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Welcome to the Butterfly

0:03

Mindset Podcast . Today

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I have the most special

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guest in the world my mother

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. What's up

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, mom ?

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How do you match ?

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It's funny because I'm totally rebranding

0:23

the podcast . We're

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doing like , I'm doing a like totally rebranding the podcast . So it shifted from Cyrus's podcast

0:29

to the butterfly mindset podcast and

0:31

I thought who better to

0:34

interview for the first episode of the

0:36

butterfly mindset podcast than my mom

0:38

, who created the butterfly mindset , you

0:41

know . So , um , so

0:44

I want to , I want to kind

0:46

of talk about , like you know , we're going to talk about life

0:48

, and this might be a long conversation , might be a short

0:50

conversation , I don't know , but , um

0:52

, I want to . I want to talk

0:54

about . You know , I learned things about

0:56

your life , like bits

0:59

and pieces of how you think , and like you really

1:01

molded how I think . So

1:04

, for me , for me , this

1:07

is all about sharing how

1:09

successful people think and how

1:12

they move and , and

1:14

, like I said , like you , you , you molded

1:17

my , along with so many other

1:19

people in my life , but you molded my life

1:21

and my , my thinking , to how I think

1:23

about . You know , everything happens for a reason positivity

1:26

, so on and so forth which is

1:28

you would think that like that

1:30

would be oh yeah , that's a no-brainer

1:33

. But like your life wasn't the easiest life

1:35

no , it hasn't been , you

1:37

know . So

1:39

, like starting from

1:41

, I guess when you were little like

1:44

, where

1:47

did you grow up ?

1:49

In the heart of LA .

1:51

In the heart of LA and

1:55

when you grew up in LA

1:57

, obviously it was just the perfect

2:00

life , perfect childhood , right .

2:01

Well , it wasn't the perfectest , but it

2:04

was okay .

2:06

What was it like ?

2:09

When I was growing up , life was totally different

2:11

than it is now . We played outside

2:14

, we ran up , we climbed trees , we

2:16

did all the stuff you do

2:18

outside ride bikes . Most

2:22

of the time I was with my cousins and my aunt

2:25

and uncle , because we were almost the same

2:27

age . So we I spend a lot of time

2:29

at my grandma's um

2:31

and just part of life but

2:33

you're one of how wait what , how

2:36

many ? I'm one of seven one of seven

2:38

.

2:38

Yeah , and you're in what order ? The

2:41

second oldest , okay

2:43

, and then and then . So you have one

2:45

older .

2:46

I had one older brother .

2:48

You had one older brother . Who

2:50

was that one ?

2:51

Raw , but he passed away when he was 18

2:53

.

2:54

How did he pass away ?

3:04

He got shot . He

3:07

was . He

3:10

was in the marines and he came up for a leave

3:12

. He went and hung out with some of his old friends

3:15

and he

3:17

was driving his friend's car and they mistaked

3:19

him for the friend and they shot him wow

3:23

um , he

3:25

was 18 .

3:26

You said Was

3:28

he like ? Was it because

3:31

he was involved with like the wrong people ?

3:33

Yeah , well he was . He was well

3:35

. We grew up in East LA . Yeah

3:37

. So he hung around with the . I

3:39

guess he was like a troll , but I never

3:41

saw him like that . Yeah . But

3:48

he wasn't a bad guy and he joined

3:51

the Marines and Do you know why he joined the Marines

3:53

or ? Just to

3:55

get away , but

3:57

he was a good brother

3:59

.

4:03

And then at that

4:05

time , how old were you then ?

4:07

when he passed away , I was 15

4:10

wow .

4:13

So then you became the oldest then I

4:15

became the oldest how

4:19

was that mentally ? Did

4:21

that change anything how you operated

4:23

, or were you just like how

4:25

you took care of your younger siblings ?

4:28

I always looked out for them , Regardless

4:31

even my brother . I looked out for him . I used to iron

4:33

his clothes and do things for him . Yeah

4:36

, it was just part

4:38

of my way of being . Yeah

4:40

. I always looked after everybody .

4:43

So , and then , how old were your younger

4:45

siblings at the time ?

4:47

I had . My sister was

4:49

two years younger , so she was 13

4:52

, and then my brother was

4:54

12 . Then

4:57

my sister was like seven and

4:59

my we had just had a little brother

5:02

.

5:04

So it was a baby , yeah , and

5:07

was it all the same mom and dad

5:10

?

5:10

No , yeah

5:12

, well , there was five

5:15

of us from the same dad . And then

5:18

my mom had my

5:20

sister , and then she had my brother .

5:22

Okay , and

5:25

then when you were , when

5:27

did you have Desiree ?

5:29

so I got married when I was 15 and I

5:31

had Desiree right before my 16th birthday

5:33

so was that , was that

5:35

right

5:40

after my brother passed .

5:41

Yeah , yeah

5:43

. So like how soon

5:45

after was that ?

5:48

Well , like Desi

5:50

was no , actually

5:53

it was before he passed , because Desi

5:55

was three months old when he died . Wow

5:57

.

5:59

Yeah , how

6:01

was that dealing with being

6:03

and was that ? Like

6:06

you know , you're 15

6:08

, you're 16 years old having

6:12

a three-month-old , and then your

6:15

brother just passes away . Like how

6:17

did you deal with that ? it's

6:24

hard , but I believe

6:26

that I

6:34

believe that God only gives you what

6:36

you could handle and

6:38

it makes you stronger . Um

6:46

, that's a . Uh , uh . Uh , I get sunglasses . I get to hide my tears . Um , I , uh , uh , that's a I

6:48

get sunglasses , I get to hide my tears . That's a strong statement because , like

6:50

you know , we haven't even got into

6:52

a lot of what you've been through . You

6:55

know so , and I'm

6:57

going to rewind even more because when

7:02

you were little , you had even told

7:04

me that you had gone through foster care

7:07

at some point . I

7:11

remember hearing that and being like what the heck

7:14

? You didn't even tell me , we didn't know about that

7:16

.

7:17

It's a part of my life . That it

7:20

was a part of my life . Yeah

7:22

, I didn't have to tell

7:24

anybody because I wasn't ashamed of anything

7:27

. It was part of growing up

7:29

for me , you know

7:31

, and it didn't like it

7:33

hurt when we were separated , but it

7:35

didn't cause me like

7:37

to go backwards

7:40

in any way . Yeah . I

7:42

always went forward , yeah , in any way , I always went forward

7:44

. My mom had a hard time

7:46

because she was a single mom , although

7:48

my dad was in and out of our lives the whole

7:50

time . But my mom

7:53

was totally a single mom and

8:01

my mom had issues where she

8:04

would have nervous breakdowns and so forth . So

8:06

at one point we grew up on welfare

8:09

. So

8:11

at one point she was like her worker said well , you know , you need to mentally take care of

8:13

yourself , so we'll put your kids in foster care so you can straighten yourself out

8:16

, like just mentally . Yeah . And

8:19

then we'll give them back . Well

8:21

, she put all of us into foster care and

8:24

then they didn't want to return us . Um

8:28

, we get into the system and it's hard to get out of

8:30

it . Um , my

8:32

mom being young and naive and not knowing

8:34

what was going on , how old was your

8:36

mom around that , probably about in

8:41

her late 20s at least . Yeah . In

8:44

her 20s , because

8:46

by the time she

8:49

had me when she was 17 . So

8:51

figure 10 , 10 years , yeah

8:53

, about 27 , 26 , 27

8:56

. So she was really young , yeah , and she had four

8:58

kids , five kids . Dang

9:00

. At that point Is this raw . No , she had

9:02

six . Wow , she had six .

9:05

Wow .

9:06

She had six because my little sister was like a

9:08

baby . Yeah . So

9:11

she put us in , and then my

9:16

grandmother , I guess . At that point my

9:18

mom went to my grandma . My grandma

9:20

said don't worry , I'll take them , I'll go pick

9:22

them up for you , or whatever . I don't know how we got ended

9:24

up , but we ended up all back with my mom

9:27

. How old were you ? About

9:29

10 or 11 ?

9:32

dang .

9:33

And how was it like we only stayed

9:35

in foster care for about a year and a half or

9:37

two but how was like , like ?

9:39

what was that experience like for

9:41

you do , do you remember ?

9:43

Yeah , it wasn't bad . The

9:46

family I was with was very good

9:48

and very kind . It

9:50

was normal . We went to church

9:52

, we did birthday parties

9:55

, we did camp outs , we

9:57

went on vacation . So it was nice

9:59

. It was a different experience in life in

10:01

itself , what life should really have been like

10:03

Not having to worry about anything

10:05

.

10:06

What do you mean ? Worry about anything ?

10:08

Worry about anything like worry

10:11

about my mom , worry about my brothers and sisters

10:13

.

10:18

You were 10 or 11 and

10:20

you were worrying about your mom and your

10:22

brothers and sisters . What were you worried about ?

10:24

Because I'm the one that used to help

10:26

my mom with everything . I

10:29

used to help take care of the kids , help

10:31

her out , just do things

10:33

.

10:35

At nine or ten and

10:37

then when then

10:40

you went to foster care and you felt like you

10:42

kind of had more like a normal childhood . A

10:45

quote unquote normal childhood .

10:46

Kind of like just a normal way of living

10:49

. Yeah . My childhood

10:51

, I could remember , was nice because I

10:53

was with my grandparents and my

10:55

aunts , my uncles . Whatever we

10:57

had a normal , my mom did whatever

10:59

she could for us .

11:00

Yeah , could

11:10

for us ? Yeah , um and um , and then so then . So then you're , you're like 10 or 11 , and then what ? Your

11:12

grandma just comes and picks you up or what .

11:13

Yeah , she just goes from house to house . Wherever

11:15

we all , my brothers , we were all separated , except

11:17

me and my sister . At one point they brought

11:19

my sister to where I was at yeah so

11:21

she stayed with me for maybe about four

11:24

or five months before we went home , and

11:27

then my grandma just picked us all up

11:29

. Just

11:32

went to the houses and picked us up and said we

11:34

were going back with her and

11:36

we went with my grandmother and then my mom had

11:38

my . I stayed with my grandmother

11:40

for about me and

11:43

my brother , probably for about six

11:45

months , before I returned to my mom okay

11:48

and then , when you returned

11:50

to your mom , what was it like ?

11:52

it's okay it's like normal yeah it was normal

11:54

.

11:55

My mom just was my mom yeah

11:57

you know , and I never like I know

11:59

, sometimes we didn't have a lot

12:01

, but I didn't blame her

12:03

because she had a lot on her plate yeah

12:07

, um , and then

12:09

, and then like fast forward

12:11

.

12:11

You have Desiree then

12:14

I get married and you get married yeah

12:16

, and then I live .

12:18

I move out and live in my life , but my

12:20

mom's still in my life

12:22

yeah so I was still trying to do for my mom as well

12:24

as try to take care of my family . I was my life , so I was still trying to do for my mom as well as try to take care of my family

12:27

. I was young by

12:29

the time . I was 27, . I

12:31

divorced and I went back with

12:33

my mom , and my mom opened her

12:35

doors and I stayed there with my three

12:37

kids .

12:41

So wait . So by the time you were 27

12:43

, you had Desiree .

12:47

Corina .

12:48

Corina and then Steven

12:50

.

12:50

Steven .

12:52

And I was like calling them

12:54

by their nicknames , yeah , and

12:58

then you divorced .

13:00

Divorced at 27 .

13:02

And then you moved back with my mom . Grandma

13:04

. And then , but in that time , what 27 . And then

13:07

you moved back with my mom , grandma , and

13:09

then , but in that time , what ?

13:10

about . What are all your siblings doing by that time ? By

13:12

the time I went to live with my mom at

13:15

that point , my sister had already passed away

13:17

. She

13:21

was 18 when she died in a car accident , and she just had

13:23

. My brother , george , and

13:26

so my

13:28

other brother , ray , lived

13:30

in Colorado . Yeah . Didn't

13:34

have too much .

13:35

I never really saw him , so wait . So your sister , she

13:38

was how old when she passed away 18 . She was how

13:40

old when she passed away 18 . So

13:43

your mom lost your

13:46

older brother and younger

13:49

sister both when they were 18 .

13:51

Both at 18 and 10 years apart , one

13:53

in 77 and the other one in 87

13:56

. Wow . And

13:58

we lost a little brother in

14:00

65 . He was six

14:02

weeks old , oh

14:06

, so she had a lot to

14:08

deal with In 65, .

14:09

He was six weeks old , so she had a lot to deal with .

14:11

How did she

14:14

deal with it . I don't know , maybe just in her world

14:16

.

14:16

I don't

14:23

know . Do you think that , like , like going

14:25

through that as

14:30

her kid

14:33

helped you

14:36

understand , like how you would want

14:38

to deal with it as a mom ? Definitely

14:40

like did you

14:42

ever think about those things when you were little ?

14:54

I knew that I wanted roots because I didn't

14:56

have them . We

14:58

moved around so much as a child I

15:02

think I went to , like you , go to middle school for three years and I probably went to

15:04

four different middle schools . Elementary

15:07

school is the same . I didn't

15:09

have any roots . Being

15:14

a single mom , she had to do

15:16

whatever she could and sometimes she

15:19

couldn't pay the rent , so we had to leave and

15:22

it was hard . Yeah , rent , so we had

15:24

to leave and it was hard , yeah , but I don't

15:27

remember other than having to move all the time

15:29

. I don't remember a lot of hardships

15:33

like just not

15:44

having enough to eat

15:47

, or that was

15:50

a community in

15:54

a home that we didn't have to keep

15:56

living . Yeah .

15:59

So then you're 27

16:02

, you got three kids , you're

16:04

living with grandma , and

16:07

then , and then , how old

16:09

were , how old were all the kids ?

16:12

uh steven was like five

16:14

no , desi wasn't

16:17

when I divorced

16:19

. She was like 11

16:21

, I think yeah 10 , and he

16:24

might have been 5 or 6 . Yeah .

16:27

And then , and then .

16:27

I was living with my mom and they were in school

16:30

and I would take them back and forth to school . I

16:32

put myself in school .

16:34

Where were you living then ?

16:35

In Cudahy .

16:36

Okay .

16:37

My mom had her house .

16:39

And so you were living there , and then

16:41

you

16:44

would take them back and forth to school . You said you put yourself

16:46

in school yeah , I put myself in school .

16:48

I went to like um , just an

16:50

off the wall school to go

16:52

to like for legal secretarial

16:54

so wait .

16:55

So when you were 15 , you

16:57

got married and everything . Did you finish high school

16:59

? No , okay , and

17:02

then so then you went to like

17:04

a trade school . I went to a trade school . Or did

17:06

you ever finish high school , or no ?

17:07

No , I never finished high school , but I did

17:09

go to like . As

17:11

I got older I would go like I went to like

17:14

East LA College

17:16

and . I took like different

17:18

, like psychology classes , child

17:21

development classes , just different things

17:23

just to keep myself busy and

17:25

I never really like finished , finished

17:28

it all yeah then later

17:30

, when I went with my mom , I decided

17:32

I wanted to do something with myself . So I wanted

17:35

always to work in the law office . So I went

17:37

to do that and I finished

17:39

it and I graduated from there and I got a

17:42

job . Why did you want

17:44

?

17:44

to work in a law office .

17:45

I don't know , it was just something I liked .

17:48

Just like .

17:49

Just because .

17:50

But did you ever meet somebody or anything like

17:52

?

17:53

that . No , I just wanted to do that . I

17:55

just wanted to work . I thought

17:57

it was something like prestigious to go work in a

17:59

law firm , and I did

18:02

. I worked there and I liked it and what

18:04

did you do there ? Firm

18:07

. So and I did , I worked there and I liked it and what'd

18:09

you do there ? I worked for family law . We did

18:11

a lot of family cases and I did all the like , the like actually

18:13

the secretary of the attorney so you were

18:16

like typing and doing all that . Yeah , I was

18:18

doing a lot of stuff and

18:20

and then .

18:21

So then you were doing that , and then then

18:25

how long was it before

18:27

you met ?

18:29

Your dad . I met him two years later

18:31

, when I was 29 .

18:32

Okay , yeah , so

18:36

you were 27, . You

18:38

just got divorced . Then you start working as a legal

18:40

secretary , and then you met

18:42

your dad . And

18:44

then it was how

18:47

did that work ?

18:48

well , at first I didn't want anything

18:50

because I wasn't sure I was just

18:52

. I just had gotten out of a relationship . I just

18:54

wanted to be by myself yeah

18:56

. I didn't know . Um , I

18:59

was having fun just the

19:02

kids taking care of my kids . My mom would watch them in

19:04

the evening . If I went out , you

19:06

know , I'd feed him , put him to sleep and then

19:08

I'd go out . Then I'd come back in the morning do what

19:10

I have to do with the kids go to work , do everything

19:12

yeah um , then

19:15

I meet your dad by coincidence . It was just

19:17

like something fluke we were on the freeway

19:20

driving and

19:22

they

19:25

were in a ferrari yeah and we

19:27

were in a Corvette . And then we're driving down

19:29

the street and my sister says , look at , those guys

19:31

are so cute . And I'm like , no

19:33

, no . And she

19:35

goes , just play with them , karina , just play with them . And I'm

19:37

like , okay . So we started messing

19:40

around on the freeway and then we pulled over

19:42

and it was like fate

19:44

, because the driver went to my sister

19:47

to talk to her and your

19:49

dad came to me to talk to me . So

19:51

we talked a little bit , we had fun , just

19:53

like exchange numbers and stuff , and

19:55

we went on our way , yeah . And then

19:57

he called to take my sister

19:59

on . My sister goes , just go out with us , just go out

20:01

with us . And I'm like , oh no , I don't want to do

20:03

this . I said , okay , let's do it

20:05

. So we went and it

20:07

turned out that I ended up marrying but

20:11

, but I know that .

20:13

So you went on that , you went on that double

20:15

date or whatever , and then you

20:17

didn't call my dad back , though , right um

20:19

, for a while I did call your dad

20:21

back , but afterwards and

20:24

then we were just like friends . Yeah

20:26

.

20:26

And then I went out with my friends and we went to

20:28

Ensenada and I didn't call him

20:30

like Rosarita , yeah , and I didn't call

20:33

him at all for that whole weekend and

20:35

he was like what the heck ? And when I

20:37

get home we had answering machines at

20:39

that point . And it was like I don't know how many

20:41

calls from him , point

20:44

. And it was like I don't know how many calls from him and I was like , oh my god , this guy's he's

20:46

must be stressed . What is his problems ? Like shower

20:49

everything , get ready , go see him at

20:52

his job and he's all scraggly

20:55

and I'm like what the heck ? And

20:58

I'm like what's going on ? He goes , you

21:00

, how are you doing ? I was worried

21:02

about you . You didn't answer my calls and I'm like

21:04

we weren't even dating , really dating . We're

21:07

just like friends yeah and

21:09

then I thought , well , maybe he's worth the

21:11

try , maybe he really does care

21:13

for me yeah so then

21:16

I started , I made where I started

21:18

dating him , and that

21:21

was it and um

21:23

.

21:24

And then , how long after you guys dated did you

21:26

guys get married ?

21:31

like a year later dang , that was quick

21:33

yeah , like a year later , because he was

21:35

, he knew I had three kids and that

21:37

was my worry , that somebody wouldn't

21:39

accept me with three kids . And

21:42

the kids had off and on with

21:44

their dad . They'd go one weekend , so that weekend

21:47

we'd spend together and then the next weekend

21:49

we would take the kids somewhere . And

21:51

it was . It worked out really well and

21:53

he really liked the three kids

21:55

. So then we just he

21:58

just said he wanted him . We just got married

22:00

wait .

22:01

So so you , why

22:04

, what ? Why were you worried

22:06

that someone wouldn't accept you with three kids ?

22:09

Because my mom had a

22:12

lot of kids . She

22:15

had a lot of opportunities but never wanted

22:17

a chance on taking one . What

22:19

do you ? Mean , my mom was a very beautiful woman , but

22:23

she never really wanted to give herself

22:25

to somebody , because she always . Maybe

22:28

she was in love with my dad , I don't know , but

22:31

he never was in the picture .

22:33

What was your dad like ? What did your dad do , though

22:35

?

22:36

I don't know . I think he did a lot of things

22:38

that weren't normal . That

22:41

weren't good .

22:42

Yeah , but

22:44

did you like know

22:46

know him ? Yeah , I knew him .

22:47

No , yeah , I knew him because he was with us when

22:50

I was little , but he would come

22:52

in and go , come in and go . He'd be

22:54

gone like maybe a year and then all of

22:56

a sudden show up again , you

22:58

know , or he'd come like every six months and

23:01

I remember living with him and then I remember

23:03

us leaving him . So it was like

23:05

it was weird , it was different

23:07

, and he and then , when

23:10

did he pass away ?

23:12

in 89 do you know how

23:14

? Or ?

23:14

yeah , he had diabetes and he didn't take care of

23:16

it .

23:16

And then and then

23:18

and then says

23:21

89 . So how old were you ? No , I was born 61 , okay , and then , so

23:23

that was 89 . So how old were you

23:25

I ?

23:27

don't know . I was born in 61 .

23:29

Okay , and then did you like

23:32

? How did that feel

23:34

Like ?

23:34

because he wasn't really in your life . Yeah

23:36

, I mean , I kind of felt it , but it

23:39

didn't consume

23:41

me in any way . Yeah . It was just like

23:43

okay , well , he's gone . Yeah

23:45

, in the other words , when I , when my mom

23:48

passed . That was different yeah

23:50

, so .

23:51

So so going back , so you were , you

23:54

just got married . And

23:56

then , so now you're what , 29

23:59

, 30 , 29 , I was 30

24:01

, 30 years old , you

24:03

just got married . And then

24:05

you , how long after did

24:07

you have Bijan ?

24:09

A year later .

24:10

Okay , and then your best

24:12

son came after that Cyrus

24:15

.

24:18

Actually Bijan was planned

24:20

and Cyrus was our surprise

24:22

.

24:22

Cyrus was the gift . It was definitely the gift . Cyrus was the gift , it was

24:25

definitely the gift .

24:26

It definitely was , because Cyrus is

24:28

the one that keeps the house

24:30

going . What do you mean ? Like

24:33

the house was always like quiet

24:35

, but when Cyrus was around it was alive

24:38

. Like just rambunctious .

24:45

It's funny , you always say what did Baba

24:49

?

24:49

say when he'd come home from work

24:51

and the house was quiet . He's like where's

24:53

everybody ? And I go , everybody's

24:55

here and he goes . Why is it so quiet ? Well , cyrus

24:57

is asleep , so Cyrus was sleeping

25:00

, the house was quiet .

25:01

And what was it like ? I'm actually curious

25:04

. So like you went from like living with grandma

25:07

to then me

25:11

to my dad , then did you guys move in together

25:13

, or I well , at first

25:15

, no , dad .

25:16

Your dad got an apartment closer to

25:18

us and then we were seeing

25:21

each other . I'd go stay with him like the week where was he

25:23

living before you guys met ? In

25:25

Downey .

25:26

Okay .

25:27

And then he moved to Huntington

25:29

Park in an apartment

25:31

there because we were living in Cudahy so

25:34

it was down the street . Then

25:37

I got a place and

25:40

he moved with me for about a year .

25:42

A place where .

25:44

In Los Angeles .

25:45

Okay .

25:45

And then we lived there for about a year , and

25:47

then that's when we moved to Orange County

25:50

.

25:50

Why did you guys move to Orange County ?

25:53

Because one of his friends said that

25:55

another friend was renting

25:57

a house and that he thought it would

25:59

be good for the family to move to Orange County

26:01

and he told Baba about

26:03

it and

26:07

then he said okay , so we moved to orange county and this is when

26:09

you had just three kids

26:11

, or ? I had no bijan was born

26:13

. Bijan was like six

26:16

months or something , seven months and

26:19

where'd you guys ? Move right down

26:21

the street from where we live . Now really , yeah

26:23

, yeah on Marion .

26:25

So you guys just rented like a place , we rented a house there

26:27

.

26:27

Yeah , the same kind of house we have , but we rented

26:30

a house there .

26:31

And then , when did you guys decide to buy

26:33

the house ? Well , we started .

26:36

like a year later we started looking for

26:38

a house because we

26:40

were going to buy a house like down on Marion

26:42

and

26:45

Baba said we put everything down but it

26:47

didn't go through for some reason . Yeah

26:49

. So then we moved out of the house where we were at

26:51

and moved into an apartment and

26:55

we continued to look and then

26:57

, like the following month or

26:59

something , we found the house we're living in now .

27:02

Wait . So how is

27:04

it like going from like like

27:07

? So at this point were you like financially

27:09

stable , or was it like yeah

27:11

, we were , we were .

27:13

Your took care of everything .

27:14

I didn't have to worry about anything but

27:16

like , how was that going from like

27:18

where ? I mean from when you were

27:20

so little , like you were saying earlier , like nine

27:22

or ten , worrying about your mom , worrying

27:25

about everything ?

27:27

It was more like a gift , because I

27:31

could still truly

27:33

help my mom . Whatever

27:36

my mom needed , I could give her . I

27:40

didn't have to worry about it . I didn't

27:42

have to worry about it , you know , and your dad was very

27:44

generous

27:47

in that aspect Whatever

27:49

I could , whatever he gave

27:51

me , I could share .

27:53

Yeah , so

27:56

were you working at the Sunday ?

27:59

I was working when I met your dad and then your dad

28:01

didn't want me to work anymore . Then

28:04

I started . I was at home

28:06

most of the time and then I started working for your

28:08

dad .

28:09

Okay , doing what ?

28:11

Doing like the DMV work finance

28:14

companies work like

28:16

going to the finance companies and picking

28:18

up checks , taking them paperwork and

28:20

stuff like that .

28:22

And then so then you

28:24

then , because he owned multiple

28:27

different car dealerships and everything . So , then

28:29

you then , because he owned multiple different car

28:31

dealerships and everything . So

28:36

then . So then you guys are renting an apartment , about to have

28:39

the best kid of your

28:41

life and and you and you

28:43

decide you're going to buy a house . And

28:45

was that because you wanted to buy

28:47

a house ? Was

28:52

that because he wanted to ? Was that because you guys wanted to do it together ?

28:53

Because you had said earlier you wanted roots . So I'm curious on what ? Yeah , it's we . We both decided

28:56

it was the thing to do at that point

28:58

because he was financially

29:00

okay and it was time at

29:02

that time just to settle it down

29:04

somewhere .

29:05

Because you have four kids at the time , one

29:07

coming . Yeah and so then

29:09

. So you chose where

29:12

we're at now because

29:15

, just because you guys already knew the area

29:17

, or what ?

29:18

Well , yeah , and it was a nice area . It was

29:20

quiet and when

29:22

we found the house it was like the perfect

29:25

place . Yeah it was strange

29:27

because we went to see another one right across the street

29:29

, mr Chin's house , yeah , and

29:31

that was like dark and gloomy and I'm like God

29:34

, no . And then they said

29:36

, oh , across the street , we're going to put the sign up today

29:38

if you want to go see that one . Yeah . And

29:41

that one was bright light . Yeah

29:43

. It had everything .

29:45

And so wait , had

29:52

everything and so wait , so .

29:53

so then I'm actually curious how did , like

29:56

desiree steven and kareem

29:58

like deal with , like you meeting baba

30:00

um , they were okay with it because they were

30:03

young when I left their dad and their dad

30:05

and they , desi , had a harder time

30:07

than the other two . she was older

30:09

, yeah , she didn't understand it in

30:12

the beginning , um , but

30:14

as time went on she

30:17

said I'm glad you did what you did

30:19

, because my three

30:21

older kids

30:23

I believe they had more

30:25

time with your dad and was able

30:27

to have a father figure

30:29

. Their dad was there but their

30:31

dad wasn't really involved

30:34

with them and

30:36

Baba was everything for them . He

30:38

did everything for them , like their own .

30:40

What do you mean ?

30:42

Like if they were his kids . He just did everything

30:44

bought their shoes , bought them cars

30:46

, did everything for them .

30:49

And then Supported them

30:51

. So

30:53

, but at first it was hard for Des right .

30:56

Well , not no . Well

30:58

, at first Baba

31:01

didn't get that part because we were without

31:03

the dad for two years . That's when

31:06

I had the hard time with her . Oh , okay , Not

31:08

when meeting Nicholas , that was , they had the hard time with her . Oh okay , not when meeting nicholas that

31:10

was they .

31:11

They were good with it , they were okay yeah

31:14

they really liked him and

31:17

then um , and then like

31:19

, uh , uh , because

31:23

we grew up like I didn't even know , like

31:27

I remember I don't

31:29

know , being you know older

31:32

and realizing that it wasn't even , like

31:34

we weren't even

31:36

half siblings or anything .

31:37

Yeah , because that's what your dad wanted

31:39

. He wanted you guys never

31:41

to feel the separation . So

31:44

he allowed and he encouraged

31:47

the girls . When they would go to their grandma's house

31:49

or wherever they were going , you guys

31:51

were more than welcome to go with them . He

31:53

didn't separate you guys . Yeah , Because

31:55

he wanted that bond . He didn't want

31:57

a separation . So when Desi

32:00

would say I'm going to Grandma Angie's house , she

32:03

would buckle you guys up in the car and she would

32:05

take you guys . Yeah . And that was

32:07

your grandma and grandpa . You didn't know any difference yeah

32:09

, exactly because he didn't want that and

32:12

then , and so was that like conversations

32:14

that you guys had together , or was that like yeah

32:17

, well , he always told me that he didn't want the kids

32:19

separated , like he didn't want them to feel

32:21

like they were different yeah

32:23

so that's why he did everything the same

32:26

for you guys that he did for

32:28

the three older ones , and the three older ones weren't

32:30

his , but he still had them like everything

32:33

for them . He didn't segregate like

32:35

oh well , you get your support

32:38

, so figure out what you're going to do with your kids . No

32:40

, he'd still

32:42

. Whatever they gave , whatever I would get

32:44

, my money I would get was mine . I didn't have to

32:46

input anything . He took care of everything

32:49

.

32:49

Yeah and then . So then

32:51

you bought the house . I

32:54

was born right after or right before the

32:56

house .

32:56

No , you were born right before we

32:58

moved in the house , when you were 16

33:00

days old .

33:02

Okay , and then

33:04

. So that would have been December

33:06

20th 1993

33:09

. And

33:12

so then you guys

33:14

moved in the house and

33:20

then fast forward

33:22

all the way to , let's

33:25

say , you know , wait . So now , what

33:27

are your other siblings doing at this time ?

33:30

um the ones I

33:32

had . My sister lives in in

33:36

santa maria . Yeah , santa maria she's

33:38

living her life with her son and

33:40

daughter she , yeah , so she she

33:43

went .

33:44

When did she move there ?

33:46

Oh , when my nephew was little , probably

33:48

like 30 , 35

33:51

years ago .

33:52

But you guys were living together when you guys

33:54

met Baba . No , when

33:56

was she Well ?

33:57

actually yes . Yes , because

33:59

she had moved in with us , Because

34:01

she had separated from her husband

34:04

. Okay . The baby's dad

34:07

, and so she was living with us . Yes

34:09

, yes and then that's when you guys

34:11

went out yeah , when we would go out and stuff

34:13

like that , or she had her own place . I don't remember

34:15

, but she at one point

34:17

she was there with us yeah and

34:19

then .

34:20

Okay , so then then .

34:22

So she's she is she

34:24

separates and

34:26

then she meets somebody and

34:29

then fast

34:31

forward . I was already with your dad , but

34:33

just dating , and then she ends up with

34:35

another , with Hassan

34:38

, and then they got married . Okay

34:40

.

34:40

Yeah , and then what about your other siblings

34:42

?

34:45

My other one . I only have one more . After that , my brother

34:48

was in Colorado living

34:50

his life with his family , and then my

34:52

younger brother was George

34:54

. That's all we had left . So right now

34:56

, fast forward , there's only two of

34:58

us left .

34:59

So okay , so then

35:02

you have . And then what was Uncle

35:04

George doing at this time ?

35:06

He was young . He was like 13 years old . Okay , he was just 13

35:08

years old . Okay . He was just with my grandma

35:11

. Okay , my mom .

35:13

So you guys were living . He was living there when you were .

35:15

Yeah , he was living there with us yeah , and then you

35:17

moved out .

35:18

What did he feel like ? Do you ever

35:20

know ?

35:21

what he felt like when you moved out or anything ? No , he

35:23

never really said anything , I just left and

35:25

does that ?

35:27

yeah , okay , so then . So then

35:29

you fast forward to um

35:32

, to , to

35:34

2004

35:37

. Grandma

35:40

passes away in january 2004

35:44

, right , but she had , I remember

35:46

, like she had came to live with us yes

35:48

, about two weeks prior she

35:50

said I'm gonna stay here with you .

35:52

Now I'm gonna live with you . You

35:54

know I'm not gonna be at the house anymore , let george stay

35:57

there . And she came to live with

35:59

me okay , so . So

36:02

uncle george was staying at the other house yeah

36:04

, because he had a girlfriend

36:06

, gladys , and she had zion , so

36:08

she wanted to stay out of his life and let

36:11

him live .

36:11

So she just let him live in her house

36:13

, mm-hmm , and then . So

36:16

, uncle , where was that house ?

36:19

In Norwalk .

36:19

Norwalk , and then Grandma

36:22

came to live with us , mm-hmm , but

36:25

she was like , was

36:27

she not doing ? Well , I don't remember what happened , because

36:30

I remember her having to go to the hospital yeah

36:32

, well , she was .

36:33

She was always in and out because she had um

36:35

heart problems

36:37

and all these problems . She had um

36:40

open heart surgery prior

36:42

to that from what there's

36:44

a heart attack or no , just because she

36:46

had arteries blocked so

36:49

is that because unhealthy or I

36:52

think it's part of yeah , it's part of I

36:54

don't know actually why because she

36:56

had diabetes . When she got diabetes after my

36:59

brother died , she was

37:01

in her 30s yeah and

37:03

that's when she hit diabetes . From diabetes

37:05

, then she ended up with high blood pressure

37:07

yeah all , everything else , heart problems

37:09

and everything yeah and then . So

37:11

then she comes to live with us she came to

37:13

live with us and then I

37:15

would take her back and forth to the doctor , and

37:18

once she had to go to the doctor

37:20

, so I took her in . They kept her there

37:22

yeah , I remember that was after a week

37:24

, after she had already stayed with us , and then

37:26

she passed yeah

37:31

, because she stayed with us . She used to come in and out and

37:34

stay with us prior , like in between everything

37:36

.

37:40

And then she would go back home , okay

37:44

, and then your mom passes away in 2004

37:46

, january . How did that feel ?

37:47

That was the hardest . That

37:54

was really hard , because

37:57

my mom was everything for me . I

37:59

did everything for her , like whatever and she needed , I would try

38:01

to do it for her , you know , and that was

38:04

real hard .

38:08

So then you lost your

38:11

mom , but then you had . Then

38:13

uncle george came to live with us too , didn't he

38:15

? So what happened to her house then ?

38:18

I let it go into foreclosure . I couldn't deal

38:20

with it . I helped her so much with

38:22

it and I didn't realize that so

38:26

much with it and

38:31

I didn't realize that . I didn't realize how important it was to

38:33

keep it , but I just couldn't

38:35

deal with paying for it Because

38:37

I didn't . She wasn't here , so I didn't

38:40

see why I should continue . Yeah

38:42

, and that was just

38:44

the ignorance of something

38:48

you know , but that's

38:50

why I didn't , that's why I let it go , because

38:53

I could have continued to pay it .

38:55

Yeah , exactly . So

38:57

then Uncle George comes

38:59

to live with us . I remember that because

39:01

I remember it was like my favorite part , yeah

39:05

, and then . So Uncle George

39:07

is living with us , but Gladys

39:09

was living somewhere else or something right , yeah

39:12

, she went back home .

39:12

They like broke up or something right .

39:15

And she left , and then Uncle

39:17

George was living with us for a while

39:19

and then in 2000,

39:22

. Well , did Uncle George move in with

39:24

us before Grandma passed away ? No , after

39:27

.

39:27

It was like right after right yeah like a couple

39:29

months after , because that's when I let the house

39:31

go , so three months . If you don't pay it

39:33

, then it goes into foreclosure .

39:35

And then he came to move with us .

39:36

Then he came to live with us .

39:37

So that's why he came to move with us .

39:39

Yes .

39:40

I didn't know that . And then he

39:43

came to move with us , so . So then it was January , February

39:45

, March , April . In April I

39:47

just remember always , like every day , hanging

39:49

out with Uncle George . It was like my favorite thing . And

39:52

then in October

39:54

October 29th 2004

39:57

, Uncle George passed away .

40:01

And that was hard . That was even harder

40:03

. Why ? Because that was my little brother

40:05

. But

40:10

I know God doesn't do things . He

40:12

doesn't give you what you can't handle . And it was the

40:14

hardest thing . For me , it

40:17

was the most hardest thing , so

40:19

hard that I sent you guys to school the next

40:22

day because I didn't want you to be part

40:24

of it . I needed to be

40:29

by myself .

40:33

I , I

40:39

remember , like I remember , walking

40:41

down and like realizing

40:44

it isn't it

40:46

. I

40:52

like , I think Uncle

40:54

George is the one I miss the most

40:57

.

40:59

He had a very caring heart , a very caring

41:01

. He was very good with you guys

41:03

. He was a good brother and a good uncle . He

41:07

might not have been the best son , but

41:09

he was a good brother and a good uncle . He might not have been the best son

41:11

, but he was a good brother and a good uncle . Why do you say that ? Because

41:14

he just he gave my mom a hard

41:16

time a lot , and that's

41:18

maybe just because of immaturity

41:21

, I don't know .

41:23

But he was only what 28 , right

41:25

29 .

41:26

Yeah , 28 . 28? .

41:28

Yeah , yeah , 28

41:35

, when he passed away , and then , so that was , you lost grandma

41:37

, then you lost uncle george , and

41:39

then what was like

41:42

, um , during that time

41:44

, like what did baba do ? Like , well

41:46

.

41:46

He helped me with all the funeral arrangements . He did

41:48

everything for it . He

41:51

helped whatever he could .

41:55

And then like , what was

41:57

it like to like for

42:01

? Like being , you know

42:03

, dealing with your five kids at

42:05

that time , like when you lost

42:07

Grandma and then uncle George ?

42:12

I think that's what kept me going , because

42:15

I couldn't have time to sit

42:17

down and think about it . I

42:19

had to keep moving . So in my own time

42:22

, when you guys were in school , or

42:24

when you guys , you know , know , were doing

42:26

things , that's when it hit me , when

42:29

I was by myself .

42:30

Yeah , and then did

42:33

you and

42:35

then like fast

42:38

forward to what exactly

42:41

a year later ?

42:41

Yeah , my world

42:44

really kicked in . What

42:47

do you mean ? I

42:52

didn't know what

42:54

I was going to do . He

42:57

was my everything

43:01

. He

43:04

took care of us , he took care of you , he

43:06

had a home for us , he had everything for

43:09

us . And

43:12

then he left and I didn't

43:14

have a choice .

43:15

Because

43:17

Baba

43:19

went into the hospital October

43:21

29 , 2005 and then passed

43:24

away on November 1st , Correct ? And

43:28

what did that like you

43:31

? What was going on

43:33

through your head , like at that point ?

43:35

I couldn't believe it was happening . I

43:40

had just went through two and

43:42

that was hard . But

43:45

then to have your spouse also leave

43:47

and then you're staying with your kids

43:49

again by yourself , I

43:53

think it's the most hardest thing to go

43:56

through . But

44:00

at the same

44:02

time it's like a fight

44:05

or flight . You have to figure out how to

44:07

do things . And it was really hard

44:09

for me because there was times I remember

44:11

crying in the room because I couldn't figure out how

44:13

to pay the bills and

44:15

you'd come in and you'd say , mom

44:18

, what's wrong ? And

44:21

then I would tell you and say , don't worry , mom , don't

44:24

worry , god knows

44:26

, it's going to be

44:28

okay , it's going to be okay , it's going to be okay . And

44:31

then , for some reason or another , it would

44:33

be okay and I could pay the bills and

44:35

I could pay the house . My

44:38

worst fear was to lose it . Yeah

44:40

. Because I didn't want to have

44:42

to uproot you guys , and

44:46

I think that was the

44:48

hardest part of it all having to figure

44:50

out things that I didn't have to . It's like having a table

44:52

with four legs and then

44:54

all of a sudden one leg breaks and you're trying to figure

44:57

out how to balance it . It

44:59

was the most hardest thing that I had to go

45:01

through .

45:03

And then , like you

45:06

were , I remember going

45:08

into the room and telling you that a lot , and

45:10

then like , but

45:15

like you

45:17

, for me

45:19

, seeing

45:21

you , like

45:24

instead of sitting there and like

45:26

I guess , like you know , curling in a ball

45:28

, which sometimes , like we would sit in the room and just cry

45:30

, right I remember , because

45:33

I'd say something like that , you'd be

45:35

crying and I'd be like , what's the matter ? And you'd be like this

45:38

. I'd be like , don't worry , it's all good , like we're good , yeah

45:44

, and but instead

45:47

of like just shutting down , you like

45:49

stepped up , you

45:51

started working multiple jobs .

45:52

Correct .

45:54

But like

45:56

what was that thought process ?

45:58

Well , it's the only way that I knew that I could

46:00

make . I had to do something other

46:03

than sit there and not do anything

46:05

and lose everything , and

46:07

I didn't want to lose you guys , because you were still

46:09

very young . Yeah . So I had to keep

46:12

going and make myself strong to

46:15

keep you guys .

46:16

What do you mean ?

46:17

Because I felt like if I would lose the house

46:19

, I would lose you guys .

46:21

Like , what do you mean ? I don't

46:23

know . Like , like , lose , like

46:25

.

46:29

Like we'd have to move somewhere where it was not safe . If I would have

46:31

to move somewhere not safe then maybe you'd hang

46:34

around with a bad crowd . I

46:36

don't know the way I grew up and

46:39

I had to make choices as I was growing up and I

46:41

didn't want that for you guys .

46:43

So do you think that , like because everything

46:46

you had gone through losing your brother

46:50

, your older brother and

46:52

all of that you didn't want

46:54

those ? That's what you're talking

46:56

about .

46:58

Yes , that's the part I didn't want to

47:00

happen , because you hang around with

47:02

the bad people even though you're not a bad person

47:04

. They see you with the bad people

47:06

when they think you're a bad person .

47:08

Because that's what happened to your brother . Yes , it wasn't that

47:11

he was . He was get , really , I

47:13

think , probably getting his life on track , exactly

47:15

. He just came home from the marines and then , yeah

47:18

, he was with the wrong people so

47:21

then ? So , so you start

47:23

working multiple jobs , keep the house overhead

47:25

, and then like

47:29

, what

47:33

about the

47:35

businesses , baba's businesses ? We

47:38

lost them all .

47:39

Well , by the time your dad died , we had

47:41

already lost the last one that he had , but

47:44

he still had a couple of cars left

47:46

. Yeah . And so he had sold

47:48

those , those and we had that money . Then

47:52

it was hard because

47:54

he had taken out a loan for

47:56

the other business we had and

48:00

it didn't work out for

48:02

different reasons . But

48:06

when your dad died there was money . Yeah

48:08

. And that's how I kept it . But I kept it just

48:11

by the time . You know

48:13

, sometimes I had it , sometimes I

48:15

didn't . Yeah . Um , it

48:18

was hard because I didn't know how to really manage

48:20

money . Yeah . Because I

48:22

didn't have money to manage . I

48:24

didn't ever have to worry about anything . Whatever

48:28

I ? Needed , it was provided for me by your dad . Yeah , and before that , I didn't ever have to worry about anything . Whatever I needed

48:30

, it was provided for me by your dad .

48:31

Yeah , and before that you didn't have it , and

48:33

before I didn't have it , so I didn't miss it .

48:35

Yeah , so it didn't , you know . And

48:38

when I did have it , it was like , okay , I could do whatever

48:40

I , you know I needed to do .

48:42

So you went to like maintenance

48:44

mode . Basically you went to like you're

48:46

going to go and get you know

48:48

jobs , pay the bills

48:51

, just keep it .

48:52

Yeah , just keep the house going .

48:54

So now the

48:57

whole time , like that

48:59

this was happening , like

49:02

I you know it

49:07

was interesting because people would always ask , like

49:09

what do you want to do with your life ? They'd

49:12

be like , what do you want to be when you get older , yada , yada

49:14

, like as a little kid or whatever . And

49:16

then you know I'd say something

49:18

or whatever . And then

49:20

if I talked to you , it would always be like you

49:22

can do whatever you want , as long as you put your mind to it

49:24

. Like

49:27

, where did that come from ?

49:34

long as you put your mind to it like where did that come from ? Because I always

49:36

wanted roots and it was

49:39

always in my mind and in the ending , whatever

49:41

I had to go through to get there , I got

49:44

there .

49:46

So I knew that was the only possible

49:49

way is you put your mind to something and

49:51

keep it in there and you'll

49:53

succeed and

49:55

then , and then , like

49:58

you know , we're

50:02

in middle school and

50:06

then this is when I like really decided I want to

50:08

play soccer as

50:11

a professional , because before that I didn't want to

50:13

. Right , and then I remember like

50:15

saying that , and I remember like

50:17

growing up , even in like high school , and like

50:19

as I got better because when I was younger I wasn't even that good

50:21

but like as I got better and better , and

50:24

then it was actually like , oh , this could be a possibility

50:26

or not , or whatever Could go to college

50:29

. And teachers would tell me you should go to college

50:31

, blah , blah , blah . And I told you

50:33

I didn't want to go to college and you

50:35

were always just like like

50:38

, okay , just do what you .

50:40

What you want , what you like , what you

50:42

feel .

50:43

But why not push me to do something

50:45

else ?

50:46

Because I knew that you wouldn't be happy doing

50:48

that . So I wanted you to be happy

50:50

in whatever you did , Because

50:53

if you're not happy and you have to go to college

50:56

, then you're

50:58

not . It's not you . I

51:01

wanted you to be you . All

51:04

the kids . It doesn't matter . It didn't

51:06

matter like some went , some didn't

51:08

, but that's because it was their

51:10

choice . If they wouldn't have wanted it , then they didn't

51:12

have . I didn't want to push you to do something

51:15

because I wanted you to do it

51:17

. No I wanted you to do what you wanted

51:19

to do .

51:21

But like how did that

51:23

mind ? Because so many parents like that's not

51:25

how they operate .

51:29

I know , but I Because it's just , I

51:31

don't know , because

51:36

I know that if you do something

51:38

you don't like , then it's going to be , you're

51:40

going to have a miserable life Because you're

51:43

doing something that , oh shoot . My mom made me go

51:45

to school for taxes and

51:47

I don't want to do taxes . But , I'm going to

51:49

do it anyways because she wants . It's going to be miserable

51:51

for you every day to get up and go do your

51:53

job . So , if you

51:56

like what you're doing . It's not going to be a job

51:58

. It's going to be a pleasure for

52:00

you to get up in the morning and go do something

52:02

.

52:03

Go enjoy it .

52:04

Yeah .

52:05

Right , yeah , and

52:16

then . So now I think it's pretty interesting because

52:18

then like fast forward to , so Baba passes away and , like I said

52:20

, like that was really hard . I always say like

52:23

that was the best thing and the worst thing that ever happened to

52:25

me , not because like he was

52:27

the best dad ever

52:29

, it was because if that didn't happen

52:31

I wouldn't be where I'm at today .

52:32

Exactly , and I believe that too . I believe that

52:34

that's why I say God doesn't make mistakes in

52:36

whatever he does . Everything's a reason . I

52:45

feel the same way because you guys were handed

52:47

a silver spoon . Every

52:51

time you needed something or wanted something , it was there . You didn't

52:54

have to want , or you just say oh , I really want that , okay , yeah , even when your

52:56

dad died , you both wanted

52:58

laptops yeah , okay in

53:01

september . He bought the two

53:03

laptops for christmas in december

53:05

yeah um

53:08

. He

53:10

passes away in november , but

53:13

he still had your presence

53:16

yeah you know what I mean . It was

53:18

something , and I think that if

53:20

you , he would have still been here

53:22

, I think you guys would have been just spoiled . Obnoxious kids . No , seriously

53:24

, no , it's true . I , I agree , would have been , you would have , you wouldn't have

53:26

had to work for anything , so it would obnoxious kids . No , seriously . No , it's true , I

53:28

agree you wouldn't

53:30

have had to work for anything , so it would have been just like

53:32

oh , my dad would take care of it or my mom would give

53:34

me you know . And

53:36

now you guys have

53:39

earned where you're at because

53:41

you worked hard .

53:43

Well , that's like . That's what I was saying is like

53:45

because , like I know for a fact

53:47

, like I probably like , and again , like

53:50

you said , like I probably would have because we had everything

53:52

when he was around , and then we go

53:54

to like like not

53:56

having everything worrying about , like I

53:58

remember the same , the same , like

54:00

worries that you were saying

54:03

about , you know , your mom , like

54:05

having the same thing about you . You

54:07

know , like worried , like is my okay , do

54:09

we have enough money to make the house payments ? You

54:12

know , growing up that way , but that's really what

54:14

made me I

54:16

think , like think the way

54:18

I think and operate the way I operate . And

54:21

then you know

54:23

I'll get to that

54:25

part , but like you know what , what then

54:28

? So so Bob passed away , and

54:30

then what , like six years later , or something like

54:32

that you meet Henry .

54:35

Five years later I met him and

54:37

it was just like friends

54:39

at first . Yeah . And then I

54:41

said , okay , we'll start dating . But then I had

54:44

to introduce him to you guys and

54:46

I wasn't sure yet and I didn't want to

54:48

bring somebody into our home without

54:50

feeling I

54:53

don't know . It's kind of strange . Yeah . And

54:58

then when

55:00

I started dating then you

55:02

and Stephen got

55:04

kind of like what , who are you going with , what are

55:07

you doing ? Like overprotective , and

55:09

I was like I'm an adult yeah but

55:12

I wasn't sure

55:14

how things were going to be , so that's

55:17

why I had to wait a little bit and then so

55:20

yeah , but then .

55:21

So then you guys . So then then

55:23

henry comes around , and I

55:26

hated him yes , definitely hated

55:28

him .

55:29

You did , and I didn't understand why

55:31

, because he wasn't a bad person , he was

55:33

pretty nice . But I think it was

55:35

a man coming into your house where your

55:37

dad was . That was hard

55:39

for you and I remember you coming up

55:41

to me and telling me why do you have to date ? Why

55:43

do you have to go out ? You were 16 years

55:46

old and I'm like what

55:48

do you mean ? Well , yeah , I

55:50

don't understand why . And I said because

55:53

I don't want to be by myself . I didn't

55:55

want to be like my mom , by herself the whole life

55:57

and struggling . I wanted

55:59

to have a partner and I

56:02

had my partner and God had a

56:04

different plans At

56:09

that point . I remember you coming up to me and telling

56:11

me well , I miss my dad . And

56:13

I said well , I'm still in love with your dad . And

56:21

I said I didn't make this choice . God

56:25

did it and I still love him

56:27

and I love you , you . But I don't want to be by myself

56:29

. And

56:31

I remember you hugging me . We both

56:34

cried and now I

56:37

believe you're

56:39

his best friend . You're

56:42

really close to him and

56:44

that's why I say God doesn't make mistakes . However

56:49

he draws it out , it's

56:51

the perfect plan and

56:54

not anything in life is perfect , but

56:56

he makes it fit , because

57:01

I know you had a hard time with him in

57:03

the beginning . Yeah , you were so mad .

57:06

It's so interesting because you , like you

57:09

just said something . You said like god you know

57:11

, like everything's perfect , but not everything's perfect

57:13

kind of thing , but like then

57:16

, if you really think about it , like the imperfect

57:18

is perfect right

57:21

, and like that's like so much of

57:23

like your story

57:25

is , like it's like not this

57:28

like perfect story

57:31

at all . But without all of

57:33

that , those experiences , you wouldn't

57:35

have operated the way that you operate , which then

57:37

, in turn , wouldn't operate how I operate . But

57:39

I remember like I

57:41

remember like yelling and

57:44

telling Henry to get out of the house , and

57:46

all of that , like I

57:48

don't even know why , like well , I know why

57:50

, because I felt like I felt like

57:52

um .

57:54

Like he was invading on your .

57:57

No , I felt like he didn't need to be there Because

58:01

, as

58:03

I

58:05

think I was what

58:08

I was 11 years old , you were 16 . No , I was 11 years

58:10

old ?

58:10

you were 16 .

58:11

No , I was 11 years old , and

58:13

then when Baba passed away , or

58:15

10 or 11 , just about to be 11 and

58:19

then I remember that happening and

58:21

then I remember like

58:25

I think it was Amo Ali

58:27

, he like came

58:30

up to me and he was like you know

58:32

, you're the man of the house now .

58:33

Oh , that's right . Yes , I

58:36

remember that .

58:38

But I never understood , like , like

58:42

, why

58:45

it was me

58:47

instead of B and

58:50

like , but I just knew I

58:54

got to make sure that mom's okay

58:56

, blah , blah , blah , right . And

58:59

then I think that's

59:01

what bothered me . It's like I was like I'm

59:04

here .

59:05

What does she need somebody for ? You're

59:08

a kid , you know

59:10

, and I understand

59:13

where you're

59:15

coming from too , though , and

59:18

that's why I'm so proud of the person

59:20

you've become .

59:22

Well , yeah , and then like you go back

59:24

to , you go back to that . Then I'm like infuriated

59:27

about Henry , and then I don't know whaturiated about Henry , and

59:29

then I don't know what happened

59:32

or I don't know why , I

59:36

don't remember when , like we became

59:39

friends .

59:40

After you guys wrestled .

59:41

We fought right .

59:42

Yes , because you guys .

59:44

I was outside I like physically fought

59:46

him .

59:46

Yes , because you guys , we

59:50

were in the family room and there was some boards or something that needed

59:52

to be moved outside . So I

59:54

got up to go do it and he

59:56

was sitting there doing something and told you something

59:58

like why don't you go help your mom ? And

1:00:01

you said help her , do what ? And I

1:00:03

don't know what happened and you guys were

1:00:05

wrestling in the living room , in the

1:00:07

family room , and I'm like , stop whatever . And

1:00:10

it wasn't like to

1:00:13

hurt you , but you were so angry and you

1:00:15

had to take it out Because you

1:00:17

didn't know how to deal with it , like

1:00:19

him being in the house and him saying

1:00:21

something and you thought it wasn't

1:00:23

his place to say anything , but

1:00:27

he . After that you guys

1:00:29

became friends yeah and

1:00:33

then and then .

1:00:35

Yeah , I mean like , like you

1:00:37

know also , I think like around , like I

1:00:40

think when I was going to europe to go play soccer is when

1:00:42

I really realized , like when I was when I graduated high school , and then I was going , so when

1:00:44

I really realized like wait

1:00:46

a second . When I graduated high school and then I was going

1:00:48

, so when I really realized like wait a second

1:00:51

, now I'm leaving , my mom's got to have somebody

1:00:53

. I

1:00:55

think that was like my moment where I was like , oh

1:00:57

, it makes sense it might have .

1:00:59

it might have been because you didn't understand in the beginning

1:01:01

, like what do you need somebody for

1:01:03

? And I said I don't want to be by myself

1:01:05

. That's one thing I didn't want to

1:01:07

be

1:01:10

. I knew that

1:01:12

. I just didn't know that it would happen

1:01:14

again , because when Baba died I thought that

1:01:16

was it , it was over . I

1:01:20

didn't want anybody else , I just wanted him

1:01:22

and I couldn't have him .

1:01:28

Yeah , so

1:01:31

when you met Henry and then you fell in love with henry , like how did that ? Like

1:01:33

how ?

1:01:33

did you process that it was hard . When

1:01:36

I met him , it was just to just

1:01:38

like a friend and that was your thing

1:01:40

, because you sent me out with your friend's mom

1:01:42

. Eisen's mom said go out with

1:01:44

her , just go out with her mom have , because I

1:01:46

was always home yeah just depressed

1:01:48

yeah in the evenings . I was just there

1:01:51

. Then I was like you should go dancing

1:01:53

. Yeah , go dancing , because I love dancing . You said

1:01:55

you like dancing , just go . So that's

1:01:57

when I went , and probably

1:01:59

after the fourth time

1:02:02

going out with her is when I met

1:02:04

henry but did

1:02:06

you like , did you like

1:02:08

have like ?

1:02:09

uh , do you feel like guilty or

1:02:11

anything like that like um

1:02:14

like what was that feeling like

1:02:16

? Because , because , like you , it's

1:02:18

one thing like after you get divorced

1:02:20

right it's different .

1:02:21

Yeah , well , when you lose somebody it's

1:02:23

a lot , it's harder , but

1:02:27

you know that , whatever

1:02:30

like my thing was , I was going to

1:02:32

stay with him forever . Yeah . I didn't have a plan

1:02:34

to leave . Yeah . He

1:02:36

didn't have a plan to leave either . Yeah exactly

1:02:38

. We had talked before , I

1:02:40

know , right before he passed . It

1:02:43

was probably , I don't

1:02:45

know , right before he died . I think we

1:02:48

were talking and stuff . And he said you know , if anything

1:02:50

happened to me , I don't want right before he died . I think we were talking and

1:02:52

stuff and he said you know , if anything happened to me , I don't want

1:02:54

you to be by yourself . I'd

1:02:57

rather it happened to me than to you , because I wouldn't know how to raise a voice . And I

1:02:59

said don't talk like that . You know it's not . He

1:03:01

said well , if it does , I want you to remarry , I

1:03:03

don't want you to stay by yourself . And I said well

1:03:05

, I don't want you to remarry . And

1:03:09

he just laughed . But

1:03:12

he said I'm serious . And he kept saying I have to do this

1:03:14

, I have to do this , I have to do this before I'm

1:03:16

50 . I

1:03:19

didn't know he was going to die , you know , maybe he

1:03:21

didn't know either , but he just knew he had to

1:03:23

take care of some stuff before . Yeah

1:03:26

. So when I met henry , it was just

1:03:28

like just like 49 . That's

1:03:31

crazy yeah he was

1:03:33

young no , but it's

1:03:35

crazy that he would say that that he

1:03:37

had to do before he was 50 yeah , that was his

1:03:39

main thing was to get everything in order , and

1:03:43

it was really it wasn't working for

1:03:45

him . It was yeah it wasn't

1:03:47

in the plans and

1:03:49

so then .

1:03:49

So then , sorry , go ahead . So you're saying I met

1:03:52

.

1:03:52

I went dancing , I met henry and it

1:03:54

was just like he

1:03:56

was three years younger and I was like , oh , you're

1:03:59

a baby , like I don't even want to

1:04:01

deal with you , you know . And

1:04:03

he was like a baby . I'm not a baby . He was 40

1:04:05

. I think he was like 45

1:04:08

at that time yeah . I

1:04:11

just turned 49 . Yeah . And

1:04:13

I was like no way . And

1:04:15

little by little we would call

1:04:17

and talk to each other and then we started going out , but

1:04:20

as friends , and then it started getting a

1:04:22

little bit serious . And that's when I

1:04:24

introduced him to you . That's when I started bringing him

1:04:26

around .

1:04:27

Yeah and yeah , that's when I introduced him to you that's when I started bringing him around .

1:04:29

Yeah , because I didn't want to bring somebody in that

1:04:33

I wasn't sure of . Yeah , I

1:04:35

couldn't do that but .

1:04:37

But what I'm saying is , it's like when

1:04:39

you're , when you were doing

1:04:41

that , like , oh , like , how was

1:04:44

it like yeah , like how did it feel ? And then

1:04:46

like how was it for him ? Well , it was hard for him because feel , and then

1:04:48

like how ?

1:04:48

was it for him ? It was hard for him because he had

1:04:50

. It was more hard . I think it was more hard

1:04:52

for him than me because I already

1:04:54

had a standard that I wanted . Yeah

1:04:56

. I already lived with

1:04:59

a man that was a gentleman , that was

1:05:01

giving , that was loving , that was caring

1:05:03

, and

1:05:07

it was hard for him to live up to that . And I remember

1:05:10

one time we were going somewhere I

1:05:13

don't know what I had , went up there for the weekend and

1:05:15

I was ironing and I started crying and

1:05:18

I couldn't figure out why . And

1:05:22

I remember and

1:05:24

I used to iron your dad's suits

1:05:26

for work , his shirts , and

1:05:29

it hit me really , really hard . And

1:05:32

he walked in , he goes what's wrong ? And

1:05:35

I go nothing . He goes why are you

1:05:38

crying ? I go nothing . And

1:05:40

then that's when I broke down and I said , because

1:05:44

I'm still so in love with my

1:05:48

husband that passed and

1:05:51

I

1:05:55

don't know how to do this and I'm afraid . I'm

1:05:58

afraid to get close to you because

1:06:00

I'm still in love with

1:06:03

him and

1:06:05

I remember him holding me and reassuring

1:06:08

me and telling me just give

1:06:11

me that love and I'll take care of it . But

1:06:15

I know in the first probably was the

1:06:17

first four or five years was

1:06:20

up and down , it wasn't . And

1:06:22

I remember sitting after

1:06:26

I met him . I remember sitting and

1:06:29

telling God whatever you want , if

1:06:31

you want him in my life , leave him . If

1:06:33

you don't take him out now , because I can't do

1:06:35

this , I

1:06:38

can't think I have something

1:06:41

and I don't yeah and

1:06:44

and

1:06:46

he . He

1:06:48

showed me that . You

1:06:51

know that I

1:06:53

don't know . It was hard for me . Yeah

1:06:56

. And I sat there and I told I

1:06:58

remember saying bye to him and telling him that it

1:07:00

was over . I couldn't do this anymore . Just

1:07:03

leave me alone , you know , and

1:07:07

it was really hard for me because

1:07:09

I had already given him my

1:07:12

heart and

1:07:16

I always wished why did

1:07:18

you leave me ? Why do I have to go through this again

1:07:20

? And

1:07:23

I would tell God I know

1:07:25

you have your reasons . Um

1:07:28

, you don't make mistakes . Just

1:07:30

help me with this one and

1:07:33

remember he moved out for three months . Yeah

1:07:36

. And then he wanted

1:07:38

to move back . And I was so brokenhearted and

1:07:40

I said , when he left and

1:07:42

you guys watched me cry and then

1:07:46

he said oh , I need to move back

1:07:48

, I want to rent a room from you , remember

1:07:50

. And everybody said no , mom , don't

1:07:52

do it , don't do it . He already Stephen was saying no

1:07:54

, don't do it because he already broke your heart once . And

1:07:56

I said but if I don't do it now , I'll

1:07:58

never know . And

1:08:01

God opened the door again . And

1:08:04

then we were married .

1:08:05

Like what , six

1:08:07

months later , yeah

1:08:15

, and then we were married , like what ? Six months later , yeah

1:08:17

, and then and then . In between all of this , there was

1:08:19

when , when , when

1:08:21

was it that Corinne

1:08:24

tried because the house went into her

1:08:26

name ? When , yeah , the house

1:08:28

right before Baba passed away right . He put

1:08:30

it because he was doing something for a loan or something

1:08:33

that right , and so then , so he does

1:08:35

that , and then Baba passes away . And

1:08:37

then how old were we when ?

1:08:40

When she tried to sell the house , you were 13

1:08:43

. You were 13

1:08:45

and Bijan was what ? 14

1:08:48

or 15 . Yeah , that would make sense

1:08:50

like a couple years after he passed away . She

1:08:54

because they moved in with us yeah , they

1:08:56

were gonna move in with us . They were moving

1:08:58

in they like repainted everything

1:09:00

, yeah , everything . I had moved from the master bedroom

1:09:02

downstairs yeah put all my stuff there

1:09:05

and they .

1:09:05

I was giving them the master bedroom because they were going to

1:09:07

help with all the payment and everything .

1:09:08

Yeah , and then we

1:09:11

fixed the room for the baby , and

1:09:14

that's when I

1:09:16

bought sung's car

1:09:18

. Yeah , I had a van and

1:09:20

I was giving it to desi because desi didn't have

1:09:22

a car at the time and corinne got mad and

1:09:25

said I can't deal with this . I'm moving in with you

1:09:27

and you're buying a car . Yeah . So

1:09:31

she left . After that , probably

1:09:34

a year later or two , she

1:09:37

wanted to sell the house and she leaves

1:09:39

notes for you guys .

1:09:41

I don't remember the notes still .

1:09:45

I have a note actually saved still , but she left one on your

1:09:47

pillow , one on Bijan's pillow and

1:09:49

one in my room Because

1:09:52

everybody had a key to the house . And

1:09:55

you get home , and you , when

1:09:57

I come home from work , you tell me Mom

1:09:59

, what's this ? Rina's going to sell

1:10:02

our house . And I said what ? Yeah . I

1:10:04

hadn't even seen the note yet and

1:10:07

that's when I went furious and I

1:10:09

called her and I said how dare you yeah

1:10:12

, but she wanted to she wanted

1:10:14

to sell the house and

1:10:16

then for years .

1:10:20

So I remember so . So it's funny because , like , I

1:10:22

don't remember the note , but I remember that feeling and

1:10:24

I remember it happening . I just don't remember like

1:10:26

reading the note . I don't know why that feeling and I remember it happening

1:10:29

, I just don't remember like reading the note , I don't

1:10:31

know why . And then I remember like that was right when I started

1:10:33

, I think right

1:10:36

around when I started training with Zach , and

1:10:40

it was like it

1:10:42

was like before , it was like I

1:10:44

want to play pro soccer , but when I started training Zach

1:10:47

I saw like an actual avenue of like getting

1:10:49

there what you could get , yeah , how to get there . Because

1:10:51

he was already doing it . He was already

1:10:53

coaching the pros

1:10:55

the best in the world , right . So then

1:10:58

I like saw that , and

1:11:00

then I think that was when I like decided

1:11:03

for me . It was when I like

1:11:06

was like I have to play pro because

1:11:08

I have to pay , I have to buy my mom

1:11:10

her house , because

1:11:12

I knew how hard

1:11:14

you work to keep the house for this long . So then

1:11:17

, so , then , fast forward , like you're

1:11:19

, you know , we're there , and but

1:11:22

there was always like this thing where she'd always try to

1:11:24

do something with the house yeah , she always .

1:11:26

She always wanted money from me and I refused

1:11:28

it . I argued with her and

1:11:32

you know I was barely

1:11:34

making ends meet . And then she'd

1:11:36

call me and say she wanted , you know

1:11:38

, you want your house back . You need to buy it from me . What

1:11:40

do you mean ? Yeah . You know

1:11:42

, we gave her . For

1:11:44

her to put the house in her name , we had to pay off

1:11:46

all her debt her

1:11:49

to . For her to put the house in her name , we had to pay off all her debt . Yeah , that was over

1:11:51

50 , I think 50 000 or something . And we did a lot of things

1:11:53

and she lived with us until she was 25 years

1:11:55

old without paying anything . Yeah and

1:11:58

then this happens where she

1:12:00

wants to take it , and I don't believe it was so

1:12:02

much her , but I

1:12:04

think it was more the husband . Yeah . And

1:12:06

her , but still because that

1:12:09

was my child . It was so

1:12:11

wrong .

1:12:13

Yeah , and then . So then , you

1:12:16

, you , we , fast

1:12:18

forward . Um , this

1:12:20

is all going out from , basically , when I'm 13

1:12:23

till a couple of years ago

1:12:25

, basically .

1:12:26

Yeah , it's probably 2020 , 19

1:12:28

. I

1:12:32

don't know when I 2020 , 2021 , 2021

1:12:34

. Yeah , well , then she gets , then she wants to call me again remember she starts calling me and

1:12:38

I didn't want to do anything with her .

1:12:39

So then you call her and say , hey , what's going

1:12:41

on , what's going on because , because , so

1:12:44

I remember like , like I

1:12:47

don't know what age it was , but I remember like Stephen

1:12:49

getting married

1:12:52

or whatever leaving and then like

1:12:54

not talking to the family at all .

1:12:55

Right .

1:12:56

And then . So like

1:12:58

I remember being . You

1:13:00

know , I don't know how old

1:13:02

I was , but I just remember , like my

1:13:04

uncle , who I thought was the best person in the world

1:13:07

, gone , then

1:13:09

my dad being gone and then my older brother

1:13:11

being gone , yeah and then I

1:13:14

remember like I was

1:13:16

really close with um

1:13:18

, with Ina Corrine , and

1:13:21

she was like I was always really close with her , yes

1:13:23

, and then when this all happened

1:13:25

, I was like kind of like what the

1:13:27

heck is on ? But I always tried to stay

1:13:29

close with her , true Like . I was

1:13:31

the only one that would like go hang out with her

1:13:33

talk to her or talk to her have lunch with her ? Yes

1:13:35

, and

1:13:41

then it

1:13:43

was in yeah

1:13:46

, maybe like what , 2019 , 2020

1:13:48

, around that time when she

1:13:50

called you or something , because she wanted

1:13:52

to do something with the house again she wanted

1:13:54

me to pay her $65,000

1:13:58

, and then she would say sign

1:14:00

over the house yeah , but she didn't realize

1:14:02

what I do for a living .

1:14:05

Exactly .

1:14:06

Because I

1:14:08

went to go play in Europe . Then I came

1:14:10

back and then you know I stopped playing .

1:14:11

You were all over the place , right .

1:14:13

And then now I own this real estate

1:14:15

company and it's one of

1:14:17

the top real estate companies . So she didn't realize that that's

1:14:19

what I do . And then my

1:14:22

whole goal was you

1:14:24

know , I had two goals in life One , pay

1:14:26

my mom's house off . Two , buy a g-wagon

1:14:29

. And then I think

1:14:31

I , I , I , I got the g-wagon

1:14:33

and then , and then the

1:14:37

goal was to do that . And then she

1:14:40

called you to try to get more

1:14:42

, to get money or whatever yeah , and

1:14:44

then I called her and I was like hey , like this

1:14:47

is like you . You know , this is what I do now

1:14:49

.

1:14:49

Like , let me you know yeah , how much do you

1:14:51

want ? You said you want five thousand ten thousand

1:14:53

. What do you want ?

1:14:54

yeah , she said no yeah , I actually asked

1:14:56

her . I actually asked her first , like just

1:14:58

to like , hey , like I could just assume

1:15:01

the loan , I could do this , yada yada , she didn't

1:15:03

want to , she didn't want to . So I said , okay , like

1:15:05

how much money do you ?

1:15:06

And

1:15:08

.

1:15:08

I asked her how much money she wanted and

1:15:10

I said you know , I'll give you five grand , ten

1:15:12

grand , whatever . And I said do

1:15:14

you want 20 grand ? She goes , it's got to be a lot more than

1:15:16

that . And I said well , I'll

1:15:19

make you a deal . I was like one . You

1:15:22

say you talk to me , you care about

1:15:25

me , you this , you that you

1:15:30

talk to me , you care about me , you this , you that like . then , then like , if you want a relationship

1:15:32

, she because she said her , she would always say her relationship with the rest of the family's

1:15:34

gone right right , right right which

1:15:37

, like my siblings , they

1:15:39

all will tell her

1:15:41

that me I was always like no

1:15:43

, it's not like , for me it's not gone Right

1:15:45

, because I remember her

1:15:48

bringing Stephen back , because

1:15:52

when Stephen came back home it was on Christmas

1:15:54

and she had

1:15:56

arranged him to come back home and

1:16:00

he came back home on Christmas but he hadn't talked

1:16:02

to the family for a little while .

1:16:04

Yeah .

1:16:05

And I was the only one that talked to Stephen , like I would like

1:16:07

reach out to Stephen or his

1:16:10

ex like on , like I don't know

1:16:12

, like a messenger or something , and then we talk , and then

1:16:14

I'd like talk to them a little bit and blah , blah , blah

1:16:16

, and then like that was it . But then then

1:16:19

, after he got divorced

1:16:22

or whatever , then he came back home , right

1:16:24

, and I remember that , and then so

1:16:26

and I like told her

1:16:28

that I was like look like , what

1:16:30

do you mean ? Like it's family , your family , it

1:16:32

doesn't matter , everybody's gonna accept you back , no matter

1:16:34

what , right . And she

1:16:36

was like no , it's not like that . Blah , blah , blah . And then she

1:16:38

told me that

1:16:40

she thinks that . Um , and then she

1:16:42

told me she was like no , the relationship like

1:16:44

it's done like they , no one likes

1:16:47

me . And I said , like I care about you

1:16:49

. So how about this ? If

1:16:51

you want a relationship with me period , no

1:16:53

one else , just your little brother

1:16:55

then

1:16:57

let's try and figure this out . But

1:17:00

if you want $50,000 , $60,000

1:17:03

versus a relationship with me , then you just let me know that

1:17:05

. And

1:17:08

she said that she wanted the money . So

1:17:11

then I hired an attorney and

1:17:13

then ended up paying

1:17:15

the house off and getting the house back

1:17:17

from from

1:17:20

her . But my

1:17:23

question really is is like , like

1:17:26

I

1:17:28

remember I remember sitting

1:17:30

down with you at breakfast

1:17:33

one of the mornings when I was going through

1:17:35

the paying it off and I had just got the

1:17:37

payoff statement and it had

1:17:39

like thirty thousand dollars of late fees . And

1:17:43

I was so mad at you and

1:17:45

I sat down with you and I was like what

1:17:48

the heck ? Like why are there late

1:17:50

fees ? Like we

1:17:52

, like we've been okay for a while , like I've

1:17:54

been making money , like what do you mean ? There's late fees

1:17:56

, blah , blah , blah . And I was so mad that you

1:17:59

had late fees because you're missing mortgage

1:18:01

and yada , yada . I was so upset and

1:18:04

then you told me , you told

1:18:06

me , you told

1:18:08

me , you told me , you told me , si

1:18:10

, I've always been two

1:18:12

months behind because

1:18:14

, since your dad passed away , because you can go two

1:18:17

months , you just can't go three months . And

1:18:23

I remember just thinking like for the

1:18:25

last , from when I was 11

1:18:28

years old , what you're telling me , from when I was 11

1:18:30

years old , all the way to when I was what

1:18:32

, 26 , 27

1:18:34

? You were two months

1:18:36

behind on more . You just didn't go three

1:18:39

months . How

1:18:41

do you deal with . Like

1:18:43

, were you just never stressed , was it

1:18:45

just a norm ? Like , was it just like ?

1:18:49

It was surviving . It was like either

1:18:51

I pay this and stay

1:18:54

without this or just

1:18:56

keep it going so that we're surviving

1:18:58

, so that it doesn't go into foreclosure

1:19:00

, but I'm still able to do other things

1:19:03

. I was working four jobs . Yeah

1:19:05

. You know , and none

1:19:07

of the four jobs amounted to , you

1:19:10

know , to pass the payment

1:19:12

. Yeah , so it was either the payment and

1:19:15

then don't pay this and this , or

1:19:18

leave the payment the way it is , just continue

1:19:20

to make it . Yeah . So that I could

1:19:22

do other things for the house .

1:19:26

So then , what did it feel like when you realize

1:19:29

you didn't have to make a house payment again ?

1:19:30

it's still unbelievable . I

1:19:34

still get like awed

1:19:38

by the fact that I

1:19:41

mean , I'm still working , I still have two things

1:19:43

to pay , but it's not

1:19:45

like , so stressed

1:19:47

that I said , oh dang , I got to make this payment

1:19:49

.

1:19:50

Yeah .

1:19:50

You know , it's

1:19:55

a big relief , it's

1:19:58

a blessing , and

1:20:01

I tell everybody about it because

1:20:04

I'm very blessed . Because

1:20:09

I'm very blessed , I

1:20:11

don't think I could have . I

1:20:14

mean , whatever it was I could have overcame

1:20:16

whatever , because that's my

1:20:18

mode . I

1:20:22

can't just sit there and not move . But you

1:20:25

made it a lot easier . Bijan

1:20:30

has made it

1:20:33

a lot easier . Bijan has made it

1:20:35

a lot easier . I

1:20:38

see so much of your

1:20:41

dad in you guys . I don't know how to explain it , but

1:20:44

it's just like

1:20:47

a lift off your shoulders .

1:20:58

Yeah , so now you're where you're at

1:21:00

right now , because we basically went through your whole life

1:21:02

now . Thank

1:21:07

you .

1:21:13

And now , what's your like ? You've been traveling more . Yes , we've been traveling a

1:21:15

lot more and we've been doing things a little bit things to the house , yeah , um , things

1:21:17

that I wasn't able to take care of before

1:21:19

. Um , even you

1:21:22

helped put a roof on the house

1:21:24

yeah , I put a new roof on your roof

1:21:26

yeah , and then we were solar yeah

1:21:28

, and solar , and so that's

1:21:30

a a whole different . Like

1:21:33

wow , there's a new roof on here .

1:21:35

You know what I mean well , the roof hadn't been replaced since

1:21:37

the house was built in 1970

1:21:39

freaking no 64 64

1:21:41

.

1:21:41

I don't think so no I literally had it yeah

1:21:44

, see and

1:21:46

it was literally falling apart and

1:21:48

it was like a I don't know . It's just like . That's

1:21:51

why I say god doesn't make mistakes . Whatever

1:21:54

happened happens for reasons

1:21:56

and it got you where you're at . It

1:21:58

got your brother where he's at . You

1:22:01

know , the other three kids were fine because they were

1:22:03

almost adults when baba passed yeah

1:22:05

and he raised

1:22:07

them yeah and

1:22:09

his . I think the best

1:22:11

thing in life is when

1:22:14

you raise your kids with morals . You

1:22:18

don't have to worry about anything , because

1:22:21

everybody always tells me hey , you're a

1:22:23

, you got your . You've been a really good

1:22:25

mama . You raise your boys right . I said I didn't

1:22:27

do it by myself . They

1:22:29

said , yeah , you know , because they know your dad

1:22:31

died . And I said , no , it's

1:22:33

like when you plant a tree on the ground and

1:22:36

you put the stick to hold it and the and

1:22:39

you just have to water it so that it grows strong

1:22:41

yeah that was already done with you guys by

1:22:43

him and I just had to continue

1:22:46

to water

1:22:48

you guys so you guys can flourish

1:22:50

yeah if it was , whether um

1:22:53

encouraging you

1:22:55

, you know , and letting you know

1:22:57

that anything is possible and

1:23:00

continue to to water and

1:23:03

fill your mind with anything is possible

1:23:05

your

1:23:12

mind with , anything is possible .

1:23:13

And I think that was like for me , like the , because I like talked to a lot of my friends and I

1:23:15

talked to like a lot of different people about , like you know , how they're brought up , how

1:23:17

their kids are their parents , and like I think the

1:23:19

big like differentiator for

1:23:21

me and my childhood

1:23:23

minus the death , minus

1:23:25

the hardship , minus all of that that

1:23:27

we dealt with was

1:23:30

that you always

1:23:32

said you can do anything you put your mind

1:23:35

to . I come up with some

1:23:37

idea and you'd like do it . It

1:23:39

was never like , uh

1:23:42

, I don't know about that , you

1:23:44

probably shouldn't , you know . It was always like do

1:23:46

it , if you want to do it , you can do it . When

1:23:48

I started a clothing company , you're like if you want to do it , you can do

1:23:50

it . When I did this is if you want

1:23:52

to do it , you can do it , and that

1:23:55

I think , mentality

1:23:57

created

1:23:59

what like how I think , because

1:24:02

, like I truly believe I can literally

1:24:04

do anything and you can .

1:24:08

You can because , since you were 13 maybe

1:24:10

no , you might have been like 12

1:24:13

, 12 or 13

1:24:15

when you started coaching kids yeah remember

1:24:17

that yeah because you needed pocket money

1:24:19

. So since you were that age

1:24:22

, you always tried to figure out how

1:24:24

you didn't have to stress me

1:24:26

on what you needed and make your own little

1:24:28

pocket money to do the things you had to

1:24:30

do yeah you know what I

1:24:32

mean . So you were always

1:24:34

there , you

1:24:36

just had to be molded

1:24:41

a little bit yeah , and

1:24:44

then and then now .

1:24:46

So I said you're , you're fixing

1:24:48

up the house a little bit , traveling a little

1:24:50

bit , what's

1:24:53

like . Like if

1:24:55

you had to give like one piece of advice

1:24:57

to someone

1:24:59

that's struggling , someone

1:25:01

that just lost somebody , somebody

1:25:03

that's a single mom , that

1:25:06

that , whether it's because of divorce , because

1:25:08

of death , what

1:25:11

piece of advice would you give them ?

1:25:14

Don't give up . Continue Because

1:25:17

there's something better for

1:25:19

you coming , because

1:25:24

things don't happen . You just don't get divorced

1:25:26

just because Somebody

1:25:28

doesn't die , just because it's

1:25:30

because there's a different plan that

1:25:33

you don't have and you can't see

1:25:35

it yet , but it'll be there .

1:25:38

And how do you suggest

1:25:40

people keep that , I

1:25:44

guess faith when they're going

1:25:46

through all of this crazy pain

1:25:48

.

1:25:48

They have to believe . That's

1:25:50

what kept me going . There's

1:25:53

a higher power , I believe , and

1:25:57

that's how I got through it and I'm sure that's

1:25:59

how you did it . I kept you guys in

1:26:01

Bible camps . I kept you guys busy

1:26:03

. You guys were always busy . Yeah

1:26:06

. You know , catechism

1:26:08

, everything . Because I wanted those morals

1:26:10

instilled in you , I wanted you to know that

1:26:13

there was a higher power and

1:26:15

I believe that I believe so

1:26:17

much in God and I know that he doesn't make mistakes

1:26:19

, no matter how I was

1:26:22

raised I mean , I wasn't

1:26:24

raised going to church all the time- yeah . But

1:26:26

yet you guys were . Yeah . From

1:26:28

day one . Every Sunday

1:26:30

, we went to church . Yeah . You know , and

1:26:33

it wasn't just because , oh , I want them to go to

1:26:35

church . No , I wanted you guys to believe

1:26:37

in the higher power . Yeah , and to

1:26:39

have a fear of like

1:26:42

there's somebody up there

1:26:44

that is watching us .

1:26:46

Well , there was also like it's actually

1:26:48

very interesting that you just said that , because that made me think

1:26:50

about something . Now

1:26:55

I was about to end the podcast , but now I'm going to

1:26:57

go on a tangent . It made me think about something

1:27:00

we went to . You said that we went to Bible but

1:27:04

we did not go to

1:27:06

a single denomination . We literally

1:27:08

went to every single

1:27:10

. I was like , I was like my mom

1:27:12

just used it as daycare . Now that I think about it

1:27:15

, you know , because we went to , we

1:27:17

went to like every religion , every

1:27:19

freaking uh uh uh denomination

1:27:22

of Christianity , every religion everything but like

1:27:24

why , Cause there's only one God

1:27:26

?

1:27:26

It doesn't matter if he's in

1:27:28

Catholic church , Christian church , whatever

1:27:31

church he's in , there's only one . Yeah

1:27:33

. And that's the truth , because even your

1:27:35

dad was what Muslim . Yeah . But

1:27:37

not practicing , and he always used

1:27:39

to tell me the stories and they're all the same . So

1:27:42

there's not no difference between a Muslim

1:27:44

, between an Arabic

1:27:46

, whatever Greek . It's all the same religion

1:27:49

. When you come down to it , it's

1:27:51

one person , one higher

1:27:53

power , and that's God .

1:27:55

I like , I like always say

1:27:57

, like I think that , like all of the

1:28:00

religions

1:28:02

and the , the teachings

1:28:04

they all really base like , come down

1:28:06

to like two things . It's like one

1:28:09

like be a good person and

1:28:11

the second like love , love other people , and

1:28:14

I think that if we can do that , then

1:28:16

it's just about a relationship with God

1:28:19

, right ?

1:28:19

Exactly , exactly .

1:28:20

And I think that going to

1:28:22

different you know

1:28:25

, well , well , yeah , that that actually

1:28:27

made me like , also

1:28:29

, I think , like , be more tolerant

1:28:31

of other people , because it's very easy when

1:28:33

you're only stuck in one way . Then

1:28:36

, like , like , I've met a lot

1:28:38

of my friends that feel like they went to only this

1:28:40

, they only learned this , they only learned about this

1:28:42

church or this religion

1:28:45

, and they feel like they were quote unquote brainwashed

1:28:47

when they were little , right when

1:28:49

, like , like you open

1:28:51

the door to allow us to

1:28:54

see everything else . And

1:28:56

then , and then you

1:28:59

showed us hey , this is what I believe in , this is what I

1:29:01

do , but like , you allowed us to see everything

1:29:03

else , versus close the door and say you

1:29:05

can't see everything else , you

1:29:08

can only see what I want you to see . And I think that was . I

1:29:11

think that like is such an important concept

1:29:13

. Going back to that , because like it

1:29:16

made a , it made it be our choice

1:29:18

to to believe

1:29:20

in god or not , to believe in god or to

1:29:22

believe that this is the , the way or

1:29:24

this is the . Like it made it our choice , versus

1:29:27

like , you have to do it this way .

1:29:28

Right right .

1:29:29

You know , which I

1:29:32

think is unconventional for a lot of parents , because

1:29:34

a lot of parents , they want you to just do

1:29:36

what they believe is right

1:29:38

and that's it period .

1:29:40

And my goal was to

1:29:42

give you guys to

1:29:47

see the world , but to have morals

1:29:49

, because without morals you

1:29:51

can be the richest person , but it doesn't matter

1:29:53

yeah because you don't have

1:29:55

any morals . And I think morals

1:29:58

is the number one key

1:30:00

. If you're a good person and you're

1:30:02

an honest person and you're

1:30:04

a caring person , you're a loving person , that's

1:30:07

all that matters . Yeah , it

1:30:09

doesn't matter , because you can be . You can lose

1:30:11

everything today , but because of your

1:30:13

morals , you can get up and go tomorrow yeah

1:30:15

, I love that .

1:30:17

Thanks , mama , for being on the podcast . I

1:30:20

love you love you too .