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1:25

at it again with

1:28

the white On

2:00

our Instagram story and I want you to read

2:02

the caption I chose.

2:05

Which is really a good segue into

2:07

the first segment of getting on the

2:09

same wavelength. This is what I wrote.

2:12

Okay, read this. Back

2:15

at it again with the white

2:17

tan. So really

2:19

close. Really close. You're

2:22

usually not this askew in the chair.

2:25

We're back in the same studio again, but the

2:27

New York studio this time. Right, the studio doesn't

2:29

have a lot of depth. So

2:32

I guess we've rearranged the cameras to

2:34

accommodate. You're like facing fully towards me. Yeah,

2:36

we don't usually do that. Usually out, cheated

2:38

out. But this camera, it's

2:42

driving to my left side. So

2:44

this is fine. I guess I could totally turn.

2:46

I don't need to worry. I

2:48

need to like sort of like beat out to the

2:50

audience. I could just be myself. Because there is no

2:53

audience. Right, exactly. Also, I was

2:55

thinking, well, that was our original theme

2:57

song. Yes. Shout out to

2:59

Ferris. We're back to the OG. People first didn't

3:01

like it. Because it's too mean. Then we switched

3:03

it. Now this one was too nice. Now we're

3:05

back to the original. Yeah, we got to write

3:07

one more that's just innocuous. It's in the middle.

3:10

It's timid. It's tepid. It's

3:13

fine. It's saying nothing. Yes, because we are nothing.

3:15

It's a beige flag. Exactly. Exactly.

3:17

My beige flag. And then the last thing I

3:19

was thinking about is when we do do a

3:21

live show, the whole audience can participate in our

3:23

whole myth. Hands up. That's going to

3:25

be really nice. When are we going to do a live show? Probably

3:29

2025, 2026, something like that. That's

3:32

so far away. This is 2026. This

3:34

is 2024. Yeah. So

3:36

election in November. And then we'll

3:38

do one in like December, January.

3:41

I see. Okay. Yeah, but I

3:43

mean, I feel like we could do one

3:45

pre-election. Really? Yeah, we could

3:47

do like October in Chicago. That'd be

3:49

really nice. That's cool. Or we could

3:51

do post-election. We moved to Australia.

3:55

Depending on who wins. Yeah. Depending

3:57

on how rigged it was. Right. Exactly

4:00

right. Well, since we were on the same

4:02

wavelength, let's play that

4:04

wavelength game. Okay. Which we used to do before

4:06

live shows. Yes. To get on the same wavelength,

4:09

we're going to say three, two, one, then any

4:11

word in the world. Exactly. And then we're going

4:13

to try to use word association to get closer

4:15

to that same word until we're saying three, two,

4:18

one, and the same word. This is how we

4:20

get on the same page, on the same level.

4:22

Although, out of nowhere, we said back at it

4:24

again with the white, and then it's something that rhymes

4:26

with vans. So a good start. Right. Exactly. Maybe we

4:28

shouldn't play this game because we can only get further

4:31

apart. No, we can get 100% accuracy.

4:33

Total overlap. Okay. It's

4:35

a little hard to explain, but we can just show it

4:37

to you guys. This is how we used to get sort

4:39

of on the same page. Three,

4:42

two, one, sure. Three,

4:44

two, one, window. Three,

4:48

two, one, how? Three,

4:50

two, one, home. Three,

4:54

two, one, afford it.

4:58

Three, two, one, studio. No.

5:01

You waited for it. Yeah.

5:03

I didn't know. Because

5:05

there's a cat and mouse game of do I go to your

5:07

word, do you go to mine? I

5:10

thought you were going to come to mine faster.

5:12

Yeah. Okay. Okay. So that was hard. Okay. It

5:15

was rough. We should say this is segments of

5:18

a show that changes every 15 minutes.

5:20

Okay. Okay. Let's, we'll do first segment

5:22

of this game. Yeah. Let's really try

5:24

to nail it. Okay. Okay. Three, two,

5:26

one, potato. Three, two, one,

5:29

size. We do. Yes. Yeah. That's how you do

5:31

it. Yeah. And now we're sort

5:38

of warmed up. We're calibrated. Yeah. So the

5:41

third one is just, we might even nail

5:43

it in one. Right. There's no world where

5:45

we don't get it. It's true. Like, and

5:47

it doesn't have to be something in the

5:49

room though. It can be. Yeah. All right.

5:51

But it doesn't have to be either. Why

5:53

should it be? It could be anything. Right.

5:55

Fucking planets. Okay. It could even be an

5:57

adjective. Oh fuck. It could be a color. Three.

6:00

Three two one blue yeah, oh yeah, oh

6:02

yeah, okay, okay three two one snow What

6:08

did you say as a tree? It's

6:11

not that far off too far apart three

6:13

two one nature Three

6:15

two one here is oh, I was

6:17

gonna say for it three

6:20

two one ground Three

6:23

two one chipmunk. Yes And

6:27

that is that was pretty good. Yeah So

6:31

you're not listening to what I say is what I'm

6:33

starting to realize what do you mean? You're just sort

6:35

of hopping between and I should say homie hop in

6:37

between Different words that

6:40

you say you say mountain and then

6:42

you say hill I said snow and

6:44

you didn't even fucking calibrate to that

6:46

at all. Well, I you're steamrolling me

6:50

You came to me also I

6:53

came to New York for I came to

6:55

the studio And you're not

6:57

even seeing the forest from the mountain

6:59

from the trees. Yeah, you said squirrel

7:01

you said chipmunk Yeah, I thought you

7:03

more than halfway. Yeah, but in the

7:05

second one I think I came I

7:07

came to you because you said a

7:09

hat and I and then

7:11

I said shirt And then we both said

7:14

pants Nicole you play back every word We've

7:16

said so far because I said potato and

7:18

then you immediately can't rise like the little

7:20

sub I cook you are I said, but

7:23

that beta motherfucker What is

7:25

it? Oh you say I went directly

7:27

to you I

7:33

am three two one corn

7:42

Three two one woman we're

7:44

going back to the other

7:49

Three two one movie Okay

7:52

blanket Bucket

7:57

and blanket know what I said

7:59

bucket. Yeah Yeah, you said movie. Yeah,

8:02

three, two, one, film. Three,

8:06

two, one, soda. You're

8:09

just subscribing to movie going experiencing backwards.

8:11

Three, two, one, purchasing a ticket at

8:13

home. Deciding

8:15

on a film. Have

8:19

you seen a movie since Gemma was born? Not

8:22

in a theater, but I did

8:25

install a projector at my

8:28

house that is badass. I

8:30

do have- Is this a downstairs or up

8:33

where the TV already is? No, because the

8:35

old den was right next to Gemma's nursery,

8:39

shared a wall. We quickly realized that

8:41

that just wasn't, it wasn't too, no.

8:44

Because she would wake up to the noise of

8:46

the TV. Yeah, we would creep in, and it

8:48

kind of worked when she was a baby, baby,

8:50

but then that four months where just noises woke

8:52

her up and she would just cry. Yeah,

8:55

not worth it. So

8:57

TV's still up there, projector at the bottom. Yeah, the

8:59

TV, and then we installed the projector downstairs. But then

9:01

also, we should have done this when we had just

9:03

the TV. It might have saved me a bunch of

9:05

money, but we got the Apple- Vision

9:08

Pro, the goggles. That's a guy

9:10

with that headphones. Oh, interesting. So

9:13

I'm getting incredible sound. You're watching a movie at home

9:15

with headphones. Yeah, Jill and I, you can connect up

9:17

to two pairs to an Apple TV. Wow. Did you

9:20

think of that or did somebody tell you that? I've

9:22

never heard of that, watching TV at home with headphones.

9:24

Yeah, I thought of it, and I was like, I

9:26

wonder if you can connect multiple pairs to an Apple

9:28

TV. And then I Googled and it was like, yeah,

9:31

you can connect too. Is that dangerous? Like you can't

9:33

hear anything else that's going on? No, like we have

9:35

the baby monitor up. See, see,

9:37

visually. We can see her.

9:39

And also now she's like one. So it's like,

9:41

if she wakes up, that's fine.

9:44

Yeah, she can cry. Somebody can come in

9:46

and- She goes back to sleep. But yeah,

9:48

if she woke up and cried, we wouldn't

9:50

be like- I love this movie. Really

9:53

loud. Wow.

9:55

And we did watch,

9:57

we watched Oppenheimer. Wow.

10:00

with headphones and the thing the whole time. And

10:02

I felt like I had the Oppenheimer experience.

10:04

Maybe not exactly, but that's interesting. Yeah, that's not how

10:06

I intended it. I wanted me to, but it was

10:08

on a big screen. It's a 110 inch projector, but

10:11

he shot it in 4K iMac. So he really wanted

10:13

to experience it. I didn't see it in iMac. Yeah,

10:15

and I did have to stop at a few times

10:17

to take a shit during the bomb sequence. Well, I

10:19

mean, that's just, I think

10:21

parenting, we watch movies like we're

10:24

watching a season, like

10:26

a 30 minute TV show, yeah. 40

10:28

minutes at a time. Did you like Oppenheimer?

10:31

No, no, I

10:33

thought it was take a break. Okay, this

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I haven't gotten to

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we're back yeah you like Oppenheimer

14:23

yeah sorry we owe

14:25

Christopher Nolan a lot

14:30

of money yeah we couldn't say the bad thing about

14:32

the movie no I thought it was I thought it

14:34

was bad wait were you here when

14:37

oh god now I can't I can't remember

14:39

what Jill described it as but

14:42

she was I think she just described

14:44

it as a bunch of meetings either

14:46

happening or not yeah not entirely untrue

14:49

yeah we should do a film

14:51

review segment officially but I thought

14:53

Oppenheimer was great until the bomb went

14:55

off it was like a cool like two-hour

14:57

movie yeah and then Christopher Nolan's like well

14:59

not so fast uh-huh this is actually a

15:02

three-hour movie yeah the last hour being a

15:04

courtroom thing that it didn't follow at all

15:06

right it was just I feel

15:08

like if it was any other director but Christopher

15:10

Nolan they'd be like let's get it up to

15:12

the bomb and then we're out right which I

15:14

usually don't like like film executive notes like what

15:17

yeah toward do whatever somebody sometimes yeah with their

15:19

talk yeah they would have been right in this

15:21

specific case like I didn't need to see the

15:23

Robert Downey jr. black and white courtroom scene yeah

15:25

after the bomb went off that was the

15:27

most exciting moment yeah and like also when

15:29

you watch it over six days you don't

15:31

really remember who all the people are yeah

15:34

wait what is this about wait socialism like

15:36

Russian guy on their side now is

15:39

he an ally but he's mean like when they're

15:41

building the bomb and Matt Damon is there that

15:43

was fun no that's it and I was off

15:45

I cool yeah now thinking back at it I

15:48

think I did enjoy the first the first half

15:50

but I didn't compartmentalize it I just think that

15:52

like the the

15:54

whole entire experience is tainted by how

15:58

meandering the whole entire thing Yeah,

16:00

which is especially drawn out when you watch it

16:02

over the course of a week Yeah, but it's

16:04

I mean, it's it's beautiful. It was it was

16:07

well made. Yeah I like doing a

16:09

dude to a lot you also saw

16:11

a lot of that at home at

16:13

home theater without Jill With

16:15

Jill I like this Jill and

16:17

our through her also through the course of several

16:20

days over two days So a

16:22

lot a little more doable. Yeah a lot more doable

16:25

Also, she watched she watched a dune

16:27

the first one loved it Wow Which

16:30

I was surprised by yeah, and then before

16:33

we were watching this which like I don't really remember what

16:35

happens in dune and then I We

16:38

like watched a five or ten minute recap idea

16:40

Yeah, cuz I didn't watch dune one, but somebody

16:42

wants to see dune 2 for his birthday Wow.

16:44

Yeah, that's got it So I did the five

16:46

minute thing. Yeah, I thought the five minute thing

16:48

was better than the movie the second Yeah, I

16:50

can sort of cram it all into right. That's

16:52

an interesting story. It's like somebody tells you that

16:55

it's cool But then you're

16:57

off to watch it. That's a three-hour version. Yeah move. She

16:59

watched the recap and was just like I never saw this

17:01

movie Yeah, it's like yes you did You

17:05

were there and you liked it. You

17:07

said that you fully understood the

17:09

Lisa al-glaib story Yeah, you

17:11

had notes. Yes, so many

17:13

different names Lisa and Al-Qaeda, quits

17:15

a karra, Mount Deb Yeah,

17:18

it felt like Star Wars fanfiction that I

17:20

didn't fully get into slash understand Yeah, I

17:22

thought I mean I I didn't

17:24

think it was Perfect. Yeah,

17:26

I think that like there's

17:29

something that's a little boring about

17:31

just like Paula

17:33

treaties character is is perfect. He is the

17:35

Messiah. He says he's not but it seems

17:37

like he actually is

17:41

The box of pain. I thought was kind

17:43

of cheesy and weird. Yeah hand in this

17:45

box, right? That's Use

17:51

the floor yeah It seems like it actually

17:53

wouldn't be that hard to keep your hands

17:55

in a box of pain if the outcome

17:57

was certain death If you pulled it out

18:00

Yeah, then you would just like I'd be afraid I would be yeah

18:03

And then they say fears the mind killer like

18:05

don't be afraid was like well actually aren't you

18:07

afraid of dying? Yeah, leave your hand in the

18:09

paintbox How do you how do

18:12

you sort of compromise these two things? Yeah,

18:14

but I thought it was just like it

18:16

was it was beautiful to watch but was

18:18

very epic and grand Yeah, but that you

18:20

don't see a lot of movies like look

18:22

like that. No, yeah, no, no, no No,

18:24

no, no, no other movie takes place on

18:26

this specific planet that dune takes place Arrakis

18:29

or dune. Yes No, I thought

18:31

it was great. I also but like I read

18:33

the first book and watch the

18:35

first movie and still like Don't

18:38

fully understand everything. Okay, like vaguely

18:41

know the characters and that's yeah,

18:43

that's it Yeah, there's all it's like there's

18:45

the story which is like good guys versus

18:48

bad guys that you can understand Yeah surface

18:50

level and then there's like

18:52

the details of the story, right? And I didn't

18:54

get the details but I understood it was good

18:56

guy versus bad guy Yeah, you can kind of

18:58

tell which the bad guys are. They're the ones

19:01

that are completely They

19:03

look like a lot of fun Yeah,

19:06

they make them so insanely evil. There's

19:08

no nuance. It's like kill this dad

19:10

Right, this one's evil. This one's evil

19:12

and this one's the most evil because

19:14

he's bald hairless Yeah, they get linear

19:16

and more evil as they go down

19:19

or the really fat evil guy Yeah,

19:21

that all guy but he's

19:23

kind of smart and he wants power The

19:25

other one is like evil and just wants

19:27

to cause pain. Yeah, that's one is a

19:29

complete sociopath But borderline

19:32

an animal. Yeah, and then doesn't he defeat

19:34

him in a sword fight or something like

19:36

that? Yes Duke

19:38

Paul a treaties defeats the

19:41

na barren fade Rousa. Yeah

19:44

in in single combat I

19:46

will do you feel bad for when they

19:49

have to come down to a single combat?

19:51

Like there's only so many ways to make that

19:53

cool. Yeah I thought that it was really cool

19:55

though because like the entire thing is like you

19:57

don't really notice because the scoring is so good

20:00

and then the score when they do that single

20:03

combat it just drops off and there's no music

20:05

and it's just like breathing and slapping. Yeah. And

20:08

I thought that was kind of cool. I guess at

20:10

the end of the day it feels repetitive to me

20:12

to have like sword fighting. I've seen it before and

20:14

I know it's going to win. Yeah, you know who's

20:16

going to win. You know it's going to happen. It

20:19

was, there's only so many ways to strike that's new.

20:21

Like how do you make it new? I think that's

20:23

Princess Bride or something. Right, but it's almost like a

20:25

comfort because you're like okay and here comes the sword

20:27

fight. In one movie you're like alright and

20:29

here's the car chase. Right. Everyone

20:31

will have to have one. Let's see how they

20:33

do it. I'll also

20:35

say the. This is

20:38

now an official movie. The

20:40

casting? I'm not into

20:42

casting like that. You

20:44

know I hate casting. Or

20:46

I'm indifferent to it. Everyone,

20:48

so Star Wars which I don't actually like

20:50

the new movies very much. I think they

20:53

do a good job of casting people I

20:55

haven't really seen before. First

20:57

thing it was like entirely stunt

20:59

cast. It's all of the most

21:01

famous people. It's like Austin Butler.

21:03

Austin, yeah Austin Butler, Javier Bardem.

21:06

Chalamet. Chalamet and then Zendaya, Florence

21:08

Pugh as soon as I see

21:10

her I'm like. And then

21:14

Anya Taylor-Joy just making a cameo as his sister.

21:16

I'm like why don't they just get one person

21:18

that is like. Not. You

21:21

know fascinating to me. That I don't have to look at

21:23

the screen and be like. Where do I know? An A-list

21:25

celebrity. The worst one. Oh you were saying you didn't like

21:27

the casting. No I did not like the casting. Oh I

21:29

thought you were praising it right now. Everyone was so famous

21:31

and cool. No I hate that. Oh I see. Too

21:34

many famous people. Yeah too many famous people. It's

21:36

like it looked the entire thing looked like a

21:39

red carpet at the Met Gala or something.

21:41

That's awesome. And the worst

21:43

one was Christopher Walken as the Emperor. He

21:46

was like what are you doing? He apologized

21:48

to Christopher Walken impression at this point. It's

21:50

so insane. He was like yeah I thought

21:52

that was terrible. Interesting. I don't

21:54

know why the movie did so good because he had

21:57

the most famous people the hottest people all over.

21:59

Right. You look at that movie

22:01

post and you're like, wow, this is incredible. It's

22:05

so stumped in. I did think

22:07

when Javier Bardan went to shout,

22:10

what is it, Lisa Al-Glaib? Lisa

22:12

Al-Glaib. Yeah. It

22:14

was always like a funny moment. Yeah. It was

22:16

almost like a comedy in that world. No, I

22:18

think I... He was like very

22:20

O'Doyle rule. His character had so little to do.

22:24

He was basically interesting right up until the

22:26

point that he believes that Paul is the

22:28

Messiah and then he becomes a cartoon.

22:30

He's like, he's the one.

22:32

He's Lisa Al-Glaib. I told you. The

22:35

guy. Yeah. Let's do

22:37

the fucking blood test now. Why are we

22:39

fucking beating around the place? Kill me. Stab

22:41

me with your knife. Yeah. There

22:44

wasn't there like some sort of blood transfer or the

22:46

mom. Yeah. In the book, I actually remember

22:48

that. That was like a lot

22:50

more interesting because like Stilgar

22:53

knew or he believed that

22:55

Paul was the Messiah,

22:57

but also knew that that meant he needed to

22:59

lead, which meant that he knew that Paul needed

23:01

to kill him. So there was like this kind

23:04

of like animosity between them. Yeah. Which

23:06

in the movie was just like, I want

23:10

to die for you. You're the one.

23:12

Was the book also stunt cast? Would it be

23:14

like the Emperor played by Christopher Walken? Right. Yeah.

23:17

It was like the Emperor. The universe is

23:19

Emperor parentheses. Think Chris

23:21

Walken. Yeah. Chris

23:24

Walken here. Hey. Chris Walken

23:26

here. Read the following

23:28

as Christopher Walken. I

23:30

never thought this would come to pass

23:33

in this specific way. Really, this doesn't

23:35

seem like an Emperor type. Yeah. Well,

23:37

it seems like Christopher Walken has

23:39

his own accent. Every character is

23:41

Christopher Walken as that character. Yeah.

23:44

You have to just be like, if you're casting a

23:46

movie, you have to be like, okay, and the Emperor

23:48

will be Chris Walken. You can't

23:50

be like, okay, the Emperor is like this. Who

23:53

could play that? Maybe it's... You have to write

23:55

it for him. And truly the

23:57

opposite of, God, Helen

23:59

Skarsgard? Is that who that's who? Baron

24:02

Harkin it is. Oh, that's right. He's from Goodwill

24:04

hunting. Yeah, like and he disappears into that character

24:06

It's not just because he's wearing an insane fat

24:08

suit and a ton of makeup like He

24:11

really becomes that guy wasn't there another star skirt

24:14

or now I'm thinking of a different movie that

24:16

had another the Bill

24:18

stars guard was in it those stars guards

24:20

are very famous. Yeah. Yeah, they are. Yeah,

24:22

they're all good at acting They really are

24:24

and they're Paul and hot too I think

24:26

to me Shalom is also very good at

24:28

acting but I didn't think they gave his

24:31

character anything. He's so one note He's very

24:33

skinny for his be like the hero

24:35

of this movie. Yeah. Yeah, it's true Right,

24:37

whatever he like did that epic walk up the

24:39

dune and the standing in profile among it in

24:42

front of his army Like look how tiny his

24:44

legs are Guy

24:47

and now he's the star of this movie now.

24:49

He's the Messiah Don't buy

24:51

that both in dune and out even

24:53

Luke Skywalker was kind of thicker than

24:55

that. Yeah, you had thick calves Fucking

25:00

Han Solo was a movie star Han

25:02

Solo was buff. Yeah Everyone

25:06

in this movie was way fish Except

25:09

for about Tista Dave Bautista, although even

25:11

Austin Butler is not like a fucking

25:13

the rocks ripped though Is absolutely ripped.

25:15

He was like sword fighting naked was

25:17

each. Yeah, that's absolutely shredded interest Yeah,

25:19

but I don't think of Austin Butler

25:21

as like a strong guy. Well, you

25:23

should did you ever get

25:25

the Elvis voice? I don't

25:27

know a little bit. Yeah, do that a little

25:30

like sneak in. Yeah, I I like I think

25:32

Austin Butler is a great actor but I also

25:35

Just he's kind of like a Christopher

25:37

Walken type guy. He's got a tell the period to

25:40

a role He's just like that's Austin

25:42

Butler. You would be like I one point he did

25:44

the sword thing. He said, oh Yeah,

25:52

when he was fighting TV show man at the end he was

25:54

like you ain't nothing but a how You

25:59

ain't nothing but a So Awesome

26:03

that was great. You're

26:06

think you're still doing Elvis You

26:14

ain't never shot a guy and you're

26:16

least glaie but I don't know any

26:18

other Elvis song I can't do anything

26:20

else I Do

26:24

we not know any other Hound

26:28

dog I'm all worked up. I'm all shook all

26:30

shook up all shook up. I

26:32

think that was it He was really famous for

26:35

those two songs. Yes, and it was the 70s.

26:37

They didn't have any other song Be

26:40

hot as two songs and suddenly are the

26:42

most if you have a pompadour and you

26:44

don't go to the army you're hot Or

26:47

do or do Reality did

26:50

it doesn't matter. Yeah, it doesn't matter because

26:52

we had blue suede shoes. That's right. All

26:54

right, that was movie review time Thank

26:57

you to helix for sponsoring this episode of our

26:59

show. Oh, yeah, baby your favorite

27:01

mattress Jake you sleep on the helix damn

27:04

Right. That's damn right. So, you

27:06

know how comfortable it is I assume

27:08

Jill also enjoys her sleeping on

27:11

a helix. I believe yeah her and her

27:13

new boyfriend also Sleep on

27:15

the helix you have a throuple

27:17

situation or it's a two different beds. No,

27:19

I just was she in Not

27:22

a divorce the separation. She got the helix,

27:24

but then I was able to

27:28

Get myself a different helix. So all

27:30

there you have two different helixes because

27:32

they offered 20 unique mattresses Yeah, whether

27:34

this Todd sleep on his side a stomach, Dina

27:36

or do they just sort of spoon? I don't

27:39

know what kind of sleeper he is I don't

27:41

even know how much sleep they're getting or if

27:43

they're just having a lot of sex or whatever

27:45

But my helix right now, I got a studio

27:47

apartment in Hell's Kitchen Yeah, there's no

27:49

better way to test out a new mattress So

27:51

like if Todd wanted to give it a hundred

27:54

night trial helix not only has that but they

27:56

also a 10 to 15 year warranty

27:58

which is kind of He's really smart

28:01

like that. He does he often shops for

28:03

something with with the warranty. He does taekwondo,

28:05

right? He's a black belt. Yeah, he is

28:07

a black belt. I don't know where he

28:10

finds the time because he's also he's a

28:12

doctor I wonder how Todd did on

28:15

the helix sleep quiz Which is just a

28:17

few simple questions and then they match your

28:19

body type with the perfect mattress for you

28:22

Yeah, well, no he I mean he took

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he took the MCAT So I feel like

28:26

he probably was able to nail that

28:28

test and the best part is helix is

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now offering 30%

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off all mattress orders and two free pillows for

28:35

our listeners. I just Todd listen to the show.

28:37

I know I he doesn't I I

28:40

doubt like he doesn't have time for podcasts,

28:42

right? Yeah, but I know he calls them

28:45

your little radio shows How how's your radio

28:47

shows doing? Yeah, right. Did

28:49

I tell you I'm a roommate in the

28:51

studio? I yeah, so I have a roommate

28:53

Ryan, right? Yeah, this guy Ryan Well

28:57

you or Ryan or Todd or anybody listening

29:00

Can go to helix sleep comm slash

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segments. That's helix sleep comm Segments,

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they're offering 30% off. Oh my god

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30:00

All right, we're back.

30:02

Yup. In the same

30:04

room, let's bring back a new classic.

30:06

Not like poetry or noetry. This is

30:08

a new fan favorite. Good. Which

30:11

is based on an old thing we did, quick

30:13

characters. I love it. Where we

30:15

would yell new characters at each other and

30:17

the other person has to throw themselves entirely

30:20

into it. An improv game

30:22

of sorts. All right, great. This

30:24

is based on the first video we ever made together. Bringing

30:27

it back. This is the second time we've done it

30:29

on the podcast. Yeah. So this is the third time

30:31

we've done it in our whole entire lives. Do

30:34

you want to give me a character first or do you want me to give

30:36

you one? All right, I'll give you one first. Okay.

30:40

Guy on a first date who is

30:42

overplaying the coolest thing about him. He's

30:45

actually a descendant of Bram Stoker.

30:47

You know the Dracula writer? No,

30:50

I didn't. Okay.

30:55

Have you been here before? Um,

30:58

not me, but my great granddad

31:00

used to come here. A

31:02

lot. Oh, that's cool. Yeah, I

31:04

heard good things about like the happy

31:06

hour. I heard good things about my

31:08

granddad or my great granddad. Oh, that's

31:10

really neat. Bram Stoker? Bram

31:13

Stoker? Do you know his name? Do

31:16

you? You're talking about Bram

31:18

Stoker? Bram Stoker. Oh yeah, he

31:20

wrote the vampire book. My

31:23

great granddad came up with that. He

31:25

came up with it or

31:28

made it popular, I think.

31:30

Okay, it seems like you don't know anything about

31:33

this guy. She'll

31:35

do a martini and I'll have a glass

31:38

of blood. I'm

31:40

gonna call my friend and get picked up. Please

31:42

do, I'm ready for a three-way. It's

31:45

not like that. You're really

31:47

weird. Okay.

31:49

All right. Like a warm-up? So

31:52

you're a kayaker

31:54

who got stuck on an

31:57

island with a

31:59

fellow kayaker. and you ate

32:02

them pretty

32:05

much right away and you were

32:07

they were sick or yeah you resorted

32:09

to cannibalism the first afternoon

32:11

and you're being rescued the

32:13

next day okay oh

32:19

there is thank you so much

32:22

yeah how long has it been since

32:24

we've been gone you well you were

32:26

you you didn't get reported missing until

32:28

late yesterday afternoon yeah we do we

32:30

have brought a kind bar your fold

32:32

if you say

32:39

oh yeah you

32:41

George the other

32:43

kayak yes I

32:45

hate him why it

32:47

could have been weeks

32:55

years months on this place this play

32:57

consumed him in my while he's flat

32:59

there's a sonoko right over there really

33:02

I thought that was a no Aussie

33:04

I thought that was

33:06

a desert hallucinations brought on by

33:08

the reservation you're in Florida the

33:10

kind bar I still

33:12

have my hokey I brought sandwiches for the

33:14

trip and I thought I'd get to them

33:16

second I ate George

33:19

see that felt full I

33:21

still have the sandwiches and the ice body it

33:23

looks like you ate his penis oh actually PB

33:25

and J I can't possibly eat these all I

33:27

am stuff all right that would have been a

33:36

good episode of stuck our cartoon about being

33:39

stuck on an island oh that's right only

33:41

that would be me trying to eat the

33:43

guy on yeah yeah night one and they're

33:46

not even that stuck I wake I think

33:48

my kayak is actually so good stop

33:50

biting my fucking foot okay

33:53

guy who's trying to get his friend laid

33:56

because he just got fired but it's not

33:58

that kind of meetup It's

34:00

not that kind of beat up. Yeah, I'm just sort

34:02

of sad. Oh

34:04

my god, I cannot believe it. Like, I don't

34:06

know. I feel like I'll get

34:08

unemployed for six weeks and then I'm fucked.

34:11

I don't have like rich parents. Well,

34:13

that means you're not, you're actually not

34:15

fucked for six weeks. And why don't

34:17

we get you fucked for

34:19

six weeks tonight? I

34:22

can't, I don't even think I can afford

34:24

it. I'm gonna fucking, I'm gonna wingman you.

34:26

I don't need a wingman. I think I'm

34:28

so gut punched that I can't even think

34:30

about anything else. I'm gonna, you're gut punched?

34:32

I'm gonna get you cocksucked. I

34:34

have 3,000 dollars left to my name. How much?

34:36

3,000 and rent is 22.50. You're

34:40

buying drinks for the bar then. That's the first move.

34:44

That's how we get these. Oh my god, it's

34:46

a good man. Rad shots on this guy. I

34:48

won't have health insurance for a year. I need

34:51

you to wingman for me too. I

34:53

have diabetes. I'm gonna die. Abedians

34:56

and six months. Not

34:59

sex, death. I can't

35:01

afford to live. Not here, not

35:03

anywhere. That's an interesting pickup line,

35:06

but try something like, you come here

35:08

often. Because I can

35:10

make you come often. Something like

35:12

that. Actually, do you have, because you don't seem

35:14

like really stressed out about being unemployed. I have

35:17

a trust fund that has 40 million dollars in

35:19

it. So give me that. Give

35:21

me the cash. Don't worry about getting

35:23

me laid, getting my cocksuck.

35:25

I'll give you a million dollars if you

35:27

can get your cocksuck tonight. Great, let's do

35:30

that. Now that's the premise of

35:32

a movie. Oh, that's a really good one.

35:34

Guy has to have sex to get money

35:36

from his friends. This is actually kind of

35:38

on theme. Guy

35:41

who needs to get

35:43

Michelle Obama to go on a date with him

35:45

and your life depends on it. Okay, do I

35:47

see Michelle Obama? You have five minutes with her.

35:50

Okay. Am I on a date with

35:52

Michelle or? No, no, no, this is like a fundraising event. You

35:55

paid $100,000 for a plate at the table.

36:00

It's two tables away from Michelle, but you get

36:02

some FaceTime. Thank

36:05

you so much for coming. Oh my god,

36:07

this is such an honor. It's so amazing

36:09

to see. The honor is thank you. Just

36:11

to see you as President Barack. Oh, are

36:13

you guys on the rock, by the way?

36:17

You and Barack, I remember you did an interview

36:19

where you were talking about the struggles of having

36:21

children in the White House. It's hard

36:23

to have children, but what a... I

36:25

would have prioritized you. What? Uh,

36:29

look, uh... Are you

36:32

doing it best with my husband? Your

36:35

ex-husband. Your ex-husband.

36:37

What does a single Michelle Obama

36:40

want out of life? Because

36:42

I feel like everything you've done so far is

36:44

in service of this man, who was awesome, by

36:46

the way. I stand

36:48

the Obamas. I really do stand

36:51

the Obamas. Your confidence is really

36:54

intriguing. Really? Yeah.

36:56

I did three push-ups before I started talking to you,

36:58

but I didn't... How much money is in your checking

37:01

account? An

37:03

idea of diabetes. Let's

37:06

do it. Yes!

37:09

I can't believe me and Michelle... Yeah. ...together

37:12

forever. Finally. You're

37:14

on a first hinge date with a

37:17

fine Latin lover. At

37:19

one point you say, I thought you

37:21

were Mexican, but you have no explanation

37:23

as to why. Yeah,

37:29

I really like this place. Where

37:31

are you from? I

37:34

don't understand how you want me to get this out.

37:37

It'll come naturally. Where are you from? I'm

37:40

from Connecticut. I love Connecticut. Where

37:42

in Mexico are you from? Where

37:45

in Mexico are you from? Oh, no. My family's

37:47

from Puerto Rico. Oh, I thought you were from Mexico. No? That's

37:50

not what it says. I thought you were Mexican. Oh, I thought you

37:52

were Mexican. Why? I don't know.

37:57

I don't know. I thought it said that on your head.

38:00

profile I thought

38:02

I saw a Mexican flag or something

38:05

I know all the flags that I love to

38:07

pull up thing pull up any flag and I'll

38:09

tell you what country it is I don't

38:13

really get reception here okay anyway

38:16

cuz I can describe something you've got green

38:18

what does the Mexican flag look like by the

38:20

way it's green it's white

38:23

it's red as in boys my face

38:26

red because I thought you were from Mexico

38:28

but you said you're from Trinidad and Tobago

38:30

I said Puerto Rico Rico that's why I

38:32

hear and you're ready and orange and

38:35

your beat red or yes I don't think

38:37

it's fine I thought you were from New

38:39

Jersey you're from Connecticut that's actually really offensive

38:41

that's actually more offensive than whatever the hell

38:43

I said to you said I you thought

38:46

a bigger problem by the way the

38:48

the reverse sexism thing that I'm

38:50

a sexist thing yeah this is

38:52

awful you do listen to Joe

38:54

Rogan oh of course not

38:56

you watch Tucker he's

38:59

on eggs he's

39:01

on ecstasy I'm on eggs I'm

39:04

tired of walking on eggshells I

39:07

like him think of his really bad first date but I got

39:09

some that are not this is why we need to go back

39:11

to lonely

39:13

and horny do you have another one

39:15

yeah guy at footlocker who wants to

39:17

try on baby shoes Wow

39:23

so many options I feel like I'm

39:25

paralyzed with choice yeah can I can

39:28

help you find anything yeah

39:30

you have these Jordans and uh yeah

39:33

you look like one and

39:35

a half one ten and a half one

39:37

and a half one and a half

39:41

between a one and

39:43

a one and a

39:45

half yeah

39:48

and what in

39:50

life in life do you

39:52

oh those are sick Air Force ones these

39:54

are damn in these little little

39:57

booties My

40:00

feet, um, yeah, didn't grow from

40:03

birth. Yeah. Do you have like little soft booty?

40:05

I have, yeah, we can... This

40:07

is a dope colorway, dude. Are

40:10

these the new shacks? He

40:12

taps you up. Little tiny fists.

40:15

Oh! Yeah, I have small hands

40:17

and feet. Alright. I have a size, yeah, one.

40:20

Is this really in one? Do they have baby sizes?

40:23

I think they're... I think it's called like, uh...

40:26

It's... Maybe it's done in months and maybe the one

40:28

is like one to two as in like one to

40:30

two years or something like that. Gemma hasn't worn shoes

40:32

yet, though. She's never worn shoes. Uh,

40:35

no. When does that happen? Um,

40:37

I think when they start walking. I see some kids

40:39

in like some kind of like slippers, but we basically

40:42

just put her in socks all the time. Interesting.

40:44

She's not far from shoes, though. Shoes. She has

40:46

a pair of shoes. She just... She

40:48

doesn't have any bones in her feet. Like,

40:51

it's... You can't make her put anything on. Would

40:53

you say baby... You have baby shoes never worn?

40:56

Uh, I don't want to... Yeah. That's the...

40:58

They're not for sale. That's the main way.

41:00

Baby... So it's like the nicest story. Baby

41:02

shoes never worn, but she will. Yeah, but

41:04

soon... Soon enough. Baby

41:07

shoes not worn yet. The happiest

41:09

story ever told. Guy

41:12

on a job interview, you, has

41:15

really bad answers to some pretty

41:17

banal and standard questions. Great. Uh,

41:22

so this has been great. Just one last kind of

41:24

funny curve ball. Oh. Just

41:26

to see that you answer in a nice

41:28

normal fashion before... Let's just say you get

41:30

the job, but you pretty much have it.

41:32

Yeah, but I'll blow it on the finish

41:34

line there. How many golf

41:36

balls would you say fill up this

41:38

room? How many golf balls? Oh, man.

41:41

A hazard... Uh, three year...

41:43

Uh... Let's

41:46

say 12. 12...

41:49

12... around... Well, what's the size of the

41:51

room? It's... It looks like it's... Yeah,

41:54

walk through it. Walk through your

41:56

rationale. 10 feet by 10.

42:00

With looks like 11 nice ceiling

42:02

height by the way office with the

42:05

window over there Height

42:08

so yeah, how many golf balls do you think filled 45? 45

42:13

I feel like that fills the space You

42:15

mean like you don't mean just like how

42:18

many would be good to have like it's

42:20

oh, I mean Oh

42:24

you I thought you meant like Damn

42:27

this room this room falling off balls why there's

42:29

rather 40 balls in here, you know But

42:31

if you're saying how many actually literally

42:36

Ball here what a

42:38

premise what a premise

42:40

I should let's let's get my 401k

42:44

set up because you said I had the job but

42:48

A Hundred hundred

42:50

and ten baby. Thank you so much

42:52

for coming in. I agree. This is

42:54

a formality. Oh No,

42:58

oh no Small

43:00

hand in a bad hand shake and you

43:02

were thousand on my leg size one shoe

43:06

Okay, that was mine. Yeah one more for me. Okay,

43:09

you are you're on a flight On

43:12

the tarmac your flight. It is not taking off.

43:14

It's stuck. This is perfect. I was on a

43:16

flight yesterday Yeah, okay. So you are stuck on

43:18

a on an airplane on the runway and

43:20

you are going through a really messy divorce

43:23

with the pilot of the Okay

43:27

Hey there folks. We are We're

43:30

just waiting for takeoff We

43:32

looks like there's the runways a little backed up. We're

43:35

we're about 10th in line don't

43:37

expect to leave anytime soon I

43:42

Got next to you Excuse

43:44

me. I was saying don't

43:46

expect to leave anytime soon. I More

43:50

than know the pilot we're going through it's

43:52

fine. I don't want to get into it.

43:54

Enjoy the flight Sir,

43:56

can I have you but no separation

44:02

And you sorry don't talk

44:04

to me like I'm a fucking toddler Did

44:07

Todd send you back here tell

44:09

him I'll put the seatbelt on when he

44:11

gets the fuck away from the Especially

44:20

When you back up from the fucking gate From

44:23

the fucking gate when you sign

44:25

the fucking papers Dale, oh my

44:27

god Yeah, this is exactly what

44:29

I expected would happen He would

44:31

sabotage a fucking plane filled with

44:33

people just to get his way.

44:35

Okay? In here they

44:38

come to de Isis actually, so I'm gonna

44:40

turn the seatbelt sign off. We're gonna be here for a while

44:42

Exactly. I want to de Isis cock.

44:45

You know, he has a frozen little

44:47

I do not he does He does

44:49

I do not Rick dick prick dick.

44:51

Holy shit. The whole airplane is doing

44:54

it It's a mutiny

44:56

Todd runs out his icicle

44:58

dick out. I knew it. Call this a

45:00

prick All

45:02

right, one last one. Yeah Guy

45:05

who just shot himself during an

45:07

all-hands meeting and his office

45:09

crush is talking to him for the first

45:12

time ever Whispering while

45:14

the CEO addresses the room Oh

45:34

What's your name What's

45:38

your name Tony

45:41

Tony a yeah, I'm Veronica What

45:49

is that you're sitting on I

45:55

wouldn't I'm getting some pie with you turned

46:00

on. I really? Yeah, I feel like we have

46:02

a lot in common. We do. I've

46:05

been watching you. I'm sorry. Can you

46:07

scoot over for a second? I just

46:09

need to see the seat of your

46:12

pants. I'm gonna scoot back and you

46:14

can scoot in. Oh my god, it

46:16

reeks. It reeks. I'm gonna cast you.

46:19

Veronica, let's, let's face some,

46:21

some respect for the boss though. Let's

46:23

shh. I will catch you. I'll get

46:26

you chocolate on your fliers. That's a

46:29

good rom-com moment. It's

46:34

like you have to eat your own

46:36

shit to prove that it's chocolate. We've

46:38

done that in Jake and Amir several

46:40

times. Isn't that in something about Mary?

46:42

It's like the hair gel thing. Oh

46:44

yeah, yeah, yeah. He has, he like,

46:46

he's, he's semen his hair gel. Right,

46:48

he's jerking off. Yeah. And he, he

46:50

shoots some cum and he doesn't know where it

46:52

went. Yeah. And he answers the door and it's

46:54

on his ear. And she says, you have hair

46:56

gel and then she puts it in her hair

46:58

and it goes straight up. They

47:01

don't make movies like that anymore. Yeah.

47:03

Nothing was funnier than that. That was

47:05

the pinnacle of late nineties comedy. That

47:07

was in the trailer, which seems like

47:10

really cause it's cum raunchy. Yeah, it's

47:12

semen. Yeah. And now that I think

47:14

of it as

47:17

an adult, like when I was watching it, I was 13.

47:19

So I wasn't really sure the physics of it, but for

47:21

semen for come to be that viscous that

47:24

it would hang off your ear. No, he's

47:26

either jerking off too much or nodding up.

47:28

I would say in the fucking scripting phase,

47:30

that doesn't make sense. Like if I said,

47:32

and then she has a strand

47:35

of cum by his ear. Yeah. I would

47:37

think I would say like, Oh, that doesn't

47:39

fully make sense. Right. And you put, would

47:41

you be fine with him zipping his whole

47:43

entire penis all the way

47:45

to the top. That was so

47:47

visceral seeing that. Yeah. The zipper

47:49

and then he had it

47:52

stuck. And then they, they alluded to it a long

47:54

time, but then when they showed it, the crowd was like,

47:56

it was into it, which again

47:59

does not happen. I bet

48:01

that we should that would be

48:04

another fun segment is watching movies

48:06

that didn't age well Hmm like

48:09

there's a lot of stuff they make fun of that I

48:12

mean it's I think in any area Yeah in

48:14

any of these comedies that we grew

48:16

up on I think it'd be very very

48:18

problematic I think I told you this recently but

48:20

an Ace Ventura one of my favorite movies growing

48:23

up Oh, yeah, everybody I'm actually a movie is

48:25

you find out a woman

48:27

is trans and then every police officer

48:29

In the room starts vomiting. Yeah, and that's

48:32

how they sort of get away because they

48:34

can't stop puking, right? Yeah,

48:36

well they all kissed they all kissed her.

48:38

Yeah Yes,

48:41

the fucking scrub his Ironhorn

48:48

is Finkel Finkel is iron horn and then

48:50

a part of the movie. Yeah, then he

48:52

just goes over and he just vomits And

48:56

everybody has a room vomit including

48:58

Dan Marino Honestly,

49:01

he should be canceled for that.

49:03

Yeah in this movie No,

49:06

we should let us know which movies you

49:08

think are the most problematic. We should we

49:10

should rewatch them. Yeah, or just any 90s

49:14

Raunchy comedies. Yeah, I can come over and we

49:16

can watch them with them Headphones

49:20

it's a great idea. But you have to stifle your laughter too.

49:22

So I would wear like a ball gag Yeah,

49:25

that's a good character for a

49:28

quick characters Babysitting

49:31

your child I Spill

49:34

a line on my pants. So I take them

49:36

out to do a load of laundry Uh-huh, I

49:38

want to watch the movie but I don't talk

49:41

To wake up your child. So you come home and

49:43

I'm wearing headphones No pants and

49:46

a ball gag. Yeah, I'm watching something about

49:48

Mary. I'd be so disturbing. Oh God,

49:52

oh Mr. And

49:54

Mrs. Irwin I wouldn't pay you see

49:57

there but gem is completely fine. Yeah in

49:59

a different Right, right. I'm an amazing

50:01

baby. That would ruin my life, I think. I

50:03

don't think I could ever... I

50:05

would never have another babysitter ever again. Okay,

50:07

yeah. Have you had a babysitter yet? Yeah,

50:10

we've had two. Oh.

50:13

Two babysitters. Is that stressful? I

50:15

guess maybe three. Our downstairs neighbor has done it.

50:17

We've, like, known her, so that was normal. Um,

50:20

Jill's parents have done it. Oh, yeah.

50:23

I mean, for family, you got the trust. But

50:26

then, twice, we, like, had friends that

50:28

recommended people to, like, yeah, randos that

50:30

we met for the first time as

50:33

Jem's was sleeping in her room. And we're like, alright.

50:37

Don't... We're out of here. Kill anybody! Um,

50:41

I'm so afraid to leave. Well,

50:43

let's get an Italian dinner. Yeah. Getting

50:46

it okay? Alright, and then we're just at dinner,

50:49

like, literally, like, watching the baby monitor, or just

50:51

looking at pictures. It really

50:53

makes no... We don't need to leave the house. Yeah,

50:55

you could have a dinner at home. Yeah. But

50:58

it's not considered a date night if you don't

51:00

leave the house. Yeah, exactly. What if they recommended

51:02

a babysitter and just this 58-year-old guy showed up,

51:04

Tony? Seems perfectly lovely, but it's like, why is

51:07

this a 58-year-old guy? I would be fine with that. You'd be

51:09

fine with a 58-year-old? Yeah.

51:12

More so than, like, a sweet teenage lady, which

51:14

you assume is, like, a babysitter? Yeah,

51:16

no, I would be perfectly fine with

51:18

that. I think maybe I'm

51:20

more okay with an adult than somebody

51:22

that seems like older than you. Yeah,

51:24

I would be fine with somebody older

51:27

than me. Really last-minute thing, but

51:29

have you noticed, as you get older,

51:31

that, like, adults are now

51:33

younger than you? Oh, yeah. Like, I'm eating, like,

51:36

executives. I'm like, oh, what do you do? Like, you're

51:38

33. He's like, oh, yeah, I'm an

51:40

Amazon executive, or I'm a VP of the law.

51:42

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. But you're

51:44

19. He's like, no, I'm 38. Right. And

51:47

you're 41. Yeah, Jill watches,

51:49

like, Housewives sometimes, or,

51:52

like, Selling Sunset. And I see these people that are

51:54

like, oh, wow, like, this is – she

51:56

looks older. And then she's 36. I'm

51:58

like, huh. So this middle

52:00

aged woman is two years younger than me? Doesn't

52:03

make sense. That's odd. How do you have four

52:05

kids if you're 40? Oh,

52:08

I guess that's fairly easily. And also like all

52:10

of the old soccer players are two

52:12

years younger than me now. Yeah, the athletes doesn't

52:14

ever make sense. I mean, I'm older than LeBron,

52:16

but he's basically like, could be

52:18

my father it seems. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's 39. That's

52:22

old. That's old for being as good as

52:24

he is. All

52:26

right, that was it. Solid app. We're back at

52:28

it. What is it? Back

52:31

at it again with the white pants,

52:33

slash, fans. Cans. Cans. For

52:36

more of us, you can watch

52:38

our Patreon, patreon.com/J.A. We're

52:41

revisiting some classic J. K. DeMear episodes.

52:43

Yeah, we watched a really good one

52:45

last week. I think it was Girls.

52:48

Oh, Girls, yeah. The one in the

52:50

club. Yeah, we're trying different pickup lines.

52:52

Basically this quick character thing. Yeah, that's true.

52:54

Just chopped up with quick cuts. Yeah.

52:58

And we're recording these as video, so

53:00

you can watch it on our YouTube channel. True. Which

53:02

is like called J. K. DeMear pods. But

53:04

if you search J. K. DeMear segments on

53:06

YouTube, you'll find it. Just

53:09

Google us and follow everything. Everything.

53:11

Everything. From letterboxed to

53:13

my old MySpace, to

53:15

my link.com. To bebabys.com.

53:17

I have a LinkedIn and a Zenga.

53:19

That's right. I have a live journal.

53:21

We should get back on MySpace. We

53:23

have an OnlyFans. Really? Yeah. I

53:26

didn't know that. I did see a little bright light when

53:28

I was taking a shit the other day. That's right. Was

53:31

that you? Yes. You son of a bitch.

53:33

I put a ring in your toilet. That's

53:35

right. The anal ring. An

53:38

aura ring. Yeah, a ring on your ring. And

53:41

we'll be back next Monday as always. Goodbye

53:43

everybody. That

53:46

was a hitdom original.