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entrepreneurs. Here's the thing.

1:02

A recession is a terrible thing to waste.

1:05

Over the next few episodes of the podcast,

1:07

We'll touch on past recessions, why

1:10

this one will be different and how

1:12

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1:14

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1:48

From the blackest corners of

1:50

your mind, they call

1:53

pulling you deep into shadow,

1:57

twisting your senses,

2:00

keeping you from sleep,

2:06

It's time to face your

2:08

darkest fears.

2:14

This is tales to

2:16

terrify.

2:34

Good evening, children of the and

2:37

welcome. I hope you're

2:39

getting into the Halloween spirit.

2:42

I know I am. The weather's

2:44

finally turned and the colors of

2:46

the dying leaves bring a certain

2:48

Macabre joy to my heart.

2:51

You

2:51

know what else brings a sense of twisted

2:53

joy,

2:54

tales to terrify swag.

2:57

And

2:57

while there's new stuff for patrons

2:59

on the way, which I've mentioned recently,

3:02

I've also added a handful of

3:04

new designs to our tales to terrify

3:07

store that anyone can get

3:09

their claws on just in time

3:11

for the holidays.

3:13

tales to terrified dot com

3:15

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3:17

you over to our T public store,

3:19

where you can find all kinds of

3:21

gruesome goodies.

3:23

And right now, T public is

3:25

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So if you need some gear to get ready for

3:32

the season, or maybe you're

3:34

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3:38

Check out tales to terrified dot

3:41

com slash merch and

3:43

get your ghoul on. If

3:46

that doesn't get you into the holiday spirit,

3:48

our good friends over at dark matter

3:51

magazine have released their annual

3:53

special Halloween issue,

3:55

and

3:55

it's free to read for everyone now

3:58

through October thirty first.

4:01

This special issue features some incredible

4:03

artwork and a host of the lightfully

4:06

dark tales that's sure to set the

4:08

mood. You can check it

4:10

out over at dark matter magazine dot

4:12

com. Lastly

4:15

this week, I'd like to extend

4:17

our ghoulish gratitude to

4:19

our newest patron Amanda

4:21

Gail. Nothing

4:24

excites theiker in our

4:26

veins more than knowing we have

4:28

the support. of incredible listeners

4:30

like you, Amanda. May

4:32

the spooky season chill you

4:34

to the marrow? And hopefully,

4:37

we'll help a little with that too. Let's

4:40

get to it. Shall we?

4:43

We have one tail for

4:45

you this evening, a classic from

4:47

Charlotte Perkins Gilman. Charlotte

4:50

Perkins Gilman was a writer and

4:52

social activist during the late eighteen

4:54

hundreds and early nineteen hundreds.

4:57

Gillman married artist Charles Stetson

5:00

in eighteen eighty four. Sometime

5:03

during her decade long marriage to

5:05

Stetson though, Guilman

5:07

experienced severe depression and

5:10

underwent a series of unusual treatments

5:12

for it. This experience

5:15

is believed to have inspired her best

5:17

known short story, the yellow

5:19

wallpaper.

5:20

While

5:22

she is best known for her fiction,

5:25

Gilman was also a successful lecturer

5:27

and intellectual. A

5:29

feminist, she called for women to

5:31

gain economic independence. Along

5:34

with writing books, Gilman established

5:36

the forerunner, a magazine

5:38

that allowed her to express her ideas

5:40

on women's issues and on

5:42

social reform. It was

5:44

published from nineteen o nine to nineteen

5:46

sixteen. and included essays,

5:49

opinion pieces, fiction poetry,

5:52

and excerpts from novels. In

5:55

nineteen hundred, Gilman had

5:57

married for the second time. She

5:59

wed her cousin, George Gilman,

6:01

and the two stayed together until his

6:03

death in nineteen thirty four.

6:06

The next year, she discovered

6:08

she had inoperable breast cancer

6:10

and committed suicide on August seventeenth

6:13

nineteen thirty five. Children

6:17

of the night join

6:19

me. For Charlotte Perkins

6:21

Gilman's,

6:22

the yellow wallpaper.

6:24

First

6:24

published in the New England magazine,

6:27

January eighteen ninety two.

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7:11

It

7:11

is a truth universally acknowledged

7:13

that it is always the right time

7:16

to read, talk, and think

7:18

about pride and prejudice. But

7:20

why is it this book that we

7:22

universally acknowledge? Why

7:24

his pride in prejudice lasted

7:26

for over two centuries as

7:28

the most famous romance novel of

7:30

all time. This season

7:32

of Hot and Bottled,

7:33

award winning journalist Lauren

7:35

Sandler and Me, Vanessa Zoltan,

7:37

are looking close at pride and

7:39

prejudice, interviewing experts

7:42

and trying to figure out what this book

7:44

has taught generations of readers

7:46

about love. Listen

7:47

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acast dot com.

8:57

It

8:57

is very seldom that mere ordinary

8:59

people like John and myself

9:01

secure ancestral holes for

9:03

the summer A colonial

9:05

mansion,

9:06

a hereditary estate.

9:08

I would say a haunted

9:10

house and reach the height of romantic

9:12

felicity, but

9:14

that would be asking too much a fate.

9:18

Still, I will proudly

9:20

declare that there is something clear

9:22

about it. else,

9:24

why should it be let so cheaply?

9:26

And why have stood so long

9:28

untenanted? John

9:30

laughs at me, of course,

9:33

but one expects that in a

9:35

marriage.

9:36

John is practical in the

9:38

extreme. He

9:40

has no patience with faith, an

9:42

intense horror of superstition,

9:44

and he scrops openly

9:46

at any talk of themes not to be felt

9:49

and seen and put down in figures.

9:52

John

9:52

is a physician and

9:55

perhaps I would not say

9:57

it to

9:57

a living soul, of course,

9:59

but

9:59

this is dead paper and a

10:02

great relief to my mind.

10:04

Perhaps, that is one

10:07

reason I do not get well faster.

10:10

You

10:10

see, he does not believe

10:12

I am sick. And

10:14

what

10:14

can one do? If

10:16

a physician of high standing

10:19

and one's own husband

10:21

assures friends and relatives that

10:24

there is really nothing to matter with

10:26

one,

10:26

but temporary nervous

10:27

depression, a slight hysterical

10:30

tendency. What is one

10:32

to do? My

10:34

brother is also a physician and

10:37

also of high standing,

10:38

and he

10:39

says the same thing. So

10:42

I take phosphates or

10:45

phosphates, whatever it

10:47

is. Antonics and

10:49

journeys and air and exercise

10:51

and am absolutely forbidden

10:53

to work until I am well

10:56

again. Personally,

10:58

I disagree with their ideas.

11:02

Personally, I believe that

11:04

congenial work with excitement

11:06

and change would do me

11:08

good. But

11:10

what is one to do? I

11:12

did

11:12

write for a while in spite of

11:15

them, but it

11:15

does exhaust me a good deal,

11:18

having to be so sly about it

11:20

or else meet with heavy opposition.

11:24

I sometimes fancy that in

11:26

my condition, if I have

11:28

less opposition and more society

11:30

and stimulus, But John

11:33

says the very worst thing I can do

11:35

is think about my condition and

11:37

I confess it always makes me

11:39

feel bad. So

11:41

I will let it alone and

11:43

talk about the house. The

11:46

most beautiful place

11:49

It is quite alone standing

11:51

well back from the road,

11:53

quite three miles from the village.

11:55

It makes me think of English

11:57

places that you read about for

11:59

their

11:59

hedges and walls and gates

12:02

that lock. and lots of separate little

12:04

houses for the gardeners

12:05

and people. There

12:07

is a delicious garden. I

12:10

never saw

12:10

such a garden.

12:12

large and shady, full

12:14

of boxboarded paths, and

12:17

lined with long, great covered arbors

12:19

with seats under them. There

12:21

were greenhouses

12:21

too, but they

12:23

are all broken now. There

12:26

was some legal trouble,

12:28

I believe, something about the

12:30

heirs and co heirs. Anyhow,

12:32

the

12:33

place has been empty for years. That

12:37

spoils my ghostliness. I'm

12:39

afraid, but I don't care.

12:41

There is something strange

12:43

about the house. I

12:45

can feel it. I

12:48

even sat so to join one moon late

12:50

evening, but he said what I

12:52

felt was a draft and shut

12:54

the window. I can't

12:56

unreasonably angry with Jones

12:58

sometimes. I'm sure

13:00

I never used to be so sensitive.

13:03

I think

13:03

it is due to this nervous

13:05

condition. But

13:07

Joan says, if I feel so, I

13:09

shall neglect proper self control.

13:12

so I take pains to control

13:14

myself before him at least,

13:17

and

13:17

that makes me very tired. I

13:20

don't like a room a bit.

13:22

I wanted one downstairs that opened

13:24

on the Piazza and had roses

13:26

all over the window and such

13:28

pretty old fashioned chintz

13:30

paintings. but John

13:31

would not hear of it. He

13:34

said there

13:34

was only one window and

13:36

not room for two beds, and

13:38

no near room for him if he took another.

13:41

He is very careful

13:43

and loving and hardly

13:45

lets me stir without special

13:47

direction. I

13:49

have a scheduled prescription for each

13:51

hour in the day. He takes

13:54

all care from me. and

13:56

so I feel basically ungrateful not

13:58

to value it more. He

14:01

said we came here solely on

14:03

my account. that I was to have

14:05

perfect rest and all the air I

14:07

could get. Your exercise

14:10

depends on your strength, my dear.

14:12

Said he, and your food

14:14

is somewhat on your appetite. But

14:17

air you can absorb all the

14:19

time. So we took

14:21

the nursery at the top of

14:23

the house. It is

14:25

a big airy room, the

14:28

whole floor nearly. with

14:30

windows that look always and

14:32

air and sunshine galore. It

14:35

was nursery first. and then

14:37

played around in gymnasium, I

14:39

should judge. For the windows

14:41

are barred for little children,

14:43

and there are rings and things in

14:45

the walls. The painting

14:48

paper looked as if a boy's school

14:50

had used it. It is

14:52

stripped off. The paper and

14:54

great patches all around the head of my

14:56

bed, about as far as I can

14:58

reach,

14:59

and in a great place on the other side

15:01

of the room, low down. I

15:03

never saw a worse paper in

15:05

my life. One

15:07

of those sprawling flamboyant patterns

15:10

committing every artistic sin.

15:13

It is dull enough to confuse

15:15

the eye and following, pronounced

15:18

enough to constantly irritate and

15:20

provoke study. And

15:22

when you follow the lame uncertain

15:24

curves for a little distance, they

15:27

suddenly commit suicide, plunge

15:29

off at outrageous angles. destroy

15:32

themselves in unheard of

15:34

contradictions. The

15:36

color is repellent,

15:38

almost revolting. a

15:40

smoldering, unplain yellow,

15:43

strangely faded by the slow

15:45

turning sunlight. It

15:47

is a doll yet lurid orange in

15:50

some places, a

15:52

sickly sulfur tint and others.

15:55

No wonder the children hated

15:57

it. I should hate it myself if I

15:59

had to live

15:59

in this room long. There

16:02

comes John. I must put

16:04

this away. He hates to have me

16:06

write a word.

16:09

We have been here two weeks,

16:12

and I haven't felt like riding before

16:14

since that first day. I

16:16

am sitting by the window now, up

16:19

in this atrocious nursery,

16:21

and there is nothing to hinder my

16:23

writing as much as I please. safe

16:26

lack of strength. John

16:28

is away all day, and even

16:31

some nights when his cases

16:33

are serious. I am

16:35

glad my case is not serious,

16:38

but these nervous

16:40

troubles are dreadfully depressing.

16:43

John does not know how

16:45

much I really suffer. He

16:47

knows there is no reason to suffer,

16:50

and that satisfies him.

16:53

Of course, it is only nervousness.

16:55

It does weigh on me so

16:57

not to do my duty in any

16:59

way. I meant to

17:01

be such a help to John, such

17:03

a real rest and comfort,

17:06

and he

17:06

or I am, a comparative

17:09

burden already. Nobody

17:12

would believe what an effort it has to

17:14

do, what little I am able

17:16

to dress and entertain

17:18

and order things. It is

17:21

fortunate, Mary is so good with a

17:23

baby, such a

17:25

dear baby. And

17:27

yet,

17:27

I cannot be with

17:30

him. It makes me

17:31

so nervous. I

17:34

suppose John was never nervous in his life. He

17:37

laughed at me so about

17:39

this wallpaper. wallpaper At

17:42

first, he meant to re paper the room.

17:45

But afterwards, he said that I was letting

17:47

it get the better of me and

17:49

that nothing was worse for a nervous

17:51

patient than to give way to such

17:53

fancies. He said

17:55

that after the wallpaper was

17:58

changed, It would be the heavy bedstead, and then

17:59

the barred windows, and

18:02

then that gate at the head of the stairs,

18:04

and so on. You

18:07

know the place is doing you good.

18:09

He said, I'm

18:11

really dear. I don't care to renovate

18:13

the house just for three months

18:16

rental. Then let us go

18:19

downstairs. I said,

18:20

there are such pretty rooms

18:23

there. Then he

18:24

took me in his arms

18:26

and

18:26

called me a blessed little goose

18:29

and said he would go down seller if I

18:31

wished and have it whitewashed into

18:33

the bargain. But he is

18:35

right enough about the beds and

18:38

windows and things. It

18:40

is as airy and comfortable a

18:42

room as any one of us wish,

18:44

and of course,

18:47

I

18:47

would not be so silly as to make him

18:49

uncomfortable just for a whim.

18:52

I'm really

18:53

getting quite fond of the big

18:55

room Oh,

18:57

but that horrid paper.

18:59

Out of one window,

19:01

I can see the garden. Those

19:04

mysterious deep shaded arbors

19:06

the rightest old fashioned

19:09

flowers and bushes and

19:11

gnarly trees. Out

19:14

of another, I get a lovely view of

19:16

the bay and a little private

19:18

wharf belonging to the estate.

19:20

There is a beautiful, shaded lane

19:22

that runs down there from the house.

19:24

I always fancy. I see people

19:26

walking in these numerous paths

19:28

and arbors, but

19:29

John has cautioned

19:31

me not to give way

19:33

defense least. He

19:36

says that with my imaginative

19:38

power and habit of story making,

19:41

A nervous weakness like mine is

19:43

sure to lead to all manner of excited

19:46

fancies, and that I ought to use

19:48

my will and good sense to

19:50

check the tendency, so I try.

19:53

I think

19:54

sometimes that if I

19:56

were only well enough to

19:58

write a little it

20:00

would relieve the press of ideas and

20:02

rest me. But I

20:05

find I get pretty tired when

20:07

I try. It

20:09

is so discouraging not to have any advice

20:12

and companionship about my

20:14

work. When I get

20:16

really well, John says we

20:18

will ask cousin Henry and Juliet

20:20

down for a long visit, but

20:22

he says he would assume put fireworks

20:24

in my pillowcase as

20:26

to let me have those stimulating people

20:29

about now. I wish

20:31

I could get will

20:33

faster. But I must

20:35

not think about that.

20:37

This paper looks to me as

20:39

if it knew what a vicious influence

20:42

it had. There

20:44

is a recurrent spot where the pattern

20:46

rolls like a broken

20:48

neck, and two bulbous

20:50

eyes stare at you upside down.

20:53

I get positively angry with the

20:55

impertinence of it and the everlasting

20:58

mess up and

21:01

down and sideways they

21:03

crawl and those absurd

21:05

and blinking eyes are everywhere.

21:07

There is one place

21:10

where two breaths didn't match,

21:12

and the eyes go all up

21:14

and down the line, one

21:16

a little higher than the

21:18

other. I never

21:20

saw so much expression

21:22

in an inanimate thing before,

21:24

and we all know how much

21:26

expression they have. used

21:29

to lie awake as a child

21:31

and get more entertainment and

21:33

terror out of blank walls and

21:35

plain furniture than most

21:38

children could find in a toy store.

21:41

I remember what a

21:43

kindly wink the knobs of our big

21:45

old bureau used to have. and

21:47

there was one chair that always

21:49

seemed like a strong friend. I

21:52

used to feel that if any of the other

21:54

things looked too fierce,

21:55

I could always hop into that

21:57

chair and be safe. The

22:00

furniture in this room is no worse than

22:03

in harmonious however. for

22:05

we had to bring it all from downstairs.

22:08

I suppose when this was used as

22:11

a playroom, they had to take the nursery

22:13

things out and no

22:15

wonder. I never saw such ravages

22:17

as the children have made here.

22:21

The wallpaper, as I

22:23

said before, is torn off in

22:25

spots, and it

22:27

sticketh closer than a brother. They must

22:29

have had perseverance as well

22:32

as hatred. Then the floor

22:34

is scratched and gouged

22:36

and splintered. The plaster

22:38

itself has dug out here

22:40

and there. And this great

22:42

heavy bed, which is all

22:44

we found in the room, looks

22:46

as if it has been through the

22:48

wars. But I don't

22:50

mind it a bit. Only the

22:53

paper. There

22:55

comes

22:55

John's sister. such

22:57

a dear girl as she is, and

23:00

so careful of me.

23:02

I must not let her find me

23:04

writing. She is a

23:06

perfect and enthusiastic housekeeper

23:09

and hopes for no better profession.

23:12

I barely believe she thinks it is

23:14

the writing which made me sick,

23:16

but I can write when

23:18

she is out. and see her a

23:21

long way off from these windows.

23:23

There is one that

23:25

commands the road. a lovely, shaded,

23:28

winding road, and one

23:30

that just looks off over the

23:33

country. A

23:33

lovely country too. full

23:36

of great albums and velvet

23:38

meadows.

23:39

This wallpaper has a

23:42

kind of sub pattern in a

23:44

different shade. a particularly

23:46

irritating one for you

23:48

can only see it in certain

23:49

lights and not clearly then.

23:53

but

23:53

in the places where it isn't

23:56

faded and where the sun is

23:58

just so, I

23:59

can

23:59

see a strange, provoking

24:03

formless sort of figure that

24:05

seems to silk about

24:07

behind that silly and

24:09

conspicuous front design. There's

24:12

sister on the stairs.

24:16

Well,

24:16

the fourth of July is

24:18

over. The

24:19

people are gone and I am tired out.

24:23

John thought it might do me good to see a

24:25

little company. so he

24:27

just had mother and Nelly and the

24:29

children down for a week.

24:31

Of course, I didn't do a thing.

24:33

Jenny sees

24:34

to everything now.

24:36

but it tired

24:37

me all the same.

24:39

John says if I don't

24:41

pick up faster, he shall send

24:43

me to wear Mitchell in the fall.

24:46

But I don't want to go there at

24:49

all. I had a friend who was in his hands

24:51

once, and she says

24:53

he is just like John and

24:55

my brother. only more

24:57

so. Besides, it

24:58

is such

25:00

an undertaking to go so

25:02

far. I don't feel

25:04

as if it was worthwhile to

25:06

turn my hand over for anything,

25:08

and I'm getting dreadfully

25:10

fretful and querulous. I

25:13

cry at nothing and

25:15

cry most of the time. Of

25:19

course,

25:19

I don't when John

25:20

is here. or

25:22

anybody else. But

25:24

when I am alone and

25:26

I

25:26

am alone a good

25:28

deal just now, John is kept

25:30

in town very often by serious cases,

25:33

and Jenny is good and lets

25:35

me alone when I want her to.

25:37

So I walk in the little

25:40

garden or down that lovely

25:42

lane, sit on the porch

25:44

under the roses, and

25:46

lie down up here a good

25:48

deal. I'm getting really

25:50

fond of the room in spite of the

25:52

wallpaper.

25:53

perhaps because of the

25:56

wallpaper. It

25:57

dwells in my mind so

26:00

I

26:01

lie here on this great and

26:04

movable bed. It

26:05

is nailed down, I believe,

26:07

and follow that pattern about

26:09

by the hour. It is

26:11

as good as gymnastics. I

26:13

assure you. I

26:14

start, we'll say, at

26:16

the bottom, down in the corner

26:18

over there where it has not been taught and I

26:21

determined

26:21

for the thousandth time that

26:23

I will

26:23

follow that pointless pattern to

26:26

some sort of conclusion. I

26:29

know a little of the principle of design, and

26:32

I know

26:32

this thing was not arranged on

26:35

any

26:35

laws of radiation or

26:38

alternation. or repetition or

26:41

symmetry or anything else that

26:42

I ever heard of. It

26:45

is repeated, of course,

26:47

by the breaths. but

26:49

not otherwise. Looked

26:51

at

26:51

in one way each

26:53

breath stands

26:54

alone. The

26:55

bloated curves and flourishes

26:58

A

26:58

kind of debased romanass with

27:01

delirium treatments go

27:04

wobbling up and down in isolated

27:06

columns of fatuity. But

27:09

on the other hand, they connect

27:12

diagonally and the sprawling

27:14

outlines run off in great

27:16

slanting waves of optic horror,

27:19

like a lot of wallowing sea

27:21

waves and full chase. The

27:23

whole thing goes horizontally

27:26

too, at least it seems

27:28

so. And I exhaust

27:30

myself in trying to distinguish

27:32

the order of it's going in

27:34

that direction. They

27:36

have used a horizontal breath for a

27:39

freeze, and that adds wonderfully

27:41

to the confusion. There

27:44

is one end of the room where it is

27:46

almost intact. And there,

27:48

when the cross lights fade

27:50

and the low sun shines

27:52

directly upon it, I can almost

27:55

fancy radiation after

27:57

all. The interminable protest

27:59

seemed to form around a

28:02

common center and rush off in

28:04

headlong plunges of

28:05

equal distraction. It

28:08

makes me tired to follow it.

28:10

I will take a nap, I guess.

28:12

I don't know

28:15

why I should write this. I

28:17

don't want to. I don't

28:20

feel able. And

28:22

I know John would think

28:24

it absurd But

28:26

I must say what I feel

28:28

and think in some way, it

28:30

is such a relief.

28:32

But the effort is

28:35

getting to be greater than the

28:37

relief. Half

28:39

the time now, I am awfully

28:41

lazy. and lie down ever

28:43

so much. John

28:46

says, I mustn't lose my strength

28:48

and has me take cod liver

28:50

oil and lots of tonics and

28:53

things to say nothing of ale and

28:55

wine and rare meat. Here,

28:59

John. He loves me very

29:01

dearly and hates to have

29:03

me sick. I

29:05

tried to have a real earnest,

29:07

reasonable talk with him the other day and

29:09

tell him how I wish he would let me go and make

29:11

a visit to cousin Henry and

29:14

Julia. But he said

29:16

I wasn't able to go. nor

29:19

able to stand it after I got there.

29:22

And I did not make doubt a very good

29:24

case for myself. for I

29:26

was prying before I had

29:28

finished. It is getting

29:30

to be a great

29:30

effort for me to think straight.

29:33

just

29:33

this nervous weakness, I

29:36

suppose. And dear John

29:38

gathered me up in his arms.

29:41

and just carried me upstairs

29:43

and laid me on the bed

29:45

and sat

29:46

by me and read to me

29:48

till it tired my head.

29:51

He said I was his darling

29:54

and his comfort and all

29:56

he had and that I

29:58

must take care of myself for

29:59

his sake. and

30:01

keep well. He says

30:03

no one but myself can help me out

30:05

of it. That I must

30:08

use my will and self control

30:10

and not let any silly fancies

30:12

run away with me.

30:14

There's one

30:15

comfort. The baby

30:17

is well and happy.

30:19

and does not have to occupy this nursery with

30:21

the horrid wallpaper. If

30:24

we had not used it,

30:26

that blessed child would have

30:29

What a fortunate escape? Why?

30:32

I wouldn't have a child

30:34

of mine an impressionable little

30:37

thing live in such a

30:39

room for worlds. I

30:41

never

30:41

thought of it before, but

30:44

it

30:44

is lucky that John kept me here

30:47

after all. I can stand

30:49

it so much easier than a

30:51

baby you see. Of

30:53

course, I never mention it to them anymore.

30:55

I am too wise.

30:58

But I keep watch of it all the

31:00

same. There are things

31:02

in that paper that nobody

31:04

knows but me. or

31:06

ever will. Behind that outside

31:10

pattern, the dim shapes

31:12

get clearer every day.

31:14

It is always the

31:17

same shape, only

31:18

very numerous. And

31:21

it is

31:21

like a woman stepping down

31:24

then creeping about behind that pattern.

31:26

I don't like it

31:27

a bit. I

31:29

wonder, I begin to think wish

31:33

John would take me away from

31:36

here. It

31:38

is so hard to talk with John

31:40

about my case because he is so

31:43

wise and because he loves

31:45

me so. But

31:47

I tried it last night.

31:49

It was moonlight. the

31:52

moon shines in all

31:54

around just as the sun does.

31:57

I hate to see it sometimes. It

31:59

creeps

31:59

so

31:59

slowly and always

32:02

comes in by one window or

32:04

another. John

32:07

was asleep. and I hated

32:09

to wake him. So I kept still

32:11

and watched the moonlight on that

32:13

undulating wallpaper till I

32:16

felt creepy. The

32:18

faint figure behind seemed to shake

32:20

the pattern just as if

32:23

she wanted to get out. I

32:26

got

32:26

up softly and went

32:28

to feel and see if

32:30

the paper did move. And when I

32:32

came back, John was

32:35

awake. What is it? Little girl.

32:37

He said, don't

32:40

go walking

32:40

about like that. You'll

32:42

get cold. I

32:45

thought it was a good time to

32:48

talk. So I told him that I really

32:50

was not gaining here and that

32:52

I wished he would take me

32:54

away. Why

32:55

Darling

32:56

said he, her

32:58

lease will be open three weeks, and

33:00

I can't see how to live before.

33:03

The repairs

33:03

are not done at home, and I

33:05

cannot

33:05

possibly leave town just

33:08

now. Of course, if you were in any

33:10

danger, I could and would.

33:12

but you really are better at dear

33:15

whether you

33:15

can see it or not.

33:17

I am

33:17

a doctor at dear, and

33:20

I know. You are gaining

33:22

flesh and color. Your

33:23

appetite is better. I

33:25

really

33:25

feel much easier about

33:28

you. I don't weigh

33:29

a bit more, said

33:32

I, nor

33:32

as much, and my

33:35

appetite may be better in the evening when you

33:37

are here. but it is morning

33:39

when you are away. Bless

33:41

her a little heart. Said

33:44

he

33:44

with a big hug.

33:47

She

33:47

shall be as sick

33:48

as she pleases, but

33:50

now let's improve the shining

33:52

hours by going to sleep

33:54

and talk

33:54

about it in the morning.

33:56

And you won't

33:57

go away? I

34:00

asked Lumily. Why?

34:03

How

34:03

can I dear? It

34:04

is only three weeks more, and then

34:07

we will take a nice little trip of a

34:09

few days, while Jenny is

34:11

getting the house ready. really dear.

34:13

You wore better better in

34:16

body, perhaps, I

34:18

began

34:19

and stopped short.

34:20

that sort for he

34:23

sat up straight and looked at me with such a stern

34:25

reproachful look that I could not

34:27

say another word. my

34:30

darling, said he, I

34:33

beg of you,

34:34

for my sake and for

34:35

our child's sake.

34:38

as well as for will never, for one

34:40

instant, let that idea into

34:44

your mind.

34:44

the moon There

34:46

is nothing so dangerous, so fascinating

34:48

to a temperament like yours. It

34:50

is a false and foolish fancy.

34:54

Can you not trust me as a physician when I you so?

34:57

you so So, of course, I said

34:59

no

34:59

more on that store.

35:02

and we went to sleep before long.

35:05

He thought I was asleep

35:05

first, but

35:08

I wasn't. there

35:10

for hours trying to

35:12

decide whether that front pattern and

35:14

the back pattern really did move together

35:18

or separately.

35:18

On a

35:20

pattern

35:20

like this, by daylight, there

35:23

is a lack of sequence,

35:25

a defiance of

35:27

law, that is a constant irritant to a

35:29

normal mind. The color

35:32

is hideous enough and

35:34

unreliable enough and

35:36

infuriating enough, but

35:38

the pattern is torturing.

35:41

You think

35:42

you have mastered it.

35:44

But

35:45

just as you get well and following, it turns

35:47

a back to Somersault and

35:49

there you are. It

35:51

slaps you in the face, knocks you

35:54

down, and

35:54

tramples upon you. It is

35:57

like a bad dream.

35:58

The outside

36:00

pattern is a floored air

36:02

basket, reminding one of a

36:04

fungus. If you can imagine

36:07

a toadstole in joints, an

36:10

interminable string of toadstools,

36:12

butting and sprouting and endless

36:14

convolutions. White

36:16

That is something like it. That is

36:18

the sometimes,

36:20

there is one

36:22

market peculiarity about this paper.

36:26

a thing nobody seems to notice but myself.

36:28

And that is that it

36:30

changes as the light changes.

36:35

When the sun shoots in through

36:37

the east window, I always

36:39

watch for

36:40

that first long straight

36:42

ray. It changes

36:44

so quickly that I can never quite believe

36:48

it. That is why I watch it

36:50

always.

36:51

By moonlight, The moon shines

36:53

in all night when there is a moon. I wouldn't

36:55

know it was

36:57

the same paper. At

37:00

night,

37:00

in any kind of light, in

37:03

twilight, candle light, lamp light,

37:05

and worst of all

37:08

by moonlight, It becomes bars. The

37:10

outside pattern, I mean, and the

37:12

woman behind it is as

37:14

plain as

37:16

can be. I didn't

37:18

realize for a long time what

37:20

the thing was that showed behind that

37:23

dimmed sub pattern But now

37:26

I am quite sure it is a

37:28

woman. By

37:29

daylight, she is

37:32

subdued,

37:32

quiet, I

37:33

fancy. It is the pattern that keeps

37:35

her so still. It is

37:37

so puzzling. It

37:39

keeps me quiet by

37:42

the hour. I lie down ever so much

37:44

now. John says it is

37:46

good for me and asleep

37:48

all I

37:50

can.

37:51

Indeed, he started

37:53

the habit by making me

37:55

lie down for an hour

37:57

after each meal. It is a

37:59

very bad habit.

37:59

I am convinced

38:01

for you see,

38:03

I don't sleep.

38:06

and that cultivates deceit. For I

38:09

don't tell them I'm awake.

38:12

Oh, no. The fact

38:14

is,

38:14

I am getting

38:16

a little afraid of John.

38:18

He seems very queer

38:22

sometimes. and

38:22

even Jenny has an inexplicable look. It

38:26

strikes me occasionally.

38:28

Just as a scientific hypothesis,

38:32

that perhaps it is the paper.

38:34

I have watched Sean when

38:36

he did not know I was looking.

38:39

and come the room suddenly on the most

38:42

innocent excuses. And I've

38:44

caught him several times looking

38:47

at the paper And

38:49

Jenny too. I caught

38:51

Jenny with her hand

38:53

on it once. She didn't

38:54

know I was in the room. And

38:57

when I asked her in a quiet, a very quiet

38:59

voice with the most restrained manner

39:02

possible, what she was doing with

39:04

the paper? She

39:07

turned around as if she had been caught stealing and looked

39:09

quite angry, asked me why

39:11

I should

39:12

frighten her so

39:16

Then she said that the paper stained

39:18

everything that touched, that

39:20

she had found yellow smooches on all

39:22

my clothes and jones. and she wished

39:24

we would be more

39:26

careful. Did not that

39:27

sound innocent, but

39:30

I know

39:30

she was studying that pattern

39:33

and I am

39:33

determined that nobody shall

39:36

find it out

39:38

but myself.

39:40

Life is very much more exciting now than it used to

39:43

be. You see, I have

39:45

something

39:45

more to expect,

39:46

to look forward to.

39:48

look forward to To

39:50

watch, I really do eat

39:52

better, and I'm more quiet

39:55

than I was. John is

39:58

so pleased to see me

39:59

improve. He laughed a little the other

40:02

day and said, I

40:04

seemed to be flourishing in fight of my

40:06

wallpaper. I turned

40:08

it

40:08

off with a laugh. I

40:10

had no intention of telling him

40:13

it was because of the wallpaper, he would make

40:15

fun of me. He might even

40:18

want

40:18

to take me away.

40:21

I don't

40:21

want to leave now until I have found

40:24

it out. There is a week

40:25

more, and I think that

40:27

will

40:29

be enough. I'm feeling

40:32

ever

40:32

so much better.

40:34

I don't sleep much at night.

40:37

for it is so interesting to

40:39

watch developments, but I

40:41

sleep a good deal

40:43

in the daytime. In the

40:44

daytime, it is tiresome and

40:48

perplexing. There are always new

40:50

shoots on

40:52

the fungus. and new shades of yellow all over

40:54

it. I cannot keep count of

40:56

them, though I have

40:58

tried conscientiously. It

41:00

is the strangest yellow, that wallpaper.

41:04

It makes me think of all the yellow

41:06

things I

41:08

ever saw. Not beautiful ones like

41:10

buttercups, but old fell

41:13

bad yellow things. But

41:16

there is something else about that paper, the

41:20

smell. I noticed it the

41:22

moment

41:22

we came into the

41:24

room. But

41:25

with so much air and sun, it was

41:27

not bad. Now we have

41:30

had a week of fog

41:32

and rain and whether the windows are open or not, the

41:34

smell is here.

41:36

It scrapes all

41:37

over

41:38

the house.

41:41

I find

41:41

it hovering in the dining

41:44

room, skulking in the

41:46

parlor, hiding in the

41:48

hall, lying and wait for me on

41:50

the stairs. It

41:52

gets into my hair. Even

41:54

when I go to ride, if

41:56

I turn my head suddenly and

41:59

surprise it, there is

41:59

that smell. Such

42:02

a peculiar odor too.

42:04

I have spent

42:05

hours in trying

42:07

to analyze it defined what it

42:09

smelled like. It is not

42:12

bad, at first and

42:14

very gentle, but quite

42:16

the subtlest, most enduring

42:18

odor I ever met.

42:20

In this damp weather,

42:23

it is awful. I wake up in the night and

42:25

find it hanging over me.

42:28

It used to disturb me

42:29

at first. I

42:32

thought seriously of burning the house to reach

42:35

the smell. But now

42:37

I am

42:37

used to write. The

42:39

only

42:39

thing I can think of that it is

42:42

like is the color of the

42:44

paper,

42:45

a yellow smell, There is

42:48

a very

42:48

funny mark on this

42:51

wall,

42:51

low down near the mock

42:53

board, a

42:54

streak that runs around the

42:56

room. It goes

42:57

behind every piece of furniture except

42:58

the bed, a

43:01

long, straight, even smoot.

43:05

as if it had been rowed over

43:07

and over. I

43:10

wonder how it was done and who

43:12

did it and what they did

43:14

it for.

43:15

Round and round and round

43:18

and round and round

43:20

and round and round. It

43:22

makes

43:24

me dizzy. I really have discovered

43:26

something at last

43:28

through watching so much at night

43:30

when

43:31

it changes so

43:33

so I have

43:35

finally found out the front pattern

43:37

does move and

43:40

no wonder no wonder the

43:42

woman behind shakes it. Sometimes,

43:45

I think

43:46

there are great many women behind

43:48

and sometimes only one

43:52

and she crawls around fast, and her

43:54

crawling shakes it all over.

43:58

Then in the very

43:59

bright spots she keeps

44:02

still. And in

44:02

the very shady spots, she just

44:05

takes hold of the bars

44:07

and shapes them hard. And

44:10

she is all the time trying

44:12

to climb through, but

44:14

nobody could climb through that

44:16

pattern. It

44:18

strangles so. I think that is why it has so many

44:20

heads. They get

44:22

through. And

44:22

then the pattern strangles

44:24

them off and turns them up

44:27

side down and makes their eyes

44:30

white. If those heads

44:32

were covered or taken off,

44:34

it would not be half

44:36

so bad.

44:37

I think that

44:40

woman gets out in the daytime,

44:42

and I'll tell you

44:45

private late why privately. I've

44:46

seen her. I can see

44:48

her

44:49

out of every one

44:51

of my windows. It

44:53

is the

44:54

same woman I know

44:56

for she

44:57

is always creeping, and most

44:59

women do not

45:00

creep by daylight. I see

45:02

her on

45:03

that long shaded lane

45:05

creeping up and down.

45:08

I see her in those dark

45:10

grape creeping

45:12

all around the garden. I

45:14

see her on that long road under

45:17

the trays,

45:17

creeping along And

45:19

when a carriage

45:20

comes, she hides under the

45:23

blackberry vines. I don't

45:25

blame

45:25

her a bit. It

45:27

must be

45:27

very humiliating to be

45:29

caught creeping by

45:32

daylight. I always lock the

45:34

door when I creep

45:36

by daylight. I can't do it at night for I

45:38

know John would suspect something at

45:40

once.

45:40

And John

45:42

is

45:43

so clear now

45:45

that don't want to irritate him.

45:47

I wish he would take

45:49

another room besides

45:52

I don't want anybody to get that woman

45:55

out at night, but myself. I often

45:57

wonder if I could

45:58

see her out of all the

45:59

windows at

46:02

once But turn as fast

46:04

as I can.

46:05

I can only see out of

46:07

one at one time.

46:11

And

46:11

though I always

46:13

see her, she may be

46:15

able to creep faster than

46:17

I can turn. I have watched

46:20

her sometimes, away off

46:22

in the open country, creeping

46:24

as fast as a cloud shadow in

46:27

a

46:28

high wind. If only

46:30

that top pattern could be

46:32

gotten off from the other one, I

46:34

mean to try it little

46:38

by little. I have

46:39

found out another funny thing, but I can't tell it

46:41

this time. It does not do

46:44

to

46:44

trust people too much. There

46:48

are only two more days to get this paper off,

46:51

and I believe

46:52

John is beginning to notice.

46:55

I

46:55

don't like the look in his

46:58

eyes. And I

46:58

heard him ask Jenny a lot

47:01

of professional questions about me. She

47:03

had a very good report to

47:06

give. She said

47:06

I slept a good deal

47:09

in the daytime. John knows I don't sleep very well

47:11

at night for all I'm so

47:14

quiet. He asked

47:16

me all sorts of questions too.

47:19

and to be very loving than

47:22

kind. As if I

47:24

couldn't see through him,

47:27

Still, I

47:29

don't wonder he act

47:31

so sleeping under this paper

47:33

for three months. It only

47:35

interests me, but I feel sure

47:37

John and

47:37

Jenny are secretly affected

47:40

by it.

47:43

Hurrah.

47:44

This is

47:46

the last day, but

47:48

it is enough. John

47:50

is to stay in town overnight.

47:52

and won't be out until this evening.

47:54

Jenny wanted to sleep with me, the

47:58

slight thing. But I

48:00

told her I should undoubtedly rest

48:02

better for a night all

48:04

alone.

48:05

That was clever. for

48:07

really, I wasn't alone a

48:10

bit as soon as it was

48:12

moonlight, and that poor thing began

48:14

to crawl and shake

48:16

the pattern I got up and ran to help I

48:18

pulled.

48:18

And she shook. I

48:21

shook. And she pulled. And

48:24

before morning, we had peeled off yards

48:26

of that paper. A strip

48:28

about

48:29

as high as my head and

48:31

half around the room And

48:34

then when the sun came and that

48:36

awful pattern began to laugh

48:38

at me, I declared I

48:40

would finish it today. We

48:43

go away tomorrow,

48:44

and they are moving

48:46

all my furniture down again

48:48

to leave things as they were before.

48:52

Jenny looked at the wall in

48:54

amazement, but I told her

48:56

merrily that I did it out of pure

48:58

spite at the

49:00

vicious thing.

49:01

she laughed and said she wouldn't mind doing

49:03

it herself, but I must

49:05

not get tired. How

49:08

she betrayed herself that time?

49:11

but I

49:12

am here. And

49:14

no person touches this paper

49:16

but me, not alive. She

49:20

tried to get me out of the room.

49:22

It was too patent, but

49:24

I said it

49:25

was so quiet and empty

49:27

and clean now that I

49:29

believed I would lie down again and

49:31

sleep all I could and not

49:33

to wake me even for dinner,

49:36

I would call when

49:38

I woke. now she

49:40

is gone, and

49:41

the servants are gone, and

49:43

the things are gone, and there

49:45

is

49:45

nothing left, but that great

49:48

bedstead nailed down with the

49:50

canvas mattress we found on

49:52

it. We shall sleep

49:55

downstairs tonight. and take the boat

49:56

home tomorrow.

49:58

I quite enjoy

49:59

the room. Now it is

50:01

bare again.

50:04

How those children did tear about here?

50:07

This bedstead is

50:09

fairly nod, but I must

50:11

get to work. I

50:13

have locked

50:14

the door and thrown the key

50:16

down into the front path.

50:18

I don't want

50:19

to go out.

50:20

out And I don't want

50:22

to have anybody come in

50:24

till John

50:25

comes. I

50:27

want to astonish him. I've

50:30

got a rope up here that even

50:32

Jenny did not find.

50:34

If that woman does get out and

50:36

tries to get away, I can

50:38

tie her, but

50:40

I forgot I could not reach far

50:42

without anything to stand on.

50:45

This bed will

50:47

not move. I

50:50

tried to lift and push it until I

50:52

was lame. and then I

50:54

got so angry. I bit off a little piece at one corner, but it

50:57

hurt my teeth. Then

51:00

I peeled off all the paper I could reach standing

51:03

on the floor. It

51:05

sticks

51:05

horribly, and the pattern

51:07

just enjoys it. Although

51:10

strangled heads and bulbous

51:12

eyes and waddling fungus

51:15

growths just shriek

51:18

with derision. I'm getting

51:20

angry enough to do something

51:22

desperate. To jump out of the

51:24

window would be an

51:26

admirable exercise.

51:26

but the bars are too

51:28

strong even to try. Besides,

51:32

I wouldn't do it. Of

51:34

course not. I know well enough that a

51:36

step like that

51:37

is improper and might

51:40

be misconstrued. I

51:43

don't

51:43

like to look out of the windows even. There are

51:45

so many of those creeping women

51:47

and they creep

51:50

so fast. I

51:52

wonder if they all come out of that

51:54

wallpaper as I did.

51:58

but I am securely fastened now by my well hit and

52:00

rope. You don't get me

52:02

out in the road there.

52:04

the road that I

52:06

suppose

52:06

I shall have to get back behind the pattern when

52:09

it comes night, and

52:11

that is hard. It

52:13

is so pleasant to be out in this

52:16

great room and creep around as

52:18

I

52:18

please. I

52:20

don't want to go outside.

52:22

I won't even if Jenny asks me to. For

52:26

outside, you have to creep

52:27

on the ground. and

52:30

everything is green instead of yellow. But

52:32

here, I can creep smoothly

52:35

on the floor. and my

52:38

shoulder just fits and that

52:40

long smooch around the wall,

52:41

so I cannot lose

52:44

my way. Why? There's John

52:45

at the door. It's

52:47

no use young

52:48

man. You can't open

52:52

it. how he does

52:54

call and pound. Now he's

52:56

crying

52:57

for an ax. It

53:00

would be a shame to

53:02

break down that beautiful door. John

53:05

Deere said I am

53:07

the gentlest voice. The

53:10

key

53:10

is down by the front steps under

53:13

a plantain leaf. That

53:16

silenced

53:16

him for a few moments.

53:19

Then

53:19

he said very quietly,

53:22

indeed, open

53:24

the door, my darling.

53:26

I can't. Said I that he

53:28

is down by the front

53:30

door under a plantain leaf.

53:35

And then I

53:35

said it again several

53:37

times very gently

53:40

and slowly and said it

53:42

so often that he had to go

53:44

and see and he got

53:46

it, of course, and came

53:48

in. He

53:49

stopped short by the

53:52

door. What

53:52

is the matter? cried.

53:54

For god's

53:55

sake, what are you

53:58

doing? I kept home

53:59

scraping just

54:02

the same. but I looked at

54:04

him over my shoulder. I've got out at last,

54:06

out at last said I.

54:08

i in spite

54:09

of you and Jane. And

54:12

I've pulled off most of the

54:14

paper so you can't put

54:16

me back. Now why

54:18

should that man have fainted?

54:20

But he

54:21

did. And right

54:22

across my path by the

54:25

wall, so I had creep over him

54:28

every time.

54:54

That was

54:54

Charlotte Perkins Giltman's The

54:57

Yellow Wallpaper as read

54:59

by Crystal Hammond.

55:01

Crystal Hammond is a narrator slash

55:04

writer, cancer survivor, and

55:06

a non binary

55:08

queer human. They grew

55:10

up in rural North Carolina,

55:12

nurtured by a steady diet of

55:14

local black beard legends and

55:16

Confederate These

55:18

nuggets of folktale and myth fostered a

55:20

lifelong love of storytelling and all

55:23

the drama that goes with

55:26

it. They also have a master's degree in biological anthropology

55:28

and adore ugly cats.

55:31

Feel free to check out

55:33

their narration website at crystal

55:36

Hammond dot com or find them

55:38

on Twitter at the k m

55:40

Hammond. Thank

55:42

you, Crystal. Well,

55:47

children

55:51

of the night. The hour is

55:54

late, and we've run out of tails to

55:56

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55:58

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