0:00

They can basically last as long as they want

0:02

. They could just keep going and have these multiple

0:04

rolling full-body orgasms without

0:07

losing their erection or having that refractory

0:09

period , and without the ejaculatory hangover

0:11

. I find that they're able to tap

0:13

into an orgasmic experience

0:16

that's more similar to what a woman can tap into

0:18

.

0:18

Welcome to this episode . Today I'm really

0:21

happy to be talking to Soraya Leonara

0:23

. We talked about the multi-orgasmic men

0:25

, how women can have more

0:28

expanded experience of

0:30

their sexuality , how we can make

0:32

love to life and

0:34

how to make love

0:36

with all of our feelings , how

0:38

we don't need to be in a happy

0:41

place for lovemaking . How

0:43

beautiful it is to make love to sadness , to

0:45

anger , to the depth in us

0:47

. It's a beautiful place that couples

0:50

can create with each other where

0:52

we can welcome all of our feelings . Soraya

0:55

talked about it beautifully . She's a holistic

0:57

sex and relationship coach , a

0:59

writer . She's on a mission to change

1:01

the world through healing and liberating

1:04

sexuality , bringing more love , bringing

1:06

more beauty into our sexuality . If

1:08

you're a man , you can listen to that as well , because we

1:10

talked about how men can

1:12

become ultra-orgasmic and she's got

1:15

very good programs that help

1:17

men with that . Welcome . I'm

1:19

so happy to have you here , soraya

1:21

. I really love reading about you and

1:24

that you're doing kind of very similar work to me

1:26

sexually empowering women . Maybe

1:28

if you can tell a couple of words how

1:30

you got to do this work ? What's your personal

1:32

journey ?

1:33

with that Sure . Thank you

1:35

so much for having me here , Tanisha . I

1:37

came into this work through a bit of a dark night

1:39

of the soul . I ended up getting

1:41

Lyme's disease and kind of a whole mess

1:44

of chronic illness in my early 20s , and

1:46

so with that I lost my libido

1:49

and I was experiencing pain during

1:51

sex . And I noticed

1:53

that with losing my libido I also

1:55

lost my zest for life . And so it

1:57

was this clue into how connected

1:59

our sexual vitality is to our

2:01

overall vitality and inspiration and aliveness

2:04

, and so I started . This is so beautiful because that's what I tell women .

2:05

Vitality is to our overall vitality and inspiration and aliveness , and so I . It's not like it's right , this is so beautiful , because

2:07

that's what I tell women . It's not just because they

2:09

say I don't want sex , but it's not just about sex

2:11

. It's the desire , that passion for life

2:14

, which is also for and you noticed

2:16

it , huh yeah absolutely

2:18

.

2:18

it's our sexual energy , is the creative

2:20

life force that we are made out of , it's how we got

2:23

here in these bodies and it is our vitality

2:25

. So I really got to see that and

2:27

then started journeying down the pathways

2:30

of Tantra and Taoism and opening

2:32

up new access points to my sexuality

2:34

and how that wove into every other area

2:36

of my life , and so that was how I came into this work

2:39

.

2:39

Yeah , beautiful . And so , through the work

2:41

, was it a gradual change ? Was

2:45

it something that really got you there ? Oh , you found back

2:47

the desire , the best for life . How

2:49

was it for you ?

2:51

It's a really good question . I would say it's been

2:53

a very non-linear journey and I think

2:55

that's an important thing for people to understand

2:57

, because sometimes we think , oh

2:59

, I'm there , I've arrived , and then some other life

3:01

challenge comes through and it's important

3:03

to not get hard on ourselves if we slip

3:05

again or we find ourselves back

3:07

in a hole , thinking what happened ? I thought I had

3:09

healed , and so for me it was

3:13

a long journey of healing sexual

3:15

trauma , healing my body , connecting

3:18

more deeply with my spirituality , healing things

3:20

within my relationship . But there were

3:22

other chapters in my life where , for example

3:24

, I got really burned out building my business

3:26

and then started to notice my libido tank again

3:29

. So that was another kind of deepening

3:31

of the lesson and how important it is

3:33

to stay in balance and not be in this

3:35

overdrive of yang energy , doing , going

3:38

and really being able

3:40

to listen to the body in that way .

3:42

I love that it's so nonlinear , because sometimes

3:44

I feel like I got it all together and

3:46

then something happens . Right , I'm like , oh

3:48

, here we go again . But I feel like it's

3:50

the spiral right and I can

3:52

see more and I it's easier

3:54

to get back into the balance

3:57

. I don't know if you noticed that . Yes

3:59

, but like back then in

4:01

my twenties it was so like when the dark comes

4:03

it . Like back then in my 20s , it was so like when the dark comes

4:05

, it's just .

4:05

Oh , there's nothing there .

4:06

But now it's like , yeah , I know

4:08

this place , I can get out quicker , find my balance .

4:11

Once you've shown yourself you can overcome

4:13

that and come into balance , you have the breadcrumbs

4:15

home to that , yeah .

4:17

And have you healed the Lyme disease ?

4:20

Have you healed your body physically ? You know it's an interesting question . I still

4:23

have a lot of lingering chronic health stuff

4:25

, but I don't really I don't really approach

4:27

it so much through the perspective of Lyme

4:29

anymore . I work primarily with Chinese medicine

4:31

and just working to find where the Qi is blocked

4:34

and supporting the overall vitality

4:36

and balance of the body , rather than chasing down

4:38

the pathogen , which I did for a long time , and

4:41

the current approach feels a lot better . So

4:43

I do still have some issues issues with my health but

4:45

the way that I navigate them these

4:47

days is so different than it used to be and I'm

4:49

a lot more patient with the process

4:51

. I'm a lot more in tune with my body and

4:53

a lot more humble in terms of when

4:56

I need rest and just really prioritizing

4:58

self-care yeah , and I feel your energy

5:00

is so beautiful , like there's this energy

5:02

there and the lightness in you , thank

5:05

you

5:07

so much , yeah , so I wonder if

5:09

we can define sexual empowerment , because

5:12

we're going to talk about how women can empower themselves

5:14

.

5:14

What does it actually mean , like for you

5:16

and I know like I've done research on that , I've

5:18

done some different definitions , but what is it for

5:20

you ?

5:21

it's a really good question because it's a word that's thrown

5:23

around a lot . To me

5:25

, it's about being very centered

5:27

in self and connected to

5:29

that divine , creative

5:32

sexual life force that permeates all

5:34

beings that we are made of , as

5:36

I was speaking to , and feeling

5:39

very sovereign within that , having

5:41

a connection to our sexuality

5:44

that is uniquely ours , where

5:46

it's not dependent upon or in reference

5:48

to another person , but being seated

5:50

in that sense of self and

5:52

feeling alive and inspired and turned

5:55

on by life .

5:56

I love that , huh yeah , turned on by life

5:58

, because I've done research , that I've done

6:00

my master sexual empowerment and sexual

6:02

desire and what

6:05

I ? There's this piece that they

6:07

say that women's desire is a responsive rather

6:09

than spontaneous , and quite that . They say that women's desire is responsive rather than spontaneous and

6:11

quite often they expect that it's responsive

6:13

to the male partner or like to the partner right

6:16

To the loving partner , to my partner and

6:18

in my how I feel it is

6:20

more my response to the world

6:22

, my response to nature rather

6:25

than to particular stimulus . So I love

6:27

it , right , it's like desire for life

6:29

and it brings that sexual energy

6:31

.

6:31

Yeah , I love that so much

6:33

, yeah , and I think it's very connected to

6:35

how fully we're able to receive

6:38

and knowing what we want and feeling

6:40

empowered to ask for that , and like

6:43

claiming time and space

6:45

for ourselves , both solo

6:47

and with a partner , in terms of

6:49

our pleasure and what our body needs

6:52

, and being able to draw healthy boundaries

6:54

make clear requests , all of these kinds of things

6:56

that really honor what the truth of that

6:58

essence is for us .

7:00

Yeah . So I wonder , what do you feel

7:02

like are most important aspects

7:04

? Are the keys to sexual empowerment and

7:07

how , and also how women can actually , if

7:10

we talk about right , the woman is listening

7:12

. How can she bring it into her life ? What

7:14

would be the steps ?

7:15

the first steps , yeah , so

7:17

I think , coming back to that concept of being

7:19

really turned on by life and being

7:21

available to receive what life has to offer

7:24

, like what you were speaking to , of having

7:26

that relationship with life

7:28

, not just with a partner and actually

7:30

there's a little practice I could take us through

7:32

a little micro practice that I love connected

7:35

to this this concept of how

7:37

fully are we drinking in life , in

7:39

each moment ?

7:40

Because I think a lot of , a

7:43

lot of people

7:48

can expect .

7:49

Some lover is supposed to just come along and

7:51

turn

7:54

us on , and , from the Taoist perspective

7:57

, female sexuality is like water , so

7:59

they say it takes a long time to boil , but once

8:01

it stays hot , or once it's boiling , it stays

8:03

hot for a long time . So if we are

8:05

walking around with cold water all the time and

8:07

we're bringing our lover cold water , think

8:09

about how long it takes to heat up cold water

8:12

, whereas if we are keeping

8:14

that water warm throughout the

8:16

day by the ways that we tend to

8:18

that energy and not even just

8:20

in explicitly sexual ways , but

8:22

sensual ways , things that help us feel alive

8:25

, really sinking into our five

8:27

senses , enjoying our food , touching

8:30

our bodies , feeling the sun

8:32

and the wind on our skin and our hair

8:34

, taking in the smells around us , all

8:36

of these things can really nourish us

8:38

if we're paying attention . But if we're on

8:40

autopilot , if we're multitasking

8:43

, if we feel shut down and disconnected

8:45

, we're going to miss all these things that

8:47

are available to nourish us if we're

8:49

actually opening to receive them .

8:51

For me , the more I do the work and the more

8:53

we just even talk about it , I feel the energy

8:56

is right there . And I noticed my

8:58

beloved here . Oh , you've been talking about sex

9:00

today . I was like that's my job , that's what I

9:02

do . I come with it already almost

9:04

at the boil point . We can do

9:06

that with ourselves paying

9:08

attention . Oh , it's right , there doesn't

9:11

have a chance to cool down if we pay attention

9:13

to that life force .

9:15

right where attention goes , energy flows

9:17

. Energy , it's that shakti , it's that feminine

9:19

life force , and so if our attention

9:22

is scattered , we're going to be leaking our energy

9:24

. When we're focused and when we're really rooted

9:26

in the body , practicing , practicing

9:29

, staying embodied we get to play with that energy

9:31

, we get to let it light us up . And so

9:33

one of my favorite practices

9:36

for this , I call it making love with

9:38

life . It's a practice that you

9:40

can do in a more extended period

9:42

over 15 minutes or longer but you can also

9:44

do it as a little micro practice

9:47

throughout your day where you can do it just for

9:49

a couple of seconds . Yes , so yeah , let's drop in with a little micro practice throughout your day where you can do it just for a couple of seconds . Yes

9:51

, so yeah , let's drop in with a little short

9:53

version of it together . Yeah , I'm going to practice

9:55

like call it down making love to the universe . That's

9:58

beautiful , I want to see . Oh , I love that . I

10:01

love that . I wonder if they're similar . Let's

10:03

see . So if it feels good , just

10:05

closing your eyes and everyone can do this

10:07

along with us so , just taking

10:09

a moment to close your eyes and

10:11

placing your hands somewhere on your body

10:14

, that would really appreciate receiving

10:16

your nourishing touch

10:18

and just noticing where your breath

10:20

is right now , noticing

10:22

its pace , its rhythm , its

10:24

depth , and noticing where

10:26

it is seated in your body

10:28

. A lot of times , our breathing can

10:31

be shallow or constricted or not

10:33

making it all the way down to the deepest

10:35

parts of us . So we're going to

10:38

inhale . This

10:40

can be through the nose or the mouth and

10:42

we want to bring it all the

10:45

way down into the pelvic bowl

10:47

, allowing the belly to be

10:49

soft and to expand

10:51

like a big Buddha belly with

10:53

our inhale and allowing

10:55

that breath to stretch 360

10:58

into kidneys , working

11:01

its way up through the diaphragm

11:03

, through the front sides , the

11:05

backs of the lungs and , once it's

11:07

filled you from roots , all

11:10

the way up through your heart . Just slowly

11:13

exhaling , emptying

11:15

, softening , ideally

11:18

with an audible sigh , exhaling

11:20

through the mouth and letting this breath

11:22

be slow , rhythmic

11:25

and continuous as

11:27

you inhale . I want you to

11:29

imagine that you are drinking in the

11:31

sweetest nectar , the

11:34

kiss of the divine , and

11:36

drinking this breath down like warm

11:39

golden honey that's coating your

11:41

insides and penetrating

11:43

every cell of your body

11:45

with a warm golden light

11:47

as you exhale of

11:52

your body , with a warm golden light . As you exhale , you're clearing any stagnant energy and

11:54

just offering yourself fully , in full presence

11:57

and devotion upon the altar

11:59

of life . So letting this breath

12:01

be really sensual , luscious

12:04

and full-bodied . You can

12:07

really let yourself be moved by

12:09

this breath . Perhaps your spine

12:11

is undulating and really

12:13

engaging the breath , as if you

12:15

are making love with life itself

12:17

. In connection with all

12:19

that is Allowing yourself

12:22

to receive the

12:24

nourishment and the vitality

12:26

of the breath fully , all

12:28

the way down in the pelvic bowl and

12:31

into every little nook

12:33

and cranny of your being that perhaps

12:35

has been cut off from the breath , and

12:37

just giving yourself fully to this

12:40

moment with each and

12:42

every breath , letting yourself come

12:44

fully alive , feeling this

12:46

energy stir in the cauldron

12:48

that is your pelvic bowl , activating

12:51

your yoni , your womb

12:54

swirling all the way up into

12:56

your heart and feeling this dance

12:59

between heart and yoni , masculine

13:01

and feminine , pull , the dance of yin

13:03

and yang that is always pulsating

13:05

through you the love making of shiva

13:08

and shakti , giving these

13:10

last few breaths everything

13:12

you've got , really allowing yourself

13:15

to come fully alive here , to

13:17

drink in this moment with your

13:19

senses , seeing how fully

13:22

you can drink of this moment , how

13:24

deeply you can allow yourself to be

13:26

nourished and turned on by

13:28

life , noticing what has shifted

13:30

in your body and

13:33

as you take your time to make your way back

13:35

into this space , just staying

13:38

connected to your body , connected

13:40

to your breath and expanded in this

13:42

aliveness that you allowed yourself to

13:44

open to .

13:45

Now I feel I want to connect . Now

13:47

I feel so much sadness . It's

13:49

like ah , ah , so thank you

13:51

for giving me this space .

13:52

Is something is shifting , moving inside

13:55

, and I just feel that the sadness that's yeah

13:57

, it's amazing what it can bring up

13:59

and just reveal to us what's here when

14:01

we give space to feel it . Yeah

14:04

, thank you for going there with me

14:06

yeah , and it's interesting

14:08

that I wasn't even .

14:09

I was feeling something , but now I'm giving

14:12

space to that is , oh , this is that

14:14

sadness is so alive in me . I

14:16

love that you're .

14:17

I was just gonna say I love that you're speaking to sadness as

14:20

aliveness , because I think a lot of people don't

14:22

make that connection sometimes . But

14:24

it's such a deep place of our feeling

14:26

and I love this practice

14:28

as a way to really sink your teeth

14:30

into life , regardless of what

14:32

you're feeling , to really open to receive

14:35

it whatever it is .

14:37

Yeah , that it doesn't need to be all

14:39

exciting and joyful and pleasure

14:41

. It's like , oh , I just want to sit

14:43

and cry . Yeah , it feels quite alive

14:45

and it's nice to give it space . But

14:47

I see it how women feel , like it's

14:50

only if I'm joyful , if I'm happy

14:52

, then I can be sexual . But

14:55

I find it so much depth

14:58

when we should be like making love to

15:00

sadness .

15:01

Absolutely much depth when we're actually like making love to sadness

15:03

absolutely , and I . Our emotions are so connected to

15:05

the sacral chakra and our sexual

15:07

energy and if we limit

15:09

ourselves to only feel certain emotions

15:11

, that's going to limit our sexual pleasure and the depth

15:14

of our orgasm , as well as feeling that sadness

15:17

, grief , anger all of these are so

15:19

important for accessing the fullness

15:21

of our sensation yeah , and I

15:23

wonder what you experience , because women quite

15:25

often feel , oh no , I can't .

15:27

Like my partner is not gonna be okay with that

15:29

. If I feel sadness or grief or anger

15:32

, what's ?

15:32

your experience ? That's such a good question

15:35

. I cry a lot during orgasm . Actually

15:37

, I have certain orgasms that

15:39

just bring me to tears , and sometimes

15:42

they are connected to deep sadness

15:44

. Sometimes it's awesome , sometimes it's

15:46

almost a grief that's connected to

15:48

love . I find when you

15:50

really love someone , I

15:53

grieve the people I love , because I'm always

15:55

just one day I won't have them and there's

15:57

something about the grief and connection with that

16:00

love that brings me into deeper

16:02

gratitude and presence for them

16:04

that's so interesting because that's what my experience

16:06

last week was .

16:08

I felt so much love for my beloved

16:10

and I couldn't stop crying . I was just like

16:12

I was sobbing so much , but

16:14

it was . It was from love , right

16:17

, and he's there , but I felt so deeply

16:19

. Okay , it's a crying day for me today

16:21

, but I just felt so deeply that love

16:24

it's . I love you so much and it's yeah

16:26

, I was just sobbing and sobbing .

16:28

I so understand , teresa , I I

16:30

so enter that space what

16:35

is not like .

16:37

The person is there right , somehow

16:39

something opens up .

16:41

Yeah yeah , there's something just

16:43

I . I feel like it's connected to reverence

16:45

, to just like this feeling

16:47

of awe , of gratitude , of interest

16:50

, a part of the human condition , of how

16:52

blessed we are to get to experience this moment

16:55

, and yeah , and not wanting

16:57

to hurt in any way , that was my oh

16:59

.

16:59

Like I know , in my human form I

17:02

am gonna hurt , right people I love . Like

17:04

I can't get away from it , I just , but

17:06

I'm just so not wanting it and knowing

17:08

it and it's just oh , yes

17:10

, totally , and I I think bringing

17:13

other emotions into lovemaking

17:15

can be so gorgeous too .

17:17

Sometimes bringing anger , bringing

17:19

sadness , bringing there's so much

17:21

of the body can communicate somatically

17:23

, kinesthetically , that sometimes

17:26

words just can't touch . And

17:28

I find for me and my partner

17:30

there are certain times when

17:33

it's like words have reached

17:35

their limit and processing something

17:37

is just going to feel like picking at

17:39

it past , like it's not going to go any further

17:41

, and when we can really drop into

17:43

the body and follow the thread of how

17:46

the body is , want to move together and

17:48

maybe that's more sexual and

17:50

maybe it's more sensual or goes

17:52

on a whole journey . But letting the bodies talk

17:55

I find can be really healing and

17:57

how do you find ?

17:58

are they so beautiful ? I like it when the words reach this limit . We need

18:00

to go back to the body and feeling . And how do you find ? Oh , that's so beautiful . I like it when the words reached its limit . We need to go

18:02

back to the body and feeling . And how do you find

18:05

your partner ? Are they okay with it , with

18:07

the tears , and do you have an agreement around

18:09

it ? How do you ? Because sometimes women , when they've never

18:11

experienced it , they feel no , I can't . It

18:13

feels like almost like beyond what my partner

18:16

can do for me . But I find they're

18:18

actually very responsive . And if I think about

18:20

myself , if my partner , but I find they're actually

18:22

very responsive , and if I think about myself , if my partner feels deeply and starts crying

18:24

, I'd be really happy to be there .

18:26

Yeah , I find my partner is really

18:28

supportive of that , and I think

18:30

maybe some partners don't understand why

18:32

the tears are there and it could be helpful for

18:34

them to understand we just want to be held

18:36

, or whatever it is that we need , because

18:40

we don't even need to explain why they're here . I think some people are uncomfortable with

18:42

tears or they think , oh , this is out of context

18:44

and it's not . Tears are one of

18:46

the fluids that can move with our sexual

18:48

expression . There's so many . Sexual energy is

18:51

very watery , and so I see the

18:53

tears as just part of that water element , of

18:55

what wants to flow sometimes , and such

18:57

a beautiful piece of it .

18:59

Yeah , I love it . It's not explaining where they're

19:01

coming from , because quite often we don't even know

19:03

, just the tears are there , but it's more being

19:05

able to say I'm okay and I just want

19:07

you to hold me , or I want you to do that . Can you just

19:09

be here with me ?

19:11

Yeah , absolutely .

19:13

Yeah , I

19:15

want to talk about women who feel like

19:18

what is against them

19:20

? Yeah , and I lost

19:22

my desire or I have pain

19:24

during sex . Yeah

19:26

, also , when women start to go through

19:28

menopause , there are a lot of things that happen

19:31

right in the body or like the skin is too

19:33

sensitive , like what can you about

19:35

that ? What can women do .

19:36

It's a really great question . I

19:38

I think that's yeah , that's such , that's been

19:40

such . A big piece of my journey is coming to

19:42

understand that my body is not against me

19:44

and my body is always just communicating

19:46

with me in the ways that she knows how . And

19:49

so I think , when we can recognize

19:51

, start to cultivate an allyship with our

19:53

bodies and to stay really curious and

19:55

to learn their languages and

19:57

to also let our bodies know we're here

20:00

and we're listening , so that they don't feel like they

20:02

have to get louder because

20:04

we're overriding them or we're not trusting them

20:06

. Our body needs to trust us in the way we

20:08

need to trust it as well , and

20:11

so if there has been wounding

20:13

there of times that we've overridden our body , we

20:15

all have More times we didn't trust our body

20:17

. I find cultivating a relationship and

20:19

a repair process around that of

20:21

starting to learn the language of your body , letting your body

20:24

know I'm here , I'm listening , I trust you

20:26

. I think , anytime

20:28

that we are having some

20:30

sort of I don't even like the term sexual dysfunction

20:33

because it implies that something is wrong , and

20:35

I work extensively with sexual

20:37

dysfunctions , especially with men , but

20:39

also with women , and almost

20:41

always it is rooted somewhere emotionally

20:43

, psychologically , even if there is

20:46

a physical health issue involved

20:48

. I also think that those

20:50

health issues often start somewhere emotionally

20:52

and psychologically on some other layer

20:55

first , before they become physical , and

20:57

as we heal the patterns that caused

20:59

our body to respond in that way , I think

21:02

that even the physical problems can start to

21:04

heal . But I think sometimes , if we're

21:06

having low libido , it

21:08

can be something like we're in burnout or

21:10

just an overdrive . We're demanding

21:12

too much of our bodies , we're

21:14

disconnected from our

21:17

spirituality or a sense of purpose

21:19

or passion . It's often connected to something

21:21

bigger could

21:27

be a block in the relationship . Same with like pain during sex . I think sometimes it can be something

21:29

going on in the relationship . It can be that we're moving too quickly , we're not allowing

21:31

ourselves to take up the time and space

21:33

we need . I think , as women , all

21:35

of us have been penetrated prematurely

21:38

at some point in our lives , even if it was

21:40

by a loving partner who we were excited

21:42

to have sex with . Sometimes we just don't

21:44

give our bodies enough time , for whatever reason

21:46

, and so our yoni can

21:49

speak up about hey , I need a little

21:51

more time , I need to be tended to .

21:53

Well , that's , yeah , that's messages , right . It's

21:55

not there's something wrong . My body is somehow

21:57

against me , right . But actually

21:59

the body's sending the message and that's

22:01

what I find . If we don't listen , then they start to

22:03

speak up loud and louder . But if we

22:05

start listening and responding and I love that

22:07

, right , because it's the trust that our

22:10

we need to listen to the body and

22:12

respond , because that's how the trust

22:14

is going to be built .

22:15

It's not just I listen now and I'm not going to even

22:17

do that , because that happens quite

22:19

a lot , huh exactly , and

22:21

sometimes the body communicates so subtly

22:24

and whispers . And if we can

22:26

get really good at listening and , like you said

22:28

, responding to that , it doesn't

22:30

need to get so loud .

22:32

But we have to get good at hearing those subtle

22:34

cues and then having the discipline to honor

22:36

them beautiful , yeah , and I just remember

22:38

one of my clients , like she's done my 10-week course , actually

22:40

empowered , reading one course and then she said and

22:43

my course is like sexual empowerment , not focused

22:45

on weight loss whatsoever but she said

22:47

she lost like quite a bit of weight through doing

22:49

the course because she said when she went

22:52

shopping she felt like her belly

22:54

was pushing the trolley and she could only pick up

22:56

the food that her body wanted

22:58

. But is that attunement developing , that

23:00

attunement to what's good for me , and

23:02

then we don't think

23:04

about what's good , what's not , what the body

23:06

knows ? Yes , listen

23:09

, beautiful . Yeah , yeah , beautiful

23:12

. I think I've got one last question

23:14

, if we can talk about men

23:16

, right for how women

23:18

relate , and I'm quite like I work a lot

23:20

with heterosexual women and I

23:22

really like that polarity and that relational

23:24

dynamics . I'm a couple therapist as well , so

23:27

what ? Do you say what women need to

23:29

know

23:31

. What wisdom can you impart on women ? What do

23:33

they need to know about their male partners ? As it

23:35

relates to our sexuality ?

23:37

That's a good question . I think one

23:39

really important thing to understand

23:41

is that men carry a lot of pressure

23:44

in the bedroom to perform

23:47

to last long enough to maintain an

23:49

erection . They sometimes

23:51

don't have the same experience that we

23:53

do of getting to just relax

23:56

and receive , and it can be a lot for

23:58

them to navigate that space

24:00

. I specialized in working with men for a

24:02

long time , and so it can become

24:04

a negative feedback loop where , once they have anxiety

24:07

about it , it can just get worse and worse

24:09

, and so I think something that's really beautiful

24:11

is if we can work as a team with

24:14

our male partners on creating

24:16

the kind of sexual experience we want , even when

24:18

it comes to things like stamina that

24:20

we often might think is like their responsibility

24:23

or their job . But we can actually work that

24:25

together If we're really attuned

24:27

, if we're in communication , if we're supporting

24:29

them . In that I do see it as a two-way

24:31

street and really celebrating their

24:34

journey with it , celebrating their orgasm . When

24:36

we're in an orgasmic state , we are highly

24:38

programmable , and so if

24:40

we are obviously disappointed , let's

24:43

say if they come too soon , they feel

24:45

that and they take that in on a very deep level

24:47

and it's going to feed into

24:49

future anxiety and continue

24:52

to perpetuate that same result . And so

24:54

I think , when we can be really supportive in

24:56

navigating that journey with them and also

24:58

have talks with them about how

25:01

, let's say , if they do come too soon , how

25:03

can we look at male ejaculation

25:06

as a dot instead of an exclamation

25:08

point that ends everything , I think that choosing

25:11

to not see the male ejaculation as

25:13

the grand finale that ends the whole can

25:15

be really helpful to just open things up

25:17

in a new way and make sure that both people

25:19

are feeling met . So that's one piece , I would

25:21

say but what's your view on non-ejaculatory

25:25

sex ? so I am a huge

25:27

fan of non-ejaculatory

25:29

orgasms it's one of the things I taught men

25:31

for a long time . So , yeah , when we get into

25:33

that territory , it opens up like entirely

25:36

new horizons , and that's helping

25:38

a man venture into that territory . That's

25:40

definitely a co-creative process as well

25:42

, and I think it's a really beautiful thing to

25:44

help men lean into that space

25:47

and help them understand that there is

25:49

so much more available to them through that

25:51

.

25:51

Not just sexually . So if you go into

25:54

that space , what's actually ? What's your experience

25:56

of that ?

25:57

Sorry , what was the question ?

25:58

Sex without ejaculation . What's your experience

26:00

?

26:05

So we can think what's possible . What's your experience of that ? They can basically last as long as

26:07

they want . They could just keep going and have these multiple rolling full

26:09

body orgasms without losing

26:11

their erection or having that refractory period

26:14

and without the ejaculatory hangover

26:16

. I find that they're able to tap

26:18

into an orgasmic experience

26:20

that's more similar to what a woman can tap into

26:23

where it is these full body rolling orgasms

26:25

instead of a sharp peak and drop off on

26:27

the other side , and then they

26:29

are able to stay more connected on the

26:32

other side of that , instead of being tired

26:34

and getting that huge dump of prolactin

26:36

that just makes them want to roll over and go to sleep and

26:38

disconnect . And so I find it makes for

26:41

a much more connective experience as well as

26:43

because the energy is not

26:45

shooting out of them through their ejaculation

26:48

and they're circulating it and reversing

26:50

the flow . It can enter

26:52

, it can penetrate their heart in a more

26:54

powerful way and all of their upper chakras

26:56

, which can lead to more spiritually

26:59

activating , multidimensional experiences

27:01

.

27:01

What can you say about the blue ?

27:03

balls phenomenon . It just needs to

27:05

. The energy just needs to be circulated

27:07

and integrated , and so if they're getting

27:09

blue balls , the energy is getting stuck , and

27:11

so it's important that they work with practices to

27:13

circulate the energy and make sure it's

27:16

not stagnating .

27:17

Maybe we can put something in show notes for the male partners

27:19

. Is there anything you recommend , like how can

27:21

they start practicing that

27:24

Sure ?

27:25

I do have a course called multi-orgasmic vitality

27:28

for men . That gets into all

27:30

the nuts and bolts of it , and

27:32

that's yeah , that's a really beautiful way to have

27:34

a step-by-step journey that covers all

27:37

the different components of it . And then

27:39

I also do work with people one-on-one , and

27:41

so that's another thing that I just love . Teaching is

27:43

the art of non-ejaculatory orgasm . I think

27:45

it's the most incredible thing for a man to

27:47

tap into , and such rich benefits

27:49

for the women as well .

27:51

Beautiful , rich

27:53

benefits for the women as well . Beautiful , okay , so I can put it in show notes so people

27:55

can see that course , and yeah , so I wonder , so we

27:57

can talk and talk . I love how we talk the same way . Yes

28:01

, it's so beautiful . If

28:03

you connect to the women now who are listening

28:06

, what would be your last message for them

28:08

?

28:08

whatever , I

28:11

would say yeah , I guess something

28:13

that we didn't touch on that I think would be important

28:16

to say is that so much

28:18

of our sexual empowerment is connected

28:20

to our capacity to be

28:23

with high intensity sensation

28:25

, whether that is it's uncomfortable to ask for

28:27

what we want or to draw a boundary

28:29

, or to navigate conflict

28:32

, or to just be with large amounts

28:34

of pleasure . All of these things require

28:36

huge capacity and

28:39

being very centered in

28:41

self , and having our seat of power be

28:43

down in our yoni , in

28:45

our lower dantient this whole lower region

28:48

, a lower seat of power , is going to help

28:50

us stay grounded , empowered

28:53

, connected to our bodies and

28:55

to what we need . It helps

28:57

us to create the life that we want

28:59

to create . Rather than , I think , as women

29:01

, we're so conditioned to be polite

29:04

and people pleasing and appeasing , a

29:06

lot of that energy is . It's more up here in

29:08

the head . It's scattered , it's . Our

29:10

voices will often be higher and faster

29:12

if we're in this place of being disconnected

29:15

from self , and so it's really

29:17

about anchoring down into

29:19

the body , slowing down

29:22

, knowing that you are worthy of taking

29:24

up time and space and energy

29:26

that you're worthy of receiving . Just

29:29

simply because you are worthy of receiving

29:31

, you don't need to like give back every time

29:34

you receive . You don't need to hurry up and

29:36

have that knee-jerk response of pouring it back into somebody

29:38

else's cup right away , but

29:40

really relaxing into

29:42

receiving and creating space

29:44

to just be with that

29:47

energy will change your life . So

29:49

that's what I would leave us with .

29:51

And I do expect your pleasure potential retreat

29:53

, so where we go for three days and we're really

29:55

like how can I take more energy

29:57

and really expand that ? Yes

30:00

, and how can people

30:02

find more ?

30:03

about you . The practice that we did

30:05

today is called Making Love With Life

30:07

, and you can get the full expanded

30:09

version of that for free when you sign up for

30:11

my email list . So I'm sure there'll be a little

30:13

link that we can put in the show notes

30:15

. And , yeah , getting on

30:17

my email list is a great way to stay in touch . You

30:19

can follow me on Instagram . I have

30:21

online courses and I work with clients one-on-one

30:24

, and then I also have my own podcast

30:26

called Nectar , sex and Soul . It's been

30:28

on hiatus for a year and a half , but I do

30:30

plan on getting back on it soon

30:32

. It's a really fun project for me , so

30:34

just had a lot of big life transitions

30:36

recently and I look forward to getting back

30:39

on it . But those are some good ways to stay in touch

30:41

with me .

30:42

Thank you so much . Saray and listeners , thank

30:44

you so much . We'll see you again .

30:46

Thank you so much for having me , teresa . It was

30:48

such a pleasure to connect with you , and thank you everybody

30:50

for joining us .