S6 Episode 10: Be a Relationship Superhero: The Power of an Apology

Episode Summary

We all have a super-power that we can choose to use for good; the ability to sincerely apologize.  There are no three words more powerful than “I am sorry”.  This is especially true when you accept responsibility and are sincere. 

It is natural to have conflict with your partner.  Every person has said something they regret, made a mistake or used poor judgement in the course of a romantic relationship. The important thing is what you do after the fact.  The ability to acknowledge that you wronged your partner and be willing to take responsibility is the only way to move forward.  Recognize that, by not apologizing, you are weakening your bond and destroying intimacy.  

A sincere apology makes your partner feel validated and respected.  It also fosters an environment of vulnerability and empathy.  Couples that are able to apologize to one another and not repeat the behavior are much more likely to be able to work through difficult situations and not cast blame.  However, if you do not believe you owe your partner an apology, don’t fake it, because disingenuous behavior plants the seed of resentment.

At the end of each episode, Marlee and Lis vent about commonly experienced issues in romantic relationships. In this episode, the ladies discuss the unhealthy situation when one partner controls the finances in the relationship. 

Show Notes

Apologies are so important, which is why they truly need their own episode. Apologizing is one of the most powerful things you can do in a relationship. A sincere apology has three parts: An acknowledgement of wrongdoing, taking personal responsibility for causing it, and offering a sincere statement.

Another part of apologizing is not intentionally repeating the harmful action again. You should actively work to not repeat the behavior, and this respect should go both ways in a relationship. When your partner communicates that they feel wronged, you should be able to own up to it and apologize.

If you don’t apologize with sincerity, it can hold the hurt person back from being able to move on. If you can’t admit what you did wrong, you’re essentially denying the person’s feelings. Not apologizing because you don’t believe you will be granted forgiveness right away is dismissive and destructive.

If you truly don’t think you’re in the wrong, don’t apologize. The only thing worse than no apology is an insincere one. But here’s the thing: Just because you didn’t see the behavior as insulting doesn’t mean everyone agrees with your worldview. You have to be willing to accept another person’s perspective, show empathy, and apologize accordingly.

In this episode, the vent session topic is: When people allow their partner to control what they spend their money on. This is a common issue in relationships, but it’s also a very disturbing behavior. The person controlling the finances is usually trying to control their partner. It’s a violation of healthy boundaries and signals a power imbalance. Healthy communication about money is crucial in a relationship.

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