0:00

What was it ? I have the big oak door and you were the

0:02

tin shingle . I have the tin shingle , I'm

0:04

the big oak door .

0:05

Oh , it's voice , I might change something . No , you can't

0:08

steal this from me . I'm gonna fuckin murder you

0:10

, just like I did all those elves

0:12

. Ha ha , ha , ha , ha ha ha . Keep

0:14

, blur more like Cleop don't what

0:17

I don't know . Keep the elves , the cookies

0:19

, cleop don't . Ah , keep , don't Fuck

0:21

you . Ha , ha , ha ha ha .

0:42

Hello , my friends and

0:44

my companions , welcome to

0:46

the Clambake Incident , Season 2 . Wild

0:49

energy you've bragged it at the first 10 seconds of our

0:52

podcast . I am a video

0:54

game intro character , this intro and

0:57

I'm a whole person and I'm

0:59

one dimensional , that's right . My father

1:02

died to some ninjas . One dimensional

1:04

, too . Not even two dimensional , not even flat

1:06

.

1:08

You , just that little dot on the screen . I don't understand

1:10

this bit . But

1:13

okay , my name is Reed and

1:15

it's not . It's

1:17

Sam , everyone . That's Sam

1:20

. Hi , welcome to Season 2 of the

1:22

Clambake Incident . That's right , I am your beloved

1:24

video game character named Sam Dworkman

1:26

, that's true , sam Dworkman . Yep in the

1:28

Pella .

1:29

Fast tense .

1:30

Fast tense and we are

1:32

your on the ground reporters for this wonderful

1:35

little hamlet called Clam Harbor , maine . That's

1:38

right , last season we covered the ins

1:40

and the outs of this incredible little

1:42

town and it's incredible

1:44

blob . And that whole epic is

1:47

behind us and so now we can focus on the nitty

1:49

gritty of municipal base

1:51

planning . Wow , you're really

1:53

selling it , reed . I know we're going to go to all of these planning

1:55

board meetings . We're going to go . All of the litigation

1:58

, nice , probation , nice

2:00

, give me another bastion . I

2:02

can't say any of the other

2:04

ones . No

2:08

, it said litigation , fuck , master

2:10

bastion . Sam , are you happy ? Yes we

2:12

did it , guys . End of the season

2:15

. We're done , okay

2:17

, so at the end of season

2:19

one we received this

2:22

hey , Sam .

2:23

Yeah , we found this on

2:25

the table , I don't know if . Well , first

2:28

off , this is season two , the

2:30

first episode of season two , if you're

2:32

starting here , wild choice . Wild

2:34

choice because it's a serialized podcast

2:37

.

2:37

Here's the basic rundown . There's

2:39

a big blob in town . His name is Bobby . We love him so

2:41

much . At some point Bobby

2:43

is taken by the government because he stays for too

2:45

long . That might have been on us , we might have

2:47

accidentally caused that , but that's okay because

2:49

it wasn't pinned on us , except for Kenzel , who was a very

2:51

smart scientist and she blamed us because that is

2:54

your fault . Do you want to pause and make a quick like

2:56

teacher's rap about it ? No

2:58

, I super

3:00

don't . I super don't want

3:02

to do that . Sam , don't make me . There was

3:04

a Bobby in town and

3:07

then he was taken by the government . Eventually things

3:10

got really weird . There was a lot of fog and fish and

3:12

seagulls and flies . Yeah so basically

3:15

, town just got really really peculiar over

3:17

the last little bit . I would even just say shitty , shitty

3:19

yeah .

3:19

Shitty feels right .

3:21

Eventually , when we joined

3:23

a new religion , we joined a cult , Yep , but

3:26

not the bad cult in town , not the Wub

3:28

. Not the Wub , they're okay , they're not

3:30

, they're not . Eventually

3:32

, because of this cult religion

3:34

, bobby got protected under

3:36

the Religious Species Act , which apparently exists , and

3:39

he came back . Yeah , it was great . Stuff

3:42

started to get better because everyone loves Blob

3:44

, including the tide . The tide came in

3:47

, which actually covered up the giant ghoulish

3:49

monoliths that were out in the middle of the ocean , as

3:51

well as the other replica

3:53

of a destroyed town that was like an exact

3:55

layout of Clam Harbor . That was underwater . Yeah

3:57

, so now we don't have to think about those ever again , which is

3:59

great because we still have the silly string cleanup

4:01

to do Now that Tarrasque has reinstated

4:04

the law , that's true , which

4:07

is great . And it is funny because people have

4:09

been walking around town with , like Charlie Brown

4:11

music going on like the background Dun , dun , dun

4:13

, dun dun dun , dun . Shuffling

4:17

around just thinking about how they could have sprayed

4:20

me with silly string . But they can't anymore

4:22

.

4:22

Thank God , sad state of affairs .

4:24

He also repealed the horse thing . So there

4:26

are , horses are allowed to be in town now and I'm

4:28

fucking pissed . That sucks for

4:30

you and good for all the horse

4:32

camp . Maybe Is that why the horse camp shut

4:34

down . Holy shit , seems that was a horse

4:36

camp shut down and the Wub was able to buy

4:39

it for pennies . That's their

4:41

long con .

4:41

They convinced Trask to

4:44

we're getting off track . We're getting off track .

4:46

Anyway , we found at the very end of

4:48

it we were going to have an interview with Mayor Trask , but as soon

4:50

as Blobby was like on track

4:52

to be in town he just went open-eyed

4:55

comatose . Yep , he's back to be

4:57

in a person again , yeah . And

4:59

then we , as we loaded him into Thrunga's

5:01

car , just in

5:03

the back , who is his secretary ? That is his secretary

5:06

or assistant , echolite .

5:08

Yeah , I don't know .

5:09

She basically runs town because he just plays solitaire . We

5:12

found a cassette tape . Yeah , on

5:14

the table , our shitty

5:16

little $25 card table Holding

5:19

$25,000 of recording equipment . Yep

5:21

, yeah , over

5:23

the sand . You know a good

5:25

place for it amongst the salty

5:28

air . I'd always say so , anyway . So we

5:30

have been searching kind of high and

5:32

low for a tape player and

5:34

it turns out in 2023 , that's

5:37

not that easy . We have bought approximately

5:40

there's a . So in the Boat House

5:42

studio right now we have the Boudio

5:44

. The Boudio Not a fan of

5:46

the Boudio , but I said it . We

5:49

have a two piles of things

5:51

, now Three really . Yep , we

5:53

have the same pile of soaking

5:55

wet nets . I got

5:58

rid of them twice , don't fucking

6:00

believe you , because they're still here

6:02

and they're still wet , somehow wetter

6:04

, somehow more wet . There is the boat , but

6:06

we've kind of pushed that into the corner . Sam's

6:08

pile of Captain Morgan's

6:10

.

6:12

It's like three bottles Sam . Okay

6:15

, it's three bottles in the empties .

6:16

Yeah , exactly , you helped , I'm not saying I

6:18

didn't . And also now a pile of

6:21

broken Walkmans , because every

6:23

Walkman we've bought online has In

6:26

fact not worked . Yep

6:28

, and whether that's a symptom of getting to

6:30

Clam .

6:30

Harbor and not working or Well .

6:32

So the thing is , sam , is that we've been

6:34

ordering them online and they're getting mailed , and

6:36

the postal carrier for Clam Harbor is punchy

6:38

Joe Walkman . I

6:42

mean , I mean , like I'm not going to say that every time

6:44

he's delivered mail he has lobbed it as hard as he

6:46

could at the side of the studio , but it's

6:48

what happens . It is just there's

6:50

like damage to the shingles . Anyway

6:52

so go

6:55

, support our GoFundMe

6:57

for all the money we're spending on

6:59

Walkmans , walkmans . Yeah . So

7:01

, luckily though , we are in Clam

7:03

Harbor . Yes , we are A place with

7:05

a store called Radio

7:07

Shack . Yes

7:10

, and Sam , not

7:12

that radio shack . Yep , it's just a different

7:14

store with the name radio shack

7:16

. Yeah , no , none of the existing

7:18

branding , none of that like red branding , it's

7:20

just literally a brown shack . Yep

7:23

, he has painted on it kind of

7:25

like Horror movie style

7:27

, like he just took like a , like a board

7:29

, like a wet bucket of paint . Yeah , it's

7:32

like With like

7:34

a regular paintbrush . Mm-hmm , I'm just this radio

7:36

shack . Yeah , Mm-hmm , and it

7:38

is a shack , and I'm gonna tell you that he is . It's

7:40

some , it's some radios . Yep , he

7:43

had an RC car , guys . I don't think it was

7:45

able to buy it , I think it was his . So

7:47

that was an interesting experience . It was really nice

7:49

, because it was this little shack with no windows

7:52

, but he still managed to have those fluorescent

7:54

lights , yep , which is just awful

7:56

. Yeah , it was terrible in there , but it's a reek

7:58

of depression , yeah , like all

8:00

good radio Shack

8:03

. So imagine being like I , like a , like

8:05

a Manager at radio

8:07

shack as it went into decline

8:10

, sam , okay , before we talk about

8:12

what , first off ? Yeah , one , we

8:14

will , we're gonna . We , we got one and we're gonna play

8:16

it . Okay , we got it , we got . We did get a Walkman

8:19

. Uh-huh , it was new in the box , so

8:21

it will work . And we didn't let punchy Joe anywhere near it

8:23

, that's right . So we're gonna be able to play this , because

8:25

I don't know about you , but I've been

8:27

unable to stop thinking about

8:29

this . Oh well , yeah , I hope it's just not

8:31

a clean credence , clear water revival tape actually

8:34

be kind of cool . Yeah , maybe a little

8:36

CCR baby , it's bull , it'd be kind of fun . It's

8:38

actually just a commercial , it's a big

8:40

, big . Bill Shucker wrote in 1982

8:43

Hell yeah , I

8:45

doubt we'd be able to play that just

8:48

for his wild use of profanity

8:50

. But so

8:53

before we talk about that , sam , you mentioned something

8:55

about being the manager

8:57

at a radio shack . As it went down , sam , yeah

9:00

, but for the listeners . Can you tell me that story

9:02

that you told me about

9:04

working at ? Oh , I

9:07

mean for the legal reasons

9:09

.

9:10

Oh , maybe not .

9:12

What about that big toy store that no longer

9:14

exists ? Yes , so I

9:16

worked at big toy store . Big toy store

9:18

giraffe boy , yep , his

9:21

name jeopard , jeopard , jeopard

9:24

, a bath .

9:25

And yeah , no , I was accidentally

9:28

a manager there for

9:30

a little bit like I was like a seasonal hire

9:33

and I Accidentally became a

9:35

manager for like a hot little second because

9:37

everyone was leaving

9:40

.

9:40

Oh why Cuz

9:43

unnamed ?

9:44

toy store .

9:45

Yeah , was going out of business

9:47

. We'll call it toys for you

9:49

, toys for you .

9:50

You legally

9:54

distinct , but yeah and it's fun

9:56

because I just get to mention like , hey , I was

9:58

the captain of a sinking ship every now

10:00

and again I put that on my resume .

10:02

Baby , who are they gonna call Goosebusters

10:04

?

10:04

Yeah , exactly , jeff

10:06

, jeopard , jeopard to go

10:08

after , yeah , so but that's pretty much it

10:10

to the story that I'm gonna say for legal

10:12

reasons .

10:13

But we did a bunch of crazy shit in the store when stuff

10:15

was like go Going

10:17

down , as it was obviously nothing

10:20

un-kid friendly , like don't go there

10:22

, but like we just fucked

10:24

around . Hey , but you were . You were

10:26

working what I would call a pre-spirit

10:28

Halloween Claim

10:33

, harvard , actually home to the world's only

10:35

year-round spirit Halloween

10:38

. That's true , it's fucking

10:40

awful in there . Yeah , it actually took over

10:42

the old radio shack which went out of business

10:44

, but the shack one didn't . I don't know , I

10:47

love it here . Okay , so let

10:49

me crack that baby open , sam , yeah

10:51

, why

10:54

are you doing that ? As you silently on , rest

10:56

, stop it . He's

10:59

just , he's not even touching the box , he's

11:01

just making these noises . I guess

11:03

I don't know . Can you tell I'm moving across

11:05

like I can , because you're fucking making that eye

11:07

contact with me ? Open it . No , no

11:09

, give it to me . I

11:14

didn't make my skin crawl when I was doing

11:16

it . You missed opportunity

11:18

. Okay , let's pop that puppy in because

11:21

I don't know about you , sam , but I have been hyper

11:23

fixating on this cassette tape . I've been super

11:26

fixating , not quite hyper . Okay , yeah

11:28

, some stupor fixating . I'm stupor fixating

11:30

. Play the tape .

11:35

Okay , so I am on

11:37

my way up to . It's

11:39

a clam harbor main . It's

11:41

this O'donk little coastal town

11:43

. It's been

11:46

reports of disturbances

11:48

or disappearances . I Think

11:51

it's nothing . Brass is concerned

11:53

enough to send somebody in . So you

11:56

know , here we are briefing , talked about

11:58

strange sightings in the woods , objects

12:01

moving around . My

12:03

job is going to be to go in

12:05

and assess the validity of these claims

12:07

and , if there is any , take

12:10

care of whatever's causing it . Although you

12:12

know , let's be honest , normally that's just me writing a

12:14

report about a bunch of people that got administered

12:16

mescaline . So who knows , maybe

12:19

I'll be pleasantly surprised this

12:22

time . First

12:27

, order of business . I'm gonna get in contact

12:29

with the town's leadership and , you

12:31

know , when they prove to be wildly unhelpful , I'll

12:34

start going through town records , look for history

12:36

of similar occurrences , interviewing

12:38

locals , see if they've got anything to add . Usual

12:41

. I Don't think this is gonna

12:43

be a particularly exciting assignment

12:45

, but I've always wanted to visit Maine and

12:47

it's supposed to be pretty , so

12:50

let's got to count for something . And

12:53

Blackwood says , you know , a good job is a boring job . So

12:55

fingers crossed , he's right

12:57

. By the way

12:59

, pang , you auditing bastard standard

13:01

rules to ply . The first one is free , the rest

13:03

you have to figure out on your own . No , no

13:05

more easy riddles . I don't want to repeat a flatwood incident

13:08

, do you ? Uh , you mop the floor

13:10

with me ? This one's

13:12

not gonna be hard . Just look under

13:14

the roast beef rose gardens

13:16

. Good

13:19

luck , and and

13:22

PS note to self , I'm rent

13:24

dirty dancing .

13:33

Okay , so a couple things Same . Yeah , not

13:35

CCR . Ccr , credence , clearwater

13:38

Revival Not CCR .

13:39

No , definitely not CCR .

13:41

Okay , Fucking wild though Isn't

13:43

wild .

13:44

Yeah , it's wild , it's wild . This is fucking

13:46

agent tape .

13:47

Okay , the IRS has agents

13:49

, and he brought up someone called Peng auditing him

13:51

. That's true , maybe , but he's

13:54

investigating the weird stuff in town , so it's probably

13:56

not the IRS , I'll give you that . Hey , it might

13:58

be . We can hope that the IRS

14:00

has a secret wing . And that's just

14:02

the movie Hellboy . That is just the movie Hellboy

14:05

. You've just done the Hellboy . I'm

14:07

into it though . Okay , so who do

14:09

we think Peng is ? I don't know . Just an auditor

14:11

. Sounds like he's just someone there to audit it . I don't know what that means

14:13

in context , I guess . Well , it sounds

14:15

like he's playing like a riddle game , and

14:18

Sam , you know what they've said about me the Riddle

14:20

Master .

14:20

I'm the Riddle Master .

14:21

Ha , I'm the Riddle Master

14:23

. So I think if Peng didn't

14:25

find these for some reason , that

14:28

means we have to , yeah

14:30

. But I mean , what happened to Peng

14:32

? Sam ? Yeah , I just listened to Sam . Maybe he

14:34

just got fucking lost on the way to . Harvard

14:37

, or maybe he got stumped by roast beef rose

14:39

garden Fair . Well , I

14:41

don't really know what that means . Okay

14:43

, so there's a little birdie talking

14:46

to me . Uh-huh , sam , tweet , tweet , tweet

14:48

, tweet .

14:49

And it's saying you know well , would we actually

14:51

be looking for the Ruth B Rose Garden

14:53

? That's the little ideas .

14:54

That's the little math , though . The Riddle Master is

14:56

actually speaking through me . My soul has been

14:58

lost to his dark hunger and

15:02

he is manifesting my body . Where

15:04

do we know that has much ?

15:06

like the 2017 mummy ?

15:07

Yeah , where , sam

15:10

, do we know that has both roast beef

15:12

and a huge array

15:14

of roast beef themed topiary

15:16

, because you've told me I'm not allowed to ? Sorry

15:18

, I can hear Stormy loudly

15:21

licking herself , but

15:24

where do we know , sam ? I mean ? The only two places

15:26

are , if the old lady's backyard

15:29

, because she has those arrangements of

15:31

roast bushes , that's true , but right now those are

15:33

in the shapes of ducks , that's true .

15:35

So the only other place I can think of is the one .

15:37

I'm not allowed to say no , we can say it , you

15:39

can say it now . We can say the Arby's . I think

15:41

it might be at the Arby's . We brought back

15:43

the King's shingle and

15:46

the big oak door , so I mean

15:48

we can bring back Arby's . Okay , so do

15:50

you think it's at the Arby's ? That's

15:52

my only guess . There's a lot

15:54

to dig up at the Arby's , though . There's

15:56

three Arby's Read , read

15:59

, read . Sam

16:01

Roast , beef roast garden .

16:03

We have a clue .

16:03

We do have a clue , and you what that means ?

16:05

Arby's . We go to Arby's . Sam

16:07

. Are we going to solve all of this ?

16:08

We serve we seraptiously dig up .

16:10

So wow .

16:11

The fucking stuff

16:13

. When was the last time we did anything seraptiously ? We

16:15

couldn't fucking do it read we're fucking

16:17

secret agents now .

16:18

We're secret agents now .

16:20

We're going on a scoundrel

16:22

hunt .

16:23

We're going to fucking scoundrel hunt , Sam . We're

16:25

going to fucking scoundrel hunt .

16:27

National Read , treasure Read . National

16:29

Read , treasure Read . We're doing it , we're

16:31

doing it , we're doing it , we're doing it . We're gonna steal the declaration

16:33

of aid .

16:34

Appendance Read yes , yes , yes

16:36

, power , power , power .

16:38

Everyone knows the declaration of independence

16:41

is hidden at Arby's .

16:42

We're just gonna go and we're gonna fucking . We're just gonna

16:44

steal it . Sam , I've never been more excited that . You

16:46

know . I was going to be disappointed that it's not

16:48

CCR . I'm not . This

16:50

is everything I wanted from this

16:52

tape . They just say don't meet your heroes

16:55

, fuck them . I'm gonna fuck my heroes

16:57

.

16:57

Gonna fuck my heroes .

16:59

Ready , ready , ready , scavenger

17:02

, scavenger hunt , scavenger

17:04

hunt .

17:04

Two normal dudes whose brains work like

17:07

scavenger , two

17:10

grown men getting excited over a scavenger

17:12

hunt that a fucking stranger is leaving himself

17:14

. Yes , okay

17:18

, so we're gonna have to go to Arby's

17:20

, you guys heard it here first also . We're

17:22

saying the word now , aren't we ? We're saying the word . We weren't

17:25

supposed . You told me I wasn't allowed to say Arby's last

17:27

season . He said it in the tape , so the

17:29

seal has been broken .

17:30

The seal's been broken , so I guess the

17:32

titan shingles back baby

17:34

.

17:39

Okay , so my one thing I concern is that he

17:41

sounded exasperated , yes

17:43

, indepressed , indepressed . It also

17:45

makes me think , because I was under the assumption

17:48

that the government did not know about Clam Harbor .

17:50

I mean because they have to .

17:52

But , like then they would have done something about

17:54

Clam Harbor .

17:55

You'd think yeah , I'd assume , I

17:57

would absolutely assume Are

18:00

we doing an X ?

18:03

file .

18:03

Sam , Are we doing an X file ? I

18:06

call . I call Scully .

18:10

That's right , I have the alien baby . I

18:13

know you keep showing me your alien

18:15

baby , like one of these

18:17

pictures is my alien son . I'm like Sam . No , again

18:19

, it's been like two minutes . It's actually just sea

18:21

monkeys . You're

18:23

a sea monkey watch . You're still like a bunch of dead sea

18:26

monkeys in it . Check them out . They're

18:28

floating around . Yeah , they're great If you move them shake

18:31

your wrist the worst . Those things are so

18:33

fucking weird , anyway , okay , so

18:35

he's , he's coming into Investigate Town

18:37

and he's already from an organization

18:40

called we Suck . Yeah , and this has to be old

18:42

, right ? He left it on a cassette tape , yeah , and

18:44

there's . Actually . It must be old , because he said there's only

18:46

one Arby's . That's true , that's

18:49

true .

18:49

So that puts us like what ?

18:51

The ancient times Free , free , 1990

18:56

. I don't know so , sam

18:58

. He also said the only Arby's . There

19:01

are three Arby's in town .

19:02

Yeah .

19:03

So we have a lot of digging to do , that's true

19:05

. So we won't we're not going to pause the episode

19:07

. We have to do that later how do you think we're going to

19:09

convince them to just let us dig up Arby's

19:12

Hi ? How do

19:14

you think this ?

19:15

conversation is going to go Hi , excuse

19:17

me . Hi . Welcome to Arby's .

19:19

I will buy roast beef if you let me dig up

19:21

your garden . How much roast beef

19:23

, Sir ?

19:24

we're .

19:24

How much roast beef ?

19:25

Sir we're . Our corporate training

19:27

tells us not to respond to sexual

19:29

harassment .

19:30

How much roast beef to dig up the rose

19:32

garden ? Also , why does every Arby's

19:34

have a weirdly pristine

19:37

rose garden in town , Sam ?

19:39

We're not allowed to discuss that with customers

19:42

who perform sexual harassment

19:44

, like you are doing with roast beef

19:46

right now .

19:47

What am I doing with roast beef in this scenario , Sam ?

19:51

I don't know . You just kept asking for roast beef . Yeah

19:53

, it's an Arby's . What else do they have ? I don't .

19:55

Intense way . Where is the roast

19:57

beef ? Yeah , no , it's . I'm not saying it's

19:59

a good sexual harassment policy , I'm

20:01

just saying that I

20:04

think , sam , if we just buy enough roast beef

20:06

, do you think someone making minimum wage is

20:08

going to stop you ? Oh , I mean , if

20:10

it was me , I would just be like go dig

20:12

it up . Dude , also , you have a metal detector

20:14

. I do , oh , I do

20:17

, I think so . I

20:19

mean , you have something that looks like a metal detector . I'm

20:21

pretty sure that's a metal detector . Well , if it

20:23

works , this will be easy , and if it doesn't , we're going to go eat

20:25

a lot of Arby's . Okay

20:28

, well , enough about that , so we're .

20:30

Can you imagine getting pulled over with like why

20:32

do you have 25 orders of

20:34

Arby's and two shovels ?

20:39

Why don't you mind your own fucking business ? Do

20:43

you want some Arby's ?

20:44

Or do you want to ask these questions ? Listen here , stinky .

20:46

You want a roast beef sandwich or no , because who's

20:48

gonna pull us over One-Eye rug ? Yup , he's

20:51

an outrunner's in his golf cart . He's

20:54

firmly established . There are no cops in this town , hey

20:57

no , there's a community enforcer

20:59

, which is way worse still . It's still bad

21:01

, wrong name , and

21:05

the gun they gave him is comically big . Yeah

21:08

, he cannot hold it in his weak old man hands

21:10

. It's really funny , though .

21:12

It gives me like real Yosemite Sam vibes

21:14

. Yes , because he's got like the fucking blunder

21:16

bus .

21:17

It's great . Okay , so

21:20

I guess we're gonna go find this after we record

21:22

and we'll play scavenger

21:24

hunt .

21:25

Okay , scavenger hunt .

21:26

We're not gonna do this . We're not gonna binge it though . Scavenger hunt

21:28

Okay , we're just gonna record it , we're gonna . Okay

21:30

, this is the podcast . Now we're gonna

21:32

find one . This is a good podcast . This

21:35

is a good podcast . It's a scavenger hunt podcast . Are

21:37

you fucking sure , Scavenger hunt podcast

21:39

? We have a scavenger hunt podcast , so we're

21:41

gonna basically I think it doesn't mean self-inclusive

21:43

, which we're not good at , but we'll figure it out Maybe

21:46

our lovely fans will help us . Hey

21:48

, you know what ? If they ? Yeah , Well , no

21:50

, this one just said in look out front of the

21:52

garden .

21:53

Yeah well , this one .

21:53

He's gonna hide him , fuck him . Either

21:56

way , we are going to have to . We're not just

21:58

gonna listen to it immediately , we're gonna listen to it on the air

22:00

so we can get a live reaction . That's right , because

22:02

that's why I'm the talent , I have the big

22:04

thought , because what would

22:06

you do without ?

22:07

the reaction of scavenger hunt . Scavenger

22:09

hunt .

22:10

Scavenger hunt . It's gonna get every 20 episodes just

22:12

of that . So

22:14

if you guys like scavenger hunt over and over

22:17

again , do it back in . Yeah . So

22:20

if it gets harder , we will be relying

22:22

on y'all . Please help

22:24

us . Okay . So we do have

22:26

other news , though , because this is

22:29

a whole town , it's true , and

22:31

we are your audio newspaper . That's right . Crankle

22:33

, crankle , crankle . Here you are opening this newspaper

22:36

. Oh , look at that , it's a sale on lemons

22:38

. Why are lemons so cheap ? Say

22:41

what's in the news . Well

22:44

, son , on the news

22:46

today , we saw a parade

22:48

and that that's

22:50

the headline it is , so

22:53

I couldn't see it

22:55

. That's newspaper noises for you , boy . Really

22:57

, it's just like you're just spitting into my ears .

22:59

You ever heard newspaper noises ?

23:02

Please . So we , as we

23:04

were recording earlier that some bits we did not

23:06

use , we a

23:08

huge parade . Yeah

23:11

, imagine being like hey , welcome

23:13

to Clam Harbor .

23:14

And then the fucking da da da , da da da da da da

23:16

da , da da da da da da , da , da da da , fucking tuba

23:19

comes like brr , brr , brr , brr

23:21

, brr , brr .

23:22

And there were the fucking acrobats started to come and

23:24

buy and that was distracting

23:26

to say the least . Wicked distracting . So

23:29

it seems like okay , and

23:32

because again we're two normal dudes , uh-huh

23:34

who , whose brains work normal Yup

23:36

, the most normal we just followed the parade into

23:38

town . That's right . We just kind

23:40

of followed after it , I guess , joined the parade kind

23:42

of . I guess

23:44

he kind of did For a bit . It

23:47

was for someone

23:49

named Anna Merganson

23:51

who I guess has moved to town recently

23:53

.

23:53

Yeah .

23:54

And apparently is quite wealthy , because through a whole

23:57

parade I was about to say is it rude we didn't

23:59

throw a parade for ourselves when we first showed

24:01

up ? I mean , do you think we could get a parade for

24:03

us ? Probably not . We're a wicked bore

24:05

. We should get a parade .

24:07

We should just go around to everyone in town and be like

24:09

, hey , we're doing a parade on this date .

24:11

this time Come walk down the street

24:13

. It'll be cool . Silly string is allowed

24:16

this one time , this one time it's

24:18

a cheat day . It's a

24:20

cheat day . So , um , honestly

24:22

, we probably get a lot of people if we offered that

24:24

. Well , so we actually . It's

24:26

different because , like we were , like we would tell them when

24:28

it was happening . This parade just

24:31

happened . So there were like cars stopped in the

24:33

street , uh , getting overtaken

24:35

by an actual elephant Mm-hmm , I

24:37

don't know how they got the float over

24:40

the pothole . Do you mean the

24:42

float ? One of the floats ? That's like it was

24:44

a six foot cut out of her head . Yeah , that one

24:46

over the over the six foot deep pothole

24:48

. Yeah , yeah , I

24:50

mean . All of this points to a very cool and well adjusted

24:53

person , I would say . I mean , all rich people

24:55

are cool .

24:55

Yeah .

24:56

They understand what it's like to be out here . Yeah , I

24:58

love them . They're the rich

25:00

. Either way , we

25:03

managed to go and talk to a couple of people in town

25:05

, uh , and it was great . Everyone came out

25:07

to see it because suddenly there was just a giant

25:09

parade yeah . Like a like a 40

25:11

float parade going through town .

25:13

What else would you do If you were in town , the

25:15

smallest , quietest town ever

25:18

, ever in ever , in

25:20

a giant parade came through with acrobats . I'm

25:22

there .

25:23

Yeah , I was there , you were there , we

25:25

it worked , sam . We literally just like walked

25:27

after it . Yeah , we were there . Not

25:29

a thought in our head . Left the , left the recording

25:32

on . Well , if our Patreon

25:34

listeners will have that recording of just three

25:36

hours of silence , the

25:40

best part of the day was watching

25:42

Sam get a full

25:45

tall beer . A launch of a t-shirt cannon

25:48

right in his diaphragm . That was . I

25:50

still have the mark . Yeah , dude .

25:52

Yeah , look the the the welt . Yep , you

25:54

know what it's like to have a beer

25:56

can suction to your belly button

25:58

at high speed ?

26:00

Yeah , I can't imagine . It's the

26:02

worst . Is that getting shot with a bean bag ? Yeah , pretty

26:04

much . It's like the first time . I crossed

26:06

Genzel's path . Yeah , you went down

26:08

. Oh , he did bean bag you pretty

26:10

quickly , didn't he ? Genzel , was there Just

26:13

chain smoking cigarettes and not smiling . God

26:17

, I love him . Yep , he

26:19

had his quick draw wild turkey whiskey on his hip , yep

26:21

. And

26:24

so we managed to catch

26:26

up with Trask and Kenzel

26:28

Kenzel , not Kenzel Kenzel . Yeah

26:31

, their names are similar , but they're different , they're

26:33

so different . And the people very

26:35

different and it was nice

26:37

, it was kind of nice to see the two of them .

26:38

Yeah , they were just hanging out . We said hi .

26:41

Kenzel turned to us and was like do you guys know

26:44

anything ? Which we guys always

26:46

Anything at all , which was a little you dumb

26:48

, dumb , idiot boys , yeah , which

26:51

, like you'd turn right to say that Maybe

26:53

you know we did a little hurtful

26:55

but like I guess we made we got Bobby kidnapped

26:57

and maybe Anyway , but

26:59

she didn't , she also agreed .

27:02

Not a great parade thing yeah . Not

27:04

great to just have a person that does parades .

27:06

Just let us , you know , let him know , not a great feeling about

27:09

just all that , yeah , and

27:12

so that was pretty wild yeah

27:15

.

27:15

And on the way out , there was a time .

27:16

Yeah , it did end in a little bit of tragedy

27:18

.

27:20

Well , the newspaper says .

27:22

So that was great . I don't know , overall it did end in tragedy

27:24

a little bit . Okay , I didn't say

27:26

a little bit , but at the end of it it

27:28

is our , it

27:31

is our responsibility

27:33

as the Town Podcast to

27:35

spread the news that Andrew Genzel was

27:39

struck by a stray

27:41

zebra and killed who

27:44

. He will be missed . He

27:46

has been a town resident for

27:48

between 90 and 200

27:50

years . He can't get a beat on it

27:52

, does not have a birth certificate in

27:54

his will , must have burned it , he

27:57

told me . He showed me his will and he's

27:59

not going to get a death certificate either . So

28:01

he just , I guess , never existed . Yeah

28:04

, except he did , and he'll be in

28:06

our hearts forever . No amount

28:08

of poor taste confetti

28:10

streamer parade can kill the memory of

28:13

a man who once fought

28:15

all of the Beatles at the same time

28:17

, apparently , or

28:20

a man who once out drank the Chicago

28:23

Cubs Just the whole team , the whole

28:25

team , which doesn't seem physically possible

28:27

. He does have a quick draw , whiskey

28:29

holster , though , so like maybe , maybe . I

28:32

mean that's true , and

28:34

it was like eight in the morning when he

28:36

was drinking old turkey . He got killed by a zebra .

28:38

Yeah , did he ever tell you the story about how

28:40

he robbed a bank ? Just to see if he could .

28:43

But like they never caught him because he isn't a person

28:45

legally . Yeah , yeah , uh huh , yeah

28:47

, so

28:50

technically , he what didn't get arrested , and he did it too

28:52

well . Did he tell you the story about

28:55

the time when he climbed Mount

28:58

Everest ? It was in the 60s

29:00

and he just didn't want to

29:03

use the air tanks . So he quote unquote

29:05

just dealt with it . Yeah

29:07

, so that's pretty . I

29:09

was fucking alive man . Well , sam , he's not

29:11

. That's that's very .

29:13

Unfortunately , I don't know how he was alive

29:16

.

29:16

Hey , so the man

29:18

used . He used to drink

29:20

one cup of ocean

29:22

water every day , first thing in the morning

29:25

. Yeah , yeah .

29:27

Also I'd like to make something clear about who

29:29

I am as a person . I don't know if reads

29:31

the same way , but when someone dies you

29:34

throw a party . It's like a celebration

29:36

of life thing . I don't do much

29:38

like morning .

29:40

It's mostly just hidden by alcohol

29:42

and parties . Yeah , which

29:45

is honestly what Andrew would have wanted .

29:47

Yeah , fair , you know , maybe we should throw

29:49

him a party .

29:50

Yeah , you want to go throw him a little bit of a party . I'd throw him

29:52

a party , I think we I mean , there's a shit ton of

29:54

confetti on the ground- there's

29:56

like two things like confetti . Yeah

29:58

, I mean it's like there's like two inches on the ground

30:00

at any surface . It's like a new phone snow . Yeah

30:02

, it's environmentally tragic

30:05

, yeah . So I say , after we finish

30:07

up here , we , we go downtown and we just

30:09

have an in . You know if they can have it in ? Okay , if

30:11

this millionaire can have a impromptu

30:13

parade for herself , we can have an impromptu

30:16

street party for a man , a

30:18

myth , a legend , who has now passed . Yeah , just

30:20

do confetti snow angels .

30:22

Yeah .

30:23

For let's , let's go out have a party for the man who

30:25

once threatened Lauren Coleman

30:28

, the man at the International

30:30

Crypto Zoology Museum . He threatened him at

30:32

Knife Point to tell him

30:34

that Bigfoot was real . I

30:37

don't know if it worked . I mean , lauren

30:39

Coleman became , you

30:41

know , the foremost mind and crypto zoology , and

30:43

you know so . I guess you hold a knife at more kids

30:45

. Oh

30:50

shit , I like the , I like the

30:52

. I really enjoy that . He

30:54

well say it . It's funny

30:56

. Yeah that , yes , a

30:59

kid . Yeah , about it . It's

31:02

not okay , though .

31:03

It's not okay Anyway

31:05

on that , not okay , note we're going

31:07

to go make confetti angels .

31:10

Yeah , in the confetti , maybe see if

31:12

we can dig a beer out of it . I'm intrigued that

31:14

it was lodged in the

31:16

newly fallen confetti and

31:19

I guess until next week . My name

31:21

is Reed , my name is Roland

31:24

the confetti workman , and let's

31:27

go down this rabbit hole , motherfucker . Yeah , let's

31:29

do this scavenger , scavenger scavenger

31:32

, scavenger , scavenger , scavenger , scavenger

31:34

scavenger setup

31:39

.

32:11

Thanks for tuning in to the Clam Bake Incident . This

32:13

show was written by Reed Bridge .

32:14

Konigsberg , performed by Reed and

32:17

myself , sam Workman , who also edits

32:19

and produces the show .

32:20

If you liked us , do us a favor and leave us a 5

32:22

star review on your favorite podcast provider

32:24

, or join the conversation on Instagram

32:26

, on Facebook , on TikTok , at Clam Bake

32:29

Incident .

32:29

And if you didn't like us , well , I've never heard of Instagram

32:32

or Twitter or TikTok . Until next

32:34

time , live well and be kind

32:36

. It's

33:18

definitely gonna be fun on YouTube reading

33:28

off the ones that are savory .

33:29

Yeah , yeah , please Give

33:32

us your hot tips , and

33:35

I'm realizing that I've gone the wrong

33:37

direction with this .

33:38

Yeah , just a little too much

33:40

. You sure Welcome to Only Clams

33:43

. No , thank you . But

33:45

yeah , so if you have any updates

33:47

or stuff you wanna talk or ask about town

33:49

, call it in . Or if you wanna

33:51

help us with our , please , please

33:54

, please , please , help us with the riddles

33:56

we're finding . We're actually , hey folks

33:58

, I'm not actually a riddle master , that's

34:01

just someone who , that's an entity , that enters

34:03

my body and he doesn't know how to answer riddles , he

34:05

just asks them . He

34:09

has no mind for riddles , he's

34:11

only a vessel for riddles . Yeah

34:13

, and I'm just a vessel for that dark passenger . And

34:15

so we need your help . Yeah , please

34:17

, please , please , help us with the riddles we're finding in these

34:19

tapes . We're

34:21

not great at riddles . If you call it in and

34:24

you leave your name , we will get in contact

34:26

with you and we will send you a sticker

34:28

, like we will reward you for this , because

34:31

information's not free , I guess . Yeah , we

34:33

love you so much , thank you so much

34:35

, and Until next time which

34:38

I'm just gonna throw out our longest , our

34:40

longest Patreon member oh , dan

34:42

and Noel . Dan , dan and Noel . Thank you so much . We

34:44

love you so much . Buddy , you're doing the best . Anything

34:47

else , man I got . That's all I got . Cool . After

34:49

after messages Drink some water . Drink

34:51

some water as I

34:53

smooches . Nah , our

34:56

private real of outtakes .

34:58

Yeah .

34:59

I'm gonna fucking put you back in the tree . Look it . You know

35:01

how easy it is to convince an insurance company

35:03

that a tree caught on fire when you're making cookies

35:05

in it incredibly easy . I

35:10

don't even know why they gave me a third of the friends

35:12

play . No , I've been fucking with them for years . I

35:14

don't know . I look , that's the only reason

35:16

I'm a business owner . Look

35:20

at liability , baby .