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Come to sexology, a podcast that

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untangles the science of sex and

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pleasure. And now with

1:56

this week's episode, your host,

1:58

clinical psychologist, Dr.

2:00

Nazanin Muali. Hey

2:04

there, it's Dr. Nazanin Muali,

2:06

your host on the Sexology

2:09

podcast. Today we're diving into

2:11

a topic that impacts millions

2:13

erectile dysfunction. It's often

2:16

a harsh subject, but our guests

2:18

are smashing those barriers and shedding

2:20

light in this issue. But

2:23

hey, before we kick things up, let

2:25

me tell you why we're tackling this

2:27

topic today. I recently

2:29

put together a course that explored

2:31

different aspects of male sexual health.

2:34

Probably heard me talking about it.

2:36

It was called Optimal Performance. We

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were focusing on the anxiety

2:42

around unpredictable erections. It

2:44

was eye-opening to see how much

2:46

men's quality of life was affected

2:49

when they faced challenges with

2:51

erection quality. That's why I

2:53

wanted to dedicate this episode

2:55

to equipping you with some

2:57

practical tools to navigate such

2:59

situations if you or

3:02

your partner ever faced them. To

3:04

craft this episode, I reached out

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to five of my top sex

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expert pals and pitched them

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the idea. They shared their top tips

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through audio clips. After reviewing those, I

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threw in two more tips of my

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Let's meet are awesome gas

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today. First softly how Doctor

5:32

Eric sits Metroid as their

5:34

this specialize in relationship and

5:36

sexual matters in the San

5:38

Francisco Bay Area. Every guy

5:40

to men at enhancing their

5:42

sex lives by expressing emotional

5:44

regulation, sexual entitlement and boosting

5:46

can skills. He was in

5:48

our show. He talked about

5:51

his recent book and the

5:53

show as you can find

5:55

all of the information related.

5:57

To the doctor med would say

5:59

that shade. This

6:04

is Doctor Eric sits mentored, One.

6:06

Of the most common sexual complaints

6:08

that I see for men as

6:10

about their actions, man is us.

6:13

From nighttime our actions but are

6:15

experiencing difficulty getting are maintaining our

6:17

actions with a partner. The cause

6:19

is likely to be psychological. I'm

6:21

going to share the three most

6:23

common psychological causes of her qatar

6:25

difficulties I see and what to

6:27

do about them. Some men experience

6:29

difficulties with her actions during partnered

6:32

activity because the mental or physical

6:34

stimulation they're receiving isn't to turn

6:36

on. Think about what turns you

6:38

on when you your fantasy stirring

6:40

solo pleasure. Can you incorporate those

6:42

types of a rousing experiences in

6:45

your partnered sexual behavior? Number.

6:47

Two, Some men experience difficulties with

6:49

directions during partnered sex because of

6:51

relationship problems. If your partner is

6:53

harsh, are critical of you in

6:55

or out of the bedroom, you

6:57

may not be able to relax

6:59

and of around them to get

7:01

or maintain your erection. In this

7:03

case the problem isn't your penis.

7:05

Listen. To the wisdom of your

7:08

penis. And six the relationship problems. First

7:10

number three. The most com and psychological

7:12

reason I see for men to experience

7:14

direct health difficulties is worry or anxiety.

7:17

There's a negative cycle that men can

7:19

get into. He has difficulty with his

7:21

erection one time than worried about the

7:24

next time. That worry prevents him from

7:26

getting a direction the second time. Any

7:28

worries that something is wrong over and

7:31

over. The solution is to come into

7:33

the present moment. focus on the physical

7:35

sensations of temperature. Texture and Pressure.

7:37

Know that have offered three top

7:39

psychological causes of her actel issues

7:42

that I see in my practice

7:44

care. My to recommendations: if you

7:46

are experiencing reptile issues, get a

7:48

complete physical from your regular physician.

7:50

It doesn't hurt to make sure

7:52

there isn't a medical cause. My

7:54

second recommendation is that if you're

7:57

facing depression and anxiety O C

7:59

D E D H D P

8:01

he has the or substance use

8:03

and also erectile issues. Please consider

8:05

working with a qualified mental health

8:07

professional who has experience working with

8:09

sexual issues as well. Those mental

8:11

health issues can cause erectile difficulty

8:14

In solving the underlying mental health

8:16

issue will be more effective than

8:18

focusing on your penis. Finally, one

8:20

word of caution: carefully consider all

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your options and get a second

8:24

opinion from an endocrine specialist before

8:26

pursuing testosterone replacement as a treatment

8:29

for Edi testosterone. Supplementation benefits don't

8:31

tend to last and can have

8:33

long term consequences including shrinking your

8:35

testicles and reducing your body's ability

8:37

to produce testosterone on it's own

8:39

men. Whatever the cause of your

8:41

challenges with Edu, they do not

8:43

determine whether you can experience or

8:46

give pleasure to your lover. You

8:48

have a mouse, your fingers, toys,

8:50

and most importantly, your heart and

8:52

your presence to make love with

8:54

him or value as a lover

8:56

cannot be reduced to the hydraulics

8:58

below your waist. Or.

9:04

Next guest is Doctor Shot

9:06

set bad as a board

9:08

certified urologists read now for

9:10

his What in Men's Sexual

9:12

Medicine Doctor Brand has been

9:14

consistently recognized as a top

9:16

you're Always Yes in San

9:18

Francisco Bay Area and is

9:20

known for his innovative approaches

9:22

to sex or how. He's

9:24

a National Director of Clinical

9:26

Excellence for Gain weight and

9:28

has spread it groundbreaking research

9:30

inside the wave therapy. For

9:32

eighty he can find. His information

9:35

also in the bio. Blue

9:40

This is Dr. Judson Brandeis from Brandeis

9:42

M D and of from Science in

9:44

Northern California and I was asked a

9:46

question about a reptile. Unpredictability. And this

9:48

is a problem for a lot of

9:51

men. and it's good or actions depends

9:53

on a number of different factors including

9:55

diet read: so have you. Try.

9:57

to have sex after a large meal

10:00

blood is diverted to the intestines away from the

10:02

penis and so it may not be so

10:04

easy to get an erection. In addition, your

10:06

state of hydration, so if you're dehydrated, then

10:09

your heart has to work harder to pump

10:11

the blood to your penis and so it

10:13

may be more unpredictable and

10:15

more difficult to get an erection.

10:17

Sleep, right? If you're tired, fatigued,

10:19

it's going to become more difficult

10:21

for you to get an erection.

10:23

And mood, so if you're anxious

10:25

or depressed, you produce adrenaline and

10:27

cortisol which are hormones that work

10:30

against erectile activity. Obviously,

10:32

it's important to be attracted to

10:34

whoever you're looking to become physically

10:36

intimate with and it's important not

10:38

to have any guilt. So if

10:42

someone's having an extramarital affair

10:44

or they have religious hangups

10:46

or other psychological hangups that

10:48

can affect erectile quality and

10:50

also hormone variation is another

10:52

factor that can affect quality

10:54

of erection. Joining

10:59

us next is Caitlin V,

11:01

a sex and relationship coach

11:04

dedicated to helping men and

11:06

becoming extraordinary lovers and

11:08

partners. I personally love

11:11

Caitlin's content. She has a really

11:13

cool YouTube channel. You want to

11:15

make sure that you're subscribing to

11:17

all of her content because she

11:19

gives out lots of free stuff.

11:21

Caitlin's coaching focuses on ending premature

11:23

ejaculation, preventing erectile

11:25

dysfunction and building unshakable

11:28

sexual confidence. Hi,

11:33

this is Caitlin V recording for

11:35

the Sexology Podcast on sisters or

11:37

men in long-term relationships dealing with

11:39

erectile unpredictability. My advice for you

11:41

is number one, not to give

11:43

up hope. When I think about

11:45

erections, I think about them as

11:47

a check engine light. We don't

11:49

know exactly what part of the

11:52

engine needs to be serviced. We

11:54

just know that it's letting us

11:56

know the lack of the erection

11:58

consistent way lets us know. now

12:00

there's something going on under the hood

12:02

that we've got to get checked out.

12:04

So I always start with biology, biochemistry,

12:06

that includes hormones as well as blood

12:08

sugar, blood pressure, checking out that whole

12:10

cardiovascular system. After we've done the physical

12:13

body, I move on to the mental

12:15

body. The stories that you tell yourself,

12:17

the things that you think about yourself,

12:19

and erections, the words that run through

12:21

your head, when you think about hardness,

12:23

trying to get hard, or trying to

12:25

have sex. Then the emotional body, the

12:27

way that you feel, what's present, anger,

12:29

disgust, resentment, joy, fascination, frustration. You

12:32

know, our emotional body can have

12:34

a tremendous impact on our ability

12:36

to get aroused, to get hard,

12:39

to reach orgasm. Moving

12:41

on from there, I also think about the

12:43

relationship. You know, the person that I'm with,

12:45

am I able to get an erection when

12:48

I'm home alone, masturbating with porn, but not

12:50

with my partner? That can give us a

12:52

great deal to work with and can be

12:54

a phenomenal indication. Where we

12:57

need to look in order to

12:59

increase the likelihood of getting an

13:01

erection with a partner. And then

13:03

I move even further out into

13:05

the social and cultural context. What

13:07

kinds of stories were you told

13:09

about erections? Do you have a

13:11

relationship with the religion or spirituality

13:13

that erections are bad, or dangerous,

13:15

or unwanted, or undesirable? And moving

13:18

even further out from there, your

13:20

spiritual relationship to sex and your

13:22

erotic system, your erotic life. I

13:24

highly recommend that you look into

13:26

practices like erotic meditation, or lingam

13:28

massage, which is a erotic massage

13:30

to the male genitals that are

13:32

designed to pleasure. Yes, satisfy. Yes,

13:35

but mostly just touch the genitals,

13:37

the cock, with love, with appreciation,

13:39

with healing touch, instead of the

13:42

touch of expectation, instead of the

13:44

way that we usually touch cocks,

13:47

which is with a desire for performance

13:49

and expectations for them to behave in

13:51

a certain way. Can we touch them

13:53

just for their own pleasure, just for

13:55

their own stimulation, just to awaken the

13:57

nerves, just to light up the blood?

14:00

vessels, the veins and the capillaries and without

14:02

the expectation that it shouldn't be able to

14:04

get hard or to get off. There's a

14:06

lot to say of this subject I hope

14:08

that this helps. This has been Caitlin

14:10

B. You can find me on youtube.com or

14:14

on HBO Max on my

14:16

show Good Sex. Then

14:22

we have Dr. Susie Gronsky,

14:24

a licensed doctor of physical

14:26

therapy specializing in men's pelvic

14:28

and sexual health. Susie

14:30

offers a unique perspective on

14:33

addressing erectile issues through physical

14:35

therapy and education. Your

14:41

penis is not a machine. It's not separate

14:43

from you as a person and human being,

14:46

shipped away from the limiting

14:48

narrative of performative-based sex to

14:50

pleasure-focused sex. Give yourself permission

14:52

to absorb into your own

14:54

pleasure experience without feeling responsible

14:57

for your partner's experience or

14:59

orgasm. Embrace that you are

15:01

both sharing in your pleasure experiences together

15:03

where you both value flexibility and variability

15:06

in your sexual experiences. Some

15:08

sexual experiences may be so-so, some

15:10

amazing and some everything in between.

15:12

Acceptance of each other, the situation

15:14

and the experience for what it

15:16

is without blame or shame is

15:19

crucial for a healthy sexual

15:21

relationship. And

15:26

finally, we welcome Darshana

15:28

Avila, an internationally recognized

15:31

speaker, coach and facilitator

15:33

dedicated to nurturing erotic

15:36

wholeness. Darshana's somatic approach

15:38

to intimacy fosters personal

15:41

and collective sexual liberation.

15:47

Hello There, this is Darshana Avila,

15:49

Erotic Wholeness Coach, sexpert from Netflix's

15:51

Sex, Love and Goop and I'm

15:53

happy to be here sharing a

15:56

message with you today, penis owners

15:58

who are listening. Into the Sexuality

16:00

Podcast I spend my days primarily

16:02

supporting women and couples, so my

16:05

advice to you is coming from

16:07

the perspective of me holding a

16:09

lot of space for that audience

16:11

and the thing that shows itself.

16:13

To be true over and over and

16:16

over again. That is that What more

16:18

people are needing and wanting in their

16:20

relationship? I'm certainly what more women are

16:22

wanting. From there are men and male

16:24

partners. His whole embodiment. Whole

16:27

Or Roddick embodiment. So what

16:29

that means is that your

16:31

penis is not actually the

16:33

center. Of your sex life. but

16:35

your entire body and your entire

16:37

heart are integral parts of what's

16:39

gonna make. For really satisfying,

16:41

deep, juicy, delicious engagement that

16:44

you can share with your

16:46

beloved. So. The extent to

16:49

which you learn to explore your erogenous

16:51

zones beyond your cock, The extent to

16:53

which you learn how to bring more

16:55

and more of your hearts and your

16:57

vulnerability into your relationship. That's the extent

16:59

to which he'll see your partner open

17:01

in time, and the depth and breadth

17:04

of your intimacy grow beyond your wildest

17:06

dreams. I look forward to helping you

17:08

do that, and I wish you all

17:10

the best on your journey. I

17:16

hadn't read those experts. Is pretty

17:19

obvious that erectile dysfunction is a

17:21

complex problem. It's psychological and physical

17:23

aspects, but I'm gonna guess covered

17:26

so many important facet of tackling

17:28

this issue. Now as he keeps

17:30

adding, I like to share such

17:32

thoughts that might strike a chord

17:35

with many of you to any

17:37

it saw, pause first second and

17:39

think about his feelings that come

17:41

up. When you consider dealing with

17:44

erectile issues, it's a puppet. We

17:46

usually. See a clear off,

17:48

but recognizing and owning our

17:50

emotions about it tends really

17:52

shape what we do next.

17:55

From. What I've seen and been through.

17:58

One. big emotion that law of

18:00

guys wrestle with is sexual

18:02

shame. This emotion

18:05

often roots from societal norms

18:07

pushed by media, friends and

18:09

even partners painting

18:11

this picture that men should

18:13

effortlessly perform in bed. There's

18:15

this silent pressure that men

18:17

should always be in charge

18:19

sexually, piling on stress and

18:21

feeding into feeling of not

18:23

measuring up when faced with

18:25

erectile problems. It's easy to

18:28

take these challenges to heart

18:30

as personal failings leading to a

18:32

cycle of shame and avoidance. But

18:35

let's face the facts. Erectile

18:37

issues are super common and usually

18:39

have natural, manageable physical

18:42

or psychological reasons behind them.

18:44

By tackling these emotions upfront

18:46

and seeking help, we can

18:49

shake off that shame and

18:51

take proactive steps toward understanding

18:53

and dealing with erectile health.

18:55

Now, let's delve into how shame

18:58

manifests in the body and its

19:00

detrimental impact on sexual performance. Shame

19:03

is not just a fleeting emotion,

19:06

it can take root in our

19:08

bodies affecting how we perceive ourselves

19:11

and engage with others intimately. When

19:14

experiencing shame, our bodies often

19:16

respond with physiological changes like

19:18

increased heart rate, muscle tension

19:21

and shallow breathing. These physical

19:23

manifestations can create a vicious

19:26

cycle, making the erectile issues

19:28

worse and further fueling of

19:31

inadequacy and embarrassment. It becomes

19:33

a self-perpetuating cycle when the

19:36

fear of failure leads to

19:38

heightened anxiety, making it even

19:41

more challenging to achieve and

19:43

maintain an erection. Let's

19:45

chat about how shame can

19:47

mess with your body and sex

19:49

life. Inspired by a psychiatrist, Donald

19:52

Natanson's compass of shame, Natanson

19:54

split shame into four

19:56

parts. Withdrawing, attacking yourself,

19:59

avoiding, avoiding and attacking

20:01

others. When folks face

20:03

erectile issues, shame can hit them

20:05

in different ways, like

20:07

pulling away emotionally or being

20:09

super hard on themselves. Let

20:12

me give you some examples. For

20:14

example, for emotional withdrawals, since

20:16

someone dealing with erectile dysfunction,

20:18

they might pull back emotionally

20:21

by dodging intimate situations altogether.

20:23

They could dodge getting close

20:25

with excuses or grow distance

20:27

from their partner. To handle

20:29

this, honest talks with their

20:31

partner can help share feelings in

20:33

a safe space. Therapy

20:35

or counseling could dig into the root

20:38

issues behind pulling away. Next

20:40

approach is self-criticism. Folks

20:43

with erectile issues might beat

20:45

themselves up, blaming their

20:47

perceived flaws. They might soak in

20:49

negative thoughts about their manliness

20:52

and bedroom skills, steering the

20:54

feelings of inadequacy and shame.

20:56

To fight, criticism showing self-compassion

20:58

and challenging negative talk can

21:00

help. We have an excellent

21:02

episode in our archive around

21:04

sexual self-compassion. You want to

21:06

make sure that you're checking

21:09

it out. Focusing on

21:11

strengthened winds beyond the bedroom

21:13

can boost the more positive

21:15

self-view. Next comment

21:17

approach is blowing up at

21:19

others. Anger and frustration often

21:21

bubble up with erectile struggles,

21:23

leading some to snap at

21:25

partners or folks around them.

21:28

They might dump their insecurities on

21:31

others, straining relationships. To

21:33

handle this, it's key to

21:35

figure out where the frustrations

21:37

coming from and talk about

21:40

feeling openly. Couple therapy

21:42

or relationship counseling can smooth

21:44

out communication and tackle conflict

21:46

better. After listening

21:49

to today's episode, you might be

21:51

feeling inspired to tackle the issue

21:53

of erectile dysfunction. But where should

21:55

you begin? Start by considering the

21:57

situation. Is it just happening? with

22:00

a partner or are you

22:02

facing challenges even when you're

22:04

alone? If you already got

22:06

high tech gadgets like firm

22:08

tech device, and if you

22:10

do remember to use our

22:12

special discount code to

22:14

make sure that if you want

22:16

to purchase it, you get 10%

22:18

off it called sexology. And trust

22:21

me, I'm always recommending this, whether

22:23

there are sponsors or not. And

22:25

with those data, you can see

22:27

that everything is in order. And

22:29

then the issue might be rooted

22:31

in psychological or relationship aspects. In

22:34

that case, reaching out to

22:36

a certified sex therapist could

22:38

be a way to go.

22:40

As a certified sex therapist

22:42

myself, I'm here to provide

22:44

support and advice. You can

22:46

also check out the ASAC

22:48

website. The spelling is A-A-S-E-C-T

22:50

to locate a certified sex therapist

22:52

in your area. So you might

22:54

be thinking about giving coaching a

22:57

shot instead. You might say, why

22:59

therapy? Well, coaching can

23:01

definitely help. It's crucial to

23:03

tread carefully in this area. Coaching

23:06

doesn't have a solid regulatory body,

23:08

so pretty much anyone can call

23:10

themselves a coach. This isn't to

23:12

downplay the great work of our

23:14

coaching buddies, but to stress how

23:16

vital it is to find the

23:19

right match for you. Personally, I

23:21

suggest looking for coaches with

23:23

a solid track record, awesome reviews

23:25

from friends or folks you know,

23:28

or those whose content and expertise

23:30

you've been a fan of for

23:32

a while, like our amazing guest,

23:34

Caitlin V and Darshana. In

23:37

a world where promises of

23:39

quit fixes abound, it's crucial

23:42

not to fall prey to

23:44

empty assurance from random online

23:46

courses. Choose support from professionals

23:48

with integrity and credibility to

23:50

avoid further feelings of defeat.

23:52

Remember, you deserve effective

23:55

evidence based support on your

23:57

journey to sexual wellness. Thinking

24:03

about another option? How about taking

24:05

the course with someone? If erectile

24:07

dysfunction isn't a big issue but

24:09

you still want to improve, a

24:11

course could be just a ticket.

24:13

Courses give you a structured way

24:15

to learn and can be more

24:17

budget-friendly choice compared to one-on-one session.

24:19

Maybe you're curious about a coach's

24:21

approach and want to dip your

24:23

toes in before committing. Opting for

24:25

their course can give you insights

24:27

at a lower cost. Take our

24:30

optimal performance course, for example. It's

24:32

not just videos. You also get

24:34

two hours of coaching all for

24:36

a fraction of the cost of

24:38

my individual session. It's a smart

24:40

way to work with me and

24:42

tackle your concern affordably. When you're

24:44

choosing a course, go for one

24:46

that gives you live access to

24:48

the instructor. This cool feature really

24:50

gives you the best value for

24:52

your money because you can ask

24:54

questions, get personalized help, and

24:56

truly get a grip on the material. Another

24:59

thing to think about is that you

25:01

might feel a bit awkward or

25:03

shy about reaching out to a

25:06

therapist or coach face-to-face. Going for

25:08

a course has the perk of

25:10

keeping things private so you can

25:12

learn about tackling your issues discreetly

25:14

from your own comfort of your

25:16

own home. And our

25:18

courses have office hours when you

25:21

can join in incognito mode with

25:23

your camera off. This gives you

25:25

a safe and private spot to

25:28

ask any questions or share your

25:30

thoughts without worrying about being judged

25:32

or feeling embarrassed. We're all about

25:35

creating a supportive vibe where you

25:37

can freely explore and grow at

25:39

your own speed. Hey, whatever path

25:41

you choose, I encourage you to

25:44

take action now. Whether it's trying

25:46

out the suggestions we got from

25:48

our guests or going for a

25:50

strategy we talked about, the key

25:52

is to kick-start it today. I've

25:55

seen how sexual challenges can really

25:57

shake confidence and affect all of

25:59

us. overall well-being. By taking

26:01

proactive steps to tackle these

26:03

issues, you're not just looking

26:06

out for your sexual health

26:08

but regaining control over your

26:10

sexual confidence and quality of

26:12

life. Just remember, progress happens

26:14

step by step. So

26:16

pick one thing to focus on

26:19

and commit to making positive changes

26:21

starting right now. Your journey towards

26:23

sexual wellness kicks up with the

26:26

first bold move. Thank

26:28

you for joining us today on

26:30

this insightful journey onto the complexity

26:32

of male erectile issues. We've explored

26:34

the emotional nuances, examined

26:37

potential solutions and provided pathways for

26:39

seeking support. Please reflect on what

26:41

you learned. Remember, you're not alone

26:44

in this journey. Whether

26:46

you're opting for a therapy coaching

26:48

courses or mix, there's support

26:50

to help you navigate confidently

26:52

and resistively. Take today's insight

26:54

and turn them into steps

26:56

for healthier, more fulfilling sexual

26:58

experiences. Your journey to

27:00

sexual wellness starts now. Until next

27:02

time, take care of yourself. This

27:05

is Naudine Molly signing off from

27:07

the Sexology Podcast. Thanks

27:09

for listening to Sexology

27:11

Podcast. For more

27:13

great content, visit

27:17

www.sexologypodcast.com.

27:20

Please be advised that information

27:22

presented in this podcast is

27:25

not a substitute for seeking help from

27:27

a licensed mental health provider.