0:26

Hey everyone , welcome back to . Thanks for Coming Back

0:28

. I'm Dr LaTosha Nelson and I'm

0:30

thrilled you're here . Today's episode

0:33

Seasoned Perspectives on Emotional Leadership

0:35

is a real treat . We're chatting

0:37

with Kim Corti , who's done it all from

0:39

real estate accounting to standing up a

0:41

chiropractic practice and shoe store with her

0:43

husband . Now , at 61

0:46

, she's diving into the world of writing with

0:48

her book Yucky Yummy , savory

0:50

Sweet , which offers a fresh take

0:52

on how seeing emotions as different

0:54

flavors can help us better

0:56

understand our feelings and navigate

0:58

life . Anywhere we serve , kim's

1:01

dropping by to dish out her wisdom on how emotions

1:03

can spice up our leadership skills , so

1:09

let's jump in and taste the wisdom she's cooked up over her

1:11

incredible life's journey . All right , kim , so you are a sensory

1:14

perception and emotion management strategist

1:16

. Say that five times fast .

1:19

Eventually I might shorten it .

1:26

No , no , I think it's just bringing us along with you . So break that down for us . What does

1:28

that mean ? And how does that tie back into your career aspiration

1:30

, the one you want to land with

1:32

?

1:33

So many people think of thoughts

1:36

as the real driver

1:38

of emotions , and to some extent

1:40

that's true when you're consciously

1:42

aware of them . Our perceptions

1:45

are the ingredients of our

1:47

emotions . Then our emotions

1:49

are what drive a lot of our thoughts

1:51

. How we feel about things is going

1:53

to drive them . Neuroscientist

1:55

Lisa Feldman Barrett and I've heard others say it too

1:57

is that emotions drive

2:00

thoughts more than thoughts drive emotions

2:02

. So the idea of

2:04

sensory perception management

2:07

is to help you to have

2:09

some tools to be more aware of

2:12

yourself , of your surroundings

2:14

, and to help you to

2:17

get in more of the scene , so

2:20

to speak . When we're in a fear state

2:22

, when our emotions are highly

2:24

stressed , we're like

2:26

a horse with blinders on to

2:28

keep you focused on the bear

2:30

, the lion , the thing that's creating fear

2:33

. When we're in a more relaxed

2:35

state , we're able to open up

2:37

our view and to see more

2:39

of what's going on . So the

2:41

idea behind this sensory perception

2:44

management is to help

2:46

people to be more conscious

2:48

, really to be more self-aware , and

2:51

to engage curiosity

2:53

more than fear . So the idea

2:55

is to go from fear to cautious

2:57

, to curious .

2:59

I love it , but it sounds so hard

3:02

. I personally challenged myself

3:04

this year to be more responsive

3:07

versus reactive , and

3:10

that almost requires some pausing

3:12

in the moment , to be more reflective

3:14

, like you said , to be more curious , like what is this

3:16

, what's really going on here before

3:19

you respond . And I

3:21

have found that in the moment it is for

3:23

me so super hard to

3:26

pause in the moment , reflect

3:28

before I respond , unless

3:30

I'm doing it in writing . Then I can walk away and

3:32

I can come back and question myself

3:35

and my perception and my thoughts . What

3:37

types of strategies and techniques

3:39

come alongside that level

3:41

of awareness and that process

3:44

of being more curious before

3:46

really engaging that initial

3:49

state , especially if it's something as palpable

3:51

as fear ?

3:53

I think knowledge is such a

3:55

powerful thing and when

3:57

we understand that our

4:00

experiences are a prediction of the

4:02

brain , everything that we see

4:04

, everything that we hear , everything

4:07

that we experience

4:09

is in our brain and

4:11

that is our feelings too . This

4:14

and I forgot to make

4:16

this very important point is

4:18

that our brain can get it wrong . And

4:20

I like to give the example of you're

4:23

out and about and you see your friend Jim

4:25

and Jim's with another woman

4:27

and you think , oh , my goodness , it's Jim

4:29

Jim with another woman . If you

4:31

took a second look , you might see , oh , it's Jim Jim with another

4:34

woman . If

4:37

you took a second look , you might see , oh , that's Jim's doppelganger . But if you hadn't looked

4:39

a little harder , you would think that Jim is cheating on

4:41

his wife or something just didn't

4:43

look right . Right , and this

4:45

is our brain and prediction

4:47

. And I feel like when we understand

4:50

the predictive nature of the brain , as it

4:52

relates to not only our

4:55

exterior senses but also

4:57

our interior sense , we have

4:59

this sensory system . It's called interoception

5:02

. So I like to tell people

5:04

it's how you catch your feelings inside

5:07

of your body and we

5:09

can get those wrong too inside

5:15

of your body , and we can get those wrong too , and it's these recipes that we have in our brain . So we

5:17

take these ingredients , the perceptions that we have coming from

5:19

the outside and inside world , and

5:21

we use our past experience to

5:24

determine what , to predict . That's

5:26

what the brain uses . We know

5:28

a rose is a rose because

5:31

we've learned that . And

5:33

memories , learning , experiences

5:35

, beliefs , it's all the same

5:37

, it's all just wiring in our

5:39

brain . So when we understand

5:42

that , then we can become more

5:44

proactive and say , huh

5:46

, did I get it right ? So the fear

5:48

kind of dissipates because you're like

5:50

, hmm , maybe this chef in my

5:52

head who's pulling these ingredients and

5:54

producing this recipe might

5:57

not have gotten it right . And

5:59

that's the flavors of emotion

6:01

in the title of my book , because

6:03

then we can maybe take a second

6:05

sip , take a second glance

6:08

at it and have that knowledge

6:10

that it's not necessarily you , it's

6:12

the experiences that you've had

6:15

that are creating your response

6:17

, allowing you to have that space

6:19

and that humility to

6:21

say , oh , I could have gotten this wrong

6:24

. And I call it humility , but

6:26

it's really just a biological fact

6:28

. And that allows us

6:30

to what I say take a second

6:32

sip of a situation , to

6:34

really taste the flavors and

6:37

to try and distinguish situations

6:39

from other ones . My favorite

6:42

example is using a

6:44

tub of vanilla ice cream , and if

6:46

you got three different tubs of vanilla

6:48

ice cream from three different makers , you're

6:51

going to have probably three different

6:53

appearances and you're going to capture

6:55

different flavors from each one , even

6:58

textures and even maybe aromas

7:00

, depending on how fragrant the vanilla

7:03

was . So we can

7:05

be in the same situation and

7:07

it be entirely different , even

7:09

though it's still a tub of vanilla

7:12

ice cream .

7:13

This is only funny because I

7:15

recognize what you just described , even

7:17

though franchises , chains , things

7:20

like that aren't intended to create

7:22

some type of continuity . So , no

7:24

matter where you go , no matter where

7:27

you might order from , if it's the same

7:29

chain , in theory it should all taste the same . The service

7:31

should . It should all taste the same , the service should

7:33

be the same , all that jazz , and I love my family

7:35

. But they're the complete opposite . If they have a

7:37

bad experience , it is like okay

7:40

, I'm done , I'm never going to try that again

7:42

. This item must just

7:44

not be good . Not this

7:46

experience at this particular

7:48

location may not have been

7:50

good , but this item , no matter where

7:53

it is on the planet , if it's prepared , it is

7:55

no longer viable . How

7:58

do you help people who may have had not

8:00

so great experiences with

8:02

a flavor in the past overcome

8:06

that experience with

8:08

a willingness to try it again

8:10

, with the possibility that that

8:12

experience could be different , it could

8:15

be more enjoyable ?

8:17

Well , I think education as

8:19

to how our brain operates is super

8:22

important and I take people

8:24

through examples of

8:26

sensory perception and how we

8:28

get it wrong in the book and

8:30

how powerful the brain is in directing

8:33

our perceptions , but

8:36

situations that were involving people

8:38

. When we lump everybody together

8:40

of the same religion

8:42

, the same political party

8:44

, the same ethnic group

8:46

, the same any affiliation

8:49

group

8:54

, the same any affiliation , even location in the world , that's when we start

8:56

to have problems because we start lumping everything based on one experience

8:59

. So this whole idea of

9:01

connecting to these feelings

9:04

that we have inside of our body and

9:06

recognizing when that's happening

9:09

. Of course you have to have a desire to

9:11

want to experience more . If

9:13

you're happy having a meat and potatoes diet

9:16

and you don't want to go to

9:18

the buffet that has a tremendous

9:20

amount of flavors and variety , there's

9:23

not much I can do . But if

9:25

you want more , if you want

9:27

to stop feeling like you're ruled

9:29

by fear or anxiety or you

9:31

just are unhappy with , you

9:34

know , always feeling the same way

9:36

all the time , not having the variety

9:38

, you know love comes in different

9:41

varieties , anger comes in different varieties

9:43

, you can be miffed , you can be infuriated

9:45

. It's that whole scheme . It's like

9:48

a bell , not a bell pepper

9:50

, but just peppers . In general , we have variety

9:52

, and so when you want to have that

9:54

kind of experience , this is what that

9:56

book can help you to do . And

9:59

, more importantly , it

10:01

gives you awareness . And when we

10:03

have awareness , self-awareness

10:05

, our decision-making is better , our

10:08

health is better , because we're not

10:10

living in fear , we're not in constant

10:12

cortisol overload . We

10:14

need cortisol , but we don't need it in mass

10:17

quantities . So the health

10:19

benefits that come with this self-awareness

10:21

, this ability to be agile

10:24

in these situations and pivot from

10:26

them and to recognize how we

10:28

feel , really makes

10:30

for a happier life . And I can only say

10:33

that because of my

10:35

own personal situation and

10:37

having been someone who shut

10:39

down her feelings , who ignored

10:41

situations to my detriment . Call

10:44

it willful blindness , call it cognitive dissonance

10:46

, it's all the same thing . I

10:49

didn't want to see something because

10:51

I didn't want to feel the feelings , because I was afraid

10:53

of them , and that caused me

10:55

more problems than not , and

10:58

I think that happens to a lot of people

11:00

.

11:01

Absolutely , absolutely and particularly

11:04

. You know , we know people could

11:06

probably pull a ton of examples

11:08

in their personal lives . I

11:11

would probably venture to say it happens

11:13

all the time in our workplaces

11:15

, in our careers , and there's a

11:17

massive shift from the

11:20

career expectations our

11:22

parents may have had generationally and

11:25

how people may be feeling right now , and

11:27

I'll give you an example feeling

11:35

right now , and I'll give you an example . I've learned that some generations

11:37

may have different expectations when it comes to work-life

11:39

balance . I've heard that Gen Z is more apt to

11:41

say I'm flexible as long as I

11:43

can bend and fold things around

11:45

, and they're more inclined to ask questions

11:47

that some generations may not have asked

11:50

. We may have looked at it and said , hey

11:52

, that's above my pay grade or hey

11:54

, I don't want to rock the boat . So I'm just not

11:57

going to address these things . That you

11:59

know may not be leaving me feeling

12:01

the best in my situation

12:03

, but I'm fearful that if I

12:05

speak up , if I say something , if I express

12:08

myself , this may not play out

12:10

very well for me . Can

12:12

we talk a little bit more about your

12:14

book and your concepts and how

12:16

this might look in the workplace

12:18

.

12:19

Going back to the predictive nature of the

12:21

brain , we experience

12:23

what we expect . When

12:26

the very first chapter of my

12:28

book is the story and it's a

12:30

true story this man walks into

12:32

a party and he

12:34

takes a bottle of wine it's

12:36

Opus One and he's thinking it's a very

12:38

fancy wine brand and very

12:40

expensive . And he takes a

12:43

glass of it and he's like oh , this is so

12:45

delicious . And everybody starts laughing

12:47

and he's like what's going on

12:49

? What he didn't know was that the

12:51

friend of his who was hosting the party

12:54

it had been emptied quite

12:56

early and because he was late he

12:58

didn't get any . But what he did was he poured

13:00

in a very cheap brand it's two buck

13:02

chuck , the Charles Shaw brand and

13:05

he expected Opus One

13:07

. So that's what he tasted and

13:09

that's what we can have

13:11

in the workplace . And when

13:14

we have that , it changes

13:16

our expectations . It

13:19

changes how we interact with other

13:21

people , because we're always , if

13:23

we're expecting good , we're probably going to see more

13:26

good , but if we're expecting negative

13:28

, that's what we're going to get more

13:30

often than not , unless we're consciously

13:32

aware of trying to find that

13:35

other good much . Our decisions are influenced

13:37

by emotions . There's a very famous neuroscientist who

13:40

studied decision-making

13:56

is known for it . His name's Antonio Damasio

13:58

, and he said

14:00

that we're not thinking

14:02

beings that feel , we're feeling

14:04

beings that think , and

14:07

the reason is is because our emotions color

14:09

all of our decisions . It tells

14:11

us what we want , what we don't want , what

14:13

is going to benefit us , what do we prioritize

14:16

, and when we are

14:19

aware of that , then we know

14:21

that because even the most logical

14:24

decision , we're going to go with the one

14:26

that feels best . So

14:29

, decision making

14:31

in a , in a career , decision-making as

14:33

an employer , being comfortable

14:36

with other people's emotions , and

14:38

not shutting down because we see an emotional experience

14:41

and we're not comfortable this

14:43

is really critical to being a

14:45

good leader , a good manager and

14:48

a good decision maker , for yourself

14:51

and for your team .

14:53

I don't know why , but as you were describing

14:56

this , the placebo

14:58

effect popped into my

15:00

head . When it comes to the experience

15:03

with the man who's drinking the wine , he's thinking

15:05

just one brand . So it's fantastic and

15:07

prayerfully , it's date fantastic

15:10

. No one told him that it wasn't . Did

15:12

someone tell him ?

15:14

Yeah , we laughed and we told him what it was

15:16

and he took a second sip . Actually , I

15:18

think we started laughing and he took a second

15:20

sip and he said oh wait , this isn't

15:22

it . And I like to

15:24

tease like the wine didn't change . Nothing

15:26

changed but him and his perceptions

15:29

. So yes you're right , it is

15:31

a bit of the placebo effect , that's

15:33

the power of the brain .

15:35

I love that , though Nothing changed except for

15:37

him and his perceptions . That's a very strong

15:39

message for anyone looking

15:42

to make a change and adapt to

15:44

their circumstances . It kind

15:46

of goes back to what you were saying earlier you

15:48

can't make someone change their perception

15:50

unless there's a willingness to . So

15:53

I absolutely love that . So

15:55

let's talk a little bit about how emotions

15:57

impact communication and relationships

15:59

in workplace settings . Whether you're

16:01

an aspiring leader or a

16:03

tenured leader who's just looking to make

16:06

more of an impact in their workspace , what

16:08

can they grab onto when

16:10

it comes to managing their emotions

16:13

and ultimately

16:15

building stronger communication and

16:17

relationships in the workplace ?

16:19

There was a wonderful paper I read

16:22

and it was on receptiveness . So

16:24

how well do you receive communication

16:27

? And we're going back to that whole idea

16:29

of catching words , just like we

16:31

catch feelings , are we listening to

16:33

the words ? And I describe

16:36

it as a conversational ball . So

16:38

if we have conversational receptiveness , we're

16:41

actually catching their words , not

16:43

letting the ball drop . So if you're playing catch

16:45

and you throw your

16:47

point over to the other team and

16:49

they just let it drop to their feet and take

16:51

their ball and throw it over to you , and you just let it drop to their feet and take their ball and throw it over to you and

16:54

you just let it drop because you've got a point

16:56

you want to make , well

16:58

, how is that a conversation ? And

17:01

when we can listen to the

17:03

words , even if we

17:05

don't agree with everything that they

17:07

say , find the common

17:09

points and acknowledge reception

17:12

of those words , you're going

17:14

to get better communication . You're

17:16

going to get better outcomes . And

17:18

when we talk about the

17:20

brain and predicting , we have

17:22

a lot more conversations going

17:24

on in our head often than

17:27

we have receiving of communication

17:29

. That's why it's so

17:32

important to be present and

17:34

I've even told people hold something

17:36

, put something in your hand , so

17:38

that when someone else is talking , you're

17:41

holding your conversational ball is what

17:43

I call it and when you're holding

17:45

it , that means you listen and then

17:47

when it's your turn to talk , you put

17:50

it down . It's kind of the opposite

17:52

of the Native American talking stick , but

17:54

it's the point of helping

17:56

you to engage in listening , because

17:59

without it it's not

18:01

a conversation . And as much

18:03

as you want to be heard , unless you hear others

18:05

and this is nothing new I mean

18:07

, I know that this is nothing new but

18:10

when you're letting your emotions get in

18:12

the way of being able to hear

18:14

something that you might not want to hear , you're

18:18

predicting that you

18:20

don't want to hear it . You don't know that really what

18:22

they're going to say is all that

18:24

bad . It might not be . There

18:27

were studies where they showed that our

18:29

anxieties and our fears if

18:31

you wrote them all down , probably

18:34

92 , 93

18:36

, 94% of them are wrong , and

18:39

so if we once again

18:41

understand that a lot of what we predict

18:43

can be wrong when it comes to these emotional

18:46

situations where we're in fear

18:48

of someone being critical of us , if

18:51

we listen we might find , oh , that's

18:53

just not what they're saying . But when you shut

18:55

down your ears with your internal conversation

18:58

. It's not going to happen

19:00

. You're not going to get that feedback . You're not going to

19:02

get the truth of what's being said .

19:05

Yes , not only may it not necessarily

19:07

be all that bad , but the

19:10

misperception that it could be

19:12

could also cause you to miss an opportunity

19:14

to do something much better , to

19:16

adapt , to evolve

19:19

in a way that is much more beneficial

19:21

to not just you but anyone you're stewarding

19:23

over . I recently had an

19:25

experience where a team member of mine some

19:28

of the feedback that I received for their work

19:30

was a little bit more critical than we

19:33

were accustomed to receiving . They

19:35

received it so well and I think

19:37

in large part receiving it had

19:39

to do with knowing I care and

19:42

I care enough about you to share this

19:44

information and because there was enough

19:46

of a relationship there for them to know

19:48

. Whatever she's going to convey

19:51

to me , I know is coming from the best

19:53

possible place , so I'm going to receive

19:55

it in the best possible way . I'm

19:57

sure had everything to do with how

19:59

well she received it and

20:01

how she's moving forward with that

20:03

feedback . So in my mind

20:06

I'm connecting the dots with what you're sharing

20:08

around the perception If I go into a circumstance

20:10

expecting it to be bad

20:12

, or I don't have enough of a relationship with you , maybe

20:15

as a leader I haven't established a good enough

20:17

relationship with my team to be

20:19

able to convey information to them

20:21

in a way that will help

20:23

them perceive anything that I give

20:25

to them , deliver to them , as positive

20:27

or potentially positive , or out

20:30

of a sense of caring that will affect

20:32

how well they're able to receive

20:34

it .

20:36

And that takes cultivating individual

20:39

relationships . It's knowing who you

20:41

work with and being comfortable

20:43

doing that . And this

20:45

is where being comfortable with your own emotions

20:48

helps you to be comfortable with others

20:50

. And when

20:52

you're not comfortable with yours and you're not

20:54

connected to yours , you're not going

20:57

to be comfortable with others . And

21:00

that's the sign of a good leader and

21:02

kudos to you for

21:05

having that kind of relationship . When

21:07

you know that someone cares about

21:10

you and is not after you , you

21:12

haven't created that . They're

21:14

always picking on me , they're always telling me everything

21:17

that's wrong . When you've had a history

21:19

of telling them everything that's right

21:21

too maybe not everything , but things

21:23

that are right then you're

21:25

paving the way for a

21:28

better relationship

21:30

. So , yes , I mean you're absolutely

21:33

right , but I have a feeling

21:35

I might be wrong

21:37

, but I have a feeling you're very comfortable with your

21:39

emotions .

21:41

I have learned to become more comfortable

21:43

with my emotions . What I am trying

21:45

to evolve with is also managing

21:48

the emotions of others . I

21:50

recognize that sometimes , in the

21:52

moment , you may not realize that you've

21:54

shut down . As someone who

21:56

wants to be able to continue

21:58

the conversation until we can find some

22:00

resolution , my mantra is

22:02

I'd rather make it right than be right . I'd

22:06

like to find ways to maintain

22:08

a connection and maintain some type of common ground

22:11

so that we can get to a place

22:13

where you feel a little bit more comfortable

22:15

. If you didn't start that way , even if it's a

22:17

, can we table it for now and get to

22:19

that place a little later ? I want you

22:21

to feel okay with coming back to that

22:24

place later so we can resolve

22:26

whatever we need to resolve . And so that's

22:28

something that I'm being more mindful of , especially

22:31

as a leader , because you've got some folks who are

22:33

in varied states of their career

22:36

. Even if they've been in corporate

22:38

America for 20 years , their experiences

22:40

may be different . What they've experienced

22:43

from their leaders , from

22:45

being the leader , from maybe

22:47

being an individual contributor who's had a lot

22:50

of responsibility , but never the formal

22:52

ability to say , hey . These

22:54

are the things that we need to execute on and this

22:56

is what needs to happen . And so

22:58

, with people being motivated by different things

23:01

and experiences being so varied

23:03

, I want to try to be as present

23:05

as possible to say , okay , are

23:07

we really connecting right now , and

23:10

not just my feelings . But are

23:12

you and I really connecting right now

23:14

and are we getting to a place that will

23:16

leave both of us okay , and not just me

23:18

?

23:19

You know , it's easy to say like , oh

23:21

, I'm trying to help manage their emotions , but

23:23

all what you're trying to do is

23:26

help manage their perceptions

23:28

, and what they

23:30

do with those perceptions is how

23:32

they manage their emotions . And

23:34

that's what I think is the distinction

23:37

here . Okay .

23:40

Does that make sense ?

23:41

It absolutely makes sense it absolutely

23:43

makes sense , because you can't

23:45

manage their emotions . That's right

23:47

. We all , you

23:50

know I talked about this in the beginning we

23:52

live in a world in our head . The

23:54

world is in our head because

23:56

we don't do anything without the

23:58

brain , and so our

24:01

world , and your and I's world

24:03

, are different , and each one of us actually

24:06

lives in a very unique world

24:08

unto ourselves , and so

24:10

all we can do is provide

24:12

ingredients because that

24:15

world in them you just don't

24:17

know how it's structured , and half of us

24:19

don't know entirely how it's structured . But

24:21

that's the fun part that I've

24:25

learned through this journey that

24:27

led to this book is that we can

24:29

uncover these recipes that

24:32

we have , and we can uncover

24:34

them and try and change them and be

24:36

proactive in creating

24:39

the world that we want to live in

24:41

. And it may sound hokey

24:43

, but it's our world

24:45

, right , it's in us .

24:48

Absolutely . How would you describe

24:50

the difference between intentionally

24:53

managing perceptions

24:55

and manipulation

24:58

? I guess I want to make sure that

25:00

the audience understands that managing

25:02

perceptions isn't necessarily

25:05

the equivalent of manipulating

25:07

a circumstance or manipulating a situation

25:10

.

25:10

No , and I appreciate that clarity

25:12

stance or manipulating

25:15

a situation , no , and I appreciate that clarity because what I'm talking about is like when you are

25:17

talking to someone and this

25:19

was what was going through my head is that when

25:21

you're talking to someone and you

25:23

feel like they're not hearing

25:26

the words that you're trying to say to them

25:28

by saying tell me

25:30

what you just heard , I want

25:32

to know what you heard me say . And

25:34

then if they come back with something

25:37

that wasn't your intention to provide

25:39

them , then you say it again in

25:41

different ways so that they hear

25:44

what you're trying to say . So

25:46

this is what I mean by managing

25:49

their perceptions is making sure

25:51

that you're as clear in giving them

25:53

what you're trying to provide . Now

25:56

, yes , we have manipulation

25:58

galore in the world

26:00

. In the news , it's all fear-based

26:03

. If you want to lead sheep , what do you do

26:05

? You yell at them , you do things

26:07

to make them fearful to go in a particular

26:10

direction , have a stick . That's

26:12

manipulative perceptions

26:14

, and that's when we , as

26:16

individuals who

26:18

want to consciously look into these

26:21

things and try

26:23

and see like , oh , is this true ? Versus

26:26

us trying to give people

26:29

the information that we're honestly

26:32

trying to give them . I hope that provides

26:34

the clarity .

26:36

Absolutely , absolutely , and thank you for

26:38

going there with me . I

26:43

just wanted to make sure folks again their experiences may be different and wanting to just

26:45

make sure we understand there's a difference and a goodness that comes with

26:47

being intentional around how

26:49

you manage your relationships , but recognizing

26:52

that sometimes that may not have come across

26:54

in the best way for some in their experiences

26:57

. So I appreciate you creating

26:59

that distinction for us . You touched

27:01

on everyone's world

27:04

, being their own worlds

27:06

, and one thing that I think

27:08

we all have in common in this world

27:10

today is that everything changes

27:12

so fast . It's changing rapidly

27:15

and it's almost a little difficult

27:17

to keep up with . When

27:19

you're trying to manage your emotions , what strategies

27:22

do you recommend for maintaining emotional

27:25

balance and resilience ?

27:28

Yes , so one

27:30

of the things that I talk a lot about

27:32

in the book is focus , and

27:34

I mentioned that earlier . If

27:36

you're in a fear state , your focus is

27:38

on the thing that's creating the fear , but

27:41

when you are not , you're able

27:43

to look beyond it . So , managing

27:45

your focus what are you focused on

27:47

? And then trying to change that

27:49

focus , if you can

27:52

seek out things that bring you joy

27:54

, it could be small . For

27:57

me it's like moments with my

27:59

dogs , like my little dog , fiona

28:01

. Sometimes I look at her and I

28:03

just melt . She's just a joy moment

28:05

. It could be going outside

28:07

and sitting in the sun , seeking

28:10

things that bring you joy in

28:12

work , in life , and

28:14

also finding gratitude . It's

28:17

so easy to look at the negative

28:19

and see all this bad around

28:21

you , especially in office environments . There's

28:23

always somebody who's irritating

28:25

you . There's always that situation

28:28

where you just don't like this task . But

28:30

when you can be grateful

28:32

, it just kind of adds a

28:35

little bit of a different flavor

28:37

to the situation . And even

28:40

though sometimes we're stuck in a position

28:42

where we're working , we don't like

28:44

what we're doing , but outside

28:47

of that , when you balance

28:49

that with seeking out the joy

28:51

and the gratitude , I can't

28:53

say enough about seeking that

28:55

direction in your life , because

28:58

, once again , life is what you make

29:00

it and what you make it's up to you and

29:02

it's not about controlling . And this is up to you and it's not about controlling and

29:05

this is an old saying too it's not about controlling

29:07

the things you can't necessarily

29:10

right now . It's about the things

29:12

that you can control Absolutely

29:15

.

29:15

I can relate to that a lot . I found

29:17

that a huge difference

29:19

in team members who seem

29:22

to be able to really difference

29:27

in team members who seem to be able to really roll with the punches and those

29:29

who are a little bit more affected when things happen really does boil

29:31

down to what they're focusing on , and

29:33

it's really around what do I have

29:36

control over , what do I need to

29:38

let go of ? And sometimes , for

29:41

people who are naturally curious

29:43

, it's being able to let go of the things

29:45

that you may never have answers to right

29:47

, because that's outside of your control

29:49

, and so I love the reference back to

29:51

focusing on the things that you can control

29:54

and making sure that you're intentional about

29:56

the things that you choose to focus

29:58

on . You may be at the office

30:00

but , to your point , your fur baby may

30:02

be right there as your sidekick doing

30:05

something that makes you smile , makes you laugh , and

30:07

it can make all the difference .

30:09

There's other little things that you can do too

30:12

, just like what do you have

30:14

at your desk ? A bunch of candy , or

30:17

do you have things that are healthy for you ? That

30:19

makes a huge difference in

30:22

your attitude . Do you skip

30:24

lunch ? They know

30:26

that if you were to be in an interview

30:28

on a cloudy day or before a

30:30

judge right before lunch , you

30:32

have different outcomes because

30:34

our emotions are

30:36

managed by the balance that

30:38

we have inside of our body too . So it's

30:41

not just balancing outside , it's balancing

30:43

inside . We have

30:45

a very fast food

30:47

nation world right

30:49

now , and part of it is economics

30:51

, but we suffer

30:54

, sometimes needlessly , just

30:56

because we're downing Cokes . We're eating

30:58

highly processed foods I

31:00

mentioned ice cream earlier but we've got chips

31:02

and all these other things instead of

31:05

more healthy foods that help feed

31:07

your brain . So remember , your brain

31:09

is the one If your mood

31:12

is bad , and we all know hangry . I

31:14

don't have to go on about this too long , but look

31:17

at that too . It's not just about the outside

31:19

world , it's also about the inside world .

31:22

No , and even as you described , that physically right

31:29

there's I'm going to use this adage since we're bringing up old adages but there's the garbage

31:31

in , garbage out adage . Right , it's all about the quality , and

31:33

while the mindset might be

31:35

, hey , it's probably better for me to have something

31:38

to eat , even if it's the fast food , than

31:40

for me to not have anything

31:42

to eat , there's also the but . Did

31:44

you make the best possible choices that

31:46

you could in order to fuel yourself

31:48

internally so that you're expressing

31:51

the best possible parts of yourself

31:53

externally ? I

31:55

love the additional tips , any others that

31:57

come to mind , maybe even some that

31:59

are sneaky . They're the ones that

32:01

you may not think about , but they're right there in your face .

32:04

Wow , that's a little hard

32:06

for me to come up with a sneaky one . I

32:09

think that the biggest thing

32:12

is , if you take care of your brain

32:14

, your brain will take care of you . And

32:16

if you feed

32:19

your brain not only nutritional

32:21

food , but also give it

32:23

more detail in

32:26

I call it emotional granularity

32:28

. Don't look at every situation

32:30

and say I'm mad or I'm

32:33

happy . Come up with other words

32:35

. Think about the differences

32:38

in your feeling states

32:40

. And if you have a hard time

32:42

connecting to your feeling states

32:44

because a lot of us learn

32:46

to shut them down , if you like

32:49

that , there's a lot of tools in the book to

32:51

help you to do that . Because flavor

32:54

is a combination of senses

32:56

. That's why I use it and you can

32:58

build that skill to taste

33:01

more ingredients in your food

33:04

, and the same can happen

33:06

with your emotions . It's

33:09

also a product of multiple sensory

33:11

systems and you can increase

33:13

your awareness of

33:15

your feelings to be able to differentiate

33:18

that and that . It doesn't happen

33:20

overnight , but you would be surprised

33:22

how fast it picks up when you

33:24

start using it . I've found

33:26

for myself that once you get into

33:28

the mode you're like , oh , because your

33:31

brain can only recognize what

33:33

you feed it right , so

33:35

learn to feed yourself more detailed

33:38

emotional experiences . This

33:41

is going back to perceptions and getting

33:43

out of a fear state and looking at the situation

33:45

more broadly and with

33:47

that you're going to gain that

33:50

emotional agility , that resilience

33:53

that we all need so badly

33:55

.

33:56

Do you have any tips for the audience when it

33:58

comes to building some consistency

34:00

things they can start doing daily ?

34:02

Yeah , if you have a hard time with curiosity , just

34:04

start asking is this true , is

34:07

this feeling true ? Because that's

34:09

a curiosity sparker right there . You're

34:12

going to have to examine it If you were

34:14

in court . Is this true ? They've got to come

34:16

up with evidence and it's become

34:18

your own inner Sherlock Holmes

34:21

and try and investigate

34:24

a little harder , especially in the

34:26

big situations . And for me , when

34:30

I get a feeling that like

34:32

I know very specifically the feeling that's

34:34

kind of across my chest , a little bit of my stomach

34:36

, but mainly in my chest , I

34:38

know that that's a time I need to stop and

34:40

say okay , what is this about

34:42

? Like , am I reacting to the

34:44

present or to the past ? Because

34:47

way too often I'm responding

34:50

to the past . Perfect .

34:52

So curiosity starters , folks start

34:54

thinking about what basic

34:56

questions can you ask yourself in the moment to help spark some curiosity about

34:58

what's going on , what's happening ? To help spark some curiosity

35:01

about what's going on , what's happening

35:03

and how you can , you

35:05

know , maybe change your perception

35:08

in the moment to adjust . Yes

35:10

, is it true ? Is

35:12

it true ? Well , ken , this

35:14

has been really , really fun . I can't

35:16

wait to get my hands on your book . I see that it

35:18

is out on Amazon

35:20

, for sure , but why don't you tell the folks where they

35:22

can find it and how they can stay

35:24

connected with you ? And I'd love if you'd

35:26

share any final thoughts or advice

35:29

you have on the topic of perception

35:31

and changing your perception on a daily

35:33

basis , so that you can , in turn , respond

35:35

and just be more adaptable and resilient in the

35:37

grand scheme of things .

35:40

Well , my book is available in

35:42

Amazon . On Amazon , I should say , and

35:45

you can connect to it through to

35:47

me through kimkortecom

35:49

, k-i-m-k-o-r-t-ecom

35:53

, and as

35:55

far as advice goes , you

35:57

know , the first thing that came to my head is

35:59

that , because we're feeling beings

36:02

, it's so important to us

36:04

to have feelings in our

36:06

life . If we're afraid of them

36:08

, that's okay , everything is okay

36:11

. It's the journey . Life

36:13

is a journey and you can get them wrong

36:16

. We can be wrong . It's okay to be wrong

36:18

, because every time we're wrong , it's

36:20

a learning experience . There

36:22

was someone , thomas

36:25

Edison , when he said

36:27

that all the times he failed with

36:29

the light bulb , those were just telling

36:31

him that's not how you create a

36:34

light bulb . It wasn't that he got it wrong

36:36

, he just learned how not to do it

36:38

. So when we have

36:40

experiences and we feel like we

36:42

got them really wrong , don't beat yourself up

36:44

. You just learned something

36:47

and every single day

36:49

we are learning something new . It's

36:51

just are we being proactive

36:53

in what we learn or are we

36:56

just letting the past dictate our

36:58

future ?

37:00

So teachable moments , whether

37:02

you got the expected outcome or an

37:04

unexpected outcome . Leverage

37:07

that , learn from it , grow from it . Yes

37:10

, perfect , all

37:12

right , everyone that wraps up our chat . In today's episode

37:15

, seasoned Perspectives on Emotional

37:17

Leadership , we've explored some incredible

37:19

insights from Kim , who walked us through some of the

37:21

powerful things in her book and how savoring

37:23

our emotions can make us better leaders

37:26

. Be sure to grab a copy of Kim's

37:28

book , which is up for grabs on Amazon and other

37:30

top retailers , for a full serving

37:32

of her insights . What

37:34

did you take away from today's discussion ? How

37:37

can you start integrating these seasoned perspectives

37:39

into your leadership style ? Give

37:41

Kim's tips a try and watch your

37:43

leadership style change for the better . Love

37:46

the episode . Hey , we're all

37:49

ears for your feedback , so hit us up on social

37:51

media or send us a note . Your

37:53

stories are our favorite part . Thanks

37:55

for joining us . Keep on moving , stay

37:57

hungry for knowledge and continue

38:00

to grow as a leader . Catch you

38:02

on the next one and thanks for coming back .