0:25

Welcome to Power . For the Podcast Today

0:28

we have Mr Kanoy

0:30

Brown . He will be our guest

0:32

today and we will be discussing uncomfortable

0:35

conversations regarding

0:37

the opposite sex . Kanoy

0:39

Brown is the host of the KBRS

0:42

Morning Show on Facebook

0:44

Live . Kanoy is a 1995

0:47

graduate of Canton High School and

0:49

attended Alcorn State University

0:52

. This man of God is a

0:54

community advocate that loves doing

0:56

service projects that gives the followers

0:58

and listeners of his show an

1:01

opportunity to get involved in

1:03

helping their fellow neighbor . So

1:06

let's welcome Mr Kanoy Brown and

1:08

before we start I wanted to thank

1:10

you . I saw all of the wonderful things

1:12

that you're doing rolling for

1:14

, so I want to just apply to you on all

1:16

of the efforts that you have been doing to

1:18

get those individuals the help that they

1:21

need .

1:22

That's what I do , man , And that's

1:24

how this whole show got started

1:26

. you know , it's that sport just working in the community , having

1:28

people .

1:29

So let's get into it . One of

1:31

the questions that I'm just dying to

1:33

ask is when men and women decide

1:36

they're going to date , what are some

1:38

of the conversations that they need to be having

1:40

when you're dating somebody of the opposite

1:43

sex that we don't talk about

1:45

?

1:45

First off , meeting the

1:47

opposite sex , the female . They probably

1:50

consider me having weird conversations because I

1:52

have real . I'm a blunt person . First

1:54

of all . I mean I'm going to , i mean that

1:56

, just me . I feel like I don't like beating around a

1:58

bush . I don't lie , i'm not a liar , i

2:00

hate a liar . So I like to put stuff

2:02

on the table And so I want to talk about your help

2:04

. I mean I'm going to help junkie , so I

2:07

eat well , don't eat , you

2:09

know , a lot of meat . I need someone

2:11

with that same mind frame . No need of us

2:13

. I'm eating healthy . And then you two sandwiches

2:15

from having a stroke . That's real conversation

2:17

. When the last time you've been to the doctor , when your year

2:20

was going on credit , you know real

2:22

life issue . I'm

2:25

46 . I'll be 47 June

2:27

30 , in case I want to give me some June 30 . And

2:31

so I'm past the sex

2:34

life , the hidden and quitting kind of

2:36

past that I'm . I'm more on some

2:38

wrong folks conversation . I have some like some wrong

2:41

folks conversation . I actually the book is called Get In

2:43

My Groove Back and the author and the guy

2:45

that this just kind of got in the

2:47

divorce And so he

2:49

wasn't going to jump into anything soon

2:53

and quick And so came up with an idea

2:55

to where he would actually date at least

2:57

100 women in one year

2:59

And that you know

3:01

, of course , that raised a flag in our community

3:04

because we think , and you know , because you go on a date

3:06

, you got to be involved , you have sex

3:08

. I mean , what is

3:10

not true ? You go on a date , let last 10

3:12

minutes , you know , let's go get a coffee , let's

3:15

go , let's go catch lunch . Right quick , i got

3:17

30 minutes online , you know . Look quick

3:19

dates to get to know people and

3:21

to have those general hard conversation

3:23

that we talk about . That

3:26

makes sense .

3:27

Yes , but what is ? what is what is

3:29

one of the most uncomfortable

3:31

conversations that you've ever had to have with

3:33

a woman after first meeting , you

3:35

know , after you met her and kind of dated her less

3:37

this a month ?

3:40

for me personally , my

3:42

south side , my meekness

3:44

. A lot of guys and

3:46

this is what I gathered from Black

3:48

male When it comes to communicating they

3:50

always have to have this muncho on the man

3:53

role , don't want to see meek

3:55

because they think it makes them weak

3:57

. And so those

3:59

come with conversation where I

4:01

open up and actually let a lady into

4:04

my actual soul and be

4:06

vulnerable with her and actually have like conversations

4:09

to where we both make zero . You know me because we

4:11

have a real live conversation , whether it's about family

4:14

, your family circle , and

4:17

for me I'm

4:20

recently I'm the three year divorce

4:22

and I was 16

4:24

year old daughter , and

4:27

so it's just me and her , and so my

4:30

conversations is to the point where

4:32

I'm not , i'm not

4:34

looking for a wife , i'm not

4:36

looking for a relationship right now , because I

4:39

know I can't give a woman what

4:41

she deserve and that's dating time . My

4:44

total focus now is on my family , which

4:47

is my daughter and my dad . It's like

4:49

you know , once I get her out of school , then maybe I

4:51

can focus on a relationship

4:53

, and that's that's why I get a lot

4:55

of kudos . That because a lot of women

4:57

reach out and I

5:00

tell them at the door you know what I'm

5:02

looking for and what I'm not . You know I'm not

5:05

going to make me marry anything . So and they

5:07

appreciate the honest And

5:09

so I think one of the conversations is just my honesty

5:12

. I'm just a blunt person because I

5:14

really have your friendship in your body , you know

5:16

. I mean friendship goes a long way

5:18

, you know , and it's gonna last a week or two and

5:20

y'all now y'all on bad terms Have those

5:22

kind of conversations like real grown open

5:24

conversations to the point where I believe in

5:26

transparent , i put everything on the table And

5:29

I think that's a lot of us go wrong in transparent

5:32

. That's hard conversation I have . Because

5:34

most men approach women

5:36

with the relationship mode because they just assume

5:39

that they just put that one to one you know just our

5:42

relationship and so that they can get somewhere

5:44

with her , instead of being honest

5:46

and open when you meet her and put

5:48

the ball in her court and then let her decide

5:50

if she still wants to go out and have drinks or

5:52

have dinner with you . Conversation

5:54

because some guys think that they tell the

5:56

truth , they're going to

5:59

lose it .

6:00

So so do you think that most guys that have that

6:02

particular approach when it comes to women

6:04

, do you think they come in and that these are damaged

6:06

men that are assuming okay

6:09

, hey , just off the back , she wants

6:11

a relationship , she wants this married

6:13

life , this , that , you know , this , that and the

6:15

other . But that's not really what they want of truly

6:17

seeking , because she may be

6:19

the person , like you stated earlier , she may

6:21

want to heal from the inside out , so

6:23

she just wants somebody she can go out with , lay out

6:26

with , talk to and just get to know . So

6:28

do you think that most men that have that approach

6:30

are just damaged individuals ?

6:34

I wouldn't say damaged individuals , because

6:36

I'm a mistake that

6:38

I normally make . I'm a gentleman

6:40

and so my best friend is a female

6:43

and so when I meet a chick , we just

6:45

hanging out or whatever they

6:47

get attacked because women are emotional creatures

6:49

. And so my

6:52

best friend said I need to quit doing relationship

6:54

type of stuff . And then what she meant by

6:56

that is I'm a gentleman , i'm gonna open the

6:58

door , i'm gonna call and check on you , you know , even

7:01

though we're just friends and that's hanging out , but women

7:03

get attached to that And so that

7:05

and especially for a man , in my mindset

7:07

that makes me back off . I

7:10

don't know how to mistreat you . I

7:13

mean so if it's coming off as I'm , given relationship

7:15

vibe , that's what

7:17

I know . But I'm gonna need you to keep your feelings that

7:19

baby , because I'm just a gentleman , you

7:21

know what I mean . So I do

7:23

multiple dates . I have friends , we go

7:25

out and have drinks , go have cigars , we go , you

7:27

know , lab , and

7:30

that's basically it , and so I

7:32

don't think it's the damage . I think a lot

7:34

of men are afraid of commitment , if

7:36

that's honest to say a lot

7:38

of afraid of commitment .

7:40

But well

7:44

, you were once married

7:46

and was in a committed

7:48

relationship . What

7:51

are some of the uncomfortable conversations

7:54

you think you should have had doing your marriage

7:56

that were not discussed ?

7:58

or say Yeah , family

8:00

values , family value

8:03

, That

8:05

is . If I had to do it again

8:07

, i think I would

8:09

recommend a serious

8:12

, serious counseling session

8:14

. I'm talking about that last month , that

8:16

little two hours you go to a preacher for counseling

8:18

. That's not gonna prepare you for

8:20

what life is gonna throw at you . And so those

8:23

conversations is her life values

8:25

. You know what does she believe in ? raising a child

8:28

or get sick ? Are you gonna be that

8:30

a pushman or wheelchair ? Real hard

8:33

life conversation . You know you have some marriages . You

8:35

know somebody get sick , somebody , the other person out

8:37

of that One person want to raise

8:39

a child one way and you was raised another

8:41

way . All those are conflicts and marriages

8:43

that you're never prepared for And those

8:45

are conversations you need to have on your

8:47

first date . If you're thinking that this

8:50

is who God sent you , i think those are some conversations

8:52

you need to have . You need to get to know that person

8:54

. You need to know . You know if

8:56

counselor , she need to know counselor

8:58

here and cut the breast off , i mean , what's

9:00

your thought on that ? You know real

9:02

hard life conversation that the cause

9:05

life on a frozen parable And

9:07

it's depend on how you swing it . You know if you're

9:09

gonna make it or not , and so those kind

9:11

of conversation . Health finances

9:14

what is her budget plan ? Do

9:16

she like saving a share of spend , all

9:18

the all that kind of stuff ? And I

9:20

think that'll save a lot of people a lot of

9:22

time , because I hope that I did it for 18

9:25

years .

9:26

What is your biggest fear And what

9:28

is your love language ?

9:31

My love language . it's Applix

9:33

, basically our language . genuine words

9:35

, i mean , and you know I got

9:37

a spirit of discernment . I know if you're real or not , so

9:39

I really like someone who to actually

9:42

pour their heart out . You know what I mean . And so

9:45

and that's another

9:47

thing that I think couples need to learn each other's

9:49

love like , so they can play on it . You

9:51

know what I mean .

9:53

That's my big But Kanaw , we

9:56

have a lot of people that

9:58

want the title of being married

10:00

but don't want all of the things

10:02

that it entails . We got this

10:04

checklist now , or this social

10:06

media checklist , where I want

10:08

to be married . I need to find me somebody to get

10:11

married , we need to have a family

10:13

, we need to do ABC and D , but

10:15

the components that you speak of

10:18

are what makes a successful

10:20

marriage .

10:22

True that , true that , true that Not

10:24

picking on women , but that's that's the ultimate

10:26

goal for the woman . You know what I mean ? Marriage and family

10:29

, that's the ultimate goal and it's not the

10:31

ultimate goal for most men . I can find

10:33

10 great women , and

10:37

women can only find about one to two great

10:39

men . You see what I'm

10:41

saying . So that's the women . The great

10:43

women outnumber us . Good

10:45

, because women , most women , are independent , they degrade

10:48

up , they're making their own money , and

10:50

so it's easy to find a woman , and

10:53

so the man know that , and

10:55

so the man is actually deprived . You

10:58

need to be flat foot , honest with you , because you

11:01

probably can't name five great men if you just

11:03

take your dad and run dad out . I'm

11:06

talking about some good hosting guys , father through

11:08

guys , christ , like you know , garfing

11:11

guys . I mean that that is hard to come by In

11:14

today's society . You know you have the , your

11:16

homosexual , you have your download brother , you have

11:18

the in-pril brother . You got no working brothers

11:20

. I mean so to find a great guy

11:22

, that's , that's , that's , that's a needle in the haystack

11:24

. But on the other hand , with the woman

11:26

, her ultimate goal is marriage and family

11:29

. But how hard is that for her to find

11:31

that I , all women want that talking on You're

11:33

true , that's . That is true , 100%

11:36

true . A lot of women don't ? A lot of women

11:38

just want you know , someone who they can confide

11:40

in and just a good , clean partner They can hang out

11:43

with , shop with , travel with , i

11:45

mean . That's why I'm a little bumping ground

11:47

here and there .

11:48

I mean , that's how they really want They don't want

11:50

you to . They don't really need you

11:52

. In other words , like most women that

11:55

are independent career or , you know

11:57

, have everything that career driven , they really don't

11:59

.

11:59

That's all they want to be , to be a

12:01

little and to be you

12:04

know how far is that to find

12:06

that man to be honest with that , though ? Because

12:08

he he approaching her on a whole different level , because

12:10

he thinking if he tell her the truth , he gonna

12:13

lose her . You see what I'm saying , and

12:15

so most guys just they . They won't be honest and

12:17

transparent . That's why we do these single

12:19

mix , mixing , mingles . Most guys

12:21

are not coming . It's just 80 women in there

12:23

, there's only 10 guys because they don't lie

12:25

about their status . You some

12:28

saying , instead of just being open and honest , telling

12:31

you I've got way

12:33

more friendships out of being

12:35

honest than

12:38

lying to anybody Because , like I said , i'm gonna , i'm not

12:40

gonna lie . I mean , hey , i'm not looking for a relationship

12:42

, not finna get married , i mean in

12:44

no time zone .

12:46

So the expectations are that that that's why

12:48

they it wouldn't be okay . I expect

12:50

to know the married me . I expect to know the do it because

12:52

you've already laid it out . Hey , this

12:54

ain't what you want . You know this is not what you want to do . So

12:56

, therefore , this is

12:58

all we're gonna do . That woman

13:00

, she's gonna make up in her mind This is all

13:02

we're gonna do .

13:04

Not all the time You have

13:06

that woman that's gonna hear all

13:09

. What a hear everything . Can always say

13:11

it and still say I

13:13

still can win them all .

13:14

Later , what's your cash up

13:16

? Because I promise you , i'm

13:21

serious , i have . I have women

13:23

that actually thinking they're gonna change my mind

13:25

and they cater and they do , and I'm talking about some awesome

13:27

women , like if I was gonna get married , it'll

13:30

be to the woman that we just split up .

13:32

They take care of him , they take care of the kid

13:34

, they take care everything I'm talking

13:37

about .

13:37

In order to break that particular cycle , you got to spell

13:40

a slam in the door on some of their leads and therefore

13:42

they are no . Hey , this and what can all walk ? This

13:44

is what he means .

13:45

Like again , my best friends had a good relationship

13:48

, type of stuff , but that's just who

13:50

I am , i mean right , you're right

13:52

, you know , and it just

13:54

I can't help that . You know what I mean And so I'm not

13:56

gonna , like , mistreat you or treat you bad , dog

13:59

you out , just help your friend . You

14:01

know , no , i'm gonna . I'm gonna still cater to you

14:03

and treat you like a woman , but

14:05

at the same time , how many times

14:07

a week do I have to tell you look , i ain't ready for that ? Or

14:09

, you know , i'm just not , i'm

14:12

not in that mindset yet . You know what I'm saying . Because

14:14

someday , like I'm home and don't want to talk you know

14:16

what I mean Because you're very introvert , and so some days

14:18

I'm full of life , some days I want to come

14:20

home and chill , i want to talk , and it's not fair to a woman

14:22

that I'm dating .

14:24

How difficult is it to have these conversations

14:27

with the opposite sex ? You

14:30

want to be just a friend . It's

14:32

it's .

14:32

It's not difficult at all . I can promise

14:35

you it's not . I was on the Michael Bayden

14:37

podcast and not , and that's what . That's what I

14:39

spoke about Being transparent

14:41

and being open and honest . I

14:43

mean it's not hard because I'm

14:47

in the mindset Okay , if I lose you , whatever

14:49

I lost .

14:49

You know what I'm saying

14:52

So it's not hard to have the conversation

14:54

.

14:54

Maybe it's hard for them to receive the information

14:57

In order for them to receive that , because they

14:59

see that all they see is , you know , a

15:01

decent guy got a career

15:03

. They I mean he would

15:05

, you know , raise his door , you

15:07

know , and that's what they see and

15:09

it makes it makes the perfect . I mean

15:12

no , it makes the perfect level , but you

15:14

got to go find another one . I mean , cuz I'm just not . I

15:21

done it , you know . I mean I

15:25

mean I'm gonna be .

15:26

You just want to be loose at this point . A loose . When

15:30

I say loose , i mean , you just want to .

15:33

I don't know strange attached . I just want

15:35

to chill a man like I don't like pressure . No

15:37

, i mean , i I

15:40

did not myself for 18 years to take care

15:42

of my family , because that's how I was raised . I

15:44

was without to take care of the family and so

15:46

I got married at a young age , like at 22

15:48

, so I didn't even , i didn't even know who can know it

15:50

was . Can I be , cannot and enjoy stuff ? Can

15:53

I just jump right into a family and

15:55

got grown and got houses

15:57

and cars and just , you know , just took on Four

16:00

responsibilities . They enjoy the young

16:02

adulthood and so now I'm not

16:04

trying to catch up , you know , come catch

16:07

up time or whatever . I'm 46 , but I'd like

16:09

, i want to , like I get up now

16:11

and get in my truck , get on the highway

16:13

and say , end up in Dallas or well , at anywhere

16:15

. You know , i mean , just like I was like the crowd , i'd go by myself

16:18

, leave by myself , cuz I'm around people all the

16:20

time And so I get tired , you

16:22

know I mean , and so I take a trip

16:24

over late every night and then , but She

16:27

gonna warm me up , like .

16:29

Like . So it's like . Now you're moving on

16:31

your own terms . It's not like hey . I'm

16:33

not moving to somebody else's be , though , moving

16:35

to please my significant other

16:38

in this moment .

16:39

You're moving for canoes move for car And

16:43

that compensation . I heard that promise . You're not

16:45

, it's not , it's not .

16:47

I mean , i don't care how successful she is , and you

16:49

know , and you think okay , i

16:51

gotta play this role , so I'm losing , i'm

16:55

good and that's the problem people

16:57

, me and a plan role You don't even have to play

16:59

, just be that written straight up , like you

17:01

see , no need to play you

17:03

don't have to play the road now .

17:05

You know , i promise you don't , because there's there's a woman

17:07

out there Who wants the same thing that

17:09

you , that you offer it . I mean

17:11

, you just gotta be bold enough to have a conversation

17:13

. I .

17:15

Truly believe there is one for

17:17

everyone . However

17:19

, you believe what now ? I say I

17:21

truly believe there is someone for everyone

17:23

, but we're not as Open

17:28

and honest and ready to have

17:30

those conversations as you are .

17:33

So you're thinking that everybody is

17:35

supposed to be married ? No , that's

17:37

not But you're thinking companionship

17:40

, that everybody's supposed to have someone .

17:42

No , i'm just saying it's somebody for everyone

17:45

. If you want that , oh Okay

17:47

, yeah , if you want that , i feel like

17:49

it's a yeah . If that's what you want

17:51

, you know . You just need to know what your path

17:54

is , what you want , and

17:56

go from there . No , everyone is not

17:59

meant to be with someone . I'm

18:01

just saying if that's what you want , there's

18:04

somebody out there for you . You just

18:06

have to be patient to find that exact

18:08

. Doc . Are you married ? I am

18:10

. How long I've

18:14

been married ?

18:14

for years , really , god you

18:16

know I post that speaking something happening

18:18

in marriage . Would you do it again ?

18:22

No . I

18:28

mean , that's just thank you for the honesty

18:30

I got married late in life

18:32

, i Feel

18:36

like you're more apt to stand

18:38

a marriage in the long

18:41

haul when you get married at your

18:43

age , at 22 . So me and you are the

18:45

same age . We both graduated

18:47

in 95 .

18:49

Okay , wow .

18:51

I feel like if I would have got married

18:53

at 22 , i probably

18:55

would have stayed married for the 18

18:58

years , like you did . But

19:01

because I didn't , when

19:03

you get out of school is this I'm

19:06

gonna go to college , i'm

19:09

gonna get married , i'm gonna have children

19:11

, i'm gonna get my job . Once

19:15

you have all of that and

19:17

you add someone to that

19:19

later on in life , you

19:22

can't say that your way .

19:24

Yeah , it goes me to the chick list then that Shalonda

19:26

spoke about earlier for deaf , and you know

19:28

he's like , once I follow , boom , you know he goes with

19:30

typical of School . You

19:32

know , career , school , career . Now

19:34

time for the marriage . Then

19:37

, once you get there , then where you now

19:39

like , are

19:42

you gonna become complacent ? Okay , this is what I wanted

19:44

, or what are you gonna try ? What ? what do you have to

19:46

do to put the work in ?

19:47

be okay Where

19:50

you are now fine , probably could have hung

19:52

up , but I didn't have a chick list . Okay

19:55

, i didn't . I didn't have a checklist

19:57

. I did want to become married

20:00

. I wanted to have a family . God just had

20:02

a different plan for me . Mm-hmm

20:04

, i did get married . I

20:06

didn't have the child or the children , and

20:08

That's how that

20:10

the plan rolled out . I

20:13

continued to go to school and

20:16

Attained a degree

20:18

, but I didn't have

20:20

a checklist . I Honestly

20:23

didn't know where my life was gonna go

20:25

. I didn't want the white picket thing

20:27

.

20:29

I think people Have

20:31

their own idea about what happiness

20:34

looks like to them . And

20:36

happiness , you know , those

20:39

things are the thing in their mind

20:41

that They

20:44

feel just gonna make them happy . You know

20:46

we all want what most people their

20:48

idea of happiness Is having

20:50

the , the huckstables relationship

20:52

. But as you

20:55

get older and you start living

20:57

, That's not actually what happiness

20:59

is is it comes from within

21:01

and then another person just brings

21:04

Additional joy , but

21:06

it's . We just see things totally different

21:09

from wherever we seen when we were younger And

21:11

as we get older , I think we are

21:13

smell-fitted .

21:14

You are responsible for your own happiness

21:16

. It is not my responsibility

21:18

to make you happy

21:21

or to fulfill you . I'm a added

21:23

bonus .

21:24

Mm-hmm . My mama always thought of

21:26

this as an inside job , though You

21:28

have to be happy from the inside out .

21:30

This , this you , that's a you thing and

21:33

some people are not

21:35

ready to do the work on themselves

21:37

to Make themselves

21:39

happy . So then I Won't

21:42

. I don't want to say a burden or baggage

21:44

, but they're not , as Erica by dues

21:47

Song says , you bringing that

21:49

baggage into that their relationship . You

21:52

need to do the work on yourself , make yourself

21:54

happy and then Bob

21:56

yourself in a relationship .

21:58

Let's see what's going on . Now that I see

22:01

You know a lot of people are

22:03

not looking at the effects of

22:05

these relationships . We starting

22:07

to do more of Pro creating

22:10

multiple times with different

22:12

people , and that and

22:14

that causes a lot of different things , not

22:16

just for men But for women . We

22:19

decide that , okay

22:21

, i can procreate with this person

22:23

, i can have different children by

22:25

different people , and

22:27

That's okay , but not thinking

22:30

about What

22:32

the after fix is gonna be for that child

22:34

, because you already seen red

22:36

flags with this particular person That

22:38

you decided you want to have a relationship

22:41

with . I just think all of this kind

22:43

of intertwines when we're deciding , having

22:46

these uncomfortable conversations .

22:48

The opposite sets about what we want In

22:52

the relationship and sometimes

22:54

you have these uncomfortable conversations

22:56

with people and They're

22:59

not honest with themselves

23:01

. When they're having the conversation

23:04

, say , rather

23:07

you having a conversation with the person

23:09

you're one to be with , and they're

23:11

telling you they're ready , they're telling you

23:13

they did the work , but

23:15

they haven't yeah , so

23:18

the words and actions are just not mentioned . Yes

23:21

, they put the front up first , the

23:23

facade , and

23:25

you say , okay , they make the change , they doing

23:27

the work , they did this , but

23:30

who you are is always

23:33

gonna show up . I Care

23:37

how much you tell you can talk a good game

23:39

all day long , but who you truly

23:41

are is eventually gonna show up

23:43

. I Say if

23:45

you don't consistently , continually

23:48

do the work .

23:51

So do you think that people , in other

23:53

words , do you think that they , they're

23:55

pretenders and they think you can only pretend

23:57

so long ?

23:58

No , i don't , I don't . They don't see themselves

24:01

as pretenders . They see them , says I

24:03

can accomplish this , i can do this , i don't

24:05

have to , i Don't have

24:07

to be this way . And so they

24:09

want to change , but either

24:11

they are victim of their

24:14

environment or their

24:16

victim of them , the Games

24:18

that are being played in their head . They want

24:21

to do it , but they got maybe a group of friends

24:23

that's saying don't do it or

24:25

you can't do it . You find Mm-hmm

24:28

, it's , it's , it's . Sometimes

24:30

they don't know , they're pretending . Sometimes you said

24:32

you , you , you have a conversation , say

24:34

you Don't want to be here , and they say I

24:37

do want to be here , but your action , shame

24:39

that you don't want to be here . I Don't

24:41

know what you talking about .

24:43

Oh , Oh , and I think

24:45

too , as women , we what

24:47

I'm not gonna say you , when

24:53

you look at trying to change the , let's

24:55

say , the individual , i

24:58

think I've made up in my mind I can

25:00

only change the human being that

25:03

I had . I'm not into changing others

25:05

, so that's the only thing that I know that I can

25:07

possibly change And that's what I have to

25:09

. That was my responsibility not

25:13

to change the

25:15

particular individual which I could say

25:18

that I'm married . I ain't

25:20

into whatever ways you have , that's on

25:22

you . You have to do the work . You

25:24

have to do XYZ . I can't make a

25:26

chick list to say you need to do

25:28

XYZ , just know .

25:31

If people , if people just honestly

25:33

meet people where they are and

25:36

take it for face value it's like

25:38

that old saying it's a snake to you , they're going to

25:40

bite you . Believe them . If

25:42

I tell you , like Kanora

25:45

was saying earlier , i don't want to be in a relationship , i

25:47

don't have time for a relationship . I'm

25:49

a single father , that's what I'm focused

25:52

on My brand , my child . you're

25:54

my child through school . Believe

25:56

it , accept it . And if you can't

25:59

move on , don't sit up there and

26:01

try to make it something that is

26:03

not . don't

26:06

try to manipulate or

26:08

change the narrative . for me , stop

26:10

trying to change people . accept

26:12

them for who they are And

26:15

accept what they tell you the first

26:17

time . I don't care if they

26:19

tell you next week they want something different . What

26:22

you told me . your first mind is always right

26:24

. What they told you the first time is

26:26

what they really , what they really got their

26:28

hearts set on .

26:29

Kanora , you got any closing thoughts ?

26:32

No , exactly What she said , though

26:35

, and that's why I get a lot of relationships

26:38

go south . When

26:40

you meet a person , you

26:42

meet them . You're following their personality . Don't

26:45

try to change them . I believe in organic

26:47

love . I don't believe in forcing that . I

26:49

believe in . You know , if love is going

26:51

to come , it's going to come . I believe in organic

26:54

. Just let it flow . Now , if it grows

26:56

to that , so be it , but

26:59

I don't think you should push your agenda on someone else

27:01

just because of the way you feel and the way you was

27:03

raised . Everybody's not raised like

27:05

that . Everybody wasn't raised in the Western culture

27:07

where mother and father in

27:09

the house , so you can't change people's beliefs . I

27:13

don't know who said that while I go , but a

27:15

guy can only faith for so long , and

27:17

it's true color . You know what I mean . And

27:19

then when it showed , then what ? Now you don't mess

27:22

up a whole friendship that could have been genuine

27:24

and a great friendship for life , all

27:27

because you , you know , you played the role

27:29

in which you wasn't ready for . That's

27:32

one of my biggest thoughts . I don't let my personality

27:34

take me to where my character can't

27:37

stand , and so I

27:39

just believe in genuine friendship And if

27:41

it goes there , you know , so be it . I mean I'm not going

27:43

to fight it , i'm different . I

27:45

mean I love me and I'm not going to mistreat me

27:47

for someone else . And I had to

27:49

learn that through marriage , deny

27:52

myself , and so , like I came to the age

27:54

now , well , i'm not going to mistreat myself

27:56

anymore And I mean I'm going to I mean I

27:58

work too hard , i'm going to love me And I'm

28:00

not a big heart . I love people , i love community And

28:03

I think those doctors I think you know it built

28:05

for companionship . But I

28:08

mean that don't mean we

28:10

built for marriage . I think

28:12

she was saying , like most people are infatuated

28:15

with weddings and marriage but

28:17

really not ready for what comes with that . And

28:20

that is he , that a lot of women they won't

28:22

marriage . But are you really marriage material ? That's

28:26

, that's two different things . Are

28:29

you marriage material ? I mean

28:31

, you got the in . Most women , all women

28:33

, they are nurturers . They , they're

28:35

born nurturers And that's just what they're doing . That's

28:37

how they was , that's what's in them . I'm raising

28:40

my daughter but I'm catching hell because I'm a dude And

28:42

I mean like I don't have that nurturing

28:44

. But that's something I'm learning And when

28:46

we learn and we bouncing off each other and

28:49

I have a great circle around me . But women

28:51

are born nurturers And

28:54

once you , a woman , tried to not be

28:56

that and want to catch happy out

28:58

every weekend or every day , you know what

29:00

I mean While you married . You know what I mean

29:02

. Your house is first . You signed

29:05

up for that . You know what I mean And

29:07

so if you're not ready for that , you just want this biggest

29:09

grab again wedding , that wedding on

29:11

the last hour . Marriage is a lifetime .

29:15

You give the ass for the week . OK

29:18

, that part .

29:20

Well , i want to thank you , cano , for being

29:22

a guest on Powerful the podcast

29:24

. I think it was a great , thought provoking

29:26

conversation , a very powerful

29:29

conversation . We really

29:31

touched on a lot of key topics today

29:33

, and that's the end

29:35

of our episode for today

29:37

.

29:38

OK , thanks a lot . I thank y'all for having me . I really enjoyed

29:41

it .