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say December the thirteenth, I can't believe

1:01

it either. We are racing through. Everybody's

1:04

bloody jolly, not Train

1:06

strike, you know? Restaurants being

1:08

canceled, old things are blowing nightmare,

1:10

isn't it? We don't like it at all, and

1:13

that disaster yesterday,

1:16

those little children and

1:19

one of them who jumped

1:22

in to help save the other ones. And I've

1:24

actually lost his own life. It's it's a

1:27

tragic story of

1:29

of just I can't even begin

1:31

go there. Can't even begin to go there,

1:33

but we shall wade our way through

1:36

the papers today and bring you some

1:38

of the stories. I'm afraid it is Transstrike. I think

1:40

it's all this week. I think

1:42

it's all this week. I'm pretty certain whatever it is,

1:44

it's gonna be an inconvenience, but we've done it

1:46

before. And we just have to sort

1:48

of make the best look because it's there's no engine

1:51

site. I wish there was, but there

1:53

appears to be absolutely nothing

1:55

which can help us. They've rejected

1:57

far as I remember, four percent

1:59

this

1:59

year, five percent next year, making total

2:02

of nine percent. And

2:04

and you think to yourself, what if they rejected that

2:06

before Christmas? There's not gonna be much

2:08

more on the tape. Otherwise, they'd have offered it now,

2:10

wouldn't they? But I I was

2:12

watching a program on television

2:14

the other evening, and they were they were showing us a

2:17

restaurant in Mayfair where they've lost thirty

2:19

bookings in one day,

2:21

people who are saying, well, we can't get

2:23

there. And

2:25

and I was I was sort of slightly worried about

2:27

my my magic circle shows.

2:30

On the thirtieth, luckily, there's no train

2:32

strike on the thirtieth. There is a

2:34

God after all. Unfortunately,

2:37

there is no God for Harry, the latest

2:39

jives. There's no engine sight to that

2:41

one, Isla. I mean, to be honest with you, I

2:43

think now the Palace are gonna start biting back

2:45

and saying, this is a load of old rubbish. It turns

2:47

out the house that they were pictured in

2:50

It's not their house at all. It's

2:53

a convicted fraudsters house

2:55

that they've borrowed for

2:57

the for the duration of

2:59

sort of showing off that, why they won't show you their own

3:01

house? I can't imagine. Anyway, the RMT

3:04

is called action. Forty

3:07

thousand rail workers of fourteen major

3:09

operators walking out on Tuesday

3:11

the thirteenth today, Wednesday fourteenth, Friday

3:14

sixteenth, Saturday seventeenth. And

3:17

that's just this week. You know? And then there'll

3:19

be somebody else on strike and then somebody else

3:21

on strike. It's just all it's all

3:23

too sad. It really is. But I found

3:25

a pair of jeans if you were looking to buy me something

3:27

for Christmas. This is a lovely

3:30

pair of jeans and the price is,

3:32

I think, nine hundred and how much

3:34

did we say? What? I think you've written down the wrong price

3:36

here on this. Nine

3:39

hundred odd thousand pound per pound. The reason

3:41

is they were owned by a miner.

3:44

Years and years ago, they're over hundred and sixty

3:46

seven years old or something, a pair of Levi's,

3:49

And I remember thinking then, that would be a

3:51

night. Who on earth would buy them? Unless you'd put them

3:53

in a museum. mean, I know

3:55

that the when they made jeans years

3:57

and years ago, they were meant to

3:59

last and people

4:01

enjoyed wearing

4:03

their jeans. And we still enjoyed wearing jeans today.

4:06

I'm not sure though whether there is an age where you

4:08

don't or you can't wear jeans.

4:10

I don't think there is. I think you can wear I mean, the

4:12

producers managed to get away with it. But

4:14

mind you admit it, he just needs to buy a belt.

4:16

Nothing worse than saggy bottoms

4:19

on jeans, you know, walking around. He's

4:21

out pulling a jeans up for God's sake. My

4:23

job is like that before. I've lost weight.

4:25

I've well, I've lost weight between here and the bus

4:27

stop. And I sort of embarking

4:30

on all of a sudden, you have to put your hand around the back of

4:32

your coach. I'd hits your jeans up again,

4:34

and I make that stay on your hips. It's very annoying.

4:36

Very annoying, but there are certain establishments that don't

4:38

let you wear jeans. When you go in there.

4:41

Oh, the Diana hoaxer has died.

4:43

This is a man I basically

4:46

didn't grow up reading his stuff. This

4:48

is a guy called Victor Lewis Smith. And

4:50

he wrote some of the best columns

4:53

and some of the best articles that

4:55

I'd ever written. I thought he was he was spot

4:57

on the money. Like Marina Hyde.

5:00

Is it Marina Hyde? She was another one who used

5:02

to write great columns. And used

5:04

to devour them on a Sunday. Big to do is

5:06

Smith, you would devour his stuff. He was he

5:08

was frighteningly good, really

5:10

frighteningly good, and he passed away the

5:12

other day at just the age of sixty five.

5:15

So absolutely nothing at all. But

5:17

I think he convinced Diana that she was talking

5:19

to somebody else. And

5:22

people do the People used to do these

5:24

funny phone calls. Do you remember

5:26

the two people from the radio station in Australia

5:28

that phoned the hospital where Kate was?

5:31

And that turned out to be the biggest disaster

5:34

of their life. And the

5:36

nurse that they spoke to was telling them information

5:39

and thinking she was speaking to the family

5:41

and she wasn't. And it

5:43

was was absolutely horrendous. Absolutely.

5:46

I believe that the nurse died

5:48

subsequently because she was

5:50

so horrified that she'd been hoodwinked. By

5:53

these people, she didn't know that they were phoning from

5:55

an Australian radio station and

5:58

she gave away information which she shouldn't have given

6:00

away. And the whole thing

6:02

blew up in their faces, like

6:05

there was no tomorrow. You never heard a bit before,

6:07

It was terrible. I mean, I remember reading

6:09

it at the time thinking, you can't do

6:11

that. There used to be an Australian

6:13

radio presenter who was working over here.

6:16

And I can remember his name, but I'm not gonna tell

6:18

you his name because he did a hoax on

6:21

the road. He thought he did a hoax on the radio.

6:23

And he thought you'd be really clever and you'd phone

6:25

up Buckingham Palace and ask

6:27

to speak to the queen.

6:29

that's And

6:31

I can remember at the time.

6:33

So he phones up and the conversation goes along

6:35

the lines of, oh, good day. This

6:37

is the Australian Prime Minister. Can I speak to

6:39

the to the queen? And

6:42

because you don't you don't just phone up and get through to the

6:44

queen, you go through the equities and all the other people,

6:46

and they have to even if you're a member of the family,

6:49

Harry could never phone up queen and just talk

6:51

to her. You have to make an appointment. She's far too busy

6:54

and quite realize what he was after. But

6:56

anyway, so this guy, for example, says, oh,

6:58

it's the Australian prime that to hear Santa

7:00

Santa. I'd like to talk to her majesty. The

7:02

book goes, well, it's actually not not possible,

7:04

I'm afraid. So he thought he was being fogged off.

7:07

And so so he said, well,

7:09

is this something a matter with it? Well, why can't you

7:11

talk to me? And so the bloke

7:13

goes, well, it's just not possible, sir. I'm terribly

7:15

sorry to imagine is unavailable. Where

7:19

is she then? And he said, well, she is currently

7:21

on an official tour of Australia. Exit

7:26

one disgruntled radio presenter

7:28

who haven't checked his facts out. But you get loads

7:30

of people doing things like that. John Colshore,

7:33

firmed up. You know, it was famous for doing

7:35

it, but because he didn't get all the glory to start with

7:37

because the presenter of the program told people it

7:39

was his stunt, but it wasn't. It was John

7:41

Cultshaw, as we've explained on numerous occasions,

7:44

phoned up Downing Street, pretending

7:46

to be whatever

7:48

he was. I can't remember the little conservative boy

7:51

speaking to Tony Blair, I think, and did

7:53

it very well. John Culture was very clever.

7:55

Very close. And I quite like those. Noel Edmonds

7:57

used to do funny phone calls, where

8:00

he would there's an album out. And

8:02

I think Victor Lewis Smith kind of picked up on

8:04

that. And it was very interesting to have

8:06

somebody phoning up people and

8:09

pretending to be somebody else and

8:11

then sort of chronic bits of a knowledge to put

8:13

it out on his radio programs. And he would

8:16

phone people up and he would it

8:18

would be something stupid like He wanted to buy

8:20

a car, but he knew that the guy who'd

8:22

been set up by his mates had only paid like twenty

8:24

quid for the car, but he was looking for ten thousand

8:26

quid nigga well, I don't think it's worth the money

8:28

values are really, you know, all that kind of stuff.

8:31

And and you listened to these things that you're not believing

8:33

this are you. And of course, they did. They fell hook line

8:35

and sinker. For it. Oh,

8:38

I think Chris Evans probably dumped prank

8:40

calls all his life, I should imagine. But

8:42

yeah, loads of people do them, and they're I

8:45

enjoy listening to them. The Noel ones

8:47

were very sort of famous because he put

8:49

them out on they came out on record. On

8:52

record, I mean, I've seen years and years

8:54

ago. So when you talk about Victor

8:56

Lewismith dying, he was the Diana hoaxer.

8:59

What else have we got? What else have we got?

9:02

You can cook your entire Christmas dinner in

9:04

an air fryer and you could cook it

9:07

ninety minutes quicker than you can in a conventional

9:09

oven and it's cheaper. There

9:12

was also lot came up the other

9:14

day for sale. In Argos, a little

9:16

fan heater, sixty

9:18

eight pence an hour to run. Which

9:21

actually seems cheap. Really,

9:23

really cheap. And I thought that and the

9:25

fan heater normally sells for thirty two

9:27

quid They're doing it for twenty two

9:29

quid because if you buy something over ten,

9:32

you get the tenor back. So twenty

9:34

two quid for this little fan heater. And

9:36

it's cheap to run because that's what worries people,

9:38

isn't it? You put it on and it can heat room very

9:40

quickly. And because it's let you just

9:42

unplug it and plug it into another room, take the

9:44

chill off. And then yesterday, I discovered can't

9:46

have an electric blanket because I'm diabetic,

9:49

which I'd never even heard of before. Why

9:52

would you think that would be I knew I know that

9:54

the one thing I can't do and I only discovered it

9:57

years and years ago. It was I can't

9:59

have some beds. I

10:01

feel like I'm erupting on

10:03

a sunbed. A friend of mine had a salon

10:05

and she's got it. It was a stand in sunbed.

10:08

And you stand there and the machine rotates

10:10

around you. I thought I was on fire. I

10:13

still see that I was on fire. It was the worst experience

10:15

in my life and then a doctor. Wrote to me

10:17

the other day saying you can't use an electric

10:19

blanket because you can heat yourself up

10:21

too much and do yourself damage. Never

10:23

even cross my mind. So

10:25

I might have to get sort of a hot

10:27

water bottle where I can't I noticed that

10:29

Sheila Foggett has got two. One

10:32

for each leg. And, yeah,

10:35

two water bottles. She said because somebody said, oh, I'm

10:37

looking forward to getting hot water bottle. And she'd have

10:39

focused, he said, I've got two. And I

10:41

thought, well, I'm gonna go out and buy one today.

10:43

But I've got to be careful with it. I don't want to sort of

10:45

I don't want to burn myself, but it's only because my

10:47

feet get cold, but think a lot of diabetics suffer

10:50

with their feet. But listen, it doesn't matter.

10:52

I managed to get home yesterday without falling over

10:54

in the snow and managed

10:56

to get on the wrong train. Thank

10:58

thanks to very kindly lady at Waterloo

11:01

station who was wearing a station uniform

11:04

and they moved our train. All of a sudden

11:06

it moved and the windsor Newton train is over

11:08

here. So I rush around the corner. I say,

11:10

rushed. I mean, I move fairly slowly. If I

11:12

limp, I just gotta be getting a bit of sympathy.

11:15

And and I said, when's Reneeton? Which one?

11:17

Should it? This one? So I get on

11:19

it. The doors close and

11:21

I'm looking and up comes. What

11:25

does it say? Not

11:28

Windsorlies, and it said something ridiculous,

11:30

like, you know, out that neck of the

11:32

woods, but it wasn't that of the woods. I wasn't going

11:34

to winds raining at all. And as I sort of turn,

11:36

I sort of saw her walking away. And

11:38

I wanted to go, bye. I

11:41

was on the wrong bloody train, so I had

11:43

to get off at Klapham Junction,

11:45

and then the winter in Eton train came along, was able

11:47

to get onto that one and find a seat. Because

11:49

I've always told you before, if you wanna sit on a train,

11:51

start coughing. Start coughing violently.

11:56

I'll tell you before, you know, where you are, you got to sit

11:58

all to yourself. And as far as I'm concerned, that

12:00

is the best way of doing it. Where was this train

12:02

going to? Somewhere? It was quite

12:04

nice, but didn't want to go there. I wanted to

12:06

go, and then I got back and I managed to get my

12:08

my croissant. And it was slippy pavement

12:11

all over the place. And then in the car park,

12:13

there were schoolchildren taking the snow off

12:15

the roofs of the cars and making snowballs. Yeah.

12:19

Children, honestly. I

12:21

could say to them. So I just sort of let them carry on play.

12:23

Couldn't get enough snow off the top of the cars because

12:25

it was all it was all settled and probably where you

12:28

are in the country. You probably still got

12:30

all the snow there and it's a gloom in pain

12:32

I realize. Especially as we were telling you

12:34

yesterday, still busy on the M25,

12:36

still blocked in one direction, no blocked

12:38

in two directions, then it clears after

12:41

junction twenty six and then it was

12:43

really a nightmare. So now today in

12:45

London, we've still got the aftereffects

12:47

of December, at least it's melted, so didn't

12:49

fall over walking into Leicester Square. But

12:52

It's still dangerous out there and you've got to

12:54

be careful. If you're an elderly person, just

12:57

check very carefully, you know, because a lot

12:59

of that impacted snow will have

13:01

ice underneath it and you don't wanna

13:03

fall over. I promise you.

13:06

Also, shooting stars tomorrow night.

13:08

We can look up into the night sky.

13:10

And what shooting stars. And

13:12

would you pay eight hundred thousand pound

13:14

for a flat, which has got a waterfall

13:17

behind the bath? I think

13:19

I would actually. I quite like the sound of that.

13:21

I quite like the sound of that. Fort fraudsters

13:24

caged in an old age pensioner scam.

13:27

And ding dong merrily on the high

13:29

streets, but only at the moment.

13:31

If you can't get up into town and that's what they rely

13:33

on, on the trains, there's no chance of

13:35

shopping. At all, which is a bit of

13:37

a problem. And Lad baby is gonna

13:39

be their fifth Christmas number one. Matt Goss

13:42

will be upset. This is Elvy

13:44

see with Steve Hallum. Apparently,

13:47

I was I was checking online the other day,

13:49

you know, you sort of see these things come up and I

13:51

was I was being talked

13:54

about because it was my anniversary yesterday

13:57

of joining LBC. And

14:00

they've got I don't

14:02

know what David Lloyd has got. There

14:04

there was sort of certain things saying listen to Steve

14:06

Allen's first broadcast and stuff. I thought, good

14:08

grief We don't want that.

14:11

Steve Allen playing butch all

14:13

those years ago, forty three of them.

14:17

Steve, Steve, Steve, I don't know Shane can verify

14:19

that says Roger, but it seems that Australia has

14:21

turned against Harry and Meghan since last

14:23

week. You

14:25

just don't I don't know. Perhaps

14:27

I'm being really old fashioned. Perhaps I'm being really

14:29

naive. Perhaps I'm being really stupid. But,

14:32

you know, to diss your own family, is

14:34

really something that I don't think you do.

14:36

You know, if he thought there was gonna be a way back for

14:39

him, there isn't. You know, he's

14:41

made his bed. You know, how they're gonna spend

14:43

their Christmas. I've got no idea. I've

14:45

got no and really couldn't give us stuff.

14:47

I really couldn't care less. In in broadly,

14:49

as I to the Levi's shop for some five o

14:51

ones. Now eighty quid went to M and

14:53

S thirty quid. Yeah. I wear M and S jeans.

14:56

I have bought

14:58

levides and stuff like that, but the M and

15:00

S ones are so cheap. Seriously,

15:02

you can get a nice pair of of jeans there from about

15:04

twenty five thirty quid. So

15:06

why not? Why don't you want to spend eighty quits? Only

15:08

a pair of jeans? You know, if after a while,

15:11

you sort of, you know, wear them out, which is highly unlikely,

15:13

you throw them away, and you buy some more,

15:15

much better. Steve, I think it

15:17

was Marillyn Monro that made Levi's fashionable

15:19

to wear. I don't know. I

15:22

don't know. Ian says best

15:24

April fall joke, Rob Briden, doing the

15:26

Ken Bruce show a few years ago. Good

15:28

Lord, best joke ever. And

15:30

Steve, I got my two tea towels in the post yesterday.

15:33

I can now add it to the tray, the

15:35

glasses, and the tote bag. Thank

15:37

you very much indeed. I'm very grateful. Great.

15:40

And in fact, the the charity would be very, very

15:42

grateful. Day Medna Everage says

15:44

Shane made her first appearance on this day

15:47

nineteen fifty five I've seen black and

15:49

white film with her on TV. I don't know if it was here in

15:51

Sydney or Melbourne from the nineteen sixties.

15:53

Yes. I remember seeing there was a

15:55

film that came out in this country and I went with

15:58

Dale to see it, and it was called the Adventures

16:01

of Barry McKenzie, and in

16:03

it featured Dame Edna.

16:06

And it was sort of it was a slightly

16:08

different version of Dame Edna as

16:12

opposed to the Glammed up Hello, pause,

16:15

all that kind of stuff. It was day med to play

16:17

And I'm I'm never saying, is that

16:19

is that a woman? Is it a man

16:21

playing a woman? It was very difficult to try and

16:23

work out because they played it straight. They

16:26

didn't play it

16:27

differently.

16:28

But now, I think you'll find that

16:31

Dame Dame Edna, the

16:34

sort of the character has taken over.

16:36

And I know that every show

16:39

that she used to do in London, they would record

16:41

it because she would come up with all

16:43

sorts of stuff that wasn't in the script.

16:45

And they would then, they would work out where the

16:47

laughs were. This was seriously so

16:49

calculating, and they would then put it into

16:52

the show and they would try it. If it didn't

16:54

work, out it came because they

16:56

they they used to do bits in the show, one of them.

16:58

There's a part where where Day Medner comes

17:01

on and goes hello

17:03

bottoms and has got all these gladdies

17:06

and starts throwing them out into

17:08

the audience so people are leaning out to try

17:10

and grab these turning on the bloody flower, if

17:12

I got outside. But anyway, but the best bit was

17:14

at the Stram Palace Theatre. And

17:17

she's trying to get them into the boxes.

17:19

It was really difficult to throw flowers into the box

17:21

Anyway, there's this woman very glamorous with

17:23

beautiful hair, leans out,

17:25

grabs it, falls out of the box.

17:28

Literally, as we're watching, she falls out,

17:31

the man behind grabs her legs.

17:34

To stop her from falling to the ground, he

17:36

then in turn falls out of the box,

17:39

and it turns out the whole thing was a blum in stunt.

17:42

It was all clever, but we didn't know because

17:44

we'd never seen it before. But

17:46

he's he's an actor. He

17:48

plays the parts. He does Sandy, you

17:51

know, an old actor, and he does different

17:53

bits and pieces. And then he does the Who

17:55

is it? There's there's somebody from the courts

17:58

and James or something. Ladies

18:00

and he sort of dribbles and he's got a piece of hose

18:02

pipe going down his trousers. It's all very

18:04

tacky, very very tacky, but sort of completely

18:07

different from the main star of the show, who

18:09

is Day Medner and just basically goes off

18:11

on one. If you wanna see Barry Humphries

18:13

at his best. Put him in on YouTube

18:15

with Michael Parkinson. There's Dame Judy Dench

18:17

on there and somebody

18:20

else's wife and all the rest of it. And

18:22

it he's very good. He's very good. He's he's

18:25

got his set way of doing it, and it works

18:27

to treat. Really is very clever, very

18:29

impressive. Steve, I've got no more events

18:31

this year, says says Thomas, working

18:33

as a truck driver until it picks up on the tour

18:35

front until at least February. To

18:38

make Kenswe eat with a cost of living, oh my God,

18:40

father, February. That's a bit

18:42

bad. He said six minus six out

18:44

here, very cold and suffering with man flu.

18:46

Any tips to beat it? I wish I had.

18:49

I wish I had I wish what

18:51

do you know? Let me look at tea. I'll

18:54

have a tea. Yes. Yes, I'll

18:56

have A2I do I do

18:58

have one, but I'm down to my last sort of drags.

19:01

So we sounded a bit like Greg, didn't

19:03

it? And III like Greg's actually. So

19:06

I don't know what to suggest Thomas. I

19:08

don't know what we tried male modeling. You

19:10

know, you could do male modeling. You know, there's

19:13

that sort of what's that thing for fans only

19:15

or something. You could join that one. He

19:17

says to make ends meet with I mean, the cost of living.

19:19

don't know. People are financing themselves

19:22

this year. I really don't. And it's not just that.

19:24

It's the running cost of the heating.

19:27

I'm more aware of it. I mean, I'm

19:29

not I'm not unduly worried.

19:32

I'm not unduly worried. you

19:34

know, when they say this little fan heat, just sixty

19:36

eight pence an hour. Or you could have it on for

19:38

ten hours, it'd be six pound eighty. I can

19:41

cope with that. Six pound eighty, I can do, but

19:43

there's loads of other people that can't. They

19:45

they wouldn't be able to keep. So don't put the heating

19:47

on at night. I have it off

19:50

because I work on the assumption. Once I'm in

19:52

under the duvet, That's me. Snug

19:54

is a bug under the rug. And

19:57

and it doesn't does little bit. And I and I put it under

19:59

the morning. I go to sit here and I put it on and

20:01

sit down, have my cup of tea, have a shave, take

20:04

take my tablets. That's the main thing for me.

20:06

Taking my tablets, taking the dosset box out

20:08

into the tablets out. It's great

20:10

fun. It really is. Monique Curst says I went

20:12

to the farm to get my Christmas tree at

20:14

three fifty five on Sunday, smaller this

20:16

year in the eight foot. It was delivered

20:19

by four fifty. Now that's service. Ever

20:21

since I was a little girl, I'm seventy

20:24

four today. I've always had my Christmas

20:26

tree up for my birthday, so Mary Christmas

20:28

monica merry Christmas to you and to everybody else.

20:30

Because believe you me, it's not gonna be the best

20:33

Christmas we've ever had. I mean, I'm hoping to get

20:35

to my god children. And

20:38

my brothers, if the snow comes down

20:40

though, I know what can happen. I can get an elder

20:42

gets I don't want to get stranded on the blooming motor,

20:44

and I driven down the motorway before when

20:46

the snow has come down, so much it's like sleep,

20:49

and you can't see in front of you, even

20:51

with windscreen wide pashon. Terrible.

20:53

I had little sausages yesterday. Little

20:56

tiny pigs in blankets. I bought them and I

20:58

thought I did whole tray full. Lenny twelve

21:00

and that was my that was my my tea.

21:03

Which was quite nice, so I enjoyed that. I might do

21:05

it again today actually because I bought two packs.

21:08

And so it's it's quite good. But they also remind

21:10

you, make sure they're thoroughly cooked,

21:12

you know, because otherwise you're eating raw meat

21:14

and who the heck wants to eat raw meat.

21:17

So, you know, I do my best. I do my

21:19

best. Steve, the Cinemark

21:21

gave that little booklets of Nazism

21:24

such as siphon the Python

21:26

says John at Freudian. Alright. Oh,

21:29

it's very day madness. Is that right? Good

21:32

old day madness. I just loved the fact she

21:34

was talking about her son Kenny. She

21:36

said, and he he came home late

21:39

one night, she says, from a Stephen

21:41

Sondheim tribute. And he said, mom,

21:43

I'm the homeopath. And my friend

21:46

Gavin is as well, of

21:48

course, pause for the audience laughter and all

21:50

the rest of it. And and

21:52

and and he said he's very religious as well.

21:54

Very religious. He he was a choir boy.

21:56

Do you know, he toyed with the priesthood.

21:59

She said, and you think it was just so

22:01

blooming obvious, but so clever. And

22:04

I can remember used to talk about Madulesoft,

22:07

his bridesmaid or her bridesmaid. And

22:10

and she used to cover herself in NIVEA before

22:12

she went to bed at night, cover herself. He said, you

22:15

go to give her a cover like that. She'd shoot across

22:17

the bed. It's like an excess set.

22:19

And I thought people used to do that. My mother used

22:21

to wear a face mask and

22:24

you would put it on and it was white and then

22:26

it would oh, no. It's pink, and then we go white.

22:29

And you go, what are you doing, ma'am? I'll

22:32

call all over the moment. Because

22:34

she had this face mask on. Nowadays,

22:36

people just use cream moisturizers and

22:38

stuff like that. I've got a bathroom

22:40

full of it. I'm telling you,

22:42

They always say if a mask got more than six items,

22:45

watch out. But anyway, I've got about three hundred.

22:47

And every new thing that comes out, you know, do you wanna

22:49

try this cream, that cream, and

22:51

and and you do try them. In

22:54

fact, that's what QVC thrive on.

22:56

QVC thrive on people

22:58

buying creams. Oh, it's it's their

23:01

their beauty market down there must be

23:03

the biggest ever I would imagine. Like, I shouldn't imagine

23:05

anybody sells as much stuff as they do.

23:08

They really sell a lot and

23:10

they do special deals. And in fact, even on

23:12

some of the websites. For the actual

23:14

companies, it's more expensive than QVC

23:16

are doing it. QVC do it

23:18

really. There's a guy who who's

23:20

called he used to do nails on QVC.

23:23

Was it Layton Denny or somebody like

23:25

that? Whatever it was, he was the campus thing

23:27

on the television. And he used to paint

23:29

nails. Anyway, then QVC dropped him.

23:32

And, you know, he he did, but he would come on and he'd

23:34

say you can all these nail colors and this nail

23:36

file on all the restaurant, and that's what he did.

23:38

I think he was a hairdresser. I'm sure it's a

23:40

late in Denny. And

23:42

and now he seems to doing all sorts of bits and

23:44

pieces, you know, perfumes. Well, I always

23:47

think you cannot watch

23:49

television and buy perfume. Somebody can

23:51

sit there till the cows come home going, oh, it's got top

23:53

notes of Basil and this and

23:55

Basil. And it's just rubbish. It's

23:57

just rubbish. If you wanna go buy perfume,

23:59

you go to the shop, you try it, you do

24:01

a little tester, you take it home, see how long it

24:04

lasts on you, because different Perfumes and

24:06

aftershaves last on different people.

24:08

They never smell the same. I've had to stop

24:10

people and say, what are you wearing go, Cree Adventist and

24:12

I go, oh, I've got that. Because after what,

24:14

you can't smell it. You put it on. It's

24:16

like reaction to your skin. Your

24:19

skin, it yes. It it smells

24:21

different. Also, they go through top notes, middle

24:23

notes, and bottom notes. And they tell you it's

24:25

got Burger Mountain, it's got this and that. But

24:27

you need to smell it, you know,

24:29

just to find out whether or not the smell

24:31

suits you. As opposed to, and men

24:33

will do it this Christmas. They'll see somebody very

24:35

busty working in the department store

24:38

and she'll lean over and go, we've got a gift

24:40

box here. And you go, yeah, I

24:42

can see. And and people go

24:44

home with this stuff and they they they sort of give

24:46

it to the wife and the wife thinks, obviously,

24:48

the husband That's their

24:50

favorite perfume. It isn't. They've been tempted

24:53

by someone, oh, packet biscuits. Look at you, honestly.

24:56

Because if you haven't if you haven't got enough lemon

24:58

chocolate in your bag, it's ridiculous. Thank

25:00

you, dear. We'll have it I'd put it at

25:02

the end. I spill things. I'm notoriously

25:05

bad. I'm I'm

25:07

really bad actually. In fact, the other day, when we

25:09

were having breakfast on a Sunday, My

25:12

shaking hand, my right hand is so

25:14

bad. Somebody has to pour the

25:16

tea for me. I can't pour it because

25:18

I've got this there's a name for us. Can't

25:20

remember what it is. Whatever it is, it grows on

25:22

my hand, and it means that that's

25:24

my hand straightened out. Look,

25:27

you can see how bad it is. It just gets ridiculous.

25:31

It's I don't know. Bill Nayskoye, but, eventually, I

25:33

think the hand closes over and, obviously, not for

25:35

a few years. But that's I remember somebody said

25:37

to me, say, put your hand out flat. I said, I can't.

25:40

I can't. Yes. Alright. But

25:43

is it that one like that? That one

25:45

like that. Nothing I can do about it. Nothing

25:48

I can do about it. But I remember sitting in a

25:50

in a restaurant a while ago at a garden center.

25:53

And I was had and they brought the pot of tea over

25:55

and all the rest of it. I thought, here we go. This

25:58

is gonna be a nightmare. And very kindly, there

25:59

are two elderly ladies sitting

26:02

at the next table. They went, we'll do that for you,

26:04

dear. Obviously, realizing I was

26:06

slowly dying trying to pour out cup of tea

26:08

because I can literally throw it everywhere. It

26:11

it really is. It's it's that bad. It's my own fault.

26:13

I should've gone to the doctors and had it sorted out long

26:15

time ago. So we don ding

26:17

dong Mary on the high street and that might not be

26:20

much longer. Because the the shops

26:22

and the restaurant, they want people here.

26:24

They really do. Jobs

26:28

fruit juice fury, I remember what that story was.

26:30

Bear Grylls revealed his sister, made

26:32

him meet raw bacon and danced for her friends.

26:35

What a cruel girl she is, but wouldn't

26:37

you have paid money to see it? And the university

26:39

chiefs who've been told not to

26:41

say Christmas. It

26:43

may offend some woke students.

26:46

Well, sod off.

26:48

I'm sorry if you think I'm not gonna be

26:50

saying Christmas and sort of

26:52

doing something. What do they say? They they came up with something

26:54

else like, you know, it's the festive season. Nah.

26:57

It's Christmas. Yeah. Happy holiday. Happy holiday.

27:00

Well, the Murray World's Club ring and no.

27:02

It's Christmas. Christmas. And I urge everybody

27:05

to go to this university and walk

27:07

in there and say to all the teachers, Merry

27:09

Christmas. See where he gets

27:11

you. See where he gets you. What

27:14

else we got? We got the news. Okay. So

27:16

fast this morning. I mean, obviously, ridiculous and

27:18

a record number of texts already. I don't

27:20

know where these people come from, but

27:22

that's a bit really mouthful. Very

27:24

unnecessary. Very unnecessary. And I lipread.

27:28

Leading Britain's conversation, LBC,

27:32

with

27:32

Steve Hallum. Molyneux,

27:35

nice heavy company. Twenty six minutes to

27:37

five, my friend Jordan, who is also trotting

27:39

off to work, he said these mornings are cold.

27:42

They are cold. It is freezing cold actually.

27:44

And of course, being train strike day,

27:47

it makes it even even colder, which

27:49

is which is a bit of a pain. So

27:52

here we go. This is and this is an interesting

27:54

picture, actually. This is from Peter.

27:57

He said another ancient picture of Newbury

27:59

Broadway. Now I don't know. Where

28:01

this is. Can you make it bigger? Can you

28:03

make it just like myself try and get my bearings

28:06

on it? Because sometimes somebody

28:08

sends you in a picture and I sort of look at doesn't

28:10

really help actually. Doesn't

28:12

really help. That is an old picture because that

28:14

shot must have long since gone. Look

28:17

at the state of the car. I

28:19

don't know AWS Fisher. They might

28:21

know it's not fish and chips or anything

28:23

like that. I don't think we had fish and chips

28:25

in Newbury. I know that the first Chinese

28:27

restaurant as Peter

28:29

might be able to confirm which called the August

28:31

moon because we used to go there for lunch

28:33

time. For lunch time for our

28:35

our lunch because it was about one pound sixty

28:38

pence for lunch. And

28:40

that was a starter, which was a spring

28:42

roll, then a main, and

28:45

then a pudding. If you wanted drinks,

28:47

that was on top of it, but I always remember it. We

28:49

should go there all the time. I'd never had Chinese

28:51

food before, even though we lived in Hong Kong for two years.

28:54

I'd never had Chinese food. Didn't do

28:56

it at all, but it's always lovely to see places

28:58

where, you know, you went to school

29:01

and was it was

29:03

very interesting, cycling up the

29:05

hill to wash common

29:07

to my school, which was Park House,

29:09

which is now a they they call them co

29:11

ed, schools. That one you got, you

29:13

get girls and boys in, and it's become like a

29:15

sports college. But it wasn't in

29:17

my day. It was just a secondary modern

29:19

school, school buses, and

29:22

a band and everything else. He's funny. It just seemed

29:24

life seems so different then. I was

29:26

trying I was thinking to myself the other day because,

29:28

you know, I've got a one man showed coming up.

29:31

Sold out in February. And

29:33

I generally sort of I I generally go

29:35

on blind, which means

29:38

I Yes. How do I make it on stage? Well, they just guide

29:41

me. They just but I've always sort of thought,

29:43

what am I gonna talk about? You know, I've always

29:45

had something to talk about, and I couldn't remember

29:47

what I was gonna talk about this time around and

29:49

then it came to me. I was thinking about

29:51

everything because I've done the angina monologues

29:53

because after I got angina, I thought we would

29:55

sort of that would be a play on words and the show the vagina

29:58

monologue was very current in town. So

30:00

I did so I did the angina monologue.

30:02

So we've done just sort of various things about the

30:04

program and the people who write

30:06

in. And I thought this time, and

30:08

I thought about it long and hard, which

30:10

generally lasted about two minutes. And

30:13

I thought Old age.

30:16

Old age, getting older. The things

30:18

that happen to you when you get older that

30:20

nobody prepares you for. Falling

30:23

over is a classic one. Falling over

30:25

is a I know more people. Of

30:27

of my age and younger who fall over

30:29

and you do yourself irreparable damage,

30:31

I mean, I'm I'm just a nightmare. Absolute

30:34

nightmare. I've also I get vertigo. So

30:37

of course, the worst thing somebody can say to me is

30:39

would you like climb this ladder and change

30:41

that light bulb. Uh-uh. Definitely

30:43

not. It's too dangerous for me. I've I've if

30:45

I if I turn around, gotta do it so slowly.

30:48

Because if I do it quickly, I'm liable to just

30:50

sort of collapse actually. But Peter,

30:52

thank you for that one. Steve Penk and Victor

30:54

Lewis Smith are my favorite radio wind up merchants

30:56

ever since James and Hampton. I don't think Steve

30:58

Pinkett ever actually did any. It was his

31:00

program, but I don't know if he actually

31:03

did any any pranks. I know

31:05

he didn't do the the the Tony

31:07

Blair one. But and

31:09

I don't I don't know where these people are nowadays.

31:12

You know, you'd be after a while, there's a picture of

31:14

the paper of Pete Murray. And

31:16

David Hamilton and Pete is

31:18

still going. He's still going.

31:20

It's something found it absolutely amazing actually.

31:23

James Thank you. Monica

31:25

says I've still got a pair of BBA jeans.

31:28

Never worn. I bought two pairs at the same time and

31:30

I wore one pair and kept the other. Wow.

31:33

Yeah. I've I've still got a pair of jeans in one

31:35

of my wardrobes. And

31:38

I think they're about a twenty eight inch waist.

31:40

Well, there's no jobs. No chance

31:42

we're ever wearing it, but you keep these items, don't

31:44

you? Because you always think, oh, one

31:46

day, I'm going to I'm gonna

31:48

be able to fit into these and

31:50

of course you never do. You know, you can

31:52

never fit into them again, which

31:54

is which is a which is a shame

31:57

really because I always wanted to. Because

31:59

I thought they were fairly trendy. I remember when I used to live

32:01

with these girls in a flattened halts

32:03

and I could wear their jeans. They

32:06

had twenty six

32:08

inch waists and I could put these jeans

32:10

on. Admittedly, I couldn't breathe and I nearly

32:12

died, but I could actually get

32:14

them on at a push That's

32:17

a push. Steve Pink does a podcast about radio

32:19

nightmares. That was interesting.

32:22

Very interesting. Here's

32:25

all of it as big as my podcast. I'm

32:27

going to tell you again today and

32:29

the reason I'm going to tell you again about

32:31

changing over to

32:34

global player dot com

32:36

is because it's very important. And

32:39

I want to make sure that Thursday,

32:41

When it switches over, you've

32:44

still got it. I don't want you

32:46

sort of not to have it. So if you

32:48

listen to this radio show as a podcast, it's

32:50

called, as you know, Steve Allen,

32:53

the whole show. You need to

32:55

know this bit of information. Thursday,

32:57

Steve Allen, the whole show will be available exclusively

33:00

on global player and nowhere else.

33:03

It's still a hundred percent free. It's

33:05

still a whole show and it's still

33:07

brilliant. But you

33:09

won't be able to find it on any other platform

33:11

other than global player. If you haven't

33:13

got global player dead easy,

33:15

doesn't cost you a penny piece, All you have

33:17

to do is download it from your App

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Store, this is global player or from

33:22

global player dot com. Once

33:24

you've got it, Go

33:25

to the podcast section and search for Steven.

33:27

It'll take you about two minutes to download it if that.

33:30

You search for Steven Allen the whole show. If you're listening

33:32

on Alexa, just say Alexa, Open

33:35

global player in place, Steve Allen, the whole show

33:37

podcast. So do it because

33:39

Thursday this week, the only place you'll be

33:41

able to hear new episodes. Of

33:43

the program will be on the global

33:46

player.

33:46

Okay? So global player dot com,

33:48

go to the podcast section, search for Stephen

33:51

and the whole show, and then you it it'll be

33:53

exactly the same as you've been doing up until

33:55

now. But it just means that you won't

33:57

go into a mild panic come Thursday. can't

33:59

believe we got

33:59

there.

34:00

Because it will be there just in a in a

34:02

different place. Shane says, I'm sick of Meghan.

34:05

I think our solsis are the same. Yes.

34:07

I mean, we we heard a rumor Somebody

34:09

had written to me saying that they'd heard

34:11

that they were falling out of love with Australia.

34:13

But the trouble is, you know, it's

34:16

it's the family thing. I mean, I don't

34:19

really care about Meghan. I'm really I never

34:21

cared about her as an actress in in suits

34:23

made no difference to me. There's millions of

34:25

actresses all the way around the world doing

34:27

things, you know. But with with Harry,

34:30

she's got somebody who's quite clearly damaged

34:32

through various issues that have

34:34

happened in his life. And, I

34:37

mean, the one thing that I was used to complain about

34:39

was them holding hands all the time. You

34:41

know, in him putting his armor around and things like

34:43

that, that's not royal family behavior. You

34:46

didn't you don't see that. You won't see that with William

34:48

and Kate. You

34:49

know, they are together. We know that because they've

34:51

got the the children and all the rest of it

34:53

and they're very happy. And but

34:56

meghan and her they're a little bit like like

34:59

three year olds, you know, going to be

35:01

your best friend kind of thing, and it's

35:03

bit I've had it a bit creepy actually. Amazon's

35:05

a heater cost fifty four pence an hour.

35:07

Says NHS Tim, I've

35:09

got what it's great. You said that's what think you need

35:12

to check on. Some of these heaters some of them are

35:14

very expensive to run, and some

35:16

of them are not so expensive. So

35:18

I would think, yes, you've got to check

35:20

their legal. There's a big problem with with

35:22

lights Only lights. They haven't had problem

35:24

with heaters.

35:27

But if you were buying a heater from a

35:29

market, I would be a little bit

35:31

cautious. Just in case.

35:34

You don't know where they've come from. You don't know

35:36

anything about the thing. It's like people buying these

35:38

scooters. The amount of people who've bought

35:40

scooters and the battery has as

35:43

blown up or set itself on

35:45

fire. You know, those

35:47

sort of things I worry about a lot.

35:50

Steve, I've just downloaded the global player

35:52

app. Like you said, it's so easy to do. It is

35:54

easy peasy, lemon squeezy. Please

35:57

do it. Please do it. And that way, it's

35:59

it's fantastic. John says I

36:01

booked winter Wonderland on the twenty fourth.

36:03

Really worried. Train strike.

36:06

Yeah. I

36:07

know you see. I mean, that's the that's the problem.

36:10

You know, they don't they don't care about your

36:12

entertainment. They're they're only thinking about

36:14

themselves. And they've been offered

36:16

nine percent, which, you know, most people would say

36:18

nine percent. You know, my friend, Lenny,

36:20

said we've not had a pay rise for a long, long time.

36:23

And But I thought, what about all these restaurants

36:25

that are gonna close? What about all

36:27

the people at the stations who run concessionary

36:30

booths? No income. No

36:32

income because there'd be no trains.

36:34

No trains. No income. No

36:36

nothing at all. McDonald's must be won't

36:38

be suffering quite badly today. I

36:41

mean, but I'm but then, you know, if there aren't

36:43

any trains, there's no point going there at all.

36:45

Janice and Rygate said,

36:47

good morning or good night. Snugly,

36:50

bugged in the chair, just woken up. I will not be

36:52

cold. Bonus got you on the radio. Not

36:55

above zero all day here, because

36:57

she's in Ridegate. She's by the coast. And, you

36:59

know, get get those cold winds coming in

37:01

and all the rest of it. Because you can imagine mister

37:03

Neil the other day, their power went off.

37:05

When what time it came back on I've got no idea,

37:07

but they have log fires. So you

37:09

can keep warm, but there's loads of other things that you

37:11

can't do, which is, you know,

37:13

I think it's really difficult for a lot of of

37:16

there's people without log fires. I mean, the producer's

37:18

not got log fire. You

37:20

know, why why would he have?

37:22

Why

37:22

would he have? You I mean, I'd sometimes say

37:24

perhaps just go sit in the car and start the engine,

37:27

get the heating on that way, so much better.

37:30

But Roddi Keur says it just came back from India

37:32

yesterday got stuck on the motorway

37:34

seven hours. I had a box of chocolates,

37:37

so I went and got them out of the car and gave them to many

37:39

people I could and and got everybody singing.

37:42

Color bet you were irritating. And

37:44

where she comes again? Come by.

37:46

Yeah. Shut up. Shut up now. Sarah

37:51

says, as I can't see you cooking Christmas

37:53

dinner, you may have to have

37:55

a ready prepared one on standby in case snow

37:57

falls heavily, leading up to Christmas day, and we're

37:59

advised not to travel oh, yes, I mean, I'm

38:01

always prepared for everything. Very,

38:04

very prepared. So but

38:06

I I I'm not particularly bolded. I mean, I've got

38:08

little picks in blankets, and I've

38:10

got soup, and I've got bread, and

38:12

I've got so I I could survive if

38:15

they I mean, I'm I'm quite prepared for the fact

38:17

if the snow comes down heavy, on Christmas

38:20

day that

38:22

I might not be able to get

38:23

out to see the grandchildren. And all

38:25

I'll have to do is just send a thing. It's happened before

38:27

where I've said I just I can't get down

38:29

because of the blinding snow. But I mean, aren't

38:31

you doing my best? Quite clearly.

38:34

Would you be on at the later time on Christmas day?

38:36

Yes. We're on at the the later the time.

38:38

We are on seven

38:40

till ten on Christmas day, boxing day,

38:42

a New Year's Day. Steve, there were two Chinese

38:44

restaurants, the August moon, in

38:46

Bethonomy Street and the Laurel in Cheap Street

38:49

referring the photos I said, it's our family

38:51

shop. Oh, right, Tabakonistin Frutra.

38:54

A Frutra how lovely. But,

38:57

yeah, the Orga smoothie. remember when it opened, I

38:59

could smell that smell in there

39:01

now. It was carpeted. We've ever been in a restaurant,

39:03

it was carpeted before. A mere my friend Dave

39:05

Maskell would go in there and

39:07

spend our ill gotten gains, know, one

39:09

pound sixty on a little Chinese. We thought we'd

39:11

arrived Seriously, we

39:13

loved it. The August moon was great. I didn't go to the

39:16

Laurel. I don't remember actually. Paul

39:18

in Padstow says, do you remember the Henry

39:20

Root letters? I do. Did

39:22

you ever you'd ever read Henry Route? You should

39:24

read them. You'd like those Elliott or something a little

39:26

bit difficult. It's got big words in it, so maybe not

39:28

so. And he used to write to people

39:30

pretending to be different people. And

39:33

they published all these letters. Companies, he would

39:35

write you and say, I think this is absolutely outrageous.

39:37

You're doing so and so. So, or I would like to commend

39:40

you. My friend did exactly the same

39:42

and he he he would write

39:45

to a company like Birds Eye.

39:47

Or no, KFC. He'd write to KFC

39:49

and he'd go I I run a

39:52

a cub scout troop and

39:54

The boys are very keen on recreating

39:56

your Kentucky fried chicken. If you

39:58

could send me the recipe, please. You

40:00

know, we'd quite like to do it. They would write back

40:03

and go on fortunately, we can't give you the recipe.

40:05

It's secret. So

40:06

I can still hear you.

40:09

You

40:09

can't lipread. Honestly, it's

40:11

dreadful. Honestly, Here's me trying to do

40:13

a program. I'm going to a break.

40:16

Goodness. I wanna say, talk about

40:18

stressed. Steve Allo on

40:21

LVC, text 84850

40:24

Morning.

40:26

Getting into the festive spirit. Getting into

40:28

the festive spirit you've got to. You've

40:30

got to. Oh, we've got to take listen. I have to do all my

40:33

own sound effects here. There was no such

40:35

thing as would you like to raid the library?

40:37

No. Have to do your own sound effects. The

40:39

Nick Cabot library. Somebody said to

40:41

me, are they his copyright no

40:44

idea. I would I I really would have no

40:46

idea. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter.

40:48

Bless him. As long as we don't have to give him any

40:50

sweets and sat assumes and stuff like that

40:52

and knows about it. Something chronic,

40:54

really dreadful. So the university chiefs

40:56

have urged staff not to say Christmas because it

40:58

may offend snowflake students.

41:01

They should instead refer to the upcoming festive

41:03

break as the winter closure periods.

41:06

I think not. Where is this place?

41:09

Woke bosses in brightness, say the word Christmas

41:12

is to Christian centric.

41:15

Even though it celebrates the birth Of

41:17

Christ, other offensive phrases in

41:20

a nine page document, sent to lectures

41:22

include millennial snowflakes.

41:25

Staff and students should ignore it

41:27

and have a good Christmas. I

41:29

absolutely agree. Absolutely agree.

41:31

What a stupid place that must be? Can't

41:33

say Christmas. Well, I'm saying Christmas. Okay.

41:35

Don't like it? Do one. What

41:38

else we got here? Britain's favorite Christmas

41:40

song and film have been named Fairy

41:43

ten of New York and Home Alone on

41:45

top of the tree. I like Home Alone. I

41:47

think Home Alone was a was a nice little film.

41:49

Home Alone lost in New York. Was

41:51

the second one was now, I think. And

41:54

and it was good. Kevin was was great.

41:56

I loved watching being did you ever see him being interviewed

41:58

by Wogan? On the

41:59

television. He was just a little boy sitting

42:02

there, but he was he was very good. I sat next to him in

42:04

Joe Allen's once, and was amazed

42:06

to discover he drank alcohol but

42:08

I think now he's got a band and everything they

42:10

go out playing and he must have made a small

42:12

fortune. I don't know if he's been in other films.

42:14

He must have must have done out the bits and pieces

42:16

as he's sort of grown up.

42:18

oh

42:20

Stuff

42:22

that tea. Love that tea. So

42:24

I'm just trying to work out actually. There

42:26

must be so there are other other pictures of

42:29

the August moon in Bartholomew

42:31

Street because a friend of mine used to have a record shop,

42:33

which was about four doors away.

42:36

And I used to work in

42:37

Bathurst Street in an in

42:39

a travel agency. In a travel

42:41

agency which was on the other side of the road,

42:43

oh, look, Christine Booring McGinnis.

42:46

Stripping off her footy top to recreate Chloe

42:49

Kelly's iconic line s gold celebrations.

42:52

She was chosen to pose as Chloe.

42:55

After the euro's final winner in June, Christine,

42:57

told the the Mag Heat

42:59

Magazine for styles dress up.

43:02

I was there. The celebrations were incredible. I

43:04

love the way these people think their celebrities is

43:06

so hilarious. She's not a celebrity.

43:08

She married a celebrity. She is

43:10

not a celebrity. Adam Woodyatt.

43:13

Set to return to Eastenders as he and Bill

43:15

two years after he left the soap. The

43:18

fifty four euro made a surprise comeback cameo

43:20

last night for Doc Cotton's funeral that

43:23

he's appeared in. I'm a celeb. He's currently

43:25

playing Alfred Doolittle in

43:27

a staged production of my fair

43:29

lady. Which ends its run-in Manchester

43:31

on April the first for long running

43:33

it. Down, down, down, down, down, down, down,

43:36

down, I love

43:38

my fellow lady. So good. Watch the film again

43:40

the other day. Really, really good. Palace

43:43

and shock over new Netflix trailer,

43:45

who cares what Harry does. Series. He's an ex

43:47

member of the royal family. He's of no consequence. He

43:50

just dressed up as people and

43:52

was racist. You know, what can we what

43:54

can we tell you about it? He says they lied

43:56

to protect my brother, angry babysitter.

43:59

He's really

43:59

got chip on his shoulder, are they? I

44:02

mean, I've never known they like it. Thought

44:04

he could sort of, you know, be be fine.

44:07

Steve, is the LBC

44:10

app not going to work from Friday?

44:13

Is the LBC app not going to

44:15

work from Friday? And

44:19

yes. Oh, you've written the reply. And

44:22

the reply is, I don't know when the LBC

44:24

app is going to be archived, but global

44:26

player does everything the LBC app does and

44:28

more. You'll find all of LBC shows to catch up

44:30

on as well as all of Global's live radio

44:33

stations and the world's biggest podcast

44:35

that really would encourage you to download global

44:37

player immediately. He's

44:39

very forceful. That's

44:40

what he writes. little bit long

44:42

winded, I realized, but there you go. I've just watched

44:45

the Edna beverage Michael Parkinson's and YouTube

44:47

Marvelous. Did I miss anything on the show says,

44:49

Dave? Yes. Yes.

44:50

You missed us banning you. There

44:53

you go. See, strikes are getting a bit tedious.

44:56

Says Ollie, I feel like I have to plan my whole

44:58

life around when the RMT decide they don't wanna

45:00

strike for a day. Yeah. Well, but take my

45:02

word for it. It's quite a lot of days that they

45:05

are striking. Quite a lot of days,

45:07

so you'll have to make alternative arrangement.

45:09

I could probably get

45:11

I could probably get a tube train.

45:14

Couldn't I? To Richmond, and

45:16

then get the bus from Richmond, or

45:19

I can get the bus intrafalgar square

45:21

to Hammersmith, which I've done before.

45:23

And then change over and get the bus

45:25

from Hammersmith Bus Station to full

45:27

wheel garage, which drops me in

45:30

in Twickenham. I could do that. That would be a

45:32

little bit better. I think so.

45:34

You know,

45:34

what what do I how else

45:36

that don't do a direct service? Because even

45:38

if I get the the train to Richmond, doesn't

45:41

go to twickenham. It goes to Richmond,

45:43

then I have to get off, walk up the stairs, take

45:45

the lift, develop a limp, and then

45:47

take the bus outside. So it's exactly

45:49

the same. Exactly then. I just

45:51

don't know which one would be quicker. I

45:53

don't

45:53

know which one would be quicker because my boss is gonna

45:56

phone me today. To wish me merry

45:58

Christmas and ask, you know, what bottle

46:00

of drink I want, you know, not that kind of the

46:02

usual sort of stuff or vouchers or something.

46:04

And and so III don't know which

46:06

is gonna get me home quicker. I

46:09

suspect probably the bus, wouldn't

46:11

it? I mean, by the time you've walked down to

46:13

the embankment tubes, I don't know.

46:16

Such a pain, and it's gonna be, what, four days

46:18

this week, isn't it? So I better get used to doing

46:20

it. Better get used to doing it. It

46:22

does make any difference. Will Melo

46:25

was devastated to be voted off strictly come dancing

46:27

a week before the glitterball final. They all get

46:29

very emotional. It's just a reality show. Love, get

46:31

over yourself. Okay? You get on there?

46:33

They didn't think you were that good, and so they

46:35

voted you off. It's

46:37

the way it goes. It's a it's a pain

46:39

I realize. Alcoholics

46:41

will be given ketamine to see if it helps them

46:43

stay off the booze for longer. Interesting hearing

46:46

all the people who who drink booze,

46:48

you know, talking about when they first started

46:50

because I didn't start drinking till late.

46:53

Like really late. I was about eighteen,

46:56

nineteen before I had an alcoholic

46:58

drink. And

46:59

even then, it was only a Bacardi and Coconut

47:02

to mix it down with the Coke. With low

47:04

device, I used to like I've got this thing, that

47:06

low device. And and

47:08

that

47:08

was the first drink I started having. But

47:11

didn't have it at home. I didn't

47:13

specifically go out to pubs to have it.

47:15

It was just one of those things. If we were out somewhere,

47:17

I was with a group of friends and we were in a pub playing

47:19

a fruit machine, then I would have a Bacardi and

47:21

Coke. But nowadays, I mean,

47:23

I can't remember the last pub I actually went into

47:26

and propped up the bar. Must

47:28

must have been something that happened on it.

47:30

Craig David has stepped up claims that

47:32

portrayals of him in both selector were

47:35

racist He slammed Le

47:37

France's, better known as Keith Lemmon for using

47:39

blackface to mock him. Lemmon

47:41

also portrayed Tricia Godard, and

47:44

Spice Girl, Mel B Francis,

47:47

that's Leaf Francis, whose show

47:49

ended in two thousand and nine, apologized to

47:52

the trio in twenty twenty and urged David

47:54

to move on. See, as promised, it's not that

47:57

easy. Not that easy. And

47:59

he was he was not happy with

48:01

it first time round of afraid. Other

48:04

stories which are running in the paper, this

48:06

is demand for electric vehicles is

48:08

falling amid the cost of living crisis. Yeah.

48:10

And also, in the middle of the winter,

48:13

you wanna

48:13

put the heating on in the car. Watch your

48:15

battery drain. What's your battery

48:17

drain as every nose already, I

48:19

should imagine? Oh, that love letter to

48:21

admiral Lord Nelson from his mistress Lady

48:24

Hamilton could fetch fifty grand,

48:27

fifty thousand pounds, would you would you have that

48:29

new collection? Fifty thousand quids.

48:31

I love it. There's also a story in paper

48:33

today about a boy who attacked

48:36

his parents because they sent him to boarding

48:38

school He didn't like boarding school very

48:40

much. Well, I didn't like boarding school either, but we

48:42

managed to get through it. And it wasn't I sort

48:44

of woke up every morning at boarding school and

48:46

thought, no, I'd all be here. Because

48:48

after a while, you did forget your parents. It

48:50

was quite an easy thing to do because you didn't

48:52

see them from sort of one half term

48:55

to the other half term and that was it. In fact, I didn't

48:57

even see them on half term because they were miles away,

48:59

four hundred miles away up in Yorkshire. I

49:01

don't think my father's car would have made it that

49:03

far. So I was there all

49:05

term. Sometimes you would thereby yourself

49:08

at school for the half time. Other other times,

49:10

you know, you'd be farmed out to other

49:12

boys' parents. They'd say, can can

49:14

somebody please take Steven, take

49:16

take him now and so you go and spend the,

49:19

you know, sort of the four or five days

49:21

with another family, which was okay.

49:23

But the end of term, your dad would drive down in

49:25

the car and we'd put your trunk, your

49:27

tuck box in the boot of the car with your

49:29

name on the top of it. And and then

49:31

you do that long trek back up

49:33

to Yorkshire. We had to stop actually for me

49:35

to take Travel sickness pills. So just

49:38

over the chums for roundabout, I was taking Travel

49:40

sickness pills, which was so much better.

49:42

So much better. Steve says, Martin,

49:44

in Woodford, I treated myself to a sleep,

49:47

eye mask with built in Bluetooth headphones.

49:49

I'm more connected up listening to you and dosing on

49:51

and off. Oh, lovely. I'm

49:54

so thrilled. Sounds quite nice, actually. I

49:56

like the idea of a mask. Although, when you wake up, you

49:58

do think you've gone blind because what you forget

50:00

that you put a mask on It's like

50:02

I fell asleep the other day and I woke up and I thought,

50:04

where am I? I still see that

50:06

where am I? But where am I think carefully, Steven,

50:09

think carefully.

50:10

Oh, you're in the bathroom. Okay.

50:12

That's fine. You have to chip to check these things,

50:14

but, you know, if you've got a a mask on or something

50:16

like that, or ear plugs in, Tell

50:19

people sit. See, I I sleep anyway.

50:21

I am the world's best sleeper. I have

50:24

no problem in in

50:26

sleeping. It's just it's for how long

50:28

you know, I don't know what is the correct

50:30

amount of time that you go to sleep for, but it doesn't

50:32

matter when it's not gonna change the world, is it, I'm

50:35

afraid. Can I still listen to you on

50:37

my DAB radio? Yes.

50:39

I could download you on my download you on my

50:41

phone, but the sound is much better on the radio,

50:43

says gay. No. You have to. You'll need

50:46

to download it. So

50:47

you can get it on your DAB radio.

50:50

And Roger says,

50:52

make sure to hide treats and goodies when you finish on

50:54

a Friday. Well, the trouble is that they've already gone

50:56

by the time he gets in here, long since gone,

50:59

mainly by lunchtime, Everything's got.

51:01

There's no no sweeties, no fruit tender, and from

51:03

what he said mean. He won't

51:05

he won't spend money on sat assumes even though

51:07

they're two pounds a bag, he won't spend

51:09

money on Saks Fifth and buying sweeties and

51:12

stuff like that. No. So there's nothing to do with me.

51:14

Just the fact that he gets in too late to

51:16

enjoy the goodies which are on offer.

51:21

This

51:23

is LVC from global.

51:26

In Britain's conversation with Steve

51:28

Allen. Morning,

51:35

everybody, Tuesday, December the thirteenth.

51:38

And it's nice to have a company. It's still

51:40

freezing cold. And it's not getting

51:42

any better and still people are going

51:45

out there and sort of staggering back with heaters

51:47

and all sorts of bits and pieces. But just

51:49

check that your heater A

51:52

is approved. And secondly, it's not going

51:54

to cost you an arm and leg to run the blumming thing. See,

51:56

I think, you know, sixty eight pence, seventy

51:58

pence an hour is fine. I can cope with that

52:00

seven pound a day,

52:02

it'll, if you're running it over

52:04

the

52:05

thirty days of the month, two

52:07

ten pounds I can I can cope with

52:09

that just about. I did like the story

52:11

in the paper today, and it's very nice topic. I have your

52:13

company as well. So we take

52:15

all your text and emails. I'm Steve Allen. Hello?

52:17

No more apologies. And here

52:19

till seven, whether you like it or not.

52:22

And you can text me, eight for 850

52:24

or Steve at LBC, dot co dot

52:26

u k. Please

52:29

responded to calls the other day.

52:33

Of somebody who was

52:35

in an art gallery, somebody looked through the window

52:37

and they'd seen this woman

52:40

bent over a table They phoned the

52:42

police and said, listen, she'd not

52:44

moved for two hours. So

52:47

the police broke in to this art

52:49

gallery only to realize that

52:51

Christina, who was faced down in

52:54

a bowl of soup, was made from packing

52:56

tape and foam filler. She was a mannequin.

52:58

It was an art installation. The gallery

53:00

in London's SoHo is owned by

53:03

Street artist Banksy's former agent,

53:05

Steve. In October, paramedics

53:08

were called when Deana

53:10

appeared at London Design Fair. And

53:12

so here she is again police spokesman said the met

53:14

as a duty of care to respond when there is a

53:17

welfare concern. It's an art gallery

53:19

love. It's an art gallery. So

53:22

the sculpture by Mark Jenkins was

53:24

displayed in the window of Lars Imporium.

53:27

I like the idea. Did we have something the

53:29

other day? Or was it the other week or some of the other

53:31

year? I can't remember. And some woman who said, I think

53:33

they've left the goldfish in the bowl

53:36

when they've gone on holiday and they had

53:38

and said the RSPCA broke into the

53:40

house to save the goldfish I'm

53:42

and I ask you. What's

53:45

the point? Robbie Warsaw says

53:47

I remember Henry Ritchie often enclosed a

53:49

fiverr. In his letter for various reasons.

53:51

Once he tried to secure a place at Eaton for his yet

53:53

to be born son, the authorities had to

53:55

reply and return his money. We could tell the false

53:57

politeness in the wording that he clever. I

53:59

thought he was great. But read read Victor Lewis

54:01

Smith. Very, very good.

54:03

Very, very good. Seeing you check on the buses

54:05

in Richmond, chicken area as they're on strike

54:07

on different days. Piggyback is probably more efficient

54:10

as Liz. Well,

54:12

what I'm going to do is I'm going get the train

54:15

to Hammersmith, then I'm gonna get the

54:17

267 from Hammersmith. And

54:20

that will that will take me through which is

54:22

good. Which is very nice indeed. Yeah. Because

54:24

most of the most of the buses were working the other day.

54:26

I know they have different days where they sort of they're

54:28

not running the whole the whole

54:30

fleet. I've just deleted the LBC app

54:32

and installed the global app and you're still coming

54:34

through loud and clear. Panic over says Robert told

54:36

you, there is no panic

54:39

please do it because otherwise you're

54:41

gonna be so disappointed.

54:43

Steve, good morning from George Best's childhood

54:45

bedroom in Belfast where I'm celebrating. My

54:48

sixty fifth birthday, later today, I should be going

54:50

to the Titanic Museum, says Terry from

54:52

Layton Busford. Well, that'll be nice. Produce

54:54

I'd like to send to the Titanic Museum. I'd like

54:56

to have actually sent him to the Titanic

54:59

before it before it set sail, actually.

55:03

Good morning, mister Alan. If you enjoy

55:05

your pigs in blankets, then you really

55:07

need to check this butcher shop in Williston,

55:09

a couple of doors away from Sainsbury's. It's the day

55:11

you have the If it's the day you

55:13

have the car, you can park

55:15

in Saint Louis car park. It's not even two minutes to a

55:17

shop which is called O'Farrell butchers. Treat

55:19

yourself to a kilo a

55:22

breakfast sausages as well as the pigs in blankets.

55:24

I can promise you it'll be a very worthwhile trip.

55:27

A kilo of sausage didn't buy me.

55:30

Take me a year to sort of to to

55:32

cook stuff like that. But I found

55:34

something actually to sort the producer out.

55:36

It says parents who give screaming kids

55:39

phones or tablets to calm them down

55:41

and making the tantrums worse.

55:44

Then? So that's it. Scientists

55:46

found children aged three to five had

55:48

worse behavior if parents regularly

55:50

gave in to the quick fix because they

55:52

learn kids learn. You should

55:55

never ever, you know, it's like, I'm not eating

55:57

that. You go, well, you'll eat there. You'll

55:59

sit there until you're eating it. So I'm not eating it.

56:02

Well,

56:02

definitely I'm gonna eat it and leave it there all day. Send

56:04

it to people in other countries. They haven't got any food. That's

56:06

what we used to say when we were kids. My mother

56:08

would say you're eating it. When they did it on the

56:10

television, they did it in that show,

56:13

sorry, which I liked. And his

56:15

his his mother would take it from him and go, okay,

56:17

You want to eat it? It goes back in the fridge.

56:19

She'd put it back in the fridge the next day. She'd dig it out

56:22

the fridge. She'd put it back in front of him again and go,

56:24

there you go. You will eat it. Oh, sorry.

56:26

That's my telephone. Throw my phone around honesty.

56:28

I'm so so brazen this morning

56:30

like I care. So

56:32

so my friend Jordan is freezing to death

56:35

as we can, well, I don't know who it's gone to now.

56:37

And he's he's not happy with this

56:39

cold weather. I can believe it as well. You

56:41

know, if you've got an electric blanket on your bed,

56:44

then that would be the the

56:46

thing to do. Also,

56:49

something else was telling me about this one actually,

56:51

that Have

56:54

you heard this noise before?

56:57

That's

56:57

my phone is started making strange noises. It's

57:00

very odd. Phil Vicery says,

57:02

bit chilly here, bit chilly.

57:05

That would be the understatement, bit

57:07

chilly, I think. And saw

57:10

this yesterday, Steve,

57:11

says my friend, Dan,

57:13

and oh, it looks lovely.

57:16

Wait a minute. Wait minute. Wait

57:18

a minute. Open it up. And this is the

57:20

two foot long pigs in blankets. We

57:23

had a lovely picture of that, didn't we? We

57:25

we saw a nice picture of that, you know,

57:27

inserted into a role

57:28

Pusser, which we

57:30

thought was lovely. They look delicious. I know, but it's not

57:32

bad that they got a frying pan big enough to cook something

57:34

like that. That's quite a lot,

57:36

isn't it a foot long sausage?

57:38

That is a lot actually. And

57:40

I'm still working out actually whether I should get a kilo

57:43

of sausages. Steamed from leads. Says

57:46

it's been so cold across the UK recently. The

57:48

numerous politicians have actually been seen with their hands

57:50

in their own pockets. What'd

57:55

you call a spy in a Christmas bakery?

57:57

A mince spy? Your your

57:59

bard, Harry? Sorry about that. And

58:02

Steve, with the rail and mail strikes, they're not doing

58:04

themselves any favors. People will learn to live without

58:06

them and find other ways to get

58:08

around and send mail, then what

58:11

will the workers do? The rail and

58:13

mail strikes are getting on my nerves. I'm still

58:15

waiting for letter from the hospital that was sent six

58:18

weeks ago. I know I'm I've

58:20

got a couple of parcels coming in as well, which

58:22

hopefully might arrive in

58:24

a few days time. I'm not getting too stressed

58:26

about it. I'm really not. It's a case

58:28

of there's nothing we could do about it. If

58:31

Michael Lynch wants to bring all the members

58:33

out, that's his business. We just have to

58:35

to grin and bear it and just get on with it. Because

58:37

if you moan about, you can't do anything. You

58:39

know, it's not that, you know, Steve's gonna moan

58:41

about it on the radio and they're gonna cave it. You go, we'll

58:44

take nine percent. It's not gonna happen like that.

58:47

And Eddie says you get taxi and why can't you

58:49

get a taxi home? I'm not spending that sort

58:51

of money. If you see what my taxi

58:53

bill is every month. Good god in heaven. It's

58:56

more than two thousand pounds. It's

58:58

ridiculous. Thank to

59:00

you says Mark in Graves End, I tried

59:02

the smoked Haddock chowder. For

59:05

Mark's and Spencer's, blue water drove over

59:07

there in the snow. It was delicious. It is delicious.

59:09

It's a thick creamy soup

59:12

with potatoes and piece of that. But did

59:14

you do it with you can do this with

59:16

bread. Butter it, fold it over and dunk

59:18

it in there or baguette or

59:21

some little torpedo rolls,

59:23

it adds to it. So

59:24

especially if you put nice nice nice

59:26

butter in the actual bread. I

59:28

haven't tried the Colin skink yet. So

59:30

I'm going to that. That's on my That's on

59:32

my to do list for the weekend. A

59:34

bit of a treat actually. And

59:37

so here we go from Doug. Can you

59:39

clarify whether you still be transmitting on

59:41

DAB or going online only.

59:44

I'm going to rip my hair out in a minute actually.

59:47

I don't own a smart phone or a a tabletty

59:49

thing. So we'll lose you if you go online only.

59:52

Okay? We're still on DAB. Was

59:55

still broadcasting over FM and

59:57

AM all the rest of it. Okay?

1:00:00

Let me rip my hair out. I told

1:00:02

you It's just the podcast. Okay?

1:00:05

Don't worry about it. Jack in Braxton says

1:00:07

just up, I haven't seen these mince pies with cream,

1:00:09

and did you try them? Should I hunt them down? You

1:00:11

should absolutely hunt them down. They're

1:00:13

very messy. I don't know what sort of messy

1:00:16

eater you are, but these are very messy

1:00:18

because it's like sort of flaky.

1:00:21

Sort of like they do some of the mince pies in

1:00:23

this flaky pastry thing. And

1:00:26

then they've cut it in half, put in the mincemeat,

1:00:28

and then they piped cream on top of it.

1:00:31

Sounds delicious, isn't it? Sounds absolutely

1:00:34

delicious. I can't wait.

1:00:36

I cannot wait. What

1:00:38

else have we got here? The papers for today. It

1:00:40

is really it's a sad day

1:00:43

in the papers, and it's sad for

1:00:45

the reason that that little boy who died

1:00:50

trying to save others from an icy lake.

1:00:52

I mean, bless his heart. This is

1:00:54

a ten year old boy.

1:00:56

He's called Jack Johnson. He dashed

1:00:58

into the water after seeing the other boys. Who

1:01:00

he didn't know fall through the ice

1:01:02

because

1:01:02

the ice was obviously very thin. Despite

1:01:05

the efforts of police and fire service workers who

1:01:07

rushed The group to hospital, the ten

1:01:09

year old lady died along with two others aged

1:01:11

eight and eleven is a fourth

1:01:13

boy aged six in a critical

1:01:15

condition. One tribute left at the scene said,

1:01:18

Thomas, the world will not be the

1:01:20

same without you. Charlotte Mac Murray,

1:01:22

Jack's aunt and family, said they

1:01:24

were going through an absolute nightmare. They

1:01:27

were playing on the ice before they fell through it.

1:01:29

And as I said, we need more and

1:01:31

parents need to instill in children.

1:01:34

But in wintertime, when it looks

1:01:36

lovely and you see ducks skidding

1:01:38

about all over the place, not the same for

1:01:40

you. You weigh a bit heavier. And

1:01:42

consequently, you know, they'll be spending Christmas

1:01:45

without their their loved ones. I mean,

1:01:47

it really is. It's about that as tragic

1:01:49

as it could possibly ever get, but

1:01:51

it's the fact that one little boy jumped

1:01:54

in to try and save the others and paid

1:01:56

with his own life. Which I think is

1:01:58

incredibly sad incredibly sad.

1:02:01

Hollywood's leading filmmakers have

1:02:03

an unlikely new rival, Nick Knowles,

1:02:06

He wrote a plagiarine lockdown, and

1:02:08

it's being turned into a movie set to go into production

1:02:11

next year. So there you go.

1:02:13

And what else we got? Doesn't

1:02:16

sound like Matt Hancock's,

1:02:19

dabble with TV will end dimmer celebrity.

1:02:22

Telli Suprimo, Kevin Ligou,

1:02:24

has tipped the former health secretary who finished

1:02:26

fourth in the series to get his own show,

1:02:29

but they admit Matt is unlikely

1:02:31

to be a fixture on the network. God

1:02:34

for that. Instant turn off

1:02:36

as far as I'm concerned. I understand publicity

1:02:38

values. I understand how it works. But

1:02:40

to be honest with you, no. No. Thanks.

1:02:43

This is LBC with Steve

1:02:45

Hallum. Bobbing,

1:02:47

Steve, we bought a halogen heater that

1:02:49

gives that fantastic warm orange glow

1:02:51

and warms our bedroom. It only costs twelve

1:02:53

to eighteen p an hour to run. And

1:02:56

with coal fire in the living room, the gas central

1:02:58

heating still isn't turned on. Oh, by the

1:03:00

way, the details turned up

1:03:02

on my birthday. How clever of

1:03:04

you to arrange that? Thank you. I thought

1:03:06

I was so too, actually. But

1:03:08

poor old Tony says Steve yesterday,

1:03:11

I thought I would travel to the LEGO

1:03:13

store near you in Leicester Square to buy

1:03:15

my four grandchildren personalized mini

1:03:17

figures as stocking fillers for Christmas.

1:03:20

I took the Elizabeth line from Hays in Harlington

1:03:22

to Tunnel Court Road and then walked to the

1:03:24

store. After you've designed the mini figure,

1:03:27

you have to choose a head, hat, or

1:03:29

hair, legs plus an add on.

1:03:31

When I arrived home, I realized I'd left

1:03:33

one of their heads behind. What

1:03:36

a nightmare? Absolutely. It's

1:03:39

not very good. Is it really? And Kathy

1:03:42

says our heating finally up last night.

1:03:44

It's so cold at our house. Even the bed

1:03:46

bugs have frostbite. Oh,

1:03:49

dear. Steven Matlock, says

1:03:51

I love that you insist on calling Mick Lynch

1:03:53

Michael. What was his name?

1:03:56

Michael Lynch. She was Chris and Michael Lynch,

1:03:58

especially as you call yourself Steve. No.

1:04:00

That that's actually different, Steve.

1:04:03

Mine's a business name. Okay?

1:04:05

Mine's a business name. I'm like Lorraine

1:04:07

Kelly. She's not Lorraine Kelly

1:04:09

on the television. That's the character she's

1:04:11

playing. I'm Steve Allen on the radio

1:04:14

away from here. I'm sort of

1:04:16

Engelbert thrust bucket. And

1:04:19

and that's why. So it's it's my mind is

1:04:21

a a working name. It's a business

1:04:23

name. So it's not It's not the

1:04:25

fact that you love it or not. It's just that you haven't

1:04:27

quite grasped irony. But

1:04:30

you will, Steve, I'm sorry,

1:04:32

but my husband, Clive and I don't like the

1:04:34

Morrison's Vince pies, the cream is too much,

1:04:36

says Maria. Who could be

1:04:38

chilly? Or is that your husband? Difficult to

1:04:40

tell really isn't it? Are you Maria? Are you chilly?

1:04:43

I mean, what day? If it's a Friday, does it go out?

1:04:45

I don't know. But I'd to be honest

1:04:47

with you, I think it should be borrowed immediately. You're not

1:04:49

allowed to sort of dislike Morrison's

1:04:51

men's pies. I mean,

1:04:53

to be honest with you, you have spoiled the true

1:04:55

meaning of Christmas. The true meaning of Christmas

1:04:58

is a Morrisons mince pie which you bite

1:05:00

into and the cream comes out of either

1:05:02

side of it and it dribbles and you get it all over your

1:05:04

lap and then you have to pick it up and pop

1:05:06

it in your mouth and just go Yum yum

1:05:08

yum. That's what Father Christmas would have

1:05:10

wanted. He doesn't he doesn't want little

1:05:13

glass of brandy and a carrot and a

1:05:15

cake and things like that. What he wants is

1:05:17

a Morrisons ment pie. That's what it

1:05:19

is. Stella says I love walking in

1:05:21

thick snow. The producer does

1:05:23

that. I love it when he disappears, you know, he'd

1:05:25

be going through forest and all of a sudden, oh,

1:05:28

hello? Where have you gone to Elliott? Where have

1:05:31

gone to? And he's disappeared. He's disappeared

1:05:33

in a snowdrift, which is

1:05:35

delightful, isn't it? But it terrifies me when

1:05:37

it ice is over and half the time I end up walking in the

1:05:39

road. Yes. I saw somebody the other day

1:05:41

walking in the road.

1:05:43

Steve,

1:05:47

says Peter, when you were working on the radio,

1:05:49

the biscuit factory. I love it when

1:05:51

people say the biscuit factory. Okay?

1:05:54

Were you witness to the fight there? The bandit

1:05:56

hit the penguin over the head with the club and made

1:05:58

a breakaway in a taxi.

1:06:00

Right. You're about as well. Okay. We're not

1:06:02

doing any more of these jokes. This is absolute the outrageous.

1:06:05

He has United biscuits, network.

1:06:07

That's where most in fact, that's where really

1:06:09

modern commercial radio started because there

1:06:12

was nothing before that at all.

1:06:14

We we were going back in, you know,

1:06:16

years and years before and beyond commercial radio. And

1:06:18

commercial radio didn't have anywhere to take people

1:06:21

from, so it took them from United

1:06:23

biscuits network. That's what it was. It was

1:06:25

the stomping ground of, you

1:06:27

know, the people like Roger Scott and Nicky

1:06:29

Horn and Graham Dean. All the forerunners

1:06:32

on on capital and Steve Allen and,

1:06:36

you

1:06:36

know, MF Wright and Peter Tate

1:06:38

Oh god. The list go list goes on and on and

1:06:40

on. It really does. There's loads of people

1:06:42

who started their careers there. It was

1:06:44

a bit like hospital radio except we

1:06:46

got paid money. We got it

1:06:48

was a it was a full time job. Full

1:06:51

time job. I used to do the overnight program,

1:06:53

and you'd go into the factory constantly. And

1:06:55

the canteen and just be opening up so I'd go up there

1:06:57

and get double sausage and chips.

1:07:00

And

1:07:00

that would see you through the first bit of the program because

1:07:02

if you were presenting music, I've all said it's so

1:07:04

easy. You only have to go this is, that

1:07:06

was, here we go in a time check, and then you're off for another

1:07:09

ten minutes. If if you work

1:07:11

for our our our classic department here,

1:07:13

you can have twenty six minutes off if

1:07:16

they've got sort of bark, fugue number

1:07:18

thirty three, you know? I

1:07:20

mean, there's all sorts of people who go wandering around

1:07:22

the building just to come and say, hello,

1:07:25

and I would go, hello, because I was because

1:07:27

the trouble is I can't go anywhere.

1:07:29

I have no The only time I get to go

1:07:31

anywhere is on the hour. Because

1:07:33

the rest of the time they go, oh, you

1:07:35

gotta be quick because I can see how long the ad break

1:07:37

is because it's written up in front of me.

1:07:40

And so the only the only chance

1:07:42

I ever get to go to is the toilet. Hardly

1:07:45

a holiday in Clacton, you know,

1:07:47

unlike other people. I've always said though music

1:07:49

radio was a lot easier than speech radio.

1:07:51

Speech radio is good and

1:07:54

very clever and very educational. My driver

1:07:56

was listening to it coming in this morning. In fact, he's

1:07:58

obviously regular listener because he said, as

1:07:59

we'd sort of set up, was it too hot,

1:08:02

too cold for you? Knowing how much I complained

1:08:04

about the heat in cars, I'd like

1:08:06

to make sure that I've got the heater on. I don't want

1:08:08

to sit there for easing.

1:08:10

Because, you know, it's a journey and a half. And

1:08:12

sometimes, I I think, you know, I've got

1:08:14

hyperthermia because it's so cold

1:08:17

you start finding yourself going to sleep.

1:08:19

And

1:08:19

it's very difficult to sort of to keep your

1:08:21

eyes open. But there again, I like I like going

1:08:23

to sleep except on trains.

1:08:26

Don't

1:08:26

like going to sleep on trains. I always if

1:08:28

ever I sort of think I'm gonna close my eyes, I make

1:08:30

sure that the bag I've got my

1:08:32

hand into it and I'm holding it so not everybody

1:08:35

walking past and just picking something up. I'm very

1:08:37

aware of the fact that other people

1:08:39

will pinch stuff from you. Laura

1:08:42

of the trolley dolly from Narnia says lovely

1:08:44

to listen to in sunny Sydney. Have not

1:08:47

seen Shane yet. Have you get home on the buses?

1:08:49

I used to love that sitcom. On

1:08:51

the buses. I I loved it as well.

1:08:53

It was so dated. Look at that. Is that is

1:08:55

that the photo she sent?

1:08:57

Well, what

1:08:58

is that?

1:08:59

Oh, they're so that's oh, it's Sydney

1:09:01

Harbour Bridge, and that's the opera house.

1:09:03

I don't know whether to make such a big deal about it.

1:09:05

It looks pretty average to me. I had a tent that

1:09:08

looked like that. That's why they've got a lot

1:09:10

of Barry Humphrey's costumes. Day

1:09:12

maintenance costumes reside in there.

1:09:14

They've got an archive nothing else.

1:09:16

See, I've never expressed an interest to go to Australia.

1:09:19

You know why? Too far?

1:09:21

It's not like it's sort of A67

1:09:23

hour flight. I find going to America

1:09:25

quite long enough. Thank you very much indeed. But if you go

1:09:27

over there, it's like twenty four hours, too

1:09:30

long for a little person like me, too too

1:09:32

long, Other stories which are running in the

1:09:34

in the papers today, Operation

1:09:37

Brass Monkeys. They call it

1:09:40

worse to come with deadly ice school shut

1:09:42

and chaos on the roads, and Britain urged to

1:09:44

cut the energy use. Well, how are they gonna manage that?

1:09:46

How are they gonna manage it? You've got to put the heating

1:09:49

on because otherwise you will freeze

1:09:51

I've always said to people especially elderly people

1:09:53

put the heating on. Do

1:09:56

not worry about it. So

1:09:58

we've come to a snow still

1:09:59

It's

1:10:01

the Arctic weather. And when you look at

1:10:03

I mean, we we get it mild in London.

1:10:05

You know, it looks very pretty when it comes down on

1:10:07

the buildings. But when you look up north, and

1:10:09

there's cars scattered all over the roads and

1:10:11

stuff like that. It's terrible. Really, really

1:10:13

bad. And then you see people queuing

1:10:16

at Gatwick Airport. For

1:10:18

the right I mean, you'd never know if you were in the right queue

1:10:20

or not. You just sort of kind of join a queue makes

1:10:23

it so much easier. What

1:10:25

do they got? Oh, yes. He'll

1:10:28

like this because he's in the

1:10:30

Daily Star today. So Thomas

1:10:32

Skinner,

1:10:34

He's in

1:10:36

the paper today. He

1:10:38

says he was expelled from school for

1:10:41

selling

1:10:41

DVDs,

1:10:43

not just any old DVDs,

1:10:46

Thomas, they were pornographic

1:10:48

DVDs. Thomas

1:10:51

who appeared in the show in twenty nineteen said, so

1:10:53

I went to school, I whacked the

1:10:55

suitcase in Milocca, my little JD

1:10:57

Spring string sports bag, knocking

1:10:59

them out. I think I made about two hundred quid

1:11:02

on the first day. Very entrepreneurial, would

1:11:04

you not think? And it was like, this is easy,

1:11:06

better than selling chocolate bars. But his

1:11:08

bags split open in the dining hall and

1:11:10

some DVDs fell out. He was

1:11:12

sent to the head's office and his little dad

1:11:15

was called in. Thomas says, My

1:11:17

dad says, look, I'm just trying to teach him how

1:11:19

to buy and sell, and the headmasters

1:11:22

gone, their their illegal mate,

1:11:24

kind of that in my school. And that was it. It

1:11:26

was my last day of school. Very

1:11:29

entrepreneurial, Thomas. I think

1:11:31

so. Do you think so? I can imagine,

1:11:33

though, you know, he's gone by the films, naughty

1:11:36

nurses, naughty nurses, Debbie

1:11:39

Debbie dot Danvers. Yeah. We've got all these People

1:11:42

used to sell, you'd sitting in a cafe in London, somebody

1:11:44

come around the table. Vietnamese are whatever

1:11:46

selling porridge copies of films,

1:11:49

not just pornographic films, but

1:11:51

current films. And

1:11:52

of course, they were filmed in the cinemas. They

1:11:55

would sit there filming it, and then they would

1:11:57

duplicate these boomer things. So sometimes you

1:11:59

get

1:11:59

somebody walking in front of the screen, which

1:12:03

was hilarious, but they use I remember daily

1:12:05

me sitting there, and he bought

1:12:07

loads. He bought about thirteen different films.

1:12:09

They were all covered. So you shouldn't really buy them.

1:12:11

They because they are funding gangs.

1:12:15

Made by gangs, I'm afraid. Lisa

1:12:17

and Jamie, listen from Reditch.

1:12:20

I've been reading Barbara Winters husband's

1:12:23

book, excited to see you in Dale. Winston

1:12:26

mentioned, I'm desperate if it's

1:12:28

Joe Allen's. Be

1:12:30

desperate no more. You can just sort

1:12:32

of smash with that. What was that before?

1:12:36

Oh, something else was it? You'll

1:12:39

have to tell me now. No. I can't No. I can't

1:12:41

anything. Now now you have to tell me, I need

1:12:43

to know these things because never

1:12:47

But, oh, they are absolutely not

1:12:49

know about those. Oh lord, the

1:12:51

gangs. In London who are

1:12:54

selling these DVD they go around the

1:12:56

restaurants, they go around all the people sitting

1:12:58

outside of Oxford Street, they got

1:13:00

their bag because a friend of mine,

1:13:02

we had them in twickenham, pretending to be a

1:13:04

policeman, he said, you're under arrest. But

1:13:07

they are they are gangs. They

1:13:09

sell them. Have you ever

1:13:11

seen any of them? Were the people walking front of

1:13:13

the screens on them?

1:13:15

Bet you bought the Mavenue. I've just got this feeling.

1:13:17

You'll be the sort of person who would buy these sort

1:13:19

of things. They're people they fill them in with cinemas.

1:13:22

So if ever I go to a screening of

1:13:24

a film, they've got security in there and

1:13:26

infrared to make sure that you're not

1:13:28

copy it. That's where they get them from. They copy them.

1:13:31

Especially, they've got infrared in the cinemas

1:13:33

in Leicester Square to make sure that you're not

1:13:35

filming.

1:13:37

Gangs.

1:13:38

Gangs, dreadful, and it goes

1:13:40

to unfortunately fuel prostitution

1:13:43

and drug dealing and stuff like that. Not

1:13:46

very good. Ask the police at at central

1:13:49

they will tell you the problem they have with it's

1:13:51

like the shoplifting gangs. More

1:13:53

gangs. We're full of gangs, aren't we?

1:13:55

They go shoplifting, And they literally

1:13:57

because there's so many of them shoplifting,

1:13:59

they do you get stopped?

1:14:02

And then they just go

1:14:05

Nothing. So they go to court, they get

1:14:07

fined, twenty quid, and they

1:14:08

go back the next day and carry on stealing.

1:14:11

So while the prices are so high, it's disgrace.

1:14:13

I wish they steal trains. I'm thinking they

1:14:15

could drive the blum in things. Two

1:14:17

dogs gifted by North Korean leader Kim

1:14:20

Jong un four years ago, amended

1:14:22

up in a zoo. Over a dispute

1:14:24

of who should pay for their care, the Chubby dictator,

1:14:27

Can you say that about Kim Jong Un, the

1:14:29

Chubby dictator? I think

1:14:31

you can yeah. think he's

1:14:33

not no. He's not and he he

1:14:35

is fired. There's no two ways

1:14:37

about it. But he had

1:14:39

these two white hunting dogs

1:14:42

and

1:14:43

them

1:14:44

from somebody called Moon.

1:14:47

I think this was the South Korean president,

1:14:49

Moon Jae.

1:14:51

And he gave up saying the dogs last

1:14:53

month, his own government should be helping to pay for them.

1:14:55

They called Gomi and Sungang.

1:14:58

We imagined Santa there. SunGang.

1:15:01

SunGang.

1:15:03

Really sound like a dog's name. Does it rover or

1:15:05

something like that? One of them called Beall has been raised in

1:15:07

a zoo since twenty nine eighteen, all other

1:15:09

five. They must be very rare rare these things.

1:15:12

But Kim Jong Un, you

1:15:14

know, washes his hand of

1:15:16

anything like that. Not not so great,

1:15:18

I'm afraid. So these jeans sold the

1:15:20

ninety two thousand pounds, nearly

1:15:22

ninety three thousand. They were found on

1:15:24

the SS Central America, which sank

1:15:27

of South Carolina on its way to New York in

1:15:29

eighteen fifty seven, part of treasure trove

1:15:31

of gold rush artifacts. And

1:15:34

these jeans are a hundred and sixty five

1:15:36

years old and that's why

1:15:38

they're still there and they're still they're

1:15:41

still wearable if you like, I

1:15:43

suppose it would come with a history of who actually bought

1:15:45

the blüm in things in the first place. But that's

1:15:47

why denim became very fashionable and

1:15:49

everybody was wearing

1:15:51

Denim.

1:15:53

All the gangs were wearing denim. Every single

1:15:55

gang was wearing denim. I remember them distinctly.

1:15:57

You'd see get in our street. We had two gangs.

1:15:59

I was in one of them. I was in a gang

1:16:02

because you had to be in a gang. At school, you had to be

1:16:04

in a gang. We

1:16:06

were the wild kids. You

1:16:08

know? I mean, it wasn't it wasn't like,

1:16:10

you know, you gotta pick a pocket or two. They were

1:16:12

another gang. All the kids in Oliver,

1:16:14

they were definitely in a gang run by faking

1:16:16

and there was a man who didn't bear looking at

1:16:18

twice, you know, come here,

1:16:20

my dear. He was sort of he was grooming

1:16:23

them to take Hank achieves from

1:16:25

gentlemen, for some reason, Hank achieves were very lucrative

1:16:27

and they would come up behind them and just take the Hank

1:16:30

achieve. But I know I

1:16:31

know magicians who work as pickpockets Professionally

1:16:34

is an act. They will show you and

1:16:36

they will you can watch what they're doing

1:16:38

taking a wallet out of a pocket or taking

1:16:41

braces off or a watch or things

1:16:43

like that. And it's very clever because if

1:16:45

they think that the person has seen

1:16:47

them doing it, they'll always say, you saw

1:16:49

me do that, didn't you? And they go, yeah, who

1:16:51

puts it back in that takes it straight back out again.

1:16:53

It's amazing. People are so stupid.

1:16:56

Leading Britain's conversation, LBC,

1:17:00

with Steve

1:17:01

Hallum. Morning,

1:17:03

nice

1:17:03

heavy company, Greg's are delicious. Vince

1:17:06

Pies, but Morrison's wind hands down

1:17:08

says Michelle, who says, I've been eating far

1:17:10

too many. Andy Peter said the same.

1:17:12

Andy Peter sent me a thing a little while ago, a

1:17:14

few few days back and said, excuse

1:17:17

me. didn't say that at all, actually. I've just done that by

1:17:19

myself. He he said he'd

1:17:21

he'd forgotten how many mince pies he'd eat and stuff

1:17:23

like that because he does all the food on QVC. And

1:17:26

Don Nissan celebrated a birthday over

1:17:28

the weekend, which I mentioned yesterday, but

1:17:30

we haven't asked age. It's too rude.

1:17:33

I don't think people should ever ask people to say, unless

1:17:35

it's a bloke, you can you know, although women

1:17:38

of a certain age, if they're over eighty, they'll

1:17:40

they'll tell you. And eighty seven

1:17:43

And you go, are you really? And

1:17:45

they go, I am. But,

1:17:48

you know, but when when people are young,

1:17:50

like Dolby'som, people keep it.

1:17:52

Well, it's got I have no idea how old

1:17:54

Phil Vicery is. Now,

1:17:55

I I don't want to check. I think it's rude and

1:17:58

impertinent. And I don't want to know how old

1:17:59

Andy Peters is. Andy Peters is very young

1:18:02

on the television, but I

1:18:04

bet you anything, having eaten mince

1:18:06

pies and all the rest of it. He's had

1:18:08

to go to the gym and work his little

1:18:10

body like there's no tomorrow. Laffingly, the

1:18:12

producer apparently goes to a gym, but

1:18:14

he just goes to help clean the windows. He doesn't

1:18:16

actually sort of do anything in

1:18:18

the gymnasium. Otherwise, that would be bit

1:18:20

silly, wouldn't it? Steve says

1:18:23

Mike decided much against the boyfriend's better judgment

1:18:25

to cycle from the boat to stratford. That

1:18:27

was something I'm not doing again till the snow and ice

1:18:29

goes, I couldn't believe I was watching people cycling

1:18:32

the other day. And I remember thinking, this is

1:18:34

quite dangerous on the on the pavement. The roads were

1:18:36

actually okay. It was the pavement that

1:18:39

were the the dangerous little bits. Lewis

1:18:41

says as mister Moils asked you to turn on the Christmas

1:18:43

light, in his studio. No. No.

1:18:47

Actually strangely enough, I haven't haven't

1:18:49

spoken to him since he got back from the jungle.

1:18:51

Because every time I go past this tune is red

1:18:53

lights on. You can't just walk in when they're

1:18:55

talking, that would be a height of rudeness. So

1:18:58

I would just you to stand out I've seen Pippa

1:19:00

more than I've seen him. It's the way

1:19:02

it goes. Steve says Tim, second

1:19:04

week of Melbourne summer, and it's fifteen

1:19:07

degrees and raining. Scaping to Brisbane

1:19:09

for the weekend where it's thirty one degrees.

1:19:11

Wow. So I couldn't cope. Oh, look, we

1:19:14

got a picture of the August moon. Where's

1:19:15

the picture of the August moon? This

1:19:17

will bring that. Oh, I might cry.

1:19:20

I might cry. It was it was never a very

1:19:22

big frontage to the shop. Never

1:19:24

a very big frontage. Wait a minute.

1:19:26

There it is. Obviously, you've got the Laundrauma

1:19:29

in and then next to it. Is

1:19:31

the the August moon there. My

1:19:34

goodness, mate. You know, I forgot there was a launderette

1:19:36

there. As you just could look and look, you've seen

1:19:38

next door as well. There's

1:19:40

a bureau, a

1:19:41

detective agency in Newbury,

1:19:44

but the August moon, how lovely.

1:19:47

Oh, I still love that. I never went to the evening,

1:19:49

mainly because we lived, you know, a bit out,

1:19:52

not too far out, but just a little bit out. Thank you

1:19:54

very much indeed for that, Peter. That's

1:19:56

that's brought back some memories. Fill in angle

1:19:58

c. Engle c. We got

1:20:00

people listening all over the place. He's probably

1:20:02

in a gang. Do you think he's in a gang? What sort of gang

1:20:04

is in? Or be a fisherman's gang.

1:20:07

I bet they sing songs as well. I

1:20:09

bet they sing songs. Steve, but you feel

1:20:11

the cold so bad. Suggest you try

1:20:13

wild swimming. You are joking.

1:20:15

I know exactly what wild swimming is. You wouldn't

1:20:17

get me anywhere near it. Wild

1:20:20

swimming. That's where where people he says,

1:20:22

you don't feel the cold so much. Wild.

1:20:26

Sorry. We keeping you up with something. We've had a boring

1:20:28

text. Didn't like it, honestly.

1:20:31

Showing his true colors this morning ladies and

1:20:33

gentlemen. Definitely, he's not in a

1:20:35

gang. That's why he's jealous. He wants to

1:20:37

be in a gang, but nobody wants him. He'd be the

1:20:39

last person picked out when they go at school, you know.

1:20:41

Okay. He's performing a football team. It's been

1:20:44

been been minor and Alex

1:20:46

says, Elliot, no, not you do. And

1:20:48

we'll get and that's it. And he'd be the one sound to

1:20:50

go, but I want to play

1:20:52

football and I go, what do you count?

1:20:54

You know? You're twenty seven, and

1:20:57

you don't fit into our team. Steve got by Tito

1:20:59

yesterday, says Amari and Saraje.

1:21:01

Great. I may frame it rather than

1:21:04

putting it in the draw. Thank you, LBC. Thomas

1:21:06

Skinner's story made me smile. It

1:21:08

made me smile as well, actually. We

1:21:11

had little chuckle earlier on. She said, keep warm

1:21:13

and have a good day. Thank you. Thank

1:21:15

you. And Bobby

1:21:17

in Edinburgh, says,

1:21:19

I love hearing your West Middle Sex

1:21:21

Storage and in particularly, the nineteen biscuits stuff.

1:21:23

I went to Nella Hall as a

1:21:25

pupil in nineteen seventy eight seventy nine

1:21:27

and had friend Clive Mears who played football

1:21:30

with me. And I'm sure he was a salesman with

1:21:32

United biscuits and stayed in bed font.

1:21:34

My uncle used to run the the

1:21:39

the milk place in Bedford, I'm a good news

1:21:41

to go and say that he he ran the dairy

1:21:44

there. But he says I was regular

1:21:46

at the Castle in Richmond, and my first night of being

1:21:48

too drunk was in the beer killer. I'm sure

1:21:50

Barry, the accordion, and trumpet player, sang

1:21:52

rude songs. I don't think he did. Oh,

1:21:54

no. No. No. No. He was in a gang.

1:21:56

And he he never he

1:21:58

never did I don't think he did rude songs, but

1:22:00

he did this unpull of people sit there and

1:22:02

this beer kind of banging their steins on

1:22:05

the table and singing, you know, I

1:22:07

mean, I nearly went into that Oompa Pompa. Oompa

1:22:09

Pompa. That's how it goes. But

1:22:11

he didn't do that. Steve said South Downs

1:22:13

Nick, the team at work were all wearing Christmas jumpers,

1:22:15

I'm not around here. Bar, humbug.

1:22:18

Seriously, nobody. I'm not seeing anybody. I'm not

1:22:20

it, not in my studio. I, of course,

1:22:22

adorned in a festive jumper with a Christmas

1:22:24

tree with flashing lights on it. You know, maybe

1:22:26

because I am

1:22:27

festive, and that's the way it works.

1:22:30

And, well, I'm in a Christmas gang as well.

1:22:32

We all have our own jumpers, which

1:22:34

is very nice actually. I don't

1:22:36

have no want to Christmas jumper, says

1:22:38

Nick. Am

1:22:39

I alone in feeling, Willy, are you alone?

1:22:42

I suspect you're alone. Everybody wants to wear Christmas

1:22:44

jumpers. He said, alright. Just a Grinch. Well,

1:22:46

you can be at a grinch, but at least wear a Christmas

1:22:49

jumper. I mean, they're so cheap. They're all

1:22:51

over the place. You know, you can even get a Martha's Spencer's

1:22:53

and they've got them. Oh,

1:22:55

dear. Steve,

1:22:57

from Dave in plymouth, the

1:23:00

bowel cancer screening test has arrived, not a

1:23:02

nice subject encourage your punters to do it.

1:23:04

I've done it twice. Twice. You

1:23:06

have to do it. If you're a certain

1:23:08

age because they can check with

1:23:11

a minute of a sample, they they

1:23:13

can check to see if there's anything there. And

1:23:15

I was all clear. All

1:23:17

clear, which is which is what you wanna hear, isn't

1:23:20

it? That's you want to hear. And here's

1:23:22

a lovely little picture of

1:23:24

a bizarre looking zebra. And

1:23:27

this one has not got stripes. He's got

1:23:29

spots. All over his body because he's in

1:23:31

a gang. He's in a gang, these spotty

1:23:34

gang. And they're all here. But

1:23:37

they'd they'd say, I'm in a gang.

1:23:39

I mean,

1:23:40

I'm in the radio gang. Yeah.

1:23:43

You are not in the radio gang.

1:23:45

You want to be, but nobody wants

1:23:47

you.

1:23:48

In their gang. But this is in

1:23:50

the Massaimara. And

1:23:53

somebody says, I was rather lucky to get they're so

1:23:55

cute. But the trouble is I've I've watched the mess

1:23:57

I'm iron. I've watched the lions, you

1:23:59

know,

1:24:00

sort of

1:24:01

separating little things like

1:24:03

this from their mummies. Because the herds

1:24:06

of zebra, huge, huge thousands

1:24:08

of them, and the lions stalk

1:24:11

them.

1:24:12

And and bring them down.

1:24:14

And you and a little thing like this would

1:24:16

just be considered if you rely on

1:24:18

a snack. It

1:24:20

wouldn't even you know, it's not a and

1:24:22

the mothers do their best to protect them. But when

1:24:24

they're at this age, they're very vulnerable, very

1:24:26

vulnerable. Don't like it. I'm one of those sort

1:24:28

of people who's shouting at the television. Go away, you horrible

1:24:30

lion. They don't hear me.

1:24:33

And the and the team who actually film them, they don't

1:24:35

do anything about it. I've which doesn't help.

1:24:38

Mint supply for breakfast with cinnamon and

1:24:40

vanilla cream says Ashley can't

1:24:42

wait to get off the bus again today to warm up.

1:24:44

Yet why a bus is so blooming cold and yet

1:24:46

in the summer? You swelter on there because

1:24:48

you've got the heating on. Don't they put a heating on buses?

1:24:52

He says, please do not climb on your ponds

1:24:54

in your garden. If it's frozen, had a friend yesterday,

1:24:56

cut his arm, getting leaves off. Simple

1:24:58

or what? Don't go anywhere near frozen.

1:25:00

Frozen water is a no no. A

1:25:03

huge no no and not just

1:25:05

because of this tragedy this year

1:25:07

because every year we read something, there was picture

1:25:09

of some girls yesterday. Honor

1:25:11

Frozen Pomp two school girls to

1:25:14

the police went past, went get off

1:25:17

sickos? I mean, seriously

1:25:19

how stupid. So hopefully, some parent

1:25:21

to be looking at it going, are you stupid? These

1:25:24

little lads have just lost their life and you're standing

1:25:26

on a frozen pond.

1:25:28

God. I don't know why these why

1:25:32

Bert Grylls has revealed his big sister,

1:25:34

used

1:25:35

to make him dance and eat raw bacon.

1:25:37

He did always struggle with big groups of people.

1:25:39

His former SAS. Known

1:25:41

for eating wildlife. See, I can't I've heard of people

1:25:44

who eat roadkill. In fact, they

1:25:46

they sort of they'd acted, oh, I'm not interested

1:25:48

like that. But he He says,

1:25:50

he was called Bear when he was a

1:25:52

week old, made him perform epic stunts. So,

1:25:55

I mean, I'm assuming that is his name,

1:25:57

Bear Grylls.

1:25:58

So it became bare. It

1:26:01

seems a bit old, doesn't it really? There you go.

1:26:04

Plus the men who put the hell into

1:26:06

hell raising the actors, people like

1:26:09

Pietro tool, Oliver

1:26:11

Reid, Richard Harris, He

1:26:14

played Albus Dumbledore in the

1:26:16

first two Harry Potter films. He

1:26:19

used to consume

1:26:20

vast quantities

1:26:23

of of cocaine, his

1:26:25

son Jamie recalled finding his

1:26:27

dad head down in a bag of powder in the nineteen

1:26:30

seventies. My joy in those days,

1:26:32

it was fashionable. You went to a Hollywood party,

1:26:34

and there would be

1:26:35

a bowl of cocaine. I can honestly

1:26:37

stand here now while I'm sitting. And

1:26:40

tell you that I've never done cocaine in my life.

1:26:42

I could I'd be too frightened. Way

1:26:44

too frightened. Richard Burton was another one.

1:26:46

He smoked hundred cigarettes a day.

1:26:48

Washed down with three bottles of vodka.

1:26:50

He once drank, twenty one shots

1:26:52

of tequila on a film set before diving into

1:26:55

the sea to find a shark. That's

1:26:57

why he used to argue all the time with it with

1:26:59

Elizabeth. Dennis Hopper was another one of Jack

1:27:01

Nicholson. He's filed with five children

1:27:03

by four women but married only once.

1:27:06

And he got he's eighty five now.

1:27:08

He got so drunk at the nineteen seventy nine

1:27:10

party reportedly staggered up to Princess

1:27:12

Margaret and suggest they suggested

1:27:14

they go to the bathroom and do a line of cocaine.

1:27:18

That

1:27:18

should prove that to Princess Margaret. Princess Margaret

1:27:20

got very upset some of it. Tell me

1:27:22

something. It was a story. I think she was at

1:27:24

something. It was a a thing and she was sitting

1:27:26

in the royal box. It must've been a royal variety performance

1:27:29

and that somebody made made a comment

1:27:31

about, you know, all

1:27:33

you queens down here and the queen

1:27:36

up there or some whatever it was. Apparently,

1:27:38

she took umptage and wrote to this particular

1:27:40

person saying, I expect an apology. I

1:27:43

mean, she was a bit peculiar princess Margaret,

1:27:45

and I say it's it's but, you know, a near

1:27:47

do well. Almost like a spare. Have

1:27:50

you forgotten says, Ken, you're in the groovy gang? I

1:27:52

know didn't wanna mention it because the producer

1:27:54

doesn't know about the groovy gang. He doesn't

1:27:56

know how important it is and

1:27:59

how we've sold

1:27:59

glasses for the Groovy

1:28:02

gang. All the people who are in the group again.

1:28:04

You're all in the group again, except him because

1:28:06

he's not invited. And I won't even tell him

1:28:08

what the password is. You

1:28:09

know? Grew

1:28:11

delicious. But, you know, I'm not gonna

1:28:13

tell him that actually. I don't see why

1:28:15

should have to. Nobody can make me unless

1:28:17

they really push I've got a lovely

1:28:19

box of goodies the other day. In

1:28:22

fact, yesterday, they arrived in. I've got a picture

1:28:25

sent to me. By our Hilary.

1:28:27

And she said, who's a lucky boy?

1:28:29

And then I opened it and I thought, wow,

1:28:32

that

1:28:32

was very nice.

1:28:33

Steve Allo on LVC.

1:28:36

Text 84850

1:28:38

Morning morning. Have you driven your

1:28:40

car in the snow yet? Says

1:28:42

Anushka, yes, it was okay, but I'm in more

1:28:45

park and it looks lethal out there. Are you due

1:28:47

to drive soon? No. I haven't.

1:28:49

I drove on Sunday. We didn't have any

1:28:52

any snow, and I probably won't drive

1:28:54

today either. I probably drive about three

1:28:56

times a week.

1:28:57

It depends. But I mean, all the snowers melted

1:29:00

round our way, so we don't have anything else. I mean,

1:29:02

yesterday, it probably would have been an issue because

1:29:05

I'm not the trouble is when I sort of

1:29:07

turn around in the car, The back invariably

1:29:09

follows me because the car is so heavy. It's like two and

1:29:11

a half ton of car. Well, it is now filled the boot

1:29:14

up. She's

1:29:14

all very excited with sort of christpasy items.

1:29:17

So the answer is no, but I will be very

1:29:19

soon. Karen says I was sixty

1:29:21

last week. My bowel screening kicked

1:29:23

arrived, waiting the results. Fingers crossed all will

1:29:26

be clear. I've reached that age where screening

1:29:28

is vital. Yep. Absolutely. I did it twice.

1:29:30

Once with NHS and once with the doctors. And

1:29:34

it it was clear. I was clear. I went in

1:29:37

for the for the bowel screening. I had

1:29:39

the colonoscopy, the endoscopy, and

1:29:41

it was it was fine. Absolutely fine.

1:29:44

And easy peasy to do. Very

1:29:46

easy peasy. The difficulty was doing the bowel

1:29:48

cancer screening

1:29:50

sample thing. That was that was I rejected

1:29:52

the kit about three times actually thinking, I don't

1:29:55

wanna do that. Why would you wanna do that?

1:29:57

Sixty eight for God's sake. Anyway, so this lovely

1:29:59

box arrived with lovely pictures

1:30:02

on it. And it said Marks and Spencer,

1:30:04

so I was very impressed straight away. And

1:30:06

it turns out it's team wrong foot

1:30:09

because you can send festive cheer

1:30:12

to colleagues at M and S Ramford,

1:30:14

AKA team Ramford, they released

1:30:17

a sequel to last year's

1:30:19

festive hit This is not just

1:30:21

another Christmas song this time,

1:30:23

with a very special guest appearance rising

1:30:25

to fame via their entertaining TikTok

1:30:28

video. This Christmas team, Ronfred,

1:30:30

has been inspired by one of the most iconic festive

1:30:32

music videos of all time, which is

1:30:35

e seventeen's stay another

1:30:37

day. It's

1:30:38

one of my favorite songs. Baby

1:30:40

Don't you?

1:30:43

The new original song is accompanied by music

1:30:45

video. And they've got original

1:30:47

band member, Terry Coldwell. Bottling

1:30:50

up a boy band for the festive season, the video

1:30:52

sees Terry take a famous M and S snow

1:30:54

globe Likker of the Rumford

1:30:57

shells only to find TikTok sensations,

1:30:59

team Rumford singing inside. So well done

1:31:01

to them. And this follows

1:31:04

up from last year's smash hit, which

1:31:06

reach number two on the iTunes

1:31:08

chart. So team Rumford, you gotta

1:31:10

go for You gotta go for another happy

1:31:12

bunch. Very happy bunch. It's lovely

1:31:15

to see a picture of them all

1:31:17

and and a picture of Terry as well.

1:31:20

What more could you want for the festive season

1:31:22

than a bottled up boy band from Rumford

1:31:24

and a rumpford very well. Very

1:31:26

well. My auntie, I've used to swear by

1:31:28

Rumford Market and the

1:31:30

father of my god children used to have a stall,

1:31:32

Robert Mark. And what happens is you buy a stall.

1:31:35

So in other words, families have got them. There's a

1:31:37

limit how many stalls they've got. And you can only

1:31:39

get it if a family decide to sell you their stalls

1:31:41

so they can go for an awful lot of money. And

1:31:44

they they swore by Ronford Market.

1:31:46

My auntie Ivy would go there all the time.

1:31:48

She loved it. I've been there on numerous occasions

1:31:51

numerous occasions. 885

1:31:54

o's david LBC dot co

1:31:56

dot UK. So good luck.

1:31:58

Team Rumford.

1:31:59

Not just another Christmas song,

1:32:02

but hopefully

1:32:03

even better in the chance, even better good

1:32:05

luck for this year. Cabs

1:32:08

will ferry patients to hospital during the

1:32:10

turmoil. And,

1:32:13

you know, that's what's gotta happen.

1:32:15

It's the only way we we can do it, I'm afraid.

1:32:17

Prince Harry has claimed people were Peter lied

1:32:20

to protect my brother but refused to help him and his

1:32:22

wife, Meghan. He's just chipped

1:32:24

on his shoulders. Isn't he both of them? It's

1:32:26

just, you know, just leave it. Please

1:32:29

leave it. Confusion rained

1:32:31

over who the duke was aiming his latest Netflix

1:32:34

attack at that some believed when he said

1:32:36

they had meant the royal family.

1:32:38

Netflix released two versions of the same trailer

1:32:41

for Harry and Meghan with different subtitles.

1:32:44

So, you know, people say that they've

1:32:46

taken the they to be his

1:32:48

own family. I mean, hopefully he's happy with the

1:32:50

way things are going. Because

1:32:52

it don't seem like good news to me. I mean, I don't

1:32:54

know. I've not seen the things. I have no interest in

1:32:56

seeing the thing. I couldn't care less. I

1:32:58

shall just watch the crown as usual, get

1:33:01

around to it that way. Will

1:33:03

Miller has missed out on the strictly come dancing final

1:33:05

up to losing a dance up to flirt east

1:33:09

who was sort of dancing and doing very well.

1:33:12

God knows what the budget is. I'd love to see the budget

1:33:14

for that program. Can you imagine just how

1:33:17

how much it costs millions? I reckon

1:33:19

millions. Very,

1:33:20

very expensive. Very illegal

1:33:23

Christmas lights Now many

1:33:25

of you might have bought Christmas lights

1:33:27

and and they don't work

1:33:29

or they come with a different plug socket

1:33:32

at the end. If they say you got two pronged plugs

1:33:34

don't buy them because

1:33:36

they'll be made for a different market.

1:33:39

And they're sold on Amazon and eBay,

1:33:42

which So it's Scotia.

1:33:45

We've discovered ten out of twelve lights costing

1:33:47

fifteen quid or under on the market place,

1:33:49

as well as on

1:33:50

Allie Express and Wish did not meet

1:33:52

electrical guidelines. One set

1:33:54

bought from a seller on Wish posed

1:33:57

both an electric shock risk and a fire

1:33:59

hazard. They cost thirteen quid.

1:34:01

They had a control box which could be pulled

1:34:03

apart by a child. Amazon

1:34:06

said safety is a top priority and require

1:34:08

all products offered in our store to

1:34:10

comply with

1:34:11

applicable laws and regulations.

1:34:14

Do check. Do check because it's so

1:34:17

easy to buy something. Bring it back again.

1:34:19

You plug it in and, you know, the next thing is,

1:34:22

and a total disaster, total

1:34:24

disaster. Santos'

1:34:27

gift of life after Tom collapses, this is father

1:34:29

Christmas who turned into a lifesaver at

1:34:31

a party. When

1:34:32

a man collapsed unconscious in a

1:34:34

suspected respiratory arrest,

1:34:37

Santa John Gilmore is a former A and

1:34:39

E nurse who runs a community

1:34:41

ambulance which he arrived in. He used

1:34:43

the defibrillator to help revive eighty

1:34:45

one year old Tom Webster in Denton. John

1:34:48

says this was not Tom

1:34:50

was not breathing.

1:34:51

Myself and first aid, Penny Brooks,

1:34:53

carrying out CPR after a time, you

1:34:55

regain consciousness. And Tom,

1:34:57

a retired planning engineer, says all I want

1:34:59

for Christmas is to stay alive. Yes.

1:35:02

Given the option, stay alive is good.

1:35:04

I like staying in line. It's like, you know, keeping

1:35:06

the child eating, not eating. Eating

1:35:08

wins, you know, because, you know, it's

1:35:10

what you have to do if you're in a gang. You have to eat,

1:35:12

keep your keep your spirits up, which

1:35:14