0:00

It's Sophia Franklin. You're listening

0:02

to Sophia with an F

0:05

and the F is for phenomenal.

0:11

This podcast is rated F. People

0:16

go to Coachella with

0:18

their makeup artists. It's

0:21

just funny because there's

0:23

that happening next door and

0:25

then there's me hoping

0:29

that my friend's foundation

0:31

shade will hopefully match

0:33

mine. Now

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guys, this is a little bit new

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and different. I'm going to throw my

4:51

phone out the window. And let's

4:55

just jump right into this episode.

4:58

I am wearing a bucket hat. I

5:02

am wearing sunglasses. I am

5:04

wearing ridiculous pants that are about to

5:06

bust at the seams and not because

5:08

I have a thought ass because I

5:12

have a thought vagina apparently.

5:14

But welcome to Sophia with

5:16

an F. And if you

5:20

want to see how I'm looking right

5:22

now, which I feel like you definitely

5:24

should subscribe to my YouTube

5:26

channel. And we have

5:29

a very special episode in for

5:31

us right now because

5:33

I haven't done one of these in a

5:35

while. And it's

5:37

just going to be me

5:39

for the next however long.

5:42

It's just going to be

5:44

me talking to you guys

5:46

directly. And I'm recording

5:48

this from home and we always know

5:50

how crazy that shit gets. So

5:53

Coachella, that's

5:56

really what inspired this

5:58

episode. if you

6:01

guys haven't been hit with

6:03

enough Coachella propaganda, I'm

6:05

here to bring it back. The

6:07

reason I want to talk about it is I'm

6:09

going to list it

6:11

in order of importance. Okay.

6:14

Number one thing, I met

6:16

so many flutes,

6:20

like so fucking many of you,

6:22

we were taking shots, we were

6:24

dancing. I think I tried to

6:26

take one of your guys's sunglasses,

6:28

but then I felt bad and

6:30

I didn't. We were having like

6:32

deep conversations in the Gobi tent.

6:34

It was sick. Like it was

6:36

so fun and amazing. And I'm,

6:40

you guys made me look fucking dope,

6:43

especially because I was

6:46

with my manager half the

6:48

time. It was a

6:50

magical experience. Not because it

6:52

was Coachella, not because

6:54

of the drugs involved, not

6:57

because of the music, God

6:59

forbid, but because of

7:01

you guys. That's number one. Number two, I

7:05

saw Taylor Swift and Travis

7:07

Kelsey. Number three is,

7:10

are you guys ready for the actual

7:12

cringiest shit ever? It

7:15

was the most unexpected,

7:18

incredible growing experience for me.

7:22

And me saying

7:24

that about Coachella, which I

7:26

have without a doubt, no

7:28

question talked so much shit.

7:32

And I'm going to tell you why. Okay. I've

7:34

been to Coachella twice. Once

7:37

I went using a fake ID, half

7:40

of my friends ended up in the

7:42

medical tent. I peed

7:44

myself and I still

7:47

got on a guy's shoulders. And

7:49

that was Coachella experience. Number

7:51

one. And then my second

7:53

Coachella, my

7:55

ex did not invite

7:58

me. So he was my boyfriend. at the

8:00

time, but then one

8:03

of the friends like took

8:05

a stripper and then something

8:07

happened with a stripper and like they both

8:09

had to leave and my boyfriend calls

8:11

me up and he's like, yo there's an

8:14

extra artist pass I don't know if you want to

8:16

catch like the last

8:18

performance of the night and then you

8:20

can do Sunday and I was like,

8:23

baby of course I

8:26

am so happy that you would even

8:28

think of me I'm

8:30

sure there were ten other bitches

8:33

you tried to get here but I'm

8:35

the one who's gonna get on this

8:37

flight and get right on

8:39

over so that was Coachella Experience

8:42

number two and

8:44

I didn't really

8:46

like ever want to

8:48

go back not because it was

8:50

like this horrible experience

8:53

not it just I

8:55

haven't been to a music festival in

8:59

years like that was ten years

9:01

ago and I

9:03

can't honestly think of one

9:05

music festival that I've been

9:07

to since then okay why

9:10

did I decide to go honestly it's

9:12

it's because a I had

9:16

missed out on going to the People's Choice

9:18

Awards and like I felt like shit like

9:21

that was a bad call on my part and just

9:25

for like I'm not

9:27

gonna say networking because I think

9:31

I knew goddamn well no networking

9:33

was gonna be happening but

9:36

maybe like from like a branding

9:38

get content perspective that

9:40

was like that was the tiniest

9:43

reason why second reason

9:45

was Lana del

9:48

Rey she has been my queen

9:51

she has been my everything and that's

9:55

it this third reason

9:57

is because I I

10:00

have a completely warped view of

10:03

my life right now. I

10:06

think about things and

10:08

live my life as if every

10:10

day were my last. And

10:13

not from a gratitude protective,

10:16

not from this like you

10:19

only have now and

10:21

tomorrow isn't promised, so take

10:23

life by the reins kind of thing. It's

10:26

this totally warped

10:30

delulu perspective that I have. And

10:36

it's not even a perspective. It's something

10:38

I actually believe that this

10:41

is gonna be my last Coachella

10:43

because come Coachella 2025,

10:47

I'm gonna be married with kids. I

10:51

have to go to this

10:53

particular Coachella because considering

10:56

my age, this time

10:58

next year I'll be living in the

11:01

countryside, newlywed

11:04

and four months pregnant.

11:06

Do I have a boyfriend? No. Has

11:10

anyone proposed to me? No. Have

11:12

I had sex and had someone

11:15

ejaculated in and

11:17

around that area to produce a baby?

11:19

No. So it's just, I see

11:22

that it's completely delusional and

11:24

it doesn't make sense, but

11:26

that's where I'm at in my life.

11:28

And so I think for all of those

11:30

reasons, it just kind of came together. But

11:34

I wanna focus on why

11:36

it was life-changing because it

11:38

really was. I need

11:40

to preface this. I need to start

11:42

from the beginning so you guys really

11:44

understand where my head was at. I

11:48

was invited to go by my manager

11:52

and my management team. I'm

11:55

not gonna say invited, but they had a

11:57

house in Palm Springs. My manager was invited.

12:00

was like, why not? It

12:02

will be so much fun. Just

12:04

come do it. You'll have the best time. And

12:09

I was like, bet. I wanted to

12:11

bring a friend so that I have

12:14

someone that I knew intimately and

12:17

that would make me feel a little bit safer. And

12:20

you know, I was going to force that bitch to

12:22

get all the content in the world of me. Mind

12:25

you, the day

12:28

before I was in

12:30

Canada, you

12:33

heard that correctly. There was no

12:35

stutter. I had flown

12:37

to Canada from

12:39

New York, spent

12:41

the night there, worked

12:44

all day, left that

12:46

day back to New

12:48

York, and then was

12:51

off to California. And what

12:54

started off as like this

12:58

weekend of just

13:00

pure bliss. Well, that's

13:02

what I thought it was going to be. The weekend

13:05

started off bad.

13:07

And then it got

13:09

worse. And then it

13:11

got really, really

13:13

bad and progressively worse.

13:18

And I almost actually flew

13:20

back to New York. That's how

13:22

bad it got. And

13:24

I am so happy that I

13:27

decided to stay because that's when

13:29

all of these like incredible things

13:31

started to come together for me.

13:34

So day one, I wake

13:37

up late. I

13:39

am looking everywhere for my makeup

13:41

bag, left it in

13:43

the Uber. Okay. You

13:46

know what, not, it's not

13:49

even a big deal. I'm borrowing

13:52

my friend's makeup. And

13:55

it's like, the

13:58

reason it's funny is People

14:02

go to Coachella with

14:04

their makeup artists. It's

14:07

just funny because there's

14:09

that happening next door,

14:12

and then there's me hoping

14:15

that my friend's foundation shade

14:17

will hopefully match mine. Oh

14:21

my god, and then the outfits.

14:24

The outfits. Girls

14:27

are planning their outfits months

14:30

in advance, and when I say they

14:32

are planning it, I mean they're stylists.

14:35

That's another question. Are they

14:38

traveling and just rolling in

14:40

deep with the makeup artists,

14:43

hair stylists, clothing stylists?

14:45

Is that really how

14:47

it works? I'm

14:50

going to get into it. I'm going to ask some of

14:52

my friends. That

14:54

was not me. Me and

14:56

my assistant were ripping

14:58

open Amazon packages

15:01

like crazy buffoons

15:03

and just complete

15:05

chaos and throwing

15:07

headscarves out and seeing if

15:09

this shirt fit me and

15:12

these boots. Okay, they didn't show up on

15:14

time. Oh shit, two of my outfits didn't

15:16

show up on time. Just

15:18

ripping apart all of

15:20

these Amazon packages two

15:23

hours before my flight, and that was

15:25

kind of the vibe I was on. But

15:28

I mean, it was fine. The things

15:31

I've packed were

15:34

a little bit interesting. Why

15:37

did I feel the need to pack space

15:40

blankets? If you are

15:42

not familiar with what a space blanket is,

15:44

I didn't know what it was either.

15:47

I just typed in what

15:49

to pack for Coachella

15:52

because it's been that long. And

15:55

I don't know, someone mentioned

15:57

it gets really cold at night.

16:00

So make sure you buy these little

16:02

space blanket things and I was like

16:05

bet buy a little fan Bet

16:07

like whatever this list on this

16:09

article said I bought every single

16:11

thing this space blankets are essentially

16:15

Which I found out while I

16:17

was at the festival freezing my

16:19

ass off and it's this aluminum

16:23

foil metallic

16:26

silver Finding

16:28

crazy alien space poncho

16:31

is what it is

16:33

and It

16:35

does keep you warm I'm

16:38

gonna give you that Perfect for

16:40

neon carnival. I think

16:42

it's meant more for like if you're

16:46

hiking out in the

16:48

mountains and there's a chance that you're

16:50

gonna have to like spend the night and It's

16:53

like it's like literally an emergency kit,

16:56

but it was all good I definitely

16:58

have like some cute shit with me. We

17:01

get ready. I have a couple

17:03

shots we make

17:06

the absolute pilgrimage

17:10

to the festival I forgot how long

17:15

and intensive

17:17

and massive Coachella

17:21

Valley is and I

17:23

had an artist pass and

17:25

I'm not saying that to brag I'm saying that

17:27

to be like I had

17:29

an artist pass and I felt as if

17:31

I was like

17:35

in Yosemite National Park and

17:39

should have had a walking stick and

17:42

then there's just a line after a line and

17:44

then you Get in like a

17:46

golf cart and then there's a guy with

17:48

a bicycle and then you don't have cash

17:51

So then you like then no random person

17:53

to give you cash and then you get

17:55

on it and it's like Can

17:57

I get to the festival please? Yeah,

18:01

I forgot about that whole part about

18:03

Coachella. The

18:05

other thing about the artist's past is

18:08

I have never been around

18:10

so many gorgeous people in

18:12

my life. It's

18:14

like, there's already the

18:16

hottest people living in LA and

18:18

Miami and New

18:21

York, and then you

18:23

take all of those

18:25

people and then you concentrate that

18:28

area even more so and

18:30

you shove them all into the artist's

18:32

past section. It was

18:35

like model after model after model.

18:38

And this could be me being like a total hater.

18:41

Is it just me or do models

18:45

just look pouty

18:48

and upset? Like

18:51

24-7. If

19:00

you're like me and your CD

19:02

organizer was filled with now that's

19:05

what I call diss and illegally

19:07

downloaded music you got off of

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just remember looking around and the

21:21

most beautiful girls

21:25

just, they have like this like, this

21:27

pal. Like they like actually

21:29

wanted to die being there. I don't know,

21:31

maybe it's like the model off beauty look.

21:34

It's probably how I fucking look, honestly,

21:36

but I thought that was

21:39

like an interesting observation and

21:41

the vibes are

21:43

amazing. I ran into like all

21:45

these people I know, uh

21:48

Lil Uzi Vert is performing.

21:50

I saw No Doubt. I'm

21:52

obviously mixing up the days.

21:54

I'm laughing.

21:56

I'm getting the margarita.

22:00

Red Bull they ask if you want a

22:03

single or a double shot. Like

22:07

it's in the details. Like it's shit

22:09

like that where I was like, yeah,

22:13

I'm meant to be here. Oh my

22:15

God. I just remembered I saw like Teresa Judice

22:17

from Real House. I was in New Jersey. And

22:20

the reason that celebrity is sticking out to

22:22

me is because she like

22:24

took a picture with someone and then I

22:26

saw someone basically run over

22:28

her daughter and spill their

22:31

drinks everywhere. Just like a

22:33

random side note. But

22:35

we were laughing and we

22:37

were dancing and we were

22:39

vibing and the energy was

22:42

insane. And I'm

22:44

turning up and

22:47

turning up even more. And

22:50

then we are headed to Lana

22:52

Del Rey. I got

22:54

to the tent early because she was the

22:56

most important, really the only person I genuinely

22:59

cared to see. And

23:04

I feel the turn

23:06

up upping,

23:09

you know? Like

23:11

the partying intensifies.

23:15

And this is kind of how these things

23:17

go when you are partying and you have

23:19

not been to a festival

23:22

in 10 years and you are

23:24

acting like you are still that

23:26

young girl at her first rave

23:29

at the Salt Air in Utah.

23:32

And it's getting more and more intense.

23:35

And I have to vomit everywhere.

23:39

And I really was like trying to

23:41

be in denial for so long. Like

23:44

I, it was probably written all

23:46

over my face, but like, that's

23:48

a great thing about the

23:50

bucket hat, the sunglasses

23:53

and the scarf. Because

23:56

you just wrap that shit around your

23:58

face and no one knows. what

24:01

kind of vibe you are in. I

24:04

was really just trying to write it out until

24:07

I was like, would

24:09

I rather puke right here

24:11

in front of all these people standing

24:14

up like into my shoes? Or should

24:17

I be somewhat ladylike and maybe like do

24:19

it off to the side? So

24:23

shit hits me.

24:26

Overwhelming doesn't even begin to explain it. I

24:28

grabbed my friend and I'm like, I am

24:31

so sorry. Can we just like go sit

24:33

in the grass for a sec? She's like,

24:35

absolutely. We sit down and

24:40

I almost feel like I shouldn't

24:42

have sat down. Cause

24:44

then I was just like feeling

24:46

the grass as if I had

24:48

never touched grass before. But

24:51

then I'm like rocking back and forth

24:54

and heaving because I

24:57

need to puke

24:59

and empty my stomach out.

25:01

Long story short, Major

25:04

L, the biggest

25:06

rookie mistake fuck up,

25:10

biggest L of my life.

25:13

And I didn't see a lot of

25:15

Del Rey. I saw her from

25:17

my math book when I got back to the

25:20

house and wrapped myself

25:22

up in a bunch of blankets and was

25:24

laying there. And my

25:26

day one of Coachella was a, was

25:29

a disaster. It was a complete failure.

25:31

And then it got

25:33

worse. A weekend that started

25:36

off bad, went

25:39

from bad to what

25:42

in the fuck is happening. I wake

25:45

up the next day, my

25:49

friend's bags are packed. Her

25:52

suitcases are by the door and

25:54

I am like, what

25:56

the fuck? What's happening? What's going

25:58

on? And

26:00

I'm not gonna get into it because I love

26:02

her and she had her

26:05

reasons. I

26:07

remember like pleading with her like,

26:10

I swear to God, I'm not

26:12

gonna do anything or party that

26:14

hard tonight. Like I got it.

26:16

I just, I needed to kind

26:18

of get my bearings in and

26:20

it's been a while for me.

26:24

My friend leaves and flies

26:27

back to her. I'm

26:31

in this house with people I don't

26:33

really know. I

26:36

work with them. I exchanged some fun

26:38

words and vibes and

26:45

I'm in this house with people

26:47

I don't really know. I

26:52

work with them. I,

26:55

you know, exchange some

26:57

fun words and vibes like

27:00

at the festival, but besides

27:03

that, like I'm so

27:05

low dolo. And I

27:09

walk outside of my room and

27:12

everyone who's staying at the house,

27:14

which is like five, six people,

27:16

including my manager, they're like,

27:19

what the fuck? Like,

27:21

is your friend good? And

27:25

I start crying in

27:29

front of everybody because I'm like my abandonment

27:31

issues. I'm

27:36

also like, do I get a flight

27:38

home too? Like it

27:40

was supposed to be kind of me and

27:42

my friend doing this whole thing. And

27:46

I look like a fucking lunatic to

27:49

these people. And

27:52

it's this weird dynamic where we're all

27:54

there to party and like be homies,

27:56

but I also work with them probably

28:00

think I am an actual

28:03

wreck, like

28:05

lunatic, you know, like that that wasn't really the

28:07

vibe I was trying to put out there. So

28:09

I go

28:12

back in my room, you know,

28:16

everyone's super nice and super

28:18

chill and they convince

28:20

me to stay and they're like you're fucking crazy,

28:22

like you're staying, your friend doesn't

28:25

need to be here, like you've got

28:27

us. And I go

28:29

back in the room and I like call my

28:31

friend and I'm like on FaceTime with her kind

28:33

of crying and I'm like I don't

28:35

even know what I did wrong and I feel like

28:38

shit about myself. And

28:40

I had this moment where it

28:42

was like do

28:44

I do

28:47

what I would normally do

28:49

and put comfort

28:52

above everything else and

28:56

go home and go to my apartment

28:58

and be in my little

29:00

safety zone

29:05

or do I just stay here and do

29:07

this alone, you

29:10

know. And I decided to stay

29:17

and that is

29:19

really where things changed

29:23

in the most unexpected way

29:25

because you guys again remember

29:27

I don't really do shit

29:29

alone. I'm always in a relationship.

29:36

I make sure that I have like a friend

29:38

with me. I have never traveled

29:41

alone, like I've never done anything

29:43

like that. And so I

29:46

no longer have

29:48

this security blanket and

29:50

I need to be

29:52

self-reliant. Of course I

29:54

have everyone staying with me

29:57

and my management team and And

30:00

that's where magical,

30:03

incredible experiences started to

30:05

happen. I got

30:08

to know my team. I

30:10

am absolutely obsessed with each and

30:12

every single one of them. I

30:15

met all of these people at

30:17

the festival and not just the

30:19

sluts, just like really cool people

30:22

who I wouldn't have met

30:24

if I was sitting there relying on

30:26

the friend that I had brought with me.

30:29

Like none of those things would have happened.

30:32

I was way more present

30:36

because I didn't have anyone

30:38

there to fucking get content

30:40

and take pictures of

30:42

me and all of my cool outfits.

30:46

I'm just kidding. That's not why. I was

30:48

just, I was more present because I was

30:52

more myself. They

30:54

reminded me that

30:56

there are genuine people

30:58

out there who

31:01

actually care about me and want

31:04

me to succeed and not

31:08

everyone is like this spiteful,

31:12

scary, gonna fuck me over type

31:15

of person. And

31:18

I've kind of lived in that for

31:20

a really long time now. That

31:23

was a big deal for me, to be honest. And

31:26

all of the look

31:29

perfect and I

31:31

don't have makeup anymore and

31:35

maybe I'm not getting the pictures and

31:37

like all of that shit just no

31:39

longer mattered to me. And I was

31:41

like, I just want to

31:43

have fun. And

31:45

I really dig the people I'm

31:47

with and the people I'm meeting.

31:51

It's a human experience that I

31:53

have not had in a very

31:56

long time. things,

32:00

although in nature are not

32:02

a lot of

32:05

pressure, at least they shouldn't be, like

32:07

they should just be this show up

32:10

and have an incredible time and listen

32:12

to music and vibe and all

32:15

these wonderful things. When

32:18

you're going, especially

32:20

in my situation where

32:23

there's like brands and

32:26

there's all of this pressure to

32:28

get content and have the coolest

32:30

outfit ever and the makeup and

32:32

the blah blah blah, like these

32:35

events can be

32:37

super alienating and

32:39

intimidating. I

32:42

don't think a lot of people would admit

32:44

to that, but it's true. And

32:47

you're surrounded by the most

32:50

beautiful on their

32:52

shit, brought their fucking

32:54

assistance and content, creators,

32:59

machine people with them. And

33:02

that wasn't me. Of course I made

33:04

part of my team get some pics of

33:07

me, but like that

33:09

was no longer the main

33:11

point. And

33:13

I'm so happy for that. It

33:16

allowed me the room to

33:19

reconnect with

33:22

myself and be Sophia.

33:24

I'm always like in my apartment

33:27

buried in work or doing this

33:29

next thing or this next thing.

33:32

And it wasn't like that. And I was

33:34

like, I was alone, but not alone. It

33:37

showed me what I can

33:39

do by myself. It

33:41

made me way more

33:44

confident, to be honest, as

33:48

an individual. Not only did it make

33:50

me feel more confident, but like as

33:52

a creative person, like it just

33:55

it opened up so many doors. And

33:57

again, I met the coolest people.

34:00

I met this dude who was from Utah

34:05

Like at Zenyara At

34:08

the fucking on the beach where I

34:10

also lost my phone That's

34:12

a whole other thing I'm

34:14

not only solo but like come the last day

34:17

of the festival. I don't even have a phone

34:19

I have no choice but

34:21

to rely and trust the

34:23

people around me and I'm so

34:26

Happy I did I am so Fucking

34:29

happy I did and I

34:32

don't want it to sound like me me me me me.

34:34

It's But it

34:36

was really transformative Because

34:38

I'm telling you like I've not put myself out

34:41

there In a

34:43

long time and I haven't been on my

34:45

own in a long time in fact I'm

34:47

never alone and part of

34:49

therapy and maturing in the last few

34:51

years has been learning to lean on

34:54

and trust myself

34:57

But also Welcome

35:00

and allow the fact that

35:02

other people are

35:04

rooting for me and welcome other

35:07

people into my life that actually care

35:09

about me and want to see me

35:11

succeed and that's what this

35:13

weekend was and I I Fucking

35:18

love Coachella. Okay,

35:21

I'm here to say it. Will I

35:23

go next year? I don't know But

35:26

now it's like I'm like I'm

35:28

down to like go do shit

35:30

by myself And I'm down to

35:32

connect with people and there's it

35:35

was just it was fucking really

35:37

cool Yes, I

35:39

took an L the first night. I'm not

35:41

gonna lie to you guys the second night

35:43

I was close to taking

35:46

a second L and

35:48

I did fit in the grass, but My

35:51

manager was not having it and

35:54

he verbatim was like Sophia You

35:57

could Make this

35:59

night take a strong left turn

36:01

for all of us right now or you can

36:04

get your ass up and come

36:06

vibe and you know

36:09

what I did I got my ass up and

36:11

I fucking vibed and I vibed

36:14

through the weekend so

36:16

RIP phone Coachella

36:19

maybe I'll see you

36:21

next year but I'm

36:24

not gonna be with a stylist or with

36:26

a makeup artist I'm gonna be sitting my

36:28

ass in the dirt and not giving a

36:30

fuck because that is what made it fun

36:40

shout out to astapro

36:42

for sponsoring this episode

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and providing me with

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free samples because

36:48

sloots I can breathe

36:50

again I talk about

36:52

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36:54

who will listen including

36:56

you guys but I use

36:59

astapro now and you should

37:01

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37:07

they throw my whole morning off feeling

37:10

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37:12

a submarine astapro is a

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37:19

didn't even know nasal sprays

37:21

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37:25

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37:27

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38:00

taking an allergy pill, honestly.

38:02

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38:43

Au revoir, sleuths. Get your passports

38:45

out because we are about to

38:47

have a summer that only a

38:50

Mary Kay and Ashley movie can

38:52

rival. But before we

38:54

hit the jetway, we're learning

38:56

a new language because how else

38:58

are we going to flirt for

39:01

free drinks internationally? How

39:03

am I going to get a spritz? I

39:05

can only bat my eyelashes so much.

39:08

Thank God for Rosetta Stone,

39:11

the most trusted language learning

39:13

program so that you can

39:15

really speak the language for

39:18

flirting or otherwise. I'm

39:20

going to be including Rosetta Stone

39:22

in my daily routine so

39:24

that by the time my summer

39:27

travels come around, I'll be just

39:29

fluent enough to get what I

39:31

want in any country.

39:33

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39:36

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39:51

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39:53

to marry a guy from Europe so

39:55

thank God. desktop

40:00

or phone, Rosetta Stone will never

40:02

be too far away. Don't

40:05

put off learning that language. There's

40:07

no better time than right now

40:09

to get started. For

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a very limited time, Sophia with

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at rosettastone.com/Sophia today.

40:45

But let's move on you guys

40:47

and let's jump into SOS,

40:51

save our sleuths, questions, stories,

40:54

advice and this first one

40:57

really hit home and I could do

40:59

an entire episode

41:01

on justice question. But here we

41:03

go. Hey Sophia, on

41:06

a more serious topic, have

41:09

you made any improvements

41:11

on stopping yourself from

41:13

self-deprecating? I

41:15

have the awful habit of saying

41:18

terrible things about myself with the

41:20

intent to make others

41:22

more comfortable. I know

41:24

you've talked about this, but could you

41:27

share how you have made self-improvement? Bold

41:30

of you to assume I have

41:32

made self-improvement, girlfriend. Oh

41:34

my God, I just did it. I

41:37

just made a

41:39

little joke that was self-deprecating

41:41

in this question

41:44

about self-deprecation. But

41:47

don't let that fool you because you are

41:49

correct, Sleuth. I have made major

41:51

improvements with this. Being

41:54

self-deprecating was

41:57

my bread and butter. I

42:01

would do it constantly.

42:04

There was not an episode

42:06

that would go out that

42:09

didn't have 20 self-deprecating remarks

42:13

within it. And

42:17

at the time, I was doing it

42:20

in the pursuit of comedy, but

42:23

also pushed this narrative

42:26

of how fucking authentic

42:28

and relatable I am.

42:32

But the thing is, I'm

42:34

naturally all of those things. I'm

42:37

naturally funny, I'm naturally authentic,

42:39

I'm naturally a relatable

42:42

person, and those remarks

42:45

were really just me feeling

42:49

a need to prove it. Why?

42:53

Because of insecurity, I think

42:56

my self-deprecation stemmed from

42:58

a lack

43:00

of self-confidence. I think it

43:03

was like a defense mechanism

43:06

where it was almost like,

43:09

let me make the joke about

43:11

myself first before anyone else can

43:13

make it. Which is

43:16

really such a dumb

43:18

way to think about it because

43:20

people are going to make jokes

43:22

about me regardless if

43:24

I throw in a self-deprecating

43:26

remark or two. That's

43:29

for sure. And

43:32

it was just me needing to prove all

43:35

of these things that I no longer feel

43:37

like I need to prove. I

43:39

still make self-deprecating comments for sure.

43:42

But there's a very big difference

43:45

between a self-deprecating

43:48

remark that

43:50

you can feel is

43:53

coming from a place of

43:56

actual humor. or

44:00

insecurity. That's a big

44:02

thing that I've learned. And

44:05

I think where the

44:07

self improvement happened was

44:10

during a therapy session

44:13

I was having and

44:15

I was talking to my

44:17

therapist and I said

44:20

something and my therapist is very

44:22

like, it's not that

44:24

she's not passionate. She doesn't sound like

44:27

me. Let's just put it that way

44:29

and call this a self-deprecating remark.

44:31

It's not the fact. I

44:34

speak very emphatically,

44:36

very dramatically, very

44:38

over the top because that's just me. That's

44:41

like the Argentine shit

44:43

in my family. Like you come over to

44:45

my house for Christmas. You think everyone's fighting.

44:48

Nope. That's just how we

44:51

talk. Very intense. My

44:54

therapist is very monotone,

44:57

even keeled and

45:00

we're talking and I

45:02

make a remark and she goes,

45:04

she cuts me off, which

45:07

never happens and says,

45:10

Sophia, why do

45:12

you talk about yourself that

45:14

way? Why

45:17

did you feel the need to

45:19

follow up that statement that was

45:21

totally valid and you're feeling

45:23

they're totally valid? Why

45:25

do you talk to yourself

45:27

and about yourself so poorly?

45:31

And I hadn't even realized

45:34

that I had done it in the moment.

45:37

Like she had to point it out to

45:39

me and that's

45:41

when I knew like, oh, so

45:44

there's a bigger thing happening here.

45:48

And then I started to

45:50

really pay attention to the way that I

45:53

talk to myself internally, like just up

45:55

in my head, in my brain and

45:57

out loud. And I started

46:00

to be way more conscious

46:02

of it and that's where I

46:04

started to make the change and

46:08

if I'm making a self-deprecating remark

46:12

it's usually coming

46:15

from a place now I would say of

46:17

me generally accepting my flaws

46:19

and like meaning what I say

46:21

but for

46:24

you because this

46:26

isn't about

46:28

me but for you Slu you

46:31

say that you have this awful habit

46:33

of saying terrible things about yourself with

46:37

the intent to make

46:39

others more comfortable that's

46:41

another huge reason why

46:45

people do self-deprecate

46:49

it is a form of

46:51

people-pleasing it's like

46:53

if someone tells you oh my

46:56

god like you look so

46:58

amazing you look so good

47:00

and your first reaction is

47:02

yeah but my fucking ass looks

47:04

like a diaper see that's what I

47:07

used to say all the time and

47:10

still kind of do but not really

47:12

because my ass is looking fat now

47:16

that but I mean that's like an example of

47:18

it this is the

47:20

funny thing about this girl you

47:23

making a self-deprecating remark

47:26

to make others feel

47:28

more comfortable is

47:30

probably having the opposite effect

47:33

and you're probably

47:35

making people feel less

47:38

comfortable you're they're

47:41

feeling uncomfortable

47:44

because you're saying

47:46

this negative thing about yourself

47:48

and most of

47:51

the time that's not really

47:53

like gonna make this

47:55

person feel like oh okay

47:57

great like she has these issues too

48:00

It can come off

48:02

a lot of times like, ooh,

48:06

this girl, I think she needs to work

48:08

on herself a little bit. And

48:11

so take that into account. The next

48:13

time you feel the need to

48:15

make someone feel comfortable and you think the only

48:18

way to do that is to talk

48:20

badly about yourself, that's

48:23

not what you need to do. What

48:25

makes people feel comfortable

48:27

is you being authentically

48:30

yourself and not

48:32

doing anything, whatever

48:34

it is, self-deprecating remarks,

48:37

what have you, to prove

48:39

to them something. That

48:42

is not what's going to make them feel comfortable

48:44

around you. So

48:48

just be aware of it

48:51

and how can you improve and

48:53

be more aware of it. Just

48:56

start paying attention. And

48:59

it will take a while at first. It

49:01

definitely took me a minute, but

49:04

have people that are really close

49:06

to you, friends, family, people you

49:09

work with, people you talk to

49:11

on a regular basis, and

49:13

literally ask them to point

49:16

out when you do

49:19

those things, when you make those

49:21

remarks. I started to have

49:23

my personal trainer do that. I

49:26

started to have my friends pointed out

49:28

or like people on my team. And

49:32

then I just started

49:34

to notice it as well. I think

49:36

a lot of mindfulness

49:39

practice and

49:41

meditation will also make you

49:43

much more aware of

49:47

how your mind's working

49:50

and the thought process

49:53

from the second thought enters your

49:56

mind till it leaves, till how

49:58

you react to it. and

50:00

just start being more conscious of it

50:02

and you will then

50:05

start reeling it back in.

50:08

And again, not all self-deprecating remarks

50:10

are bad. Sometimes it's funny

50:12

as shit. But

50:15

mine definitely got to a point where it

50:18

was like, this just

50:20

sounds like a really insecure,

50:23

scared little girl. And

50:26

I had to work on that. Next

50:29

question. My ex

50:32

was the ambitious type but

50:34

was such a shitty boyfriend.

50:37

My boyfriend now treats me

50:39

so well and our connection

50:41

is so strong, but

50:43

he's not very ambitious. Which

50:46

is better? The boyfriend

50:48

that you didn't refer to as a

50:50

shitty boyfriend, I'm going to go ahead

50:52

and say, is the one that is

50:55

better. AKA

50:59

your current boyfriend. I

51:03

don't care if a guy is ambitious,

51:07

rich, hot, funny,

51:09

cool, huge dick,

51:12

eats you out for hours. If

51:14

you're saying such a shitty

51:16

boyfriend to follow that up, then

51:19

I don't give a fuck how

51:22

ambitious this dude is. Like,

51:25

really, I truly don't care.

51:28

Go save world hunger if you're going to treat me

51:30

like shit. I don't want to be a part of

51:32

your mission. But the

51:35

boyfriend you have now, with this

51:37

really strong connection, this

51:40

is where you need to

51:44

think about things a little bit differently. Because

51:46

I'm not going to say that that means

51:49

the boyfriend you have now is your guy. Because

51:54

you have a strong connection. That

51:57

is something I've learned recently.

52:02

your connection with someone,

52:04

your chemistry with someone,

52:07

it's important,

52:11

but it's really not all

52:13

that important when you really

52:15

make a list of the

52:17

things and the values that

52:20

are important to you and a partner. I'm going

52:23

to say chemistry is coming

52:27

kind of closer to the

52:30

mid bottom of that list

52:33

alongside how ambitious they are.

52:35

Do you

52:37

guys share the same values? Is

52:40

he a nice person? Is he a

52:43

good person? Does he make you

52:45

feel safe and secure? Will

52:47

he evolve and grow with you? Does

52:49

he let you be

52:52

yourself? Those are the things

52:54

that like you need to

52:56

check off and make sure are there

52:59

before you give a fuck about connection

53:02

or ambition. And there's

53:05

your answer. But between the two, fuck the

53:07

guy that's ambitious. If he's going to treat

53:09

you like shit, we don't need him. We

53:12

just don't. And you don't

53:14

got to pick either or baby girl because we

53:17

have options. You know what

53:19

I'm saying? So don't

53:22

settle shouldn't be between one or

53:24

the other. Alright, next advice

53:27

and tips for when your crush

53:29

stays the night for the first

53:31

time. LOL. LOL is

53:33

right baby girl. When

53:36

you're having a dude you like stay

53:38

over at your place for the first

53:40

time. It's a thing. Like it is

53:43

definitely a thing. Let me tell you

53:45

what you

53:47

don't do before

53:49

I tell you what you should do.

53:53

Do not have anything waiting

53:57

for him. And what

53:59

I mean by that, is like you should

54:01

physically you know be in your

54:04

apartment waiting for him yeah do

54:06

not have a toothbrush for

54:08

him do not have a

54:10

pie in the oven for him

54:13

do not have a pair of

54:15

slippers bedside for him

54:17

this isn't the fucking four seasons

54:19

there isn't turn down service and

54:21

a little chocolate on

54:23

his pillow like do

54:25

not cater to him in any

54:27

way shape or form this is

54:30

the first time that

54:32

this guy is staying the

54:34

night and none of

54:36

those things are necessary in fact

54:38

those are absolutely terrifying

54:41

and he may run for

54:43

the hill all you gotta really

54:45

do is show up and be yourself what

54:49

i think the

54:51

biggest tip is is

54:55

for you to be comfortable

54:58

and feel comfortable because

55:01

it can be like a

55:03

little bit nerve-wracking and weird

55:06

you like clean your place

55:09

up well

55:11

i hope that i hope that goes

55:13

without saying because that would

55:15

be tip number two is he

55:18

doesn't need to know you

55:21

that well that

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rosettestone.com/RS 10 today. Like

57:09

if a guy walked into my apartment

57:11

right now, I have a box of

57:13

toilet paper, paper

57:18

towels, fucking

57:21

lighting equipment everywhere.

57:23

My mom's suitcase

57:25

sprawled open sprawled

57:28

sprawled y'all her

57:30

suitcase open like my apartment looks

57:33

like shit. Definitely make sure your

57:35

place is clean and tidy and

57:37

looks cute. However,

57:39

he doesn't give a fuck

57:41

about your 800 count bedsheets.

57:44

He doesn't care if you clean

57:46

them the night before he's a

57:48

boy. He's dirty. In fact, I

57:50

would recommend cleaning them after but

57:53

also like don't have some spray

57:55

tan sheets either. And I

57:58

think that goes without saying. The biggest tip

58:01

is do whatever you need to

58:03

do in your apartment for

58:05

you to feel comfortable. If you

58:07

want to meditate first, if you

58:10

want to do whatever like your

58:12

little ritual is first, absolutely

58:15

do it. Turn your apartment into

58:17

a vibe without trying too hard.

58:19

I don't like

58:21

going straight for the TV

58:24

thing. Like if you're

58:26

going to have your crush over for the

58:28

first time and you're like,

58:30

hello, here is my

58:33

couch and let's power up

58:35

Netflix and this movie looks

58:37

good. Let's turn that on

58:40

and let's sit here

58:42

and watch this movie and

58:45

in silence and not really like, you

58:47

know, have fun with each other. I

58:49

don't like that. Like if

58:52

you want to turn the TV on like

58:54

later, that's fine. I would

58:57

have music playing.

58:59

That is an absolute

59:02

mandatory thing. Have

59:05

some vibes, have some music

59:07

playing, have a

59:09

candle lit, not

59:11

too many, not like

59:13

you're doing a séance, not

59:16

like you're trying to, you

59:18

know, make a sex tape

59:20

in your room, just a candle or

59:22

two and

59:24

the lights dimmed and music

59:26

playing. And when he gets

59:29

there, chit-chat, like

59:32

you don't have to put

59:34

on a show for him. You

59:36

don't have to entertain him. Like

59:39

you are enough. He

59:41

is going to your place to

59:43

be with you. And when he gets

59:45

there, offer him a drink,

59:48

offer him a joint. He's sober.

59:50

Okay, let's do water. Do you

59:52

want some tea? I

59:54

have the best honey. Let's, let's get

59:56

the crock pot going.

1:00:00

Damn, I am domesticated as fuck.

1:00:03

It is not a crock pot,

1:00:05

it is a teapot. Sit

1:00:08

down on the couch and ask him how

1:00:10

his day was. Tell

1:00:12

him about your day. Tell

1:00:14

him about a fucking anything

1:00:17

that pops into your mind.

1:00:19

Like, have some conversation. That's

1:00:22

the most fun thing

1:00:24

in the early stages. With

1:00:27

someone is like getting to know them and

1:00:29

it's the first time he's spending

1:00:31

the night. So just chill

1:00:33

and like be relaxed and

1:00:35

be comfortable and he's

1:00:38

coming to just chill with you.

1:00:40

You don't need to like

1:00:42

pull out the stops and like have

1:00:44

anything going you know. In

1:00:47

fact, I think if you do pull out the

1:00:49

stops and you're like, I

1:00:52

have a delivery on the way

1:00:54

and a chest coming in to

1:00:56

make steak, like it's you're doing

1:00:58

too much. Just be you. Make

1:01:00

sure like you feel calm and

1:01:03

if you're feeling the nerves a little bit, that's

1:01:05

totally fine. Like they're going to go away once

1:01:08

he gets there. And the

1:01:10

thing is dudes will make themselves at home.

1:01:12

You don't, you don't have to worry about

1:01:14

that. Give him

1:01:16

a drink. Ask

1:01:18

him if he's hungry. You guys can

1:01:21

make the drink together. See that's what I'm

1:01:23

saying. I would like, I would say, okay,

1:01:25

cool. I actually want a cocktail as well.

1:01:27

So why don't you hop

1:01:29

up off the couch and

1:01:32

come with me to the kitchen so

1:01:34

we can like bartend together. I'm not

1:01:36

your waitress. Like we're here to, to

1:01:39

have fun together. How

1:01:41

about you make me a cocktail? I want

1:01:44

to see what you can come up with. Just

1:01:46

have fun and like just do

1:01:49

fun shit and then a

1:01:51

movie can come later. But hopefully it's,

1:01:54

you know, sex toys and

1:01:56

sex later. And flutes,

1:01:59

I think. that I can't

1:02:01

talk anymore and I

1:02:05

just wanted to tell you guys

1:02:07

about my experience at Coachella and I

1:02:09

love to see you guys and I

1:02:12

love you guys so much and

1:02:14

you will heal for me

1:02:17

next week.