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Sign up today. Episode

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is released. And it's

1:58

a great episode. of

2:01

segments with Jake and Amir,

2:04

do you release it and

2:06

do you preface it with, Amir

2:08

would have wanted it this way, where's

2:12

FYI he's gone, but. I,

2:14

first of all, cold open

2:16

this exact clip, right?

2:19

So this is before the theme song? Yeah, this is

2:21

before the theme song. Then I let the theme

2:24

song play and then I come

2:26

in, voice of God, who you've just met

2:28

because you're dead. I'm at the Pearl League.

2:30

Yeah. And I say, I'm sure

2:34

a lot of you guys tuning in know the news

2:36

that Amir is no longer with us. It's already out.

2:39

And I say, I'm releasing this episode

2:42

as a love letter to my great

2:45

partner. Like, I'll never, you know, make it

2:47

really, really fucking heartfelt. And

2:50

if you want to listen to any of our other content, I've

2:52

now put it all behind Patreon.

2:56

This is his word, Magnum Opus.

2:58

Anyway, let's get started. This is

3:00

Fart or Queef. Yeah. So everything,

3:03

everything in our catalog, every

3:05

Jake and Amir video, every podcast episode,

3:07

everything we've ever made goes on Patreon.

3:09

That's behind the panel. And you're using

3:12

that to support the family or? I'm

3:15

using that to skip out on

3:17

the family. I'm using that to

3:19

have a secret family. I'm using

3:21

that to have a compound in

3:23

the Caribbean with. With compound interest.

3:25

Yes, exactly right. I am tax

3:27

sheltering myself in a tax haven.

3:29

That's really cool. In New Haven?

3:31

In New Haven. Yes, exactly right.

3:33

Exactly right. Okay, follow up. I

3:36

die. And we talked about

3:38

it on this fucking episode. Do you

3:40

keep this part in? If

3:43

you keep on bringing it up, I guess

3:45

it would depend on how you tie it.

3:47

At this point. Yeah. If

3:50

it was truly an accident, then

3:52

yeah, I think it would be

3:54

too much of a coincidence to

3:56

not. People would assume. Okay. Yeah.

4:00

This is honestly getting macabre and

4:02

morose, the last question. We're

4:05

together when I die. Right, that's what

4:07

I'd be afraid of. Now do you

4:09

release this as a way to absolve

4:11

yourself or just sort of implicate yourself

4:13

even further? That's the

4:15

rub, that's the interesting idea. They talked

4:17

about it. Yeah, and

4:19

it would be bad because I've kind of

4:21

talked about how I could benefit from it

4:23

at this point. So

4:26

it would depend if I was actually doing that

4:28

stuff. I think I would have to see that

4:30

planned through. And

4:33

yeah, if we died in the jet skiing

4:35

accident, but like you, we went out of

4:38

sight of plans and you drowned. And

4:41

like, why is he has bruising around his

4:43

neck? And I'm like, well, he fell from

4:46

the jet ski and hit his neck in

4:48

a certain way. Let's see the podcast before

4:50

I jump to any of these. I don't

4:52

want to release it out of respect for

4:54

Amir, but you can listen if you subscribe

4:57

to our Patreon, your honor. Patreoner,

5:00

your honor. Your Patreoner.

5:02

All right, well, hopefully I survived throughout at least the release

5:05

of this episode so we don't have to get to it.

5:08

But this is segments, we are back in the

5:10

lab. You can be watching this on YouTube. We're

5:12

in the New York studio together. Exactly.

5:15

Which sort of provides an extra layer of

5:17

fun because we can do a little show

5:19

and tell segment action. Exactly.

5:22

Exactly. For those of you listening at home,

5:24

I'll try to describe the visuals as much as humanly possible. But

5:26

Jake is going to show me celebrities, the

5:28

most famous celebrities in their 20s. Famous

5:31

people in their 20s. These are

5:33

the top celebs. The creme de la

5:36

creme. They've got millions of Instagram followers.

5:38

They're starring in films and TV series

5:40

that are grossing millions and billions of

5:43

dollars. These

5:45

guys are, they are rich, they are powerful,

5:47

they have influence and they have star power.

5:50

We're going to see if you know

5:52

any of them. The first one is,

5:55

drum roll please. Okay. I'm

5:58

still here. Staring

6:00

at a lady, a nice attractive

6:03

lady who looks like Nila Kunis, but

6:05

I don't know if

6:08

it's a Jenner, if it's

6:10

a Kardashian, is it

6:12

a Rodrigo? I'll guess Olivia

6:15

Rodrigo. And

6:17

Nicole, do you have a guess? I do

6:19

know who this is. Oh, you do know. Yeah.

6:22

But I incorrectly, when I first saw her, thought immediately Nina

6:24

Dobrev for some reason, but I know it's not. I

6:26

don't even know who that is. But

6:30

you know who this is too. You

6:32

want to tell him here? Victoria Justice. Victoria

6:34

Justice is the name I've not heard

6:36

of. Is she on a Marvel? She

6:39

is. I'm looking at it now. It

6:42

looks like she is

6:45

an actor and a singer. She

6:49

was in Victoria

6:51

Justice. It's a

6:54

good name. Is she related to David Justice? I

6:56

don't know. I really don't know. It

6:58

looks like she was in a Nickelodeon show. Got

7:01

it. Yeah, that's why. Honestly, it would be weird

7:03

if I knew who this was. Well, she was in it in 2005. Okay.

7:06

And now she's like, still, it's like,

7:08

why was I watching Nickelodeon at age

7:10

23? She has 24 million followers on

7:13

Instagram. Okay, good on her. Shout

7:15

out Victoria Justice. Now I know who she is.

7:17

Okay. All right, so that's 0 for 1.

7:20

Do you think I'll get any of these? You have to strip. I

7:22

didn't realize that. Yeah,

7:25

it was strip celebrity. And it's just, I

7:27

got one wrong and I got my one.

7:29

You're completely naked. Yeah. The next

7:31

one I have to cut my dick off. You can put them on when you get one

7:33

right. All right, next one. Oh, I

7:37

know this one. This is a white man with a

7:39

beard with tattoos on his face. This

7:41

is White Iverson, aka Post Malone.

7:43

That's correct. Did you think I'd

7:45

get this one? Yes, I did.

7:48

Okay, that's a good sentence. You think he regrets

7:50

the face tattoos or that's sort of like

7:52

him forever? I think that's him forever. I

7:54

think he likes that. Yeah, yeah. Face tattoos

7:56

are, they're a big thing

7:59

with these. in their 20s. They

8:02

love the face tattoo. It's a

8:04

risk for sure, because it's

8:06

always on your face. If you had to

8:08

get a face tattoo, what would you do?

8:11

Probably something about Luke, my dog. Right, and

8:13

where would you put him? I would put

8:15

like an L maybe underneath my beard. Oh,

8:17

that's nice. So it's like close

8:19

to my face, but not necessarily on my face. Yeah,

8:21

you can kind of keep it hidden. Yeah. All right,

8:23

let's check out that next celeb. Oh,

8:25

I might do a rose on my eye. Oh,

8:28

sorry, we're back. Who's this? Blond

8:30

Lady. Blond Lady looks like

8:32

Gwyneth Paltrow's daughter. Uh-huh.

8:35

Sort of a Jodie Foster type. Yeah.

8:38

Finlipped, Sydney

8:40

Sweeney, but way fish.

8:42

Yes, yes. Whispy curtain, babe.

8:45

A Sydney Sweeney. Sydney Sweeney.

8:49

I don't know who this is at all, I can't even guess. I

8:53

mean, I guess if I had to just

8:55

fucking throw out a name. Yeah. Courtney

8:58

Roth. I'll give you some

9:00

of her credits. Okay. She

9:03

was in Euphoria. Is she a Nepo

9:05

baby? I don't know. Okay. Yeah,

9:09

Euphoria. Maya Hawk. Nope.

9:11

Okay, I don't know who this is. Hunter game, The Hunger Games.

9:14

Jennifer Lawrence. No, this is

9:16

Hunter Shaper. Yeah, I don't know who

9:18

that is. Neither do I. Nicole?

9:21

Yeah, from Euphoria. No, okay, yeah,

9:24

Euphoria, a lot of Euphoria kids.

9:27

Have you seen Euphoria? No, it's

9:30

not for me. I know that it's not for me.

9:32

But isn't it like cool teens partying? Isn't that up

9:34

your alley? Cool teens, no, that's not

9:36

up my alley. Cool teens party. I liked

9:39

to party when I was in my

9:41

teens and 20s. Now I'm not for

9:43

you. Well, because I don't like watching

9:45

teens. I don't like watching teens party.

9:47

That's not fun for me. Interesting. Yeah.

9:50

All right, next. This is

9:52

a nine year old with a tattoo. What?

9:59

Nicole, do you know who this guy is? This and I think

10:01

so literally every of the money or seen

10:03

as there's no way he's old enough to

10:05

have a dad is twenty one years old

10:07

but is. It is as

10:10

a child wearing jewelry and a tattoo

10:12

and a fucking Yeah nail polish which

10:14

is I guess the least of his

10:16

concerns. I'll look you that a movie

10:18

called The Loneliest Boy In the World.

10:20

That's funny. Wait Nicole, you know who this

10:22

is. I think so, but I haven't seen him since

10:25

he was like a child. Or guess he was

10:27

a child. Now I have a real just.

10:29

I was nine and now he's twenty. one.

10:31

Looks like Nine. Nicole. What's your guess either?

10:33

Notices. Doing. Of Sartorius that's

10:35

correct that oh he was a popular

10:37

Viner are musically oh yeah I know

10:39

the lot of these like a lot

10:41

of the to the we're big on

10:43

vine and group or whatever to they're

10:45

just singers and songwriters now interest they

10:47

are. You know them on way in

10:49

a boys know. So. The Montana

10:51

Boys are recent tic toc phenomenon. They're.

10:54

Not singers or dancers.

10:57

All. They do is walk towards

10:59

the camera while a country

11:01

song plays. There's.

11:03

Five of them. They're. Pretty hot.

11:06

The live in Montana. A

11:08

country song is playing in the rock to the camera.

11:10

Almost like models. But they're not models either. They're just

11:12

from Montana. And Kristin

11:14

Cavallari. Saw. It. D.

11:17

And one of them, another dating. So.

11:19

It's like the Montana Boys and Kristin

11:21

Cavallari and they're all sort of a

11:23

famous in this ecosystem as absolutely bizarre

11:25

and they have like their do interviews

11:28

and like we don't have any acting

11:30

ambitions are we don't have any singing

11:32

or dancing skills of like okay what

11:34

are we down to yeah just wearing

11:36

and guys in Montana that a Christian

11:38

cavalry wanted to have sex with yeah

11:40

toss up and you I have one

11:42

of them as on here I died

11:45

Tanner Boys yeah Chris Cavalier he could

11:47

be or it. Next. oh

11:49

that is olivia rodriguez as you did guess

11:52

or before cities on the my eyes is

11:54

really good by the way i really like

11:56

they're very talented i watch the sixty minutes

11:58

with her while the app yes he's really

12:00

good I got out to Olivia Rodrigo. Okay

12:03

another another singer songwriters coming up next. Okay

12:09

She's wearing an earring that looks like an

12:11

ear wearing an earring Which

12:13

is really cool. Yeah, that being said

12:15

I've never seen this person before in

12:17

my life Nicole You

12:19

know who that is? Yeah, who? Do

12:21

I have to ruin it already? Yeah, cuz I just don't

12:23

know I'm Angeline

12:27

Dupree, let's let me see if I can give

12:29

some of her credits so people at home can

12:31

guess. Oh, okay Is she in Marvel movies? She

12:34

is not she's a singer. Okay She's

12:37

got a song called paint the town

12:39

red. Oh, I know that I'm

12:44

Sick I paint the town red She's

12:47

a rebel. She's a bad little bitch. She

12:49

a devil Is

12:51

it do a leap up? No,

12:54

is it start with a D? I

12:58

do know that song is a popular

13:00

tick-tock song Bitch,

13:02

I said what I told my

13:04

distance catchphrase doe doe

13:06

a leap. Oh, no Doe

13:11

doe and what's

13:13

our patreon? Yeah. Oh doja cash Yeah,

13:16

I think she's Jewish or something really

13:18

said that she's either half Jewish or

13:20

something. Yeah, I do know that song

13:23

And I like I didn't know that that's what doja

13:25

cat look like three more celebs. Okay I'm

13:30

looking at the head of PR

13:33

Intel this is a

13:35

LinkedIn profile picture of a young executive

13:38

and this one's a nepo, baby Okay,

13:40

that makes you add on

13:42

this is you can tell the nepo babies cuz

13:44

they kind of don't look like they should be

13:46

famous Sarah Hathaway and Hathaway's

13:49

young. Yeah. Yeah, this is an

13:51

Hathaway's cousin. Yeah Dana Hathaway It's

13:53

you're gonna be very that it's

13:56

so a name like that. Okay

14:00

Do you want me to give you some of her father's credits? Oh,

14:06

father's credits. Is this Maya Hawk? No.

14:09

Ethan Hawk's daughter? Nope. Okay, yeah,

14:11

give her. Okay, so she is

14:13

famous. She's in Euphoria. There

14:15

you go. Of course, that's what it is. I

14:18

don't know, I need the Euphoria. She's also in

14:20

a couple of her father's movies, so I'll give

14:22

you the names of those. The

14:24

King of Staten Island. With

14:27

Pete Davidson? Yep. Okay. She's

14:29

in Knocked Up. With

14:31

Seth Rogen? Yep. Oh,

14:33

oh, oh, Mod Appetal. That's

14:35

correct. Yeah. That's correct. Correct.

14:38

I didn't know that. I didn't know that's what she looked like. Yep.

14:41

All right, two more. Ha

14:43

ha, this guy's fucking hot. He's so

14:45

hot. It's Christian Bale with a fucking

14:47

necklace and a shirt. This dude, I

14:49

don't know if I would have known

14:51

him based on the photo, honestly, but

14:53

I love his music. I was hoping

14:56

you'd give me Jacob Elordi, because I

14:58

do know that. Really? I

15:00

felt burnt, but this is not Jacob Elordi. No. This

15:02

is a guy, a

15:05

musician? Yeah, musician, chiseled everything.

15:07

Yeah. The jaw, the abs,

15:09

the hair is perfect. And a,

15:11

wow, what songs does he

15:13

have that's famous? I

15:15

can give you some. I

15:19

don't think I've seen this. You've

15:21

definitely, you, yeah. I've heard the songs.

15:24

Nicole, do you know who this is? Yes. Oh

15:26

my gosh. Nicole, you're young, aren't you? Captain,

15:28

yeah. All right, there's

15:31

nothing holding me back. There's nothing

15:33

holding me back. That's right. This

15:35

is the guy who sings, there's nothing holding me back. Yep.

15:38

I don't know what that is. Ooh, I've been shaking,

15:40

I love it when you go crazy. Oh, Shawn

15:42

Mendes? Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah,

15:44

he's got nothing holding me. I thought Shawn Mendes

15:46

was older. I don't

15:48

know how old he is, honestly. He looks like a young

15:50

boy. I thought Shawn Mendes was like closer to our age.

15:52

Really? I don't think so, but

15:55

let's see. How old is he? Now,

15:59

really? Lily. Allen. I'm guessing family.

16:02

I was six foot one that's

16:04

often on Beijing. Get on. Sean.

16:07

You're. Gonna be forward now. Twenty five. This

16:09

kid is twenty five will get his whole

16:11

entire life that I feel like I've known

16:14

him for ten years. Wow the I would

16:16

like nobody notices use fifteen lot of these

16:18

kids. They're the gets it or it's surreal.

16:20

Dahlia are my last one and I believe

16:23

you've guessed her. maybe twice. Hit

16:26

a dead or now the duel he

16:28

bought out. thoroughly. Bad aioli, but maybe

16:30

that's the do. Yeah, one of these

16:32

one of these popstars is like unto

16:34

from the Valley or something like better.

16:36

Interesting lot. it was. From the Valley make

16:38

it. it's when it's like I was a jew

16:40

from the valley and also does your cat like

16:43

the yeah makes sense like she also want to

16:45

the Johnny Rockets in Woodland Hills. Did I ever

16:47

see her? There's a world where have you got

16:49

famous now like we I believe we hit our

16:51

peaked at a time when is actually didn't matter

16:54

if you were hot like you could just. Look

16:57

like anything and people thought your to a

16:59

guy now. With. The tic tacs and all

17:01

that sub you kind of half delight. At least be

17:04

in high Yeah you have to have like the body

17:06

have to have a lovely be able to dance so

17:08

had to be a Montana boy. Yeah if we were

17:10

getting our start now I wonder. If

17:13

we would vote pro we just wouldn't

17:15

even try. Well I did notice recently

17:17

that all you tube are now the

17:19

bloggers have incredible hair right? that? the

17:22

all big big stick hair? yeah yeah.

17:24

curly hair that are bangs, thick fuckin

17:26

retton linked style hair or a full

17:28

main? Yeah you never see like a

17:30

sin hair. you. Don't

17:33

they have to have Young Ally? Yeah

17:35

the have the fucking pamphlet Jamal yeah

17:38

they got ours are bad I exaggerate

17:40

you to Bread Swartz or assignment that

17:42

they. Ah they are bad could make

17:44

it as a be a good hair you

17:47

carefully to. I needed to hear that because

17:49

of the time it didn't feel like that

17:51

and we agreed on every i feel. You

17:53

didn't accentuate your hair until much later because

17:55

you are often your the full house dogs.

17:57

We kind of has brought it to a

17:59

little. It wasn't necessarily

18:01

like have anything now hear ya said.

18:03

Really thin glass, loads and loads beard.

18:05

Yeah, you made yourself uglier in your

18:08

better looking years. I have you ever.

18:10

The not that I don't want to

18:12

take the break was after I love

18:14

Hundred Betty the talked about this. Thank.

18:18

You to Helix for sponsoring this episode of

18:20

our show. Oh yeah baby! your favorite mattress

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Take you sleep on the Helix? Damn right!

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That's. Damn right. So you know how

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comfortable it is. I assume Jaune

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also enjoys her sleeping on a

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helix I believe yeah her in

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her new boyfriend also sleep on

18:35

the helix. Gonna the rubble situation

18:37

or said two different beds know

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I just a was see in

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i'm not a Divorce the separation

18:43

see got the helix. but then

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I was able to get myself

18:48

the different helix. So ordinary on

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two different helix is because they

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offered to. Why did you dig

18:54

mattresses? Know whether. It does Todd sleep

18:56

on his side as stomach the our diseases

18:58

sort of spoon. I don't know what kind

19:00

of sleeper he is, I don't even know

19:02

how much sleep they're getting. Earth are having

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a lot sex or whatever but my Helix

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right now I got a studio apartment in

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Hell's Kitchen. Yeah there's no better way to

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test out of a new mattress. So like

19:13

if Todd wanted to give it a hundred

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night trial helix and not well as that

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but they also tend to fifteen year warranty

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which is gonna call he's really smart like

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that. He does he up and shops for

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something with with. The warranty he does Taekwondo

19:26

right is a black belt. yeah he's

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A. he is a black below unaware

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he find a time for these. Also

19:32

he's a doctor. I wonder how Todd

19:35

did on the Helix sleep quiz which

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is just a few simple the islands

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and then they match your body type

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with the perfect mattress for you. Yeah

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we'll know he I mean he took

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he took B M Cats I feel

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icky pro with the up the know

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that tests and the best part is

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so I'd no idea he doesn't I'd.

20:00

Am I dead? Like he

20:02

doesn't have time for podcast

20:04

right? Yeah by I think

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our them your little radio

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shows. How how's your idol

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radio shows Do I? I

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write letters you have made

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in the studio I spoke

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with yeah, cyber roommate Ryan

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right? yeah this guy Ryan

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long. Either way, some good news

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in my life. Ah ah and

20:38

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available right now? Jake. Snapple facts.com.

21:28

Snapple facts. Really? You have to

21:30

spell facts F A X.

21:32

God, it's still, it's

21:35

still relevant. It's still good. It's

21:38

the, I believe they're still making original

21:40

spry Mendy's. Yeah. You remembered a part

21:42

of our lives where we were close

21:44

to selling a television show. Yes. Not

21:46

our TV show, the Jake and Amir

21:48

pilot. Right. No, not happened later. This

21:51

was, I think this was maybe our

21:53

first, our first thing. we

22:00

got kind of far along in the process. Yeah,

22:02

I guess it was maybe the furthest we, I

22:05

don't even know if it was the furthest we had ever gotten. It

22:07

was just maybe like, it was so

22:09

early, and we got so

22:11

far that it felt like the realest thing that

22:13

ever happened. It was kind of like before we were

22:16

jaded by the process, and we were enamored by

22:18

the process. Yeah, you said it was 2013. 2013,

22:21

so I was 30 and you were 27 or 28 or something. Yeah,

22:25

yeah, I think it was 20, wait, yeah. No,

22:27

2013, 11 years ago? Yeah,

22:30

27. All right, and this

22:32

is like when basically TV was, like

22:34

network TV still exists, and people would

22:36

pitch things in cycles, remember that? In

22:39

January, you hit them with log lines and

22:41

try to get a producer on board, because

22:43

in May, they're buying projects for the spring.

22:45

And then there's the pilot season, because also

22:48

actors, and you'd actually fly to LA to

22:50

audition for all of the pilots. Yeah, which

22:52

I don't think exists anymore. There's just TV

22:54

in general. And they roll in all the

22:56

time. There's no

22:59

seasonality to it. Right, I don't think so.

23:01

But this is like when we had our

23:03

YouTube show, so it's like, oh, let's try

23:05

to sell a piece of development. So hit

23:08

us with ideas, and they would

23:10

say, try to have it based on a

23:12

newspaper article. It's like when they ask you

23:14

why you, why now, we have this article,

23:16

famous viral thing to point to. Yeah, and

23:19

so you read an article about these 38-year-olds

23:22

that were all still living together 18 years

23:24

after college. Yeah, or they moved back in together, or

23:26

maybe there was a stiller. Well, I just read the

23:28

pitch, actually. They had never left. Got it. I

23:32

think we took that one step further, and we were

23:34

like, OK, what if they all left, and they are

23:37

depressed in their lives, and they come back because

23:39

college was the happiest time, so they all move

23:41

in together. Right, which is fine. It's like a

23:43

normal idea for a show. We

23:45

called it home again. Great, and they

23:48

can never go home again. We pitched

23:50

it to Ben Stiller's production

23:53

company, Red Atwork. We

23:56

pitched it to a bunch of production companies. Yeah,

23:58

the first round. of this

24:00

like pilot pitching is you go around to all

24:02

of the different production companies and

24:05

usually it's like a celebrity who has

24:07

a production company. And

24:10

then if any of those producers like it, then

24:12

they say they'll develop it with you. You're still

24:14

not getting paid. Not getting paid. They're the very

24:17

least. They're the famous person's company attached to your

24:19

idea. I like this idea. It's like

24:21

an executive is like, I like this idea and I

24:23

might even tell Ben Stiller about it. Oh,

24:26

Ben Stiller might know about it. So

24:28

you'll write the script. I'll give you

24:30

notes. Yeah, for free. And then usually

24:32

they had like some kind of deal

24:34

with one of the networks for a

24:36

studio studio or the net. All

24:38

right. So then you once you get that script, you

24:40

go and you pitch it to a studio.

24:43

Yeah. Because the networks are

24:45

like CBS, Fox, ABC and NBC. Those are

24:47

the four. Yeah. And

24:49

then those people here pitches not from

24:51

production companies that we already had attached

24:53

were from studios. Yeah. Like Paramount

24:55

or Warner Brothers. Did we get past network

24:57

and we're going to pitch the studio? I

24:59

think we were going to pitch the studio,

25:01

but the studio was ABC, which was also

25:04

the network. So it was a little one.

25:06

Yeah. So we got the

25:08

production company on board, which is still zero

25:10

dollars. And then you take that

25:12

with them chicken little style to the next

25:14

level. And that next level would

25:16

have been potentially to have a script for

25:18

a pilot at ABC, right? Which is the

25:20

holy grail. It's not even a show. It's

25:23

not even a show. Paying you to write

25:25

them. Right. You'll write a script

25:27

and then maybe you get to shoot the pilot. Which

25:29

would be insane. You get a lot of money to

25:31

shoot the pilot. They spend billions of dollars on pilots

25:33

that are shot that never get there. And then if

25:35

they like it, then it gets picked up. An actual

25:37

show that could get canceled after six episodes. Usually they

25:40

do. Nine miracles happen to have a failed show. Right.

25:43

Exactly. And then the goal is to

25:45

have a modern family, which makes $20 billion and feeds the

25:47

rest of the ecosystem. Right. Gets

25:49

adapted into several different languages. There's international versions

25:52

of home again down in South America. We're

25:54

just watching the money in our check account

25:56

go up and up. Two of 80. And

25:58

we're the most excited we've ever. because it's

26:00

like something that's not Jake and Amir.

26:03

Yes. And. Still

26:05

our comedy. Right. But, and

26:07

like adults that are, that are like

26:09

powerful and successful are actually interested. Yeah,

26:11

like, oh, this is actually good. Whoa,

26:13

okay. So I remember

26:16

this was when we, I'd

26:18

moved back from LA, was living in

26:20

Williamsburg, used to come over, whenever we weren't

26:22

shooting Jake and Amir, you would just come over,

26:25

and we would spend all day writing this

26:27

pilot. We would write a pilot for

26:30

free just to sort of show people, be like, this

26:32

is what it could be, by the way. Exactly. You

26:34

don't even have to pay, it's already done. And they're

26:36

like, okay, we're either into it or not. So

26:38

the, so I have the pilot. Oh. Okay.

26:42

Tell me what you want me, do you want to read the

26:44

cold open? Do you want me to read the, I

26:47

wonder if there's a one sheet? Let's

26:49

see. Yeah, let's read the cold open. Wow.

26:53

There's so many files in this

26:55

folder. There's notes on this pilot

26:57

from Ben Joseph and Dan

26:59

Gerwich. Yeah. Oh, that's the thing,

27:01

whenever you write stuff, you have to get your

27:03

friend's notes, and then the studio notes, and then

27:05

the production company notes, everyone's sort of pitching in

27:07

wing, and letting you know what they think. Our

27:11

manager and Pat gave notes on another round.

27:13

Yeah, you're gonna want to talk to Pat,

27:15

and the manager. There's draft four. Oh, Debbie,

27:17

the producer gave notes. Yeah, Debbie, who I

27:19

really liked, I think she's still around making shows. I love

27:21

Debbie, yeah. I think she makes 10-15. Great.

27:27

I'm telling it. Okay, so the

27:29

premise for this show is that Amir

27:31

and I play, I believe

27:33

it's, my name is Ryan, and

27:37

yours is Phil. Okay. So

27:39

Ryan is like a buttoned up businessman,

27:41

you. And Phil is his wacky best

27:43

friend that doesn't have a job. And

27:45

it's Ryan and Phil's idea to get

27:47

all of their old friends to move

27:49

back into their college house together. Okay.

27:52

And the funny part about this process is, we

27:55

pitched this to ABC Studios, and it didn't end

27:57

up happening. Next year, we could have pitched

27:59

this idea. But it's like no that's an old

28:01

idea. Yeah, they don't want nobody saw this idea

28:03

It's just as good as this random other one.

28:05

We're about to pay. No, we want your new

28:07

light. Yeah, right That's a lot

28:09

more timely coops. Yeah That

28:12

any better than this. I think scoops I

28:14

was scoops after this or before I think

28:16

before yeah cuz scoops was way worse It

28:18

was a multi-cam. Yeah, like our version of

28:20

tears, but I scream store read scoops next

28:22

time also developed with Debbie So oh really

28:24

shout out to Debbie. Yeah, she's the best

28:26

okay this

28:29

is The cold

28:31

open interior WorldCom Bank

28:33

Lobby Ryan McCafferty. That's

28:36

me Yeah, 32

28:38

handsome nice handsome unhappy in a power

28:40

suit exits the elevator of his investment

28:42

banking firm He was walking and talking

28:45

with mr. Thompson a rich old white

28:47

guy. So I'll be Ryan you'll be

28:49

mr. Thompson Mr.

28:51

Thompson hi, I was hoping to take

28:54

Saturday and Sunday off this weekend You

28:56

just took a weekend off in February

28:58

of 2009. You remember that I remember

29:00

everything Ryan You also took a lunch

29:02

break in 08 it'll never happen

29:04

again, sir It's just that I

29:06

I'm moving tomorrow fine fine Just make up for next

29:08

Christmas or funeral or something is your dad close to

29:10

dying I don't hope so

29:12

fair enough. Look I am I'm

29:15

gonna start sprinting. See you Monday and then

29:18

mr. Thompson sprints away Ryan

29:20

mr. Thompson exit the WorldCom Lobby and

29:22

are met with a chorus of booze

29:24

from a throng of Wow occupy Wall

29:26

Street style From the

29:28

throng of angry protesters mr. Thompson

29:30

takes off. He's really fast for an old

29:32

guy There he

29:34

is. That's the guy that sits in his

29:37

ivory tower shredding our tax dollars We

29:39

don't get your tax dollars sounds like

29:41

this chicken wants some eggs The crowd

29:43

launches eggs at Ryan as he runs

29:46

towards his car a man in crowd

29:48

gives chase and the protesters erupt in

29:50

cheers You jump into my

29:52

car fill and slam the door

29:56

Man in crowd. What is this? Wait, let's just

29:58

surround the car in a frenzy rocking back and

30:00

forth. Mountain crowd, sorry,

30:02

sorry, sorry, I know. Oh,

30:05

interest. Eggs, Phil? Really? Why eggs? Oh,

30:08

so my character was in the crowd.

30:10

Yeah, the man from the crowd dives

30:12

in the passenger side, the protesters surround

30:14

the car in a frenzy rocking it

30:16

back and forth. So you were

30:18

the man in the crowd protesting me. Got

30:21

it. Okay. Why eggs? Sorry,

30:23

sorry, sorry, I know. The man in

30:25

the crowd is Phil Feldman, 31, bearded, wiry, slovenly

30:29

and charming. Nice.

30:31

We've been friends for 30 years. Phil

30:34

Feldman is a really good name. Both

30:36

of the PHs. Yeah. It's stuff like this

30:38

that makes me not want to move back in

30:40

with you. Whoa, you can't pull out now. We're

30:42

signing the papers this afternoon. You're not signing anything.

30:45

I'm buying the house. I'm still involved. I'm the

30:47

one who got the old roommates on board. I

30:49

mean, buying back our college house is my idea.

30:51

You see, this is the premise and we know

30:53

what it is in page two. And

30:56

you got egg on my casual Friday

30:58

tie. Perfect. Casual Friday tie is good.

31:00

Do you hear yourself? Casual Friday tie.

31:02

You need a do over. You've been

31:04

miserable since we graduated college. I hate seeing

31:07

you like this. Stop crying. I do enough

31:09

of that myself in the break room between

31:11

meetings. Also, sometimes quietly during

31:13

meetings, but you need, but you need

31:15

this too. You live in a tent.

31:17

It's a yurt. You

31:20

don't buy yurts at Target. My

31:22

Occupy buddies would really frown upon me

31:24

supporting the man. Please promise me that

31:27

when you, then when we're

31:29

living together again, you'll be more mature. We're

31:31

still doing the fun room though, right? Oh

31:34

yeah. Big time. Awesome. Love

31:36

you. I'll be more mature.

31:38

Starting now. Just then

31:41

two protesters jump on the hood of

31:43

Ryan's car. Dookie on the hood. Take

31:45

a Dookie on the hood. I'm sorry.

31:47

Drop a trowel and drop a deuce.

31:50

I'll pay for half the car wash,

31:52

I swear. Through the protesters bare legs,

31:55

we see Ryan is disgusted while Phil

31:57

is smiling eagerly. Smash cut to title.

32:00

home again. This is fine.

32:02

Yeah, it's fine. As good as if not

32:04

better than Young Sheldon. Definitely. I think it's

32:06

better than Young Sheldon. It has to be

32:08

better than Young Sheldon. And you know, the

32:10

pilot, we have to set up the premise.

32:12

So there's some exposition that's getting a little

32:14

cheesy and a little bit fun there. But

32:16

that's part of the... The jokes are still

32:19

fine. Yeah. If I saw this cold open,

32:21

I wouldn't turn off the channel. No. I'd

32:23

be like, okay, they made the most out

32:25

of this. I probably, by the time it

32:27

got to channel seven at 8 30

32:29

PM, it wouldn't be a guy taking a dump on

32:31

a hood. Right. Yeah. It would

32:34

be like, I don't know, putting

32:36

mayonnaise on the windshield. Yeah, exactly.

32:38

Haka Lugi. Yeah. Haka Lugi. Exactly.

32:41

Yeah, we're only on to page four. But

32:43

if TV still existed, I feel like we

32:45

could re-pitch this. I don't know what the

32:48

hell's going... How are people pitching CBS shows

32:50

nowadays? Well, I think they only come from

32:52

people who have nine seasons of other shows.

32:54

Right. So like Chuck Lorre. Yeah. I was

32:56

on Men in Two and a Half Men

32:59

for 12 years. Right. This other show about

33:01

a couple. Okay, let's do a spin off.

33:03

There's a third broke girl. Yeah. And

33:05

yeah. So like, they're not talking to 28

33:07

year old you. No, they don't want anyone

33:10

at this point. They don't need people to

33:12

pitch them new ideas. They just need the

33:14

guys who have been making everything to make

33:16

another thing. Yeah. Is my guess. So like

33:18

the TikTokers that are famous, the Montana boys

33:21

are not pitching NBC. No, but I'm

33:23

sure they could get cast in anything. What

33:25

about the production companies, the Red Hours of

33:27

the world? Are they still talking, but they're

33:29

just pitching to like Apple Plus about a

33:31

dramedy? Yeah, I think so. I feel like

33:33

all of those, all of those like celebrity

33:36

production companies are making

33:38

their cash from, you know, co-proing

33:40

anything the celeb is in. And

33:42

then while they're selling... Yeah, selling things

33:44

to... I mean, Stiller is probably, he's

33:46

different because he's directing too. That's good.

33:49

But yeah, then the other guys are

33:51

like selling things to Hulu and Amazon.

33:53

That's cool. That are like smaller, smaller

33:56

budget, but you know, not

33:58

really small budget. Yeah. It's

34:02

only been 10 years since then it feels like

34:04

a completely different generation. What's going to happen in

34:06

10 years from now? We should have

34:08

Debbie on the show and say, what's TV like now?

34:11

Can I have a job, ma'am? I'd really like to work

34:13

for you as an intern. I don't know if I do

34:15

want a job there. Red Hour? Or

34:18

like in TV anymore. All right. TV

34:21

may or may not exist anymore. Yeah. I

34:23

guess it would be fun to just be a writer in a show

34:25

that I knew was going to be picked up

34:29

or something. Yeah. That's

34:31

the other way to do it. It's like this person already

34:33

went through the fucking minor miracles it took to make a

34:35

show. Now I just get to be a part of it. Right. Exactly.

34:39

That's perfect. Then you're just an actor. You're not a

34:41

co-creator. Yeah. I mean,

34:43

there's something fun about creating your own show, but also that

34:45

comes with all of the stress and hurdles and disappointment. Yeah.

34:48

So it's kind of better to just be like checked out while one of

34:50

your friends does all of that and they say, hey, will you write on

34:52

my show? Oh, yeah. Sure. Kind

34:55

of like how Rose and UTK, our friends are on Ghost, the

34:57

number one sitcom on TV. Yeah. They

35:00

figured it out. That just fell into their laps.

35:02

I should be at the star of a show.

35:04

I should be UTK. I don't know

35:06

how to act, but I'll figure it out. Yeah. That's

35:10

easy. It's better than easy.

35:12

It's rich. All right. That's

35:14

a good story. Yeah. Let

35:17

us know if you want us to read out the rest of act one. What

35:20

happens? What are the other characters? Do

35:23

you remember? I think there are, I

35:26

think there's two other lady

35:28

characters and one other guy. I

35:30

believe it was. There's a married couple? Yeah.

35:33

There's a married couple that were, oh, right. So there's a married

35:36

couple that we lived with and we lived with them

35:38

because I was dating the girl. So it

35:40

was like my ex who married our other

35:42

roommate. Oh, right. So, and

35:45

then there's also like a girl who used to

35:47

be a big time gamer. Yeah.

35:50

So now it's, they

35:52

come back. The two married

35:54

people, I think that's like

35:57

the love interest. It's like, I still

35:59

have feelings for this. For this girl. I remember

36:01

when coming up with ideas They'd be like it

36:03

really only matters for the pilot because the rest

36:05

of the show is five friends hanging out Yeah,

36:08

exactly like you have to like fucking back in

36:10

to create a Bible a story when I first

36:12

story And then it eventually

36:14

dissolves into friends, which is just six friends,

36:16

right? Friends got it friends and Seinfeld got

36:19

it, right? It's just like oh, it's just

36:21

people hanging out. Yeah, awesome Can

36:23

we do that? No, there has to be a

36:25

reason and what's the reason you're writing it? What's

36:27

the reason you guys are friends like the new

36:29

girl which we studied as like a pilot

36:32

sample? Yeah, like okay. This show is about

36:34

a new girl, but like by episode two.

36:36

She's not the new girl anymore She's right

36:38

exactly when who live season six. Yeah. Yeah,

36:40

she's just so we did you know Yeah,

36:44

the next scene is it's Dennis and Miranda's

36:46

apartment. That's the married couple. That's cool The

36:50

guys enter the part of the apartment, which is

36:52

tiny but immaculate Miranda Cooper

36:56

Do you want to

36:58

a fault I mean even a little

37:00

is to a fault All

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right, cool Thank you to Helix

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for sponsoring this episode of our show. Oh, yeah,

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baby your favorite mattress Jake you sleep on

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helix. I believe yeah her and her new

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boyfriend also Sleep on the helix

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you have a throuple situation or it's a

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two different beds. No, I just was she

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in Not

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a divorce to separation. She got the helix,

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but then I was able to Get

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myself a different helix. So a lot

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there you have two different helixes because

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they offered 20 unique mattresses Yeah, whether

37:42

this Todd sleep on his side a stomach, do

37:44

you know or do they just sort of spoon?

37:47

I don't know what kind of sleeper he is

37:49

I don't even know how much sleep they're getting

37:51

or if they're just having a lot of sex

37:53

or whatever But my helix right now I got

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better way to test out a new mattress So

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like if Todd wanted to give it a hundred

38:02

night trial Helix not only has

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that but they also a 10 to

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15 year warranty, which is kind of

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cool He's really smart like that. He

38:10

does he often shops for something with

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with the warranty. He does taekwondo, right?

38:15

He's a black belt. Yeah, he's a

38:17

black belt. I don't know where he

38:19

finds the time because he's also he's

38:21

a doctor I wonder how Todd did

38:23

mm-hmm on the helix sleep quiz, which

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is just a few simple questions And

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then they match your body type with

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the perfect mattress for you. Yeah Well, no,

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he I mean he took he took the

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38:45

I know I he doesn't I I Like

38:49

he doesn't have time for podcasts. Right?

38:51

Yeah, but I he calls them your

38:53

little radio shows How how's your radio

38:55

shows doing? Right. Did I tell

38:57

you I'm a roommate in the studio? I Yeah,

39:00

so I have a roommate Ryan, right? Yeah,

39:02

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Yeah, I haven't gotten to

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We're back. Okay. All right. Here's a TikTok. Granted,

42:00

I thought of that. We're going to test out on

42:02

this show or. It's a

42:04

two person game. Yeah, and the way

42:06

it works is I generate a number

42:08

one, three, one hundred. Ah, you don't

42:10

know what that number is right, but

42:12

the audience will yell at. My goal

42:14

is to slap you with that intensity

42:16

Silver A randomly generate one hundred. I'm

42:18

going maximum slap your sub. His heart

42:20

is. If it's a one, I'm doing

42:22

a very light slot. Regret is exactly

42:24

fifty someone the middle. The my goal

42:26

is to sort of communicate that number

42:28

V a slap be a sly of

42:30

yours and the winner. Is

42:32

us together? If I'm able to hit

42:35

you exactly alike? Forty Seven, You get

42:37

it. Ah, okay, so it's sort of

42:39

like we're communicating with our hands instead

42:41

of with are talking or it. So

42:43

and for people listening? Yeah, we're going

42:45

to get a pick up after I'm

42:47

slaps what the number is. Yeah, so

42:49

people will hear it before I slap

42:51

you by. Jake won't know the number.

42:53

Yeah, okay. and then if you're watching

42:55

it, you tube. We're going to use

42:57

that Google generator, which is hopefully something

43:00

you can visually see our it guy.

43:02

so generate. So Nicole generate that number

43:04

out of one hundred. Okay,

43:06

I see the number. Or it. So I'm

43:08

gonna say you're going to hear it now, but

43:10

Jake won't know. I've no idea what they were

43:12

nord it after the fact, right? The number is

43:15

sixty five and now I'm gonna stand up and

43:17

you'll spank me with that intensity. Okay, yeah, you

43:19

tell me where to hit you and then I'll

43:21

see our eyes. And Nicole have the numbers I

43:23

don't see when I turn around. So guy, A

43:27

guy. I'm going to spank you

43:29

this intensity out of one hundred. Or

43:36

I see if I can sort

43:38

of spank that number into existence.

43:47

What It is, What did you feel about that? I.

43:50

Guess my wrote down to the bottom

43:52

earth Upper Fifty First my first guess

43:54

was us like thirty three hours Like

43:56

that's not, that wasn't too hard, but

43:59

then I'm like. You're not super

44:01

strong so like I have them as

44:03

to go based on like how they

44:05

because you were against it felt weird

44:07

and there's a how hard you like

44:09

I had thought that might have been

44:11

as well. I was your eighty seven.

44:13

you know, like I don't I wouldn't

44:16

know that because it didn't feel like

44:18

so with using that curve actually I'm

44:20

in a yes, forty five. Okay, close,

44:22

but not super close. The number was

44:24

sixty Five Sixty five. So that really

44:26

did audio who thirds of the way

44:28

that max. Yeah well okay. The

44:30

Ah, Ok, let's switch. These

44:33

are you. Play me? Okay,

44:35

Let's generate this numero. The

44:38

number is twenty seven. Okay, I

44:40

have consistently settlers out loud. Seventy

44:43

nine hour ago. Rates are so the numbers

44:45

behind me. I want you to slap the

44:48

back of my hand. Now that intensity. This

44:55

thing that was very made.

45:00

I. Would say. It's

45:02

in the twenty five to seventy five range for sure.

45:05

It wasn't really light in there, wasn't really extreme. Ah,

45:08

I'm. With in that

45:10

arrange it felt twenty five to fifty

45:12

years for me. I'll.

45:15

Say forty three Forty Three.

45:19

The. Number was twenty seven. Interesting. Okay, I

45:21

soaked sixteen off. That's the closest we've been.

45:23

Savannah. Okay, we're trying to get closer than

45:25

sixteen here. Okay, where do you want me

45:27

to hit you? Ah

45:30

man. My

45:32

granddaughter in your taint the hitting the

45:34

karate so ten percent I'd I'll go

45:36

out one and I go just full

45:38

on just hand hands of I had

45:40

to have on hand the seer. let's

45:42

that generate that number out of one

45:44

hundred aka the number is sixty eight.

45:50

Who. Are I thought was. That

45:53

was a bit of effort. Yeah again.

45:55

My first thought was fifty percent cause

45:57

I you didn't wind up the court

45:59

I laughing. What I do think

46:01

that yeah I knowing that you don't

46:03

have a lot of strength. I

46:06

feel like that was. Actually,

46:09

Probably nears your

46:11

max unwrap mess

46:13

of. A

46:15

sob. I I think we're looking at seventy

46:17

five and up. It's

46:21

there's no with night because I think

46:23

you would have you would have wound

46:25

up in really wind up Yeah I

46:27

made all these seventy The seventy eight.

46:30

Closer. Sixty Eight. Oh.

46:32

Guys are a ton of. Yet another thought that.

46:35

I. I. I do think hand is

46:37

more effective because I couldn't Sensitive: Yeah, I'm

46:39

gonna go with a risky move yeah and

46:42

say my face okay and hope that it's

46:44

not. Eighteen. Above, but it

46:46

is. I don't want you to take

46:48

it easy on. yeah I can handle

46:51

one hundred at that. Number is forty

46:53

three and that's that I see

46:55

than other people. Generators English completed yet

46:57

ready to party? Sure you are,

46:59

You will last for if it as

47:02

a superlative metal glove. Foods that

47:04

are well aware of that. how's your

47:06

blog hours of box or has

47:08

slap my face with this intense that

47:10

got it. Is

47:17

winding up Votes: always l bigger with

47:19

a love tap. Water.

47:28

Okay, It was nothing.

47:31

It wasn't nothing. Still,

47:35

I'm feeling fifty years from that does. it was all

47:37

a little wind up in a hit him. But.

47:39

Then I also like does it just hurt more

47:41

to those my face right. Ah,

47:46

Fifty. Five. Close.

47:49

But not closer than me. Forty

47:51

Three. Oh okay, so was a little. they

47:53

are fifty. I would have been harder than

47:55

that. Yeah, yeah, let's generate again. hit my

47:57

face again now that I'm calibrate. Okay. But.

48:05

You. Know that. I

48:08

can. I

48:10

mean. He

48:12

needed to say that are there are. So

48:25

ours was twenty one.

48:28

That was so High. That.

48:32

Woke me up like a

48:35

fucking cold brew in a

48:37

cold. Blinds are as ways

48:40

that the newest things slap

48:42

assessed. Ah, air frazzled. I

48:45

couldn't. Give you

48:47

see redness on a base. Ah

48:49

yeah little I go is that

48:51

lead I never got Had our

48:53

ah. Ninety.

48:57

One. Room.

49:01

Is rumored. I'm. Appeared

49:04

serves down. You know they know we're

49:06

here for the Eighty Eight. Those.

49:08

Higher Higher than Ninety Wire while orders ninety seven.

49:10

Wow. A slap in the face with a pizza

49:13

and what would have a hundred have been? I

49:15

think. I? I don't know. I think I would

49:17

have headlights. Really. Wow. I didn't wind up that

49:19

much gas. that like always, I was generate as

49:21

much power as I couldn't either. Whether the most

49:23

as we've got I was, I was essentially like

49:25

I was gonna go as hard as I tear.

49:28

Yeah, because even if I say hundred, that's really

49:30

close. Yeah, exactly. But I don't want to be

49:32

like ninety seven? Your yeah? But I didn't have.

49:34

I really really wound up in when as hard

49:36

as I could that would have been a. Little

49:38

too much. the only god was a little bit

49:40

tipping yeah look yeah because you knew that of

49:43

is gonna be So let's get actually maybe we

49:45

shouldn't do the pick up of that. It's kind

49:47

of fun to not know yeah I say oh

49:49

god right So like if the eyes as guessing

49:52

with me on that on a fine yeah for

49:54

the audience at home will see the night he

49:56

said if you're watch yeah but it doesn't he

49:58

says for those listening. One

50:01

more will America I feel if we and

50:03

that that seven it's perfect. Yeah because like

50:05

what am I enrolled I'm your guy yesterday

50:07

was his ex off and I'm not going

50:09

away as Monday's attack us that the other

50:11

guy you'll I can do a slap can

50:13

apply won't be that high my I could

50:15

do a slap to either I did the

50:17

the odds are that will be much lower

50:19

by i'm not playing it on now I

50:21

am I on a good one of it's

50:23

like twenty nine yeah would be that bad

50:25

but like the worst thing they could our

50:27

enemy is like you slap me pretty hard

50:29

and like. Hurts my neck yeah for

50:31

a week and then yeah yeah I

50:33

sit on my chair. We too much

50:36

about not being sore. yeah my life

50:38

is higher. Really? about com for our

50:40

outings. My my son has everything else

50:42

that I have to do. Mildly inconvenient.

50:45

Yeah, I'm constantly lugging, blooming, yeah, shifting,

50:47

and me I need to be pain

50:49

free. Let's see what the number would

50:51

have been. A car. Sixty.

50:55

Nine Wow, that's funny. Yeah, what

50:57

Have we? sixteen? I. Ah

51:03

are a great. When. We call it

51:05

there are not ah so sick of there's a

51:07

ringing in my ear now. Yeah, it's hard to

51:09

where you actually go to be Iarc. Yes. And

51:11

that's not how I want to spend my day.

51:13

I'll see. this is why do more you dislike.

51:15

Let's that magnificent. The sorry for

51:17

more of us you can watch Rpg on

51:19

picture on.com/j That's right will be playing this

51:22

game with this but it's it's fifty two

51:24

a south of the house into twenty five

51:26

thousand. Other week we can play this on

51:28

Tic.doesn't feel like a game. Yeah yeah definitely.

51:31

I wanted to try with avatar but I

51:33

guess the slug as good as yours is

51:35

I feel like it's a younger kids games.

51:38

yeah like the slapping in the face would

51:40

be much more. the Montana Boys it plays

51:42

at Montana Voices You. Ah and for more

51:44

of this podcast. Will be back next. Week

51:47

he can watch it, you to listen it. Thank.

51:49

You so much I am borderline

51:51

can cause there's that ultimately have

51:53

I apologize again I came here

51:55

and racing see as soon. He'd

52:00

done original. Hey.

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