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1:28

Set Friends Another

1:30

podcast Set Friends Each

1:33

app different from the last Set Friends

1:36

It's the Swiss Army

1:38

knife of shows Now

1:40

they Each a two

1:42

empathetic host Set

1:45

Friends Woah! We

1:48

should do a live show. It's becoming a tradition. Yeah.

1:51

Yeah, because then everyone can do that in the crowd. It's

1:53

kind of fun. If you're not watching on YouTube

1:55

right now, when the chorus

1:57

of the theme song comes out, you sort of... go

2:00

straight up as high as they can. Your

2:02

elbows do not bend at all. It's like

2:04

you're being held up by your mommy and

2:07

dad. But your hands also don't touch. Basically,

2:09

do a pencil dive and then release the

2:11

hands. That's the initial significance. I think you

2:13

should walk left and right. Yeah. So

2:16

it's kind of like a hands up sway,

2:18

but really, really tight. Like you're nervous about

2:21

it. Yeah. It's like

2:23

Mark Zuckerberg got a rave. So he's just

2:25

like trying to get into it a little

2:27

bit, but he's not fully there, there, there,

2:29

there, there, there, there, there, there. All

2:36

right. We're back in the Zoom room.

2:38

That's right. We're

2:40

back with some brand new segments that

2:43

hopefully everybody can enjoy

2:45

of all age ranges. We got

2:47

four-year-olds listening. We got 96-year-olds listening.

2:49

That's awesome. I wonder our oldest

2:51

and youngest fan. And I wonder

2:54

everyone in between. Do you know

2:56

what I mean? I

2:58

think it's 38 to 41 are Target. Yeah.

3:02

Cool. I kind

3:04

of missed the insulting theme song. Is that weird to

3:06

say? It's

3:09

you and a lot of people in the commenters.

3:11

So we might switch back soon. I think we

3:13

should. Maybe we can have Ferris make yet another

3:15

theme song that splits the difference. Maybe one that's

3:17

even more mean to give the people what they

3:19

want. So there's a variety. That's nice. I like

3:21

that. And variety actually is the spice of

3:24

life is something I

3:26

have always said. And actually,

3:28

Jeffrey James would say the spice of rice.

3:31

Yes. Yes, indeed. He's

3:35

poisoned our minds. We've been talking about

3:37

rice for five years. Daffron truly is

3:39

the spice of rice. So

3:42

yeah, we're going to play a game for segment

3:44

number one. We're going to see how

3:47

smart you are at basketball,

3:50

NBA style. Yeah. Question.

3:53

This was a segment submission on our YouTube. So if

3:55

you're watching on YouTube, you can leave a comment. Jay

3:57

Meyer, VM says, can we do a segment where we're

4:00

Jake asks random NBA player facts and Amir

4:02

has to answer figure out who the player

4:04

is. Somebody replies, I love this

4:06

idea. Amir can come up with some good trivia

4:08

games. So it'd be great to see Jake reciprocate.

4:11

Well, I didn't come up with this one, but I can do it.

4:15

But I actually came up with a different one.

4:17

So, yeah, you recommended and so we can go

4:19

back and forth. It's not like NBA trivia back

4:21

and forth. Who cares about that? You

4:23

can say, and I can do it

4:26

if a porn star does anal or not.

4:28

That's right. I

4:30

believe I know every

4:32

porn star that's

4:35

performing today. Yeah,

4:37

let's keep it relevant. Can't talk to you

4:39

about a 70s. And

4:42

you mean literally today? Yes. April 29.

4:44

Shooting a scene. They

4:48

have to be shooting a scene. With browsers

4:50

or otherwise. Again,

4:52

if you're four, if you're 96,

4:54

please enjoy this total PG light

4:57

rated humor. It's

4:59

not too blue, it's too bluey. That's

5:01

how much it's catered for, little boys

5:03

and girls. All right, so I'll go

5:05

first with an NBA star. Okay?

5:08

Okay. And then, so you gave me, I said, you

5:10

gave me the height and the college. The weight helps

5:13

too. The height and the college and I'll try

5:15

to guess who it is. And then I'll give you

5:17

a porn star and you let me know

5:19

if she's been fucked in the ass on

5:21

camera. That's all I can speak to. Yes,

5:24

we don't know these people personally. And nor do

5:26

I know the basketball players.

5:28

Not personally. Oklahoma

5:32

State University. Do you want to hazard a

5:34

guess? Cade Cunningham.

5:38

No. Okay. But

5:40

you get to give me, okay, give me the height

5:42

now. Uh, six foot three. Marcus

5:45

Smart. Didn't

5:47

even need to wait. I was

5:50

trying to, uh, did

5:52

you catch my, my hint? See

5:54

how smart you are. That's

5:57

really good. All right. Let me see

5:59

how coming. You are Katie

6:01

Cummings No,

6:04

that was that was my suggestion yesterday, she's actually

6:06

on cameo Courtney Cummings Courtney Cummings I thought there's

6:08

also a Katie cover. Yeah. All right. Good. I

6:12

I have some questions about the How

6:15

you know about this But let's start with just

6:17

one to get you started and then we can

6:19

get into how the fuck you can possibly keep

6:21

track of this stuff. Yeah So

6:25

I searched born stars who don't do anal and

6:27

found a list of 50 and then I've searched

6:29

porn stars that do do anal and found a

6:32

list of 50. What do you think? What do

6:34

you think the The

6:36

breakdown is do most of them do or most of them don't I

6:40

think these days most of them do

6:44

most of them will dally But

6:48

I don't know maybe it's kind

6:50

of always been like that Lily

6:53

Glee Lily

6:56

Lily Do you know that

6:58

lady? Hmm

7:04

again, I don't I don't know if these are

7:06

obscure or famous So when I say Lily Glee,

7:08

yeah, I know if you're like, yeah, I know

7:11

who fucking no Glee is I don't know who

7:13

Lily Glee is. I need to see a picture

7:15

of their face Okay,

7:17

so I there I'm gonna

7:19

look up Lily Glee did not look up

7:21

and I do your ass Yeah,

7:24

I see her face. She is she's

7:27

looks new has to be new.

7:29

I'm gonna say no anal Lily

7:33

Glee does

7:35

anal Anal

7:40

shit. Yes, Lily

7:43

Glee. Okay anal

7:48

And what I tried to again err

7:50

on the side of newer porn stars for you, which

7:53

yeah, I appreciate that and

7:55

You'll tell me if this basketball this

7:58

NBA star does anal

8:00

okay got it he's

8:02

six foot nothing six

8:05

foot oh six if

8:07

not not an inch if

8:10

not an inch five eleven

8:12

soaking wet which he will

8:14

be after doing anal six

8:16

feet in flats six one

8:18

in a wedge uh and

8:20

he went to not my

8:22

alma mater but my

8:25

um my alma

8:27

uh uh my

8:30

daughter my alma's daughter where jama

8:32

will go to school and ucon

8:35

oh interesting is are these all current nba

8:38

players or that can be like ucon

8:42

six zero 184

8:45

wow so

8:48

we're talking about a point guard a light

8:50

point guard and does anal thank

8:53

god anal you might have stumped

8:55

me here my first thought was kemba walker but

8:57

i don't think he's in the nba and i

8:59

think he's a little bit taller than six foot

9:01

nothing so

9:04

i won't say kemba walker give

9:06

me point guard

9:09

ucon it's gotta be kidding me

9:11

it's kemba walker i have to

9:14

stop is it it is kemba

9:16

walker i didn't realize he wasn't

9:18

he's not in the nba he's

9:22

not he he was recently so maybe he

9:24

hasn't officially retired but i believe he's playing

9:27

okay that's good for me because i didn't know another

9:29

ucon point guard yeah i thought it was a little

9:31

bit taller than that but that's fine six foot nothing

9:33

yeah no i mean you basically you basically got it

9:35

and he is it looks like he is playing in

9:37

a french league so um but

9:40

he was on my espn fantasy page which

9:42

is which is why um he came up

9:44

which is why you lost at fantasy yeah

9:46

started him was he racking up points in

9:48

monaco that's right cassidy

9:51

banks cassidy

9:53

banks let me yes

9:56

yes And

10:02

what happened is you have to look her up

10:04

as I thought I this is who I thought

10:06

it was I had to look it up to

10:08

verify Cassidy Banks no anal no anal there That

10:12

is correct. No Cassidy Banks has never done

10:14

anal So how did you just to dig

10:16

in a little bit because I watch porn?

10:19

Honestly, so casually when I'm

10:21

watching porn, I can't even tell if they're

10:24

doing anal or not I'm scrubbing through sometimes

10:26

it looks like anal sometimes it's doggy's house

10:28

Are you separating the anal from the doggy style

10:30

and then remembering every porn? No, I don't even

10:33

like I don't I don't like watching anal

10:35

porn I just I see

10:37

it I I remember these things I

10:40

guess I have a Fascination, but

10:42

how can you remember that? He's never done

10:44

it like what are the odds that you

10:47

just haven't happened or about it? I've seen

10:49

everything there is to see I know

10:51

it's not like oh, there's a clip I

10:53

haven't seen yeah, you have a Library

10:56

of Congress in your head of every porn this

10:58

woman has done and you're scrubbing through it in

11:00

your mind's eye and being Like no no no

11:02

no no no no no no yeah, no point

11:04

I have a photographic memory for the least helpful

11:07

thing in the world. I think I really think

11:09

yeah But I did get

11:11

Lily Glee wrong, but I've never said I've never seen

11:13

I'm not familiar with her work. She seems brand new

11:18

Banking speaking of spanking

11:24

Yeah, okay, so you're one for

11:26

two. I'm two for two okay. Yeah All

11:29

right this next gentleman went to

11:33

Kansas Played

11:35

for the Jay Hawks okay good

11:37

on him He

11:40

is six foot six and He

11:43

is 205 that's lean Six

11:48

six from Kansas Yeah

11:54

tall and slender man Nothing

11:56

is instantly coming to mind Unless

12:00

it's one of the Morris twins, but I believe they're old

12:02

they're taller than that. I think they're like six eight two

12:05

forty we're looking for a shooting

12:08

guard from Kansas Six

12:12

six who's an absolute

12:15

bucket slash Jayhawk rock

12:17

not much of a Yeah,

12:21

this guy was on your fantasy team no,

12:24

I'm just on the fantasy player page right

12:26

now I Did

12:28

not make the playoffs, but I won the

12:30

losers bracket which is kind of interesting Actually

12:36

the least interesting thing you've ever

12:38

said really the polar opposite of

12:40

interesting I Won

12:43

the losers bracket seventh

12:45

place Dead

12:48

center of our league kind of

12:51

interesting I'm

12:54

drawing a blank. I'll guess Devont

12:58

a gram I'll

13:01

give you a hint. I think his name is funny. Oh interesting

13:07

How about current team this won't count, but just give me

13:09

the current team you got it It

13:13

looks like he plays oh he

13:15

plays in Taiwan Monica

13:19

as well Timothy

13:21

lualo Cabo. Oh, this is our

13:23

nine years ago. He plays for

13:25

the Raptors the Toronto Raptors. Oh

13:29

Yeah, I should have gotten this one. It's great. He

13:31

did that is right It is great and

13:34

he gives that great dick dinner. I'm

13:36

saying great a dick. Yeah, that's good

13:38

Yeah, speaking of great a dick. Why

13:40

don't you give me another ass, and

13:42

I'll tell you if it's smashed or

13:44

passed Here

13:47

it e Crawford charity

13:50

Crawford, I think I'm

13:53

not even gonna see her. Are you familiar with her

13:55

game again? You need to see her face I do

13:57

I mean I think I can't really. Remember,

14:00

the names don't mean anything to you.

14:02

you're not reading the descriptions are the

14:05

title. The names are basically nothing like

14:07

Charity, Crawford and Cassidy Banks that's their

14:09

the same name basically A as I

14:12

was the A D, especially by yeah

14:14

you with a fuckin rolodex of porn

14:16

clough. I better athletes and I thought

14:19

you'd be a better with faces landed

14:21

a better with these is the names

14:23

asshole. Speaking of the average sale on

14:26

the success of name or he's never

14:28

for didn't ask. Ah I. I

14:30

don't are ago I think she has. I

14:32

think she does do. Anal do

14:35

anal. Or. According to

14:37

this list of porn stars that

14:39

I've never done anal Charity Crawford

14:41

is on this list does not

14:44

enough participant really Well Yes, according

14:46

to Hussey Past, it looks like

14:48

know, I know, I don't think

14:51

See, yeah, you're right on things.

14:53

He does. So

14:56

you just you sort of. You see the face

14:58

and you're like have I ever seen her do

15:00

anal and that's what you're going by. Yeah yeah

15:03

yeah guys. Who?

15:05

It's hard to Big Daves naming your. Daughter I went

15:07

to Three One for three hours. You've

15:09

watched every part of every porn like

15:11

you're not doing like the skip around

15:13

situation you're like. I remembered this part

15:15

of this film. I don't watch every

15:17

single part of every porn but I

15:20

I think I I like read the.

15:23

You know the title of what it is.

15:25

You even read the to. I was fascinated

15:27

by how you watch sports. You will does

15:30

were on the polar opposite ends of the

15:32

spectrum. You will just vowed on on and

15:34

on. Really wants to much a streaming porn

15:36

site? Are you on your laptop?

15:38

Or your phone? Phone. On.

15:41

Your phone in. Your

15:43

bedroom in public? or some

15:45

sort of us. Do

15:48

that I have the to dummy arms going

15:51

reading a fake book you'll go and I

15:53

yeah you just go to the the poor,

15:55

the poor and tube site. you

15:57

click on the tired video your your

15:59

server Threesome. You'll search. Yeah.

16:02

You'll search Threesome. But pretty generic

16:05

terms. Yeah. And do you

16:07

have a preference? I'm never tracking anal Vnot. Yeah.

16:10

Is it always Threesome or when you

16:12

log on you're like, maybe I want

16:14

to see a blonde today? Like...

16:17

Yeah. Maybe I want to see a blonde today.

16:20

Maybe I want to see this specific

16:22

person Vnot. Maybe

16:24

I want to see a threesome versus

16:26

like a duality of man.

16:29

Maybe I want to see a visual

16:32

poem, dance representation. You'll jerk off to

16:34

a high school. Like cheerleader sucking off

16:36

a football player. Cheerleader. Very

16:39

nice. But I'll never remember

16:42

the faces, the names or the buttholes.

16:45

Yeah. Like, you know, one for three, maybe you don't

16:47

either. Yeah, I guess not. But

16:49

tell me if you know this

16:51

gentleman who went

16:53

to college at the University

16:55

of Georgia. And

16:59

he is six foot five and

17:02

he weighs... Yeah,

17:04

that's Anthony Edwards. It's

17:07

not Anthony Edwards. Really?

17:10

So Georgia is six five. Two oh

17:12

five. And he weighs how much? Two

17:14

oh five. Are

17:17

you sure you're not describing Anthony

17:19

Edwards who might be this height,

17:21

weight and college? Let me

17:23

see. He has a body

17:26

doppelganger in the NBA. Anthony

17:28

Edwards went to college

17:31

at Georgia. He's

17:34

six foot four. Oh,

17:36

and how much does he weigh? Two

17:38

twenty five. Wow. So

17:41

we're talking about a slightly

17:43

taller, slightly skinnier Anthony Edwards

17:45

who went to Georgia. Yeah, go

17:47

dogs, of course. Right.

17:53

Drawing a blank again. That's

17:55

okay. That's okay.

17:59

I don't have it. Is it contagious?

18:02

It's the first name. Well Pope. Oh, all

18:04

right, you got it. You got all you needed was

18:06

the first thing Yeah, that's why I chose it. Yeah,

18:08

that's why I needed what's his first unique name. Yeah,

18:10

I Started

18:12

with a contagious. I Should

18:15

have gotten that one that one's on me. Yeah All

18:18

right. Give me another porn star All

18:21

right. We're really bombing this we have to do better. I know

18:24

we have to put another you high notes I Found

18:29

two with the last name Jade like

18:33

Ruby Jade Do

18:35

you want Harley or amethyst?

18:37

I Guess Harley cuz

18:39

I don't know if I know amethyst

18:41

Jade Harley

18:45

Jade, okay Ruby

18:47

Jade sister Hmm

18:53

Harley Jade looking I don't

18:57

think I know her But

19:02

but be UTT

19:04

I think I Think

19:08

butt is on the table for Harley

19:10

Jade Because she looks

19:12

like a more polished porn star I 'm

19:23

gonna need an answer. Oh It's

19:25

to be anal. It is a yes.

19:27

I I that is correct Anal

19:31

is true. The butt

19:34

has it. That's right I'm

19:37

gonna give you one. That's really

19:39

easy. I think Okay,

19:41

and on a high note seven

19:44

foot four Wow,

19:47

it's really tall That's it

19:50

feels like you should Yeah,

19:53

there's not a lot of seven foot four

19:55

guys historically. It's a mark Eaton historically,

19:59

it's a it's a Chuck nevit we're

20:01

talking about modern players. I think it could

20:03

only be Boba under when banh Yama, but

20:05

if you went Easy,

20:08

then I'll say Victor when banh Yama, but he didn't

20:10

go to college. He played in France Do

20:13

you want me to I can give you the weight?

20:18

They're all gonna be very heavy. Okay, what's the weight? Well,

20:21

it seems like one will be a lot when

20:23

my name is very skinny Yeah

20:25

for a 7 4 he might even be 7

20:28

5 quite frankly Um 291

20:30

pounds Okay,

20:33

so that's giving Boban that's

20:35

feeling Boban ish to me. Yeah

20:38

when Bum Yama is 90

20:40

is 209

20:42

pounds so like almost 90 pounds lighter

20:45

Lightly Boban is correct Did

20:48

you see what Boban did the other day? No? All

20:51

right. We'll end with this He's

20:54

on the Houston Rockets, but he was

20:56

on the Clippers at one point. Mm-hmm So

20:58

the crowd loves him because they're playing their last

21:01

game this season the Rockets are playing at the

21:03

Clippers the Clippers Are not rooting for

21:05

the Rockets, but they love Boban They're cheering when

21:07

he scores because it's the last game this season.

21:09

It's meaningless Boban gets fouled with

21:12

like a minute left the games kind of decided

21:15

He misses the first free throw the

21:17

crowd goes crazy because if a player

21:19

misses two free throws in a row

21:21

The entire audience gets free chick-fil-a Boban

21:25

at the line realizes this and

21:27

says okay you guys want free chicken and they're like

21:29

yeah, we want chicken He's like okay. This is for

21:31

you. This is for you. This is during the NBA

21:33

game at the free throw line He

21:35

throws the ball at the rim This is

21:37

on purpose Raises his hands up and everyone

21:39

just gives him a standing ovation because he

21:42

basically gave through a free throw Incorrectly

21:44

poorly missed it on purpose so that

21:46

everyone got free chicken and did he

21:48

he yelled do you want free chicken?

21:51

All right, okay, this is for you. This is for you.

21:54

You want it. Okay like a wrestling match

21:56

like a wrestling match I wonder if

21:58

there's coaches were like don't Don't miss

22:00

on purpose. Why are you

22:02

being nice to the NBA? What was the score? It

22:06

was game seven of the NBA finals. They

22:08

lost by two. Amazing. No, I think they

22:10

were up like... The Rockets were

22:12

up by 15 or something, so the free

22:14

throw really, really didn't matter. Yeah. And

22:17

the season is pretty decide... Are they fighting

22:19

for anything in their season? No.

22:21

Okay, so it really doesn't matter. Neither team fighting for

22:23

anything. It's a fake game, and he gave them the

22:25

chicken that they wanted. So great. I

22:28

told you my Boban story, right? No.

22:31

When I went to

22:34

the Knicks game with Ben, and

22:37

we're sitting like court side, like

22:40

in the announcer's booth basically. Wow.

22:42

And I guess he knows

22:44

Boban somehow. Yeah,

22:47

Boban is like around actors and comedians, because he's like

22:50

a very nice, friendly guy. He's in stuff. He's all

22:52

the stepping foot forward and crazy. He's like a gun

22:54

wick. He's in a bunch of miracles. Yeah, yeah. He's

22:57

been at Headgum. He's here to

22:59

help podcast. Oh, that's right. Right in this room.

23:01

Yeah. But Ben is like,

23:03

I'm going to say hey to him. And he's

23:06

about to check into the game. He just comes

23:08

over. Oh, the Knicks are playing the Rockets? Yeah,

23:10

the Knicks are playing the Rockets.

23:12

He comes over. He's about to check in. We're

23:15

right there. And Ben is like, hey,

23:17

Boban. And like, Boban just turned, recognized him. And

23:19

Ben put out his hand. And

23:22

his hands are like three

23:24

human hands. They're so big. He looks

23:26

like a CGI giant. He has giant

23:29

ears. He's a giant person. Yeah. His

23:31

hands are enormous. So Ben raises up his

23:34

right hand to like, dap him up. Boban

23:37

looked at Ben and like, studied it for

23:39

a second. And then with

23:41

his giant left hand, just went down

23:43

and gripped just two of Ben's fingers.

23:45

Like the tiniest, most gentle

23:49

finger hug. Pulled

23:52

them clean off. Swallowed

23:54

them whole. It was so

23:56

tender. It was

23:58

beautiful. And

24:01

then did you ever see or say hi to Boban

24:03

after that that was the only moment? No, that was

24:05

the only moment and he had like he had like

24:07

fallen down or something It was

24:09

like some kind of hard foul and Ben was like,

24:11

are you okay? He was like, yeah Yeah, I'm fine

24:14

and that was Kind

24:16

of it Boban doesn't feel much

24:20

It doesn't hurt Boban That's

24:23

great. All right. I think we

24:25

were Fine at that. Give

24:27

me one more porn star Okay,

24:29

good. I was gonna say Piper

24:33

Perry Perry

24:36

no You'd

24:39

got it you fucking doing that did you know

24:41

so fast I know Piper Perry Giggle

24:46

oh, I know No,

24:48

I don't I have no idea. I just I just

24:50

knew who that one was and

24:53

then you knew that was how I imagine the whole thing

24:57

Should evolve in that easy Piper

25:01

and it should evolve

25:03

in Boban. Yeah Thank.

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like if you're a bone-headed person But

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anti-movement, really. It's a non-movement movement.

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Is anti-movement one? Anti-movement seems

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like it should be. I'll have to

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27:14

Jake, I don't know if you know

27:16

this, but we sort of all carry

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27:21

no, I've heard of that. I've heard

27:23

that. I've heard some people do that.

27:25

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27:27

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27:29

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27:34

deep down. Yes, you put on a

27:36

facade as they call it. Mm-hmm, yes,

27:38

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27:40

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27:43

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27:45

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right, we're back. We got another

28:53

great recommendation for a segment from

28:55

AsCoolDanny on Instagram. Yes,

28:57

that is correct. They

29:00

recommended that

29:03

we revamp, that we rewrite, that we

29:05

punch up the national anthem. Yeah,

29:08

it's sort of light work and easy

29:10

for us. We're musicians, comedians, and patriots

29:12

most of all. Yeah, and

29:14

we have a Patreon. We're

29:16

Patreon and Patreonic. Do you know

29:19

what I mean? We're

29:21

Patreonic and Patreonic. And

29:23

Patreon. Do you think you

29:25

know all the lyrics to the Star Spangled Banner?

29:27

I think so. How's

29:30

the Star Spangled Banner? Can you say it all? Oh, say,

29:32

can you see? I'm just kidding. Oh, say,

29:34

can you see by the Star Spangled light?

29:37

No. By the

29:39

dawn's early light, what so proudly we hailed

29:41

at the twilight's last gleaming, who's

29:44

brought stripes and bright stars

29:46

through the perilous fight and

29:48

the rocket's red glare, the bomb bursting. No,

29:50

no, no. Really? Oh,

29:53

or the ramped up parts we watched

29:55

were so gallantly waving and the rocket's

29:58

red glare, the bomb bursting. And

30:01

the rockets red glare, the bombs bursting in air, gave

30:04

proof through the night that the

30:06

flag was still there. Oh

30:10

say does that

30:12

star-spangled banner yet

30:15

wave, we are

30:17

the land of the beast, and

30:27

the home of the wave.

30:36

Hang 10. Happy wave, everybody.

30:40

I wonder if I would have been able

30:42

to remember if I was singing it. It's

30:44

harder to speak it. But Francis Scott Key

30:46

couldn't have known the key. He

30:50

wrote it. There was no tune to it, and it was just a

30:52

poem. And what

30:54

was it but a love letter to his

30:56

country after a battle? I

30:59

was going to say, how does this rank for you

31:01

as a poem specifically? I

31:04

don't usually go for poems that rhyme.

31:08

But I

31:11

don't think one could argue that it's

31:13

not moving. It stirs something in you.

31:16

It really conjures up the

31:19

image. And

31:21

it makes you feel patriotic even if you don't

31:24

give a fuck about America. Part

31:27

of me thinks that if we do change the

31:29

national anthem, it should just be another American song.

31:32

Oh, you mean just make

31:35

it important to run by Bruce

31:37

Springsteen or something? Yeah, or this

31:39

land is your land. Yeah,

31:41

this land is your land is not

31:44

bad. It's

31:46

kind of interesting for an American national

31:49

anthem because it is sort of what

31:51

we did. This

31:53

land is your land. This land is my

31:55

land. Standing

31:58

on Texas. Oh, this land is your land? now.

32:00

This land is your land? This land

32:02

is my land. From

32:05

California to here. Yeah, okay.

32:11

It's a weird time to write a new national anthem

32:13

because half the country hates the other

32:15

half. So we, right, we bring those two people.

32:17

How do we get these two

32:19

very diametrically opposed population

32:23

segments to agree on anything, let alone

32:25

a song? Yeah, that's interesting. So we

32:27

should kind of do something that

32:30

bridges the gap. It

32:32

should honestly sound like Old Town Road

32:34

because it's like that's a country song

32:37

and also a rap song and also

32:39

a pop song. Right. That

32:41

everyone seems to get along with. Yeah.

32:44

So like a horse, it's

32:49

a horsey back kind of day. Yeah.

32:57

That's when we all go along this.

33:00

Oh, it's a horsey back kind of

33:02

day. Yeah. It's okay

33:04

to be straight. It's okay to be gay. So

33:07

that's kind of something for the left and the

33:09

right. At least we're on the right side of history.

33:12

Yeah. Oh, interesting. I was trying to say something that

33:14

everybody could get behind or that it's someone from all

33:16

the crew. You could also say,

33:18

try to only make it things

33:20

that they can't disagree with. Like,

33:23

yeah, but a lot of people do disagree with

33:25

that. It's okay to be gay. Right. Obviously not

33:27

us. Yeah. But so let's do stuff that

33:29

nobody can say anything about. The sky is

33:31

blue. Yeah. It has to be so vanilla,

33:35

so bland that people

33:38

can all agree on. Yeah. So

33:40

it's like mountains.

33:43

And again, it is, it will be to the

33:45

tune of Old Town Road. Yeah. It's like, I'm

33:47

gonna take my, why is it

33:49

not a horse? You know, like, yeah, you can't

33:51

own an animal. Yeah. Like,

33:53

I'm, I'm gonna, okay. Not

33:55

even I, there's a horse. We're gonna

33:58

have a horse over here. There's

34:00

a horse over here. There's a horse

34:02

over here lies out of your life

34:07

Yeah The sky

34:09

is blue Or so

34:11

I'm told that's kind of

34:13

interesting. There's a horse over here That's

34:16

the side of the road guys or

34:19

so I'm told so I'm told

34:21

and And

34:26

there's trees I'm

34:31

gonna eat this hot dog with a

34:33

fork in the night No, no, no

34:35

cuz in the hot there's there's beef eaters

34:38

and there's vegetarians and vegans Yeah, well, it

34:40

could be like a vegan sausage, right? Well,

34:42

I feel like to be a me there's

34:44

probably some you know people on the

34:46

right who like don't even like it Imposter

34:50

like the the sausage in possible.

34:52

Yeah, the person they don't even

34:54

want to know how the sausages

34:56

made actually exactly Give

34:59

me another porn star Riley

35:03

read Riley read of course,

35:05

of course Yeah,

35:07

if we could insert her into this song Okay,

35:10

so far we have a horse We have

35:12

the sky being blue and we

35:15

have the fact that there are we

35:17

can say like there are beaches There

35:19

are desert right like they just say

35:22

what they're are. Yeah. Yes There

35:24

are beaches here there are deserts

35:27

around There

35:30

are cities as well

35:33

and trees abound

35:37

Seattle is is in

35:40

Washington. Yeah to Miami With

35:47

Nebraska in between

35:50

Yes And

35:53

then not god bless America and it's

35:55

like yeah, we want to read is America

36:00

land that I've

36:03

seen so you've

36:06

seen it and you don't

36:08

have to have a that

36:10

is America land

36:12

that I've seen and

36:17

so it's neither good nor bad it's

36:19

just saying that the sky is blue

36:22

there's Seattle and Miami do pretty

36:24

vastly different cities yeah and there

36:26

are mountains and there are doing

36:29

you're just saying that's America not

36:32

that it's good or bad but it's land that

36:34

I've yeah that's what it is and yeah

36:37

is it better now that I'm

36:39

saying that land that I've seen I feel

36:42

like it should be to the tune of God Save

36:44

the Queen isn't that like the British one yeah yeah

36:47

God God's how does

36:49

that what's that one sound like though God

36:51

Save the Queen I

36:56

mean this one is terrible I'm

36:58

sorry United Kingdom but this is

37:00

one of the worst national anthems

37:02

I've ever read it starts God

37:04

save our gracious Queen long live

37:06

our noble Queen God save the

37:08

Queen send her victorious happy and

37:10

glorious long to reign over us

37:13

God save the Queen like that's

37:16

giving her too much victorious and glorious is

37:18

a pretty that's a fun rhyme

37:20

and then rule over

37:22

us I see I don't know there's

37:25

something there's something there but I

37:27

don't think it beats our

37:30

national anthem land that I've seen

37:32

yeah God

37:34

save the Queen land what about land where

37:37

I've been land where

37:41

I've been I've been there I've

37:43

been to this land I've

37:45

been there what are you playing

37:49

you hear this Okay,

38:04

that's the music is pretty good. And

38:06

it's the tune of we have haven't

38:08

we? Isn't

38:11

that the same of like

38:13

land of liberty? Of

38:16

the I sing. That's

38:18

God Save Our Queen. Of the I sing

38:20

is God Save Our Queen. We've

38:23

stolen shit from them. From the

38:25

Brit. From

38:27

Seattle. To Miami. To

38:32

the Alaska. In

38:35

between. In between. God

38:38

Save Our America. It's not

38:41

God. Land

38:43

that I've seen. Perfect.

38:47

We kind of nailed it. It was a struggle

38:49

at first, but like it wasn't that hard. Yeah.

38:52

We only spent eight minutes on it. We got

38:54

there and we got there good. Not

38:57

only did we get it, we kind of

39:00

improved on a timeless classic that probably took

39:02

his ass years to figure out. Should there

39:04

be a rap verse

39:06

between any of this? Old

39:09

Town Road style. Like a little, yeah,

39:12

like a bridge and Nelly comes out

39:14

or like Ludacris. My

39:17

outfit's ridiculous, but it's

39:19

like during the national anthem. Yeah, yeah.

39:21

That's really good. Illinois

39:24

is ridiculous. And

39:26

why? Indiana is

39:28

on the left and Wisconsin's

39:31

on the right. Yeah. All

39:33

right. Yeah, that's perfect. And then you sold

39:35

your boy. Well

39:38

Ludacris, well, this is pretty much he, when he

39:41

comes into the lab or that's what I call

39:43

the recording studio. Yeah. The

39:45

studio, the lab. So like, yeah. He'll

39:48

figure it out on the day basically. Right. And

39:51

the meat and bones is there

39:54

the full English breakfast of it. Yeah.

39:57

Got it for Queens. Is

39:59

there in peace. Yeah.

40:02

It's called land that I've

40:04

seen. Yes. My

40:09

outfit's ridiculous. Why

40:13

is he proud about that? Okay, let's

40:15

take another break. Thank you

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42:37

last segment to rule them all. That's one

42:39

is one you came up with? Yeah, we're

42:41

gonna do everybody a favor and give you

42:43

some opening dating app lines because I know

42:45

it's a struggle out there. We

42:49

did, we used to have a dating app. It's,

42:51

it is now defunct but I do know, I

42:53

believe there are no less than

42:56

three couples who are engaged because of

42:59

Orion. So potentially

43:01

married by this point. We did our, we did our

43:03

work. But

43:06

yeah, I feel like one of the,

43:09

one of the tougher things to do

43:11

is come up with that first line.

43:13

Yeah, I think the newer dating apps

43:15

makes it a little easier. You can

43:17

like comment on individual photos or like

43:20

questions and answers that the person put.

43:22

Jesus. But there are

43:24

still ones that are just like, all right,

43:26

throw it into a chat. Good luck. Yeah.

43:29

So that's why my first pitch

43:31

for a dope, for an opening line on

43:33

dating app is it you

43:37

tell me a porn star and I can tell

43:40

you that they've done anal. Are you, are you,

43:42

are you, really, you look

43:46

so familiar. Okay.

43:50

How about, will, so

43:52

you, you messaged this dating app, you

43:54

say, we'll see Becky. I'm a goddamn

43:56

catch and there's so much better for

43:58

me out there. and you

44:01

fucking whore all caps,

44:03

three exclamation points, and

44:06

then you respond immediately to that.

44:08

You say, sorry, wrong

44:10

text, how's your Thursday smiley

44:12

face, but just the emoticon

44:14

smiley face. So

44:17

a colon, a hyphen, and a

44:19

parenthetical. Yeah, yeah. Thoughts?

44:23

And yeah, well, my

44:25

first thought is that people will think it's

44:27

real, because most guys are kind of insane.

44:29

If you've seen enough crazy people, but for

44:32

the man or woman with a good sense

44:34

of humor, maybe they'll be like, LOL, that

44:36

was fucking nuts, ha ha ha. It's

44:39

like a good, it's a solid end. It's a good

44:41

way to separate those with a sense of humor. I

44:43

would be really afraid to send it. Yeah, I'd be

44:45

afraid to send it, but I think it's funny. Yeah.

44:51

Maybe don't use the word whore though. Yeah,

44:53

yeah, for sure. I felt weird even saying

44:56

it now, but I think it really sold

44:58

the unhinged aspect of it. Yeah,

45:00

what if you follow it up with the classic,

45:02

oh my God, I'm so sorry, I was talking

45:04

to my aunt, LOL. I

45:07

copied and pasted, it was a copy

45:10

pasta, and I haven't been in

45:12

pasta. Here comes the hot step. Sorry,

45:15

I'm still thinking about the national. Voice note. What

45:20

about this one, sort of based on what we were joking

45:22

about earlier? My first message

45:24

to somebody else is Amir has blocked you.

45:28

What the hell? Oh, that's good. Why? That's

45:30

sort of playful. What did I do? It's like

45:32

sort of a tech slash casual neg. Yeah, yeah.

45:34

Where it's like, why did you block me? Or

45:36

it's like, oh, I actually thought you blocked me,

45:38

or go fuck yourself. I don't want to talk

45:40

to somebody that blocks me. But at least you

45:42

guys are talking about that thing. What if you

45:44

just text block, and then you'd

45:47

say, they'd say, oh, sorry, I didn't know,

45:49

I don't know how these

45:51

dating apps work. How's it going? Hashtag

45:56

unswipe. Hashtag I meant to

45:58

go left. The bag.

46:01

Search data available that was utterly

46:04

I have nothing to do with.

46:06

Yeah, no positive angle to it

46:08

is all about this one You

46:10

are going to write me Say.

46:13

Hey, this is takes mom's He told

46:15

me that he didn't want to try

46:17

breeding apps but you see why. couldn't

46:19

the season like a nice girl and

46:21

that he responds as a i had

46:23

my God So embarrassing. Ah but my

46:25

babbel our actually my dad. L

46:30

O L. Just getting now is

46:32

actually my dad/on suspect is actually

46:34

my dad. He's He's a pervert.

46:38

Up as good a day or okay. here's

46:40

another one just right off the blue on

46:42

i'm Just Blue Sky Year. You can take

46:44

it or leave whenever the view on it

46:46

as it if not no skin off my

46:48

back on out of the game. Anyway, Leann

46:50

could use it or the economic as read.

46:53

Anything about that. Oh, I see

46:56

that. it's perfect. Hundred hours in

46:58

it, That was. I'm. Ah,

47:01

You start with instead of nagging,

47:03

you go full of. Self

47:06

deprecating our well. let me guess

47:08

you're meant to swipe last. didn't

47:11

see you diseases know where it

47:13

is. Happens all the time. Good

47:15

looking. guess I'll. Go

47:18

ahead on unmatched me. Now, I don't think

47:20

I could handle the rejection and a week

47:22

or two that that's pretty good. Does.

47:25

Pretty good look. I'm. Good.

47:28

How. Bout you do my it is.

47:31

There's a saying is like my my

47:33

yellow flag or my red flag. Oh

47:36

yeah, My. Base flag is

47:39

making up too many flag

47:41

colors provide for your. What's.

47:44

Your T O of the last hags

47:46

about just what's your teal flags who

47:48

is is kind of confusing if they

47:51

say i like what he wanted that

47:53

as it's your flag. Oh, it's like

47:55

sort of like something about you that's

47:57

neither read nor greens. so

48:00

like it can mean that you like carrot ginger

48:02

soup. Mine is that I

48:04

love carrot ginger soup actually. Mine

48:09

is that I own a vest. What if

48:11

you just send them an Uber

48:13

gift card? It's a really expensive opening message,

48:15

but if you love it, yeah, you can

48:18

do it. I've done it a couple times

48:20

now. You just say, hey.

48:23

You go to like UberEats, you can pay for a gift

48:25

card, and then it's just a link, and you can send

48:27

it via message.

48:31

Wow. So you say. Okay, let

48:33

me spice that up. You

48:35

say, opening line, you

48:37

have to only match, not talk. Hey,

48:39

sorry, I don't think this is working

48:42

out, but let me at least get

48:44

you a $50 UberEats gift certificate. Excuse

48:49

me? Yeah, I mean like, why

48:51

do we even go through with the dog and

48:53

pony show over first, second, and third date? We

48:55

all know where this is headed. Not a great,

48:58

great fit. So the least I could do is

49:00

get you pads for you and a mango lassi.

49:06

You can bundle stuff. They can

49:08

pick up things from two restaurants. It's the least

49:10

I can do. Throwing

49:12

an $11 pite of Bramble Berry

49:14

from Van Lewin. It's

49:17

literally the least I can do. So

49:20

you're breaking up with Uber gift cards. That's a

49:22

good way to break up too. Yeah. At

49:27

least you can have some free food. All

49:30

right, what's your teal flag? We're

49:34

breaking up, here's an UberEats gift card.

49:37

You had the, oh,

49:39

this is Jake's mom's swipe. Yeah, is there

49:41

something, what about, like, is

49:44

there a way to send a picture as an opening

49:46

message that's not insanely creepy? Maybe you're not even allowed

49:48

to do that. That would make sense. You're probably not

49:50

even allowed to do that. I've

49:53

seen pictures, I mean, it might be like blurred and it's like

49:55

click here to view, but I think you can do that.

49:57

Oh, interesting. I wanted, if there's like an innocuous

49:59

way. once like imagine

50:02

just being like, oh, like here's a corner

50:04

from your birth year. Terrible example,

50:06

but you hold up something and then

50:09

the background is like either

50:11

something really impressive or insanely scary.

50:15

Like your house, your house isn't on

50:17

fire in the background or there's an

50:20

infinity pool. Um, so

50:25

an opening message that's not

50:27

about, yeah, you, you

50:29

send a photo, but it's more

50:32

about the background. It's, it's because you go

50:34

right. Summer's almost here. It's you with the

50:36

thumbs up, but then the background, your house

50:38

is on fire. A

50:43

conversation starter to be sure. Okay. How about this

50:45

one? Your first line

50:47

is something that says, quote, I

50:51

think I can help you there. Uh,

50:53

there's many options for opening dialogue lines.

50:55

Uh, here's a few that you can

50:57

use. Hey, how's it going? And then

50:59

whatever. And then you say, Oh shit,

51:01

shit, shit. I think I copied it

51:03

pasted too much. I saw that. Um,

51:05

hey, I saw that something similar on

51:07

Zillow the other day, looking at a

51:09

house, the description was,

51:11

uh, here

51:13

it is. Parentheses are for suggested

51:15

edits. Uh, and

51:17

bold is for suggested cuts. And

51:20

then it was just the, then

51:22

the rest of the script. Yeah. It's clearly

51:24

ripped exactly from email. So

51:30

that version of that, yeah. Either

51:32

like, so it says like, uh, you're

51:35

for my first message to somebody named Lindsay would be

51:37

like, Hey, I'm here.

51:39

Thanks so much for the check. I got

51:41

it. Uh, in, uh, for

51:44

the $5,000 here's three opening lines.

51:46

Hey, Lindsay, how it's going. Hey,

51:48

uh, hey, how's it going? Hey,

51:50

we should date some times. And

51:52

what's your teal flag for

51:55

three more, please Venmo me another $180,000. And

51:58

then you write unsaid on. Oh,

52:01

unsend is also a pretty solid

52:03

first message because they would only

52:06

see unsend and it's like... Oh,

52:09

so you sent it and just in parentheses

52:11

says unsend message. Yeah, yeah, that's good. It's

52:13

like, what did it say? I

52:16

think I talked about this on the podcast before, but

52:18

when I was single, I would sometimes just open up

52:21

like random messages and start

52:23

typing and then stop in hopes

52:25

that somebody was like looking at

52:28

my message and they'd see

52:30

the three dots. Yeah,

52:36

I'm sure that always works. Yeah,

52:38

definitely. I was staring at our conversation and

52:40

the three dots popped up and went away.

52:42

Wondering if I should text you. I was

52:44

looking at our text thread wondering if I

52:46

should text you and I saw three dots,

52:48

then they stopped and I had to reach

52:50

out. You

52:55

could do like the just warning you, I am

52:58

a bot and I'm

53:00

using this account to grow my Instagram followers.

53:03

I'm at 12 so far, but it's going

53:05

pretty well for me, something like that. The

53:08

self-deprecating route. One

53:10

that I did often use was if somebody's name

53:12

was spelled two different ways, be like, hey,

53:14

Sarah, don't you hate Sarah's? Like one with an

53:16

H, one without an H. Usually they have some

53:18

sort of built-in

53:21

resentment for people who have their names

53:23

spelled in a different way. I

53:26

remember that one actually. Did

53:28

it usually work? No,

53:30

never worked. What

53:33

else? Parentheses,

53:37

unsendiclic, parentheses, shit, that was

53:39

my dad, parentheses, what's your

53:42

teal flag? Parentheses, I have

53:44

an actual anthem. What's your

53:46

teal flag is perfect. I

53:49

think we ultimately landed on and I

53:51

think we were inspired by my shirt, which

53:53

I don't know if you watch it, but it

53:56

kind of looks like a teal flag. Right.

53:58

I have my own teal flag. Yeah,

54:01

because that just instantly

54:03

my teal flag is that I didn't

54:05

win my fantasy team But I won

54:08

the losers bracket there doesn't

54:10

get a flag Flag

54:14

so gentile it means nothing. Yeah,

54:16

it is your your teal flag

54:18

is nothing What's what's

54:20

the most nothing? What's the most innocuous

54:23

thing about you? Um

54:27

The most neither good

54:29

nor bad fact about me I

54:34

had clear braces Yeah

54:39

Like even that like indicates some level of

54:41

upper middle class that I have teal braces

54:43

What do you mean your brain was clear

54:45

like you had clear bracket of metal like

54:47

yeah We

54:51

like upgraded to the oh clear.

54:53

There's no metal No,

54:56

metal. It's cool. It's very cool.

54:58

Didn't help that much because it was still

55:00

you know chunky white metal and spray Steel

55:04

uh-huh. Yeah, not perfect What's

55:07

my teal flag? What if what if the

55:09

open message? What's the opening message is just

55:12

can I buy you a new new pair

55:14

of headphones or do you need a new

55:16

pair of headphones? I

55:19

Turn into a sugar father relationship.

55:22

I'm looking to be Finn dominated Can

55:27

I send you a $300 Bose

55:29

gift card what if you what's

55:32

your address? Okay, so you

55:34

just you write accounting number and then

55:36

eight numbers and routing and then you

55:38

write nine numbers

55:40

or whatever If

55:43

you send that you say shit that

55:45

was a copy and paste thing But

55:50

relationships are built on trust so

55:53

How's it going with the little sweaty? You

55:57

can even lean into it be like here's my

55:59

account number Here's my routing number.

56:01

Here's my social security number. My life

56:03

is an open book. I need to

56:05

trust you implicitly if this is going

56:07

to work out at all. So go

56:09

ahead and either steal my identity or

56:11

go out with me. Yeah. Either way,

56:13

you have all the information now. By

56:16

the way, good luck getting anything because I've messaged

56:18

this to several other women and I am bone.

56:21

I've been bled dry. I'm

56:25

liquidated. Oh,

56:28

and my peel flag is that I didn't eat

56:30

sushi until I was 25. All

56:37

right. A lot of options there. Yeah, some really good options.

56:40

If you use any of them and

56:43

they either worked really well or poorly. Yeah,

56:45

please let us know. Tweeted

56:47

us. DM us. Put it on Instagram. Put

56:50

it on our subreddit. We need to see

56:52

how we did. Yeah. And for

56:54

more of us, you can watch our Patreon.

56:56

patreon.com/J.A. We're watching Jake

56:59

and Amir episodes live

57:02

commentary on nearly every single

57:04

one at this point. Yeah. Last week we watched

57:06

one that I loved. I forget

57:08

what it was already. Do you remember which one

57:10

we watched last week? No, I remember there

57:13

was one episode where we were crying laughing. You liked

57:15

it so much. And then the next episode we had

57:17

our head in our hands because we were so ashamed

57:19

to share it. I think that was the Guitar Hero

57:21

video. I remember those once more than the Guitar Hero.

57:24

Yeah, the Guitar Hero video is so

57:27

good. It was awful. Yeah,

57:29

there's some high quality episodes coming out

57:32

right now. Some

57:34

hangers and bangers. Check that

57:36

out at patreon.com/J.A. Thank you for listening. Thank

57:38

you for watching. Hit us with your segment

57:40

ideas. Obviously we like using them. If

57:43

you're watching on YouTube, you can leave it as a

57:45

comment below and hopefully if it inspires us to either

57:48

use it or maybe do some sort

57:50

of version of it. I

57:53

would say we should go out with the national

57:56

anthem that we wrote

57:58

and recorded, but we don't have that. a high-res version of

58:00

it. Maybe we can record it this week and then we

58:02

can play it the following day. Yeah,

58:05

at the top of next episode. I've

58:09

seen this land.

58:12

Perfect. Bye everybody.

58:15

That was a hitdom original.