0:00

It's like those societal norms of like , like

0:02

you said , some people not trauma

0:04

bonding with like oh , because you went through it , you can

0:07

handle it . I got through it to be

0:09

stronger . You know what I mean . Stop crying

0:11

like so interesting

0:13

, but I think it's very common .

0:17

And being told to

0:19

suck it up . You strong , look

0:21

, we can't . We're not always strong . This

0:24

is the bottom line , like we're not always strong and

0:26

and you need a support system . You

0:28

need somebody to encourage you , to let you

0:30

know that there is

0:32

life after trauma and we can

0:34

get out of this , and we want to

0:36

get out safely .

0:39

You're listening to the black directory podcast

0:42

, where we focus on bringing black entrepreneur

0:44

experiences to the forefront . Each

0:47

week , we would discuss the highs , the

0:49

lows and everything in between

0:51

. I'm your host , diamond young . Let's

0:54

dive in . Hey

1:01

, what's up ? Everybody is diamond , host

1:03

of the black directory podcast , and we

1:05

are back with another episode . I

1:07

have a very special guest today Miss

1:10

the talkie page Owen . She is the founder

1:12

of the Pamela D page foundation , which

1:14

focuses on Domestic violence

1:17

awareness , and I'm just so

1:19

, so , so excited to have her here

1:21

, and not only so we could touch on this topic , but really

1:23

go deeper , not surface

1:25

level , and hopefully , you know , we know you guys

1:27

are gonna leave here with something . So welcome

1:30

, welcome , welcome to the show , nattaki , thank

1:33

you . Thank you for having me , of

1:35

course , of course . So I

1:37

definitely want to get into your

1:39

story . How did this

1:42

foundation come about ? Like what

1:44

? Why is it so important to you ? So let's

1:46

go into more or so . Who is Nattaki

1:49

? Tell us about who you are .

1:52

Well , first of all , I am

1:54

a child of God , I am a

1:56

woman of God first of all , and

1:59

I am a mother of three , a Mimi

2:02

of one , and I

2:04

am an author . I'm a Transformational

2:07

speaker . I would like to say transformation

2:09

, because you know , I believe in

2:11

people making transformation , not Motivating

2:13

for just a moment . We like to see

2:16

people transform . I

2:19

have a bachelor's degree in

2:21

business . I am also a

2:23

hairstylist for 25

2:25

years .

2:26

This year , yeah

2:31

, no

2:33

, that's huge . You know

2:35

my mom like I feel , like you all have been in the industry

2:37

for so long . So I'm always

2:40

all about that and giving

2:42

y'all kudos , because

2:44

you know people . It's a lot of trust that you put

2:46

in someone that's touching your head , your crown

2:49

, so Shout out to y'all

2:51

because that is important work . But

2:54

okay so tell us about the

2:56

Pamela Foundation

2:58

, the Pamela D page foundation like . What is

3:00

it ? What is it about and who do you all

3:02

serve ?

3:04

so Pamela D page foundation is

3:06

I advocate

3:08

organization for domestic

3:11

violence survivors . So

3:13

my mother I lost my mother to domestic violence

3:15

in 1986 and I was only

3:18

10 years old and

3:20

so I'm also a survivor

3:22

. So I went through domestic violence

3:24

for about maybe four or five years and

3:28

so I decided to

3:30

. You know , losing

3:32

your mom at such a young age , you

3:35

feel like there's more , that

3:38

should have been more to her , because she

3:40

was only 29 at the time that she was killed

3:42

. So I wanted

3:44

her legacy to live on . She

3:46

had struggles being

3:49

a mother and battling

3:51

with Addiction , and

3:53

then you know these co-dependency

3:56

of Relationships which led

3:58

to her death . So I wanted

4:00

because I survived and she

4:03

wasn't able to share her story I

4:05

wanted to be a part of sharing her story

4:07

and so I developed the fact , the

4:09

foundation , so that we can help

4:11

other survivors to thrive

4:14

after surviving

4:16

. So that's exactly

4:18

what we do , and so we um , you

4:20

know we are non-profit , so we raise

4:22

money and we try to give back into the community

4:25

for those who you know need

4:27

our resources . The

4:30

main thing that we have right now would be

4:32

focused on housing

4:34

, maybe like in a hotel

4:36

, and then for

4:39

therapy .

4:41

Okay , okay , okay , yeah

4:44

, that's that's amazing work that you're doing

4:46

. I think domestic violence is something

4:48

that's all around us . It's like there

4:51

but not there , right ? People may not talk

4:53

about it , or but it's like you

4:55

know it's happening and it takes one

4:58

conversation to happen . You know , if people feel

5:00

comfortable for people to be like oh yeah , that happened to me

5:02

too and it's like wow , like even

5:04

in a family , how , how common

5:06

it is and just one Family

5:08

, one house , one , not one household , but just within

5:11

one family , because you know we're

5:13

not talking about that kind of stuff . And then it comes up

5:15

and it's like way , auntie went through that too , or

5:17

cousin , such a such one , through that too . Like , did

5:19

you run into that ? As you know

5:21

, as you went through your own

5:24

domestic violence , yeah

5:27

, did you see that ? Like , did you find

5:30

other people were going through that too ? Or did

5:32

that come later when you found out that ? Like , oh

5:35

, we went later .

5:36

Well , I it came later as

5:38

God began to deal with me on my on

5:40

the inside . You know they're , even

5:42

after relationships , like there's some

5:45

inner healing . That has to happen because

5:47

you know trauma

5:49

as a young child you don't realize

5:51

how it affects you until you become an adult

5:53

. And so , as God started

5:55

revealing certain things to me , because

5:57

I'm supposed to break , be the generational

6:00

breaker , curse break Because

6:03

, yes , it's in the family

6:05

. You know , you have , um

6:09

, my grandma , uncles

6:11

that you know have

6:14

Been a part of that , that

6:16

you've seen . You know , you're growing up and you

6:18

hear about it and you've seen certain things . So

6:20

, yes , this generational and people

6:22

don't talk about it . And and

6:25

I like to say that I own my

6:27

truth , and you know , this

6:29

is my family , all

6:31

our families come with dysfunction and

6:34

it's okay to talk about these things because

6:36

if we don't talk about them , they can't . You

6:39

know , we can't resolve anything , it just

6:41

keeps happening . And so I'm the

6:43

brave one who's , you know , speaking

6:46

up about and saying , yes , this is generational

6:48

, this has happened in my family . So now

6:50

, what am I gonna do to change the dynamics

6:53

so that this doesn't happen to my grandbaby

6:55

? So now that's who I'm concerned

6:57

about , you know , and because my children

7:00

saw me coming up in there . So now

7:02

they see me speaking out and sharing my story

7:04

and telling others about . Like you know , this

7:06

doesn't have to be the the

7:10

end of our story .

7:12

And how empowering do you think it is now for

7:14

your children to see , like , okay , mom's , like

7:16

you know , leading the

7:18

pack here , you know trying to change

7:21

the narrative and not even change the narrative

7:23

, but trying to provide help and a resource

7:25

to people that are currently in it or , like you said , the people

7:27

that they survived it . But how can we thrive

7:30

now ? Like , do you think you you've made

7:32

them proud ? I'm sure you have .

7:34

I think I have , because they , you know , they're big

7:36

supporters and even you know my daughter

7:38

, who's Her dad

7:40

was the one that I was in the relationship with

7:42

, and the very first time I

7:45

shared my story and she came

7:47

, I Told her , you know , at

7:49

any time that you want to move , you know , leave

7:51

the room , you can , but

7:53

I do believe that God is calling me to do this

7:56

and she stayed the whole time . So

7:58

that was . That was good , that

8:00

she stayed , because I've never talked against her

8:02

dad , I'll her relationship with her dad's , her

8:04

relationship and and it should be just

8:06

that . And we and him

8:09

and I are just fine now . But we were

8:11

so young back then and so as

8:13

you got an older and you get to see different

8:15

things and the forgiveness and all

8:17

of that comes and we're , you know we're in a

8:19

we're in a different space , but that's still

8:21

my story . You know that's what's called

8:23

me to be where I'm at right now . But I

8:26

think they're proud of me and

8:28

I'm glad . I'm glad to be , you

8:30

know , an example for them .

8:33

Yeah , yeah , I agree , like

8:35

it is so , so , so nice

8:37

to see you

8:39

know . When you have kids it's like , oh , your

8:41

child , you want them to grow and evolve . But it's cool to see

8:44

parents can grow and evolve two in different ways

8:46

and it's really

8:48

a good feeling to see you

8:51

kind of step into that space and just

8:53

you're helping others . It's not even just

8:55

about you , like it's healing within itself , you sharing

8:57

your story over and over again , and then it's like

8:59

not knowing what's gonna resonate

9:01

with someone else . You know , and that's all you can hope

9:04

for is like hey even if it helps one person . Cool

9:07

, you know , but

9:09

why do you think ? I

9:11

think one thing I hear a lot on

9:13

social media and online is like why

9:15

do people stay ? You know , I think that's a very

9:18

common thing . Can you talk about

9:20

that more about ? You

9:22

know , or at least from your own experience ? Or maybe you know

9:24

now you're hearing other people's stories Like what , what

9:26

are you seeing with that ? What's the common theme

9:28

of where you can pinpoint like a guy ? I think

9:30

this is why people stay fear

9:33

One could be fear

9:35

being alone .

9:36

You could have low self-esteem . You

9:39

know , I was told that I wasn't gonna , you

9:41

know , make it with three keys , like , or nobody

9:43

would want me with three keys . So

9:45

it could be the verbal things that

9:47

are said to you that makes you believe

9:50

that You're not able

9:52

to do a certain thing right . And

9:54

that's how I was for a moment like feeling

9:56

like , well , I'm gonna make , I'm gonna

9:58

do this by myself , I got three kids

10:01

, you got a house , you got . You

10:03

know you have to work and you are

10:05

the risk , you are responsible for your

10:07

children . So we

10:10

stay for different reasons . It could be financially

10:12

he could be the breadwin and

10:15

you scared to go out here on your own because

10:17

you've been depending on him . And

10:19

then it's the part of not wanting to be alone , you

10:22

know yeah . Having somebody's like having

10:25

a piece of man's been , not , you know , having a

10:27

man at all , which we should definitely not

10:29

believe that at all , you know . But I

10:31

believe peace is what we need

10:33

, the PEA and Now

10:36

, you know , not a piece of a man . And

10:39

so it's different reasons that we

10:41

stay in the children . You want your children to grow

10:43

up and be in the house with the , with

10:45

the father . You know I was , um , I had

10:48

three kids and all my children have different fathers

10:50

. So , with that being said , I wanted

10:53

to be with at least one of my children's father . I

10:55

didn't want to feel like or or

10:58

paint the picture , because , you know , people see

11:00

what they see . But I know myself , but you

11:02

know people look at you say , oh , she got

11:04

three kids , she got three different daddy's , oh

11:06

, she lose , she this , you know . So

11:08

it's the image that I guess you don't want

11:10

people to look at you like , oh , she lose

11:13

, that's what she does , you know . And so

11:15

I wanted to be with one of their dad and I Knew

11:18

I wasn't supposed to be in it , but I

11:21

tried to stay for the sake of keeping my

11:23

family . So we , you

11:25

know you probably fighting your head

11:27

over and over about different ways

11:29

of Wanting to get out

11:31

. And then why not ? Why

11:33

not ? No , not getting out . So

11:35

I Believe those

11:38

are some of the reasons . I mean , I'm sure

11:40

they're probably others . They probably afraid of their

11:42

life . You know they might have been threatened . If

11:44

you leave me , I'm a key or x , y , z , you

11:46

know . You're just fearful . So

11:48

thank God I didn't have that situation . But

11:51

you just never know what , what

11:53

the reasons are . But they , you know , we

11:55

find different ways of Talking

11:58

ourselves out of leaving when

12:00

we really want to leave .

12:02

Yeah , so for you , what

12:05

did abuse look like in your household

12:07

with your ex-husband ? Like

12:09

, what's it furrable ? Was it physical

12:11

? What did it actually look like ? What was

12:13

that day-to-day experience

12:16

like ?

12:17

So it was . It was worse

12:19

when I was pregnant with my

12:21

daughter . He

12:24

would , you know , he would get drunk . He would

12:26

come home and arguments

12:28

would start from nowhere because I Would

12:31

. I'm very , I'm an introvert , so I stay home

12:33

like I was good with being home . I know

12:35

he would be out , you know , hoping

12:37

that he would come home . But when he came home he

12:39

would be upset about whatever

12:41

he's upset about , not sure , but it would be taken

12:44

out on me . I

12:46

can remember a night

12:48

and I talk about this in my book on

12:50

where he comes home and

12:52

I'm in bed and I

12:54

don't even know what the argument was about , but I remember

12:57

getting choked and I remember

12:59

getting thrown from the bed , pregnant

13:01

, you know , and all I could think about

13:04

who you know , what about my baby , you

13:06

know ? And even then you

13:09

know that that was enough to leave

13:11

because now you're endangering our child

13:13

. But , I wasn't strong

13:15

enough to walk away from it . You

13:18

know it's verbal abuse

13:20

. I , you know I was called stupid

13:22

. You know you've been called every name but a child

13:24

of God . You know telling

13:26

me that nobody was gonna want me . And

13:29

then spiritual because , like when you , because

13:32

I still always had God as a foundation

13:34

in my , in my life , like thank God

13:36

for my grandma because she planted that foundation

13:38

for me . So I knew

13:41

there was a guy . I didn't have a relationship

13:43

with him , but I knew him and yeah

13:46

. I still tried to go

13:48

to church or keep God in my life

13:51

or , you know , say prayers only when I

13:53

was going through . Of course that's what we do sometimes

13:55

, but I know God was still listening

13:57

to me and and . But

14:00

he will always say lose stuff about

14:02

, oh , you supposed to be a Christian , but

14:04

it's why he , you know . You

14:06

supposed to be a Christian , but blah , blah

14:08

, blah , blah . So it'd be things that start making

14:10

you think what am I Christian , you

14:16

know ? So he would do certain things like

14:18

that , and , but the majority

14:21

of it was verbal and and

14:23

or do certain things . We're here try to

14:25

provoke me to do , you know , to probably

14:27

hit him or to get mad so

14:29

he could leave the house to do whatever he wanted

14:31

to do . So that's , that's how

14:33

that was . Yeah .

14:35

That's interesting , like . So let's Take

14:38

a little bit of a turn and talk about the role

14:40

of family . So back then , when

14:42

all of this was going on , well , how long Was

14:45

the abuse going on ? Let's start with the timeline

14:47

.

14:48

So let's see , we met in 98

14:51

and I

14:53

had my , so

14:56

I was 22

14:59

. Yeah , 22 years I had

15:02

my son at 21 , so 22

15:04

and

15:06

we . I

15:11

had my daughter in 99 and and

15:15

we split all together

15:17

in 2004 . Okay

15:20

, he left me to go before .

15:23

Okay , so during

15:26

this time , what

15:28

was the role of your family ? Do they know

15:30

you were going through abuse ? Did you ever ask

15:32

for help ? Because that's always something of like . Did

15:34

you tell someone ? But you know we talked before , sometimes

15:37

you could tell people , and that I mean they're gonna

15:39

help . Like you know , I think it's different dynamics

15:41

to , I mean I

15:43

Black culture

15:45

, just all sorts of stuff . So

15:48

let's talk a little bit about the role of family

15:50

. And did you feel like you had someone that

15:52

you could go to for help , or was it all on

15:54

you to help yourself ?

15:57

Honestly , I feel like it was all on me

15:59

because nobody was talking about it

16:01

. I Think

16:03

they knew a little bit . I didn't talk a lot

16:05

about it , like I never went to them and say

16:07

, oh , he's doing this to me . But

16:11

one I know my grandmother knew God

16:13

was her soul , um , and I

16:16

Did call once and asked

16:18

could I come on ? And she

16:21

said I'll call you back . And

16:24

she never did so

16:27

that was her way of saying no without

16:29

saying no , and

16:31

that was hurtful . So that meant

16:33

I was gonna have to deal with whatever I had to deal

16:35

with , because we married

16:37

. So she owes food more than likely

16:40

. She went through abuse too with my mom's

16:42

dad , so she knew what

16:44

that life was like . But they never had that talk

16:46

. Even having

16:49

an aunt who also went through the same

16:52

thing , nobody sat down and talk about

16:54

it . Nobody talked about it . And

16:56

I don't know if it was embarrassment

16:58

because you

17:00

feel embarrassed , because people

17:02

ask the question well , why would you stay If

17:04

somebody did that to you ? Why would you stay with somebody

17:07

that does that ? Okay , there

17:09

are many reasons why we stay . It doesn't

17:12

mean it's right , but those are our reasons . So

17:14

you fear being judged by

17:16

why you did , and

17:19

so maybe that could have been some of their issues

17:21

and they didn't want to relate to me

17:23

to be able to say you know what , nantaki , this

17:25

is what happened to me . You

17:28

might want to be mindful of this

17:30

, even if they didn't tell me to leave

17:32

, but they were giving me some kind of encouragement

17:35

and I think that's the main thing encouraging

17:38

people that are in those situations

17:41

without giving them a whole bunch of

17:43

things to do , because you know , a lot of

17:45

bottom line is they're not going to leave until

17:47

they ready , but if they know

17:49

that they have the support when they ready

17:51

, that's that means

17:54

that's volumes for them .

17:56

Yeah , and all that makes me think about is

17:58

generational trauma , because that's what

18:00

it is . It's

18:03

crazy how things can run in a

18:05

family and it's crazy how sometimes you'll

18:07

never know until way later oh , three

18:10

generations went through this . Because

18:12

some people talk about it , some people don't , and

18:14

you're like I thought I was the only one . We

18:16

could have been coming together to be stronger

18:19

. But it's

18:21

like those societal norms of like , like you

18:23

said , some people not trauma

18:25

bonding , but like , oh , because you went through it , you can

18:27

handle it . I got through it too .

18:29

Be stronger you know what I mean .

18:31

Stop crying , like that's

18:33

so interesting , but I think it's very

18:35

common .

18:38

And being so good to suck it

18:40

up . You strong . Look

18:42

, we're not always strong . This is

18:44

the bottom line , like we're not always strong and

18:47

you need a support system . You need somebody

18:49

to encourage you , to let you know that there

18:52

is life after trauma

18:54

and we can get out of this and we

18:56

want to get out safely , you

18:58

know . So we need to

19:01

talk about it more .

19:03

I think what's interesting , too , is like

19:05

I think this is like

19:07

talked about a little bit more on social media nowadays

19:09

, which is the fact that the

19:12

abuser , their families , like enable

19:14

them , like they turn a blind eye . Oh

19:18

, that's my son , or I'm not gonna say

19:20

son , that's my child , because

19:22

nowadays I do think it's important also

19:24

so it can go both ways , it's

19:27

been going both ways . I think it's just a little

19:29

bit more out there with one of the

19:31

you know a man is kind of doing

19:33

the abusing , but it's all sorts of people

19:35

on both sides getting abused

19:37

in relationships . But

19:40

it is interesting when people enable

19:43

their child or turn a blind

19:45

eye , or what did you say to make him hit

19:47

you or what did you do to , and it's just

19:49

, it's the craziest thing

19:51

. And now we're seeing where , especially

19:54

like the celebrity versions of everything

19:56

, why are they coming out 20 years

19:58

later ? Well , why didn't they say something

20:00

before ? I'm actually curious about your thoughts

20:02

on that because I'm sure you see it all

20:04

, we see it all the time now .

20:07

Yeah , and I

20:09

, you know , I kinda go back and

20:12

forth with it too , because I do believe we tell

20:14

at least one person , you know

20:17

, and maybe it's because

20:20

they're afraid . They're just afraid

20:22

of what people gonna say .

20:25

You know .

20:25

I think that's the big thing because of social

20:27

media , when people get up here and paint

20:29

this beautiful picture , they got it going on

20:32

. Their life is just so

20:34

you know no worries in this thing

20:36

. So then if they come out and like

20:38

you did what and you went to what

20:40

you know , so they're afraid about what

20:42

everybody gonna say , and that's

20:44

we gotta just not care .

20:46

People get crucified for speaking

20:48

out and they wonder why people don't speak

20:51

out . It's like yeah

20:53

, when it comes to like public figures

20:55

normal people like I

20:57

think you still kinda deal with it , but it's like the

21:00

public figures . It's like if you have

21:02

an image in your head of like no , this

21:04

celebrity would never do this

21:06

. It's like no one wants that

21:08

image tainted . That's really what it is

21:10

. No one wants that image tainted . Because

21:12

it's like if you accept what

21:15

the accusation is , it

21:18

makes our world a little bit darker . If you think

21:20

about it . It's not also always so

21:22

perfect and

21:24

peaceful and it's like that reminder

21:27

of how you know ugly our

21:29

world can be when reality is going

21:31

on , regardless whether it's put out there

21:33

or not . But it's almost like

21:35

people . It's like no room

21:37

for that . People are like no

21:39

, go somewhere else with that . And

21:41

especially if you do it after the battle , why don't

21:43

you say something when it happened ? And then

21:46

sometimes you'll see where people there actually

21:48

is a police report and a track

21:50

record , but people still are like well , you

21:53

know , I don't know . It's very , very

21:55

, very , very interesting to me .

21:58

I do , it is . And then we put

22:00

you know , we put out this

22:02

image on people or our expectations

22:05

on certain people , so

22:07

we are let down by what we think about

22:10

them .

22:10

You know how it puts people on the pedestal , right ?

22:13

So if you put me on the pedestal because you

22:15

think I'm perfect , I don't do nothing wrong . And

22:17

then I'm put out here and

22:19

I've done something wrong . So now

22:21

you're disappointed by your expectations

22:23

out of me , and

22:25

that's what it is . We get , you know people

22:28

that watch the social media or

22:30

the celebrities or whoever you know , and

22:32

then when you see that happen , you just like in disbelief

22:35

. But that's just because of the picture

22:37

that you painted and the pedestal

22:39

that you placed them on .

22:41

Yeah , that's true , that's true . It's

22:44

like we're kind of feeding into that because of

22:46

how we view people and

22:48

I always say , like anyone

22:50

could do wrong , like it's

22:52

just one of those things where Go back to the Xamarin

22:54

? Yeah , and it's hard

22:57

because it's a

22:59

lot of he said , she said , as far as in today's time , where

23:01

it's like now you do

23:03

have the vibe where people are guilty without the proof

23:05

, now without court , it's like what Like . It's kind

23:07

of like I see the extremes on both ends

23:10

and all you could do is just hope that we could

23:12

just have less and less of this stuff

23:14

going on , because I think it goes

23:16

back to people who have anger issues

23:18

, no self-control , a lot

23:20

of people seeing trauma from their own parents

23:23

growing up and they're kind of acting

23:25

on that Like it's probably plenty of reasons

23:28

that why people do the things that they do

23:30

. But it's

23:32

just I'm happy that you

23:34

have a foundation now that can . All

23:37

you can do is for the people that are in it . It's

23:39

like okay , how can we get you some help , get you some

23:42

resources ? So let's talk about

23:44

the foundation . Okay

23:47

, what ? How

23:49

has it been going ? When

23:51

did the foundation start ? Let's talk about the beginnings

23:53

of like when you've done that healing

23:56

to where it's like okay , I'm ready to help others .

24:00

So my healing started in 2015

24:03

, when I totally

24:05

surrounded , you know , surrendered the Christ . So

24:07

when God started showing me different things

24:09

either myself , because

24:11

we like to blame people

24:14

for our own hurt

24:16

, our happiness and stuff like that

24:18

and I had to learn

24:21

not to do that I had to own

24:23

my own stuff . And that's when

24:25

I started looking at me and

24:27

how can I have done something differently

24:30

? Right , so , COVID hit

24:32

. So that's what , five years later

24:34

, you know , I've been doing the work in me

24:36

, working on me , and I kept asking

24:38

, because I was out of work for like two months . So

24:40

I'm asking God . I'm like , okay

24:42

, now what am I supposed to be doing ? Cause

24:45

I got a routine . I'm used to getting up

24:47

, going to work , working out , doing so . I had

24:49

a routine . So now I'm sitting at home and I'm

24:52

like when ? Where I'm going to do so

24:54

? I knew that I wanted to still

24:57

do something with domestic violence and so I did

24:59

a walk . The first year I

25:01

did not have my foundation , but we did

25:03

a Walk and people showed

25:06

up because I know people probably wanted to get

25:08

out the house . So people showed up and

25:10

then it started from there . I ended

25:12

up getting my 501c3 and

25:14

so this will be our fourth

25:17

walk this year , and

25:19

so I called it life after trauma , because I

25:21

wanted people to see that we can still

25:23

thrive after , you

25:25

know , after domestic violence , like you

25:27

can thrive , but we

25:29

do have to do the work . We

25:32

do have to own our own stuff and

25:34

we have to do the work in order to heal . So

25:37

the foundation is established to

25:39

raise awareness . I want to get out

25:42

here and talk about it , because I'm still

25:44

young , I mean , I'm still fresh in

25:46

it , so I'm still learning some things

25:48

on how to , you know , put , put out stuff

25:50

out here , and so right

25:52

now is just building relationships with

25:55

the community to let them know that we're

25:57

here , hopefully partnering

25:59

with partners , with others , to help

26:01

Be a part of our resources

26:04

. My main goal , though , is

26:06

to actually Start

26:09

a program where we can

26:11

guide the women through so

26:15

that means whatever that you know a

26:17

system , what they need , and Meet

26:20

them right there with what they need

26:22

, whether that's going back to school , finding a better

26:24

job , whether they're needing a

26:26

you know , a bank account to save

26:29

money , because some people may not be ready

26:31

to leave . So we're prepping them

26:33

to leave , and then they could

26:35

feel secure about when they're

26:37

leaving .

26:38

So we're building .

26:40

Working on that , and so you

26:42

know , and hopefully too

26:44

, I'm looking for a shelter

26:46

, you know , where they can have their own space

26:49

With their children

26:51

or without children , children without children

26:53

. But they got their own space and they don't have

26:55

to share and look at somebody else while they're

26:57

going through , because that'll make them

26:59

go back home too . You got your opening

27:01

. You're seeing everybody , everybody going through

27:03

some of the same things and you ready to go home because

27:05

it's more comfortable at home , right , well , of course

27:08

, going through something or not ? You ready

27:10

, you want to go home . So we don't want to feel

27:12

that . So they have a safe space where they

27:15

can just take their time and and

27:18

get through the trauma . No

27:21

we're Working towards

27:23

and I love that .

27:25

That's that's on the

27:27

ground work . Important is timely

27:29

. It's like okay , what do you need ? And

27:32

before we wrap up , I just want to ask you what are

27:34

some tips you know , in case we have anyone that's

27:36

listening that may either

27:38

Be a parent or a family

27:40

member of someone that's going through it , or they

27:42

meet maybe the person that's going through it and Say

27:45

they're not quite ready to leave , but they're doing

27:48

that work . They're starting to like really shift

27:50

their mind to getting prepared . What

27:52

are some things ? I know you talked about the bank account , but what are

27:54

some things that Should

27:56

be their first set of moves ? I guess of like

27:58

, all right , let me kind of start preparing . I .

28:02

Would say make sure they got that circle support

28:04

. They got some people that they can trust

28:06

, that understand exactly what

28:08

they're going through . They're not talking behind their

28:10

back but are really there for them

28:12

. They have that already

28:15

sitting , might sit up . So

28:18

when they're ready to go , they already know

28:20

they got their support system . They

28:22

got whatever those needs are . If they

28:24

got to find another place , if they got to move

28:26

, their keys are good , like the all

28:29

of that in place and . But

28:31

I think that's just the main thing , just having your

28:33

support system in place . So

28:35

you can't . You know when I leave . I'm leaving

28:38

because on average it takes

28:40

seven times for somebody to leave

28:42

before they actually that's

28:45

good to know . Seven times Seven

28:49

times , and so you're . You're back and

28:51

forth all the time about you

28:54

know , and you do because you battle , about

28:56

you know , not like I told you before , you don't

28:58

have nowhere to go , or you just not

29:00

come . You know , you got your own space back

29:02

at home , so you find all these reasons to

29:04

go back or he'll come and

29:06

apologize Thousand times

29:09

. I'm sorry you , you know , or

29:11

he , of course they're blame you for them , you

29:13

know , at in the way that they act , for

29:15

, whatever the reason is , they're still

29:17

, you know , try to get you to come

29:19

back . So we

29:21

just got to keep in mind for the people that's just

29:24

watching , their loved ones or their friends

29:26

that may be going through it . Keep

29:28

them in courage . Just remind them of

29:30

who they are . You know . They might allow

29:32

sight of who they are and who they who's

29:35

. They are , who they belong to , you know . So

29:37

they remind them that

29:39

they can do it . They

29:41

need to be encouraged , not judged

29:45

. Don't tell them about what you would do , because

29:47

you don't know what you would do and maybe you

29:49

would get up and leave the first time . That's

29:52

good for you , but what about the one that came ? So

29:56

don't make them feel bad about the decision

29:58

that they made for Stan , encourage

30:01

them in it and just keep praying for

30:03

them and keeping them covered and , just

30:05

whenever you ready , I'm here . Just

30:07

remind them that whenever you ready , I'm here

30:09

. That's it .

30:11

I love that it's given that love and that grace

30:13

, and

30:16

so we all need that time

30:18

. They may be ready and they're

30:20

going to need to feel like , okay

30:22

, I have a plan , I'm ready

30:24

, and you have someone on the other end ready

30:26

to help you execute the plan of like

30:28

, all right , cool , got you some

30:31

stuff , some clothes , bank

30:33

account , whatever it is , yeah

30:36

, so that's so , so good . I'm

30:39

just so happy that we were able

30:41

to do this . I hope that

30:44

someone listening is encouraged to know that there

30:46

is life after trauma

30:48

and just how we can all

30:51

be just less judgmental , more

30:53

supportive and just give grace when

30:55

we can . So please

30:57

let everyone know , like how they can find

30:59

you , where they can find you and how they can support

31:02

and join the movement and be a part

31:04

of it .

31:05

So they can follow us on Instagram

31:07

or on Facebook at

31:10

Pamela D Page Foundation . They

31:13

also can go to our website

31:15

, which is PDPfoundationcom

31:18

, and they can donate to help out

31:20

. We do have an event that's coming

31:22

up in October they would like to support

31:25

. We're looking for sponsors or

31:27

any monetary that will help

31:29

cover the event . We'll

31:31

be at the Rocky Mountain Event Center here in

31:33

Rocky Mountain , north Carolina , and

31:36

so we'll be doing a hair and fashion

31:38

show , just raising awareness

31:40

, bringing people out to

31:43

say let's stop domestic violence , and

31:47

that will be great if they can help out . We're

31:50

also doing a 5K walk that morning

31:52

. So , yeah , come out and walk or run

31:54

and just show support to

31:57

our community and those that . Let's

32:00

be a voice for the voices

32:02

.

32:03

Yes , thank you . Thank you . Y'all

32:06

heard it here , so I will

32:08

make sure , when this episode comes

32:10

out , to add her links and everything

32:12

to the show notes . That way you can see the website and

32:14

everything . Social media pages Again

32:17

. Thank you so much , shantaki . I

32:20

just really appreciate you taking the time and

32:22

just educating us on domestic

32:24

violence and just ways that we can get involved and

32:26

not always be on the sidelines . But

32:28

, like , okay , what can we do ? And

32:30

I think it helps just having this educational component

32:33

of like , like you said , if these conversations

32:35

aren't happening or at

32:37

least they're happening right now right , people are

32:40

listening to this podcast . This may

32:42

be the first time they're hearing it in this kind

32:44

of setting , so thank

32:46

you so much for joining us today .

32:48

Thank you , and thank you for having me . I appreciate

32:51

it .

32:52

Of course , thank

32:54

you for spending some time with us . Thanks

32:57

for watching the show , be sure to subscribe

32:59

and leave us a rating and review until

33:02

next time .