by Big check. Twitter chucked down

35:36

my tweet. This is a charity,

35:38

guys. Penshui literally does

35:40

not exist on the Internet anymore. Like,

35:43

yeah, maybe Trump can't tweet right now,

35:45

but you can still google him. Trust

35:48

me. Just yesterday I searched for Donald trump

35:50

big buck photos. I got eighty

35:52

million hits. And now I'm not gonna tell you why I

35:54

googled that, like big butts, and I cannot

35:56

lie before we go. Native American

35:58

families suffer from food insecurity

36:01

and hunger daily, but the Native

36:03

American Inheritance Association, with the help

36:05

of generous donors, is committed to

36:07

fighting hunger with emergency food

36:09

supplies and basic life necessities.

36:12

So if you can, please donate at the

36:14

link below to help Native American families

36:16

stay warm, safe, healthy,

36:19

and fed. This Thanksgiving. What's

36:23

the Daily Show weeknights at eleven ten Central

36:25

on Comedy Central. In stream full episodes

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anytime on Paramount Plus. This

36:32

has been a Comedy Central podcast