0:04

Hello lovely humans, I'm Wylie and you

0:06

are listening to a special episode of

0:08

Sex Stories, an update from a past

0:10

guest who is here today to talk

0:12

about the changes in their sex and

0:14

sexuality since coming out as non-binary, navigating

0:16

jealousy in a recently ended polyamorous relationship,

0:19

and jealousy in relation to dysphoria and

0:21

how difficult that can be to express

0:23

along with the joy of being able

0:25

to explore with a long-term partner and

0:28

feel completely safe to try new freaky

0:30

fun stuff. A 19 year old

0:32

college student navigating the struggles of early adulthood,

0:35

they love animals, cartoons, cooking and taking

0:37

walks in nature with a joint, and

0:39

are looking forward to traveling more soon.

0:42

A switch into Dom Subdynamics eating

0:44

pussy strap on play exhibition, Avi

0:46

position, which I'm gonna learn about

0:48

through this interview, Collars, who is

0:50

learning how to play with rope,

0:52

originally from episode 202, 3-way switch

0:54

play and forest fucking which we

0:56

just learned was the top top

0:58

episode on Spotify in 2023, welcome

1:00

back Mercedes! Thank

1:04

you! It's so good to be back

1:06

Wylie! I am so happy to have you

1:08

here. Start off by telling us

1:10

about your shame-o-meter today, and like, has it

1:12

fluctuated in the last year or so since we talked?

1:15

I think my shame-o-meter has

1:17

definitely gotten lower. I

1:19

think today it's like a... I

1:22

think like a zero. I'm feeling really

1:24

good. Fuck yeah, glad to hear that.

1:27

I want to start off by being like, what is Avi position?

1:30

It's definitely a very niche kink. Okay, because I'm

1:33

like, I feel like I should know this, but

1:35

also I'm still learning new things about sex like

1:37

almost every day. Okay, so

1:39

have you overheard about like alien fucking

1:41

fantasies? Oh yes. Like Bad Dragon?

1:44

Do you know what Bad Dragon dildos are?

1:46

The big yes. Chemicals and all kinds of

1:48

interesting things and I would like to have

1:50

some. Yes, bucket list. It's in the same

1:52

world of that, except for they're like The

1:55

fantasy of having like eggs in your

1:57

pussy or laying eggs in someone else's

1:59

pussy. It's all about like

2:01

being filled up. And like

2:03

pushing the eggs out. I found out about

2:06

it through porn and so did my girlfriend

2:08

and be sort of bull for the like

2:10

secretly had this fantasy in our heads and

2:12

then for a member which one of us

2:14

just finally said like. A. You

2:17

know what? this isn't the the other one

2:19

was a yes yes yes I know that

2:21

is and we haven't done it yet because

2:23

it's like it suggests sickly challenge. you have

2:25

to get like a special hollow. Ill go

2:28

to put them in their like little gelatin

2:30

guys you have to make them in, get

2:32

molds and order for. Do be sanitary, be

2:34

okay for your pussy. You make

2:36

them yourself. You can make them

2:38

yourself. You can also buy them of. The.

2:41

Idea of like my girlfriend making me

2:43

eggs to put inside me. As. For some

2:45

reason suddenly very hot. Me: I don't know what

2:47

Athens: I think if you want to look

2:49

it up earth someone listening wants to look

2:51

it up, the best way is just to

2:54

find some good ethical poor know that it's

2:56

something you gotta visualize to like. fully understand

2:58

how it happens because even explaining it like

3:00

not making a whole ton of said I

3:02

mean I've got engines in my head and

3:05

I'm really curious. maybe all record when I

3:07

actually go. Like learn what it is that we

3:09

can see my reactions. Of recently I

3:11

was interviewing Jenna about. The rubber

3:13

Chicken. And it's funny because on my face, you can

3:15

definitely tell the moment where I realize that the rubber

3:17

chicken contained a squeaky thing and I thought it was

3:19

like a funny role play up until then. So. Ah

3:22

man I love discovering that. Okay but Swiss. Where

3:24

do you want to start? Do you want to

3:26

start with non binary stuff you want to start

3:28

with like overview of last year like how you

3:30

feeling wording. Want us to go first? We.

3:33

Can start with non binary

3:35

stuff because that's probably. Honestly

3:37

the was straightforward. Seriously, she's

3:39

obviously gender is not straightforward

3:41

but it was a long

3:43

time coming. I think I've

3:45

known since I was fourteen,

3:47

but I have always. Had

3:49

lots of trans friends, especially trends

3:51

mask friends and so I felt

3:54

like my experience was slightly different

3:56

from theirs and I didn't. This

3:58

is so silly, but. My.

4:00

Best friend in high school came out as trans

4:02

and you say that pronouns and I felt like

4:04

I was sort of copying them by coming out

4:07

like I wanted to make sure that it was

4:09

something that was grounded in myself and not grounded

4:11

in wanting to be part of the community. I.

4:15

Have done for hims with two friends

4:17

that. Are both trans men

4:20

couple times and. Every.

4:22

Single time. I have some sort

4:24

of mental breakdown about gender with them and

4:26

so one of my friends just starts reflexively

4:28

using their them programs for me without ever

4:31

talking to me about it or ask me

4:33

hey ya me to start using didn't pronouns.

4:35

For me, he been having breakdowns

4:37

about your gender when we're shipping

4:39

both. Dude. And he did And

4:41

it felt so incredibly right that

4:43

I was like okay, i gotta

4:45

just come out everybody's and I

4:48

started with. Close. Friends so

4:50

is only a couple friends. And then I

4:52

realized it was kind of awkward for only

4:54

half of my loved ones to know what's

4:56

going on. Slide towards. The half

4:58

that was like meet a little bit more

5:00

complicated a know like. Friends that were

5:02

like says are straight people that would be like

5:04

a little bit more complicated to explain but the

5:07

people who are close me in my life know

5:09

that I love dragon. I love dressing up like

5:11

a man and I can be just very some

5:13

minute sometimes and very masculine that sometimes I don't

5:16

think it was like. A

5:18

super surprise to anyone,

5:20

the one thing that

5:22

is still challenging is

5:24

navigating. That I have lots of

5:26

older family members like my aunts and

5:28

my Grandma that I love. Very much

5:30

of that I have decided that I'm

5:32

never coming out to. I don't think

5:34

they will understand that. I think it

5:36

will. Assess my relationship with

5:39

my aunts and my Grandma to. They're

5:41

all sort of their over sixty. It's

5:43

like a conversation that I don't understand

5:45

even how to start. The has some

5:47

and. But. That was a kind

5:49

of hard times citing his part of myself

5:52

from loved ones. been. I

5:54

think sometimes that is beneficial to sort

5:56

of compartmentalize because it could lead to

5:58

just more ice they should for myself

6:00

To that makes sense, totally. I hear.

6:03

Both sides of that can you know on

6:05

the one hand ease and closeness of friends.

6:07

And family are a thing and then on the of hand of

6:09

like wall or want to be me ray and when be all

6:11

of me and I want to feel that I feel like. How

6:14

do I tell? my. Eighty five

6:16

year old Grandma, My eight year old. and see.

6:19

How do I explain to them what has been

6:21

on by? There she is when I've only ever

6:23

been there Nice. And their granddaughter right? right? right?

6:26

Well do you want to noodle on his of

6:28

I had a funny experience that could just be

6:30

an idea parker if you want to hear it.

6:33

Sir. So. Over the

6:35

summer I was around a bunch of family

6:37

some of which I hadn't seen in awhile

6:39

and a family friend who is basically an

6:42

uncle to mean a column uncle know we're

6:44

waiting for. Even as it like that to

6:46

the in his sixties was like hey Garenne

6:48

are you? You are you? They them and.

6:51

One of the other, even older people. Who

6:53

are fingers in their eighties know like what

6:55

to say them since so I was i

6:57

I must her but also it any like

6:59

if you wanna call me you know like

7:01

if we're really can get specific call me

7:03

and it's i'm a creature i'm an alien

7:05

but see her is fine and then I

7:08

got to sort of have this you know

7:10

so with outside of me right but I

7:12

was able to explain to them to basically

7:14

plant the seed about like oh other people

7:16

are like this and especially with for me

7:18

with sex work because I have this beautiful

7:20

container were like oh well I recently was

7:22

interviewing. A sex worker who said blah blah blah

7:25

that's kind of our been saying stuff to friends

7:27

and families where I don't know where they of

7:29

land and by talking to them having that conversation

7:31

sort of like a litmus test to see where

7:34

they are and then replace you know and of

7:36

course it depends on the wanna do the effort

7:38

of education and do you want to have that

7:40

you know but that was just one that kind

7:42

of like dropped in my lap and I thought.

7:45

It was very very funny because you're I

7:47

was suddenly like explain to. People.

7:49

Decade. Older than I had this kind

7:51

of existence of never heard of Cs.

7:53

And they really were like, you know? I have no idea. What?

7:55

Their judgments where if there were any, but it was like. Wow.

8:00

You know, like it was. it was really decide on

8:02

a lot these days. I don't understand. With can stand

8:04

aside from that, Which. Is. Not

8:06

a little negative, yeah and you just never

8:08

know what people are gonna get. And I

8:10

I really has found that the framing of

8:12

it you know because I did have some

8:15

family members that were like full service sex

8:17

workers in Brussels. like don't they get. As

8:19

tedious and Jose or festival as T eyes

8:22

because it's the infection most of the time

8:24

these days we don't get to the disease

8:26

but also know they are tested regularly. it's

8:28

they have actually you know the ones that

8:30

are typically have the most problems or of

8:33

assists hit males especially if they're in the

8:35

on. The married ones are pretty good but

8:37

it's the other ones that you know they're

8:39

not getting tested as much because the normalization

8:42

of them unless so far away more likely

8:44

to get a sci from someone you're hooking

8:46

up with on tinder then. A sex

8:48

worker force? Way more likely worse.

8:51

Sure, you know, and for likely.

8:53

Yeah. So anyway let's focus

8:55

on you don't sell has coming

8:57

out as non binary affected your

8:59

sexy says. Due to secure the six.

9:01

Is a mix like driving her every move

9:04

to and. Worked in the Josie stuff wherever you

9:06

want but many and I'll start with the highlights.

9:08

I've so. More. And my

9:11

own skin, I realize, too,

9:13

That. There's a certain level

9:15

dysphoria that comes from having penetrative sex

9:17

with this man. that kind of sucks

9:20

that sort of like takes away from

9:22

that pleasure and like to see step

9:24

back from dating and fucking says man

9:26

I like. Gave it a

9:28

good try. A deathly bisexual liquor doubly attracted

9:31

to men. It's not really a necessarily the

9:33

feeling of shame after I'm done having sex.

9:36

With. Men with penises but it's

9:38

a feeling of like. I

9:41

was sort of like player will are

9:43

performing and that was it. Like my

9:45

truly pull self and so for a

9:47

while I was like okay I was

9:49

something with sit straight at least some

9:51

I have. I been asleep with bisexual

9:54

guys instead and that was I think

9:56

definitely better cause I knew that because

9:58

they're. Queer like I am. The new

10:00

what a Drag King was understood

10:02

what a strap. On was, but I

10:05

was in my dick around for awhile and

10:07

I think I'm sort of like. Moving.

10:09

Out of it. not fully though I tell us about

10:11

it with a dick era like you having a dick

10:13

or. Like playing with Dicks. Playing

10:16

with six like a My Body

10:18

sounds. Pretty. High for someone

10:20

who's nineteen. I had a ton of unless

10:22

here here here. Yes, some of it was

10:24

bad sex, some of those mediocre sex, Some

10:26

of that was fantastic sex, but just sort

10:29

of like. Try an all the different

10:31

flavors of men. Racing would be it's

10:33

the same boat ladder. And that

10:35

was really cool to one. I think

10:37

bodies are beautiful. And like. Understanding

10:40

like. The beauty in every

10:42

single different type. Of body is really cool.

10:44

Think that's a benefit proceeding with a lot

10:46

of people. Firstly, as an artist is your

10:48

like all the ships in color has to

10:50

do It's. Totally not. and the questions and are

10:53

better and I'll see how this and we Athanasios

10:55

and that nipple on that one very sensitive and

10:57

that one is different over there. and ally yeah

10:59

don't want their nipples. That's okay and

11:01

balls are so fast and. Yes

11:04

and love them. I love balls. So

11:07

fascinating and it's like into. You get

11:09

to see and touch balls if you

11:11

don't have them you won't understand how

11:13

like sick. Quite complex and their textures

11:15

are all so different. and most of

11:17

the time when I'm talking to someone

11:19

who has ball that unlike. To. Like

11:21

your balls played with. Most.

11:24

Of I'm feeling eighty percent of them are like

11:26

or her I know. So I'm like there's a

11:28

lot of opportunity out there. You know, that might

11:30

just be the sample size I'm attracting, but yet,

11:32

would you like a foul Balls I see my

11:34

favorite thing to do with balls. I have

11:36

a sexual partners that was okay with

11:38

me messing with his balls as I

11:40

found out that if you live balls

11:42

like you let the pussy, it feels

11:44

really really good for them. So just

11:46

like. If you have any

11:48

experience eating pussy and you're missing eating

11:50

pussy and you only have a partner

11:52

with a dick, ask them as you

11:54

can lick their balls. It's like a

11:57

vague and pussy alternative. You

11:59

are there for. Person I've ever heard making that

12:01

tele. I love licking and second ball. I

12:03

love them so. Much you know I don't do

12:05

it with just anyone and try to let it be

12:07

a little the ever seen that isn't on Sept through

12:09

them. And be true and on. I really like it.

12:12

If they're they're and I'm there. Sometimes I just get

12:14

carried away. It's the same tongue

12:16

most and everybody's have you been to like squeeze

12:18

and tug on any because I had a partner

12:20

of that was like. Squeeze. Really tight. And

12:22

oh and also the great while ago

12:24

is the beauty of high school. I

12:27

had a partner. They were like a

12:29

super masochist like I am super and.

12:31

We. Did during the pandemic and way it

12:33

was very much like making out and like

12:36

rubbing on each other in the woods because

12:38

it was during the pandemic and we were

12:40

kids but I think I yanked on. Their

12:42

balls a couple times that pretty fun but. It's

12:44

been a while when I don't think

12:46

people should be defined by their genitalia.

12:49

Obviously because everyone's beautiful and everyone's

12:51

bodies are beautiful. But three phrase:

12:53

I'm not out of my. Dick.

12:56

Era his sister fun and will always be fun to

12:58

me. I think I'm out of my. A

13:01

Having casual sex with men that are

13:03

gonna make me com era. As

13:06

what a wonderful distinction.

13:08

I love the you phrased that that when

13:10

didn't even put it to like street ness

13:12

or system is it? But so true. yes

13:14

I. Am in a new era

13:16

where. I. Enjoy Partners who

13:19

are kind, respectful, curious and want

13:21

to bring me great pleasure without.

13:23

You know who I like. Actual

13:25

pleasure. Not like did you come yet? Did I

13:28

make you come home and time had any to

13:30

come? You know cause that's kind of more like

13:32

proficiencies. I don't like that as easy to different.

13:34

it's a different vibe. Ah a main thing that.

13:36

Really? By also want to have a. Say.

13:38

Appear say now. One. Peter

13:40

fallacies don't do that is here polyamorous.

13:42

Don't do that. It's weird. I had

13:45

been sleeping with this guy. For a

13:47

long time, like five six months and

13:49

I met my girlfriend. Like halfway between that

13:51

and I was sleeping with her and him.

13:54

and these were fine until i express

13:56

like having a crush on or another

13:58

one my friends to the

14:00

guy I was sleeping with and he really didn't like

14:02

that and I was like when we're

14:04

not dating we're friends with benefits

14:07

and to you're in an

14:09

open relationship I'm in an open relationship

14:11

and I thought we were just friends

14:13

who were sleeping with each other and

14:16

he kept on expressing his discomfort with that and

14:18

so I was like you know

14:20

what I should have had the conversation and then

14:22

fucked the other guy but I fucked the other

14:25

guy and then had the conversation it was like I

14:27

don't fuck with one penis policies dude I slept

14:30

with my friends we're over I mean

14:32

you gotta learn somehow and also it's

14:34

not you're putting your priorities actually in

14:36

order and sometimes we figure stuff out in

14:38

the order we figure stuff out yeah I

14:41

had a very dramatic summer that guy

14:43

we didn't use protection

14:45

use protection everybody use protection

14:47

because he had gotten tested

14:51

really recently and I got tested really recently

14:53

and we had the conversation we're both like

14:55

dead sober have a conversation was fine he

14:57

even showed me his results I was like

14:59

okay cool you're my friend we literally went

15:01

to elementary school together we went to high

15:04

school together my mom was his music teacher

15:06

dude like I know this guy well yeah

15:08

we're connected I did feed

15:10

her with his younger sibling like I know

15:12

this person yeah I trust them and also

15:15

cream pies are fun dude I mean totally pies are

15:17

fun but the thing is he was

15:20

had unpersected sex with another person

15:22

she lied about her STT results

15:26

oh she had herpes she had herpes in

15:28

her vagina that's literally how I got herpes

15:30

in my throat but yeah partner yeah so

15:32

no matter how much you

15:35

trust the person you're sleeping with you

15:37

can't trust the people that they're sleeping

15:39

with as much as

15:42

it can be kind of a bone-rkiller to be like before

15:44

you have sex be like okay how many people are you

15:46

sleeping with did they get tested please

15:48

have that conversation everyone turns out

15:50

it was just really bad vaginismus as I

15:53

got solved with some medication and some cream

15:56

but I could have herpes right now

15:59

very easily he could have herpes right now very easily

16:01

and we got so incredibly lucky and we

16:03

don't have herpes. But

16:06

no matter how much you trust your partner or

16:08

your partners, you can't trust the

16:10

people that you haven't met and that you haven't had that

16:13

conversation with. Yes, I think that that's

16:15

really wise. You know, and that's the thing is like we

16:17

can talk, we can show each other tests, but at the

16:19

end of the day, it's trust building and

16:22

even the most well intentioned trust

16:25

still is subject to human error and

16:27

that there's a lot of human error in this

16:29

world. Wow. So

16:33

do you want to tell us a little

16:35

bit about your experience of jealousy?

16:38

It sounds like it was on a part of the

16:40

partners. Are you having any jealousy feelings or maybe you

16:42

want to talk about the jealousy related to dysphoria? So

16:45

I was sort

16:48

of like very casually dating, doing

16:50

friends with benefits stuff while

16:52

I was with my girlfriend and then she

16:55

met a lovely trans lady and

16:57

they started dating but more seriously

16:59

and were putting labels on things

17:01

that I had never put on labels with what

17:03

I was doing. So it

17:05

felt even though they were doing the same things

17:07

that I would do with other people, because

17:10

there was a label of like, this is my other

17:12

partner, we are dating instead of like, oh, this is

17:14

just the person I'm sleeping with other people. Basically, I

17:18

wanted to do things like the difference

17:20

between being ethically non-monogamous where it's like,

17:22

you have a partner and you guys

17:25

sleep with other people and communicate about

17:27

that. Whereas polyamory is like, I can

17:29

have multiple distinct romantic relationships with people.

17:32

Depending on who you talk to, because everyone

17:34

has their own definition. Depending on who you

17:36

talk to, because it's so it and

17:38

no boundaries are really

17:41

set. And as

17:44

that relationship was starting for her,

17:47

several sort of like friends with

17:49

benefits situations ended for me because I needed

17:51

to end. But that's unfortunate

17:53

timing. And

17:56

our communication Slowly felt

17:58

like it was. The getting

18:00

worse and worse. And I was

18:02

getting upset about really like little things.

18:05

And. Getting url

18:07

Ashley jealous and. It

18:10

was complicated to express in the moment and it

18:12

took me about a month to express it. But

18:15

I think I do. habit of

18:17

the have some like slight bottomless

18:20

warriors of like. I like my

18:22

bill that I think focus are cool. But

18:24

during sex I sometimes feel inadequate

18:26

and wanting to have like a

18:29

real penis instead. Of a strap on

18:31

when it comes to like fucking my girlfriend. And

18:34

that.a lot worse when she was sleeping with

18:36

a trans woman who did, in fact, Have

18:38

a real. Penis. And

18:41

I think. Severe. Unique

18:43

situation. I celts to sort

18:45

of inadequate and. Bad. About it.

18:48

And. The. Three of us

18:50

had a three ways. Because.

18:52

I had met her other partner

18:55

and my girlfriend was really horny.

18:57

And. I was.

19:00

To sort of like one along with it

19:02

and afterwards was like I shouldn't have done

19:04

that and felt really sort of growth in

19:06

my skin is now. I hate those moments

19:08

where that's how I realize it's. Not.

19:10

Because it is in that either. The people I

19:12

slept with. Weren't beautiful or. Wonderful people.

19:15

But the fact that I wasn't true

19:17

to myself and as trying to push

19:19

past that jealousy and that unconquered ability

19:21

but also like a pause to commend

19:23

you for taking that risk, right? Because

19:25

sometimes. We. Can be scared of something and we

19:27

try something we love. and sometimes we can be scared of

19:29

an impressive three don't like it and that's when we

19:31

give ourselves the confirmation of like I knew it. I should

19:33

have known that sometimes. We don't know, you

19:36

know, and and that's a crappy way to

19:38

find out. But it. Also. Sounds like

19:40

you. Are very thoughtful and are

19:42

really like giving yourself space to learn and

19:44

grow. Yeah, and I also

19:46

frankly Salt Lake. I

19:48

know now that it wasn't trained so be a

19:51

but I felt like I'm like do I hate

19:53

trans women is that's what's going on I'm like

19:55

no this is fully dysphoria and jealousy time me

19:57

that I. Hadn't bad person that there's something.

20:00

Open with me like. And I

20:02

sort of would have to go back

20:04

and head over and over again. And

20:06

like Image has phobic my trance, others

20:08

who my true love it and then

20:11

ultimately just being late know this is

20:13

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22:12

as I hear your stories. It is

22:14

interesting because you do seem so thoughtful

22:17

and I hear. A consciousness

22:19

in your experience both when you like.

22:21

This label this non binary label. These pronouns

22:24

are they mine or am I? Kind of

22:26

like stepping in here like it sounds like.

22:28

Sometimes. The like com. And narratives that other

22:30

people forced upon us. I know that I can like

22:33

over identified like oh my god I'm about to

22:35

hit stupid people. Do I hate this type of person

22:37

or that type of person And it's like. Know.

22:40

Sometimes I'm just having feelings. I'm working.

22:42

Through as I like go into

22:44

this adult human. Or

22:47

a senior and still adult that like

22:49

I'm always growing. And

22:51

then the final straw for me for

22:53

closing the relationship is. My

22:55

girlfriend says ask me oh like for

22:58

the last month and a half hillbilly

23:00

to want to close relationship and ideally

23:02

know you're having fun. The skip under

23:05

analysts signs and. Now I

23:07

know that was her being like please say that

23:09

you want to close relationship I can tell that

23:11

you're miserable and it's making me miserable to ensure

23:13

trying to sort of like prompt me to to

23:15

the you do it by a bus, you pull

23:18

the rug hours you again did because science or

23:20

like, well why didn't why didn't you just do

23:22

it She's like because I wanted to show you

23:24

that you are being a coward and that you

23:26

need to do this first for yourself. Out

23:29

about land on you. I mean, it

23:31

didn't seal mean because it felt very truthful that

23:33

it was sort of cowardly that I was just

23:35

sort of like so. To sort of wallow

23:38

unlike. Stuff. Like those

23:40

one time where I was having a

23:42

really bad day it was our anniversary

23:44

ends I was at rehearsal ends as

23:46

at the time sleeping with the director

23:48

of the show that I was doing

23:50

but it was like of it was

23:53

a different situation says is a very

23:55

much friends with benefits like we didn't

23:57

sleep as each other that often to

23:59

must attend. My current yeah when

24:01

I watch but it was me and

24:03

my girlfriend's. Anniversary. And

24:05

we were sleeping with different people on our anniversary.

24:07

Apps like I lost my mind as

24:10

like this is not right, this feels

24:12

wrong and others lakes. Even

24:14

though I was with another person and that

24:16

I was like. Having sex with

24:18

another person and had that company was. Like

24:20

I'm so tired. The seals? So

24:23

incredibly wrong. I just can't do

24:25

this anymore. And

24:27

then. The. Final final straw

24:29

was. That. Over

24:31

the weekends. I. Asked my growth

24:34

in a lovely do you know, is that

24:36

a girl you're dating? you know? s. Per.

24:39

Play. My partner gets tested regularly and

24:41

you know if that person seats with

24:43

other people and my girlfriend said i

24:45

don't know and I was like oh

24:47

no honestly bull new let's hear all

24:49

text the person I'm sitting with even

24:51

though I've already had conversations with a

24:54

person I'm sleeping with about Std results

24:56

and I have almost every single time

24:58

I see but them even though they're

25:00

not seeking with anyone else and pretty

25:02

sure that that side is. A

25:05

Okay in terms of soothing, safe, and healthy.

25:07

Because I had that conversation off the bat

25:09

with them, it was like. That.

25:11

Was just those too much

25:13

for me? And then my

25:15

girlfriend's other partnered didn't. Respond

25:18

for a couple days. In

25:20

turning your back. And

25:23

it turns out she was just sick. but like. I

25:26

think that even if you're sick, it takes

25:28

five seconds to send a text about. that

25:30

kind of thing is. It's very important.

25:33

While. You have definitely

25:35

been. Navigating difficult parts

25:37

of open relationships and.

25:40

I do want a circle back to a word

25:43

you used not to nitpick your language. But

25:45

to be a little bit curious about it, right? Because.

25:47

That word. A coward. To. Me

25:49

it has a negative connotation, even if

25:51

maybe we identify with the concept of

25:53

like I was too afraid, are hesitant

25:55

or whatever it is to do it.

25:58

Do you feel like a coward? Feel

26:00

like a coward in that moment. Where was it may

26:02

be? Just like. A. Really uncomfortable,

26:04

slow discovering of your own

26:06

boundaries. I think.

26:09

More. The second option I wanted to

26:11

see is it would go away if

26:14

I would move past. It isn't. Feelings.

26:16

Are temporary? Yeah, which is

26:19

a brave choice. To. Sometimes

26:21

people are too afraid to be

26:23

uncomfortable for any Mcgowan, right? Must.

26:26

The time feelings are temporary and also because

26:28

I have gotten the fuck around and sleepers

26:30

many different people during our relationship. That.

26:33

It didn't seem fair for me to cut

26:35

it off really quickly. I wanted my girlfriend

26:37

had that experience I think any to sleep

26:39

with of different types. Of people is very

26:42

cool. And like definitely part

26:44

of being in college and being a

26:46

young person is getting to dip your

26:48

toes and all the beautiful waters snow

26:50

to sell. That was also definitely huge

26:52

factor. Of like I'm. Running.

26:55

Or to have this experience be says I

26:57

got to have this experience and I think

26:59

it's cool. So.

27:02

Is it useful to say like maybe how

27:04

you has taken care of yourself or found

27:06

prime for yourself in this time because this

27:08

is a recent closing. Of. The Relations. I

27:11

he talks. My therapist about it though

27:13

is really helpful. I'm lucky that I

27:15

go to college that provides therapy as

27:17

part of Jewish and if you sign

27:20

up for it as amazing, not a

27:22

ton of sessions, it's like ten sessions

27:24

per student, but it's still very cool.

27:26

Had something at something. It's a good

27:28

start and and cheese can help me

27:30

find it therapists outside of it which

27:32

is really cool. Ends: I've been letting

27:34

myself cry and. Seal.

27:37

All that sort of feelings that I did

27:39

let myself seal and sort of like push

27:41

down because I was worried that I'll is.

27:44

Being. Hypocritical Are being

27:46

cowardly, were unfair, And

27:49

letting myself say like. Know it's

27:52

okay that you need security in the you need

27:54

safety in this for new your life and you

27:56

will always have the little boy's you back your

27:58

head that you might get. Something from having

28:01

sex with your girlfriend. it's okay

28:03

to on have a. Period.

28:05

In your life for you're not have any

28:07

get tested often says I think no matter

28:09

how many times I've gotten tested probably couple

28:11

dozen times they do it about once a

28:13

month just to be says more if I'm

28:16

sitting with more people. I'm a young person,

28:18

but I started season with people fairly young.

28:20

Sleeping. With different people at the same time.

28:23

Pretty. Young too so stick exhausted. I'm

28:25

exhausted with the testing and the

28:27

Std scares and not knowing who

28:29

everyone cp were and not filling

28:31

in control of myself and my

28:34

body and and sort of having

28:36

to trust that everyone else who

28:38

I'm sort of connected. To The

28:40

Web of Sex, it's is. Also

28:42

taking care of themselves from just so done, I've

28:44

been doing it since I was the first time

28:46

I got tested, I was sixteen years. I

28:48

found out my partner with having unprotected

28:51

sex. I. Think that's one

28:53

a unique experience and also something that I

28:55

just need to be done with for for

28:57

a couple months for a couple of years.

28:59

Small, take a break for as long as

29:01

I need to. Just calm down

29:03

a little bit and I need that. Safety

29:05

the inner child and mean he said safety

29:07

for a while. Also. Just

29:09

to offer this the people of is not

29:11

the experience of most people for testing but

29:14

since I personally am just a little bit

29:16

of a masochist every time the give me

29:18

that needle and like. Oh

29:20

I like the needle. Lot of other

29:23

it's. Okay so really

29:25

as the emotional aspects it's be accessing,

29:27

getting tested doesn't bother me at all.

29:29

I do not mind stick in that

29:31

swab at my pussy. I don't mind

29:33

getting my blood run. I actually like.

29:35

I think both the time I like

29:37

have a lovely conversation with whatever nurses

29:39

dry my blood say that doesn't bother

29:41

me. The active getting tested doesn't bother

29:43

me. it's so waiting for the results

29:45

are granted set up. You know even

29:47

what environs old is the constantly having

29:49

to be the one who's having a

29:51

conversation about like hades get tested, Chi

29:53

see results. When the last time he got

29:56

tests of other partners the you had most

29:58

the time it's me having have that conversation

30:00

having to educate people think medley been doing

30:02

this for. Three years now and

30:05

I'm still pretty young. The some like.

30:08

It also the woman that my girlfriend

30:10

receiving with his. Older. Than

30:12

us by three years. And.

30:16

Has been polyamorous longer than my

30:18

girlfriend has. And still

30:20

was that on educated and unaware of

30:22

the importance of like. Communicating about

30:25

testing which made me it's. It's

30:27

even the same age as us. I don't

30:29

think I would have gotten that bad. But

30:31

the fact that she's slightly or elder and

30:33

has been doing this longer than my girlfriend

30:36

yeah for like saw, No, I don't know,

30:38

man, I run a you and so feeling.

30:40

So that is the number one reason why

30:42

I'm a whole lot more likely to hook

30:44

up with such will professionals then say a

30:47

swinger couple. Because I have found indices, this

30:49

is a broad generalization. I have also met.

30:51

Many. Many partners who engage

30:54

in polyamorous open relationships. Who

30:56

have wonderful communication, health and

30:58

safety. Practices And for me, there's nothing hundred.

31:00

And someone like initiating all that very

31:02

very hot but like I feel you

31:04

on the resentment around or rather. I'm

31:06

projecting my own resentment around like the

31:08

doneness of my partners' partners. Like that

31:11

when they're the Met A More I

31:13

can't stand that. Is. Kind of like

31:15

Neverland. Immediate deal breaker. So stupid.

31:17

Question: How has it been for you to be

31:19

in a now closed relationship? Like do you feel

31:21

centered at all? It's I hear that there's a

31:24

need for safety the as being met on but

31:26

like I know it's decent. But has there been

31:28

enough time for you to even think about? Like

31:30

all, what if I do someone else. Or.

31:33

That an ongoing conversation? We

31:35

immediately after we close we had a

31:37

conversation that even though we're close now,

31:40

we may not be close forever. But.

31:42

That in the future it's going to be.

31:45

My girlfriend was also very stressed out about

31:47

her being. Slow to

31:49

respond. about as city it's. Yeah. For

31:51

as the as isn't that if we do decide to

31:53

sleep with people in the future we. Gotta see

31:55

those results. And

31:57

we gotta see their partners! Results:

32:00

And this is everybody not connected is

32:02

not willing to show results than. That.

32:05

Says not going to happen to us. We had her

32:07

be scared. I. Had her be scared?

32:09

That was. I. Thought I'd

32:11

severed all the bases. He's all my results. I

32:13

saw his results, but you never know when someone's

32:16

gonna lie about some things. You. Gotta be able to

32:18

physically see it with your own eyes. Which.

32:20

It's pretty sad, but I need it and.

32:23

Yeah. No, I I am. I'm there

32:25

with with you for that. Also, you

32:27

know a lot of people don't necessarily

32:29

know about how all the Sd I

32:31

work right? People don't understand. That.

32:33

H P V penis another. Never

32:35

tested for it. It can suck on the oral

32:37

cancer temple called anal cancer like their inner. Always

32:39

a risk when you're doing skin to skin contact

32:42

so. I'm glad that

32:44

you don't have hurt me extremely uncomfortable and

32:46

I start all my Sci conversations by being

32:48

like so do you get cold sores and

32:50

then you know, kind of like making that.

32:53

My little entry point into everything else. I.

32:55

Like how you been studying. Is it

32:57

in see clear instead of clean? I

32:59

liked I to be as there is

33:01

nothing. Dirty. About having

33:04

an Sd I, but it can

33:06

be avoided if people are better

33:08

about each other and health and

33:10

also because it's something that's it.

33:12

she's on happening. The reason my

33:14

added oaks to illnesses and stuff

33:16

can. Go. Extinct either

33:18

because of vaccination because they stop getting

33:20

transmitted like. we don't really worry, About

33:22

polio anymore, for instance. But

33:25

liked his people. Are.

33:27

Better about testing and better about communication

33:30

with their partner then like. Less.

33:32

And less people will have to. Have

33:35

that as an extra burden that they

33:37

have to like live with. Yes, I'm

33:39

think of a fair point and also

33:41

what I do want to remind people

33:43

is that there are streams of gonorrhea

33:45

that are becoming increasingly resistant to antibiotics

33:47

I think also yeah media and said

33:49

that is much scarier and so I

33:51

know that there are people who have

33:53

can have the mentality like now deal

33:55

with it like I have a high

33:57

risk tolerance. I don't mind if I.

34:00

That program and it's like. I. Hear

34:02

You and Also Done does eventually end up

34:04

a sex in Public Health and stuff it

34:06

all right. So it's always evolving. Not up

34:09

to scare people but just to say like

34:11

there are ways to play. More.

34:13

Risk aware and like you said conversations at

34:15

part of it Am I gonna? I love

34:17

I love their. Things I to level good:

34:19

clean by a decisive. The see a fireman

34:21

flakes frame fight Safeway ever? What? Do.

34:26

You want to tell us about some

34:28

of the fun stuff that you've been

34:30

enjoying? Never what what he wouldn't getting

34:32

up to you wild thing is is

34:34

the first of all my girlfriend likes

34:37

reading like smite and I am. I

34:40

have small brain. I like picture or

34:42

video. Very nice. I like watching picture

34:44

video. Porn sets the do

34:46

part of ah yes. To.

34:49

Smoke do it isn't It

34:52

is led by she is

34:54

illegible. Know pretty much.

34:57

And so we been reading Smut together and

34:59

also justly show each other like weird stuff

35:01

that we sounds his are some stuff that

35:03

like. Maybe. Like we haven't

35:06

necessarily gotten off do what we just

35:08

found in a corner of the the

35:10

internet. there were like this is really

35:12

funny I gotta show this tier like

35:14

as cassettes like the ways that they

35:16

describe. Penises. And might or

35:18

so so funny. like with a worse

35:20

when my girlfriend's ever found his calling

35:22

it a princess Want. Of. Costs

35:25

and is that the worse? I don't know. Arctic

35:27

a princess mind. I would like to have a

35:29

phone line. Of princess ones and. That

35:31

I would have a Isps. Movie.

35:35

Like. You say like us like

35:37

it's just funny stuff that not only like the

35:39

time it's sexy but well written. It's like a.

35:41

Sack. See for sir are you

35:43

like. Reading it to each other and is it

35:46

mostly you're only allowed up so que. Ia reading

35:48

out loud are you must see the reader,

35:50

the listener to take turns. See let's

35:52

see real sports he turned so like

35:54

usually or be like to dislike video

35:56

that I saw that is either funny.

35:59

Or. Sexy. Cause

36:01

the Internet is. Where. The Wild

36:04

my best out there is mostly in terms of.

36:06

Born. In Smite. Oh very quickly. I

36:08

want to plug Walesa They have ethical

36:10

free porn if you are a broke college

36:12

student like me. And yeah, it's a woman

36:15

created company that's about sex toys. They got

36:17

discounts on it Walesa if you have the

36:19

means to it's always good deal. Support people

36:21

on only fan support sex workers pay for

36:24

paid porn. but if you're like really really

36:26

broke and you wanna ethically consume born, that's

36:28

pretty good site. Yeah and then when you

36:31

have a little windfall you can always tip

36:33

them in some way. Shape or form.

36:35

And exactly exactly. Yeah. Are you

36:38

buyers of carburetor? Ah, So

36:40

when you are having be like Smart

36:42

sessions does that typically lead into like

36:44

physical play between. You two or is it

36:46

just like via of him. Yeah usually

36:48

if it's the sexy kind of not because

36:50

the kind yes we did it once over

36:53

the phone and Alice dallas of he bought

36:55

both like touching ourselves while the read aloud

36:57

was have day and that was pretty cool.

36:59

I'm thinking about princess ones now as a

37:01

smooth and my for us. We.

37:04

Discovered that they really cool the other

37:06

night. I have. These. Really

37:08

comfortable read: boxers and a is

37:10

of the so if you are

37:12

the square okay. So we've got like a

37:14

rabbit sound. Dildo: Is it pink Or red? Like

37:16

pincus in this part and sing reduce the

37:18

as it's for thrust say which is really

37:21

cool. so the shaft of the. Rather, Part

37:23

of like thrusting of them that

37:25

blue. You can put it through the

37:27

whole of the boxer's and then you have

37:29

a little tiny vibrating decks that sticks out

37:31

from the boxers that one of us can

37:33

ride hot so it's like the closest that

37:36

we'd gotten as to a fat people to

37:38

have like penetrative. Sex as pleasurable for both

37:40

of us. What I did Kind

37:42

of like even if I don't have a

37:44

vibrator and I still really like. Fucking.

37:46

Or the strap on just because it's. One.

37:49

Very gender euphoric and also to it's really

37:51

hot and like I think get off Just

37:53

said the idea that even if there's not

37:55

anything. Like physically. I mean,

37:57

there's the rubbing that this I like I don't

37:59

necessarily need. The vibration but is

38:01

really fun and so. On.

38:03

Your bucket list would you want to

38:05

like: Fuck with a double ended dildo?

38:08

Yes, I think that would be fun

38:10

as really want to do that. was a

38:12

dislike the logistics of it. I think the

38:14

harness I have right now I got originally

38:17

to pick your guy says harness it's basically

38:19

all you need if you're just picking someone

38:21

with that like perfect little like but size.

38:23

Still though. Upper like beginning but

38:25

plate is actually only used it to like

38:27

just tabs. Strap on sex with people with

38:29

the guys are bullets hit me. I need

38:32

to get out of the habit of saying

38:34

vagina is of all of us were a

38:36

pussy. well it's all of it. Also, I

38:38

recently had a partner that loved the word

38:40

vagina and so it was so interesting during

38:42

sex to be like. You're. In my

38:44

vagina and I made sure to be very

38:47

accurate with their but it's you know that

38:49

was among around like us all types and

38:51

strength of. I

38:53

guess I'm saying I'm fucking A. I am

38:55

Fucking. The budget and at the whole thing. is the

38:57

bull by the others? Yeah, but if you're rubbing on

38:59

our side view, be teasing the full year. Pleasure.

39:02

Of angling for to so one or

39:04

so and perfectly. What? Else to

39:07

say, the gop attended is the hardest we

39:09

have right now. It's it. Sucks. A real

39:11

success is he aware of this

39:13

is a good. Trainer artist but

39:15

we're in the major leagues now and

39:17

again. I get a new ones is

39:20

something that author has been. Super.

39:22

Hot is. Not.

39:24

Only fucking. People with

39:26

the strap on is like teaching people

39:28

how to fucking. The strap on is

39:30

also been really hot like with my

39:32

girlfriend end with someone that has and

39:34

friends with benefits situation. I taught. Both.

39:37

Of them today. Fuck outta thrust had a

39:39

single your has had a like make sure

39:41

it stays in and I was really hard

39:43

to like. Wants to be like. Oh

39:47

oh. Oh oh

39:49

who have you penises?

39:51

Fum Amazing. Was. That

39:53

for me, anything with kind of

39:56

like a teaching role is typically

39:58

how. I enjoy my. Park

40:00

little more like I'm like okay you need a

40:02

tour guide to. Yeah Karaoke are also you everything on?

40:04

You know if it's something that I know that. Is

40:07

that play into dynamic stuff for you at all?

40:09

Or is it like. A totally separate

40:11

vibe. It's definitely

40:13

a power dynamic even if I'm getting fucked if

40:15

I'm teaching you how to get off me. and

40:17

yes, the top floor still the other, you still

40:19

end up space for their teacher. yeah I would.

40:21

Actually Just having this conversation with a lover of

40:23

we got into details about a threesome another pull

40:26

the the whole i hear you and. We.

40:28

Gotta move slow. We're just getting to know each

40:30

other. I do love a double penetration if you're

40:32

new to it. If she's new to it, And

40:35

I'm like facilitating, receiving and teaching. We

40:37

don't slow down here like we gotta

40:39

slow down and. Like you know to some

40:41

lessons for and okay if I'm in top space.

40:43

Everything. Is possible for what is it like for you. It's.

40:46

Definitely a must switch, but it's deathly. It's

40:48

easier for me to be in sort of.

40:50

the. Sauce. Dumb

40:52

top space of like. Wanting

40:55

to like. Take. Care of my partner

40:57

I often or get distracted and like or

40:59

to spend like. Fifteen minutes eating her

41:01

pussy can see like. A.

41:05

Complete other. And I did delay

41:07

unless we got a. The bed that

41:09

I moved up with is a twin

41:12

bed at it's tiny and it sucks.

41:14

And it's got a giant chunky Ikea.

41:17

Bed. Frame and I didn't want it,

41:19

but my dad set me up with

41:21

it anyway. And now we finally have

41:23

permission to sell it for my parents.

41:25

But we're tired of the be the

41:27

twin bed and having sex and twin

41:29

bed. It's just it's not fun. I

41:31

am five, six ish and she's about

41:33

an inch taller than me. Even though

41:35

we're both not super tall, were still

41:37

tall enough that, like. Buddha. Sleeping

41:39

the twin beds not comfortable.

41:42

I. Definitely remember the college days of twin beds

41:44

and you can make it work. but it's quest.

41:47

Now, like having sex is that it's really

41:49

mostly the sleeping that makes it really bad

41:51

on a twin bed. Like you can squish

41:53

in for sex but like I snore she

41:55

moves around at look at night. it's just

41:58

it's not fun. So he bought a. Over

42:00

It's not yours together off Amazon?

42:02

Yeah and it's like zip. It

42:04

gets like romantic purchase. I've ever made

42:07

and it felt like barry adults and.

42:09

You. That matters for the super expensive actually

42:11

sitting on that mattress right now and it's

42:14

so much more fun to have sex with

42:16

his mattress because she can be up at

42:18

the top of the bed with her legs

42:20

open and I can be like lying fully

42:23

straight. And. Sometimes I'll like kick

42:25

my trash can accidentally, but like. I

42:28

can be fully lying down, she can be fully

42:30

lying down perpendicular to the bed and their civil.

42:33

We have enough room, which is really nice. What?

42:36

Are you looking forward to? Next

42:39

in your like, like you're in this kind

42:41

of like relatively new era of temporary, at

42:43

least closed. Miss that like sex was. What

42:45

else do you wanna get into that you

42:48

haven't yet? Or even new layers, new sparkles,

42:50

What sparking for you? We.

42:52

Keep on saying that we're going has. Car

42:54

sex like we're gonna do it last night

42:56

that it was too cold and a headed

42:58

do a class. Presentation on like climate

43:01

change in nature and like After

43:03

listening to a bunch of poems

43:05

and plays about climate change in

43:07

that. Nature and people's relationships.

43:09

Nature in there trauma is just

43:11

like. Not the mood to go

43:14

have car. sex is a wonderful

43:16

presentation. Flights not. Where normally. Not

43:18

deny any nine man. A

43:21

Bentley having car sex cause I had

43:23

perfect before but it's always just been

43:25

like me writing a dude which is.

43:28

Fun! But I've never had lesbian

43:30

car sex with someone. mean he doesn't. can

43:32

be more was just logistically challenging. Depends on

43:35

what you do. I'm always a big send

43:37

to of the one person reach over you

43:39

know like I mean is as the. First

43:41

parked cars or graham. But you know if you're

43:44

on a long stretch for the safe driver and

43:46

cruise control than I definitely been known to reach.

43:49

Reach. Across the aisle. See

43:52

broke my pussy in a Wendy's dresser line

43:54

once. I was pretty funny over my pants.

43:58

Kind of on spotify. Right

44:00

there was going we were going and they were for a bit.

44:02

The car stopped and shoes in the driver's seat

44:04

of i can't Drive and I was sitting shotgun

44:06

and shoes you sort of like rubbing over my

44:08

jeans and that was definitely hot. I'd have moments

44:10

of like, oh, this illness and a. Lifer to

44:13

Wendy's Tried. To

44:18

do that more ceremoniously Like maybe.

44:20

Like. It a beautiful like ideally

44:23

in like remote location. There's lots

44:25

of like remote beaches and. Parks and

44:27

stuff in the city that I live and adding.

44:29

It's pretty dark at night, so there would we

44:31

await? Do. It without other people being

44:33

aware of it cause the i don't want

44:35

anyone to and consensual. A like walk up to

44:37

us like having sex for that and I were to

44:40

them and that's kind of eden bad and it will

44:42

bruin the mood. Yeah yeah I mean beware of who's

44:44

are under car although they're walking. Up your car

44:46

at night the com have to do or

44:48

you know him to the window to looking

44:51

for that, them being creepy which is a

44:53

different issue of yeah exactly. And then we

44:55

have a comprehensive list of kings the other

44:57

day. Sounds like now that we're close we

44:59

just gotta have kinky sex. I go as

45:01

low as you like. How does it always

45:03

have such things interesting at A lot of

45:06

them were like stuff that we're definitely grab

45:08

like. I do not want to do that

45:10

that. There's some like ones that are like

45:12

either, just sort of like. Will.

45:14

Be either really fun to try or just

45:16

like neither of us have. And any like.

45:19

Particular. Aversion to it. like there was

45:21

one where I like having sex with a

45:23

robot things and I thought were both actors

45:25

and I'm like. Okay

45:27

robot can give coming up.

45:30

This is coming up. think the mystically for me

45:32

So like damn I think it might be a

45:34

my future. You're near the second person in. Two

45:36

days to mention Robot Company and it's

45:38

been on my bucket list and rate

45:40

of okay okay, wow that but I

45:43

hear me, my girlfriend or both actors

45:45

so like it'll either be goofy or

45:47

to be sexy like it. Either way,

45:49

it's of my own experience and so

45:51

many some sense of robots. Center stuff

45:53

to the and it's like you can t

45:55

aspiration from them in any place and then

45:57

she just thinks is might be on come

45:59

from. That I think it would be funny if

46:01

there's like a kink about being. Like claustrophobic and home

46:03

and many class in my room? Ozick. What have we

46:05

both just like sat next to each other or a

46:07

clause in the closet and has. To put some

46:10

office. It's like the one night I

46:12

get. To that a good either. Be

46:14

goofy, are sexy like there's like nobody

46:16

gets hurt. Nobody really buzzes anything. I

46:18

love that. Idea like having a body pressed

46:20

up against mean a tiny space and like

46:22

who my fingers will find a somewhere. Exactly.

46:25

And then this one is

46:27

probably the most logistically challenging

46:29

and. I think's lightly out

46:32

of her comfort zones but it's a like

46:34

a. Sort. Of late Breaking fantasy

46:36

my roommates and I We don't lock our

46:38

doors. We live in a safe neighborhood we

46:40

probably should lock our doors for we just

46:43

don't. So my girlfriend would say like. Not.

46:46

Give me an exact time when she's coming by.

46:48

she doesn't feel comfortable to sort of like randomly

46:50

breaking and she wants the of me like window.

46:53

Of. When she's coming at least, but like not

46:55

sort of really knowing which is coming and like

46:57

pretending to be asleep in that he comes as

46:59

the at. Us and things progress.

47:02

Allah I mean that account is breaking and if

47:04

your door is unlocked but also as had that

47:07

same fantasy about like one of my lover's like

47:09

giving him the code to my lock box and

47:11

devices como for any time them I thought I

47:13

love that. And every more into that

47:15

one that she is but says must say

47:18

she's just like worried about the logistics of

47:20

at my my chair come and randomly fucked.

47:22

Me play a soothing ah You can

47:24

warn a roommate that that happening at

47:26

some point. She's over here all the time.

47:28

they were just a that i oh hi. Girlfriend.

47:32

Okay, is there anything else you feel like we

47:35

need to know for. This year's update with

47:37

me hoping they'll come back at some point. I.

47:40

Would love to come back. I.

47:42

Am starting to seriously

47:44

consider. I. Have so much

47:47

like energy and passion around.

47:49

Sex. And and such a nerd

47:52

have done so much research about sex work

47:54

and religious. A list of this podcast know

47:56

we sort of been fascinated by sex and

47:58

sexuality That admitted as. And for myself,

48:00

that Eminem. Make. Myself: wait till

48:02

I'm twenty five priced if I still want

48:05

to and I'm twenty five am to consider

48:07

being a sex worker because they knew it

48:09

would be very fun and I think it

48:11

would be. Energetically.

48:14

Awesome! For me because I hate working

48:16

foodservice, I hit office jobs like my

48:18

deal jobs are either like out in

48:20

the forest, taking care of a river

48:22

or like damning someone in a dungeon

48:24

like those are that too. but giving

48:26

myself the more time to grow up

48:28

and really figure out as this the

48:30

rather you want to take. but I've

48:33

had this like secret Santa see of

48:35

like training in a dungeon and being

48:37

part of that lovely world of sex

48:39

and sexuality for a while but I'm

48:41

nineteen years old and. It will

48:43

affect the rest my life by the side dishes as

48:45

fast but with. The more

48:47

I the more I pursue like traditional caused, the

48:50

more I'm like this is so boring as hell

48:52

and you know, don't worry, it's not mutually exclusive

48:54

right? Like you can be in a forest, you

48:56

can have college. He can become a sad for

48:58

her. You can stop being a sex worker and.

49:01

I mean I will to say in six years

49:03

from now I will have a fuck ton. Even

49:05

more research on the horror are if there's

49:07

something in particular. You want to know about our

49:09

focus on it? And I've got a lot of

49:11

data that I am figuring. Out how to organize

49:13

and share and you know. Maybe.

49:16

The more of us that are out

49:18

there being like yeah actually sex looks

49:20

pretty fucking cool and also like if

49:22

everyone in this world if we're honest

49:24

about the amount of sex work that

49:26

they do and or have paid for,

49:28

the stigma wouldn't exist right? But you

49:30

know, even I still figuring out. What

49:33

to share at what rate? Because they're still

49:35

ours like certain sense of safety concerns and

49:37

I think it's social wise that you're waiting

49:39

an authentic them on the other side, right?

49:41

I'm like oh my God. I was in

49:43

my thirties before I realized this was the

49:45

obvious choice for me. You know who, with

49:47

whom he threw stumbling into Six Stories and

49:49

that was like wait a second and sex.

49:51

Workers setting that the great I'm here for it.

49:53

What kind of sex? Fortunately he said som but

49:55

like is that what you're thinking mostly. As

49:58

indistinctly the one that's the most. In

50:00

my wheelhouse? Yeah. I would want your

50:02

first obviously it like earn my way. You know

50:04

try to find a dungeon the knees. Even.

50:06

Some under mop the floors or something

50:08

like just to be in that space

50:11

with our fundamental and then obviously didn't

50:13

get like training and stuff. Also maybe

50:15

not even like. Sex. Work

50:17

where I'm doing hands and work but. I.

50:21

Have always been the person that people

50:23

going to me. Either.

50:25

Really? Important. Dramatic

50:27

things that need a process was summer. And

50:30

or. Fun! Things that they're

50:32

dipping their toes into that they want to learn

50:34

more about are like the amount of time someone's

50:36

come up to mean be like Mercedes. Had

50:39

a lesbians have sex and I'm like

50:41

cut one. Have you not know that

50:43

game? We have the internet and to

50:45

let me tell you ssssss. Well

50:48

there's the learning in the reading and there's like

50:50

they're hearing it from an actual person. It's probably

50:52

better to to talk about it then to the

50:54

how I learned. Was mostly.

50:56

Through porn and not of. Dot.

50:58

All of it was. The. right? Kind

51:01

of learn Also best. I mean this is where

51:03

I'm trying to figure out my next step for

51:05

a month. Is. Affording

51:07

it brings enough to tell everyone. That I

51:09

actually do wanna like touch them and interview them at

51:12

the same time. You know some trying to figure out

51:14

how to approach my i've started and sell my friends

51:16

who actually work in porn who might be down. For

51:18

that and it's so funny but only do it

51:21

step what I I mean if I want to

51:23

do and I'm a one absolutely can like a

51:25

thirst ice and watch all of Nina Hartley content

51:27

because didn't need or some version of Edu porn

51:29

and I know. That there are many other people

51:32

doing an erotic stuff but I'm like my version

51:34

of a different and also I have well anyway

51:36

I'm I'm figuring out the level of research to

51:38

engage on. That's a really cool thing on Walesa

51:40

where you have to pay to see the full video

51:42

so gestures interviews. but it's porn stars that of maybe

51:45

like worked with another porn certain really enjoyed it and

51:47

felt a connection and they're choosing to like be like

51:49

I thought. she was really cute she made me come

51:51

a lot we had a wonderful guy ever seen afterwards

51:53

but haven't got to work with her and a year

51:56

I want to see I would have sex with her

51:58

again and I want have the connection. The President

52:00

like an interview of the people who are

52:02

going to be in the scene together and

52:04

like watching the then like the gingers and

52:06

the nervous and like talking to each other

52:08

about boundaries and like how they're doing that

52:10

day like in love that. Thank you for

52:12

telling us that that that's exactly what I

52:14

want to watch. It's the best kind because

52:16

you like one, you're like. I'm one hundred

52:18

percent sure that the performers are consenting in

52:20

this because I'm watching them have a conversation

52:22

about how excited they will. I can never

52:24

be a hundred percent sure, but. On.

52:26

A Like a paid playing like blessedly

52:28

dinner. Never three hundred percent sure that

52:31

cm these are interest to paid videos

52:33

on earth. Ethical. Porn site. You're like ninety

52:35

nine point nine percent sure that they're both

52:37

very into this and it's Hot. Like says,

52:39

I've only seen interest from too broke to

52:41

watch this video for now, for now, I'll

52:43

see how much it actually is to subscribe

52:45

to. that might be worth it. Just the

52:47

like, learn more and stuff. It's hot as

52:49

hell, but it's courses watching them talk to

52:51

each other and be excited to have sex.

52:53

With each other down. Ah

52:56

the Good Lord is awesome. Ethical

52:58

porn is awesome, Education is awesome.

53:00

Falling your curiosity as awesome and

53:02

being willing to explore and been

53:04

willing to let stuff be uncomfortable

53:06

is really awesome. So Mercedes, thank

53:08

you so much for coming back

53:10

and sharing sex stories updates since

53:12

you so much while lovers that

53:14

other show. I love you for

53:16

listening. If. You Would support my

53:18

work as an independent artist which includes

53:20

this podcast. If. You wanna go

53:23

deeper with me? either online

53:25

or in person That wildly.com/links.

53:28

For. A no strings attached way to concretely

53:30

so me your appreciation. You can support

53:32

this podcast and my grad school tuition

53:34

via Venmo. Can shop or paypal out

53:36

wildly or find direct links in the

53:38

center of my website while.com if you

53:40

want to learn more about my personal

53:42

best. You. Can your my sex toys? Very.

53:45

Interwoven with my working

53:47

I I'm discovering on

53:49

patriot.com/wildly. You. Can unlock my

53:51

naughty photos and videos one by one

53:53

and only then.com/while free or you can

53:55

subscribe for curated selection of my Savior

53:57

and most up to date masturbation flourish

53:59

and. On only

54:01

fan.com/wildly. If you

54:03

want my focus on your personal part one

54:06

on one. virtual options include phone or video

54:08

sessions where you can ask me anything that

54:10

relationship advice or new on whatever it is

54:12

you're thinking about or do the inverse and

54:14

version and meet me for coffee or lunch

54:17

or dinner if you are in Los Angeles.

54:19

or if you just need hot stills and

54:21

or video for you your booher your san

54:23

send me a message via my website wildly.com

54:26

I invite all of you to join me

54:28

and making Twenty Twenty Four the year of

54:30

practicing, offering and accepting the most exquisite. Irresistible

54:32

invitations and I would love it if you

54:35

would send me a voice know of the

54:37

a sec stories.com answering any or all of

54:39

the following. What irresistible

54:41

invitations have you received and

54:44

loved? What? Irresistible invitations have

54:46

you offered or are you planning to

54:48

offer? Or. Are you resisting and

54:50

he invitation that? You don't actually want to

54:52

resist Disney stuff? Mrs On? You know Personally,

54:54

I think a voice memo would make a

54:56

great New Year the Valentine's Day present if

54:58

you are. When I love receiving good, thoughtful,

55:01

sexy stories again, Six Stories podcast.com is where

55:03

you can leave me a voice mammal, apply

55:05

to be a guest and see if. All.

55:07

of my sexy question list which I hear

55:09

has led to some very hot. Things between

55:12

partners who got curious with each other. Also

55:15

an announcement. Sex Stories is

55:17

becoming X Stories in part it is

55:19

to represent my server under to censorship.

55:22

And it is also an opportunity to

55:24

broaden our conversations and creative discussions to

55:26

include the many of you who I

55:28

hear from who clearly want to connect

55:30

but don't wanna talk about sex publicly,

55:32

even anonymously And I am hoping that

55:34

this makes us. Less. Censored actually

55:36

searchable on Spotify. And. hopefully

55:38

more appealing to advertisers because there's a lot of

55:40

stuff that i want to make for you an

55:43

offer for you but i just need more bandwidth

55:45

so while i will always be most curious about

55:47

people's sex toys i am excited to invite people

55:49

to talk about all the relational topics i have

55:52

written question was foreign test out in the park

55:54

last summer so if you want to check out

55:56

critique and or and to these new question lists

55:58

and considered joining me as guest in this

56:00

new era of possibility, I

56:03

have question lists for dating, relationship, friendship,

56:05

marriage, divorce, love, secret, creativity, and

56:07

play stories. Check them out

56:09

at yolie.com/share. Sex

56:12

Stories, or I guess I should say X Stories,

56:14

is produced and edited by the birthday-tastic Kimberly

56:16

Loftus, who keeps this pod going and cheers

56:18

me up on the days where I get

56:20

really sad about the rude social and sexual

56:22

norms in this world that we live in.

56:24

And this is why, more than ever, I

56:26

encourage you to take care of yourselves, take

56:28

care of each other, and share stories in

56:30

the name of a lovely human connection.